text: me or my kids? i love my kids very much. i even started to work a 2nd job so my wife could go part time to be with the kids rather than them in a daycare. this arrangement has been inplace for about 6 years now and every year my wife has become more and more distant from me. now she spends no time with me alone. if we go out to dinner or the movies the kids have to go along. i don't mind takeing them but sometimes i want to spend time with my wife alone. i've tried for at least 3 years to take her away for the weekend , i even let her pick the place, but she always has a excuse why she can't go. she;ll say that one of the kids has a softball tournament or practice so she can't make it. anybody can take them to practice for us. why won't she spend time with me? why are my kids first before me? is this right or normal? or is it just me making a big deal out of nothing? i miss our times we use to have together, i want them back! as you have instinctively guessed, your marriage is in trouble.   you need to spend undivided time with your spouse without the children in order for your marriage to thrive.  dr. willard f. harley, an expert in marriage counseling and one of the best in the business recommends 15 hours a week of time together alone for healthy marriages in no danger.    your marriage is in danger already, a situation where he recommends more alone time together with each other.  i strongly recommend you go to the following site and read all you can.  dr. harley is available by writing an email, calling his radio show, and his son, steve harley, an excellent couples counselor in his own right directed by dr. harley, heads up the phone counseling division for a fee, but you can benefit without ever paying a cent just by exploring the site, calling the radio show, and/or reading his books.  your local library has dr. harley's books.  you might start by reading his needs her needs, or fall in love stay in love.  it may be tough to get to the bottom of her issues, i wish you the best of luck.