Chapter 0 - worth waiting for

Linhardt isn’t actually marrying her just to have children with her. In fact, if they were never to have children, that would be just fine by him as well. Using research as a means of getting closer to her might have always just been a means, and even if he is interested in the potential outcomes of that experiment, as any researcher would be, he doesn’t truly think of his marriage to Flayn as a simple experiment. At the end of the day, he fell in love with her for who she was, and simply wanted to be loved in returned, so, on the day they’re finally married, he couldn’t be happier.

Intimacy does not come to them easily, and she apologizes on their wedding night, nearly breaking down when it comes time for consummation. She’s panicked, saying that she should have said something sooner, that she’s tricked him into this and he won’t want to be with her anymore, and a whole manner of things that Linhardt can hardly make sense of until he gets her to calm down a little bit.

She just isn’t ready yet, she says.

She knows she’s had plenty of time to adjust to the idea, but it still makes her too nervous, she says.

She isn’t ready to have sex with him just yet, and doesn’t know when she will be, she says.

Linhardt realizes then that she really does think he values their potential children enough for that to be a deal breaker, and so, they spend their wedding night with Flayn in his arms and him reassuring her, until they’re both able to fall asleep. Truth be told, he could have fallen asleep hours ago, but staying up late is worth it to soothe his new wife. In the morning, he tells her that simply having a companion to nap with and sleep through the night with is more than enough for him.

And so, with her worries now pushed aside, they can truly begin their married life, and Flayn is  happy to see that she has nothing to worry about. Linhardt doesn’t concern himself with the lack of intimacy, seeing no reason to rush things, and if nothing were to change on that front, he doubts he would grow frustrated. The happiness they share in their daily life is what’s most important, after all.

~X~

Quite a while passes without anything changing, and the two of them live in relative seclusion. Flayn has left the church behind and Linhardt renounced his title so that he could focus on his research, and both feel as though they can finally breathe. It’s nice to simply be able to relax into their new routines and their new lives, and married life is pleasant. Flayn doesn’t bring up the subject again, and Linhardt doesn’t feel the need to ask if she’s changed her mind.

Every now and then, he feels a slight urge that he ignores or takes care of in private, without telling Flayn about it. Before they were together, he took care of things himself just fine, always seeing it as a distraction he had to get rid of so that he could get back to research or fall back asleep, so he certainly doesn’t see it as any more of a burden now. Even if he did, it wouldn’t be Flayn’s burden, that’s for sure. So he doesn’t ask her and, more often than not, forgets that it was ever an issue to begin with.

That’s not to say that he doesn’t desire his wife at all, and those times when he does have to take care of things on his own, she’s taken up a role in his fantasies. If she ever does change her mind, he will be happy to live these fantasies out, but until then, the fantasies are more than enough, and he’s sure that they always will be, even if nothing changes.

~X~

What he doesn’t realize is, after a while, he is not the only one dealing with fantasies, and times when he has to take care of things for himself, and Flayn’s fear of intimacy does not mean she is completely without those feelings altogether. He comes home one day after one of his rare trips out, looking for a particular book, but he finds what he’s looking for so quickly that he’s on his way home sooner than expected, and he manages to catch Flayn by surprise.

Not only that, but he catches her in a rather compromising position, laying on their bed, on top of the covers, not wearing a single scrap of clothing and one of her hands between her legs. Her back is arched and her face is flushed, and she’s moaning softly to herself in the split second before she realizes the door has opened, and there’s really no way for her to hide what it is that she’s doing.

She jumps suddenly, as soon as she hears him step into the room, and quickly dives under the covers, pulling them up over her chest, her face even redder than it was when he first walked into the room. He doesn’t mention that they’ve seen one another naked before, since that’s unavoidable when living as close as they do. It’s understandable that she’s embarrassed; simply being caught masturbating is bad enough, but there’s a look of guilt in her eyes that he’s sure stems from her unwillingness to do anything with him.

“I-I am so sorry!” she finally says, after a brief staredown. He realizes too late that the decent thing to do would have been to give her some privacy, and talk about this later.

“You don’t have to be sorry. I probably should have knocked,” he says offhandedly.

“N-no, I mean...to do something so indecent, when I have not ever...you must be upset with me.” She frowns, looking down with that same guilty look in her eyes.

“I’m really not,” Linhardt insists. “It’s no problem at all. If you asked me to help you, I would, but if that’s something you want to do alone, then I understand.”

Her breath catches in her throat at his words, and she sinks lower beneath the blankets. At first, he thinks that he’s said something wrong just by offering to help her, but slowly, it dawns on him that that isn’t the case at all. Rather, what he’s said has had more of an effect on her than either were expecting, and she’s trying to hide how flustered she is. Linhardt isn’t sure if he should take his leave without another word or if he should linger, and see what Flayn has to say about it, if she has anything to say at all.

As a result, he hesitates, and she speaks before he can make up his mind. “I...do you think you would be able to help me?” she asks in such a small voice that he almost thinks he imagines it for a moment.

“I...would certainly try to,” he replies, and steps closer. As he does, Flayn lets the blanket drop a bit, sitting up to try and seem less closed off.

“It is just...well, I am not sure I can do it very well on my own,” she admits, not meeting his eye. “Usually, it is not much of a problem, but lately...I was going to tell you soon, that I think I might be…”

Smiling, he closes the remaining distance between them, sitting beside her on the bed. “Whatever you want me to do, I’m sure I can assist. This isn’t something I have a lot of experience in, but, as you know, I’m always willing to experiment.”

Nodding, Flayn finally pulls the blanket down completely, exposing herself to him. It’s not the first time he’s seen her naked, but he still feels as though this time is different. She hesitates before saying, “I do not know what to ask you to do, so, if you would like to take the lead, then that will be fine.”

“Then I’ll start with simply helping you,” he says, moving closer to her so that he can put his hand between her legs, mimicking what he walked in on her doing. Though it’s his first time doing this to anyone, he can’t deny that the concept has interested him in the past, and through basic anatomy studies, as well as some less than savory reads he picked up when his curiosity got the better of him, he has enough of an idea what to do to make his wife feel good.

Flayn whimpers at his touch, but does not tell him to stop, and he teases her with his fingers, not quite pressing inside of her at first. This is both to tease her and give her a chance to back out, should she want to, but she begins to arch her back, grinding against his hand a little as she begins to lose her control to pleasure, and he takes that as a sign that she wants him to do more. And so, he begins working a finger inside of her, causing Flayn to cry out for him.

“Is that good, or does it hurt?” he asks. “I’ll stop whenever you want me to.”

“Do...do not,” is all she is able to say, but that’s all he needs to hear. Though he isn’t sure how effective his touch is in comparison to hers, he can only guess that he’s doing a sufficient job, perhaps only better because it’s a new touch, rather than her own, but better nonetheless.

With each whimper and moan he earns from her, he can feel his own arousal building, as it has been since he first entered the room and caught her in the act, but he’s done his best to ignore it, especially when he wasn’t sure if she was upset to have been caught or not. Now, however, it’s becoming rather pressing, and there is a part of him that hopes she will be willing to go all the way, but if not, it’s no problem. He will simply take care of things for himself once he knows that she’s satisfied.

How strange it is, to realize he’s willing to put in so much effort for someone else, but then, love does cause strange behavior.
Linhardt can tell that she’s becoming more tense, taking that as a sign that she’s getting close, and that is when he decides to ask her, when she’s at the point where her body would be ready for him if she is. He pauses and she whines a bit, squirming up against him to try and create more friction, and he asks, “Do you want to do just this, or do you want to…?”

Flayn hesitates for only a moment before she says, “I truly think I am ready now.”

In just a few short moments, he’s on top of her, not bothering to fully undress so long as his cock is freed, and when he’s pressed against her, he pauses again, no matter how painful it is to wait at this point. He wants to make sure that she’s absolutely sure, but she simply smiles and nods, encouraging him to jerk his hips forward, and slowly push inside of her.

There are a few times when she winces from the pain, but that always fades as she grows used to the new fullness. Linhardt, meanwhile, can just hardly contain himself, holding back only because he knows that if he were to truly hurt her after she finally put her trust in him, he would never be able to forgive himself. But as she begins to relax around him, as the pain fades once and for all, he soon does not have to hold back at all.

As he begins to thrust into her, she raises her hips to meet his, and the faster his pace becomes, the more she bucks her hips against him, losing herself entirely to her pleasure until it becomes hard to believe that she ever hesitated at all. As it is, he can’t last long at this pace at all, but fortunately, he’d gotten her so close from fingering her that her own climax is not far off.

And when he comes with a low moan, Flayn is not far behind him, a sharp squeak escaping her lips as she joins him. Then, the two of them lay in a sweaty tangle, struggling to catch their breath and simply holding onto each other, their first time finally all said and done.

It’s hard to tell right now if her enthusiasm is a sign that she will want this a lot or if she will remain reluctant, but either way, Linhardt will be happy. If he is taking every available opportunity to satisfy her, or waiting for her to request his help again, he will be there when she needs it. After all, if it was worth the wait just this once, he can only assume that will remain true. 

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