text: denying without being a jerk? ok so i'm getting the hint that my relationship with my ex is never going to work. it's all one sided (she does whatever she wants, if i bring up the past it's blown out of proportion but if she does it's fine, hangs up on me expecting me to call back and etc.) i'm a sweetheart and i've had a hot 38 year old tell me this that i'm a hottie and i have a great personality. thankfully my ex moved out of state so i don't have to run into her, but my question is. when i date another girl and she finds out, how do i tell her that i don't want to be with her without sounding like an a55? she wants me to be one and gets me to the point where i am so she has some leverage in an argument. how do i just rid of her? i want to move away so when she does come back she'll never find me. this is a situation of be who you were or stay out of my life for good. any suggestions. i don't want to be looked at as someone i'm not. how old are you? if you don't want to be looked at as someone you're not then you better start figuring out who you are! it's easy to tell that you have no clue. if you did you wouldn't be wanting to run from this situation.  your priority right now should be to focus on just that-- finding out who you are. naturally this takes years and years, but you can jump start this by: concentrating on improving your health, body, mind, spirit, and soul. get a better education volunteer and help those less fortunate than you are take some "fun" classes read some self help books keep a journal pray daily learn to be more musical write about fifty essays beginning with the words "i believe..." spice up your social life by getting involved in some new activities or clubs (not party clubs-- clubs that promote growth and learning)  join a yoga class. meditate daily. write a list of the principles you call your own and hold most dear start a new exercise concentrate on learning and loving you for now.  and about the ex: if you have kids together your s.o.l. you are stuck together for life to one degree or another unless-- god forbid-- something happen to the kid(s). if you don't have kids together then just grab hold of... your courage... and tell the lady you are moving on. tell her you tried. it didn't work. you see now that it will not work. you do not need her drama games. you are going to stop contacting her. you want her to stop contacting you. and you should both move on with your lives and (eventually) see other people. but be sure this is what you want before you do it! have you guys tried counseling?  p.s: don't date the 38 year old... why? 1. it's too soon! 2. she's an opportunist and probably a barracuda (gold digger/clingy emotional drama game player and general sucker of men's time/money/etc.) 3. any 38 year old that tells you you're a "hottie" is trying too hard to be "hip". p.p.s: don't date "girls".  don't date anyone until you stop calling grown women "girls".