user10950: Every intimate relationship I have ever had has ended in a lot of pain and grief. The last one lasted for 17 years but eventually broke down. That was a year ago and the pain is still very raw at times. 
My question is this. If attachment causes suffering then I was obviously very attached but how do you have an intimate relationship without becoming attached? It seems just like the normal human thing to do. You like someone, you fall in love and it hurts when they're gone.
You kind of don't even realise it's happening until it ends and then you feel like you want to die. I'm not sure if it's possible to have a close relationship on the Buddhist path anymore but I also don't want to live life alone. I know Buddha left his family but in these modern times there seem to be plenty of teachers who have partners/spouses.

user111: Your wanting to have a partner is causing you suffering. Meditate on that. There's no romantic relationship without attachment. Attachment leads to suffering.
However, having a relationship is not discouraged for lay people. 
Here are some criteria to find a partner who will cause you less suffering.

Is her faith similar to yours?
Does she have similar moral standards?
Is she generous as you?
Does she have similar wisdom?

After getting married you can make the relationship smoother by treating the wife in following ways:

by being courteous to her
by not despising her,
by being faithful to her,
by handing over authority of the house to her,
by providing her with adornments.


user8157: Buddhist guidance about how to have a relationships is provided at the following links.  
THE PARTNER 
(A good spouse)
Samajivina Sutta: Living in Tune
Living Together (1)
Sigalovada Sutta: The Discourse to Sigala --
The Layperson's Code of Discipline
This guidance is not only used for any prospective relationship but also for reflection about where past relationships did not work out. 
When painful separation occurs, instead of trying to practise non-attachment, it is wiser to investigate the causes & conditions that resulted in a relationship inevitably not working out. 
Contrary to the contemporary method of getting the sex out of the way and then getting to know eachother, the Buddhist way is getting to know eachother's values & future aspirations before engaging in sex. 
Generally, the sexual part is what leads to the attachment, striving to maintain the unsuitable relationship & pain. So in Buddhism, the mutual & suitable personal qualities are given priority. 

user43: Impossible. When there's relationship, there's bonding. When there's bonding, there's pain when it ends.
The only thing you can do to minimize pain is to stay as independent as possible, and be your own source of joy and acceptance. Which means playing an active role in your life, instead of relying on your partner for initiative and values. 

10950: <p>Every intimate relationship I have ever had has ended in a lot of pain and grief. The last one lasted for 17 years but eventually broke down. That was a year ago and the pain is still very raw at times. 
My question is this. If attachment causes suffering then I was obviously very attached but how do you have an intimate relationship without becoming attached? It seems just like the normal human thing to do. You like someone, you fall in love and it hurts when they're gone.
You kind of don't even realise it's happening until it ends and then you feel like you want to die. I'm not sure if it's possible to have a close relationship on the Buddhist path anymore but I also don't want to live life alone. I know Buddha left his family but in these modern times there seem to be plenty of teachers who have partners/spouses.</p>
 111: <p>Your wanting to have a partner is causing you suffering. Meditate on that. There's no romantic relationship without attachment. Attachment leads to suffering.
However, having a relationship is not discouraged for lay people. </p>

<p>Here are some criteria to find a partner who will cause you less suffering.</p>

<ol>
<li>Is her faith similar to yours?</li>
<li>Does she have similar moral standards?</li>
<li>Is she generous as you?</li>
<li>Does she have similar wisdom?</li>
</ol>

<p>After getting married you can make the relationship smoother by treating the wife in following ways:</p>

<ol>
<li>by being courteous to her</li>
<li>by not despising her,</li>
<li>by being faithful to her,</li>
<li>by handing over authority of the house to her,</li>
<li>by providing her with adornments.</li>
</ol>
 8157: <p>Buddhist guidance about how to have a relationships is provided at the following links.  </p>

<p><a href="https://www.mahidol.ac.th/budsir/Part2_3.htm#13" rel="nofollow noreferrer">THE PARTNER 
(A good spouse)</a></p>

<p><a href="http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an04/an04.055.than.html" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Samajivina Sutta: Living in Tune</a></p>

<p><a href="https://suttacentral.net/en/an4.53" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Living Together (1)</a></p>

<p><a href="http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/dn/dn.31.0.nara.html" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Sigalovada Sutta: The Discourse to Sigala --
The Layperson's Code of Discipline</a></p>

<p>This guidance is not only used for any prospective relationship but also for reflection about where past relationships did not work out. </p>

<p>When painful separation occurs, instead of trying to practise non-attachment, it is wiser to investigate the causes &amp; conditions that resulted in a relationship inevitably not working out. </p>

<p>Contrary to the contemporary method of getting the sex out of the way and then getting to know eachother, the Buddhist way is getting to know eachother's values &amp; future aspirations before engaging in sex. </p>

<p>Generally, the sexual part is what leads to the attachment, striving to maintain the unsuitable relationship &amp; pain. So in Buddhism, the mutual &amp; suitable personal qualities are given priority. </p>
 43: <p>Impossible. When there's relationship, there's bonding. When there's bonding, there's pain when it ends.</p>

<p>The only thing you can do to minimize pain is to stay as independent as possible, and be your own source of joy and acceptance. Which means playing an active role in your life, instead of relying on your partner for initiative and values. </p>
