text: i've never heard a girl fart audibly, will you fart into your mic and email it to me?   sorry i can't because when i was eight years old i farted in someone's face when he was sitting on the floor playing monopoly with me. he said, "do you do that to everyone or just to the people you like?" and i couldn't answer that question, so i decided to treat all people nicer and save my secret scent for my future husband.