text: how do you get over someone you had an (emotional only) affair with? suppose you fell in love with someone other than your husband / spouse of 15 years.  you still love your husband, very much, you are just not "in" love with him; you are in love with this other person.  the other is still in love with you, but chooses his wife.  to top it all off, you have to think of the best situation for your children to grow up in.  suggestions?  cutting it off completely doesn't seem to be working.  counseling is helping, a little, but it is a long process, and the relationship has existed for almost a year. it will take time, and much effort on your part, to let the lover go. stop all contact with him/her; when you find your mind wandering to him/her, stop and think of something else; focus on your family and your marriage.  find something good about your spouse that attracted you to him/her in the first place.  ask yourself these questions:  have you done everything you can think of to salvage what's left of your marriage?  do you have any feelings at all left for your spouse, be they negative or positive?  if you answer "yes" to either of those questions, there is still something left, and you should work on it and give all your energy to it. good luck.