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+"My wife is always accusing me of cheating and telling me that I'm doing things she finds disrespectful even when I don't mean it like that. For example, she gets offended when I call someone at work ""sweetheart."" I wish I had a penny for every time she accused me of cheating on her. She doesn't, and never will say she was wrong. How do I get her to understand?",workplace-relationships,"Hello. That must be very frustrating for you to feel that you to be reminded of constant wrongdoing in your relationship, especially when you feel that your wife does not admit to any fault. This could lead you to feel inadequate in the relationship that can harm your relationship in the long-term. Based on what you are reporting and without knowing your wife's side of the story, I would say that you are raising 3 different concerns._One is that there seems to be some concern of infidelity from your wife that you feel is not justified. It may bear clarifying how each of you define ""infidelity"". Currently, there is no uniform definition of infidelity because it can emcompass a hook-up, chatroom texting, extensive phone calls to a female friend, viewing pornography, a massage with happy ending, physical intercourse, or intimate emotional sharing. Depending on whether any of these circumstances have occured, you may need to reflect whether there is any truth to what she may be accusing you of and for you to share with her your reasons for engaging in these activities. If there is no truth to it, then my clinical intuition is that she may be accusing you of infidelity as a way of saying, ""I feel you distancing from me."" In other words, it's not so much about whether you are actually unfaithful but a statement of how she feels as she witnesses your distancing from her. Often times, accusing a partner of cheating is likened to a cry or a yearning for closeness. If so, what you want to do is to reflect to her that perhaps she is saying that you are unfaithful because she senses that you are moving away from her emotionally. If this is true, you may wish to share with her why you are pulling away and then discuss the kind of support you may need to feel closer to her again. Otherwise, if the focus becomes about who is right and who is wrong, the conversation will never touch at both of your core emotional needs._The second issue touches upon how to interpret calling someone a ""sweetheart."" The term has been loosely used in a variety of contexts to mean ""you're so sweet and kind"", ""my dear"", or in a flirtatious manner to mean ""sweetie."" The intention behind the use is known only to the speaker. You may want to reflect in what context you meant to use the term and share it with your wife. If your wife overheard the comment not knowing your intentions or context, it is possible that she may have misinterpreted what you have said. _If she finds the term disrespectful, it may be her way of expressing, ""I want to be the important person in your life and if you call someone else a sweetheart it means that I am not valued as much."" Therefore, arguing about who has the right or wrong interpretation may be missing the mark. Rather, the issue is about how do you wish to treat or show consideration of each others feelings? You may wish to explore how do you show her that you value her and that she is important to you? Is saying ""sweetheart"" to another woman conducive to that or is it sending mixed messages to your wife? That said, if you have expressed and shown her that she is important to you on many occasions with open discussions and by understanding, accomodating and prioritizing her needs, then her actions may be a reflection of her personal insecurities. She may need to speak to a therapist about her feelings and her fears.The last issue you raised concerns your wife never admitting she's wrong. Indeed that must be frustrating for you to hear often that you are doing something wrong. In the absence of her admitting to any faults, it could seem like you are the one with the problem. Unfortunately, blaming invites defensiveness and a withdrawn behavior because most people who feel blamed do not feel good about themselves and wishes to distance themselves from the person who is making them feel unhappy. This pattern can also trigger the partners' insecurity as they witnesses the distancing, which could make them angrier and more accusatory - creating a vicious cycle. Finding a healthy way of reaching out when your partner is in turmoil to help calm her emotions and being able to speak about your own feelings and needs is at the heart of a very secure attachment. This kind of conversation can be guided by an experienced professional to help both of you to express your feelings and needs in a safe and secure way to foster a secure bonding. We sometimes take for granted the simple expression of, ""I'm sorry."" However, it requires a certain comfort with being vulnerable to express that. In my practice, when a client tells me that his or her partner never says ""I'm sorry"", I am often observing the first partner to see if they are able to express vulnerability. If neither of them express it, then it makes sense to me because why would one risk being vulnerable and then getting hurt if they open up if the other partner doesn't do it.? These insights in therapy can sometimes lead to a different relationship building conversation, which can help couples to to feel safer with each other rather than blaming and alientating._For more information about these services, you are welcome to read my materials on my website at www.PsychologyResource.ca or to contact me at (514) 690-2469.","내 아내가 나를 항상 바람피우고 있다고 탓하고, 내 의도와는 다르게 무례하다고 말해. 예를 들어, 직장에서 누군가를 ""다정한 사랑""이라고 부를 때도 빙자함. 그녀는 항상 바람을 피우는 것으로 나를 지적하고, 그녀가 잘못했다고는 결코 말하지 않는다. 그녀에게 이해시키려면 어떻게 해야 할까?,",안녕. 네 아내의 실수를 인정하지 않아 당신에게는 상당히 괴로운 일일 것입니다. 이는 관계에서 자신을 부족하게 느끼게 할 수 있고 이는 장기적으로 당신의 관계에 해를 끼칠 수 있습니다. 이야기만으로 보았을 땐 세 가지 주요 문제가 있습니다.
+We've been in a long distance relationship for two and a half years. I recently saw his phone and saw the people he texts the most and one of them was a female coworker. I don't know how to approach this situation. How do I ask him about it?.,relationships,"I agree with Sherry that in a close intimate relationship, you are entitled to ask questions about his relationship with significant others. These questions help couples to build connection and trust. It's based on the idea that if you reach out to him for whatever reason (support, openess, understanding, empathy), you can count on him and can expect him to be responsive. How he responds to your question will give you an idea whether he helps you to feel more emotionally secure and builds trust or if you feel that you cannot be open with him. If your partner responds in an open and understanding manner, it usually indicates that he cares about your feelings and values your importance. If he responds in a defensive manner, it could mean that he does not like that you are questioning your trust in him or that he has something to hide. Either way, you may wish to explain that building trust is something that is very important to you in a relationship and that talking to him openly helps to foster that. If he continues to be defensive or evasive, then there might be some bigger issues at stake and the two of you may benefit from couples counselling or having a discussion about the values that are important to you in the relationship and how the two of you will go about supporting those values with actions.Dr. Virginia Chowwww.PsychologyResource.ca",먼 거리 연애 중이에요. 최근 그의 핸드폰을 봤는데 연락을 많이 주고받은 사람 중 한 명은 여직원이에요. 이 상황에 어떻게 대처해야 할까요?,"가까운 관계에서는 그와의 인연에 대한 질문을 할 자격이 있어요. 질문은 연인 간의 연결과 신뢰를 쌓는 데 도움을 줍니다. 질문을 통해 그의 반응을 보고 감정적 안전감과 신뢰를 느낄 수 있는지 파악할 수 있을 거예요. 그의 대답에 따라 더 강한 연애 관계를 구축할지, 서로 열린 대화를 통해 신뢰를 쌓아갈지 결정하면 돼요."
+"We weren't long distance until he joined the military. I love him and I know he loves, me but it's complicated. He said he's not going to find someone else, but I'm afraid. How do I keep our relationship going?",relationships,"Hello. You are asking a very good question about how to sustain a long-distance relationship. Although maintaining a long-distance relationship has its challenges, with the proper communication, commitment, and understanding, many long-distance couples are able to thrive and maintain a close connection._Without knowing more about the ""complicated"" nature of your relationship, I wonder whether your boyfriend has given you reason not to trust him that makes afraid that he will find someone else. Has he cheated on you in the past and has shown romantic interest to another person that made you fear losing him? _Or, is your thought just a fear but not based on evidence? Knowing that distinction is important because if it is the latter, you may benefit from refocusing on the wonderful qualities about your partner that makes you feel good about him and the relationship rather than focusing on the unknown or uncertainty of the future. The more you focus on ""what if"" situations, the more you may feel anxious about a reality that is not accurate and make you act in ways that are insecure._However, if there is reason for you to question his fidelity, you may have to speak to your boyfriend about how to build trust in the context of a long-distance relationship. To help the conversation, you may need to consider what you may need to experience or receive as support to feel safe in the relationship to build trust. Is that you wish him to contact you regularly, or to include you more in his life, or to make a clear commitment? For many of my clients in my private practice, that may include talking to their partner often and using a variety of modalities including text, phone, and Skype. It's hard to believe in a relationship when you never talk to your partner, and it's hard to build a relationship when you don't know what's going on in your partner's life. Other times, it is Making sure they talk often to their long-distance partner so that they can participate in each others lives and to feel their presence.. Regular communication, understanding and caring is the key to sustaining any relationship, but this is especially true for long-distance ones._Dr. Virginia Chowwww.PsychologyResource.ca","질문 : 먼 거리 연애를 지속하는 방법이 쉽지 않아. 내 남자친구와 사랑하고 있고, 그도 나를 사랑한다고 하는데, 복잡해. 다른 사람을 만나지 않겠다고 했지만 두려워. 어떻게 관계를 유지할 수 있을까?,","먼 거리 연애를 유지하는 방법을 잘 질문했어. 올바른 의사소통, 헌신, 이해로 장거리 커플은 많은 가용성과 밀접한 관계를 유지할 수 있어. 관계의 ‘복잡함'에 대해 자세히 알지 못하는데, 남자친구가 너를 믿지 않게 만든 충분한 이유가 있는지 알고 싶어. 과거에 너를 속인 적이 있었거나, 다른 사람에 대한 로맨틱한 관심을 보여 너를 잃을까봐 두렵게 만든 적이 있는지 궁금해. 또는 그냥 불안하고 미지에 기반한 공포인지 파악해야 해. 만약 뒤자리가 사실이라면 너를 보호하고, 관계 속에서 신뢰를 구축하려면 그에 대해 이야기해야할 필요가 있을 수도 있어. 대화를 돕기 위해 그에게 어떤 지원이 필요한지 생각해볼 필요가 있어. 자주 연락하기를 원하거나, 그의 삶에 더 많이 포함되길 원하거나, 명확한 헌신을 원하게 생각할지도 몰라.과연, 모든 관계를 유지하는데 정기적인 소통, 이해, 배려가 필요하지만, 특히 장거리 관계에 있어서 그것이 더욱 중요해."
+I just feel sad all the time and I don't like anyone in my family. I feel like they're trying to control me and won't let me grow.,depression,"Hello,While one can be sad from time to time, feeling sad ""all the time"" could be a sign of depression. If you feel sad on most days, it is worthwhile speaking to a psychologist to determine whether you suffer clinical depression. Feeling sadness is a normal response to loss, whether you lose a family, friend, job, or something you deem important in your life. However, feeling sadness all the time is a signal that you are not happy about something in your life. If it is related to your family and often relationship with family members could affect our self-esteem and self-worth, then perhaps it is worthwhile exploring what you find unhappy about your relationship with your family. Is it that you do not feel heard, supported or loved? Is it that you feel disrespected, disregarded or feel unimportant? These are just a few examples of common issues that people report that contribute to their depression. To help you to uncover your reasons for your sadness or depression and to cope with them in a healthier and more constructive way, it may be helpful to contact a therapist who could support you with this process. You do not have to deal with it alone. Dr. Virginia Chow, Montreal Psychologist. For more information about depression, please consult my website at www.PsychologyResource.ca",가족에 대한 부정적인 감정이 지속되는 이유가 뭘까요?,"가족과의 관계가 자존감과 자아 가치에 영향을 줄 수 있어요. 가족과 서로 어떤 부분에서 불행한 지 탐구해볼 필요가 있을 거에요. 혹시 듣지 못 받는다고 느끼거나 지지받지 않다고 느낀다면, 이를 적절히 대처할 수 있는 상담사와 대화하는 것이 도움이 될 수 있어요."
+I am extremely possessive in my relationships and this is hurting my friendships. How can I fix my underlying issues?,behavioral-change,"Hi there. It's great you are able to realize there are other issues going on with someone who feels possessive. At the root of it is fear. Fear of losing someone, fear of being alone, fear of not being good enough. All those fears can lead to low self-esteem and feeling like you have to control other people so you don't lose them. The thing is, controlling other people only pushes them away. Vicious circle, right?_What I would suggest is some cognitive therapy to change those underlying ways of thinking. You can start with this assignment. Write down all the things you think about yourself, positive and not-so-positive. Then rewrite those not-so-positive things so they are positive. For example, thinking something like, ""I'm too pushy"", can be rewritten as, ""I'm assertive and I go after what I want."" It can be hard to do since we tend to get ""stuck"" in our negative ways of thinking about ourselves. If you have someone you trust, you can ask for their help as well since most likely they see you differently than you see yourself.Finding a good cognitive therapist can help you further, but if that's not an option for you right now, there are lots of self-help books and websites that are out there. You've already taken the first step, so keep moving forward.","내 관계에서 무척 소유욕이 강한데, 친구관계에 해를 끼치고 있어. 내 안에 숨은 문제를 어떻게 해결할 수 있을까?","안녕. 너는 무언가 소유욕을 느끼는 사람의 숨은 문제를 깨달을 수 있다는 것이 좋아. 그 근본에는 두려움이 있다. 누군가를 잃을까 봐 두려워하거나 혼자 남을까 봐 두려워하거나, 부족하다고 느끼지 않을까 봐 두려워하는 것이다. 그 모든 두려움은 자존감을 낮추고, 다른 사람을 통제해야 한다고 느끼게 만들기도 해. 하지만 다른 사람을 통제하려고 한다고 해도, 그들은 멀어질 뿐이야. 악순환 맞지? 나는 그 숨은 생각 방식을 바꾸는 인지 치료를 추천할게. 이 과제로 시작할 수 있어. 나에 대해 생각하는 모든 것을 긍정적인 것과 아닌 것을 적어. 그리고 그 부정적인 것들을 긍정적으로 재작성 해봐. 예를 들어, ""나는 너무 강요적""이라고 생각하는 것을 ""나는 당돌하고 내가 원하는 것을 놓치지 않는다""로 바꿔봐. 우리는 우리 자신에 대해 부정적으로 생각하기 쉬우니까, 이러한 변화를 하는 것이 힘들 수 있어. 믿을 수 있는 누군가에게 도움을 청할 수도 있어. 그들은 아마 당신을 당신이 본 것과는 다르게 볼 것이기 때문에. 더 나아가서 좋은 인지 치료사를 찾으면 더 도움이 될 수 있지만, 현재로서는 그런 선택지가 없다면 많은 자기 도움 서적과 웹사이트가 있어. 너는 이미 첫걸음을 내디따른 거니 계속 전진해."
+"My last relationships have ended horribly. They just up and abandoned me. One of them I have never gotten closure with over it, leaving me emotionally wrecked. I know something's wrong with me but I don't know how to even start trying to better myself.
+ I get into these depressed like states whenever anyone I care about is too busy to be with me. I know that I shouldn't act like that because people are genuinely busy, but I feel like they're doing it just because they don't want to be around me.",depression,"Frequently when working with clients, I utilize the A-B-C model developed by Albert Ellis, the founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Theory. The theory basically states that you can not control an event but you can control your reaction to the emotions associated with said event. For instance here is an example:A (Action or Event): You need to talk to someone and that person is not calling you back.B (Behavior or Response): You begin to tell yourself that this person is too busy for me or I am not important to this person.C (Consequence): You feel depressed.If you look at the model, B has a direct effect on C. The thought is if you change your reaction to A, then C will have a better consequence, such as:A: stays the same.B (this is what you change): This person must be busy, they will call me back when they get a chance or I can call someone else to lean on for support until this person is available.C: Decreased feelings of depression & overall functioning improves.This is just an example but if you actively work to replace the negative thought patterns that effect your behavior, studies show that your overall outlook and mood will improve. If this model resonates with you, I recommend ""Feeling better, getting better, staying better"" by Alber Ellis. In addition, looking for support groups in your area are a great source of support when you are feeling abandoned or alone.","내 전애들과 헤어질 때마다 매우 힘들었어. 그들이 갑자기 사라지는 거야. 그 중 한 명과 난 한번도 마무리를 하지 못해 정말 정신적으로 파괴되었어. 나에게 뭔가 문제가 있음을 알지만 어떻게 나아지기 시작해야 할지도 몰라.,","일반적으로 고객과 작업할 때, Albert Ellis가 개발한 A-B-C 모델을 사용합니다. 그 이론은 사건을 컨트롤할 수 없지만 해당 사건과 연관된 감정에 대한 반응을 조절할 수 있다고 말합니다. 이 모델을 사용해서 부정적인 생각 패턴을 교체한다면, 전반적인 태도와 기분이 개선될 것입니다. 도움이 되는 책이나 지역에서의 지원 단체를 찾아보는 것도 좋습니다."
+I'm worried I should see a therapist due to past events and current mental status. I'm just so unsure of how to ask my doctor about seeing someone.,professional-ethics,"Having this kind of conversation with a doctor can feel difficult. But remember, you are the expert on you. Any good medical professional will recognize that.You are absolutely right to think about the importance of being your own health care advocate. Generally, the best approach is simply to be honest. Let your doctor know what you are concerned about and tell your doctor what you think might help. If there is a specific issue that you_ like to address in counseling, let you doctor know about it. And don_ hesitate to directly ask for a referral.I know this may all feel a little overwhelming. It might help to bring a family member or significant-other with you to provide support when you talk to your doctor. It_ great that you_e already taken this first step to reach out. You_e on the right track.",정신적인 문제와 과거 사건으로 인해 심리 상태가 안 좋아서 센세이션을 받아야 할까 걱정 돼. 의사에게 상담을 받을지 물어보는 방법을 잘 모르겠어.,"의사에게 이야기하는 것은 어려울 수 있지만, 너만의 전문가임을 기억해. 우수한 의료 전문가는 네가 스스로의 건강을 저지르기 중요성을 인지할 거야. 솔직할 때, 그게 종종 최선의 방법이야. 걱정되는 점을 의사에게 알리고 무엇이 도와줄 것 같은지 말해봐. 상담에서 다루고 싶은 구체적인 문제가 있다면, 의사에게 알려줘. 그리고 추천 받기 위해 명확히 직접 요청해도 돼.모든 게 조금 압박감을 줄 수 있지만, 의사와 얘기할 때 지지를 제공하기 위해 가족이나 애인과 함께 가면 도움이 될 수도 있어. 이미 조언을 구한 첫걸음을 내딛은 것은 멋지다. 올바른 길에 서 있는 거야."
+"I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has ""friends"" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?",intimacy,"Your question highlights your pain very clearly.__What you are describing is one of the most common scenarios I see in my practice with couples: One partner feels terribly lonely and unimportant in response to the other partner either turning towards other people and activities or being withdrawn and turning inward._My mind immediately goes to a question for you: What happens when you are feeling alone and uncared for? What do you say to yourself about you, about your spouse, and about your relationship?_ What do you do in response to these feelings? Do you ask for what you need?_ Does this lead to arguments?_ Do you stay silent or withdraw?Very often, couples enter into negative patterns where one partner feels afraid of rejection by the other partner and so withdraws from the relationship (and is often seen as ""cold and aloof"" towards the relationship), and the other partner feels afraid of abandonment by the withdrawing partner and so pursues the other (and is often seen as ""critical and nagging"")._ Regardless of ""who started it,"" these patterns can_turn into infinity loops that take on a gravity of their own, and ultimately cause both partners to withdraw and dissolve the relationship._ If both partners want to work on saving and improving the relationship, the way out of this is to learn about your emotions and patterns together so that you can slow down the pattern and stay in touch with the emotions that pull people together._ As the patterns_slow down, partners are better able to get more deeply in touch with their vulnerabilities, needs and longings, and ask for them to be met in such a way that doesn't leave the other partner feeling criticized, threatened, abandoned, or uncared for.Some couples can do this without the help of a therapist._ The book ""Hold Me Tight: 7 Conversations for a LIfetime of Love"" by Sue Johnson is a self-help book based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (the most scientifically validated couples therapy that currently exists), and has been helpful to many couples that I see._ When a therapist is needed to help partners reconnect or overcome betrayals, I recommend seeking couples therapists who are trained in a scientifically tested model of couples therapy (such as Emotionally Focused Therapy._ You can learn more about EFT or find an EFT therapist here: http://www.iceeft.com).To summarize:Your pain is understandable and valid._ It's telling you what you are missing and what you want.Reconnection comes when we can listen to what our feelings are telling us, express those feelings in a safe way, and assert our wants/needs,_while remaining open to the vulnerabilities and needs of our partner.If you can do that on your own, and your relationship is responsive, that's fantastic!_ If you encounter challenges in resolving this yourself, consider therapy with a trained couples therapist using a model that is scientifically validated._ Pain means this is important!_ You and your marriage are worth the effort!","11년째 결혼한데 2년 동안 서로 멀어졌어. 남편이 나보다 직장에서 ""친구""들에게 더 감정을 쏟는 것 같아. 너무 외로워서 싸늘한 느낌이 들어. 다시 연결될 방법이 있을까요?","혼자서 해결할 수 있으면 좋겠지만, 부부 상담이 필요할 지도 몰라. 'Hold Me Tight: 7 Conversations for a Lifetime of Love'는 좋은 자기 도움 책으로 추천돼. 감정 중심 치료가 필요하면 과학적으로 검증된 부부 상담사를 찾아보세요."
+What do you do when a therapist and a parent drugs a child and makes up lies in order to stop the other parent's custody visitation?,legal-regulatory,"This sounds like a potentially serious situation. The most important thing is to make sure the child is safe. _If you suspect that a child is (or has been) harmed, I would strongly recommend that you report your concerns to your local law enforcement or to Child Protective Services. If you don't think that a child is in danger, you can still report your suspicion of counselor misconduct to the state regulatory board.",부모와 상담사가 아이에게 약을 투여하고 거짓말을 만들어 이를 이용해 다른 부모의 보호자 방문을 막을 때 어떻게 해야 하나요?,"이런 상황은 심각할 수 있어요. 중요한 건 아이가 안전한지 확인하는 것입니다. 아동이 위험에 처했다고 의심되면 관할 지역 법 집행 기관이나 아동보호 서비스에 신고하는 것이 좋습니다. 만일 아이가 위험에 처하지 않은 것으로 생각된다면, 상담사의 부적절한 행동을 주의 당국에 신고할 수 있습니다."
+"Sometimes I can't stop thinking about life after death. I was raised in a religion that teaches that we will live on forever either in hell or in heaven.  When I think of living forever (even if it is in heaven which should be good), I feel overwhelmed. I don't like the thought of living forever and ever and ever. Sometimes I just can't get the thought out of my mind and the thoughts lead to panic and anxiety.  Am I crazy? I don't think these thoughts are normal.",anxiety,"You might be surprised how normal you are. Anxiety is incredibly common and while your particular type of existential anxiety might be unique to you - it is very difficult for most people to really comprehend what happens after we die - regardless of the religious or philosophical belief systems we hold. It is the ultimate unknown and some philosophers and psychologists believe that at the root of our day-to-day anxieties is the fear of death or fear of the unknown. _Just as it can be really hard to comprehend the ending of life it can also be hard to comprehend an eternal existence. What these both have in common is that we are imaging a future that is ultimately unknowable and this unknown can provoke a lot of anxiety._Mindfulness based practices like meditation - maybe there is something like this in your religious tradition - can be very helpful in making peace with the unknown in the present moment. The more we can learn to live in the moment - the less we get hung up on anticipating outcomes for our lives that may never come true. Mindfulness practices can help you ground, be where you are , relax and regulate your nervous system so that you are able sleep and recuperate, and train your attention to focus on living the life you want to live now - rather than worrying about what happens after you die._Having said all that - it can be profoundly helpful to speak with someone about your anxiety - especially when you feel haunted by it, worry that you are crazy and can't get to sleep. There are lots of good therapists out there who can help you with your anxiety.",죽은 뒤의 삶을 생각하면 불안해,너무나 일상적인 걱정. 누구나 알 수 없는 미래에 대해 불안해하는 순간이 있어. 명상 같은 실천이 도움 될 수 있겠어. 현재에 집중해주는 설명이 도움 될 거야. 걱정이 심해진다면 전문가와 대화해봐.
+"I get so much anxiety, and I don_ know why. I feel like I can_ do anything by myself because I_ scared of the outcomes.",anxiety,"This is a very common question in my practice. Panic attacks typically emerge from an underlying issue (ex. Depression, low self-esteem, fears). To decrease your anxiety symptoms it_ recommended to seek treatment with a therapist who specializes in working with anxiety disorders and most importantly one with whom you feel comfortable with.In my practice I educate clients about their anxiety and discuss building a framework with helpful tools for decreasing anxiety:1. Starting a daily mindfulness practice. For example: listening to guided meditation; engaging in deep breathing exercises; yoga practice; or other positive calming activities.2. Understand your negative and positive thoughts. Many times we tend to focus on the potential for bad things to happen. Increase positive self-talk when feeling down or when anxious. For example: ""I don't need to worry, I am calm and relaxed"". 3. Exposure to fearful or anxious situations. This can be accomplished under the care of a mental health professional. Many times we shy away from things that make us feel uncomfortable or insecure. This may led to an increase in isolating behaviors resulting in difficulty in performing things we were once able to do. For example: leaving the house; presenting in front of others; going to social events; and having conversations with people. However, the more we expose ourselves and practice the use of our positive coping skills (ex. deep breathing) the chances of anxiety will decrease. I hope this was helpful. Keep in mind, a therapist can help with guiding you through self relaxation and improvement.","내가 너무 불안해, 그리고 왜 그런지 모르겠어. 혼자 아무것도 할 수 없는 것 같아. 아웃컴을 두려워해서 그렇다고 생각돼.","불안 증상을 줄이기 위해, 불안 장애를 다루는 전문가 치료사를 찾는 것이 좋아. 일상적인 명상, 긍정적인 자기 대화, 두려운 상황에 노출되는 것 등의 방법을 시도해볼 수 있어. 이것이 도움이 되기를 바래. 함께 고민을 나누며 자기 방법론을 배우는 세션은 큰 도움이 될 거야."
+"My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore.",family-conflict,"It is understandable that it's very hard for you to hear daily complaints from your mother regarding the caregiving of your niece. You cannot change your mother's feelings and responsibilities, which could create feelings of frustration and helplessness. It must be equally hard for your mother to assume full responsibility for your niece at a time where your sister cannot take care of her. This type of responsibility usually produces an enormous amount of stress and pressure because your mother and niece would both need to adapt to this new relationship, living situation, and the feeling of being ""abandoned.""_Not knowing the history of your relationship with your mother and how you respond to each other in times of need, it may be difficult to fight the right recommendation on how to deal with this situation. Nonetheless, it is not easy to have to face daily complaints and you may have to set a healthy balance between empathy and boundary setting with your mother and some personal boundaries for yourself._It is likely that your mother's ""complaints"" may be her desperate cry for help because she does not know how to cope with stress or how to ask for the right kind of support. In this case, you could calmly and respectfully tell her the next time you hear her complain, ""This must be very difficult for you because I hear the stress in your voice almost everyday. It's very hard for me to hear you feeling so overwhelmed. I feel helpless in this situation and would like to suggest that it might be helpful for you to seek some professional help and support to deal with such a big matter of importance."" When empathy and understanding is communicated, recipients are usually more open because they hear and feel the caring behind it and are more likely to seek additional help.After sharing this message of empathy and encouragement to seek help, the next step is to protect yourself by explaining to your mother where your limits are so that she understands what she can expect from you. This means that you can decide the kind of support or help you are willing to give your mother and/or niece that is within your ability to provide without feeling overwhelmed. This could involve inviting them to dinner occasionally, taking them out to see a movie or inviting your niece over to give your mother respite. You could then say to her if she complains again, ""I cannot change the way you feel in this situation and I encourage you to seek professional advice about that but what I could do is .........(explain what you could do to help).""www.PsychologyResource.ca","엄마가 조카를 돌봐주고 있어, 매일 불평하면서 나에게 전화해. 더 이상 들을 수 없어.",엄마가 매일 조카 돌봄에 대해 불평하는 것을 들어주는 것이 힘들어하는 것은 이해할 수 있어. 가벼운 경계 설정을 통해 건강한 균형을 유지할 필요가 있을 것 같아.
+"He said he would try and he never did. It's been nine months, and this is making me worse. Today, he said I have to respect whatever decision he makes. Is that true? Am I supposed to respect the decision to leave because he can't handle what I'm going through and leaves me here crying and worried every night? He's constantly changing his mind on if he wants to work it out.",depression,"Wow that is tough. There is nothing worse than fearing abandonment when you are already struggling with depression. It sounds like you are still wanting to work through whatever challenges you and your husband are having but your husband may not be on the same page. I would encourage you and your husband to seek professional support if you haven't already. While depression can put real strains on a relationship, relationship problems can lead to or contribute to depression and there may be some real benefits to both of you in doing some couple therapy. With that being said - if your husband is not willing to do therapy or is clear that he wants the relationship to end, then I can't see what choice you have but to ""respect his decision"" as you mentioned. This doesn't mean that you have to feel okay with the decision - as I'm sure you wouldn't - but ultimately loving one another and staying in committed relationships is a choice that we each have to make. If he is wanting to leave - this could make things a lot tougher for you. I would encourage you to seek professional support for yourself and reach out to lots of friends and family. You do not need to face depression alone - nor should you have to. We all need support at tough times like these.","남편이 약속했던 것을 지키지 않고 결정에 대해 존중하라고 하는데, 어떻게 해야 하죠?",남편과의 문제를 해결하고 싶어하는 당신과 남편의 의견이 다르다는 것 같아요. 전문적인 지원을 받아 보세요. 남편이 관계를 끝내길 원한다면 존중할 수밖에 없죠. 혼자가 아니에요. 함께 방법을 찾아봐요.
+"I'm always told I'm not good enough or trying hard enough. I put 100% in to every thing. I'm worn out, I've worked on all of my family relationships, I'm doing great in school, I'm kind to those in need and otherwise. I stick to my religious beliefs and leave room for mistakes and learn from others so I don't have to make as many and the ones I do I learn from.  Somehow it's still not good enough and nothing I do works. Nothing has changed, and I feel hopeless. Any suggestions or ideas?",self-esteem,"Hello, and let me say first, what a great question!_There are so many people putting forth their 100% everyday and often times, do not get the credit they deserve. Without being able to fully understand where you're question is coming from, I think there are a couple of different ways to look at this question.First, I think it's important for us to consider the message being sent by those in your life stating that you're ""not good enough."" Is that ACTUALLY what they said, or is this just what you heard? Sometimes, because of our own self-doubts and fears, we skew and misinterpret the messages we receive from others. Again, listen to the message being sent and attempt to remain objective. Is the message being sent coming from a place of love or concern? If so, have an honest and open communication with that individual about what your concerns are regarding the amount of energy and time you're spending on being ""good enough."" Explore with them how you feel you'r already giving your best.If the person is unwilling to work at understanding this concern you have, then it may be time to explore the relationship. Some relationships we engage in can be toxic, especially if the other person is toxic. It may be they have their own ""stuff"" going on and they feel the need to constantly put others down to make themselves feel better. If you're in the direct path of this individual, then it serves to reason you will probably be in the direct fire, as well. Explore whether or not you want this relationship to continue in your life. If it's a relationship that MUST continue, then work on what you will do to distance yourself from their toxicity or their problems. Until they're willing to work on these issues for themselves, then it may be necessary to find an exit strategy, such as leaving the room or simply refusing to engage in the conversation._Another perspective of this question is exploring the reason why it's important for YOU to satisfy the expectations of these other individuals? NO ONE will ever be 100% ""good enough"" for EVERYONE. Every single person has their own set of expectations in themselves and expectations in others. It would be impossible to satisfy all of those expectations for every single person in our lives._The question becomes, what is it WITHIN you that feels the need to meet these expectations? There is most likely a part of you, yourself, as an individual that feels ""less than"" and feels as if you, yourself, are not good enough. It then becomes impossible to every feel ""good enough"" for others, because it's really YOU you're trying to feel good enough for. If you already feel as if you're doing everything you can do to be at your best version of yourself, then really work on LETTING GO of the rest. No one is perfect, and striving for perfection in our lives only creates more anxiety and stress. Find a middle ground in which you are happy with your accomplishments and your daily goals, and learn to let go of what's left. After all, tomorrow is a new day and you can work on more of your goals tomorrow!I recommend doing this by finding a mantra, a statement or phrase you can repeat to yourself anytime you start to feel that sense of stress and pressure from striving for perfection. The mantra can remind you to let go of this expectation you have for yourself or that others have for you so you can also let go of the stress and anxiety surrounding the expectation._I leave you with one of my favorite quotes that perhaps you can use as your mantra, ""No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. "" - Eleanor Roosevelt.",질문 : 나는 항상 충분히 잘 하지 못하거나 노력을 충분히 하지 않는다고 말을 듣는다. 어떻게 자신이 백 퍼센트를 다 주고 있지만 충분하지 못하다고 느낄까요?,"너의 노력에 대해 부정적인 피드백을 받을 때, 그 메시지를 명확히 이해하려 노력하고, 상대방과 솔직하게 대화해보세요. 또한 자신의 완벽주의에 대한 기대를 놓고 중간 지점을 찾아가세요. 동일한 기대를 충족시키는 것은 불가능하며, 완벽을 추구하는 것만큼 불안과 스트레스를 부르게 할 뿐입니다."
+"My husband took a job out of state for the next year and seems to be a different person. Before, he worked and slept, and on off days, he'd stay home because he didn't want to do anything else. Now he's going out with friends several nights a week while I'm still home working a 50 hours a week job and taking care of two kids by myself. He's suddenly saying he misses me and wants me to be his adored wife, but the whole time, I'm remembering how I've been emotionally starving for the last five years.",marriage,"It seems that you have been very disconnected from each other which naturally _could contribute to symptoms of saddness and even depression. Obviously something has shifted which you do not understand. Therefore, _perhaps you should consider attending Couples therapy to help work through your concerns and feelings? _It would also be beneficial to assess if in fact any depression or other underlying issue is going on. Communication is so important in any relationship and the manner in which we express ourselves to our partner can either invite curiosity and emotional connection, or shut down connection. IMAGO dialoguing is a helpful tool for couples for communication as it teaches _validating and empathic listening to better heal disconnection.","남편이 한 해 동안 다른 주에 일을 얻어, 예전과는 다른 행동을 하고 있어. 어떻게 대응해야 해요?","서로 소통이 끊긴 것처럼 보이는데, 이는 슬픔이나 우울증의 증상일 수 있어. 부부 상담을 고려해보고, 의견과 감정을 함께 이야기하는 것이 중요해요.IMAGO 대화법을 통해 서로 이야기하는 것이 도움이 될 수 있어요."
+"I have major depression, severe, PTSD, anxiety disorder, and personality disorder. I had an appointment with my doctor. I was very upset, and I shared with him about that particular drug.",legal-regulatory,"Your doctor might be required to tell your psychiatrist - especially if your doctor is concerned about your safety.It was definitely a good thing that you told your primary care physician about what is going on. _I know that must have been difficult to talk about with him. _By having that conversation, you are helping_your primary care physician and your psychiatrist work together to best support your health.",의사에게 특정 약물에 대해 말해야 했어,너의 의사는 너의 정신과 안전을 걱정한다면 정신과 의사에게 말해야 할 수도 있어. 네가 주치의에게 상황을 이야기한 건 좋은 일이야. 의사와 협력해서 건강을 지켜나가는 게 중요하니까.
+I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.,spirituality,"What exactly is it that you are looking for? Different people define themselves in different ways. For example, one person may define himself by his values and morals while another identifies herself by her personality and characteristics. Still, another person may define himself by his interests and hobbies. Learning who you are as a person can take time and life experience. At the same time, who you are may change according to what experiences you have had and how you have dealt with them or felt about them. Try viewing the journey of finding yourself as exciting and ongoing. Allow yourself to feel emotions and learn how they relate to the_experiences you have. This may help you_to know more about what you value, what you like and dislike, and what you want for yourself in life._Best of luck to you!",내가 누구인지 모르니 말을 할 수 없어.,"정확히 무엇을 찾고 있나요? 사람들은 서로 다른 방식으로 자기 자신을 정의합니다. 예를 들어, 어떤 사람은 가치관과 도덕으로 자신을 정의할 수 있고, 또 다른 사람은 성격과 특징으로 자신을 식별할 수 있습니다. 너 자신의 여정을 흥미롭고 계속되는 것으로 바라보도록 노력해보세요.情感를 느껴 관련성을 알아갈 수 있게 하며, 네가 가치를 무엇으로 생각하고 무엇을 좋아하고 싫어하며 삶에서 스스로 어떤 것을 원하는지 배우는 것. 행운을 빕니다!"
+"I self-harm, and I stop for awhile. Then when I see something sad or depressing, I automatically want to self-harm.",depression,"In a way, self-harm can present somewhat like an addiction. _According to new research within the field of neuroscience there is a valid explanation for this. _When a person cuts or uses other forms of self harm, the body produces endorphins to help make a person feel better. _If a person was dealing with depression or high anxiety, that might be misinterpreted by the brain as a way to help oneself feel better and a new neural network or map might form (addiction) that would utilize this new behavior. _Another way to look at it would be thru a behavioral lens, a positive reward for a behavior, even though the behavior has other long term negative consequences. _Consider working with someone who can both have you work on and address those items that trigger your behavior and the root causes, in this case sadness or depression, and second find someone who can help give you alternatives that take into account the neurological requirement by replacing the behavior with another behavior (such as snapping a rubber band on the wrist) and working to extinguish the unwanted behavior. _ Someone who is trained in Dialectic Behavior Therapy and/or Interpersonal Neurobiology would most likely have the skills and means available to address this with you.","자해를 하다가 어느 정도 멈췄는데, 슬픈 것을 보면 자동적으로 자해를 하고 싶어져요.","자해는 중독과 비슷한 면이 있을 수 있어요. 뇌과학 분야의 최신 연구 결과로는, 자해 시 체내에서 내성약물이 분비되어 기분이 좋아지도록 하는데 그 연결이 있어요. 이를 해결할 수 있는 사람과 함께 일해보는 것을 고려해보세요."
+"I have no self control over food. Most people stop when they've had enough, but I keep eating for the pleasure of it. Especially with sweets - I'm never done eating dessert.",eating-disorders,"Hello! I'm so glad you decided to write in today. This is such a great question and I'm sure many others will relate to exactly what you're describing. There are a few different ways we can look at in understanding your concern._First, I think it's important to understand food is just food. Food is meant to nourish our bodies, provide us with energy and yes, sometimes reserved for special occasions and celebrations. But in many cultures, we place a LOT of emphasis on food. We have food at every gathering and every celebration. What's more people have come to almost EXPECT food to be present at any and every get-together. And if it's not? Well, then forget about it!_I see this time and time again with my clients. Donuts appear in the office, and it's almost like donuts have never been there before! Must eat one (or two)!_However, we need to remind ourselves that this occurrence, or similar ones, will not be the last time we can enjoy this particular food. It is likely the office donuts have happened before, and they will be there again on another day. During these moments, I like to have my clients employ a Stop-and-Think method. Stop-and-Think about your goals before you eat. Is this donut getting you where you want to be? Also, I have my clients ask themselves how special is this donut? If the donut really is a special donut (from the best bakery in town and you've never been there before) then now might be a time to have the donut. But if not, it would be wise to pass and wait until that ""special"" donut._Another aspect we need to remember about food, is to think about what we're getting from overindulging or overeating. Are you trying to drown out other emotions? Are you trying to feel better and the food gives you that feeling for a brief moment? What ELSE is going on? This can be determined by utilizing what we describe as a Thought Record. A Thought Record involves tracking and identifying thoughts and feelings associated with food triggers. By targeting the emotions, we can then determine where they're coming from, as well as how to decipher them. A therapist can also help you with understanding your emotions related to food and will be helpful in assisting you with the Thought Record.The most important thing to remember is that ""food addiction"" can be a real problem for a lot of people. If food is taking over your life and you are preoccupied and overwhelmed with knowing where to start, please seek out help. Binge eating is the most common eating disorder and impacts the lives of thousands._There are lots of free resources and information on my website at www.maddenwellnessky.com. In addition, I offer individual coaching and counseling through my website and I would love to help!- Amber",음식을 제어할 수 없어. 다른 사람들은 충분히 먹었을 때 멈추는데 나는 즐거움을 위해 계속 먹어. 특히 디저트 - 영원히 멈출 수가 없어.,"안녕! 오늘 여기에 글을 남겨줘서 정말 고마워. 너의 고민을 이해해 줄 수 있다. 식사는 우리 몸을 영양분으로 채우고 에너지를 공급하기 위한 것뿐이야. 특별한 날과 축제를 위한 것이기도 해. 하지만 여러 문화에서, 음식에 엄청난 중요성을 부여한다. 나와 함께 어떤 방식으로 이 문제를 이해할 수 있는지 알아보자."
+I feel like I would be more comfortable as a girl even though I still like girls. I think I'm like a girl stuck in a guy body. I imagine myself as a girl too. I think this more because my friends say that if I was a girl I would be a hot looking one. And I don't care about having boobs or anything. I just feel like the way that I do act will make more sense if I was a girl.,lgbtq,"I understand that gender and/or sexual identity crises can be very difficult to navigate, although in today_ time I think we have made a lot of progress and it is becoming easier for individuals to find themselves and also find acceptance from society.I am unsure how old you are. If you are a child or teenager, this is a normal time to have identity questions and to be in a phase where you are trying to figure out who you are and what you want out of life. I hope that you have understanding and supportive friends and family that you can talk to and who will support you in how you feel and what you may decide to do. A lot of people, unfortunately, do not, and if this is the case then it makes it harder for you. Because then you may not feel safe exploring these feelings and decisions.I urge you not to try to make any permanent changes for quite some time. By this I mean a sex change. Anything permanent like surgery or hormone replacement to change your actual gender is something that does not need to be done lightly. Please find a therapist that can help you explore your feelings and your identity crisis. Of course there are things that you can do that are not permanent changes. Many people decide to dress like their gender of choice. Maybe experimenting in this way is something that you could do.See if you have a local chapter of PFLAG in your area. PFLAG stands for Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. They are able to help not only with those who identify as lesbian or gay, but also transgendered and asexual._I wish you all the best in your identity crisis. It would be very easy for you to sink into depression if you do not have good support and understanding from those around you during this time. Find a professional that can help, especially if you experience depression or any thoughts of harming yourself.",나는 여자로 더 편안할 것 같아. 여자를 좋아하지만 여전히 여자와 함께 생활할 것 같아. 난 남자인 척 하는 여자 같다고 생각해. 친구들이 나를 여자로 있었으면 섹시한 여자가 될 것 같다고 말해. 가슴 같은 거는 상관 안 해. 그냥 여자가 됐을 때 더 이상 모순 없이 행동할 수 있다는 느낌이 들어.,"자신의 성 정체성에 대한 혼란을 이해해요. 흔히 정체성을 깨달을 때 위기감과 자아 탐색 시기를 겪어요. 가족, 친구의 이해와 지원이 중요해요. 완전한 변화는 성변환과 같은 내적 변화를 경솔히 하지 말아야 해요. 이 변화를 위해 전문가와 함께 자신의 감정과 아이덴티티 위기를 탐색해보세요. 부족한 지원이 있다면 부모와 친구의 도움을 받아봐요. 자살이나 우울증에 시달릴 경우 전문가의 도움이 필요하니 꼭 찾아보세요."
+"I am going through a divorce from a narcissistic sociopath who left me for another woman after mentally and emotionally abusing me for 11 years. I have moved to a different state and after giving up my successful business am working as a server at a restaurant. I_ coping as best as I can. Is it normal and healthy to not adapt as quickly and be as strong as I think I should be? I am astounded at his cruelty and how much he doesn't care, as well as most other people in my life. I feel like I don't exist to anyone anymore as there is no contact from anyone who I thought cared about me. My brother just said no to lending me a few hundred dollars for me to live on. I am losing faith in humanity itself.",relationship-dissolution,"I am very sorry to hear of your struggles. I think that it is normal to struggle to get your feet under you again after a divorce, especially after leaving a relationship that lasted 11 years, so try not to be too hard on yourself. Take it one day at a time and do the best you can.I notice that you said he left you. This tells me that you didn_ have the strength to leave him on your own despite the fact that you say he was emotionally and mentally abusive and also cheating on you. Low self-esteem can keep someone in a bad relationship because they think they can_ do any better. Also, abusers will make you think that they are the best thing you can get. The way I see it, he did you a favor. You are now free to make your own life whatever you want it to be._Take this time alone to work on you. As hurtful as it may be that other people don_ want to help you, this is something that you need to do for yourself without feeling like you need someone in your life to take care of you. Your statement _ don_ feel like I exist anymore tells me that in addition to low self-esteem, you also don_ have a clear sense of identify and rely on the people in your life to help define who you are. People can and will let you down. It is important for you to learn to handle disappointment, learn to take care of your own needs, and to gain a stronger sense of self._Do nice things for yourself every day because you deserve it. Even if it is just to soak a little longer in a hot bubble bath, do something that makes you feel good. Find a hobby that you enjoy. Look in the mirror and tell yourself some positive affirmations daily. Google _ositive affirmations to find some that resonate with you. Such statements might be _ am a good person who deserves to be happy or _ can do this. Some relaxation and meditation exercises may help you as well. There are some free meditation exercises that you can find online by doing a simple Google search.Take this time to focus on you and try not to worry about what everyone else in your life is doing. When you are a happier, more stable person, the right people will come into your life without you even looking for them. Good luck with rebuilding your life. I know it is hard! Remember to take it one day at a time.",,
+"I was _entored by this guy for a few years spiritually. It was okay at times, but other times, it was just weird. I try not to think about it too much, but a lot of manipulation and lying happened, yet no one else really believed me when I told them. It's like he's two different people, and no one else really sees that side of him. I was blamed for a lot of our troubles, and now we don't really talk much. I'm worried because he's in a trusted position of leadership and no one suspects anything. They just think I'm attacking his character. How do I know for sure?",social-relationships,"You may intuitively be sensing what many professionals in the social sciences and psychology have already understood.Just Google ""psychopaths and leadership"" and many articles come up about boardroom politics and that psychopaths are very successful in these roles.Theoretically, is it terrible that corporate leadership qualities match those of psychopaths? _Well, yes. _And, I consider your question as a mark of your sensitive awareness toward other people. _Being able to recognize social dynamics, is a strength that you have.Psychopaths know how to be charming and to twist words so that others believe that their own interest is the same as the psychopath's.I agree with you about not being able to change people's minds who are attached to this person's interactions.The only way you can introduce a change in the relationship system of a psychopath is that if you are aware of illegal or law breaking activity, and you have evidence of this, that you contact relevant authorities.No one is allowed to break laws, including psychopaths.",내가 어떻게 확신을 얻을 수 있을까요?,"당신이 인식하고 있는 것은 사회과학 및 심리학 전문가들이 이미 이해한 것입니다. 회사 경영자들과 사이코패스에 대한 기사를 구글에서 검색해보세요. 사이코패스들은 매우 성공적인 리더십 역할을 수행합니다. 현재의 지식상, 기업 리더십 품질이 사이코패스와 일치하는 것은 바람직하지 않습니다. 다른 사람들과 다르게 상황을 인식하는 민감한 지각력을 가지고 있다는 것은 당신의 강점입니다."
+"Cheating is something unacceptable for me but because we have two daughters I decided not to break up the family. However, now I am struggling to forget and forgive what happened. I feel like I cannot trust him. Without trust, I cannot stay in this relationship. On the other hand, I do not want my children to get hurt. I'm not sure how to move forward?",marriage,"First of all, my heart goes out to you. Infidelity is an extremely challenging obstacle to overcome. There are some things that you should consider. First of all, did he seem truly remorseful? If you felt in his heart that he was truly sorry for what he had done, it will give you a piece of mind that it was a_ mistake._Secondly, was he forthcoming with this information? How about with answering your questions after the truth was uncovered? If you found that he was still lying or not forthcoming, the sting is even more painful. He should be able to answer any question you have honestly and without hesitation.Thirdly, has he shown a positive difference after this experience? At this time, he should still be proving his faithfulness to the marriage, you and the children.Keep in mind that experiencing infidelity is a form of grief. It is not a quick process that can easily be overcome. What you are experiencing is 100% normal._My best suggestion would be to see a marriage therapist. Find out what drove your husband to cheat in the first place and decide if this aspect in his life has been resolved. I know its important for you to keep your family together but children can sense anger and frustration, this is not a healthy environment either. If you decide that you can no longer remain in the relationship, a therapist will also be able to help you cope with the separation along with addressing your children's needs.Please know that you are not alone and that unfortunately, many relationships have endured this very thing. It may also be helpful to reach out to people who have experienced similar obstacles. The web is a great resource to find groups whether online or in person to use as a support or sounding board.Best of luck to you and your family!",남편이 바람을 피우면서 아픈 일이 있었어. 가족을 분리하지 않으려고 했지만 용서하고 믿기 힘들어. 어떻게 해야할지 모르겠어.,"일단 너무 고마워. 외도는 극도로 힘든 고난이야. 우선, 남편이 진심으로 뉘우치는 모습을 보였는지, 정보를 적극적으로 알려줬는지, 죄를 인정하고 성실한 변화를 보였는지 확인해봐야 해. 정분을 가지고 이혼 여부를 결정하기 전에 결혼 상담사도 도움이 될 수 있어. 함께 이겨내자."
+"I feel like every time I do something someone asks me to, I never fully meet what they want. I feel that when I finish it, they always think that they should have picked someone else to do it. I feel like they just want nothing to do with me.",self-esteem,"It sounds like you have the perception that people are frequently disappointed in you, wish you were different or someone else, and ultimately reject you. One question I would have for you is what is your evidence that people feel this way? Is there anything in people's words or behaviors that gives you this impression? If your not sure, it may be useful for you to try to notice what people say and do in response to you, even though you perceive these attitudes within them. Additionally, working with a competent therapist may be a great way to get an answer to your question as well as developing ways to move forward with that answer and gain a sense of self-esteem and security in your relationships.One possibility that comes to mind, of which there may be more, is that as we grow up, we often develop relational templates, or sets of expectations about how people are and will relate to us, which influence our experiences and behavior in relationships. Sometimes the templates that we develop to stay connected growing up are not particularly adaptive for adult life and can hamper our self-esteem and capacity for comfortable intimacy as an adult. You ask a great question here, and one that can be very hard to see through, given the difficulty of feeling that people think of you in this way, and I hope that you will stay curious about this and consider working with a therapist who is trained to help you discover the answer.",난 누군가에게 부탁받은 일을 해도 절대 완벽하게 수행하지 못한 느낌이 들어요. 마치 제가 아닌 다른 누굴 써야하는 것처럼요. 상대방이 절대로 제게 기대하지 않는것 같아요. 어떻게 해야 할까요?,"다른 사람들이 자주 실망하거나 당신을 원치 않는다는 인식을 가지고 있군요. 이런 생각은 어디서 비롯된 건가요? 상대방들의 말이나 행동을 주의깊게 관찰하는것이 도움이 될 것입니다. 또한, 자신감과 안정감을 찾기 위해 전문가와 함께 성장해 나가는 것도 좋은 방법일 것입니다."
+"Hello, I have a cousin in my family who has been making me feel belittled, insecure, and frustrated during her stay here in the city. I know she comes from a place of love, but she has always been short-fused and highly temperamental if something doesn't work out the way she planned it. I have tried my best to coordinate plans with her, but she always ends up frustrated about the lack of communication I seem to have on my part and then makes condescending comments about my character that include: inconsiderate, negative, oblivious, and self consumed.    I have tried to talk to her openly about this, but it always comes back as an attack on my character and I have never heard these comments from anyone else before. I have been thinking a lot about her comments and whether I truly am an inconsiderate person who is not thoughtful, spatially aware of surroundings/people, or positive, but in the end, I am feeling awfully hurt about how this has affected our relationship.    What can I do?",family-conflict,"Do you have a close friend or relative who's opinion you trust? Ask them for their honest feedback and if they see you like your cousin does. If they don_ see these qualities in you, then it may be your cousin_ issue and she_ taking it out on you. You can always ask her what would be the best way to communicate plans with her so you know, specifically, what she is expecting. Then if you meet these expectations and she still blames you and comments on how inconsiderate you are, it's her issue and she is not coming from a place of love.Even if you do resemble her comments, the way it sounds like she approaches this problem is not out of love. The fact that you're introspective enough to consider your own behavior suggests the problem is not with you.",친구가 날 상처 주는 말을 자주 해. 어떡해?,"믿을 만한 ��구나 가족의 솔직한 의견을 들어봐. 그게 너와 같은가 봐. 만약 그들이 네게 이런 특징을 안 본다면 너희 친척의 문제일수도 있어. 그녀가 원하는 대로 계획을 소통하는 가장 좋은 방법을 물어봐. 그 후에도 여전히 네게 책임을 지우고 무례한 말을 하면 그건 그녀 문제고, 그녀는 사랑으로 접근하고 있지 않다는 거야. 네가 그녀의 말과 비슷하다면, 이 문제를 처리하는 방법이 사랑에서 나오고 있다는 게 아니라는 거야. 너가 스스로의 행동을 고려한다는 점에서 문제는 네게 있어보이지 않아."
+"I am currently suffering from erectile dysfunction and have tried Viagra, Cialis, etc. Nothing seemed to work. My girlfriend of 3 years is very sexually frustrated. I told her that it is okay for her to have sex with other men. Is that really okay?",relationships,"Hi,_First and foremost, I want to acknowledge your efforts to gain (your) ideal erectile function. If the medications are not working and you have taken them as prescribed, I would encourage you to seek the help of a sex therapist as the dysfunction may be due to a psychological and/or relational issue rather than a physical/medical one._As for your question, only you can answer this. Is it OK? Are you OK with her sleeping with others? Have you thought through what this may look like, feel like, become for you and her? Opening up a relationship is a choice only the people in_the relationship can answer. Even then, the answer may change at any point by either of you._I encourage you to also determine what the intention is underneath your telling your girlfriend she could sleep with others. Be clear with the intention and then together have continuous conversations about the expectations of opening up (i.e.: are there any kinds of sex that is off limits, areas of the body where touch or intimacy is not allowed, are uses of safer sex required or not, do you want to know the details or not, so forth). An excellent resource would be the book ""Opening Up"" by Tristan Taormino._I wish you the best of luck!Dr. Lily Zehner, MFT-C",성기능에 문제가 있다고 하셨네요. 여자친구를 위해 다른 남자와 섹스를 허용하는 것이 괜찮을까요?,"함부로 결정하기 전에 이에 대해 심사숙고하고 함께 대화해보는 것이 중요해요. 심리적, 대인관계적 문제일 수도 있기 때문에 성치료 전문가와 상담하는 걸 추천드려요. 결정하시기 전에 서로의 의도와 관계 개방의 기대 등을 계속 대화하는 것이 필요합니다."
+"I am divorced and happily remarried. Our blended family of children are in their 20s. My youngest, age 20, continues to call me crazy and favors her dad. He was abusive to me, and I left with injuries. He never wanted kids, and I did. He paid child support only through forced wage earners. Now my daughters favor him after all the sacrifices I made for them the past 15 years as a single mom. I don_ deny them a relationship with their dad, but to be called crazy and then watch them hang out with him hurts me to the very core. I_ not sure how to handle this.",parenting,"Hi Arkansas,_Your situation sounds like a case of parental alienation. Your ex-partner unfortunately has the power to say things to your children that poison their relationship with you. It's a form of woman abuse and child abuse. He's likely doing this to hurt you and have power over you, and he's not considering how it's affecting the kids. I've seen this happen in many families; parents who once had a strong loving relationship with their children suddenly feel abandoned in favor of the other parent. In some cases, children actually stop having contact with one parent, who is left bewildered and powerless. It's your ex's job to support your relationship with your kids, not try to destroy it._While you can't change his behaviours, and I think you know that, there are things you can do for yourself and your kids._For your children, you can refuse to enter into the war he's setting up. He's trying to provoke you into acting ""crazy"", but you don't have to fall for this. If you run around screaming ""he's lying!"", it only makes you look more 'crazy'. Try to stay calm, and don't put their dad down to them, no matter how tempting it is. One day, they may be ready to hear the truth of your relationship with their father, but wait until they ask. Trust that they have their own experience of their dad, and trust that he doesn't have the power to destroy their love for you. Children, in the long term, lose respect for parents who denigrate the other parent. They see who their dad is already, I'd bet, but they don't know how to cope with that. If he's the only one fighting a war, you're helping them feel less trapped in a parental conflict. Don't engage on his level._Don't blame your children completely. Although I have to say that for them to call you names like crazy is not acceptable and you don't need to tolerate that disrespect, try to deal with this behaviour without bringing their dad into it. They are acting out their father's agenda, likely because they instinctively see his weakness. Children often support the weaker parent, rather than abandon them. You get the worst because they trust your love. But you can still have boundaries. Letting them abuse you isn't the answer, but have compassion for their position. This picture isn't their fault, but as adults, they can be held accountable for their choices.Reassure yourself that you are the mom you know you are. You don't need them to gush all over you in order to know that you made sacrifices. Hold onto the likelihood that some day, they will come back and be grateful. It may take a while, you can't rush it, but they will see you for who you are. Your power is in giving them a consistently calm, generous, connected, supportive mom who refuses to play games or be walked on._I'd recommend trying to connect with other parents who experience this phenomenon, or a therapist who can reinforce these goals and help keep you grounded. Good luck!","아이들이 아빠를 선호하는데, 상처받았어. 어떻게 대처해야 할까?",전 아이들이 아빠의 영향을 받아서 너에게 불만을 표현하는 것 같아. 너는 다른 부모들이나 상담사와 연결되어 그들의 관계를 유지하는 방법을 찾아보는 건 어때?
+"I love my boyfriend and everything that leads to sex, but when it comes to the actual penetration, I hate it. I don't know why, but I just want it to be over. I feel like crying. I don't know why I don_ like it because all of my friends enjoy it.",intimacy,"Although I am not entirely sure why you might be struggling in this area, an initial question I have is do you want to be sexually active at this time or is this something that you feel pressured into doing.? _If you feel pressured into being sexually active by your friends or boyfriend it is understandable that you want it to be over. _I would encourage you to ask your boyfriend to be patient with you at this time _until you figure out what is going on. _I encourage you to then think very deeply about what your reservations, if any, _about being sexually active. _Do you fear pregnancy? _Are there problems in the relationship? _Are you afraid of the emotional intimacy?_Another question that comes to mind is whether or not you have any history of sexual activity that you did not consent to that might be getting in the way. _ When these types of traumatic events occur, _people can essentially become triggered negatively by anything that reminds them of past trauma. _Such events can cause an aversion to sex even if there is now a loving relationship whom one wants to be sexually active with. _If this is the case I strongly recommend individual therapy to begin working through some of these issues._A final area that you might explore would be whether or not you are experiencing pain with penetration. _If so, I would recommend that you schedule an appointment with a gynecologist to rule out any type of medical issues that might be causing these problems. _Although pain can also be associated with emotional issues, it is always good to rule out possible physical causes. _I hope that these ideas help to point you in the right direction. _Take care.",남자친구를 사랑하지만 성관계는 싫어요. 친구들은 즐기는데 왜 그런 걸까요?,성적 활동에 대한 압박을 느끼는 건가요? 남자친구와 솔직히 이야기해보세요. 성적 활동에 대한 걱정이 있나요? 관계에 문제가 있나요? 과거의 부정적 경험으로 인해 성적 활동에 거부감을 느낄 수 있습니다. 이럴 때 개인 상담이 도움이 될 수 있어요. 혹시 관련된 고통이 있는지 의사와 상의해보세요.
+"I'm a male in my 20s. My girlfriend is in her late 30s. She's great. She's funny and smart, she has a big heart, and we have an excellent sex life. She recently moved in with me partially because she wanted to and partially because she had no place to go. We fight a lot. It_ mostly my fault, I must admit. She doesn't like my insecurity and lack of trust I have for her. I have trust issues. Also, I can't fathom why a woman like her is with me, so I'm always dreading when a better dude will come along. I don't think she's happy. She's very submissive and she loves me very much, but also the fact that she has nowhere to go must be influencing her decision to stay. I love her so much, but my jealousy is not likely to diminish. I never believed in the whole ""If you love them, let them go,"" but I do now. I really want her to be happy. Should I end it with her? She has no place to go so I feel like I can_ break up with her. I_ literally trapped.",self-esteem,"Hi Fort Worth, _I applaud your awareness and insight into the relationship. _Most of us come into relationships carrying old baggage and although you can't change her, _what you can do, is change yourself. _We can usually begin to understand ourselves better in the context of our own upbringings. _That is where we learn what a relationship looks like and it is often not the best teacher. _I wonder about your jealously, insecurity, feeling trapped and a lack of trust. _Has that ever showed up anywhere before? _It has more to do with you and less to do with her. _ Your relationship with her is tapping into unresolved issues within yourself. _That is really where you want to focus. Once you understand it and resolve it, you will no longer need to ask anyone else what to do, because you will know. _You are young and just getting started in the relationship world and the healthier you are, the better you will know what healthy looks like. _ Know yourself, understand yourself and love yourself. _The rest will take care of itself. _Finding a Therapist can be a big help in this process. _You are asking the question, so I suspect you are ready to look at the man in the mirror. _I believe in you and am wishing you all the best.Sandra Cooper, RN, LPCMH",여자친구가 행복하지 않은 것 같아. 헤어져야 할까?,너의 인사이트를 칭찬해. 관계에서 들고온 짐을 들고 들어오기 마련이야. 너는 변화할 수 있어. 자신을 이해하고 바꾸는 것은 중요해. 자기 자신을 알고 이해하며 사랑하는 것이 중요해. 나머지는 자연스레 해결될거야. 부디 자가를 이해해. 함께 대화하는 것도 좋은 아이디어야.
+"How do I ever trust another woman? I have found myself constantly reading between the lines with every other woman that I meet. I am having a difficult time making any sort of connection to anyone because of her deception and willingness to say and do literally anything in order to control my emotions.
+ Once the ""relationship"" was over, she became extremely abusive and has attempted to intimidate me into silence regarding the many false claims made on her immigration application.",family-conflict,"I'm sorry to hear about being taken advantage of by your former wife.On the positive side, think of how much you learned by going through this very painful time.Maybe you are naturally very generous and caring, to the point of expecting very little from the other person, for example.Consider yourself in a favorable position to not feel like going out right now and meeting a new person. __Your spirit is guiding you to stay put and recuperate from this ordeal, review for any signs you may have been more trusting than merited by the person's behavior.There's a natural flow to what we're able to handle and when we have renewed capacity for new adventures.There's no reason to assume that you'll never trust another woman again. _The first step is re-building trust in yourself to step into a new relationship. _ There is no designated time line. _You'll simply feel more ready than you feel now.Very unlikely that you'd ever place yourself in a similar situation to the one you're currently recovering from.Good luck!",다시 어떤 여성을 신뢰할 수 있을까요? 위기를 극복하고 새로운 인연을 찾기 위해 자신에 대한 신뢰를 회복하는 것이 첫 번째 단계가 될 것입니다.이 과정에는 시간이 지정되어 있지 않아요. 매일보다 나은 대비 순간이 오게 될거에요.,"전 배우기의 많은 부분을 감수하면서 이 어려운 시기를 보내 줘서 너무나 참 안쓰러워요. 그렇게 함으로써 당신이 나름대로 대비해온 것에 영광을 돌려요. 지금 나가서 새로운 사람을 만날 필요성 없다고 생각하고, 침착히 회복 과정에 집중해보는건 어떨까요?"
+"My dad is always, and I mean always, cussing and screaming at me for no reason at all. He makes me feel stupid. He also compares me to my other siblings in a negative way and demeans me. Is this abuse?",parenting,"Oh my goodness, my heart goes out to you!! _I pray you have other strong and supportive loved ones or friends surrounding you. If you are in school, please consider speaking with a counselor on site who can help give you some good coping mechanisms as well as other resources.I believe most therapists would agree that this type of behavior is indicative of emotional AND verbal abuse. And quite often the two overlap because someone who is being yelled at and demeaned is also frequently having his/her emotions preyed upon as well._Healthy Place_offers us some great examples of emotional abuse which certainly fit the criteria of what you describe:Yelling or swearing_Name calling or insults; mocking.Threats and intimidation.Ignoring or excluding.Isolating.Humiliating.Denial of the abuse and blaming of the victim.And abuse survivor and author, Kellie Jo Holly, offers some other great examples of verbal abuse:Emotionally Abusive StatementsYou_e so cute when you try to concentrate! Look at you trying to think.I can_ believe I love a stupid jerk.Aw, come on, can_ you take a joke?Sexually Abusive StatementsYou should know how to please me by now.I hoped you were less experienced.Stop acting like a whore.Financially Abusive StatementsYou are going to nickel and dime me to death!In what world does buying that make sense?Fine. You handle your finances. Let me know when things go to hell.Societally Abusive StatementsHow dare you spread around our private business!Let me do the talking; people listen to men.You took a vow in front of God and everybody and I expect you to honor it!Threatening and Intimidating StatementsIf you don_ train that dog I_ going to rub your nose in its mess.I will take our kids if you leave me.You_e scared?! This isn_ angry! You will KNOW when I_ ANGRY!Spiritually Abusive StatementKeep your stupid beliefs to yourself.God will find a way to get you back, and it ain_ gonna be pretty.I can feel myself being pulled into hell just listening to your nonsense!It's been my personal clinical experience that children who are experiencing the types of things you describe often say they feel misunderstood, lonely, or scared and don't want to make things worse by standing up for themselves._Even if you feel you can't defend yourself outwardly, that doesn't mean your father's awful and toxic behavior is something you should ever internalize (i.e., believe to be true) which is why I hope you are surrounding yourself with people who will speak life and positivity back over you. _We are ALL worthy of respect, love, and kindness. Don't ever forget that!My love and light to you hon.Tamara Powell, LMHC","아빠가 무슨 이유 없이 항상 욕을 하고 소리지르는데, 그로인해 멍청하다는 기분을 듭니다. 남매와 비교하면서 저를 비하하며 내리막길처럼 내리막길 처럼 합니다. 이건 학대인가요?",개인적으로 저는 이견 없이 그것이 정서적 및 언어적 학대라고 생각해요. 위기에 처했을 때 학교 상담사와 이야기하는 것도 좋을 거 같아요. Healthy Place과 abuse survivor인 Kellie Jo Holly의 말들도 이에 부합하는 것 같아요. 사랑과 긍정적인 말을 듣는 사람들과 함께하길 바라요.
+"Everyone around me is much smarter and flaunts it. Everyone around me is skinny, and here I am trying to throw up so I'm not fat. Everything I do is wrong, and I can't seem to do anything right! No one else at school seems to feel the way I do! Is this normal teenage girls feelings? I don't think these feelings are normal.",self-esteem,"There are some struggles that are less ""obvious"" than others, an eating disorder being one of them. From just your personal experience alone you might realize how easy it may seem to keep such a secret from those around you. In the same way, there are many people who struggle secretly with this problem and not many people know or even notice. So you are definitely not alone. Low self-esteem or lack of confidence in some areas are issues that EVERY teen, in fact EVERY person, has experienced at some point. These feelings are ""normal."" It sounds, though, as if these feelings of insecurity and inadequacy have begun to consume your every day thoughts and behaviors bringing you to where you are today - comparing yourself to others, purging, and feeling extreme guilt. Sometimes it's best if we seek outside help, instead of trying to tackle problems on our own. Breaking habits that come along with an eating disorder really requires the help of a doctor, nutritionist, and a therapist who can help change your perspective from the inside out! Hope this helps!","내 주변에 능가하는 사람들만 있고, 자존심이 상해. 혼자서 먹는 것을 부지런히 시도 중. 모든 일을 잘 못하고 있는 기분이야. 학교에서 나와 비슷한 감정을 느끼는 사람은 없는 것 같아. 이게 정상적인 10대 소녀의 감정인가요?","네, 여러 문제 중 하나인 식욕을 억제하려고 하기 쉬운 투쟁이 있음. 당신의 경험만으로도 주변 사람들에게 이러한 비밀을 유지하는 게 얼마나 쉽게 보일 수 있는지 깨달을 수 있습니다. 당신은 절대 홀로가 아닙니다. 저조한 자존감이나 몇 가지 부분에서 자신감의 결핍은 모든 청소년, 사실 모든 사람이 언젠가 경험해본 문제입니다. 이는 ""정상적인"" 감정입니다. 하지만, 이러한 불안과 불충분함의 감정이 당신의 일상적인 생각과 행동을 소비하며, 다른 사람과 자신을 비교하고, 구역질하고, 극심한 죄책감을 느끼게 한 것 같습니다. 가끔은 혼자 문제에 대처하려고 하는 것보다 외부 도움을 찾는 게 더 좋습니다. 식욕 조절 장애와 관련된 습관을 깰 때는 내면에서 시작되는 전문의, 영양사, 그리고 심리치료사의 도움이 필요할 수 있습니다! 이것이 도움이 되었으면 좋겠어요!"
+"I have a problem with binge eating, especially during times of stress. I binge eat and feel so overwhelmed with shame and disappointment that I end up going to the gym and trying to exercise the calories off. I am in my late 20s, and I have been dealing with this since I was a teenager. Are there any coping mechanisms I can use to break this cycle?",eating-disorders,"Hello,This question describes a very typical setup of what is called the _Binge, Repent, Repeat cycle. This means that typically after you binge, you experience emotions as you described ""shame and disappointment"" and then because of these emotions you ""repent"" (i.e. vow to never binge again, promise to ""do better,"" go to the gym, etc.) and then ultimately end up bingeing again._There are many coping mechanisms for binge eating and one of the best is actually attempting to NORMALIZE eating. Meaning you need to attempt to eat normally, eating appropriately portioned meals 3 times a day, with snacks in between. IF you binge, then it may be helpful to remind yourself that when you attempt to compensate for your bingeing behaviors, and you end up feeling restricted from over exercising or undereating, then this actually leads to a binge again. Thus, reverting you back to the cycle. If you binge, it will be helpful to try and get back on a normal schedule of eating instead of trying to compensate for the binge. Although it may feel counterproductive, getting back on a normal eating schedule will prevent you from entering into the restrictive cycle._It can also be helpful to remind yourself that the binge has already occurred, it is in the past and the goal is to move forward without focusing on the past. Focus on what you can do differently next time. What emotions or situations led up to the binge? What can you to do prevent or change the circumstances that led to the binge, or the way that you handled the situation?_Lastly, if you're struggling with ""normalizing"" eating, it can be helpful to work with a professional that can provide counseling and coaching to help you learn how to eating normally, mindfully and without feeling the guilt and other harmful emotions sometimes associated with disordered eating. I would be more than happy to assist you if you ever have any questions or want to reach out to somebody. You can contact me via my website:_http://www.maddenwellnessky.com/",스트레스를 받는 때에 폭식장애가 있어요. 그때는 죄책감과 실망으로 너무 압도돼서 운동실 가서 칼로리를 태우려 해요. 청소년 때부터 이 문제로 고민 중이에요. 이 사이클을 깨기 위한 대처 방법이 있을까요?,"너무 고생했다. 네가 겪고 있는 것은 일반적인 폭식-참회-반복 사이클이야. 정상적인 식사를 시도해보는 것이 최고의 대처 중 하나일 수도 있어. 폭식을 한다면, 보상하려 하지 말고 정상적인 식사 스케줄로 돌아가는 것이 도움이 될 수 있어. 더 자세한 모든 것은 전문가와 상담하는 것이 좋을 거야."
+"I use to be so happy. No matter what, I always was happy. I got into a relationship with this guy. I love him so much. We_e both teenagers. The week after his birthday, my mom made me stop talking to him. It broke me. He came to my house and talked to her, and she let us date again but not see each other. He comes up to my school every day and it tears me apart that I have to lie to her.",family-conflict,"I understand that this can be difficult when you care about someone. Have you had a discussion with your mom as to why she does not want you and this boy to see each other, and what her concerns are? It sounds as though you and your mom may be able to use some help with communicating, and compromising. It is understandable that you do not to feel comfortable having _to lie to your mom. It _would be helpful if she could understand that you having to lie to he is getting in the way of you being able to go to her with any issue and _feel she will hopefully understand or try to understand where you are coming from. _Have either one of you been in family therapy? This may be something you may want to suggest to your mom to help you both understand where each one is coming from. If your mood is sad, and your feeling worse, it is important that you reach out to an adult, parent, person at school whom you trust to share your feelings and help you feel understood and work through your problems.",이 상황이 정말 힘든 것 같아. 엄마와 진지하게 대화해보거나 가족 상담을 받아보는 건 어때?,"너의 마음을 이해시키는 대화와 타협이 중요해. 솔직한 대화로 해결책을 찾아보는 게 도움이 될 거야. 지금 힘들 때, 믿을 수 있는 성인이나 학교에서 도와줄 사람을 찾아서 상황을 이해받고 함께 해결해보는 게 중요해."
+"I am always arguing with my father. He gets stressed over work and health and talks to me in a tone of voice that seems very demanding and seems more like yelling. I get upset often at this. Am I too sensitive? He always says I am overreacting but never seems to understand that he is hurting my feelings. No matter how often I try to tell him this, he never listens.",family-conflict,"Thanks for the question. Regardless of whether or not you are sensitive, it is okay to want better communication with those who are important to you. When we feel that we are being talked down to or being ridiculed, it is difficult to not take it personally. It sounds like you have taken the first and necessary step in resolving this by bringing up the issue to him. Is it possible that the delivery of your message is causing him to feel blamed or defensive? Try communicating with him during a time when you are not upset and when it is out of context. Begin your statements with_""I"" as opposed to ""you."" For example, you can tell him, ""I feel angry when_you raise your voice at me"" instead of ""You_always yell at me."" Also, avoid using black and white terms such as never and always. Additionally, offer sugggestions as to ways that he can better communicate with you. Maybe he just doesn't know how to._Lastly, when delivering a message, I like to use the sandwich method by starting off the discussion_with something postive and ending it with something postive. For example, you may say something to the effect of:""Dad, I_enjoy the discussions we share and really value your opinion. There are times that_I feel angry when you talk to me aggressively. Perhaps you can try talking to me using a calmer tone when I bring up heated topics. Let's try and work on this together. I will try to be less sensitive and I am asking that you be more calm.""I hope you find this useful!","아빠와 항상 다투게 돼. 그는 일과 건강으로 스트레스를 받고 몹시 호되게 얘기하는데, 나는 이에 화가 날 정도예요. 내가 너무 예민한 걸까?","너가 예민한지 여부와 상관없이, 소중한 사람과 더 나은 소통을 원하는 건 괜찮아. 아빠가 너를 상처받게 했다는 걸 이해하지 못하는 건 힘들죠. 아빠에게 문제점을 제기한 것은 해결책을 찾으려는 첫걸음이었어. 이때 아빠가 자신을 공격당하거나 방어적으로 느낄 수 있어요. 분노하지 않은 상태에서, 맥락을 벗어난 시간에 이야기하는 건 어때요? ""나""로 시작하는 발언을 하고, 절대적 의미를 갖는 용어들을 피하는 게 좋아요. 아빠가 너와 더 나은 소통을 위해 노력하도록 제안해봐. 함께 이 문제를 해결할 수 있기를 바랄게."
+"My boyfriend says I'm nuts. I need to get help because I get an overwhelming feeling that he is cheating on me. Whenever I try to talk with him about it, he always turns it around on me by telling me what I'm doing wrong. I know that accusing him does not help. When his whole demeanor shifts towards me, I can't help but think that something is wrong. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I try to talk with him to make it better. I let him know when I am feeling down. But I am not confident in these things.  Two weeks ago a girl texted his phone 3 times trying to hook up with him. He texted her back with ""Sorry, I've been working. I just read your message."" The girl was trying to get him to call her at a time when he was at home with me. He texted her back with ""Don't text me anymore."" I don't feel like I am way out of the line. But I can't talk with him if all that he will say is that I'm crazy and I need help. What should I do? How will I go about checking if there really is something wrong with me?",relationships,"Trust your intuition that your boyfriend is involved with other people.You gave examples which strongly suggest this.Quite commonly, a person twist someone's words to convince then of having problems in seeing or understanding their own and other's behavior.Your intuition is again working quite well in telling you that your problem is having a boyfriend who manipulates you, not that you're seeing things incorrectly.One way to check if you're totally misreading him, is to examine whether you feel similarly in other relationships.If no one else who knows you tells you that you're crazy, then this strongly points to your boyfriend twisting words so that you feel wrong.Also, a consult with a therapist would clarify the dynamics between you and your boyfriend.A therapist session would also allow you to think out loud in a confidential discussion, what to do with your newfound clarity!","남자친구랑 사이가 안좋은데 내가 잘못한 것 같다는데, 정말 내가 문제가 있나요?",직감을 믿어주세요. 상대방 이해컨대 문제를 만들려고 말을 비틀 수 있어요. 다른 관계에서도 그런 감정을 느끼는지 확인해보세요. 혹시 주변 사람들이 당신이 미친 줄 아는 사람이 아니라면 남자친구가 단어를 비틀어 당신을 잘못 알게 만드는 것일 수 있습니다. 이러한 사항을 상담자와 공유하면 새로운 깨달음을 얻을 수 있을 것입니다!
+"My boyfriend won't touch me intimately, he won't kiss me while we are having sex and he won't have oral sex with me. I know he has done this things with other women in the past. I don't know why he won't do them with me. What should I do?",intimacy,"First off, don't blame yourself or be too quick to jump to any scary conclusions. _Human sexuality can be incredibly complex at times (e.g., what turns us on at one time may not be what turns us on the next time)._There could actually be a number of things going on including him having performance anxiety...maybe he had a bad experience with a previous partner that's left him scared to try again (we call this operant conditioning). _It could also be that he puts you in a different category than previous lovers. _Sometimes I refer to this as the ""hooker-housewife mentality"" where a partner somehow gets the idea that when we truly fall in love, we treat that one differently; almost up on a pedestal. _Drives many partners crazy until they're aware that this is going on and give their boyfriend/ girlfriend permission to enjoy both the naughty and the nice with them._It could also be that he's not even aware that he's not doing these things. If you haven't asked him yet, you might try gently approaching the subject when you're not already in the bedroom or trying to get in on and inquire what he most enjoys about sex with you (or has enjoyed in the past, or thinks he might enjoy). _You can also share your favorite highlights of sex with him. _Give him an ego boost and tell him what he does well while then asking him if he'd be down to go downtown. _""Baby, it REALLY turns me on when you kiss me during sex.""If you continue to get the impression that it's somehow only about YOU or that he's just really hesitant to talk about sex in general, you might see if he'd be cool to chat with a counselor who specializes in sexual intimacy.",내 남자친구가 나와 성관계할 때 키스도 안하고 오랄섹스도 거절해. 그런데 전 여자들과는 해준 적이 있다고 해. 나만 안 해주는 건 왜지?,"우선, 스스로를 탓하지 말고 과도한 결론 도출을 하지 말게. 이런 상황은 복잡할 수도 있어. 성적 셩향은 심리적인 영향도 받을 수 있어. 그는 전날 당하거나 부정적인 경험으로 내세에서 걱정할 수도 있어. 너를 다른 사랑하는 사람들과 다른 카테고리로 보는 경우도 있을 수 있어. 때로는 너를 사랑할 때 차별적으로 대우한다고 여겨질 수도 있어. 이 복잡함을 함께 이해하는 게 중요하다고 생각해."
+We have been fighting a lot and have 3 kids but we both want to stay together. I need some help to save our family.,relationships,"Hello, I do not live in the California area. However, perhaps I could make some suggestions as to where you might look for free counseling. First, I must mention that most insurances now cover for many different types of issues, including family issues. If your girlfriend lives with you, most insurances now cover ""live-in partners,"" as well. If you have insurance, contact your policy provider and ask whether or not couples counseling is included.Aside from insurance, the next place that comes to mind is a religious affiliation. Do you belong to a church or other religious organization? Many of the pastors or leaders in these disciplines have significant training in counseling, as well as assisting with marriage and couples counseling. These services are ordinarily offered free of charge to members.Another option might be to explore support groups within the area. There may be a group in the form of a couples support group that brings couples together to explore their relationships in the safety of the group. If you find there are no such groups in your area, there are anonymous, support groups online. Here is one such site:_http://relationship.supportgroups.com/",우리가 자주 싸우는데 세 아이가 있고 함께 남고 싶어. 가족을 구하기 위해 도움이 필요해.,"안녕, 우리 지역에 살지 않아. 하지만 무료 상담을 받을 수 있는 곳에 대해 제안을 해줄 수 있을 거야. 보통 보험이 여러 다양한 문제를 포함하여 가족 문제를 포함해 커버하고 있으니, 정책 제공업체에 연락해서 부부 상담이 포함되어 있는지 확인해봐. 기독교 또는 종교 단체에 속해 있는지 확인해봐. 이런 단체의 목사나 리더들은 상담 및 부부 상담에서 지원을 제공하는 데 상당히 자격이 있을 수 있다. 일반적으로 회원들에게 무료로 제공될 수 있어. 지역내의 지원 그룹을 탐색해볼 수도 있어. 부부 지원 그룹 형식의 그룹이 있을 수 있으며, 부부의 관계를 그룹의 안전 속에서 탐색하도록 돕는다. 지역에 이러한 그룹이 없다면 온라인 익명의 지원 그룹을 확인해보는 것도 좋은 방법일 수 있어. 아래의 사이트를 확인해봐: http://relationship.supportgroups.com/"
+I'm having relationship problems and I want to fix them to make things right before I lose her. How can I learn how to listen and get myself together?,relationships,"What an important question, and the fact that you're asking it is a big step in the right direction. To answer in detail would require having quite a bit more information about what ""relationship problems"" have occurred _that woke you up to the fact that you're not listening as well as you could and that you're running the risk of losing her.Given that I don't have all that information, I'll offer one simple suggestion. Your girlfriend is the expert on what she needs and wants in relationship. You could simply say to her that you know you still have a lot to learn about how to have a good relationship and you realize you're not yet understanding what she needs and_you really want to. Then take a deep breath, settle down, and listen. Don't argue, don't interrupt, don't judge... listen. Let her know what you understand and that you're open to hearing more, learning more if you're not quite getting it yet... and then listen some more. Be present and curious about this person you love dearly and don't want to lose. This is the first step toward intimacy.",사이에 문제가 생겼어. 그냥 지내기 전에 문제를 해결하고 싶어. 어떻게 듣는 법을 배우고 정신 차리면 좋을까?,"그런 일이 있어서 너에게 일어나도록 한 문제가 무엇인지 좀 더 알려주면 더 자세히 대답할 수 있을 텐데, 너와 그녀 사이에서 어떤 일이 일어나고 있는지 알아야 돼. 하지만 전 지금 모든 정보를 알지 못하기 때문에 간단한 제안을 해줄게. 너의 여자친구는 관계에서 필요하고 원하는 것에 대해 전문가야. 너는 그녀에게 너가 아직도 좋은 관계를 유지하는 방법에 대해 많이 배워야 한다는 것을 이해한다고 말할 수 있어. 그래서 깊게 숨을 들이마시고 진정되고, 듣기만 해. 논쟁하지 말고 가로채지 말고 평가하지 마... 들어줘. 너가 어떻게 이해하는지 그녀에게 알려주고, 아직 잘 이해하지 못하면 더 배우고 더 듣겠다는 것을 열고 있음을 보여줘... 그리고 계속 들어줘. 너가 소중히 생각하면서 잃고 싶지 않은 이 사람에 대해 궁금해하고 존재하도록 해. 이것이 친밀함으로 나아가는 첫 걸음이야."
+"I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago, I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems?",trauma,"You are right on to recognize that the effects of trauma can be cumulative. _It is very possible that a car accident could lead to an increase in PTSD symptoms that were related to other traumatic experiences.If you have been deployed to a combat area, you are most likely eligible for free counseling services through the VA Vet Centers. _The Vet Center clinicians typically have a lot of experience working with military trauma. Here's a link to a directory of Vet Centers:http://www.va.gov/directory/guide/vetcenter.aspYour service and sacrifice is greatly appreciated.",군대 경험으로 외상 후 스트레스 장애 진단을 받았어,추가 트라우마가 쌓이는 것을 알아차리는 당신은 옳아. 차고에서의 사고는 과거의 외상 경험과 연관된 PTSD 증상을 더 악화시킬 수 있어. 전투 지역에 파병되었다면 VA 베클리닉 무료 상담 서비스를 제공받을 자격이 있어. 함께 일해온 군인들에게 감사드립니다.
+"After 25 years, I fell in love for the first time. The person acted for a week and left me without even saying goodbye. My heart is burning, and I can't take this pain.",relationships,"Ouch. Losing someone you love hurts so much. We all long to be loved and to love and to have that experience and then lose it is awful. While it is easy to feel angry or start doubting yourself under these circumstances, I would encourage you to recognize the agony of what you are experiencing as an indication of how much you value loving relationships and how much you want to make this happen in your life. When we are going through this kind of loss it is really helpful to have the support of friends and family. While no one is going to be able to make it better, we don't have to be alone with our pain. If you are not comfortable with going to those in your life it may be a good time to see _a counsellor to help you cope with your distress and learn how to move past this and find the love that you are looking for.",사랑을 떠나보내는 것이 얼마나 고통스러운 일인지 알아. 함께 살고 사랑할 수 있는 사람이 갑자기 떠나면 상처받으니까. 가족이나 친구에게 조언을 구해볼까?,사랑을 잃는 고통을 겪을 때 친구나 가족의 지지가 큰 도움이 돼. 혼자가 아니라는 걸 깨달을 때 편해질 거야. 혹은 상담사를 만나 이 상처를 극복하고 사랑을 찾아가는 방법을 배울 수도 있어.
+"I'm in a long-distance relationship with my ideal man, but I'm not as attracted to him as I should be. Everything else is perfect about him, but I find myself lusting over more attractive men. The next step is marriage, but I want to marry someone who I can wake up to and fall in love with all over again. However, I also don't want to throw away a great relationship over what might just be lust. Am I asking for too much in the ""perfect guy""? Is there such a thing? Am I truly in love?",relationships,"Attraction is important but sometimes over-rated. I'm curious about your comment that you are not as attracted as you ""should be"" - What is your measuring stick is for what you are supposed to feel in terms of attraction in a relationship? Do you want to be sexually intimate? Do you enjoy having sex with him? Are you satisfied with your sexual relationship when you are with him?_The fact that there is lust for other more attractive men does not necessarily mean anything. There will always be attractive men and more attractive men than your partner and these attractive men will be even more appealing when you are in a long-distance relationship far from the arms of your partner. Loving someone does not mean that you stop being a sexual being who no longer notices and desires attractive men._Attraction results from a number of factors beyond appearance - including the degree to which you feel emotionally open, safe, and connected and how in tune you are with each other's bodies. It sounds like you think very highly of this man ""everything else is perfect about him"". Maybe it is worth spending some more time together in the same place if that is possible before deciding on marriage or that you are not truly in love.",완벽한 남자와의 장거리 연애 중인데 외모에는 끌리지 않아. 다른 남자에게 끌리고 있다고 느껴. 그래도 모든 면에서 완벽한 것. 완벽한 남자 없을까? 사랑일까?,외모 이외의 요소도 고려해야. 남자에게서 어떤 끌림을 느껴야 할지 측정하는 기준이 뭔지 궁금해. 섹슈얼 하면서 행복할까? 만족스러운 섹스 라이프일까? 장거리 연애에서는 외모가 더 끌릴 수 있어. 진짜 사랑인지 한 번 더 확인해보는 것도 좋을 거 같아.
+"As a child, my parents injured my brother, so they went to prison. I was there when he had gotten hurt, but I can't seem to remember. I also can't remember being with them quite well. It's a blur.",trauma,"It's important to know that there are counselors who are trained in working with survivors of trauma and you can get help. _The ""blur"" in your memories is your brain's attempt to protect you from the experiences in your past. _To recover them can be a slow process done by a trained professional that you trust. _When you are ready and feel safe, those memories can be recovered and can be integrated with other memories. _This will help to lessen the potency of the memory, help to make sense of what has happened, and allow you to begin the healing process. _Check into therapist who are trained in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing).","질문 : 아이때 부모님이 동생을 다치게 해서 수감됐어요. 다치는 걸 목격했지만 기억이 안 나요. 그리고 부모님과 지낸 기억도 흐릿해요.,","트라우마 생존자와 함께 일하는 상담가들이 있음을 알아야 해요. _너의 기억 속 '흐릿함'은 너의 과거 경험으로부터 너를 보호하려는 뇌의 시도입니다. _기억 회복은 믿을 수 있는 훈련받은 전문가에 의해 천천히 이루어질 수 있어요. _준비되고 안전하게 느낄 때, 그 기억은 회복될 수 있으며 다른 기억과 통합될 수 있어요. _이것은 기억의 강도를 줄이고 일어난 일을 이해할 수 있도록 도와주며, 치유과정을 시작하도록 도와줄 거예요. _EMDR(안진화와 재처리 눈운동)에 훈련 받은 상담가를 찾아보세요."
+"After a domestic abuse situation, I went to a therapist, and then my husband went. The therapist discussed her assessment of borderline personality disorder with me. She then told my abuser the results of my tests.",domestic-violence,"It sounds like it may have been a violation of confidentiality for your therapist to disclose information about you without your permission._ There are some exceptions to the general rule of confidentiality however._ For example, when a therapist has a reasonable concern that a client (or someone else) is in imminent danger, he or she is generally allowed to disclose confidential information to protect that person.If you believe your counselor has violated your confidentiality, you can always contact your states' counseling regulatiory board._ The board_will then investigate the allegations and can take appropriate action.","내가 가정 폭력 상황을 겪은 후, 치료사에게 다녔어. 그런 다음 남편도 가게 되었어. 치료사는 내게 경계성 성격 장애에 대한 평가를 했어. 그 후, 내 학습 결과를 내 폭행자에게 알렸어.","너의 치료사가 너의 동의 없이 정보를 공개한 것은 비밀 유지 위반이 될 수 있다. 그러나 예외 사항도 있다. 걱정이 있을 때는 상황에서 당사자가 또는 다른 사람이 임박한 위험에 처해 있을 때 치료사는 일반적으로 그 사람을 보호하기 위해 비밀 정보를 공개할 수 있다. 만약 치료사가 너의 비밀 보호를 위반했다고 믿는다면, 귀하의 주 지역 상담 규제 기관에 연락할 수 있다. 그 기관은 그 정부 소송을 조사하고 적절한 조치를 취할 수 있다."
+"About two and a half months ago, I met a woman on a dating site. We went out on two dates, and then despite her original plans on how to pace and conduct the relationship, I ended up at her house on a the Friday night one week after our first date. We respectfully tried not to have sex, but after hours of trying to resist each other, we gave in and we had sex. After that, I slept at her house every night for almost two weeks. Then one day, she went to her family_ house on Thanksgiving and everything changed. Within the short time we were together, we got so close and serious really fast. We had finally found each other. We told each other that we loved each other all the time, even while we were making love. A few days after Thanksgiving, she told me that we would have to go back to her original plans of seeing each other much less frequently. I was very hurt and didn_ understand. Then another week later, she told me she couldn_ do it at all anymore. I was crushed!
+   A few days later, she tells me how much she_ missing me and _et_ get together for lunch or something like that. Then about two weeks later, we finally get together one night and we were so hot for each other (in love, not just sex), but she confessed that the reason for the sudden distance was that the father of her very young child told her he wants to get back together and this totally messed with her. So for her child_ sake, she is now considering the possibility of allowing that to happen. She had told me all about him previously, and it is definite that she has little to no attraction to him, but she would do this putting herself in misery again for her child. Our love for each other is fully established and acknowledged, but she is torn and confused. She doesn_ even think it would work between them as she had to kick him out before for not fulfilling his role properly. I know she needs time, and all I can do is take care of myself. We have agreed to remain friends, and if this doesn_ work out for her, we will try again. I_ completely in love with her, and I_ in extreme pain.",relationships,"That sounds really heartbreaking. It is tough falling in love and not being able to dive fully because of complications on the other side. It sounds to me that you are doing exactly what you need to be doing by taking ""care of myself"" while the rest sorts itself out. While I admire your desire and courage to stay friends - the ""extreme pain"" that you mentioned may make this too challenging and at odds with your taking care of yourself. Since there is no commitment on her end to give it a shot with you I would make sure that you really honour your own feelings about what feels right to you so that you don't end up feeling strung along or resentful. Make sure that you lean on friends and family at this time - we need all the support that we can get when we are heartbroken.","난 여자를 만났어. 처음에는 좋았지만, 이젠 아파.","그건 참 가슴 아픈 일이야. 너하는 올바른 일을 하고 있어. 너도 최대한 자신을 챙겨야 해. 가까운 사람들에게 의지하고, 마음을 털어 놔봐. 함께 지쳐가는 마음을 위로받을 필요가 있어."
+"My ex-boyfriend and I met over a year ago. We hit it off and fell in love pretty quick. However, he has trust issues and assumed I was cheating. When I found out I was pregnant, we had just broken up. Five months later, I lost the baby, and we did not speak for a few weeks. Now we are talking, and he says he loves me but is afraid I will hurt him ""again."" I just want to know where to go with this because I love him so much, and I want to get back to us being happy and a family.",relationships,"I'm truly sorry to hear that your relationship is causing you such distress at this time._When we are in relationships, trust is so integral to our satisfaction within the relationship. _Often, when we feel we are required to prove ourselves, feelings of resentment can replace those feelings of wanting to be supportive. _In situations like this, I often recommend being open and honest in your communication with your partner. _Your fears about his response are valid, as he made an assumption which you cannot disprove because you cannot battle against a shadow fact._If you feel comfortable doing so, you can always ask him why he is so concerned you are unable to remain faithful and challenge those beliefs with the facts that disclaim them. _You can also ask your partner what it is that he needs from you to help you to help him trust in your responses. _In the end, these are issues that you cannot conquer for him - you can only guide him and show him the path towards trust. _You may suggest couples counselling or that he seek out a professional to talk to, as well. _But in terms of your question, only you can decide whether you feel you can remain in a relationship in which you defend yourself against an uncommitted offense.","전 남자친구와 사이 좋은데 믿음 문제로 헤어졌어요. 임신했다가 아기 잃고 얘기 나누고 있는데, 어떻게 할까요?","서로 솔직하고 열린 대화가 중요해요. 그의 불신을 해결하려 들지 말고, 사실을 바탕으로 답변해봐요. 함께 상담 받거나 전문가를 찾게 하는 것도 좋을 거예요. 올바른 길로 인도하는 것만 할 수 있어요."
+"I have four children. One of them is in her 20s, and she cannot afford to go, nor can I pay for her. She went last year for two weeks by herself.",parenting,"I imagine you are trying to figure out a way to be ""fair"" to your adult kids._ The key word is ""adult""._ If your daughter can afford to join the family for a vacation that's great, she's welcome to come._ However, as you pointed out she took a vacation by herself last year - she chose to put her resources (time off work and money) into doing that._ Good for her - she did what she wanted._ If she wants to budget time and money for a family vacation she will.As for feeling guilty, let me echo the sentiments already offered - vacations are lovely, but not a survival need._ Your girl is in her 20s and it's her turn to provide for herself._ You did your parenting - now go enjoy your vacation with whoever can, and wants to, join you!","20대 딸이 가족 휴가 비용을 감당할 수 없는데, 작년에는 혼자 떠났어.","딸이 성인이니, 자신이 선택한 일에 리소스를 투자했어. 이번에 드는 비용이 부담스럽다면, 그녀가 조절할 시기일지도. 상대적으로 짧은 여행이더라도 함께 여행하고 싶으면 환영해야. 즐거운 휴가 보내라!"
+"He wants to wear makeup and heels. He even tucks his penis away to resemble a vagina. He wants me to wear a strap on and have anal sex with him. I have tried this for him, but I don_ like it and have told him so. He keeps making comments about it and says he can't live without it.",marriage,"Depending on your own sexual history and what you grew up expecting to be ""normal"" in the bedroom, I can easily imagine that this came as quite a shock to you! _It DOESN'T necessarily mean, however that your husband is: gay, bisexual transgender, or even necessarily a cross-dresser etc. unless he has already told you so. I agree with the other poster who recommended you try and ask him more questions with an open and curious attitude and see if he might be open to explaining more with you._That being said, what we also know from research is that frequently what turns us on isn't always what we identify as. _Lots of people have fantasies or even sexual behaviors they may enjoy from time to time without considering themselves to be a part of any label or subculture. For example, many women are okay with having their hair pulled or bottom spanked during a particular rowdy sexual encounter but certainly don't consider themselves kinky, submissive, or anything else. _It could be that your husband enjoys pretending/ fantasizing that he is something completely different in the bedroom from time to time from what most other see him as outside in the corporate world or in other roles he plays as husband, father, son, friend etc. _Many of my kink clients are drawn to their particular fetish simply because it's the opposite of what their life typically entails (e.g., a high profile CEO who is always responsible for making the decisions enjoys being at ""the mercy"" of someone else once a week)._Each of us has a sexual script - a blueprint if you will of what we like and don't like in the bedroom and also what we have each come to see as being ""normal."" _It's also an internal guideline for how we each define our role in sexual expression, sexual orientation, sexual behaviors, sexual desires, and how big a part our sexual identity plays in our everyday lives (Gagnon & Simon, 1973).You've been clued into the fact that your husbands greatly differs from yours on the surface level at the moment._ALL of us are sexual beings yet none of us is exactly identical to one another in our sexual definitions and script expectations. It's like our own sex fingerprint._In my role as a couples counselor, I often help partners become aware of their own sexual script and explore where it overlaps their partners and where it may always differ. _If a couple is able to successfully navigate formulating a plan for both to feel validated and sexually satisfied, the relationship thrives._Most counselors would agree that a healthy script includes:Both partners taking ownership for the couple's sexual experiences.Both partners learning to communicate openly and honestly about their feelings.Both partners learning to meet one another's - needs, desires, and wishes while making sure his/her own needs are being met.If ""pegging"" your husband as it's called is a hard and fast no for you, that will likely need to be respected as it may be too far off your own sexual script. _However, if your husband is for sure absolutely adamant about ""needing"" to dress in a female fashion and/or be anally penetrated, you may seek professional counseling to help navigate how both of you will come to an agreement about fulfilling these desires in a way that doesn't hurt either one of you or the marriage.My warmest wishes to you both!",남편이 미용과 하이힐 착용을 원합니다. 그릇을 감추고자 합니다. 제가 어려워하자 달라 해줄 것입니다.,"남편과의 다른 성 선호는 충격적일 수 있지만, 그가 하고 싶은 것이 무엇인지 솔직하게 물어보는 것이 중요합니다. 만약 조율이 어렵다면 전문 상담을 검토해보세요. 함께 행복한 관계를 만드세요!"
+"It's not entirely true to say I enjoy being sad, but I always find a way to feel that way. I listen to sad music, read tragic stories, and, in a twisted way, like how bad it makes me feel. I focus on negative aspects of my life even if they aren't legitimate or I just make it seem negative.",depression,"It sounds like you are noticing that you are drawn towards sad and negative content and it's hard to understand why. This may sound counter-intuitive, but sometimes we do things that on the surface may look problematic (or even cause us some real problems) because it serves us in some unseen way. A simple example would be somebody who is addicted to a substance; their addiction may be causing serious problems in their life, and they may even know it, but the addiction serves them by helping them to avoid painful feelings that they anticipate having if they quit using. Now I am not saying that what you describe is an addiction, it is just a really illustrative example of the unseen benefit.One thing I would be wondering about is what is the unseen benefit of seeking out sad and negative content? I'd also be wondering what your relationship is to other feelings. These are things you may benefit from exploring with a competent therapist.",슬픈 음악을 듣고 비극적인 이야기를 읽는 것 같아. 그게 왜 그런지 이해가 안 가. 왜 부정적인 콘텐츠에 끌리는 걸까?,슬픈 콘텐츠에 끌리는 이면에는 무언가 보이지 않는 이점이 있을 수 있어. 이러한 감정을 탐구하는 건 중요할 거야. 좀 더 지켜볼 가치가 있어. 함께 이야기해보는 게 어때?
+Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this?,depression,"Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) is a term that reflects how many people are affected by the changing seasons, especially fall to winter. _Everyone suffers with some form of this (lessened activity levels, increased isolation, etc.) while some find that this time of year can put them into a deeper depression. If you have noticed that this happens frequently, there are some ways you can definitely help yourself going forward:1. Attend therapy to learn strategies and tools to help you to manage your mood. _It's important to stay within the therapy until you feel you have mastered these tools._2. Push yourself to interact more with your social groups and other positive activities. It's easy to go out and spend the day outside in the summer months, when the temperature is warm and the sun shines for long periods of the day, but it seems harder to find fun ways to spend your time when the temperature drops and darkness comes on so quickly. _Perhaps winter time could become the time of year where you and your friends have weekly board game nights, complete with hot chocolate and a fire?3. You may want to consider the purchase of a S.A.D. Light. _These are lights that expose you to additional ultra violet light to increase the vitamin D in our bodies, as well as the release of growth hormone (which releases when we wake up). There are mixed reviews of these products, however, and they can be expensive.",겨울에 우울해지는 심정을 이기는 방법이 뭘까?,"겨울우울증(S.A.D.)은 많은 사람들이 계절 변화에 영향을 받는 것을 반영하는 용어이다. 이것을 극복하는 방법 중 일상적으로 관리할 도구를 학습하는 세션을 찾아보는 것, 사회활동에 더 많이 참여하는 것, 빛 요법을 고려하는 것 등이 있다."
+My girlfriend just quit drinking and she became really depressed. She told me that she wants to move. What can I do to help her? I want her to stay.,depression,"You're probably not going to like my answer.Your question says a lot about what YOU want rather than what she wants or what may be best for her. Sometimes, what's best for a person is the hardest thing to do, and may be completely opposite of what YOU want.Addictions don't happen in a vacuum. If you've had any experience with addicts at all, then I'm sure you've heard the term ""enabler"". A lot of the times, when people think they're ""helping"", they're actually enabling the addict to continue their self-destructive behavior. Tough love and clear boundaries are needed in a lot of situations, but especially with addictions. Family and friends are often the biggest contributing factor to someone choosing to use/drink, continuing to do so, or relapsing back into it.You said she recently quit. You said she is depressed. She wants to move. When a person receives counseling for addictions, they are encouraged to make changes like this. They need to break the habit, and this means removing people from their lives at times. It means moving to new locations. Anything that may trigger a relapse needs to be identified and removed. Not only that, but the addict needs to do a lot of personal reflection to figure out WHY they use/drink in the first place, and not only break the physical addiction to it, but deal with whatever is the root cause that led them to use in the first place. She may need some time alone to figure out who she is as a person, time to make some decisions for herself and do what she needs to do to be healthy.Don't pressure her to stay. Let her have the freedom to do what she needs to do. If she stays, the decision needs to be hers and hers alone. It doesn't need to be made under pressure. That will only lead to resentment. Support her, but don't try to change her or make her do anything, especially for selfish reasons. Let her go. It sounds like she needs some time to focus on herself right now. It wouldn't be a bad idea for you to do the same.",여자친구가 술 끊고 우울해졌대. 이사를 가고 싶다는데 어떻게 도와줄 수 있을까? 함께 있길 원하는데.,너무 내 의견에 집중하지마. 그녀가 원하는 게 중요해. 도와주는 척 하면서 독려하지 말고 그녀의 선택을 존중해줘. 힘든 결정이라도 때로는 최선일 수 있어. 무언가 잘못된 건 그녀와 그녀가 아니라 당신과의 관계의 문제가 있을지도 모르니 함께 상처에 대해 고민해보는 건 어떨까?
+How does a person start the counseling process?,counseling-fundamentals,"Hello,_There are many ways to approach a counselor and starting the process, however they all start with picking up the phone. _It's most definitely an uncomfortable feeling, but once that first step is taken it is often met with a wave of relief._My recommendation is always to call and speak with a therapist over the phone before scheduling an appointment. Listening to how they converse, use their tone and inflection, may give you a brief insight to how they will respond to you and increase your comfort right away. You may also discover, rather quickly, that this therapist is not the right match for you.Regardless of how you go about it, I like to remind all people who call, email, text or walk-in, therapists are a bit like pizzas - if you don't like the toppings, send it back! There are hundreds of therapists offering all kinds of styles of therapy - take the time to pick one that suits you.",상담 시작하는 건 어떻게 해야 할까?,"안녕, 상담사에게 접근하는 다양한 방법이 있지만, 핵심은 전화를 걸기 시작하는 것입니다. 처음 한걸음을 내딛는 것은 불편할 수 있지만, 그 첫걸음을 올바르게 하면 안도감이 찾아올 수도 있어요. 상담사와 전화통화 후에 예약을 잡기 전에 언제든지 편안하게 대화할 수 있으니까, 그렇게 하는 걸 추천해요."
+"I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn_ believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn_ believe me either. I_ a pansexual, but I can_ trust my own parents.
+ I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust.",depression,"First of all, I am sorry that you have been missing out on your childhood. It may help you to know that many of us feel that we have missed out on our childhoods, as well, and that despite such deprivations, for many of us, our adult lives have been extraordinarily fulfilling due to our opening up to trusted adults. I recommend that you find a trustworthy adult to talk to. This may be a teacher, a coach, a school counselor, a minister, a family member, or a friend's family member. If none of these are available, try out a professional counselor, social worker, psychiatric nurse practitioner, psychologist, or a psychiatrist. It is best to get a referral for such a professional from a peer who has had a positive and safe experience with a particular provider.",부모님과 소통이 어려워. 고민도 공감을 받지 못하는 것 같아. 친구들도 마찬가지고 내가 필요할 때 도와주지 않아. 내게 믿음직한 어른이 필요한 것 같아. 어떻게 하면 좋을까요?,일단 어릴 적에 소홀히 받은 아이들의 일부분을 빼앗긴 것 같다는 게 너무 안타까워요. 믿을 만한 성인을 찾는 걸 추천해요. 이런 분들 중 하나를 찾아 이야기해보세요.
+What makes a healthy marriage last?,marriage,"This is a fantastic question. In one sentence, I would say the following:Recognize that while you and your partner probably have common interests and areas of commonality, you are separate people, each with different wants, wishes, and desires  if you consider a diagram of two overlapping circles, they may share perhaps a third of the circle with overlap to indicate commonality (could be more or less) and then there are parts of the circles that are not overlapping, indicating separate interestsAs for ways that may strengthen any relationship, even the great ones, this is what came to mind. There are certainly more specific unique answers or elements for different people as far as the details, but here are some general ideas:Try to have at least 15 minutes a week where you are spending time together and not problem-solvingRealize that listening to your partner does not mean that you are agreeing with them, it just means that you are saying that you hear where they are coming fromLearn to hold on to your own wants, wishes, and desires while also recognizing those of your partnerSet boundaries for what is and isn't acceptable behavior during an argument or difficult discussionDiscuss how having important discussions can be anxiety-producing and consider having an understanding that if one of you (or both of you) feels overwhelmed, you can take a timeout for a certain amount of time. For example, you may say ""okay, I'm feeling really stressed about this right now. Let's discuss it in an hour."" And at that time, go back to the discussionConsider what your partner's top three or four complaints about you may be. Check in with them and see how accurate you are. If you see validity in their responses, consider whether or not you may want to make changesDiscover what makes your partner feel loved, valued, appreciated, or specialRelationships are always in progress and constantly changing. Some anxiety around change is typical. Being able to effectively discuss the anxiety and actually listen to one another without being defensive, name calling, finger-pointing, or asking each other to change is a true gift.You may enjoy this quote:_""Connection is the energy that is created between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment."" ~Brene Brown",결혼이 오래가려면 어떤 것이 중요할까?,살면서 쌓은 경험이야면서. 상호간 존중하고 소중히 여기며 자신과 파트너의 가치를 인정해. 갈등 시도중엔 서로 듣고 얘기하는 법 배워. 함께 시간 보내며 서로 소중한 것을 알아가는 것도 중요해.
+"I'm depressed. I have been for years. I hide it from everyone because I'm scared of the reactions I'll get. Last time I tried telling my parents, it was a huge argument about me being too young to be depressed (I_ a legal adult), calling me ungrateful, and telling me that if I can't handle things now, it's only going to get worse in the future (which is turning out to be true). It's exhausting pretending to be okay, and I don't know how much longer I can try. I'm just really tired, and sadly, I can't afford the help I need on my own.",depression,"Hi Georgia, There's a really good lesson here. People tell us things, and we tend to think that's the truth...but it's not! I'll do some translating for you...""You're so ungrateful"" means ""I need you to be successful and happy in order for me to feel I'm a good parent"".""You're too young to be depressed"" means ""I don't want to deal with your mental health issues right now. I'll pretend it's not happening so I don't have to face my fear and shame"".""It's only going to get worse"" just means ""I don't know how to support you beyond scaring you into wanting to at least fake happiness for my sake"".Your parents are being unsupportive, not because you're not suffering, but because this is all they're capable of right now. They are not where you will find the support you need, so keep looking for it in other places. It's out there. If might be an aunt or a friend, or a friend's aunt. It might be a therapist or a bus driver or your family doctor. Keep looking for someone who will hear you. I hope you don't ever give up. :)","우울증을 갖고 있어. 몇 년째인데. 모두에게 감추고 있어. 부모님한테 얘기해봤는데 날 너무 어린이라고 생각하고 잘못된 일이라고 말했어. 고마운 마음을 가지고 있지 않다며, 미래에 더 어려워질 거라고도 했어. 괴로워서 더 이상 속이기 힘들어. 어떻게 버틸 수 있을지 모르겠어. 집에 도움을 받을 수 없는데.",부모님의 말들을 해석해보면 다르게 들릴 거야. 당신을 지원해주고 싶은데 그들이 할 수 있는 게 이것뿐이라는 걸 알아둬. 당신이 필요로 하는 지원을 찾을 수 있을 거야. 절대 포기하지 마세요.
+"We just cannot seem to get along. I cannot have a conversation with her without it turning into World War 3. She treats me like I have no right to an opinion and never really lets me speak. My real mother cares and tries to help me, but she can't do much, because my adoptive mother won't listen to her either.",family-conflict,"Going to see a experience counselor would be my advice. _You will have a neutral person that can listen to both sides and help you all find a common ground of understanding. _If she doesn't agree to counseling, really the only person you can change is you. _I would suggest that you approach her with love and let her know what you appreciate about her, let her know the great things she have done that could not be replaced or forgotten however you want your relationship to get better than it has been lately. _Hopefully this will open the door of communication where you can explain your thoughts and feeling but in a loving way.","우리가 너무 안 마주칠 것 같아. 그녀랑 대화하다가 항상 세계대전 3으로 번진다. 내 의견을 제대로 말할 자격이 없다는 듯 대해. 진짜 엄마는 신경을 써주고 도와주려고 노력하지만, 입양 엄마가 그녀도 듣지 않아.",경험이 풍부한 상담사를 만나보는 것이 좋을 것 같아. 중립적인 사람이 두 명의 입장을 듣고 공감대를 형성하는데 도움을 줄 수 있어. 상담에 동의하지 않는다면 변화할 수 있는 사람은 당신 뿐이야. 사랑으로 다가가서 그녀가 그녀로서 중요한 점을 알아주는 것을 제안한다면 어때? 최근보다 더 나아질 수 있길 바라며. 이로써 사랑으로 생각과 감정을 설명할 수 있는 소통의 문을 열 수 있게 되리라 희망해.
+"It's the way my mom said I was worth nothing, stupid, no point of being in school. I'm ""lazy little fat.""",family-conflict,There is nothing wrong with going to summer school.,,
+"I just got out of a two year relationship. I broke up with my boyfriend because he wasn't showing any affection at all. He was talking to other women and lying about it. It pushed me away and hurt me, but I'm still in love with him. A couple days after our breakup, he was talking to someone new. He told me he wasn't sure if he loved me. I cried for several days, lost my appetite, and couldn't sleep. Our whole relationship was only us. We didn't have friends. It was me and him against the world. We didn't talk to anyone else because we only wanted to talk to each other. We hung out constantly and Skyped to sleep every single night. Then, when I cut myself, we talked on Skype. He cried and told me ""I'm still in love with you, I never stopped loving you,"" and I cried tears of joy. I asked multiple times if he loved me and asked to make sure he wasn't just saying that because of me being so depressed. He promised and assured me he loved me. He came over after that, and we had sex because he wanted to. He went the home that night and told me he didn't love me, and he lied because he was scared. He told me I wasn't attractive, I wasn_ beautiful to him, and that I changed. He also told me he was 100% sure he'd never love me again. I'm still in love with him. Why do I love him? How do I stop? Just knowing that someone else is with him hurts me. That I wasn't good enough and that I'm no longer beautiful hurts me. I think I need a therapist, but don't know if I should.",depression,"I am very sorry for the pain you are suffering. Losing the most_significant person in your life is extremely painful and breakups are often equated to a death. There will certainly be a grieving process that you go through and time passing will allow the hurt to subside. With that being said, seeing a therapist is highly recommended as it sounds like continuous support_may be necessary for healing to take place. Anytime_sadness causes thoughts of suicide or self harm, it is important to get help immediately._A therapist can help you by validating your feelings and what you are going_through, while also working with you to move through the grieving process, adopt new hobbies, social outlets, and goals for your future. While starting over and trying out new ways of being may seem like a daunting task,_it will only make things easier and give you a_sense of hope and purpose for your future. With the new year right around the corner, this could be viewed as a good time and opportunity to get reaquainted with yourself and set goals related_to living a more fullfilling life. Hang in there. With_a support system in place and a healthy mindset, things can only get easier._Best of luck to you!","왜 내가 그를 사랑하는 걸까? 어떻게 그 사랑을 멈출 수 있을까? 그를 다른 누군가와 함께 보는 걸 알면 속상하다. 나는 충분하지 않았다고 느끼고 더 이상 아름답지 않다는 것이 내 마음을 아프게 한다. 정신과 상담사가 필요할 것 같지만, 시작해야 할 지 모르겠어.","너가 겪고 있는 고통에 대해 너무 안타까워. 가장 중요한 사람을 잃는 것은 굉장히 고통스럽고 이별은 종종 죽음과 동등시된다. 정신과 상담사를 만나는 것이 매우 추천되며, 치료와 지지가 계속 필요할 것으로 보입니다. 어떤 슬픔이 자해나 자살 생각을 불러일으킬 때는 즉각 도움을 받는 것이 중요합니다. 상담사는 너의 감정과 경험을 인정하고 너가 겪는 과정을 거치는 데 도움을 줄 수 있습니다. 함께 새로운 취미나 소셜활동, 미래 계획을 채택하며 새로운 삶을 시작하는 것이 힘든 과제처럼 보일 수 있지만, 이는 상황을 좀 더 쉽게 만들 뿐만 아니라 미래에 대한 희망과 목표를 제공할 것입니다. 새로운 해가 다가오면 자기 자신을 다시 알아가고 더 풍요로운 삶을 살 수 있는 목표를 설정하는 좋은 시기와 기회로 여겨볼 수 있습니다. 힘내세요. 지지 체계와 건강한 마음가짐이 있는 상태에서만 모든 것이 쉬워질 수 있습니다. 행운을 빕니다!"
+"I am an international student, and it is my first semester in graduate school in the United States. I faced a cultural shock, and I was so depressed when I arrived here. My counselor in the university was my savior. He helped me a great deal. Now I am going back to my country for a vacation. I was thinking to get him something special with my country's name on it, and I remembered that he likes wine. My country is known for that. Is it appropriate to give him wine as a gift after Christmas?",professional-ethics,"This is a great question._In general it is not appropriate for counselors to accept gifts from their clients._There are some exceptions to this general rule - including a recognition that there may be a valid cultural aspect to this type of gift giving.It might be best to simply offer your counselor a holiday card as an expression of your feelings. You could also talk to your counselor about the gift and ask if him it if would be appropriate.In the end, I know he would most appreciate just knowing how much the counseling meant to you.","미국에서 대학원에 처음 온 국제학생이야. 문화적 충격을 받아 왔고 처음엔 우울했어. 대학의 상담사가 큰 도움이 되었어. 이제 나는 휴가를 위해 나라로 돌아가는데, 이 분께 나라 이름이 씌여진 특별한 선물을 주고 싶어. 와인을 좋아하신다는데, 나라로 유명한데, 챠리스마스 후에 와인을 선물해도 괜찮을까요?","고민이신거네요. 일반적으로 상담사들은 클라이언트로부터 선물을 받지 않는 것이 적절합니다.문화적 측면도 고려될 수는 있겠지만, 상담사에게 감사의 마음을 전할 수 있는 방법이 있을 거에요.이에 대해 상담사와 이야기하고 선물해도 괜찮은지 물어봐도 돼요. 최종적으로 그에게 상담이 얼마나 많은 의미를 가졌는지를 전해주는 것이 가장 중요할 것 같네요."
+I just wanted to get to know one so I can hear about their college experience and the courses they took. I also wanted to know if they enjoy their job and how long they were in school.,professional-ethics,"It's a great idea for you to reach out to find a psychologist to talk to if this is a field you might be interested in pursuing._Regarding the length of schooling, it generally takes 4 years of college and an additional 4 to 7 years of graduate school to earn a doctorate degree to become a psychologist._There are also other similar professions, including counseling that don't require a doctorate degree. Licensed counselors generally completed 4 years of college and an additional 2 years of graduate school._If you are thinking about a career in psychology, the local APA chapter would be a good place to start to find a local psychologist to talk to. Here's a link to the NJ APA chapter:https://www.psychologynj.org/",대학경험과 수업에 대해 듣고 싶어,"심리학 분야에 관심이 있다면, 심리학자와 대화하기 위해 연락을 취하는 좋은 아이디어야. 일반적으로 심리학자가 되려면 대학교 4년과 석사 4~7년이 필요하며, 박사학위를 얻는다. 박사 학위 없이도 자격증을 딴 상담사 등 유사한 직업도 있다. 혹시 심리학 직업에 관심이 있는데, 뉴저지 APA 챕터에 관심이 있다면 이 링크를 확인해봐: https://www.psychologynj.org/"
+"My husband doesn_ trust me for some past we had. I know all marriages have their ups and downs, but sometimes, I feel I am getting tired of the same thing over and over: that I am messing around, which I am not.",marriage,"I'm sorry to hear about the trust issues in your relationship. Trust, as you clearly know, is essential to healthy relationships. Past indiscretions or dishonesty can damage this trust and make it really hard to confidence that these things will not happen again despite reassurances. We tend to be very sensitive to betrayal and risks to our relationship security._Rebuilding trust takes time and effort for both parties. On your end, you may need to provide more reassurance and more concrete evidence that you are trustworthy, gestures of transparency (e.g. - giving him more information about where you are going and who you will be with, letting him know when you get texts or emails from people that might give him pause or trigger insecurities), and more patience and empathy for his fears._On his end, he may need to learn to be with his insecurities and fears and ask for reassurance about your love and commitment in ways that do not lead to criticizing you, attempting to control you, or limiting your freedom._If you are not able to come to agreements about how to put his fears to rest without it negatively impacting your life, I would suggest getting some professional help from a marriage counsellor or couples therapist.",남편은 과거에 있었던 일로 나를 믿지 않아요. 어떻게 하면 믿음을 회복할 수 있을까요?,믿음 회복은 시간과 노력이 필요해요. 당신은 더 많은 안정과 신뢰할 만한 증거를 제공하고 그의 불안을 이해할 수 있어야 합니다. 상담사의 도움을 받는 것도 하나의 방법일 수 있어요.
+I haven't uttered one word to my boyfriend in days. Now I'm over it and don't know how to approach the situation?,relationships,"In any relationship, it is important to be able to say ""I'm sorry"" because it shows vulnerability and openness. I recommend that you sit and have a discussion with him now that you are calm about why you were upset and how you would like to handle such incidents in the future. If you find yourself becoming upset again, I encourage you to take a 20 minute break and then come back to the conversation once you are no longer heated. Studies show that talking or discussing arguments are more effective once you have cooled down and you are more likely to hear/understand what your partner is trying to convey.",며칠동안 남자친구와 한마디도 교환하지 않았어. 이제 그 일로 끝났고 상황을 어떻게 해결해야 할지 모르겠어.,"모든 관계에서 ""미안해""라고 말할 수 있는 게 중요해. 너무 화났던 이유와 앞으로 어떻게 처리하길 원하는지를 평온하게 이야기하는 걸 추천해. 또 화가 나면 20분 휴식을 취하고 차분해지면 대화를 이어가는 게 좋아. 냉정해진 후에 얘기하면 상대의 말을 더 잘 듣게되고 문제를 더 효과적으로 해결할 수 있어."
+I had a head injury a few years ago and my mind races all the time. I have trouble sleeping and have a lot of anxiety. Every medicine I have been on my body rejects; I get sick to my stomach and get blisters in my mouth. How can I calm my self down? I'm a wreck.,anxiety,"You didn't say what or how many medications you've tried. Certain anxiety medications can make you feel nauseous, but I haven't heard of any that cause mouth blisters, so there may be some other underlying medical issue there. I would definitely talk to your primary care physician and whoever has prescribed the medication as well as a neurologist if you've suffered a severe head injury. There are so many medications available for anxiety or insomnia or even depression that there may be others with lesser side effects.But beyond that, have you tried any other treatments such as deep breathing or meditation? Meditation can be very effective, but it takes practice and you don't have to sit cross-legged for hours chanting ""Ohm"" to meditate. It's about focusing on your breath, rather than all the thoughts that are racing through your head. And when they do take your mind off your breath, simply refocus (and refocus and refocus). Like I said, it takes practice, so don't give up. You can find many sites offering different ways to meditate, so look around and see what works best for you. Like medication, you just have to find the one that works best and that might take some experimentation.I hope this helps and best of luck to you.","몇 년 전에 머리를 다쳤는데 정신이 계속 떠돌아요. 잠을 제대로 자지 못하고 불안감이 심해요. 어떻게 안정을 취할 수 있을까요? 너무 초조해요.,","약물에 대해 자세히 말씀하지 않았네요. 일부 불안 치료제는 메스꺼움을 일으킬 수 있지만, 입안에 수포가 생기는 일은 듣지 못했습니다. 아마도 다른 기저 질병이 있을 수 있어 전문가와 상담하셔야 합니다. 마찬가지로 명상이나 심호흡 같은 다른 치료법을 시도해보셨나요? 명상은 효과적일 수 있지만 연습이 필요합니다. 가능한 방법을 찾아보세요."
+I easily recognize this but have no control over it and need suggestions for managing my anger.,anger-management,"I suggest that you work on emotional awareness._Emotional awareness basically means knowing what you are feeling and why.Emotional awareness also means that you can identify the link between the way you are feeling and your actions. In other words knowing that your feelings dictate what you do.Often feelings of hurt or insecurity can come out as anger if we cannot properly identify and express the feelings.Being emotionally aware also means that you are able to express your feelings to others. Being unable to do so leads to feelings of frustration and being misunderstood.Many people for many different reasons are not in touch with their emotions. For example, men traditionally have been brought up taught to not express sadness or weakness. Therefore, many men learned to turn feelings of sadness, insecurities, or fears into anger and express these feelings as anger. Being taught not to feel a certain emotion does not make that emotion disappear. Instead it makes us learn how to express it in other, incorrect, ways. If a man never learns to say _ am sad or _hat really hurt my feelings and instead lashes out in anger, then the response they get from those around them will be to the anger and not a response to the underlying true feeling, which will leave the man feeling alone and misunderstood.You can control yourself and not explode. Walk away, remove yourself from the situation, do whatever you have to do to not lash out. Instead of reacting the way you normally would, go somewhere by yourself and think about what just happened and try to understand why such a _imple thing upset you. What is the real feeling driving these outbursts? Maybe you can begin to recognize an underlying pattern._It might help to keep an anger journal. Write down everything that gets you upset. That might help you see a pattern and pinpoint what may be setting you off. Talking with a therapist about this would be beneficial in helping pinpoint the underlying cause of the outbursts you are experience.",내 감정을 인식은 하는데 제어할 수가 없어. 어떻게 하면 화를 잘 다룰 수 있을까?,감정 인식을 향상하는 것이 중요해. 화가 날 때 왜 화가 나는지 인식하는 게 중요해. 감정을 표현하는 법을 연습하고 열이 나지 않도록 조절하는 법을 찾는 게 좋을 거야. 그리고 치료사와 상담하는 것도 도움이 될 거야.
+"I think I'm annoying and bothersome, but my girlfriend says I'm just fine. I don't think so, I think I'm stressing everyone else out",anxiety,"I think you have identified something important here. It's not unusual to experience feelings that don't seem to match up with what your rational mind recognizes._In this case, it sounds like a part of you recognizes that the people around you do not find you ""annoying and bothersome."" Despite knowing that people like you, it seems that there's still a part of you that feels like you're a bother.Finding a local counselor who can work with you to process those feelings might be just the help you need.",나 진짜 귀찮고 다른 사람들에게 스트레스 받고 있다고 생각해.,"이해해. 그건 중요한 발견이야. 어떤 논리적 인식과 일치하지 않는 감정을 느끼는 것은 흔하지 않아._주변 사람들이 너를 ""귀찮고 성가시다""고 생각하지 않는다는 걸 알지만, 여전히 스트레스를 준다고 느끼는 부분이 있는 것 같아. 이 감정을 처리할 수 있는 현지 상담사를 찾는 것이 도움이 될 수도 있어."
+"I found out today that my wife is cheating on me. I love her, but she won_ tell the truth even when I have proof. When I beg her to tell the truth, she yells, cusses, and gets a huge attitude.",marriage,"Hi Prattville,_I'm sorry this is happening to you. You need support right now, and yes, you need answers. She is in denial and is trying to hide the truth, to protect herself. This is a natural behaviour. You don't indicate whether she wants the marriage, or is planning to leave. Which way you go from here depends in part on the answer to that question._If she wants the marriage, you certainly have the right to say ""I need answers to all my questions"". Giving you the information she needs has to be (if she wants the marriage) more important than protecting herself. I would support your right to advocate for all the information you need in order to feel secure or make decisions. She may fear that the truth will turn you away. If you want to, you can reassure her that you want the marriage no matter what the truth is. If the marriage is to survive, it needs openness.If, on the other hand, she's planning to end the marriage, then you might want to resign yourself to the fact that you may never get the information you seek. You are better off, in that case, seeking support from friends and family rather than beating on a closed door._Your wife has some decisions to make. Try to give her a bit of time to make them. You can patiently say ""I know this thing is happening. Talk to me so we can deal with it together. I want to move forward but I need the truth."" Only time (and a good therapist, if she is willing and wants the marriage) will tell which way this one will go. Individually, you can seek professional help as well.",질문 : 아내가 나를 속이고 있다는 사실을 알게 되었어. 내가 증거를 보여줘도 진실을 말하지 않아. 진실을 알아내라고 애원하면 욕을 하고 화를 내.,"안녕, 일이 이렇게 되어서 너무 죄송해. 지금 당장 네가 지지를 필요로 하고, 네가 답을 필요로 할 때이다. 그녀는 부인하고 진실을 숨기려고한다. 이건 자연스러운 행동이야. 결혼을 원하는지, 또는 떠나려고 하는지 알 수 없다. 여기서 뭐가 옳은 방향인지는 그 질문에 대한 답변에 따라 달라질거야. 만약 그녀가 결혼을 원한다면, 당신은 ""내 모든 질문에 대한 답변이 필요해""라고 말할 권리가 있어. 당신이 필요로 하는 정보를 제공하는 것은 (그녀가 결혼을 원한다면) 그녀를 지키는 것보다 중요해야 해. 않는다면 문을 두드리기보다 친구나 가족으로부터 지지를 받는 게 더 좋을거야._네 아내가 결정을 내릴 일이 있어. 그녀가 결정할 수 있도록 시간을 조금 줘봐. 너는 차분하게 ""이런 일이 벌어지고 있다. 같이 이 문제를 해결하기 위해 얘기해줘. 진실이 필요해 앞으로 나아가기 위해."" 라고 말해볼 수 있어. 이 일이 어떻게 흘러갈지는 시간만 알려줄거야. 개인적으로, 전문가의 도움을 받을 수도 있어."
+"That phrase makes me crazy. It happens anytime I point out something to my husband that he needs to change, such as looking up from his iPad long enough for me to tell him the grandbaby almost pulled the shelf unit over or explaining to him that I got all the things he needs to bake a pie. Another example is when he opens the front door, the dog runs out if he doesn't pick him up. Over and over again, he lets the dog run out, and I am afraid he will get hit by a car.",marriage,"I empathize with your feeling ""crazy"" hearing your husband yell ""enough"" in response to you wanting to make a point to him.When the immediate situation has calmed down, _have you ever told him that this upsets you? _Is it possible he simply is not aware that you feel upset by how he talks to you?Keep in mind too that what you believe your husband must change, may not agree with his opinion on what he needs to change.A helpful starting place for the two of you to discuss once the immediate situation has calmed down, is what you each feel would have been a reasonable way of handling the situation that just happened.By learning more about how the other person thinks and feels, it will be easier to know what to expect form each other.Even if you disagree about what is best, knowing that there are differences between you may make living with them easier to accept, or at least not be surprised and startled by them.Sending good luck to both of you!","남편이 무시하는게 싫어서 속상해. 나한테 할 말 있을 때마다 ""이제 좀 그만""하고 외치면 정말 화가나. 남편에게 그게 싫다고 얘기해봤니? 서로 의견을 공유하는 것이 중요하다고 생각해",두 분이 각자의 입장을 이해하고 서로에게 기대하는 점을 알면 함께 이야기할 때 더 수월할 거야. 생각과 감정을 공유하고 상대방의 관점을 이해하기 시작하는 게 좋을 것 같아.
+I'm feeling different towards my husband. I feel I am growing from the relationship. I have been with my husband for six years and married for almost five. I just don't feel that connection anymore. I feel nothing. I don't know why or if I'm just being irrational.,marriage,"Lacey, I'm SO glad you wrote. Thousands of people are having this same feeling right now. I'm glad you're paying attention to it._When you first meet someone, there are all kinds of sparkly feelings and you both do and say lots of things to cement the attachment and create deep intimacy and connection. Then what happens is because we have that connection established, we instinctively cut back on those loving behaviours because we don't have to work hard to earn their love anymore. That sparkly feeling typically lasts a few years (long enough to procreate and keep the human race going), and then it wears off a bit, and you end up looking at each other thinking ""how come I don't feel the same anymore?""Mostly (not always, and I'll get to that in a minute) all that this means is you've stopped doing all those loving things you used to do! It's as though you filled the car with gas, you've run out of gas now, and you're forgetting to put more in!The first clear solution to this feeling is to bring back more of your own loving behaviours that you've cut back on. Act lovingly, and you will likely regain those feelings. Talk to your partner about this. It's okay to say ""do you remember we used to do X,Y and Z? Can we do that again? Can I get more of the foot rubs you used to give me?"" Ask for what you want (instead of complaining). What are your 'love languages'? What are your partner's?_Marriages need to be fed. It's that simple. Many things get in the way...children, jobs, but mostly complacency. Get active with your love!Okay, now, you might read this and think ""that's not what's happening"". That's a cue to talk to someone, like a therapist, about your feelings. People do grow and change and sometimes relationships don't fit anymore. But these are huge decisions, not to be made lightly._I wish you happiness.",남편에 대한 감정이 달라지고 있다. 연애 시절의 연결이 느껴지질 않아. 6년을 함께했고 결혼한지도 거의 5년이 다 되가는데 더는 그 연결을 못 느끼겠어. 왜 그런 지 모르겠고 이상한 건��?,"레이시, 너가 이야기해줘서 너무 고마워. 수천 명의 사람들이 지금 이 같은 느낌을 가지고 있다. 이것에 주의를 기울이는 네 태도가 매우 중요해. 처음 만났을 때 특별한 감정이 넘쳐나고 서로 사랑을 증진시키고 깊은 친밀감과 연결을 만들기 위해 다양한 행동과 말을 나누곤 해. 후에 연인 사이에 강한 연결이 만들어졌으니까, 사랑을 얻기 위해 노력할 필요가 없어져서 사랑의 노력을 줄이곤 해. 그 반짝거리는 느낌은 대개 몇 년은 지속되지만(인류의 지속을 위한 충분한 시간 동안), 언젠가는 약해지고 서로를 보면서 '왜 더 이상 같은 느낌이 안 드는 걸까?'라고 생각하게 돼. 이를 해결하는 첫 번째 방법은 줄여버린 네 사랑스런 행동을 다시 증폭하는 것이다. 사랑으로 행동하면, 아마도 그 감정을 되찾을 수 있을 거야. 파트너와 이에 대해 이야기해봐. '우리 예전에 X, Y, Z를 했던 기억이 있니? 다시 그런 거 할 수 있을까? 예전에 해주던 발 마사지를 더 받을 수 있을까?' 너가 원하는 것을 요청해봐(불평 대신). 네 '사랑의 언어'가 무엇인지 알아? 파트너의 어떤 걸로 표현하는지? 결혼은 먹여줘야 해. 아이, 직장, 그러면 거의 실제로는 태만함 때문이지. 사랑으로 활동하자!그런데, 이를 읽고 '그런 게 아닌데'라고 느낀다면, 당신의 감정에 대해 상담사와 같이 이야기할 필요가 있어. 사람은 변화하며 성장하고 때로는 관계가 더 이상 맞지 않을 수도 있어. 하지만 이런 결정은 가볍게 내리면 안돼. 행복을 빌어."
+"I started dating a guy I met online. He told me that he registered sex offender but he didn't do anything. He took a plea to always register as sex offender and he did two years. That was more than two decades ago. Nothing on his record since. I always believe the past should be left in past. But my roommates, their family and my son are unforgiving. Should I forgive this man that I'm falling in love with or should I dump him? If I stay with him I will never see my family and granddaughter again.",family-conflict,"Thank you for your question. Trust is a huge thing in relationships and when that is broken, or perceived as being broken, it takes a long time to repair. From what you shared, it sounds like your boyfriend took steps to correct the situation and has shown to be trustworthy since. Unfortunately, no matter how much we apologize for something we did or for something others perceive we did, there will always be those with hardened hearts and will not forgive. If you feel confident in your relationship, then trust your inner wisdom. We cannot control others but only ourselves. Respect your families wishes to remain in unforgiveness while at the same time, ask them to respect your wish to believe in him and be in this relationship. Good luck to you.","온라인에서 만난 남자와 열애를 시작했고, 성범죄자로 등록돼있다고 했어. 그러나 아무 잘못도 못했다고 하더라. 20년 전에 성범죄자로 등록되었고 2년을 했었다고 해. 그 후로는 아무런 범죄도 없었어. 과거는 과거로 넘기는 게 맞다고 생각하지만, 룸메이트와 그들의 가족, 그리고 아들은 용서하지 않겠대. 나는 이 사람을 용서해야할까, 아니면 이별해야할까? 만약 이 사람과 함께한다면 가족과 손자딸을 볼 수 없을 거야.","신뢰는 관계에서 매우 중요해. 어떤 것이 깨졌다고 느끼거나 망가졌다고 인식되면, 그것을 복구하는 데 오랜 시간이 걸려. 공유해준 정보를 보면, 너의 남자친구는 상황을 바로 잡기 위한 조치를 취하고 이후로 신뢰할 만한 모습을 보여줬다는데. 불행히도, 우리가 뭔가를 용서하거나 다른 사람이 우리가 한 일이나 다른 이들이 우리가 한 것으로 인식하는 일에 미안함을 표현한다 해도, 그래도 여전히 딱딱해진 마음을 가진 사람들이 있을 수 있어. 만약 너의 관계에 자신 있는 거라면, 내면의 지혜를 믿어봐. 우리는 다른 사람들을 통제할 수 없고 오직 우리 자신만을 통제할 수 있어. 가족이 용서하지 않기를 원한다면 그 의견을 존중하되, 동시에 그의 믿음을 지키고 이 관계에 있음을 존중해달라고 요청해봐. 행운을 빌어."
+I am married to a beautiful lady. I love my wife with all my heart. We have 3 boys and I have a daughter from a previous marriage. We also have 3 grandchildren. Now this event is tearing us apart. I want our family to be together and happy. It was a mistake from so long ago. My wife wants to leave and I don't want that to happen I love her so much. Please help me save my marriage. Even my 3 boys want us to work it out. They love us both and want our family together. Please give me some advice or hope. Sincerely heart broken.,family-conflict,"If your wife is willing, seek out a qualified couples therapist! Look for one trained in the Gottman Method or Emotionally Focused Therapy. Your relationship is repairable, but you may need some qualified support in the process.",부모님 사이에서 일어난 문제 때문에 가족이 흩어지고 있어,부인이 합의하면 결혼상담 전문가를 찾아보세요. 고퉁만 방법이나 감정 중심 상담을 훈련한 전문가를 찾아보세요. 상담을 통해 문제를 해결할 수 있어.
+"My husband and I would've been married for five years come June 2016. Our infant daughter just had her birthday. Shortly before, he told me he wanted a divorce. He has four other children, three of which are from his first wife. He decided to end that marriage when his youngest was an infant. The children do not have a good relationship with him now. He has another child from a woman he was dating. He decided he didn't want to be with her anymore when the child was an infant.    It seems to me that there is a pattern. He easily detaches from relationships at the same time in the child's life but wants a relationship with them when they are older. I've tried to research online, but I'm not getting any answers. He also has an unhealthy dependency on alcohol and does not believe in mental health disorders such as depression and bi-polar disorder. He also does not believe in therapy or seeking help from professionals. Is there a detachment disorder or some form of mental block he could have? Where do you recommend researching this?",marriage,"This sounds really difficult and I can understand your motivation to get to bottom of why this behaviour has occurred - especially if your husband (who sounds like he is an ex-husband?) continues to have a relationship with you and your children. With that being said - relationships and mental health are very complicated and you are unlikely to find the answers you are looking for. In order for someone to be diagnosed with a mental illness or in order for them to identify what leads them to fall into particular patterns in relationship - they would need to be willing to seek help and honestly talk about their challenges, something that you say your ex is not willing to do. _While it might be a relief to understand what is going on with him - it might be more comforting for you to get support for yourself in processing your feelings and everything that has come up for you as a result of his choices.","내 남편은 이혼을 원한다고 말했어, 그리고 아이들과 관계를 갖길 원해. 그가 이전에 첫 번째 아내와 결혼을 끝낸 시기에는 그의 아들이 유아였을 때였어. 지금은 아이들과 좋은 관계가 없는데, 그 아이들말이야. 정신 질환에 대해 의심이 많고 전문가의 도움을 받는 걸 거부해. 그에게 특정한 정서적 문제가 있을 수 있나? 어디서 조사할 것을 추천하시나요?","그것은 정말 힘든 상황이야. 그의 행동의 이유를 깊이 이해하려는 당신의 동기를 이해할 수 있어. 하지만 사람의 관계와 정신건강은 매우 복잡해. 당신의 전 남편이 여전히 당신과 아이들과 관계를 유지하고 있다면, 이러한 행동이 발생한 근본에 대해 이해하는 것이 안통할 수도 있어. 그에게 정신 질환을 진단받으려면이나 특정 패턴에 빠지게 하는 이유를 찾으려면, 그는 도움을 구하려 하고 자신의 어려움에 대해 솔직히 이야기해야 해. 과거의 행동에 대한 답을 찾는 것이 유익할 수도 있지만, 당신 스스로에게 정신 건강을 관리하고 그의 선택으로 인해 느끼는 모든 감정을 처리하는 데 도움을 받는 것이 더 안정적인 방법일 수 있어."
+"I have been with my husband for almost 7 years. We got engaged a little after 5 years of being together. I had always been clear that I wanted to get married and I sadly would drop hints about how i wanted him to propose.  When he did propose it was during a random vacation that I had planned. I was happy but I couldn't help feeling disappointed too. I had told him numerous times before that I wanted him to do it in front of my friends and family. I know it sounds dumb to be upset but I couldn't help how I was feeling. We are now married but the wedding and ring were also far from what I wanted and it wasn't due to lack of funds. I know this is all material and the marriage is the most important thing but I cant help but get jealous and envious every time I see someone get a proposal or wedding that I had wanted. I cant help my anger because I know we only get one proposal and one wedding. What I wanted will never happen. I have been working on my feelings for the past year and half to get over it. I try to focus on our marriage but every time I see someone have the best proposals and weddings I get upset. I know it is selfish and I know its petty but I just can't control it. It's ruining our relationship because I constantly think about it. Plus, I get mad at him for small things because I am trying to hide the fact that I am so disappointed.  Why can't I move on?",marriage,"It's hard to let go of the dreams you had regarding your wedding and engagement. This was something that you and most women think about for years, so it's understandable to be disappointed. But please be aware that it is rare that any wedding is perfect. You may envy your friends' weddings but more than likely they had a few mishaps of their own and/or it wasn't as perfect as they had planned it either._However, like you know, the marriage is the most important thing. How many women are envious that you are in a happy, stable relationship? I assure you that there are plenty._Try to live in the present considering that dwelling on the past can still not change how you were proposed to or how your wedding day transpired. Focus on what you can control NOW. Perhaps, you can plan an extravagant renewal of your vows or change the look of your ring?I would also be upfront with your husband and explain why you've been short lately. But after that, close that chapter and move on. It sounds like you have a wonderful companion and you certainly don't want to lose this due to a situation that is impossible to change.",왜 이 사실을 이제도 이해하지 못할까요?,"웨딩과 프로포즈의 꿈을 이해하기 어려운 일이에요. 그게 여성들이 세워놓은 꿈이기에 실망하는 것은 어쩔 수 없어요. 하지만, 결혼이 가장 중요한 건 알아두세요. 과거에 얽매여 살지 말고 지금을 즐기세요."
+"I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.
+   I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong?",relationships,"It is not the case of being right or wrong, in my view. If you are asking, I believe you truly_care for your boyfriend. It seems like he is having difficulties in establishing trust in this relationship. The ideal would be to come closer to his upsetness and to show him that you are there for him. I hope all goes well. Rossana Mag.",내 전 남자친구인 친구와 주말을 보내니 지금의 남자친구가 화를 냈어. 내가 잘못한 걸까?,당신이 옳고 그름을 따질 문제가 아니라고 생각해요. 당신이 건내는 솔직한 마음을 받아들일 수 있는 당신의 남자친구를 진심으로 생각해보는 게 좋겠네요. 솔직히 그에게 들은 마음을 가까이 더해주는 것이 중요하겠죠. 모든게 잘 해결되길 바랍니다. 로사나Mag.
+"My husband and I have been together since high school. We have been married going on for nearly ten years, and we have three beautiful children. A few weeks ago, my husband decided he need some time apart and moved over to his dad_ for a while. He comes home to see the kids and acts like there is not too much wrong. Can this marriage be saved or is it too late? He said he would go to counseling, so I don't think he has given up.",marriage,"While it would be impossible for me to say whether your marriage can be saved it sounds like you are both willing to give it a try and to get professional support. With appropriate professional support for your relationship a lot is possible. I'm not familiar with the resources available in Jackson but I'm sure there are some good local couple therapists and there may be some agencies that specialize in couple counselling and family therapy._So often the challenges that we have in relationships result from rather small habits in relating that lead to greater feelings of distress, loneliness, anger and resentment. I commend your willingness to put effort into creating the strong loving relationship that you want for both of your sakes and of course for your children. The following links provides more information regarding common behaviours that predict staying together or separating_and also videos and other resources that can help you get started._Wishing you and your family all the best on your journey of healing and discovery.","우리 부부 사이에 일어난 문제, 어떻게 해결할까?","결혼이 지속될 수 있는지는 확실히 말하기 어려우나, 상담을 받으려는 의지가 보이니 전문가의 도움을 받아보는 것이 좋을 것 같아. 쟉슨에는 좋은 부부 상담가도 있고, 가족치료 전문 기관도 있을 거야. 함께 노력하여 올바른 방향으로 나아가는 걸 칭찬해요."
+"I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I_ a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I_ beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I_e been happily married for almost 35 years.
+   I_e never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?",depression,"Let me start by saying there are never too many concerns that you can bring into counselling. In fact, most people who come to see me for counselling have more than one issue they would like to work on in psychotherapy and most times these are all interconnected. In counselling, we work together, collaboratively, to figure out which issues you would like to address first and then together we develop an individualized plan of care. Basically, it_ like a road map of where you want to go, how are you going to get there, looking at stopovers, some scenic routes others possibly not so scenic, however, necessary. Of course, these plans can also change due to internal (what we have control over like our thoughts, feelings and behaviours) or external reasons (those things that are outside our control). I would encourage you to take the next step and reach out to a professional you can trust and build rapport with by co-journeying through whatever concerns you have by examining what has been working so far as you have learned to cope with some of your issues like insomnia, depression and anxiety, as well as being a breast cancer survivor. Then to help you by developing new coping strategies. Psychotherapy can be such a powerful tool to help you get to where it is you want to be. I know you can do it and you will see first-hand how psychotherapy will help you to move past these points in your life where you are feeling stuck._I like to quote Nike where their motto is,__ust do it.__ou can do it.",상담을 받을 때 내 이슈가 너무 많은 걸까?,"상담을 받을 때는 이슈가 많다고 생각할 필요 없어. 함께 우선 다룰 문제를 선택하고 맞춤형 치료 계획을 개발해. 다음 단계로 나아가는 것을 장려하며, 정신 치료를 통해 문제를 극복할 수 있다고 믿어."
+I would like to be able to have more positive relationships in the present.,social-relationships,"Staying present is an attitude most of us aspire
+to, and most of us have to work at it_ertainly at first. I_ here to tell you
+that living in the now or being mindful is a skill anyone can learn. Unfortunately,
+the only way to do it is to do it. What a paradox! But there are plenty of
+other skills that we are not born with: walking on stilts, riding a bike,
+swimming, and driving a car are good examples. You can_ learn them by reading about
+them.Having said that, I can recommend two books on
+the subject: Eckhart Tolle_ The Power of
+Now and David Richo_ When the Past
+is Present. Richo asks that we don_ beat ourselves up about dwelling on
+past events. This is nature_ way of reminding us that we have unfinished
+business. But while we are attended to the wounds and confusion that litter our earlier lives, we can prepare to inhabit the expanded present that awaits us.He offers three helpful steps to making any important life
+change:Step One: Hold in awareness the behavior,
+belief, attitude, or characteristic you want to change in yourself and how you
+want to be different. Awareness is the opposite of distraction and stuffing.Step Two: Live as if you have
+already made the change. (This is hard and takes courage, but you can do it.
+Ride that bike_ven if for a foot or two.)Step Three: Be persistent.
+(Practice, practice, practice.)Just as two-year-olds are able to walk
+confidently after hundreds of hours of practice, you_l be able to stay in the
+here and now as long as you want after trying and failing many, many times.",현재 더 긍정적인 관계를 가질 수 있는 능력을 갖고 싶어,"현재에 머물 수 있다는 것은 대부분 우리가 바라는 태도이며, 대부분은 처음에는 노력해야 합니다. 현재에 살거나 마음을 가만히 하는 것은 누구나 배울 수 있는 기술입니다. 하지만 그 방법은 단지 실천하는 것뿐입니다. 어떤 모순일까요! 하지만 보통 우리가 타이어야 하는 다른 기술들이 많습니다. 함께 읽을 수 있는 두 권의 책을 추천드립니다: 에크하트 톨레의 '지금의 힘'과 데이비드 리코의 '과거가 현재일 때'."
+"I have a relative who is in his twenties. He was in a drug rehabilitation program and got kicked out for using drugs again. No one informed family that he was using drugs again. He subsequently overdosed and was found dead.
+ Is their accountability of counselors, therapists or the halfway house for not reporting that he had relapsed? Is there a legal case for failing to report?",addiction,"I'm so sorry to hear of your loss._ This sounds like a really difficult situation for the whole family._ Since the answer to this question will depend a lot on the applicable state laws, I would suggest talking with a local attorney._ That being said, I see two competing issues here._ On the one side is the duty of confidentiality the counselors owed_to your relative._ On the other side is the duty the counselors had to act reasonably to protect your relative from harm._ Generally there is not a requiremt for substance abuse treatment centers to notify family members if an adult client relapses.A local attorney will be able to provide more specific guidance on the legal obligtions and liabilities in this situation.","가족 중 한 명이 약물 금지 치료 프로그램에 참여했고, 다시 약물을 사용하여 박탈당했습니다. 가족은 약물 사용 사실을 알리지 않았으며 그 후 과다복용으로 사망했습니다. 상담자, 치료사 또는 하프웨이 집이 약물 재사용 사실을 보고하지 않은 책임이 있을까요? 보고하지 않아 발생한 법적 문제가 있을까요?","가족을 위한 어려운 상황 같아서 안타깝습니다. 실제로 이 질문에 대한 답변은 해당 주의 법에 매우 의존적이므로 현지 변호사와 상담하는 것이 좋습니다. 일반적으로 약물 남용 치료 센터는 성인 클라이언트가 재발한 경우 가족에게 알리지 않아도 되지만, 변호사가 이 상황에서의 법적 의무와 책임에 대해 구체적인 지침을 제공할 것입니다."
+They discontinued treatment for no apparent reason after they thought to diagnose me with schizophrenia.,legal-regulatory,"The general rule against medical abandonment_says thst whenever healthcare providers discontinue treatment with you when you still need it, they are legally required to make sure that you have access to another provider of equal or higher ability.In this case, if your treatment team decided to discontinue your treatment based on a diagnosis of schizophrenia, they still will likely be required to provide you with a referral to someone who can provide you with treatment. If you haven't already done so, I'd recommend that you explicitly ask for a referral.",그들이 나에게 조현병 진닝후 이유없이 치료 중단시켰어.,"의료적 방임에 반대되는 일반 규칙에 따르면, 여전히 필요한 치료를 중단할 때 의료 제공자들은 법적으로 같거나 더 높은 능력을 가진 다른 제공자에게 접근할 수 있도록 보장해야합니다.조현병 진닝후 치료를 중단하기로 결정한 경우에도 여전히 치료를 제공할 수 있는 다른 치료 제공자에 대한 추천을 받을 수 있다는 점입니다. 아직 이를 요청하지 않았다면 추천을 명확히 요청하는 것이 좋습니다."
+"I had a dispute with my therapist regarding an appointment cancellation. Now, she is blocking me from seeing other psychologists at the same clinic (which takes my insurance), which is also where I get my psychiatric services. There is a strict 48 hour cancellation policy, and my appointments are at 3:00 on Tuesday. I called to cancel at 4:30 the previous Friday. I was late, so we contacted my doctor to tell her that I would be out of town. She said I could do a phone in session. The thing is we do double sessions.",legal-regulatory,"My recommendation would be to try to talk to your therapist about this _from your description, it sounds like you have a legitimate explanation for missing your scheduled session._Maybe if you could explain that to her she would be willing to work with you._If she is not willing to consider your explanation and if she is not willing to continue working with you, she still has an ethical obligation to provide you with referral resources to another therapist.","심리상담에서 예약 취소에 관한 분쟁이 있었어. 담당 치료사가 다른 심리학자를 만나는 것을 막고 있어. 제공된 설명만 보면, 예약시간을 놓친 합당한 이유가 있는 것 같은데 어떻게 하면 될까요?","상황을 치료사와 이야기해보세요. 예약시간을 놓친 합당한 이유를 설명해보면 협조를 받을 수도 있을 거예요. 만약 협조를 거부하거나 계속 진행하지 않겠다면, 다른 치료사 추천 의무가 있어요."
+How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client?,professional-ethics,"There are typically three reasons why therapy is terminated:1) Client has met therapy goals2) Client is not progressing_3) Therapist is not a good fit for clientIn order to properly assess whether therapy is helping and what progress is being made, the therapist needs to have ways of consistently checking in with clients sessions-by-session to determine what is helping, what isn't, and where the client is at in relation to their original therapy goals. When a client has met their goals, that is a good time to end counselling sessions unless the client has new goals or simply wants to check-in periodically to make sure that they are still on track (sometimes referred to as relapse prevention)._When a client is not progressing, and feedback has been taken and attempts have been made to make the therapy more helpful for the client but to no avail, than it is considered unethical to continue to work with the client. In these circumstances, referring out to another therapist who may be a better fit is a good idea.",상담사는 언제 상담 세션을 마치거나 클라이언트와의 협업을 중단하기로 결정하나요?,"세션을 끝내는 이유는 주로 세 가지가 있어요: 1) 클라이언트가 목표를 달성했을 때 2) 클라이언트의 진전이 없을 때 3) 상담사와 클라이언트가 잘 맞지 않을 때요. 클라이언트의 발전 상황을 지속적으로 평가하여 적합한 조치를 취하고, 목표 달성 시 세션을 종��하거나 필요시 다른 상담사 추천할 수 있어요."
+"My therapist is gay so there are no sexual issues here. However, my therapist for six years has made me believe that he cares about me and that we are friends. I have loaned money to him many times, and he always paid me back.
+   I had a medical emergency last weekend and I was heavily medicated. I knew that this therapist came into my home and wrote down my credit card information so he could pay back what he owed me, but this therapist dropped me off and never came again. I don't know what to do.",professional-ethics,"I'm sorry to hear that this has_happened._Counselors are legally_and ethically required to make sure that they always put the wellbeing of their clients above their own interests._In addition, counselor ethical rules, and the laws in just about every state, make it illegal for counselors to take advantage of_a client financially._A counselor borrowing money from a client (even if the counselor_pays it back) would_usually be considered to be taking advantage of the client.There are a few options you have at this point if_you can't (or don't want) to continue to try to contact him directly. You can file a complaint with your states' regulatory board and let them_know what has happened.__An investigator will then look into the situation for you._ Another option would be for you to find a different counsleor who can provide you with an independent and netural point of view to help you figure out how you want to handle this situation.","내 상담사가 제 친구처럼 대해준다고 생각했는데, 돈을 빌려준 후 상담사가 저에게로 돌아올 줄 알고 카드 정보를 메모했지만 그게 사라졌어요. 어떻게 해야 할까요?",그런 일이 생겨 정말 유감스럽네요. 상담사들은 언제나 클라이언트의 안녕을 최우선으로 보호해야 합니다. 이 상황에 대해 직접 연락을 시도하지 못하거나 원하지 않는다면 주의 감독 당국에 불만을 제기할 수 있고 상황을 조사해 줄 수 있습니다. 다른 중립적 견해를 제공해 줄 상담사를 찾아 이 문제를 다룰 방법을 찾는 것도 한 가지 방법입니다.
+"I have an eating disorder of binging. I've had gastric sleeve surgery. I need help with issues of abuse as a child, addiction, and abusive men. I have been in therapy for five months and get no feedback from my therapist.",professional-ethics,"It can be really frustrating to feel like your counselor is not providing you with the help you need.My recommendation in a situation like this would be to let your counselor know how you feel. Specifically tell Your counselor that you don't seem to be getting the amount of feedback you would like.If this doesn't help, then you might want to look for another counselor who will be a better fit for you.","내가 식사장애와 게실 편도 수술로 인한 문제, 어릴 때의 학대, 중독, 폭력적인 남성과 관련해 도움이 필요해. 5개월간의 상담 후 상담사로부터 아무 피드백도 받지 못했어.","당신의 상담자가 원하는 도움을 제공하지 못하는 불편함은 정말 답답할 수 있어. 이런 경우에는 상담사에게 당신이 느끼는 감정을 표현하는 게 좋을 것 같아. 원하는 피드백을 받지 못하고 있다고 직접 말해보는 거야. 이것이 도움이 되지 않는다면, 다른 적절한 상담사를 찾아보는 것도 좋을 거야."
+"Back in high school, my friend and I used to masturbate around each other. I hate even talking about it now because it's so weird. We didn't even realize how messed up it was at the time. One time, it escalated and we ended up doing it for each other. It wasn't supposed to be a gay thing, but it sure sounds like it now that I talk about it. I pushed this away until it recently came up in my head again. I'm having a lot of trouble.",human-sexuality,"Writing about your high school masturbation times with your friend, is itself a form of acknowledging the full picture of who you are. __You are doing well to reflect on your actions in the truthful way you are doing.Also positive is that you have perspective, that at your age and social maturity, you were innocently doing something that in adult terms, would be considered in a negative way.Maybe through your more mature mind's eye of today, you can feel some compassion and understanding for your high school self. _This way your sense of self-judgment may start to dissolve a little bit more.","고등학교 때 친구와 함께 자위를 했던 경험이 있어. 이제는 말하기조차 싫고 그 때의 일에 대해 정말 이상해. 그때 우린 그게 얼마나 문제가 될지도 몰랐어. 이야기가 커지다 보니 상황이 엇나가 자신들이 서로를 위해 그랬던 적도 있어. 그 당시에는 게이적인 것이 아니었는데, 지금 이야기하면 그렇게 들릴 것 같아. 집어치기로 떠나려던 이 일이 최근 머릿속에 다시 나타나고 있어. 정말 고민이 많아.","고등학교 시절 친구와의 자위에 대해 쓰는 것 자체가 당신의 정체성의 전체 이미지를 인식하는 한 형태입니다. 당신이 행동을 고찰하는 방식으로 진행하고 있어 정말 잘하고 있어요. 지금의 당신 나이와 사회적 성숙도에서, 당신이 순진하게 한 행동이 어른들 입장에서는 부정적으로 생각될 수 있는 행동이었다는 것에 관한 관점 또한 긍정적입니다. 오늘 당신의 더 성숙한 눈으로, 당신의 고등학교 시절 자신에게 조금 더 동정과 이해를 느낄 수 있을 것입니다. 이런 방식으로 자신에 대한 판단이 조금 더 약해지기 시작할 것입니다."
+I need to get on base to see my doctor. My ID card was in my wallet which was stolen. I_ unable to reach my husband at this time. He is only one who can take me on base in order to get a new ID so I can continue to see doctor. Is there anything I can do?,military-issues,You should be able to get a replacement ID card either from the Personnel Office on your local base (the actual name of this office will vary depending on which branch of the military it is). You may also be required to go to the Military Police or Security office on base to report the loss of your old ID card.,"기지에 들어가기 위해 필요한 ID카드가 지갑과 함께 도난당했어. 남편 연락이 닿지 않아서 새로운 ID카드를 얻기 위해 기지에 도와줄 수 있는 유일한 사람인데, 할 수 있는 일이 있을까요?","해당 군 병력에 따라 달라지지만, 주변 기지에 있는 인사처에서 대체 ID카드를 발급받을 수 있습니다. 이전 ID카드 분실 신고를 위해 기지 내 군경 사무소나 보안 사무소를 방문할 수도 있습니다."
+"After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again.",self-harm,"Hello, and thank you for your question. This is a very serious time. I don't mean to frighten you, but you are right to be concerned. The time right after people leave the hospital after receiving psychiatric services is a time of high risk for suicide. It is very important, after hospitalization,_to get_follow-up care with a professional as soon as possible. If your husband has an established therapist, this is the time to call. It is also a good time to alert your support system of friends, family, clergy or others to let them know he is still struggling. This is good support for him AND you.It is important to think about means and opportunity to make another attempt. Means really do matter._ So, if you have a firearm in the home, it is really important to remove it. You can't remove all things that a person may hurt themselves with, but some things are more lethal than others. Firearms are very lethal. I am not sure what means he used last time, but try to reduce the opportunity for him to access it again. This is where your support system can help out. People can take turns hanging out with him until you are sure the crisis is over.If you believe that an attempt is going to occur, talk to your husband about going back to the hospital. If he refuses, you will want to find out what your options are to have him go even if he doesn't want to. I know the thought of that really hurts, but it can save his life. Calling 9-1-1 is always_a_good option if you are not sure. Usually a suicide crisis, meaning they want to harm themselves right now, lasts a few minutes, hours or days. Sometimes when you get them through the crisis stage, they no longer want to commit suicide. But, as you are indicating, that feeling of wanting to commit suicide can come back again. So, it is always good to have a plan. If you want more information, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. They will always answer: 1-800-273-8255. They can help you create a specific safety plan. I do hope things work out alright. Be well. Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC","남편이 입원 후 화나고 좋았다가 우울하고 절망적인데, 어떻게 도와줘야 하지?","남편이 입원 후 자살 위험 증가하는 시기이니 정말 심각한 상황이야. 전문가 의료를 받는 것이 중요해. 가정 내 자살 수단은 없애야 해. 발견되면 의료진과 대화해야 해. 911을 호출할 필요가 있다면 조치를 취해. 복잡한 상황이지만, 극복할 수 있을 거야. 함께 힘내자!"
+"How do therapists classify the type of personality their clients have? What characteristics do they look at to decide what type of personality the client has? I've read about this online, but I'd like to understand this from a therapist's point of view.",diagnosis,"This is a great question, and I am happy to have the opportunity to explain my approach. When I am determining what type of personality a client has, I take my time and really absorb their lens/ point of view to themselves and others. Determining a personality type takes some time getting to know the person, and building rapport. After taking time to get to know them, and learning about their view they have of themselves and others, it is important to pick-up on more specific personality traits, which comprehensively contribute to a personality type. Clinicians, including myself, often witness certain traits that are enduring and consistent, which indicate a type of personality. For example, if a therapist is noticing that a client is exhibiting traits of organization, needing to be on time, planning, and perfectionism, these traits contribute to the ""type A personality""._In addition to utilizing clinical judgment, clinicians often use personality assessments and follow the guidelines of the DSM-5/ ICD-10.","상담사들이 어떻게 클라이언트의 성격 유형을 분류하나요? 어떤 특성을 살펴보며 클라이언트의 성격 유형을 판단하나요? 상담사의 입장에서 이해하고 싶어요.,","클라이언트의 성격 유형을 결정할 때, 상대방의 시각을 충분히 이해하고 청취하는 데 중점을 두고 시간을 할애합니다. 이를 통해 일관성 있는 성격 특성을 파악하고, 개별적인 성격 특성을 찾아냅니다. 특정 성격 특징이 영구적이고 일관되게 나타나면 성격 유형을 파악할 수 있습니다. 그리고 성격 평가를 이용해 성격을 분석하며 DSM-5/ ICD-10의 지침을 따릅니다."
+Does counseling really do anything that can help people?,counseling-fundamentals,"Yes, Counseling provides an area for people to speak to an unbiased professional about their concerns to address their unique needs. While length of time varies, counseling is a process and can be done from as little as one session to multiple sessions. Counseling provide a safe, non-judgmental, empathetic atmosphere from a professional helper provide the service",상담이 정말 도움이 될까?,"네, 상담은 사람들이 고유한 필요를 해결하는 데 도움을 줄 수 있는 중립적인 전문가와 이야기할 수 있는 공간을 제공해요. 상담은 세션 수에 따라 다르지만, 안전하고 편견 없는 환경을 제공해요."
+"This is my recovery, and I don't feel that it is okay for them to ask this. They told me it is policy due to the fact that I may run into a peer there. I am a peer counselor in the small community that I grew up in. I am in recovery myself. I was asked to come work for this organization after I was two years sober (I was in treatment in this organization). I work with mental health peers and run life skill groups. I don't work with substance peers.",addiction,"You definitely want to make sure not to inadvertently create an inappropriate dual relationship with a client._In fact, it is not uncommon for state regulatory boards to determine that a clinician and client being in the same 12 step group is professional misconduct._You might want to consider attending a 12 step meeting that is located in a different community than the one you work in. _Another option would be to look for one-on-one or small group recovery support.","그냥 내 회복인데, 그들이 이걸 묻는 건 괜찮지 않다고 느껴. 동료를 만날 수도 있는 이유로 정책이라고 말했어. 작은 지역사회에서 동료 상담사이자 나 스스로 회복 중이야. 두 해 정도의 복귀 후 이 단체에서 일하라는 제안을 받았어. 내가 일하는 곳이 본단이라 프로그램 동료와 일하지 않기로 했어.","클라이언트와 부적절한 이중 관계가 생기지 않도록 주의해야 해. 심지어, 국가 규제 기관들은 치료사와 클라이언트가 같은 12단계 그룹에 속하는 것을 전문적인 행위위반이라고 결정하기도 해. 귀하가 일하는 지역과 다른 곳에 위치한 12단계 모임에 참석하는 것을 고려해보는 것이 좋을 것입니다. 또 다른 옵션으로 일대일이나 소규모 회복 지원을 찾아보는 것도 좋은 방법이 될 수 있습니다."
+"I'm transgender, I know I am, but I've only told a few friends. I know I can't tell my family because of previous conversations we've had. They just wouldn't accept it.
+ My gender dysphoria is getting really difficult to deal with on my own. I need some strategies for dealing with it. What should I do?",lgbtq,"Hello, and thank you for your question. I am so glad that you reached out for help. I know that the dysphoria can feel nearly impossible to handle, especially since you have limited support from people who accept who you are. You may already know some of these resources, but I am going to share a few. 1. The website www.letsqueerthingsup.com is a blog from a very good writer that I know. His name is Sam Dylan Finch, and he is transgender. He writes about mental health, transgender issues, and many other topics. I know he has frequently written about gender dysphoria and ways to manage it. You may want to check out his site and do a search on there. 2. The website www.everydayfeminism.com employs many transgender writers and several have written about gender dysphoria and have given ideas for managing it. If you search for gender dysphoria on their site, many articles pop up. It may be a good resource for you, especially if you ever feel lonely and start to forget that there are others out there who are like you and have your back. 3. I am not sure where you live, but there are counselors who specialize in affirmative therapy, which is what is recommended for folks who are part of the LGBTQ community. So, if you decide to see a counselor about the dysphoria, try to find one that specifically says they have been trained in the affirmative approach. In addition, feel free to ask questions of the counselor before agreeing to see them for counseling. An ethical counselor would have no problem answering them before having you come in. 4. If there are some LGBTQ resource centers in your area, try to reach out to them and see if there are support groups. Gaining more support from others would be helpful. Sometimes LGBTQ-friendly counselors leave their contact information for people in resource centers. 5. Finally, I know you have not mentioned being depressed or suicidal, but I also know that it is very common for people to consider_suicide when they are struggling with dysphoria, dealing with transphobia, etc. If this ever happens to you, please call 911 or the Trans Lifeline. It's free_at_877-565-8860. Visit their site at www.translifeline.org. I hope some of these ideas help. Feel free to send another message if you have a follow-up question.Be well....be YOU.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC","내가 트랜스젠더라는 걸 알고 있지만, 이 사실을 알고 있는 친구는 몇 명 뿐이야. 가족한텐 말하지 못할 거야, 이전에 나눈 대화 때문에 받아들여주지 못할 거 같아. 이걸 어떻게 처리해야 할까?","안녕, 도움을 요청해줘서 고마워. 거의 보이지 않을 만큼 힘든 고통을 견디고 있을 거라는 걸 알아. 이 문제를 다루는 방법에 대한 몇 가지 전략을 소개할게."
+"When I ask him who he is talking to, he tells me no one. But, it sounds like he is holding a conversation with someone. I have even accused him of having a secret cell phone. I ask so much, I feel like I am losing it. Is he trying to make me question my sanity, or is he talking to himself?",relationships,"A rare topic & likely extremely troublesome for you... I would need to have more background information on the two of you before beginning to offer any insight. Feel free to email me.I would also like to add that aside from the reality of whether or not these conversations are actually occurring, as your partner, he should be just as concerned about something that is disturbing you to this level. _Partners need each others' trust and support, no matter who is right or wrong.","그가 누구랑 얘기하고 있는지 물어봐도 아무도 아니라고 하지만, 누군가와 대화를 나누는 것처럼 들립니다. 가끔 그가 비밀 핸드폰을 가지고 있다고 의심하기도 합니다. 너무 많이 물어서 제 정신이 흔들리는 느낌이에요. 제 정신을 흔들리게 하려는 건가요, 아니면 자신과 말을 나누고 있는건가요?","너를 괴롭히는 문제네... 너희 둘에 대한 더 많은 배경 정보가 있어야 내가 조언을 해 줄 수 있어. 나에게 이메일 보내. 이 대화들이 실제로 일어나고 있는지 여부 외에, 너를 이 정도로 괴롭히는 문제에 대해 걱정하는 것도 제 파트너로서, 너와 여러분의 신뢰와 지지가 필요하다는 걸 상기시키고 싶어. 서로 신뢰하고 서로를 지지해야 해, 맞든 틀리든."
+"My boyfriend_ sneaky and puts his friends before me. He fights just to leave. One day, he's happy. The next, he's mean and blames me for everything. He can't admit faults. He thinks he's perfect and does no wrong.",relationships,"Hi, Ontario. I live in the other Ontario; in Canada. I'll try to help you sort this out. You have a long list of complaints about your boyfriend!_It sounds like he's maybe a bit immature and moody, and these things affect you, for sure. I get it._It's_got me curious, and if I was working with you, I'd want to know a lot more about how long you've been together and_what's actually working well between you two. I would also ask a lot of questions about the details of your description. What tells you he's 'sneaky'? Does he lie? How do you know he lies to you? Also, are you wanting to make things better with him, do you just want an ear to vent to, are you looking for validation, or do you hope someone will help you wake up to an unhappy situation? _It helps me if I know what you want.Whenever I meet someone who has a lot of complaints about their partner or boyfriend, I encourage them first to look at the language they're using. Some of your words tell me that you think you know what he's thinking (that he wants to fight so he can leave, that he thinks he's perfect). It's always tricky when we assume what someone's thinking, and in an argument or dialogue, these kinds of statements tend to lead to defensiveness and an escalated argument. I'd encourage you to focus on his actual behaviours and how they affect you, rather than the motives or beliefs you think are behind the behaviours (because you really can't know what he's thinking unless he tells you). As a general rule, the ""When you do X, I feel Y"" sentence goes far in helping others understand what we feel.So, it's fair to say ""when you lie to me, I can't trust you"", or ""when you end our date early to hang with your friends I feel like I'm not important to you"", or ""your mood swings are difficult for me"", or ""I don't seem to get apologies from you"". Try to focus on his actual behaviour when you talk to him about this stuff. A relationship counsellor can help you each understand the other better beyond the surface behaviours if you want to improve the relationship.That said, I have to ask...if you haven't been with Mr. Not So Great for very long, is it maybe time to rethink the relationship? Unless there is a balance of really loving and positive behaviours that you're leaving out, you don't seem happy. A good therapist can help you understand why you are stuck in an unhappy relationship, if that is what's happening._There's a lot to sort out here...how to communicate about your needs, how to know when to call it quits if something doesn't feel good... I wish you the best as you continue to examine these questions with assistance from friends or professionals.","남자친구가 모순적인 행동으로 날 괴롭히는데, 어떻게 해야 하지?","안녕, 상황이 그렇게 어렵구나. 그런 것들이 너에게 영향을 미치는 것으로 보여. 그의 실제 행동에 초점을 맞추고 이에 대해 이야기해보는 것이 중요해. 그리고 그와의 관계를 개선하고 싶은지, 단지 이야기를 듣고 싶은지, 타당성을 얻고 싶은지, 아니면 누군가가 불행한 상황을 알게 해주길 바라는지 생각해보는 것도 도움이 될 거야."
+"Over a year ago I had a female friend. She turned out to be kind of crazy so I decided to stop talking to her. When she would call me I wouldn't answer the phone. This made my girlfriend really suspicious. She would ask me why I wouldn't ever answer that phone number. I told my girlfriend that I don't want to be friends with that other woman, but I don't think she believes me. How can I get my girlfriend to understand?",relationships,"We women really do tend to struggle with the comparison game. And Hollywood culture hasn't helped with romantic comedies and song lyrics telling us that when a man appears evasive, there's something to worry about._It's been my clinical experience though that most women value transparency and security in their relationships. So you might try sharing a little bit more about your history with this woman. For example:Where did you meet her?How long were you friends before you decided to call it quits?_Why don't you want to be friends with her (i.e., what do you mean by ""kind of crazy"")? I promise this tends to matter to women.Were you ever intimately involved with or even attracted to her?If your girlfriend can truly see that you view her as the filet mignon to the other woman's hamburger, and that she is your favorite person on the planet and has NOTHING to worry about, she may start to come around.Now, IF she's more concerned that you might be taking this woman's calls behind your back, while I'm not typically a huge fan of sharing passwords or phone records, you might print them off and highlight this female's number and show your girlfriend that you absolutely are telling the truth.And if you really want to step it up, I would be intentional about doing all the little things that you know your girlfriend loves that helped make her fall in love with you in the first place (e.g., little love notes for her to find or sweet text messages, buy a rose or her favorite flower, have her car detailed, do the laundry...date nights...you get the idea). _Bottom line - show your girlfriend why out of all the women on the planet that you could be with, you CHOSE HER. _And would continue to do so all over again. _AND why you love HER as a person. _This will help her trust what you're saying._Best of luck to you! _Tamara Powell, LMHC","내 여자친구가 내 전 여성 친구 전화 안 받는 거 의심해해. 어떻게 설득할 수 있을까?,","여자는 투명함과 안전을 중요시 해. 너와 전 여성 친구의 관계에 대해 더 공유해봐. 전 여성 친구와 만난 곳, 얼마나 되지 않아 결정했는지 등을 얘기해. 너는 참고로 너 가 일리가 있는 말을 하고 있는 것을 볼 수 있게 해야 해. 쉽게 말해서 너의 여자친구가 다시 너에게 신뢰할 수 있게 보여줘."
+"I'm in a relationship, but I feel like I'm always putting more into it and not getting reciprocated. My ex told me that I will never find anyone else, and that's lingering in the back of my mind.",relationships,"The most crucial key to any relationship is that mutual feeling you hold between you both: that you matter. Sounds like you are stuck in a cycle of hearing your ex say you don't matter. That's why it didn't work with him btw. He wasn't reflecting to you that you mattered. However it ended, clearly though that's the sentiment that's lingering with you. So here you are hanging around a new man why is telling you the same message. Move on. You aren't unworthy, you just haven't found a man who is worthy of you!_To be worthy of you, he must see your worth. Often though before anyone else can see your worth, you have to believe it.",나는 항상 더 많이 투자하고 상대편으로부터 그것을 받지 못하는 것 같아. 전 여자친구가 다른 사람을 찾지 못할 거라고 말했어. 그 말이 머릿속에 맴돌아.,상호 감정이 중요해. 예전 연인은 네게 너의 가치를 보여주지 않았어. 너는 가치 없는 사람이 아니야. 이러한 가치를 보여줄 남자를 찾아봐야 해. 너를 가치있게 여기는 사람과 함께할 수 있을거야.
+"My girlfriend and I have broken up and gotten back together numerous times in the past two years. We recently just broke up again last night on New Year_ Eve. When we break up, the very next day, she calls me and acts as if nothing has happened. She acts like everything is alright. This has been going on for two years. I do love her and care about her and her children a lot, but she seems really demanding as far as what she deserves from a man. She is always telling me that she deserves this and that from a man. It makes me feel like crap because I cannot give her everything that she wants. She told me one time that she wants a man who is going to be afraid to lose her. Is that a normal thing that women want, or should I just move on already? I am in my 30s and she is in her 40s.",relationships,"Love is not enough to keep a relationship together.The people need to get along happily too.Let's start with knowing more about your happiness in being with your partner.The frequent break ups happen for a reason. _Try understanding more of why you go back together again.You state a few very clear reasons to not continue this relationship, such as ""feeling like crap"" and not liking that your girlfriend hopes her _partner will feel afraid to leave her.Trust your intuition telling you that these feelings matter.Sometimes men aren't sure whether following their instinct is a right action to take.It is.Also, hoping a partner will fear losing them, shows a wish to control a person.Control has nothing to do with love and trust, and these are basics of a relationship.Good luck!","질문 : 내 여자친구와 두 해 동안 여러 차례 헤어지고 다시 사귄 적이 많아. 지난 밤 연말에 다시 헤어질을 했어. 헤어질 땐 바로 다음날 그녀가 전화를 걸어 아무일 없었던 것처럼 행동해. 모든 게 괜찮다는 듯이 행동해. 이게 2년째 반복돼. 그녀와 그녀의 아이들을 정말 사랑하고 생각하지만, 그녀는 진짜 자신이 남자로부터 뭘 바라는 거 있는 듯해. 항상 자기가 남자에게 이것저것 원한다고 말해. 내가 그녀가 원하는 모든 걸 줄 수 없어서 나쁜 기분이 들어. 그녀 한번 내게 자기를 잃고 싶어하는 남자를 원한다고 했어. 이게 여성들이 원하는 정상적인 것일까, 아니면 어쩌면 다른 사람을 찾아 볼까요? 난 30대이고 그녀는 40대야.","연애는 관계를 유지하는데 충분하지 않아. 사람들은 행복하게 지내야 해. 우선 파트너와 함께 있을 때 당신이 행복한지에 대해 더 알아보자. 자주 헤어지는 이유가 있을 테니 그것도 더 이해해보자. 당신은 ""나쁜 기분""을 느끼고 있는 것과 여자친구가 자기 파트너가 자신을 잃을까 봐 걱정한다는 점 등, 이 관계를 계속하기에 좋은 이유를 드러내고 있어. 현재 느끼는 감정이 중요하다는 직감을 믿어봐. 남자들은 때때로 본능을 따라가는 게 옳은 행동인지 잘 모르겠을 수 있어. 하지만 그건 맞는 행동이야. 또한, 상대방이 자신을 잃을까 봐 두려워한다는 바람은 상대를 통제하길 바라는 것을 나타내는데, 통제는 사랑과 신뢰와는 아무 상관이 없어. 이것들이 관계의 기본이야. 행운을 빌어!"
+"My boyfriend moved in with me a few months ago. I love him, but his dog is wrecking my house. Every day we get home, there is a huge mess on the floor, and several things will be ripped up (including the couch). He's slowly eating all of the doors, and there will be food and poop everywhere. Even though I come home during all of my breaks to take him out, he still poops and pees in the house every chance. I can't financially afford to have the dog wrecking my house. I've tried talking to my boyfriend about the dog to try and come up with a solution, but it never ends well. The dog is the only thing we fight about because I want him out of the house and my boyfriend doesn't want to see him go. It_ not the dog fault though; I understand that. The dog is only a year old, and he isn't a bad dog. He's just too big of a dog for where he is; he should be a farm dog instead of a town dog. I don't hate the dog, but I just can't afford to continue having my house torn to pieces.",relationships,"Every living creature needs time and support to adjust to a new situation.The dog is in a new place without the ability to understand the reason. _This may explain what sounds like the dog's agitation. _Have you spoken with your boyfriend on his opinion on how to address the dog behavior problems?Finding an answer together would be a good way of making your relationship stronger. _A_lot of being a couple who live together is talking, listening and deciding together on how to handle major situations.If it is affordable, then a dog behaviorist may be of great help. _The person would guide you in working with the dog to become calmer.",남자친구와 함께 살고 있는데 그의 개가 집을 파손해. 어떻게 해야할까?,새로운 환경에 적응할 시간과 지원이 필요하겠죠. 남자친구와 개의 행동문제에 대해 함께 얘기해보는 것은 좋은 방법이 될 수 있어요. 함께 문제에 대한 해결책을 찾는 것이 나의 관계를 더욱 굳건하게 만드는 좋은 방법이 될 거예요.
+"I had to go to the emergency room today to get an X-ray of my spine. My boyfriend didn't want to sit there and wait with me. Instead, he wanted to go do things for his friends while I waited. When I was done, he was twenty minutes late in picking me up. He doesn't understand why I'm mad, and we keep bickering at each other over the smallest things. He thinks I don't have a reason to be mad, but I believe that I do.",relationships,"It is extremely frustrating when our significant other doesn't understand our points of view. Often times, arguments are not the best opportunities to try and make a point, as strong emotions can get in the way of understanding others' perspectives._Try having a discussion with him about what is bothering you during a time when neither if you are upset or arguing. Communicate how you feel without placing blame and without yelling. Addionally, give him ideas of what he can do differently so that he understands what your expectations are. Lastly, consider seeing a couple's therapist who can assist with teaching more effective communication techniques. Best of luck.",남자친구가 당신의 불만을 이해하지 못할 때의 상황이 어려웠겠네요. 다른 시간에 감정이 고통스럽지 않을 때 그가 무엇이 괴로운지 이야기해보세요. 상호 이해를 위해 감정에 휘말리지 않게 의사소통하는 법을 배울 수 있는 부부 상담가를 만나보는 게 어떨까요?.Fatalf(EXPR),의견을 이해하지 못하는 상대방이 있으면 화가 나는 것은 정말 어렵죠. 오랜 시간 논란하는 것은 다른 시각을 이해하기 힘들게 해요. 화가 날 때 보다 평화로운 분위기에서 서로 무엇에 대해 이야기해보세요. 서로 도와줄 수 있는 방법도 제시해 보세요. 부부 상담사를 만나 소통기술을 향상시키는 데 도움을 받을 수도 있어요. 어려운 상황 극복을 위해 행운을 빕니다.
+"My ex-boyfriend, will not stop harassing and stalking me. We work together. I honestly think he needs help to move on. His accusations are angry lies. But I think he may believe them to be true.",relationships,"The specific laws about this will vary from state to state. _Generally, the only way to ""force"" someone to get mental health care is if they pose an imminent theft of harm to themself or someone else, or if they are unable to care for themself. _More importantly, is dealing with your safety. _Most states have laws that make stalking a crime. You might want to think about filing a police report and obtaining a restraining order against him. _You could also think about contacting a local counselor. While you can't force him to get help with moving on from the relationship, counseling could help you to deal with what is going on.",질문 : 전 남자친구가 괴롭히고 스토킹하는데 일한다. 이별해도 한결같이 저에게 접근합니다. 조언 부탁드려요.,"주변 법률은 상이할 수 있어요. 하지만 중요한 건 안전하게 지내는 것입니다. 대부분의 주에서 스토킹은 범죄로 간주돼요. 경찰에 신고하고 제약 명령을 신청하는 것을 고려해보세요. 현지 상담사와도 연락해보세요. 함께 지낸 관계를 슬퍼하는 것을 강요할 순 없지만, 상담을 통해 현재의 상황에 대처하는 데에 도움을 받을 수 있어요."
+Then turn right back around and say he loves me and needs me. This rollercoaster is crazy.,relationships,Your partners obviously very confused when it comes to love. Sometimes people shy away from good and positive relationships and companionship because their afraid. They know that it's something worth holding on to but most feel they can't handle it and can't meet up to their partners expectations. Your partner loves you but must have fear that keeps standing in his way. It could also mean their afraid of getting hurt or disapointed in the long run. _Give your partner comfort and reassurance that they can come to you to confide in you about anything that may be bothering them.,그 사람이 나를 사랑하고 필요하다고 다시 말하고 있어. 이런 롤러코스터 같은 관계는 미친 것 같아.,"네 파트너는 사랑에 혼란스러운 모습을 보여. 어떤 사람들은 긍정적인 관계와 동반자를 피하기도 해. 너와 함께 할 가치가 있다는 것을 알지만, 대부분 자신의 기대치에 미치지 못하고 다룰 수 없다고 생각해. 파트너는 당신을 사랑하지만 두려움에 막힌 것일 수도 있어. 그는 상처나 실망을 두려워하는 것일 수도 있어. _네 파트너에게 편안함과 안심을 줘서 어떤 것이 불안한지 이야기하고 위로해줄 수 있게 해."
+Why am I attracted to older men?,relationships,"What a wonderful question!Good for you on clearly knowing your priorities.If I was sitting with you now, I'd ask you to list your reasons.Start with whatever answers you do come up with and examine each of these a little further.If, for example, you feel you need a man because many of your friends are in relationships, then possibly you feel insecure about being your unique self, even when this sets you apart from your friends.If, you feel you need a man to protect you financially, then possibly you've lost faith in your ability to financially support yourself.If you'd like a man in your life to offer your love and are willing to contribute the work of relating intimately, then you've found the best reason for wanting a man in your life.This is far different than ""need"".",난 왜 연상의 남성에게 매력을 느낄까?,"그 질문 멋지네! 당신이 자신의 우선순위를 명확히 아는 것을 칭찬해야 해. 현재 당장 당신과 같이 앉아 진정한 이유를 목록으로 만들라고 말하겠어. 여기서 시작하고 각 이유를 조금 더 살펴보아야 해. 예를 들어, 친구들이 모두 관계를 맺었기 때문에 남자가 필요하다고 느낀다면, 아마도 독특한 당신 자신이 아닌 다른 이의 일부가 되지 않을까 걱정하는 것일 수도 있어. 경제적으로 자신을 지탱할 능력을 잃었을 수도 있다면, 경제적 보호가 필요하다고 느낄 수도 있겠어. 그렇게 진정하고 서로에 대한 사랑을 나누고 관계를 위한 노력을 기꺼이 기여하려는 남자와 함께 하고 싶다면, 당신의 인생에 남자를 원하는 것에 대한 최고의 이유를 찾았다고 말할 수 있어. 이것은 '필요'와는 전혀 다른 이야기야."
+What do I do if I have been feeling like I could never be with anyone because no one would want me. Or I couldn't have many friends because of who I am. It's strange I want to be loved but I'd hate to be because I always lose.,relationships,"As a relationship therapist I work with a lot of people who feel similar feelings to some degree or another and almost always find that the origin of these feelings point back towards childhood._How did you caregivers express (or not express) love towards you? How did they express (or not express) love towards one another. These early messages become your template for how you have learned to see yourself and what you expect from others._In his book_Wired for Love,_Stan Tatkin, PsyD writes__e learn to love ourselves precisely because we have experienced being loved by someone. We learn to take care of ourselves because somebody has taken care of us. Our self worth and self-esteem also develop because of other people. _This could be very fruitful to explore in individual therapy with a relationship therapist who really gets it, you may have to interview a few to find the right fit; that's OK. Maybe you'd even want to read that book I linked above. :) Noticing this_pattern_is HUGE, it's where transformation begins. And now that you have be kind with yourself, it begins there too.",내가 사람들한테 사랑받을 자격이 없다고 느꼈어. 어떻게 해야할까?,어린 시절 부모님의 사랑표현을 되돌아보는 것이 중요해. 바람직한 인연을 세우려면 자신을 어떻게 기대하고 있는지 확인해보는 것이 좋아. 이런 과정은 개인치료에서 탐구할 수 있어.
+"However, it seems as though he is really talking to someone other than himself. I have even accused him of having a secret phone. Is he trying to make me crazy on purpose, or is he really talking to himself?",relationships,"Some people simply talk to themselves as a way of processing information. Have you checked in with your husband about this in a non-accusatory way? Something like ""Hey babe (or whatever sweet name you typically use), I'm so curious what that's all about? Do you notice that you are talking out loud?"" Chances are it's just how he thinks things through and is not at all about trying to make you crazy, it's just one of his quirks you'll grow to endear. Early married life is a time full of discovering one another's quirks!","남편이 자신과 다른 누군가와 진짜로 말하고 있는 것 같아요. 비밀폰을 가지고 있다고 비난하기도 해봤어요. 제 생각을 괜히 혼란스럽게 하려는 건가요, 아니면 정말로 자신과 대화하고 있는 건가요?","어떤 사람들은 정보를 처리하는 방법으로 자신과 대화를 합니다. 비난하지 않고 남편과 이에 대해 대화해보셨나요? ""자기야, 그게 뭐에 대한 대화인지 너무 궁금해. 소리내어 말하는 거 눈치 채니?"" 이렇게 하면 혼란스럽게 하려는 것이 아니라 그저 특이한 버릇 중 하나일 뿐이에요. 결혼 초기는 서로의 버릇을 발견하는 시기랍니다!"
+"My girlfriend's grandma passed away 5 months ago. They were very close. She took care of her till she died. Things kinda returned to normal few weeks later. Last month it feels like we hit a brick wall. Intimacy fell off. I asked what's up. She says she can't connect with anyone and that it's not me. She used to be very open and expressive. Now she gives short answers and has no interest in sex or any touching. When we did have sex in the last month, something felt really off. Now I'm very insecure about us and have thoughts of her cheating. She says otherwise, but I don't know. It just feels like something is really off.",relationships,"Grief has a huge impact on us and everyone's reaction is different. The one common reaction however is to shut down and distance ourselves. Her relationship with her grandmother was close, given she took care of her up until she passed. It sounds like she is working through a difficult loss and her ability to connect with you, or anyone else, is likely low right now. Trust what she is telling you and try to be there for her as she works through it. If she finds it too difficult to connect again, a good grief counselor can help her get back on track.",여자친구가 최근 할머니를 잃었는데 그 이후로 긴 격한 슬픔을 느껴요. 우리 사이에 거리가 생겼는데 어떻게 대해야 할까요?,"그런 상황일 때 거리를 좁히려는 시도는 오히려 역효과를 낼 수 있어요. 그녀가 현재 어려운 상실을 견디고 있는 것 같습니다. 그녀가 말하는 대로를 믿고, 그녀를 이해해주시면서 함께 극복해보세요. 만약 혼자 해결하기 어렵다면, 그리프 상담사를 만나보는 것도 좋은 방법일지도 모릅니다."
+"He's been losing feelings and he doesn't know why. I love him very very much. He sometimes thinks I'm obsessed when I'm not at all. I give him his space and I make sure he's okay but sometimes I think if me and him saw each other more it would be better? I truly want me and him to get better, it's kind of hard not to stress about it, because the love of my life is losing feelings which is a sad feeling. He's a great guy! I just don't know why he's been losing feelings towards me. He's starting to put less effort in talking to me. At this point I'll do anything to just make us better as a couple. I tried talking to him but he doesn't like talking about it much. Advice on what to do?",relationships,"I'm willing to bet that this isn't what you are hoping to hear, but I'd suggest giving him space. Ooph, that's a tough one, right?! I know. But here's the thing, when you keep trying to process and talk it out with him you keep pushing him away. He needs to feel like a solid and whole person (as you do too) to be able to be fully in your relationship. It's the work of being in relationship to learn this. I get that this is tough stuff. I wonder, outside of being with him, how do you soothe and calm yourself? That's the stuff for you to tune into and focus on right now.","내 남자친구가 갑자기 흥미를 잃는 것 같아. 너무 사랑하는데 때로는 제가 너무 집착하는 것 같다고 생각할 때도 있고, 그런 거라면 전혀 아닌데. 그에게 공간을 주고 그가 괜찮은지 확인하는데 신경 쓰이지만 가끔 우리가 더 자주 만나면 더 좋지 않을까 생각해? 우리가 더 나아지길 진심으로 바라는데 어떻게 해야 할지 조언 좀 줄래?,","아마 제안이 원하던 대답은 아니겠지만, 그에게 일단 공간을 주는 것이 좋을 거에요. 정말 힘든 상황이죠, 알아요. 하지만 계속해서 그와 이야기하려고 애쓰면 오히려 그를 더 멀리 밀어낼 수 있어요. 그에겐 당신만큼이나 확고하고 완전한 사람이 되어야만 관계가 튼튼해질 수 있어요. 이런 것을 배우기 위해서 관계에 있는 일이에요. 상황이 힘들겠죠. 그에게 얽매이지 않고, 어떻게 스스로 진정하고 안정시키는지 생각하고 집중할 부분이 있을 거예요."
+"I have been with this guy on and off for 8 years. At first, we used to do things together and our sex life was ok. Then things started to change, we'd break up and reconnect, and he cheated on me numerous times. We've also had two beautiful baby girls during this time. Now we argue and he says I am not affectionate at all or I don't know how to please a man, when I work part-time, take care of a 2 year old and a 5 month old and cook. Sometimes he cooks, but he also spends a lot of time on the internet. In addition, I have 2 boys and he has 1 son. I feel somewhere I have lost something. It's not that I don_ care, I truly love this guy, but I'm just tired of being the one who is always being judged. Please, I am in need of a Christian counselor to help us because I really need to speak to someone.",relationships,"I don't think you_e lost something, I think you_e found something - your breaking point, and it's about time. Your boyfriend seems to be a very selfish and immature man who reconnects with you when it's convenient for him. Obviously, he has his own issues, but I want to address yours. I agree you need to talk to someone. The fact that you_e put up with his repeated cheating and then letting him blame you for it (by saying you're not affectionate enough, etc.), tells me you probably have low self-esteem and have likely told yourself over the years that you don't deserve any better. You do! You may truly love this guy, but based on his behaviors, he does not love you, not in the way you deserve. _And although you may want to believe he can change, he has proved over and over again that he's not willing to, so you need to do what is best for you and your children. What would you tell your daughters if someone was treating them this way? Would you want your sons to treat women this way? That's what you're teaching your children when they see this.Like I said, I agree that you should talk to someone. You can ask your boyfriend to go too, but my guess is he won't. Even if he does, you should still see someone individually to work on YOU. I understand it's not easy to just kick him out, especially since you have children together, but a counselor can help you talk through all the details while_helping you raise your self-esteem and self-worth.","오래 전부터 이 남자와 함께했는데, 그는 여러 차례 나를 바람피웠고 계속 헤어졌다 다시 돌아오고 했어. 너무 피곤한데 어떻게 해야 해?",당신은 더 나아갈 곳을 찾은 것 같아요. 남자친구는 이해심 없고 자기중심적인 사람 같아요. 당신이 자신을 낮게 생각하는 것 같아 당신을 위한 케어가 필요해요. 상담 받기를 추천드려요.
+"Me and my girlfriend just broke up. She said she loves me but is not in love anymore. This came out of nowhere. We seemed so happy together. It all started when she went to Missouri to visit her family. The first week she was there she was fine then once she went to this one sister_ house everything changed. That's when she told me she loved me but was not in love with me anymore. I thought maybe it was just because she missed her family and she just wanted to be home because she told me that she could not leave them again. Then she told me to come to her in Missouri. So that's what I did. I quit my job I dropped everything, said goodbye to my family in Florida and drove 15 straight hours to be with her. Once I got there everything was fine again. _She apologized for everything and said she didn't mean any of it then we were good for about a week. Then she went back to saying she didn_ love me anymore and had no feelings for me. The only thing that really gets me and makes me not want to accept this is that now she is pregnant. This wasn_ an accident. We were trying to get pregnant, so all this is hard to accept. I love her so much. I have never been bad to her. I've treated her the best I can. I wanted her to be my wife. I was going to propose to her when she got back. Now I'm losing my family and my mind. I don't know what to do.",relationships,"I am sorry to hear of these troubles. I see a few issues here. I wonder why you were both trying to get pregnant when the relationship seemed troubled? Some people think that they can fix a broken relationship by getting pregnant, and all this does is bring up more problems.You say you never treated her badly, and I believe you. People in a relationship can still be unhappy even when there is no abuse or mistreatment going on. In fact, giving too much of yourself to the relationship and not having a _elf outside of this relationship can be unhealthy. It takes two whole, healthy, happy people who are that way when they are single to come together to make a whole, healthy, happy couple in a relationship. Expecting your partner to meet all your needs or to provide your happiness is not going to work.There are two books that I recommend you buy and read. One is Codependent No More. The other is Can My Relationship Be Saved?Sometimes when you cling and try even harder to hold onto someone, it makes you both miserable. You cannot change her and cannot change her mind. Sometimes the best thing is to let go. If it is meant to be, you will end up back together again. It seems like this is something that she needs to decide since she is the one that keeps doing the leaving. I suggest backing off and letting her go. Maybe she needs time to clear her head and make up her mind. If it is meant to be, she will come back. If not, use this time to work on being a healthy happy you on your own.","여자친구랑 헤어졌어. 이상한 느낌이야. 행복하게 보였는데 갑자기 사랑은 없다고 하고 임신했다구. 이런데, 뭘 해야 할까?","그랬군. 어떻게 해야 할지 막막하겠지만, 이별도 가끔은 최선일 수 있어. 그녀가 결정해야 할 문제인 것 같아. 너도 스스로에게 집중하고 건강하고 행복한 사람이 되는 것도 중요해. 함부로 결정하지 말고 그녀에게 시간을 주는 건 어때?"
+"I want us all to get along, but feel that I am not being respected. Of course I do have some insecurities because he was with his ex for 8 years. He wants to see his step daughter and ex makes it so he has to go there to see her, but she doesn't want me around. She has a boyfriend, but mine fixes their vehicles, goes over once a week and hangs out with the ex and does family things with her. Since he works nights, I only see him parts of Friday-Sunday and we live together. He won't let me use his phone when I forgot mine, says his ex used to mess with it. I don't think he's cheating, but he will lie about what time he actually left her place to come home or about going over early to be with them. I feel like the other woman. She has tried to mess with holiday plans by restricting when he can see the child. He only dated once person before her, so this could be why. I don't feel he has let go enough. He is a wonderful boyfriend other than this.",relationships,"How much of your unhappiness with your boyfriend's way of handling himself regarding his ex, have you told him?The topics that upset you are the core of any intimate relationship.The good news is your own awareness of priorities and expectations from a partner.There may not be any bad news, depending on whether your boyfriend has the interest to adjust what he does regarding the ex.Talking the matters you list, may open a lot of emotion and become sidetracked very easily.A couples' therapist, whose focus is on the couple, not either of you as individuals, may be useful to you and your boyfriend so that you are able to complete your discussions without getting lost by the emotions raised.",나는 모두가 서로 지내기를 바라지만 존중받지 못한다고 느끼고 있어. 이것에 대해 네 남자친구에게 얼마나 말했니?,네 남자친구가 전 여자친구와 어떻게 다뤄야하는지에 대한 네 불만 중심을 말해봤니? 의료계 전문가와 함께 이야기하는 것도 도움이 될 수 있어.
+My boyfriend can't get over my promiscuous past. He says he loves me but says the thought of my past is disgusting and a sexual distraction. He says he should have had more sex with different people. I don't know how to handle this.,intimacy,"I am sorry to hear of your relationship struggles._One thing I wonder is did you volunteer the information about your past or is this something that he asked about? In the future, it is probably best to leave details out of conversations like this. I think it is common and natural for partners to ask about the sexual history. For one thing, it is a good idea to be checked for STD_ before entering into a sexual relationship with someone, and it is fair to share that information with each other. Partners usually want to know how many you have been with and what kind of sexual preferences you have or if there is anything you don_ like to do. This gets into a gray area for some people. I don_ necessarily want to know how many people my partner has been with and I certainly don_ want a whole lot of details. Sometimes that is an image I just don_ want in my head about my partner. Vague details are usually enough.However, I understand that your partner has the details and is not happy with your past. This is a reflection on him, not you. This shows insecurities on his part. You cannot control how he will react to information that you provide to him and you cannot control how he feels about the information. The past should remain in the past and not be held against you in the present or future. If he cannot handle your past then it is going to cloud your relationship. You can offer couples counseling to him and see if he will go with you. I have seen relationships recover from some very serious problems such as infidelity. It takes two people who both want it to work to make it work though._If your boyfriend cannot get over your past, you may have to let him go. Don_ keep yourself tied to someone who is not right for you. Constantly holding your past over your head and holding that against you is only going to bring you down and eventually you may start having insecurities or low self-esteem due to this type of treatment. I don_ see that you have done anything wrong. If you aren_ cheating on him now and you answered his questions about your past honestly, how he handles that information is on him. Ultimately, relationships have a tendency to come and go. Don_ fight to hold onto someone who is not right for you. It is okay to be single and enjoy being the best you that you can be. In time, the right person for you will enter your life.",남자 친구가 내 과거를 너무 신경쓰는 것 같아,"걱정마. 그건 그의 문제야. 과거는 과거일 뿐이고 너를 현재나 미래에 대해 비난하면 안돼. 만약 그가 너의 과거를 이해하지 못한다면 그에게 상담을 제안해봐. 치료를 거절한다면, 그를 놓아주는 게 좋을 수도 있어. 함께 원하는 관계가 성공하기를 바래."
+"My mom made a lot of mistakes a couple years back, and I can't seem to forgive her. I want to say that it's okay, but I can't. I feel like even if I did forgive her, I wouldn't be able to say it to her face.",family-conflict,"How someone feels when they forgive another, is at peace with themselves and their understanding of what went wrong, who was responsible for what in the situation, and clarity on their own motivation, actions, emotions including pain, regret, resentment, sadness.These steps ideally allow a new door to open in order to develop new paths in the existing relationship or accept that this will not be possible due to either person's way of handling themselves.The long answer would be that you're not yet through with this process.I commend you on being truthful with yourself about yourself.You're on the right track by expecting to feel resolved when you've reached resolution, and not before.Finding patience with the unpredictable amount of time needed to thoroughly examine all the details of the incidents you mention, sometimes is a frustration of its own.Keep up your good work of knowing your own life.It is a worthwhile endeavor!","엄마가 몇 년 전에 많은 실수를 했는데, 용서하기 힘들어. 괜찮다고 말하고 싶지만 할 수가 없어. 그녀한테 사실을 얘기한다고 해도, 내가 용서해도 직접 말하기 어렵다.,","남을 용서할 때, 본인은 내면적인 평온을 느낀다. 상황 속에서 누구가 무엇을 책임져야 하는지 이해하고, 자신의 동기, 행동, 감정을 명확하게 파악하며 새로운 관계의 가능성을 열거나 그게 어려울 경우 서로의 대처 방식을 받아들이는 것에 도달할 수 있다.상황의 모든 세부 사항을 철저히 조사하는 데 필요한 예기치 못한 시간에 인내심을 가지는 것이 중요하다. 계속해서 본인의 삶을 이해하려 노력하는 것은 가치 있는 노력이다!"
+"My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me, but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this? Do I see my child as much as possible or very little? Is it more confusing for the child?",parenting,"You can ""move on and not live in the past"" in the context of your ex-relationship, but that does not mean moving on from your child. ""Moving on"" then would involve accepting the end of the relationship and developing a civil relationship with your ex-partner as far as is possible for the sake of your child's development.Generally, it's good for a functional (non-abusive) parent to spend time with his/her child, but only insofar as that doesn't cause your child unnecessary stress. That requires the two adults to act like adults with each other for the sake of their child.What's confusing for children is seeing their parents act uncivilly or manipulatively. Children also do well with routines so regular dependable visitation is preferable to random visitation or, worse, not following through on commitments.But if one person is exploiting their child to harm their ex-partner, then visiting your child in that context may be stressful to him/her (depending on what you mean by using your child as a pawn). When dealing with a hostile ex-partner, your first challenge is to negotiate rules and boundaries with your ex-partner about appropriate behavior for the good of your child. If you cannot come to an agreement, a counselor can help mediate a conversation. If that's not an option, then it may be possible to turn to family court to stipulate visitation rules (for which you'd have to consult with an attorney).","전 부인과의 관계는 마무리 지었지만 아이와의 관계를 유지하고 싶어요. 어떻게 해야 하죠? 아이가 저를 그리워하고 있을 텐데, 자주 만나야 할까요? 아니면 자주 만나는 것이 더 혼란스러울까요?","전 관계 상의 마무리는 받아들이면서 자녀와의 관계는 유지하는게 좋아요. 어린이의 발달을 위해 현명한 시간을 보내야 해요. 따라서, 성인들은 어린이를 위해 서로 존중해야 합니다. 정기적이고 신뢰할 수 있는 방문이 더 좋아요."
+"I feel insecure in my life. I don't think my wife truly wants our relationship even though she says she does. I have turned to drinking to help relieve my repressed stress about this and other issues. I have had a drinking problem for a few years. I feel the reason I drink is not just because I like to, but because I have lately been on edge. I_e been very oddly emotional when watching movies that I have been watching for years. I_ paranoid about driving on main roads. I_ very jumpy at the slightest noises.",anxiety,"Given the description you have posted here, it may be time to find someone to work with. _First and foremost, look into working with someone who specializes in working with individuals with challenges surrounding drinking. This would need to be assessed first since if it has been ongoing, it may be making the situation worse and given the time it has been utilized as a coping mechanism, there is reason to believe that the structure of your brain may have been effected as has been demonstrated by current neurological research. _There are however, ways to address this. _As for coping mechanisms, the person you work with should also look at offering you alternatives such as the skills found within the Dialectic Behavior Therapy model (DBT) which has several useful tools to help address the underlying anxiety and difficulty managing emotional regulation. _Mindfulness, another component of DBT should also prove to be useful in both becoming aware of your state of mind and emotional state to allow you to make different choices which has been supported by a growing body of evidence. _There are also other tools designed to help repair damaged relationships. _Well worth looking into.Seeking help is never easy and it is only human to be hesitant given some of the cultural views of working with therapist. _This is a difficult place to be in and one that is not easy to move out of, but sitting on it is not going to help it go away. _Think of it this way, if you broke your arm, would you just wrap it up and hope for the best? or seek out a professional to help you set the break and teach you how to mend the wound. _The same applies here. _Think of it as first aid for the mind.",,
+"Recently, I had a close call after delivering my second child (blood clot followed by internal bleeding and several blood transfusions). It was a close call. I am currently undergoing medical treatment because of the event, and I am constantly afraid the whole ordeal will happen again. I have never really had anxiety in the past, but I find now that it consumes my every day and night. With two beautiful children to raise, I am most terrified of not being able to raise and protect them.",anxiety,"Hi Meriden, it's natural that after a serious scare like that you would have some anxiety and fear. This fear is helpful to some extent, because it will assist you in taking care of yourself and not taking unnecessary risks with your health. You can say ""thanks very much"" to fear for trying to protect you, and then you can take steps to reduce it. Right now, fear is working overtime and stealing your quality of life. You can work to put it into perspective.I invite you to imagine that your job is to convince fear that you don't need it screaming in your ear constantly in order to be as safe as you can be. Imagine that fear is in front of you. It's saying ""hey, you need me! If I wasn't keeping you alert, you would be very ill"". Fear doesn't trust you to take care of yourself._What is the evidence you are caring for yourself and doing everything you can to prevent a recurrence? What is the evidence that this won't likely happen again (it was specifically connected to the stress of labour, right?). What is the evidence from your doctor that this is unlikely to recur? What is the evidence that you are healing? What is the evidence that you are very aware of the danger and will respond quickly if there is a recurrence? What is the evidence that worrying about it will hurt you, not help you? How many hours of your life do you want to hand over to fear?Fear is trying to keep you safe, but you can turn the volume down by talking to yourself about all these things. I wish you well.",최근 두 번째 아이를 출산한 후 위험한 상황을 겪었습니다. 일어날까 하는 두려움이 날 밤낮 없이 괴롭힙니다. 두 아이를 키우는 것이 가장 두려운데 도움이 될까요?,남아있는 두려움은 당신을 보호하려는 자연스러운 반응입니다. 하지만 이를 조절할 수도 있어요. 당신이 온전히 치유되고 안전한 증거를 찾아보고 이를 위해 노력하는 모습을 상기시켜보세요. 계속해서 자신을 가창하면서 두려움의 소리를 줄일 수 있을 거예요.
+"My toddler defies everything I say and doesn_ see me as authoritative, so she says no about everything. I'd like to hear some ways I can work on not needing to feel so much in control all the time.",anxiety,"Hi Biddeford,This is a super goal. Feeling powerless is something parents are wise to get used to; there's a creature in the home whose job it is to find and use their power in the family and in the world. Of course your toddler defies you, and that's healthy. I worry more about the overly compliant ones. She is wanting to know what the rules are, and all you have to do is show her clearly where the lines are. I'll give you some tips.First, remind yourself that it's her job to learn what the rules are, and where her power is. Don't be so surprised when she wants it her way. If we go through our days being ready and prepared for these beautiful creatures to have minds of their own, we're less caught off guard when it happens._Avoid situations that invite power struggles. Any time you tell your daughter ""do this now"", you set up a power struggle. The good thing is that she's young enough you can pick her up; now is the time to teach her that mom's (or dad's) word means something. So, if you say ""let's get you dressed"", then be prepared to pick her up right away and show her that when you say something will happen, you can make it happen. And I'm talking about gently picking her up here...not roughly. Pick your battles; only give instructions when you have the power to make it happen.Give her choices, so she can see her power. Instead of opening her drawer and asking what she wants to wear, give her two choices. Here's an example...she's on the ipad and you say ipad time is over. She says ""no"". You can say ""ipad time is over. If you put it down, you can play later. If I have to take it away, you don't play it later."" The choice is hers. Then follow through.""When...then"" statements are really helpful. Your child asks for something. Instead of saying no, try ""as soon as the toys are picked up, we can have a snack"". You're simply a pleasant parent who wants the same thing they do...but they have to earn it._Staying calm yourself is the key, because then at least you will feel in control of yourself, which is the ultimate goal. Use self-talk to calm yourself. Remind yourself her behaviour is normal and healthy. Breathe through a moment in which you would have reacted, and it will be over by the time the breath is done. You can give yourself time to think before you make parenting decisions. Time is a useful tool not enough parents use. Good luck!",우리 아이가 계속해서 거부하고 반항해. 지배적인 부모로 인식을 하지 못하나봐. 일을 하려면 꼭 제어해야 한다고 느끼는 습관을 고치고 싶어.,"안녕 Biddeford, 이렇게 목표를 세우는 건 좋은 일이야. 아이들은 누가 집안에서 권력을 찾고 사용해야 하는 역할을 가지고 있어서 당연히 부모에게 도전하죠. 그리고 부모의 권한을 인정하게 해줘야 해요. 아이들이 스스로 규칙을 배우는 건 정상적인 일이고 그저 선을 보여줄 뿐이에요. 더 나은 선을 긋기 위한 꿀팁을 알려줄게."
+"I'm a teenager, and I struggle with going out and talking to people. I feel awful about leaving home. I know I can't afford a therapist so I don't know what my problem is, but I think I might have social anxiety.",anxiety,"If you are noticing that anxiety tends to be triggered around interactions with others, then you may have social anxiety. Working with a therapist, you may be able to gain insight into the nature of the anxiety, develop tools for coping with it, and take steps that may alleviate it over time, so that you can enjoy your interactions with others. If you are short on money, there still may be options for you to be able to see a therapist. Check with your insurance provider about your behavioral health coverage. If you have medicaid/apple care, there are some private practice therapists who accept this form of insurance, as well as community clinics which do. If you are not insured, some therapists and clinics will work on a sliding fee scale, and accept either low fee or may even work with you pro-bono (for free).","외출과 사람들과의 대화에서 고통을 느껴요. 사회불안장애인 것 같아. 돈이 부족해서 심리치료 받을 방법이 없어요.,","사람들과 대화하면 불안을 느끼는 걸 보여주는 너의 사회불안을 해결하기 위해 심리치료를 받는 게 도움이 될 수 있어. 보험사에 심리치료 보험 여부를 확인하고, 혹시 애플케어나 메디케이드를 이용할 수 있어. 그렇지 않다면, 저렴한 비용 제공하는 세라피스트나 클리닉을 찾아보는 것도 방법일 수 있어."
+"I was raped repeatedly when I was younger. I told my parents and action was taken, but now that I_ an adult, I suffer from extreme anxiety.",anxiety,"While anxiety can come about for many reasons, trauma is definitely one of the factors that makes anxiety a possibility both immediately following a traumatic event and later in life. When we have experienced such scary violations of our bodies - we may experience residual effects of fear for many years to come. This is normal, natural and in many ways helpful - at least initially. This fear is in some way a sign that your body/mind is taking good care of you - trying to keep you on your toes in order to protect you from anything terrible happening to you again. However, as it sounds like you know, anxiety feels awful and there are certainly ways of learning to reduce anxiety. In order to get the tools you need to manage anxiety and also understand where it comes from and how it works in your life, I would encourage you to seek professional help and check out anxiety resources online.","내가 어릴 때 강간을 당했어. 부모님께 이야기했고 조치도 취해졌지만, 성인이 되어서 극심한 불안을 겪어..","트라우마는 불안의 원인 중 하나일 수 있습니다. 이 공포는 몸과 마음이 당신을 보호하려는 자연스러운 반응일 수 있지만, 불안을 관리하고 그 원인을 이해하기 위해 전문가의 도움을 받고 온라인 자료를 찾아보는 것을 권장합니다."
+I feel like my time is going too fast,anxiety,"Thank you for reaching out! That is a great question! As an American, I can truly say that I spend way too much time on the go! It is a proven fact that Americans live in a fast paced environment compared to Europe! I often ask myself, what if I only had one day left on this Earth? What would I do? Well, that is an easy question. I would spend it with my family! Easier said than done when we are living in a tomorrow kind of World, right? Its hard to focus on the now when we are so consumed in what tomorrow shall bring.Time management is a very important factor when learning to ""live life to the fullest""! In fact, this is a required course in undergraduate college now. Everyone manages their time differently and it is up to you to decide how you would like to do this. Personally, for myself I like to keep a calendar with a to-do list. I always place my most important tasks at the top of the list. That way, if I do not get through the list, I am not stressing over the little things. When planning your day, it is important you schedule work, eat and play. A much as it is hard not to work after getting off work, it must be done. There is discipline involved in this process. If you have trouble with this, then maybe seeking out some accountability such as including a coworker to make sure you do not bring work home once your shift is over or your spouse/partner reminding you that this is a time for play and not work.These are just some ideas that I am throwing out there. Again, everyone has their own style on time management. I hope this was helpful for you. Please don't hesitate to reach out for anything further!",시간이 너무 빨리 가는 느낌이 들어,"미국인으로서, 저도 늘 바쁘게 살아가는 시간이 너무 빠르다고 느끼곤 해요. 시간 관리는 중요한 요소이며 각자 방법이 있어. 당신만의 스타일을 찾아보세요!"
+"When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I_ afraid it_ going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.",parenting,"Watching children go through challenges in their lives is difficult. On a very basic level, There exists a primal need to protect them from harm. The hard part for parents is letting them feel those challenges and working through them as they get older. At some point, there is a moment that occurs when the role as a parent shifts. Children no longer need the basics (food, shelter. water, safety) as much as when they were toddlers, but rather, their needs shift to wanting more support, encouragement, advice, and room to make mistakes. This is where the ability to communicate with them, letting them direct the sails to gather the wind needed to move, is so important. Keep the lines of communication open and be available to give feedback when they ask for it.",딸이 학교에서 사소한 일에 스트레스를 받으면 울면서 너무 걱정을 해. 항상 성적이 좋아서 백점 만점 받으니까 더 걱정이 돼. 그러다가 정말로 너무 스트레스 받아서 문제가 될까봐 걱정이야. 의사나 누군가에게 도움을 받아야 할지 모르겠어. 이게 정상적인거 같지가 않아.,"아이들이 삶의 도전을 겪는 것을 지켜보는 것은 어렵지. 아이들이 그 노력을 기울이고 성장하는 것을 허락하는 것이 부모에게 중요해. 대화를 이어가고 있자고, 필요한 조언을 줄 수 있는 옆에 있자고!"
+I feel like I have to be promiscuous in order to keep people around? It started after I got raped by my ex-boyfriend.,self-esteem,"I recommend that you seek professional services to address the trauma you experienced. EMDR has been proven to be very effective in treating trauma. In addition, a support group might be helpful to find a more stable support network. Either a support group for victims of rape or sex/love addiction www.sa.org sound appropriate. Whichever group resonates the most with you will be the most helpful._If you have any additional questions or concerns, please feel free to ask.",내 전 남자친구에게 강간당한 이후로 계속 사람들을 끌어들이기 위해 여유있는 행동을 해야한다고 느껴지는데요.,"그렇게 느끼는 것은 정상적이지 않아요. 전문가의 도움을 받아 트라우마를 해결하시는 걸 추천드려요. EMDR 치료법추천하고 있어요. 또한, 더 안정된 지지 체계를 구하기 위해 지원 그룹도 고려해보세요. 성폭력 피해자나 성/애정중독 지원 그룹이 도움이 될 수 있어요. 가장 공감가는 그룹을 선택하시면 도움이 될 거에요. 추가 질문이나 걱정이 있다면 자유롭게 물어봐주세요."
+"My husband_ ex-wife married a man who was charged with seven felony counts of pandering involving a minor. He, by his own admission, is addicted to child pornography. My step-daughters are now all teenagers. They do not know. My husband_ ex-wife has kept this information from my step-daughters. The step-father has had issues regarding his pornography addiction recently. The ex-wife minimizes it by saying that he has ""repented."" It is a constant strain on my husband, knowing that his girls are living with a man who is addicted to child pornography. My own therapist believes the girls should be told. The ex-wife says her therapist says the opposite.",parenting,If the daughters are old & mature enough to understand substance abuse. _They should be told for their own empowerment. KNOWLEDGE is their power of safety and protection.,남편 전 아내가 미성년자와 관련된 7건의 형사소송을 받은 남편과 재혼했어. 남편의 딸들은 이 사실을 몰라. 상황이 계속 악화되고 있어. 내 심리상담가는 딸들에게 알려야 하는 것으로 생각해. 전 아내는 상담가가 반대한다고 해.,"딸들이 충분히 성숙해서 이해할 수 있다면, 자신의 권리를 위해 알려주는게 좋아. 안전과 보호를 위한 지식이 그들의 힘이 될 거니까."
+Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it?,parenting,"It can be tricky to figure out if a child is truly satisfied with his lack of friendships. Parents can usually tell when their child is happy. But kids who are unhappy may be masking disappointment, perhaps acting out their feelings in an aggressive manner. Others may internalize symptoms, appearing sad or withdrawn._A parent may learn a great deal by asking the teachers questions such as whether the child works with others on group projects or if he eats lunch alone. A parent can also talk with the recess supervisor about what happens on the playground, and whether your child stays on the sidelines of play, unsure of how to join the group._Therespectfully is a difference between kids who are shy but happy and kids who feel isolated because they do not know how to make friends. Itis not necessarily that there is something wrong with that child, but they will in fact need help and suggestions for breaking into a peer group_Ask a child if there is someone he would like to have over to play. If a mom or dad can make the play dates happen, or if they hit on an activity the child truly enjoys, the young person may begin to forge friendships on their own._I encourage well-meaning parents to choose words carefully. Use phrases like, ""Hey, I noticed something,"" or ""Let me help you be successful."" By showing respect, parents should feel more comfortable nudging their children beyond their comfort zone.When to seek professional help._When does isolation raise a red flag for long-term issues? True personality disorders are not typically diagnosed until adulthood. Still, professional counseling should be considered if the anti-social behavior is causing the child significant distress, perhaps keeping him from functioning in everyday activities. Also, parents should pay attention to how the child's social behavior changes over time such as social anxiety._The vast majority of children who define ""quality time"" as time alone are perfectly happy, healthy and normal. If the child is able to nurture at least one friendship, exhibiting what experts call ""social reciprocity,"" then parents can relax, and can cherish that child who enjoys the pleasure of his or her own company.",이것에 대해 걱정해야 할까? 뭔가를 해야 할까요?,"어린이가 진정으로 친구 없이 만족해하는지 파악하는 것은 까다로울 수 있습니다. 하지만 부모는 대게 자신의 아이가 행복한지 알 수 있습니다. 부모는 선생님들에게 자신의 아이가 다른 친구들과 협업하는 지 물어보거나, 혼자 점심을 먹는지 물어보는 등 질문을 통해 많은 것을 알 수 있습니다. 한편, 아이에게 누구랑 놀고 싶은지 물어볼 수도 있습니다. 부모님은 조심스럽고 존중하게 대화를 나누어 아이를 돕는 데 편안함을 느낄 수 있을 것입니다."
+"For the last year, my adolescent son and daughter have been driving me nuts with fighting. I'm at my wits end. How can I get them to stop and get along?",parenting,"That is a good question. Unfortunately there is no generic answer with this one. Kids fight for different reasons - wanting attention, wanting respect, feeling jealous, wanting space and to be left alone, or a whole bunch of other reasons. Regardless of the underlying motivations for fighting, most conflicts result from misunderstandings and assumptions about the motivations of others and one of the best ways to start figuring out what is going on is to sit them down and have some conversations with them._These conversations should be centred on getting a better understanding of why they are angry with each other and really understanding them. It is important that they each know that you are committed to understanding their experience rather than simply sitting them down and lecturing them about what they are doing wrong. The more they are able to understand each other and feel understood the more likely they will be cooperative and considerate of each other._One exercise for doing this that can be very helpful is ""active listening"" where one person speaks and the other person reflects back what they heard the other person say and then checks for understanding. This is hard to do but it often illuminates where the misunderstandings and assumptions are. If this doesn't work it may be time to get a family therapist or counsellor involved who can help facilitate dialogue and resolve conflict.",아들과 딸이 계속 싸우면서 정말 괴롭혀. 어떻게 하면 그들이 서로 사이 좋아지도록 할 수 있을까?,"그건 정말 좋은 질문이네. 아이들이 싸우는 이유는 다양해. 주의를 받고 싶거나, 존중 받고 싶어하거나, 질투감을 느끼거나, 독립하고 싶어하는 이유 등이 있어. 질문:마음이해 중요해. 함께 대화하는 건 어때?"
+"She was raised by her abusive father and his wife. 30 years ago I shot and killed my rapist and was convicted in Louisiana. I lost custody of my daughter and served 5 years. When I was released, she was 5 and didn't remember me. Many many sad memories came from my having to leave her visit after visit, having to leave her in Texas to travel back to Louisiana. She doesn't remember that. I do. Over the years, I thought we had developed a close mother daughter relationship. She gave me good reason to doubt that on several occasions but especially last year. I have been cruel to her verbally and to my son who I met years after giving him up for adoption. Last night, I was angry at the world and afraid of God. I drank and cussed out a maintenance worker for not doing his job 4 months running. Now I'm not only feeling guilty for that but afraid of being evicted now. Help.",parenting,"Was either parent abusive or violent toward you?You sound to have suffered emotionally in your relationships since early in life.One point to consider is to strive for moderation in what you offer in relationships.A lot of what you've lived through is extreme, either as victim or perpetrator.If you imagine that apologizing to the custodian for the way spoke to him, would calm him down, do so.At the very least, you'll be actively resolving your guilt over cussing at him, and fear of his retaliation.",,
+My grandma had a stroke and passed away recently. I lost my home and job. I'm looking but haven't found a job. I've been binge watching television and binge eating.,self-esteem,"Hello!I write to respond to your recent inquiry for possible increase in self-esteem and positive behavioral change regarding motivation for a new job._First of all, please try to allow yourself some time for grief of the loss of your dear grandmother. It appears you were close to her in many ways and she had a great influence in your life. The grief process of anger, denial, despair and acceptance may be a part of what is keeping you feeling ""stuck"" in a cycle of not feeling motivated to find work at this time. _Perhaps your mind is constantly fighting this grief? Death can be a ""traumatic"" experience for some people and is considered a great loss, thus the grief process may continue to be a part of your world for a time but hopefully not keep you ""stuck"" on a long-term basis. _I would try to reach out to a counselor to discuss this grief process at a deeper level to discern whether her death is part of why you feel this way. _Grief and loss can also have an effect on your self-esteem. _Can you begin to see how this cycle is what you may be experiencing?_One positive I see is that you are continuing to look for a new job! _Take time to give yourself some credit for the _time you are spending looking for work. _Also, I would recommend you set some short-term goals first for example, make a list of 5-10 potential new employers and send them each your resume. Then followup the next week with an email or phone call to make sure the hiring manager or human resources received your resume and have any questions. _It is also a good idea to ask for ""informational interviews"" in order to get your foot in the door, so to speak.I hope that this information is helpful to you! _Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.Warmly,Denise",최근 할머니가 뇌졸증으로 돌아가셔서 집과 일도 잃었어. 취업중이지만 아직 못 찾았어. TV 연속 시청하고 폭식 중이야.,"안녕! 새로운 직장에 대한 동기 부여와 자아 존준감을 높이기 위한 긍정적인 행동 변화에 대해 대화해보려��� 합니다. 먼저 할머니의 상실에 대한 애도 시간을 허용해보세요. 그리고 새로운 직장을 찾는 데 시간을 할애하고 있는 것에 대해 자랑스러워해야 합니다. 계속해서 노력하고 있어서 긍정적인 면도 있네요! 좋은 정보라고 생각되면서 도움이 되기를 바래요! 질문이 있거나 걱정이 있다면 언제든 말해주세요. 온정을 담아, Denise"
+"About 3 years ago or so I was skinny, but I was still ugly. I really do want to change that but I've tried 3 times. Now can I try but don't stop. At school I get bullied about my weight and my ugliness and I have been bullied my whole life that I believe them. How can I stop thinking about them and don't let it get in my head? My parents said I don't weight that much but, they do think I am fat but, they tell me I am not. I told my parents that I need to go to a therapist, but they think I am fine and I think they don't want to deal with it.",self-esteem,"Hey! _I am so impressed with your efforts to ask questions, to figure out how to change the messages that you hear (and say to yourself), and to get support! _And it sounds like you want to make some changes in your life! _Take a walk over to the counseling office at school, the school nurse or consider reaching out to your Pediatrician_ office. You don_ have to have your parent_ permission to seek support for yourself! _And maybe taking control of your support network will give you the strength to make even bigger decisions about your health! _I am rooting for you! _Be Wise!","친구야, 지금 당신은 자신을 변화시키고 싶어하지만 과거의 상처와 편견이 마음에 남아 고통스러운 것 같아. 이에 대해 어떻게 극복할 수 있을까?","안녕! 너무 대단해. 힘내렴! 학교 상담실이나 간호사, 소아과 의사에게 연락해봐. 도움을 받을 때 부모님 허락 안 받아도 돼. 너를 지지해줄 사람을 만난다면 더 큰 결정을 할 수 있을 거야. 함께 응원하겠어! 현명해져."
+I am becoming a Water Safety Instructor but I didn't have enough for a proper swimsuit. I was told by a boy in class that my top was displaying everything. I was very embarrassed.,self-esteem,"I also want to note that we, as a society, are especially judgemental about how women dress and present themselves. _I am sorry that this boy said something insensitive. _There is nothing shameful about your body and it was not your intention to ""display everything."" _It also wasn't his place to judge you._As women we are expected to be sexy in some situations and demure in others. _Men don't have the same range of societal expectations to navigate. _You didn't deserve his rudeness.",수영 안전 교육을 받고 있는데 수영복이 부족해서 걱정이에요. 수업 중 남학생이 제 옷이 부적절하다며 건방진 말을 했어요. 참 당황스러웠어요.,"제 경험상 여성들의 의상과 외모에 대해 사회적 판단이 심합니다. 그리고 그 소년이 무례한 발언을 한 것에 대해 유감스럽습니다. 여러분의 몸에 부끄러운 게 없고, 모든 것을 과시하려 한 의도가 아니었습니다. 그리고 그에게 판단할 권한이 없었습니다. 여자로써는 어느 상황에서는 섹시해야 하고 다른 상황에서는 수수해야 한다는 기대가 있습니다. 남성들은 존재하는 사회적 기대 범위가 다릅니다. 여러분은 그의 무례함을 받을 자격이 없었습니다."
+I feel really uncomfortable when I have people's attention. It makes me not want to talk in public or answer questions in class. Can I get over this social anxiety?,anxiety,"you can learn lots of skills/techniques to feel more confident in what you need to do that will decrease your anxious response for sure! :) And_ you can also learn how to work with your personality that may not like the attention. You may find that ""talking"" to others through the internet is more comfortable and you are great at it, or that you love one on one talking but aren't really made for group talking. There is a place in this world for you either way! Public speaking skills can be practiced in speech class, or toastmaster group, they will give you practice in a safe environment where the cool kids or cutest boy aren't ready to laugh at you._ What topics are you interested in and what groups can you do a little speaking up? Maybe in your small group at church try and raise you hand to share your opinion, or maybe your Girl Scout troop? Look around for a peer and one adult who you like to hear speak out, ask them to share with you 2 things that help them feel comfortable speaking in public. Check out some Ted Talks and see how they share in groups. Social anxiety is a difficult concern and picking apart what is your awesome personality and what needs skill building and mindfulness/anxiety_ help are important steps. Good luck!",사람들이 주목을 받을 때 불편한 기분이 들어. 공개적으로 말하거나 수업 중 질문에 대답하기 싫어졌어. 이 ��회불안을 극복할 수 있을까?,자신이 해야 할 일에 자신감을 느끼도록 도와줄 기술/기법을 배울 수 있어. 또한 인터넷을 통해 다른 사람들과 대화하는 것이 더 편안할지도 몰라. 주변에서 어른이나 친구에게 공개연설에 대해 조언을 구해보는 것도 도움이 될 거야. 자신만의 방식을 찾아내는 것도 중요해!
+"I never feel like myself. I can_ even think straight anymore. I start stuttering and I can_ remember anything. I always get nervous and usually talk myself down but recently end up fighting with, what feels like, someone else. I don_ know why I feel this way, but I hate it.",anxiety,"Hi Houston, Okay, something's definitely going on, right? My gut is to start with your family physician, because you have some physical symptoms. While it seems anxiety is a likely problem here, your doctor will hopefully know your history and can help you decide if you need some medical tests or some therapy. Without knowing more, that's all I can say at this point. Best of luck.",계속해서 긴장하고 다른 사람과 싸우는 이유가 뭘까? 내가 이렇게 느낄때는 어떻게 해야 할까?,"안녕, 이런 증상이 있다면 문제가 있겠네. 먼저 가족 의사에게 상담하는 게 좋겠어. 심리적인 문제일 수 있지만, 의사는 네 건강 이력을 고려해 검사나 치료 여부를 결정해줄 거야. 좀 더 알아야할 게 있어야 해. 행운을 빕니다."
+Why am I so afraid of it? I don't understand.,anxiety,"Your fear is somewhat reasonable. _No one wants to be raped and I imagine everyone is afraid of what being raped would feel like.Do you mean that this fear is on your mind more often than you would like?If this is the case, then try understanding the reason behind your fear.Is it because you personally know or know of someone who was raped? _One general direction of what would help is to regain confidence in your decisions of keeping yourself safe. _The more you trust yourself to avoid social situations with lots of drinking, isolated physical surroundings, and being in isolated locations with someone with whom you're not very familiar, probably your fear will decrease.The other general direction to understand is if in your family history, people have been violated severely, either emotionally, mentally, or physically.In families in which people have suffered severe violations of themselves, often the emotional patterning of expecting to be hurt by others, plants itself very deeply and transmits to the younger generation.Its possible then, that you are suffering from fears established in other family members who have not yet been able to fully understand and accept their own suffering.The good news is that individual therapy, with a credentialed and licensed therapist, is ideal for a safe place to open and clear this type of emotional burden.",왜 그것을 너무 무서워하는 걸까? 이해가 안돼.,네 두려움은 어느 정도 합리적이야. 강간 받고 싶지 않으니 모두가 그에 대한 두려움을 느낄 거야. 너는 이 두려움이 너의 마음에 자주 떠다니나봐? 그렇다면 두려움의 이유를 이해해보는 건 어떨까?
+I have severe anxiety and have tried everything. Everything makes it worst.The only thing that helps is my emotional support animal.,anxiety,"Sorry to read of your suffering.Is it actually permitted that people are able to take support animals to school?I see your point of the animal helping you. _I just also see the point that some people have allergies to animal hair or dander, or may feel distracted by an animal in the classroom.You may end up feeling worse, if when you bring your support animal to school, that it disturbs people or interferes with the routines of the class.For your anxiety, I suggest some loving kindness toward yourself. _Be patient with yourself and that you have anxiety. _If you're able to accept that some situations create great discomfort for you, maybe you'll tolerate these difficult situation.Embrace your anxiety as part of you, basically, rather than trying to banish it, which because it actually is part of you, is impossible to achieve.In a way, I'm suggesting you become your own ""support animal"". _Love yourself, be kind to yourself, and see if you feel a little less stressed in school.",내가 심각한 불안 증세를 겪고 있어. 이것 때문에 공부에 집중할 수가 없어. 마지막으로 받아본 조언은?,그동안 힘든 상황이었겠다. 네 이해하니 학교에서 서포트 동물을 풀어주는 건 가능한 거야? 함께 할 때 동물이 다른 학생들이나 교실 분위기에 방해가 될 수도 있으니 조심하세요. 불안증세는 자신을 받아들여주고 친절하게 대해봐. 이를 통해 학교에서 조금 덜 스트레스 받을 수 있을 거야.
+"I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a number of years. I have been on medication, but lately my depression has felt worse. Can counseling help?",depression,"Thank you for asking this important question. I find that there are three steps to getting ready for treatment._Step one is expressing interest in wanting to receiving treatment for the outcome of positive behavioral change. Congratulations you did the first step! You are showing your readiness to start counseling by asking this question._Now the second step is to find a counselor who specializes in treating clients with Anxiety and Depression. The therapeutic orientations I have found to be helpful in treating clients with _Anxiety and Depression are a combination of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with Mindfulness, and Solution Focused Brief Therapy. Receiving meditation for your symptoms if part of the treatment, and the other part is receiving counseling to increase your resilience for future events._Research has found that medication and psychotherapy treatments together shows the most effective outcome for Depression. _The third step is to increase your positive self-talk to motivate yourself to attend treatment. As counselors, we are aware of the anxieties and fears that are associated with talking to a new professional for the first time. However, remind yourself that you are doing this to improve your well being. I hope this was helpful, and good luck with your treatment journey.","우울증과 불안을 오랫동안 겪어왔어. 최근 우울증이 더 심해진 느낌이야. 상담은 도움이 될까?,","의미있는 질문을 해줘서 고맙다. 당신이 치료를 받기 원하는 흥미를 표현하는 것이 치료를 받기 위한 세 가지 단계 중 첫 번째 단계라는 걸 찾았다. 축하해, 당신은 상담을 시작할 준비가 됐다고 보여."
+"I feel like I am internally screaming all the time. Externally, I am calm, but I have this intense, unidentifiable emotion constantly. I don't feel sad. I don't cry a lot. I feel rather emotionally distant other than the internal screaming. It kind of feels like I'm a caged animal.",depression,"It is hard to make a definite diagnosis however I would say _that it could be and or a combination of depression, stress, PTSD, etc. _More background information would have to be needed. _One thing I would say is that you really need to seek guidance from a professional to work through these symptoms. _If what you described as a caged animal is released, all the crying, sadness, and controllable emotions will come out. _That would not be good when they do. _Get help before they do..","내 안에서 계속 소리질러요. 밖으로는 차분해 보이지만, 강렬하고 정체불명인 감정이 계속 들어요. 슬프지 않고 많이 울지도 않아요. 그냥 내면에서 시끄럽게 울고 있을 뿐이에요. 갇힌 동물처럼 느껴져요.","정확한 진단을 내리기는 어렵지만, 우울증, 스트레스, PTSD 등의 조합 가능성이 있습니다. 전문가의 조언이 필요합니다. 갇힌 동물처럼 느낄 때, 차분한 감정이 해방되면 울음, 슬픔, 제어 불가능한 감정이 쏟아질 수 있습니다. 그 전에 도움을 받으세요."
+"I've been feeling worthless, unaccomplished, and so frustrated. I want to break things, hit myself, run away, kick, scream, and cry. I just want to be happy and outgoing again. I want to be able to take care of my daughter and live comfortably.",depression,"Philadelphia, there is help out there. For your daughter's sake, start somewhere. Feelings are only that; your worst fears about who you are are only based on a few moments that haven't gone well. Depression is so treatable, but you have to seek treatment from a professional.Here's a quick exercise for you to do that can show you how therapy might work... fear is telling you the worst possible story of your life, right? So... if there was an opposite story...the very best story that someone could tell about you and your life...what would that be? Who would be telling it? Someone who loves you? Someone who was around you when you were that outgoing person? Someone who's been watching your life from the start? God? Write that best story. I dare you to give it as much credibility as the worst one._Therapy is often about helping people reject their ""worst stories"". I invite you to start exploring with a qualified therapist whatever barriers stand between you and your best life. I hope you reach out soon. :)",질문 : 힘들어하는 친구에게 조언 해줘야겠어,"너무 힘드시겠어요. 그 친구와 대화를 나눠보는 건 어때요? 함께 전문가와 상담을 받아봐요. 번민 속에 정말 좋은 이야기를 만들어보는 연습, 친구가 점점 더 밝은 삶을 살 수 있도록 도와주세요. 가능하면 빨리 전문가와 연락해보세요. :)"
+My motivation has gone away. It's hard to get out of bed. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm miserable. My anxiety and depression have taken over my life.,depression,"Anxiety and Depression are challenging experiences to live with and to manage on a daily basis. I would say that both are challenges to overcome but solutions to living healthy and well exist. Step 1: Talk about it. With friends, family, partners, counselors, and other trusted people in your life. Step 2: Create a plan with a counselor to learn new skills that help you recognize and manage your symptoms. Step 3: Don't give up. Working on yourself can be difficult and hard at the beginning. Stick with it and you will be able to find exercises, tools, and resources that help you live well.",최근에 우울증과 불안이 심해. 도저히 어떻게 해야 할지 모르겠어. 내 삶을 다시 바꾸고 싶어.,"우울증과 불안은 정말 힘든 경험이야. 하지만 극복 가능해. 함께 이야기를 나누고, 새로운 기술을 배우며, 계획을 세우며, 포기하지 마. 자기계발에 힘들더라도 밀고 나가면 삶을 잘 살 수 있는 방법을 찾을 수 있어."
+"I always see the worst end of things. My boyfriend and I aren't talking, and I swear he's leaving me. I keep failing my road test, and I see my future crumble. I have no desire for friends. I pushed my best friend away after Christmas, and I have no desire to fix it or make new friends. My aunt died, and I cry all the time, even if I burn my lunch.",depression,"I really love that you're taking responsibility for your pessimism here. There's a modern parable about two young brothers. One child is in a room full of every toy you could imagine, and he's miserable; the other is in a room full of horse manure, and he's flinging it around with joy. So then someone comes and asks the first boy why he's so miserable, because he has so much. He says that he's missing the one toy that he really wants. Then the brother is asked why he's so happy in a room full of manure, and he says ""With all this sh-t, there's gotta be a pony in here somewhere!""Happiness is a state of mind, and I hear you saying that you used to be happy, so maybe this means you believe it's possible. That's a wonderful start.Research on depression shows us that it is very linked to pessimism. You say ""I always see the worst end of things"". That's pessimism. Life is like an elephant. If all you see is roughness, backup and walk around; the view will change._The key to optimism is to build your ability to see the bad things in life as 1. temporary (this will pass. I know how to fix friendships), 2. Specific (not involving the whole of your life), and 3. not your fault (tons of people fail road tests). On the flip side, it helps if we can see good things as 1. more permanent, 2. bleeding into other areas of our lives, and 3. something YOU created. Not taking credit for good things and blaming yourself for the bad ones is typical especially of women._The feelings you are having are temporary; you're in a slump and it's a good time to sit down and look at how you can make the picture look different. I think you know how; but you lack energy right now. If tackling this on your own isn't enough, a therapist can help you take that step back to look at the big picture and help you rebuild your natural resilience and capacity for joy. I wish you the best.","나는 항상 모든 것의 나쁜 면을 보는 것 같아요. 남자친구와 소통이 안 되고 있는데, 이별할 것 같아요. 운전면허 시험에 떨어지고, 미래가 무너지는 것 같아요. 친구들과 함께 할 욕구가 없어요. 크리스마스 후에 가장 친한 친구를 밀어내고, 고치거나 새로운 친구를 사귀려는 욕구도 없어요. 이모가 돌아가셔서 그리고 내 식사를 태우더라도 매일 울어요.","당신이 여기서 낙관주의에 대한 책임감을 가지고 있는 것을 정말 좋아해요. 두 형제에 관한 현대 우화가 있는데요. 한 아이는 상상할 수 있는 모든 장난감들이 가득한 방에 있고 불행해해요; 다른 아이는 말 똥이 가득한 방에 있고 기쁨을 느끼며 그 주위로 뿌려요. 그러다가 누군가가 첫 번째 소년에게 왜 그렇게 불행한지 물어보면, 그래서 많은 것을 가졌으니 더 행복해야 한다고 답해요. 그 소년은 본질적으로 원하는 한 가지 장난감을 빼먹었다고 말해요. 그 다음 다른 소년에게 말한 소년이 ""이렇게나 삥이 있으면, 반드시 여기 어딘가에 말이 있어야지!""라고 말해요. 행복은 마음의 상태이고, 당신이 행복했었다고 말하는 것을 듣고 있으니 아마도 당신이 그것이 가능하다고 믿고 있다는 뜻이지요. 그건 훌륭한 시작입니다.우울증에 대한 연구가 우리에게는 그것이 비관주의와 매우 관련이 있다는 점을 알려줍니다. 당신은 ""나는 항상 모든 것의 나쁜 면을 보는 것 같아"" 라고 말하고 있어요. 그것이 바로 비관주의입니다. 삶은 코끼리와 같아요. 만약 당신이 오로지 거친 면만 보고 있으면 뒤로 물러나서 돌아다니다보면, 전망이 달라질 거예요._낙관주의의 핵심은 삶의 나쁜 일들을 1. 일시적이라고 보는 것(이것은 지나갈 거예요. 친구 관계를 고치는 법을 알아요), 2. 특정한 것으로 보는 것(당신의 전체 삶과 관련이 없는 것), 3. 당신의 잘못이 아니라고 보는 것(수많은 사람들이 운전면허 시험에 떨어져요). 다른 한편으로는, 우리가 좋은 일들을 1. 더 영구적으로 보는 것, 2. 다른 삶의 영역으로 번지는 것, 3. 당신이 만들어낸 것으로 보는 것이 도움이 돼요. 좋은 일에 대해 자신을 칭찬하지 않고 나쁜 일에 대해 자신을 탓하는 것은 특히 여성들에게 흔한 현상이에요._당신이 지금 느끼는 감정들은 일시적이에요; 당신은 침체기에 있고 지금은 그림을 다르게 그릴 수 있는 방법을 앉아서 살펴보는 것이 좋은 시기에요. 당신이 그 방법을 알고 있지만, 지금은 에너지가 부족한 것 같아요. 혼자 이를 해결하는 것이 충분하지 않다면, 상담사가 큰 그림을 보고 자연스러운 회복력과 기쁨을 재건하는 데 도움을 줄 수 있어요. 최선을 빕니다."
+"People have been calling me names, and I have had enough of it. I cannot stand it anymore I'm done. I have told someone this, and that is why I am writing this. The thoughts are awful.",depression,"It's sounds like you are feeling pretty overwhelmed with intrusive thoughts and are feeling very criticized by others as well. I think it is great that you are reaching out and I can tell that you want this to change. Working with a competent therapist may be a good option for getting some more clarity about what is going on, developing ways to cope, and eventually getting relief from these overwhelming experiences.","사람들이 나를 욕하고 있어, 더는 참을 수 없어. 이 점을 어떻게 바라볼까?","다른 사람의 비판과 난입하는 생각으로 힘들어하는 것 같아. 치료사와 함께 이를 극복하고 싶은 마음이 느껴지네. 이에 대한 명확성을 얻고 대처 방법을 개발하며, 마침내 이 어려운 경험으로부터 해방 받을 수 있는 좋은 방법이 될 거야."
+"They don't go away, and I feel like I'm going crazy. Does that ever stop? Can it be a symptom of medication?",depression,"Since you realize that hearing voices in your head is not usual for you, then definitely there is a problematic situation happening within your awareness of who you are.if you recently started taking a new drug or increased dosage of one you already were taking, and the voices started shortly after, then yes, it is possible medication created your problem.Start by telling whoever gave you the presecription, about the problem you're having.""Crazy"" has some flexibility as to whether someone is this way or not.Certainly a very positive sign that you're not crazy, is that you're self-aware of a problem within yourself. And, you're responsible toward yourself and making effort to address this problem.Crazy people usually don't do responsible behaviors.","계속 안 가라고 하면서, 미쳐가는 것 같아. 이건 언제 멈춰? 약의 부작용일 수도 있나요?","당신이 머릿속에서 목소리를 듣는 것이 평소와 다르다고 인식하고 있다면, 분명히 당신의 자아인식에 문제가 발생한 것입니다. 최근 새로운 약을 복용하기 시작했거나 기존 약의 용량을 늘린 경우 목소리가 발생했다면, 약물이 문제를 일으킬 수 있습니다. 먼저 처방전을 받은 의사에게 문제 상황에 대해 알려보세요. '미쳤다'는 상황이라기보다는 그게 아님을 알려주는 것이 매우 긍정적인 신호입니다. 아마 너는 정상이란 것을 알지만, 너 자신과 문제에 대한 노력을 기울이는 것이 중요합니다. 정상적이지 않은 행동을 하는 사람들은 보통 책임 있는 행동을 하지 않습니다."
+"A girl and I were madly in love. We dated for over a year and were even talking about marriage and future plans together. She moved away for school, and we attempted a long distance relationship. We eventually broke up. It's been a year now, and I still haven't lost my feelings for her. I still love her the same way I did. I've suffered from depression ever since the breakup and have been unable to connect with anyone else. It's damaging me and my life.",depression,"Hi Boise, I'm sorry that you've lost this love. The fact that you were planning marriage and a future tells me that you meant something very special to each other at that time. It's different now...you're not together anymore, but you can't accept this, right? Good for you for identifying that this situation is damaging your life. You've been grieving for longer than you were together. Oh, but really you've not been grieving...you're stuck still loving her instead of moving forward. Unrequited love is a recipe for eternal heartache. Let's look at some possible blocks to moving forward.It could be that there's something unfinished for you. Maybe you felt hurt and you didn't have the chance to say so, or you felt you hurt her and you didn't have the chance to make it right. Maybe there's a burning question you need to ask or something else you need to say. Maybe you want to tell her you've never stopped loving her, and see if she feels the same way. If this is the case, you have two choices, right? You can reach out and say what you need to say, or you can stop ruminating on that question and let it go. If you reach out, there's no guarantee it will go well or that she'll even respond. Maybe write her a letter and don't send it (or send it...it might be worth the risk). Use the next paragraph to help you decide._Do you know how she feels? How did it end? Did she end it? Was it ended just because of the distance, or are there more differences between you that didn't work? Sometimes people are so in love that they can't clearly see that the other person isn't in love with them anymore. Use the information you have about what she wants for her life...can you honour what she says she needs? If she's asked for distance, you would do well to honour that.A key to moving forward: look at your thoughts and where they're getting stuck. Write it down. What bad thing can happen if you let it go? Or ""If I move forward, that will mean..."" _Keep going...what would be the worst part of that? _This kind of exploring can help you identify your stuck place.It is possible that you've turned this ending into some kind of negative meaning about you or your future. As in ""If this person doesn't love me, then I'm unlovable"", or ""No one will ever love me as much as she did"". So your need to cling to her in your heart is your way of rejecting that negative message about yourself or the future. Can you find another way to reject that message? Try saying these things to yourself:I know she loved me. There is evidence of that.I was a good partner. There is evidence of that.It's part of life to fall in love and then have to move forward...I can do this and learn from it.Many people like me...that's how I know I'm lovable.It's normal to feel sad. I'm grieving a lost love.I want to move forward and not stare in the rearview mirror.I know more love awaits me if I can get fear out of the way.If this person loved me, others can too, (but not if I'm clinging to some old memory)These are the kinds of things a therapist would explore with you. I wish you well!","연애한 지 어느 정도 시간이 지나기는 했지만, 아직도 그녀를 잊지 못하고 우울증에 시달리고 있어. 뭘 해야 할까?",그 시간은 너뿐만 아니라 그녀에게도 특별한 시간이었을 거야. 아직 연인은 아니지만 현재 너의 삶에 손해를 주고 있구나. 새로운 시작을 꺼리고 있어. 함께 움직여보자. 자신의 마음에서 막히는 곳을 찾아보고 넘어가자. 외상이나 과거의 아픔을 다시 한번 확인하고 새로운 시작을 할 준비를 해보는 건 어때?
+I am on my own with my daughter. I am so worried and stressed about her.,depression,"Your instinct to help your daughter, is natural.How you proceed depends a lot on whether she recognizes she has a psychological and emotional problem, or if only you see this from observing her.Also, her age matters a lot in what way would be most likely to succeed in addressing the problems you describe.If you and your daughter have different opinions as to whether or not she has problems, and she is above the legal age of when you have authority over her life, then you can only suggest to her that therapy may benefit her.If your daughter is in your legal control, then you can locate a counselor nearby, discuss your situation with that person, and depending on the outcome, you'd be within your parenting right to take your daughter to a counselor.Starting therapy without willingness to do so, is risky. _The person may feel resentful enough to not participate. _ And, sometimes the counselor is skillful enough to find a path to your daughter, or any patient's self-interest and engage them in therapy.Family counseling, regardless of your daughter's age, is another way to bring your concerns to your daughter's attention, in a therapy environment in which a counselor would be able to help distinguish the seriousness of your daughter's psychological problem, from simply a difference in viewpoints between you and your daughter, in how to handle certain situations.Also, if you believe your daughter is a threat to herself, then instead of this slower route, get in touch with the emergency psychological assessment service in your town, for a more immediate response.","내 딸이 걱정돼, 어떻게 해야할까?","너의 딸에 대한 걱정은 당연한 것이야. 그 다음 단계는, 그녀가 심리적, 정서적 문제를 깨달았는지 여부에 따라 다를 거야. 그리고 나이도 중요한데, 그 상황을 해결하는 데 성공할 가장 확실한 방법이 뭔지 결정한다고해."
+"My fiancée suffers from severe anxiety and depression. She has had it most of her life. Her anxiety in public places is the worst. It gets to points where she can't breathe or move. Sometimes, she won't even go to the restroom, so she will hold in her pee until her stomach hurts or she pees herself. She curls up in corners at the mall and has panic attacks. She won't eat or drink in public. If she isn't having a panic attack or crying, she's clinging to me and avoiding everything and everyone. Her depression flares up out of nowhere and causes her to become very suicidal and self-harming. She get really sick from anxiety and scared to the point that I can't even get her to eat, drink, leave the bed, or go outside. She always tells me how she grew up around so much fighting and fear that it makes her scared of loud sounds, yelling, conflict, and even talking to strangers in public. She will refuse to go to a store unless I am with her to talk to the cashier for her. She is so scared that I can't even get her to drive. She doesn't want to get her license because she's scared of trying to drive.
+   Some people have recommended medication, but I believe it's just going to cover up her illness and not solve it. I don't want my fiancée pumped with drugs. I believe a psychiatric service dog would be the best bet for her. When we first met my poodle, it would calm her down a lot. She took the dog out every time we went out, and she seemed much calmer and happier. She slowly would eat, and the dog seemed to make her feel a lot better. I am worried and want to help her without medication.",depression,"It sounds like you have been a positive support for your fiancee. There is no doubt that this situation is a great challenge for the both of you. While it may feel like you are responsible for her health and happiness, it is important that you understand that you, on your own, won't be able to resolve her mental health issues. Based on what you have explained, it sounds like she needs to get a medical and/or psychiatric evaluation. Whether or not she decides to take medication is her (and your) decision, but keeping an open mind about treatment options is important. I suggest that she see a therapist on her own in order to better understand and cope with her anxiety and depression, especially given her suicidal thoughts. You would also likely benefit from therapy, individual or couple's therapy, in order to address how you are feeling and_best learn how to support her and your relationship. I wish the very best for both of you and hope that things will improve sooner than later.",내 여자친구가 심한 불안과 우울증으로 고통 받고 있어. 나는 그녀를 도울 방법이 없는 것 같아.,"너의 지원이 큰 힘이 될 거야. 하지만 단독으로 해결할 수 없어. 그녀에게 의료나 정신과적 평가를 받아보고, 치료 옵션을 열린 마음으로 고려해봐. 함께 개인 또는 부부 세션을 받는 것도 도움이 될 거야. 함께 노력하며 서로에게 도움이 되길 바랄게."
+"I've have lived for sometime with depression but things have gotten a lot better, but why is it so hard to get over anxiety and social isolation?",depression,"The best way to handle depression and anxiety is with a combination of appropriate medication given to you by a medical doctor, and therapy to help you understand the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are causing the depression and anxiety in the first place and then to replace these with more positive thoughts and behaviors. This is not something that anyone should just _hite knuckle and try to get through on their own with no help. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a technique that has been proven helpful for depression and anxiety. This takes a therapist trained in CBT._There are some things in life that you cannot change and must learn to accept. A lot of people spend time trying to change things that they have no control over. This may be the behavior of someone else in your life or it could be a situation that you cannot change, such as the recent death of a loved one, a lost relationship, or an accident or illness which has left you handicapped. In cases like this, what can change is your attitude and thoughts about the situation that you now find yourself in. One thing that is inevitable about life is that stuff happens and it is not always pleasant. Some people take these unpleasant occurrences very hard and it throws them into a deep depression. Other people seem to be able to handle life_ ups and downs and bounce back. They do this with having positive coping skills in their life. Learning new coping skills is something your therapist can help you with.A lot of people are so focused on trying to change the things in their life that they cannot change and are ignoring the things that they can change. There are things that you can do. Here is a quote for you to consider. _ou are getting almost everything that you are getting based on the choices that you have made. You will continue to get the same thing out of life until you make some changes. Another quote I like is _ou will find a way or you will find an excuse. Don_ ever say that you have no choice. Everyone has a choice. You might not particularly like any of the choices that you are facing, but you do have choices. Not happy in a relationship? You can leave it. Hate your job? Get a new one. If it matters to you, you will find a way. Don_ sit there complaining about everything but not doing anything different or better.Take care of yourself. Exercise is very important not only for your physical health, but for your mental health as well. Eating right and exercising will help you feel better about yourself. Also, find a meditation that works for you. There are progressive muscle relaxation exercises, visual and mental meditations, and many many more. Start making some positive changes in your life today! You can do it!",우울증은 극복했는데 불안과 사회적 고립을 이겨내기가 어려운 이유가 뭘까?,적절한 약물 복용과 적절한 정신건강치료를 통해 부정적인 생각과 행동을 긍정적인 것으로 대체해야 합니다. 직접 꼭 해야 할 일이 아닙니다. 행동 치료법을 연습할 수 있는 CBT 훈련을 받는 치료사를 만나보세요. 자신이 바꿀 수 없는 사로잡혀 있으며 받아들이고 통합해야 할 것들이 있습니다. 마음을 편히 가져보세요.
+"I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about?",anxiety,"Oh, crying in therapy is very normal! I have a stack of kleenex boxes in my office. Cry away, therapist are very used to it:) First time being in therapy is scary, but you'll soon know if you are a good match.","곧 상담/치료를 시작하게 돼서 떨리는데, 우는 것이 부끄러울까봐 걱정돼.","아, 상담 중 울 수 있는 것은 매우 정상적이에요! 상담실에 휴지 상자가 많이 있어요. 당신의 감정을 털어놓아도 괜찮아요. 처음 상담받는 것은 무서울 수 있지만, 서로 잘 맞는지 알게 될 거예요."
+"Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself.",anxiety,"It is possible that you could have or be developing an anxiety disorder. There isn't really enough information provided here to suggest a particular disorder, but it might be worth meeting with a counselor or therapist to do a formal assessment. Some of the questions they might ask could be what other kinds of physical symptoms you experience, how frequently these physical symptoms happen, what's going on for you when they tend to happen, and how frequently/intensely you find yourself worrying in general._Anxiety itself is a really natural thing - it's just when it starts interfering with your ability to ""do life"" the way you want that we start to consider potential disorders. It might be that for the most part, the anxiety you feel is normal and you simply have some triggers that intensify it more than usual. Working on your own or with the support of a counselor/therapist to both address those triggers at the root and also to develop ways of managing the actual anxiety symptoms. This two-fold approach can be really helpful for not letting anxiety keep you from engaging in life the way you'd like.","가끔은 괜찮아서 나갈 수도 있고 사람들을 만날 수도 있는데, 다른 날은 가슴이 뛰며 말을 할 수가 없어요. 이게 정상인 줄 알았는데, 얼마 전에 혼자 Target에 들어가기 위해 차 안에 앉아 30분이나 걸렸어요.","불안장애가 있을 가능성이 있어요. 상담사나 치료사와 상담을 할 가치가 있을 수도 있어요. 정확한 평가를 받기 위해 만날 수 있어요. 일반적인 불안은 자연스러운 일이지만, 삶에 방해가 되기 시작하면 잠재적인 장애를 고려해야 해요. 예상보다 강렵한 상황을 다루는 방법을 개발하는 것이 도움이 될 수 있어요."
+"I was raped by multiple men, and now I can't stand the sight of myself. I wear lingerie to get my self excited enough to have sex with my wife.",self-esteem,"Hello Utah, thank you for writing with your question. Sexual assault or sexual abuse is a very traumatic event that affects victims in many ways. Your difficulty in feeling sexually engaged and your description of the shame and self-loathing you feel are normal responses to the rapes you experienced. A good therapist can help you to process your traumas and understand that you did nothing wrong to cause the rapes; the shame is not yours. It takes a very patient and loving partner, but you can make progress towards a healthier sexual relationship with your wife. These are issues that I cannot address more fully here other than to recommend that you seek the assistance of a qualified professional.",여러 남성에게 강간을 당하고 이제 나는 내가 보이는 것을 견딜 수 없어. 아내와 섹스하기 충분히 흥분시키기 위해 란제리를 입어요.,"힘든 이야기를 알려줘서 고마워. 성폭행은 피해자에게 많은 영향을 미치는 매우 충격적인 사건이고, 이에 대한 반응이 다양합니다. ��문가의 도움을 받아 본 사건을 처리하고, 아내와 건강한 섹스 관계를 구축하는 데 도움을 받을 수 있을 거에요."
+"I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with, but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before.    I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him, but logically, I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered ""wrong"" by a lot of people.
+   How can I get myself to just move on?",relationship-dissolution,"Well, there is some good news and not-so-good news. The good news is that people are capable of moving on from relationships, even if the person showed them a sort of love that they've never felt they've had, or deserved, before. Sometimes, even just the fact that this has happened for them can, eventually (see below) lead them to seek out love again, because they now believe they will be able to have that again.So, the not-so-good news though is that one can not ""just move on."" I'd even venture to say that the pressure you may be putting on yourself to just move on and out of this yucky hole of feelings that you are in is actually too much pressure and adding to the yucky feelings as they are. Instead, try thinking of getting past these feelings as grieving over the loss of someone (even though someone didn't die, there is still a significant loss you are experiencing) and therefore how essential it is to allow yourself to grieve, to feel whatever feelings (of anger, or sadness, or something else) that you are feeling. Often, it is really helpful to speak those feelings (I recommend professionals in this case) who can help you feel like you are not pathological for this struggle, and instead that it is completely normal. Love is a crazy thing, and the feelings can get very confusing. But, the last stage of grieving is ""acceptance,"" and it is very challenging to get there if you skip over denial, anger, bargaining, and depression.",연인과의 관계를 끊는 게 너무 힘들어. 어떻게 이 감정을 극복할 수 있을까? 상황 때문에 누구에게도 상의하기 어려워.,"상처를 깨끗하게 치유하기 위해서는 충분한 시간과 공간이 필요해. 자신이 느끼는 모든 감정을 격려해주는 전문가와 대화해보는 것도 좋아. 사랑은 복잡한 것이니, 시간을 가지고 감정을 받아들이는 게 중요해."
+"I work two jobs and go to school for criminal justice. Over the summer, my father had a stroke. It was very devastating. My father isn't the same, and my family fights every day. I have been kicked out the house many times. I break down a lot.",family-conflict,"You undoubtedly are carrying a huge weight on your shoulders. Stressors come in many forms and you are engulfed in a few of the major ones as it relates to dealing with the declining health of your father, family conflict, as well as trying to balance a work and school schedule. Stress, if left unchecked has many negative health related implications. First and foremost I would recommend going to see a counselor at your college/university. Most colleges have counseling centers for students that usually allow for 5-6 free counseling sessions (your tuition actually pay for these sessions so take advantage of them). Secondly I would advise you to take a minute and breathe. When confronted with overwhelming life issues it is common to busy ourselves in an attempt to distract ourselves from the drama, but sometimes that can compound our stress. When dealing with stress it is important that you engage in self care. In other words find time to engage in activities that bring you a sense of peace, enjoyment, and fulfillment in order that you may get a momentary release from your daily hectic life. Even with a normal life there is no way to escape stress, it is inevitable and a part of life, but how you deal with stress, as well as how you take care of yourself in the midst of these whirlwind events will determine your quality of life. I hope this helps...",너무 힘든 상황이네. 어떻게 해결해야 할까?,"너무 많은 일을 진행하고 있는 상황이야. 우선 대학의 상담센터를 찾아봐. 무료 상담 가능한 곳도 있을 거고, 스트레스 해소를 위한 자신에게 맞는 방법을 찾아보는 것이 중요해. 어렵겠지만 꼭 신경 써줘."
+We make love once per month. Is it normal?,intimacy,"To begin with, what's normal for one couple isn't going to be normal for the next, every couple has their own normal and that's important to keep in mind. Your sexual lives will ebb and flow. What I'd be more curious about is the quality rather than the quantity of the sex you are having. I'd also want you both to refocus on building up your little daily moments of connection, I wrote a post about exactly that a while back and you can find it here.",한달에 한 번만 성관계를 가집니다. 정상인가요?,각 커플마다 정상은 다를 수 있어��. 섹슈얼한 삶은 변할 수 있어요. 더 중요한 것은 섹스의 양이 아니라 질이에요. 또한 일상적인 소중한 연결을 쌓기를 추천해요.
+"My husband has had issues with alcohol addiction in the past (he'd never admit to this). A while back (3 years ago), I asked him to stop drinking so much, and he agreed. I caught him one night drinking behind my back. I confronted him and he lied, but I told him I knew he was lying because I counted the beers in the fridge and four of them were missing. He admitted and apologized and promised he wouldn't do it again. Lately, my husband has been drinking on and off, but I noticed it was every single night. I didn't like this. For our New Year_ resolution, we decided we were going to limit our alcohol consumption. He was on board_o more drinking every night.
+ The other night, I counted the beers in the fridge just to see if some were missing. It took a couple of days, but tonight, I discovered a few were missing along with a shot of vodka. He was passed out on the couch when I decided to wake him up and confront him (poor timing, but I couldn't wait). I asked him if he'd come to bed with me (when he drinks, he snores and I cannot sleep_t's a dead giveaway he's been drinking). He slurred a bit and said no. I asked if he had been drinking, but he snapped and said no. I went into our room to sleep, leaving him on the couch.  I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not. I just feel like I'm so honest with him about everything, and I expect the same honesty. He is a good husband in every other regard.",intimacy,"As exasperated as you feel, and as obvious it is to you that your husband cares more about drinking than being honest with you, changing this is up to him.Does he care that you're upset with him for drinking more than he can handle?Does he care about you more than drinking?Living with an alcoholic, which is how his behavior sounds, is lonely and frustrating.Concentrate on what you like about him as he is now with his drinking.Your happiness matters. _His ignoring of what you're talking about, doesn't mean your requests are unreasonable.Be prepared to learn to live with and accept how he behaves, or not.Avoid the expectation that you can convince him to change.People change only when they realize their life can improve by changing. _He doesn't sound like this, at least now.",남편이 술 문제를 가지고 있어 요번에 다시 술을 마십 시작했어. 어떻게 대응해야할까?,남편이 술을 더 소비할 수 없음을 인식하고 행동을 변경해야 해요. 그가 술을 너보다 더 중요하게 생각하는지 궁금하죠? 당신을 생각하는지요? 변화는 그에게 달려있어요. 서로 솔직하게 이야기하는 것이 중요해요.
+"I have been dating a guy for two years. I think I love him, but I don't know any more. I am in my late teens, and I have been living with him for most of our relationship. I have been talking to a guy friend, and I feel more loved by him than my boyfriend.",intimacy,"Hi Michigan, Relationships are so sparkly for a few years, and then things start to feel different. Most of the time, this is simply because we've pulled back from all the attachment-forming behaviours we did at the beginning. We stop talking a lot, because we have less to discover...we do less for each other and buy fewer gifts...spend less time together...all because we have already formed the love and attachment and we don't need to ""fill the gas tank"" as much. So, just because it feels different doesn't mean it's ""gone bad"".Having said that, it seems as though you are missing something in this relationship that you need; you don't feel loved enough right now. Can you tell him? Have you told him? The strength of your relationship is more clear when people know what the expectations are. Let him know what you need, and see if he gets it._You have choices to make and there is no wrong choice. You certainly have the right to say ""this isn't feeling great anymore"", or ""I want to explore other relationships"", and walk away. But often it's worth it to see how good something can be before you bail._You're drawn to someone else, and this is up to you to decide how this fits with your expectations of yourself in a relationship. Your interest in this other guy is sparkly and new. Your boyfriend can't compete with that if he doesn't know you're unhappy._For some people, being drawn to someone else is a sign they're not into their partner. For others, it's a danger alert, and it makes them want to improve their current relationship. Which one are you?",난 내 남자친구보다 친구한테 더 사랑받는 것 같아. 어떻게 해야 할까?,"관계는 시간이 흘러 다르게 느껴질 수 있어. 우리는 사랑과 유대감을 형성했기 때문에 더 많은 관심을 보이지 않을 수도 있어. 당신의 관계에 필요한 것을 솔직히 상대에게 말해보고, 무엇을 바라는지 알려봐. 이 새로운 관심에 대해 어떻게 대처할지 스스로 결정해야 해."
+"My boyfriend of five years told me he cheated on me during our relationship after we broke up. We've since gotten back together and are trying to make it work. I don't know how to trust him now, but I really want to make it work, and it seems like he does too. But my trust issues are getting in the way and causing problems.",intimacy,"Hi Michigan,This is a common issue. How do you trust after you know someone is capable of hurting you? I totally get that it's hard, and I believe it's worth it if you truly love and want to be with someone. You can be stronger in the scarred places._I would suggest that you each have a separate job to do to rebuild this trust. It is definitely possible to rebuild it, because anything is possible if both people want it enough.Your boyfriend came clean to you...this is pretty crucial. He chose to honour your needs rather than keep the secret. You can use that as evidence in your ""proof that he loves me"" file. Work on that file...thicken it up. Having a thick ""he does care about me and wouldn't hurt me again"" file will help you._Other things that he can do to help you thicken that file (because after all, his behaviours caused this problem): answer all your questions, don't brush you off if you're feeling insecure, treat you as though you're a priority, avoid questionable contact with other women, have open communication, give you passwords to devices so there is transparency. He can help you to understand where those behaviours came from...why he cheated in the first places (although people aren't always good with those 'why' questions!)You can focus on telling yourself that people change, that he deserves a chance to show you he can be loyal (or at least you've decided to give him that chance), and that you want to be a trusting person. If you act like a trusting person, you will likely feel more like one. Don't go snooping, don't interrogate him. It's normal you might feel scared and try to tell him that when you do. Let him know what happens that leads to you feeling scared.This is a start for you. A good therapist can be helpful too!","5년째 연애 중에 헤어진 후 남자친구가 돌아오면서 이별기간 중에 바람을 맞았다고 고백하는데, 신뢰하기 어렵다. 어떻게 신뢰를 재건해나가야 할까요?","서로를 이해하고 다른 직업처럼 각자가 신뢰를 재구축하는데 앞장서야 합니다. 자신을 대하는 방법이 이 문제를 일으킨 행동을 괜찮게 해결할 수 있을 것이며, 진심으로 그리고 사랑을 가지고 함께 하고 싶다면 가능할 것입니다.함께 신뢰를 재건하는 여정에 동참할 수 있는 것들에 초점을 맞추어보세요. 함께 잘 해결될 수 있습니다. 최고의 선물을 비밀로 유지하는 대신 필요한 때에 시간을 들여 대화하는 것을 선택했다는 데에 그 의미를 두세요. 이것은 그의 사랑을 증명할 수 있는 주요한 증거가 될 수 있습니다. 함께 하길 원하는지에 좀 더 집중해 보세요."
+"I_ in love with my friend who is also a girl. I fell in love with her in a few months. That was my first love. We used to talk for the whole day and night over the phone and on Facebook. I thought she had the same feelings for me, but I was wrong. I always wanted to touch her warmly and stay with her all my life. But all my dreams get broken apart after she got into a relationship with a guy. I_e tried to be in relationship with guys, but I can_ be in love with them.",intimacy,"It all depends how old you are and what a particular situation is._ You may be feeling very close to this friend and mistake that feeling for sexual feeling, or the feelings may be real. This is something you will find out for yourself, however, it definitely doesn't mean that you are a lesbian just because you have those feelings for this particular person. Time will tell, but if you need to discuss this, you could see your school councelor (if you are at school/university) or find a LGBT group with meetings and discuss this with them. I hope this is helpful.","내 여자친구인 친구에게 첫사랑을 하게 되었는데, 그녀가 남자와 관계를 맺자 화가 났어. 남자와 관계를 맺어본 적은 있지만 사랑에 빠진 적이 없어.",얼마나 나이가 들었고 상황이 어떤지에 따라 다르겠지만 그 마음이 정말로 성적인 마음인지 아닌지 알게 될 거야. 시간이 해결해줄거야. 만약 상담이 필요하다면 학교의 상담 센터나 LGBT 모임을 찾아볼 수 있을 거야.
+"My wife and I have a great relationship except for our sex lives. We are pretty transparent and honest, and basically, she feels bad because she never wants to have sex. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had sex, she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However, she also told me that the last time we had sex, she felt me in her, but it just felt ""ehh"" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her, so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early 20s. We_e married and we have a baby on the way.",intimacy,That sounds really challenging for both of you. Differences in sexual desire between partners is common and can create real friction and conflict. I would encourage you to do some couples counselling or sex therapy as often these issues can be worked through and low sexual desire can result from relational fears and misunderstandings or sex that isn't as arousing as is possible. There are some good videos on this resource page about sexuality and intimacy and a video that specifically addresses desire differences in relationships.,내 아내와 섹스 라이프가 좋지 않아. 어떻게 하면 좋을까?,그건 정말 힘든 문제야. 우리 사이의 성욕 차이는 일반적이고 갈등을 일으킬 수 있어. 부부 상담이나 섹스 치료를 받는 걸 추천해. 상호 관심이 부족할 수도 있고 오해거리거나 충분히 자극적이지 않은 섹스로 인한 낮은 성욕일 수도 있어. 관련된 섹슈얼리티와 친밀함 비디오가 있는 좋은 자료 페이지도 있어.
+"My boyfriend of five months expresses how much he cares for me and loves me, and I believe it. It has been one of the best relationships I have been in for a short period of time, but he has lied to me so much. He_l tell me that he'll stop lying, and while he_ saying that, he's hiding something or lying about something. First, it was about a girl. He hid text messages and claimed she was a friend and it was a friendly conversation when it was a girl he once found interest in. Next was his ex-girlfriend. He put a fake contact name, and it was just friendly, but he lied to my face. All the time, he claims he never cheated and still expresses his love the same way and that he wants to change and do better.",intimacy,"New York, New York...it's not your boyfriend's lying that concerns me the most; it's the lies you tell yourself. Verbal expressions are easy, but it's walking the walk that's more important in the end. When someone shows you what they're capable of, you can believe them. He's capable of being manipulative and deceitful, and he even lies as he's telling you he'll stop lying._What you're doing is called denial; when you see evidence of something but you choose not to believe the evidence. He might love you with his heart, but love, in the end, is a verb and is based on respectful, loving behaviours._My wish is that you start by believing in what you deserve.","내 남자친구가 자기가 얼마나 신경써주고 사랑한다고 표현하는데, 믿어. 관계 중에 얼마 안되었지만 최고 중 하나였다. 하지만 그가 너무 많이 거짓말을 하고 있다. 거짓말을 그만하겠다고 말하면서도 뭔가를 숨기거나 또 다른 거짓말을 한다. 어떻게 해야 할까?","뉴욕, 뉴욕... 너날 속이는 것보다의 당신의 거짓말이 더 걱정돼. 말로는 쉽지만 실천이 중요해. 상대방이 무슨 짓을 할 수 있는지 보여주면 믿어야 해. 사랑은 행동이지. 네가 받을 가치가 있음을 믿기를 바래."
+"About a month ago, I went through my boyfriend_ phone and found him messaging his ex-girlfriend that he was dating before me. He gave her a promise ring when they were together, and he still had it hiding in his memory box in our son_ room. I found many things on his phone, but that broke my heart the most. He deleted all the messages but two. I can't help thinking they were talking about the old times together or something like that. It really kills me, and I can't stop thinking about it.",intimacy,"Your sense of hurt is very understandable.Do you and your boyfriend have an agreement on looking through each other's phones?I ask because the overall problem sounds like lack of trust and that there may be a difference in what each of you wants and expects from your relationship.Probably if the two of you talk about these topics and you each become clear as to the commitment status of each of you to the other, you'll have more clarity as to what either of you would like from the other.With this new level of clarity, his _past relationship involvements will likely be less meaningful .Once you have clear definition of the two of you as a couple, who he was as a past partner to someone else, will matter very little.",남자친구의 행동에 대해 어떻게 대처할지 모르겠어.,"서로의 휴대폰을 엿보는 것에 대한 합의가 있나요? 믿음의 결여로 보입니다. 관계에 대한 각자의 원하는 점과 기대치가 다르다고 생각돼요. 서로 이야기하고 서로의 약속 상태를 명확히 해보세요. 그러면 과거의 관계는 덜 중요해질 거예요.클리어한 정의를 가지고 나면, 그가 전남자친구에게 얼마나 중요했는지는 별로 의미가 없을 거예요."
+"My dad cheated on my mom for 13 years. I cannot stop obsessing over the fact that my boyfriend might be cheating on me even when I know he isn't. I have full access to his phone, social media, and e-mails. I never find anything, but I'm obsessed with constantly checking just in case. How do I stop this? It's driving a wedge between us.",intimacy,"Hi Greenville, I respect that you're owning your own overreactions, and that you want to give your boyfriend the respect he deserves. The truth is that some people cheat, and some don't, and our partners deserve the benefit of the doubt unless they show signs they can't be trusted.The answer here is in two different areas. Basically, if you want to feel differently (more trusting, in your case), you look at your thoughts, and your behaviours.Your thoughts are stuck... like tires in deep ruts in the road. These thoughts are only habits, they don't reflect the truth. Fear is probably whispering in your ear things like ""everyone cheats"", or "" you're not enough for him"". Once you figure out what fear is trying to tell you, picture those words in red next time they come up. Ask yourself what the evidence is that supports that thought (there won't be much...perhaps none), and what is the evidence that doesn't support it (I know lots of good men, I know I deserve love and loyalty, there is no sign of infidelity...). You're learning to refute the thoughts that are connected to the fear. That's the first half. Practise these thoughts.The rest of the work is in your behaviours. Act as though you trust him. Force yourself to not check or interrogate, and the less you check, the less obsessive and untrusting you will feel. Acting ""as if"" something if true strangely helps us believe it.It's possible to change the way we think, and this is turn changes the way we feel. Try this to start, and see a therapist for support and cognitive behavioural therapy if you want to dive more deeply into why this is happening and how to stop it. Good luck!",난 남자친구에게 사생활 접근권이 있지만 왜곡된 의심으로 끊임없이 확인하게 돼. 어떻게 그만두면 좋을까?,"먼저 불안한 생각과 행동에 대해 집중하고, 생각과 행동을 바꾸는 노력이 필요해. 두 갈래로 나뉘어져있는데, 우선적으로 불안한 생각을 다시 조정하고, 그 후 행동을 바꿔보는 거야. 이렇게 시작해볼까?"
+I'm a 40 year old male and having erection problems. Still have the desire for a woman. Awfully frustrated. Any suggestions? My Doc doesn't want to discuss it.,intimacy,When a doc blows you off it may be a signal that it is time to find a new one! ED can often be caused by health issues. If all physical possibilities are ruled out then it's time to look within and enlist the help of a sex therapist. Here's a good article for you to start with.,질문 : 섹스도 하고 싶은데 발기 장애가 생겼어. 의사가 말 안 해줘. 해결책이 없나봐.,"의사가 내려놓는다면 다른 의사를 찾아보는게 좋을 것 같아. 발기 부전은 건강 문제로 인한 경우가 많으니까, 먼저 건강을 확인해보는 게 좋아. 그래도 해결되지 않는다면 섹스 치료사의 도움을 받아보는 건 어떨까. 여기 좋은 기사가 있으니 한 번 읽어보는 건 어때?"
+"Or how to send him somewhere that can help him, something like The Baker Act.",substance-abuse,"More information would be needed for me to accurately answer this question, such as your age, whether you live with your dad or not, and what other family members live in the household._Something like this, alcoholism, is a whole family disease. In other words, family members often unknowingly contribute to the alcoholism and enable the alcoholic to continue the destructive behavior.First of all, you can_ make your dad do anything, and constantly nagging him or begging him to stop is just going to make him defensive and make this worse. Nobody can change another person. What you can do is change how you react to him and the things that you and other family members do for him._Research codependency. There_ a great book called Codependent No More. There are a lot of articles on the internet that you can read. In short, you have to stop enabling him. Like I said, you cannot control him, but you can control yourself. This means do not buy his alcohol. Do not make it easy for him to get. Don_ loan him the car keys or pay any household bills for him. Don_ call in sick to work for him or make excuses for him in any way. Do not bail him out of jail when he gets arrested. He needs to be responsible for himself. This may mean losing his job or losing his driver_ license. This may mean that he loses his family if he doesn_ stop._What you and your family can do is set boundaries about what you will put up with. It is his choice to drink, but it is your choice to put up with the behaviors of his drinking. A lot of people go into rehab because their spouse said if they don_ then they are getting a divorce.If you are an adult and you don_ live with your dad, then the best thing you can do for him is STOP doing things for him. If you are a child who lives at home with him, then this could be a case for child protective services. In my state this is called DHS. A report is made to this organization for child abuse or neglect. Substance abuse in the home qualifies. Of course, alcohol is legal and when consumed in moderation, there is no problems. The problem will be the result of his alcohol consumption. Does he drive with children in the car while intoxicated? Is he left to care for minors while in an intoxicated state? Are there any domestic violence issues due to his drinking? This could be a reason for the authorities to step in._You can look for a local meeting for family members of alcoholics. They are similar to the AA meetings that an alcoholic should go to, but are for the family members. They can help you.",아빠가 술 문제가 있을 때 대처법은 어떻게 해야 하나요?,아빠의 술 문제에 대한 대처법으로 Codependent No More와 같은 책을 찾아보거나 가족 중심 모임에 참석해보세요. 이 문제를 해결하기 위해 제어할 수 있는 것은 자신의 반응과 행동뿐입니다.부모를 피해보조서비스 신고도 고려할 수 있습니다.
+I keep on begging him to come back. I am so unhappy with him but am so scared of being a single parent to our son. I was abused as a little girl and that has made to be very abusive to men. What should I do...,relationship-dissolution,"Major change frightens almost everybody.Don't be so afraid of your fear that you let yourself beg and are willing to accept unhappiness as a standard in your marriage.If you start considering that life can be better than what is current for you now, new possibilities and ideas will start developing in your mind.Consider finding a therapist so that you have private space to talk in detail about your fears and the new ways of seeing your Self.A therapy relationship, since it is safe and supportive, will be a good balance to having been abused, suffered, and unhappy.",이제 그에게 돌아오라고 빌기만 해. 그와 함께 행복하지 못한데 아들을 혼자 키우는 게 너무 무서워. 어릴 적 학대를 당해서 남성에게 학대적이 되었어. 어떻게 해야할까...?,큰 변화는 대부분 사람들을 두렵게 만들어요. 현재의 불행을 표준으로 받아들여 결혼 생활에서 불행해하는 행동하지 않도록 두려움에 사로잡히지 마세요. 삶이 현재의 상황보다 더 나아질 수 있다고 고려해보세요. 상담가를 찾아 자신의 두려움과 자신을 새로운 시선으로 바라보는 법에 대해 상세히 이야기할 수 있도록 해보세요. 안전하고 지지적인 상담 관계는 학대를 당하고 고통받고 불행했던 경험에 좋은 균형을 제공할 거예요.
+"I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental.
+   I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?",substance-abuse,"Hi. Good for you in planning ahead to do what's healthiest for your baby (and yourself). That's a great first step! It's also good that you are able to identify that it's not always a physical need that's driving the addiction.For the next steps, I would suggest trying to figure out when the psychological cravings for a cigarette occur. The psychological (or mental) cravings are usually based out of habit, such as having a cigarette after a meal. And if you're consciously trying to quit, you'll find the craving starts with simply thinking about having a cigarette, then usually moves on to thinking about how good it made you feel, etc., etc. Well, if I'm on a diet and I continue to let myself think about the ice cream sitting in the freezer, eventually I'll give in and eat it.You're going to have thoughts about smoking a cigarette. That's normal and, for the most part, out of your control. But you choose whether or not to CONTINUE thinking and dwelling about it after that initial thought. That's what you would have to work on changing. When you have that initial thought, acknowledge it (""Ok, I kind of want a cigarette now.""), but then change the thoughts that typically follow. Distract yourself, think about something else, do something else, whatever it takes to get your mind off of that cigarette.I've suggested to clients before that they should plan these scenarios out ahead of time so they already know what they're going to do when the time comes. Write down when you usually have the craving for a cigarette and then write down new thoughts or things to do to get your mind off of it. Eventually, it will become easier and easier to brush off that initial thought until you no longer have it.Best of luck, and you have a really great motivator to quit - your baby!",아이를 낳기로 했는데 흡연을 그만두어야 하는데 힘들어요. 이 중독을 없애려면 어떻게 해야 하죠?,아이를 낳기로 한 것에 축하해요. 먼저 해야 할 일을 이미 하고 계신 것은 아주 좋아요. 심리적 욕구를 이해한 것도 좋습니다. 심리적 갈증이 언제 발생하는지 ��악하는 것을 제안해요. 새로운 생각이나 활동으로 마음을 돌릴 수 있도록 계획을 세우는 것이 도움이 될 거예요. 처음에 많은 생각이 들 수 있지만 조금씩 극복해 나갈 수 있을 거예요. 아이에게 좋은 동기가 이미 있으니 행운을 빕니다!
+"My brother has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and has not been taking his medication. He's been using methamphetamine and alcohol and was found sleeping naked in my step mom driveway in 12 degree weather.
+   I was adopted in by his dad (who just passed) and his mother will not Get involved because she's afraid of financial responsibility.    Do I have the rights to be able to sign my brother into mentalhealth facility?",substance-abuse,"I'm sorry to hear that your brother has been having such a rough time. He's lucky to have you on his side (although he may not always see it that way).As far as whether you can sign him in, that depends on a lot of different things.I would suggest that you Google the state and county that you live in as well as some phrase similar to ""crisis hotline."" They can tell you how it works in that county. My guess is that you could sign him in as long as he met the criteria for admission at that moment, but I can't _be entirely sure._You could also ask the person on the phone about financial responsibility. I have not heard of that being a problem, but I guess it would depend on insurance.If you have trouble finding a local _hotline, consider calling the national crisis number (800-273-8255) and ask them to help you find someone local.",동생이 정신분열증 진단을 받았고 약을 복용하지 않는다며 메스암페타민과 술을 남용해서 12도의 날씨에서 어딘가에 맨몸이 돼져서 잠들었다고 해.  나는 그의 아빠에게 입양 받았는데(최근 사망) 그의 엄마는 재정 책임을 맡을까 무서워해서 개입할 생각이 없어. 내가 동생을 정신 건강 시설에 입원시킬 권리가 있을까?,"불행히도 동생이 어려운 시간을 보내고 있어서 안타까워. 그가 당신을 편히 본다는 것은 아니겠지만 당신이 곁에 있는 게 다행이야. 그를 접수하려 할 때는 많은 조건에 의해 달려. 정확한 정보를 얻기 위해 거주하는 주와 군을 구글링하고 ""위기 도우미""와 같은 키워드를 함께 찾아보는 걸 추천해. 당시 입원 기준을 충족한다면 당신이 그를 입원시킬 수도 있겠지만 100% 확신할 수는 없어.재정 책임에 대한 것도 전화 상담을 통해 확인할 수 있어. 보험에 따라 다를 수 있겠지만 재정 문제가 흔한 것은 아닐 거야.현지 도우미를 찾기 어렵다면 국가 위기 전화번호(800-273-8255)를 걸어 현지 도움을 받을 수 있도록 요청해봐."
+"I have bipolar II disorder, I'm addicted to alcohol and weed, and I'm hopeless. I keep drinking even though it's harming myself and others.",substance-abuse,"What an important question. I'm hearing your hopelessness and fear about the damage of your substance use and it sounds like you have reason for concern. While there can be negative stigma about using substances, for the most part substance use is an attempt to cope with emotional distress in the absence of sufficient coping strategies. We all look for comfort when we are in pain and this may be the way that you are getting comfort - even though it is also hurting you. In order to stop using alcohol and weed you will need a lot of support and you will need to learn other ways of getting comfort when you are in pain or struggling with bipolar related symptoms._There is nothing to be ashamed of and we all need help when we are struggling. I would encourage you to reach out for support in any way that you can._Have you talked with your health care providers about your concerns or friends or family members?_Here are some links of resources in Whistler that may be helpful:http://www.vch.ca/locations-and-services/find-health-services/?program_id=11035http://redbookonline.bc211.ca/service/9509054_9509054/whistler_mental_health_and_addictionshttp://mywcss.org/programs/counselling-assistance/http://redbookonline.bc211.ca/organization/9489472/alcoholics_anonymous_aa___squamishwhistler",내가 이중극성 2형 장애이고 술과 대마초에 중독되어 있고 포기했다. 제 마음을 치료하는 다른 방법을 배우는 것이 필요하다 좀 도와줄래?,"너의 고민을 귀담아 듣고 있어. 너의 상황으로 인해 두려움과 절망을 느끼는 걸 느꼈어. 다른 방법으로 위로를 받을 수 있는 방법을 배우려면 지원이 필요하고, 물리적, 정신적으로 아픈 상황에서 우리는 편안함을 찾고있어. 너도 도움이 필요하다고 느끼는 건 부끄럽지 않아. 정신 건강 전문가나 친구, 가족들과 이야기 한 적 있어? 같이 문제를 해결할 수 있는 지원을 받는 게 중요해. 여기에 위스틀러에서 도움이 될 수 있는 자원 관련 링크가 있어: http://www.vch.ca/locations-and-services/find-health-services/?program_id=11035 http://redbookonline.bc211.ca/service/9509054_9509054/whistler_mental_health_and_addictions http://mywcss.org/programs/counselling-assistance/ http://redbookonline.bc211.ca/organization/9489472/alcoholics_anonymous_aa___squamishwhistler"
+"I have a mother who is still running my life even though I'm almost 30 years old. I want to move out and live my own life, but it feels like as long as I do what my mom wants our relationship is okay. It's never okay if I don't do what she wants.    I don't know how to start making my own decisions and not worry about whether it's right in her eyes. Would it help for me to talk to someone about this?",family-conflict,"If the only way the relationship you have with your mother feels ""okay"" is when she is the only one who makes decisions concerning your life, then this only seems ok.In fact it is not okay for one person to be the authority for another person unless the one for whom this is being done, does not have their own ability to think for themselves.Separating your own wishes and way of handling life matters, from your mother's point of view, may be difficult.First, realize you need to get familiar with feeling at ease with the idea of deciding matters for yourself.You'll need practice until you feel comfortable.Unless, if you've been thinking through decisions you'd like to make and the idea of your mother's anger is the only point which stopped you, then you may almost instantly start living in a liberated way of running your own life.Basically, it is right and fair for you to have the chance to live your life the way you feel is best. __Be prepared that your mother may disagree with you and that her disagreement is not a reason itself to not do what you believe is in your best interest.","엄마가 제 삶을 지배하고 있는데, 이제 거의 30살이 되어서 스스로의 삶을 살고 싶어해. 그러나 엄마가 바라는 대로 할 때만 관계가 괜찮은 것 같아요. 그렇지 않으면 절대 괜찮지 않아요. 제게 더 이상 걱정 없이 스스로 결정을 내리고 싶어요. 누군가와 이에 대해 이야기하는 것이 좋을까요?","엄마가 제 삶의 결정을 독점하는 경우, 다른 사람이 잘못된 생각을 할 수 있는지 여부를 실제로 판단하기가 어렵습니다. 그러나 사실은, 본인의 생각을 전혀 할 수 없다면 단 한 사람뿐인 권한자일 수 있습니다. 본인의 의사 결정을 하거나 엄마의 의견을 분리하는 것이 어려울 것입니다. 먼저, 자신만을 위한 결정을 내리는 아이디어에 익숙해지는 것이 중요합니다. 이에 익숙해질 때까지 연습이 필요합니다. 그러나 엄마의 불만을 걱정하는 것이 결정을 막는 유일한 이유였다면, 거의 즉시 자신만의 방식으로 생활을 시작할 수 있을 것입니다. 말 그대로, 당신이 가장 좋다고 믿는 방식으로 살 수있는 기회가 생겼다는 것이 정상이며 공정합니다. 부디, 엄마가 동의하지 않을 수 있음을 감안하고, 그녀의 반대가 당신의 이익을 위해 최선이라고 믿는 대로 행동하지 않는 이유가 되지 않도록 준비되십시오."
+"I_ a teenager. My entire family needs family therapy, and more than likely individual therapy. My parents refuse to take action, and I'm tired of it. Is there any way I can get out of this myself?",family-conflict,"This sounds like a really tough situation._ As a teenager, you may be able to get counseling on your own (without needing your parents' consent) under some circumstances._ If your parents are refusing to_consider counseling, you might want to try talking to your doctor or another trusted adult_about finding some counseling resources - even without your parents' help.",가족이 모두 가족 상담과 개인 상담이 필요하다고 생각돼. 부모님은 조치를 취하려 하지 않고 지쳤어. 혼자서 해결할 방법이 있을까요?,"힘든 상황 같아요. 어쩌면, 십대로서는 (부모님 동의 없이) 어떤 상황에서는 스스로 상담을 받을 수 있을지도 몰라요. 부모님이 상담을 고려하지 않는다면, 의사나 믿을 만한 어른과 상담 자원을 찾는 것에 대해 이야기해보는 것도 한 방법일 수 있어요."
+"My mother and I have an okay relationship. I know she loves me unconditionally, and I love her the same. However, more times than not, I'm afraid to tell her anything personal because she either doesn't listen, she turns it around and makes everything about her, or she ignores things - even when they are about my mental health.",family-conflict,"How can I get my mother to listen to me without her freaking out?Communication with our loved ones can be tricky, but it is the key to maintaining a healthy and functional relationship with them. At times, it seems difficult to communicate with our family because many feelings and _ndercover messages are attached. Especially with our mothers, who often provide advice and feel responsible for us, it may feel like they are making everything about themselves as they express their worries and concerns.So what to do? First will be important to practice active listening skills, to ensure that you are receiving and understanding the message, without filtering it trough your own emotions or preconceptions of the person who speaks. _Second, learn and practice assertive communication skills._ Those will help you to communicate a message clearly and in pieces._ It also emphasizes using I-statements to express how you feel at times when emotions become affected by the interaction._ Third, you should practice, by writing your I-statement or role playing with your counselor. __The trick with communication skills is that we need to practice them as often as possible_until you to master them._ You can also contact a family therapist to improve those skills if it becomes challenging, or contact a mediator if more issues arise.¿Cómo puedo lograr que mi mamá me escuche sin alarmarse tanto?La comunicación con nuestros seres queridos puede ser dificultosa, pero es la clave para mantener relaciones saludables y funcionales con ellos._ A veces, nos parece aun más difícil comunicarnos con nuestra familia, porque hay muchos sentimientos y mensajes envueltos en la comunicación._ Especialmente nuestras _madres, _pueden hacer parecer que están convirtiendo el asunto en algo personal, cuando se sienten preocupadas y responsables por nosotros y nuestras acciones.¿Y qué hacemos?_ Primero debemos aprender a escuchar activamente, para asegurarnos de que comprendemos el mensaje, y que no lo estemos filtrando a través de nuestras emociones e ideas de la otra persona. Segundo, aprende y practica comunicación asertiva._ Esto te ayudara a comunicar un mensaje claramente y en pedazos._ También te ayudar a aprender expresiones del Yo, para identificar sentimientos afectados durante la interacción._ Tercero, es importante que practiques estas destrezas, ya sea escribiendo o con tu consejero._ El secreto está en practicar las técnicas de comunicación cuantas veces sea posible, hasta que las uses espontáneamente._ Si tienes dificultad aprendiendo estas técnicas, o el conflicto con tu mama es uno muy difícil de resolver, puedes contactar un consejero o mediador familiar para que te asista.","엄마랑 의사소통을 잘 하고 싶어, 어떻게 하면 될까?","가족과의 의사소통은 어려울 수 있지만, 건강하고 기능적인 관계를 유지하는 열쇠야. 먼저, 열심히 듣고 이해해보고, 명확한 메시지 전달 능력을 연습해봐. 그리고 감정이 개입되면 '나'를 강조해서 표현하는 것에 집중하면 도움이 돼. 힘들면 가족 상담사에게 연락해보거나 중재자에게 도움을 요청할 수도 있어."
+"When my boyfriend gets in a snit, he gives me the silent treatment for days. When I ask what is wrong, I get nothing: no reply, no phone call. If he does reply, it is something very sarcastic and hurtful. He never admits he is wrong and never apologizes.",intimacy,"You are in an abusive relationship-not because of your boyfriend's silences but because he is comfortable being sarcastic and hurtful, never admits he is wrong and never apologizes. It is your choice to participate in an abusive relationship. You can not stop an abusive partner from being abusive no matter how wonderfully you treat your partner. You can either accept the terrible relationship as it is or reach out for the support that you need to leave the abusive relationship. I wish you well, always.",남자친구가 머릿속에 뭔가 생기면 몇 일 동안 말 하지 않고 무시해. 왜 그러는지 물어봐도 아무 대답이 없어. 때로는 무례하고 상처 받는 말만 해. 잘못을 인정하거나 사과하는 일도 없어.,그 남자친구는 상처 주고 무례한 행동으로 폭력 관계에 놓인 것 같아. 너의 선택이 중요해. 폭력 관계에서 벗어나기 위해 도움을 받을지 여부도 네 결정이야. 항상 좋은 일이 있기를 바래.
+"Ever since my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, I can't seem to get close to anyone else. I know I'm completely over him, but I just can't break down my walls and let someone new into my life.",intimacy,"Hi Bend, You're scared, right? That makes sense. Each time we have a break-up we are a bit more in touch with how much is at stake in this whole love and relationship business. We are falling in love and letting someone close to our hearts and there's a vulnerability in that; we can get hurt. Who you partner with long-term is a big decision and it determines 90% of our happiness in life._The good news is that when we're just starting to get to know someone, we can take it slow. I think maybe you are slowing yourself down instinctively here, and that's okay. We are naturally people of attachment and it won't likely last if you are normally an open and accessible person who doesn't put up walls. So part of what I want to say here is don't pressure yourself too much. Take the time to heal naturally and listen to your instinct that is telling you to take things slow. :)As well, there are a few things you can do to make sure that the walls do eventually come down, or will come down for the right person._First, think about the lessons you learned from this past relationship. What do you feel proud of? What do you need in a partner? What mistakes did you make? Use this experience to grow in your awareness of how you work in a relationship and what you need from a partner.Look at your thoughts. Are you having generalized negative thoughts like ""No one will ever love me again?"", or ""I'm going to get hurt again"", or ""I can't trust myself""? If so, write down what these thoughts are, and then ask yourself what evidence supports these thoughts. Fear tries to convince us that there is either something wrong with us or that something bad will happen, but it does so with little or no evidence of this ever happening!! It sells us a line based on no concrete evidence. Then ask yourself what evidence supports the opposite thought. What is the evidence that I am lovable... that there are safe, good people out there... that I can trust myself? Eliminate the negative thoughts, and add the positive ones. It's simple but very powerful.Lastly, take concrete and careful steps to act as though there are no walls. What is the evidence of the walls? Can you take purposeful baby steps in the direction of lowering those walls? When we act as though something is true, we start to feel it and believe it more.I hope you will find yourself back on track eventually, with time. :)",전 남자친구와 헤어진 후 다른 사람에게 더 가까워지지 못하겠어. 완전히 그를 잊었는데 새로운 사람을 받아들일 수 없어.,"안녕 벤드, 너무 두려운 거겠지? 점점 사랑과 관계에 투자하는 게 얼마나 위험한지 더 알게 되는 거지. 우리는 마음을 열고 더 사랑할 때 취약해지고 상처받을 수 있다는 게 부담스러운 부분이지. 점점 알아가는 사람들과 천천히 관계를 쌓아볼까?"
+"I_ a man, and I_ soon to be married. I have been messing around with other men on the side. It started as a once in a while thing, but it_ been happening a lot. I don't know what to do.",intimacy,"Hello, and thank you for your question. When faced with these kinds of difficult challenges, I usually encourage people to look to their values for help in determining what their behavior should be. Indeed, it is usually when our behaviors conflict with our values that we don't feel very content with our lives. Perhaps you can take some time to think through a couple of these questions: What kind of person do I want to be deep in my heart? What_kind of character_do I want to have when in public and in my private world when nobody is watching? How would I want others to describe me? Let's say that you want others to see you as being authentic, and YOU also value_authenticity_as something you want to live by. You may feel like this value is currently at odds with the behaviors you are engaging in right now. That you are not being the person that you really are deep in your heart. This is not an unusual struggle when it comes to sexual behavior and sexual orientation. So please, try not to feel alone. We all know quite well how unacceptable it may be to be seen as gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc. And I am not just talking about being unaccepted by others, but a person may have a VERY hard time accepting themselves. Thinking about your values_and living a life based on them can bring a lot of freedom, but I won't lie, it can also bring a lot of pain at the same time. For example, someone with the value of living authentically may decide they have to tell others who they are and what they stand for, even if that means people may disapprove. That may cause a lot of pain, but it may also come with a sense of freedom to live a life based on honesty and authenticity. It may be helpful to find a counselor who is trained in affirmative therapy, which is recommended for people who are navigating their sexual behaviors and figuring out what is right for them. I would also sit down and think through some of the questions above and consider what your values are... both as an individual and as someone's fiancé.Above all, I wish you well in this journey. Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC",난 남자이고 결혼이 임박했어. 다른 남자들과 얽히고 섞이고 있어. 이제는 자주 일어나. 어떻게 해야 할지 모르겠어.,"안녕, 어려운 문제에 직면했군요. 너의 행동이 가치관과 충돌할 때 우리는 삶에서 만족스러움을 느끼지 못하는 법입니다. 고민해볼 질문과 가치관을 생각해보세요. 일직실하고, 성실하게 살고 싶다면 지금의 행동이 진심으로 원하는 너와 어울리지 않음을 느낄 수 있을거에요.'affirmative therapy'를 추천합니다. 결혼에 앞서 자신의 가치관과 개인적인 목표를 고민해보세요. 함께 괜찮은 길을 찾길 바랍니다. - Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC"
+"My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband.",intimacy,"There are many different ways that can be approached in your situation.1. I would recommend a complete medical examination including blood test. i would want to know if there are any medical issues in your low sex drive.2. Where is your husband in this situation? Is he resentful, accepting, demanding or neutral?3. What is your past sexual history? has this had an affect on your current issue?4.Has there been problems in your past with abuse of any kind?5. Understand that intimacy is more than sex. What other ways can you be close to your spouse?6. It sounds like there is some confusion about sexual intimacy from both of you.Couples counseling would be a great place to start._All of these areas need to be explored before any treatment goals can be established.You need to talk with a professional counselor to explore how to better connect with your spouse.",남편과 결혼한 지 7년이 되었는데 섹스를 많이 하지 않았어요. 많은 사람들이 대부분의 남성들은 이제까지 나를 떠났을 거라고 했어요. 제 남편과 더 잘 연결되고 싶어요.,"상황에는 다양한 해결 방법이 있어요. 의료 검사를 받고, 남편의 태도나 과거 성적 이력 등을 살펴봐야 해요. 더 가깝게 연결될 방법을 탐색하기 위해 전문 상담가와 이야기해보세요."
+My wife just last week said she wants a divorce and it's all sudden. I understand that marriages have their ups and downs but I don't understand why she can't tell me why she wants a divorce. Should I fight for my family (daughter and wife)?,relationship-dissolution,"Chances are, if you really think about it, there were signs that something wasn_ quite right in your marriage. You may have passed these things off as being the normal ups and downs of a marriage, but whatever it was (or wasn't), it's obviously bothering your wife. I would say yes, keep trying to fight for your family, at least until you know what the problems are from your wife's perspective and if they're repairable. Ask your wife if she_ willing to try to work on the marriage and then see a marriage counselor. Just be sure you_e open to hearing what's said and try not to get defensive if she blames you for some things.Even if your wife is adamant about getting a divorce, that doesn't mean you_e divorcing your daughter and you should make sure she knows that. Continue to be a part of her life. And although it may be difficult, if a divorce does happen, try to be as amicable as possible with your wife so your daughter isn't further impacted by this new family dynamic.",아내가 갑자기 이혼을 원하겠다고 해서 당황스러워. 가족(딸과 아내)을 위해 싸울지 말지 고민돼.,결혼 생활에 문제가 있었던 신호가 있었을 수도 있어. 아내가 원하는 이혼 이유를 알기 전까지 가족을 위해 힘을 보태는 것이 좋겠어. 결혼 상담을 받아보고 아내의 의견을 들어봐. 이혼이 되더라도 딸을 위해서라도 좋은 가족 관계 유지하려 노력해줘.
+"I'm a teenager, and I just got my first job. I am a month and a half in. Yesterday, my boss pushed me to the point where I had to go to the restroom and cry. She didn't see me, and I'm glad, but when I went to talk to her about it today, I let a tear or two come out. I hate it. I feel like they're not going to keep me anymore.",workplace-relationships,"Getting your first job is an exciting, terrifying, and challenging experience. It is something you will remember for a long time and it shapes how you begin to think about yourself as a worker. You are literally ""learning as you go"" in this completely new environment. You are going to make mistakes. You are not going to get it right the first time. It can be even more challenging if you are having a difficult time building relationships that are supportive at work. A couple of things to remember here: 1) You are there to do a job and you are getting paid to do it, 2) There is a reason or reasons for you wanting to be there and do that work, 3) you know best what you need in order to be successful. These three items can be helpful to remember, especially when we feel our emotions are taking over in a place where we do not feel safe to express them fully. If you feel like your supervisor is approachable, meaning someone you could talk to because they express confidence in you, let them know you are nervous about doing a good job. Also let them know how you learn new tasks, information, or expectations so they can deliver the message in a way that you understand. Becoming a successful worker doesn't happen overnight, but each day you can identify what works for you and what doesn't by communicating with your work team, the easier it will be for you. We all had a first job once, and were all worried about doing well. Hang in there, and call a counselor if you need more help.","첫 직장에서 너무 힘들어, 상사한테 울면서 퇴근한 적 있어. 내가 못하면 내보낼거 같아.,","첫 직장은 설레고 두려운 경험이야. 실수할 수 있고, 오늘 잘못을 내일로 배울 수 있어. 상사에게 걱정을 털어놓고 무엇을 도와줄 수 있는지 말해봐. 함께 소통하며 자신을 발전시켜보자. 함께 해냈던 우리도 모두 처음은 어렵다는 걸 알아. 힘내! 기분이 좋지 않으면 상담사에게 도움을 요청해도 돼."
+"I've worked with this guy for about three years now, and I knew the first time I saw him that I was attracted. Over time, he became a very dear friend, and we talked about our relationship problems, family, dreams, and so on. There was always flirtation with us, and one day pretty recently, it progressed to making out. We agreed to keep it quiet, and we did, but in the back of my mind, I hoped it would become something more. It didn't, and three months later, I'm still not over it.
+   I'm trying so hard to maintain the friendship because that's what he wants. We're no longer in the same office, which I thought would help me get over these feelings, but we still talk about work, and he's constantly touching me, so I'm still very drawn to him. He's a hugger and such a sweet guy, so I find myself fantasizing all the time about what could have been and what could still be, but he's clearly not interested. He's younger than me and prefers model types, but I see him checking me out a lot, which gives me hope. How do I get him out of my system and still maintain the friendship?",workplace-relationships,"It sounds like you have mixed feelings and motivations - which is understandable. On the one hand you want to get over him, on the other you are still holding out hope for something more. It will be really hard to let go of him and create friend boundaries so long as there is a part of you holding on to the idea of something more. If you are being really honest with yourself you might need to acknowledge that you are not really striving to get him out of your system - that you have not really given up hope of having a relationship with him. If you are whole-heartedly committed to moving past the sexual and romantic parts of your relationship and just having a friendship than refraining from all the touching would be a good place to start. It is hard to ""just be friends"" when all your sex and bonding hormones are coursing through your veins.","질문 : 나는 세 명의 책임을 지게 되었는데, 그 중 하나는 제가 처음으로 그를 만났을 때 이미 매력을 느끼게 된 남자입니다. 우리는 많은 주제에 대해 이야기했고 서로를 이해해 왔지만 관계는 복잡했고 결국 연애로 이어졌고, 지금은 그래도 이별을 헤아려야 할 시점인데 아직 그를 잊지 못하고 있습니다.","너와 그 사이에 섞인 감정과 동기가 있어 보여 이해하기 어렵군. 한편으로는 그를 잊고 싶지만 다른 한편으로는 더 많은 것을 바라고 있어. 너에게 더 많은 것을 원하는 한, 정말로 그를 놓는 것과 친구 경계를 유지하는 것은 힘들어질 것이야. 만약 네게 정직하게 자신을 바라보고 있다면, 그가 네 마음속에서 완성이 되지 않을지라도 그것에 대한 희망을 버리지 못하는 것을 받아들여야 할 것이다. 네가 정말로 성적인 관계나 로맨스적인 부분을 지나친 상태로 전진하거나 그저 친구로서만 지낼것을 약속하고 싶다면, 태상을 한번 멈추는 것이 시작하기 좋은 곳일지도 몰라. 모든 성적인 호르몬과 결합 호르몬이 혈관을 타고 흐르는 상태에서 '친구로 지내자'라는 것은 정말로 어려운 일이지."
+"In particular during family gatherings (such as funerals), where there are different customs.",spirituality,"I think the best thing you can do is be respectful of each family member's wishes. Although everyone may not agree with one another, the most important thing you can do for each other is to respect their faith and beliefs instead of trying to sway them in a certain direction._There are many families that are united despite their differences. For example, a mother may be Catholic and the father Jewish. By introducing the children to each faith until they are ready to decide for themselves can be beneficial._Also, it's not uncommon for views to change as one ages or faces different life experiences. So don't get too discouraged if your child wants to explore different avenues._Creating a loving and accepting environment is most essential.",가족 행사(장례식과 같은)에서 서로 다른 관습이 있는 상황에서는 어떻게 해야 할까?,"각 가족 구성원의 바람을 존중하는 게 중요해. 의견이 다를 수 있지만 서로의 신앙과 믿음을 존중해야 해. 가족들의 차이에도 불구하고 단결된 가족들이 많아. 예를 들어, 어머니는 가톨릭인데 아���지는 유대교인 경우가 있어. 어린이들에게 준비될 때까지 각 종교에 소개하는 건 도움이 돼."
+I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better?,trauma,"Suicide is not a natural way to pass from this Earth, so many times it can be EXTREMELY tough to deal with because of the ""unnatural-ness"" of the event. We may find ourselves feeling guilty that we did not see it or that we could've have done more or something to stop it, but often the fish in the fishbowl cannot see that which is closest to him. You are currently trying to numb your feelings, those feelings as nasty as they are, are meant to be felt, those feelings help us to process the event and also help us to pass through the situation. Your friend has a legacy, remember it, and honor that legacy everyday in some small or even grand way, perhaps committing or volunteering your time to help others in honor of your friend.Hope this helps, C",친구가 자살로 세상을 떠났어. 마리화나를 피우고 술을 더 마셔서 이를 견디려고 해. 어떻게 더 잘 다룰 수 있을까?,이런 상황은 매우 어려우니까 안타깝다. 늘 메모리를 받들고 그 친구의 유산을 기억하며 존경해봐. 사람들을 도울 수 있는 봉사나 약속을 이어가면서 친구를 기리는 것도 좋을 거야.
+"I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship.",trauma,"Ending an abusive relationship is often very difficult, especially if you were very close initially without the presence of abuse. _If the abuse included verbal or psychological condemnation, you will often have a negative self-image that you may ""know"" is not true but often feels very true. This negative self-image and fear of being abused again can activate protections in you that were needed at the time you were abused but now create a ""wall"" in your current relationship. _The fact that you were able to end the relationship and know that you made the right decision is a great acknowledgement that you have solid internal resources to draw upon in healing from the abuse. _Good for you!Nightmares and flashbacks are a strong sign of memories, including associated beliefs, emotions, and physical sensations, that have remained unprocessed and therefore unhealed. _There are likely reminders_(called triggers) of the past abuse that are being activated in your current relationship that are allowing these unhealed memories to come to the surface and affect both your sleep and your waking experiences. _This is certainly not something you are purposefully doing but is the result of what happened to you. _However, you likely feel as if you are not in control. _ _The goal is protect your current relationship, evaluate your self-image for flaws in beliefs and feelings, and begin working on healing your memories of abuse. In many cases, my use of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization_and Reprocessing) would be helpful in reducing the emotional strength of your abuse memories, reduce or eliminate triggers, bring healing, and allow you to enjoy being in the present with your current relationship. _I would recommend discussing with your current partner your harmful past experiences, your decision to pursue counseling, and your strong desire to be healthy for your current relationship. _With a good support network in place, healing is very possible.",헤어졌는데 악몽과 회상을 멈추는 방법이 뭐야? 현재 관계에 벽이 되고 있어.,"학대를 당한 관계를 끝내는 건 어려운 결정이었지. 과거의 상처를 치유하기 위해 EMDR을 고려해봐. 현재 파트너에게 내용을 공유하고, 상담도 받는 것이 도움이 될 거야."
+"I have anger issues that have worsened over the years because I_e never dealt with my emotions. My anger has never been expressed physically until the past year. My girlfriend has had to endure these episodes. I love her, and I think I_ about to lose her, if I already haven_. I throw things at her when I_ angry, and sometimes I hit her. I may not hit her enough to cause harm, but I still physically lash out at her. I don_ want to lose her, and I don_ want the situation to worsen. I am a lesbian in my early 30s, and I have been dealing with anger since my childhood. I'm ready to change. I need help now. I'm about to explode.",domestic-violence,"Hi Baton Rouge,I'm glad you're reaching out. The first step here is that you are taking some responsibility for your behaviours. I do hear you minimizing your actions (you say you don't ""hit her enough to cause harm""?), but you're headed in the right direction._I hope that in your pursuit of treatment you learn that the harm you're causing isn't just superficial bruising. The effects of using aggression and anger to control a person are deep and lasting wounds. Please seek treatment for yourself immediately.You say you love your girlfriend? Do you love her enough to leave the relationship while you address your issues? Are you brave enough to not lean on this relationship while you learn how to create a safe place for a partner?You have dangerous habits because you don't know how to manage your own emotional pain. You can unlearn this; and it doesn't mean you're a bad person. Sometimes, however, the relationship in which you have done the hurting is best ended, for both of your sakes, because too much damage has been done.I know you don't want to lose her, but you don't own her, and you don't have the right to trap her in this because you're afraid of being alone. Right now, she needs some space to figure out what's best for her and the freedom to make whatever decision she wants._This is potentially the first step to learning real respect; honouring her need for safety above your need for comfort. I wish you well.","내 가입을 놓친 감정을 다루지 않아 몇 년 동안 악화되었다. 그렇게 된 끝에 내 분노가 신체적으로 표현되면서 올해 들어 성령자주를 겪고 있음을 아는 여자친구가 그 상황을 이겨내야 했다. 그녀를 사랑하고, 이미 그녀를 잃고 있음을 생각한다면 이제는 잃을 수밖에 없다고 생각한다. 화가 날 때 그녀에게 물건을 던지고 때로는 때린다. 가해자치 않을 정도로 그녀를 때려도, 그녀에 대해 신체적으로 공격적으로 행동한다. 그녀를 잃고 싶지 않고 상황이 악화되기를 원하지 않는다. 나는 30대 초반의 레즈비언이며 어릴 적부터 분노와 싸워 왔다. 나는 변하고 싶다. 지금 바로 도움이 필요하다. 폭발하려고 한다.","안녕 Baton Rouge, 네 질문을 받아 정말 기뻐. 너의 행동에 책임을 지기 시작한 게 첫걸음이다. 네 행동을 얕게 보려고 하는 것 같지만 (피해를 줄 만큼 덜 때린다고 말하느니?), 그렇게 되어 가는 것이 좋은 방향이다. 치료에 대한 노력이 곁들여, 네가 상대에게 생성하는 피해가 단순한 멍만이 아니라는 걸 배우기를 바란다. 현재 방향으로 자신을 위해 치료를 찾아가기를 바란다. 그녀를 사랑한다고 말하고 있지만, 네가 문제에 직면하며 이 관계에서 나갈 용기를 가질만큼 그녀를 사랑해? 너는 이 관계를 기댈만큼 용감하다고 생각해? 너는 정말 안전한 파트너를 위한 안전한 장소를 만들 방법을 배우는 동안 이 관계에 기댈 용기를 가질 만큼 용감한가? 너의 위험한 습관은 네 자신의 감정적 고통을 다루는 법을 몰라서 생긴 것이다. 너는 이를 배울 수 있으며, 나쁜 사람인 것을 의미하지 않는다. 그러나 때로는 상대에게 상처를 입힌 관계는 양측의 이득을 위해 종료하는 것이 최선일 때가 있으며, 너의 경우에도 이미 많은 피해가 입혔기 때문이다. 그녀를 잃고 싶어하지는 않겠지만, 그녀도 다르게 생각할 자유를 주어야 하며, 편안함을 두려워하는 너의 필요성보다 그녀의 안전을 존중하는 진정한 존중을 배우는 것에 대한 첫걸음이 되길 바란다. 좋은 결과를 얻길 바란다."
+"I've been with my boyfriend over 3 years. He cheated on me and the woman is now pregnant. He is physically and mentally abusive towards me. I have attempted to talk with him in order to resolve our issues; however, he never wants to talk and often blames me for everything. I_ always there when he needs my help. He tells me although I help him doesn_ mean that I am a good person. He always discredits me as a woman and it_ hurtful. I spend most day crying and feeling lonely. I am unhappy and unsure of what I need to do.",domestic-violence,"That sounds like a very hurtful situation. Unfortunately, without a batterers intervention course or a desire to change, the abuse cycle is unlikely to stop. I do not recommend that you try to leave on your own due that being the most dangerous time when in an abusive relationship. As an abuser, his goal is to control you whether it's through mental or verbal means. I recommend that you contact a domestic violence shelter in your area. I have worked closely with Harbor House of Central Florida and know they provide housing, transportation, and any other needed resources to women leaving an abusive relationship. There is help out there and you are not alone. If you need any additional resources in your area, please don't hesitate to contact me.","질문 : 나랑 함께한 남자친구가 여자를 만나게 되었고 임신했어. 남자친구는 나한테 심리적, 신체적으로 폭력을 행하고 있어. 항상 도움을 주느라 내 시간과 에너지를 전부 썼지만 그는 날 제대로 인정해주지 않아. 내가 울고, 외로워하는 날이 많아. 불행하고 무엇을 해야할지 모르곘어.,","그 상황 정말 힘든거 같아. 폭력 사이클을 끊을 수 있는 방법이 없을 것 같아. 폭력 관계에서 나갈 때 가장 위험하므로 혼자서 나가려 하지 마세요. 지역의 여성 쉼터에 연락해보세요. Harbor House of Central Florida는 여성들에게 주택, 교통수단, 그리고 다른 지원을 제공합니다. 혼자가 아니에요. 지역에서 필요한 자원이 있으면 연락하세요."
+Now I have anger and trust issues. How can I treat this and fix myself?,domestic-violence,"I will assume that for whatever reason, you either do not want to or are not able to seek counseling for this. However, I highly urge you to do so because long-term childhood abuse does have negative consequences for your life as an adult, as it seems you are already aware._There are confidential and free crisis hotlines that you can call that deal with sexual abuse. Some/most also offer free counseling services in local areas. That would be a good place to start looking, especially if cost of counseling is an issue.The important thing to know is that what happened was not your fault and that you deserve to live a happy life free of the past. Having anger and trust issues after something like this is a perfectly normal reaction to what happened to you. Angry? Yes! At your brother for what he did, at your parents for not protecting you. Having trouble trusting? Of course! The very people who were supposed to love and protect you hurt you instead. Two books that might help you are Codependent No More and Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin.","화가와 믿음 문제가 생겼어, 어떻게 치료하고 나 자신을 고칠 수 있을까?,",너가 상담을 받고 싶지 않거나 받을 수 없는 이유가 있다고 가정할게. 하지만 정말 강력히 권유하는 바는 있어. 과거의 손해를 받은 어린시절은 어른으로 살면서 부정적인 영향을 미칠 수 있기 때문에 상담을 받는 것이 중요해. 무료 위기 전화 상담 센터를 이용하거나 관련된 무료 상담 서비스가 있는지 확인하는 것이 좋을 거야. 네겐 행복한 삶과 과거의 짐들로부터 자유롭게 살아갈 자격이 있어.
+I get angry and act out. It scares my wife and child.,anger-management,"Anger is a normal emotion, no different than joy, elation, or sadness. It's not anger that gets us in trouble it's the overtness of the emotion or how we allow it to manifest that gets us in trouble. Being able to control your temper depends on several variables: how you saw anger acted out as a child in terms of your primary caregivers and what you internalized as being normal in terms of managing conflict, and your communication style regarding how you confront problematic situations. There are some whose anger takes on a volcano effect whereby they don't readily address problematic situations but rather they continue to stuff their emotion until the right trigger causes them them to explode, and then there are those who are very impulsive in terms of how they react to stressful situations, they don't take time to think out situations or to make sense of them, they just impulsively respond. I would encourage you to seek anger management from a therapist who utilizes a Cognitive Behavioral approach in order that you may explore how your irrational thinking related to certain situations may be influencing your problematic behavior. In addition, I would encourage you to engage in activities that promote stress reduction if your blowups are indeed related to being overly stressed. The first step is recognizing that you have a problem that you need help in understanding and addressing, which you have, now take the next step in finding a therapist in order that you may learn to control your temper and undo some faulty wiring that may be related to how you process emotion, and communicate that you're angry. Remember, anger is the overt expression of some other emotion (i.e., disappointment, hurt, frustration, etc..) Hope this helps...",내가 화를 내면 가족들이 겁을 먹는다.,"화는 정상적인 감정이지만, 너의 행동이 문제일 수 있어. 어릴 때 주요 양육자가 어떻게 화를 터뜨렸고, 충돌을 어떻게 관리하는 것이 정상인지 등이 영향을 미치는데, 이런 부분들을 다루는 인지행동치료사의 도움이 필요할 거야. 부정적인 사고 방식과 스트레스 관리 방법을 함께 알아가며 네 감정을 잘 통제하는 법을 배울 수 있을 거야."
+"I been having anger problems a lot lately. It only takes one word wrongly said to set me off. I use to not be like this until I got with my soon-to-be husband. I think his mood and rage/anger problems have rubbed off on me a lot. I don't get nearly as bad as he does, but I yell almost constantly and I can't seem to just stop. I have two young babies that have to hear this, and I don't want my girls growing up with a mommy like I have been lately. I just don't know how to get back to my old self.",anger-management,"With me knowing that_a healthy relationship_usually includes respect, trust, appreciation, companionship, spiritual solidarity, domestic support, feeling of being cherished, and _sensuous affection, I am wondering if you are lacking in several if not all of these needs in your present relationship._ Before he becomes your husband, you should examine these areas and see if they are high in rating._ Otherwise, yes this relationship will affect your girls and you negatively._ I would suggest relationship counseling, specifically pre-marital._ Not be surprised if through the process you realize that this relationship is not the best choice for you and your children.",요즘 화나는 문제가 많아. 한 마디만 틀리게 말하면 화를 내. 예전에는 이렇지 않았는데 남편과 사귀기 전까지. 그 당시 남편의 기분과 분노 문제가 나에게 영향을 많이 준 것 같아. 남편처럼 심각하진 않지만 거의 항상 소리지르고 멈출 수가 없어. 이런 모습으로 자랄 것 같아서 두 딸이 나의 모습을 보게 하고 싶지 않아. 예전의 내 모습으로 돌아가는 방법을 모르겠어.,"건강한 교제에는 존중, 신뢰, 감사, 동반자, 영적 연대감, 가정적 지원, 소중히 받는 느낌 및 감각적 인정이 포함돼 있어. 현재의 관계에서 이러한 필요성 중 몇 가지 또는 모든 부분에서 부족한 게 있는지 살펴봐야 해. 남편이 네 남편이 되기 전에 이 영역들을 점검하고 점수가 높은지 확인해봐. 그렇지 않으면, 이 관계가 여자들과 너에게 부정적인 영향을 미칠 거야. 나는 결혼 전 치료를 권유하고 싶어. 그 과정을 통해 이 관계가 너와 너의 자녀에게 최선의 선택이 아닌 것을 깨달을 수 있을지도 몰라."
+"I am so angry. I feel like the arguments with my parents have caused me so much anxiety and stress, and I don't know what to do. I want to sit down with a psychologist, but I cannot afford one, nor do I have my own health insurance. I can feel myself starting to get violent. I throw things of value when I start to get mad. I have punched holes in my wall. I can feel my aggression getting worse.",anger-management,"First off, it is great that you recognize that some changes need to be made. It is also really good that you understand where the source of your anxiety and stress comes from. Fortunately there are many self help books and internet sources that provide free tools to help you cope with_life's obstacles, including anger management. There are several strategies that you can try to_help control your anger, but the_ones that_I would recomend first are the following:1._Try a different way of communicating with your parents. Since_arguing with_them is a great source of anger for you, learning more effective ways of communicating with them will likely be of great benefit._Choose a time to talk with them_about ""heated issues"" when everyone is calm and emotions are not heightened. Use ""I phrases"" by telling them how the arguments effect you, as opposed to placing blame on them._Validate what you hear your parents say in order to allow them to know that you understand their point of view.2. When you feel yourself becoming angry, take a break. Simply excuse yourself from the situation, find a quiet place to be by yourself, and do some deep breathing. Close your eyes, slowly count to four as you inhale, and exhale_even slower, counting to 6. Focus on nothing except for your breathing and do this for 5 minutes.3. Stop any negative thoughts in their tracks. Often times when we get upset, we catastrophize and do not see things clearly. When you catch yourself thinking negatively stop the thoughts and ask yourself if your thinking is logical and rational. If you cannot find much or any evidence that your thoughts are valid, then let them go and replace them with realistic, logical thoughts.4. Finally, find a friend or someone to talk to and/or keep a journal. Keeping your emotions to yourself will not help you. Being able to express your feelings and problem solve will allow for some relief when feeling sad or angry.I wish you all the best!","부모와의 다툼으로 인한 불안과 스트레스가 커지고 있는데, 심리 상담이 필요해. 그러나 돈도 없고 건강보험도 없어. 폭력적이 되는 것을 느껴. 가치 있는 물건을 던지고 벽에 구멍을 뚜는 등. 대처 방법이 필요해.","변화가 필요하다는 것을 깨달은 것은 좋은 일이야. 무료 자료와 온라인 도구를 활용해 분노 관리에 도움을 줄 수 있어. 다른 의사소통 방식을 시도하고, 분노가 올 때는 조용한 곳에서 깊게 숨 쉬며 진정하고 부정적인 생각을 멈춰야 해. 친구와 이야기하거나 일기를 써보는 것도 좋아."
+"When I see something I don_ like, I go off like a ticking time bomb. I go from 0 to 100 really quickly.",anger-management,"Sometimes we react to situations immediately, without thinking of the consequences of our actions. Typically by not reacting right away, we are better able to gather our thoughts, see the situation more clearly and from other perspectives, and respond more calmly. One of the strategies that almost always helps is deep breathing. When faced with a stressful situation, you can give yourself a time out by removing yourself from the stress and spend 5 minutes taking deep breaths (breathe in slowly counting to 4 and breathe out even slower counting to 6), while focusing and thinking_only about your breathing. After doing so, think of the various ways you can respond to the situation and choose the one most appropriate. Good luck!",,
+"It takes me a long time to fall asleep; I_ estimate about two hours. I often have nightmares, starting with being eaten by a monster, and I often wake up frightened and unable to breathe. I believe I started losing sleep after breaking up with a girlfriend of 8 years. Also, my father_ business went bankrupt and my mother has a chronic condition. I was under a lot of stress, and life lost meaning. After improving my life and developing a habit of running and exercise to release stress, my symptoms improved. However in the past couple months, I started losing sleep again and having nightmares without warning. How can I solve this issue?",sleep-improvement,"You_e noticing that as you lie down to go to sleep, there
+is quite a bit going on, which may be anxiety related. It sounds like the
+dreams and difficulty sleeping are reminiscent of previous experiences you had
+around the time of your break up, the difficulty with your father_ business,
+and your mother_ health issues. These connections to past events may be
+important insights to continue exploring in addition to finding out more about
+what your dreams may be trying to tell you. There is no exact science to
+dreams, but many people find it fruitful to explore the content as it relates to
+significant themes in their lives. I think that exploring these issues further with
+a therapist could help you resolve whatever is causing you the stress, trouble sleeping, and frightening dreams.","너무 잠들기가 힘들어; 약 2시간이 걸린다. 악몽도 많이 꾸고, 몬스터에 먹히는 것으로 시작돼서 무서워서 숨을 쉬기 힘들어해. 8년 사귀었던 여자친구와 헤어진 후 잠도 못 자게 됐어. 아버지 사업 파산, 엄마는 만성 질환으로 스트레스가 많았고, 삶이 무의미해졌어. 운동으로 스트레스 정리하고 삶을 개선한 이후 증상은 좋아졌는데, 최근 몇 달 간 다시 잠을 잘 못 자고 갑자기 악몽까지 꾸네. 어떡하면 문제를 해결할 수 있을까?,","네가 자려고 누웠을 때 마음에 여러가지가 떠오르는거야, 그건 불안과 연관이 있을 수 있어. 힘든 일로 인해 사귄 후나 아버지의 사업 문제, 엄마의 건강 상태 때문에 잠이 안오는 것과 꿈이 나타나는거 같아. 이전 경험에 대한 연결은 중요하고 꿈이 당신에게 무엇을 말해주려는지 알아내는 것도 중요해. 꿈에 대한 정확한 과학은 없지만, 많은 사람들이 삶 속 중요한 주제와 관련해 내용을 살펴보는것이 효과적일 수 있어. 나는 치료사와 함께 이러한 문제를 더 탐구하면 스트레스와 잠을 자는 문제, 무서운 꿈을 유발하는 원인을 해결하는데 도움이 될 것이라고 생각해."
+"My husband and I had our first threesome recently. Everyone was drinking and he was on her more then me.    He and I talked about it afterwards and it made me feel better, and now I'm craving more of it. But before it gets close to happening I get this empty feeling. Why am I feeling this way?",intimacy,"As someone who specializes in sexuality and polyamory, I can tell you that your experience is incredibly common. It can be helpful to keep in mind that alcohol lowers our inhibitions, and for first time threesomes or any new sexual behavior really, we humans tend to enjoy a little extra oomph to our courage levels. That being said, it also lowers our ability to make well thought-out decisions. This combined with the brain rewarding novelty (new lover, new experience with our partner etc.) and maybe even some over-zealousness and performance anxiety could likely explain why your husband was on her more than you. My encouragement to you is to try not to overthink it at this stage. Now, IF you two choose to bring her or someone else into the bedroom again and a similar thing keeps happening, I would definitely push the issue and see what's up from his perspective.The empty feeling could be any number of things including:Fear that ""you're not enough for him""Fear that ""she's better than you"" in some wayFear that ""if we keep doing this thing, he will need it and what happens if I no longer want it?""Opposite fear of ""what if I now want her more than him"" or ""if I want the threesomes and he doesn't?""Fear of ""does this mean our sex life isn't good enough as it is?""....""do we have to always add a little spice to keep it hot?""Or like Robin alluded to, preconceived notions about what culture, religion, family and friends etc. say about what marriage and sex ""should"" look like._ I also agree with her encouragement to explore the empty feeling further and see what nuances of other feelings are in there...jealousy? insecurity? shame? regret? longing?_ When you can identify and name them, they are easier handled. Some of the resources I recommend poly/ sexually open couples are:_ove in Abundance: a Counselor_ Advice on Open Relationships by Kathy Labriola_he Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships by Kathy Labriola_ewriting the Rules: an Integrative Guide to Love, Sex, and Relationships by Meg Barker_ore Than Two: a Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory by Franklin Veaux & Eve Rickert_he Game Changer: a Memoir of Disruptive Love by Franklin Veaux_he Ethical Slut: a Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Adventures by Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy_pening Up: a Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by Tristan Taormino_pen All the Way: Confessions From my Open Marriage by Sadie Smythe_enry and June: From _ Journal of Love  The Unexpurgated Diary of Anais Nin (1931-1932)_ersonally, I find your cravings to be healthy and quite normal. The key is to make them work well for you and your partner(s). Robin's also right about communication being key. Some of the suggested resources above can help get those conversations started. And if you need further assistance, absolutely I would find a sex-positive, poly-positive counselor to chat with.Best of luck to you!Tamara Powell, LMHC",우리 첫 스리썸을 가졌어. 왜 이상한 빈 공허함을 느끼는 걸까?,"새로운 경험에서 과장되고 결정 능력이 낮아지는 알코올, 그리고 우리가 질투, 불안, 부끄러움 등을 경험할 때 뇌가 보상을 주기 때문일 수 있어. 이 느낌을 탐구하고 이해하는 것이 중요해. 솔직한 대화와 도움을 받을 수 있는 자료를 찾아보는 것도 도움이 될 거야."