user10942: For at least half of my life I've had an extremely strong desire to be in a relationship/have a girlfriend and though I've tried, I've been unsuccessful and this has brought me tremendous suffering to the point where I almost committed suicide 2 years ago. I see couples in a similar age group as me every single day and this further increases my suffering. I first encountered Buddhism 2 years ago and through its teachings I've detached myself from the past and have removed my strong desire for material wealth and this indeed has removed a lot of suffering from my life, however, I just can't seem to let go of immense desire to have a girlfriend even after realizing that external circumstances never bring lasting happiness and fulfillment. 
How can I let go of this destructive desire?

user16635: Buddhism warns against attachments to desires, not against desires themselves. There's nothing wrong with the rise of a desire for a relationship; that kind of arising is natural even for experienced practitioners. The question is whether we allow ourselves to become attached to that arising, causing ourselves misery.
With that in mind, observe that what you are really suffering over is an abstract mental object: an unspecified 'girlfriend', or an undefined 'relationship'. It's not as though you ran across a particular woman and are suffering because you've developed a crush on her. If you developed a crush on a particular woman you could resolve it quickly by asking her out: either you'd head towards a relationship, or you'd discover it isn't to be, neither of which will cause the suffering to persist. But fixating on these abstract mental objects — wanting a 'relationship' or a 'girlfriend, without any real-world connection except you see other people have it — is unhelpful. The only way you can resolve abstract mental suffering is by uprooting it from your mind: removing the attachment you have to it. Then your longings will come and go as they please, and will gradually lose power and urgency.
If there is someone in front of you that you are attracted to, consciously act, or consciously choose not to act (whichever strikes you as correct). You'll gain a relationship or you won't, but either way the issue will be settled. If there is no one in front of you, stop clinging to the abstraction. A real relationship is not a mental object. It's an energetic connection, and you want to free your mind of those abstract mental objects so that you can properly feel if the energetic connection is there.

user17107: I would agree celibacy if you feel you are strong for it and are willing to live as a monk, meditation/shamata or Green Tara Mantra or Kurukulle Mantra. You should receive the LUNG/Transmission from an authorized Lama.
If you pray enough you probably won't feel so much desire or get a girlfriend.
https://taramandala.secure.retreat.guru/program/live-webcast-oral-transmission-tib-lung-for-green-tara-cnnr-chod-and-riwo-sangcho-copy/
https://padmarigdzinling.org/contact/

user-1: A lot of people use Buddhism and spirituality in general as means to escape their suffering.  They see the dharma as a panacea for their problems.  While the Buddha is quite clear that his path is one leading towards the end of anguish and dissatisfaction,  what a lot of people miss is that in order for us to arrive there, we are going to have to confront those issues that drove us to the Buddha-dharma in the first place.
Rather than running towards the dharma, it sounds an awful lot like you are trying to runaway from your obstacles.  Diving headlong into your practice may provide you with some temporary relief, but when the samadhi ends and you come off your cushion, those issues will bounce back up like bamboo shaken free of snow.  At some point, you are going to have to confront these issues.  You are going to have to ask yourself a number of difficult questions about yourself, your relationship history, and even why you came to the dharma in a hope to resolve them.  Meditation will help you see these obstacles from a different perspective, but they will remain your obstacles.  And they are going to have to be confronted and addressed before your practice can evolve.      

user10950: In a nutshell. Buddhism is not about removing desires. It's about recognising what is present in any given moment and then responding skillfully or in a wholesome way so as not to cause suffering. You are human, you have and will continue to have desires. 

user2265: What helped me tremendously distance myself is this:
Contemplate the various advantages and disadvantages of having a girlfriend--particularly the one that you think you would get--not the dream-woman-that-you-have-to-be-on-a-certain-level-you-are-not-at-to-get. 
For example, here is a personal list of benefits of celibacy:

Jing retention for transmutation into spiritual energy (chi, shen)
Time saved for spiritual and personal goals.
Money saved for spiritual and personal goals and fun.
Mental energy saved from all the headache and back and forth.
Social energy that can go into practical things like helping people or myself rather than feeding a woman's ego.
Less stress for managing a relationship... peace
Less stress about her cheating on me every day... peace

And disadvantages:

Lack of endorphins and excitement
Tactile loneliness
Social ignorance
Sexual ignorance
Intellectual ignorance about X

At this point you should have an overall idea if there is more advantage or disadvantage.
The last step is to FIND activities which address the disadvantages.

exercise
joining a sangha and doing social activities together
learning more more about female evolutionary psychology via videos/books (see Red Queen, Sperm Wars)
getting actual results of Buddha dharma

Lastly, I would say that it is best to pursue your path and not look for anything external because that external (i.e. girlfriend) when it comes to you "naturally" will be extremely well-matched for you (a great companion on your spiritual journey). Maybe it's because you started teaching or you were really successful and someone who values it took notice, etc.... let her find you.
Pursuing an un-ideal relationship would take you off the market and you might miss that girl of your dreams BECAUSE you were looking for her consciously and/or are with someone! Strange, isn't it? The best thing may be to be celibate until hotly pursued by someone well-matched. If it doesn't happen and you put all your 100% effort into the benefits list... then not much is lost!
But had you done the opposite... you will regret the sexual life for maybe eons or however long you think until you are a human and above with Buddhadharma.

10942: <p>For at least half of my life I've had an extremely strong desire to be in a relationship/have a girlfriend and though I've tried, I've been unsuccessful and this has brought me tremendous suffering to the point where I almost committed suicide 2 years ago. I see couples in a similar age group as me every single day and this further increases my suffering. I first encountered Buddhism 2 years ago and through its teachings I've detached myself from the past and have removed my strong desire for material wealth and this indeed has removed a lot of suffering from my life, however, I just can't seem to let go of immense desire to have a girlfriend even after realizing that external circumstances never bring lasting happiness and fulfillment. </p>

<p>How can I let go of this destructive desire?</p>
 16635: <p>Buddhism warns against <em>attachments to</em> desires, not against desires themselves. There's nothing wrong with the rise of a desire for a relationship; that kind of arising is natural even for experienced practitioners. The question is whether we allow ourselves to become attached to that arising, causing ourselves misery.</p>
<p>With that in mind, observe that what you are really suffering over is an abstract mental object: an unspecified 'girlfriend', or an undefined 'relationship'. It's not as though you ran across a particular woman and are suffering because you've developed a crush on her. If you developed a crush on a particular woman you could resolve it quickly by asking her out: either you'd head towards a relationship, or you'd discover it isn't to be, neither of which will cause the suffering to persist. But fixating on these abstract mental objects — wanting a 'relationship' or a 'girlfriend, without any real-world connection except you see other people have it — is unhelpful. The only way you can resolve abstract mental suffering is by uprooting it from your mind: removing the attachment you have to it. Then your longings will come and go as they please, and will gradually lose power and urgency.</p>
<p>If there is someone in front of you that you are attracted to, consciously act, or consciously choose not to act (whichever strikes you as correct). You'll gain a relationship or you won't, but either way the issue will be settled. If there is no one in front of you, stop clinging to the abstraction. A real relationship is not a mental object. It's an energetic connection, and you want to free your mind of those abstract mental objects so that you can properly feel if the energetic connection is there.</p>
 17107: <p>I would agree celibacy if you feel you are strong for it and are willing to live as a monk, meditation/shamata or Green Tara Mantra or Kurukulle Mantra. You should receive the LUNG/Transmission from an authorized Lama.</p>
<p>If you pray enough you probably won't feel so much desire or get a girlfriend.</p>
<p><a href="https://taramandala.secure.retreat.guru/program/live-webcast-oral-transmission-tib-lung-for-green-tara-cnnr-chod-and-riwo-sangcho-copy/" rel="nofollow noreferrer">https://taramandala.secure.retreat.guru/program/live-webcast-oral-transmission-tib-lung-for-green-tara-cnnr-chod-and-riwo-sangcho-copy/</a></p>
<p><a href="https://padmarigdzinling.org/contact/" rel="nofollow noreferrer">https://padmarigdzinling.org/contact/</a></p>
 -1: <p>A lot of people use Buddhism and spirituality in general as means to escape their suffering.  They see the dharma as a panacea for their problems.  While the Buddha is quite clear that his path is one leading towards the end of anguish and dissatisfaction,  what a lot of people miss is that in order for us to arrive there, we are going to have to confront those issues that drove us to the Buddha-dharma in the first place.</p>

<p>Rather than running towards the dharma, it sounds an awful lot like you are trying to runaway from your obstacles.  Diving headlong into your practice may provide you with some temporary relief, but when the samadhi ends and you come off your cushion, those issues will bounce back up like bamboo shaken free of snow.  At some point, you are going to have to confront these issues.  You are going to have to ask yourself a number of difficult questions about yourself, your relationship history, and even why you came to the dharma in a hope to resolve them.  Meditation will help you see these obstacles from a different perspective, but they will remain your obstacles.  And they are going to have to be confronted and addressed before your practice can evolve.      </p>
 10950: <p>In a nutshell. Buddhism is not about removing desires. It's about recognising what is present in any given moment and then responding skillfully or in a wholesome way so as not to cause suffering. You are human, you have and will continue to have desires. </p>
 2265: <p>What helped me tremendously distance myself is this:
Contemplate the various advantages and disadvantages of having a girlfriend--particularly the one that you think you would get--not the dream-woman-that-you-have-to-be-on-a-certain-level-you-are-not-at-to-get. </p>

<p>For example, here is a personal list of benefits of celibacy:</p>

<ul>
<li>Jing retention for transmutation into spiritual energy (chi, shen)</li>
<li>Time saved for spiritual and personal goals.</li>
<li>Money saved for spiritual and personal goals and fun.</li>
<li>Mental energy saved from all the headache and back and forth.</li>
<li>Social energy that can go into practical things like helping people or myself rather than feeding a woman's ego.</li>
<li>Less stress for managing a relationship... peace</li>
<li>Less stress about her cheating on me every day... peace</li>
</ul>

<p>And disadvantages:</p>

<ul>
<li>Lack of endorphins and excitement</li>
<li>Tactile loneliness</li>
<li>Social ignorance</li>
<li>Sexual ignorance</li>
<li>Intellectual ignorance about X</li>
</ul>

<p>At this point you should have an overall idea if there is more advantage or disadvantage.</p>

<p>The last step is to FIND activities which address the disadvantages.</p>

<ul>
<li>exercise</li>
<li>joining a sangha and doing social activities together</li>
<li>learning more more about female evolutionary psychology via videos/books (see Red Queen, Sperm Wars)</li>
<li>getting actual results of Buddha dharma</li>
</ul>

<p>Lastly, I would say that it is best to pursue your path and not look for anything external because that external (i.e. girlfriend) when it comes to you "naturally" will be extremely well-matched for you (a great companion on your spiritual journey). Maybe it's because you started teaching or you were really successful and someone who values it took notice, etc.... let her find you.</p>

<p>Pursuing an un-ideal relationship would take you off the market and you might miss that girl of your dreams BECAUSE you were looking for her consciously and/or are with someone! Strange, isn't it? The best thing may be to be celibate until hotly pursued by someone well-matched. If it doesn't happen and you put all your 100% effort into the benefits list... then not much is lost!
But had you done the opposite... you will regret the sexual life for maybe eons or however long you think until you are a human and above with Buddhadharma.</p>
