Lifelines: Anne Chilton on wedding plans My partner and I have been together quite contentedly for the past 15 years. It's a long-term, committed relationship, we live together and have two fantastic children. We have never married and last Christmas I decided, in a slushy, jokey moment, that I would ask her to marry me. She said yes and I thought it would be a quiet family affair, but the costs have mounted at an extraordinary rate. It's taken over our lives and I can see us being in debt for ever more. How do I stop this? It sounds as though you have released something you hadn't bargained for. Your partner, while never seeming to be interested in marriage, maybe just resigned herself to the idea she would never be asked. Now she has allowed her imagination to plan for all those dreams she harboured over the years. At this point you need to take some time alone together, plan what the budget is and make sure it's enough for her to have the day she wants. You both need to be able to say what you want. It may cost more than you thought but this is her day as well. Getting married is a big step and you both need to be fully aware and involved in this next stage of your future together. It sounds like you have had a good relationship up till now, don't let a wedding come between you. My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, since we were 14. I know this still makes us quite young but we want to get married and know we are right for each other. Both our parents divorced when we were younger, are with new partners and have new families and I guess we both feel a bit in the way. We've been secretly engaged for a year now and told everyone this Christmas. Now our families all say we should wait until we have more money and think we might change our minds later. My boyfriend's gran, who we spend a lot of time with, says we should go for it and make the most of the opportunities we have. We both have jobs which, while not paying much, would give us enough to get by on. We know we want to be together, should we risk it? What would you be risking? That it didn't work out or not trying to make a go of it. It sounds like your parents don't want you to make the mistakes they made. However, this isn't taking into account you are different people and know what it is like to be part of families that don't stay together. Yes, you are young but that doesn't mean you don't know what is right for you and this doesn't sound like an impulsive decision. It will be tough building a future together but that's true whether you are 18 or 38. It isn't age that makes good relationships, it's wanting to be together and learning to communicate and compromise. There are risks in most things we do and equally there is the risk you end up regretting not doing this now. Anne is head of professional practice for Counselling with Relationships Scotland