DESPAIR IN OLD AGE
Despair in old age
Dead friends
Friends sick and dying
The choice between the treatment
That draws the suffering out
And the sooner and more painful death
The boredom
The sense of one’s own uselessness
The futile striving to not be a hindrance to others
The vain effort not to look like a shipwreck
The sick smell of oneself
The loss of power in so many ways
The small naps in public places
The sense of one’s own uselessness
The understanding one has done what one could
And not done enough
And not done the best
The regret
The hatred of having others doing simple things for you
You can no longer do for yourself
The weakness
The aching
The pain
The boredom
The slowness of mind
The loss of interest
The feeling of oneself as a burden a disappointment
To others
The despair
The hopelessness
The wishing were all over
And the understanding that to finish it
Is to be a coward and leave a horrible legacy
The having too much time and remembering when one never had enough
The feeling of one’s own uselessness
The letting loved ones down
The loneliness
The boredom
The sadness
The hatred and contempt for oneself
And what one has against one’s every wish, become.
The long drawn-out never ending hopelessness of it all.