september thsorry unclear organized im really good headspace write neatly anyone thinking commiting redflag im guilting anything think people need hear side september th grandmas birthday also last time talked died november th   got news next day km away chose stay foreign exchange thought grandma would want even though hard missed first moments missed celebration life missed grandpa dadmy mom commited redflag know how never asked mom called said grandma died remember said gibberish anyways told note know note says never asked read it spent next  days bed host family say anything me say sorry ask ok host mom brought food bed eat much talk much days went pictures lots crying lots anger confusion frustration guilt live daily think every single day couldve done family couldve done much miss love her suffered chronic pain body imagine thats it it stigma talk death especially died redflag bereavement never getting closure never knowing why always wondering ifits horrible bereavement happens many ways redflag different becauseit totally random someone calculated it someone took life someone wrote note knew going cause much pain took life  days bed host mom told cheer up told needed go school errands needed do got  days back school almost like nothing happened forced pretending ok suffered suicidal thoughts thought harming myself angry everyone around notice last time phoned birthday sent facebook messages respond photo brother grandfather real smiling lips curled it gone messages never got show pictures speak fluent spanish learned  months tell exchange anything program sent counselor brought translator need translator asked grandma christian said yes im atheist told that said grandma real christian committed redflag thats christian thing do  days told talk family it anything talk anything anybody friends first time ive ever written anything writing letters much guilt much anger love much miss would anything bring back know im going think needed say something it happy nd birthday grandma
september thsorry unclear organized im really good headspace write neatly anyone thinking commiting redflag im guilting anything think people need hear side september th grandmas birthday also last time talked died november th got news next day km away chose stay foreign exchange thought grandma would want even though hard missed first moments missed celebration life missed grandpa dadmy mom commited redflag know how never asked mom called said grandma died remember said gibberish anyways told note know note says never asked read it spent next days bed host family say anything me say sorry ask ok host mom brought food bed eat much talk much days went pictures lots crying lots anger confusion frustration guilt live daily think every single day couldve done family couldve done much miss love her suffered chronic pain body imagine thats it it stigma talk death especially died redflag bereavement never getting closure never knowing why always wondering ifits horrible bereavement happens many ways redflag different becauseit totally random someone calculated it someone took life someone wrote note knew going cause much pain took life days bed host mom told cheer up told needed go school errands needed do got days back school almost like nothing happened forced pretending ok suffered suicidal thoughts thought harming myself angry everyone around notice last time phoned birthday sent facebook messages respond photo brother grandfather real smiling lips curled it gone messages never got show pictures speak fluent spanish learned months tell exchange anything program sent counselor brought translator need translator asked grandma christian said yes im atheist told that said grandma real christian committed redflag thats christian thing do days told talk family it anything talk anything anybody friends first time ive ever written anything writing letters much guilt much anger love much miss would anything bring back know im going think needed say something it happy nd birthday grandma
septiembre thsorry no está claro organizado im realmente buen espacio de la cabeza escribir cuidadosamente cualquiera que piensa cometer redflag im culpando cualquier cosa piensa que la gente necesita escuchar lado septiembre th cumpleaños abuelas también la última vez que habló murió noviembre th noticias al día siguiente km de distancia eligió estancia cambio de divisas pensó que la abuela querría a pesar de los primeros momentos perdidos faltó la celebración de la vida faltó abuelo