text: when you realize? it is a scary feeling when you finally realize that the same sex arouses you more than the other?   i'm a straight female and my former fiance has recently come out to me and i'm trying very hard not to be mad at him and feel used.. sometimes i feel so bad for him, i want to understand how he feels. i love him so much and if he was going through any scary feelings i feel so bad for him.   but if he already knew he had those desires his whole life(he's 27) i just don't know. i know none of you know him/our situation.. but can you shed some light on how it feels so much better to be with the same sex? we slept together before, but it wasn't passionate,but he did climax. he pretended it was so great, but now that he is telling me the truth, he said that even though he climaxed he didn't feel turned on...  we lived together and we/are best friends, i  that's why i can't turn my back on him. it is very cool of you to continue to be his friend. please try to be thankful that he was finally able to admit it before you two got married. some people do know they are gay from childhood and never have any straight relationship. some people know it from childhood but have been raised to believe it is sick and wrong, and so work hard to subvert those feelings. that's why some people end up getting married, having kids and coming out of the closet many years down the road. it really isn't a conscious choice to be gay or not to be gay. he can't help preferring men any more than you can.  it is best for you to try to distance yourself romantically... i know you don't want to turn your back on him, but you also don't want to hurt yourself.