breakdown college returned home feeling zero motivation start overjust heads up really really long im worried theres much exposition actually belong rredflagwatch im deeply sorry please point direction better suited ive never told anyone full story dealings redflag depression least entire whole truth hoping subreddit could listen bit backstory me graduated high school  gpa whole life advanced classes always best took piano lessons played soccer took chinese lessons outside school held parttime job local farm secretary schools computer club still managed go friends time time loved draw write considered artsy girl quirky sense humor school popular friends friends werent perfect me things seemed outwardly okay reality id struggling depression anxiety since  honest idea managed it think ever confronted feelings problems life simply stuffed down ignoring going on brushing suicidal feelings normal okay therapy meds and part played role perfect daughter note filling role really important me ingrained young age choice perfect for multiple reasons brother matthew autistic parents spent days taking care him allistic educated independent talkative polar opposite matt please understand hold resentment towards him love little bro much ended friendships treated brother badly autism change world truth matter is got much nuturing attention child did became mantra head needs important others needs make matters worse also family members kinda er delinquents guess thats word im going with got legal trouble take traditional route going college getting job caused lot conflict stress saw grandma cry them afraid would become like them someone mooched family shit face everyone cared decided young age id perfect id cause trouble id get straightas id play sport instrument become polyglot artist parttime novelist degree international relations kyr private school allow room compromise things started becoming less manageable  think cut first time then quickly stopped got caught thankfully either way serious selfesteem problems like every normal teen developed dermatillomania then nervous condition brought ocd picked incessantly skin like  mostly hands nails scabs acne id peel skin bled also ripped back would sit front mirror every night secret  hours staring skin searching imperfections making bleed actually cry pain sad eyes watered hurt bad know looking back think coping mechanism destressed gave control body in view ugly awkward ridden acne druggedup meds seemed even help dermatillomania got better  acne went away thanks accutane condition worsened suicidal feelings constant oppressive sucked joy life quit soccer started difficultly attenting school piano went club activity died stopped seeing friends draw much anymore barely wrote except depressing poetry made feel little relief moment started bingewatching tons anime became shutin brothers needs got complex grew people less understanding harsh parents argued lot threw stuff said awful things awful things forgot intentionally cant really blame hate them long term love me love them tried parent best could two mentally ill kids one also developmentally disabled well put lot strain them mom struggled anxiety depression dad angry frustrated days get bed theyd scream drag feet grab hair shake head fell bed would externally shut go limp theyd call fucked stuff ask happened me answer like broke wanted die ever around th birthday so march  worst attentance rate school dropped would miss weeks time parents would vaccillate loving parents abusers screamed obscenities shook like rag doll anyways exhausted med choices id seen therapists psychiatrists hospitalized wasnt functioning miserable hospital oddly peace diagnosed bipolar gave new meds got started attending group therapy slowly surely returned schoolwork mostly outside classes occasionally id go class two sortof functioning enjoy anything life anymore got through ya know forgot like enjoy writing drawing life general was managing graduated barely walked across stage receive degree handful supportive friends helped become social again free high school felt like huge burden lifted chest free family kinder me felt less like failure went therapy twice week visited psychiatrist med evaluations monthly huge fan meds still felt pretty blah life ignored that um know sugarcoat next bit this cat died cat best friend one really felt fully supported me laugh want biggest comfort dad made cry id sob fur tears dried lovely kitty would lick salt face purr one time going attempt redflag cat knocked pill bottles lined front me rubbed hand made pet him forcing also put pill bottle held hand took sign kill day thankfully losing big loss entire past year felt like one devastation another handled okay cried out shortly opportunity study abroad spain i studied spanish school pretty good it took it flying way jfk madrid amazing experience proud flown individually depressed stay especially cat worried host family bit best enjoy it returned home know realized moments stopped ruminating overthinking life felt really really alive like friends went dennys  ran around nature preserve crashing basement watch bad movies fell love first time lit world think id ever happy life least since ive  next stage lives approaching forgot mention above get accepted expensive private school get  state school state proud excited scared meltdown senior year high school ready face it even though want summer end left boyfriend home decided friends year younger going  hours away huge deal also ideal start longdistance relationship romantically involved days got college nervous like everyone first attacked like old self joined corec football made lots friends laundry fed myself made bed little victories things  months ago damn proud missed cat lesser extent boyfriend whatever managing came home weekend surprisingly nice see family something felt while brother sortof hugged me huuuge deal returned college confident went classes fell apart anxious coursework everything overwhelmed suddenly regressed shut down like last march left medical leave returned home dropping friends putting future hold start over lost old therapists psychologists psychiatrists parents back weird abusivelovingflipflopping selves sleep ive never miserable life ambition even know want get better got job daycare keep mind love kids just never finished filling forms im limbo debating im even stable enough hold job nothing cat dead im lonely isolated tired starting realize family going help recover gotta come within im broken im going therapist psychiatrist im trying pick reading writing drawing again ive even playing little piano learning ukulele trying spark interest ive got nothing know getting job would help also think getting new cat would really therapeutic pushed issue enough im certain parentsll eventually cave but want going back college ever gonna life dreamed of become problem child want kill myself im so tired im even scared dying anymore just alone good thing life boyfriend im back im home again  month anniversary us since got home and consider official start relationship october rd love him thats naive say probably do makes forget sadness i know anymore im sick constant depression want end want die leave world want stop burden fuck failure im lonely everyone life left behind disappointed family mom says around makes depression worse want finally end life im sorry long feel relieved ive never told anyone whole story before
breakdown college returned home feeling zero motivation start overjust heads up really really longim worried theres much exposition actually belong rredflagwatchim deeply sorry please point direction better suited ive never told anyone full story dealings redflag depression least entire whole truth hoping subreddit could listen bit backstory me graduated high school gpa whole life advanced classes always best took piano lessons played soccer took chinese lessons outside school held parttime job local farm secretary schools computer club still managed go friends time time loved draw write considered artsy girl quirky sense humor school popular friends friends werent perfect me things seemed outwardlyokay reality id struggling depression anxiety since honest idea managed it think ever confronted feelings problems life simply stuffed down ignoring going on brushing suicidal feelings normal okay therapy meds and part played role perfect daughter note filling role really important me ingrained young age choice perfect for multiple reasons brother matthew autistic parents spent days taking care him allistic educated independent talkative polar opposite matt please understand hold resentment towards him love little bro much ended friendships treated brother badly autism change world truth matter is got much nuturing attention child did became mantra head needs important others needs make matters worse also family members kinda er delinquents guess thats word im going with got legal trouble take traditional route going college getting job caused lot conflict stress saw grandma cry them afraid would become like them someone mooched family shit face everyone cared decided young age id perfect id cause trouble id get straightas id play sport instrument become polyglot artist parttime novelist degree international relations kyr private school allow room compromise things started becoming less manageable think cut first time then quickly stopped got caught thankfully either way serious selfesteem problems like every normal teen developed dermatillomania then nervous condition brought ocd picked incessantly skin like mostly hands nails scabs acne id peel skin bled also ripped back would sit front mirror every night secret hours staring skin searching imperfections making bleed actually cry pain sad eyes watered hurt bad know looking back think coping mechanism destressed gave control body in view ugly awkward ridden acne druggedup meds seemed even help dermatillomania got better acne went away thanks accutane condition worsened suicidal feelings constant oppressive sucked joy life quit soccer started difficultly attenting school piano went club activity died stopped seeing friends draw much anymore barely wrote except depressing poetry made feel little relief moment started bingewatching tons anime became shutin brothers needs got complex grew people less understanding harsh parents argued lot threw stuff said awful things awful things forgot intentionally cant really blame hate them long term love me love them tried parent best could two mentally ill kids one also developmentally disabled well put lot strain them mom struggled anxiety depression dad angry frustrated days get bed theyd scream drag feet grab hair shake head fell bed would externally shut go limp theyd call fucked stuff ask happened me answer like broke wanted die ever around th birthday so march worst attentance rate school dropped would miss weeks time parents would vaccillate loving parents abusers screamed obscenities shook like rag doll anyways exhausted med choices id seen therapists psychiatrists hospitalized wasnt functioning miserable hospital oddly peace diagnosed bipolar gave new meds got started attending group therapy slowly surely returned schoolwork mostly outside classes occasionally id go class two sortof functioning enjoy anything life anymore got through ya know forgot like enjoy writing drawing life general was managing graduated barely walked across stage receive degree handful supportive friends helped become social again free high school felt like huge burden lifted chest free family kinder me felt less like failure went therapy twice week visited psychiatrist med evaluations monthly huge fan meds still felt pretty blah life ignored that um know sugarcoat next bit this cat died cat best friend one really felt fully supported me laugh want biggest comfort dad made cry id sob fur tears dried lovely kitty would lick salt face purr one time going attempt redflag cat knocked pill bottles lined front me rubbed hand made pet him forcing also put pill bottle held hand took sign kill day thankfully losing big loss entire past year felt like one devastation another handled okay cried out shortly opportunity study abroad spain i studied spanish school pretty goodit took it flying way jfk madrid amazing experience proud flown individually depressed stay especially cat worried host family bit best enjoy it returned home know realized moments stopped ruminating overthinking life felt really really alive like friends went dennys ran around nature preserve crashing basement watch bad movies fell love first time lit world think id ever happy life least since ive next stage lives approaching forgot mention above get accepted expensive private school get state school state proud excited scared meltdown senior year high school ready face it even though want summer end left boyfriend home decided friends year younger going hours away huge deal also ideal start longdistance relationship romantically involved days got college nervous like everyone first attacked like old self joined corec football made lots friends laundry fed myself made bed little victories things months ago damn proud missed cat lesser extent boyfriend whatever managing came home weekend surprisingly nice see family something felt while brother sortof hugged me huuuge deal returned college confident went classes fell apart anxious coursework everything overwhelmed suddenly regressed shut down like last march left medical leave returned home dropping friends putting future hold start over lost old therapists psychologists psychiatrists parents back weird abusivelovingflipflopping selves sleep ive never miserable life ambition even know want get better got job daycare keep mind love kids just never finished filling forms im limbo debating im even stable enough hold job nothing cat dead im lonely isolated tired starting realize family going help recover gotta come within im broken im going therapist psychiatrist im trying pick reading writing drawing again ive even playing little piano learning ukulele trying spark interest ive got nothing know getting job would help also think getting new cat would really therapeutic pushed issue enough im certain parentsll eventually cave but want going back college ever gonna life dreamed of become problem child want kill myselfim so tired im even scared dying anymore just alone good thing life boyfriendim back im home again month anniversary us since got home and consider official start relationship october rd love him thats naive say probably do makes forget sadnessi knowanymoreim sick constant depression want end want die leave world want stop burden fuck failureim lonely everyone life left behind disappointed family mom says around makes depression worse want finally end life im sorry long feel relieved ive never told anyone whole story before
desplome universidad regresó a casa sintiéndose cero motivación comenzar sobresólo cabezas para arriba realmente realmente longim preocupado Theres mucha exposición realmente pertenece rredflagwatchim profundamente lo siento por favor punta dirección mejor adaptado ive nunca le dijo a nadie historia completa tratos redflag depresión menos toda la verdad entera esperanza subreddit podría escuchar poco backstory me graduado escuela secundaria gpa toda la vida avanzada clases de piano siempre mejor tomó clases de fútbol jugado chino fuera de la escuela llevó a cabo trabajo a tiempo parcial escuela agrícola secretaria local club de computación todavía manejado ir amigos tiempo le encanta dibujar escribir considerado chica artística sentido extraño humor escuela amigos populares amigos no me perfecto cosas parecía exteriormente okay realidad id lucha depresión ansiedad ya que la idea honesta lo manejaba pensar siempre se enfrentaba a los problemas de la vida simplemente embalado ignorando seguir cepillando sentimientos suicidas normales bien terapia meds y papel jugado hija perfecta nota relleno papel realmente importante yo en grano joven elección perfecta por múltiples razones hermano Matthew padres autistas pasaron días cuidando él allístico educado conversación independiente polar opuesto mate