A single picture has brought it all back again.
I can smell the smells
and hear the sounds
as though it were yesterday
and not the ancient history of my youth.
I close my eyes and feel his hot breath on my face,
its sickenly sweet smell nauseats me.
His unshaven face touches mine
and I retch as the memory overwhelms me.
I can almost feel the cool air blowing in the tent
I hear the sound of cars going by,
a hundred,
a thousand,
one,
...God,
rushing off
going by
unaware
not knowing
oblivious
to my struggle
and the hot red pain
as I am awakened
My innocent, not lost, but stolen
(the awakening came)
like the shock of a rapier  piercing the heart of a novice fencer.
or a sun soaked body thrown into an icy river …
I was stunned by the revelation
paralyzed,
numbed
and mute.
All the whispers and snickers
Jibes and insinuations
Came into focus in an instant
I understood
Like adam,  I am not nude,  but naked on the inside
Shame, like a jacket falls on me,  and I put it on
For it fits so well
Humiliation hangs over me and bends my head down low
My soul like clay  was shaped by ugly hands
Disfigured, damaged dysfunctional forever
I looked into his eyes and I think  “betrayed again”,
Treacherous brown eyes seem to follow me
Waiting for me,
I was foolish enough to be open and vulnerable,
gushing like a school girl with raw emotion.
He struck  like a cobra, fangs sinking in, pumping poison
He has taken me, raped me and left me for dead
and i am once again
used and abandoned