user17089: I have a friend say Dev. He always involves himself in flattery of rich people knowingly or unknowingly. Its clearly visible that he shows off in front of rich people or try to gain their friendship in comparison to normal people or people of his status (in terms of wealth).
So suppose I directly accuse him by saying that you are a flatterer etc (a person who flatters others because they are rich). This may hurt his feelings. It may possibly hurt feelings of her family as well as my family and may destroy relationships. What are the chances that he is going to accept this as a positive thing and try to bring about a change in him?
Another way to tell him is by telling him a story about some rich person who have many flatterers and making fun of those flatterers. In this way I am not directly accusing him and the other person will not get hurt and try to convey a message as well. What are the changes of this kind of conversation impacting him to bring about a positive change in him?

user13992: I don't think there's a "one fits all" answer to this. That's why in Buddhism the teacher can avail him/herself of many different upaya. A teaching method that will fit one student doesn't necessarily fit the other. If that was the case, everyone would gain instant attainment after hearing an enlightenment story like a Zen Kōan.
This is why the personal relation between teacher and student is so important. It is likely also part of why there are so many different branches of Buddhism.

user13709: The Buddha indicates that it is inappropriate to talk in certain ways to certain people in certain conditions:

AN5.157:1.1: “Mendicants, it is inappropriate to speak to five kinds of person by comparing that person with someone else.
AN5.157:1.3: It’s inappropriate to talk to an unfaithful person about faith.
AN5.157:1.4: It’s inappropriate to talk to an unethical person about ethics.
AN5.157:1.5: It’s inappropriate to talk to an unlearned person about learning.
AN5.157:1.6: It’s inappropriate to talk to a stingy person about generosity.
AN5.157:1.7: It’s inappropriate to talk to a witless person about wisdom.

If your friend gets upset, then your intervention would be inappropriate. For example:

AN5.157:6.1: And why is it inappropriate to talk to a witless person about wisdom?
AN5.157:6.2: When a witless person is spoken to about wisdom they lose their temper, becoming annoyed, hostile, and hard-hearted, and displaying annoyance, hate, and bitterness.

So be careful to talk with the right person at the right time about the right things.

user21750: As already told by householder 'letsbuddhism' there are three ways of teaching: telling benefits, telling drawbacks, and a combination. If either wouldn't help, possible no way that taking on.
As for the quote from SuttaCentral of AN 5.157 in another answer: first, the translation that talking is "inappropriate" is better translated as "burdensome" or "troublesome"; second, someone who is unrelated has no duty to teach, someone who is a relative does have.
This is told although knowing that the 'Robin Hoods' lack of wisdom and take it as food for their anger, yet there is still a small opening, that one could pay right attention.
Sure, if in dependency one, if not able to let go, should take care not to lose it, even if well meant.
So all three kinds of teaching should be traceable here as an account, yet just for wise and those in relation toward the Gems, or after it.

17089: <p>I have a friend say Dev. He always involves himself in flattery of rich people knowingly or unknowingly. Its clearly visible that he shows off in front of rich people or try to gain their friendship in comparison to normal people or people of his status (in terms of wealth).</p>
<p>So suppose I directly accuse him by saying that you are a flatterer etc (a person who flatters others because they are rich). This may hurt his feelings. It may possibly hurt feelings of her family as well as my family and may destroy relationships. What are the chances that he is going to accept this as a positive thing and try to bring about a change in him?</p>
<p>Another way to tell him is by telling him a story about some rich person who have many flatterers and making fun of those flatterers. In this way I am not directly accusing him and the other person will not get hurt and try to convey a message as well. What are the changes of this kind of conversation impacting him to bring about a positive change in him?</p>
 13992: <p>I don't think there's a &quot;one fits all&quot; answer to this. That's why in Buddhism the teacher can avail him/herself of many different <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Upaya" rel="nofollow noreferrer">upaya</a>. A teaching method that will fit one student doesn't necessarily fit the other. If that was the case, everyone would gain instant attainment after hearing an enlightenment story like a Zen <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Koan" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Kōan</a>.</p>
<p>This is why the personal relation between teacher and student is so important. It is likely also part of why there are so many different branches of Buddhism.</p>
 13709: <p>The Buddha indicates that it is <em>inappropriate to talk</em> in certain ways to certain people in certain conditions:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://suttacentral.net/an5.157/en/sujato#an5.157:1.1" rel="nofollow noreferrer">AN5.157:1.1</a>: “Mendicants, it is inappropriate to speak to five kinds of person by comparing that person with someone else.<br />
<a href="https://suttacentral.net/an5.157/en/sujato#an5.157:1.3" rel="nofollow noreferrer">AN5.157:1.3</a>: It’s inappropriate to talk to an unfaithful person about faith.<br />
<a href="https://suttacentral.net/an5.157/en/sujato#an5.157:1.4" rel="nofollow noreferrer">AN5.157:1.4</a>: It’s inappropriate to talk to an unethical person about ethics.<br />
<a href="https://suttacentral.net/an5.157/en/sujato#an5.157:1.5" rel="nofollow noreferrer">AN5.157:1.5</a>: It’s inappropriate to talk to an unlearned person about learning.<br />
<a href="https://suttacentral.net/an5.157/en/sujato#an5.157:1.6" rel="nofollow noreferrer">AN5.157:1.6</a>: It’s inappropriate to talk to a stingy person about generosity.<br />
<a href="https://suttacentral.net/an5.157/en/sujato#an5.157:1.7" rel="nofollow noreferrer">AN5.157:1.7</a>: It’s inappropriate to talk to a witless person about wisdom.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>If your friend gets upset, then your intervention would be inappropriate. For example:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://suttacentral.net/an5.157/en/sujato#an5.157:6.1" rel="nofollow noreferrer">AN5.157:6.1</a>: And why is it inappropriate to talk to a witless person about wisdom?<br />
<a href="https://suttacentral.net/an5.157/en/sujato#an5.157:6.2" rel="nofollow noreferrer">AN5.157:6.2</a>: When a witless person is spoken to about wisdom they lose their temper, becoming annoyed, hostile, and hard-hearted, and displaying annoyance, hate, and bitterness.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>So be careful to talk with the right person at the right time about the right things.</p>
 21750: <p>As already told by householder 'letsbuddhism' there are three ways of teaching: telling benefits, telling drawbacks, and a combination. If either wouldn't help, possible no way that taking on.</p>
<p>As for the quote from SuttaCentral of AN 5.157 in another answer: first, the translation that talking is &quot;inappropriate&quot; is better translated as &quot;burdensome&quot; or &quot;troublesome&quot;; second, someone who is unrelated has no duty to teach, someone who is a relative does have.</p>
<p>This is told although knowing that the 'Robin Hoods' lack of wisdom and take it as food for their anger, yet there is still a small opening, that one could pay right attention.</p>
<p>Sure, if in dependency one, if not able to let go, should take care not to lose it, even if well meant.</p>
<p>So all three kinds of teaching should be traceable here as an account, yet just for wise and those in relation toward the Gems, or after it.</p>
