im pretty sure im going kill myselfits mind years now ebbs flows always come back it always seems stronger im reaching want help im sure im even willing get it im closing  severe emotional pain nearly constantly sometimes reason sometimes brain makes one hate everything am im joke failure living lie let people down people abandoned push away close friends anymore cant anything well idea keep life let alone desire so attempts art suck real talents skills im intelligent graduated college shit degree im debt working dead end job comfortable motivation better myself yet get enraged daily it way get treated way people treat other people make nervous give anxiety make ill trouble feigning interest anyone hate easy appears them hate knowing really easy anyone yet still decent bodies decent jobs people love them ability create things stupid realize it hate actually things pretty good people lived though holocaust famine war suffering yet hurt fucking bad suffering ive bottling everything long yell people lash physically feel anger pain fear ugliness boiling there thick tar im stranger body hate it im fat im ugly even body would want touch ive dealing eating entire life thing always me transitioned living female couple years back helped put suicidal thoughts awhile back better ever never body want ill never loved way need be even cut genitals get surgeries im still guy fooling himself wound need keep sealing up praying someone still interest me transgendered person usefulness fetization gone take step ive yet meet man doesnt want use this ive really tried transwomen meet im convinced vast majority us misunderstood misdiagnosed seeking attention perhaps thats it thats parents think ive felt like alien body since toddler still feel like belong here anywhere speaking family embarrassed me im allowed see niece nephew sister brother desire talk me brother best friends long time mother father allow whenever family around friends neighbors tolerate me barely cant hug dont want feel breasts touch them refuse use chosen name tell suffering depression me reason ive stuck around long adopted family partner year half husband two kids extended family embraced me get see true nature getting tired me love way need be share conversations intimacy way used to trouble even touching cuddling anymore disappoint her cause drama upsets hurts regularly tells tired us is feel like reason still puts knows want kill myself want burden spend nights together get fewer fewer gives me well choice husband right across hall get along great tares apart chooses him plays video games day engages none whatsoever yet relationship magically rocks ever since came along make things worse attracted him messed around past never happens anymore im one wants sex ever one else wants make love me even fool around blame them thought awhile loved kids im even beginning resent now theyre mine cant kids anymore cant get pregnant ever anything guest family attempt parent undermined real parents right front them one tells loves  times day believe it incessant sometimes seconds another annoying think even understands it cry baby screams try help him gets whatever wants said hope burden death could think went away deserve that one deserves really im selfish being one hold anymore one talk confide in everyones tired crying see therapist im getting better ive read posts people regretting attempts halfway fall whatever makes sad hear this know point is im tired im alone miss drugs gave live family life made feel alive numb play video games cry pretty much want too motivation desire better myself ive trying entire life gotten where let clear desire hurt anyone else decision renunciation freedom shotgun blast face would effective least painful least chance failing way ive come research get money pretty quickly eat last meal write note apologizing everyone life mess im leave left hearts theyll get it find nice rock mountains one last sunset boom gone think anymore loneliness fear pain used romanticize even so get passport drive south road ends pain back end it sell everything travel world im ready take elephant sized dose smack goodnight lost appeal though want trouble desire live way want quick definite
im pretty sure im going kill myselfits mind years now ebbs flows always come back it always seems stronger im reaching want help im sure im even willing get it im closing severe emotional pain nearly constantly sometimes reason sometimes brain makes one hate everything am im joke failure living lie let people down people abandoned push away close friends anymore cant anything well idea keep life let alone desire so attempts art suck real talents skills im intelligent graduated college shit degree im debt working dead end job comfortable motivation better myself yet get enraged daily it way get treated way people treat other people make nervous give anxiety make ill trouble feigning interest anyone hate easy appears them hate knowing really easy anyone yet still decent bodies decent jobs people love them ability create things stupid realize it hate actually things pretty good people lived though holocaust famine war suffering yet hurt fucking bad suffering ive bottling everything long yell people lash physically feel anger pain fearugliness boiling there thick tarim stranger body hate itim fat im ugly even body would want touch ive dealing eating entire life thing always me transitioned living female couple years back helped put suicidal thoughts awhile back better ever never body want ill never loved way need be even cut genitals get surgeries im still guy fooling himself wound need keep sealing up praying someone still interest me transgendered person usefulness fetization gone take step ive yet meet man doesnt want use this ive really tried transwomen meet im convinced vast majority us misunderstood misdiagnosed seeking attention perhaps thats it thats parents think ive felt like alien body since toddler still feel like belong here anywhere speaking family embarrassed me im allowed see niece nephew sister brother desire talk me brother best friends long time mother father allow whenever family around friends neighbors tolerate me barely cant hug dont want feel breasts touch them refuse use chosen name tell suffering depression me reason ive stuck around long adopted family partner year half husband two kids extended family embraced me get see true nature getting tired me love way need be share conversations intimacy way used to trouble even touching cuddling anymore disappoint her cause drama upsets hurts regularly tells tired us is feel like reason still puts knows want kill myself want burden spend nights together get fewer fewer gives me well choice husband right across hall get along great tares apart chooses him plays video games day engages none whatsoever yet relationship magically rocks ever since came along make things worse attracted him messed around past never happens anymore im one wants sex ever one else wants make love me even fool around blame them thought awhile loved kids im even beginning resent now theyre minecant kids anymore cant get pregnant ever anything guest family attempt parent undermined real parents right front themone tells loves times day believe it incessant sometimes seconds another annoying think even understands it cry baby screams try help him gets whatever wants said hope burden death could think went away deserve that one deserves really im selfish being one hold anymore one talk confide in everyones tired crying see therapist im getting better ive read posts people regretting attempts halfway fall whatever makes sad hear this know point is im tiredim alone miss drugs gave live family life made feel alive numb play video games cry pretty much want too motivation desire better myself ive trying entire life gotten where let clear desire hurt anyone else decision renunciation freedom shotgun blast face would effective least painful least chance failing way ive come research get money pretty quickly eat last meal write note apologizing everyone life mess im leave left hearts theyll get it find nice rock mountains one last sunset boom gone think anymore loneliness fear pain used romanticize even so get passport drive south road ends pain back end it sell everything travel worldim ready take elephant sized dose smack goodnight lost appeal though want trouble desire live way want quick definite
Estoy bastante seguro de que me voy a matar a mí mismo sus años de mente ahora flujos de reflujo siempre vuelven siempre parece más fuerte im llegar a querer ayuda Im seguro de que incluso estoy dispuesto a conseguirlo im cierre severo dolor emocional casi constantemente a veces razón a veces cerebro hace que uno odie todo estoy broma fracaso vivir mentira dejar gente abajo personas abandonados dejar atrás amigos cercanos ya no puedo hacer nada bien idea mantener la vida mucho menos deseo así que intentos arte chupar talentos reales habilidades im graduada mierda universidad grado im deuda trabajo sin salida trabajo cómodo motivación mejor yo mismo y sin embargo se enfurecen día a día se tratan manera de tratar la gente otras personas hacen nervioso dar ansiedad hacer mal problema fingir interés cualquiera odio fácil parece que odian conocer muy fácil pero todavía cuerpos decentes personas decentes trabajo les encanta capacidad crear cosas estúpido se dan cuenta de que odia cosas bastante buena gente vivió aunque holocausto hambre sufrimiento sin embargo daño mal sufrimiento en vivo embotellado todo largo gritar gente latigar físicamente sentir ira dolor miedo