text: i need some good clean jokes to use at a ladies meeting.? please remember only clean jokes, and no blonde jokes please. herbal remedy jon and amanpreet, both farmers, met at the state fair.   "tell me," asked jon, "what did you give your mule when he had the colic?"   "turpentine," 'preet answered.   a few months after the fair, they meet up again. "say, lizard pecker, what did you say you gave your mule when he was sick with colic?" jon asked.   "i said i gave him turpentine."   "well, i gave turpentine to mine and it died!"   amanpreet nods his head. "that's strange. so did mine."  ******************************** kids in church a little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates. when they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear: "don't pay for me daddy, i'm under five."     --------------------------------------------------------------------------------  a little boy was attending his first wedding. after the service, his cousin asked him, "how many women can a man marry?"   "sixteen," the boy responded.   his cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "how do you know that?" "easy," the little boy said. "all you have to do is add it up, like the bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."     --------------------------------------------------------------------------------  after a church service on sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "mom, i've decided to become a minister when i grow up."   "that's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"   "well," said the little boy, "i have to go to church on sunday anyway, and i figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."     --------------------------------------------------------------------------------  a 6-year-old was overheard reciting the lord's prayer at a church service: "and forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us."     --------------------------------------------------------------------------------  a boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "how do you know what to say?" he asked.   "why, god tells me."   "oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"     --------------------------------------------------------------------------------  a little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on.   finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"     --------------------------------------------------------------------------------  after the christening of his baby brother in church, little johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. his father asked him three times what was wrong.   finally, the boy replied, "that priest said he wanted us brought up in a christian home, and i want to stay with you guys!"     --------------------------------------------------------------------------------  terri asked her sunday school class to draw pictures of their favorite bible stories. she was puzzled by kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.   "the flight to egypt," said kyle.   "i see ... and that must be mary, joseph, and baby jesus," ms. terri said. "but who's the fourth person?"   "oh, that's pontius -the pilot."     --------------------------------------------------------------------------------  the sunday school teacher asks, "now, johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"   "no sir," little johnny replies, "i don't have to. my mom is a good cook."     ------------------------