theres bridge near new houseon tuesday morning woke feeling exhausted head pounding headache nose snuffed up shoulders hurt chest tight back aching cried cried hard cried rash consuming legs cried little meaningful relationships cried assume people think me cried job living situation cried different pulled together moment decided go walkin clinic something ive putting months went downstairs jumped shower sobbed washing hair screamed yelled myself world anger hate inability change selfsabotage routinely commit dried avoiding reflection mirror microwaved chicken fingers drank bottle water watched youtube video board game cried more called local mental health crisis centre where ive dragged past theyve called twice two weeks returned either calls scheduled meeting counsellor two weeks now knowing damn well might make far doctor know have undiagnosed mental illness im looking crutch something label know fault putting positions do point dressed ready leave house put sunglasses headed out head toward busy main street clinic started toward bridge pedestrian bridge towering jagged rocks river unforgiving current walked slowly confidently street toward park housing bridge mind ablaze thoughts ending it image laying upon rocks hours lungs filling blood cold scared turned last second left instead right walked hours walked road ended exhausted walked back busy main street watching people going days stopping get pack cigarettes quit two months prior coffee went home thoughts still there check again die another day
theres bridge near new houseon tuesday morning woke feeling exhausted head pounding headache nose snuffed up shoulders hurt chest tight back aching cried cried hard cried rash consuming legs cried little meaningful relationships cried assume people think me cried job living situation cried different pulled together moment decided go walkin clinic something ive putting months went downstairs jumped shower sobbed washing hair screamed yelled myself world anger hate inability change selfsabotage routinely commit dried avoiding reflection mirror microwaved chicken fingers drank bottle water watched youtube video board game cried more called local mental health crisis centre where ive dragged past theyve called twice two weeks returned either calls scheduled meeting counsellor two weeks now knowing damn well might make far doctor know have undiagnosed mental illness im looking crutch something label know fault putting positions do point dressed ready leave house put sunglasses headed out head toward busy main street clinic started toward bridge pedestrian bridge towering jagged rocks river unforgiving current walked slowly confidently street toward park housing bridge mind ablaze thoughts ending it image laying upon rocks hours lungs filling blood cold scared turned last second left instead right walked hours walked road ended exhausted walked back busy main street watching people going days stopping get pack cigarettes quit two months prior coffee went home thoughts still there check again die another day
Theres bridge cerca de la nueva casa el martes por la mañana despertó sensación exhausta cabeza golpes dolor de cabeza nariz dolor de cabeza hombros dolor de pecho apretado dolor de espalda lloraba lloraba fuerte exclamaba erupción consumiendo piernas lloraba poco relaciones significativas lloraba la gente piensa que lloraba trabajo situación de vida lloraba diferente tirón juntos momento decidido ir walkin clinica algo ive putting meses se fue abajo salto ducha lloroso lavado cabello gritaba yo mismo ira mundo odio incapacidad cambio autosabotaje rutinariamente cometer seco evitar reflexión espejo microondas dedos de pollo beber agua botella video juego lloraba más llamado centro de crisis de salud mental local donde ive arrastrado pasado han llamado dos veces dos semanas de vuelta cualquiera de las llamadas programadas consejero reunión dos semanas ahora sabiendo malditamente bien podría hacer saber el doctor no ha diagnosticado enfermedad mental