text: whats the average size of a melon and do they make you sweat funny?   well let's see.... raising melons can be a difficult and rewarding job. the standard size of a canteloupe with the proper care could be the size of a nba regulation basketball that is if you really care for your melon. you see the canteloupe is one of the shyest melons because it has a lot to live up to being the one of the more common ones. i have found that if you spend several hours telling the melon that it is big enough and strong enoung and gosh darn it people like it, it does rather well. now musk and honeydew are a little trickier. the tactic that has yielded the largest size in these varieties for me has been to play them against each other. i plant little seeds of jealousy like telling the honeydew that "you know why aunt betty always used musk melon in her 4th of july salads dont you? its because it was bigger than you honey, its not that it tastes better its just that you havent given it your all." with the musk usually a comment about its name works, something like, "come on lets get real, just listen to your name, musk. if you had to choose between a melon named musk or honey which one would you choose?.....honey of course. i conotates a more delicious experience in every way. the only way you'll ever get picked is if you dazzle them with your size so get busy and get big" using this stratagey has yielded melons the size of a bowling ball. who else loves to watch pro-bowling isnt it amazing to watch? theres just something about those people gently scooping up those shining beauties wiping them down with the same wrag that they use on thier own sweat as the precurser to the big show, that shiny spinning beautiful warrior gracefully on its journey to meet its battle with the 10 evil white advancing monguls. before you know it *blam-o* the battle is over and we see just how well our little warrior did. ahhh, oops... i guess i got a little off track, sorry. anyways,... as far as the sweating part it all depends on where your melon farm is located. i have had many farms in many locales. raising melons in the heat of the saharah can make one lose a little moisture on the brow but nothing like the venus vines farm i had in the 70's, i can remember bursting into flames on a few occasions. mmmm mmmm mmmm mmm mmm toasty! those are all problems that i solved with gallons of gatoraid mixed with pickle juice and a hat with a little teany tiny fan that i bought off and info-mercial for 5 easy payments of $19.95. plus working in the nude helps from time to time, just remember to where your sun screen. hope this helped. j