text: how do i get over a foney "friend"? a friend i known for a few years now is devestated by me being cool friend's with her ex bestfriend she does everything in her mind to ruin our friendship why is that? but then at the same time we are all church people she says all she need is god as her friend and she doesnt care, mind you she is 21 years old i like and agree with drray's answer.  i'd like to add:  you have to realize and learn......you cannot control the actions, feelings, and thoughts of someone else.  they think about and assess things in their own way and arrive at their own conclusions. this happens sometimes outside the pattern of behavior within which you know them.  under certain conditions or situations where you may be somewhat unfamiliar with their character they may act, or re-act in a foreign way to you. that is a fact about people....all people.  this is one reason why parents often plead and beg with their kids to get to know someone before; having sex, moving in together, working together, getting married, etc etc.  so you have a good solid understanding of their actions and feel safe with how they do things. it's not a fail-safe, but it's all you have.  you have to learn how to hone your instincts and trust in other people. people predate upon one another. it's a shame, but it happens.  so, you can say then that your friend wasn't *really* a friend. that you chose to allow them to be in the role of your friend, and that you did so too quickly without taking enough time to really know them.  conniving people will ingratiate themselves to you for many reasons.  these are lessons in life that one can never master. no matter what age, we make mistakes, but the key is to learn and become wise, not bitter or vengeful.  sorry this happened to you, but learn from it and move on. find and cultivate a new friend.  :)