Chapter 17 - a difficult request (Ladd x Lua)

Ladd gets anally fisted in this one, pals

-

It takes Ladd a very long time to own up to this side of himself. He remains in denial for so long that it becomes frustrating to him, and of course Lua can read him like a book, can tell that there's something wrong with him before he is ever aware of showing any outward signs of it. And, even then, he still isn't sure that he wants to tell her, isn't sure that he wants even her to know about these desires.

Though they are close and though they know each other better than anyone else, he has a sort of image he likes to try to keep up for her, and really, admitting to any of his desires that don't involve killing her or teasing at her eventual death at his hands is hard for him, because he doesn't feel any of that fits the image. Of course, he never seems to remember at those times that Lua doesn't really give a damn about the time in between beginning and end, or at least, she isn't picky about it (perhaps saying that she doesn't give a damn is a little much all things considered).

Whatever the case, he hesitates to tell her the truth, until she figures it out for herself, because she knows him better than anyone in the world, and she can read him like a book. One night, it seems, she just puts two and two together, and silently gets up and walks out of the room. He calls after her, trying to figure out what she's up to, and she returns with their small jar of petroleum jelly in her hand. His heart feels like it stops for a moment, and when they make eye contact, he can tell; she knows .

That night is the first time Lua fingers him, and she manages two fingers before he's a whimpering, gasping mess, and he refuses to talk about it for an entire day after it happens. He had intended to go longer without mentioning but he ends up unable to contain himself and brings it up by the next evening.

“Look, I don't know about that, okay?” he says, and even though he doesn't specify what that is, they both know. “It's not like I...you know, I didn't just sit around and decide one day that I...can you just say something about it? Cos I don't really know what I'm trying to say?”

“I don't know what there is to say,” she murmurs. “If you like it, that's that.”

“But you gotta admit, it's all kinda...” He waves his hands uselessly. “You know?”

“If you like it,” she repeats with the ghost of a smile, “that's that.”

They do it again that night and she manages three fingers this time, and he decides that he isn't going to question this any further. Whatever this means for him, he decides that it doesn't matter, and as long as Lua is happy doing it, then he has nothing to complain about.

~X~

“You sure you wanna go all the way with this?” he asks one evening. “I mean, I know you said this was fine, but even I gotta admit it feels a little far, so if you think it's too far, you can say so. I won't be mad if you want to back out, doll, you know me.”

“Don't you think it's a little late to get nervous?” she asks.

“Huh? Who's nervous? This has nothing to do with...” He trails off awkwardly and she sighs from where she sits behind him. Her sigh is soft enough that it can barely be said to have occurred at all, but he knows it did.

She's three fingers deep in him, and tonight is the night they've decided to see just how far they can take this. Which is to say, they've managed four fingers in the past- it really wasn't much of a feat after they'd gotten to three, since all that was left was her pinkie finger- and now, she's finally figured out that he wants her to try with her whole hand, to see if he can take even that. But, at the last minute, he's having his second thoughts, and his arousal starts to fade as he grows uncharacteristically nervous.

“Okay,” he says, taking a deep breath. “Okay, just...just get on with it, why doncha? No point getting nervous now, Lua!” He expects her to protest that, maybe point out once again that he's the nervous one, not her, but, then again, he should have known better. She wouldn't waste time with words at a time like this, and instead, she slips her pinkie finger inside of him without warning or hesitation.

She spreads her fingers inside of him, and hooks them and massages him, just as she's used to doing, but this time, it is in preparation of more. Every now and then, she'll pause to apply more lube, and her hand is absolutely slippery by the time she starts trying to work the heel of it inside of him. For a moment, everything goes white for Ladd, and he can hardly breathe, hardly think, hardly process the feeling of the heel of her hand and her thumb passing into him.

When his thoughts finally return to him, at first, he only thinks it hurts until it doesn't hurt anymore, and he lets out short, gasping breaths as he adjusts to an altogether different sort of fullness than he's used to. If only he could see her face right now, he thinks, because he can only imagine that dull look to her eyes, that half of a smile, that altogether detached expression that would be completely at odds with what she's doing to him.

“How's that?” she asks, leaning closer to his ear. He shivers and gives a weak nod.

“Yeah, that's...that's good, Lua,” he mumbles. His voice doesn't even sound right, he doesn't sound like him but he doesn't want this to stop. “Go ahead...”

She lets out a soft sigh that makes him think she's enjoying this, and then slowly, so slowly , she starts to close her fingers up in a fist. If he could think clearly, he might think to compare her detached caution, the slow curl of her fingers, to the way he wraps his hands around her throat, the way he starts to tease her by cutting off her breathing bit by bit, only to pull back before she looses consciousness completely.

But there is no pulling back in this case.

Her small hand closes into a complete fist and he cries out nearly pathetically at this, the arousal that had once faded returning completely. His voice breaks and he's shaking just a little bit, wondering if he can maintain his balance should he decide to take himself in hand while Lua keeps this up. But, of course, that wouldn't be fair when she's putting so much focus on him; it would be downright rude to do anything other than take this until it's over, and when it is, he knows that he'll have to do a hell of a lot to finally return the favor to her.

After all she's done for him, however, he knows that it's going to be very worth it. 
