text: is it bad for a married man to have a mistress???? i had one mistress that i miss so much, i was married for 13 years in my first marriage and i had her as a mistress for 12 of those years.  we ended up growing apart, and i had to make her go away by telling her a lie, i just did not want her to waist her life waiting on me.  she was not perfect by any means but she was outstanding in so many other ways as to be incomparable to other women.  she was a pro at making her man be #1 in the world, she looked 9.5 out of 10 and was a 12 at sex....any where any time any way you want it......i miss her so so much, she is the only person i actually wish i could do it over for...because if i did she would be with me to this day...yes i still love her and will always love her, i owe her for life.  mary s. jones....i love you!  i wish you the best the world has to offer. yes, a mistress is bad. where is the goodness when one is turning away from their partner and not towards them? you absolutely cannot fix a problem inside a relationship by turning outward. all that does is create problems.   a relationship has to meet the needs of the two people involved. one must understand what one’s partner's needs are so they can meet them.  one must figure out what their own needs are and communicate them. so basically, if your needs are not being met, communicate and negotiate. don't let resentment build.  if you want to hold hands more, you express that. if you want one night out of the week from the basic traditional sexual up keep, one night of the week to be intimate with your wife in the backseat of your mini-van or on top of the washer machine, you express that. in turn if your wife wants to shave your genital area, you allow her to express that. if she wants you to suck her toes, you allow her to express that and negotiate.   your relationship must be based on a solid, underlying friendship. friends talk, laugh, share, and do things they're interested in together. don't stop being friends just because you're each other's spouse.  all in all, if you want to have a good partner, be a good partner.  paaatches –you get what you give. when you give better, you get better. and, i don’t think it’s fair, fair to you, fair to your wife, fair to all the parties that are involved. you are intruding upon her turf. on everyone’s turf. you are a trespasser. it is no different than being a thief in the night. it is no different than breaking into their house and stealing their things just so that you can be pleased and feel as though you are number one.  and, why you don’t feel as though you are number one all on your own beats me? perhaps, you should start there? perhaps you should start seeing you for you and all the factors that make you number one in your own eyes. perhaps you should ask yourself or figure out for yourself what makes you feel good, what you want, what you enjoy doing instead of sitting down next to someone with vagina and saying, "hey my penis goes in there, feels so good! okay, me bored, again… can you tell me how wonderful i am again, make me feel number one again because i am bored, i am bored!" thanks for sharing with us the formula for failure. all hats off to you.