Chapter 0 - road trip and rest stop

Ricardo Russo laughs until she falls asleep, her face slumped against the window of the car. Normally, she would not be comfortable enough to fall asleep like this, but everything has been exhausting lately, and nothing is going to get easier from here on out, so she might as well get this rest while she can.

Christopher drives on, somehow showing no sign of exhaustion.

~X~

It’s not long after she turns fourteen, not long after she meets Christopher, that the dreams start. At first, when she is still clueless, the dreams make about as much sense to her as her strange new feelings. Usually, she doesn’t dream, but then, not long after she turns fourteen, not long after she meets Christopher, she “becomes a woman” and she starts to have dreams.

She is what her grandfather called a late bloomer, and he is visibly disappointed in her after one of the few trusted maids informs him that she’s started menstruating. He must have had high hopes that her androgynous appearance meant that she would never mature in that way. Perhaps he hoped that his own wishes could keep her from developing further. Ricardo thinks that he might have believed that he could have turned her into the grandson that he wanted.

But she becomes a woman anyway, shutting herself away for two days until the abdominal pains start to subside, and, a day or two later, the bleeding stops for the time being. That is when she confides in Christopher that she is a girl, because of how close to her he is, because he wonders why she doesn’t come out of her room, but then, he reveals that he had already figured that out for himself.

That’s just like Christopher, always knowing more than he lets on and only keeping his mouth shut when he pleases, but even if he can figure out some of her secrets, Ricardo hopes that he never finds out about the dreams. Even before she understands what they mean, she understands that this is something she should keep to herself, no matter what.

Usually, it’s nonsense, but it always centers around Christopher. More often than not, he just does strange things like push her down, holding her down by her arms and resting on top of her, grinning. She stares at him, and she can’t breathe, and she thinks that he is beautiful, and her heart pounds in her ears, and she can feel her pulse growing between her legs too, faster and harder until-

At this point, she always wakes up, soaked in sweat, so tangled up in her sheets that she nearly falls out of her bed as she tries to break free. The sheets that were bunched between her legs are also damp, but her pajama bottoms are as well, and the first night, she has a brief moment of terror where she thinks she’s wet the bed, for the first time since she was a small child. She isn’t sure how to get out of this without the maid finding out, and if she does, then so will her grandfather, and worse, Christopher might, and she would never be able to live that down.

Fortunately for her, once she is able to wake up and clear her head more, she can tell that that is not the case, though she isn’t sure what the case actually is. The dreams become more vivid from that point on, and more frequent. Always, she’s with Christopher, and sometimes they hug or hold hands, but it always ends with him on top of her, sometimes rubbing one of his legs between hers.

As weird as that is, she really likes it, and part of her wishes that he would really do that to her. And, strangely enough, the ever present voice in her head never comments on this; whenever she has dreams about Christopher, Sham is completely silent. Yet another sign that this is something she should keep private.

There are times when she wakes up before she has the pulse between her legs, or when she gets that weird dream feeling before she even falls asleep, and then she craves that pulse so much that she finally begins to take matters into her own hands. She tangles herself up in her sheets, but the friction isn’t quite so intense as it is in her dreams.

In the end, she settles on laying facedown, grinding her whole body against the mattress, while she presses a hand between her legs, the same as Christopher does with his own leg in the dream. That works better and becomes a frequent habit, until a man from the family catches her one day.

At first, she is not sure why the old executive is in this part of the house, or why he would enter without knocking. He is close enough to her grandfather to know the truth about her, but she is still horrified for him to see her like this.

“What do you think you’re doing, Ricardo?” he asks, his voice low and warning. “This is not something the young man of the Russo family should be caught doing. Brazen and vulgar..if you’re going to have your sexual awakening, make sure you don’t get caught for real, alright?”

Suddenly, she feels the sense of familiarity that causes her to realize, belatedly, that this is just Sham, and that she has not actually been caught. He must be a new addition to Sham’s collection, and she must have been very distracted, or else she would have noticed right away.

“You could have just told me without going through all of this,” she says.

“Somehow, it’s less awkward this way,” he replies, and with that, he leaves the room, and Ricardo is left to process the meaning behind his words.

So, I’m having a sexual awakening? she thinks, almost expecting Sham to still reply, but he must have meant what he says, and continues to stay out of it. Wel, now that he mentions it, she supposes that it makes sense. She’s going through a late puberty, she’s becoming a woman , and, on top of all of that, she has some sort of sexual attraction to Christopher.

It’s a good thing that she never even hinted about the dreams to him, and rather than addressing the issue, she just continues with life as it has been, though she does educate herself more on these matters, and her dreams about Christopher become more vivid as a result.

~X~

She wakes up sometime later, and is immediately grateful that she didn’t have such a dream while they were in the car together. The car isn’t moving, and when she asks Christopher why, he says, “This field. Look at all the scenery around you! Usually, I can be content with just looking while I drive past, but this field was so perfect for frolicking that I thought we deserved a little stop.”

Such strange impulses are to be expected from Christopher, but Ricardo finds things like that to be endearing. By now, she knows that she has a crush on her bodyguard, that it’s a little bit more than just aimless lust, and he teases her so much that it’s a wonder she hasn’t spilled everything yet.

“It’s too cold to frolic,” she retorts.

“Absolutely not!” he says, with a wave of his hand. “It’s never too cold to frolic.”

So the two of them get out of the car, and he shoves her through a field of flowers that should be long dead by now, and he marvels at nature, and wonders aloud how they have survived this long. He skips and kicks a flower from its stem, and nearly cries at the realization that he’s killed it.

Ricardo has to console him, and, in the end, he decides to tuck it into her hair, so that he at least did not kill the poor thing in vain.

“It suits you,” he tells her, and when she blushes despite herself, he says, “You really are such a girl, Ricardo.” 

She has to remain as she has been for most of her life. Even without familial pressure guiding her forward, she is afraid to do what she wants to do with the Russo name without the confidence that comes from pretending to be Placido’s grandson and heir. The rest of the world has to see her as a boy for her to continue on this path, but secretly, Ricardo allows herself to be happy that Christopher might see her as a lady.

~X~

She keeps the flower in her hair because she has nowhere else to put it, and she doesn’t want to lose the gift from Christopher, no matter how insignificant it may be. If they stop in  a town, she’ll look for a place to buy a book, so that she can press the flower and keep it for herself.

Christopher must be tired by now, even if he doesn’t show it. The two of them have been on the road for quite some time, and on the run for even longer. He may not show it, but she knows that he has to be exhausted, which means that there’s no way he can drive straight through to New York.

Sure enough, it isn’t long before he comments that they should keep their eyes out for a town with a hotel. Not long later, they find what they’re looking for, and Christopher stops. Ricardo pockets the flower from her hair, not wanting to look too feminine out in the open, and the two get their room for the night.

Ricardo insists on handling the booking, but the man at the front desk isn’t so sure about her. “You say you’re here with your older brother?”

She blushes, trying to ignore the part of her that wishes she could say that they were here as a couple. Often, it feels like she becomes an entirely different person when such thoughts take over, but she supposes that must be a part of growing up that nobody ever told her about. “Yes,” she says, pointing to where Christopher stans, already getting a lot of attention from the people around them.

It takes a bit more work, especially when Christopher gets involved, but eventually, Ricardo hands over enough money to get him to leave them alone. She needs to be more careful with spending from here on out, as the money won’t last forever. The two of them then retire to their room- one room, two beds- and Christopher claims one for himself. “I hope you don’t mind, but I’m exhausted.”

“Go right ahead,” she says, pausing for a moment. “Can we look at the bookstore before we leave town?”

“Need a book for the road?” he asks.

“Yes,” she lies, not wanting to have to explain her real purposes. Even if she didn’t tell him why the flower is worth preserving, he would still be unbearably smug about the whole thing, and Ricardo would rather not have to deal with that for the whole road trip, and possibly well beyond that, knowing Christopher.

There is a part of her that wishes that could have gone to the bookstore first, because Chirstopher is soon fast asleep, leaving her with nothing to do. She slept enough in the car that she is not tired enough enough to sleep right now, and she lays down, staring at the ceiling and trying to gather her thoughts. It is difficult to think about or process everything that has happened so far, but she doesn’t have much else to think about.

Except…

Ricardo’s face grows warm as she remembers her dreams, and how grateful she was that she did not dream when she slept in the car. She can only imagine how awful that may have been for her, but then, once she has started thinking about it, she soon finds herself thinking about the dreams that she has had, and, try as she might, she is unable to switch those thoughts off.

Her body is soon warm all over, and she looks over to Christopher, unaware of what he is able to do to her, all without doing a single thing. She wants him so badly that she isn’t sure if it’s normal, in ways that she is still learning to understand. Ricardo wants things that she is not sure how to want, and things that she knows she can’t have.

Once she starts to stare at Christopher, she can’t stop. She wonders if she is supposed to find his odd appearance as attractive as she does, but the myths always say that vampires are supposed to be masters of seduction. Perhaps he really is one, and she has been helpless under his spell all along. Of course, that idea is laughable, and when he is asleep like this, he looks entirely normal, save for his eccentric fashion choices.

Her lips tingle as she is suddenly overcome with the urge to kiss him. She has never kissed anyone, not really, and has resigned herself to the fact that she never will. With the life that she has to live, that is to be expected, but still, she wishes, just once, that she could feel it.

And there’s Christopher, dead to the world after their eventful adventure, and it’s very possible that nothing could wake him up in this state. At the very least, he wouldn’t be awoken by a quick, light kiss, and if he felt anything, he would never expect it from her, and would likely attribute it to a very strange dream.

In the back of her mind, she knows that it’s a stupid idea, that she definitely shouldn’t, but in that moment, touchstarved teenager is little more than a slave to her impulses. Slowly, she rises from her bed, pausing when it creaks, but Christopher still does not stir, so she slowly crosses the room.

Ricardo holds her breath as she stands over Christopher, who breathes steady and even, still completely unaware of her presence. Leaning over him, she purses her lips, realizing too late that she is not quite sure how she should do this, but she has taken it so far now that she is not willing to back down. All she has to do is press her lips to his, and pull back quickly, and then it will be over and done with.

But just as her lips are right above his, his eyes snap open and his lips curl into a wide smile, exposing most of his sharp teeth.
“Caught you,” he murmurs, and then he laughs. 

Ricardo reels back, letting out a strangled noise of surprise, and Christopher laughs again, longer this time. She stumbles, just barely managing to avoid falling to the floor, and is otherwise frozen in place.

Caught you. His words continue to repeat in her mind, while he only laughs.

Finally, he manages to steady himself and sits up, wiping a stray tear from his eye. “I don’t mean to laugh, but you should have seen the look on your face! You would have thought I was a zombie, rising from the grave!”

“You...pretended to be asleep?” she asks, meaning it to sound more like an accusation.

“I couldn’t resist,” he replies, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. “I wondered if you would try something, but I had no idea you would actually go that far.”

The way he says it all but confirms what she has been afraid of all along, and she stares at him as she says, “You knew.” This time, it is not a question.

“I had some idea, yes,” he replies, and it is just like Christopher, knowing all this time and saying nothing, waiting until the right moment to trap her in his idea of a prank. He probably thinks making it into a laughing matter will ease the blow when he rejects her and then goes back to normal, because of course he would be the type to want to stay friends despite everything.

“I’m going to go out and walk for a bit,” she says, changing the subject immediately, and not letting her emotions show on her face. If anything, she can at least be glad that she is able to conceal what feelings she does have, because now that she has collected herself, she can keep her humiliation from showing. She can pretend that everything is fine, until she feels better about it all.

“Without me?” he asks, cocking his head. “Don’t you need me around to protect you?”

“I think I can manage on my own. I want to go to the bookstore.”

“To press the flower I gave you, right?” Ricardo is not prone to violence herself, but she could kill Christopher in this moment, for that innocent smile he gives her, all with that infuriating, knowing look in his eyes.

“Will you please stop?” She asks this question without a hint of emotion in her voice.

“The truth is already out, no need to keep playing pretend,” he replies with a wave of his hand, as if it were actually that simple. “Though it’s not surprising to see you handle things so coolly!”

“There’s not much else I can do about it, is there? How I react isn’t going to change anything.”

“You’ve always acted so wise beyond your years, but there’s actually a flaw in your logic! If we just pretend like nothing has happened, then it will change some things,” Christopher says. “Namely, how I’m supposed to react to it.”

Though she doesn’t want to admit it, the smile he gives her begins stirring up her excitement all over again, even in a situation like this. She shouldn’t hope for anything from such a smile, and should continue to assume that he is merely teasing her, but still, she wants to push herself close to him, she wants to kiss him for real this time, and she wants to do the things that she has only ever dared to do in her dreams. Ricardo is rendered completely speechless, and Christopher gestures to the empty space next to him on the bed, urging her to sit with him.

When she does as he requests, he turns to face her, putting a finger beneath her chin so that she can’t look away from him. “Why don’t we pick up where we left off?” he asks softly, and gives her no chance to answer before he leans forward, and presses his lips to hers.

Ricardo does not have time to think about it, to process what any of it means, before she has given herself over to it entirely, leaning into his kiss and hoping that she knows what she is doing. With Christopher taking the lead, it is at least easier to follow along, but with Christopher taking the lead, that means he can set the pace, and rush things along, deepening the kiss without hesitation, and Ricardo is helpless to do anything other than just keep following.

He wraps his arms around her, his hands moving down her back as she kisses him, losing herself so much in the moment that she does not care what happens, just as long as he does not stop kissing her, and does not stop touching her. For all she knows, this is just another vivid dream, but things feel different now, different enough for her to know that this is really happening.

She finds it so easy to let Christopher start to undress her, and even when he has to break the kiss to do so, she is so breathless that she still can’t think properly, trusting him to lead her, and her body to follow, trusting that she will end up exactly where she wants to be. He takes off her jacket, pulls down her pants, leaves her in just her shirt and underwear, and gives her another wide smile before he starts to undo each button on her shirt.

“At least you don’t have to be shy,” he muses, finally breaking the silence. “I’ve seen you enough, at least.”

She has nothing to say to that, but it seems she does not have anything to say anymore, and she lets him slowly unbutton her shirt, squirming in anticipation, giving up on trying to hold still. Would he have done this a long time ago, if she had been more brazen in showing her interest in him? Should she let him do this, without a second thought?

Her shirt comes off easily, and Christopher immediately goes for the undershirt she wears, her breasts still small enough to be concealed by these layers. She has grown used to Christopher seeing her like this, but she gasps and blushes when he puts a hand on one of her breasts without hesitation, and still she finds herself wanting to lean into his touch, aching with desire. So often, her breasts ache with her arousal, and the slightest touch to her nipples is enough to send shocks of pleasure throughout her body.

“I wonder if you’re going to grow anymore,” he says out loud, but more to himself than to her. “You’ve always been a late bloomer, but you also might just stay small. You’ve got a small frame, after all, but then, I’m hardly the expert! Seeing how you group up could be a lot of fun, so I want to keep an eye on that…”

Everything he says, he says so shamelessly, treating her more like a curiosity than a person. But then, she knows better than to expect anything else from Christopher, and her frustration with her shamelessness helps bring her back to her right frame of mind, even as he continues to grope her, appraising her body with an almost detached interest.

“So,” he says, fondling her even as he speaks, “I’m sure you want to see where things go from here. If you really want to lose your virginity to something like me , I’d be more than happy to indulge you.”

Even now, he manages to remain completely shameless. 

Christopher uses both of his hands to leave Ricardo completely breathless and out of her mind, barely able to process what he is doing for all of the shocks of pleasure that it gives her. She has done so much of this on her own, but never with this much precision, never this effectively, and though she knows at least part of that is due to being touched by a separate person, something that she has never experienced before, she also knows that part of it is due to him knowing better than she does. Where he got that experience, she does not know, and does not really want to know.

His fingertips on one of her nipples leaves her whimpering, and a hand beneath her underwear, slowly fingering her, leaves her gripping the bed sheets at her sides, head tipped back as she gasps and tries to remember how to breathe. This is what she has tried so hard to achieve on her own, what she has spent countless nights dreaming about, only to wake alone, with her hand between her legs, and significantly less satisfied.

“You’re so flushed,” he murmurs, knowing that she will not be able to say anything in response. “It’s alright that I keep thinking about how cute you are, isn’t it?” Her answer wouldn’t matter either way, she knows.

In a moment, he is not able to verbally taunt her anyway, because he leans his head down to wrap his lips around her other nipple. Of course, Ricardo is not able to think about how glad she is that he’s using his mouth for something else, because the feeling of his lips, his tongue, is all too intense for her, and she can’t think at all, her voice coming out in shaky and pathetic moans.

At times, his teeth will graze her just a little bit, and she shudders, as thrilled as she is terrified by the idea of him sinking those teeth into her flesh. Her thoughts are reduced only to images, scenarios of what could be, until it is all so blended together that she has a hard time separating fantasy from what he is actually doing to her. Ricardo has never been this aroused in her life, and never needed anything more than she needs this.

“Please,” she whimpers, not even aware that she is speaking before it is already out there, not even aware that her voice still works enough to say anything. But she has been pushed to her absolute limit, driven completely mad by his touch, driven to the point of shameless begging, if it means that she will get what she has waited so long for. Christopher is only teasing her in the moment, but he does not realize just how much he has teased her up until now.

Or maybe he does, considering all that he has figured out on his own so far.

“Please?” he echoes, pausing to pull back and speak, looking up at her with a playful glint in his eyes. “Please, what? Oh, but you wouldn’t want to say something like that out loud, would you? You’re much too shy to ask for it, aren’t you, Ricardo? You wouldn’t actually say you want me to fuck you, right?”

“Chris…” she breathes, already knowing what he is going to say next.

“I can’t do it if I don’t know what you want, of course. You’re going to have to ask me to fuck you, before I can actually do something like that to you. So? What do you want, Ricardo?”

She doesn’t know if she can say it, but if she doesn’t, then she has no doubt that he will continue to tease her like this. Trembling and desperate with her lust, she whimpers out those words. “Please...please, fuck me, Christopher.”

The grin on his face is nearly terrifying, and certainly would be to anyone who did not know him. “Well, I sure didn’t expect it to be that easy,” he says. “Truth be told, I was going to fuck you either way. I already knew you wanted it, since you let me get this far, and all.”

There is nothing about Chris that isn’t infuriating, and even so, Ricardo wants him, and is simply tired of having to wait for him. He can torment her however he wants to, as long as he does not keep tormenting her by making her wait for him. Fortunately, her begging seems to do the trick, and before she knows it, he has her flat on her back, completely naked, and his pants unzipped.

As he gets on top of her, he rubs the tip of his cock between her legs and she whimpers, earning a laugh from him. “Do you always get this wet thinking about me?” he asks. She looks off to the side, not wanting to make eye contact with him while he teases her, but then, he pushes down, and Ricardo’s breath hitches in her throat as Christopher begins to fill her.

At first, she is completely devoid of thought, so overwhelmed that she feels as though she has blanked out entirely. He feels bigger than she expected, and it takes her a good while to adjust to that. Though he has done what he can to get her ready and though he is taking his time with her, the pain is still inevitable, and he is patient with her as she takes the time she needs to adjust to it, and return to her mind.

Slowly, she remembers how to breathe her shaky breaths, and slowly, she is able to relax beneath Christopher, as he fits his cock inside of her. She whimpers, aware of her own voice again, and he asks her something, making sure that she is okay, that he is good to continue. Ricardo can only nod, not trusting herself to speak anymore, not sure if she can form the words she needs at all, or, if she can, not sure that she won’t say much more, and find herself begging him again.

Instead, she is left to whimper and moan for him as he finally begins thrusting into her, working his hips against hers, the pain fading as it gives way to pleasure, and Ricardo is far beyond overwhelmed, as he gives her everything that she has secretly craved and more. She looks up at him now, and he grins down at her, grunting as he fucks her, and it may just be her hormones speaking, it may be the foolish teenage girl that she is at heart, but she really does believe that she is in love with this man.

As if sensing this revelation in her, Christopher leans down to kiss her then, suddenly and passionately, enough to push her over the edge, after he has spent the evening teasing her- after he has spent the entire time that they’ve known each other teasing her. When she comes, it is nothing like the pitiful climaxes she’s experienced during her dreams, or the few that she has managed to bring herself to while awake, and she is so overcome by the blinding pleasure that she barely registers Christopher pulling out before he comes on her stomach. 

~X~

“We should get going now,” Christopher murmurs. “The stores should be open, so we can stop by the bookstore, just like you wanted, but other than that, I think we should be back on the road. We still have quite a ways to go until we reach New York.”

“Do you have to talk so much so early in the morning?” Ricardo asks, her voice a low mumble. Christopher is pretty much always too high energy for her to keep up with, but first thing in the morning, he is impossible to tolerate. Being held in his arms, his warmth at her back, does not make the situation any easier, nor does it make him any more tolerable.

The night before hardly feels real, but her clothes are still off, and she is sleeping in the same bed as Christopher, who is also still naked. They had showered together the night before, and he had attempted to tease her while they did, but Ricardo found it surprisingly easy to behave as she always does around Christopher, letting his teasing roll right off of her.

Despite the drastic changes in their relationship, she still finds it easy to behave the way that she always does. She feels just as natural with Christopher as she did before he caught her trying to kiss him. Laying in bed with him feels natural, even though she has never done this before, and she already feels accustomed to the intimacy that they have shared.

“It’s really not that early. You’ve been sleeping for quite a while, Ricardo.” He sits up and stretches. “Don’t let yourself get distracted by romantic fantasies. I know you’re just a kid, but!”

“And you slept with that kid,” she replies, finally sitting up herself, and moving to get out of bed.

“Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?” he asks, and she turns back to see that he has cocked his head, as if trying to play innocent. “Or did you just want to say it out loud? My, my, you really are losing yourself to romantic fantasies. It almost makes me nostalgic for my teenage years, except, of course, I never had them.”

Ricardo goes silent then, knowing that there is no point in trying to carry on a conversation with him right now. Soon enough, he is rambling about things that she can barely comprehend, especially while she is still sleepy. It is a comfortable and familiar position, one that she has found herself in often since first meeting Christopher.

Christopher, her lover.

~X~

She thinks, since he already knows that she intends to press the flower, that she does not need to take any steps to hide that that is what she’s doing, but then, as soon as he sees her do it, he begins teasing her about it again.

“You wanted a new book just to save that? I know it’s not because of any admiration for the flower, or because you want to honor its death,” he says. “You’ve become so sentimental since I first met you, dear.”

The pet name causes her to flush, and she can’t say whether she loves it or hates it. She does not say anything to him, which causes him to pout, but she never fuels his fire when he gets going like this, because that is just giving him what he wants. Ricardo is not so easy to rile up, not even where the man she loves is concerned, though her heart does seem to stutter in her chest when she so much as thinks that phrase.

“It’s going to be boring to drive all the way to New York if you won’t even talk to me,” he whines after a little while, and Ricardo can’t help the feeling of satisfaction. He gets an advantage over her more often than not, but his need for social interaction is one thing that she can easily play against him, especially because she is so quiet and withdrawn herself.

“You seemed to do just fine when I was asleep,” she replies, and he sighs in return.

“I was utterly bored out of my mind, Ricardo!” he replies, his voice hitting an even more irritating pitch with this whine. “If you’re not going to talk to me, then I have no choice but to serenade you for the rest of our trip.”

She gives him no answer, essentially calling him on his bluff, and he responds by breaking into a song that she assumes is of his own creation, if only because the lyrics seem too oddly specific to their surroundings. But she doesn’t mind listening to his voice, relaxing in her seat and wondering if she can fall asleep in the car again. After all, she did not get much sleep the night before.

~X~

Christopher pretends to be put out that she slept through most of his private concert, but she can tell that he does not truly mind. She can tell that he is in just as good of a mood as she is, and it makes her wonder how much he wanted what transpired between the two of them. Up until now, she has avoided questioning his feelings, and not thought about this much beyond her own interest and her own satisfaction, but now, she wonders.

Christopher is impossible to read even when he is being obvious, and with someone like him, there is no way of knowing if he did that out of any affection for her, or just out of loyalty, and for some entertainment of his own. She thinks if she were to ask him, his answer would be the same, whether he was in love with her or not. Christopher would probably say that he can’t know for sure if he is in love, but that he would love to be, because that is such a human thing to be, and, even so, he would not be sure if he had any right to love her.

In that way, she supposes, they are more suited for each other than they are for anyone else. She does not feel that she is any more human than him, and perhaps even less so, but he would argue the opposite, and there would be no point getting into such an argument with him either way. They could talk each other in circles, and never reach a proper conclusion.

Ricardo does not know if Christopher is in love with her or not, but she does know that he is her lover now, and, knowing how he is, he will not get bored with her so easily. This affair will continue for as long as they allow it. 

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