user13640: I have been suffering with addictions. Addictions are complex. Both that I suffer from are in abatement. I am in recovery as they say. I am getting medical support.
Besides the addiction I have bad habits in relation to being abusive to people when angry. Verbally abusive. Textually abusive.
I realise the self is false but it's very hard to shake it off. Before I know it I'm operating from an ego state. Any advice?

user-1: Buddhism is of great help in dealing with addictions. I will address the smoking and drinking ones. This is how my teacher advised me to deal with. 
The following answer is not to promote smoking in any way, it's just based on an acute understanding on how difficult it is to go cold turkey on addictions.
Smoking Awareness
You have to basically remember that the whole process is about mindfulness and awareness and your will to quit the habit. Whenever the desire arises don't smoke while talking to friends or other people then you are not aware of smoking. Then retreat into solitariness. Take out the cigarette and smell it before lighting it, feel it, then lite it mindfully, take in every puff and exhale every puff with an articulate concentration of what exactly you are doing. At an end of each cycle contemplate that death has come one breath closer. Contemplate the gory death with cancer or any other terrible disease you are going to suffer. This contemplation creates a repulsion. Plus the more mindful and aware you become, the more you feel the smoke and the smell of cigs repulsive. This heightened awareness of smoke takes you to that state of mind you once had as a child or teenager when you hated smoke. The more aware and sensitive you become the more you don't want to do it anymore. 
Also if you start practicing Vipassana you like the feeling of simple breath and you start knowing how blissful the breath is, so what happens is you start not wanting to smoke anymore. 
If you study the 10 Paramitas and 8 fold path you start to know to have compassion towards your self as well and not to harm yourself anymore. 
Within the context of Buddhism, you want to quit smoking as not to do the bad karma of harming yourself without feeling guilty about it.
Alcohol Awareness
Just like smoking try to be aware of every gulp of alcohol you will have. Then with awareness, you observe how the head gets heavy, you observe how you start feeling tipsy, you observe how you lose the mind and how evil thoughts overcome you. If you practice Vipassana you will learn to observe, you extend that same capacity to observe yourself while drinking. This will eventually create the repulsiveness. You don't want to be addicted to alcohol anymore. 
Abusive behavior
Within the context of Buddhism, you start practicing Metta meditation i.e. compassion and kindness towards all beings, as this practice will grow, it will be hard to be abusive towards people also it will create forgiveness towards yourself and others in you. 
Buddhism helps a lot overcoming bad habits

user11674: Telling yourself 'The self is false' or 'bad' won't make a difference in your day-to-day life because these are just intellectual understandings without any underlying experience, therefore you don't really FEEL what you are telling yourself. 
If you have harmful addictions that are long manifested Buddhism is probably not the best solution. In my opinion, Therapy which targets your both your thinking and behaving is most suited (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy/Acceptance Commitment Therapy etc.) 
Ingrained habits were practised for a long time and reducing or even overcoming them can take a long time and that's why goal setting, coping skills, cost benefit analysis, restructuring 'distorted' cognitions and alternative behaviours are critically important. 
While practising kindness can undermine abusive and angry behaviour(s) it only surpresses it for a while but the perceptions of anger/abuse are still there. Trying to be kind or compassionate in a difficult situation to the other person is really hard and you better be patient in such situations or delay the situation for a couple of minutes to think through your behaviour (even this is really hard).
In the end, it is very important to have self acceptance towards yourself, which means that you never judge the doer but the acts you have done and you do so in a constructive and kind manner.

user43: My first Buddhist teacher was extremely helpful with this. Basically, he explained that all these problems come from attachments. "Ego" is just a name for a tangle of attachments. Someone says something that goes against your attachment and you get triggered. You think "this is right, this is the way its supposed to be - and what they did is wrong". That "supposed to be" is the attachment. They are like mind worms, you should get rid of them. If you start now, in five years you will have none. Just don't get angry at people who still have attachments, because that's an attachment too. Makes sense?
It's called "attachment" because you think this is the only right way it should be - but in reality it's not the only way. Nothing in the world has to be one way. Letting go of attachments involves catching yourself getting triggered, identifying the attachment, and then expanding your perspective to include other possibilities. This process goes deep, very very deep - until you completely lose all shape, any ground under your feet - so it's is not for the faint of heart. Following this path is like a robot disassembling itself, piece by piece - until there is nothing left. That "nothing" is freedom.
Attachments are the real issue. Addictions are secondary, just a side effect.
What's kinda interesting and cool is that reality you find yourself in is always the reverse projection of your hidden attachments. It's really amazing. The circumstances and the overall mood of the situations that you get in, is a reflection of your attachments. So the more you hold on to them, the worse it gets - and as you let go, a different reality is assembled around you. 

13640: <p>I have been suffering with addictions. Addictions are complex. Both that I suffer from are in abatement. I am in recovery as they say. I am getting medical support.
Besides the addiction I have bad habits in relation to being abusive to people when angry. Verbally abusive. Textually abusive.</p>

<p>I realise the self is false but it's very hard to shake it off. Before I know it I'm operating from an ego state. Any advice?</p>
 -1: <p>Buddhism is of great help in dealing with addictions. I will address the smoking and drinking ones. This is how my teacher advised me to deal with. </p>

<p><em>The following answer is not to promote smoking in any way, it's just based on an acute understanding on how difficult it is to go cold turkey on addictions.</em></p>

<p><strong>Smoking Awareness</strong></p>

<p>You have to basically remember that the whole process is about mindfulness and awareness and your will to quit the habit. Whenever the desire arises don't smoke while talking to friends or other people then you are not aware of smoking. Then retreat into solitariness. Take out the cigarette and smell it before lighting it, feel it, then lite it mindfully, take in every puff and exhale every puff with an articulate concentration of what exactly you are doing. At an end of each cycle contemplate that death has come one breath closer. Contemplate the gory death with cancer or any other terrible disease you are going to suffer. This contemplation creates a repulsion. Plus the more mindful and aware you become, the more you feel the smoke and the smell of cigs repulsive. This heightened awareness of smoke takes you to that state of mind you once had as a child or teenager when you hated smoke. The more aware and sensitive you become the more you don't want to do it anymore. </p>

<p>Also if you start practicing Vipassana you like the feeling of simple breath and you start knowing how blissful the breath is, so what happens is you start not wanting to smoke anymore. </p>

<p>If you study the 10 Paramitas and 8 fold path you start to know to have compassion towards your self as well and not to harm yourself anymore. </p>

<p>Within the context of Buddhism, you want to quit smoking as not to do the bad karma of harming yourself without feeling guilty about it.</p>

<p><strong>Alcohol Awareness</strong></p>

<p>Just like smoking try to be aware of every gulp of alcohol you will have. Then with awareness, you observe how the head gets heavy, you observe how you start feeling tipsy, you observe how you lose the mind and how evil thoughts overcome you. If you practice Vipassana you will learn to observe, you extend that same capacity to observe yourself while drinking. This will eventually create the repulsiveness. You don't want to be addicted to alcohol anymore. </p>

<p><strong>Abusive behavior</strong></p>

<p>Within the context of Buddhism, you start practicing Metta meditation i.e. compassion and kindness towards all beings, as this practice will grow, it will be hard to be abusive towards people also it will create forgiveness towards yourself and others in you. </p>

<p><strong>Buddhism helps a lot overcoming bad habits</strong></p>
 11674: <p>Telling yourself 'The self is false' or 'bad' won't make a difference in your day-to-day life because these are just intellectual understandings without any underlying experience, therefore you don't really FEEL what you are telling yourself. </p>

<p>If you have harmful addictions that are long manifested Buddhism is probably not the best solution. In my opinion, Therapy which targets your both your thinking and behaving is most suited (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy/Acceptance Commitment Therapy etc.) </p>

<p>Ingrained habits were practised for a long time and reducing or even overcoming them can take a long time and that's why goal setting, coping skills, cost benefit analysis, restructuring 'distorted' cognitions and alternative behaviours are critically important. </p>

<p>While practising kindness can undermine abusive and angry behaviour(s) it only surpresses it for a while but the perceptions of anger/abuse are still there. Trying to be kind or compassionate in a difficult situation to the other person is really hard and you better be patient in such situations or delay the situation for a couple of minutes to think through your behaviour (even this is really hard).</p>

<p>In the end, it is very important to have self acceptance towards yourself, which means that you never judge the doer but the acts you have done and you do so in a constructive and kind manner.</p>
 43: <p>My first Buddhist teacher was extremely helpful with this. Basically, he explained that all these problems come from attachments. "Ego" is just a name for a tangle of attachments. Someone says something that goes against your attachment and you get triggered. You think "this is right, this is the way its supposed to be - and what <em>they</em> did is wrong". That "supposed to be" is the attachment. They are like mind worms, you should get rid of them. If you start now, in five years you will have none. Just don't get angry at people who still have attachments, because that's an attachment too. Makes sense?</p>

<p>It's called "attachment" because you <em>think</em> this is the only right way it should be - but in reality it's not the only way. Nothing in the world has to be one way. Letting go of attachments involves catching yourself getting triggered, identifying the attachment, and then expanding your perspective to include other possibilities. This process goes deep, very very deep - until you completely lose all shape, any ground under your feet - so it's is not for the faint of heart. Following this path is like a robot disassembling itself, piece by piece - until there is nothing left. That "nothing" is freedom.</p>

<p>Attachments are the real issue. Addictions are secondary, just a side effect.</p>

<p>What's kinda interesting and cool is that reality you find yourself in is always the reverse projection of your hidden attachments. It's really amazing. The circumstances and the overall mood of the situations that you get in, is a reflection of your attachments. So the more you hold on to them, the worse it gets - and as you let go, a different reality is assembled around you. </p>
