dont feel real anymorei nearly killed three months ago heres started freshman year highschool came gay family five most peers thought people could trust course highschool started regret decision massively regretted every second every day close people came didnt even speak anymore everytime walked passed one felt heart race body tremble wanted turn back time take back drove deep depression didnt talk anyone outside school gained alot weight sleeping schedule fucked insanely paranoid junior year thought killing every day towards end junior year talked parents decided online homeschooling would best solution better mental health april   september  started getting fitness lost lbs throughout time felt better ever felt didnt think redflag thought future offer me changed homeschooling started first three days homeschooling isolating spent  hours dark empty house work knew something off started getting feelings again knew going work put next three days decided anymore told parents isolation feelings coming back decided maybe could put another year highschool transfer back final thought its senior year everything different fucking wrong first day back highschool okay second day little worse still okay third day worst day life now since homeschooling first three days states schoolyear started missing work first three days highschool problem that but get know me paper teacher im sure know go teacher gives piece paper tells fill class starts work it finish it go hand in teacher tells present class heart starts racing body starts shake little bit start think okay itll fine act like uninterested nobody think anything it sit computer start read paper a little awkwardly noticeably awkward get two words teacher goes up up look hes motioning stand up shit hits fan stand start read voice gets high pitched shaky hands start visibly shaking get little misty eyed hear people giggling background hear someone say something like yo fuck get sit down try hide face whatnot thoughts race like never next  minutes class ends everyone goes lunch walk around halls feeling completely hopeless first impression made everyone perception rest year  people know im gay im stuck year im gonna make it lose rationale walk side door empty staircase leave building text mother love im sorry start walking towards traintracks pouring rain getting soaking wet care totally desensitized everything around me thing cared ending it start getting closer tracks hear train coming im getting ready die train goes front reach it say fuck cares start walking around thoughts get worse think stepping front car no cant that someone else could get hurt alright ill go home slit wrists im walking home mom calls calmly trys reason tells well figure calm anything hearing voice went home waited later day parents withdrew highschool saw therapist  weeks diagnosed severe depression nothing me felt like chore like there felt pathetic theres nothing therapist changing someones sexuality the stem suicidal thoughts positive hang there it gets better shit turned away even more stopped going things cooled bit three months ago dont feel anything anymore time im happy im distracting myself look back pictures kid recognize myself feel like im playing role playing poorly im completely desensitized world around dont see point sticking around whats point living life going end anyway doubt someday im going kill myself everyday thought everytime walk bridge next busy traffic always there cant see living much longer thoughts cant see way thoughts changing even know replies im hoping get posting whatever
dont feel real anymorei nearly killed three months ago heres started freshman year highschool came gay family five most peers thought people could trust course highschool started regret decision massively regretted every second every day close people came didnt even speak anymore everytime walked passed one felt heart race body tremble wanted turn back time take back drove deep depression didnt talk anyone outside school gained alot weight sleeping schedule fucked insanely paranoid junior year thought killing every day towards end junior year talked parents decided online homeschooling would best solution better mental health april september started getting fitness lost lbs throughout time felt better ever felt didnt think redflag thought future offer me changed homeschooling started first three days homeschooling isolating spent hours dark empty house work knew something off started getting feelings again knew going work put next three days decided anymore told parents isolation feelings coming back decided maybe could put another year highschool transfer back final thought its senior year everything different fucking wrong first day back highschool okay second day little worse still okay third day worst day life now since homeschooling first three days states schoolyear started missing work first three days highschool problemthat but get know me paper teacher im sure know go teacher gives piece paper tells fill class starts work it finish it go hand in teacher tells present class heart starts racing body starts shake little bit start think okay itll fine act like uninterested nobody think anything it sit computer start read paper a little awkwardly noticeably awkward get two words teacher goes up up look hes motioning stand up shit hits fan stand start read voice gets high pitched shaky hands start visibly shaking get little misty eyed hear people giggling background hear someone say something like yo fuck get sit down try hide face whatnot thoughts race like never next minutes class ends everyone goes lunch walk around halls feeling completely hopeless first impression made everyone perception rest year people know im gay im stuck year im gonna make it lose rationale walk side door empty staircase leave building text mother love im sorry start walking towards traintracks pouring rain getting soaking wet care totally desensitized everything around me thing cared ending it start getting closer tracks hear train coming im getting ready die train goes front reach it say fuck cares start walking around thoughts get worse think stepping front car no cant that someone else could get hurt alright ill go home slit wrists im walking home mom calls calmly trys reason tells well figure calm anything hearing voice went home waited later day parents withdrew highschool saw therapist weeks diagnosed severe depression nothing me felt like chore like there felt pathetic theres nothing therapist changing someones sexuality the stem suicidal thoughts positive hang there it gets better shit turned away even more stopped going things cooled bit three months ago dont feel anything anymore time im happy im distracting myself look back pictures kid recognize myself feel like im playing role playing poorly im completely desensitized world around dont see point sticking around whats point living life going end anyway doubt someday im going kill myself everyday thought everytime walk bridge next busy traffic always there cant see living much longer thoughts cant see way thoughts changing even know replies im hoping get posting whatever
La mayoría de los compañeros pensaban que la gente podía confiar en el curso de la escuela secundaria comenzó a arrepentirse de la decisión masivamente cada segundo cada día cerca de la gente venía ni siquiera hablar más cada vez que caminaba pasaba uno sentía la carrera del corazón cuerpo temblor quería volver atrás tiempo volver drive profunda depresión no hablaba nadie fuera de la escuela ganó mucho peso horario de dormir follada locamente paranoica junior pensamiento matar cada día hacia el final junior año hablado padres decidieron en línea escuela en casa mejor solución mejor salud mental abril septiembre comenzó a conseguir aptitud perdido libras a lo largo del tiempo se sentía mejor nunca se sintió nunca se pensó Redflag pensó futuro oferta me cambio escuela en casa comenzó primero tres días escuela en casa aislamiento pasó horas oscuro vacío trabajo en casa sabía que algo empezó a tener sentimientos volver a saber ir a trabajar después tres días decidió más padres sentimientos aislamiento volver decidió tal vez podría poner otro año alta transferencia final pensó su año anterior todo diferente maldito mal primer día volver escuela secundaria