user11674: How do I deal with healthy desires like wanting to get a relationship etc? Is it wrong intention to want that or is it good if it stems from non-ill will, renunciation etc.?
Likewise, it's bad if I thirst to get a girlfriend but how then do I deal with the accompanied depression? Loving kindness to oneself? Contemplating on the impermanence or the unattractiveness of the woman might not work in the heat of the moment when I'm depressed (Self compassion probably does and then realizing that other ppl face the same problem .. in essence: Im not alone with my problems)

user43: As my teacher explained (sorry, this looks silly, but I always have to start my answers with something like this, since I'm not quoting texts but none of this is my invention), 
there is a difference between a desire (aka "should") and an intent (aka "will")
Desire is a point of inner discontent. Half of you is here, without girlfriend, and the other half is there in your imaginary future, with girlfriend. This split creates inner conflict that leads to the feeling of wrongness, mental/emotional suffering.
Intent is a case of inner integration and inner peace, based on unbending determination. All of you is here. You have thought about your goal, you have determined the best possible course of action (such as doing something; or not doing at all - i.e. waiting; or exposing oneself to spirit and chance; or being oneself authentically) and now you're living it with no back thoughts and no hesitations. Because you are like this, there is no inner conflict, there is no mental/emotional suffering.

11674: <p>How do I deal with healthy desires like wanting to get a relationship etc? Is it wrong intention to want that or is it good if it stems from non-ill will, renunciation etc.?</p>

<p>Likewise, it's bad if I thirst to get a girlfriend but how then do I deal with the accompanied depression? Loving kindness to oneself? Contemplating on the impermanence or the unattractiveness of the woman might not work in the heat of the moment when I'm depressed (Self compassion probably does and then realizing that other ppl face the same problem .. in essence: Im not alone with my problems)</p>
 43: <p>As my teacher explained (sorry, this looks silly, but I always have to start my answers with something like this, since I'm not quoting texts but none of this is my invention), </p>

<p>there is a difference between a desire (aka "should") and an intent (aka "will")</p>

<p><strong>Desire</strong> is a point of inner discontent. Half of you is here, without girlfriend, and the other half is there in your imaginary future, with girlfriend. This split creates inner conflict that leads to the feeling of wrongness, mental/emotional suffering.</p>

<p><strong>Intent</strong> is a case of inner integration and inner peace, based on unbending determination. All of you is here. You have thought about your goal, you have determined the best possible course of action (such as doing something; or not doing at all - i.e. waiting; or exposing oneself to spirit and chance; or being oneself authentically) and now you're living it with no back thoughts and no hesitations. Because you are like this, there is no inner conflict, there is no mental/emotional suffering.</p>
