My partner left me for another woman after fifteen years and after saying he did not want children with me.
Hi there, I badly need someone to talk with!
user
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hi what’s on your mind today
assistant
Question
My partner left me after fifteen years and I simply do not know what to do.
user
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wow. that had to come as a shock. when did you find out
assistant
Reflection of feelings
Things had not been going well for a while but I had not realised just how bad it would be.
user
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i'm so sorry to hear that. how long ago did they leave?
assistant
Question
About two weeks. I have barely left the house since then. I just do not feel that I can go on.
user
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not leaving the house is the new normal for many of us right now. are you not leaving because you have nowhere to go or because you are feeling bad
assistant
Question
I think mostly the latter. I just do not want to face the world any more . I feel that everyone must know that I've been dumped and be laughing at me.
user
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you havve already made it two weeks by going one day at a time
assistant
Affirmation and Reassurance
I did not really have any choice though . I do not see any future for myself now that we are separated.
user
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do you know brene brown and her work
assistant
Information
No I do not, who is that?
user
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she studies vuneraility and shame. please look for her TED talk and there's a great youtube video on empathy
assistant
Providing Suggestions
Thank you , I will. Right now I really need some sort of emotional support. I feel that the last fifteen years of my life have been a waste.
user
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i bring her up because what i sounds like is that you are feeling embarrassed because your partner made a choice that wasn't you in reality the choice they made wasn't about you, it was about them
assistant
Information,Information
It is not so much that - it is that I feel that I dedicated the majority of my adult life to this relationship and now there is nothing left.
user
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you are left and you are enough. even if you dont feel like it right now you are enough
assistant
Affirmation and Reassurance
I really do not feel like it right now. What was the last fifteen years all about? I wanted to have children with him and he refused but now I hear he is expecting a baby with another woman.
user
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a relationship is part of who you are. it isn't you
assistant
Affirmation and Reassurance
But it is very difficult to try to strike out on my own again and I do not know if I even want to.
user
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it is hard. it sucks. but the voyage through the suck is going to be better for you than you may realize right now
assistant
Providing Suggestions
But I feel that I am facing middle age on my own and I really do not want to do that.
user
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you have survived 14 days without a bad relationship. keep on doing that day by day and before you know it, you will be on the other side of the bad feelings
assistant
Providing Suggestions
What happens if I just can't ever get over it though? Right now it's hard to see any sort of way through these feelings.
user
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yes, middle age is scary, but there are so many things you can do. ageism is out
assistant
Information
I feel I might have missed out on my chance to have a family of my own though, because I waited fifteen years and my partner would not go for that.
user
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please watch the cartoon animals and brene brown on youtube talk about empathy. find one of your friends who has been through the suck and let them help you find your path out.
assistant
Providing Suggestions
Most of my friends seem to be very happily coupled up right now. They are sympathetic but they do not really understand.
user
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i had an emergency ovary removal in my early 30s and didn't know if i woudl be able to have children. my doctor told me that the most important thing i could do was to be healthy becuse a healthy mother was what i could give my children even if i adopted them
assistant
Self-disclosure
That sounds like very good advice from both you and your doctor. It is a difficult thing to have to confront though. I really do appreciate the fact that you have taken the time to talk honestly with me.
user
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you want an empathetic friend. nobody has gone through the exact same thing you have but the emotions are common ones. you will be ok, even if you dont feel that way now
assistant
Providing Suggestions
I hope that I will but am not sure. I really do feel rather better about things now though but - there's a long way to go. Thank you so much for your support!
user
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