text: what's the funniest hypochondriac story you've heard? (= i worked in a doctor's office for quite a few years and we had a patient who was afraid to swallow her own saliva, she thought it would kill her.  she walked around with a kleenex and was constantly wiping the saliva off of her mouth.  she also used to call the office daily to be reassured that putting toothpaste in her mouth would not kill her.