realise lot trouble thought were know energy get back itso ive drifting along couple years now tried back then get gp refer assessment therapy counselling anything messed around dragged heels confident i lost heart see trying lose weight get surgery done surgery going change life going thing finally let get living lose weight kept sabotaging myself let it know  know it understand why stop get surgery give theatre stage manager one thing really made feel like me made feel alive lived for cant anymore top day job cant make enough professionally quit day job give up day day gave everything else too just lost myself almost  years cant go gym anymore cant even go large supermarket bought new clothes replace stuff need work room full craft materials tools musical instruments get dustier work now work laundry cooked proper meal since maybe october washed dishes since november laundry office job know just one thing day take pride it thing know recognise good things pleased them stuff ive gone mindfulness exercises ive thought people love reasons want stick around realised id slowly given clawing back things used life remember when point stopped even pretending plans anymore going get surgery give six months get back together going look going back school get qualified something bore craziness going move apartment somewhere want live going take running again point accepted none things ever going happen want way thats way is realise crashed call emergency line weeks back actually really bad way assessment phone basics and know actually answer questions back back black white yeah realised im ok ive telling long keep going long im still working ironing shirts getting office every day cant that bad right right think might bad world grown smaller smaller greyer greyer is me ironing board office job feel bored days really really know keep screaming me support network me safety net me think really want anymore thats problem ive realised ive lost knack wanting things remember go wanting things want anymore absence things want less tired want less stressed out want spend less time sitting nights want stop noise head finally possibility getting psychiatric assessment ill know whether happening within week happening energy start running around track again power left start see time really want over im control freak want someone come take away make better want someone come fix me allow kind thing want able fix myself want able pick up dust start mending myself just think it think ive got enough me left with even finally get assessment done prescribe something finally get therapy ive pursuing long stuff takes much energy ive done therapy know well incredibly hard work want work hard it do im exhausted even thinking it taken long enough fuel left get ground time im person ive got rescue me friends wonderful friends cannot ask things them cant bring ask anything except strangers just cant it cant bear it im person ive got rescue longer think it ive depressive episodes before experienced kind protracted longing death since teens im  years old magically get well next  months itll still take  years lose enough weight get surgery done another year waiting list ill  done dusted decade alone decade lost wasted stuck shitty little apartment stacks dishes ignore ringing silence  late  long great plan dying planning pack shit going move house going tell everyone id got job canada thats id met someone online going go id pack shit put stuff wanted leave people labelled storage carefully crossreferenced will letters going move new place city ive never before mail key secondclass police letter telling theyd find set bathtub caring neighbours brokenhearted friends left appointments still hanging calendars cant bring pack cant bring anything im terrified im going get therapy run battery completely flat end floating here alone unable even work unable put key envelope stuck unable die dreadful dreadful twilight photocopy life hope anymore even know want hope back just want over bad want stop know know matters anyway needed put somewhere thank you
realise lot trouble thought were know energy get back itso ive drifting along couple years now tried back then get gp refer assessment therapy counselling anything messed around dragged heels confident i lost heart see trying lose weight get surgery done surgery going change life going thing finally let get living lose weight kept sabotaging myself let it know knowit understand why stop get surgery give theatre stage manager one thing really made feel like me made feel alive lived for cant anymore top day job cant make enough professionally quit day job give up day day gave everything else too just lost myself almost years cant go gym anymore cant even go large supermarket bought new clothes replace stuff need work room full craft materials tools musical instruments get dustier work now work laundry cooked proper meal since maybe october washed dishes since november laundry office job know just one thing day take pride it thing know recognise good things pleased them stuff ive gone mindfulness exercises ive thought people love reasons want stick around realised id slowly given clawing back things used life remember when point stopped even pretending plans anymore going get surgery give six months get back together going look going back school get qualified something bore craziness going move apartment somewhere want live going take running again point accepted none things ever going happen want way thats way is realise crashed call emergency line weeks back actually really bad way assessment phone basics and know actually answer questions back back black whiteyeah realised imok ive telling long keep going long im still working ironing shirts getting office every day cant that bad right right think might bad world grown smaller smaller greyer greyer is me ironing board office job feel bored days really really know keep screaming me support network me safety net me think really want anymore thats problem ive realised ive lost knack wanting things remember go wanting things want anymore absence things want less tired want less stressed out want spend less time sitting nights want stop noise head finally possibility getting psychiatric assessment ill know whether happening within week happening energy start running around track again power left start see time really want over im control freak want someone come take away make better want someone come fix me allow kind thing want able fix myself want able pick up dust start mending myself just think it think ive got enough me left with even finally get assessment done prescribe something finally get therapy ive pursuing long stuff takes much energy ive done therapy knowwell incredibly hard work want work hard it do im exhausted even thinking it taken long enough fuel left get ground time im person ive got rescue me friends wonderful friends cannot ask things them cant bring ask anything except strangers just cant it cant bear it im person ive got rescue longer think it ive depressive episodes before experienced kind protracted longing death since teens im years old magically get well next months itll still take years lose enough weight get surgery done another year waiting list ill done dusted decade alone decade lost wasted stuck shitty little apartment stacks dishes ignore ringing silence late long great plan dying planning pack shit going move house going tell everyone id got job canada thats id met someone online going go id pack shit put stuff wanted leave people labelled storage carefully crossreferenced will letters going move new place city ive never before mail key secondclass police letter telling theyd find set bathtub caring neighbours brokenhearted friends left appointments still hanging calendars cant bring pack cant bring anything im terrified im going get therapy run battery completely flat end floating here alone unable even work unable put key envelope stuck unable die dreadful dreadful twilight photocopy life hope anymore even know want hope back just want over bad want stop know know matters anyway needed put somewhere thank you
Se dan cuenta de que los problemas se pensaban saber energía volver itso ive drifting a lo largo de un par de años ahora probados en entonces gp referencia terapia asesoramiento cualquier lío alrededor tacones arrastrados seguro que perdí el corazón ver tratar de perder peso conseguir cirugía hacer cirugía hacer cirugía va cambiar vida va cosa finalmente dejar conseguir vida perder peso mantenido sabotear a mí mismo hacerle saber entender por qué dejar de conseguir cirugía dar teatro director de escena una cosa realmente hecho sentir como me hizo sentir vivo para cant más alto trabajo de día no puedo hacer suficiente profesionalmente dejar de trabajo día trabajo dar día dio todo lo demás también sólo perdido casi años no puedo ir gimnasio ya no puedo incluso ir gran supermercado comprar ropa nuevo cosas reemplazo necesidad de trabajo taller completo materiales instrumentos musicales instrumentos conseguir trabajo más polvo ahora trabajo lavandería cocinado comida adecuada ya que tal vez octubre lavado platos puesto que trabajo de lavandería de noviembre sólo una cosa tener orgullo de que sabe cosas buenas reconocer cosas agradables cosas