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HANTIFARAH

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Peace be upon you, God willing, you will be fine and

سلام سلام ان شاء الله تكونوا بخير وعلى

well. Your affairs are fine. Finally,

خير اموركم هان احوالكم طيبه واخيرا

finally, the last episode has arrived. This is the story

واخيرا جت الحلقه الاخيره اع هذ القصه

that tormented me so much and so much. And I still don’t

اللي عذبتني بزاف وبزاف وبزاف ومازال ما

want to ask Dakshi. I had to rest

بغيتش تسالى داكشي باش اضطريت انني نرتاح

yesterday because I have one sister. The effort is terrible so we

البارح لان خت عندي واحد المجهود رهيب باش

can make this stage very brief for you. Because the

نقدر نحط لكم هذ المرحله مختصره جدا لان

author of the story died, and she saw her head

صاحبه الحكايه موتنيش وهي را عارفه راسها

in my betrayal, she won’t bother you anymore and we will tell you where we

ف خوني ما تعطلش عليكم اكثر ونقول لكم فين

left her yesterday. She broke up with his brother once. Yes, he is

خليناها البارح فشقت مره خوه بلي انه

getting along with me. He is in love with me. It is reasonable. She tried to

يترافق معايا انه هو بغاني المعقول حاولت

please me and incite his brother Ali.

انها ترضوا علي وتحرض خوه علي حاولت

His family tried to keep me away from him. They did not

العائله دياله انهم يبعدوني عليه حيتاش

know the past. Diyala’s mother. How could she? And they were thinking about what I saw as her

عرفوا الماضي ديال الام ديالي كيفاش وكان

resemblance to her. Here

عند بالهم باللي انا راني كشبه ليها هنا

I was thinking, how can this young man

فين بديت انا كنفكر كيفاش هذا الشاب انه

marry me today or tomorrow, knowing that he is my age and I am

يتزوج بي اليوم قبل غدا علما انه عمرني

still not free from the fantasies of the past, the

مازال ما بريت من الخيالات اتاع الماضي

Deekshi that I used to see, and the prayer that I could not

ديكشي اللي كنت كنشوف والصلا اللي ماقدرتش

pray because that Dhishi is the one who needs it, so we

نصلي لانه ذاكشي ديال ديك الحاجه كنبقى

still have to

مازال

follow me here. I was thinking until I said, “I

تابعني هنا جل كنفكر تفكر حتى قلت راني

found her.” I walked and prayed one round of rak’ahs and said, “O my

لقيتها مشيت صليت واحد جوج ركعات وقلت يا

Lord, I am special to you, you know. Rather, I am the type of person

ربي وانا خصكم تعرفوا بل انا من النوع

who sits and leans on my Lord, in any case.” She said, “What’s the matter with someone?”, so she started

اللي تجلس و كشكي على سيدي ربي بحال الا

saying to him, “I saw, O

قالت حدايا شي حد فبديت تنقول له شفت يا

Lord, what did he do for me and talk about me?” and they treated me with contempt, and

ربي شنو طر لي وحكر عل و تكرفوا علي

they did so and left. Please note that I did not tell

وفعلوا وتركوا لي علما انني ما كنتش قلت

you that despite that, I started to

لكم بلي انه انا مع ذك الحاجه درت جوج

try to commit suicide, which I did not

ديال المحاولات ديال الانتحار اللي ما ن

dare to, and among them I started to say, “Why, Lord, why did you not want me to have regrets that I did

جحوش ل وفيهم بديت كنقول علاش يا ربي ما

not want to sing with you, and even

بغيتيني عندك بنادم ما بغاني عندك وحتى

you know that my mother used to come to people

انت علما ان امي كتهضر في عند الناس

and say, ‘Yes, I am corrupt’.” Note that I serve Waka

وكتقول بلي انا فاسده علما انا تنخدم وكع

and I used to be upset with her except for the family atmosphere

وكنت كنقلب معها غير على الجو العائلي

that I have not found for a long time and I am in a relationship with

اللي مالقيتوش دازت مده وانا على علاقه

this gentleman whose family does not want him. He was

بهذا السيد اللي عائلته ما باغين هو كان

cooperative, but I was controlling him until one

تعاوني ولكن انا كنت ساده عليه حى ل واحد

day when one of the girls came to me and told me

النهار جت كدق علي واحد البنت باش تقول لي

that he had responded to so-and-so. He didn't laugh at you,

بلي انه ردي بال من فلان را غير ضحك عليك

how he didn't laugh at me and saw me with him for seven years.

كيف ما ضحك علي وراني معه سبع سنين هذه

Yes, seven years. Be the one who built your future. Listen to

نعم سبع سنين كن فاش بنيتي مستقبلك سمعي

us. I saw that so-and-so of yours. I don't even have anything

نقولك شفتي ذاك فلان ديالك انا اصلا ما

to do with my brain, and I don't have anything to run with. And if

دخلش لي لمخي وما عندي ما ندير به واذا

you see what's good for me, we won't talk about you,

شفتوا باللي انه صالح لي راه ما نقلش عليك

just put it down. It's a problem in your brain, and if he laughs at you,

وهذ غير حطيها مزيان في مخك واذا ضحك عليك

you'll be alive. I'm fine. Where are you

انت حيتاش ن سهله انا ماشي بحالك تما فين

going to hate me? And at this stage, something like a

غادي تحقد علي وفي هذ المرحله غادي تبدا

war begins between me and my mother. One

شبه الحرب ما بيني وما بين امي واحد

day, I was a servant, and someone came to me. The master

النهار كنت خدامه وجا عندي واحد السيد

said to me, "What's up with you? Because I told him, 'My sister is your sister,'

قاللي شنو كجيك فلانه قلت له اختي اختك

and they differ in surnames, oh. My sister, but other than

ومخالفين في الكنيه اه اختي ولكن غير من

my mother, yes, tell her that she is holding her head

امي ايوا قولي ليها باش انها تجمع راسها

and not doing her reformatory call, and why did my master see that

ولا ندوها الاصلاحيه وعلاش اسيدي را ك

he met her with Al-Zoufri, like she was lying on one of the floors,

لقاها مع الزوفري كتشطح في واححد البلاصه

known to her husband for three days in the morning, for God’s sake, she

معروفه مع الزوج ثلاثه ديال الصباح بالله

works in the coffee shop, and she comes to the

عليكم انا تنخدم في القهوه تنجي معها الع

11th hour of the night with her, and she is the one who is not

11 ديال الليل وهي اللي برهوشه ما كدير

even able to do it. Something is needed in her life, like income, even a quarter of a lettuce in

حتى شي حاجه في حياتها كدخل حتى ربعه خسه

the morning, and someday we come in and be lazy. My mother, where is she, your

ديال الصباح وياما كندخل وكسول امي فين هي

daughter? No, not with your brother. No, here, no here. I want to bring your

بنتك لا مع اخوك لا هنا لا هنا اودي جمعي

daughter together. The time is difficult. My mother sees that the girl is reckless. What's wrong with

بنتك راه الوقت صعيب ام امي وراه البنت

you and my daughter? I see her as a

طايشه شنا هو بزاف عليك وبنتي انا راني

caregiver and you don't get to her and I don't have any income. Your

مرب بها وما توصلي ليها وغير دخلي سوق

head, and I don't know why we didn't enter the market. My head is my

راسك وانا ما عرفش علاش ما كندخل سوق راسي

mother and my sister, dear to them. They were deformed and started to seduce.

هذ امي وختي عزيز عليهم شوها بداو يغوت جا

That gentleman who wanted to propose to me came. You knew them

ذاك السيد اللي بغى يخطبني حيتاش كان

before me. How did I tell you? He said to them, "I'm clear

تعرفهم من قبلي كيف قلت لكم وقال لهم صافي

of you, distorted, but a little on you."

بك مشوها غير بشويه عليكم قلت صفاء الليل

At my mother's place, we say to her, "May God forgive," and she

فرجعت عند امي باش نقول لها الله يسامح

hears the saying of that gentleman, who has been in a bad

تنسمع كتقول ذاك السيد وهي كاع ما فيها

mood for a year. She has been coming to me. She walks,

النفس شحال من عام هذا عاد جايه عندي تمشي

give me a space, and so-and-so allegedly has a modesty. He saw

عطيني اتساع وفلانه زعما حشومه را بنتك

that daughter of yours, and okay, my daughter is moving away from me. What am I in the

هذك وماشي بنتي تبعد مني واش انا الحاله

civil situation, and I have isolated her from her, and he is still coming

المدنيه وحيدتها منها ومازال جايه تحشم

to me to be modest with the servants of God. I sat down. In the stairs, we cried

مني مع عباد الله جلست في الدروج ت نبكي

until it got cold, and her daughter came to her and I walked over to her and

حتى بردت وجت جراتها بنتها ومشيت عندها

said to her, “Excuse me, I didn’t go there, and I am

وقلت لها سمحي لي راني ما قصدش وراني

afraid of nothing but the girl. The world is full of

خايفه غير على البنت را الدنيا عامره

children of the forbidden.” I pulled my sister and said to her, “Tomorrow

بولاد الحرام انا شديت اختي وقلت لها غدا

we will go and run a certificate because the one who

غادي نمشيو ندير سيرتيفيكيت فلانه باش

came to attack you will close his mouth with this piece of

اللي جا يدوي فيك غادي نسدو ليه فمه بهذ

paper.” What should I do? Walk away from me and tell my

الورقه اشنا هو سيري بعدي مني وقولي لهد

sister to give me an hour. My mother told her to stay away from me. They

خيتي تعطيني تساعه امي قول لها تبعد مني

kept covering me more and I left them because I knew what was important

بقاو ك تغطوا زدت وخليتهم لانه عيت المهم

in the end. I wish we could think about how I am going to run away

في الاخير وليت ت نفكر كيفاش انني نقاد

from my home because I want to escape and this

لاكار ديالي لانه انا باغه نهرب وهذا

environment has nothing to eat. I want to walk to something that does

المحيط ما لاقش ل بغيت نمشي لشي حاجه اللي

n’t even exist. Something created, something in a place that doesn't

ما فيها حتى شي مخلوق شي بلاصه ما فيها

even have anything like a shape, as we know it. This was

حتى شي كماره كنعرفها كان هذا هو المخطط

my plan, and I was waiting and waiting for me to achieve it.

ديالي وفي انتظ وفي انتظار انني باش نحققه

One day, her son, my mother's son, got up and walked away. He stole

واحد النهار ولدها ولد امي فاق ومشى سرق

my diary's card, which had a hole in my head, and he sold it

لي لاكارط ديالي اللي فيها كاع تصوري ومشا

for 5 dirhams. It rose as if it were rising and began to deceive me, and I was

بعه ب 5ه دراهم نضت كنهضر نضت كنهضر وبدات

walking. Shafar and Mashi, this one and Mashi, this

تغو ولدي ماشي شفار وماشي هذه وماشي هذه

important thing went to the people to tell them, yes,

المهم مشات عند الناس باش تقول لهم بلي

that my daughter had taken it to give me room. I was going to fight

انه بنتي خصها تعطيني اتساع غادي نضارب

with them again, and blood came out. It was one of the

معهم من جديد وطلع لي الدم وكانت واحد

draws of the caller above the drum. I was going to

القرعه ديال المناد فوق من الطبله غادي

point to it without feeling bad about the wall, because I was

نشير بها بلا ما نحس على الحيط لانه تعصبت