The Same Old Song - "Society's Child" - NYTimes.com I am a white woman and have recently started dating a man who is Asian. The last man I dated was also Asian, and the problem is that, so far, every person I've introduced him to has made a comment insinuating that I have some sort of Asian fetish or desire to replace my last boyfriend. I know that if I dated two white men in a row, nobody would even notice, let alone say anything. How should I respond? Elizabeth, Brooklyn Try a shocked: "Asian? Well, I'll be. It's no secret: Some gentlemen prefer blondes, and some ladies prefer blue-eyed quarterbacks. Kate Moss likes skinny rockers. Your point about the glaring interracial spotlight is dead on, but it's part of the same system, albeit more historically freighted. The heart wants what it wants. And the source of these predilections is mysterious. We can scarcely explain why our own sexy fires are ignited, much less those of others. Mercifully, within a date or three, hair and skin and eyes give way to actual people - with personalities and everything. You didn't mention whether this second Asian beau is a mere coincidence or special attraction. Just as well, because it's none of our business (and nothing for you to feel defensive about). Still, telling pals to buzz off will only alienate them. Reach all the way back to Terence, the ancient Roman playwright, and tell your hawk-eyed observers: "Nothing human is alien to me" - neither the incidental features that first catch our eye, nor the way they reliably fade as we gain deeper sight. A Plus or a Minus? We are hosting a formal party for our daughter's bat mitzvah. We invited my husband's niece, whose family has been estranged from ours for years, and a guest. Lately, we reconciled with her. Despite her upbringing, she grew to be a nice person. But then I learned that she had asked her sister (from whom we are still estranged) to be her guest. I told her it would be awkward if her sister came. I also explained how costly our party is. Was it wrong of me to express my concerns? F. M., New York City Party hosts are not Arab Spring dictators. Once we've laid our best plans and mailed out pretty invitations that entitle guests to "plus ones," hosts should slip off their bossy boots. Caveat: Feel free to draw the line at wedding guests who have had torrid affairs with one (or both) of the bridal party. Unless your outlaw niece committed some crime (other than being born to the wrong parents), let this one go. You invited her sister to bring a guest, so let her. You wouldn't have vetoed her new boyfriend, would you? And he might be a real creep. Look on the bright side: Perhaps a second reconciliation is in the offing. And for the record, underscoring the cost of your party to guests is a definite no-no. If it's too expensive, scale back. But never use price as a cudgel. Impressions First I am about to have my first day on a new job. Yea! But I have a wardrobe quandary: Should I dress like the boss who hired me, in a skirt and heels, or like the team I'll be working and sitting with, in jeans and sweaters? I don't want to get off on the wrong foot with either side. Bea, Mill Valley, Calif. In the words of my dapper dad (and all those TV matchmakers), you don't get a second chance to make a first impression. Odds are that you'll be spending some time with your boss and the folks from human resources on your first day. So, dress as if you were still interviewing. You'll have plenty of time to break out your fashionable (again!) grunge pieces and Rag & Bone jeans. Like on Day 2. And if you feel too dowdy for words in your Office Lady look, just make a self-deprecating crack to your dressed-down cronies: "Ann Taylor on Line 2." They won't judge you (too harshly). We've all been there. Sibling Smoke Signals I am 13, and my older sister is 15. I catch her smoking with her friends at school pretty often. I've tried talking to her about it, but she blows me off. Should I tell my parents? Jesse, Burlington, Vt. Nobody likes a rat, Jesse. But I suspect they like esophageal cancer even less. Tell Sis: "Unless you quit the cigs, I am telling Mom and Dad." Then follow up on your threat. You may annoy her in the short term. But as her younger sibling, you are probably annoying her already, though not half as much as a smoker's cough. For help with your awkward situation, send a question to SocialQ@nytimes.com or SocialQ on Facebook. You can also address your queries on Twitter to @SocialQPhilip. Please include a daytime phone number.