In keeping with Schrute custom, I will either invite you to Saturday's funeral by sprinkling red, fertile dirt in your face, or I will ask you to keep a respectful distance during my time of grief, with a dusting of black, slightly acidic soil.
Conservando la costumbre de los Schrute, os invitaré al funeral del sábado para maquillar de fértil tierra roja vuestra cara u os pediría que guardarais una respetuosa distancia durante mi duelo con una capa de suelo negro, ligeramente ácido.