text: would any ladies like to marry me and have a son called eric? other requirements:  - to live in a cottage near chalfont st peters - to have a female dog called 'maddy' - sex on mondays, wednesdays, friday nights and twice on sundays - a volvo - wooden salad bowls  if all this is acceptable to you, drop me a line and i'll get the solicitors on it. note that, in the event of a tie, i will be going with the one with the biggest knockers.  p.s. you must have no objections to bad language or we're going to be bickering all the f*king time. come up with a plan to help me ditch my current and we have a deal...