ive suicidal  years differentmany people told time baby would daze go blank eyes crying happy okay first time wanted run away three years old step dad locked outside we lived one worst parts projects time said im going run away want mom camped bed truck went inside next morning awoke mom panic find me spun nice web her made feel bad scaring her punished usual holding encyclopedias straight front undetermined length timedrop one get two more night went sleep came conclusion simply want exist first suicidal thought came six years old seemed birthday forgotten wasntmy mom gave one balloon angrily rushed get groceries inside alone extremely sad threw weight tied ribbon balloon ground causing balloon become unattached cried jumped token proved someone cared flew sky thought occurred me mom angry worried birthday six obviously see upset afford anything me moment best thing thought could fall large tree hopefully injured would cease exist next decade would learn control thoughts would learn find things live for would learn detect episode unfortunately learning picked habit cutting never heard anyone it pain make stop hand hurts hurt hand notice initial pain right habit me took life hospitals a took years anyone notice b poor c dad always told work myself helpful cant seem see light anymore thats now stopped cutting routinely years ago last years finally taken toll ive abused entire existenceconvinced im manipulative unstable although professionals keep telling im everything right led believe im far yet much less am litany things last years though done in ive seen caused much pain feel much pain time want scream cry laugh dance punch things used able talk thinking wayconvince bad making although reality much worse realized time cant feel end coming ive started writing letters even one life idea cant understand feels like know theres train screaming toward bound tracks silently accepting soon dead reaching out attempt die
ive suicidal years differentmany people told time baby would daze go blank eyes crying happyokay first time wanted run away three years old step dad locked outside we lived one worst parts projects time said im going run away want mom camped bed truck went inside next morning awoke mom panic find me spun nice web her made feel bad scaring her punished usual holding encyclopedias straight front undetermined length timedrop one get two more night went sleep came conclusion simply want exist first suicidal thought came six years old seemed birthday forgotten wasntmy mom gave one balloon angrily rushed get groceries inside alone extremely sad threw weight tied ribbon balloon ground causing balloon become unattached cried jumped token proved someone cared flew sky thought occurred me mom angry worried birthday six obviously see upset afford anything me moment best thing thought could fall large tree hopefully injured would cease exist next decade would learn control thoughts would learn find things live for would learn detect episode unfortunately learning picked habit cutting never heard anyone it pain make stop hand hurtshurt hand notice initial pain right habit me took life hospitals a took years anyone notice b poor cdad always told work myself helpful cant seem see light anymore thats now stopped cutting routinely years ago last years finally taken toll ive abused entire existenceconvinced im manipulative unstable although professionals keep telling im everything right led believe im far yet much less am litany things last years though done in ive seen caused much pain feel much pain time want scream cry laugh dance punch things used able talk thinking wayconvince bad making although reality much worse realized time cant feel end coming ive started writing letters even one life idea cant understand feels like know theres train screaming toward bound tracks silently accepting soon dead reaching out attempt die
vida suicida años diferentesmuchas personas dijeron que el bebé se aturdiría ojos vacíos llorar happyokay primera vez quería huir tres años padre paso encerrado fuera vivimos una peor partes proyectos tiempo dijo que yo iba a correr fuera quiero mamá campamento camión cama entró mañana siguiente mamá pánico encontrar hilar agradable tela se sintió mal que su castigo sostuvo enciclopedias habituales longitud delantera indeterminada timedrop uno consigue dos noche más fue sueño llegó conclusión simplemente quiere existir primero pensamiento suicida vino seis años de edad parecía cumpleaños olvidado era mi mamá dio un globo enojado apresurado conseguir comestibles en solitario extremadamente triste tiró peso atado globo tierra globo globo que causaba globo llorado muestra probó alguien cuidado cielo volado pensó me mamá preocupado cumpleaños seis obviamente ver molesto pagar cualquier cosa momento mejor pensamiento podría caer árbol grande esperanza heridos cesar existir la próxima década aprendería pensamientos de control aprender encontrar cosas en vivo para detectar episodio por desgracia aprender a cortar el hábito nunca escuchó a nadie dolor hacer parar la mano duele