text: anyone know any good male chauvinist jokes? i just would like a good laugh. this one's quite long, but really funny!!  "please note that this bank is installing new drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.  customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.  after months of careful research, male & female procedures have been developed. pease follow the appropriate steps for your gender."   male procedure:  1. drive up to the cash machine. 2. put down your car window.  3. insert card into machine and enter pin. 4. enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. put window up. 7. drive off.   female procedure:  1. drive up to cash machine. 2. reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.  3. set parking brake, put the window down. 4. find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.  5. tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.  6. attempt to insert card into machine. 7. open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. 8. insert card. 9. reinsert card the right way.  10. dig through handbag to find diary with your pin written on the inside back page. 11. enter pin. 12. press cancel and re-enter correct pin. 13. enter amount of cash required.  14. check makeup in rear view mirror. 15. retrieve cash and receipt. 16. empty handbag again to locate wallet; place cash inside. 17. write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of  check book. 18. recheck makeup. 19. drive forward 2 feet. 20. reverse back to cash machine. 21. retrieve card. 22. re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot  provided. 23. give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you. 24. restart stalled engine and pull off. 25. redial person on cell phone. 26. drive for 2 to 3 miles.  27. release parking brake.  i also thought this was funny.  loving husband, ed, was in trouble. he forgot his  wedding anniversary. his  wife was really mad at him and she told him, "tomorrow morning, i expect to find a gift in the  driveway that goes from zero to 200 in six seconds. and it better be  there!" the  next morning, ed got up early and left for work. when his wife woke up, she looked out the  window and sure enough, there was a small box gift wrapped in the middle of the   driveway.confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the  house. she opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.   funeral services for ed have been  scheduled for friday.xxx