text: do you have a good, funny, smart way to answer back telemarketers? give me some creative, smart, and funny ways.  example: seinfeld:   "would you like to subscribe to our magazine?"  "yes i would" (hangs up the phone) well, not sure if this can be applied in all situations but your question reminded me of this response i got from an email that still cracks me up:  what to say to a telemarketer! one of the things that has always bugged me (and i'm sure it has most of you, too) is to sit down to dinner only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. i decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them as they were to me. the call was from at&t, and it went something like this:   me: hello  at&t: hello, this is at&t....   me: is this at&t?  at&t: yes, this is at&t....   me: this is at&t?  at&t: yes. this is at&t....   me: is this at&t?  at&t: yes! this is at&t. may i speak to mr. salem please?   me: may i ask who is calling?  at&t: this is at&t.   me: ok, hold on.   at this point, i put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. i ate my salad. much to my surprise, when i picked up the receiver, she was still waiting.   me: hello?  at&t: is this mr. salem?   me: may i ask who is calling please?  at&t: yes, this is at&t....   me: is this at&t?  at&t: yes, this is at&t....   me: this is at&t?  at&t: yes, is this mr. salem?   me: yes, is this at&t?  at&t: yes, sir.   me: the phone company?  at&t: yes, sir.   me: i thought you said this was at&t.  at&t: yes, sir, we are a phone company.   me: i already have a phone.  at&t: we aren't selling phones today, mr. salem.   me: well, whatever it is, i'm really not interested, but thanks for calling.   when you are not interested in something, i don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "i'm really not interested", but this lady was persistent.   at&t: mr. salem, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.   now, i am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate". i could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.   me: now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day? at&t: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) yes, sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!   me: 7 days a week?  at&t: that's right.   me: 365 days a year?  at&t: yes, sir.   me: i am definitely interested in that! wow!! that's amazing!! at&t: we think so!   me: that's quite a sum of money!  at&t: yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.   me: ok, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560? if you send an annual heck, can i get a  cash advance?  at&t: excuse me?   me: you know, the 10 cents a minute.  at&t: what are you talking about?   me: you said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. that comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. i'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.  at&t: oh no, sir, i didn't mean we'd be paying you. you pay us 10 cents a minute.   me: wait a minute here! didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute? are you sure this is at&t?  at&t: well, yes, this is at&t, sir, but....   me: but nothing! how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that i'll give you 10 cents a minute? is this some kind of suliminal telemarketing scheme? i've read about things like this in the enquirer, you know. don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.  at&t: no, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for....   me: there you go again! can i speak to a supervisor please?!? at&t: sir, i don't think that is necessary.   me: sure! you say that now! what happens later? at&t: what?   me: i insist on speaking to a supervisor! at&t: yes, mr. salem. please hold.   so, now at&t has