text: why is it that no matter how much you show a large woman that you like her, she's still isn't happy? i'm a middle-aged white guy who has always been much more attracted to larger women. perfect for me would be someone between 130 - 180lbs, but they always still want to lose weight! there are some bbw who are happy with who they are. others are not.  but you may not be able to do anything yourself to make them change from not being happy to being happy.  i did have one bbw girlfriend in high school who was happy with herself, but it got too serious and, in high school, it just shouldn't be that serious.  as for those who are not happy with their weight, it's like the old light bulb joke: how many psychiatrists does it take to change -- one, but the bulb has to want to change.  i think some people like to define themselves by what is wrong with themselves rather by what is right with themselves.  they get comfortable in their "misery" (i'm too fat, i'm too thin, my hair's straight, it's curly, i can't do this, i don't deserve that, ...)  frankly, i like women who are voluptuous rather than  not.  always have.  point is that they just have to wake up and smell the coffee and realize what they have in you as a friend or lover.  but, from experience, i don't think there's much you can do to convince them otherwise.  in one relationship, i had to have one foot out the door before they got a clue.  in some cases, i've known people in relationships with bbw where the woman used her weight as a way of controlling the relationship and limiting the intimacy in the relationship.  and these guys loved these women so much that they couldn't or wouldn't leave.  why loved these women but, well, to be frank, i don't think these women loved their husbands as much as the husbands loved them.  so, maybe the thing is not to try and change the women that you meet to make them happy but instead determine if you can live with them as happy (or unhappy) as they are.  it is possible that people can change, but they have to want to change.  and sometimes the only thing that can jolt someone into change is to not to support their habits, but to let them know that you love them but there obsessing is to the point where you aren't sure they're happy being with you and that it is time to move on for your own sake.  it's not a threat, you have to respect yourself and your needs and happiness and they need to respect themselves and you.  otherwise it can just be a co-dependent mess.