long stream consciousness unhealthy statemy life rather boring feel little attachment right now get suicidal thoughts ive mostly accepted life meaningless one day itll end depression bad anymore well im really sure whether better worse im probably bad natural state live messy house and older brother keeps messing matter many times ive cleaned it ive given up take shower every   days people interact online strangers people ring food pass days computer literally nothing sometimes top off ive already selected date end life know exactly die date arrives fail first time im going keep trying succeed every single day waiting day arrives people say ive gotten confident not im confident ive lost lot care life problem confronting situations headon certainty legitimately care result whether life ruined certain things matters little me worry not im anything dangerous im going go touch anyone im going go murder anyone moral sense still check understand people care life different me people watch diet exercise make friends family care making memories enjoying life go off whereas cant muster ability enjoy anything im openly inviting death upon myself every single day every single hour im thinking die every time go sleep im prepared wake up assume die brain aneurysm sleep every time probably afterlife wake up every single time theres saying death catches people least expect it catch offguard ill always expect it theres never second im thinking situation lead death fear death much anymore logical thinking backandforth topic ive decided improbable death lies nonexistence believe it even case know it nonexistence depressing think about im trying convince theres afterlife instead afterlife matter long one wasnt able sleep night think way happy finally enter afterlife think life earth going become enjoyable anytime soon going monotonous rut long live college supposed rather colorful period everyones time least turning point small peak valley life yet exactly like hs exactly like ms exactly like primary school nothings changed entire life nothing change either ill get job work environment probably exactly like college im going work turn old case im free want die government throws money every month happens nothing happy this im misanthrope rather asocial starting family anything really consideration going myself im going die alone well im prepared outcome ive come terms fact die lived fulfilling life everyone keeps talking changed start finish maybe even reach designated date depart something horrible happens prevents ill die beforetime unforeseen unexpected alternatively maybe something miraculous happens changes something realistically wont ill welcome developments post getting rather long im sure already long past skipping point many people im going end here wanted share going mind maybe anyone insight advice do could comment ive thinking maybe move redflag date bit closer since theres really much going thats stopping so maybe instead long time now move year maybe month week now im sure case thanks reading suppose
long stream consciousness unhealthy statemy life rather boring feel little attachment right now get suicidal thoughts ive mostly accepted life meaningless one day itll end depression badanymore well im really sure whether better worse im probably bad natural state live messy house and older brother keeps messing matter many times ive cleaned it ive given up take shower every days people interact online strangers people ring food pass days computer literally nothing sometimes top off ive already selected date end life know exactly die date arrives fail first time im going keep trying succeed every single day waiting day arrives people say ive gotten confident not im confident ive lost lot care life problem confronting situations headon certainty legitimately care result whether life ruined certain things matters little me worry not im anything dangerous im going go touch anyone im going go murder anyone moral sense still check understand people care life different me people watch diet exercise make friends family care making memories enjoying life go off whereas cant muster ability enjoy anything im openly inviting death upon myself every single day every single hour im thinking die every time go sleep im prepared wake up assume die brain aneurysm sleep every time probably afterlife wake up every single time theres saying death catches people least expect it catch offguard ill always expect it theres never second im thinking situation lead death fear death much anymore logical thinking backandforth topic ive decided improbable death lies nonexistence believe it even case know it nonexistence depressing think about im trying convince theres afterlife instead afterlife matter long one wasnt able sleep night think way happy finally enter afterlife thinklife earth going become enjoyable anytime soon going monotonous rut long live college supposed rather colorful period everyones time least turning point small peak valley life yet exactly like hs exactly like ms exactly like primary school nothings changed entire life nothing change either ill get job work environment probably exactly like college im going work turn old case im free want die government throws money every month happens nothing happy this im misanthrope rather asocial starting family anything really consideration going myself im going die alone well im prepared outcome ive come terms fact die lived fulfilling life everyone keeps talking changed start finish maybe even reach designated date depart something horrible happens prevents ill die beforetime unforeseen unexpected alternatively maybe something miraculous happens changes something realistically wont ill welcome developments post getting rather long im sure already long past skipping point many people im going end here wanted share going mind maybe anyone insight advice do could comment ive thinking maybe move redflag date bit closer since theres really much going thats stopping so maybe instead long time now move year maybe month week now im sure case thanks reading suppose
la conciencia de flujo largo estado insalubr mi vida bastante aburrido sentir poco apego en este momento conseguir pensamientos suicidas ive vida aceptada mayormente sin sentido un día pondrá fin a la depresión cualquier vez más