In the end, I tried to be an invisible
child in order to make myself safe.” Whatever act we choose, it causes us to
feel estranged from our basic goodness. The basic fear I am not loveable
morphs into a belief that I must deserve love. When we identify with this
erroneous belief , love ceases to feel natural and unconditional. Instead, we
fear that love is a prize that must be earned, deserved, and achieved
somehow , but only if we are worthy . We take our childhood acts into adulthood with us. These acts turn into
roles we play out in relationships. Without our basic goodness, we are lost. We search outsi de of ourselves for love. We look for a prince or princess
who can save us from our basic fear of being unloveable. We are trapped in
a dungeon of unworthiness, hoping someone will rescue us. In the movie Shrek the Third, Sleepin g Beauty , Snow White, Rapunzel,
Cinderella, Doris the Ugly Stepsister , and Princess Fiona and her mother ,
Queen Lillian, are imprisoned in a tower by Prince Charming. Fiona wants
the ladie s to plot their own escape. “Ladies, assume the position!” says
Snow White. Instantly , Sleeping  Beauty falls asleep, Snow White lies down
in a coffin pose, and Cinderella gazes dreamily into space. “What are you
doing?” shouts Princess Fiona. Sleeping Beauty snaps awake and says,
“Waiting to be rescued,” and then falls back asleep again. “You have got to
be kidding me!” says Princess Fiona. In Pretty Woman , a modern-day fairy tale, Julia Roberts plays Vivian
Ward, a Hollywood prostitute hired by a wealthy businessman, Edward
Lewis, played by Richard Gere, to be his escort for some social
engagements. Business soon turns to love. Lewis thinks he is rescuing
Ward, but Ward has other ideas. In the final scene, Prince Edwa rd arrives in
a white limo calling out to Princess Vivian. He climbs the fire escape to hertop-floor apartment. When he finally reaches her, he asks, “So what
happened after he climbed up the tower and rescued her?” Vivian replies,
“She rescues him right back.”
The victim and the rescuer are both playing a role in an effort to win
love. The point is, there can be no happily-ever -after in any of these stories
—or in any of our relationship s—until we claim our basic goodness for
ourselves. Everyone can help us with our quest. Indeed, we will need help
along the way. Ultimately , however , it must be our decision to reclaim our
basic goodness. This decision is a journey in itself. It is a journey of
forgiveness, a journey that takes us back to love again. “Loving the inner child is about forgiving ourselves for our loss of
innocence and loss of goodness ,” says Louise. “The truth is, we all did the
best we could with what we knew at every stage of our childhood. And yet,
we may still be judging ourselves and punishing ourselves for not having
done it better , for making mistakes, for abandoning ourselves, for upsetting
others, and for not being a good enough boy or girl. Until we forgive
ourselves, we will be trapped in a prison of righteous resentment. Forgiveness is the only way out of this prison. For giveness sets us free.”
Louise and I close our conversation about forgiveness and loving the
inner child with a meditation in front of the mirror . This meditation
happened spontaneously , but I’ve reconstructed it here. You might like to
follow it for your own inner -child meditation. “Encourage everyone to do
this meditation in front of the mirror ,” Louise tells me. I assure her I will
put it in writing! We recommend that you do this meditation sitting in front of a mirror . Place your hand s over your heart. Take a deep breath. See yourself through
the eyes of love. And speak to yourself with love. I am loveable and life loves me. I forgive myself for all the times I’ve been  
afraid I am not loveable. I am loveable and life loves me. I forgive myself for judging myself and  
for not believing in my goodness. I am loveable and life loves me. I forgive myself for feeling unworthy and  for believing I don’ t deserve love. I am loveable and life loves me. I forgive myself for all the times I’ve  
criticized and attacked myself. I am loveable and life loves me. I forgive myself for rejecting and  
giving up on myself. I am loveable and life loves me. I forgive myself for doubting myself and  
for not trusting in me. I am loveable and life loves me. I forgive myself for my mistakes. I am loveable and life loves me. I ask for for giveness so that I can learn. I accept for giveness so that I can grow . I am loveable and life loves me. Forgiving Y our Par ents
“Who’ s been the hardest person for you to for give?” I ask Louise. “That would have to be my mother and my stepfather , but mostly my
stepfather ,” she replies. “What’ s been the greatest gift of for giving them?”
“Forgiveness set me free,” she says. “What do you mean?”
“Well, I ran away from a home full of physical violence and sexual
abuse. I had to run away in order to survive. But I soon ran into more
trouble, including more abuse,” says Louise. “Running away only gets you so far .”
“Yes. And no matter how much distance I put between me and my
childhood, and me and my stepfather , I couldn’ t escape,” she says. “Escape from what?”“I carried enormous guilt. I did what all children do: I blamed myself for
what happened. I took this guilt into my adult relationships. I bumbled
along. I was a dutiful wife. I lived my life as best I could, but I wasn’ t fully
alive,” she says. “You were functioning but not flourishing.”
“Exactly . And after my husband asked for a divorce, I couldn’ t even
function. Then I was diagnosed with vaginal cancer . This was when I
decided to stop running,” says Louise. “Were you tired of running by then?”
“Yes. And I knew that the cancer was caused by my guilt and by my
anger and resentment at being physically , mentally , and sexually abused as
a child,” she says. “How did you know that?”
“My inner ding,” she says, pointing to her heart. “For the first time in my
life I really paid attention to my inner voice, and it led me to the Church of
Religious Science and to metaphysics and to for giveness.”
“And for giveness set you free.”
“I felt like I’d been wearing one of those prison release tags that
prisoners get when they’re released on parole for good behavior , and
forgiveness was the key that meant I could take the tag off and be free,” she
says. “What was your first step to freedom?”
“Well, first I had to stop running. Then I had to look in the mirror and
confront my past. What happened with my stepfather was not okay , but it
was also not okay that I was still punishing myself for it,” says Louise. “Eventually , we have to choose between holding on to resentm ents and
being free.”
“Yes. And at first I didn’ t want to forgive, but I also didn’ t want to have
cancer , and I wanted to be free from my past,” says Louise. “So, how did you get out of jail?”
“I read in A Cours e in Miracles  that all disease comes from a state of
nonfor giveness and that forgiveness can heal every guilt and every fear. I
asked my inner ding if this was true, and it said, ‘ Yes!’” she shouts joyously . “And the truth will set you free!”
“The willingness to forgive opened the prison door. Stepping out of the
prison took courage, and I got a lot of support from some excellent teachersand therapists. They showed me that forgiveness is an act of self-love. I was
doing this for me,” she says. “A Course in Miracles  states, ‘All for giveness is a gift to yourself.’”
“I had to forgive in order to set myself free. So I forgave myself for
allowing guilt and resentment to harm my body . I for gave myself for feeling
unloveable. I forgave myself for the guilt I carried. I forgave my parents. I
forgave my past. And in return , I was given this life, the one I’ve been
living for 40 years now. Forgiveness gave me a chance to be Louise Hay
and to be the real me. That is the real gift of for giveness.”
“Amen.”
Your relationshi p with your parents was your first mirror in this lifetime. Your parents’ capacity to mirror love to you was influenced by how
loveable they felt and by how much they let life love them. What you saw
in your parents’ mirroring was what you believed to be true. Since this was
your first mirror , it influences what you see in every other mirror , and in all
your other relationships. In the healing journey , you return to the first
mirror . Here you have to be willing to look again with new eyes that are not
clouded by judgment, guilt, and resentment. With new eyes what you see in
the mirror changes, and these changes are reflected in every other mirror ,
too. You must not underestimate the influence your parents have had on your
life. Your body was created from their bodies. They gave you your name,
the one you believe is yours. Their language is your mother tongue, most
likely . Their nationality is your nationality , most commonly . Their religion
is yours  by birth, most probably . Your politics might also be theirs. Your
prejudices might also be theirs. Your fears might also be theirs. As huge as
this parental influence is, you also must not underestimate the holy power
within you that spurs you on to live your own life. A beau tiful teaching on parenting comes from Kahlil Gibran, the
Lebanese poet: In his book The Prophet , he encourages us to “know the
secrets of your heart” and to “love one another , but not make a bond of
love.” He reminded parents:
Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’ s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.With only a few changes to the words, this sage advice can be extended
to children to help them live their own life. My rewrite says:
Your parents are not your parents. They are the sons and daughters of Life’ s longing for itself. You come through them but not from them,
And though they are with you yet you belong not to them. Your parents are your first mirrors, and they are also your first teachers. “We learn a lot about how to forgive or not forgive from our parents,” says
Louise. Typical ly, children adopt their parents’ attitudes as their own at
first. Children learn mostly by imitation in the early years. Your parents’
teachings are your first “bible,” so to speak. Some of their teach ings will be
helpful to you, but not all of them. No doubt, you will need to unlearn some
teachings in order to hear your own holy voice. While Louise and I have been writing this book, we’ve also been
designing a public program calle d Life Loves You. One of the modules is on
family attitudes and forgivenes s. In this module, you explore what your
mother and father taught you about forgiveness as you were growing up. We designed a questionnaire to help you with your inquiry . Here’ s a sample
of the questions:
Was your mother a for giving person? What did your mother teach you about for giveness? How did your mother handle conflict? How did your mother heal her grievances? How did your mother let you know all was for given? How did your mother ask for for giveness? Was your father a for giving person? What did your father teach you about for giveness? How did your father handle conflict? How did your father heal his grievances? How did your father let you know all was for given? How did your father ask for for giveness? Our parents give us our first opportunity to practice forgiveness. This is
true, no matter how loving your parents were. The class on forgiveness
begins at birth for both parent and child. This class is 24/7 with only a few
short breaks, mostly for sleep. Parent and child are both student and teacher .The syllabus is full of new learning. There are good days and bad days. And
every day there’ s another opportunity to practice for giveness. Where there is love, there is forgiveness. With love, forgiven ess is so
natural it doesn’ t even need a name. Love is forgiving. Love dissolves
grievances before they turn to poison. Love heals you quicker than a wound
appears. Love makes amends so you don’t have to take a wron g turn. And
yet, we all fall out of love, both with ourselves and with each other . We
forget the basic  truths that we are loveable and that life loves us. This
forgetfulness obscures our vision and distorts our mirror . This is when the
need for for giveness arises. Every family has a forgiveness story . This story is part of the human
drama and our personal drama. Parents never fully live up to their ideal self,
and so they must learn self-for giveness if they are to grow into truly loving
men and women . Children have to learn to forgive their parents for being
exactly how they were and not some other ideal; otherwise, children won’ t
grow up to be healthy adults who are free to be their true self. Remember:
Your relationship with your parents is your first mirror . Therefore:
What you don’ t forgive your parents for  
you do to yourself. What you don’ t forgive your parents for  
you accuse others of doing to you. What you don’ t forgive your parents for  
you do to others. What you don’ t forgive your parents for  
your children will accuse you of  
doing to them. Letting Go of Grievances
Louise and I are well into our second day of conversations on
forgiveness. The rain is still falling in San Diego. Strong gusts of wind blowagainst the windows. The low-flying clouds move fast through the air. Periodically , small patches of blue break through the ceiling of gray. The
sun is up there somewhere. We’ve been indoors most of the time, doing our
inner work, save for one trip to Whole Foods, to stock up for dinner . Our
conversations have been intense, full of insight, and healing. There’s always
something new to learn about forgiveness. A little willingness goes a long
way. “Louise, what is real for giveness?” I ask, digging for more insights. “Forgiveness is letting go,” she says. “Letting go of what?”
“The past, guilt, resentment, fear, anger , anything that is not love,” she
says. “That feels good,” I tell her . “Real for giveness feels good,” says Louise, smiling. “So, what helps us to let go?”
“Well, in my case, what helped me was understanding my parents’
childhoods,” she says. “What did you learn?”
“My stepfather had a very troubled childhood. Both parents physically
abused him. He was punished repeatedly for not doing well at school. He
had a twin brother who went to an insane asylum. He never mentioned his
mother . He fled from Switzerla nd to the United States at an early age. He
ran away , like I had to.”
“How did this understanding help you?”
“Understanding doesn’ t condone what happened,” she says emphatically . “Crucially , it gave me perspective. It helped me to have compassion for
myself and, later on, for him as well. Most of all, it helped me to let go of
the belief that it was all my fault.”
“Forgiveness really is letting go,” I say as I let this sink in. “Yes, it is,” she agrees. Healing is a release from the past. Everyone’ s past includes some disaster
and pain. There is only one way to survive your past, and that is to practice
forgiveness. Without forgiveness, you can’t get past your histo ry. You feel
stuck. Your life isn’t moving on, because you haven’ t moved on. The
present can’t comfort you because you’re not really here. The future lookslike more of the same because you see only your past. In reality , the past is
over, but it isn’ t over in your mind. That’ s why you’re still in pain. Until you forgive, you will keep  giving your future to the past. However ,
forgiveness teaches you that, who you truly are has nothing to do with what
happened in your past. Your experiences are not your identity . They can
have a big effect on you, but they do not define you. What you did to
another person or what they did to you is not the end of your story . When
you can say, “I am not my past,” and “I am willing to forgive my past,” you
can create a new future. W ith for giveness, a new chapter begins. Healing is a release from guilt. We tell ourselves, “If only I’d done it
differently”—or “If they had acted differently”—“I’d be okay now.” At one
point or another , we’ve all wished for a different past. Guilt is a somber
lesson, but it isn’t a solution. When you keep on punishing yourself and
attacking others, it changes nothing. Forgiveness can’t change what
happened in the past, but it can change the meaning you give it. For
example, instead of punishing  yourself, you can use the past to make
amends and be who you really are. Henceforth, the past is no longer a
prison; it’ s an open door . “Forgiveness taught me that as much as I wanted my past to be different,
it was over now,” Louise tells me. “Through forgiveness, I was able to use
my past to learn, to heal, to grow , and to take responsibility for my life
now.” What really makes a difference in your life is not what happened in
the past but what you do with your past in the present. “The present
moment is your point of power ,” says Louise. “You can create only in this
moment now.” With forgiveness , you change your relationship to the past,
and this changes your relationship to the present and the future. Healing is a release from fear. A Course in Miracles  paints a most
graphic and disturbing picture of the unfor giving mind. A passage in Lesson
121, “For giveness is the key to happiness,” states:
The unfor giving mind is full of fear, and offers love no room to be itself; no place where it can
spread its wings in peace and soar above the turmoil of the world. The unfor giving mind is
sad, without the hope of respite and release from pain. It suffers and abides in misery , peering
about in darkness, seeing not, yet certain of the danger lurking there. Without for giveness, there is no end to fear . “When people say ‘I can’t forgive,’ they usually mean ‘I won’ t forgive,’”
says Louise. “And the reason they won’ t forgive is because they’re afraid offorgiveness.”
Most fears of forgiveness are what I call theoretical fears. These fears
arise before you practice forgiveness, but they disappear once you have
forgiven. For example, the fear that forgiveness makes you weak or
vulnerable couldn’ t be further from the truth. Forgiveness sets you free. Similarly , forgiveness doesn’ t mean you forget what happened in the past; it
means you don’ t forget to live in the present. Ultimately , the fear of forgiveness is not as frightening as the fear of not
forgiving. It’s more frightening to hold onto grievances than it is to let them
go. It’s more frightening to keep punishing yourself than it is to heal and
awaken. Carryin g grievances is painful. Of course, you have to grieve your
past. Without proper grieving, there will be no end to your suffering. At
some point, however, not letting go of grievances is really a decision to
keep on sufferin g. Suffering doesn’ t, by itself, make things bette r for you or
anyone else. Suf fering is a wake-up call. “The present is forgiveness,” states A Course in Miracles . In the present
moment, we let go of the past. In the present moment, we fear nothing. In
the present moment, there is no guilt. In the present moment, the meaning
of the past can be undone. In the present moment, a new future is born. With forgivenes s, we remember the basic truth I am loveable . With
forgiveness, we let life love us. With forgiveness, we can be a loving
presence to the people in our life. Forgiveness offers us a beautiful vision for the future. With forgiveness,
we can spread love from the inside out, to family , friends , strangers,
enemies, and the whole world. This is how we end the cycle of fear and
pain, judgment and guilt, reveng e and attack. This is how we create a better
future for our children. William Martin, in his book The Parent’s Tao Te
Ching , gives a wonder ful demonstratio n of how our self-acceptance and our
healing helps to heal the future. He writes,
How do children learn  
to correct their mistakes? By watching how you correct yours. How do children learn  
to overcome their failures? By watching how you overcome yours. How do children learn  
to treat themselves with for giveness? By watching you for give yourself. Therefore your mistakes,and your failures  
are blessings,  
opportunities for the best  
in parenting. And those who point out your mistakes  
are not your enemies,  
but the most valuable of friends. PRACTICE 4: T HE FORGIVENESS  SCALE
It’s Monday morning, and Louis e and I are wrapping up our conversation
on forgiveness. The storm has passed. San Diego is enjoying  clear blue
skies and sunshine again. The air feels brand-new , as if it has never been
breathed before. It’s been a big weekend for us, and we both feel like today
is a new beginning. Forgiveness is a new beginning. It plugs you into the totality of
possibilities that exists in love. Its effects can be miraculous. Forgiveness
helps you to get clear about your past. It encourages you to be honest about
what really happened and to honor the lessons, accept the healing, and
receive the blessings. Forgivene ss teaches you that staying in pain doesn’ t
make pain go away. Guilt and resentment cannot make amends. Dying
doesn’ t help the living. Forgiveness is the way back to love. Love is what
helps you to live again. “We don’t need to know how to forgive. All we need is to be willing to
forgive,” says Louise. Saying yes to forgiveness is the first step. When you
affirm I say yes to forgiveness,  it activ ates something in you, and healing
begins. Your willingness orches trates the healing and arranges for you to
meet the right people and find the necessary help along the way. As you
keep on saying yes to forgiveness, every step of the way, your healing
journey takes you from the past into the present and to an entirely new
future. Our spiritual practice for you in this chapter is called The Forgiveness
Scale . This practice helps you to cultivate the necessary willingness to
experience the blessings of total forgiveness. The Forgivene ss Scale is
based on a scale of 0 to 100 percent. You begin by choosing a person to
focus on. You can choose yourse lf, which is always a good idea. Or you can
choose anyone else, even someone with whom you have only a slightgrievance. You’ll notice there isn’t anyone in your life that you don’t have a
bit of a grievance with. Prepare yourself as you would for meditation. Ground yourself, breathe
fully, and let your body relax. Bring your focus person into your awareness. When you are ready , ask yourse lf, “From 0 to 100 percent, how much have
I forgiven this person?” Record your first answer to this question. Be honest
with yourself. The goal here is not to be good, or to get it right, or to be
spiritual, or to be nice. You are not trying to play a role. You want to set
yourself free. Every answer is a good answer , because it gives you
something to work with. Let’s imagine you have chosen yourself as the focus person. And let’ s say
your score is 72 percent. First, notice what it’s like to be at 72 percent. How
does being at 72 percent affect the way you live your life? How does it
affect your happ iness, your health, and your success? How does being at 72
percent affect your relationships with others—your capacity to be intimate,
to trust, and to forgive? How does being at 72 percent affect your
relationship to food, abundance, money , creativity , and your spirituality? Now here’ s the next step. In your mind, take the number up from 72 to 80
percent. You can do this one percentage point at a time, if you like. Once
you reach 80 percent, affirm I am willing to forgive myself 80 percent. Say
this a few times and monitor your responses. Notice any physical
sensations, any feelings, and any thoughts. Stay here until it feels
comfortable. And then keep going further along the scale, to 85 percent and
90 percent and 95 percent. Every step you take on the Forgiveness Scale helps you to let go of the
basic fear I am not loveabl e and to experien ce the basic truth I am loveable . Every step helps you to see that life loves you and that life wants you to be
free of guilt, pain, and fear. Every step helps you to experience healing,
grace, and inspiration that will benefit you and others. Imagine being at 100 percent and saying “I am willing to forgive myself
100 percent.” The Forgiveness Scale is all about your willingne ss to release
the blocks to forgiveness and to experience love. In a way, you are
rehearsing forgiveness. It’s an act of imagination. However , imagination is
very powerful. “Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life’s coming
attractions,” said Albert Einstein. And so it is. We recommend that you use the Forgiveness Scale to assess your level of
self-for giveness and for giveness of others. Ask yourself:From 0 to 100 percent, how much have I for given myself? From 0 to 100 percent, how much have I for given my mother? From 0 to 100 percent, how much have I for given my father? From 0 to 100 percent, how much have I for given my sibling? From 0 to 100 percent, how much have I forgiven my friend, ex-partner ,
neighbor? From 0 to 100 percent, how much have I for given everyone? Always begin with the question “From 0 to 100 percent, how much have
I forgiven [myself or name of person]?” Start with the first percentage you
thought of and begin your journey along the scale from there. Even a shift
of one percent on the Forgiveness Scale will help you let go of the past and
create a better future. We enco urage you to do this exercise once a day for seven days. During
those seven days, notice what happens in your life. Notice how you show
up. Notice how people respond to you. Notice the little miracles. One
reason why people often describe forgiveness as a miracle is that when you
forgive one person or one thing, it seems to change your relationship to
everyone and everything. Louise and I believe that the Forgiveness Scale is a powerful  exercise. Therefore, we strongly recommend that you do not do this exercise alone if
you have experienced trauma in your past. Make sure you get the support of
a truste d friend, therapist, or coach. Always be gentle with yourself. Forgiveness is an expression of love, and it should be a loving process. Love is the healing power that takes us back to our innocence. Love is the
journey home. OceanofPDF .comCHAPTER 5
Being Grateful Now
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of
loving. KAHLIL  GIBRAN , THE COLLECTED  WORKS
Guess what Louise Hay does first thing when she wakes up each
morning? Well, it’s not brushing  her teeth or going to the toilet. And it’s not
dancing the rumba. I’m not saying she doesn’ t do any of those things each
morning, but it’s not what she does first thing. “On waking, before I open
my eyes, I like to thank my bed for a good night’ s sleep,” says Louise. I ask
you, dear reader , who else do you know who does such a thing? Imagine
beginning each day with gratitude even before you open your eyes. “Louise, you’re the only person I know who thanks her bed for a good
night’ s sleep,” I tell her . “Well, I’m pleas ed for you that you’ve finally met someone who does,”
she says. “It’s not very normal, is it?” I jest. “I’m not interested in being normal,” she counters. “Normal is overrated,” I say . “I think so,” says Louise. “So when did you first start to thank your bed for a good night’ s sleep?”“Oh, I don’ t know ,” she says, as if she’ s been doing it forever . “Was it 30 years ago, 40 years ago?” I ask. “Once upon a time I used to wake up and think, Oh shit! Another day!”
she says with a big laugh. “Now that’ s a powerful af firmation!”
“Yes, and I’d have a shitty day!” she says. Louise begins her day with gratitude. “It’s a great way to start the day,”
she says. Just as with affirmations, however , she doesn’ t just do a ten-
minute gratitude exercise and then get busy with her day. She makes a point
of takin g gratitude with her into her day. She has reminders everywhere. Underneath the mirror that hangs on her kitchen wall there’ s a sign in gold
lettering that reads What are you grateful for today? Louise practices
gratitude with great mindfulness , and she happily expresses her gratitude to
everyone and to everything. “Louise, I’ve been watching you!” I say . “Have you?” she replies coyly . “Yes. And I see that you are in constant dialogue with life,” I tell her . “Am I?” she says. “Yes. You talk to your bed. You talk to your mirror . You talk to your
teacup. You talk to your breakfast bowl. You talk to your computer . You
talk to your car . You talk to your clothes. Y ou talk to everything.”
“Yes, I do,” she says with pride. “And mostly what you say is ‘Thank you.’”
“Well, I’m grateful that my car works well, and that my computer
connects me to my friends, and that my clothes feel so nice to wear ,” she
says. “I think you live an enchanted life,” I tell her . “I am blessed,” she says. Louise hasn’ t always felt blessed. “There was a time when I wasn’ t
grateful for anything,” she tells me. “It didn’ t occur to me to practice
gratitude becaus e I didn’ t think I had anything to be grateful for.” She
recalls how her first gratitude exercise was like trying a new affirmation. It
didn’ t feel real to her, and it didn’ t seem to work. That soon changed,
however . “Gratitude opened my eyes to a new way of seeing the world,”
she explains. “By making gratitude a daily prayer— Thank you, life; thank
you, life —I learned to trust in life again. I felt loveable again, and I began to
see that life really does love me.”Listening to Louise talk about gratitude reminds me of something called
basic trust. Basic trust is woven  into the fabric of our Unconditioned Self. It’s not just a state of mind, it’s a way of being. Basic trust allows the soul
bird to spread its wings and fly. The soul bird trusts the air. Invisible forces
hold it. It feels the Oneness, the unity with all. It remembers I am loved. It
knows I am loveable. As we forget about the Unconditioned Self, we sense
a basic doubt, or mistrust. The basic doubt arises from our perceived
separateness. W e wonder Am I loved? We fear I am not loveable. Basic trust is essential in early childhood. In his classic text Childhood
and Society , Erik Erikson identified eight stages of psychosocial
development, each building upon the healthy completion of earlier stages. The first stage, Basic Trust versus Basic Mistrust, occurs between birth and
age two. Basic trust is encouraged by, and reinforced by, loving and
attentive mother and father figures. Mistrust arises from consistently
unloving or inattentive parental figures. Unresolved, mistrust can lead later
to an identity crisis , a term first coined by Erikson. As D. W. Winnicott, the English psychologist and pediatric ian who
pioneered attach ment theory in childhood development, writes, “At the start
[a baby] absolutely needs to live in a circle of love and strength.” Winnicott
recognized that basic trust and a secure holding environment are essential
for a child to experience what he called “a sense of being.” This sense of
being is an experience of aliveness that is primary in what Winnicott termed
the True Self (that is, the Uncon ditioned Self). Without this support, a False
Self replaces the True Self and acts as a mask of behavior , a defense against
an environment that feels unsafe and unloving. Spiritual teacher A. H. Almaas has written extensively about the “healing
properties” of basic trust in both childhood and adulthood. He describes
basic trust as a feeling of being “supported by reality .” He says that basic
trust teaches us that “life is fundamentally benevolent” and helps us to let
go of the false images, identifications, beliefs, and ideas that cause us to
feel unloveable and unworthy . He regards basic trust as faith in an
“optimizing force” that helps us to engage in life and to be “courageous and
authentic.”
In his book Facets of Unity , Almaas writes:
If we really have this trust, this deep inner relaxation, it becomes possible to live our lives out
of love, out of an appreciation of life, out of enjoyment in what the universe provides for us,
and out of compassion and kindness for others and ourselves. Without it, we live our livesdefensively , in conflict with others and with ourselves, becoming self-centered and egoistic. To find our basic trust is to reconnect with our natural state that we have become separated
from. “I like the sound of basic trust,” says Louise as she listens to me talk
about it. “Me, too,” I tell her . “Do you think this basic trust exists in all of us?” she asks. “Yes.”
“Where does this trust come from?”
“From the Oneness, which is our home,” I reply . “What happens to the basic trust?”
“Nothing, really ,” I say. “It’s never really broken. It’s always with us, but
our perception obscures it.”
“Like clouds covering up the sun,” says Louise. “Practicing gratitude is one way to make the sun come out again,” I
suggest. “Gratitude helped me to say ‘yes’ again to my life,” Louise says. “Gratitude helps us to trust again,” I add. “From the One Infinite Intelligence comes everything we need,”
continues Louis e. “All the guidance, all the healing, and all the help. And
for that I am most grateful.”
“Amen,” I say . Gift of Everything
My start date for writing this book was January 21. I had put this date in
my calendar back in October . That gave me the necessary time to create a
space in my schedule so I could  write without distraction. Just a few days
before I was due to start, something unexpected happened. I woke up with a
pain in my butt. My left buttock felt sore. The nerve down my left leg was
stiff. I tried to carry on as normal, but I couldn’ t. I had a consultation with a
physiotherapist and also two sessions with a chiropractor . I tried to make
the pain go away , but it got worse. By the time I sat down to write, I was in a lot of physical pain. The
muscles in my left buttock were  knotted and bruised. A line of fire ran upand down the sciatic nerve in my left leg. My body was in a constant light
sweat. I carried my body around like it was a wounded animal. I was afraid
I wouldn’ t be able to write. My deadline didn’ t allow for any delay . Fortunately , the pain eased as I wrote. Sitting on a pile of soft cushions
helped. I booked a few more sessions with my physiotherapist and with a
craniosacral chiropractor . I really needed the pain to go way, but it kept
getting worse. Why now? I wondered. I was in good physical health. I hadn’ t fallen out
of bed. I hadn’ t gotten stuck in a yoga pose. I absolutely had to write the
book now, so the timing of my injury was inconvenient and significant. I
tried to ignore it, but it wanted my attention. I prayed for it to go away , but
it was still there. Eventually , it occurred to me that this injur y wasn’ t an
interruption in my schedule; it was my schedule. I needed to treat it with a
more healing attitude. Who better to talk to then than Louise Hay? Two days later, Louise and I talked on Skype. I told her about the
sciatica. She agreed that the timing was significant. “Every book I write is a
healing journey ,” she told me. That’ s true for me, too. All my books have
taken me on journeys that never went according to plan. Not according to
my conscious plan, anyway . Often I had to get lost in order to find my way. On every journey I found unexpected treasures and happiness. “Well, how do you feel about having sciatica?” Louise asked me. “I don’ t want it, and I don’ t like it,” I told her . “So, you want it to go away ,” she said. “Yes.”
“Are you afraid?” she asked. “Yes.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“I’m afraid I’ll put on weight because I can’t exercise,” I said. “Not very
deep, I know , but it’ s the first thing that comes to mind!”
“Don’ t judge the fear ,” she told me. “Thank you,” I said, grateful for the coaching. “What else are you afraid of?” Louise asked. “I’m afraid that it will last forever .”
“You’re afraid of feeling trapped,” she said. “Yes.”
“Okay . The first thing you need to do is to dissolve this fear ,” she said. “How do I do that?” I asked.“With love,” she said. My attitude had been full of judgment. I treated the sciatica like it was a
problem. I felt as if something was wrong with me. The timing was bad. I
was rejecting the experience. I wasn’ t open. I was busy. And I was afraid. And I collected a few more fears along the way. When I told a friend about
my sciatica, he told me that his dad had had to stop working because of
sciatica. Another friend told me that his girlfriend had had sciatica ever
since she was a teenager and that nothing could heal it. Louise encouraged me to change my attitude toward the sciatica. “Let’ s
not make this into a problem,” she said. “Let’ s affirm that out of this
situation only good will come.”  With the help of Louise’ s wise counsel, I
suspended judgm ent. I started to treat the sciatica as an experience, not a
problem. I decided not to resist the sciatica but to work in coop eration with
it, and very quickly, I noticed I was less afraid. The pain began to ease, too. Over the next couple of weeks, I went from 100 percent pain, to 90 percent
pain, to 75 percent pain. Louise also encouraged me to choose my words carefully when speaking
about sciatica. “Every cell of your body responds to what you think and
what you say,” she told me. Negative affirmations can spread like a virus
when you are ill or unhappy . “How are you?” your friends ask. “I’m not
well,” you affirm. “I’m in pain,” you tell them. Soon, all your friends know
what’ s wrong, and then they make regular calls for updates. “I’m still ill,”
you affirm. “The pain is wors e today ,” you tell them. Sudd enly you’re
sending out hundreds of these mental tweets a day, and your body is reading
them all. In her book Heart Thoughts , Louise writes, “The body , like everything
else in life, is a mirror of your inner thoughts and beliefs.” She teaches us
that a healing attitude is about being receptive to the messages of the body . “Pain is often a sign that you are not listening to a message,” Louise told
me. “Therefore, start by affirming, I am willing to get the messag e. Pay
attention and let your body speak to you. Apologize for ignoring your body
and tell it you are all ears now. Be grateful that your body is trying to tell
you something. Your body isn’t trying to make things difficult for you; it’s
trying to help you. Your body isn’t against you; it’s showing you how to
love yourself and how to let life love you.”A few weeks ago, while aboard a flight to San Diego to see Louise, I read
When Things Fall Apart  by Pema Chödrön, a Tibetan Buddhist teacher . She
quotes one of her students, who said, “‘Buddha nature, cleverly disguised as
fear, kicks our ass into being receptive.’” This message seeme d somewhat
apt for my poste rior (notice how I didn’ t use the word pain) and me. During
that visit with Louise, she encouraged me to listen for the messa ge from the
sciatica. We had some big conve rsations about releasing old pain, forgiving
old wounds, living in the present, being more receptive, and, of course,
letting life love me. Slowly but surely , I have been  befriending my sciatica. One morning,
during a meditation, a question popped into my mind: How would I behave
if I was not afraid of this sciatica? Contem plating this question eased the
inflammation in my nervous system. My body felt more comfo rtable. The
sensation levels  dropped again to 60 percent, and then to 50 percent, and
then to 45 perce nt. I was less afraid now and more open to guidance and
inspiration. “The first thing I want you to do every morning is to thank your body for
all that it is doing to heal itself,” Louise told me. “Sorry , I can’ t do that,” I said. “Why not?” she asked. “Well, the first thing I do every morning is thank my bed for a good
night’ s sleep,” I told her . “Who taught you that?” she asked, laughing. “Someone I love and respect very much.”
“Well, she sounds very wise to me,” said Louise with a smile. “She is,” I said. “Always remem ber that your body wants to heal. And when you thank
your body for all that it’ s doing, it really helps your body to heal,” she said. Louise prescribe d one of her favorite affirmations for me. It is I listen
with love to my body’ s messages. I took this affirmation into my daily
meditation. Soon enough, a new plan of action appeared. I felt guided to
have a series of sessions with my good friend Raina Nahar , a Reiki master
and healer in London. My physiotherapist encouraged me to take up Pilates. I ordered a reformer , a scary-lo oking but very effective resistance-exercise
machine for classic Pilates training. It arrived a few days later. I also
followed two leads, given to me by friends, and met a local osteopath, FinnThomas, and a new physiotherapist, Alan Watson: both helped me make
significant breakthroughs in healing the sciatica. Even with this new schedule and all the appointments and discomfort, I
was still able to write this book, meeting each deadline on time along the
way. As I write these words, the sensations in my sciatic nerve have
continued to ease. I still have some messages I need to pay attention to. Writing Life Loves You has helped me love myself in a new way. It has also
helped me be more open and receptive to letting life love me. It’s a journey
I’m grateful to be on. Path of T rust
“I didn’t have a healing attitude  when I was first diagnosed with cancer ,”
Louise tells me. “What was your attitude?” I ask her . “I was very afraid.”
“What were you afraid of?”
“Cancer was a death sentence 40 years ago,” she says. “So you were afraid of dying?”
“Yes. I was also full of superstition.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I believed cancer was a sign I was a bad person and that I’d got
life all wrong,” she says. “How did you change your attitude?”
“I got a lot of help along the way .”
“None of us are healed alone,” I tell her . “The willingness to heal was the real miracle,” she says. “How so?”
“When I was ready to do whatever it took to heal, I seemed to be led to
exactly the right people.”
“Can you give me an example?”
“In You Can Heal Your Life, I tell the story of how after learning about
foot reflexology , I wanted to find a practitioner . That night, I attended a
local lecture series. Usually I sat at the front, but this time I felt compelled
to sit at the back. I didn’ t want to do this, but something inside me made medo it. Anyway , as soon as I sat down, a man came and sat next to me. He
was a reflexologist, and he did home visits. So I booked him up!”
“That’ s beautiful,” I say . “As if by chanc e,” she continues, “wonderful books would land on my
lap, I’d hear about lectures in my neighborhood, and I’d meet all sorts of
interesting people.”
“You were being led on a path.”
“Yes. It was a path of trust, and everything fell into place for me.”
“What do you believe was leading you on this path?”
“My inner ding,” Louise says, pointing to her chest. “Thank God for the inner ding,” I say , smiling. “I quickly learned to trust my inner ding because of all the little miracles
and coincidences that were happening to me,” she tells me. “It sounds like the big plan was taking care of you.”
“Yes. And after six months, my doctors confirmed I was in remission. I
knew , without any doubt, that the cancer was gone from my mind and my
body .”
In 1999, I wrote  a book about personal growth and evolution called Shift
Happens! In it I explored the power of trust and how trust can carry us
through the worst of times and the best of times. Listening to Louise tell her
story , I was reminded how trust can transform a mind-set of fear into love
and how a path of trust can take us on profound and wonderful healing
journeys. A couple of years after I wrote Shift Happens! I received an e-
mail from a reader named Jenna, who told me about her own healing
journey . Here’ s what she wrote:
Dear Dr . Holden,
I am a 42-year -old woman, living in New York City. A few months back (it feels like years
ago now) I was diagnosed with breast cancer. My world stopped. I found myself in hell all of a
sudden. It’s been a long journey . So many people along the way have helped me. There have
been miracles. Many miracles. One of them was finding your book on an empty seat on a
subway train one day . I remember when I picked up your book a voice in my head said, “This is a gift for you.” I
took one look at the title, and I smiled. The title was perfect. The title summed up how I felt
about my life. “This is exactly what I need right now,” I said to myself. I read and reread your
book over the next few weeks. I kept it in my handbag. It sat on my bedside table. I took it to
my doctor ’s appointments. Y our book was my companion. It has been a friend to me. Yesterday , I received the all-clear from my doctor . I am well again, but in a different way. Now I am well in my soul, not just in my body . This whole experience has helped me to see
everything differently . I mean everything  differently—even the title of your book. You see, Ithought I was reading  a book called Shit Happens! The title was perfect! Every day, ten times
a day at least, I picked up Shit Happens! and read another chapter . I even recommended Shit
Happens! to all my friends. It was only yesterday , while sitting on the subway on my way home from the doctor , when I
got out Shit Happens! again, that I saw for the first time what the real title of your book is. I like this new title! The title is perfect. It sums up how I feel about my life. Thank you,
Jenna
“When you are afraid, it is a sure sign that you are trusting in your own
ego,” I wrote in Shift Happens! (spelled with an f). The ego, whic h is your
sense of a separate self, struggles to understand trust because trust is felt
only in alignment with your soul. In Shift Happens! I wrote,
To the ego, trust feels like walking the plank. It is a death march. This is because trust takes
you past your ego’s perceptions to a field of greater possibilities. Trust invokes the highest in
you. It gives you access to the unlimited potential of your Unconditioned Self. With trust, all
things are possible. Trust is not just positive think ing, it is a way of being. In its highest
expression, it is a quality of awareness that belongs to your Unconditioned
Self. Trust shows you that when  your life is falling apart, it isn’t you that’s
falling apart. The essence of who you are is always okay . What falls apart is
your sense of self, your ego, and its plans, hopes, and expectat ions of how
things should be. “Lives fall apart when they need to be rebuilt,” writes
Iyanla V anzant, in Peace fr om Br oken Pieces. As I was prepar ing to write this chapter , I got news that my dear friend
Sue Boyd had been admitted to Bristol Hospital. She was in a coma,
diagnosed with encephalitis and unlikely to live. Doctors told us that if by
some miracle Sue did regain consciousness, she would suffer severe brain
damage. Sue’s friends immediately set up a prayer circle. After a few days,
we heard that Sue was awake. I made the journey to Bristol Hospital as
soon as I could. I felt a wave of hesitation when I got to her ward. I was
afraid that I might find Sue in terrible condition. I needn’ t have worried,
though. Sue was sitting up in bed. Two nurses were by her side, and she was
making them laugh about somet hing. “Bloody hell, old boy, it’s so good to
see you,” she said, smiling when she noticed me. Sue and I have known
each other for 20 years. She is love on legs. Everyone who knows herwould agree with this description. She’s a soul friend. We’ve shared much
of our spiritual journeys together . While I was with Sue that day, I saw her
take her first faltering steps with the help of her nurses. “These don’t feel
like my legs,” she told them. I listened to Sue’s story of what happened. “What a big surprise!” she
said. “I didn’ t think something like this would ever happen to me.” Later
on, she told me most emphatica lly, “I trust that there is a higher plan, with
benefits, and I am fully signed up for it.” When I mentioned how brave I
thought she was, she said, “It’s not really bravery , it’s trust. All I can do is
trust.” During our conversation, I shared something that the spiritual teacher
Ram Dass once said when we were talking about trust:
Trust is the awareness that  
who you think you are cannot handle your life,  
but who you really are can and will. I told Sue that I was about to write a chapter on gratitude that would
include something about trust. Before I left, I gave her one of Louise Hay’ s
Wisdom Cards. The message on it reads, I trust the intelli gence within me. Sue smiled when she saw it. “Love is all that really matters,” she said with
24 EEG electrodes stuck to her head. “You already knew that, Sue,” I told
her. The EEG monitor registered Sue’s jolly laugh. “Yes, that’s true,” she
said, “but I really know it now.” I could tell from the look in Sue’s eyes that
she’d experienced something big. “I know what it’s like to be me without a
body ,” she told me, “and I tell you, it’ s all love.”
The Holy Now
In our househol d, Bo and Christopher are the first to wake up in the
morning. They don’t wait till sunrise, they don’t need an alarm clock, and
they’re always raring to go. Hollie and I are usually bounced  out of our
peaceful sleep by two little bodies crawling all over our bed. “Wake up, Dad!” shouts Bo. “Come on, Dad!” shouts Christopher . “Dad, Dad,” shouts Bo, tugging at my nightshirt. “Let’ s go downstairs,” shouts Christopher .“Good morning, people,” I say , barely able to breathe. “It’s the day!” says Bo, more softly now that she sees I’m regaining
consciousness. “Let’ s play trains,” shouts Christopher . “What time is it?” I ask, because it feels like 3:00 A.M.
“It’s wake-up time,” says Bo. “Yeah. Come on, Dad,” says Christopher , who can’ t even tell time. “Have you thanked your bed for a good night’ s sleep?” I ask, trying to
buy a few more precious seconds. “Yes,” says Bo. “Yes,” shouts Christopher . “Let’ s go!” says Bo. “Now!” shouts Christopher . Now is very holy to children. There’ s no other time quite like it. Now is
the natural dwel ling place for them. They don’t spend much time in the past
or the future. Now is always a brand-new adventure. Adults often interpret
children’ s steadf ast focus on now as a sign of impatience or even rudeness,
but really it’s a sign of aliveness. Now is the only real time. And now is the
time for the fun to start. Christopher and Bo usually target me first thing in the morning and leave
Hollie alone to sleep. My theory  is that Hollie is awake, but she knows how
to lie still. She’ll probably have something to say about this theory when
she reads it. I have proof of it, though. When Christopher and Bo are trying
to wake me up, they sometimes say something very funny , and I can hear
Hollie’ s silent laughter . The slight change in her breathing is what gives her
away . Like the time when I asked Bo and Christopher for another five
minutes. “Good morning, Dad,” shouted Bo, ruf fling my hair . “Wake up, Dad,” shouted Christopher , leaning on my chest. “It’s the day ,” shouted Bo. “Now , Dad!” shouted Christopher . “What time is it?” I asked
“The clock says 5 and 5 and 5,” said Bo, meaning 5:55 A.M.
“Yeah,” said Christopher . “Okay , give me five more minutes,” I told them. “Bo, what’ s five minutes?” asked Christopher .“I don’ t know , but it’ s important to Daddy ,” Bo told him. Children have a huge faith in now. Now means more to them  than the
past or the future. Now is their best chance for happiness. Now is where
they will find love. Now is the time to go for it. When they look into now,
they see the totality of possibilities that Louise speaks of. Now is their
mirror . Early on, children are still aligned with the basic truth I am loveable. This basic truth gives rise to the basic trust that I am loved. Now is a good
time. Now is a time of innocence. When we lose faith in ourselves, we stop trusting in the presen t moment
to care for us and give us what we need. The basic fear I am not loveable
and the basic doubt Am I loved? distort our perception. We project our
forgetfulness onto the present moment. Hence, we judge that this moment is
not good enough. It looks like something is missing. Now doesn’ t feel real
to us anymore, and so we either try to retrace our steps back to the past or
we journey toward a better future. But without now , we are lost. “Like the Prodi gal Son, we all eventually return to NOW to find our
spiritual home,”  I wrote in Shift Happens! This journey back to now is a
healing journey . It takes a lot of courage because as we start to come back
to now, we face all our self-judg ment, our self-criticism, our self-rejection,
and our perceived loss of innocence. “The present moment is a pretty
vulnerable place,” writes Pema Chödrön in When Things Fall Apart . Yet it’s
only when we come back again to the mirror of now that we can remember
what is real and let go of what is not true. A great gift in my life is my occasional correspondence with the poet
Daniel Ladinsky . Daniel and I have e-mailed each other since I first came
across his renderings of the Sufi poet Hafiz some 15 years ago. I’ve
featured Daniel’ s translations of Hafiz in several of my works, especially
Loveability . In The Subject Tonight Is Love: 60 Wild and Sweet Poems of
Hafiz , Daniel includes a poem I knew  I’d feature in this book at some point. Called This Place Wher e You Are Right Now, it’s about basic trust—an
homage to now . Here’ s how the poem begins:
This place where you are right now  
God circled on a map for you. Wherever your eyes and arms and heart can move  
Against the earth and sky , 
The Beloved has bowed there—  Our beloved has bowed there knowing
You were coming. Basic trust recog nizes that you are loveable and that life loves you now. Now offers you salvation and enlightenment, regardless of your trespasses
or your terrible history . Now is another name for love. Now is another name
for God. Louise Hay has a huge faith in now. You could say she has the
faith of a child. “I healed my life by changing my relationship to now,” she
once told me. The gift of now is that we always have a chance to start over. Every now is an invitation to let go of the past. Every now is a ticket to a
better future. Every now has a gift for us, if only we’d look again. Basic trust encourages you to see that you have the best seat in the house
for your life journey . Wherever you are right now—in your job, your
marriage, your financial status, your physical well-being, your emotional
history , the prison you’re in—m ight not be where you want to end up, but it
is the perfect place to start your healing journey . “Whatever the present
moment contain s, accept it as if you had chosen it,” writes Eckhart Tolle in
The Power of Now . “Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend
and ally, not your enemy . This will miraculously transform your whole
life.”
In my book Happiness NOW!,  I observed that the best chance for healing
and happiness is always in the present moment. To be truly happy we have
to be willing to give up the searc h for happiness and look again right here. I
also shared the following line of letters:
HAPPINESSISNOWHERE
There are at least two ways to read these letters, as I wrote in Happiness
NOW! “The difference between ‘happ iness is nowhere’ and ‘happiness is
now here’ has something to do with the event, and everything to do with
how you see the event. Y our perception is key .”
Without basic trust, you use each present moment as a stepping-stone to
get to somewhere else. You pursue happiness, chase success, and search for
love, but you never find them where you are. “In my healin g journey Imade a conscious choice to live more in the present,” Louise once told me. “At first, it was like moving into an empty house—cold and impersonal. But the more I lived in the present, the more I began to feel at home. Living
in the present is how I learned to trust life and to see that everything I need
is here for me.”
In every single moment there is a lesson, there is a gift, there is a
teaching, and there is a message—all for you. What is the purpose of all this
help? What is all this cosmic love for? Well, I think Louise sums it up
beautifully in an affirmation from her book Power Thoughts: 365 Daily
Affirmations . The af firmation is:
Every moment pr esents a wonderful new opportunity  
to become mor e of who I am. PRACTICE 5: D AILY GRATITUDE
“Guess what I do last thing at night?” says Louise, with a twinkle in her
eye. “What do you do?” I ask. “I go to bed with thousands of people all over the world,” she says,
laughing. “How do you do that?”
“People take me to bed with them!” she says. “How lovely!”
“They downloa d me so that we can lie in bed and meditate  together
before going to sleep,” she explains. “Louise Hay , you are full of mischief!”
“Guess what else I do before I go to sleep?”
“I can’ t imagine,” I say . “I go through my day, blessing and being grateful for each experience,”
she tells me. “Do you do this in bed?”
“Yes, mostly . The other night I opened up my pocket mirror—the one
you gave me with the inscription Life Loves You—and I said my gratitudes
out loud to the mirror ,” she tells me. “Saying gratitudes out loud is very powerful,” I say .“Yes, it’s much more powerful than just thinking about them,” says
Louise. “I love sharing gratitudes with my daughter , Bo, as she falls asleep at
night.”
“Encouraging children to practice gratitude is so important,” says Louise. “It’s also a lot of fun.”
“If you start the day with gratit ude and end the day with gratitude, your
life will be filled with blessings that you couldn’ t see before,” says Louise. “You can’t know how powerful gratitude is until you start to practice it,”
I say. “Practicing gratitude is always better than you can imagine,” says Louise. “You have to do it in order to experience the miracle,” I say . “Gratitude is a miracle,” says Louise. Gratitude is a spiritual practice. Every time you give thanks for your life,
even if it’s only for green lights and free parking spaces, you take a step
closer to love. Gratitude always takes you in the direction of love. Gratitude
takes you to your heart. Practicing gratitude helps you to cultivate a loving
awareness for your life and for yourself. When you remember to give
thanks you feel blessed, not just for what you have but also for who you are. Practicing gratitude helps you to remember the basic truth I am loveable. The more you practice gratitude, the more you become who you really are. Gratitude is a training in vision. Imagine you’re looking into a mirror and
you’re about to say out loud ten things you’re grateful for in your life at
present. Chances are, if you’ve not done a gratitude exercise like this
before, you might struggle at first. You might even tell yourself that it’s
impossible to name ten things. If, however , you pay attention to your life
and stay close to your heart, you will find ten quite easily . In fact, you will
usually find more than ten. Gratitude brings a new awareness. It transforms
your psychology . It opens your eyes. Y ou see the world dif ferently . Gratitude is a Sacred Yes. When gratitude is easy, it’s a sign that you’re
on track  with your life; when gratitude is difficult, however , it’s a sign that
you need to stop, because you’ve wandered away from yourself and
forgotten what is truly sacred. Practicing gratitude helps you to identify and
appreciate the Sacred Yesses in your life. When you begin the day with
gratitude, as Louise does, you won’t get lost. Gratitude is a prayer that helps
you to stay on track and say yes to what is real. E.E. Cummings wrote a
beautiful poem that begins:i thank Y ou God for most this amazing  
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees  
and a blue dream of sky;and for everything  
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
Gratitude expands your awareness. When I told Louise about my sciatica,
she talke d abou t the healing power of gratitude. “At some point you’ll be
grateful for this sciatica,” she said. “I’m not saying that you should be
grateful for it now. It might be too soon. But at some point, you will be
grateful because  you’ll see that this sciatica has a message or even a gift for
you.” After Louise told me this, I did an inquiry in which I completed this
statement ten times: I am grateful for this sciatica because … I found  this
practice so enlightening and helpful. The sensations in my sciatic nerve
soon calmed down to 30 percent and then to 20 percent. Gratitude suppo rts basic trust. Gratitude helps you to suspend your
judgment. It gives you another angle, another way of lookin g at things. “Life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you,” I wrote in Be Happy . Sometimes cancellations, rejections, traffic delays, bad weather , and even
more bad weather can come bearing gifts. A layof f, an illness, or the end of
a relationship may well be the start of something wonderful. “We don’t
know what anything is really for,” says Louise. “Even a tragedy  might turn
out to be for our greatest good. That’ s why I like to affirm Every experience
in my life benefits me in some way .”
Gratitude brings you back to now. Practicing gratitude helps you to be
more present in your life. The more present you are, the less you feel like
something is missing. Recently somebody posted this message on my
Facebook page: “You may think  the grass is greener on the other side, but if
you take the time to water your own grass it will be just as green.”
Practicing gratitude helps you to water your own grass. Gratitud e helps you
to make the most of everything as it happens. Gratitude teaches you that
happiness is always now . Our spiritual practice for you in this chapter is called Daily Gratitude . We invite you to stand in front of a mirror and complete the following
sentence ten times : One thing I am grateful for in my life right now is …
Please make sure you do this exercise out loud. Hearing yourself say
your gratitudes doubles the effect. We encourage you to do this vocal
gratitude exercis e once in the morning and once at night for seven days. Remember , these spiritual pract ices don’t work in theory , only in practice.By practicing gratitude now, you step into your life in a whole new way. Gratitude takes you by the hand, and you see even more clearly that you are
loveable and that life loves you. OceanofPDF .comCHAPTER 6
Learning to Receive
There are so many gifts Still unopened fr om your birthday . HAFIZ
W hile we were writing Life Loves You, Louise Hay, at the age of 87, held
her first public art exhibition. The ArtBeat on Main Street  Gallery in
downtown Vista, California, hosted the exhibit. It was called The Art of
Louise Hay  and featured 20 of Louise’ s oil and watercolor paintings. Louise
attended the gallery reception, held on January 25, and people traveled near
and far to see her work. I phoned her the day before the reception to
congratulate her . “I feel very blessed,” she told me. Blessing Buddha  is Louise’ s portrait of the Buddha. It was the
centerpiece of her exhibit. A magnificent oil painting, it stands three feet
tall and two-and-a-half feet wide. A golden Buddha, dressed in saffron and
royal blue, sits in lotus posture upon a lotus throne, which is painted fuchsia
and pink. A halo of white light surrounds the Buddha’ s head. He holds a jar
in his left hand, as in portraits of the Medicine Buddha. Layered
brushstrokes of emerald green, yellow , and more saffron fill in the
background. Blessing Buddha  now hangs in the lobby of Hay House headquarters in
Carlsbad, California. “It welcomes and blesses all who enter ,” says Louise.I love the painting. I have a full-sized copy hanging by the door to my
office at home. I look at it and receive a blessing every day as I commute up
the stairs to work. Louise has not written or spoken about the Buddha in any
of her major works. I was keen, therefore, to learn what she thinks about the
Buddha and also to explore any relationship between the Blessing Buddha
and her philosophy that life loves you. “The Buddha is a living saint,” Louise tells me. “I believe he had an
experience of the Unconditioned Self, as you call it. In his awakening, he
experienced the One Infinite Mind, and he received the blessings of
creation.” I ask Louise to tell me more about this. She says, “We are created
by a Universal Consciousness that supports all of its creations. We are the
beloved children  of the Universe and we have been given everything. We
are born blessed. The message the Buddha has for each and every one of us
is I am blessed .”
“How long did it take you to paint Blessing Buddha ?” I ask Louise. “Eighty-five years!” she says with a big laugh. “Good answer .”
“It took about five years in total,” she says. “That was a long journey .”
“It was a journey I couldn’ t have taken alone,” she says. “What do you mean?”
“I had two wonderful art teachers who stretched me far beyond what I
thought I was capable of doing.”
Louise’ s first teacher was an English artist who occasionally visited San
Diego. “I took his class when  he was in town, and he gave me the
assignment of drawing the Buddha,” she told me. Louise hadn’t done
anything like that before. “Drawing the Buddha took great preci sion. It was
like taking a class in mathematics. I had to erase a lot of lines,” she said
with a big smile.
_OceanofPDF.com_Life_loves_you_-_Louise_Hay.txt
Summarize the following text section accurately and concisely. Maintain specific details and numerical information, and use anti-repetition mechanisms:

        In the end, I tried to be an invisible
child in order to make myself safe. ” Whatever act we choose, it causes us to
feel estranged from our basic goodness. The basic fear I am not loveable
morphs into a belief that I must deserve love. When we identify with this
erroneous belief, love ceases to feel natural and unconditional. Instead, we
fear that love is a prize that must be earned, deserved, and achieved
somehow, but only if we are worthy. We take our childhood acts into adulthood with us. These acts turn into
roles we play out in relationships. Without our basic goodness, we are lost. We search outsi de of ourselves for love. We look for a prince or princess
who can save us from our basic fear of being unloveable. We are trapped in
a dungeon of unworthiness, hoping someone will rescue us. In the movie Shrek the Third, Sleepin g Beauty, Snow White, Rapunzel,
Cinderella, Doris the Ugly Stepsister, and Princess Fiona and her mother,
Queen Lillian, are imprisoned in a tower by Prince Charming. Fiona wants
the ladie s to plot their own escape. “Ladies, assume the position. ” says
Snow White. Instantly, Sleeping  Beauty falls asleep, Snow White lies down
in a coffin pose, and Cinderella gazes dreamily into space. “What are you
doing. ” shouts Princess Fiona. Sleeping Beauty snaps awake and says,
“Waiting to be rescued,” and then falls back asleep again. “You have got to
be kidding me. ” says Princess Fiona. In Pretty Woman, a modern-day fairy tale, Julia Roberts plays Vivian
Ward, a Hollywood prostitute hired by a wealthy businessman, Edward
Lewis, played by Richard Gere, to be his escort for some social
engagements. Business soon turns to love. Lewis thinks he is rescuing
Ward, but Ward has other ideas. In the final scene, Prince Edwa rd arrives in
a white limo calling out to Princess Vivian. He climbs the fire escape to hertop-floor apartment. When he finally reaches her, he asks, “So what
happened after he climbed up the tower and rescued her. ” Vivian replies,
“She rescues him right back. ”
The victim and the rescuer are both playing a role in an effort to win
love. The point is, there can be no happily-ever -after in any of these stories
—or in any of our relationship s—until we claim our basic goodness for
ourselves. Everyone can help us with our quest. Indeed, we will need help
along the way. Ultimately, however, it must be our decision to reclaim our
basic goodness. This decision is a journey in itself. It is a journey of
forgiveness, a journey that takes us back to love again. “Loving the inner child is about forgiving ourselves for our loss of
innocence and loss of goodness,” says Louise. “The truth is, we all did the
best we could with what we knew at every stage of our childhood. And yet,
we may still be judging ourselves and punishing ourselves for not having
done it better, for making mistakes, for abandoning ourselves, for upsetting
others, and for not being a good enough boy or girl. Until we forgive
ourselves, we will be trapped in a prison of righteous resentment. Forgiveness is the only way out of this prison. For giveness sets us free. ”
Louise and I close our conversation about forgiveness and loving the
inner child with a meditation in front of the mirror. This meditation
happened spontaneously, but I’ve reconstructed it here. You might like to
follow it for your own inner -child meditation. “Encourage everyone to do
this meditation in front of the mirror,” Louise tells me. I assure her I will
put it in writing. We recommend that you do this meditation sitting in front of a mirror. Place your hand s over your heart. Take a deep breath. See yourself through
the eyes of love. And speak to yourself with love. I am loveable and life loves me. I forgive myself for all the times I’ve been  
afraid I am not loveable.
To help you cultivate the willingness to forgive and release the past, allowing you to heal and move forward.
What is the purpose of the Forgiveness Scale exercise?
It helps you to stay present, appreciate what you have, and see the good in your life, which in turn helps you to heal and move forward.
What is the importance of gratitude, according to Louise Hay?
We are born blessed, and we have been given everything; we just need to receive and acknowledge it.
What is the main message of the Buddha, according to Louise Hay?
It is the only real time, and by focusing on it, you can transform your life and find happiness.
What is the significance of the present moment, as emphasized by Eckhart Tolle?
To help you appreciate and focus on the present moment, which can lead to a new perspective and a more positive outlook on life.
What is the goal of the gratitude exercise in the Daily Gratitude practice?