shell alivei struggling stay alive even writing exhausting feel numb emotional agony time emptiness inside nothing seems fill look people feel apart them going motions life im really dead thing goes around head thought terminating life shell really plan worked warned people closest me tried  times know need do sought medical attention doctor referring psychiatrist waiting list another service ive  years intensive therapy since breakdown  diagnosed borderline personality disorder well treatment made significant difference mental health realised traumatic childhood significantly damaged me life ok husband loves much  year old daughter strong network support people really care me matter say feel unworthy anyones love respect long time viewed disgusting blob human flesh burden society cant work days getting washing done major achievement sleep least  hours day find difficult function sometimes apparently sleep way disassociating world cant face life anymore cut social circle people avoid friends completely shut out thing forcing stay alive daughter suffered separation anxiety ever since saw police paramedics escort away breakdown  adhd goes counselling it told counsellor often checks pulse asleep main concern might die god child know do tried many things want destroy her know supposed get better control brain think one day soon may take life deliberately means get away agonising emotional pain in
shell alivei struggling stay alive even writing exhausting feel numb emotional agony time emptiness inside nothing seems fill look people feel apart them going motions life im really dead thing goes around head thought terminating life shell really plan worked warned people closest me tried times know need do sought medical attention doctor referring psychiatrist waiting list another service ive years intensive therapy since breakdown diagnosed borderline personality disorder well treatment made significant difference mental health realised traumatic childhood significantly damaged me life ok husband loves much year old daughter strong network support people really care me matter say feel unworthy anyones love respect long time viewed disgusting blob human flesh burden society cant work days getting washing done major achievement sleep least hours day find difficult function sometimes apparently sleep way disassociating world cant face life anymore cut social circle people avoid friends completely shut out thing forcing stay alive daughter suffered separation anxiety ever since saw police paramedics escort away breakdown adhd goes counselling it told counsellor often checks pulse asleep main concern might diegod child know do tried many things want destroy her know supposed get better control brain think one day soon may take life deliberately means get away agonising emotional pain in
shell liveli lucha mantenerse vivo incluso escribiendo agotador sensación entumecimiento agonía emocional tiempo vacío dentro de nada parece llenar mirada la gente se siente aparte de ellos ir movimientos vida im realmente muerto cosa va alrededor pensamiento terminar vida capa de vida realmente trabajado advirtió personas más cercanos a mí tiempos probados saber necesidad necesidad buscar atención médica médico referencia psiquiatra lista de espera otro servicio años de vida terapia intensiva desde ruptura diagnóstico trastorno de personalidad borderline bien tratamiento hecho diferencia mental salud realizada infancia traumática me dañó significativamente vida ok marido ama mucho año hija fuerte red apoyo personas realmente me importa decir se sienten indignos alguien amor respeto largo tiempo visto asqueroso carne humana carga sociedad no puede trabajar días que se lavan hacer mayor logro sueño menos horas día encontrar función difícil a veces aparentemente sueño manera de disociación mundo no puede hacer frente a la vida más cortado círculo social personas evitan amigos por completo forzar a permanecer vivo hija sufrió ansiedad separación desde que vio policía paramédicos escoltar distancia