text: i want to tell my dead mother that i love her? she died last september and i didn't get a chance to be at her side. i've scattered her ashes at a beautiful and secluded spot in a river so that she could flow through her favourite county to the sea. i sometimes visit the spot but cannot seem to find the right thing to say or do. i'd appreciate some suggestions i was 20 when my mother died.  i wasn't at her side at the time, but this doesn't bother me much, because the last thing i did say to her was that i loved her.  and, too, i've come to realize that we all really are on our own when we pass away---that's one journey we all must make alone.  it's some consolation to me to realize that, and i hope it consoles you, too.  that said, i've often wanted to tell her again how much i love her.  i do talk to her and tell her so.  but i think the best way to tell her is to live my life as productively and respectably and happily as possible.  i pursued an education, which i know she wanted.  i practice as a physician, and i believe she is proud of me for that.  i've married a wonderful man, and had beautiful kids.  i think she approves.  and i believe that by fulfilling her wishes for me (a full, happy, productive life), i'm telling her again and again how much i love her and appreciate all she did for me.  i hope you can gradually feel better about this.  i know it took me a long time.  and sometimes it still hurts twentyone years later.