tired difficult love thinking attempt number fourall want friends want mother love me two things cant manage feel like good job treating people like want treated give compliments constantly things make peoples lives easier sacrifice time energy making friends familys lives enjoyable think id rather throw sword stress someone else out feel like im constantly things supposed strengthen relationships focus good listener kind person like matter hard try one seems think im worth effort feel like im always afterthought one ever reaches me one ever nice things me feel like im constantly giving one else loves enough give anything me want occasional hug text asking day going able make plans without flaked on dont understand dont deserve basic acts love kindness dont know whats wrong me ive tried kill three times before time overdose time adjusted medication attended near constant therapy made major life changes try improve circumstances could happy ive worked hard now im miserable night took bottle pain pills bottle xanax try escape feel like always supposed do ive tried every coping skill ive tried taking medicine seeing doctors consistently ive tried inpatient outpatient partial hospitalization every single piece advice ive given try put action im miserable im alone im back zero im graduating college soon know everything going difficult soon money prospects friends im going end living mother hates sister wishes died first time tried way future created myself ive done every single thing right im still stuck dont understand point trying anymore ive rough year sexually assaulted front friends fall one said anything dog died flown interview which cost much  didnt have eventually turned dream job turned every job since then im already ugly obese keep gaining weight eating disorder also apparently multitude conditions cause weight gain last depressive episode cost friends support systems place every single day presented another obstacle every conversation ends another inconvenience insult problem find solution for ive always high functioning depressive episodes still class five days week work full time sports three times week upcoming move life upheaval time money prepare for one tell edge every single moment feel like might time feel like supposed die first time fifteen soul rotted inside since thats people avoided loving me maybe tell im supposed loving isnt worth effort feel like maybe im already dead time give let body rest dont know want it remember therapist always saying suicidal thoughts really concern plan dont know believe anymore cant overdose again never works dont right kinds pills im adult psych ward must even terrible im surrounded twelve years olds way juvie ive always wanted slit wrists ive tried cant press deep enough anyway try go walmart buy razors think id wimp out cant jump bridge cliff dark thats scary think would feel alone imagine shooting head every second day time think would freeing taste sweet feeling fun side head seems like relief dont gun dont know buy gun think maybe theyd able tell tried get cant handle shame want go want free dont think ill ever happy think maybe born miserable die maybe im plot point someone elses story dont know wish someone would break apartment right strangle maybe parents would feel bad times put hands around throat could finally go way body wants me dont know keep living like this paper turn class tomorrow morning guess dont time think it
tired difficult love thinking attempt number fourall want friends want mother love me two things cant manage feel like good job treating people like want treated give compliments constantly things make peoples lives easier sacrifice time energy making friends familys lives enjoyable think id rather throw sword stress someone else out feel like im constantly things supposed strengthen relationships focus good listener kind person like matter hard try one seems think im worth effort feel like im always afterthought one ever reaches me one ever nice things me feel like im constantly giving one else loves enough give anything me want occasional hug text asking day going able make plans without flaked on dont understand dont deserve basic acts love kindness dont know whats wrong me ive tried kill three times before time overdose time adjusted medication attended near constant therapy made major life changes try improve circumstances could happy ive worked hard now im miserable night took bottle pain pills bottle xanax try escape feel like always supposed do ive tried every coping skill ive tried taking medicine seeing doctors consistently ive tried inpatient outpatient partial hospitalization every single piece advice ive given try put action im miserableim aloneim back zero im graduating college soon know everything going difficult soon money prospects friends im going end living mother hates sister wishes died first time tried way future created myself ive done every single thing right im still stuck dont understand point trying anymore ive rough year sexually assaulted front friends fall one said anything dog died flown interview which cost much didnt have eventually turned dream job turned every job since then im already ugly obese keep gaining weight eating disorder also apparently multitude conditions cause weight gain last depressive episode cost friends support systems place every single day presented another obstacle every conversation ends another inconvenience insult problem find solution for ive always high functioning depressive episodes still class five days week work full time sports three times week upcoming move life upheaval time money prepare for one tell edge every single moment feel like might time feel like supposed die first time fifteen soul rotted inside since thats people avoided loving me maybe tell im supposed loving isnt worth effort feel like maybe im already dead time give let body rest dont know want it remember therapist always saying suicidal thoughts really concern plan dont know believe anymore cant overdose again never works dont right kinds pills im adult psych ward must even terrible im surrounded twelve years olds way juvieive always wanted slit wrists ive tried cant press deep enoughanyway try go walmart buy razors think id wimp out cant jump bridge cliff dark thats scary think would feel alone imagine shooting head every second day time think would freeing taste sweet feeling fun side head seems like relief dont gun dont know buy gun think maybe theyd able tell tried get cant handle shame want go want free dont think ill ever happy think maybe born miserable die maybe im plot point someone elses story dont know wish someone would break apartment right stranglemaybe parents would feel bad times put hands around throat could finally go way body wants me dont know keep living like this paper turn class tomorrow morning guess dont time thinkit
cansado difícil amor pensamiento intento número cuatro todos quieren amigos quieren madre amor dos cosas no pueden manejar sentirse como un buen trabajo tratar a la gente como quieren tratado dar cumplidos constantemente cosas hacen que la gente vida más fácil sacrificio tiempo energía hacer amigos familia vidas agradables pensar id más bien tirar la espada estrés alguien otro hacia fuera sentir como im constantemente cosas supone fortalecer relaciones centrarse buen oyente persona amable como materia duro intentar uno parece pensar im esfuerzo vale la pena sentir como im después de pensar que uno siempre me llega a una siempre cosas agradables me siento como im constantemente dar otro ama lo suficiente dar cualquier cosa quiero ocasional abrazo texto preguntar día capaz hacer planes sin flamear en no entender no merece actos básicos amor amabilidad no sé lo que me pasa mal