another failed redflag attemptim sorry need get chest cant take anymore pain numbing sadness feeling guilt reason selfloathing voices everything want stop tried end again always fail lost count failed attempts im weak im failure cant even kill properly mind wouldnt shut up numbing sadness wouldnt stop none would stop gotten fight mum couldnt take anymore already ledge pushed me got noose already tied hidden closet mum wasnt home moment father work time tied bar closet high up climbed onto shelf closet closet small easily able reach noose there stuck head it tested moving ledge shelf would high enough properly kill me it thought it would over slid shelf held arms almost there let go close saw picture mum i picture hugging me light still eyes hadnt left looked happy picture mum happy mind filled memories mum i remembered words told me would always love me broke crying pushed back onto shelf sat crying couldnt it wanted it couldnt scared it scared mum would react remembered say would mess one kids died still alive remembered said shed probably kill herself selfish tried kill even heard mum say painful would loose child devastated would be im still selfish want die still want kill even though mum would sad im terrible im coward ever run im ungrateful people dying cancer hospitals people much worse me yet am hating fact im alive trying end life much better people yet wish could die im ungrateful selfish coward shouldve never born
another failed redflag attemptim sorry need get chest cant take anymore pain numbing sadness feeling guilt reason selfloathing voices everything want stop tried end again always fail lost count failed attempts im weakim failure cant even kill properly mind wouldnt shut up numbing sadness wouldnt stop none would stop gotten fight mum couldnt take anymore already ledge pushed me got noose already tied hidden closet mum wasnt home moment father work time tied bar closet high up climbed onto shelf closet closet small easily able reach noose there stuck head it tested moving ledge shelf would high enough properly kill me it thought it would over slid shelf held arms almost there let go close saw picture mumi picture hugging me light still eyes hadnt left looked happy picture mum happy mind filled memories mum i remembered words told me would always love me broke crying pushed back onto shelf sat crying couldnt it wanted it couldnt scared it scared mum would react remembered say would mess one kids died still alive remembered said shed probably kill herself selfish tried kill even heard mum say painful would loose child devastated would be im still selfish want die still want kill even though mum would sad im terribleim coward ever run imungrateful people dying cancer hospitals people much worse me yet am hating fact im alive trying end lifemuch better people yet wish could die im ungrateful selfish coward shouldve never born
otro fracaso intento de bandera rojaim lo siento necesidad conseguir pecho no puede tomar más dolor entumecimiento tristeza sentimiento de culpa razón voces que se odian todo lo que quieren parar intento final de nuevo fracaso cuenta perdida intentos fallidos im fracaso debilim fracaso incluso matar adecuadamente mente no se callaría entumecimiento tristeza no se detendría ninguno se detendría lucha mamá ya no podía tomar ya saliente me empujó noose ya atado armario oculto mamá no era casa momento padre trabajo tiempo atado armario alto subió al estante armario pequeño fácilmente capaz de alcanzar noose se pegó cabeza se probó estante de saliente en movimiento lo suficientemente bien me mató pensó que se sobre el estante deslizante sujetaba los brazos casi allí dejar ir cerca imagen vio imagen momi abrazos luz todavía ojos no había dejado mirada feliz imagen mamá feliz mente llena memorias