Like many peop le, Roger had wanted to run through the entire story all at
once. But think of a traumatic story in your own past. How far has telling
that story over and over again—worrying it like a bone—without tapping
gotten you? In Roger ’s case, I would have done him a disservic e to let him
do that. We wouldn’ t have found all the troubling aspects of the story nor
been able to collapse them. Aspects are like diamonds in the rough—you
wouldn’ t throw one of those out, would you? In the Goulash Scare memory , we tapped on aspects that included: the
look on Dad’ s face; the angry look on Mom’ s face; the tone of Dad’ s voice;
the soun d of Mom’ s footsteps;  seeing her stomp away; the color of the
tablecloth; the sight of goulash on the wall; the sound of the dish crashing;the feeling of being frozen; the fear; helplessness; the need to be really ,
really quiet; the confusion; and more. Step 8. Test results. Your event is resolved when you have no intensity at
all when  you think of the story . By the time we got to running through the
whole thing as if it were a movie with deliberate exaggeration , making it
bigger , brighter , louder , angrier , and so forth, he was laughing about how
silly the goulash looked sliding down the wall, “like a Jackson Pollock
painting,” he said. There were no lurking aspects uncovered. He still
couldn’ t scare up any upset. His whole body had relaxed, I noticed. He
reported later that his short fuse had lengthened a bit and that while out with
his children, something that normally would have put him into anxiety
mode didn’ t even register on the anxiety Richter scale. Clues that EFT is working are those cognitive shifts, insights, or “aha!”
moments. Roger suddenly realiz ed that in order to be safe, he had appeased
his mother his entire life. His enabling of his mom today stemmed from
trying to make her feel good when he was younger so she would step up
and be a good parent. He said his anxiety stemmed from having to hold so
still while being  petrified and never knowing what was going to happen in
an alcoholic household. He never knew when things would spin out of
control—again. The unpredictability was a building block in his present-
day anxiety . Coping mechanisms like these are common for those whose parents are
overwhelmed or inconsistently emotionally available. Codependency and
being alert but numb had kept him safe growing up. Contrary to what he
had told me initially , he realized that his home life had not been as good as
initially described; in fact, the level of anxie ty he had expe rienced was
understandably off the charts. He realized that he had never been able to
turn to either parent to express big fears. He’d had to put a lid on any big
feelings for survival. Collapsing  this big table leg had a huge impact on his
anxiety .Over the next several months of our work together , Roger reported that
where he would have fallen apart or broken out in anger in the past, he had
more patience in his professional dealings, more intimacy with his wife, and
he no longer stressed as much about parenting. He was also able to just let
his mom  have her issues withou t trying to fix them and joined Al-Anon as
well. His body’ s anxiety sensa tions decreased and he stopped taking his
anxiety medication, which had been nauseating him. He also reported not
being attracted to hanging out with angry people anymore. Important Note About T elling the Story
If you’re not seeing results, talk to a professional practitioner for help and
support. See Chapter 5 for how to find a proven, trustworthy EFT
practitioner . As noted , the Tell the Story approach is not inherently the natural way we
think; getting the hang of focusing in on one past specific event three
minutes or less in real time takes some practice. In the beginning stages,
you might start with a one- to-three-minute story and wind up tapping on
another story that took place over thirty minutes or some other related issue
that happened over the entirety of your life. That’ s okay , just keep on going. Keep practicing. You’re still getting results (see Appendix C for the link to
additional video and written elaboration on T ell the Story). Helpful Questions to Ask to Elicit Aspects
Try some of these questions to help you along with Tell the Story: Am I in
the scene right behind the eyes of myself in the story , or am I watching the
scene of myself and what happened? Can I even see myself in the story? Where am I in the scene right now? If the story is getting too intense, pull
yourself out a bit. Instead of being in the scene, let yourself watch the scene
as it unfolds, for example. Other ways to distance or minimize emotional
pain while you process a memory is to tell it in third person or come out of
the story process altogether and after a brief break, return to the story but
start from  the beginning again. Broadcasting the story “out there” on a wallor window can offer a bit of emotional distance while you still tap down
intensity . If you’re not remembering the details, make them up. Implicit memory is
the memory we don’t remember because we were too young or because we
blocked it out. Explicit memory we do remember consciously . So if you
don’t consciously remember something, simply make up details of the story
for what you are feeling. These memories are attached to events, and it’s
okay if we just don’ t consciously remember certain things. Many people are surprised at the minute details that elicit a gush of
feeling and then pass. Your goal is to find the gushers to clear the problem
out at its roots. More questions to consider to uncover aspects: Where are
you in the story? (Outside or inside? At work? At home? Standing or
sitting?) Who else is there? What do you notice about the other people in
the story? Their words, clothes , expressions, where they are in relation to
where you are? Can you see your feet or hands? Looking up, what do you
see? How old are you? What time of day, month, or year is it? Is the picture
in the story clear? Are you watching it from inside the younger you, or are
you watching yourself from the outside? When you can’t actually see the story , hearing it or feeling it is just as
good. We’re not all visual processors. Some people’ s prim ary way of
processing is by hearing or feeling, and that’s fine. EFT will work just as
well in situations like these. Signs That T apping Is W orking
The obvious sign is that you’ll experience emotional or physical relief once
you have collap sed the story’ s intensity . It won’ t bother you anymore. You
may have a new perspective and insight about what happened. You might
feel more expansive, lighter , energized, hopeful, or at peace. Another sign
that you have gotten results is that the story may be difficult to recall. You
might not even be able to place yourself in it anymore. The story scene
might not seem as clear or could even be difficult to see at all. Or it might
be far smaller than it was when you started out telling the story and wereupset. These are all signs that you have resolved the issue. Pay attention to
how you feel after the story’ s intensity is neutral. Now let’s look at a way to systematically resolve troubled thinking and
difficult emotions from past experiences and memories with the Personal
Peace Procedure. Personal Peace Pr ocedur e
The Personal Peace Procedure (PPP) is deceptively simple but can be
profoundly effective if done consistently over time. It is a systematic way
for you to resolv e troubling memories from your past, and you can do it on
your own. First, list troubling memories from your past, ideally  from more
than a few years ago going back to your early childhood , including
troubling stories you heard growing up. Then tap on the upsetting details of
one mem ory one aspect at a time until you feel neutral, before moving on to
the next item on your life. Imagine putting a bad memory behind you as
simply facts that happened—in the past. Even just clearing one makes you
feel a lot better and provides hope. You can also use your Personal Peace
Procedure list for tapping tar gets as you move forward in the book . The Personal Peace Procedure can help you resolve the energy
disruptions running interference in your life. You may have fifty or
hundreds of these stories on your list. Remember the Generalization Effect? You won’t have to tap on all of them to get relief. As you tap on enough of
the table  legs, other events similar in nature will also collapse, including
core issues. You might be surprised to see how your life improves in
unexpected ways as you move forward in ticking traumatic memories off
the list. Exercise: The Personal Peace Procedure
Step 1. Choose a special notebook or folder on your computer for your
Personal Peace Procedure. Set a timer for anywhere from five to fifteen
minutes, enough  time when you’re just starting. You can always return later
to write more down.Step 2. In that time frame, list with a simple phrase or title in your PPP
notebook as many bothersome memories or life events as come to mind,
allowing a few spaces between each event. Number each event and give
each event a title or a name. Whatever comes to mind, write it down, even
if you are not bothered by it. Assume random thoughts are coming to mind
for a reason. Write quickly; don’t judge or think about your list. Once your
list is fifty events long, you have a lot of good content to start tapping. Regularly review  your list, and continue to add memories as they come to
mind. Step 3. Once you’ve made your list, rate your present intensity level as
you think of each event. Step 4. Gold Standard EFT suggests that you start tapping on the stories
that carry the most intensity . I suggest that you go ahead and start tapping
on whichever story jumps out at you. You might start out tapping just on the
title of the event at hand, but quickly in most cases you’ll start to uncover
aspects you can tap down to zero, one at a time. Make sure you rate your
intensity after each tapping round. Adjust your setup statements to reflect
shifts in intensity  and shifts in aspects. Note progress as you go in your EFT
journal by crossing events of f the list. Step 5. Regularly review your list after clearing five or so events. Add
events that come to mind, and cross off the events that no longer carry
discomfort. You may be surprised to see the intensity around some stories
collapsing from other events you’re neutralizing on the list. While you are working on your Personal Peace Procedure list,
simultaneously create a list of areas in your life where you’d like to see
improvement, such as relationships, energy level, career , weight, stress
management, or what ever else. As you make progress on your Personal
Peace Procedure list, check to see if things have chang ed in your
improvement list. Note the positive changes, and savor them. Since we have
a negativity bias built in, it pays to acknowledge how it feels when you
have accomplished something or are feeling good.As you work through your list, also note changes in how you deal with
the event, issue, or whatever used to trouble you. Are you thinking
differently abou t the issue? Are you feeling generally more optimistic? Did
your self-talk or negative thinking patterns change? Have physical issues or
emotions cleared ? Have you had any breakthroughs or a-ha! moments? You
may understand that when your partner turns on the boob tube (or its
equivalent) and tune you out, it has nothing to do with you and you’ve done
nothing wrong. Even the urge to tell the wife or partner or friend or boss
how messed up they are may cease and desist, and you’ll realize that the
important work is your inner work. You will also likely stop blaming
yourself for others’ problems and not be so hard on yourself, either . Acknowledgment of Y our Progress
You can also acknowledge your progress while tapping down the EFT tap-
down points (this is not part of the official Personal Peace Procedure). It’s
about building your positivity , savoring your success, and exercising your
gratitude muscle. Tapping on the positive helps you acknowledge clearing
something that used to trouble you. I do it like this:
Top of head:  I just neutralized that difficult story . That’ s one I thought I’d
never get over . Inside eyebrow:  Wow! It wasn’ t bigger than me! I’m okay! Side of eye:  This tapping works and I’m doing it! Under eye:  It feels great to put that old story behind me. Under nose:  I’m enjoying this feeling right now . Chin:  What if I can resolve more bad memories? What if I could clear all of
them out? Collarbone:  I’m thrilled to have a tool that works. I love this idea of the
peace procedure! I’m on board for more! Under arm: I’m grateful that I resolved this one story , and I’m eager to do
more work. Right now, I’m honoring and acknowledging the work thatI’ve already done. It’s good, it feels right, and I’m grateful for this tool
and that I am committed to healing. I’m courageous, I believe in healing,
and I’m at peace in this moment. Tap on this one from the top of the head through under the arm:  I’m
grateful to allow , receive, and accept all the good things flowing to every
cell in my body and every area of my life according to my highest good. You can organiz e your list in clusters of similar issues, categorie s, or time
periods, too. Make Personal Peace Pr ocedur e a Habit
It takes twenty-one days to create a habit, so consider choosing a consistent
time every day for at least three months to tap another event down to zero. If you are really busy, try tapping while taking a bath, silently on the
subway , just before you get up or go to bed, and so on. There’ s personal
hygiene, which you do every day, and the Personal Peace Procedure is your
emotional hygiene for resilience and well-being. In Conclusion
Now you have the EFT workhorse tools of Tell the Story and the Personal
Peace Procedure . You have a brief understanding of the Movie  Technique,
Tearless Trauma , and Chase the Pain. You’re ready to go out and practice
on your own! In the next section , you’ll have the chance to practice tapping
on common topics. But before we get into that, let’s cover comm only asked
questions and suggestions for tapping that give you a real-world picture of
how easily you can integrate EFT into your life. [contents]9. Gary Craig: www .emofree.com/eft-tutorial/tapping-roots/tell-story .html
OceanofPDF .comChapter 5
Common Q & A about EFT  
and Tapping Ideas
Here’ s common ly asked questions and answers and tapping ideas that I’ve
gathered over the last fifteen years from my own personal practice and
work with clients. Q: How Do I Know the Right W ords to Say? While I’ve been saying you need to pay attention to how you word your
EFT setup and reminder or problem phrases, the paradox is that tapping is
not only about the words; the words are just a gateway to the feelings, and
the feelings are what’ s caught inside in the energy disruption. The words—
including the EFT setup and reminder phrases—are not the most important
thing. Focusing and allowing yourself to experience the specific feeling you
have is the critical factor to release and relief—and even if you can’t name
the feeling, it still works! Here’ s some examples from my client work:
Even though I have to get this right (these words, this setup, this
process), and I don’t believe I can make progress until I do, I deeply
and completely accept myself. Even though it has to be perfect, I deeply and completely  accept
myself. Even though I’m not certain just what to say… . Even though I can’ t figure this out on my ow n, what if I could? Even though I need help to make this work, I’m optimistic that I can
help myself.Q: W on’t Complaining Draw  
More Negative Things to Me? We’re not bringi ng up the negat ives to wallow in them. If emotional trauma
and upset are covering up all the good stuff inside of you, that layer of
trauma is sitting on your essence . All the pretending in the world isn’t going
to make  the underlying problem  go away . EFT allows you to resolve the
“negatives” that may be standing in the way of your joy. You stay focused
on them  just long enough to release the emotional charge. As you release
the trauma, the positive—your natural optimism and joy—naturally bubbles
to the surface. Every time I hear someone say, “I can’t complain,” or “I shouldn’ t
complain,” I see a person who could use some good complaining time (and
probably a bit of whining wouldn’ t hurt, either!) When we keep our
negatives inside  and pretend the feelings and upsets don’t exist or bother us,
they fester and af fect us emotionally and physically . EFT helps you clarify and focus on your stress and then adds the
balancing of self-af firmation and tapping to feel, loosen, and release the
emotions in your system. Focusi ng on the negative is simply about isolating
a specific issue or feeling that’s stemming from the disruption in your
body’ s ener gy system. Even if you know that you want to tap on the negatives, sometimes it’s
still really hard to go there. Here are phrases I have used in my own practice
and with clients:
Even though I’ve been taught to embrace the positive and not talk
about the negative, I deeply and completely accept myself. Even though I believe that talking about the negative will bring me
more bad things, what if that’s just a belief and tapping on the negative
actually works? I deeply and completely accept myself. Even though law of attraction says you get what you think about, I’m
open to the possibility of healing what’ s been hidden and blocking mefrom achieving my goals all these years. Even though I’m thinking I’ll drown in negativity if I start opening up
that can of worms, I deeply and completely accept myself and how I
feel. According to Dr. Bruce Lipton , the subconscious mind processes the
equivalent of 40 million bits of data a second, while the conscious mind
processes just 40 bits per second .10 And while it appears that we have up to
60,000 thoughts a day, neuroscientists reveal that up to 90 to 99 percent of
those thoughts are the same as we had the day before, with up to 70 percent
of them negative.11 So what’ s running in your background that you’re not
aware of? Q: What if I Don’t Accept My Feelings or  
Situation or Don’t Love Myself? Many people mistakenly belie ve that saying “I accept what happened”
means the bad things are okay . This isn’t true; you’re only telling the truth,
and even  if you don’t believe it to be true, your subconscious mind hears. The acceptance  phrase is speaking to your conscious and subconscious
minds, telling your entire system  that no matter what happened, no matter
how bad you believe you are or how hopeless the situation seems, you are
not your problem. You are more. You are still here, and you’re doing the
best you can. If you don’t accept yourself and your situation, the reality of your present
day, how can you heal? Find something you can accept or agree with, such as “I want to be kind
to myself,” or “I love summer ,” or “My niece, Belle, is awesom e.” Here are
a few other thoughts. Even though I don’t yet accep t myself, I can and do acknowledge
myself. Even though I feel very upset, I would like to love and for give myself.Even though I don’t want to accept myself, I can accept that this is just
where I am right now . (I use this one myself!) Sometimes it helps to add humor:
Somehow , someday , maybe, it may be possible to accept my horrible
self just as I am. Even though what I did is so bad that I deserve to be locked up for life,
I am open to the possibility of a furlough for just a little while. Humor may not always land, however . Can you tolerate a phrase, or does
it upset you more? If you use humor as the last part of your acceptance
phrase, it has to bring a smile to your face. If it brings tears, start tapping on
the emotions that come up until they subside. After that, you might even be
in a position to accept yourself just as you are. Q: How Can I State My Feelings  
if I Don’t Know What They Are? For the most part, our culture doesn’ t reward us for having or sharing our
feelings, so it may take time for some people to develop this skill. For
example, have you ever witnessed a loved one or friend yelling as they tell
you about an upsetting event and when you mention that they seem angry ,
they snap, “I’m not angry!”
Why do we often not know or misidentify what we are feeling? From the
time we are infants, many of us are trained away from actually  feeling our
feelings. We cry, and our paren ts do everything to calm us down. It’s rare
for parents to sit with a young child’ s discomfort, offering patient,
connected emotional presence so the child will learn that having and
expressing troubled feelings is okay and that after the big storm, they’ll be
fine. Actually , the child’ s distress distresses the parents! Children quickly learn
which feelings are not okay in our family and avoid them to obtain approval
from parents, the people who will help them survive. But the feelings are
still there, inside.As you continue to grow in your tapping practice, you will develop
awareness of what you’re feeling. If ever you’re unsure, drop your
awareness into your body and experience what you are sensing. Tap based
on your specific body sensations. Notice when you go numb. Notice your
coping behaviors, which are often signs you’re avoiding an unpleasant
feeling. Or just start by guessing ; go with whatever comes to mind first. Guessing allow s your subconscious to work, and your subconscious is
always tuned in and will make this easy. Here are some phrases I’ve used
with myself and/or others. Notice that the affirmations are slightly different
than the standard “deeply and completely accept myself”:
Even though I have no idea how I’m really feeling right now about (my
problem), that’ s okay; I accept myself just as I am anyway . Even though I feel numb and feelings weren’ t even allowed  in my
family growing up, I love, honor , forgive, and accept myself. Even though I need to keep a lid on things and that’s how I was taught
to operate, that’ s okay; I choose peace. Even though I’m not sure what would happen if I open up to all the
feelings inside, what if it was possible to begin to recognize when and
what I’m feeling, and be okay with it? Q: What if I Feel T oo Much? At the other end of the spectrum , you might be awash in feelings. You can
take inspiration from phrases like these and make them your own:
Even though I’m drowning in my feelings and it’s too much, I deeply
and completely accept myself, anyway . Even though it’ s too scary to have all these feelings alone, and I need to
share them with somebody , I deeply and completely accept myself. Even though these feelings feel like they are happening to me and I
have no control, I am actually having them and they are not bigger than
I am; I deeply and completely accept myself.Feelings are flickers that pass through your system as long as you stay
connected and calm. As you allow them to arise and subside, you’ll
experience more connectedness, intimacy , and resiliency . Soon you’ll be
looking at upsetting feelings as opportunities to heal. If you truly feel like
you’re in over your head, find professional support. And reme mber , we’re
shooting for percentages, not 100 percent! Q: Do Sensations in My Body Count as Feelings? Those sensations are feelings; we just label them differently than we do
emotions. Get in the habit of asking, “What’ s going on in my body when I
think of this situation?” Do you have an awareness in your stomach, a
tightness in your shoulders, a sharp pain in your temples? Is your breathing
shallower? Scan your body  to see where you’re holding tension or pain right now. Get in the habit  of doing body scans, asking yourself where you might be
feeling or storing this emotional issue in your body if you were physically
storing it somewhere. In other words: “If I did have a place to store this in
my body , where would it be?”
Everyone has places in their body where they store emotion. You’ll soon
learn more about the Chasing the Pain technique in Chapter 8 , which tracks
the feelings in your body all the way down to an often surprising root issue,
collapsing the pain in the process. The body is an amazing storehouse: it never lies, and it follows the
mind’ s instructi ons—both subconscious and conscious. You might be
surprised at all the interesting things your body is ready to tell you once you
start tapping. Q: Who Does EFT W ork On? Who doesn’t EFT work on? Those who don’t tap. In other words, everyone
can tap. And you can tap surrog ate (meaning tap as if you were them) for
those who can’t tap for themse lves, including tapping on animals, babies,
for world peace, for people with Alzheimer ’s, and so on. It works. The idea
behind surrogate tapping is that you tap on yourself allowing  yourself toguess, sense, or express what you think that person would say, think, or feel
if they were tapping, with the intention of passing on the benefits of the
tapping to them. Q: Can I Use EFT on Someone Else? Yes and no. Tread carefully; start with small things only if they (whether
your tappee is a young child or your elderly grandpa) are willing, and don’t
get in over your head or your skills. Complex issues need professional,
experienced practitioners who understand how to safely naviga te a person
through signific ant traumatic events. Ask yourself if you can be detached,
neutral, compas sionate, and nonjudgmental of the person. Can you go
where they need to go, not wher e you want to go or believe they should go? If not, then tap on your issues first before giving it a try . Q: What Is a T apping Buddy  
and Why W ould I W ant One? Tapping buddies help spur your practice forward faster . They don’t need to
be in a similar place in their lives; they don’t need to be friends. They
simply need to be motivated to learn and tap with you on a regular basis. You take turns acting as EFT practitioner on the other person. Sessions of at
least a half hour each are recommended. You might actua lly want to avoid a tapping buddy who is quite close to
you and your situation, such as a spouse or other family member . You might
get triggered or upset and become unable to be neutral about what the other
person is tapping on, which won’ t make you a very good tapping buddy . For best results, agree to learn together , commit to a regularly scheduled
time, easily forgive mistakes, keep a boundary around check-in chatter ,
listen to feedback, set some rules and agreements up around how the
tapping buddy-ship will go—or won’ t go. Review your agreements
regularly . Q: How Do I Find a T apping T arget?You can turn anything that has some intensity into a tapping target. Just
hang up the phone after an awful conversation? Did someone’ s Twitter post
infuriate you? Did customer service lack “service”? Those are all easy,
honest, and specific. Refer also to the Personal Peace Procedu re list from
Chapter 4  on finding plenty of tar gets. Ask yourself questions like: What’ s the one thing in my life that I would
rather not have gone through? What’ s the one thing that really bugs me
right now, if I were to allow myself to feel it? What’ s the one issue that
consistently derails me? Ask yourself open-ended questions to help bring you to specific tapping
targets and even ts: “I wonder where that started?” “I’m curious about … ”
“Isn’ t it interesting that I reacted so strongly to such a little bitty thing?”
These types of questions will open your mind more easily to specific
events. Once you have a speci fic event in mind, determine whether you
need to chunk it down into more specific events to maximize res ults. Q: Do I Need to Use the  
Same W ords in the Setup Phrase? I have varied the EFT setup language on occasion in this book and in the
exercises that follow , but this is a more advanced practice. When working
more globally , or with a tapalo ng, you will see that setups and reminder
phrases often vary from Gold Standard. Gold Standard focuses in the
beginning stages on using the same setups. This makes it easier to clear one
aspect or event at a time and finally collapse a whole tabletop issue. When
you’re not experienced, fancy af firmations can get in the way of the work. Once you gain a solid underst anding of the EFT setup language and
reminder phrase s, you’ll see that it’s not necessary to always use the same
words and that variances and reframes in the right time and place can be
remarkably ef fective, too. Q: Do T apalongs or T apping Scripts W ork?This is a bit complicated. Tapalo ng and tapping scripts can be inspiring but
are not Gold Standard EFT. When you rely on a tapping script alone, you
are in “global” or general territory—someone else’s. Long-lasting relief
comes when you clear your specific event at its roots, aspect by aspect. A
tapping script may unwittingly activate a big upset in someone who can’t
resolve it alone. Well-trained EFT experts who share tapalongs have had
years of experience and know well the issues for which they are offering
tapalongs. Y ou need to see what works for you. You might also have noticed that tapping scripts may resolve quickly on a
positive note. People can come away feeling quite optimistic about their life
and their next steps. However , if the underlying issue has not been solved,
disappointment will return over time and maybe a person will assume that
EFT doesn’t work. EFT works; all that happened was that the tapping script
just didn’ t get to the roots of the trauma. You’ll find tapalongs online that
might provide a starting point for your own inspiration or for a tapping
direction, or to give you another insight into your own issue. Since I’m
concerned abou t new tappers’ emotional safety , it’s fair to point out that
tapping on generalizations can open doorways to old troubles and memories
but not provide you with the means to find your way out. In other words, a
downside to consider is that global tapping with scripts might re-stimulate
emotions with no clear or safe directions to resolve the emotional flooding
or intensity this can bring about. So, one easy safety precaution is to work
with a partner or buddy who knows how to tap so you’ll have help if you
need it. Some tapping experts offer inspirational scripts on topics that include
making changes, borrowing optimism, having a magnificent day, or letting
go of sadness. They provide a boost of enthusiasm, like an “atta girl!” in
moments when I need some encouragement, even if core issues are
unresolved. Sometimes you just need to tap to feel good. I occasionally start
my day with a tapalong.Q: What about T apping for  
Appreciation and Gratitude? Yes! Gratitude and appreciation  tapping activate the part of the brain that’s
expansive, optimistic, and gives the feeling of well-being. Tap gratitude
regularly for maximum effect. It’s not Gold Standard EFT, but it can
strengthen your gratitude muscle. Even when you’re down, consider
tapping on being grateful for the opportunity to heal this “challenge.”
Surprising things can happen when you thank the
Creator/Divine/Universe/you name it for even the unfortunate things that
have come to roost at your door. You don’t need to perform the karate chop
and setup statement; just tap on the tap-down points expressing your
gratitude. In addition, five minutes of positive tapping just on your
collarbone point is a way to foster emotional resilience and boost your
vitality . Q: What Is Borrowing Benefits  
and Isn’t That Like a T apping Script? Borrowing Bene fits is an observ ed phenomenon and a technique developed
by Gary Craig. In it, you are asked to identify an issue you want to work on
then set it aside  while you follo w along with someone else who is tapping
aloud on their own issues—even someone on an old DVD! After tapping
along, you return to your own issue and observe any change in your
problem’ s intens ity. It’s not only efficient, but very surprising. You might
like to give this a try sometime— watching someone else tap while focusing
on your own issues. It’s not as laser-focused as getting specific with EFT
but it will help you make headway . EFT’ s Borrowing Benefits, or Easy EFT, is different from tapalongs in
that you are identifying a target for your conscious and subcon scious mind
before embarking on following along with someone else’ s tapping t arget. Q: How Do I Know EFT Is W orking?Be alert for signs of shifts. Body , mind, and spirit shifts happen both during
the tapping round and after you tap. Although each person is different and
you may experience more shifts than I’ve listed, following are common
signs of shifts from tapping. Changes in your speech patterns:  Everything from talking faster to softer
to whini ng to stuttering to whispering. After tapping, you might notice your
voice is more solid, softer , or better modulated, or that it’s easie r to express
yourself. Changes in body and physiolo gy: Broad spectrum of body sensations,
from sudden aches that jump all over your body , tight jaws and cheeks, to
weakness to tingles, to freezin g or boiling hot. You might  experience
nervous foot tapping or coughin g, feel suddenly tired, or have a suddenly
phlegmy throat, runny nose, or plenty of tears. People commonly
experience heaviness in their chest, shallow breathing, or tightness or
warmth in their chest, for example. After a round, you might find a
suddenly clear throat or a lighter or relaxed stomach. If you’ve released a
lot, you might need to rest, and you might even feel shaky . All these
sensations are common. You might no longer feel tired—you could even
feel energized or peaceful. Whatever you are feeling is okay , and the
shakiness or fatigue or whatever it is will pass. Changes in thoughts, feelings, beliefs, or perspective:  For example:
Before, you were locked-in hard about what someone did to you or feeling
that you will never forgive. After tapping, you might suddenly have a
different perspe ctive and understand the whole situation with love and
optimism. Tapping might conn ect the dots on some very old stories you
could never figure out. You may have a dramatic change of perspective,
such as forgiveness, laughter , or the realization that it wasn’ t your fault or
responsibility . Old beliefs simply don’ t make sense anymore. Changes in feelings:  You can experience a profound release of feeling
during and after a tapping round. (Remember , “e-motion” = energy in
motion.) Upset and big anger over an experience may turn to sadness orgrief, which later resolves to complete neutrality—for good. Commonly , an
intense physical sensation or feeling drops to zero. Just keep tapping. Feeling a profound sense of lightness or gratitude usually creates willing
optimism about the future. Symptoms of illness or sickness may subside. People may suddenly change their mind about a dramatic cours e of action. Laughter and a sense of humor usually returns. Life changes! Changes in behavior: You now are acting differently and behaving in a
more healthy way when you come in contact with what used to “trigger”
you. You take steps in your life that had not heretofore been considered or
seemed possible. Q: Why Am I Not Getting Better Faster? You’ve read about one-minute wonders in which tapping resolved a major
issue in minutes; you hear powerful speakers and motivators saying they
can help you undo your self-sabotage or other big challenges through a ten-
week course, and when this doesn’ t happen for you, you naturally wonder
“What’ s wrong with me?” and it doesn’ t feel so good. Instead start asking
yourself, “ What’ s right with me?”
Powerful marketing that ratchets up our hopes with miraculous
transformation appeals to all of us, especially when we’re hurting. Our
vulnerability can make it very tempting to believe that everythin g’s going to
transform if we just take this one course or do this one thing. But our great
expectations of a course or guru don’t usually focus on doing the individual
work of getting to the specific roots of our real problem. So let’s do the
work and find the roots. Sometimes all it takes is one event that lays the
roots bare. Other times, it may take five or ten times or even more. You can
boost your practice by working with a tapping practitioner . I often tap along
these lines when feeling that way:
Even though I need this to be gone right away , I accept myself and my
situation right now .Even though there must be something wrong with me, what if
everything is, in fact, okay with me, and I’m just still working on this? (Note the use of af firmation here.) Healing doesn’ t necessarily mean “curing,” or changing the external
circumstances of your life, whether that’s earning a million dollars or
recovering from cancer . I prefer to look at healing as understanding yourself
and accepting where you are right now, no matter what the problem—
because only then can you experience peace, equanimity , and eventually
wholeness. Q: Why Does EFT W ork for Others but Not Me? Comparing means everyone loses. Each of us is glorious beyond measure
and wholly unique. When I catch myself comparing, I know I’m triggered. Most of us have grown up being  measured and compared. How does it feel
to grow up and hear a parent say something like, “You are sounding like
your brother—stop!” “How come you don’t try out for those sports like
your friend?” “How come you can’ t be more like so-and-so?”
Tap on the feeling that comes up when you are falling into the
comparison trap. Who compared in your family? Do you have a specific
time when someone made a comparison either favorably or negatively
about you and your siblings? Can you list earlier times when comparison
events happened? These are all tappables, and neutralizing them may clear
your whole tabletop issue of comparison. People have gotten started on identifying their own issues and taking
some of the edge of f comparison by using statements like these:
Even though EFT is working for (fill in the blank) and never does for
me, I deeply and completely accept myself. Even though I’m just a tough case and nothing ever works for me and I
have (fill in the blank, other person) to prove how worthless I actually
am, I deeply and completely accept myself. Even though I’m bummed I can’ t be like her/him … .Even though I’m so jealous … . Even though I don’ t see how I’ll ever measure up … . Even though I want what s/he has … . Even though it’s hard not to compare, I want to be grateful for my own
path, my own destiny , and my own divine purpose, and that I am
wholly unique. It is true that EFT works on just about everything I’ve seen, but not at the
same rate for every person. Persistence and specifics will win the day if you
stay with it. If your current trauma issues are not budging, they may be
bouncing off unresolved early childhood trauma (a common occurrence),
and this is where you need to go. Ask yourself about the first time you felt a
similar feeling or went through a similar experience to the one you’re
troubled with now. Start with those childhood traumas and consider
working with an experienced EFT provider . Q: It Seems Like I’m Getting W orse  
When I T ap. What’ s That About? It means you have big feelings coming to the surface. If you have dammed
up your emotions for years, then yes, you will likely experience an excess
of emotions for a while. Who said healing was going to be graceful? Keep tapping, and know that
you have struck a vein of gold that will pay off. Healing is a big and wholly
worthwhile project, and you are capable of it. Many clients report anger as
they begin to unravel long daisy-chains of hurts; have you considered that
anger may be your best ally for motivating you to move forward? Q: What f It Seems That Part of Me  
Doesn’t W ant to Get Better? We’ll address that more fully in Chapter 6, on using EFT to address self-
sabotage behav ior. Sometimes we’re not 100 percent sure we want to
change the situation. There may be a few good reasons for keeping theproblem that we’re not conscio usly aware of. “Secondary gain” is a fancy
phrase for this unconscious desire to stay just as we are. On an unconscious level, it may not feel safe in some way to make the
change you seek. Therefore what you are consciously wanting is being
blocked. EFT helps uncover what is underneath the stubborn resistance. “If
I’m successful, they won’ t like me, or I’ll have to leave my loved ones
behind,” is an example of someone who might sabotage their own success. Q: Are There T imes EFT W on’t W ork? Sometimes allergy or an environmental toxin can inhibit EFT’ s
effectiveness to work with your energy system, thus re-stimulating it
instead of calming it down. To make real progress, the allergy or
environmental toxin must be addressed first. Tiredness, dehydration, or
nervous system exhaustion may also be at play. If that’s the case, start with
what’ s happening now, not with the tapping target you had in mind. Many
people, including me, have cleared their aller gies using tapping. Q: Will EFT Make Me Lose My Moral Compass? People ask, “If I tap and clear out a bad thing, will I then feel there’ s no
problem with doing bad or unethical things?” Tapping will not make it okay
for you to lie, cheat, steal, and otherwise act inappropriate ly. It will,
however , resolve the issues underlying the need to lie, cheat, and steal. Q: Why W ork with a Practitioner? Having someone experienced in helping people work through difficult
memories and blocks can help you quickly access and resolve  core issues
far more deeply . Effective practitioners are trained to act as detectives. They can help you
find your patterns, core issues, and blocks. They can help you make the
connections between a today issue and long-ago childhood core stories. They hold the space for you to feel, and release. They can offer up a
protocol or a system that you can work within to step-by-step resolve issues
and achieve your goals.A practi tioner can help you more deeply understand how to practice EFT
for results. He or she can provide feedback on developing effective setup
statements, getting specific, and serve as a resource as you work through
your EFT Person al Peace Procedure list. A practitioner can help you stay on
track so you needn’ t fear getting lost in too much emotion. Some
practitioners also serve as coach es in between sessions. It’s not like therapy ,
where you go weekly for years. I have long-term and short-t erm clients:
some come weekly , some monthly , and some come for a few times and are
done. Some have been with me since the start of my practice and we work
when they get stuck. Making Informed Decisions About EFT Practitioners
How do you know someone is a trustworthy practitioner? Some credential-
granting organiz ations offer a certification after a weekend course. But a
one-weekend course is not the same as the knowledge an experienced
practitioner has. EFT is a skill and an art form—it takes time. The person
working with you must have done a fair amount of “work” on his or her
own issues. You would want to work with someone who is accepting,
nonjudgmental, and compassionate, yet not enabling. You’d want someone
who believes it’ s possible to heal and sees that possibility in you. The Association of Compre hensive Energy Psychology (ACEP),
Association for the Advancement of Meridian Energy Techniques
(AAMET), and emofree.com list practitioners who have been through solid
training. In particular , emofree.com practitioners have passed the most
rigorous of training. You likely won’ t go wrong with searching these
databases. Do some research to find your fit. When you hear about a
practitioner who specializes in one area or another , be aware that it’s a
specialty but that EFT essential ly works the same with all situations. Ask
friends for references. Check out at least three practitioners before you
make a decision. Most of fer a free, brief consult. Website testimo nials will not tell you if you and the practitioner are a
good match. Some EFT practitioners offer a free fifteen-minute (or so)consult. I require potential clien ts to speak with me, as I too need to see if I
can help them and if we are a good fit. Below are questions for potential practitioners:
Do they of fer a free short consult with prospective clients? If not, I’d
pass. Skype, phone work, or of fer in-of fice visits? Are they responsive
to your email or phone call? What is their training? Which or ganization and which practitioner were
they trained under? Do they follow the professional standards and et hics
from say , ACEP or AAMET? Are they familiar with Gold Standard EFT , or how does their practice
differ from Gold Standard EFT? Do they , for example, know how to
help a client navigate through a T ell the Story event, aspect by aspect? If
they are not trained in Gold Standard EFT from ACEP , ask how their
practice is similar , or dif fers. How long have they been in practice, what other modalities do the y have
under their belt? Ask about location—in of fice, Skype, phone, retreat—session  length,
fees, what to expect from a session, what you receive for  what you are
paying. When you speak with them, pay attention to how you’re feeling. Are
they listening, answering your questions,  
promising the world, or what? Do you feel emotionally  
safe? After you get of f the phone, how do you feel? What types of situations and client needs have they worked with, how
many people in their specialty areas? What sort of results do their clients report? Do they have clients who are
legally willing and able to talk with you about their experience? Does
the practitioner have an understanding of the issues you’re facing? Clarify this by asking what they have worked with and how they might
work with someone like you. While no one can say with certainty whatwill happen in a session, an experienced expert can give you a broad
sense of what to expect. Ask them if what you are addressing is within their experience and their
scope of practice? Y ou don’ t want to walk away from a session with
unresolved issues hanging out all over . Give them an example of what
you are going through or wishing to change. Experienced, well-trained
practitioners, in particular those trained under ACEP and AAMET , will
know what is in their scope of practice and may or may not refer you to
a mental health expert if necessary . What is their policy regarding “results”? For example, my policy is that
if a client does not receive emotional results, and I define that clearly
before we ever schedule a session, they may receive their money back. What does your intuition or gut tell you once the free consultation is
over? If you are under care of a mental health professional or physician, consult
first with them before you seek an EFT expert. I have worked in concert,
with legal permission from the client, with mental health professionals who
have made refer rals in addition to the therapy they are receiving . When you
are dealing with emotional challenges and old past trauma, you want to
make sure that the person you work with has the appropriate ethics,
boundaries, experience, and scope of practice understanding in place before
moving forward. See the EFT Resources  section at the end of this book for more
information on practitioners and finding a good one. Costs of sessions range from pay-what-you-can (using a “pay it forward”
approach) right on up to $500 or more per session. Average rates range
from $80 to $160 for an hour-long session, and sessions are generally 60 to
90 minu tes. Other options include several hour sessions, retreat sessions
over a weekend, five to fifteen minutes a day by phone coaching sessions,
emer gency sessions, and more. What can you expect after a tapping session? Clarity , resolution, relief.In Conclusion
Now you know the answers to the most commonly asked questions about
using EFT, and you know how to go about finding a good practitioner for
your particular issues. Part II of this book will focus on subjects of interest to most people. These include using EFT to end self-sabotage; resolve stress; find physical
relief; resolve phobias; address weight issues, cravings, and body
acceptance challenges; and relieve grief. [contents]10. Meryl Ann Butler , “A Romp through the Quantum Field: A Dialogue with Bruce Lipton and
Gregg Braden,” on Brucelipton.com, last modified Feb. 7, 2012,
www .brucelipton.com/resource/interview/romp-through-the-quantum-field. 11. Christine Comaford, “The One Question That Is Shaping Y our Life,” Forbes Online Magazine,
last modified Oct. 27, 2013, accessed January 15, 2015,
www .forbes.com/sites/christinecomaford/2013/10/27/the-one-question-that-is-shaping-your -entire-
life/3/. OceanofPDF .comPART II
Common Tapping Topics
OceanofPDF .comThis second part of the book addresses common issues we face in our daily
lives. It is full of easy-to-follow exercises and tips for tapping. Scattered
throughout the text are enco uragements to tap continuously for an
emotional breather or a pause for when things get too intense. Chapter 6 on self-sabotag e looks at root causes of sabotage as well as
sabotage as a coping mechanism  and solution to a problem we may have
outgrown. It starts by addressing resistance to tapping. Chapter 7 on stress
relief explores how to shift our relationship to the everyday stressors in our
lives. It looks at how we absorb stress patterns from our families, ancestors,
and culture and how to transform harmful patterns. Chapter 8 offers the
Chase the Pain technique and everything from how to tap on the physical
and emotional aspects of a cold or virus to strengthening the immune
system through tapping. You can even tap to recover emotional equilibrium
after a traumatizing accident and aim tapping at serious illnesses and
allergies. Chapter 9 explores how phobias get lodged in place and how to
dislodge them. Chapter 10, the weight release and body  image chapter ,
offers a cornucopia of exercis es and opportunities to explore how to
transform our relationship to cravings, our body , and our weight. Chapter 1 1
explores how to apply tapping to loss and grief, which we all face, without
suffering needlessly .OceanofPDF .comChapter 6
Self-Sabotage—Why We Do It, 
How to Change That
Self-sabotage is like a civil war inside the body , getting in the way of
dreams, hope, goals, productivity , and joy. One part of us wants the thing
we want, but another part of us is terrified about what horrible  thing could
happen if we do achieve that goal, have the love, make the change. We want to be skinny and look good but another part of us is afraid of
unwelcome attention or vulnerability; the weight has been insulating us
since we were little. Is it any wonder that diets only work for a little while? We want to be successful but another part of us is afraid of being smacked
down like when  we were little and “too big for our britches” or the other
family members were jealous. We deeply want a committed relationship,
but another part of us is afraid that love hurts and the subconscious part of
us would rather sabotage than feel that pain again, so we keep making the
same relationship mistakes at key moments. We want to turn our projects in
on time but we’re terrified that they won’ t be perfect or that we’ll fail, so
we procrasti nate at the expense of our career or business. And so the cycle begins: we beat ourselves up for not having the
willpower , the strength, the coura ge, the whatever quality to live the life we
want. And then we feel worse. And this cycle continues over years, piling
layers of hard feelings on top of already disappointing experi ences. This
negative reinfor cing process moves us away from the insights we need to
heal. Our self-defeating behavior perpetuates the cycle. I write, dear tappers, as a bona-fide, credentialed master of the art of self-
sabotage, who has changed (most of) her ways. With tappin g and otherhealing work, I have resolved a great many of them but can attest that
sabotage is never about what it seems. It could be carb addiction,
relationship explosions, chronic lateness, clutter , or physical troubles—self-
sabotage is a protective behavior . And because sabotage protects, it’s
difficult to change. It is our mind and body’ s attempt to keep us safe in
some way. It’s not rational, reasonable, and it doesn’ t even feel safe. But
trust that your subconscious is always at work, trying to keep you safe. And
since the vast majority of our mind is subconscious, guess who wins? EFT founding master Carol Look has regularly referred to sabotage as
being a solution to a problem. It can be considered a coping mechanism that
used to serve us but does not anymore. Typically , sabotage includes
strategies we learned in early childhood experiences to gain approval, love,
safety , and the like. Knowing that your sabotaging behavior is a coping mechanism and a way
for you to get love, for example, may explain why beating yourself up
doesn’ t really work as a long-te rm solution. You can’t get to the roots of a
problem that way. Next time you’re about to berate yourself, you might stop
and instead consider yourself incredibly resourceful, not a hopeless loser . When you start to soften aroun d these behaviors and have compassion for
yourself, you gain the opportunity to uncover the core issues or roots of the
sabotage behavi ors, and then you can tap on them. There’ s always hope! Tapping is a particularly useful tool to have at your comm and when
resolving the components that hold your self-sabotage in place. But what if
you don’t want to tap? Resistance is quite common, so let’s explore a bit
more. Exercise: Journal List Resistance to T apping
You’ll need your EFT journal for this and the next one. Title this page
“Tapping Resistance .” First, list all the reasons why you might not or will
not tap. Write quickly without giving it too much thought. Your reasons
might include everything from  “I have no time”  to “I don’t want to,” to “Idon’t believe it will work,” to “I can’t sit still long enough to tap.” Each
“reason” is atapping target that will lead you to uncovering  blocks to
tapping. Follow one resistance “reason” to the end and see what you learn. Exercise: Clear T apping Resistance
Step 1. Is there an area in your life that could benefit from tapping but you
feel resistant? What’ s in the way of your tapping? List one reason. For
example, “I don’t want to.” Use the 0 to 10 scale to determine how resistant
you are right now to tapping on the problem area. Write it down. Also note
any corresponding body sensations in your journal. Step 2. Create an EFT setup statement that targets your resistance: “Even
though I am resisting tapping on (the issue you have targeted), I deeply and
completely love and accept myself.” Or, if you’re just plain resistant to
tapping at all, go with that. Step 3. Tap the EFT basic recipe using the EFT setup statement you
created or my example:
Karate chop: Even though I’m resistant to tapping about this (name
issue), I love, honor , and accept myself anyway . Now , apply the EFT sequence with your reminder or problem phrase:
Top of Head:  this resistance to tapping
Inside eyebrow:  my tapping resistance
Side of eye:  my tapping resistance
Under eye:  my tapping resistance
Under nose:  my tapping resistance
Chin:  my tapping resistance
Collarbone:  my tapping resistance
Under arm:  my tapping resistanceYou may choose to tap down through the EFT sequence points several
times before rechecking the tapping resistance feeling. Step 4. Test yourself. When you think of your tapping resistance about
the target or in general, what’ s changed? Has the resistance decreased, gone
up, or stayed the same? Get even more specific. Ask yours elf, without
judgment, if there were reasons to not change this issue, what would they
be? And assume you’ve got good reasons. List them now . Step 5. Measure intensity for each resistance reason. If you’re a workin g
parent with young children maybe your reason is: “I don’t have time to
tap!” and that’s a 9. And it also makes  sense that this working mom of three
may have resista nce to tapping on her deepest, darkest issue when kids need
feeding, work needs, doing, and the partner ’s out of town. Still, you can tap
on the “no time! ” issue. Even one 30-second tapping round on “I don’t have
time to tap with these kids and this work and these demands on me!” takes
the edge off, moves stress out, and helps you uncover resources you didn’ t
realize you had. Step 6. Now choose the reason with the highest tapping resistance
intensity numbe r as your more specific tapping target. Create and customize
your EFT setup phrase for the tapping resistance reason with the most
intensity . You could start it with “Even though I’m resistant to tapping
because …”  and then add that specific reason from your list. Here are some
examples I’ve come across in my own EFT practice:
“because I won’ t do it right,” “it won’ t work for me, it won’ t work on
my kind of issues,” “it’s too hard,” “I don’t believe in it,” “I don’t want
to get all emotio nal,” “I don’t know the words to say,” “I’m afraid of
what I might feel,” “what if I have to make changes.”
Add your acceptance phrase, such as “I deeply and completely love,
honor , forgive, and accept myse lf,” or “I accept myself and how I feel about
this.”Step 7. Now how resistant to taping that target are you, 0 to ten? Write
your number down. Step 8. Drawing on the examples in step 6, does one reason stand out to
you? Ask yourself when didn’ t you “get it right” or when was it “too hard”
or what happened in the past when you made changes? Often beneath
tapping resistance is the need to keep safe and survive. List a time when you didn’ t get it right, etc. Voilá—you now have an
underlying even t that is likely driving some tapping resistance. Use this as a
tapping target and then return to your tapping resistance and see if it has
changed. Step 9. Now what other  specific thoughts about your resistance to tappi ng
come to mind? What remains in the way of your tapping? Aim for the
specific events and thoughts, detail by detail, until your resistance is cleared
at its roots, often in early childhood. Tapping on something as simple  as “no time to tap” can easily go quite a
bit deeper , to a core issue such as “I have to work hard to be productive and
can’t take a break in order to be loved,” a learned way of thinking as a
family pattern or witnessed in childhood. Thus the “no time to tap” surface
tapping reveals deep, old learned patterns and a new awareness of the way
those patterns have affected our adult life. Tapping on the specific
memories surrounding the belief unravels and releases the unfelt childhood
events holding the “no time to tap” in place and the pattern is dissolved. Step 10. Now note any remaining resistance you named or are believing
right now and tap a round on that one aspect, remembering to test your
intensity before  and after one round of the EFT basic recipe. Tap for
whatever comes  up around that specific phrase, and then move on to
another reason on the list. Step 11. Review your original list of reasons for not tapping. Which one
stands out, now? Maybe not it’s “I can’t get it right.” Great! You can now
either tap on that phrase or ask, “When did I first believe I couldn’ t get itright?” You will uncover events in earlier life where you “couldn’ t get it
right.” T ap on them one at a time. Remember , your ideal “event” is less than
three minutes, so chunk them down into manageable pieces. You can give
your events a title, and use Tell the Story technique. Continue on this same
way until you feel the resistance subside, and instead of resist, persist. Before we explore some hypothetical possibilities, you might consider
activating your body’ s energy system while reading. Consider  tapping or
gently massaging the collarbone point as you read on. Remember one-point
tapping? You can also tap continuously on all of your tap-down points from
the top of the head to the under the arm point. You can finger -tap, which is
tapping on the inside tips of each of your fingers, including your thumb (see
the figure  in Appendix A ) to locate the points, which alone is revitalizing. Tapping on something as simple  as “no time to tap” can easily go quite a
bit deeper , right to a core issue. Perhaps in the case of the person above,
after three rounds on “too busy,” she experiences a deep welling up of
sadness. She doesn’ t know what  it’s in relation to yet, but can easily use the
sadness as her next tapping target, like so: “Even though I am too busy to
tap, and feel a lot of sadness about that right now, I deeply and completely
accept myself.”
She may realize  she’s not as resistant to tapping after a couple rounds,
and decide to try again tomorrow . Or, as she taps on the sadness about being
too busy to tap, some specific past events come to mind. Perhaps more
emotions bubble  to the surface as well as some tears. But as she taps there
is a sense of relief that surprises her. So while she hasn’ t solved the problem
yet, she has siphoned off upset. She thinks about what made her sad but
isn’t as sad anymore. This kind of emotional breakthrough usually
encourages us to keep tapping, and consistent tapping over time begins to
have a cumulative ef fect: we feel better . Tapping can easily lead us all the way back to unfelt childhood  feelings
still at work in our lives and our bodies. EFT allows us to work on and
release those feelings, procee ding step-by-step through our troublingchildhood events. Tapping on each event is like collapsing a table leg
holding up our “resistance to tapping” issues. By tapping on the specific
events or tuning into the sadness, her energy disruption relating to feeling
sadness will resolve. Again, most of the today issues we are tapping are
bouncing of f a core issue or story from much earlier in our lives. Forgot the words or all the points? Tap silently on any points  you can
remember , or tap on only one point. Instead of resist, persist . Quick T ips to W ork with T apping Resistance
1. No time to tap? Integrate tappin g into your down time: in the shower or
the bath, before bed, in the gym, even during a bathroom break. At
work, you can tap with your fingertips on the tabletop or even under
your desk. Remember the famous fingertip points from Chapter 2? Just
tapping those tips will help. 2. Scared you won’ t get it right? T ap on that! 3. Too hard? Just one point tap. Pick one point you like and try it for 60
seconds. See how you feel before and after . 4. Can’ t remembe r to tap? Schedule an alarm or a recurring  widget
reminder on your computer/mobile device to remind you. 5. Feeling isolated? Work with a tapping buddy for connection, motivation,
and accountability . Forgot the words or the points? Just tap on one point
and forget all about the words—focus on the feelings. Persist despite the
resist. Y ou can do this. Self-Sabotage Roots and Safety
We all have basic need to be safe, comforted, accepted, loved, and to
belong. Ironical ly, it’s how we go about getting these basic needs met that
gets us in trouble. We fear that if we fail, we won’ t be loved. We fear that if
we are seen for who we really are, we won’ t be loved. We don’t feel worthy
because once, someone told us we weren’ t and we need to not be worthy to
be accepted. W e fear that if we are really great, we’ll be abandoned by those
who love us. We fear stepping out of our comfort zone because it won’ t beperfect and then we’ll die. Thes e ways of thinking and early patterning set
the stage for self-sabotage. The coping mechanisms we used to survive
growing up don’ t work for us as grown ups. Self-sabotage is often self-protection gone wrong: a part of us doesn’ t
believe it’s safe to make a change, so we stay stuck in the old. Tapping
addresses this stuff—outgr own coping mechan isms—quite well. Try these
and get more specific:
Even though a part of me doesn’ t believe it’ s safe to succeed …
Even though a part of me believes I can’t do it, or that it’s impossible
…
Even though (I’ve got this problem) … I see that there might be a good
reason for me acting this way; this strategy has helped me survive in
the past. Acknowledging the part of you that’s self-sabotaging for perceived safety
as your protector will allow you to be on the same team. Working together ,
you and the “protector” can begin to understand how the behavior affects
you. You can uncover the behavior ’s roots and triggers that set you off,
begin to make dif ferent choices, and finally , collapse the issue entirely . So how do we begin unraveling these self-protective pattern s that are
actually hurting us? Sabotage and Accepting Y ourself
Let’s start with accepting yours elf, sabotaging behavior and all. Until you
bring some compassion and self-acceptance to yourself just as you are,
change will be very difficult. Remember , you are dealing with big fears and
big need s, most  of them stemm ing all the way back to early childhood. Consider creating sample setup statements along these lines to start
developing feelings of self-acceptance right where you are :
Even though I did it again, I deeply and completely accept myself.Even though I am upset about what just happened and my role in it, I
deeply and completely accept myself.
_OceanofPDF.com_Tapping_Into_Wellness_-_Kathilyn_Solomon.txt
Summarize the following text section accurately and concisely. Maintain specific details and numerical information, and use anti-repetition mechanisms:

        Like many peop le, Roger had wanted to run through the entire story all at
once. But think of a traumatic story in your own past. How far has telling
that story over and over again—worrying it like a bone—without tapping
gotten you. In Roger ’s case, I would have done him a disservic e to let him
do that. We wouldn’ t have found all the troubling aspects of the story nor
been able to collapse them. Aspects are like diamonds in the rough—you
wouldn’ t throw one of those out, would you. In the Goulash Scare memory, we tapped on aspects that included: the
look on Dad’ s face; the angry look on Mom’ s face; the tone of Dad’ s voice;
the soun d of Mom’ s footsteps;  seeing her stomp away; the color of the
tablecloth; the sight of goulash on the wall; the sound of the dish crashing;the feeling of being frozen; the fear; helplessness; the need to be really,
really quiet; the confusion; and more. Step 8. Test results. Your event is resolved when you have no intensity at
all when  you think of the story. By the time we got to running through the
whole thing as if it were a movie with deliberate exaggeration, making it
bigger, brighter, louder, angrier, and so forth, he was laughing about how
silly the goulash looked sliding down the wall, “like a Jackson Pollock
painting,” he said. There were no lurking aspects uncovered. He still
couldn’ t scare up any upset. His whole body had relaxed, I noticed. He
reported later that his short fuse had lengthened a bit and that while out with
his children, something that normally would have put him into anxiety
mode didn’ t even register on the anxiety Richter scale. Clues that EFT is working are those cognitive shifts, insights, or “aha. ”
moments. Roger suddenly realiz ed that in order to be safe, he had appeased
his mother his entire life. His enabling of his mom today stemmed from
trying to make her feel good when he was younger so she would step up
and be a good parent. He said his anxiety stemmed from having to hold so
still while being  petrified and never knowing what was going to happen in
an alcoholic household. He never knew when things would spin out of
control—again. The unpredictability was a building block in his present-
day anxiety. Coping mechanisms like these are common for those whose parents are
overwhelmed or inconsistently emotionally available. Codependency and
being alert but numb had kept him safe growing up. Contrary to what he
had told me initially, he realized that his home life had not been as good as
initially described; in fact, the level of anxie ty he had expe rienced was
understandably off the charts. He realized that he had never been able to
turn to either parent to express big fears. He’d had to put a lid on any big
feelings for survival. Collapsing  this big table leg had a huge impact on his
anxiety. Over the next several months of our work together, Roger reported that
where he would have fallen apart or broken out in anger in the past, he had
more patience in his professional dealings, more intimacy with his wife, and
he no longer stressed as much about parenting. He was also able to just let
his mom  have her issues withou t trying to fix them and joined Al-Anon as
well. His body’ s anxiety sensa tions decreased and he stopped taking his
anxiety medication, which had been nauseating him. He also reported not
being attracted to hanging out with angry people anymore. Important Note About T elling the Story
If you’re not seeing results, talk to a professional practitioner for help and
support. See Chapter 5 for how to find a proven, trustworthy EFT
practitioner. As noted, the Tell the Story approach is not inherently the natural way we
think; getting the hang of focusing in on one past specific event three
minutes or less in real time takes some practice. In the beginning stages,
you might start with a one- to-three-minute story and wind up tapping on
another story that took place over thirty minutes or some other related issue
that happened over the entirety of your life. That’ s okay, just keep on going. Keep practicing. You’re still getting results (see Appendix C for the link to
additional video and written elaboration on T ell the Story). Helpful Questions to Ask to Elicit Aspects
Try some of these questions to help you along with Tell the Story: Am I in
the scene right behind the eyes of myself in the story, or am I watching the
scene of myself and what happened. Can I even see myself in the story. Where am I in the scene right now. If the story is getting too intense, pull
yourself out a bit. Instead of being in the scene, let yourself watch the scene
as it unfolds, for example. Other ways to distance or minimize emotional
pain while you process a memory is to tell it in third person or come out of
the story process altogether and after a brief break, return to the story but
start from  the beginning again. Broadcasting the story “out there” on a wallor window can offer a bit of emotional distance while you still tap down
intensity. If you’re not remembering the details, make them up. Implicit memory is
the memory we don’t remember because we were too young or because we
blocked it out. Explicit memory we do remember consciously. So if you
don’t consciously remember something, simply make up details of the story
for what you are feeling. These memories are attached to events, and it’s
okay if we just don’ t consciously remember certain things. Many people are surprised at the minute details that elicit a gush of
feeling and then pass. Your goal is to find the gushers to clear the problem
out at its roots. More questions to consider to uncover aspects: Where are
you in the story. (Outside or inside. At work. At home. Standing or
sitting. ) Who else is there. What do you notice about the other people in
the story. Their words, clothes, expressions, where they are in relation to
where you are. Can you see your feet or hands. Looking up, what do you
see. How old are you. What time of day, month, or year is it. Is the picture
in the story clear. Are you watching it from inside the younger you, or are
you watching yourself from the outside. When you can’t actually see the story, hearing it or feeling it is just as
good. We’re not all visual processors. Some people’ s prim ary way of
processing is by hearing or feeling, and that’s fine. EFT will work just as
well in situations like these. Signs That T apping Is W orking
The obvious sign is that you’ll experience emotional or physical relief once
you have collap sed the story’ s intensity. It won’ t bother you anymore. You
may have a new perspective and insight about what happened. You might
feel more expansive, lighter, energized, hopeful, or at peace. Another sign
that you have gotten results is that the story may be difficult to recall. You
might not even be able to place yourself in it anymore. The story scene
might not seem as clear or could even be difficult to see at all. Or it might
be far smaller than it was when you started out telling the story and wereupset. These are all signs that you have resolved the issue. Pay attention to
how you feel after the story’ s intensity is neutral. Now let’s look at a way to systematically resolve troubled thinking and
difficult emotions from past experiences and memories with the Personal
Peace Procedure. Personal Peace Pr ocedur e
The Personal Peace Procedure (PPP) is deceptively simple but can be
profoundly effective if done consistently over time. It is a systematic way
for you to resolv e troubling memories from your past, and you can do it on
your own. First, list troubling memories from your past, ideally  from more
than a few years ago going back to your early childhood, including
troubling stories you heard growing up. Then tap on the upsetting details of
one mem ory one aspect at a time until you feel neutral, before moving on to
the next item on your life. Imagine putting a bad memory behind you as
simply facts that happened—in the past. Even just clearing one makes you
feel a lot better and provides hope. You can also use your Personal Peace
Procedure list for tapping tar gets as you move forward in the book. The Personal Peace Procedure can help you resolve the energy
disruptions running interference in your life. You may have fifty or
hundreds of these stories on your list. Remember the Generalization Effect. You won’t have to tap on all of them to get relief. As you tap on enough of
the table  legs, other events similar in nature will also collapse, including
core issues. You might be surprised to see how your life improves in
unexpected ways as you move forward in ticking traumatic memories off
the list. Exercise: The Personal Peace Procedure
Step 1. Choose a special notebook or folder on your computer for your
Personal Peace Procedure. Set a timer for anywhere from five to fifteen
minutes, enough  time when you’re just starting. You can always return later
to write more down. Step 2. In that time frame, list with a simple phrase or title in your PPP
notebook as many bothersome memories or life events as come to mind,
allowing a few spaces between each event. Number each event and give
each event a title or a name. Whatever comes to mind, write it down, even
if you are not bothered by it. Assume random thoughts are coming to mind
for a reason. Write quickly; don’t judge or think about your list. Once your
list is fifty events long, you have a lot of good content to start tapping. Regularly review  your list, and continue to add memories as they come to
mind. Step 3. Once you’ve made your list, rate your present intensity level as
you think of each event. Step 4. Gold Standard EFT suggests that you start tapping on the stories
that carry the most intensity. I suggest that you go ahead and start tapping
on whichever story jumps out at you. You might start out tapping just on the
title of the event at hand, but quickly in most cases you’ll start to uncover
aspects you can tap down to zero, one at a time. Make sure you rate your
intensity after each tapping round. Adjust your setup statements to reflect
shifts in intensity  and shifts in aspects. Note progress as you go in your EFT
journal by crossing events of f the list. Step 5. Regularly review your list after clearing five or so events. Add
events that come to mind, and cross off the events that no longer carry
discomfort. You may be surprised to see the intensity around some stories
collapsing from other events you’re neutralizing on the list. While you are working on your Personal Peace Procedure list,
simultaneously create a list of areas in your life where you’d like to see
improvement, such as relationships, energy level, career, weight, stress
management, or what ever else. As you make progress on your Personal
Peace Procedure list, check to see if things have chang ed in your
improvement list. Note the positive changes, and savor them. Since we have
a negativity bias built in, it pays to acknowledge how it feels when you
have accomplished something or are feeling good. As you work through your list, also note changes in how you deal with
the event, issue, or whatever used to trouble you. Are you thinking
differently abou t the issue. Are you feeling generally more optimistic. Did
your self-talk or negative thinking patterns change. Have physical issues or
emotions cleared. Have you had any breakthroughs or a-ha. moments. You
may understand that when your partner turns on the boob tube (or its
equivalent) and tune you out, it has nothing to do with you and you’ve done
nothing wrong. Even the urge to tell the wife or partner or friend or boss
how messed up they are may cease and desist, and you’ll realize that the
important work is your inner work. You will also likely stop blaming
yourself for others’ problems and not be so hard on yourself, either. Acknowledgment of Y our Progress
You can also acknowledge your progress while tapping down the EFT tap-
down points (this is not part of the official Personal Peace Procedure). It’s
about building your positivity, savoring your success, and exercising your
gratitude muscle. Tapping on the positive helps you acknowledge clearing
something that used to trouble you. I do it like this:
Top of head:  I just neutralized that difficult story. That’ s one I thought I’d
never get over. Inside eyebrow:  Wow. It wasn’ t bigger than me. I’m okay. Side of eye:  This tapping works and I’m doing it. Under eye:  It feels great to put that old story behind me. Under nose:  I’m enjoying this feeling right now. Chin:  What if I can resolve more bad memories. What if I could clear all of
them out. Collarbone:  I’m thrilled to have a tool that works. I love this idea of the
peace procedure. I’m on board for more. Under arm: I’m grateful that I resolved this one story, and I’m eager to do
more work. Right now, I’m honoring and acknowledging the work thatI’ve already done. It’s good, it feels right, and I’m grateful for this tool
and that I am committed to healing. I’m courageous, I believe in healing,
and I’m at peace in this moment. Tap on this one from the top of the head through under the arm:  I’m
grateful to allow, receive, and accept all the good things flowing to every
cell in my body and every area of my life according to my highest good. You can organiz e your list in clusters of similar issues, categorie s, or time
periods, too. Make Personal Peace Pr ocedur e a Habit
It takes twenty-one days to create a habit, so consider choosing a consistent
time every day for at least three months to tap another event down to zero. If you are really busy, try tapping while taking a bath, silently on the
subway, just before you get up or go to bed, and so on. There’ s personal
hygiene, which you do every day, and the Personal Peace Procedure is your
emotional hygiene for resilience and well-being. In Conclusion
Now you have the EFT workhorse tools of Tell the Story and the Personal
Peace Procedure. You have a brief understanding of the Movie  Technique,
Tearless Trauma, and Chase the Pain. You’re ready to go out and practice
on your own. In the next section, you’ll have the chance to practice tapping
on common topics. But before we get into that, let’s cover comm only asked
questions and suggestions for tapping that give you a real-world picture of
how easily you can integrate EFT into your life. [contents]9. Gary Craig: www. emofree. com/eft-tutorial/tapping-roots/tell-story. html
OceanofPDF. comChapter 5
Common Q & A about EFT  
and Tapping Ideas
Here’ s common ly asked questions and answers and tapping ideas that I’ve
gathered over the last fifteen years from my own personal practice and
work with clients. Q: How Do I Know the Right W ords to Say. While I’ve been saying you need to pay attention to how you word your
EFT setup and reminder or problem phrases, the paradox is that tapping is
not only about the words; the words are just a gateway to the feelings, and
the feelings are what’ s caught inside in the energy disruption. The words—
including the EFT setup and reminder phrases—are not the most important
thing. Focusing and allowing yourself to experience the specific feeling you
have is the critical factor to release and relief—and even if you can’t name
the feeling, it still works. Here’ s some examples from my client work:
Even though I have to get this right (these words, this setup, this
process), and I don’t believe I can make progress until I do, I deeply
and completely accept myself. Even though it has to be perfect, I deeply and completely  accept
myself. Even though I’m not certain just what to say…. Even though I can’ t figure this out on my ow n, what if I could. Even though I need help to make this work, I’m optimistic that I can
help myself. Q: W on’t Complaining Draw  
More Negative Things to Me. We’re not bringi ng up the negat ives to wallow in them. If emotional trauma
and upset are covering up all the good stuff inside of you, that layer of
trauma is sitting on your essence. All the pretending in the world isn’t going
to make  the underlying problem  go away. EFT allows you to resolve the
“negatives” that may be standing in the way of your joy. You stay focused
on them  just long enough to release the emotional charge. As you release
the trauma, the positive—your natural optimism and joy—naturally bubbles
to the surface. Every time I hear someone say, “I can’t complain,” or “I shouldn’ t
complain,” I see a person who could use some good complaining time (and
probably a bit of whining wouldn’ t hurt, either. ) When we keep our
negatives inside  and pretend the feelings and upsets don’t exist or bother us,
they fester and af fect us emotionally and physically. EFT helps you clarify and focus on your stress and then adds the
balancing of self-af firmation and tapping to feel, loosen, and release the
emotions in your system. Focusi ng on the negative is simply about isolating
a specific issue or feeling that’s stemming from the disruption in your
body’ s ener gy system. Even if you know that you want to tap on the negatives, sometimes it’s
still really hard to go there. Here are phrases I have used in my own practice
and with clients:
Even though I’ve been taught to embrace the positive and not talk
about the negative, I deeply and completely accept myself. Even though I believe that talking about the negative will bring me
more bad things, what if that’s just a belief and tapping on the negative
actually works. I deeply and completely accept myself. Even though law of attraction says you get what you think about, I’m
open to the possibility of healing what’ s been hidden and blocking mefrom achieving my goals all these years. Even though I’m thinking I’ll drown in negativity if I start opening up
that can of worms, I deeply and completely accept myself and how I
feel. According to Dr. Bruce Lipton, the subconscious mind processes the
equivalent of 40 million bits of data a second, while the conscious mind
processes just 40 bits per second. 10 And while it appears that we have up to
60,000 thoughts a day, neuroscientists reveal that up to 90 to 99 percent of
those thoughts are the same as we had the day before, with up to 70 percent
of them negative. 11 So what’ s running in your background that you’re not
aware of. Q: What if I Don’t Accept My Feelings or  
Situation or Don’t Love Myself. Many people mistakenly belie ve that saying “I accept what happened”
means the bad things are okay. This isn’t true; you’re only telling the truth,
and even  if you don’t believe it to be true, your subconscious mind hears. The acceptance  phrase is speaking to your conscious and subconscious
minds, telling your entire system  that no matter what happened, no matter
how bad you believe you are or how hopeless the situation seems, you are
not your problem. You are more. You are still here, and you’re doing the
best you can. If you don’t accept yourself and your situation, the reality of your present
day, how can you heal. Find something you can accept or agree with, such as “I want to be kind
to myself,” or “I love summer,” or “My niece, Belle, is awesom e. ” Here are
a few other thoughts. Even though I don’t yet accep t myself, I can and do acknowledge
myself. Even though I feel very upset, I would like to love and for give myself. Even though I don’t want to accept myself, I can accept that this is just
where I am right now. (I use this one myself. ) Sometimes it helps to add humor:
Somehow, someday, maybe, it may be possible to accept my horrible
self just as I am. Even though what I did is so bad that I deserve to be locked up for life,
I am open to the possibility of a furlough for just a little while. Humor may not always land, however. Can you tolerate a phrase, or does
it upset you more. If you use humor as the last part of your acceptance
phrase, it has to bring a smile to your face. If it brings tears, start tapping on
the emotions that come up until they subside. After that, you might even be
in a position to accept yourself just as you are. Q: How Can I State My Feelings  
if I Don’t Know What They Are. For the most part, our culture doesn’ t reward us for having or sharing our
feelings, so it may take time for some people to develop this skill. For
example, have you ever witnessed a loved one or friend yelling as they tell
you about an upsetting event and when you mention that they seem angry,
they snap, “I’m not angry. ”
Why do we often not know or misidentify what we are feeling. From the
time we are infants, many of us are trained away from actually  feeling our
feelings. We cry, and our paren ts do everything to calm us down. It’s rare
for parents to sit with a young child’ s discomfort, offering patient,
connected emotional presence so the child will learn that having and
expressing troubled feelings is okay and that after the big storm, they’ll be
fine. Actually, the child’ s distress distresses the parents. Children quickly learn
which feelings are not okay in our family and avoid them to obtain approval
from parents, the people who will help them survive. But the feelings are
still there, inside. As you continue to grow in your tapping practice, you will develop
awareness of what you’re feeling. If ever you’re unsure, drop your
awareness into your body and experience what you are sensing. Tap based
on your specific body sensations. Notice when you go numb. Notice your
coping behaviors, which are often signs you’re avoiding an unpleasant
feeling. Or just start by guessing ; go with whatever comes to mind first. Guessing allow s your subconscious to work, and your subconscious is
always tuned in and will make this easy. Here are some phrases I’ve used
with myself and/or others. Notice that the affirmations are slightly different
than the standard “deeply and completely accept myself”:
Even though I have no idea how I’m really feeling right now about (my
problem), that’ s okay; I accept myself just as I am anyway. Even though I feel numb and feelings weren’ t even allowed  in my
family growing up, I love, honor, forgive, and accept myself. Even though I need to keep a lid on things and that’s how I was taught
to operate, that’ s okay; I choose peace. Even though I’m not sure what would happen if I open up to all the
feelings inside, what if it was possible to begin to recognize when and
what I’m feeling, and be okay with it. Q: What if I Feel T oo Much. At the other end of the spectrum, you might be awash in feelings. You can
take inspiration from phrases like these and make them your own:
Even though I’m drowning in my feelings and it’s too much, I deeply
and completely accept myself, anyway. Even though it’ s too scary to have all these feelings alone, and I need to
share them with somebody, I deeply and completely accept myself. Even though these feelings feel like they are happening to me and I
have no control, I am actually having them and they are not bigger than
I am; I deeply and completely accept myself. Feelings are flickers that pass through your system as long as you stay
connected and calm. As you allow them to arise and subside, you’ll
experience more connectedness, intimacy, and resiliency. Soon you’ll be
looking at upsetting feelings as opportunities to heal. If you truly feel like
you’re in over your head, find professional support. And reme mber, we’re
shooting for percentages, not 100 percent. Q: Do Sensations in My Body Count as Feelings. Those sensations are feelings; we just label them differently than we do
emotions. Get in the habit of asking, “What’ s going on in my body when I
think of this situation. ” Do you have an awareness in your stomach, a
tightness in your shoulders, a sharp pain in your temples. Is your breathing
shallower. Scan your body  to see where you’re holding tension or pain right now. Get in the habit  of doing body scans, asking yourself where you might be
feeling or storing this emotional issue in your body if you were physically
storing it somewhere. In other words: “If I did have a place to store this in
my body, where would it be. ”
Everyone has places in their body where they store emotion. You’ll soon
learn more about the Chasing the Pain technique in Chapter 8, which tracks
the feelings in your body all the way down to an often surprising root issue,
collapsing the pain in the process. The body is an amazing storehouse: it never lies, and it follows the
mind’ s instructi ons—both subconscious and conscious. You might be
surprised at all the interesting things your body is ready to tell you once you
start tapping. Q: Who Does EFT W ork On. Who doesn’t EFT work on. Those who don’t tap. In other words, everyone
can tap. And you can tap surrog ate (meaning tap as if you were them) for
those who can’t tap for themse lves, including tapping on animals, babies,
for world peace, for people with Alzheimer ’s, and so on. It works. The idea
behind surrogate tapping is that you tap on yourself allowing  yourself toguess, sense, or express what you think that person would say, think, or feel
if they were tapping, with the intention of passing on the benefits of the
tapping to them. Q: Can I Use EFT on Someone Else. Yes and no. Tread carefully; start with small things only if they (whether
your tappee is a young child or your elderly grandpa) are willing, and don’t
get in over your head or your skills. Complex issues need professional,
experienced practitioners who understand how to safely naviga te a person
through signific ant traumatic events. Ask yourself if you can be detached,
neutral, compas sionate, and nonjudgmental of the person. Can you go
where they need to go, not wher e you want to go or believe they should go. If not, then tap on your issues first before giving it a try. Q: What Is a T apping Buddy  
and Why W ould I W ant One. Tapping buddies help spur your practice forward faster. They don’t need to
be in a similar place in their lives; they don’t need to be friends. They
simply need to be motivated to learn and tap with you on a regular basis. You take turns acting as EFT practitioner on the other person. Sessions of at
least a half hour each are recommended. You might actua lly want to avoid a tapping buddy who is quite close to
you and your situation, such as a spouse or other family member. You might
get triggered or upset and become unable to be neutral about what the other
person is tapping on, which won’ t make you a very good tapping buddy. For best results, agree to learn together, commit to a regularly scheduled
time, easily forgive mistakes, keep a boundary around check-in chatter,
listen to feedback, set some rules and agreements up around how the
tapping buddy-ship will go—or won’ t go. Review your agreements
regularly. Q: How Do I Find a T apping T arget. You can turn anything that has some intensity into a tapping target. Just
hang up the phone after an awful conversation. Did someone’ s Twitter post
infuriate you. Did customer service lack “service”. Those are all easy,
honest, and specific. Refer also to the Personal Peace Procedu re list from
Chapter 4  on finding plenty of tar gets. Ask yourself questions like: What’ s the one thing in my life that I would
rather not have gone through. What’ s the one thing that really bugs me
right now, if I were to allow myself to feel it. What’ s the one issue that
consistently derails me. Ask yourself open-ended questions to help bring you to specific tapping
targets and even ts: “I wonder where that started. ” “I’m curious about … ”
“Isn’ t it interesting that I reacted so strongly to such a little bitty thing. ”
These types of questions will open your mind more easily to specific
events. Once you have a speci fic event in mind, determine whether you
need to chunk it down into more specific events to maximize res ults. Q: Do I Need to Use the  
Same W ords in the Setup Phrase. I have varied the EFT setup language on occasion in this book and in the
exercises that follow, but this is a more advanced practice. When working
more globally, or with a tapalo ng, you will see that setups and reminder
phrases often vary from Gold Standard. Gold Standard focuses in the
beginning stages on using the same setups. This makes it easier to clear one
aspect or event at a time and finally collapse a whole tabletop issue. When
you’re not experienced, fancy af firmations can get in the way of the work. Once you gain a solid underst anding of the EFT setup language and
reminder phrase s, you’ll see that it’s not necessary to always use the same
words and that variances and reframes in the right time and place can be
remarkably ef fective, too. Q: Do T apalongs or T apping Scripts W ork. This is a bit complicated. Tapalo ng and tapping scripts can be inspiring but
are not Gold Standard EFT. When you rely on a tapping script alone, you
are in “global” or general territory—someone else’s. Long-lasting relief
comes when you clear your specific event at its roots, aspect by aspect. A
tapping script may unwittingly activate a big upset in someone who can’t
resolve it alone. Well-trained EFT experts who share tapalongs have had
years of experience and know well the issues for which they are offering
tapalongs. Y ou need to see what works for you. You might also have noticed that tapping scripts may resolve quickly on a
positive note. People can come away feeling quite optimistic about their life
and their next steps. However, if the underlying issue has not been solved,
disappointment will return over time and maybe a person will assume that
EFT doesn’t work. EFT works; all that happened was that the tapping script
just didn’ t get to the roots of the trauma. You’ll find tapalongs online that
might provide a starting point for your own inspiration or for a tapping
direction, or to give you another insight into your own issue. Since I’m
concerned abou t new tappers’ emotional safety, it’s fair to point out that
tapping on generalizations can open doorways to old troubles and memories
but not provide you with the means to find your way out. In other words, a
downside to consider is that global tapping with scripts might re-stimulate
emotions with no clear or safe directions to resolve the emotional flooding
or intensity this can bring about. So, one easy safety precaution is to work
with a partner or buddy who knows how to tap so you’ll have help if you
need it. Some tapping experts offer inspirational scripts on topics that include
making changes, borrowing optimism, having a magnificent day, or letting
go of sadness. They provide a boost of enthusiasm, like an “atta girl. ” in
moments when I need some encouragement, even if core issues are
unresolved. Sometimes you just need to tap to feel good. I occasionally start
my day with a tapalong. Q: What about T apping for  
Appreciation and Gratitude. Yes. Gratitude and appreciation  tapping activate the part of the brain that’s
expansive, optimistic, and gives the feeling of well-being. Tap gratitude
regularly for maximum effect. It’s not Gold Standard EFT, but it can
strengthen your gratitude muscle. Even when you’re down, consider
tapping on being grateful for the opportunity to heal this “challenge. ”
Surprising things can happen when you thank the
Creator/Divine/Universe/you name it for even the unfortunate things that
have come to roost at your door. You don’t need to perform the karate chop
and setup statement; just tap on the tap-down points expressing your
gratitude. In addition, five minutes of positive tapping just on your
collarbone point is a way to foster emotional resilience and boost your
vitality. Q: What Is Borrowing Benefits  
and Isn’t That Like a T apping Script. Borrowing Bene fits is an observ ed phenomenon and a technique developed
by Gary Craig. In it, you are asked to identify an issue you want to work on
then set it aside  while you follo w along with someone else who is tapping
aloud on their own issues—even someone on an old DVD. After tapping
along, you return to your own issue and observe any change in your
problem’ s intens ity. It’s not only efficient, but very surprising. You might
like to give this a try sometime— watching someone else tap while focusing
on your own issues. It’s not as laser-focused as getting specific with EFT
but it will help you make headway. EFT’ s Borrowing Benefits, or Easy EFT, is different from tapalongs in
that you are identifying a target for your conscious and subcon scious mind
before embarking on following along with someone else’ s tapping t arget. Q: How Do I Know EFT Is W orking. Be alert for signs of shifts. Body, mind, and spirit shifts happen both during
the tapping round and after you tap. Although each person is different and
you may experience more shifts than I’ve listed, following are common
signs of shifts from tapping. Changes in your speech patterns:  Everything from talking faster to softer
to whini ng to stuttering to whispering. After tapping, you might notice your
voice is more solid, softer, or better modulated, or that it’s easie r to express
yourself. Changes in body and physiolo gy: Broad spectrum of body sensations,
from sudden aches that jump all over your body, tight jaws and cheeks, to
weakness to tingles, to freezin g or boiling hot. You might  experience
nervous foot tapping or coughin g, feel suddenly tired, or have a suddenly
phlegmy throat, runny nose, or plenty of tears. People commonly
experience heaviness in their chest, shallow breathing, or tightness or
warmth in their chest, for example. After a round, you might find a
suddenly clear throat or a lighter or relaxed stomach. If you’ve released a
lot, you might need to rest, and you might even feel shaky. All these
sensations are common. You might no longer feel tired—you could even
feel energized or peaceful. Whatever you are feeling is okay, and the
shakiness or fatigue or whatever it is will pass. Changes in thoughts, feelings, beliefs, or perspective:  For example:
Before, you were locked-in hard about what someone did to you or feeling
that you will never forgive. After tapping, you might suddenly have a
different perspe ctive and understand the whole situation with love and
optimism. Tapping might conn ect the dots on some very old stories you
could never figure out. You may have a dramatic change of perspective,
such as forgiveness, laughter, or the realization that it wasn’ t your fault or
responsibility. Old beliefs simply don’ t make sense anymore. Changes in feelings:  You can experience a profound release of feeling
during and after a tapping round. (Remember, “e-motion” = energy in
motion. ) Upset and big anger over an experience may turn to sadness orgrief, which later resolves to complete neutrality—for good. Commonly, an
intense physical sensation or feeling drops to zero. Just keep tapping. Feeling a profound sense of lightness or gratitude usually creates willing
optimism about the future. Symptoms of illness or sickness may subside. People may suddenly change their mind about a dramatic cours e of action. Laughter and a sense of humor usually returns. Life changes. Changes in behavior: You now are acting differently and behaving in a
more healthy way when you come in contact with what used to “trigger”
you. You take steps in your life that had not heretofore been considered or
seemed possible. Q: Why Am I Not Getting Better Faster. You’ve read about one-minute wonders in which tapping resolved a major
issue in minutes; you hear powerful speakers and motivators saying they
can help you undo your self-sabotage or other big challenges through a ten-
week course, and when this doesn’ t happen for you, you naturally wonder
“What’ s wrong with me. ” and it doesn’ t feel so good. Instead start asking
yourself, “ What’ s right with me. ”
Powerful marketing that ratchets up our hopes with miraculous
transformation appeals to all of us, especially when we’re hurting. Our
vulnerability can make it very tempting to believe that everythin g’s going to
transform if we just take this one course or do this one thing. But our great
expectations of a course or guru don’t usually focus on doing the individual
work of getting to the specific roots of our real problem. So let’s do the
work and find the roots. Sometimes all it takes is one event that lays the
roots bare. Other times, it may take five or ten times or even more. You can
boost your practice by working with a tapping practitioner. I often tap along
these lines when feeling that way:
Even though I need this to be gone right away, I accept myself and my
situation right now. Even though there must be something wrong with me, what if
everything is, in fact, okay with me, and I’m just still working on this. (Note the use of af firmation here. ) Healing doesn’ t necessarily mean “curing,” or changing the external
circumstances of your life, whether that’s earning a million dollars or
recovering from cancer. I prefer to look at healing as understanding yourself
and accepting where you are right now, no matter what the problem—
because only then can you experience peace, equanimity, and eventually
wholeness. Q: Why Does EFT W ork for Others but Not Me. Comparing means everyone loses. Each of us is glorious beyond measure
and wholly unique. When I catch myself comparing, I know I’m triggered. Most of us have grown up being  measured and compared. How does it feel
to grow up and hear a parent say something like, “You are sounding like
your brother—stop. ” “How come you don’t try out for those sports like
your friend. ” “How come you can’ t be more like so-and-so. ”
Tap on the feeling that comes up when you are falling into the
comparison trap. Who compared in your family. Do you have a specific
time when someone made a comparison either favorably or negatively
about you and your siblings. Can you list earlier times when comparison
events happened. These are all tappables, and neutralizing them may clear
your whole tabletop issue of comparison. People have gotten started on identifying their own issues and taking
some of the edge of f comparison by using statements like these:
Even though EFT is working for (fill in the blank) and never does for
me, I deeply and completely accept myself. Even though I’m just a tough case and nothing ever works for me and I
have (fill in the blank, other person) to prove how worthless I actually
am, I deeply and completely accept myself. Even though I’m bummed I can’ t be like her/him …. Even though I’m so jealous …. Even though I don’ t see how I’ll ever measure up …. Even though I want what s/he has …. Even though it’s hard not to compare, I want to be grateful for my own
path, my own destiny, and my own divine purpose, and that I am
wholly unique. It is true that EFT works on just about everything I’ve seen, but not at the
same rate for every person. Persistence and specifics will win the day if you
stay with it. If your current trauma issues are not budging, they may be
bouncing off unresolved early childhood trauma (a common occurrence),
and this is where you need to go. Ask yourself about the first time you felt a
similar feeling or went through a similar experience to the one you’re
troubled with now. Start with those childhood traumas and consider
working with an experienced EFT provider. Q: It Seems Like I’m Getting W orse  
When I T ap. What’ s That About. It means you have big feelings coming to the surface. If you have dammed
up your emotions for years, then yes, you will likely experience an excess
of emotions for a while. Who said healing was going to be graceful. Keep tapping, and know that
you have struck a vein of gold that will pay off. Healing is a big and wholly
worthwhile project, and you are capable of it. Many clients report anger as
they begin to unravel long daisy-chains of hurts; have you considered that
anger may be your best ally for motivating you to move forward. Q: What f It Seems That Part of Me  
Doesn’t W ant to Get Better. We’ll address that more fully in Chapter 6, on using EFT to address self-
sabotage behav ior. Sometimes we’re not 100 percent sure we want to
change the situation. There may be a few good reasons for keeping theproblem that we’re not conscio usly aware of. “Secondary gain” is a fancy
phrase for this unconscious desire to stay just as we are. On an unconscious level, it may not feel safe in some way to make the
change you seek. Therefore what you are consciously wanting is being
blocked. EFT helps uncover what is underneath the stubborn resistance. “If
I’m successful, they won’ t like me, or I’ll have to leave my loved ones
behind,” is an example of someone who might sabotage their own success. Q: Are There T imes EFT W on’t W ork. Sometimes allergy or an environmental toxin can inhibit EFT’ s
effectiveness to work with your energy system, thus re-stimulating it
instead of calming it down. To make real progress, the allergy or
environmental toxin must be addressed first. Tiredness, dehydration, or
nervous system exhaustion may also be at play. If that’s the case, start with
what’ s happening now, not with the tapping target you had in mind. Many
people, including me, have cleared their aller gies using tapping. Q: Will EFT Make Me Lose My Moral Compass. People ask, “If I tap and clear out a bad thing, will I then feel there’ s no
problem with doing bad or unethical things. ” Tapping will not make it okay
for you to lie, cheat, steal, and otherwise act inappropriate ly. It will,
however, resolve the issues underlying the need to lie, cheat, and steal. Q: Why W ork with a Practitioner. Having someone experienced in helping people work through difficult
memories and blocks can help you quickly access and resolve  core issues
far more deeply. Effective practitioners are trained to act as detectives. They can help you
find your patterns, core issues, and blocks. They can help you make the
connections between a today issue and long-ago childhood core stories. They hold the space for you to feel, and release. They can offer up a
protocol or a system that you can work within to step-by-step resolve issues
and achieve your goals. A practi tioner can help you more deeply understand how to practice EFT
for results. He or she can provide feedback on developing effective setup
statements, getting specific, and serve as a resource as you work through
your EFT Person al Peace Procedure list. A practitioner can help you stay on
track so you needn’ t fear getting lost in too much emotion. Some
practitioners also serve as coach es in between sessions. It’s not like therapy,
where you go weekly for years. I have long-term and short-t erm clients:
some come weekly, some monthly, and some come for a few times and are
done. Some have been with me since the start of my practice and we work
when they get stuck. Making Informed Decisions About EFT Practitioners
How do you know someone is a trustworthy practitioner. Some credential-
granting organiz ations offer a certification after a weekend course. But a
one-weekend course is not the same as the knowledge an experienced
practitioner has. EFT is a skill and an art form—it takes time. The person
working with you must have done a fair amount of “work” on his or her
own issues. You would want to work with someone who is accepting,
nonjudgmental, and compassionate, yet not enabling. You’d want someone
who believes it’ s possible to heal and sees that possibility in you. The Association of Compre hensive Energy Psychology (ACEP),
Association for the Advancement of Meridian Energy Techniques
(AAMET), and emofree. com list practitioners who have been through solid
training. In particular, emofree. com practitioners have passed the most
rigorous of training. You likely won’ t go wrong with searching these
databases. Do some research to find your fit. When you hear about a
practitioner who specializes in one area or another, be aware that it’s a
specialty but that EFT essential ly works the same with all situations. Ask
friends for references. Check out at least three practitioners before you
make a decision. Most of fer a free, brief consult. Website testimo nials will not tell you if you and the practitioner are a
good match. Some EFT practitioners offer a free fifteen-minute (or so)consult. I require potential clien ts to speak with me, as I too need to see if I
can help them and if we are a good fit. Below are questions for potential practitioners:
Do they of fer a free short consult with prospective clients. If not, I’d
pass. Skype, phone work, or of fer in-of fice visits. Are they responsive
to your email or phone call. What is their training. Which or ganization and which practitioner were
they trained under. Do they follow the professional standards and et hics
from say, ACEP or AAMET. Are they familiar with Gold Standard EFT, or how does their practice
differ from Gold Standard EFT. Do they, for example, know how to
help a client navigate through a T ell the Story event, aspect by aspect. If
they are not trained in Gold Standard EFT from ACEP, ask how their
practice is similar, or dif fers. How long have they been in practice, what other modalities do the y have
under their belt. Ask about location—in of fice, Skype, phone, retreat—session  length,
fees, what to expect from a session, what you receive for  what you are
paying. When you speak with them, pay attention to how you’re feeling. Are
they listening, answering your questions,  
promising the world, or what. Do you feel emotionally  
safe. After you get of f the phone, how do you feel. What types of situations and client needs have they worked with, how
many people in their specialty areas. What sort of results do their clients report. Do they have clients who are
legally willing and able to talk with you about their experience. Does
the practitioner have an understanding of the issues you’re facing. Clarify this by asking what they have worked with and how they might
work with someone like you. While no one can say with certainty whatwill happen in a session, an experienced expert can give you a broad
sense of what to expect. Ask them if what you are addressing is within their experience and their
scope of practice. Y ou don’ t want to walk away from a session with
unresolved issues hanging out all over. Give them an example of what
you are going through or wishing to change. Experienced, well-trained
practitioners, in particular those trained under ACEP and AAMET, will
know what is in their scope of practice and may or may not refer you to
a mental health expert if necessary. What is their policy regarding “results”. For example, my policy is that
if a client does not receive emotional results, and I define that clearly
before we ever schedule a session, they may receive their money back. What does your intuition or gut tell you once the free consultation is
over. If you are under care of a mental health professional or physician, consult
first with them before you seek an EFT expert. I have worked in concert,
with legal permission from the client, with mental health professionals who
have made refer rals in addition to the therapy they are receiving. When you
are dealing with emotional challenges and old past trauma, you want to
make sure that the person you work with has the appropriate ethics,
boundaries, experience, and scope of practice understanding in place before
moving forward. See the EFT Resources  section at the end of this book for more
information on practitioners and finding a good one. Costs of sessions range from pay-what-you-can (using a “pay it forward”
approach) right on up to $500 or more per session. Average rates range
from $80 to $160 for an hour-long session, and sessions are generally 60 to
90 minu tes. Other options include several hour sessions, retreat sessions
over a weekend, five to fifteen minutes a day by phone coaching sessions,
emer gency sessions, and more. What can you expect after a tapping session. Clarity, resolution, relief. In Conclusion
Now you know the answers to the most commonly asked questions about
using EFT, and you know how to go about finding a good practitioner for
your particular issues. Part II of this book will focus on subjects of interest to most people. These include using EFT to end self-sabotage; resolve stress; find physical
relief; resolve phobias; address weight issues, cravings, and body
acceptance challenges; and relieve grief. [contents]10. Meryl Ann Butler, “A Romp through the Quantum Field: A Dialogue with Bruce Lipton and
Gregg Braden,” on Brucelipton. com, last modified Feb. 7, 2012,
www. brucelipton. com/resource/interview/romp-through-the-quantum-field. 11. Christine Comaford, “The One Question That Is Shaping Y our Life,” Forbes Online Magazine,
last modified Oct. 27, 2013, accessed January 15, 2015,
www. forbes. com/sites/christinecomaford/2013/10/27/the-one-question-that-is-shaping-your -entire-
life/3/. OceanofPDF. comPART II
Common Tapping Topics
OceanofPDF. comThis second part of the book addresses common issues we face in our daily
lives. It is full of easy-to-follow exercises and tips for tapping. Scattered
throughout the text are enco uragements to tap continuously for an
emotional breather or a pause for when things get too intense. Chapter 6 on self-sabotag e looks at root causes of sabotage as well as
sabotage as a coping mechanism  and solution to a problem we may have
outgrown. It starts by addressing resistance to tapping. Chapter 7 on stress
relief explores how to shift our relationship to the everyday stressors in our
lives. It looks at how we absorb stress patterns from our families, ancestors,
and culture and how to transform harmful patterns. Chapter 8 offers the
Chase the Pain technique and everything from how to tap on the physical
and emotional aspects of a cold or virus to strengthening the immune
system through tapping. You can even tap to recover emotional equilibrium
after a traumatizing accident and aim tapping at serious illnesses and
allergies. Chapter 9 explores how phobias get lodged in place and how to
dislodge them. Chapter 10, the weight release and body  image chapter,
offers a cornucopia of exercis es and opportunities to explore how to
transform our relationship to cravings, our body, and our weight. Chapter 1 1
explores how to apply tapping to loss and grief, which we all face, without
suffering needlessly.
The purpose is to collapse the intensity of the story, allowing the body to relax and the emotions to subside.
What is the purpose of tapping on the same event multiple times?
You can work with a tapping buddy for connection, motivation, and accountability.
What are some tips for working with a tapping buddy?
Yes, but you can also use surrogate tapping on an issue, and it's not the same as the real EFT.
Can I use EFT on someone else?
It's not about the words; it's about focusing on the feelings, and sometimes it takes time and practice to get the hang of it.
Why does EFT work for some people but not for others?
It's because they're trying to gain approval or love from their parents, which is a coping mechanism that's not healthy.
Why do some people compare themselves to others?