Chapter 25 - kindness is a virtue v2 (Ladd x Lua)

Her body is beautiful, and every bit of her is beautiful. Lately, Ladd thinks he’s become even more reverent of her, but maybe that’s due to the years he had to spend without her. Maybe he learned to appreciate her even more during that time, having to learn what it was like without her, after being able to have her whenever he wanted. Of course, that line of thinking is only going to make it even more difficult for him to kill her, and right now, he’s not going to distract himself with those particulars.

Lua looks beautiful in anything she wears, and sometimes he’s so excited and wants her so badly that he can barely get her undressed, but she looks especially beautiful in nothing at all, where he can see her pale, perfect skin, and the slight imperfections in the form of scars left behind when their play has gotten too intense. Imperfections by their definition, but clear marks that indicate she’s his and has always been his only make her more appealing, and she’s always loved any scars Ladd can give her.

From top to bottom Lua is perfect, and like this, he can see every curve she has, every inch of flesh, and he wants her. Her hair spills over her shoulders and her eyes are as empty as ever, and her lips are a little bit pinker, from where she’s bitten them, waiting for him to stop staring at her and do what she wants already. She’s blushing, just a little bit, and he is so hard right now that it hurts.

Ladd doubts that she can appreciate him nearly as much as he appreciates her, but then, she’s always found beauty in the strangest places. Plus, she’s a woman and all that, and she likes fucking him enough, so maybe, just because he can’t imagine what she sees when she looks at him, doesn’t mean that there isn’t anything for her to see. And if she likes it, then who is he to criticize or complain?

Still, he doubts that there’s anything in the world that can rival her right now, and he wants her so badly . His throat feels dry, and he’s aching , and he wants to kiss every inch of her body and bury his face between her thighs and never emerge, and fuck her until neither of them can move, and hold her and worship her, and the fact that he cannot manage all of those at the same time is frustrating.

He settles for kissing one of her bare shoulders, pushing her hair to the other side so that it all rest on one shoulder, as he presses his lips against her neck, kissing down her shoulder. Lua gasps and squirms, and he wants her right now, and if he were to reach between her legs right now, would she be as wet as he imagines her to be? Is this as good for her as it is for him?

He clamps his teeth down on her shoulder, and she softly squeaks, and he wonders if he’s bitten her too hard. If he has, she would probably tell him, or she would like it too much to bother, and it’s not like he’s broken skin or anything. Instead, he sucks to draw the blood to the surface, to leave a mark less permanent than the scars, similar to the bruises his hands are capable of leaving when he holds her too tight, or wraps his hand around her throat. Not nearly as effective as it used to be, but...

His hand itches now and he thinks about choking her. She likely wouldn’t complain if he did that either, and it’s so very tempting. He thinks about choking her and about finding the gun in the bedside table or the knife in his pocket, in the jacket hanging by the door, but instead, he does reach between her thighs, and begins to tease her with his finger, until her legs start to go weak and he stops sucking on her shoulder. The mark he’s left will last a good while at this rate.

“Lua,” he rasps, his voice cracking. “ Lua ,” he tries again, and he stares into her eyes, helping hold her steady now. “You look so perfect, you know that? I wish I could kill you right now, and keep you preserved just like this, so I could enjoy you over and over again, forever and ever.”

Her eyes light up, something that only he has ever been able to cause, or so she says, and she whispers his name and it sends shocks down his spine just to hear her say it. He’s never been more in love, and he will never meet anyone more perfect than his lovely Lua.

“Forever,” he repeats, and then, she repeats it back to him, and he shoves her against the wall and pulls his hand back so he can thrust inside of her. It’s rough and it’s quick, but he can’t contain himself today. No, he can’t contain himself right now, and before he knows it, he’s fucking her so hard and fast that he can barely keep up with himself. Lua’s overwhelmed, he’s sure, and he doesn’t care, because right now, she’s his and she’s so perfect , and he wants to fuck her until neither of them can move anymore, and he wants to worship her, and maybe that’s just how his worship manifests itself.

Forever and ever and ever...if he really could kill her and preserve her like this, it might just be worth it, and it excites her just as much to think about it. But they both know by now that he doesn’t really want that, he doesn’t want to be alone, and if he doesn’t want to disappoint her and doesn’t want to be without her, then there’s only one option they have to make that happen.
He remembers the day he started to teach her to wield a knife, and he remembers the times he’s let her cut him in return, and he surprises himself with how suddenly he comes. They rarely address his fear of being alone, but ever since temporarily losing her, he’s all the more afraid, and he’s sure that she knows that. She really is too good to him, letting a coward like him have the exclusive right to end her life, and to even consider what it is that he wants from her.

Even better, even better than what he deserves, she comes as he does, like they’ve rehearsed this or like she was holding back so that they could do it together, even though he doesn’t feel like he’s done nearly enough for her. Oh well, oh well, if she’s happy for now, then what right does he have to question it? And he can always do more, he can always eat her out for as long as she can tolerate having him do it, and he can worship her and her perfect body and perfect heart and mind to his own heart’s content.

And Lua will let him, just as she always does, because she is so good to him, good enough to let him worship her. 
