Awareness is paramount. • Try postponing anger. If you typically react with anger in a
particular circumstance, postpone the anger for fifteen seconds, and
then explode in your typical fashion. Next try thirty seconds, and
keep lengthening the intervals. Once you begin to see that you can
put anger off, you’ll have learned control. Postponing is control, and
with lots of practice, you’ll eventually eliminate it totally. • When trying to use anger constructively to teach a child some-
thing, try faking the anger. Raise your voice and look stern, but don’t
experience all of the physical and psychological pain that goes with
anger. • Don’t try to delude yourself into believing that you enjoy
something that you find distasteful. You can dislike something and
still not have to be angry about it. • Remind yourself at the moment of anger that everyone has a
right to be what he chooses and that your demanding that anyone
be different will simply prolong your anger. Work at allowing others
to choose just as you insist on your own right to do the same. • Ask someone that you trust to help. Have them tell you when
they see your anger either verbally or with an agreed signal. When
you get the signal, think about what you’re doing and then try the
postponing strategy. • Keep an anger journal, and record the exact time, place and in-
cident in which you chose to be angry. Be religious about the entries,
force yourself to record all angry behavior. You’ll soonFAREWELL TO ANGER  / 219find, if you are persistent, that the very act of having to write the
incident down will persuade you to choose anger less often. • Announce after you have had an angry outburst that you’ve
just slipped and that one of your goals is to think differently so that
you don’t experience this anger. The verbal announcement will put
you in touch with what you’ve done, and will demonstrate that you
are truly working on yourself. • Try being physically close to someone that you love at the mo-
ment of your anger. One way to neutralize your hostility is to hold
hands, despite your inclination not to, and keep holding hands until
you’ve expressed how you feel and dissipated your anger. • Talk with those who are the most frequent recipients of your
anger at a time when you are not angry. Share with each other the
most anger-provoking activities in the other, and devise a way of
communicating your feelings without debilitating anger. Perhaps a
written note, or a messenger, or a cooling-off walk can be mutually
agreed upon, so that you don’t continue abusing each other with
senseless anger. After several cooling-off walks, you’ll begin to see
the folly of striking out. • Defuse your anger for the first few seconds by labeling how you
feel, and how you believe your partner feels as well. The first ten
seconds are the most crucial. Once you’ve passed these, your anger
will often have subsided. • Keep in mind all the things you believe will be met with disap-
proval by fifty percent of the folks, fifty percent of the time. Once
you expect others to disagree, you will not choose to feel angry. In-
stead, you’ll say to yourself that the world is straight since people
aren’t agreeing with everything I say, think, feel and do. • Keep in mind that while the expression of anger is a healthy al-
ternative to storing it up, not having it at all is the healthiest choice
of all. Once you stop viewing anger as natural or only human, you’ll
have an internal rationale for going to work at eliminating it.220 / Your Erroneous Zones• Get rid of the expectations you have for others. When the expect-
ations go away, so will the anger. • Remind yourself that children will always be active and loud
and getting angry about it won’t do any good. While you can help
children to make constructive choices in other areas, you will never
be able to alter their basic nature. • Love yourself. If you do, you won’t ever burden yourself with
that self-destructive anger. • In a traffic jam, time yourself. See how long you can go without
exploding. Work at the control aspect. Instead of hollering at a pas-
senger, ask him a civil question. Use the time creatively to write a
letter, or a song, or to devise ways out of the traffic jam, or relive the
most exciting sexual experience of your life, or better yet, plan to
improve on it. • Instead of being an emotional slave to every frustrating circum-
stance, use the situation as a challenge to change it, and you’ll have
no present moment time for the anger. Anger gets in the way. It is good for nothing. Like all erroneous
zones, anger is a means of using things outside yourself to explain
how you feel. Forget others. Make your own choices—and don’t let
them be angry ones.FAREWELL TO ANGER  / 221XII
PORTRAIT OF A PERSON
WHO HAS ELIMINATED ALL
ERRONEOUS ZONES
They are too busy being  to notice what their neighbors are doing. The person who is devoid of all erroneous zone behavior may
seem to be a fictional character, but being free from self-destructive
behavior is not a mythological concept; rather it’s a real possibility. Being fully functioning is within your grasp and complete present-
moment mental health can be a choice. This final chapter is devoted
to a description of how people who are free from all erroneous zone
thinking and behavior function. You will see the development of an
individual who is unlike the majority of people, and distinguishable
by an uncanny ability to be creatively alive at every moment. People free from erroneous zones are different from run-of-the-
mill individuals. While they look very much like everyone else, they
possess distinct qualities, none of which are racial, socioeconomic,
or sexual. They do not fit neatly into any roles,
222job descriptions, geographic patterns, educational levels or financial
statistics. There is a different quality about them, but the difference
is not discernible in the traditional external factors by which we
generally classify people. They may be rich or poor, male or female,
black or white, living anywhere, and doing just about anything. They are a varied group and yet they share a single trait, freedom
from erroneous zones. How can you tell when you run into someone
like this? Watch them! Listen to them! This is what you’ll discover. First and most obviously, you see people who like virtually
everything about life—people who are comfortable doing just about
anything, and who waste no time in complaining, or wishing that
things were otherwise. They are enthusiastic about life, and they
want all that they can get out of it. They like picnics, movies, books,
sports, concerts, cities, farms, animals, mountains and just about
everything. They like life. When you are around people like this
you’ll note an absence of grumbling, moaning, or even passive
sighing. If it rains, they like it. If it’s hot, they dig it, rather than
complain about it. If they are in a traffic jam, or at a party, or all
alone, they simply deal with what is there. There is no pretending
to enjoy, but a sensible acceptance of what is, and an outlandish
ability to delight in that reality. Ask them what they don’t like and
they are hard pressed to come up with an honest answer. They don’t
have sense enough to come in out of the rain, because they see rain
as beautiful, thrilling and something to experience. They like it. Slush
doesn’t send them into a fury; they observe it, splash around in it,
and accept it as part of what it means to be alive. Do they like cats? Yes. Bears? Yes. Worms? Yes. While such annoyances as disease,
droughts, mosquitoes, floods and the like are not warmly embraced
by such people, they never spend any of their present moments
complaining about them, or wishing that they weren’t so. If situations
need to be eradicated, they will work at eradicating them—and enjoy
the work. Try as you might, you’ll have a tough time coming up
with somethingPORTRAIT OF A PERSON WHO HAS ELIMINATED ALLthey’ll dislike doing. Truly they are likers of life, and they wallow
in all of it, getting out of it all that is possible for them. Healthy fulfilled people are free from guilt and all the attendant
anxiety that goes with using any present moments in being immob-
ilized over past events. Certainly they can admit to making mistakes,
and they can vow to avoid repeating certain behavior that is coun-
terproductive in any way, but they do not waste their time wishing
that they hadn’t done something, or being upset because they dislike
something that they did at an earlier moment in life. Complete
freedom from guilt is one hallmark of healthy individuals. No
lamenting the past and no efforts to make others choose guilt by
asking such inane questions as, “Why didn’t you do it differently?”
or “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?” They seem to recognize that
life lived through is just that, and no amount of feeling bad will alter
the past. They are free from guilt themselves without any effort;
because it is natural, they never help others to choose guilt. They
see that feeling bad in the present moment only reinforces a poor
self-image, and that learning from the past is far superior to remon-
strating about the past. You’ll never see them manipulating others
by telling them how bad they’ve been, nor will you be able to ma-
nipulate them with the same tactics. They won’t get angry at you,
they’ll simply ignore you. Rather than being upset with you, they’ll
go away, or change the subject. The strategies that work so beauti-
fully on most people fail with these healthy individuals. Rather than
make themselves and others miserable with guilt, they unceremoni-
ously pass when it comes along. Similarly, people free of erroneous zones are nonworriers. Circum-
stances that drive many people to frenzy barely affect these individu-
als. They are neither planners nor putters-away for the future. They
refuse to worry and they keep themselves free from the anxiety that
accompanies worry. They don’t know how to worry. It is not a part
of their makeup. They are not necessarily calm at all moments, but
they are unwilling to spend present224 / Your Erroneous Zonesmoments agonizing about things in the future over which they have
no control. They are very present-moment oriented, and they have
an internal signal that seems to remind them that all worrying must
take place in the present moment, and that it is a foolish way to go
about living one’s current life. These people live now, rather than in the past or the future. They
are not threatened by the unknown, and they seek out experiences
that are new and unfamiliar to them. They love ambiguity. They
savor the now at all times, aware that this is all they have. They don’t
plan for a future event and let long periods of inactivity elapse as
they await that event. The moments between events are just as livable
as those taken up by the events themselves, and they have an un-
canny ability to get every pleasure out of their daily lives. They are
not postponers, saving for a rainy day, and while our culture disap-
proves their behavior, they are unthreatened by self-reproach. They
gather in their happiness now, and when a future now arrives, they
gather in that one as well. These individuals are always enjoying
simply because they see the folly of waiting to enjoy. It is a natural
way of living, very much like that of a child or an animal. They are
busy grabbing present-moment fulfillment, while most people spend
their lives waiting for payoffs, and never being able to seize them. These healthy people are strikingly independent. They are out of
the nest, and while they may have a strong love for and devotion to
family, they see independence as superior to dependence in all rela-
tionships. They treasure their own freedom from expectations. Their
relationships are built upon mutual respect for the right of an indi-
vidual to make decisions for himself. Their love involves no impos-
ition of values on the loved one. They put a high premium on pri-
vacy, which may leave others feeling snubbed or rejected. They like
to be alone at times, and they will go to great lengths to ensure that
their privacy is protected. You will not find these people involved
in numerous love relationships. They are selective about their love,
but they’re alsoPORTRAIT OF A PERSON WHO HAS ELIMINATED ALLdeeply and sensitively loving. It is difficult for dependent or un-
healthy people to love them, because they are adamant about their
freedom. If someone needs them, they reject such a need as hurtful
to the other person as well as to themselves. They want those they
love to be independent, to make their own choices, and to live their
lives for themselves. While they enjoy others and want to be with
them, they want even more for others to make it without crutches
or leaning. Thus, the moment you start leaning on these people,
you’ll find them disappearing, first emotionally, and then physically
as well. They refuse to be dependent, or depended upon, in a mature
relationship. With children, they provide a model of a caring person,
but they encourage self-reliance almost from the very beginning
with a great amount of love offered at every turn. You will find an uncommon absence of approval-seeking in these
happy, fulfilled individuals. They are able to function without ap-
proval and applause from others. They do not seek out honors as
most people do. They are unusually free from the opinion of others,
almost uncaring about whether someone else likes what they’ve said
or done. They do not attempt to shock others, or to gain their approv-
al. These are people who are so internally directed that they are lit-
erally unconcerned about others’ evaluations of their behavior. They
are not oblivious to applause and approval; they just don’t seem to
need it. They can be almost blunt in their honesty since they do not
couch their messages in carefully worded phrases designed to please. If you want to know what they think, that is exactly what you’ll
hear. Conversely, when you say something about them they will
not be destroyed or immobilized. They will take the data you
provide, filter it through their own values and use it for growth. They do not need to be loved by everyone, nor do they harbor the
inordinate wish to be approved by all for everything that they do. They recognize that they will always incur some disapproval. They
are unusual in that they are able to function as they, rather than
some external other, dictates.226 / Your Erroneous ZonesAs you watch these characters you will note a lack of enculturation. They are not rebels, but they do make their own choices even if those
choices conflict with what everybody else does. They can ignore
petty rules if they make no sense, and quietly shrug at the little
conventions that are such an important part of so many lives. They’re
not cocktail partiers, nor do they engage in small talk because it’s
the polite thing to do. They are their own people and while they see
society as an important part of their lives, they refuse to be ruled by
it or to become a slave to it. They don’t rebelliously attack but they
do know internally when to ignore and function in a clear-headed
and sensible way. They know how to laugh, and how to create laughter. They find
humor in virtually all situations, and they can laugh at the most
absurd as well as the most solemn of occasions. They love to help
others to laugh, and they are facile at creating humor. These are not
serious, ponderous folks who plow through life with a stony grim-
ness. Instead, they are doers, who are often scorned for being frivo-
lous at the wrong time. They do not have good timing for they know
that there is really no such thing as the right thing in the right place. They love the incongruous, yet they are unhostile in their humor;
never, but never using ridicule to create laughter. They don’t laugh
at people, they laugh with them. They do laugh at life, and they see
the whole thing as fun, even though they are deliberate in their own
pursuits. When they step back and look at life, they know that they
aren’t going any place in particular, and they are able to enjoy and
create an atmosphere in which others can choose joy for themselves. They are fun to have around. These are people who accept themselves without complaint. They
know that they are human beings, and that being so involves certain
human attributes. They know that they look a certain way, and they
accept it. If they’re tall, that’s okay, but so is being short. Bald is fine,
and so is lots of hair. They can live with sweat! They are not phony
about their physical humanity. They’ve accepted themselves, and
therefore they are the mostPORTRAIT OF A PERSON WHO HAS ELIMINATED ALLnatural of people. No hiding behind artificialities, no apologizing
for what they are. They don’t know how to be offended by anything
that is human. They like themselves and accept what they are. Sim-
ilarly, they accept all of nature for what it is, rather than wishing it
were otherwise. They never complain about things that won’t change,
such as heat waves, rainstorms, or cold water. They accept them-
selves and the world as it is. No pretenses, no groaning, simply ac-
ceptance. Follow them around for years, and you’ll never hear self-
deprecation or wishing. You’ll see doers doing. You’ll see them ob-
serving the world the way it is, like a child who accepts the natural
world and enjoys it for all it’s worth. They appreciate the natural world. They love being outdoors in
nature, and tripping around in all that is unspoiled and original. They especially love things like mountains, sunsets, rivers, flowers,
trees, animals and virtually all flora and fauna. They are naturalists
as people, unceremonious and unpretentious, and they love the
naturalness of the universe. They are not busy seeking out taverns,
night clubs, parties, conventions, smoke-filled rooms, and the like,
although they are certainly capable of enjoying such activities to the
fullest. They are at peace with nature, God’s world, if you will,
though they are capable of functioning in a man-made world. They
are also capable of appreciating what has become stale for others. They never tire of a sunset or a trip in the woods. A bird in flight is
a magnificent sight over and over again. A caterpillar never grows
tiresome, nor does a cat giving birth to kittens. Over and over again
they spontaneously appreciate. Some may find this artificial, but
these people don’t notice what others think. They are too busy in
awe of the vastness of possibilities for present-moment fulfillment. They have insight into the behavior of others, and what may seem
complex and indecipherable to others, they see as clear and under-
standable. The problems that immobilize so many others are often
viewed as only minor annoyances by these peo-228 / Your Erroneous Zonesple. This lack of emotional involvement in problems makes them
able to surmount barriers that remain insurmountable to others. They have insight into themselves too, and they recognize immedi-
ately what others are attempting to do to them. They can shrug and
ignore while others are angered and immobilized. They are never
perplexed or stumped and what may seem to be confusing or insol-
uble to most others is often viewed by them as a simple condition
with a ready resolution. They are not focused on problems in their
emotional world. For these people a problem is really only an
obstacle to be overcome rather than a reflection of what they are or
aren’t as a person. Their self-worth is located within, and therefore
any external concerns can be viewed objectively, rather than as in
any way a threat to their value. This is a most difficult trait to under-
stand, since most people are easily threatened by external events,
ideas, or people. But healthy, independent people do not know how
to be threatened, and this very characteristic may make them
threatening to others. They never engage in useless fighting. They are not band-wagon-
ers, jumping on various causes as a way of bringing importance to
themselves. If fighting will help bring about change, then they will
fight but never will they find it necessary to fight uselessly. They
are not martyrs. They are doers. They are also helpers. They are al-
most always engaged in work that will make other people’s lives
more pleasant or tolerable. They are warriors on the forefront of
social change, and yet they don’t take their struggles to bed with
them every night as a breeding ground for ulcers, heart disease and
other physical disorders. They are incapable of stereotyping. They
often don’t even notice the physical differences in people, including
racial, ethnic, size and sexual. They are not surface people, judging
others by their looks. While they may appear to be hedonistic and
selfish, they spend vast amounts of time in the service of others. Why? Because they like it that way. These are not sickly people. They don’t believe in being im-PORTRAIT OF A PERSON WHO HAS ELIMINATED ALLmobilized by colds and headaches. They believe in their ability to
rid themselves of such maladies, and they never go around telling
others how bad they feel, how tired they are, or what diseases are
currently infecting their bodies. They treat their bodies well. They
like themselves, and consequently they eat well, exercise regularly
(as a way of living) and refuse to experience most of the infirmities
that render many people helpless for various periods of time. They
like to live well, and they do. Another hallmark of these fully functioning individuals is honesty. They are not evasive with their responses, nor do they pretend or
lie about anything. They see lying as a distortion of their own reality,
and they will not participate in self-delusional behavior. While they
are private people they will also avoid having to distort to protect
others. They know that they are in charge of their own world, and
that others are as well. Thus, they will behave in ways that will often
be perceived as cruel but in fact they are simply allowing others to
make their own decisions. They deal effectively with what is, rather
than what they would like to be. These people don’t blame. They are internal in their personality
orientation, and they refuse to ascribe responsibility to others for
what they are. Similarly, they will not spend a great deal of time
talking about others and focusing on what someone else has done
or failed to do. They do not talk about people, they talk with them. They do not blame others, they help others and themselves to assign
responsibility where it belongs. They are not gossips or spreaders
of evil information. They are so busy being effective in their own
lives that they have no time for the petty connivances that occupy
many people’s lives. Doers do. Critics blame and complain. These individuals have little concern with order, organization, or
systems in their lives. They have self-discipline but no need to have
things and people fit into their own perceptions of how everything
ought to be. They have no oughts for others. They see everyone as
having choices, and those petty things that230 / Your Erroneous Zonesdrive others insane are simply the results of someone else’s decision. They do not see the world as having to be any special way. They
have no preoccupation with cleanliness or orderliness. They exist
in a functional way, and if everything isn’t fitting in as they would
prefer, they find that all right too. Organization then, for these
people, is simply a useful means rather than an end in itself. Because
of this lack of organizational neurosis, they are creative. They attack
any concern in their own unique way, be it making a bowl of soup,
writing a report, or mowing the grass. They apply their own imagin-
ation to the act, and the result is a creative approach to everything. They don’t have to do it a certain way. They don’t consult manuals
or ask experts; they simply attack the problem as they see fit. This
is creativity, and without exception, they have it. These are people with exceptionally high energy levels. They seem
to require less sleep, and yet they are excited about living. They do,
and they are healthy. They can muster tremendous surges of energy
for completing a task because they choose to be involved in it as a
fulfilling present-moment activity. Their energy is not supernatural;
it is simply the result of loving life and all the activities in it. They
don’t know how to be bored. All life events present opportunities
for doing, thinking, feeling and living, and they know how to apply
their energy in virtually all life circumstances. Were they to be im-
prisoned, they would use their minds in creative ways to avoid the
paralysis of loss of interest. Boredom is not in their lives because
they are channeling the same energy that others have in ways pro-
ductive for themselves. They are aggressively curious. They never know enough. They
search for more and want to learn each and every present moment
of their lives. They are not concerned with having to do it right or
having done it wrong. If it doesn’t work, or it doesn’t accomplish
the greatest amount of good, then it is discarded, rather than mulled
over in regret. They are truth seekers in the learning sense, always
excited about learning more and neverPORTRAIT OF A PERSON WHO HAS ELIMINATED ALLbelieving they are a finished product. If they are around a barber,
they want to learn about barbering. They never feel or act superior,
showing off their merit badges for others to applaud. They learn
from children and stock brokers and animals. They want to know
more about what it means to be a welder, a cook, a hooker, or a
corporate vice-president. They are learners not teachers. They never
know enough, and they don’t know how to act snobbish or superior,
since they never feel that way. Every person, every object, every
event represents an opportunity for knowing more. And they are
aggressive in their interests, not waiting for information to come
along, but going after it. They’re not afraid to talk to a waitress, ask
a dentist what it feels like to have your hands in someone’s mouth
all day, or inquire of the poet what is meant by this or that line. They are not afraid to fail. In fact, they often welcome it. They do
not equate being successful in any enterprise with being successful
as a human being. Since their self-worth comes from within, any
external event can be viewed objectively as simply effective or inef-
fective. They know that failing is merely somebody else’s editorial
opinion and not to be feared since it cannot affect self-worth. Thus,
they will try anything, participate just because it’s fun, and never
fear having to explain themselves. Similarly, they never choose anger
in any immobilizing way. Using the same logic (and not having to
think it through each time since it has become a way of life) they
don’t say to themselves that other people should behave differently
and that events should be otherwise. They accept others as they are,
and they work at changing events that they dislike. Thus, anger is
impossible because the expectancies are not there. These are people
who are capable of eliminating emotions that are in any way self-
destructive and facilitating those which are self-enhancing. These happy individuals display an admirable lack of defensive-
ness. They won’t play games and try to impress others. They don’t
dress for others’ approval, nor do they go through232 / Your Erroneous Zonesthe motions of explaining themselves. They have a simplicity and
naturalness, and they won’t get seduced into making issues of small
or big things. They aren’t arguers or hot-headed debaters; they
simply state their views, listen to others and recognize the futility
of trying to convince someone else to be as they are. They’ll simply
say, “That’s all right; we’re just different. We don’t have to agree.”
They let it go at that without any need to win an argument or per-
suade the opponent of the wrongness of his position. They are un-
afraid of giving a bad impression but they don’t strive to do so. Their values are not local. They do not identify with the family,
neighborhood, community, city, state, or country. They see them-
selves as belonging to the human race, and an unemployed Austrian
is no better or worse than an unemployed Californian. They are not
patriotic to a special boundary; rather they see themselves as a part
of the whole of humanity. They take no glee in having more enemy
dead, since the enemy is as human as the ally. The lines drawn by
men to describe how one should be affiliated are not subscribed to. They transcend traditional boundaries, which often causes others
to label them as rebels or even traitors. They have no heroes or idols. They view all people as human, and
they place no one above themselves in importance. They do not de-
mand justice at every turn. When someone else has more privileges,
they see that as a benefit to that person, rather than as a reason for
being unhappy. When playing an opponent they want him to do
well, rather than wishing a poor performance in order to win by
default. They want to be victorious and effective on their own, rather
than gaining through the shortcomings of others. They do not insist
that everyone be equally endowed, but look inward for their happi-
ness. They are not critics, nor do they take pleasure in other people’s
misfortunes. They are too busy being, to notice what their neighbors
are doing. Most significantly, these are individuals who love them-PORTRAIT OF A PERSON WHO HAS ELIMINATED ALLselves. They are motivated by a desire to grow, and they always
treat themselves well when given the option. They have no room
for self-pity, self-rejection, or self-hate. If you ask them, “Do you like
yourself?” you’ll get a resounding, “Of course I do!” They are rare
birds indeed. Each day is a delight. They have it together and they
live all of their present moments. They are not problem free, but free
from emotional immobility as a result of the problems. The measure
of their mental health is not in whether they slip but in what they
do when they slip. Do they lie there and whine about having fallen? No, they get up, dust themselves off, and get on with the business
of living. People who are free from erroneous zones don’t chase after
happiness; they live and happiness is their payoff. This quote from a Reader’s Digest  piece on happiness sums up the
approach to effective living that we’ve been talking about
Nothing on earth renders happiness less approachable than
trying to find it. Historian Will Durant described how he looked
for happiness in knowledge, and found only disillusionment. He then sought happiness in travel and found weariness; in
wealth and found discord and worry. He looked for happiness
in his writing and was only fatigued. One day he saw a woman
waiting in a tiny car with a sleeping child in her arms. A man
descended from a train and came over and gently kissed the
woman and then the baby, very softly so as not to waken him. The family drove off and left Durant with a stunning realization
of the real nature of happiness. He relaxed and discovered that
“every normal function of life holds some delight.”*
By using your own present moments for maximizing fulfillment,
you’ll be one of these people rather than an observer. It’s such a
delightful idea—freedom from erroneous zones. You can make that
choice right now—if you choose to! *“The One Sure Way to Happiness” by June Callwood, October 1974.234 / Your Erroneous ZonesIndex
achievement, as security, 125–127
adventure, safety vs., 117, 118–120
Alice Through the Looking Glass,  116
Ambassadors, The,  25
anger, 209–221, 232
common causes of, 210, 214–216
control of others with, 211–212
designs for replacement of, 218–221
effects of, 210
expression of, 210–213
forms of, 216–217
as immobilizing, 21, 22, 210, 211
meaning of, 209–210
reward system for, 217–218
sense of humor vs., 213–214
Anspacher, Louis, 196
anxiety, procrastination and, 176, 188
approval-seeking, 49–73
breaking habit of, 62–64
cultural messages and need for, 52–63
early family effect on, 53–56
as erroneous zone, 49
freedom from, in fulfilled people, 226, 232
institutional role in, 58–63
irony of, 67–68
rewards of, 66–67
school influence on, 56–58
strategies for elimination of, 68–72
typical examples of, 64–65
235aptitude, in self-image, 36–37
authoritarianism, 147
avoidance behavior, 117, 137
awareness, 15–16
Bear Country,  191
Beethoven, Ludwig von, 119
blame list, 161–162
blaming, 143–144, 154, 161–162, 230
body, love of, 33–36
boredom, 119, 231
procrastination and, 181–182
Boulding, Kenneth, 128
brain, uses of, 20
Butler, Samuel, 182
Carpenter, Francis B., 63–64
Carroll, John, 37
Carroll, Lewis, 116
Castaneda, Carlos, 174
catastrophes, worry about, 107
certainty, search for, 117–137, 145
champions, 181
children:
approval-seeking and, 53–56
dependency in, 191–195
guilt inspired by, 97–98
internalization by, 31–32
self-denial in, 28–29
choice, 17–19
church:
approval-seeking and, 58–59
guilt inspired by, 99
Churchill, Winston, 119, 127, 213
complaining, 40–42, 223
conceit, self-love vs., 42
consistency, 170
control:236 / Your Erroneous Zonesof emotions, 9–15
internal vs. external locus of, 139–143
convention, 138–163
counseling sessions, 3
critics, doers vs., 180–181
culture (contemporary):
approval-seeking messages of, 52–63
beliefs about feelings in, 14
criticism in, 181
fear of unknown in, 118, 129–132
as guilt-producing, 91, 94–102, 106
justice promised in, 165
worry endemic to, 106–112
curiosity, 231–232
death, fear of, in living effectively, 7–8
Demian,  151, 195
dependency, 189–208
in child rearing, 191–193
common forms of, 203–204
in families, 194–195
love and, 196, 200, 201, 225–226
in marriage, 196–203
meaning of, 189–190
psychological compensation of, 204–205
techniques for ridding self of, 205–208
depression, as chosen, 13
dichotomizing, 145
dieting, guilt and, 100
Disney, Walt, 191
doers, 180–181, 229
dominance, in marriage, 197–203
do-your-best neurosis, 126
Dryden, John, 168
Durant, Will, 234
Edison, Thomas A., 128
educational achievement, happiness and, 8–9Index  / 237Einstein, Albert, 117–118, 119
Eisenhower, Dwight D., 153
Ellis, Albert, 148
Emerson, Ralph Waldo, 120, 163, 170, 180
emotions:
control of, 9–15
thought as origin of, 11, 12
utterances supporting beliefs about, 13–14
enculturation:
as neurotic, 138–139
resistance to, 152–154, 160, 227
energy levels, 231
enthusiasm, 223–224
erroneous zones:
freedom from, 222–234
meaning of, 2–3
etiquette, 149
externally directed behavior, 139–144
blaming and hero worship in, 143–144
fairness and, 166–168
failure:
fear of, 125–127, 128–129, 232
learning from, 128
fairness ( see also  justice), 164–175
ineffective relationships and, 166–168
families, dependent vs. independent focused, 194–195
fault-finding, 160, 161–162
vs. doing, 180–181
fear:
of failure, 125–127, 128–129
of unknown, 117–137
feelings ( see also  emotions), responsibility for, 10–15
Fisher, Dorothy Canfield, 195
flexibility, 138
Focusing On Others Line (F.O.O.L. ), 144
Franklin, Benjamin, 119238 / Your Erroneous ZonesFrost, Robert, 137
future, idealization of, 24–25, 225
Galileo, 119
geniuses, 118–119
Gibran, Kahlil, 54
government, approval-seeking and, 59–60
growth:
vs. fear of unknown, 137
as motivation, 25–27
guilt:
blaming and, 143
children-inspired, 97–98
church and, 99
culture and, 91, 94–102, 106
dieting and, 100
freedom from, 224
learning from past vs., 91–92
leftover, 92
lover- and spouse-related, 96–97
meaning of, 89–91
origins of, 92–94
parental, 94–96, 194
present-moment living and, 116
prison and, 99–100
psychological payoffs of, 101–102
public behavior and, 100
school and, 98
self-imposed, 92–94
sexual, 95, 100–101
strategies for elimination of, 102–106
typical categories of, 94–101
happiness:
as chosen, 17–19
intelligence and, 8–10
as natural condition, 2, 15
present-moment living and, 23, 234Index  / 239“have-to” behavior, typical, 154–157
Hawaii , 154
headaches, control of, 19
health:
as chosen, 19–21
in fully functioning people, 229–230
as natural state, 2
heroes, hero worship, 143–144, 158, 233
Her Son’s Wife,  195
Hesse, Hermann, 151, 195
Hitler, Adolf, 150
honesty, health and, 230
hoping, procrastination and, 177
Horney, Karen, 148
hostility, as immobilizing, 21
humor, anger vs., 213–214
immobilization:
anger and, 21, 22, 210, 211
avoiding of, 21–22
perfectionism and, 127–129
present-moment living and, 23–25
procrastination and, 177, 188
signs of, 21–22
“I’ms” (self-descriptions), 74–88
antecedents to, 77–79
in blame list, 161–162
categories and neurotic dividends of, 80–83
strategies for elimination of, 85–87
typical list of, 76
vicious circle of, 83–85
indecisiveness, 146–147
independence ( see also  dependency), 189–208
in families, 194–195
in healthy people, 225–226
in marriage, 196, 201
inertia ( see also  procrastination), 178240 / Your Erroneous Zonesinsights, 228–229
repetition of, 4
intelligence:
happiness and, 8–10
in self-image, 36–37
internal vs. external locus of control, 139–143
James, Henry, 25
jealousy, 21, 46, 168–169
Jehovah, 59
Jesus Christ, 59, 119
justice, demand for ( see also  fairness), 164–175
as cultural promise, 165
jealousy and, 168–169
legal system and, 165–166
nature vs., 164–165
in personal relationships, 166–168
psychological payoffs of, 171–173
strategies for elimination of, 173–175
typical forms of, 169–171
Kavanaugh, James, 125
Kierkegaard, Sören, 75
Knots,  31–32
Laing, R. D., 31–32
laughter, anger vs., 213–214
Lawrence, D. H., 77
laws, 138–139
blind obedience to, 150–151
challenging of, 160
learning, 87–88
Lincoln, Abraham, 63–64, 139
Literary Ethics,  163
logic, emotional control and, 10–15
love ( see also  self-love), 28–48
of body, 33–36
definition of, 29–32Index  / 241in marriage, 196, 200, 201
self- vs. other-directed, 31
Marquis, Donald, 179
marriage:
dependency in, 196–203
strategies for maintaining dominance in, 202–203
typical, 197–201
mastery, meaning of, 26
“maybe,” procrastination and, 177
mental health, 2
in freedom from erroneous zones, 222–234
Merlin, on learning, 87–88
Michener, James, 154
Mill, John Stuart, 147
motivation, growth vs. imperfection as, 25–27
Mrs. Warren’s Profession,  26
“musterbation” ( see also  “shoulds”), 148
neurotic payoffs of, 157–158
mysterious, see unknown, fear of
myths:
of education as intelligence, 8–10
of security, 124
of single self-concept, 32–33
of uncontrollable emotions, 10
natural world, love of, 228
Nazi Germany, following orders in, 150
nervous breakdown, 9–10, 119
neurosis, other-directed nature of, 167–168
Neurosis and Human Growth,  148
New Directions,  6
new experiences, openness to, 118–120
new ideas, rules vs., 153–154
obedience, blind ( see also  “shoulds”), 150–151
obligation, in marriage, 196
On Liberty,  147242 / Your Erroneous Zonesorganization syndrome, 154, 231
other-direction ( see also  externally directed behavior):
love and, 31
as neurotic, 167–168
other-worth, 28
“oughts,” see “shoulds”
pain:
control of, 20
thought and, 16–17
parents:
anger of, 211–212
dependency on, 191–195
guilt imposed by, 94–96, 194
past ( see also  “I’ms”), 75–78, 224
learning from, 91–92
neurotic dividends in holding on to, 80–85
strategies for freeing self from, 85–87
perfectionism, 127–129
planning, neurotic, 122–125, 225
“popular songs,” approval-seeking in, 60–61
Post, Emily, 149
Prairie,  75
prejudice, rigidity and, 121–122
present-moment living, 23–25, 163, 222, 224–225, 234
guilt and worry vs., 116
prisons, guilt inspired by, 99–100
problem solving, happiness and, 8–10
procrastination, 176–188, 225
boredom as spin-off of, 181–182
criticism and, 180–181
process of, 179–180
psychological rewards of, 184–185
techniques for elimination of, 184–188
typical forms of, 182–184
progress, rules and, 153–154
Prophet, The,  54Index  / 243psychological support systems, 3
public behavior, guilt and, 100
Puddinhead Wilson’s Calendar,  62–63
questions, for measuring personal mastery, 5–6
rebellion, 151
religion, approval seeking and, 58–59
repetition, in altering behavior, 4, 27
right vs. wrong thinking, 144–147
indecisiveness in, 146–147
rigidity:
prejudice and, 121–122
vs. spontaneity, 120–121
Road Not Taken, The,  137
rules ( see also “shoulds”), 138–163
blind obedience to, 150–151
challenging of, 160
vs. new ideas, 153–154
personal list of, 159
Russell, Bertrand, 119
Sandburg, Carl, 75
Schoenstein, Ralph, 108
schools:
approval-seeking instilled by, 56–58
guilt inspired by, 98
Schweitzer, Albert, 119
security:
achievement as, 125–127
internal vs. external, 123–125
quest for, 117–137
self-acceptance, 32–33, 227–228
body and, 33–36
without complaint, 40–42
self-actualized individuals, 59
self-defeating behavior, 2–3
self-descriptions ( see also  “I’ms”), 37, 74–88244 / Your Erroneous Zonesself-fulfilling behavior, as chosen, 18
self-hate, 31
self-images:
others’ perceptions in, 32
positive, as chosen, 36–40
self-love, 28–48
vs. conceit, 42
exercises in, 44–47
in healthy, 233–234
loving others and, 30–32
rewards for denial of, 42–44
self-rejection, 28–48
hero worship as, 143–144
self-reliance, 53, 59
self-vetoes, examples of, 38–39
self-worth, 28, 229
approval-seeking and, 50, 52
loving and, 30–32
sex, self-love in, 46–47
sexual guilt, 95, 100–101
Shaw, George Bernard, 26, 119
should-nots, 148
“shoulds,” should behavior, 6, 15, 138–163, 230–231
etiquette as, 149
psychological support system for, 157–158
in right vs. wrong trap, 144–147
strategies for removal of, 159–163
typical forms of, 154–157
when unhealthy, 139
shyness, as immobilizing, 21
social behavior, in self-image, 37
Some Day,  125
sorrowful events, 9–10
spontaneity:
vs. planning, 122–123
rigidity vs., 120–121
tradition vs. 163Index  / 245stereotyping, 229
submission, in marriage, 197–203
syllogisms, 10–13
television commercials, 34, 61–62
thinking, thoughts:
control of, 11–15
effective, 3–4
pain and, 16–17
tipping, guilt and, 100
Tolstoy, Leo N., 7–8, 25
totalitarianism, 147
tradition, resistance to, 152–154, 159, 163
training of mind, 27
Twain, Mark, 62–63
unhappiness, responsibility for, 15–17
unknown, fear of, 117–137
cultural aspects of, 118, 129–132
vs. openness to new experiences, 118–120
psychological support system for, 132–133
spontaneity and, 120–123
strategies for dealing with, 133–137
typical forms of, 129–132
values, health and, 233
van Buren, Abigail, 149
Vanderbilt, Amy, 149
Vinci, Leonardo da, 119
Warshay, Doris, 6
What Is He?,  77
Will You Be My Friend?,  125
wishing, procrastination and, 177
worry:
culture and, 106–112
freedom from, 224–225
meaning of, 89–90, 106–109246 / Your Erroneous Zonespresent-moment living and, 116
psychological rewards of, 112–113
strategies for elimination of, 113–116
typical forms of, 109–111Index  / 247About the Author
Wayne W. Dyer is the bestselling author of twenty books and
has a doctorate in counseling psychology. He lectures across
the country to groups numbering in the thousands and appears
regularly on radio and television. He lives with his family in
southern Florida. Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on
your favorite HarperCollins author.ALSO BY THE  AUTHOR
Pulling Your Own Strings
The Sky’s the Limit
Gifts from Eykis
What Do You Really Want for Your Children? No More Holiday Blues
You’ll See It When You Believe ItCopyright
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Your_Eroneous_Zones_by_Wayne_Dyer.txt
Summarize the following text section accurately and concisely. Maintain specific details and numerical information, and use anti-repetition mechanisms:

        Awareness is paramount. • Try postponing anger. If you typically react with anger in a
particular circumstance, postpone the anger for fifteen seconds, and
then explode in your typical fashion. Next try thirty seconds, and
keep lengthening the intervals. Once you begin to see that you can
put anger off, you’ll have learned control. Postponing is control, and
with lots of practice, you’ll eventually eliminate it totally. • When trying to use anger constructively to teach a child some-
thing, try faking the anger. Raise your voice and look stern, but don’t
experience all of the physical and psychological pain that goes with
anger. • Don’t try to delude yourself into believing that you enjoy
something that you find distasteful. You can dislike something and
still not have to be angry about it. • Remind yourself at the moment of anger that everyone has a
right to be what he chooses and that your demanding that anyone
be different will simply prolong your anger. Work at allowing others
to choose just as you insist on your own right to do the same. • Ask someone that you trust to help. Have them tell you when
they see your anger either verbally or with an agreed signal. When
you get the signal, think about what you’re doing and then try the
postponing strategy. • Keep an anger journal, and record the exact time, place and in-
cident in which you chose to be angry. Be religious about the entries,
force yourself to record all angry behavior. You’ll soonFAREWELL TO ANGER  / 219find, if you are persistent, that the very act of having to write the
incident down will persuade you to choose anger less often. • Announce after you have had an angry outburst that you’ve
just slipped and that one of your goals is to think differently so that
you don’t experience this anger. The verbal announcement will put
you in touch with what you’ve done, and will demonstrate that you
are truly working on yourself. • Try being physically close to someone that you love at the mo-
ment of your anger. One way to neutralize your hostility is to hold
hands, despite your inclination not to, and keep holding hands until
you’ve expressed how you feel and dissipated your anger. • Talk with those who are the most frequent recipients of your
anger at a time when you are not angry. Share with each other the
most anger-provoking activities in the other, and devise a way of
communicating your feelings without debilitating anger. Perhaps a
written note, or a messenger, or a cooling-off walk can be mutually
agreed upon, so that you don’t continue abusing each other with
senseless anger. After several cooling-off walks, you’ll begin to see
the folly of striking out. • Defuse your anger for the first few seconds by labeling how you
feel, and how you believe your partner feels as well. The first ten
seconds are the most crucial. Once you’ve passed these, your anger
will often have subsided. • Keep in mind all the things you believe will be met with disap-
proval by fifty percent of the folks, fifty percent of the time. Once
you expect others to disagree, you will not choose to feel angry. In-
stead, you’ll say to yourself that the world is straight since people
aren’t agreeing with everything I say, think, feel and do. • Keep in mind that while the expression of anger is a healthy al-
ternative to storing it up, not having it at all is the healthiest choice
of all. Once you stop viewing anger as natural or only human, you’ll
have an internal rationale for going to work at eliminating it. 220 / Your Erroneous Zones• Get rid of the expectations you have for others. When the expect-
ations go away, so will the anger. • Remind yourself that children will always be active and loud
and getting angry about it won’t do any good. While you can help
children to make constructive choices in other areas, you will never
be able to alter their basic nature. • Love yourself. If you do, you won’t ever burden yourself with
that self-destructive anger. • In a traffic jam, time yourself. See how long you can go without
exploding. Work at the control aspect. Instead of hollering at a pas-
senger, ask him a civil question. Use the time creatively to write a
letter, or a song, or to devise ways out of the traffic jam, or relive the
most exciting sexual experience of your life, or better yet, plan to
improve on it. • Instead of being an emotional slave to every frustrating circum-
stance, use the situation as a challenge to change it, and you’ll have
no present moment time for the anger. Anger gets in the way. It is good for nothing. Like all erroneous
zones, anger is a means of using things outside yourself to explain
how you feel. Forget others. Make your own choices—and don’t let
them be angry ones. FAREWELL TO ANGER  / 221XII
PORTRAIT OF A PERSON
WHO HAS ELIMINATED ALL
ERRONEOUS ZONES
They are too busy being  to notice what their neighbors are doing. The person who is devoid of all erroneous zone behavior may
seem to be a fictional character, but being free from self-destructive
behavior is not a mythological concept; rather it’s a real possibility. Being fully functioning is within your grasp and complete present-
moment mental health can be a choice. This final chapter is devoted
to a description of how people who are free from all erroneous zone
thinking and behavior function. You will see the development of an
individual who is unlike the majority of people, and distinguishable
by an uncanny ability to be creatively alive at every moment. People free from erroneous zones are different from run-of-the-
mill individuals. While they look very much like everyone else, they
possess distinct qualities, none of which are racial, socioeconomic,
or sexual. They do not fit neatly into any roles,
222job descriptions, geographic patterns, educational levels or financial
statistics. There is a different quality about them, but the difference
is not discernible in the traditional external factors by which we
generally classify people. They may be rich or poor, male or female,
black or white, living anywhere, and doing just about anything. They are a varied group and yet they share a single trait, freedom
from erroneous zones. How can you tell when you run into someone
like this. Watch them. Listen to them. This is what you’ll discover. First and most obviously, you see people who like virtually
everything about life—people who are comfortable doing just about
anything, and who waste no time in complaining, or wishing that
things were otherwise. They are enthusiastic about life, and they
want all that they can get out of it. They like picnics, movies, books,
sports, concerts, cities, farms, animals, mountains and just about
everything. They like life. When you are around people like this
you’ll note an absence of grumbling, moaning, or even passive
sighing. If it rains, they like it. If it’s hot, they dig it, rather than
complain about it. If they are in a traffic jam, or at a party, or all
alone, they simply deal with what is there. There is no pretending
to enjoy, but a sensible acceptance of what is, and an outlandish
ability to delight in that reality. Ask them what they don’t like and
they are hard pressed to come up with an honest answer. They don’t
have sense enough to come in out of the rain, because they see rain
as beautiful, thrilling and something to experience. They like it. Slush
doesn’t send them into a fury; they observe it, splash around in it,
and accept it as part of what it means to be alive. Do they like cats. Yes. Bears.
Postponing anger for a certain period and then expressing it in a controlled manner.
What is one way to eliminate anger?
Faking anger to demonstrate the importance of the lesson.
What is the author's suggestion for teaching children a lesson using anger?
They accept themselves and others as they are, without trying to change them.
What is a key characteristic of people who have eliminated erroneous zones?
The author believes that self-acceptance is crucial for mental health and well-being.
What is the author's stance on the importance of self-acceptance?
They do not try to change others or make them conform to their expectations.
What is a key aspect of the behavior of individuals who have eliminated erroneous zones?