Do you feel desperate, hopeless, or other upsetting
feelings when you think about the diets you haven’ t maintained? Do you
blame and judge yourself as weak for not achieving your ideal weight? Have you always considered yourself “the fat one” in the family or among
your friends? Have you been ashamed of yourself because of your eating
habits? Do you keep your feelings about your weight a secret out of fear
that people will find out “who you really are”? And try these: What are you
insulating yourself from with the weight? What does weight signify for
you? Is it insulating you from intimacy? Is it keeping you from being
vulnerable? What would happen if you did reach your ideal weight? How
would your life change? Now , you have even more tapping targets, and that means you have a
chance to change it all. Tap on what you believe to be true or an event that
seems to “prove” that it’ s true, until you experience relief. Others have used setup phrases like these as they step around the edges of
the issue:
Even though I’m a hopeless case and will never be the weight I want, I
love, honor , and accept myself. Even though I feel so heavy all the time, I love, honor , and accept
myself. Even though there must be something wrong with me, or otherwise I’d
stop eating like this, I love, honor , and accept myself. Even though I have to be at my ideal weight to have the life I want, I
love myself no matter what.Even though I have so much despair around this, I love, honor, and
accept myself. If you’re  having  resistance to acceptance, remember you can also tap on
the tail-enders or “yeah  buts” one at a time down to zero. As you do this,
specific events may arise. Tap on each of them and they’ll start to
generalize, so there aren’ t as many to do as y ou think. More on Shelley’ s Case:  
Weight Release and Core Issues
Shelley and I tapped on the unhappiness about her body and what it meant
to her. I asked her a series of questions to gain more awareness of the
history behind her body hatre d, weight despair , and negative self-talk
patterns as I looked for specific  originating events behind her weight and
body-confidence challenges. She despaired when she thought about her weight problems in
relationship to others’ bodies. “When was the first time you felt that despair
feeling?” I asked her . If she could not remember a specific event, I was prepared to ask her
other questions: “When did you first start feeling uncomfortable about your
weight?” “What’ s the earliest memory you have of feeling ‘fat,’
overweight, ashamed of how you look?” “When did you realize you felt
uncomfortable about your body?” “When have you felt like this before? Who was there?” “What kinds of people ‘cause’ you to feel this way?”
In your own work, be persistent. Even if you don’ t get answers the first or
second or tenth time, you are working towar d resolving the upsets that are
keeping you stuck in this problem. Shelley’ s first memory of feeling  despair was when she was six years old,
walking with a grown-up cousin at a community pool. Both young Shelly
and her adult cousin were in bikinis, but Shelley remembered feeling “fat,”
like the bikini was too small for her. Now she had in her mind a specific
picture; just a flash that lasted about ten seconds of the two of themwalking. She named the event “Six and Too Fat.” The feeling was despair . She guessed it to be about a 4 in intensity . Shelley and I tapped on this event using Tell the Story , which turned out
to have many aspects, including the feeling of being next to the cousin and
the color of the bathing suit. She noted an uncomfortable feeling and a
feeling of being exposed, being seen. An insight came to mind—it’ s about
being seen, fear of being seen. I said nothing, because I wanted to see what
would unfold first. We tapped on each of the aspects of the event of “Six and Too Fat” using
Tell the Story until she had no charge and even had a hard time recalling
much detail. It took all of an hour, if that. After tapping, she reported
feeling lighter and more at peace regarding her weight. When next she visited her hometown, she reported back that she had not
gone for the junk food at her parents’ house nor had she done any other
unhealthy eating behaviors. And she had tapped herself “off a cliff” when
she started to compare herself to the young, beautiful, and thin waitress. We work ed over the next severa l months, and she stopped feeling like a
fraud. She started feeling good about herself and her life. She let go of a
relationship she’d been in becau se she thought no one else would have her. She became involved in a relationship where she began to experience
emotional intimacy for the first time. Rather than feeling like a fraud, she
owned the wonderful woman and person she is. Identifying the T riggers for  
Overeating, Self-Hatred, Cravings
On the road to body confidence, Shelley identified more triggers that led
her to overeating in the first place. If you don’t get at the triggers that
stimulate overea ting, you won’ t root the problem out at its core—it can
always come back. But what if you don’t know your triggers? Most people
don’t, but you can use EFT to flush them out. Here are some sample setups to practice addressing the problem of not
knowing your triggers or patterns of cravings or overeating. Customizethem to suit your own unique situation, then perform the EFT basic recipe,
remembering to take an intensity rating before and after each tapping round. Even though I don’t know why I overeat, don’t see my own pattern, I
deeply and completely accept myself. Even though I forget to look for my self-sabotage and don’t see things
that are obvious to other people, I love, honor , and accept myself. Even though there must be a good reason I sabotage myself (and I’m
curious—I wonder what it is and I’d like to explore it in depth), I
deeply honor and accept myself. Even though I have no idea what the triggers for my overeating are and
I’m asking myself to recognize the triggers and help myself become
more conscious ly aware of them, I deeply and completely accept
myself, all of me! In Shelley’ s case, tapping on phrases like these and allowing herself to
experience her feelings began to lift a veil. She began to realize  there were
many times when she was triggered and in a number of areas. These made
her feel uncomfortable and out of control, craving and overeating. Here are
some we turned up, for example:
She had to finish the food on everyone’ s plates. It was almost a
compulsion. She literally felt like she had no choice, whether at a
restaurant or at ho me. She had to stop at a certain cof fee shop and purchase at least two donuts,
and from that shop only . Again, she felt as if she had no choice. She
could not drive by—she had to have those donuts. The minute she stepped in her parents’ door , she wanted to eat. Just after a stressful test, she’d crave food. At the time, she was studying
to get her masters and working full time. When she came to see me on this particular day, she was horrif ied, laden
with shame and despair . She had just gone out to eat and had ordered a lar gemeal from the menu. She then proceeded to eat leftovers from her friend’ s
meal, too. I was thrilled that she was experiencing the big old pattern
because now we had an opportunity to resolve it! We tapped on this one experience, just using Shelley’ s own phrases about
her humiliation. I asked, “What does this feeling of humili ation remind you
of?” An early memory emer ged: She was very little, maybe four or five
years old, being “affectionately”  called “Big Belly” after sneak ing into her
mother ’s lunch box and nibblin g her sandwich. “Big Belly” was a term of
endearment she’d heard almost all of her life, but when she said the words,
tears welled up in her eyes. Clearly we were onto something. There was big
hurt there, and we’d found tapping gold. The event was about how she
gained approval from her parents. We tapped on every aspect we could find,
until when she said the words “Big Belly ,” she could laugh. What she
finally realized is that when she did sneak food or eat off her parents’
plates, they thought it was cute and showered her with love and affection. She was essentially praised for overeating and sneaking food! Is it any
wonder this pattern had been hard to break? Shelley was able to resolve her issue with being seen just as she was. She
had been the oldest of five kids, and her mom expected her to hold it
together . She had to act perfect to gain approval, but inside she was afraid
that if anyone really saw what a “mess and fraud” she was, she would be
abandoned and die all alone. This was obviously a very old, longstanding
belief. We addressed this through stories she shared about her growing up
with a mother who treated her like a servant and alternately confided in her
inappropriately . Is it any wonder that one of the patterns we broke was her
need to sneak as much junk food as she could into her mouth before Mom
came home? Exercise: Creating Y our Own W eight  
Release and Body-Confidence ListList “Weight Release and Body Confidence” as your heading  in the EFT
journal. Set a timer for five minutes and list specific events where you have
felt uncomfortab le or frustrated about your body image or your weight. Commit to tapping on these one at a time for your own healing of patterns
that no longer serve you. Your work will help you uncover more roots and the origins of body
confidence issues, weight challenges, and craving concerns. These often
stretch all the way back through a family line. You might say these are
inherited belief systems and patterns of distress that you can unco ver and
resolve. And you are doing the work for future generations, too. You Are So Much More Than Y ou Know! How much of our true nature has to do with how big our boobs or pecs are,
or how skinny we are? Our culture emphasizes a form of beauty that is
neither real nor reflective of who we are as individuals. On our deathbeds,
we’re not going to regret not looking like that supermodel on the cover of
Vogue. You may as well forgive yourself in advance for being so hard on
yourself—tap on that one—“ Even though I’ve been so hard on myself and
will no doubt continue to be because I am only human, I deeply and
completely accept myself anyway .”
Imagine that, in your glorious life, you don’t have to be anything but
yourself. Imagin e the expansive feeling of relief, of being at peace, of
loving your life, just as you are, in control of your choices, no matter what
happens around you. In Conclusion
In this chapter , we explored how you can address weight challenges and
trouble with body image as well as how to clear cravings with EFT. Our
next chapter addresses tapping while experiencing loss and grief. [contents]OceanofPDF .comChapter 11
Loss and Grief—Letting Go with EFT
To sort of parap hrase the poet Kahlil Gibran, the depths of sorrow we feel
in our heart are equally proportionate to the heights of joy we are capable of
feeling, as paradoxical as it seems. It’s not that we seek sorrow , loss, and
grief; it usually finds its way to us. But to know that grief has a
counterpoint can remind us that grief is not all there is in our lives. We can use EFT to address loss whether of a loved one or a dream or a
way of life or even a favorite bracelet. Tapping will not erase your memory
of the loved one, the dream, or the object in question. It addresses the
excessive grief, the grief of the unresolved earlier losses in life. Past losses
seem to light up each time we experience a new one, and it can result in an
energy disruption. For a child, it can seem quite typical; perhaps it is as
mundane as losing a special toy, a friend moving away , going from being
the one who got all the caregiv ers’ attention to now having to share the
spotlight with a new sibling. To activate your body’ s energy system, go ahead and tap on the tap-down
points, the collar bone point, or the gamut or fingertip points while you read. Life Is Change
We human beings are continually changing and evolving, despite our best
efforts to make things stay the same. We like knowing what to expect
because we have a mistaken understanding that the status quo will keep us
safe. W e don’ t like losing stuf f, but life is about change and letting go. We leave the sanctity of the wom b and are born. We leave our caregiver ’s
arms and begin crawling, walking, and playing independently . We leave the
sweet simplicity of childhood and enter into awkward, ungainly ,tumultuous, independent adolescence. We leave home, go to college, have
careers, marry , and have lives of our own. We watch our childr en grow …
and leave. Our bodies change. Finally , we reach the end of life—another
change. Truly, from the moment we are born, “letting go,” “leaving
behind,” and “change” are the operative words. And yet we are often caught
off-guard and unprepared with regard to our losses. When we meet the changes, life works. But when we’re burdened by
grief, our ability  to experience life’s wonder and joy is affected . When the
feelings get stuck inside, we ourselves get stuck. We displace. We project. We ignore. W e do all kinds of creative things to avoid feeling the grief. Exercise: Releasing Intensity  
Charge Around the Loss
Here we will gently work with grief you are ready to release. Step 1. In your EFT journal, create the heading: “Grief and Loss
Release.” Identify a loss you’d like to work with. It could be anything from
loss of a loved one to an experience you believe you have an unreasonable
attachment to or would like to experience peace rather than pain. Step 2. List your thoug hts, feelings, sensations, self talk, the details you
recall when you think of that loss, or of letting go of grief. Here are
examples from my practice from clients who have lost loved  ones in all
manner of circumstances: “It’s not fair.” “It’s wrong.” “There was no
closure.” “It’s unacceptable.” “I can’t go on now.” “Someone needs to pay
for this. I’m so angry!” “I am guilty .”“I didn’ t do enough. I should have
been there.” “It’s my fault.” “No one understands what it’s like.”  “My life is
over.” “I feel the loss of what I never had.” “The heavy pressure in my
chest.” “I am suddenly exhausted in my body .” “How do I go on after
having cared for him/her (who was sick) all these years?” “I just miss her so
much.” “I feel so alone and unlovable.”Now choose just one aspect from your list—this will be the start of your
manageable tapping. Simultane ously , note how you feel this aspect inside
your body in your journal. Step 3. Now what’ s the intensity , 0 to 10, about that aspect you chose? Write it down. You’re already aware of your body sensation, as you noted it
in step 2. Step 4. Apply the EFT basic recipe to your tapping target. In this case, we
will simply tap on the “top level” of the grief, with this example: “I don’t
think I can ever get over this.” As alwa ys, tap on your Karate Chop point
one to three times while repeating this setup statem ent:
Even though I’ll never get over this, I deeply and completely accept
myself. Tap through at least one or more  EFT sequences, starting at the top of the
head through under the arm, with: “I’ll never get over this,”until  you sense
a shift in intensity . Step 5. Now take a deep breath, allowing the breath to flow up from the
earth, into the soles of your feet, up through your legs, through your torso,
and through the crown of your head. Exhale, letting go, with the exhale
longer than your inhale. Repeat several times. Step 6. Check your intensity now on “I’ll never get over this.” If it is
higher , go to step 9. If lower , go to step 8. If it’s the same, go to step 7. If
your aspect (for example, “I’ll never get over this”) has subsid ed and now
other aspects of the loss are popping their heads up at sixes and sevens or
higher , just allow for their passing, one at a time, EFT round by EFT round. When you get to this step again, keep following through  until you
experience relief, meaning that you are able to think of the tapping target
with neutrality . Or, you are able to think of the person or the event and have
more perspective than at the time of loss, for example.Step 7. If intensity is the same. Do you believe  logically that you can
never get over this? Do you believe emotionally that you can never get over
this? Get more specific. Is it too big? Is it that you don’t know how (yet) to
navigate this unknown territory? Is it because you never expected it to be
this way? Choo se one reason you can never get over this. We’re getting
more specific to get results. Tap with a more specific “I can’t get over this
because  … ” in mind, and see if it doesn’ t loosen “I can’t get over this.” Or
focus on your body sensations about never getting over this and tap around
following a body sensation relating to “never get over this”usin g Chase the
Pain. Or go to an earlier loss, and tap on one event related to that. Then
move on to step 10. Step 8. If intensity is lower . Choose a thought, phrase, feeling, or body
sensation that happens when you think of the loss you have identified from
step 1, such as: “I am so angry about what happened. It’s not fair. It’s … .”
Skip to step 10 when you are neutral or close to it here. As well, uncover
specific events by asking: What about it isn’t fair? You may have a laundry
list of tapping targets by asking this question. Write them down to tap on
now, one at a time before moving on. Step 9. If intens ity is higher . Keep on tappin g on the same target you had
in step 2. Allow yourself to take a few deep breaths, inhaling all the way
from the soles of your feet up through the top of your head, and then out. Again, inhale deeply now through the top of your head, down and out
through the soles of your feet. Repeat the process a few more times. Now
tune into both your tapping target and your body sensation. Start another
round. Here are possible setup statements to inspire you:
Even though I can’ t get over this, I love, honor , and accept myself. Even though a part of me belie ves I can’t get over this, I deeply and
completely accept all parts of me. Even though I can’t see how I’ll get over this, I accept myself and how
I feel right now .Focus in on your body sensations, and follow them. Allow yourself to
cry, or feel the feelings, and keep on tapping through the flood of emotions! Step 10. Retest your intensity . How much can’t you “get over this” now? Or how much is it not fair? Using the tapping example of “can’t get over
this,” ask yourself these questions:
How come I can’ t get over this? Answer: It’ s my fault. How is it my fault? Answer: I wasn’ t there for him at a critical moment. How so? Answer: When he was in the hospital that one time, I needed to
go home and rest, but he was in pain. Aha! A specific event underneath one of the many reasons why you
“can’ t get over this.” Tap on this with Tell the Story until intensity around
this particular event subsides. Step 11: Now , return to your original tapping target from step 2, here it’s
“I can’t get over this.” Now how much do you still believe, or what’ s left
relating to “can’ t get over this” or whatever tapping target you chose? Do
you see how you can begin to see some hope? Even if you have  shifted one
point, that’ s movement! Support for Getting through Grief >
In some cultures, the communi ty engulfs the mourner . I don’t mean they
share their condolences by delivering homemade food or sending cards. The
community sits with the mourners until they experience a breakthrough. If
we were  held through our grief with nothing expected, the experience
would be profound and healing  for all involved. Consider tapping when
you’re troubled by these issues: “Even though I need more than what I’m
getting right now, I love myself anyway” or “Even though I’m expected to
be norm al, and how is that even possible right now, I love myse lf anyway”
or “Even though I don’t have the support I need through this troubled time
… .”
An alternative to traditional EFT is to tap continuously while expressing
phrases like these until you expe rience some relief:  “It’s possible for me torelease this grief , according to my own timing.” “I know this is hard. And I
can still do it.” “I am going through the hard stuff now and I’m okay .” “It
feels like my world is ending, but I’m still here. And I have more resources
than I can possibly imagine right now.” “I forgive myself for being scared. I
forgive myself for hurting. I forgive myself for lashing out. I forgive myself
for shutting down. I forgive myself for blaming. I forgive myself for
everything I did do, and for everything I didn’ t do … .” “I choose to love,
honor , and accept myself.” “I shower myself with compassion and
kindness.” “I am open to healin g, to my own wholeheartedness, to myself
and to all that is divine in my life.” “I feel the soles of my feet on the floor . I
feel the earth rising up to meet me.” “I choose to breathe in life, and to
release everything I no longer need or that is no longer serving me.”
Exercise: Releasing Learned  
Helplessness and Burden
Grief can bring up fear and helplessness about everything you don’t know
how to do. You may wonder how to go on without the person in your life,
how to do the financial statemen ts, to parent on your own, to cook … .You
may be afraid of future losses. Add the word “yet” t o what you don’t know
how to do in your setup statements. “Yet” gives hope that you can figure it
out. It’s an alternative to the helplessness or hopelessness you might feel
about your loss. I don’ t know how to go on without this person in my life, yet … . I have no idea how to run the business, be a single parent, or cook a
decent meal, yet I’m open to learning. I have learned other things, so
it’s possible I can learn this, too. I am a resilient, capable, resourceful
human being. Step 1. Notice how you are feeling in your body . Make note of any
tensions or aches or pains befor e you get started. Now , aim one EFT round
at what you can’ t do or don’ t think you can learn how to do.Step 2. Now , try that same round, adding  “yet” to what you don’t know
how to do. Even though I have no idea how to do X yet, I deeply and completely
accept myself. Step 3. Remind  yoursel f of the many things you had no idea how to do or
that you thought were impossib le but you ended up doing. Tap all the tap-
down points, a single point, or the finger points as you list them aloud. What does it feel like in your body to acknowledge the capac ity to grow
and chan ge? You are reminding your system that you do, indeed, know how
to learn and even now are in the process of learning how to do—even this,
even this. Step 4. Now how do you feel about learning or about the grief target? See
if there has been any corresponding change in how you feel in your body . Case Study: Loss and Grief Shrunk Sima’ s World
Sometimes a person’ s world gets really small around the grief object or
person. The whole world can seem to revolve around the brief time of the
loss, which is just one snapshot in time rather than your whole  experience
over the course of many years with that person, place, or job. Sima and her husband had many good times during their fifteen years
together . At the time her husban d, Robert, contracted an incurable, painful
cancer , they had just moved to the land of their dreams, where they had big
plans for their careers. The illness was swift. Within months, Robert was
gone. Every time Sima thought of him, it was about the brief time in their
lives when he was dying. She had no access to the wonderful memories. She felt like she should have done more, especially at key moments in his
decline and treatment. She had many specific events holding this belief up. If only she had done something differently , he might have survived. She
understood this belief wasn’ t logical—that it was emotional. Sima was work ing with me about being stuck in her job. However , the
story of her husband came up in our second session, and she cried as if theloss had been yesterday . She had hundreds of stories about how awful it
was, how she wasn’t there for him (she had been), and more. We tapped on
several of the biggest of the traumatic events till she experience d neutrality . Soon thereafter , she understood  that she was staying in the job she’d had
since shortly after he died becau se she was working with peop le in similar
situations to what hers and her husbands’ had been. But she was ready to
move on now. She no longer equated moving (which they had done right
before the cancer was diagnosed ) with his suffering, her “inability” to help
him, and all the dif ficult moments surrounding his illness. Let Grief Out and Resolve It
Unresolved grief is like unrequited love. It can lead to getting stuck in dead-
end jobs and shutting down in a marriage. It can give rise to displaced
emotions, such as getting overly angry with others or overly  angry with
ourselves, even though they’ve /we’ve done nothing to deserve our wrath. Unresolved grief can lead to depression, difficulty making changes,
hoarding, problems with intimacy , and illness. It can mask our joy . Over time, unresolved grief compounds. Grief from past emotionally
unresolved losses has a way of surfacing every time a new loss is
experienced. Additionally , the way we normalize or cope with a loss can sometimes
make it difficult  for us to experience life to its fullest. Kara had a sister who
had been  murdered decades back. When Kara went anywhere new, she felt
an immediate need to call at least one family member to let them know she
was safe. EFT helped her realize there was not a murderer lurking behind
every café’ s door. In another case, Serena’ s mother had been murdered by
her father . Decades later, Serena feared telling her husband the truth about
anything she thought might upset him, because she feared he would kill her. After addressing some of the key events with Tell the Story around that
belief, she was able to start telling him the truth. The marriage improved
and so did her life.Grief manifests in many ways, from being stuck, body symptoms, and big
fears, to self-sabotage of all kinds. Underneath the symptoms are specific
events associated with grief. These hold the energy disruption in place. Each event can be tapped with Gold Standard EFT until the whole grief
tabletop collapses. Here are some events different clients associated with
loss:
Seeing Mom’ s face at the funeral
When I heard the news on the phone
Not being able to say goodbye
All the things that couldn’ t happen with this person
The last words between us were angry
What I miss about him
The punched-in-stomach feeling
Proof I took him for granted
What I can’ t ever tell him now
Can’ t talk about him without crying
What that well-meaning neighbor lady said that really hurt
What I’d really like to say to some of the well-meaning people in my life
who are just making it worse
Remember to note where you are feeling the events in your body as you
tap. Keep tapping on your tap-down points while you read. Secondary Gains and Limiting Beliefs of Grief
Ask yourself what “secondary”  gains you are receiving for holding on to
the grief. What does your grief give you the excuse to do or not do? How is
that affecting your whole life? Grief manifests in some very interesting
ways, as you know . List what you are “getting” and tap on your
unwillingness to give it up. Limiting beliefs, core issues, and self-talk surround people dealing with
unresolved grief . Many say things they really don’t mean, such as “my life
is over,” or “I’ll never recover .” You’ll want to undo those vows. Whatvows did you make at the time of your loss? What did you tell yourself? What decisions did you make? What do you believe about yourself as a
result of the loss? These are generally not beneficial vows, decisions, self-
talk, and beliefs . How are these things playing out in your life? Simply
becoming aware of these decisions is the beginning of releasing them. Case Study: Dawn’ s Loss Stopped Her in Her T racks
When Dawn learned her sister had died, she said “my life is over,” and “it’s
my fault.” She acted like it too. Nothing moved for her after the death some
five years back. She no longer traveled, exercised, was stuck in a dead-end
job, and was tired all the time. “How could I not have been there for her?”
she thought often. We started with what she missed about her sister , what
she didn’ t get to do with her sister , and then she was able to start to share
some of the good times she and her sister had. We tapped on her sadness
that those good times were over—until she realized she could touch upon
them any time in her mind and experience the joy. Finally , we went to the
day it happened, tapping on the knock on the door, the police officer’s face,
the way she knew, where her brother was standing, the thoughts that came
to mind, the belief that her life was over, the belief that it was her fault, the
guilt, and more until she had neutrality here. We “undid” the vow she had made, and her belief that life was over
changed— a shift in belief. Dawn understoo d her sister ’s death was not her
fault; she had done everything she could, and she could not have prevented
it (this is the cognit ive shift). She had more energy in her daily life and her
vitality returned. (This is what emotional release can feel like.) She made
travel plans, began to exercise again, created and began circul ating a new
resume. She signed up for a week-long “change-maker” workshop, and her
fear of losing her job because she was wrong had all but dissipa ted. (These
are behavioral shifts.) Life again had possibility . Case Study: Jean’ s Underground Grief and Her Seemingly
Unrelated ProblemsJean couldn’ t say her mother ’s name without crying, even five years after
the death . She was having difficulty parenting and was especially resentful
of her youngest  child. There were problems in her marriage (especially
relating to her husband “being there” for her), low self-esteem causing
trouble for her at work, and an intense phobia of germs. A vibrant full-time
working mother of two young children, Jean had shut down so she could at
least function, but she was a prisoner to her loss. Grief had robbed her of
her ability to see the whole. After tapping, the specific event that came up was the time when Jean
was eight months pregnant with her youngest, exhausted, and visiting her
dying mother . Key aspects included her mother hadn’ t been there
emotionally for her (she was dying), the mom said bad things about Jean’ s
toddler , and her husband hadn’ t been able to come with her on this visit. We
tapped on all aspects we could uncover until Jean was neutral and reported
feeling much lighter. Another session involved tapping on everything she
didn’ t get from her mom at that crucial time when she was pregnant, and
everything she couldn’ t do for her mom because she was pregnant and
working full time. Over the next several sessions, Jean reported that she
was no longer tearing up at her mom’ s name or resentful of her youngest. She understood she’d projected the lack of being there from her mom onto
her husband, and her marriage began to improve. She began sleeping better ,
and the germ phobia (which had been related to an aspect of her mom’ s
illness) disappe ared. She experienced more joy in all areas of her life,
especially with her children. Questions Relating to a Loss in Y our Life
Think about what you have told yourself, what decisions you have made,
and what beliefs  you have formed about yourself or the world as a result of
your loss. Do you have unresolved fears about making chang es or about
losing someone or something? What happens when you think of giving up
what you no longer need? Do you want to make the change but feel as
though something’ s holding you back? What might that be, if you had toguess? What happened the last time you made a big change? What is your
earliest memory of loss? Did anyone help you understand the loss? If there
are stories about it that you don’t remember because you were too young,
what are the key points of the story? Has that loss affected you, and if so,
how? Are there areas of your life where it still hurts to think of a part of
your life that is now long over, or to think of something or someone or a
dream that has long since died? Little Losses and Letting Go
You don’t even have to have big, capital-T Trauma to have  unresolved
grief. What I’m talking about are little losses growing up. What happened
when you lost something growing up? Children feel keenly—ha ve you ever
seen a tantrum? Maybe you lost the full attention of your parents when your
younger sibling was born? What happened when your caregivers
experienced loss? How was it handled or not handled in your family? As a
child, when you expressed grief and sadness about a loss, what happened in
your family? If your primary caregivers weren’ t comfortable with grief, you
might associate that particular feeling with emotional abandonment. You
can uncover the specific tappable events when you look back. When we experi ence the fullness of weaning, it means we have dealt with
our feelings relating to the letting go. Then we can make the shift, process
the emotions around it, and move on. If we learned that letting go and
moving on is scary, we may have trouble finishing cycles, whether that
means leaving one job for a more fulfilling one, letting go of an unhealthy
friendship, or grieving the loss of a loved one and moving on. As you tap, allow yourself to have and experience the grief of the loss
now. The waves will rise, then recede. Once you have reached neutrality on
an event, notice what changes. Notice any changes in your body . Notice if
the way you are thinking or acting in another area of your life has changed. Write these changes down so you remember them for the next time.Exercise: Releasing Unresolved  
Early Feelings of Grief
What weanings were not fully resolved in your own life? Write them down. Then, tap on the specific incidents, one at a time, one aspect at a time. You may need to tap on everything you are angry , sad, etc., about befor e
you get to the forgiveness part. Rose’ s husband had died and left her in a
very bad financial situation with three young children. She had suffered
chronic pain for many years now. As she began addressing her pain, up
came feelings and memories about the loss of her husband some thirty years
back. She first needed to neutr alize the feelings of abandonment, anger ,
helplessness, fear, sadness, and more. She tapped on specific events relating
to the time of the loss before she was able to forgive her husband and feel at
peace. As a bonus, the chronic pain eased once she released those negative
feelings. Following are some examples of general tapping setup statements you
can customize:
Sadness, anger , loneliness, or hopelessness:  “Even though I’m (hurting)
about the loss, I am still here and okay .” (Reminder phrase:  “hurting
about this grief”)
Resistance:  “Even though I’ll never get over this and my life is over …
.”(Reminder phrase: “never get over it”)
Feeling alone:  “Even though I’m all alone in this and may be for the rest of
my life, I deeply and completely accept myself anyway .” (Reminder
phrase: “I’m all alone”)
Avoiding grief: “Even though I can’t bring myself to think about (this
grief), it’s not bigger than I am, and I am safe.” (Reminde r phrase:
“cannot think about this grief”)
Afraid: “Even though just thinking about (this grief) is scary , I bless these
feelings, and it is my intention to heal.” (Reminder phrase:  “it’s too
scary”)Letting go: “Even though I want to hold on to (this grief) because it’s all I
have left, it is possible there’ s more to remember that will bring me joy.”
(Reminder phrase: “want to hold on to this”)
Feeling helpless /like a victim:  “Even though it feels like I have no control
over (this grief), I am open to the possibility that I can make  different
choices and release some of the extra grief.” (Reminder phrase: “cannot
control this”)
Heavy feeling in body:  “Even though I feel this heavy grief feeling in my
body (name where, if you can sense it), I deeply and profoundly accept
all of my feelings and am grateful to my body for showing me where I’m
storing it.” (Reminder phrase: “I feel it in my body here”)
Reason to keep the grief:  “Even though it would be a betrayal to get over
(this grief), I deeply and profou ndly accept myself.” (Reminder phrase:
“it’s wrong to get over this”)
Guilt over the grief:  “Even though it’s my fault, and you are not going to
convince me otherwise, even God makes mistakes. I wond er if it’s
possible to for give myself.” (Reminder phrase: “it’ s all my fault”)
Angry over the loss:  “Even though I’m still angry and will never forgive
them about what happened, I deeply and profoundly accept all my
feelings and would prefer to release the anger keeping me prisoner .”
(Reminder phrase: “I’m really angry and will never for give them”)
Angry at person : “Even though I’m really mad at you for what you did, I
accept myself, I accept you, and I want to see this differently today .”
(Reminder phrase: “mad at ___”)
Exercise: Grief List for EFT Journal—A Plan of Action
Try the Personal  Peace Procedure. List your losses and tap on them one at a
time. Examples may span from  loss of first tooth to not makin g varsity to
losing that relati onship to the time we moved to the divorce, and so on. It
may help to start with the small stuff. Remember that when you work onone target, you’r e effectively working on all events under that tabletop or in
that spiral. And as you know by now , a generalization ef fect will kick in at a
certain point. Determine Aspects of Each Specific Grief Incident
The following questions are designed to elicit aspects for you to tap on
relating to your tapping tar gets. When did the grief incident happen? If there were a place in your body you were storing the grief incident,
where would it be? Is there an awareness of a certain body part when
you think of the incident? Is there a color , flavor , smell, image, texture, weight, or other quality
you associate with the grief incident? Who was there with you when you experienced the grief incident? Do you wonder what you would do without this particular i ncident? How does feeling this af fect you in your daily life? If you’re not sure,
guess. How will it feel to let it go? Is it safe to let it go? What’ s preventing you
from moving on? How would your life change if you were free of this grief from the
incident? What story are you telling yourself about the grief incident? What If I Believe It’ s Too Much to Handle? When you feel like the grief is locked in hard and won’ t budge , consider it
as the outermos t ring of the tree. The stuckness you’re exper iencing is a
symptom of the feelings underneath. Try tackling the resistance around the
edges. Y ou might want to tap taking inspiration from these possible setups:
Even though this grief is just never going to go away , there may come a
time when I’m ready to let it go, just not quite yet. Even though it feels like my life is over only if I choose to let it be, I
may change my mind about this later .Even though I can’t stand what happened, there may be a time when I
can accept it as reality . Even though I can’t relate to people anymore, maybe I can again
someday . Even though I don’t want to do this, not wanting to do this doesn’ t
mean I am not capable of it when I am ready . Even though this grief is not going to budge, it might shrink. Even though this is too much to deal with and I won’ t and don’t ever
have to if I don’ t want to, I remember a time when I was okay . If you grew up in a family where it wasn’ t okay to express feelings of
sadness, you may want to tap on issues like: “I’m not allowed to grieve,”
“it’s not okay to feel sad,” “what’ s wrong with me that I’m still upset?”
“Part of me has been holding on to the sadness I had no one to share with
when I was so little,” “I can’ t express my hurt because they don’ t like it.”
Case Study: Early Loss Explains Dan’ s  
Roots of Anxiety and Insomnia
Dan’ s father died when Dan was three. Now in college, Dan had anxiety ,
difficulty concen trating, and wouldn’ t go to sleep except late into the night,
which perpetuated the cycle. These were the symptoms of the problem, but
not the problem itself. As we tapped about his anxiety , I asked him the
famous question: “What does this remind you of?” The loss of his father
came to mind. We tapped on specific incidents around this early loss,
including: wakin g up to the news at age three and not underst anding why
Dad wasn’t coming back and a time at the playground where he was having
fun and then looked at his moth er and realized that he should not be having
fun but instead act sad. Among other interesting insights, Dan’ s unconscious belief causing the
insomnia he had suffered for many years bubbled to the surface. In his
young life, he had refused to go to sleep unless completely  exhausted.Finally , we got to the core. The limiting belief was: “If I fall asleep,
someone I love will die.” Dan had been asleep when his father died. In the
three-year -old worldview of his subconscious, no one would die if he stayed
awake. He also had a knee-jerk reaction to be overly kind and caring to people
when saying goodbye, even if they were near strangers or he didn’ t like
them. The underlying belief here was: “I need to be nice and say goodbye
because otherwi se they might die.” He had not had a chance to say goodbye
to his father. He worked through his unresolved grief from so long ago. His
anxiety decreased significantly . His “goodbye” compulsion ended, and he
no longer had problems saying goodbye. He completed college free of
insomnia and went onto a wonderful teaching career . Letting Go of Dreams
Letting go of what you dreamed you would have but that never happened is
a form of grieving, too. If being married is your dream and it doesn’ t seem
to be happening , you may have grief to tap on. If you are divorcing, you
may have the grief of not spend ing your lives together and everything that
meant to you. There’ s grief over the loss of health or over aging. There’ s
grief over not being able to have your own biological baby if that has been
your expectation and your identity has been wrapped up in it. The tapping
might extend in this case to events like how painful it is to be around
pregnant women  or to listen to colleagues at work discuss their children. Once you collap se the grief around lost dreams, you’ll find it’s much easier
to open up to new ones. In Conclusion
We’ve explored  how you can begin to poke around the edges of grief and
loss, as well as how to use EFT to gently release and navigate through the
small and big losses in your life. You now have a sound foundation from which to continue your tapping
practice. You’ve  learned one-point tapping and Gold Standard EFT. You’ve
tried the exercises and gotten results. Y ou’ve probably been surprised a timeor two at how quickly tapping  works. And you’ve likely shared tapping
with a friend, or ten. You know you can tap any time, anywhere, and on anything. You know
EFT terminology and how to look under your big tabletop issues to uncover
the specific even ts holding a problem in place. You know how to aim EFT
at one event at a time, tapping on one aspect at a time, until the whole event
collapses. You know that if you tap enough events through to neutrality , the
whole issue will collapse and you’ll experience relief. You’ve built on the basics to include Tell the Story technique, which
gives you a syste m to dismantle the charge from bad memories step by step. You’ve learned how to resolve physical symptoms and uncover emotional
contributors to pain through Chasing the Pain. And you know how to begin
to use EFT to address a broad spectrum of challenges, includin g changing
unhealthy life-stress patterns, resolving self-sabotage, clearing cravings,
restoring body confidence, addressing excess unresolved grief, ending
phobias, clearing the emotional contributors to physical illness, obtaining
pain relief, and more. As you continue to grow in your practice you’ll continue to experience
wow! moments as longtime issues dissolve with as few as one round of
tapping. You also know that to get results, you have to be persistent! May
this book be a resource for you time and again . [contents]
OceanofPDF .comAppendix A
Tapping Summary
EFT basic recipe
1. Identify a tapping target—a troubling feeling, sensation, though t, or bad
memory . 2. Rate the current intensity of the issue on the 0 to 10 scale. Zero is
completely neutral, 10 is the most intense. 3. Insert the tappin g target into the EFT template to create the EFT setup
statement. 4. Express the EFT setup statemen t one or more times while continuously
tapping the Karate Chop point. 5. Create an EFT reminder phrase, shorthand for the tapping tar get. 6. Tap the eight points of the EFT tapping sequence while repeating the
reminder phrase, start top of head to under arm. 7. Test the 0 to 10 intensity number again after tapping one or two
sequence rounds. 8. Adjust for changes in intensity by tweaking your setup phrase or creating
a different setup phrase, and start the process all over again until all
references to the upset are wholly dissolved.Figure 6: The Karate Chop point (top); the EFT
sequence (bottom)
Additional T apping Points
Fingertip PointsAfter performin g the EFT basic recipe, including the tapping down the
points, you add finger points tapping five to seven times on each point
below:
Outside humb at base of nail
Inside index finger
Inside middle finger
Inside baby finger
Karate Chop point
Next Is Nine Gamut SeriesLocate the gamu t point between the ring and pinkie fingers, about one inch
back from the knuckles. Tap this point gently and continuously through the
nine-gamut series. Holding the associated problem in your mind:
1. Close your eyes. 2. Open your eyes. 3. Eyes only , look hard down to the right. 4. Eyes only , look hard down to the left. 5. Move your eyes clockwise a full circle. 6. Move your eyes counterclockwise in a full circle. 7. Hum two seconds of a song. 8. Count rapidly from 1 to 5. 9. Hum two seconds of a song again. Repeat the EFT sequence. You can start with the EFT basic recipe, continue with tappin g fingers,
the gamut points, and one more EFT sequence as a full round. Do it as one
whole flow . Below Nipple Point or Liver PointLocated one inch below the nipple on a male, and where the breast attaches
to the chest for a female. It’s not as easy to access especially in public, but
it’s very useful. Wrist Points
You can tap the wrist point of each hand either with fingertips or by just
tapping both wrists together . [contents]OceanofPDF .comAppendix B
Taking a Wayside Rest from the Tough
Stuff
Is it time for a wayside rest? Do you need to take the edge off all this
serious stuff we are talking abou t and try a positive tapping exercise? Here
are a few ways you can take a break from the serious stuff when you need
to step away . Wayside Rest 1
Note these taps offer the equivalent of an emotional wayside rest when you
need it. They are a variation of traditional EFT. Let’s have a quick
restorative moment. Step 1. First, breathe deeply for a count of four, double your exhale to a
count of eight. Repeat four times before going to the next step. Step 2. Tap on your thymus/collarbone  points while expressing these
words or any phrases that give you a good feeling:
“Isn’ t life grand? I’m learning how to tap. I’m learning a lot about
myself. It’s possible to heal, and I’m healing now. I love the idea of feeling
better . I love feeling good. I love sunrises. I love the colors of the sunset. I
love the sound of the crickets on a midsummer ’s night. I love the sound of
my favorite song. I love the song of my soul.”
Good! We can move on now. Feel free to take a wayside rest like this any
time you’re feeling even a little overwhelmed as you read throug h the book. Wayside Rest 2
It’s useful to know that we can dip in and out of big feelings and that they
are not the boss of us, so to speak. What were your favorite upbeat songs
growing up? Compile a list and then access that music in a playlist. Listento it, sing it, play it, dance it, enjoy it now. Play it when you need a “now
for something completely dif ferent” moment. The resting space can allow you the space to remember that the troubling
event is not all of you and will not swallow you up. These rests serve as
reminders of what a wonderful and amazing human being you are just as
you are right now , problems and all. Wayside Rest 3
How do you feel right now? Tap your finger points or the tap-d own points
while reliving a super positive event that happened in the past. Be specific
and relive the wonderful details about that good experience. Savor it. Juice
it. Now notice if your mood has changed. If you’re ready , go back now to
your tapping target, equipped with the most effective tool in the universe:
an open heart. [contents]OceanofPDF .comAppendix C
EFT Resources
Here’ s information directly and indirectly related to tapping or heal- ing
I’ve found helpful. This is not a comprehensive resource section, just a
selection of items you may find useful or that I have enjoye d. Websites
evolve quickly , so some may no longer be available. Tapping V ariations and the  
Evolution of Energy Therapy
When EFT was developed by Gary Craig in 1995, his open-handed,
generous appro ach, coupled with the technique being so easy and
profoundly effective, helped spread meridian therapy throughout the world. An online newsletter that began with twenty people fairly rapidl y had some
500,000 subscribers. Workshops were attended by hundreds, but there was
not one-on-one teaching in these venues. The standards of EFT and even
what constitutes EFT has come to vary widely , and like any innovation, is
an ongoing topic of discussion and controversy . Some people learned EFT
at the workshop s, others from DVDs, others by watching a YouTube video,
still others from someone who had attended a workshop. The approach,
experience, instruction, standards, intent, and applications of practitioners
and tapping trainers have varied  widely . What constitutes EFT is regularly
under question. And that is a good thing, because as we clarify what works
safely with individuals in need, the whole field improves. However , the
field can occasionally be likened a bit to the Wild West. Gary Craig has
noted that he believes he made a “blunder” when initially intro ducing EFT
in a way that opened its use to the world when the practice lacked a
standardized way to consistently teach and monitor those who wereteaching as well as the practitioners being certified. In recent years, he and
his daughter , Tina Craig, implemented clear , consistent standardized
teaching methods and standards  for EFT: Gold Standard EFT. Their well-
thought-out, thorough, and comprehensive tutorials with guided, step-by-
step information, will enhance your practice and ability to get results. Gary
Craig’ s emofree.com is the no cost teaching site of which I am a member
and which I frequently revisit to refine my own technique. The site now
also includes his latest develop ment and exploration into healing, which
explores in essence, the spiritual nature of healing and its practical
applications. EFT Credentials: A Brief History
Early on, tests were adminis tered through EFT founding master Pat
Carrington, PhD, and author of the Choices Method of EFT. Those who
passed the tests received a certificate of completion of a test: EFT Level 1
and EFT Advanced. Next came the more rigorous earning of credentials
EFT Certification (Cert)-1, II, and Honors. These required that you had a
practice and understood and were extensively versed in the concepts and the
tapping techniq ues. Prior to the onset of these programs, there was a
program for advanced EFT practitioners—EFT Masters Program (and all
masters are considered Honors practitioners), which required  significant
commitment and admission on a one-on-one basis. That program, begun in
approximately 2005, came to an end in 2007, with just twenty-nine Masters
having completed it. In the ensuing years, Tina Craig developed and directed the Gold
Standard EFT ACP-EFT and ACEP-EFT credentialing system through the
Association for Comprehens ive Energy Psychology (ACEP), an
organization that also includes licensed therapists and other mental health
and holistic practice professionals. In my experience earning the ACP-EFT
credential, this is the most comprehensive, extensive, and thorough program
in the use of Gold Standard EFT. It included extensive one-on-one
mentoring, significant video session review with detailed feedback of eachtechnique in the EFT toolkit, and required mastery at a very high level. The
program has made me a more  thorough, effective profession al and my
sessions have become more powerful with regard to results. As of this
writing, Tina Craig is stepping down as director in December 2015. Training continues, however . Another solid program for earning excellent credentials, in my
experience, is the Association for Advancement of Meridian Techniques
(AAMET) International, with four practitioner levels. It features excellent
training and generous insightful mentoring by the knowledgeable, capable,
and thorough Jondi Whitis. Should you wish to pursue professional aspirations as a practitioner , add
it into your clinical practice, or just learn more about the technique, there
are Level 1 and Level 2 trainings, as well as trainings otherwise  designated
that provide excellent training. It pays to research, whether the individual
practitioner is working under the banner of a designated organization or on
his or her own. Some excellent teachers do not teach under any
organizational banner , for example. Obtain personal referrals about the
trainer . Speak one on one to those who attended a past seminar or training. Consult with the trainer to gain an understanding if this is a good fit for
you. Note also that the size of an organization does not necessarily denote
teaching quality . Some practitio ner trainers teach under one of the above-
named organization’ s banners. Others teach under EFTUniverse, and still
others teach as mentioned not under any banner , and yet others teach their
own brand of EFT. Research the trainer ’s bona fides, and go beyond the
testimonials—anyone can write a testimonial. Other T apping Methods
As noted, Gold Standard is not the only meridian tapping that gets results. Others who have developed their own approaches concurre nt with the
development with EFT also are effective. Many early energy tapping
pioneers as well as the early adopters of EFT who initially learned from
Gary Craig have created their own protocols, even their own brands oftapping. The issue is not variations, in my opinion—becau se I am a
personal recipient of variations working. There are many , many ways to
scale a mountai n, and all roads as is said, lead to home, as opposed to
Rome. To me, the problem arises when practitioners have not done their
own inner work  and do not have the knowledge, the wisdom,  the healthy
boundaries, or the clarity inside, to help people clear issues out at the roots,
whatever their approach, or do not know or are even aware of how to work
ethically and safely with people, especially those who have experienced
Trauma with a capital T. Such people may not be aware or responsive to the
issues tapping can raise. Some  individuals with un- resolved significant
mental health issues or those who aren’ t aware of the big stuff they’ve been
sitting can find themselves drowning when they follow along with a
workshop leade r or online practitioner who isn’t taking all of this into
account. Tapping is powerful. To me, it works with body , mind, and spirit, and that
includes the electromagnetic energy system of the body . When you are
working with deep stuff, you want someone who not only knows how to
swim in the deep waters but also able and adept at bringing you easily and
gently back to shore repeatedly , so you can finally do it indepen dently after
some practice. Remember that you and your money can be easy pickings
when you’re feeling desperate and believe the answers are outside of you. The wizards of Oz behind the curtain exist in every emer ging field. Gold Standard techniques are the centerpiece of my EFT practice. And
there are other holistic methods that I have drawn on in my healing work
that may include tapping variations, the use of song, music-making, writing
and other creative arts, body movement, and body shaking and trembling to
release trauma, deep listening , herbal consultations, healt h coaching
sessions, and more. The nature of my work has depended on the nature of
my client’ s request, the nature of my agreement with the client coupled with
my own knowledge base, experience, and authority . The goal is to listen
deeply and hold a space for the person who is doing the work, not to make
them heal, not to cause them to heal, but to be present in a way thatfacilitates and supports their healing. My commitment is to discover or
uncover what works for each individual client’ s own timing, highest good,
and optimal chance of clearing an issue out all the way down to its weedy ,
gnarly roots. And this is an evolving process. Recently , I have drawn inspiration from Andy Austin’ s approach
(www .andrewtaustin.com), especially with regard to mirror box remapping. He has effected remarkable results with phantom limb pain patients. Richard Flook’ s meta medicine and healing
(www .advancedclearingener getics.com/about/about-richard-flook/) is of
interest, Trauma  Release Exercises (TRE) (www .traumaprevention.com) is
an area I am interested in (other practitioners have noted its effectiveness in
working with tapping and TRE in tandem, especially for those whose
bodies are carry ing “big” trauma as a place to start before even  employing
EFT). The active listening I use is along the lines of
www .handinhandparenting.or g, founded by the inspiring parent-child
connection advocate Patty Wipfler. I draw on mindfulness and breathing
exercises inspired by Dharm aseed.or g, DharmapunxNYC.com, and
Tarabrach.com, too. Space precludes  listing more on these energy therapy pioneers. Most of
their or ganizations of fer training and certifications. The late Dr. Roger Callahan invented Thought Field Therapy (TFT). Visit
his website at www .rogercallahan.com for more infor - mation on TFT . Dr. Larry Nims developed the Be Set Free Fast (BSFF) method, an
energy psychology . See “Tell Me About Be Set Free Fast Self-Help” for
more details: www .besetfreefast.com/faq-theory .html. Dr. John  Diamo nd (www .drjoh ndiamond.com) has explored diagnosing
and treating various psychological and mental problems through energy
therapy . Dr. Fred Gallo, (www .fredgallo .com) psychologist and ACEP president
as of 2015, has pioneered and authored much on ener gy therapy . Tapas Fleming (www .tatlife.com) developed the Tapas Acup res- sure
Technique (TAT) for allergic reactions and clearing the impact of pasttraumas, gently and easily . See my website for a more complete listing. Online: Forums, Member Sites,   Social Media, and Mor e  
Online you’ll find a wealth of information about EFT, including training
sites, free EFT resources, EFT social media communities, especially EFT
Facebook communities, including open sites representing different
organizations as well as non-af filiated EFT and/or tapping groups,
professional practitioner sites, closed groups, and smaller EFT tapping
circles, tapping practitioner sites, free- and paid-subscriber level member
tapping sites, mega-tapping databases that publish a wide range  of tapping-
related material and promotions, teleseminars, online tap-related talk shows,
and more. EFT Database, T eaching Sites,   
and Credential-Granting Organizations
The short list is not comprehensive. It of fers a few of which I know . Emofree.com  is a treasure chest of information for beginners through
EFT masters. It now includes two subsites, Gold Standard EFT and Optimal
EFT (to legally share this I must say that I am a student of Gary Craig’ s
Optimal EFT instruction found at www .optimal-eft.emofree.com). The
Gold Standard site offers a comprehensive archive of three thousand case
study articles on EFT applications, a free newsletter , audio and video
demonstrating specific points of EFT, practitioner listings, and more. Users
can obtain for free or for a dona tion sets of online teaching DVDs up to 120
(or more ) onlin e hours of video. The site is constantly evolv ing, so take
your time on the site as you would with a gourmet meal or an evening with
close friends. The other site, Optimal EFT, has as of this writing been
offering free experiential webin ars led or facilitated by Gary Craig, that
concern exploring the spiritual nature of healing, including drawing on
concepts such as calling in the “unseen therapist” to help work with an
issue, radiating love, and more. It has been profound for me, and in thepreliminary explorations with my own interested clients results have been
promising. Association for the Advance ment of Meridian Energy Techniques
(www .AAMET .org) Established in 1999, AAMET is the largest nonprofit
international body offering consistent, effective EFT trainings, trainers and
workshops listings, mentoring  and support, and certified practitioners
listings. Its costs are very low as all administration duties are unpaid and
shared by volunteers. The websi te contains a plethora of useful information
relating to merid- ian energy techniques and energy psychology . Recent
conferences have included speakers such as Dr. Rupert Sheldrake (The
Science Delusion , 2012), and Dr. Bradley Nelson (The Emotion Code,
2007). Association for Comprehensive Energy Psychology (ACEP)
(www .ener gypsych.or g) Established in 1999, this nonprofit is AAMET’ s
US counterpart , offering similar services through an ACEP lens, and
members include the general public, EFT practitioners, and licensed mental
health profession als. The offerings include conferences, seminar s, including
those that fulfill continuing education requirements for mental health
professionals, trainings, a newsletter , practitioner listings, and more. The
EFT certificatio n track program was administered and directed by Tina
Craig through December 2015, with the focus on ensuring that the
practitioner has fully absorbed  and can effectively practice Official and
Gold Standard EFT. The training program is at the time of this writing
being reor ganized. www .EFTUniverse.com  was established when Gary Craig temporarily
retired and gave  his original site to Dawson Church Ph.D. The two are not
affiliated any longer . This organization fosters and supports the
EFTUniverse Levels of practiti oner training. The site offers a plethora of
free resources, including a newsletter , community , training certification
listings, paid practitioner listing s, opportunities to get involved at varying
levels in the worldwide EFT community , including in a free tapping circle,
videos, including tap-a-long videos, books and audio programs for sale, andmore. It is also spearheading a movement to include an EFT tapping
presence within the American Psychological Association. Websites
VeteransStressProject.or g Veterans with PTSD can access free EFT sessions
performed by volunteer EFT practitioners who’ve passed field research
training requirements. The project is part of a clinical study on using EFT to
resolve PTSD symptoms in selected vets. So far, preliminary results are
promising. Advanced EFT Practitioner , Matrix Reimprinting practitioner , and
innovator Ruthi  Backenroth, MBA (www .BreakthroughRelief.com) uses
EFT and other modalities as a mental exercise approach to retrain the brain
and stop pain signals. Reneé Brown (www .transform ationkey .com) offers Faster and regular
EFT, intuitive readings, energy healing, and more. She has been teaching
and mentoring full classes and to a full schedule for for more than thirty-
five years. EFT founding  master Carol Look (www .CarolLook.com) is
internationally noted for her certified abundance coaching program and
gratitude work. She has a regular newsletter , teaches workshops, coaches,
and according to her website, uses “EFT and the Law of Attraction to clear
limiting beliefs, release resistance and build pros- perity consciousness.”
Her Abundance Store offers several guides including: Attracting
Abundance with EFT, Improve Your Eyesight with EFT, and The Tapping
Diet. EFT Master Jan Luther , “the Ego Tamer ,” has a specialty in grief and loss
(www .janluther .com) and her own creation, Ego T aming. International trainers and husband-wife team Alina Frank  and Dr. Craig
Weiner , DC (www.EFTtapp ingtraining.com) train, mentor , and certify
individuals and healing arts professionals in the art, science, and business of
EFT tapping. They also moderate an active Facebook EFT tapping forum.EFT Master Jan Luther , “the Ego Tamer,” has a specialty in grief and loss
(www .janluther .com) and her own creation, Ego T aming.
_OceanofPDF.com_Tapping_Into_Wellness_-_Kathilyn_Solomon.txt
Summarize the following text section accurately and concisely. Maintain specific details and numerical information, and use anti-repetition mechanisms:

        Do you feel desperate, hopeless, or other upsetting
feelings when you think about the diets you haven’ t maintained. Do you
blame and judge yourself as weak for not achieving your ideal weight. Have you always considered yourself “the fat one” in the family or among
your friends. Have you been ashamed of yourself because of your eating
habits. Do you keep your feelings about your weight a secret out of fear
that people will find out “who you really are”. And try these: What are you
insulating yourself from with the weight. What does weight signify for
you. Is it insulating you from intimacy. Is it keeping you from being
vulnerable. What would happen if you did reach your ideal weight. How
would your life change. Now, you have even more tapping targets, and that means you have a
chance to change it all. Tap on what you believe to be true or an event that
seems to “prove” that it’ s true, until you experience relief. Others have used setup phrases like these as they step around the edges of
the issue:
Even though I’m a hopeless case and will never be the weight I want, I
love, honor, and accept myself. Even though I feel so heavy all the time, I love, honor, and accept
myself. Even though there must be something wrong with me, or otherwise I’d
stop eating like this, I love, honor, and accept myself. Even though I have to be at my ideal weight to have the life I want, I
love myself no matter what. Even though I have so much despair around this, I love, honor, and
accept myself. If you’re  having  resistance to acceptance, remember you can also tap on
the tail-enders or “yeah  buts” one at a time down to zero. As you do this,
specific events may arise. Tap on each of them and they’ll start to
generalize, so there aren’ t as many to do as y ou think. More on Shelley’ s Case:  
Weight Release and Core Issues
Shelley and I tapped on the unhappiness about her body and what it meant
to her. I asked her a series of questions to gain more awareness of the
history behind her body hatre d, weight despair, and negative self-talk
patterns as I looked for specific  originating events behind her weight and
body-confidence challenges. She despaired when she thought about her weight problems in
relationship to others’ bodies. “When was the first time you felt that despair
feeling. ” I asked her. If she could not remember a specific event, I was prepared to ask her
other questions: “When did you first start feeling uncomfortable about your
weight. ” “What’ s the earliest memory you have of feeling ‘fat,’
overweight, ashamed of how you look. ” “When did you realize you felt
uncomfortable about your body. ” “When have you felt like this before. Who was there. ” “What kinds of people ‘cause’ you to feel this way. ”
In your own work, be persistent. Even if you don’ t get answers the first or
second or tenth time, you are working towar d resolving the upsets that are
keeping you stuck in this problem. Shelley’ s first memory of feeling  despair was when she was six years old,
walking with a grown-up cousin at a community pool. Both young Shelly
and her adult cousin were in bikinis, but Shelley remembered feeling “fat,”
like the bikini was too small for her. Now she had in her mind a specific
picture; just a flash that lasted about ten seconds of the two of themwalking. She named the event “Six and Too Fat. ” The feeling was despair. She guessed it to be about a 4 in intensity. Shelley and I tapped on this event using Tell the Story, which turned out
to have many aspects, including the feeling of being next to the cousin and
the color of the bathing suit. She noted an uncomfortable feeling and a
feeling of being exposed, being seen. An insight came to mind—it’ s about
being seen, fear of being seen. I said nothing, because I wanted to see what
would unfold first. We tapped on each of the aspects of the event of “Six and Too Fat” using
Tell the Story until she had no charge and even had a hard time recalling
much detail. It took all of an hour, if that. After tapping, she reported
feeling lighter and more at peace regarding her weight. When next she visited her hometown, she reported back that she had not
gone for the junk food at her parents’ house nor had she done any other
unhealthy eating behaviors. And she had tapped herself “off a cliff” when
she started to compare herself to the young, beautiful, and thin waitress. We work ed over the next severa l months, and she stopped feeling like a
fraud. She started feeling good about herself and her life. She let go of a
relationship she’d been in becau se she thought no one else would have her. She became involved in a relationship where she began to experience
emotional intimacy for the first time. Rather than feeling like a fraud, she
owned the wonderful woman and person she is. Identifying the T riggers for  
Overeating, Self-Hatred, Cravings
On the road to body confidence, Shelley identified more triggers that led
her to overeating in the first place. If you don’t get at the triggers that
stimulate overea ting, you won’ t root the problem out at its core—it can
always come back. But what if you don’t know your triggers. Most people
don’t, but you can use EFT to flush them out. Here are some sample setups to practice addressing the problem of not
knowing your triggers or patterns of cravings or overeating. Customizethem to suit your own unique situation, then perform the EFT basic recipe,
remembering to take an intensity rating before and after each tapping round. Even though I don’t know why I overeat, don’t see my own pattern, I
deeply and completely accept myself. Even though I forget to look for my self-sabotage and don’t see things
that are obvious to other people, I love, honor, and accept myself. Even though there must be a good reason I sabotage myself (and I’m
curious—I wonder what it is and I’d like to explore it in depth), I
deeply honor and accept myself. Even though I have no idea what the triggers for my overeating are and
I’m asking myself to recognize the triggers and help myself become
more conscious ly aware of them, I deeply and completely accept
myself, all of me. In Shelley’ s case, tapping on phrases like these and allowing herself to
experience her feelings began to lift a veil. She began to realize  there were
many times when she was triggered and in a number of areas. These made
her feel uncomfortable and out of control, craving and overeating. Here are
some we turned up, for example:
She had to finish the food on everyone’ s plates. It was almost a
compulsion. She literally felt like she had no choice, whether at a
restaurant or at ho me. She had to stop at a certain cof fee shop and purchase at least two donuts,
and from that shop only. Again, she felt as if she had no choice. She
could not drive by—she had to have those donuts. The minute she stepped in her parents’ door, she wanted to eat. Just after a stressful test, she’d crave food. At the time, she was studying
to get her masters and working full time. When she came to see me on this particular day, she was horrif ied, laden
with shame and despair. She had just gone out to eat and had ordered a lar gemeal from the menu. She then proceeded to eat leftovers from her friend’ s
meal, too. I was thrilled that she was experiencing the big old pattern
because now we had an opportunity to resolve it. We tapped on this one experience, just using Shelley’ s own phrases about
her humiliation. I asked, “What does this feeling of humili ation remind you
of. ” An early memory emer ged: She was very little, maybe four or five
years old, being “affectionately”  called “Big Belly” after sneak ing into her
mother ’s lunch box and nibblin g her sandwich. “Big Belly” was a term of
endearment she’d heard almost all of her life, but when she said the words,
tears welled up in her eyes. Clearly we were onto something. There was big
hurt there, and we’d found tapping gold. The event was about how she
gained approval from her parents. We tapped on every aspect we could find,
until when she said the words “Big Belly,” she could laugh. What she
finally realized is that when she did sneak food or eat off her parents’
plates, they thought it was cute and showered her with love and affection. She was essentially praised for overeating and sneaking food. Is it any
wonder this pattern had been hard to break. Shelley was able to resolve her issue with being seen just as she was. She
had been the oldest of five kids, and her mom expected her to hold it
together. She had to act perfect to gain approval, but inside she was afraid
that if anyone really saw what a “mess and fraud” she was, she would be
abandoned and die all alone. This was obviously a very old, longstanding
belief. We addressed this through stories she shared about her growing up
with a mother who treated her like a servant and alternately confided in her
inappropriately. Is it any wonder that one of the patterns we broke was her
need to sneak as much junk food as she could into her mouth before Mom
came home. Exercise: Creating Y our Own W eight  
Release and Body-Confidence ListList “Weight Release and Body Confidence” as your heading  in the EFT
journal. Set a timer for five minutes and list specific events where you have
felt uncomfortab le or frustrated about your body image or your weight. Commit to tapping on these one at a time for your own healing of patterns
that no longer serve you. Your work will help you uncover more roots and the origins of body
confidence issues, weight challenges, and craving concerns. These often
stretch all the way back through a family line. You might say these are
inherited belief systems and patterns of distress that you can unco ver and
resolve. And you are doing the work for future generations, too. You Are So Much More Than Y ou Know. How much of our true nature has to do with how big our boobs or pecs are,
or how skinny we are. Our culture emphasizes a form of beauty that is
neither real nor reflective of who we are as individuals. On our deathbeds,
we’re not going to regret not looking like that supermodel on the cover of
Vogue. You may as well forgive yourself in advance for being so hard on
yourself—tap on that one—“ Even though I’ve been so hard on myself and
will no doubt continue to be because I am only human, I deeply and
completely accept myself anyway. ”
Imagine that, in your glorious life, you don’t have to be anything but
yourself. Imagin e the expansive feeling of relief, of being at peace, of
loving your life, just as you are, in control of your choices, no matter what
happens around you. In Conclusion
In this chapter, we explored how you can address weight challenges and
trouble with body image as well as how to clear cravings with EFT. Our
next chapter addresses tapping while experiencing loss and grief. [contents]OceanofPDF. comChapter 11
Loss and Grief—Letting Go with EFT
To sort of parap hrase the poet Kahlil Gibran, the depths of sorrow we feel
in our heart are equally proportionate to the heights of joy we are capable of
feeling, as paradoxical as it seems. It’s not that we seek sorrow, loss, and
grief; it usually finds its way to us. But to know that grief has a
counterpoint can remind us that grief is not all there is in our lives. We can use EFT to address loss whether of a loved one or a dream or a
way of life or even a favorite bracelet. Tapping will not erase your memory
of the loved one, the dream, or the object in question. It addresses the
excessive grief, the grief of the unresolved earlier losses in life. Past losses
seem to light up each time we experience a new one, and it can result in an
energy disruption. For a child, it can seem quite typical; perhaps it is as
mundane as losing a special toy, a friend moving away, going from being
the one who got all the caregiv ers’ attention to now having to share the
spotlight with a new sibling. To activate your body’ s energy system, go ahead and tap on the tap-down
points, the collar bone point, or the gamut or fingertip points while you read. Life Is Change
We human beings are continually changing and evolving, despite our best
efforts to make things stay the same. We like knowing what to expect
because we have a mistaken understanding that the status quo will keep us
safe. W e don’ t like losing stuf f, but life is about change and letting go. We leave the sanctity of the wom b and are born. We leave our caregiver ’s
arms and begin crawling, walking, and playing independently. We leave the
sweet simplicity of childhood and enter into awkward, ungainly,tumultuous, independent adolescence. We leave home, go to college, have
careers, marry, and have lives of our own. We watch our childr en grow …
and leave. Our bodies change. Finally, we reach the end of life—another
change. Truly, from the moment we are born, “letting go,” “leaving
behind,” and “change” are the operative words. And yet we are often caught
off-guard and unprepared with regard to our losses. When we meet the changes, life works. But when we’re burdened by
grief, our ability  to experience life’s wonder and joy is affected. When the
feelings get stuck inside, we ourselves get stuck. We displace. We project. We ignore. W e do all kinds of creative things to avoid feeling the grief. Exercise: Releasing Intensity  
Charge Around the Loss
Here we will gently work with grief you are ready to release. Step 1. In your EFT journal, create the heading: “Grief and Loss
Release. ” Identify a loss you’d like to work with. It could be anything from
loss of a loved one to an experience you believe you have an unreasonable
attachment to or would like to experience peace rather than pain. Step 2. List your thoug hts, feelings, sensations, self talk, the details you
recall when you think of that loss, or of letting go of grief. Here are
examples from my practice from clients who have lost loved  ones in all
manner of circumstances: “It’s not fair. ” “It’s wrong. ” “There was no
closure. ” “It’s unacceptable. ” “I can’t go on now. ” “Someone needs to pay
for this. I’m so angry. ” “I am guilty. ”“I didn’ t do enough. I should have
been there. ” “It’s my fault. ” “No one understands what it’s like. ”  “My life is
over. ” “I feel the loss of what I never had. ” “The heavy pressure in my
chest. ” “I am suddenly exhausted in my body. ” “How do I go on after
having cared for him/her (who was sick) all these years. ” “I just miss her so
much. ” “I feel so alone and unlovable. ”Now choose just one aspect from your list—this will be the start of your
manageable tapping. Simultane ously, note how you feel this aspect inside
your body in your journal. Step 3. Now what’ s the intensity, 0 to 10, about that aspect you chose. Write it down. You’re already aware of your body sensation, as you noted it
in step 2. Step 4. Apply the EFT basic recipe to your tapping target. In this case, we
will simply tap on the “top level” of the grief, with this example: “I don’t
think I can ever get over this. ” As alwa ys, tap on your Karate Chop point
one to three times while repeating this setup statem ent:
Even though I’ll never get over this, I deeply and completely accept
myself. Tap through at least one or more  EFT sequences, starting at the top of the
head through under the arm, with: “I’ll never get over this,”until  you sense
a shift in intensity. Step 5. Now take a deep breath, allowing the breath to flow up from the
earth, into the soles of your feet, up through your legs, through your torso,
and through the crown of your head. Exhale, letting go, with the exhale
longer than your inhale. Repeat several times. Step 6. Check your intensity now on “I’ll never get over this. ” If it is
higher, go to step 9. If lower, go to step 8. If it’s the same, go to step 7. If
your aspect (for example, “I’ll never get over this”) has subsid ed and now
other aspects of the loss are popping their heads up at sixes and sevens or
higher, just allow for their passing, one at a time, EFT round by EFT round. When you get to this step again, keep following through  until you
experience relief, meaning that you are able to think of the tapping target
with neutrality. Or, you are able to think of the person or the event and have
more perspective than at the time of loss, for example. Step 7. If intensity is the same. Do you believe  logically that you can
never get over this. Do you believe emotionally that you can never get over
this. Get more specific. Is it too big. Is it that you don’t know how (yet) to
navigate this unknown territory. Is it because you never expected it to be
this way. Choo se one reason you can never get over this. We’re getting
more specific to get results. Tap with a more specific “I can’t get over this
because  … ” in mind, and see if it doesn’ t loosen “I can’t get over this. ” Or
focus on your body sensations about never getting over this and tap around
following a body sensation relating to “never get over this”usin g Chase the
Pain. Or go to an earlier loss, and tap on one event related to that. Then
move on to step 10. Step 8. If intensity is lower. Choose a thought, phrase, feeling, or body
sensation that happens when you think of the loss you have identified from
step 1, such as: “I am so angry about what happened. It’s not fair. It’s …. ”
Skip to step 10 when you are neutral or close to it here. As well, uncover
specific events by asking: What about it isn’t fair. You may have a laundry
list of tapping targets by asking this question. Write them down to tap on
now, one at a time before moving on. Step 9. If intens ity is higher. Keep on tappin g on the same target you had
in step 2. Allow yourself to take a few deep breaths, inhaling all the way
from the soles of your feet up through the top of your head, and then out. Again, inhale deeply now through the top of your head, down and out
through the soles of your feet. Repeat the process a few more times. Now
tune into both your tapping target and your body sensation. Start another
round. Here are possible setup statements to inspire you:
Even though I can’ t get over this, I love, honor, and accept myself. Even though a part of me belie ves I can’t get over this, I deeply and
completely accept all parts of me. Even though I can’t see how I’ll get over this, I accept myself and how
I feel right now. Focus in on your body sensations, and follow them. Allow yourself to
cry, or feel the feelings, and keep on tapping through the flood of emotions. Step 10. Retest your intensity. How much can’t you “get over this” now. Or how much is it not fair. Using the tapping example of “can’t get over
this,” ask yourself these questions:
How come I can’ t get over this. Answer: It’ s my fault. How is it my fault. Answer: I wasn’ t there for him at a critical moment. How so. Answer: When he was in the hospital that one time, I needed to
go home and rest, but he was in pain. Aha. A specific event underneath one of the many reasons why you
“can’ t get over this. ” Tap on this with Tell the Story until intensity around
this particular event subsides. Step 11: Now, return to your original tapping target from step 2, here it’s
“I can’t get over this. ” Now how much do you still believe, or what’ s left
relating to “can’ t get over this” or whatever tapping target you chose. Do
you see how you can begin to see some hope. Even if you have  shifted one
point, that’ s movement. Support for Getting through Grief >
In some cultures, the communi ty engulfs the mourner. I don’t mean they
share their condolences by delivering homemade food or sending cards. The
community sits with the mourners until they experience a breakthrough. If
we were  held through our grief with nothing expected, the experience
would be profound and healing  for all involved. Consider tapping when
you’re troubled by these issues: “Even though I need more than what I’m
getting right now, I love myself anyway” or “Even though I’m expected to
be norm al, and how is that even possible right now, I love myse lf anyway”
or “Even though I don’t have the support I need through this troubled time
…. ”
An alternative to traditional EFT is to tap continuously while expressing
phrases like these until you expe rience some relief:  “It’s possible for me torelease this grief, according to my own timing. ” “I know this is hard. And I
can still do it. ” “I am going through the hard stuff now and I’m okay. ” “It
feels like my world is ending, but I’m still here. And I have more resources
than I can possibly imagine right now. ” “I forgive myself for being scared. I
forgive myself for hurting. I forgive myself for lashing out. I forgive myself
for shutting down. I forgive myself for blaming. I forgive myself for
everything I did do, and for everything I didn’ t do …. ” “I choose to love,
honor, and accept myself. ” “I shower myself with compassion and
kindness. ” “I am open to healin g, to my own wholeheartedness, to myself
and to all that is divine in my life. ” “I feel the soles of my feet on the floor. I
feel the earth rising up to meet me. ” “I choose to breathe in life, and to
release everything I no longer need or that is no longer serving me. ”
Exercise: Releasing Learned  
Helplessness and Burden
Grief can bring up fear and helplessness about everything you don’t know
how to do. You may wonder how to go on without the person in your life,
how to do the financial statemen ts, to parent on your own, to cook …. You
may be afraid of future losses. Add the word “yet” t o what you don’t know
how to do in your setup statements. “Yet” gives hope that you can figure it
out. It’s an alternative to the helplessness or hopelessness you might feel
about your loss. I don’ t know how to go on without this person in my life, yet …. I have no idea how to run the business, be a single parent, or cook a
decent meal, yet I’m open to learning. I have learned other things, so
it’s possible I can learn this, too. I am a resilient, capable, resourceful
human being.
The text does not explicitly mention specific phrases for self-acceptance and self-love, but it does provide examples of setup statements for grief, such as "Even though I've been so hard on myself...".
What are some common phrases used in EFT that can help with self-acceptance and self-love?
The book discusses various topics, including weight release and body confidence, grief, loss, and unresolved grief, as well as the basics of EFT.
What are some of the topics discussed in the book, according to the table of contents?
The text does not explicitly explain the purpose of the "Tell the Story" technique, but it does mention that it was used to help Shelley resolve her issue with being seen and accepted.
What is the purpose of the "Tell the Story" technique in EFT?
The "Wayside Rest" section is focused on taking a break from the serious stuff and finding ways to relax and recharge.
What is the focus of the "Wayside Rest" section?
The text does not explicitly state the primary goal of the "Letting Go of Dreams" section, but it does mention that it discusses the importance of letting go of unresolved grief and the impact it has on one's life.
What is the primary goal of the "Letting Go of Dreams" section?