text: why do i do this?!? i have this part of me that, some of the time i am proud of my confidence, and other times i really hate it.  whenever i am with people i get really loud and opinionated, i have to be the centre of attention, i say things that are really outrageous, sometimes insulting, and totally inappropriate in the context. afterwards it really upsets me and sometimes i have panic attacks or dissociation, and decide next time i'll just stay quiet, but i can't.  sometimes i really embarrass myself, i can see people looking at me like i'm some sort of freak, but i just can't stop myself.  i used to speak to a psychologist about this and they said it probably isn't that bad and nobody is really bothered, but i have seen the way people look at me, and they would obviously be bothered by some of the things i say.  i get really worried that my behaviour will push away my closest friends, even though i never have it still worries me.  i wish i could control myself enough to just shut up, but i can't. your behaviour seems perfectly normal to me.  everybody (except self-absorbed people with narcissistic personalities) questions whether they have upset others - this is part of how humans develop self awareness.  at times we will be more or less aware of other's reactions either because we are prompted by our confidence to say more provocative things (perhaps when disinhibited by substances or hormones) or because we are in a mood where confidence is naturally low.  hormones, fatigue, substances (such as cannabis and lsd) can create a hypersensitivity to the reactions of others at the same time as causing us to say stupid stuff.  the best way to deal with the problem is to continue developing your self awareness by continuing to engage in social interaction, preferably when sober.  your friends clearly don't think you're pathologically stupid or insane or they would have told you so by now.  the worst thing that you can do is start to avoid situations where you experience this social anxiety because that will make it worse and you'll end up scared of your own shadow.  by feeling the fear and doing it anyway you will develop your social skills and your anxiety levels will decrease.    i work in mental health and have found that unfortunately many people with mental health problems become so dominated by the social anxiety caused by their fear of saying/doing something stupid that they don't leave the house or engage in relationships - and that really is stupid.  social interaction, like any skill, gets better with practice.  social isolation, like any weakness, gets worse if you let it become your dominant force.