Chapter 0 - alone time

“I'd be lost without my alone time,” he'd said, and almost immediately flushed. Of course, Corrin hadn't thought anything of it, but as soon as the words were out of Shigure's mouth, he hadn't been able to clear his mind of the thoughts that followed. It had been a completely innocent statement and he hadn't meant anything by it, and yet he'd felt so guilty because of what it made him think of, even if Corrin hadn't taken it that way at all.

The fact of the matter was, he spent entirely too much of his alone time thinking about her. He knew that such thoughts were natural, that he was bound to succumb to those sorts of things eventually, and even when it had come up in the past, it hadn't really bothered him, but it had been different in the past. His brief fantasies had never involved anyone he knew very well, and it was rare that he was ever overcome with those desires in the first place. It was only when he met Corrin that it became a problem.

As a child, whenever his mother had the chance to visit him, she told him stories of her closest friend, and he had always looked forward to meeting her, but when he did, it was as a young man and Corrin was hardly older than him. And she was so beautiful that the first time he saw her he nearly forgot to breathe, something that he would have to train himself not to do in the future.
She was his mother's friend, and even if they were close in age, she was still of a different generation than him, and he was sure that there was some kind of taboo there. He could, perhaps, appreciate her beauty, but he couldn't let it go any further than that, and for some time, he managed to keep his feelings at bay. And then she heard him singing, and he let her fly with him while he sang for her, and they had so much fun together that he was abruptly reminded of the fact that he had almost had a crush on her upon their meeting.

There was nothing he could do from that point on, and 'almost' became 'definitely', and the desires he had once been able to ignore became persistent. He was kept up at night, entranced by thoughts of her smile, her laugh, the sound of her voice...it seemed that he could not escape his growing attraction to her, and the more time he spent with her, the more plagued he was with fantasies of her, until he really did value his alone time quite a bit. Otherwise, he was sure that his desires would get the better of him one of these days, and it would become impossible to hide.

So after he had made that little remark to her, after managing to have an entire conversation without feeling as though the room was a few degrees warmer than it should have been, he was embarrassed, and took his leave as quickly as he could. As soon as he was back in his room, he let out the breath he had been holding, and realized just how ridiculous he must have looked, blushing over something so innocent and leaving in such a hurry. Corrin clearly hadn't thought anything of it, and if she did now, it was only because he had behaved like an idiot.

Sighing, Shigure sat down on his bed and tried to forget about that whole encounter. It didn't matter what Corrin thought of him, considering there could never be anything between them anyway, but if he could keep his crush a secret, he'd like to. After all, what would she think of him if she knew? She'd probably find it hilarious, and what if she told his mother about it? He imagined them having a good laugh at his expense, and even if it seemed a little out of character for the both of them, the image humiliated him all the same.

And then his thoughts lingered solely on Corrin, and the next image that came to his mind was one entirely different. His face flushed and he fidgeted, realizing that, yes, even now he was completely helpless to his lust, and that just thinking about her had been too much for him. It was no use trying to ignore this; he had learned long ago that it was best to just take care of things quickly and get it over with.

He didn't let the image of Corrin out of his mind as he freed his growing erection, and with a few strokes, he was fully hard. In the back of his mind, he thought about how things would be with her in an ideal world where the two of them weren't separated by so many factors, where he had a chance of her looking at him in the same way he looked at her.

As he gripped the base of his cock, he pretended it was her hand and pretended that she sat beside him and that if he looked over at her, she would be smiling at him and telling him that he was very special to her. Biting his lip, his cock twitched in his hand and he longed for her touch even knowing that he could never have it.

In his fantasy, Corrin began to work her hand up and down as he did, but her hand would be so much smaller, and probably even softer. He wasn't really sure about that part, considering how skilled of a fighter she was and how much training that required, and he wondered if, perhaps, he should be careful about making assumptions. Whatever the case, his own touch combined with imagining it as Corrin's brought soft moans to his lips, and he arched his back a bit, moving his hand up and down the full length of his cock.

The fantasy shifted abruptly, and he instead imagined her on top of him, straddling him as she came down onto him. He had never been with a woman before, and he wasn't sure if his fantasies did the act justice, but as long as he had nothing to compare it to, there was nothing to detract from it, and as he softly moaned out her name before he could catch himself, he gave a slight thrust as if into her.

He would look up at her, holding onto her hips as he gently fucked her, and he hoped that he would be able to make her feel better than she had ever felt before, just to show her how much she meant to him. She'd be so beautiful like that, with her cheeks tinged pink and a look of bliss on her face, that he wouldn't be able to look away from her even as it brought him so close that he knew he would not last much longer. No matter what, though, he would always do what he could to make sure she was there before him, because he doubted anything could bring him more pleasure than the look on her face when she came, the knowledge that he had been the one to put that look there.

Shigure whimpered, thrusting into his own hand with a frantic rhythm, his teeth clamped down hard on his lip and his face so hot that he was sure his cheeks were a deep shade of red. No one had ever inspired such feelings in him before, and he knew, deep down, that there was more to his feelings and that he did not merely have a crush on Corrin. He knew that he was madly in love with her and that it was likely that he would never be free of this fixation, and that he would always be so weak to thoughts of her that he would always succumb to his desires. And when he was suddenly blinded by pleasure, letting out a sharp gasp as he came, he thought, for a moment, that he did mind in the slightest.

As long as he had his private moments like this to sustain him, as long as he was able to conjure up such beautiful images, as long as he had someone like her to think about, he did not think he would ever mind, and if he was doomed to be trapped in this obsession for the rest of his days, then that was just fine. 

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