text: 999 or 911 they are the same to me!!!!!? "believe" it or not, these are real 911 calls!  dispatcher: 9-1-1 what is your emergency? caller: i heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. dispatcher: do you have an address? caller: no, i have on a blouse and slacks, why?  dispatcher: 9-1-1 what is your emergency? caller: someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich. dispatcher: excuse me? caller: i made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when i came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it. dispatcher: was anything else taken? caller: no, but this has happened to me before and i'm sick and tired of it!  dispatcher: 9-1-1 what is the nature of your emergency? caller: i'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it. dispatcher: this is nine eleven. caller: i thought you just said it was nine-one-one dispatcher: yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. caller: honey, i may be old, but i'm not stupid.  dispatcher: 9-1-1 what's the nature of your emergency? caller: my wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart! dispatcher: is this her first child? caller: no, you idio t! this is her husband!  and the winner is..........  dispatcher: 9-1-1 caller: yeah, i'm having trouble breathing. i'm all out of breath.....i think i'm going to pass out. dispatcher: sir, where are you calling from? caller: i'm at a pay phone. north and foster. dispatcher: sir, an ambulance is on the way. are you an asthmatic? caller: no dispatcher: what were you doing before you started having trouble breathing? your great!! where do u get theese from. i love your jokes.  oh and thanks 4 choosing me 4 best answer yesterday.