Chapter 0 - out of thin air

Hilda walks back into his life just as suddenly as she walked out of it, without circumstance and without explanation. She just shows up one day, so casually that he would almost think no time had passed, except he’s changed enough to know that it has.

But she hasn’t changed a bit. When she walks into the trainer’s school, when most of the students have left for the day, Cheren can feel his heart catch in his throat just like it always did when they were kids- and they’re still kids, he has to remind himself, even if he hasn’t felt like one in a while. They’re still kids, that’s why Hilda doesn’t look much different. She’s still beautiful and still has that confident sway in her hips that made it so hard to think what to say.

In the end, he knows he always just bored her with facts and undeserved boasting, but if she had known that was just because she made it hard to focus, maybe she wouldn’t have been so bored with him. Maybe if he’d said what was actually on his mind, rather than the first excuse that came to him, she wouldn’t have left. Or maybe he never stood a chance back then.

“I’m here to challenge the gym leader,” she says, her voice ringing out, just the same as he remembers it. Everything about her is the same, like he’s looking into the past, and Cheren almost thinks he might be dreaming. How often has he had dreams like this since she disappeared?

He’s just staring at her, searching her face for some sign that this is real, looking her up and down to see if she still put together the same as she was back then, looking for distortions that might suggest it isn’t real, that it’s just another dream or another nightmare. Maybe he just fell asleep at his desk instead of getting ready to go home for the day.

“Cheren?” she asks, stepping a little bit closer, and he remains frozen in place. There’s no way this could really be Hilda. There’s no way she would be stupid enough to think she could just walk back into his life after everything that happened, after she left without a word, after she disappeared and never told he or Bianca where she was going, never returned their calls, never sent them a damn postcard.

He wonders if she’s seen Bianca, or if she’s planning to see Bianca. Has she gone back home to her family yet? Does anyone know that she’s back, or is it just him? Or is this really a dream, and is Hilda not actually stupid enough to show her face here?

“The gym is closed right now,” he says, his voice nearly cracking. He hadn’t realized how dry his throat was before he tried to speak. “You should know that. And classes are out for the day, so…”

“You’re a little young to be a teacher,” she says, stepping closer. He has the sudden urge to back away, to get to the back door and run from her. This isn’t really, is it? If he tries to run, he’ll see that outside doesn’t look the way it’s supposed to, or his legs will get stuck and he’ll fall and hit the ground and snap right out of it, or…

“It’s been almost three years.”

“I know it has.” Her voice is soft now, and she looks down, finally showing some sign of guilt. “I know, I just…after everything that...I had to…”

“You could have called. You could have said something.”

“I should have,” she says, and that’s all there is to it. “I really should have, Cheren, I’m sorry.”

This isn’t a dream, is it?

“Hilda. You were my best friend for ten years. You can’t just leave, and then not say anything, and then come back and think that...think that…”

“Are we not still best friends?” She gives him a playful smile that doesn’t reach her eyes, but when he doesn’t say anything, her face falls again. “I never expected anyone to wait for me to come back, not really. I knew what I was doing, and I expected you to be mad at me, and to stop waiting.”

“Then why did you come?” he asks.

“I already said. I wanted to challenge the gym leader.”

“I already said that the gym is closed right now. You’ll have to come back some other time,” he replies. “Are you doing it all again? Did you come back to pick up where you left off? Iris is the champion now, you know. I’m not so sure that she’ll give that up to you without a fight.”

“I heard about that. And I don’t know if I’m going to go that far, I don’t...I don’t know what I’m doing, honestly. Cheren, I just...wanted to see you again.”

I wanted to see you. 

Cheren, I just wanted to see you again. 

Cheren, I wanted to see you. 

There was a time when that was all he wanted to hear from her. Hell, a very big, very stupid part of him is still happy to hear her say something like that. He was stupid back then and he’s stupid right now, and even after all she’s put him- put everyone - through, Cheren is still very much in love with Hilda. Always has been, probably always will be, and even her disappearance wasn’t enough to shock that out of his system.

He waits too long to speak again, so Hilda starts back up. “I’ve thought about you a lot, for these past few years. I just…couldn’t come back.”

“I don’t understand anything you’re saying.”

“I don’t understand it either!” She steps closer to him, close enough that he can see tears welling up in her eyes. Maybe this isn’t real after all; the Hilda he’s always known doesn’t cry, or at least doesn’t cry over him . She’s cried before, sure, but not in a long time, and it’s always something really serious. But then, this is serious, isn’t it?

“Hilda?”

“If I understood, then I would have just been able to...Cheren, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you for a very long time. I know I shouldn’t have come back. After a certain point, I knew I could never come back, that I shouldn’t ever go back, but I miss you so much, and I just want...I just want…”

“What do you want, Hilda?” he asks, his voice soft. She grabs one of his hands, holds it between both of hers, and looks up at him with tears in her eyes, tears that begin spilling down her cheeks, and, internally, he begs her not to say it. Internally, he begs her to say it.

If she says that she wants him, then he won’t be able to turn away from her, he won’t ever, ever be able to close his heart to her. For years now, he’s tried; even before she left, he tried to convince himself not to love her, and once she left, it’s been a slow process, trying to heal from that and trying to close himself, and it never completely worked, but right now, he is convinced that he can move on from her, just as long as she does not say it .

If she says it, she will be telling him everything he has ever wanted to hear, and he will remain wrapped around her finger for the rest of his life. If she says anything else, anything at all, he can smother this last little ember of hope once and for all. She can break his heart for good and for the last time, and he can finally get on with his life.

Do not say that you want me , he wants to tell her.

Please, please just say that you want me , he wants to beg her.

Hilda swallows hard, tears still rolling down her cheeks, his hand still clasped between two of hers, and she says, “Cheren, I just want you .”

He doesn’t care that his door isn’t locked, that someone could come back and say they’ve forgotten something, that anyone could come in and see them right now. Even as he thinks about all of those possibilities, he can’t bring himself to care, and he pulls his hand from Hilda’s. He pulls it away so quickly that she misunderstands, looking hurt for a moment, but then he’s grabbing her by the shoulders and pulling her in for the kiss that he has spent the better half of his life dreaming about.

He kisses Hilda and Hilda kisses him, grabbing his arms and pulling at his sleeves, clinging to whatever she can get her hands on, as his hands drift down her back, until he can wrap his arms around her waist. She might be a little more slender than he remembers, now that he is close enough to tell, but she is still beautiful, the most beautiful girl he has ever known. He isn’t used to seeing her cry, isn’t used to seeing such soft expressions on her face, and he almost wishes that she would break the kiss, shoving him off and asking him what he thinks he’s doing, and punching him in the arm for good measure.

Almost, but not quite, because now that he’s finally kisses Hilda, Cheren never wants to have to stop.

Before he realizes what he’s doing, they’ve moved and he’s pushed her back, and she is sitting on his desk while he kisses her. He’s moved his hands as well, with one holding the back of her neck, and the other rubbing gentle circles along the small of her back. Cheren doesn’t want to stop kissing her, but she pulls back then, a gentle smile on her face as she presses her forehead to his.

“You’re not wearing glasses anymore,” she says.

“Did you just notice?” he asks, surprised that he can even speak.

“Nah, it was the first thing I noticed. I was surprised that you looked kind of less like a total geek, but then I looked at the rest of your clothes and…”

Despite himself, he laughs, and she laughs with him. “Seriously, Hilda?”

“You look like a total teacher!” she protests. “I mean, yeah, I know that’s your whole thing now, but still. Huge geek.”

“You look the same,” he replies.

“Do I?”

“No. Yes. Both, I guess.” He hesitates. “You’re still beautiful.”

“You think I’m beautiful?” she asks, and he’s surprised that she looks surprised. If she were the same Hilda that’d left all those years ago, she would be gearing up to tease him for admitting that right now. He should be trying to block a punch to the arm right now.

Instead, he says, “I always have,” and pulls her closer as she moves in to kiss him again.

He doesn’t care about any of the possibilities of getting caught as he helps her out of her clothes, as he lets her help him out of his, always going as long as they possibly can without breaking their kiss, and they always pick it back up as quickly as possible. It’s rare that anyone even comes back to the classroom once they’re gone for the day; it’s much rarer that Hilda walks back into his life after years of nothing, and he’d rather take his chances with getting caught than take his chances with moving from this spot and risking everything changing, risking her changing her mind, or disappearing into thin air, like she’d never been there to begin with.

Hilda sits back on his desk, wrapping her legs around him as he steps closer to her, and she looks up at him as she says, “I should have been here.”

“You should have. I don’t want to talk about that right now.”

“I don’t either, I just want…”

“You just want me,” he says. For once, it’s his turn to tease Hilda. “That’s what you said, wasn’t it? I hope you know that I’m not letting that one go any time soon.”

“Hold it over my head as long as you want. Forever, even.”

He doesn’t allow himself to think about the implication of her words, doesn’t allow himself to get his hopes up that she is here to stay. For now, he just needs to live in the moment, keep moving forward with his fear that if he hesitates for even a moment, he will wake up from this wonderful dream, this dream that has taken him much further than any of his other Hilda-comes-back dreams have.

He pulls her into another kiss before he pushes forward, and she whimpers into his mouth as the tip of his cock presses into her. She goes tense for a moment, then relaxes back into their kiss, and Cheren just keeps pushing forward, feeling as if he might start crying at any moment, until he has buried himself in her completely. Her legs tighten around his waist, and she keeps tensing and then relaxing, whimpering into his kiss as she does, but never pulling back, and never asking him to stop.

Cheren has never wanted anything as badly as he wants her, as badly as he has wanted her, for years and years. Always, Hilda has seemed unattainable, even when she was right beside him, and especially when she was gone, when no one knew where she was, or if she was even alive. And now, just like that, she’s his. He has her, he’s fucking her and she’s kissing him and clinging to him, and she says that all she wants is him.

She said she knew she couldn’t come back, but that she did because of him. Hilda has finally come back, and she came back because of him, and Cheren loves her and has always loved her, and he accepts now what he has always known. He will never be able to stop loving her, and will never be able to stop wanting her. Even if she leaves again, that is never going to change.

She has to break the kiss to try and catch her breath, and he hugs her tighter to him, bucking his hips wildly and desperately, knowing already that he can’t hope to last like this. It will all be over too fast, when he needs it to last forever, but now, without meaning to, he lets himself get his hopes up. Maybe it will be over for the moment, but maybe they will have a forever after all.
He comes with a pathetic cry, and before he can stop himself, he’s whimpering, “I love you, I love you, Hilda, oh, Hilda, I love you so much…”

“I know,” she says, her voice soft and sweet as she murmurs against his ear. “I’ve always...I love you too, Cheren.”

Forever. He wants to ask her to stay forever. He wants to beg her to never leave again. He wants to offer her more than he has and more than he’s capable of, if it means that she will stay with him forever, but he can’t bring himself to say it. If she rejects him, he doesn’t know that he will be able to stand that, and he knows that if she leaves again, it will break him. Before, he told himself he didn’t care just as long as he could hold onto that moment for a little bit longer, but now, he knows that he needs more than just that moment. Right now, he needs forever.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she breathes, as if reading his mind. “I want to talk to you about...about a lot. And after that, if you still want me...I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’ll still want you,” he promises.

Hilda laughs, pulling back and shaking his head. “And how do you know that? You haven’t even heard me out yet.”

“Because I just know it. I’ll always want you, I know that.”

“You’re still just as much of a know-it-all, huh?” He sees it coming, but he doesn’t try to block it, and winces as Hilda punches him in the arm. 

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