text: gimme witty one liners...? no yo mamas!! 1. cigarette : a pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.   2.   love affairs :   something like cricket where one-day internationals are more ! popular than a five day test.   3. marriage : it's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master   4. divo  rce : future tense of marriage   5. lecture : an art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".   6.   conference : the confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.   7. compromise : the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.   8. tears : the hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power .   9. dictionary : a place where divorce comes before marriage.   10. conference room : a place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.   11. ecstasy : a feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.   12. classic : a book which people praise, but do not read.   13. smile : a curve that can set a lot of things straight.   14.   office :   a place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.   15. yawn : the only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.   16. etc. : a sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.   17. committee: individuals who can do nothing individually and sit   to decide that nothing can be done together.   18. experience : the name men give to their mistakes.   19. atom bomb: an invention to end all inventions.   20. philosopher : a fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.   21. diplomat : a person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.   22. opportunist : a person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.   23. optimist : a person who while falling from eiffel tower says in midway "see i am not injured yet."   24. pessimist :- a person who says that o is the last letter in zero, instead of the first letter in word opportunity .   25. miser : a person who lives poor so that he can die rich.   26. father : a banker provided by nature.   27.   criminal : a guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.   28. boss : someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.   29. politician : one who shakes  your hand before elections and your confidence after.   30. doctor : a person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.