text: my sexy boyfriend isn't working toward the family plan. what to do? i am in my 20's and after finishing some scholastic goals, i have goals to adopt children one day. i want to have a house and enough financial resources to not have to work while i am raising them.  i want a companion who shares the same goals.  my boyfriend of nearly two years, while claiming to share in the interest to adopt children is working a very small-paying job, (less than minumum wage) though i have offered him connections to quality jobs and though i work in a field that helps people find jobs.   he can't even treat me to dinner and a movie!  it's not that i can't pay for myself as much as i am concerned about having a family structure someday.  the partner i team up with to raise a family must be a person with' hustle', someone who will do what he can for his family.  if he won't even do his best to treat me, his potential wife, to a date how can i depend on him to help with needs of a family? (by the way, he's in his 30's)  what do you suggest? the problem here is your attitude towards your boyfriend because you are trying to make of him a different human being and that is unlikely to happen.  you are with someone because you accept him the way he is and that's all...  if you have offered him connections to quality jobs and he does not accept them, it is because he is prefers that small-paying job.    also you worry too much about the future (i do too! believe me!  i think i'm even worse because i take into consideration global warmth).    you seem to be perfectionist, methodical, neat, the kind of person who has defined her aims clearly and this is not good or bad this is you, this is the individual you are.  now, you might be happy having this traits (or not)... but this is you!  would you like your boyfriend to make some adjustments to your personality and try to make you fit in his plans?  i doubt it.  each individual appreciates the respect of others towards his/her personality and uniqueness.  #1 you won't change a man who is in his 30's because as you get older you settle and get used to certain habits.  men hate to be controlled by women and also he won't change because a 20-year-old girl tells him to.  #2 it is good to establish your aims and follow your dreams but the world is not a pattern... life is not a pattern... you could even die tomorrow... the adoption laws in your country could change... i don't know... i'm not telling you to live like a monkey in the jungle without plans or aims... just try to be flexible because unfortunately the world does not revolves around you... ask galileo!  #3 if you insist on finding someone better then call this relationship a day... if you don't see a future... then do it... but do not go on making other people change their ways.  i'm pretty much like you but if there is something i've learned is that life is not a pattern and that you have to be tolerant and some times to give in.  i've learned that you are happy when you learn to live with the things you have and i've also learned that when you're not satisfied with your life at all it is always possible to change...  gd luck! ,-)