Chapter 0 - making sense

He is, all at once, clingy and distant. It is hard to make sense of her relationship with Jeritza, who insists on keeping her at an arm’s length, and yet never seems to want to be without her anymore. They spend most of their time training together, and she watches the restraint in his face every time, mingled together with the excitement, and the slightest hint of satisfaction, as if fighting her like this might eventually be enough for him.

It is hard to make sense of their relationship, and the way he follows along after her, yet insists that the two of them can never be close, that he will never be able to be her friend. Byleth is fairly certain that they are already friends, but it is hard to make sense of their relationship, and she knows better than to ask him herself, or point out that he is the one who keeps coming back to her, not the other way around.

Of course, it becomes even more difficult to make sense of their relationship when she sees his restraint falter, when she watches it fade from his eyes suddenly, and she does not have the time to brace herself before he makes his move. But Jeritza doesn’t move to attack her; he moves to kiss her. Perhaps because she was not prepared for this, she is able to let her guard down much more easily, and return his kiss.

This is not the sort of attack that she is used to repelling from him, nor anyone else for that matter, but she finds herself wanting to give in, rather than resist, and finds herself much more interesting in doing this sort of thing with Jeritza, than she is in sparring with him, though she doubts she will ever admit to that, at least not to his face. She has never been this close to anyone in her life, and has no idea what she should do, but Jeritza, despite likely having no more experience than her, moves as if he already knows each step, never looking back and never hesitating.

It is so much like him to behave like this even when he doesn’t have a clue. Byleth is surprised by the way this thought occurs to her, because it means realizing that she has actually come to know Jeritza rather well throughout their time together. Maybe she should have seen this coming, then, and maybe she did, but now, it’s difficult to think about the signs she may have missed or ignored, leading up to this moment.

His hands are somewhat clumsy as he moves to undress her, only from the waist down, proving that he is intent on wasting no time. He might lose his nerve if he slows down now, she reasons, so she allows him to move as quickly as he wants to, until he has her pinned to the wall, kissing her again with his hand between her legs. His movements are so clumsy, and yet she finds herself moaning into his kiss anyway, not realizing before just how much she needed this from someone, no matter how inexperienced that someone may be.

She grinds against his hand, needy and losing herself in his frantic energy, the two of them soon going at this as if it is another fight to be won, another battle that only the two of them are fit to participate in, but as for who will be the winner, Byleth doesn’t exactly care, nor does she know what the prize is, or if losing will really feel all that bad. Already, she has resigned herself to defeat, deciding that no matter what side she falls on in the end, it will be worth it either way.

When Jeritza pauses, pulling back from the kiss to deal with his own clothing, Byleth finds herself squirming in impatience, her breath caught in her throat, more needy than she has ever been in her life. Soon enough, he is upon her again, this time with his arms around her, putting her between his body and the wall, as he pushes inside of her with a low and pathetic groan.

Byleth is stunned for a moment, lost as she tries to return to her senses, pushing past the slight pain of his sudden entry, until she is able to breathe again, and throughout all of this, though she has said nothing, Jeritza remains patient with her. His own breathing is ragged, with the strain of holding back while so desperate for her, and she does what she can to relax, to make sure that he does not have to wait much longer to claim what he wants.

By the time he is able to move, he is on the verge of losing complete control of himself. She can see the look in his eyes, possessive and starved, before he leans his face against her neck, groaning as he begins thrusting into her, his initial pace rough and erratic. Byleth gives herself over to him entirely, admitting defeat straight away and not minding it at all, content to let him have his way with her, gritting her teeth through any pain until she is able to relax again, allowing pleasure to once again overtake her.

This was where they were bound to end up, from the beginning, but she can blame her lack of foresight on how difficult he has made it to make sense of their relationship. No matter how clingy he may have been, he has still tried to act as if there were some sort of distance between them, but now, there is no more pretending, and as he fucks her wildly and desperately, Byleth begins running a hand through his hair.

Despite his rough treatment, she wants to reassure him that she is here and that she has him, that she will always have him, just as long as he needs her. He is clingy and he needs her so much, and she holds him close, letting him take what he needs. There are whimpers escaping from him now, beneath his aggressive groans, giving her another glimpse of his vulnerable side, and she understands then that no matter who may come out on top, she is the one with the power, and it is the first time that she is able to make sense of anything with him.

For his first time, he does not last very long and is soon left struggling to catch his breath, while Byleth continues to run her fingers through his hair. 

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