For example: The fight you had with your
spouse/friend that lasted a half-hour; the experience of how your mother
had you “tearing your hair out” when she visited for two days from out of
town; going to the doctor ’s and hearing the bad news about your or
someone else’s health, which lasted from the waiting room through to the
news to leaving the doctor ’s office—about an hour, in all; your
partner/roommate consistently neglecting to take the garbage out. Let’s look at the first example, “fight with my husband that lasted half an
hour.” How could you approach tapping on this? Break the event down into
bite-sized pieces . Divide the half-hour fight into chunks of intensity . In this
case, four big chunks of a few minutes each, stand out: the tone of his voice
when he said something about  the mess after just walking in the door,
which we’ll call “his horrible tone”; about ten minutes into the fight, I
spoke about how hard I was trying to keep things in order and he mocked
me, which we’ll call “so sad”; about twenty minutes in, I hauled out all hispast wrongdoing s, which we’ll call “defending myself”; and finally, the end
after I locked myself in the bathroom, which we’ll call “ utterly defeated.”
Each of these tapping targets has a beginning, middle, and end. They are
short, less than two minutes in length. They carry an emotional char ge. The event that stands out most right now is the start of the fight—“ his
horrible tone”— that’s where to start. The aspects might include: the look on
his face, his angry eyebrows, my surprise at his words, the cold tone of his
voice, my disap pointment that he wasn’ t happy to see me, he didn’ t see
anything else I’d done in the house, the feeling of all the air being taken out
of my lungs, the tightness in my shoulders when I remember what
happened, the hopelessness I felt about ever getting it right. Sometimes, you may be sitting  on so many other past fights that are
similar in flavor that you will be surprised at the intensity of your feelings. Be assured that tapping the specific fight events and the aspects within them
down to neutrality allows you to experience a huge release of intense
emotion stored up from the fight. Release will begin shifting the knee-jerk
motion of the pattern of fighting you and your spouse seem to get locked
into. You’re also building toward a more responsive, not reactive, future
relationship. In situations like these, sometim es all the fights you’ve ever had flood to
mind. It can be tempting to careen toward another tapping target right away ,
but see if you can stay with the one you’re on. Remember that you are
tuning into the energy disrupti on, and while you work on the one you
refocused on, you’ll be working  on clearing the others as well. There are
times, however , when the other , earlier fight is screaming at you at a 10,
while the current one is now down to a 3. I say it’s okay to shift gears for
the moment, knowing that you will return to the other tapping target after
you have resolved the bigger upset. Most important, keep tapping until you
gain clarity and neutrality about what to do next. EFT won’t have  you tapping away upset only to remain passive in an
abusive situation. It also won’ t relieve you of all your remorse for saying
mean things so you can freely say them again in the next fight, for example.Tapping will remove the heavy layer of emotion covering up your common
sense and wisdom. It’s not always easy to explore the aspects or details of upsettin g events,
especially seriously traumatic ones. Those stories are vital, however painful
they are—they hold your life. When you release the trauma and the fear
through tapping, you simultaneously transform and integrate those
experiences into your being in a way that’ s both empowering and healing. So do you need to be searching diligently through your childhood to find
tapping targets? Hardly . In fact, in some cases, people just can’t take the
time or don’t have the bandwidth to go there right now, and that’s okay . All
work is good. When to Seek Help, When to T ap on Y our Own
Please note: because I don’t know you or your situation, I cannot know
whether you can effectively tap on a significant issue on your own without
getting lost in the trauma again. Sometimes you won’ t know until you try,
and sometimes you will just know you are in over your head and need
resources to support you as you navigate through difficult issues. My
experience is that a lot of the trauma or energy disruption occurred because
we were  alone, unsafe, threatened, and scared. Having a tapping expert
guide us through the tapping process can be of enormous benefit. I
personally wasn’ t able to navigate my big issues on my own. Would a single parent of three children under age five who recently lost a
spouse have the bandwidth to tap on her deep core issues from childhood all
on her own? Probably not. But she would be able to try something like
ducking into the bathroom and tapping on her feelings of being
overwhelmed. In this case, she would want to do everything she could to
siphon of f intensity so she could get through her day . Is the person with significant financial issues a good candidate to plumb
the depths of his insecurities regarding money? Probably he could use a
practitioner ’s support for the deepest ends and the origins. But he might be
willing to take a dollar in his hand and tap on everything that comes upwhen he holds it and tunes into what it represents. He may also start tapping
each time he receives a bill in the mail or on the strong feelings that come
up each time he checks out at the grocery store. Is everything going well except for one little issue that you’re wholly
ready to work on, or are you super -char ged and ready to head into the next
phase of your career except for the feeling of being stuck, unable to make
the leap? Working with a practitioner who can help you uncover your blind
spots makes sense. If just thinking about tapping on your own issues feels like it’s too much,
that’s where you want to start tapping. Are you too scared to tap? Try:
“Even though I’m scared to tap, I deeply and completely accep t myself.”
Do you believe you are too messed up to tap? Then: “Even though I believe
I’m too messed up to tap, I love, honor , and accept myself,” or, “Even
though a part of me believes I can’t do this on my own, I deeply and
completely accept myself.” You could also try, “Even though I don’t know
where to find the resources I need to move forward in my life, I love, honor ,
accept, and forgive myself anyway .” You’d be surprised what can happen
when you take the edge of f some of the big emotions. Now , what’ s happening when you think about tapping on your own
issues? Maybe you have started tapping and now all of a sudden you realize
big stuff is coming up. Have your feelings been stuffed deep down for a
while, and is tapping splitting some seams that have been holding them in? I don’t know enough about you and what you have experienced to tell you
to go leap right into the deep end of tapping on the big stuff. I do know that
people are all over the map in what they can and can’t tap on comfortably
and independently without a practitioner ’s support. As a general rule, it can
be challenging to tackle the big hurts on your own, but you know what’ s
best for you, so trust that. You can tap on many other issues and save the
big stuff for the practitioner; in time, you’ll also have the knowledge to tap
on your own big stuf f.
When Dealing with an Emerging Issue, T apTapping is a handy tool for when something big and horrible happens in
your life such as an accident, bad news, or a sudden loss. You can choose to
start tapping on the upset right away; I don’t delay when it comes to these
sorts of things. Recently , my mother wound up in the hospital unexpectedly
—I found out while on vacation with my son. While we were on
speakerphone with my mother listening to her tell us what had happened,
my son and I tapped continuous ly throughout the call. We tapped on what
was going on for her just before the trauma happened (she’d been at a
funeral) and her feelings stem ming from that experience, on the many
varied fears my mother had, including the fear that the problem would start
up again , that she wouldn’ t be able to sleep because of the fear, and that she
could die but she wasn’ t ready yet. And while I was listening to her, I was
also tapping on my own fears that my mother would be taken from me and I
would be far away . At the end of the call, all of us, including my mother ,
felt relief—and she reported that she had no more fear. Her health issue
never returned. I start tapping if I’m talking to a friend who is sharing deep ly intense
emotions about topics ranging from “my daughter got arrested” to “I didn’ t
get the job” to “I’m afraid I have breast cancer .”
So inste ad of holding on to trauma, you may as well start releasing it
immediately through tapping. Are you afraid you’ll look weird? It’s no
weirder than some of the other coping mechanisms people have, and it’s a
lot more helpful! As always, seek the expert tapping help or professional
mental health help you need as well. When Y ou’re Experiencing Intensity  
and Don’t Know What It’ s About
What I’m about to suggest may seem contradictory—I’ve spent the last
several pag es ur ging you to get specific in your tapping. But tapping is not a
linear , logical process. It’ s a “both/and” process; there’ s no one right way all
the time. Like life, it’s a live, fluid process. You may not know what legs
are under a big tabletop. You may not know what you’re upset about. Youmight know you’re angry or uncomfortable but not why. Sometimes you
will only have some uncomfortable feeling you cannot identify . Or
sometimes after a conflict or experience with a loved one that wasn’ t
optimal, you might not have any emotions but feel a kind of body ache. Just tap on what is happening right now. Even though you may not know
or are not conscious of the specif ic event associated with the negative
feelings, rest assured they are emanating from a specific event. And you are
tuned in, even if you don’t have words or understanding about  the why of
the upset. When you are upset, the tapping process will home in on the
energy disruption and work on your behalf. Your subconscious has the
location on the map targeted because you are already tuned into the feeling. If it’s important  for you to know what’ s under the upset or the big global
target at that moment, your subconscious will access the memory of the
specific event. You can even make up an event and tap on it as if it were real. Yes, that
will work. Your emotions are tuned into the energy disruption. By
experiencing the upset, you are releasing the negative emotions, restoring
your ener gy system to balance, thus feeling the upset for the last time. Case Study: Global to a Specific  
Core Issue: Body Confidence
Here’ s an example of how starting out with global tapping on “feeling fat”
led a tapper named Tara to a specific event that resolved many core body
issues for her. Tara’s tapping on feeling fat led her to a phrase she had
repeated to herself for decades: “Why bother to look good? Nobody cares
anyway . It’s a hopeless case.” At the time of this tapping, she was about
sixty-eight years old. As she tapped on this phrase, she asked herself,
“When is the first time I ever felt this way?” What jumped to mind was a
specific long-fo rgotten event from when she was fourteen: she and her
father were going  to visit friends. She had been primping and making sure
she looked good, but her father said: “Why bother? Nobody  will notice
anyway .” Since that time, over nearly five decades, Tara had never botheredto make herself look good because she felt like no one would notice or see
her. She had harbored beliefs of being ugly, dysmorphia (thinking herself
fat even  though  she was a small dress size), and that no one much cared
about how she looked. As she tapped on all the aspects underne ath this one
event, her limiting beliefs disso lved. She realized she was actua lly in good
shape, and her feelings about her body transformed from negativ e to feeling
good about how she looked. After a decades-long break, she resumed
primping and caring for herself, relishing herself just as she was. Doing so
contributed to an across-the-board boost of her self-confidence. More on Aspects
Sometimes it may seem like you’re not getting anywhere as you tap. Aspects may rise in intensity as you tap and you will feel flooded with
emotion for a short time. Let’ s look further at what may be going on. Shifting Aspects
Let’s say you have your tapping target and that you’ve now tapped several
rounds on the issue but the intensity is still at a 7. You seem to be
experiencing quite a bit of emotion moving through, but the intensity is not
dissipating. Do you give up? Not yet. It’ s quite possible that you are shifting
aspects, a process that’s exactly  what it sounds like. You are shifting from
one detail to another , perhaps another feeling or sensation or image of the
event you are tapping on. Identifying the shifting aspects takes some
practice. All you need to do is keep tapping, because the intensity will
subside if you are shifting aspec ts. However , see if you can home in on one
at a time, and tap one round or more on each of them. Sometimes as soon as you tap down one intense aspect, another big one
arises. That’ s okay . Just keep tapping till they all subside. And they do
subside. Emotional Flooding
As mentioned in Chapter 2, sometimes, when you tap, you might feel
“flooded” with emotion—but don’t stop tapping! All the feelings that havebeen stuffed inside are coming up for air, and this can initially be scary . Keep tapping! It’s the fastest way to calm any emotional overwh elm, all the
way back down to zero. It means you are wholly tuned in to the issue at
hand and have hit an emotional jackpot. EFT is designed to uncover buried
emotions so we can clean things up and remove the emotional sting. In situations like these, don’t even bother trying to sort the problem into
aspects; your system is literall y like a kaleidoscope in these moments,
moving through ALL the emotions at once. During the “flood,” just keep on
tapping and allow the informat ion and the feelings to come through you. You will get through to the other side and experience relief. You’re going to
become increasingly confident about this as you continue to practice EFT . Once the feelings have subsided, go back and see if you can find any
specific aspects that have remaining intensity and tap on them. No Shift in Intensity
When you don’t experience a shift in intensity after a round, it is often the
case that you haven’t gotten specific enough or there’ s somethin g you need
to tap on before you can get to that particular tapping target. Maybe you
need to tap on how angry you are at yourself for not having solved this
issue yet. Maybe you need to tap on the fear you have about this problem
before you get to tapping on the problem itself. Or perhaps your tapping
target is sitting on something else that needs to be addressed first, as
discussed in Chapter 2 . Other options:
If you are not experiencing relief, what about zeroing in on a tiny
upsetting detail of the experience? Sometimes, you may not feel any shift but your body may be feeling
something. Focus on your physical sensations, in that case, like this:
“Even though I feel really tight in my stomach when I think about what
he said to me, I deeply and completely accept myself.”Or, do you notice yourself getting curiously tired or distracted? Start
with how distracted you are: “ Even though I’m distracted (or suddenly
too tired to tap) when I think about the fight … .”
Are you eating potato chips and looking at your cell phone while
tapping? “ Even though I need to eat before I tap on this problem, I
deeply and completely accept myself just as I am.”
Sometimes, environmental issues such as aller gies can be getting in the
way of tapping. (See Chapter 8 ). Change your environment. Clear the
allergies. T ap your collarbone point. Perform some physical exercise. Maybe what you think is your problem isn’ t problemo numer o uno
needing your attention. For example, maybe Janet is tapping on wanting
to have a relationship that sticks this time, but first she needs to address
the events underlying her intimacy issues, which stem all the way back
to her childhood experiences with abandonment and inconsistent
parenting. Don’ t give up, get curious and poke around a bit. Are you just not getting anywhere no matter what you do? Y ou might
want to check out an EFT practitioner . And tap on the beliefs that EFT
won’ t work for you. Childhood Origins and T apping
The origins of limiting beliefs—core issues that shape our lives, sabotage
behavior , and emotional behavior—have roots in our childhood
experiences. In fact, studies have shown that the emotional resilience of a
developing baby  in the womb can be affected by what their mother thinks,
feels, and experiences. I’ve learned about a number of limiting beliefs from my clients. One
understood God to be someone who always sacrificed everything for the
good of all. She spent much of her childhood trying to be “as good as God”
so that everything would be all right in her family; when it wasn’ t, she
blamed herself for not being good enough. She had a doozy of an earlychildhood belief that had shaped her life like so: “I shouldn’ t want what I
want, and even if I have what I want, I shouldn’ t have it.”
Another client believed as a young  girl that if she would be “good,” then
God would bring her father back from the dead. When her father didn’ t
come back, she made sense of this by deciding she was “bad,” because
otherwise God would have given him back. This ultimately worked its way
into many areas of her life: Beca use she was bad, she didn’ t deserve to have
a good career , a happy life, and so on. Yet another client had struggled in the hard sciences as a young  boy after
he was transferre d to an elite private school and felt he wasn’ t good enough. Decades later, when he was a millionaire, it still dogged him that he wasn’ t
good enough, which made it difficult for him to enjoy the pleasures he did
have. Sometimes our childhood conclusions produce a belief that colors our
entire life. We then unconsciously seek experiences that prove our beliefs to
be true. I’m not saying we’ve all had horribly traumatizing childhoods; rather ,
most of us have had a wonderfu l mix of great, good, mediocre , downright
stinky stuff, and even some horrible experiences. We’re human, and
everyone has areas in need of improvement. Even caring and effective
parents can’t prevent a child from being bullied at school, from having a
horrible first grade teacher (like I did), from experiencing a pet’s death, or
from getting in a car accident. They can’t prevent a child from  not getting
the grade or achieving the goal they’d dreamed of, from feeling resentful at
having to share  parents with a new baby brother , or feeling like life is
ending if the older sister move s out. The parents may end up getting a
divorce—the typical stuf f of life. Consider how many children, even in the most ideal of families, are met
100 percent of the time with support, encouragement, and accep tance when
they are in the middle of a tantrum or otherwise being difficult? In many
cases, it wasn’ t because we couldn’t handle our big feelings. Rather , those
around us couldn’ t handle our big feelings. W e somehow need to restore our
feelings to their rightful place of honor . And they are in fact not our realityof today; rather , they are just bits of e-motion, passing through. And yet, the
hurt parts of us resolve when heard. No matter how “horrible” our feelings,
they are just feelings, nothing more, and nothing less. Say this out loud:
Feelings do not reflect who I am. You can let the big feelings flow through
you and out with the practice of EFT . Case Study: Current Problem  
Reveals Childhood Origins
An EFT client named Drew was struggling with a fairly general issue: “My
frustration with my wife’ s helplessness and dependency .” He couldn’ t pin
down one instance, however , of her helplessness and dependency . “It’s
everywhere!” he exclaimed. He had an intensity rating of 9 and a big pain
in his neck as he shared how frustrated he was. As we tapped, a specific
image from forty years back came to mind. As you’ll soon see, this long-
forgotten event pointed a big bold arrow right at the core of his current-day
difficulties. When we began work, he could only think of two outcomes to his
problem: divorce her or have an affair (a good example of black-and-white
thinking). As he started tapping on the global issue, suddenly a specific
image came to mind unbidden: his father trying to comfort his mother in the
kitchen. Drew guessed he was about nine years old at the time and figured it
had nothing to do with his problem with his wife, so he continued tapping
on “my frustration with my wife’ s dependency .” But the image  of him, his
mom, and his dad in the kitchen  kept coming up. Finally , he paid attention
to it, aware that the upset about his wife’ s “weakness” wouldn’ t disappear if
he set it aside for a moment. He named the image from his childhood: “Dad Can’t Com fort Mom.”
The story of “Dad Can’ t Comfort Mom” is a specific event. As Drew
focused on this image, he realized his intensity was rising. He tapped each
of the many upsetting aspects of it down to below a 2 in intensity before
moving onto the next: the helpless look on Dad’ s face, the numb look on
Mom’ s face, Dad’s arms around Mom, standing on the floor of the kitchen,the window in front of the sink, feeling wind from the hot summer day,
hearing Dad sigh. He tapped on the different sensations in his body as he
tapped his way through the story such as the pressure in his chest, the teary
feeling behind his eyes, the pain in his neck. He tapped on feelings associate d with the image: deep grief, fear about
Mom and her unhappiness, sadness for Dad at his helplessness , the feeling
of being  helples s to help, resentful of Mom that she never got better , and
more. Now he felt neutral as he looked at the whole image. He ran the story
through his mind again as if it were a movie to uncover any outstanding
aspects to tap on. Afterward, he felt complete relief, lighter , and more
optimistic. Drew gained a fresh insight he didn’ t have before. This is a common
outcome. As your mind and energy system clears, you have room for more
understanding and insight. Often physical symptoms resolve, too. Drew
grasped that his own present feelings of anger and resentment directed at
his wife were actually leftover feelings he’d been harboring all these years. They stemmed from regularly witnessing the cycle of Mom seeming to be
miserable, unable, as Drew perceived it, to be the mother he needed her to
be. In addition, his feelings related this father being unable to make her feel
better and to what he, as a young boy, internalized as a result about intimate
relationships. He made the connection that he had been enabli ng his own
wife in a way that was similar to what he witnessed growing up. The issue
wasn’ t his wife—it was the emotionally laden memories and a skewed
belief system about what marriage is about. He could make different
choices about how he related to his wife. Can you see how Drew’ s relationship with his wife can begin to shift
after he releases these long-bur ied feelings and the insights that came into
consciousness—even if Drew’ s wife never changes? And with just one
image in one session. Welcome Everything That  
Comes to Mind when T appingWhen it comes to tapping, include the parts of you that you have disowned
for one reason or another . For example, harboring of a “shameful” secret
just causes the shame to fester in the darkness. Excluding stuff that you’re
ashamed of is not a useful long-term solution. Clearing Shame
It’s interesting how many of my clients are haunted by what they consider a
horrible, shameful secret from their childhood or something equally
“terrible” from their adult years. These are, for the most case, things they
have never told anyone , which fester deep inside. After sharing and tapping
on the event in question, these people feel lighter , freer, and more
expansive. In fact, many of them can find humor in what an hour before
was so shamefu l and awful. Just because you never told anyo ne that you
stole treats from the teacher in first grade, or at age nine, you didn’ t report
someone for cheating doesn’ t mean you should be locked up for life—
although the shame might have you feeling that way
Another way to make headway when you think you did the worst thing in
the world when you were, say, age five, or six, or ten, is to ask yourself if
you would think  badly of a friend who had done that same thing  at that age. Most of the time, you would show that person compassion rather than
register your disgust and loathing. Another tactic here is to ask yourself if
you know any children the same age you were when the “bad” thing
happened that you did. Ask yourself if you would condemn them for doing
that thing. Mostly you’ll see an innocent child who was out of her depth and
didn’ t believe she had adult resources to which she could turn for help. Considering that in some situati ons your extreme reaction is not in sync
with reality , you may as well welcome everything that comes to mind about
the tapping subject you’ve chosen. Think about all your horrible, awful
shameful though ts, beliefs, and feelings as though they are long-lost loved
ones. Does that sound crazy ? Exiling a part of yourself is crazier . Remember , your feelings are just feelings—they do not reflect your true
reality .What’ s Under Overr eaction? Sometimes when you’ve had a bad day, you might overreact to a situation
that has nothing  to do with why you’re feeling so out of sorts. For example,
you might feel like lunging across the counter at the store clerk and
strangling him or her for being slow or for making a minor mistake. The
feeling is big. The event that triggered it is small. Are you sitting on some
big old feelings of anger? Possibly . The likelihood that you will act on your
feeling? Zero. Especially once you integrate tapping into your life. Sometimes the rage is just a momentary thing: you’ve just had a really
rotten day and as a result have zero patience for slow clerks. Other times,
you might be sitting atop a pile of old, deep anger from past experiences in
which you felt helpless and things were out of control. Maybe you don’t
even have a conscious memory  of the event, and yet you have now been
triggered by this new, seemingly trivial event. Who knows wher e it started? It doesn ’t really matter . What you can do is start right there with what’ s
happening right now. That’ s your guide. Tap on the rage and just let it be
what it is. You might find the origins of the rage you are feeling now along the long
leash of childhood. Can the rage be a clue that there’ s a rich treasure
underneath to explore—when you’re ready? When you experience
overreaction, use these brief moments to tap into that rich seam of feeling. How would things change if you were able to consider them as seams of
gold in the depths of your mine(d). Repressing them keeps them stuck. Releasing them sets you free. Exercise: Reacting Out of Proportion
Step 1. Pick a time when some little thing inspired a big, disproportionate
feeling in you. The feeling might be rage, sadness, fear, or something else. I’m going to choose as the tapping example being put on hold for a long
time by an automated phone system, and then when the clerk answers
letting him have it instead of solving the problem you called for in the firstplace. You could also choose someone pushing in front of you in a line,
someone who was rude to you for no reason, or anything else like this. As
you know , you can repeat your setup statements one or more times. Here I
include the EFT setup statement three times. Step 2. Rate your intensity about the tapping tar get on the 0 to 10 scale. Step 3. Perform the EFT setup statemen t, the first part of the EFT basic
recipe. Karate chop : “Even though I am so angry about that company’ s
customer service, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
Karate chop : “Even though I want to throw this phone out the window
so I don’ t have to call again, I love, honor , and accept myself.”
Karate chop : “Even though I’m annoyed beyond belief at what just
happened, I love, honor , accept, and for give myself.”
Step 4. Perform the EFT sequence:
Top of head through all tapping points, ending under the arm:  “Really
upset about the customer service.”
Other reminder phrases might be: “So angry at them,” “angry they don’t
care,” “Angry about the lack of human help her e.”
Step 5. Now rate your intensity about the issue you overreacted to on the
0 to 10 scale. If it’s higher , then keep on tapping until the feelings subside
to a 2 or below . If it’s the same, you might need to get more specific about
what is upsettin g you. Home in on a detail and tune into just that. If it’s
dropped to a 2 or below , move onto the next part of this exercise. If it’s
risen, keep tapping. If it’s the same, then get more specific. If after a couple
rounds it’s still the same, there ’s likely something there upon which the
intensity is sitting. Ask: “What’s in the way of me letting go?” Use the
answer that first pops into mind  as your next tapping aspect, then return to
the original statement and see if it has changed.Step 6. Round two. Now let’s say the upset from the first round is down
to zero, but another feeling has bubbled to the surface. Perhaps the person
who hung up on the clerk is now feeling ashamed (rightly ) about his
behavior . He’s at a 5 on the 0 to 10 scale of shame. So now he’d do a round
on the shame relating to the event. Check your intensity . Do you carry shame about the event you have
chosen to tap on? If so, rate your intensity on the 0 to 10 scale. Step 7. Perform the EFT basic recipe setup statement. We will continue
with our example. Karate chop: “Even though I’m ashamed I let that clerk have it, I love,
honor , accept, and for give myself.”
Karate chop:  “Even though I’m ashamed of my behavior , I love myself
anyway .”
Karate chop: “Even though I’m ashamed and alarmed at how out of
control I just got, I choose peace and I’m curious what the rage is
about.”
Step 8. Now , our caller would perform  the EFT sequence using the
reminder phrase:  “ashamed at my bad behavior” to tap down the rest of the
points until he hits 0 on the intensity scale. Step 9. Test your own situation and feeling for intensity again. This is
your feedback loop. Step 10. Keep tapping on all aspects of the event until you feel neutral. In the example above, the tappe r might be horrified at his overreaction. Then he would tap on: “Even though I’m scared I won’ t be able to control
myself the next time, I deeply and completely accept myself.” Or maybe the
tapper feels remorse: “ Even though I wish I hadn’ t overreacted like that and
I’m sorry, I deeply and complete ly accept myself.”  Then he might suddenly
realize he was just frustrated about his day and took it out on the clerk andthat he should call the company back and apologize. Maybe he will decide
to practice being especially kind to all customer service agents going
forward. Or  maybe he’s afraid he’s going to turn out just like his rage-filled
father , who is now living in isolation, estranged from the family . The point
is: Tap! Stuff that Keeps Popping Up:  
Core Issues and Limiting Beliefs
You might have noticed that certain themes come up in your life or as you
tap. They may be themes along the lines of: “I have to be perfect,” “I’m not
good enough no matter what I do,” “I’m a loser ,” “I don’t deserve it,” “I’m
not lovable,” “I don’t belong,” “I have to be sick to get love,” “it’s not
safe,” “there’ s never enough,” “you can’t trust anyone,” “I’ll do it even
though I don’t want to,” and so on. These recurring phrases don’t appear all
the time—only when your energy disruption is activated. They are limiting
beliefs or core issues. I consider them trapdoors, snares, or even rabbit holes
that you step into and then are suddenly awash in negative feelings or
unfortunate thought patterns or unhelpful behaviors. Core issues are like deep themes that run throughout the background of
our lives  sapping energy, closing down or limiting opportunities, and often
serving as the unconscious force s that shape the very direction of our lives. They are the fallout from event s that for the most part happened when we
were really little. You may come face to face with a core issue when you apply EFT to a
tapping target. You may confro nt a core issue when you decide to step
outside of your comfort zone, stretched far beyond what you are used to, or
when you have had a really rough day. That’ s when the defaul t, repetitive
voices that are somehow design ed to keep you safe and in your place kick
in. The voices that say  “I’m such a loser ,” “it’ s hopeless,” “it’ s all my fault,”
“I’m not safe,” “I’ll never get what I want.” It’s almost like kicking yourself
when you’re down, in a way. At the very moment you need a pep talk, you
give yourself the “I’m bad and wrong” talk instead.Core issues and the limiting beliefs partnered with them may be at play if
you keep experiencing the same type of problem again and again. Perhaps
you keep choos ing the same Mr. or Ms. Wrong over and over, you can’t
stop eating carbs, you can’t get the website updated, or you can’t seem to
get projects in on time. Another clue that you may be sitting on a core issue
is to notice when you’re reactin g to a person, situation, or event in an out-
of-proportion way. You may be responding to a deeper issue than the one
you’re working on. Limiting beliefs limit your possibilities; it’s like having your foot on the
gas in your conscious mind, while your unconscious mind’ s foot is on the
brake. You ain’t going nowhere till you can clear out the unconscious
beliefs and get that left foot off the brake! Examples might include: “I can’ t
go to that college because I don’t have enough money ,” when you don’t
even check if scholarship money is available. Limiting beliefs are flat,
definitive statements. Here are exampl es of personal limiting beliefs: “Life is about suffering so
you must suffer.” “You can’t have what you want and shouldn’ t even want
what you want.” “Good girls don’t do this.” “Big boys don’t do that.” These
beliefs may have the words “should,” “always,” “never ,” “impossible,” and
“can’ t” in them. Do you get the picture? Core issues and limiting beliefs are
survival and fear -based. When you uncover a personal core issue, you may suddenly  gain an
understanding of the extent to which you’ve been just coping, what it has
cost you, where and how you’ve been affected, and who else has been
affected. You may have the sudden realization that you want it to be gone
immediately . Core issues aren’ t going anywhere when you’re in that state of
mind, so rather than freaking out, get curious about your core issue. Learn
more about it. Keep in mind you may also need time to grieve as you
absorb the magnitude of the core issue. Ultimately , once you know about
something, you can do something about it. T ap, and you can  let it go. Ask yourself: What proof do I have that this is true? Has it always been
true for me? When did I first hear or believe this to be true? What sorts ofexperiences have I had that prove this to be true? What’ s the upside of
having this core issue or belief? Who would I be or what would my life be
like if this weren’ t true? Your answers will provide you with many different
events to tap on. Please note that you can interrupt negative self-talk or your inner critic,
ruminations, worries, and obsessive thoughts by tapping. Y ou can then point
your tapping on the specific situation that triggered the thought pattern. Another way to uncover core issues are questions like these: what does
that (feeling or problem) remind you of? What’ s the earlies t time you
remember feelin g that way? What’s the one memory you wish  you didn’ t
have? What else was happening in your life around the time things changed
for you? What’ s the one thing from your past you could have lived without? 8
Allow yourself to go with whatever comes to mind. Go ahead, try it out! Exercise: List Y our Negative Self-T alk  
and Situations in Which It Arises
In your EFT journal, take a few minutes to list stock phrases that come to
mind, mottos from your childh ood, things you say aloud or to yourself
automatically without really considering their impact. What proof do you
have that these things are true? List any events that appear to confirm your
negative self-tal k or challenging thought patterns, as you will use these as
tapping fodder on your own. So, for example, if one of your beliefs is “I
never get things right,” when does that belief feel really true? It feels true
after spending time with “my alcoholic father , trying to take care of him,
like just last Saturday when … .” Or, does it feel true when “my sister calls
and I do as much as I can and it’s never enough for her?” Or, does it
somehow bring up an aspect of your childhood where “no matter how hard
I tried to please her, Mom never approved, like that time when …” Tap out
the so-called proof that what you do is never right or never enough, andyou’ll start to see all kinds of areas of your life when what you do is just
right and is enough! Exercise: Use Y our Body as a T apping Resource
To connect with your body as a resource, scan your body right now. Are
you aware of any unpleasant physical sensations? These can include aches,
pains, throbs, burning, tingling, tightening, clenching, nervous ticks, tickles,
prickly fingers, tight toes, phleg m in throat, nervous laughs, ringing in the
ears, difficulty swallowing, nausea, acid reflux, sore muscles, constipation,
or loose ligaments. They can show up as: feeling like there’ s something in
your throat when there’ s not, butterflies in the stomach, gut sensations,
difficulty breath ing, feeling a heavy weight, feeling sick in any number of
ways, symptoms relating to various physical ailments, including phantom
limb pain, low libido, no appetite, cravings. What’ s your body saying to you
right now? When you get upset, what happens in your body? If you’re not
sure, consider an upsetting expe rience and note what is happen ing in your
body . List the physical  feelings in your EFT journal. Chances are these parts of
your body might be storage spaces for your upsetting emotions, a safe
harbor or vault for feelings. Use these physical sensations as clues to buried
emotional treasure that can be released to experience freedom. Exercise: List Problem Thoughts,  
Feelings, Sensations
Scan your mind for a time when you had an upsetting experience. What
happens when you get upset? What thoughts, feelings, and body sensations
do you experience? List them. For example, if you have struggles with insomnia or waking up at the
drop of a hat, what kinds of thoughts waken you at night? What are your
concerns before  you go to bed? Are you feeling guilty for waking up your
partner? Do you fear getting sick if you don’t sleep well? As bedtime drawsnearer , do you dread going to sleep? If you are a worrier in the morning,
what worry-thoughts do you have? List everything that comes to mind about the upsetting experience you
have chosen. Now , tap on every aspect of it. EFT allows the free flow of feelings out of a person’ s system, where they
have been buried or endlessly recycled, like in the movie Groundhog Day
in which  the same miserable day happens over and over. Using EFT, we can
consciously see everything in our lives as clues to help us fully experience
ourselves and reconnect with our true nature and purpose. Whenever you
find yourself unable to think straight or act rationally in some area of your
life, you might suspect some kind of energy disruption from a troubling
memory or event beneath that surface situation. Review: Checklist for when T apping Isn’t W orking
Consider the following:
1. Are you being specific enough  in your EFT setup phrase and tapping
target? 2. Are you focusing on one aspect at a time? Is it the most intense aspect? 3. Are you giving yourself a calm, dedicated time and space to tap? 4. Ask: Is there a good reason for remaining the way I am? 5. Is there  anything around you that might be toxic or allergenic? Try
moving to another space, and tap again. 6. Are you exhausted and simply need sleep? 7. Are you in crisis and just floode d with emotion? If so, simply tap on that
first, even with no words, before proceeding further . Tapping and
breathing relieves flooding within a few rounds. 8. If you continue to feel overwhelmed or out of your depth, seek an
experienced EFT practitioner , a therapist, or other professional for help. In ConclusionThis chapter covered important foundational concepts, including: how to
get specific when you tap; how to uncover and address aspects within
events; how tapping on one topic will often clear up something seemingly
unrelated (gener alization); how to uncover core issues and limiting beliefs;
how to harvest your negative thoughts, body sensations, and feelings for
EFT; and essential questions to ask yourself to find tapping tar gets. In the next chap ter, we’ll put everything together with some major EFT
heavy lifters, including the Tell the Story Technique and the Personal Peace
Procedure. Thes e protocols offer you a way to systematically collapse the
emotional impact of past traumas, lar ge and small, from your life. [contents]7. Emofree.com, Finding Aspects within the EFT T apping Process, www .emofree.com/eft-
tutorial/tapping-roots/aspects.html. Scroll to video session with Dave, video session with Rich. 8. Rue Hass, “Asking good questions to elicit tappable issues,” www .emofree.com/articles-
ideas/general-ideas/to-ask-questions-article.html. OceanofPDF .comChapter 4
Tried and True EFT Tools  
to Support Your Tapping
Why don’t we replay our good memories over and over again the way we
do our bad mem ories? It’s time to put a stop to the endless bad movies. The
EFT tools prese nted here are the workhorses of a sound EFT practice. Tell
the Story Technique, the Movie Technique, and the Personal Peace
Procedure offer you a way to collapse emotional intensity surrounding
bothersome memories (problem stories and experiences) whether they
happened seventy years ago or just yesterday . These techniques combine
everything you have learned so far to resolve tappable issues  safely and
gently , minimizing suffering. We’ll also briefly cover the Tearless Trauma
Technique and Chase the Pain, which are fully covered in Chapter 8 . These
Gold Standard techniques are the basis of any solid EFT personal or
professional tapping practice. Over time you’ll get the hang of them and
call on these techniques regularly . Tell the Story T echnique
The Tell the Story Technique guides you through a traumatic event or part
of a traumatic event that lasted three minutes or less. It has at least one or
two emotional spikes and goes scene by scene while you tap, focusing on
how upset you are as you tell the story now, not how upsett ing it was when
it happened. Telling the story means also seeing, hearing, touching, tasting, and even
smelling it. Tell the story as if you were talking to a supportive  listener . As
much as possible, start the story from a place of neutral intensity . As you
start to feel some intensity , stop immediately and tap on the part of the storythat is upsetting . Don’ t move forward in the story until the intensity about
that bit of the story drops to a 2 or below (ideally 0). Then continue telling
the story  just before wherever you left off to see if there’ s any intensity
before moving on to the next aspect for which you encounter intensity . You
move through the story bit by bit, stopping at each moment of intensity or
aspect and tapping it down. T est each result befor e moving on. Vividly visualize the story , scanning for upsetting aspects. Projecting
scenes using an imaginary wall or window as a movie screen is a neat way
to see the story  and distance yourself emotionally while simultaneously
clearing the associated energy disruption. Projecting the story on the screen
also gives you a way to vividly recall it once you have comple ted the Tell
the Story technique to see if there’ s anything that is still outsta nding to be
tapped down. Once you can tell/see/hear the entire story without any
intensity , you will feel neutral about the problem that plagued you, a sign
that the ener gy disruption is no longer present. Y ou then experience relief. Getting the hang of the Tell the Story Technique takes practice. How
many people can break a story  down into minute bits and recognize the
emotional charge on each bit of the story? You aren’ t used to chunking
stories down into little bite-si zed bits of emotions and sensations and
tapping on each one, which is what this technique asks of you. Over time,
you’ll train yourself and you can return to this book for guidance whenever
you like. The Movie T echnique
The Movie T echnique is primarily used when working in a group or one-on-
one with a practitioner to keep the issue in question private. It is similar to
Tell the Story with one key difference: Instead of speaking the story out
loud, you visualize or picture the event on a big movie screen. The T earless T rauma T echnique
When you believe or know tackling the story would emotionally swallow
you up, you can apply the Tearless Trauma Technique. It is a way to avoid
unnecessary emotional pain by taking the intensity off before you actuallystart telling the story . While this technique is most often used when you are
working with an EFT Practitio ner, it can also be used to bring intensity
down enough to apply T ell the Story on your own. In this technique, you don’t go into the story at all. Rather , you maintain a
distance and guess what your intensity would be if you were to tell the
story . To take the edge off, you can give the story a nickname that has
nothing to do with the event. Then you tap on the big problem until you feel
on stable ground thinking about it, at which point you can perform Tell the
Story . The Tearless Trauma Techniqu e helps you maintain your power and
emotional balance as you process really dif ficult issues. Step by Step: T ell the Story T echnique
Although you’ll  find these direc tions work for both Tell the Story and the
Movie Techniques, I’ll use Tell the Story as the main example and in the
case study that follows. Step 1. Choose an upsetting event from your past. The specific event
should have a beginning, middl e, and end and be three minutes or less in
length. Step 2. Name or title your story (movie). A story about how upset Dad
was with me when I broke his favorite fishing rod might be titled  “Fishing
Rod Upset.” Falling out of my desk in third grade and everyone laughing at
me might be “Humiliation.”
Step 3. What’ s your intensity just thinking about the story? If the
story/event is so highly charged that you cannot even think about it or say
the name of the story or movie without getting extremely upset (anything
above a 5), try the Tearless Trauma Technique first before going into the
story . Tap on your concern about even telling the story until you feel calm
enough to begin focusing on it. Give your story a code word that has
nothing to do with the story itself (like the word “blue,” for example), and
then tap on your fear of telling the nicknamed story . Nicknami ng providesdistance from the story’ s emotional aspects. You may need to tap several
rounds until you feel calm enough to go forward with the story. Here are
some examples for you to adapt:
“Even though I’m scared to tell this story called X, I deeply and
completely accept myself.”
“Even though I can’ t talk about ‘blue’ yet, I am safe and sound.”
“Even though this is the big one, I accept myself and how I feel.”
“Even though I haven’ t ever been able to think about this without
getting upset, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
“Even though this story feels bigger than me, I love myself anyway .”
“Even though just thinking about telling the story makes me teary-
eyed, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
“Even though I’m not sure what will happen if I do tell this story , I
survived and am safe and sound right now .”
Another tip for distancing is to tell the story in third person, as if it were
happening to someone else. When your intensity saying the name or
thinking of the story is a 5 or below , you can move on. Step 4. Start to tell the story . Start telling the story out loud or watching
the movie from a neutral place, before the upset happened. For example,
neutral in the Fishing Rod Upset looks like this: “I wanted to go fishing and
took Dad’ s rods without telling him. Didn’ t catch anything, came home,
forgot the rods were in the trunk … .”
At this point, I feel a twinge in my stomach and a feeling of guilt—time
to stop and tap. Stop the moment you feel any spike in intensity on any
aspect of the story and tap on that one bit. Step 5. Pay close attention to feelings, sensations, details, thoughts, and
beliefs. When you are activated or triggered by an aspect, stop. Aspects
include problem thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and body sensatio ns such assharp or sudden pains, sudden fatigue, hunger , numbness, or just an
awareness of a certain area in the body . You can even ask abou t where you
are feeling this in your body to uncover an aspect. Allow all of you to play a
role unpacking the emotional intensity of the story and collapsing the
energy disruption. Tune in to your breathing: Is it shallow? Coming fast? How are you
holding your body? Are you frowning, feeling all tight? These are all
aspects. Uncovering another aspect of the event is going to help you
experience long-lasting relief from the problem story . It’s worth it to mine
for the gold. Step 6. Allow for all aspects! In the Fishing Rod Upset, intensity spikes
at: “I slamm ed the trunk and broke the tips off all the rods.” The aspects
might include: my thoughtlessness, Dad loved those rods, tightness in my
chest, guilt, sadness about Dad’ s upset, seeing the tips broken off, my
boyfriend’ s laugh when he saw what happened, seeing myself standing
there looking at the rods, the shocked look on my face, what those rods
meant to my father , regret that it was all on account of that loser boyfriend
who convinced me to take the rods in the first place, and Dad’ s look of
disgust at me. Go with the aspect with the highest intensity first as your tapping target. Tap on that specific aspect of your story (movie) that spiked intensity . Remember to employ the full EFT basic recipe on each aspect. Start with
the Karate Chop point, repeat the specific phrase that spiked the upset along
with an affirmation, and then perform the EFT sequence, like so, only
employ your own EFT setup statement and reminder phrase. You can also
experiment with the fingertip points and Gamut series. Step 7. Rate your intensity on the aspect you just tapped on. Has it gone
down, up, or stayed the same? Note that you may regularly see that the
intensity has gone down a couple of points, but not all the way to zero. Adjust your EFT setup stateme nt to reflect the remaining intensity (e.g.,
“this remaining shame”) and perform as many tapping rounds with the fullEFT basic recipe as it takes. If you’re not moving, then get more specific. What’ s the feeling associated with that aspect, for example. Once the intensity has dropped to a 2 or below , pick up where you left off
in the story; or return to the beginning of the story and start telling the story
again until you hit the next point of discomfort, which means you have
uncovered yet another aspect. Y ou know what to do . There may be one or more times when you cannot contain all the aspects
in an “orderly” manner . That’ s normal. You may experience a full flowering
of aspects (feelings and sensations) all at once and feel emotionally
overwhelmed or flooded. Even if you are afraid of all that emotion, keep on
tapping, becaus e they will drop to zero or close to that if you continue
tapping. When Another Event T ries to Upstage the One  
You’re Working On
If anothe r event arises as you are working through the Tell the Story event,
stay on the aspect and story you are working on, unless the other event is
significantly higher in intensity . Then bookmark the Tell the Story you are
working on and return to it afterward. In many cases, when you collapse the
higher emer ging event, the intensity of the other event will correspondingly
drop. This is quite common. Remember , they are all on the same tabletop. Adjust your phrasing as you proceed with checking your intensity on
each aspect. For example, “Even though I still feel some shame … ” or
“Even though now the shame I feel is at a 3 in its intensity … .”
Stopping to tap down each aspect is critical to the success of Tell the
Story and the Movie Techn iques. Most people are conditioned by
conventional talk therapy techn iques to “be courageous” and to “be brave
and go through it.” But when they do so, they’re likely to miss important
healing opportunities.9 Uncovering aspects is a way to make sure to
collapse a problem at its roots.Step 8. Test to see if the upset is cleared. Testing to see if you have
thoroughly cleared the issue is a straightforward process. Start the story
again from the point before you got upset, and run through the entire event
again. Stop again at any upsetting place you find, tapping down any
emotional intens ity, until you can finally run through the whole story from
beginning to end without any upset. You might even find yourself laughing
about the event, find it boring, or you could have a completely new insight
about what happened. Changes like these are considered cognit ive shifts in
EFT, and they can also indicate you have ex perienced a behavioral shift. Testing and clearing aspects is important. Once you have shared the
whole story with yourself or a supportive friend and are no longer feeling
upset, try to get upset. This is your opportunity to find and neutralize
anything upsetting that still remains in your story . Exaggerate all parts of
the story: Make the actions of the characters bigger , the feelings more
dramatic, the sounds louder , the colors brighter or bleaker , and so on. Make
mountains out of molehills! If you find any remaining discomfort, simply
rate it and tap until it’ s gone. When an Event Points to a Hidden or Cor e Issue
It regularly happens that insights you receive after clearing a Tell the Story
event will lead you to core issues. For example, in the Fishing Rod Upset,
the woman realized that all her life she had been seeking her father ’s
approval but didn’ t get it or received disapproval instead. She realized after
tapping that the approval wasn’ t about her but her father ’s inability to
approve and accept himself. As an adult, she now understands that she has
never given herself kudos for her own accomplishments but sought them
from others. She recalls a core event when she was six with her father ,
sought his approval but didn’ t get it, and taps on that down to relief. And
while this is not Gold Standard EFT, she also takes time to tap positively on
the accomplishment of that little girl and uses an affirmation that
acknowledges she approves and receives the goodness of the things she
does. The next time she finds herself in one of those situations where sheused to seek approval but simultaneously feels unworthy , she is surprised
and pleased to discover that she no longer seeks approval from the outside
but rathe r acknowledges her own worth. A core issue in her life has been
resolved, serving as a critical turning point in her life. Again, this type of
experience is a hallmark of EFT. Sometimes an issue will lead to the
understanding of the events holding it in place. Sometimes an event will
lead to the issue. While you read this next story , you may want to tap on your EFT tap-
down sequence points, or the finger or gamut points (see Figure 6 in
Appendix A ). Case Study: Using T ell the  
Story T echnique for Anxiety
Roger came to me with a laund ry list of problems: increasing anxiety and
anger , and concern for his moth er’s well-being. I asked him, “When’ s the
first time you felt this anxious feeling?” Roger couldn’ t remember a time
when he hadn’ t felt anxious. “Okay , so when did it get worse?” I was
playing detective here, a common EFT technique that uncovers tappable
events. Roger told me that his anxiety got worse three years ago, after the second
baby , and after being laid off from work several months, with uncertainty
about being the financial provid er. I asked him what proof he had that the
anxiety had worsened, and he replied that he was recently getting upset
even with small parenting duties like getting the kids out the door to go on
play dates. He detailed several incidents that demonstrated how his anxiety
and short temper were now af fecting his job performance and his marriage. Roger ’s voice grew softer as he spoke, and he was curling his toes and
clenching his fingers. His body was sharing what anxiety and anger looked
like. For every emotion, there is a corresponding body feeling , and we all
have responsive  bodies like this. Soon you’ll learn Chasing the Pain
(Chapter 8), which  will help you uncover and release the “tight” emotion s
stored in your body .As for Roger , I still wasn’ t sure where to start, so I asked him what
sensations he was having right  now as we talked about anxiety . He said
there was tightness in his chest and several other sensations. I noted the
sensations, and then we started following the physical ones to see where
they led. The tightness in his chest was a 10 and he also felt a fist in his gut
and a pain in his left side of the neck, but those were lower in their
intensity . We tapped on the chest tightness until it was about a 5. Then I
asked him if any image, event, or story came to mind as we tapped, or
whether he felt this feeling before and when. The next steps we went
through are in stages so you can follow along, if you like, with your own
story
Step 1. Identify the story you want to work on. A specific story , long
buried, bubbled up to Roger ’s mind. “How long is the story?” I asked. He
replied it was about thirty seconds. It had a beginning, middle , end, and a
few big emotional peaks. It was perfect for Tell the Story . I explained the
technique to him and “pre-framed” (let him know in advance) what to
expect from this process: I would likely cut him off in mid-story if it looked
like he was experiencing intensity but my intention was not to be rude, only
to make sure we tapped the emotional charge out of each aspect he felt so
we could resolve the trauma at its roots. Roger didn’ t believe there was any trauma relating to this unknown story;
he wanted to tap on his today anxiety . I explained that because this
particular story came to mind as we tapped on the physical places where he
was feeling anxiety, then the story was probably related to the anxiety , even
if he felt nothing right now. These little stories from childhood, as noted,
can be the cornerstone of core issues now playing themselves out in a
person’ s current-day challenges. Is it a coincidence that the story comes to
mind when tapping on anxiety? Nope, it’s cooperation—the conscious and
subconscious working together . My sense was that Roger ’s story had laid a
big part of the foundation for his anxiety .Step 2. Name the story . He named his story “The Goulash Scare” and it
can be summari zed as such: Around the age of six, while eating dinner ,
Roger witnessed his alcoholic mom throw a pot of Hungarian goulash at the
wall after his dad angered her. Roger ’s physical sensations as we discussed
them made it clear that this was a bigger story than he thought. Using
intuition, attentio n, and EFT, everything counts. When you have an intuitive
insight, follow it. The worst that can happen is that it goes nowhere. Your
subconscious mind doesn’ t operate in the same paradigm that your
conscious mind  does. It has a bigger picture than your ego and knows
exactly how to express what it needs to heal when you’ve given  it the green
light. Do you have a story you want to work through? Name it now . Step 3. Don’ t go into the story yet—check for intensity first. If there is
intensity just thinking about the story’ s title, tap on that first until you get
below a 5. Follo w along with the example below; insert your own title into
the tapping statements. “Guess how upset you might be if you did have feelings about the
Goulash Scare,”  I suggested, performing a bit of Tearless Trauma and what
we call sneakin g up on a problem in EFT. He guessed that the intensity
would be a 10 if he did have feelings about it, which he again insisted that
he didn’ t.
Using only two pieces of inform ation—a guessed intensity number of 10
and a story title—we globally tapped on the title, “Goulash Scare.” “Even
though I’ve got this Goulash Scare story…” (insert your title if you want to
work on one). His emotions began to spike up. He reported feeling upset
and unidentified feelings relating to this event that happened thirty years
ago. We tapped three rounds on just guessing until intensity dropped to a 1,
which meant he was ready to start telling the story . Step 4. Start at a neutral place telling your story now. Roger started from
as neutral a place as he could find—before the actual event. The family was
seated at the table, just tucking into lunch, and his mother and father werediscussing something. When Roger got to the part where his dad said, “I’m
fed up with doing everything myself,” Roger ’s voice softened and slowed. He indicated to me that he was also feeling sadness. It was time to stop
telling the story and to start tapping on the ener gy disruption. Step 5. Stop when intensity rises and tap on just that one aspect. We
stopped the narration and took an intensity rating. Roger said he was at a 7
of sadness intensity , with a strange lump in his throat; a 7 as well. I asked if
there was any other body awareness relating to what Dad said in the
Goulash Scare. Roger replied that the tightness in his chest was back and it
was a 10 again. If you are tapping with this example, tune into both emotional and
physical sensations. Step 6. Perform the EFT basic recipe on the one highest aspect you
uncovered. Here’ s what we did with Roger:
Karate chop:  “Even though I’m feeling tightness in my chest when I
think about Dad saying, ‘I’m fed up with doing everything myself ’ in
the Goulash Scare, I deeply and profoundly accept myself.”
“Even though in the Goulash Scare Dad said, ‘I’m fed up with doing
everything myse lf,’ and I have  this tight feeling in my heart region
right now about that, I deeply and profoundly accept myself.”
“Even though I feel my heart all tight when I think about this Goulash
Scare, I deeply and profoundly accept myself.”
We then tapped down the sequence of points. After just a few rounds,
Roger ’s anxiety over his dad’s words went down to zero and the chest
feeling had dropped to a 3. I decided we’d continue—meanin g the chest
would be bookmarked for the moment—and recheck that 3 rating after a
few rounds. He started telling the story again from the beginning, and this
time when he got to the part about what his dad said, the soft voice and
lump in his throat spiked at a 9. We tapped on these aspects until they
subsided, somewhat. I asked him what feeling the soft voice  and throatlump might be relating to, and he answered “sadness” that spiked at a 10. The chest tightness was also back. We left the chest for the moment and
tapped on the sadness about what his dad said. Clearly , emotions were
jumping around  as the disruptio n cleared. We had only just gotten to this
one part of the story , and alread y he had released a significant amount of
emotion. Here’ s one setup: “Even though I’ve got what Dad said in my
throat and in my voice, I deeply and completely accept myself.” (Note that
physical express ion of upset is part and parcel of EFT. )Another setup was:
“Even though I’m sad about Dad’ s words in the Goulash Scare, it happened,
and it’ s over now .”
Step 7. Tap on aspects one at a time. Go with the highest intens ity aspect
first. Is anyth ing standing out about your example? Give it a number  on the
intensity scale and start tapping. As for Roger , the tightness subsided as did
the sadness, and he was now feeling fear about what Dad said. Again, we
had not gone beyond that one point in the story . We continued, with his starting at the beginning and carefully tapping at
each aspect that had intensity throughout the story . We used the intensity
scale as a continual feedback loop to know when to move forward. We
moved forward when his intensity on an aspect subsided to below a 2. After
about forty minutes, we were closing in on the end of the story .
_OceanofPDF.com_Tapping_Into_Wellness_-_Kathilyn_Solomon.txt
Summarize the following text section accurately and concisely. Maintain specific details and numerical information, and use anti-repetition mechanisms:

        For example: The fight you had with your
spouse/friend that lasted a half-hour; the experience of how your mother
had you “tearing your hair out” when she visited for two days from out of
town; going to the doctor ’s and hearing the bad news about your or
someone else’s health, which lasted from the waiting room through to the
news to leaving the doctor ’s office—about an hour, in all; your
partner/roommate consistently neglecting to take the garbage out. Let’s look at the first example, “fight with my husband that lasted half an
hour. ” How could you approach tapping on this. Break the event down into
bite-sized pieces. Divide the half-hour fight into chunks of intensity. In this
case, four big chunks of a few minutes each, stand out: the tone of his voice
when he said something about  the mess after just walking in the door,
which we’ll call “his horrible tone”; about ten minutes into the fight, I
spoke about how hard I was trying to keep things in order and he mocked
me, which we’ll call “so sad”; about twenty minutes in, I hauled out all hispast wrongdoing s, which we’ll call “defending myself”; and finally, the end
after I locked myself in the bathroom, which we’ll call “ utterly defeated. ”
Each of these tapping targets has a beginning, middle, and end. They are
short, less than two minutes in length. They carry an emotional char ge. The event that stands out most right now is the start of the fight—“ his
horrible tone”— that’s where to start. The aspects might include: the look on
his face, his angry eyebrows, my surprise at his words, the cold tone of his
voice, my disap pointment that he wasn’ t happy to see me, he didn’ t see
anything else I’d done in the house, the feeling of all the air being taken out
of my lungs, the tightness in my shoulders when I remember what
happened, the hopelessness I felt about ever getting it right. Sometimes, you may be sitting  on so many other past fights that are
similar in flavor that you will be surprised at the intensity of your feelings. Be assured that tapping the specific fight events and the aspects within them
down to neutrality allows you to experience a huge release of intense
emotion stored up from the fight. Release will begin shifting the knee-jerk
motion of the pattern of fighting you and your spouse seem to get locked
into. You’re also building toward a more responsive, not reactive, future
relationship. In situations like these, sometim es all the fights you’ve ever had flood to
mind. It can be tempting to careen toward another tapping target right away,
but see if you can stay with the one you’re on. Remember that you are
tuning into the energy disrupti on, and while you work on the one you
refocused on, you’ll be working  on clearing the others as well. There are
times, however, when the other, earlier fight is screaming at you at a 10,
while the current one is now down to a 3. I say it’s okay to shift gears for
the moment, knowing that you will return to the other tapping target after
you have resolved the bigger upset. Most important, keep tapping until you
gain clarity and neutrality about what to do next. EFT won’t have  you tapping away upset only to remain passive in an
abusive situation. It also won’ t relieve you of all your remorse for saying
mean things so you can freely say them again in the next fight, for example. Tapping will remove the heavy layer of emotion covering up your common
sense and wisdom. It’s not always easy to explore the aspects or details of upsettin g events,
especially seriously traumatic ones. Those stories are vital, however painful
they are—they hold your life. When you release the trauma and the fear
through tapping, you simultaneously transform and integrate those
experiences into your being in a way that’ s both empowering and healing. So do you need to be searching diligently through your childhood to find
tapping targets. Hardly. In fact, in some cases, people just can’t take the
time or don’t have the bandwidth to go there right now, and that’s okay. All
work is good. When to Seek Help, When to T ap on Y our Own
Please note: because I don’t know you or your situation, I cannot know
whether you can effectively tap on a significant issue on your own without
getting lost in the trauma again. Sometimes you won’ t know until you try,
and sometimes you will just know you are in over your head and need
resources to support you as you navigate through difficult issues. My
experience is that a lot of the trauma or energy disruption occurred because
we were  alone, unsafe, threatened, and scared. Having a tapping expert
guide us through the tapping process can be of enormous benefit. I
personally wasn’ t able to navigate my big issues on my own. Would a single parent of three children under age five who recently lost a
spouse have the bandwidth to tap on her deep core issues from childhood all
on her own. Probably not. But she would be able to try something like
ducking into the bathroom and tapping on her feelings of being
overwhelmed. In this case, she would want to do everything she could to
siphon of f intensity so she could get through her day. Is the person with significant financial issues a good candidate to plumb
the depths of his insecurities regarding money. Probably he could use a
practitioner ’s support for the deepest ends and the origins. But he might be
willing to take a dollar in his hand and tap on everything that comes upwhen he holds it and tunes into what it represents. He may also start tapping
each time he receives a bill in the mail or on the strong feelings that come
up each time he checks out at the grocery store. Is everything going well except for one little issue that you’re wholly
ready to work on, or are you super -char ged and ready to head into the next
phase of your career except for the feeling of being stuck, unable to make
the leap. Working with a practitioner who can help you uncover your blind
spots makes sense. If just thinking about tapping on your own issues feels like it’s too much,
that’s where you want to start tapping. Are you too scared to tap. Try:
“Even though I’m scared to tap, I deeply and completely accep t myself. ”
Do you believe you are too messed up to tap. Then: “Even though I believe
I’m too messed up to tap, I love, honor, and accept myself,” or, “Even
though a part of me believes I can’t do this on my own, I deeply and
completely accept myself. ” You could also try, “Even though I don’t know
where to find the resources I need to move forward in my life, I love, honor,
accept, and forgive myself anyway. ” You’d be surprised what can happen
when you take the edge of f some of the big emotions. Now, what’ s happening when you think about tapping on your own
issues. Maybe you have started tapping and now all of a sudden you realize
big stuff is coming up. Have your feelings been stuffed deep down for a
while, and is tapping splitting some seams that have been holding them in. I don’t know enough about you and what you have experienced to tell you
to go leap right into the deep end of tapping on the big stuff. I do know that
people are all over the map in what they can and can’t tap on comfortably
and independently without a practitioner ’s support. As a general rule, it can
be challenging to tackle the big hurts on your own, but you know what’ s
best for you, so trust that. You can tap on many other issues and save the
big stuff for the practitioner; in time, you’ll also have the knowledge to tap
on your own big stuf f. When Dealing with an Emerging Issue, T apTapping is a handy tool for when something big and horrible happens in
your life such as an accident, bad news, or a sudden loss. You can choose to
start tapping on the upset right away; I don’t delay when it comes to these
sorts of things. Recently, my mother wound up in the hospital unexpectedly
—I found out while on vacation with my son. While we were on
speakerphone with my mother listening to her tell us what had happened,
my son and I tapped continuous ly throughout the call. We tapped on what
was going on for her just before the trauma happened (she’d been at a
funeral) and her feelings stem ming from that experience, on the many
varied fears my mother had, including the fear that the problem would start
up again, that she wouldn’ t be able to sleep because of the fear, and that she
could die but she wasn’ t ready yet. And while I was listening to her, I was
also tapping on my own fears that my mother would be taken from me and I
would be far away. At the end of the call, all of us, including my mother,
felt relief—and she reported that she had no more fear. Her health issue
never returned. I start tapping if I’m talking to a friend who is sharing deep ly intense
emotions about topics ranging from “my daughter got arrested” to “I didn’ t
get the job” to “I’m afraid I have breast cancer. ”
So inste ad of holding on to trauma, you may as well start releasing it
immediately through tapping. Are you afraid you’ll look weird. It’s no
weirder than some of the other coping mechanisms people have, and it’s a
lot more helpful. As always, seek the expert tapping help or professional
mental health help you need as well. When Y ou’re Experiencing Intensity  
and Don’t Know What It’ s About
What I’m about to suggest may seem contradictory—I’ve spent the last
several pag es ur ging you to get specific in your tapping. But tapping is not a
linear, logical process. It’ s a “both/and” process; there’ s no one right way all
the time. Like life, it’s a live, fluid process. You may not know what legs
are under a big tabletop. You may not know what you’re upset about. Youmight know you’re angry or uncomfortable but not why. Sometimes you
will only have some uncomfortable feeling you cannot identify. Or
sometimes after a conflict or experience with a loved one that wasn’ t
optimal, you might not have any emotions but feel a kind of body ache. Just tap on what is happening right now. Even though you may not know
or are not conscious of the specif ic event associated with the negative
feelings, rest assured they are emanating from a specific event. And you are
tuned in, even if you don’t have words or understanding about  the why of
the upset. When you are upset, the tapping process will home in on the
energy disruption and work on your behalf. Your subconscious has the
location on the map targeted because you are already tuned into the feeling. If it’s important  for you to know what’ s under the upset or the big global
target at that moment, your subconscious will access the memory of the
specific event. You can even make up an event and tap on it as if it were real. Yes, that
will work. Your emotions are tuned into the energy disruption. By
experiencing the upset, you are releasing the negative emotions, restoring
your ener gy system to balance, thus feeling the upset for the last time. Case Study: Global to a Specific  
Core Issue: Body Confidence
Here’ s an example of how starting out with global tapping on “feeling fat”
led a tapper named Tara to a specific event that resolved many core body
issues for her. Tara’s tapping on feeling fat led her to a phrase she had
repeated to herself for decades: “Why bother to look good. Nobody cares
anyway. It’s a hopeless case. ” At the time of this tapping, she was about
sixty-eight years old. As she tapped on this phrase, she asked herself,
“When is the first time I ever felt this way. ” What jumped to mind was a
specific long-fo rgotten event from when she was fourteen: she and her
father were going  to visit friends. She had been primping and making sure
she looked good, but her father said: “Why bother. Nobody  will notice
anyway. ” Since that time, over nearly five decades, Tara had never botheredto make herself look good because she felt like no one would notice or see
her. She had harbored beliefs of being ugly, dysmorphia (thinking herself
fat even  though  she was a small dress size), and that no one much cared
about how she looked. As she tapped on all the aspects underne ath this one
event, her limiting beliefs disso lved. She realized she was actua lly in good
shape, and her feelings about her body transformed from negativ e to feeling
good about how she looked. After a decades-long break, she resumed
primping and caring for herself, relishing herself just as she was. Doing so
contributed to an across-the-board boost of her self-confidence. More on Aspects
Sometimes it may seem like you’re not getting anywhere as you tap. Aspects may rise in intensity as you tap and you will feel flooded with
emotion for a short time. Let’ s look further at what may be going on. Shifting Aspects
Let’s say you have your tapping target and that you’ve now tapped several
rounds on the issue but the intensity is still at a 7. You seem to be
experiencing quite a bit of emotion moving through, but the intensity is not
dissipating. Do you give up. Not yet. It’ s quite possible that you are shifting
aspects, a process that’s exactly  what it sounds like. You are shifting from
one detail to another, perhaps another feeling or sensation or image of the
event you are tapping on. Identifying the shifting aspects takes some
practice. All you need to do is keep tapping, because the intensity will
subside if you are shifting aspec ts. However, see if you can home in on one
at a time, and tap one round or more on each of them. Sometimes as soon as you tap down one intense aspect, another big one
arises. That’ s okay. Just keep tapping till they all subside. And they do
subside. Emotional Flooding
As mentioned in Chapter 2, sometimes, when you tap, you might feel
“flooded” with emotion—but don’t stop tapping. All the feelings that havebeen stuffed inside are coming up for air, and this can initially be scary. Keep tapping. It’s the fastest way to calm any emotional overwh elm, all the
way back down to zero. It means you are wholly tuned in to the issue at
hand and have hit an emotional jackpot. EFT is designed to uncover buried
emotions so we can clean things up and remove the emotional sting. In situations like these, don’t even bother trying to sort the problem into
aspects; your system is literall y like a kaleidoscope in these moments,
moving through ALL the emotions at once. During the “flood,” just keep on
tapping and allow the informat ion and the feelings to come through you. You will get through to the other side and experience relief. You’re going to
become increasingly confident about this as you continue to practice EFT. Once the feelings have subsided, go back and see if you can find any
specific aspects that have remaining intensity and tap on them. No Shift in Intensity
When you don’t experience a shift in intensity after a round, it is often the
case that you haven’t gotten specific enough or there’ s somethin g you need
to tap on before you can get to that particular tapping target. Maybe you
need to tap on how angry you are at yourself for not having solved this
issue yet. Maybe you need to tap on the fear you have about this problem
before you get to tapping on the problem itself. Or perhaps your tapping
target is sitting on something else that needs to be addressed first, as
discussed in Chapter 2. Other options:
If you are not experiencing relief, what about zeroing in on a tiny
upsetting detail of the experience. Sometimes, you may not feel any shift but your body may be feeling
something. Focus on your physical sensations, in that case, like this:
“Even though I feel really tight in my stomach when I think about what
he said to me, I deeply and completely accept myself. ”Or, do you notice yourself getting curiously tired or distracted. Start
with how distracted you are: “ Even though I’m distracted (or suddenly
too tired to tap) when I think about the fight …. ”
Are you eating potato chips and looking at your cell phone while
tapping. “ Even though I need to eat before I tap on this problem, I
deeply and completely accept myself just as I am. ”
Sometimes, environmental issues such as aller gies can be getting in the
way of tapping. (See Chapter 8 ). Change your environment. Clear the
allergies. T ap your collarbone point. Perform some physical exercise. Maybe what you think is your problem isn’ t problemo numer o uno
needing your attention. For example, maybe Janet is tapping on wanting
to have a relationship that sticks this time, but first she needs to address
the events underlying her intimacy issues, which stem all the way back
to her childhood experiences with abandonment and inconsistent
parenting. Don’ t give up, get curious and poke around a bit. Are you just not getting anywhere no matter what you do. Y ou might
want to check out an EFT practitioner. And tap on the beliefs that EFT
won’ t work for you. Childhood Origins and T apping
The origins of limiting beliefs—core issues that shape our lives, sabotage
behavior, and emotional behavior—have roots in our childhood
experiences. In fact, studies have shown that the emotional resilience of a
developing baby  in the womb can be affected by what their mother thinks,
feels, and experiences. I’ve learned about a number of limiting beliefs from my clients. One
understood God to be someone who always sacrificed everything for the
good of all. She spent much of her childhood trying to be “as good as God”
so that everything would be all right in her family; when it wasn’ t, she
blamed herself for not being good enough. She had a doozy of an earlychildhood belief that had shaped her life like so: “I shouldn’ t want what I
want, and even if I have what I want, I shouldn’ t have it. ”
Another client believed as a young  girl that if she would be “good,” then
God would bring her father back from the dead. When her father didn’ t
come back, she made sense of this by deciding she was “bad,” because
otherwise God would have given him back. This ultimately worked its way
into many areas of her life: Beca use she was bad, she didn’ t deserve to have
a good career, a happy life, and so on. Yet another client had struggled in the hard sciences as a young  boy after
he was transferre d to an elite private school and felt he wasn’ t good enough. Decades later, when he was a millionaire, it still dogged him that he wasn’ t
good enough, which made it difficult for him to enjoy the pleasures he did
have. Sometimes our childhood conclusions produce a belief that colors our
entire life. We then unconsciously seek experiences that prove our beliefs to
be true. I’m not saying we’ve all had horribly traumatizing childhoods; rather,
most of us have had a wonderfu l mix of great, good, mediocre, downright
stinky stuff, and even some horrible experiences. We’re human, and
everyone has areas in need of improvement. Even caring and effective
parents can’t prevent a child from being bullied at school, from having a
horrible first grade teacher (like I did), from experiencing a pet’s death, or
from getting in a car accident. They can’t prevent a child from  not getting
the grade or achieving the goal they’d dreamed of, from feeling resentful at
having to share  parents with a new baby brother, or feeling like life is
ending if the older sister move s out. The parents may end up getting a
divorce—the typical stuf f of life. Consider how many children, even in the most ideal of families, are met
100 percent of the time with support, encouragement, and accep tance when
they are in the middle of a tantrum or otherwise being difficult. In many
cases, it wasn’ t because we couldn’t handle our big feelings. Rather, those
around us couldn’ t handle our big feelings. W e somehow need to restore our
feelings to their rightful place of honor. And they are in fact not our realityof today; rather, they are just bits of e-motion, passing through. And yet, the
hurt parts of us resolve when heard. No matter how “horrible” our feelings,
they are just feelings, nothing more, and nothing less. Say this out loud:
Feelings do not reflect who I am. You can let the big feelings flow through
you and out with the practice of EFT. Case Study: Current Problem  
Reveals Childhood Origins
An EFT client named Drew was struggling with a fairly general issue: “My
frustration with my wife’ s helplessness and dependency. ” He couldn’ t pin
down one instance, however, of her helplessness and dependency. “It’s
everywhere. ” he exclaimed. He had an intensity rating of 9 and a big pain
in his neck as he shared how frustrated he was. As we tapped, a specific
image from forty years back came to mind. As you’ll soon see, this long-
forgotten event pointed a big bold arrow right at the core of his current-day
difficulties. When we began work, he could only think of two outcomes to his
problem: divorce her or have an affair (a good example of black-and-white
thinking). As he started tapping on the global issue, suddenly a specific
image came to mind unbidden: his father trying to comfort his mother in the
kitchen. Drew guessed he was about nine years old at the time and figured it
had nothing to do with his problem with his wife, so he continued tapping
on “my frustration with my wife’ s dependency. ” But the image  of him, his
mom, and his dad in the kitchen  kept coming up. Finally, he paid attention
to it, aware that the upset about his wife’ s “weakness” wouldn’ t disappear if
he set it aside for a moment. He named the image from his childhood: “Dad Can’t Com fort Mom. ”
The story of “Dad Can’ t Comfort Mom” is a specific event. As Drew
focused on this image, he realized his intensity was rising. He tapped each
of the many upsetting aspects of it down to below a 2 in intensity before
moving onto the next: the helpless look on Dad’ s face, the numb look on
Mom’ s face, Dad’s arms around Mom, standing on the floor of the kitchen,the window in front of the sink, feeling wind from the hot summer day,
hearing Dad sigh. He tapped on the different sensations in his body as he
tapped his way through the story such as the pressure in his chest, the teary
feeling behind his eyes, the pain in his neck. He tapped on feelings associate d with the image: deep grief, fear about
Mom and her unhappiness, sadness for Dad at his helplessness, the feeling
of being  helples s to help, resentful of Mom that she never got better, and
more. Now he felt neutral as he looked at the whole image. He ran the story
through his mind again as if it were a movie to uncover any outstanding
aspects to tap on. Afterward, he felt complete relief, lighter, and more
optimistic. Drew gained a fresh insight he didn’ t have before. This is a common
outcome. As your mind and energy system clears, you have room for more
understanding and insight. Often physical symptoms resolve, too. Drew
grasped that his own present feelings of anger and resentment directed at
his wife were actually leftover feelings he’d been harboring all these years. They stemmed from regularly witnessing the cycle of Mom seeming to be
miserable, unable, as Drew perceived it, to be the mother he needed her to
be. In addition, his feelings related this father being unable to make her feel
better and to what he, as a young boy, internalized as a result about intimate
relationships. He made the connection that he had been enabli ng his own
wife in a way that was similar to what he witnessed growing up. The issue
wasn’ t his wife—it was the emotionally laden memories and a skewed
belief system about what marriage is about. He could make different
choices about how he related to his wife. Can you see how Drew’ s relationship with his wife can begin to shift
after he releases these long-bur ied feelings and the insights that came into
consciousness—even if Drew’ s wife never changes. And with just one
image in one session. Welcome Everything That  
Comes to Mind when T appingWhen it comes to tapping, include the parts of you that you have disowned
for one reason or another. For example, harboring of a “shameful” secret
just causes the shame to fester in the darkness. Excluding stuff that you’re
ashamed of is not a useful long-term solution. Clearing Shame
It’s interesting how many of my clients are haunted by what they consider a
horrible, shameful secret from their childhood or something equally
“terrible” from their adult years. These are, for the most case, things they
have never told anyone, which fester deep inside. After sharing and tapping
on the event in question, these people feel lighter, freer, and more
expansive. In fact, many of them can find humor in what an hour before
was so shamefu l and awful. Just because you never told anyo ne that you
stole treats from the teacher in first grade, or at age nine, you didn’ t report
someone for cheating doesn’ t mean you should be locked up for life—
although the shame might have you feeling that way
Another way to make headway when you think you did the worst thing in
the world when you were, say, age five, or six, or ten, is to ask yourself if
you would think  badly of a friend who had done that same thing  at that age. Most of the time, you would show that person compassion rather than
register your disgust and loathing. Another tactic here is to ask yourself if
you know any children the same age you were when the “bad” thing
happened that you did. Ask yourself if you would condemn them for doing
that thing. Mostly you’ll see an innocent child who was out of her depth and
didn’ t believe she had adult resources to which she could turn for help. Considering that in some situati ons your extreme reaction is not in sync
with reality, you may as well welcome everything that comes to mind about
the tapping subject you’ve chosen. Think about all your horrible, awful
shameful though ts, beliefs, and feelings as though they are long-lost loved
ones. Does that sound crazy. Exiling a part of yourself is crazier. Remember, your feelings are just feelings—they do not reflect your true
reality. What’ s Under Overr eaction. Sometimes when you’ve had a bad day, you might overreact to a situation
that has nothing  to do with why you’re feeling so out of sorts. For example,
you might feel like lunging across the counter at the store clerk and
strangling him or her for being slow or for making a minor mistake. The
feeling is big. The event that triggered it is small. Are you sitting on some
big old feelings of anger. Possibly. The likelihood that you will act on your
feeling. Zero. Especially once you integrate tapping into your life. Sometimes the rage is just a momentary thing: you’ve just had a really
rotten day and as a result have zero patience for slow clerks. Other times,
you might be sitting atop a pile of old, deep anger from past experiences in
which you felt helpless and things were out of control. Maybe you don’t
even have a conscious memory  of the event, and yet you have now been
triggered by this new, seemingly trivial event. Who knows wher e it started. It doesn ’t really matter. What you can do is start right there with what’ s
happening right now. That’ s your guide. Tap on the rage and just let it be
what it is. You might find the origins of the rage you are feeling now along the long
leash of childhood. Can the rage be a clue that there’ s a rich treasure
underneath to explore—when you’re ready. When you experience
overreaction, use these brief moments to tap into that rich seam of feeling. How would things change if you were able to consider them as seams of
gold in the depths of your mine(d). Repressing them keeps them stuck. Releasing them sets you free. Exercise: Reacting Out of Proportion
Step 1. Pick a time when some little thing inspired a big, disproportionate
feeling in you. The feeling might be rage, sadness, fear, or something else. I’m going to choose as the tapping example being put on hold for a long
time by an automated phone system, and then when the clerk answers
letting him have it instead of solving the problem you called for in the firstplace. You could also choose someone pushing in front of you in a line,
someone who was rude to you for no reason, or anything else like this. As
you know, you can repeat your setup statements one or more times. Here I
include the EFT setup statement three times. Step 2. Rate your intensity about the tapping tar get on the 0 to 10 scale. Step 3. Perform the EFT setup statemen t, the first part of the EFT basic
recipe. Karate chop : “Even though I am so angry about that company’ s
customer service, I deeply and completely accept myself. ”
Karate chop : “Even though I want to throw this phone out the window
so I don’ t have to call again, I love, honor, and accept myself. ”
Karate chop : “Even though I’m annoyed beyond belief at what just
happened, I love, honor, accept, and for give myself. ”
Step 4. Perform the EFT sequence:
Top of head through all tapping points, ending under the arm:  “Really
upset about the customer service. ”
Other reminder phrases might be: “So angry at them,” “angry they don’t
care,” “Angry about the lack of human help her e. ”
Step 5. Now rate your intensity about the issue you overreacted to on the
0 to 10 scale. If it’s higher, then keep on tapping until the feelings subside
to a 2 or below. If it’s the same, you might need to get more specific about
what is upsettin g you. Home in on a detail and tune into just that. If it’s
dropped to a 2 or below, move onto the next part of this exercise. If it’s
risen, keep tapping. If it’s the same, then get more specific. If after a couple
rounds it’s still the same, there ’s likely something there upon which the
intensity is sitting. Ask: “What’s in the way of me letting go. ” Use the
answer that first pops into mind  as your next tapping aspect, then return to
the original statement and see if it has changed. Step 6. Round two. Now let’s say the upset from the first round is down
to zero, but another feeling has bubbled to the surface. Perhaps the person
who hung up on the clerk is now feeling ashamed (rightly ) about his
behavior. He’s at a 5 on the 0 to 10 scale of shame. So now he’d do a round
on the shame relating to the event. Check your intensity. Do you carry shame about the event you have
chosen to tap on. If so, rate your intensity on the 0 to 10 scale. Step 7. Perform the EFT basic recipe setup statement. We will continue
with our example. Karate chop: “Even though I’m ashamed I let that clerk have it, I love,
honor, accept, and for give myself. ”
Karate chop:  “Even though I’m ashamed of my behavior, I love myself
anyway. ”
Karate chop: “Even though I’m ashamed and alarmed at how out of
control I just got, I choose peace and I’m curious what the rage is
about. ”
Step 8. Now, our caller would perform  the EFT sequence using the
reminder phrase:  “ashamed at my bad behavior” to tap down the rest of the
points until he hits 0 on the intensity scale. Step 9. Test your own situation and feeling for intensity again. This is
your feedback loop. Step 10. Keep tapping on all aspects of the event until you feel neutral. In the example above, the tappe r might be horrified at his overreaction. Then he would tap on: “Even though I’m scared I won’ t be able to control
myself the next time, I deeply and completely accept myself. ” Or maybe the
tapper feels remorse: “ Even though I wish I hadn’ t overreacted like that and
I’m sorry, I deeply and complete ly accept myself. ”  Then he might suddenly
realize he was just frustrated about his day and took it out on the clerk andthat he should call the company back and apologize. Maybe he will decide
to practice being especially kind to all customer service agents going
forward. Or  maybe he’s afraid he’s going to turn out just like his rage-filled
father, who is now living in isolation, estranged from the family. The point
is: Tap. Stuff that Keeps Popping Up:  
Core Issues and Limiting Beliefs
You might have noticed that certain themes come up in your life or as you
tap. They may be themes along the lines of: “I have to be perfect,” “I’m not
good enough no matter what I do,” “I’m a loser,” “I don’t deserve it,” “I’m
not lovable,” “I don’t belong,” “I have to be sick to get love,” “it’s not
safe,” “there’ s never enough,” “you can’t trust anyone,” “I’ll do it even
though I don’t want to,” and so on. These recurring phrases don’t appear all
the time—only when your energy disruption is activated. They are limiting
beliefs or core issues. I consider them trapdoors, snares, or even rabbit holes
that you step into and then are suddenly awash in negative feelings or
unfortunate thought patterns or unhelpful behaviors. Core issues are like deep themes that run throughout the background of
our lives  sapping energy, closing down or limiting opportunities, and often
serving as the unconscious force s that shape the very direction of our lives. They are the fallout from event s that for the most part happened when we
were really little. You may come face to face with a core issue when you apply EFT to a
tapping target. You may confro nt a core issue when you decide to step
outside of your comfort zone, stretched far beyond what you are used to, or
when you have had a really rough day. That’ s when the defaul t, repetitive
voices that are somehow design ed to keep you safe and in your place kick
in. The voices that say  “I’m such a loser,” “it’ s hopeless,” “it’ s all my fault,”
“I’m not safe,” “I’ll never get what I want. ” It’s almost like kicking yourself
when you’re down, in a way. At the very moment you need a pep talk, you
give yourself the “I’m bad and wrong” talk instead. Core issues and the limiting beliefs partnered with them may be at play if
you keep experiencing the same type of problem again and again. Perhaps
you keep choos ing the same Mr. or Ms. Wrong over and over, you can’t
stop eating carbs, you can’t get the website updated, or you can’t seem to
get projects in on time. Another clue that you may be sitting on a core issue
is to notice when you’re reactin g to a person, situation, or event in an out-
of-proportion way. You may be responding to a deeper issue than the one
you’re working on. Limiting beliefs limit your possibilities; it’s like having your foot on the
gas in your conscious mind, while your unconscious mind’ s foot is on the
brake. You ain’t going nowhere till you can clear out the unconscious
beliefs and get that left foot off the brake. Examples might include: “I can’ t
go to that college because I don’t have enough money,” when you don’t
even check if scholarship money is available. Limiting beliefs are flat,
definitive statements. Here are exampl es of personal limiting beliefs: “Life is about suffering so
you must suffer. ” “You can’t have what you want and shouldn’ t even want
what you want. ” “Good girls don’t do this. ” “Big boys don’t do that. ” These
beliefs may have the words “should,” “always,” “never,” “impossible,” and
“can’ t” in them. Do you get the picture. Core issues and limiting beliefs are
survival and fear -based. When you uncover a personal core issue, you may suddenly  gain an
understanding of the extent to which you’ve been just coping, what it has
cost you, where and how you’ve been affected, and who else has been
affected. You may have the sudden realization that you want it to be gone
immediately. Core issues aren’ t going anywhere when you’re in that state of
mind, so rather than freaking out, get curious about your core issue. Learn
more about it. Keep in mind you may also need time to grieve as you
absorb the magnitude of the core issue. Ultimately, once you know about
something, you can do something about it. T ap, and you can  let it go. Ask yourself: What proof do I have that this is true. Has it always been
true for me. When did I first hear or believe this to be true. What sorts ofexperiences have I had that prove this to be true. What’ s the upside of
having this core issue or belief. Who would I be or what would my life be
like if this weren’ t true. Your answers will provide you with many different
events to tap on. Please note that you can interrupt negative self-talk or your inner critic,
ruminations, worries, and obsessive thoughts by tapping. Y ou can then point
your tapping on the specific situation that triggered the thought pattern. Another way to uncover core issues are questions like these: what does
that (feeling or problem) remind you of. What’ s the earlies t time you
remember feelin g that way. What’s the one memory you wish  you didn’ t
have. What else was happening in your life around the time things changed
for you. What’ s the one thing from your past you could have lived without. 8
Allow yourself to go with whatever comes to mind. Go ahead, try it out. Exercise: List Y our Negative Self-T alk  
and Situations in Which It Arises
In your EFT journal, take a few minutes to list stock phrases that come to
mind, mottos from your childh ood, things you say aloud or to yourself
automatically without really considering their impact. What proof do you
have that these things are true. List any events that appear to confirm your
negative self-tal k or challenging thought patterns, as you will use these as
tapping fodder on your own. So, for example, if one of your beliefs is “I
never get things right,” when does that belief feel really true. It feels true
after spending time with “my alcoholic father, trying to take care of him,
like just last Saturday when …. ” Or, does it feel true when “my sister calls
and I do as much as I can and it’s never enough for her. ” Or, does it
somehow bring up an aspect of your childhood where “no matter how hard
I tried to please her, Mom never approved, like that time when …” Tap out
the so-called proof that what you do is never right or never enough, andyou’ll start to see all kinds of areas of your life when what you do is just
right and is enough. Exercise: Use Y our Body as a T apping Resource
To connect with your body as a resource, scan your body right now. Are
you aware of any unpleasant physical sensations. These can include aches,
pains, throbs, burning, tingling, tightening, clenching, nervous ticks, tickles,
prickly fingers, tight toes, phleg m in throat, nervous laughs, ringing in the
ears, difficulty swallowing, nausea, acid reflux, sore muscles, constipation,
or loose ligaments. They can show up as: feeling like there’ s something in
your throat when there’ s not, butterflies in the stomach, gut sensations,
difficulty breath ing, feeling a heavy weight, feeling sick in any number of
ways, symptoms relating to various physical ailments, including phantom
limb pain, low libido, no appetite, cravings. What’ s your body saying to you
right now. When you get upset, what happens in your body. If you’re not
sure, consider an upsetting expe rience and note what is happen ing in your
body. List the physical  feelings in your EFT journal. Chances are these parts of
your body might be storage spaces for your upsetting emotions, a safe
harbor or vault for feelings. Use these physical sensations as clues to buried
emotional treasure that can be released to experience freedom. Exercise: List Problem Thoughts,  
Feelings, Sensations
Scan your mind for a time when you had an upsetting experience. What
happens when you get upset. What thoughts, feelings, and body sensations
do you experience. List them. For example, if you have struggles with insomnia or waking up at the
drop of a hat, what kinds of thoughts waken you at night. What are your
concerns before  you go to bed. Are you feeling guilty for waking up your
partner. Do you fear getting sick if you don’t sleep well. As bedtime drawsnearer, do you dread going to sleep. If you are a worrier in the morning,
what worry-thoughts do you have. List everything that comes to mind about the upsetting experience you
have chosen. Now, tap on every aspect of it. EFT allows the free flow of feelings out of a person’ s system, where they
have been buried or endlessly recycled, like in the movie Groundhog Day
in which  the same miserable day happens over and over. Using EFT, we can
consciously see everything in our lives as clues to help us fully experience
ourselves and reconnect with our true nature and purpose. Whenever you
find yourself unable to think straight or act rationally in some area of your
life, you might suspect some kind of energy disruption from a troubling
memory or event beneath that surface situation. Review: Checklist for when T apping Isn’t W orking
Consider the following:
1. Are you being specific enough  in your EFT setup phrase and tapping
target. 2. Are you focusing on one aspect at a time. Is it the most intense aspect. 3. Are you giving yourself a calm, dedicated time and space to tap. 4. Ask: Is there a good reason for remaining the way I am. 5. Is there  anything around you that might be toxic or allergenic. Try
moving to another space, and tap again. 6. Are you exhausted and simply need sleep. 7. Are you in crisis and just floode d with emotion. If so, simply tap on that
first, even with no words, before proceeding further. Tapping and
breathing relieves flooding within a few rounds. 8. If you continue to feel overwhelmed or out of your depth, seek an
experienced EFT practitioner, a therapist, or other professional for help. In ConclusionThis chapter covered important foundational concepts, including: how to
get specific when you tap; how to uncover and address aspects within
events; how tapping on one topic will often clear up something seemingly
unrelated (gener alization); how to uncover core issues and limiting beliefs;
how to harvest your negative thoughts, body sensations, and feelings for
EFT; and essential questions to ask yourself to find tapping tar gets. In the next chap ter, we’ll put everything together with some major EFT
heavy lifters, including the Tell the Story Technique and the Personal Peace
Procedure. Thes e protocols offer you a way to systematically collapse the
emotional impact of past traumas, lar ge and small, from your life. [contents]7. Emofree. com, Finding Aspects within the EFT T apping Process, www. emofree. com/eft-
tutorial/tapping-roots/aspects. html. Scroll to video session with Dave, video session with Rich.
The author is suggesting to divide the event into four big chunks of a few minutes each, such as the tone of his voice, the mocking, the defending, and the end when you locked yourself in the bathroom.
What is the author suggesting when they say "Break the event down into bite-sized pieces"?
The goal of the tapping process is to release the trauma and fear, and to transform and integrate those experiences into your being in a way that is both empowering and healing.
According to the text, what is the goal of the tapping process?
The author advises people to start tapping on what is happening right now, even if they don't know what they're upset about, and to focus on the energy disruption.
What is the author advising people to do when they are not sure what they are upset about?
The "Tearless Trauma Technique" is used when the person is not ready to tell the story, and it helps to take the edge off before proceeding.
What is the "Tearless Trauma Technique" used for in EFT?
The author advises that it's okay to seek help from a practitioner or professional if they are not ready to work on their own issues, and that it's important to keep tapping until you gain clarity and neutrality about what to do next.
What is the author's advice for someone who is struggling to work on their own issues?