It crept upon me slowly,
Of its presence I was unaware,
But because of all the changes,
I got a lot of stares.
'What's wrong with you? '
I heard several ask,
But an answer I could not provide.
Before I knew it, I had created a mask, to hide behind.
Someone else on the outside,
Why can't I be me?
I just don't want to hurt you,
Is that so hard to see?
I put up a wall,
Between me and you,
Hoping to break my fall,
But doing so only confused us all.
It was in my heart, yet also deeper within,
Why am I so empty inside?
I just want to run away and hide.
It's scaring me,
As is its job,
Attacking me,
Like an angry mob.
What is all this anger?
Where is it from?
Why am I so lonely?
Why do I feel so dumb?
I don't know what to do or say,
I keep to myself,
Other people-stay away.
I'm afraid of showing you,
How I really feel,
Who I really am,
Hurting you- of this I am afraid.
If I am myself,
Will you like me anyway?
If I speak my mind,
Will you make me go away?
I couldn't escape and locked myself inside,
But then one day I did decide
To get down on my knees and pray,
'Lord, what is this? Please, take it away! '
That helped some, but I needed more,
Open up, unlock the door.
I begged and pled
For it to leave,
But to my voice it would not heed.
For I was 'dead, '
sown was the seed,
Inside my head,
Done was the deed.
It's tearing at me from within,
And working its way out,
It's ready to succeed,
Of this there is no doubt.
I finally asked for help,
Even though I was afraid,
I poured out my heart,
And was recieved with grace.
True concern, encouraging words,
And then it was finally over,
Its presence I could deny.
And I thank God for my family,
And my friends so dear,
I thank Him for the body,
For holding me so near.
Now when I look back,
I'm glad those days are through,
I thank God for my peace,
And His love so true.