text: help! what to do with my husband? not sure of what he's really doing!? i know i've been asking for advice about my husband. however, things seem to be getting worse and i haven't spoke to him in 4 days. i tried to tonight when i got in from work, but he seemed a little bit upset that "i woke him up to actually talk to him because he was in a deep sleep". my husband doesn't go to work anymore, he's on fmla every week for the past 11 months, most of the time in consecutive weeks, doesn't help around the house, except to do the dishes when he feels like it, my parents have our 2 children almost every day while i am at work and he is not, he's always gone from home, usually 2 to 5 or 6 hrs. at a time and doesn't even call. he's been telling me little lies all the time, such as i'm returning something to my friends house real quick and i'll be right back, but doesn't show up back home until hrs. later, or i have to go check on his place that his sibling is living in because she thinks the stove caught on fire only to tell me an hour and 1/2 later good grief. sounds like you need someone to talk with; i don't mean counseling, it's gone way beyond that. i mean someone who knows you, is a good friend, & can give you some input. you have gotten a lot of sincere, & thoughtful answers, however, if he is "cheating" on you or not, there are so many more issues with this "man." & sweetie, i have to say--while it may seem pragmatic to advise you to split, to kick him out, or whatever--& i agree--i don't see how you can continue with the stress he's putting you through, if you choose to, it won't be easy.  he's not supporting your children now, & it would take money to get a divorce, & where would the child support come from? all this considered, you do have to think about yourself. you say you're not sure of what he's really doing. you know what he is not doing.  whether you wake him from sleep or not hardly matters, do you think? this person isn't someone you can "talk it out" with.  please just consider all your options, put yourself first; you're of no use to your children in the state you're in--come to the very best conclusion (basically a no win in any case) based on how you truly feel--in a way, it seems you've enabled him far too long. but whatever you choose, based on your emotions, finances, whatever, choose carefully & stick to it. i wish you the best, in a situation that has no "easy" solution. ok? it would help--at the moment--to talk to a friend who won't dictate to you, or judge you. you need to get this "out" in a forum other than this. i left my second husband after abandoning my profession to take care of his, only because i knew i was losing my autonomy & self respect. it was a long road back to where i'd been. fortunately, i didn't have any children. i wish i knew more about you & perhaps i could be of more help. be strong.