user8157: I read the following on the internet:

In my opinion, Buddha looks at sex from four angles.

Hindrance to attain Nibbana or even one-pointedness
Generally accepted social norms.
Kindness towards powerless. (children, poor people, women in Buddhas time)
Law of the land.

If the above is not violated, laypeople are allowed to have sex as
they wish.

Are accepted social norms and the law of the land moral sexual conduct according to Buddhism?

user16635: Buddhist morality has one goal (suggested in the first bullet point of the quote): to set up the conditions in which attainment is possible. For those who embrace the restrictions of the monastic life this goal is simplified, because the purpose of monastic life is to create a social context that supports and maintains the correct conditions.
Lay practitioners face a more complex moral problem, because they choose to live in a world that does not always (or even often) create the right context for attainment, and in many ways actively opposes that goal. The wider world is driven by karma: by fixations and attachments, by fears and rages and desires... One must step carefully in the wider world, or risk getting caught up in its lunacies.
In this sense, paying attention to 'social norms' and the 'law of the land' is useful. Norms and laws represent reactions: responses to things that people in that community fear, hate, love, have pride in, etc. In other words, norms and laws are tanhā that have congealed into public institutions; like all tanhā they are based in ignorance, but like all tanhā direct confrontation can produce strident, forceful opposition. I don't mean to suggest that we should be blindly obedient to all norms and laws — we don't need to surrender to collective ignorance — but transgressing a norm or a law is an act with extensive consequences that should not be taken lightly.
It's common in the wider world to see one attachment raised against another, the 'rebel' fighting against the 'status quo' until one or the other collapses in exhaustion. Lay practitioners risk falling into that 'combat' stance, which isn't consistent with buddhist practice. On one hand we have the attachments of others that show up as these kinds of rules; on the other hand we have our own attachments that lead us to cross these rules. We need to fold those hands together to act in dharma.

user20665: I was taught by my Buddhist teacher, that sexual conduct falls under the law of cause and effect, aka karma.  And that every action we do creates a future result.  If we would like to have a pleasant future in samsara then we undertake activities that will provide a pleasant result.  The laws of the land and accepted social norms often times "accept" behavior that will result in unpleasant karmic consequences.  (For instance, white lies are "accepted" by social norms, but would not constitute "right speech" and would lead to undesirable consequences.)
I can't back up this idea with a reference, but logic would say that the laws of the land and accepted social norms may not be "right sexual conduct" according to Buddhist thought.

user19480: Both social norms and laws are the result of a balance between personal freedom and the necessary restrictions imposed on those freedoms to ensure that the social order is maintained.
Or in other words, norms and laws represent some kind of balance within a social group between the desires of each individual, against their most obvious problematic outcomes for society at large.
In a social context where people can have wildly different desires, the satisfaction of which can have good and bad outcomes for other individuals, some limitations must be put in place, or the society will destroy itself. This is not the way the Buddha’s teachings arose.
The Buddha taught how to end personal suffering by learning how to end the craving and attachment for things that we cannot obtain, do not have, or should not desire,  each of which cause us to suffer.
Thus, the goal of the Buddha was focused on helping each individual to have a better life, but in a way that also ensured harmony between people, because individuals in conflict suffer as a direct result of conflict. And if a society was based on these same principals, then there would probably not be a difference between how individuals comport themselves, and how society needs them to comport themselves.
But, most people, even some Buddhists, are ignorant of, or fail to properly apply the Buddha’s teaching to their own lives, so a society that truly implements the Buddha’s teaching  is presently one of those things that a desire for will cause us to suffer, because our desire will be frustrated.
So no, you truly can’t rely on social norms and laws to be a guideline for what proper sexual conduct is from a Buddhist perspective. But you can be assured that sexual conduct that conforms to Buddha’s teaching will not violate social norms or laws.

8157: <p>I read the following on the internet:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>In my opinion, Buddha looks at sex from four angles.</p>
<ul>
<li>Hindrance to attain Nibbana or even one-pointedness</li>
<li>Generally accepted social norms.</li>
<li>Kindness towards powerless. (children, poor people, women in Buddhas time)</li>
<li>Law of the land.</li>
</ul>
<p>If the above is not violated, laypeople are allowed to have sex as
they wish.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Are accepted social norms and the law of the land moral sexual conduct according to Buddhism?</p>
 16635: <p>Buddhist morality has one goal (suggested in the first bullet point of the quote): to set up the conditions in which attainment is possible. For those who embrace the restrictions of the monastic life this goal is simplified, because the purpose of monastic life is to create a social context that supports and maintains the correct conditions.</p>
<p>Lay practitioners face a more complex moral problem, because they choose to live in a world that does not always (or even often) create the right context for attainment, and in many ways actively opposes that goal. The wider world is driven by karma: by fixations and attachments, by fears and rages and desires... One must step carefully in the wider world, or risk getting caught up in its lunacies.</p>
<p>In this sense, paying attention to 'social norms' and the 'law of the land' is useful. Norms and laws represent reactions: responses to things that people in that community fear, hate, love, have pride in, etc. In other words, norms and laws are tanhā that have congealed into public institutions; like all tanhā they are based in ignorance, but like all tanhā direct confrontation can produce strident, forceful opposition. I don't mean to suggest that we should be blindly obedient to all norms and laws — we don't need to surrender to collective ignorance — but transgressing a norm or a law is an act with extensive consequences that should not be taken lightly.</p>
<p>It's common in the wider world to see one attachment raised against another, the 'rebel' fighting against the 'status quo' until one or the other collapses in exhaustion. Lay practitioners risk falling into that 'combat' stance, which isn't consistent with buddhist practice. On one hand we have the attachments of others that show up as these kinds of rules; on the other hand we have our own attachments that lead us to cross these rules. We need to fold those hands together to act in dharma.</p>
 20665: <p>I was taught by my Buddhist teacher, that sexual conduct falls under the law of cause and effect, aka karma.  And that every action we do creates a future result.  If we would like to have a pleasant future in samsara then we undertake activities that will provide a pleasant result.  The laws of the land and accepted social norms often times &quot;accept&quot; behavior that will result in unpleasant karmic consequences.  (For instance, white lies are &quot;accepted&quot; by social norms, but would not constitute &quot;right speech&quot; and would lead to undesirable consequences.)</p>
<p>I can't back up this idea with a reference, but logic would say that the laws of the land and accepted social norms may not be &quot;right sexual conduct&quot; according to Buddhist thought.</p>
 19480: <p>Both social norms and laws are the result of a balance between personal freedom and the necessary restrictions imposed on those freedoms to ensure that the social order is maintained.</p>
<p>Or in other words, norms and laws represent some kind of balance within a social group between the desires of each individual, against their most obvious problematic outcomes for society at large.</p>
<p>In a social context where people can have wildly different desires, the satisfaction of which can have good and bad outcomes for other individuals, some limitations must be put in place, or the society will destroy itself. This is not the way the Buddha’s teachings arose.</p>
<p>The Buddha taught how to end personal suffering by learning how to end the craving and attachment for things that we cannot obtain, do not have, or should not desire,  each of which cause us to suffer.</p>
<p>Thus, the goal of the Buddha was focused on helping each individual to have a better life, but in a way that also ensured harmony between people, because individuals in conflict suffer as a direct result of conflict. And if a society was based on these same principals, then there would probably not be a difference between how individuals comport themselves, and how society needs them to comport themselves.</p>
<p>But, most people, even some Buddhists, are ignorant of, or fail to properly apply the Buddha’s teaching to their own lives, so a society that truly implements the Buddha’s teaching  is presently one of those things that a desire for will cause us to suffer, because our desire will be frustrated.</p>
<p>So no, you truly can’t rely on social norms and laws to be a guideline for what proper sexual conduct is from a Buddhist perspective. But you can be assured that sexual conduct that conforms to Buddha’s teaching will not violate social norms or laws.</p>
