She did not renounce all she had learnt, but realized that she had deceived herself when thinking that she could be what she wished to be. It was as if she had recovered consciousness; she felt the difficulty of remaining without hypocrisy or boastfulness on the level to which she had wished to rise.
Она не отреклась от всего того, что узнала, но поняла, что она себя обманывала, думая, что может быть тем, чем хотела быть.