my parents argued since remember like argue apologize other always threw vicious remarks other never apologized waited next day scared never felt comfortable around them every vacation together every free day scared theyll start arguing always wished divorce born exist especially father mother may annoying times generally shes ok hate father always wanted disappear total narcissist victim mentality every time someone criticized behavior said everyone hates him always told everyone didnt understand wouldnt listen always ended every tirade why even bother talking always though think start talking dont listen you front family never behaved like one thought anything like that sometimes even wanted record show rest family suffer it sometimes wished born straight alcoholic abusive family everyone knows bail this never spoke anyone this acquired learned helplessness cant anything it also budding depression think didnt enjoy spending time them like every christmas easter thought christmas soon it time flies every summer vacation thought soon over signed soccer practice kid first practice kids gave insulting nickname called on basically cut contact them went every time put shoes whatever suffer practice went home didnt stop never told anyone this went every time even though didnt enjoy learned helplessness remember one time burst crying parents car never told why didnt trust anyway trying avoid kids went practice knew nickname one class did kids school panically avoided them didnt want friends know others insult me friends back basically started cutting ties them started going parties meeting people panically scared left basically one friend desperately clinged to always second option friends one else later school   people comfortable sat alone panically scared someone talk me college basically didnt talk people nothing talk about went parties etc sat alone home mindlessly scrolling internet middle school still motivation something problems sleep started couldnt get early literally woke every weekend pm felt shame parents made fun told just wake early every summer wanted somethign went back home work came back paralyzed sat closed room never could get early never anything thats basically this life past  years consisted entirely waking pm mindlessly scrolling internet studying sleeping eating garbage food masturbating mindlessly scrolling internet pass time eating garbage food masturbating thats spikes dopamine literally cant live wake know dont enjoy anything plans dreams things enjoy dont watch movies read books go anywhere all talk anyone literally barely talk barely walk self consciouss everything  voice talk walk hate entirety myself maybe hate feel myself personality literal nolife dont mean someone enjoys video games nerdy stuff dont enjoy anything never went anyone never date never went friends house after elementary school basically never went party never casually talked anyone never texted anyone entirely depersonalized derealized feel like alone universe never connected anyone shunned age  years old dont want anything family wants help because redflag attempt psychiatric hospital want get job go school something want to go job interview cant talk people even got job because someone family gave it disaster tried school ditched disaster everywhere go outcast surprise given im  years old cant talk people cant talk people talk about literally dont anything favorite movies books music foods dont human emotions never connected another human being empty shell larping human forced go therapy dont believe it dont believe anything help me  never experienced basic human things  year old children life experience me never learned anything nothing matters me completely depersonalized always waited things happen middle school literally waited till ill meet people go dates first kiss etc never happened feel void cant kill either tried many times always chickened out cursed vegetation like this sorry reads like schizophrenic rambling schizophrenic complete breakdown crying  hours tired even capitalize letters completely depersonalized even wrote feel like life feel like im describing someone else making things up yet finally think got theres help theres hope maybe ill get courage kill finally
my parents argued since remember like argue apologize other always threw vicious remarks other never apologized waited next day scared never felt comfortable around them every vacation together every free day scared theyll start arguing always wished divorce born exist especially father mother may annoying times generally shes ok hate father always wanted disappear total narcissist victim mentality every time someone criticized behavior said everyone hates him always told everyone didnt understand wouldnt listen always ended every tirade why even bother talking always though think start talking dont listen you front family never behaved like one thought anything like that sometimes even wanted record show rest family suffer it sometimes wished born straight alcoholic abusive family everyone knows bail this never spoke anyone this acquired learned helplessness cant anything it also budding depression think didnt enjoy spending time them like every christmas easter thought christmas soon it time flies every summer vacation thought soon over signed soccer practice kid first practice kids gave insulting nickname called on basically cut contact them went every time put shoes whatever suffer practice went home didnt stop never told anyone this went every time even though didnt enjoy learned helplessness remember one time burst crying parents car never told why didnt trust anyway trying avoid kids went practice knew nickname one class did kids school panically avoided them didnt want friends know others insult me friends back basically started cutting ties them started going parties meeting people panically scared left basically one friend desperately clinged to always second option friends one else later school people comfortable sat alone panically scared someone talk me college basically didnt talk people nothing talk about went parties etc sat alone home mindlessly scrolling internet middle school still motivation something problems sleep started couldnt get early literally woke every weekend pm felt shame parents made fun told just wake early every summer wanted somethign went back home work came back paralyzed sat closed room never could get early never anything thats basically this life past years consisted entirely waking pm mindlessly scrolling internet studying sleeping eating garbage food masturbating mindlessly scrolling internet pass time eating garbage food masturbating thats spikes dopamine literally cant live wake know dont enjoy anything plans dreams things enjoy dont watch movies read books go anywhere all talk anyone literally barely talk barely walk self consciouss everything voice talk walk hate entirety myself maybe hate feel myself personality literal nolife dont mean someone enjoys video games nerdy stuff dont enjoy anything never went anyone never date never went friends house after elementary school basically never went party never casually talked anyone never texted anyone entirely depersonalized derealized feel like alone universe never connected anyone shunned age years old dont want anything family wants help because redflag attempt psychiatric hospital want get job go school something want to go job interview cant talk people even got job because someone family gave it disaster tried school ditched disaster everywhere go outcast surprise given im years old cant talk people cant talk people talk about literally dont anything favorite movies books music foods dont human emotions never connected another human being empty shell larping human forced go therapy dont believe it dont believe anything help me never experienced basic human things year old children life experience me never learned anything nothing matters me completely depersonalized always waited things happen middle school literally waited till ill meet people go dates first kiss etc never happened feel void cant kill either tried many times always chickened out cursed vegetation like this sorry reads like schizophrenic rambling schizophrenic complete breakdown crying hours tired even capitalize letters completely depersonalized even wrote feel like life feel like im describing someone else making things up yet finally think got theres help theres hope maybe ill get courage kill finally
mis padres discutían desde que recuerdan como discutir disculpa otros siempre tiraron comentarios viciosos otros nunca se disculparon esperados al día siguiente asustados nunca se sentían cómodos alrededor de ellos todas las vacaciones juntos cada día libre asustados empezarán a discutir siempre deseo divorcio nacido existe especialmente padre madre puede molesta veces generalmente ella ok odio padre siempre quería desaparecer total mentalidad víctima narcisista cada vez que alguien criticó comportamiento dijo que todos le odian siempre le dijeron a todos no entienden no escuchar siempre terminó cada diarada por qué incluso molestarse en hablar siempre aunque creo que empezar a hablar no escuchas familia frontal nunca se comportó como uno pensaba que a veces incluso quería disco show resto familia sufrir a veces deseaba nacido recto alcohol abusivo familia todos saben fianza esto nunca habló nadie este aprendido impotencia no puede nada que también la depresión en ciernes piensa no disfrutar pasar tiempo