Chapter 0 - indecisive

Igantz knew when he started wandering off that he was straying too far from the monastery, but he couldn’t help himself, and now that’s he’s finishing up his work for the day, he doesn’t regret it. He was able to get a perfect view for one of his best landscapes yet, in his opinion. Of course, there is more work to be done, but for now, he’s satisfied.

He doesn’t know exactly how long he’s been out here; whenever he works on art, he goes off into a world of his own, with no regard for passing time, and with the outside world completely unable to reach him. As he comes back to reality, it suddenly occurs to him that he must have been gone for quite a while, if the sudden and strong pressure in his bladder is anything to go off of. Whimpering, Ignatz realizes that he must have been really entranced in his work to not notice that need creeping up on him, and he whimpers, squirming as he stands up.

This is really bad- the pressure only gets worse when he stands, and it took him quite some time to get all the way out here. He’s got a long walk ahead of him to reach the monastery again, which will be very uncomfortable with how full his bladder is, and perhaps even impossible to manage without relieving himself between now and then. Maybe he should take care of this before he even starts, to save himself the discomfort…

“Ignatz! There you are!” He’s let himself get lost in thought again, and didn’t even notice someone approaching him, so he jumps a little bit when he hears her voice. Honestly, he’s surprised he doesn’t leak and thanks his lucky stars that he doesn’t.

“O-oh, hello, professor,” he says, a little guiltily. “Were you...looking for me?”

“I just wanted to make sure that you got back safely. I know you headed in this direction earlier, but it’s been a long time, so I came looking for you,” Byleth says, closing the remaining distance between him. He squirms in place, afraid she can immediately see through him and sense his need, but of course that’s a ridiculous idea.

“Right, I...I was just finishing up, but thank you for worrying about me,” he says, blushing even though there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

“You sure came a long way out here. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to find you at all. Are you ready to head back, or were you going to stay here a little longer? I don’t mind waiting,” she says.

Internally, Ignatz is panicking. He doesn’t want her to know how desperate he’s gotten out here, and he doesn’t want her to think he isn’t mature enough when to go to the bathroom, or to make remarks about his painting getting in the way of his basic needs. That, and the idea of telling her that he feels on the verge of wetting himself is one of the most humiliating things he can imagine. “I’m ready to head back,” he finally says. Though he isn’t sure if making it back to the monastery is a possibility, hanging out here longer will only make the situation worse. He doesn’t want to tell her just how badly he has to go, but if he gets too bad, then he’s going to have to ask her to stop for a moment, so that he can take off and disappear behind a tree, but just thinking about that causes him to blush.

“Alright, let’s go!” And with that, Byleth begins leading him back to the monastery, and he follows behind her, trying to keep his steps steady. It’s hard to walk with how full his bladder feels, and each step jostles him so that he is nervous about potentially leaking. Much of their walk is spent in silence, which allows him time to concentrate on holding back, but he wonders again and again if now is the right time to ask for a break.

Every time he feels another sharp pain, he tells himself that it doesn’t matter how embarrassing it is to ask for a break, he has to do it now , before things get worse, but then he finds he can’t speak. Just when he thinks he’s made up his mind to speak up about it, he falters, wondering if it’s really that bad, if he can’t make it just a little bit longer. But the monastery is so far off in the distance, and even then, there’s the matter of actually making it somewhere once they’re back in the gates…

The fact of the matter is, Ignatz knows that he isn’t going to make it that long. He knows that, but that isn’t enough to encourage him to speak up. Byleth walks on, oblivious to Ignatz stumbling behind her, struggling to keep up the pace as he struggles against his bladder, and he completely freezes when he feels himself leak. One quick spurt escapes, and he has to stop in his tracks just to make sure that that is all it is.

No, no, not yet! He panics, and knows that this is nearly the end for him. Now is the time to make his excuses, before it’s too late, but he stands still, hesitating even now. Byleth stops and turns around, noticing that he isn’t following her anymore.
“Ignatz? Is something wrong?” she asks.

Tell her, just tell her you need to… 

“I-it’s nothing, I’m just…” He doesn’t even have an excuse ready; he can’t even think straight. Another spurt surprises him, and he whimpers, squeezing his thighs together. Byleth’s eyes widen, and he feels his face going red. Why did he let it get this bad? He had plenty of opportunities to avoid this situation, and yet…

“Ignatz, are you…” she starts, trailing off, and before she can finish her sentence, his knees buckle and he tries to fight off another leak and fails. Except it doesn’t stop there, and before he can stop it, he’s completely lost control.

Byleth watches him wet himself, her eyes still wide, and Ignatz feels tears welling up. Never in his life has he felt so humiliated, and of all the people to witness something like this, Byleth is one of the last people he would have wanted. Of course, he knows he never had a chance with her before, but even if he had, he’s certainly ruined it now.

Why, why, why didn’t he just tell her what the problem was so he could take care of it? She wouldn’t have made fun of him or judged him for it, she of all people wouldn’t have blamed his painting, she would have understood that he simply came out too far. It’s his own fault that this happened, and if he weren’t so indecisive, if he weren’t so stupid …

“I-I’m sorry,” he whimpers, once it’s over. That’s the only thing he can think to say, and now he has to walk back with her in wet pants, with her having witnessed him piss himself. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“Is that what the problem was?” she asks in a soft voice. She’s going to comfort him and pity him, and that will only make him feel worse. He doesn’t want her to keep seeing him as a child, but this will ensure that that is all she ever thinks of him.

“I’m really sorry!” he says, apologizing again because that’s all he can do. “I-I was just trying to...I mean, I thought I could...I should have just…”

She steps closer to him, closing the distance between them, and before he can think to move back, she has pulled him into a hug, not seeming to mind that she might get wet. Now, he’s torn, because he still doesn’t want her treating him like a child, but there is a part of him that is happy to be this close to her. Even knowing how terrible the circumstances are, getting a huge from Byleth… 

“You don’t have to be sorry, it’s alright,” she says.

“No, I...I shouldn’t have done that, you don’t have pretend like it’s alright. Wh-whether you’re comforting me like a child, or scolding me like a child, it doesn’t change-”

Ignatz is not able to finish his sentence because Byleth pulls back from the hug and kisses him, just like that, like it’s nothing. After he’s fantasized about this and written it off as impossible, she goes for it at a time when it seems most impossible of all, and Ignatz cannot wrap his head around it at all. In fact, he is so stunned that he can’t even bring himself to return her kiss.

She lingers with her lips against his for a moment, before pulling back and saying, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that, should I?”

“I-it’s not that,” he stammers, surprised that he can even speak. “I just didn’t expect…”

“You just looked so sad, and so cute, and I wanted to make you feel better…”

“C-cute?!”

“It’s nothing, I just…” When he really looks at her, he thinks that she might be blushing, something that he’s never seen her do before. Could it be that Byleth isn’t completely repulsed by him now? Could it be that she might feel the same about him, and this didn’t detract from that?

Could it be that this even...no, that’s a bit too ridiculous of an idea for Ignatz to entertain, but still…

“I can help you,” she finally says, and when he asks her what she means, she replies, “I’m sure you don’t want anyone else to find out what happened, but it might be a little obvious now. There has to be a stream near here, I think I remember hearing one a little while back. I know it would take us a little longer to get back, and we would be completely soaked, but at least then, you could hide it?”

“Professor…” He’s touched by her efforts to help him, and though he wishes that he had just had the nerve to speak up about his problem, he can’t deny that he feels closer to her now than he ever has in the past. Perhaps this has led to a positive turning point in their relationship, but only time will tell. “Alright, let’s do that!” 

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