struggling years scared admit feel end nearwhere start  mother murdered someone close family since ive issues life emotions general growing up got fights school lots them listen anyone get along father would beat something care next day id again care hated everything hated life dealt hated town lived in hated father sister hated myself never pleased physique looks sports anything often contemplated jumping garage head first falling tree fashion always thought death better alternative never able actually jump garage head first moved fathers place roughly thirteen went lived family little while changed still angry still defaulting suicidal thoughts shit got bad getting along family took in got kicked out lived streets sixteen seventeen gotten girl pregnant actually helped fresh perspective thoughts less frequent first daughter born im living mother were collecting social assistance pressures child whilst child dropped schooldidnt get along teachers students coupled default rage end abuser daughters mother first time happened angry myself believe let things get point believe struck partner kind piece shit i one day daughter angers point fucking kill myself deserve better happened multiple times always defaulted kill xyz finally ended leaving thing another relationship im  years old literally exact repeat previous relationship time im thinking killing abusive events thoughts frequent day day lifeat work driving watching tv relationship inevitably ends take time really get anger control eventually learn okay angry okay react mention throughout relationships never really let guard down never mentioned anything thoughts default reactions run head neither partners ever known even thought redflag although love them let know me real inside whos never really felt like hes belonged here think im smarter anyone think think way ive never type person openly discuss emotions longest time emotion could truly feel anger get wrong stints happiness never lasted always overshadowed rage depression thoughts redflag yet another relationship one much better others kids together abuse either party would still get arguments ends usually bike ride talking healthy suicidal thoughts became less frequent thats say were point children love world cant stand thought know father never got know mother fast forward almost decade thoughts little aggressive seemingly matching decline relationship relationship ends im hurt it feel like saw coming easier handle angry it still frequent suicidal thoughts current day ive relationship someone almost year half still aggressive thoughts even though relationship golden standards relationship recently ended well broke me wanted things im old now kids older think im supposed here ive felt whole life like omnipotent fucked up took wrong person know things get better heartbreak ive before heartbreak thats pushed here im done give cant keep fighting thoughts every day im strong enough think possible happy life im always thinking really fucked ways die look fall escalator basement every day think it thoughts getting bad almost like someone else screaming me im mentally exhausted thinking affect family im physically exhausted im sick angry time half life over kids got know was speak much father siblings best friend last relationship cant even talk now never able open either even though wanted share everything her ive tried anti depressants ive doctors cant cope anymore ive basically said goodbye everyone matters without letting know goodbye feel bad kids know understand theyll say everyone else says he took cowards way out person strong cant continue every moment every day im looking anything seeing die bus hit killed guy city long ago hanging seems like good option read done right ill snap neck instantly im scared swallow pills want fail want family see like that drive electric scooter people almost kill every day avoid them ive never seen light end tunnel definitely see one now ive grown ive matured ive given time pass instead gotten stronger stronger now somehow loved ones ever see post im gone know love nothing wrong difficult path walk me brain cant anymore sorry
struggling years scared admit feel end nearwhere start mother murdered someone close family since ive issues life emotions general growing up got fights school lots them listen anyone get along father would beat something care next day id again care hated everything hated life dealt hated town lived in hated father sister hated myself never pleased physique looks sports anything often contemplated jumping garage head first falling tree fashion always thought death better alternative never able actually jump garage head first moved fathers place roughly thirteen went lived family little while changed still angry still defaulting suicidal thoughts shit got bad getting along family took in got kicked out lived streets sixteen seventeen gotten girl pregnant actually helped fresh perspective thoughts less frequent first daughter born im living mother were collecting social assistance pressures child whilst child dropped schooldidnt get along teachers students coupled default rage end abuser daughters mother first time happened angry myself believe let things get point believe struck partner kind piece shit i one day daughter angers point fucking kill myself deserve better happened multiple times always defaulted kill xyz finally ended leaving thing another relationship im years old literally exact repeat previous relationship time im thinking killing abusive events thoughts frequent day day lifeat work driving watching tv relationship inevitably ends take time really get anger control eventually learn okay angry okay react mention throughout relationships never really let guard down never mentioned anything thoughts default reactions run head neither partners ever known even thought redflag although love them let know me real inside whos never really felt like hes belonged here think im smarter anyone think think way ive never type person openly discuss emotions longest time emotion could truly feel anger get wrong stints happiness never lasted always overshadowed rage depression thoughts redflag yet another relationship one much better others kids together abuse either party would still get arguments ends usually bike ride talking healthy suicidal thoughts became less frequent thats say were point children love world cant stand thought know father never got know mother fast forward almost decade thoughts little aggressive seemingly matching decline relationship relationship ends im hurt it feel like saw coming easier handle angry it still frequent suicidal thoughts current day ive relationship someone almost year half still aggressive thoughts even though relationship golden standards relationship recently ended well broke me wanted things im old now kids older think im supposed here ive felt whole life like omnipotent fucked up took wrong person know things get better heartbreak ive before heartbreak thats pushed here im done give cant keep fighting thoughts every day im strong enough think possible happy life im always thinking really fucked ways die look fall escalator basement every day think it thoughts getting bad almost like someone else screaming meim mentally exhausted thinking affect family im physically exhausted im sick angry time half life over kids got know was speak much father siblings best friend last relationship cant even talk now never able open either even though wanted share everything her ive tried anti depressants ive doctors cant cope anymoreive basically said goodbye everyone matters without letting know goodbye feel bad kids know understand theyll say everyone else says he took cowards way out person strong cant continue every moment every day im looking anything seeing die bus hit killed guy city long ago hanging seems like good option read done right ill snap neck instantly im scared swallow pills want fail want family see like that drive electric scooter people almost kill every day avoid them ive never seen light end tunnel definitely see one now ive grown ive matured ive given time pass instead gotten stronger stronger now somehow loved ones ever see post im gone know love nothing wrong difficult path walk me brain cant anymore sorry
lucha años miedo admitir sentir final cerca de empezar madre asesinó a alguien familia cercana ya problemas de vida emociones general crecer peleas colegio lotes ellos escuchar a alguien se llevan bien padre golpearía algo cuidado al día siguiente id otra vez cuidado odiado todo odio vida tratado ciudad odiado vivir en odiado padre hermana odiado nunca contento físico mirada deportes nada a menudo contemplado saltar cabeza de garaje primera caída manera árbol siempre pensó muerte mejor alternativa nunca capaz realmente saltar cabeza de garaje primero trasladado padre lugar aproximadamente trece se fue vivió familia poco mientras cambiaba todavía defaulting todavía pensamientos suicidas mierda se puso mal llevarse a lo largo de la familia se llevaron a cabo calles vivas dieciséis diecisiete embarazada consiguió chica realmente ayudó pensamientos de perspectiva fresca menos frecuentes primer hija nacido im madre viviente estaban recogiendo presiones de asistencia social niño mientras niño abandonado escueladidnt llevarse a lo largo de los profesores unido falta de ira final abusador hijas madre primero sucedió enojado yo mismo creo que las cosas conseguir punto punto golpe socio pieza tipo mierda