Chapter 0 - Peach The Super Slut

"Look, dummy, this is a woman who is just as strong as Mario or Luigi. She'd held her own against Koopas, Troopas, and everything else in this world. You mean to tell me that she's getting kidnapped by that demon king Bowser and isn't secretly in love with him? I mean, at the very least, she's gotta be used to the rape." The voice of the Guard interrupted the Chef.

"Hey man, Mario and his brother work fast. Whenever this happens, we have to make a feast for them and for the Princess' return. I can't sit here and---" The Chef, working hard, signs off on a few papers that some of the Toads bring over. He suddenly realizes what the Guard said and shoves him against a wall. "Rape!? Do you hear yourself?"

"Princess Peach is 'captured' by this guy once a week. If he wanted to kill her, he would have. And if he wanted to torture her or something, there was time for that too. And it's not about ransom from the Mushroom King because no one has seen the man in years. Honestly, shouldn't we be saying Queen Pea---" The Guard's mouth is covered.

"We could be beheaded or thrown in prison for the stuff you're saying. Watch your mouth. Neither myself, nor my men will be tried for heresy because of your insane ramblings." The Chef scolds harshly.

"Bowser is a demon. They say he's been killed many times by Mario. Dumped in lava, even. Nothing can stop him. We're all in hell. Bowser talks about wanting to rule the land and have control, but what control doesn't he have? He can just walk in here and cause chaos whenever he wants, and usually does so. I don't think he wants to "win", he's content with just screwing with everyone. In some twisted way, it makes him feel like he's got friends or something....family." The Guard picks up one of the diced apples from the table and gobbles it down.

"You know quite a lot about Bowser. NO!! Hey, you!! No garlic in that!!" The Chef shouts across the kitchen to his sous chef. The Toad in the black chef's hat raises his hand in the air, as if to acknowledge the order.

"He goes to their parties, their races, their sports games, an no one really tries to get rid of him. He's just always there. That's either gotta mean that even the Mario brothers have stockholm syndrome, or that Bowser's already 'won'. Get it, man? These missions that Mario goes on to "save" the princess? They're not for her. They're for Bowser's entertainment. Mario is a fallen hero. A puppet for Bowser's whims. Bowser won't let Mario die, he's just doomed to run these courses until the game that Bowser created in his head is over." The Guard pokes the Chef to make sure he's listening.

"And all the while our poor princess is being...." The Chef starts but then shakes his head and walks away. The Guard grabs his arm to stop him.

"Yes! She's being raped by Bowser. Well, it started as rape. Now, I think she kinda likes it. You know?" The Guard takes the Chef over to a corner of the kitchen and looks around before pulling out some pictures. They're of Bowser taking Peach from behind. Peach seems to be into it, either through what the Guard said or because of Bowser's massive scaly cock.

"My god!! How did you get these?!" The Chef at first can't look, but looks around and snatches them out of The Guard's hands for a closer look. Bowser's cock is the length of one of Peach's arms and as wide as the shoulder pads of her famous dress. He has a spiked cockring at the base of the shaft, much like his bracelets. Peach's eyes rolls back into her head, as drool falls out past her tongue and of the smiling corners of her mouth. "So when do you think he won?"

"The very first time he came. He transformed hundreds, maybe thousands of inhabitants of our kingdom into objects. And he kidnapped Peach so she could not change anyone back. And there were so many people changed, that she couldn't switch them all back. And we don't know what other things Bowser could have done before that. But that alone was so devastating, so insane...Who could really win against that?"

The Chef hands the photos back and jumps back into his work, while the Guard watches on. Eventually, Mario and Luigi return with Princess Peach. The Chef notices that Peach looks strangely unharmed..Not even rattled, while the brothers look the very definition of disheveled. He began to wonder to himself what The Guard had told him and if it were true. Logic would suggest that if she were taken against her will, that her makeup would be running or that her clothes might be ripped or dirty. Not even a hair was askew. While the Mario brothers on the other hand, had dirty boots and ripped and torn clothing. It was as if she had gone home and was now making a public appearance, while they had gone through hell.

He tries to rationalize it to himself. Maybe the brothers hadn't gotten another mushroom before getting back? Maybe they were down to their last few supplies? While everyone is crowded around, he looks around to try to see where the Guard has gone, but he is nowhere to be found. The Chef runs into the kitchen to see the most horrible sight. Something that will make him quit working in the castle and question his life in this town. For out the window, The Guard transforms into Bowser before The Chef's eyes, waves and walks off laughing.