text: here i go again bound? to upset some bugger. (dont give a f**k). an asian gentleman ( i'm learning ) goes up to heaven and arrives at the pearly gates. st peter is stood there having a fag (you can't smoke in heaven) and says to our asi (oh f**k it) paki, what the f**k do you want. i have come for jesus he says. oh hang on a minute then. st peter sticks his head round the gates and shouts oi jesus your taxis here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! brent, wonder how long your joke will stay on for  :)  paddy goes on a quiz show. "what is the capital of ireland?" asks murphy, the host.  "pass," says paddy.  "kissing which famous stone gives you the gift of the gab?" asks murphy.  "pass," says paddy.  what are the colours of the irish flag?" asks murphy. "pass," says paddy. a voice from the audience yells out, "good man, paddy!! tell them nothin!" :) <><><><><><><><><>  a mine collapses near a small town. an engineer survives the disaster and goes to the local bar. the bar is empty except for one other customer. "hey bartender," says the engineer, "i'll have a beer and pour another one for my friend over there." the bartender replies, "i'm sorry sir, but that guy's irish and we don't serve his kind here." "well, you'd better because if it weren't for that guy, i wouldn't be here," says the engineer. "you know the mine that caved in, well i was in that mine and so was that guy. when the last of us were escaping, he held the roof of the mine up with his head! so get him a beer. if you don't believe me, look at the top of his head. you'll see it's flat from holding the roof up."  the bartender serves the irishman his beer then comes back to talk to the engineer, "i saw the flat spot on his head but i also noticed some bruising under his chin. what's that all about? the engineer replies, "oh, that's where we put the jack." <><><><><><><><><> the irish are famous for 'the gift of the gab' - but these days you can clear that up with antibiotics! :)