desperate helpthis third time pleading help here received reply first two times edge know why interest anything keep thinking everyone hates me feel owe everyone favor dying thus making lives better know perhaps true sane part outshadowed insane part  attempts last couple months freaked out tiny rational part brain striving live  want live mother but find support anywhere friends deserted found acting wierd depressed social anxiety right childhood situation become worse past couple months even courage go office now cant summon courage talk anyone social contact visit supermarket avoid talking anyone dont courage go psychologist help too live country far far away mother cant disclose condition family consider mental illness taboo suicidal feelings selfish desperately want live mother waiting successful man career wise etc something else pulling makes die everyday daily routine  wake elaborate plans redflag around noon time comes forcefully make think mom somehow survive afternoon optimistic start getting normal again evening get thoughts spend night thinking next days plan redflag tired want way out rational part states things going fine need wait human mind accept much torture friends ones deserted seeing suicidal behavior seen reddit filled kind souls would one spare couple minutes help out begging you survive this grateful life 
desperate helpthis third time pleading help here received reply first two times edge know why interest anything keep thinking everyone hates me feel owe everyone favor dying thus making lives better know perhaps true sane part outshadowed insane part attempts last couple months freaked out tiny rational part brain striving live want live mother but find support anywhere friends deserted found acting wierd depressed social anxiety right childhood situation become worse past couple months even courage go office now cant summon courage talk anyone social contact visit supermarket avoid talking anyone dont courage go psychologist help too live country far far away mother cant disclose condition family consider mental illness taboo suicidal feelings selfish desperately want live mother waiting successful man career wise etc something else pulling makes die everyday daily routine wake elaborate plans redflag around noon time comes forcefully make think mom somehow survive afternoon optimistic start getting normal again evening get thoughts spend night thinking next days plan redflag tired want way out rational part states things going fine need wait human mind accept much torture friends ones deserted seeing suicidal behavior seen reddit filled kind souls would one spare couple minutes help out begging you survive this grateful life
ayuda desesperada esta tercera vez suplicar ayuda aquí recibió respuesta primero dos veces borde saber por qué interés cualquier cosa sigue pensando que todos me odian debe a todos favor morir así hacer las vidas mejor saber tal vez verdadera parte sana eclipsado intentos de parte loca los últimos dos meses enloquecido pequeña parte racional cerebro luchando vivo quieren madre viva pero encontrar apoyo dondequiera amigos abandonados encontrado actuación airada depresión social ansiedad derecho situación de la infancia empeorar pasados dos meses incluso coraje ir a la oficina ahora no puede convocar coraje hablar nadie contacto social visitar supermercado evitar hablar nadie no valor ir ayuda psicólogo también país vivo lejos lejos madre no puede revelar condición familia considerar enfermedad mental tabú sentimientos suicidas egoístas deseo desesperadamente madre vivo espera exitoso hombre carrera sabio etc algo más tirar hace morir diario rutina despertar elaborados planes rojo bandera alrededor del mediodía viene con fuerza hacer pensar mamá de alguna manera sobrevivir tarde optimista empezar a normal noche tener pensamientos pasar la noche pensando en los próximos días plan rojoflag cansado querer manera fuera racional estados parte racional cosas van bien