user11674: Couple of questions:

According to the Dhamma, is it allowed to critisize someone in a constructive manner?
If someone gossips about me how do I deal with it? Compassion and kindness aside, sometimes it is necessary to be assertive. One can only be compassionate if one is healthy inside in that moment in time.
Intention is a little bit more important than the act itself,
(isnt it- at least in Buddhism) (only in a few instances is the act more important than the intention for example stealing is wrong even if one's family is poor), however, if for example I slice my bread in the supermarket and I see remaining pieces of bread in the machine and I take them with me because no one did I then so no reason why I would largely violete the "not taking what is not given". Sure, it wasn't given but if my attention or thought is: "Well, if I don't take it it will be wasted" then that should rather influence my kamma, right? So it's largely about my intention. If I  hurt someone out of compassion because he attacks someone and injures them severely I have better results because my intention was to safe others, correct?


user111: 
You can criticize if it is beneficial to you and/or others, but you should not get angry.
You can advice the person not to do so, if you think he will listen. In any case, be mindful of the concern about your ego. You cannot really stop people from talking whatever they like behind your back. Be mindful of the anger arising in you. Do either Metta or Satipattana meditation to deal with anger.
Intention takes precedence always. It's never the act. Stealing is wrong because it is caused by greed and delusion. Regarding sliced bread, taking something is ok if the owner does not mind you taking it. It does not break the precept. You can prevent someone from hurting another by blocking his path or holding him tight. But hurting intentionally usually involves aversion. It's up to you to check if hate/aversion creeps in.


user43: 
According to the Dharma, is it allowed to criticize someone in a constructive manner?

As per Buddha in Pali Canon, it is out duty to point out someone's mistakes. However, Buddha also explained how arguments come from attachment to our views. What looks like mistake to us can be right with the information they have. Buddha in Pali Canon explained that when two people have a disagreement about how things work, they should try to discuss and merge their two perspectives into one, instead of trying to argue which one is correct. This combined merged perspective will be more robust and more useful to both.

If someone gossips about me how do I deal with it? Compassion and kindness aside, sometimes it is necessary to be assertive. One can only be compassionate if one is healthy inside in that moment in time.

Based on what I saw in Pali Canon and other texts and on what my teachers explained to me, I'm pretty sure that the Buddhist approach is NOT to try to argue with gossips, but to keep showing who you really are in action. If you are consistent with manifesting your values in your actions, people will see that, and any gossips that come from invalid or partial information will eventually fade away.

Intention is a little bit more important than the act itself...

Correct, in Mahayana Buddhism, and as explained by my teacher, your hidden agenda in your mind is what really matters. If you act with egoistic agenda, even the best action will be contaminated, so that's bad karma - even if it does not break any rules and succeeds short-term. If you act with selfless agenda, even controversial acts will be good, as long as they are performed with wisdom of understanding the consequences for others. But yes, in terms of your feeling good and not having doubts about your choices, as long as your intention was selfless and you did not harm others, your karma is good, so you should feel good and have no doubts.

11674: <p>Couple of questions:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>According to the Dhamma, is it allowed to critisize someone in a constructive manner?</p></li>
<li><p>If someone gossips about me how do I deal with it? Compassion and kindness aside, sometimes it is necessary to be assertive. One can only be compassionate if one is healthy inside in that moment in time.</p></li>
<li><p>Intention is a little bit more important than the act itself,
(isnt it- at least in Buddhism) (only in a few instances is the act more important than the intention for example stealing is wrong even if one's family is poor), however, if for example I slice my bread in the supermarket and I see remaining pieces of bread in the machine and I take them with me because no one did I then so no reason why I would largely violete the "not taking what is not given". Sure, it wasn't given but if my attention or thought is: "Well, if I don't take it it will be wasted" then that should rather influence my kamma, right? So it's largely about my intention. If I  hurt someone out of compassion because he attacks someone and injures them severely I have better results because my intention was to safe others, correct?</p></li>
</ol>
 111: <ol>
<li>You can criticize if it is beneficial to you and/or others, but you should not get angry.</li>
<li>You can advice the person not to do so, if you think he will listen. In any case, be mindful of the concern about your ego. You cannot really stop people from talking whatever they like behind your back. Be mindful of the anger arising in you. Do either Metta or Satipattana meditation to deal with anger.</li>
<li>Intention takes precedence always. It's never the act. Stealing is wrong because it is caused by greed and delusion. Regarding sliced bread, taking something is ok if the owner does not mind you taking it. It does not break the precept. You can prevent someone from hurting another by blocking his path or holding him tight. But hurting intentionally usually involves aversion. It's up to you to check if hate/aversion creeps in.</li>
</ol>
 43: <blockquote>
  <p>According to the Dharma, is it allowed to criticize someone in a constructive manner?</p>
</blockquote>

<p>As per Buddha in Pali Canon, it is out duty to point out someone's mistakes. However, Buddha also explained how arguments come from attachment to our views. What looks like mistake to us can be right with the information they have. Buddha in Pali Canon explained that when two people have a disagreement about how things work, they should try to discuss and <em>merge</em> their two perspectives into one, instead of trying to argue which one is correct. This combined merged perspective will be more robust and more useful to both.</p>

<blockquote>
  <p>If someone gossips about me how do I deal with it? Compassion and kindness aside, sometimes it is necessary to be assertive. One can only be compassionate if one is healthy inside in that moment in time.</p>
</blockquote>

<p>Based on what I saw in Pali Canon and other texts and on what my teachers explained to me, I'm pretty sure that the Buddhist approach is NOT to try to argue with gossips, but to keep showing who you really are in action. If you are consistent with manifesting your values in your actions, people will see that, and any gossips that come from invalid or partial information will eventually fade away.</p>

<blockquote>
  <p>Intention is a little bit more important than the act itself...</p>
</blockquote>

<p>Correct, in Mahayana Buddhism, and as explained by my teacher, your hidden agenda in your mind is what really matters. If you act with egoistic agenda, even the best action will be contaminated, so that's bad karma - even if it does not break any rules and succeeds short-term. If you act with selfless agenda, even controversial acts will be good, as long as they are performed with wisdom of understanding the consequences for others. But yes, in terms of your feeling good and not having doubts about your choices, as long as your intention was selfless and you did not harm others, your karma is good, so you should feel good and have no doubts.</p>
