text: are we friends or lovers?  is he using me? i am dating a guy who told me that he needs some time to figure things out.  he tells me that he has a lot on his plate right now and can't handle a full blown relationship.  yet he calls me a lot and we end up talking for hours and hours about anything and everything.  he has apologised several times for hurting me.  is he using me?  should i cut him loose or wait and see where it goes.  i like that we can talk so easily.  maybe his feelings for me scared him, so he felt he needed to back off some.  any thoughts on what is going on here? people who say they don't want a relationship - then end up calling you, being with you, having sex, etc are usually people who like to have their cake and eat it too.  he wants the freedom of not being in a relationship, but enjoys the benefits of being with someone at the same time.   you should tell him that you wanna give him time to figure out what he wants - and whether he wants you as a girlfriend.  there is nothing wrong with being his friend - but don't treat him any different than you would your other friends (i.e. no 2am booty calls).  saying he has too much going on right now doesn't make sense - if you really like someone you want them in your life, and usually having a significant other helps things because you have someone there for you.