There's No Crying in Media-League Softball Our story begins one steamy evening last August, on the fertile lowlands of Central Park's public fields, as dusk settled and the promise of the Tap a Keg summoned, and The New York Times Magazine's ragtag softball team's once-commanding lead against its archrival, The New Yorker, evaporated in the game's final inning. As the sun set, what once appeared a sure win ended in a tie. So that night, the story editors, copy editors, art directors, photo editors, researchers, some kids and a couple other people who just sort of showed up, made a vow. It was the same vow once made by the producers of "Water World"; a vow upheld by the Dukakis campaign; a vow once set into stone by the marketers of New Coke and the creators of Euro Disney: This must never happen again! If The New York Times Magazine was going to play one softball game a season, we might as well win that one softball game! And so it was that on Tuesday evening, in those same fertile lowlands, with the same faint murmur of the Tap a Keg swirling in early summer air, The New York Times Magazine, which does not have a team name, defeated The New Yorker, which apparently does, although no one really knows what it is. Times staffers estimate the score at 9-1 - partly because not everyone was paying attention to the score, partly because they didn't need to. The Times Magazine, which will play a protracted four-game schedule this season, began the year in romping fashion. Dave "Sweet Hands" Vecsey, a copy editor, led off by smoking a line-drive triple into left and scoring on a throwing error. He was followed by Joel "One Bullet Away" Lovell, a deputy editor, who knocked a single and advanced on a base hit by this reporter, Jon "Is that the Preppy Murderer?" Kelly. Hugo "The Swedish Miracle" Lindgren picked up the R.B.I. - a prelude to his monstrous, foot-to-the-throat triple a few innings later. David Remnick, by comparison, had no R.B.I. and failed even to get on base. Our head of research, Nandi Rodrigo, formerly a fact checker for the other team, requests that we point out that he also did not show up. By the end of the first inning, The Times had hung a nasty three spot on the home team. If magazine softball is modern warfare, then the pitcher is a Stanley McChrystal type - powerful, cerebral, constantly recalculating strategy and aware of what makes for a good magazine story. And if Stanley McChrystal were a woman, he would be, Ilena "Worth Her Weight in" Silverman, the veteran editor known for her sweet touch on the copy of Robert Draper, Curtis Sittenfeld, Tara Parker-Pope and others. On this unseasonably cool evening, Silverman pitched a note-perfect complete game, allowing no earned runs. The sole run was attributed to a fielding error by this reporter after the blowout was assured. Besides "Sweet Hands" Vecsey, the team's defense, which one onlooker noted, was reminiscent of the 1999 New York Mets, was helmed by the delicate paws of it deputy art director, Caleb "Slim-Cut Pantone" Bennett, who nabbed a sure double at second base, and Sam "Probably the Smartest Guy Any of Us Know" Anderson, who agreed to put down Angry Birds long enough to take the field. John "Not That One" Cochran flashed a gold glove at first. Our director of photography, Kathy "The Legend" Ryan, showed her managerial strength by delegating all playing responsibilities to her fiercely competitive husband and offspring. The deputy editor Lauren "The Killer Within" Kern showed no mercy as she plowed through first base - and the avuncular first baseman standing on it. And Gabrielle "I Will Outlive All of You" Plucknette made the ultimate sacrifice, leaving her post in the outfield when her dog, Piper, started barking like a Kardashian on her wedding day. "We have separation issues," Plucknette explained. With this ragtag crew shoring up the defense, Silverman disproved this month's Atlantic cover story. Yes, women can have it all. If baseball is a game of inches, then softball is a game of millimeters. Shrewdly managing all these moves from the dugout - weighing lineup changes, calculating the risks of a double-switch, looking for hitters" tendencies, trying to prove her loyalty despite having played for the other team one week earlier - was online editor Samantha "Scootes" Henig, The Times's vaunted rookie player-coach, who defected from The New Yorker after last season's draw. With her fierce competitive fire, this Tiger Mom was the yin to the yang of Clinton "The Only Person That Everyone Likes" Cargill, a photo editor, who, despite never playing one organized sport in his life, adroitly pretended to know what was going on most of the time. One player referred to Cargill as "the heart and soul of this team"; another, "the guy who gets the beer." Proving psychic and emotional support for their colleagues was a motley crew of editorial talent, including the managing editor John "The Buck Stops Here" Haskins and the columnist Adam "I Thought Baseball Was Played With a Racket" Davidson, who coached first base much the way he writes his column: making this reporter, also his editor, do the dirty work. Two star designers, Sara Cwynar and Drea Zlanabitnig, a.k.a. The Bushwick Batsmen, opted out of the lineup to talk about Roberta's, Lil Wayne and InDesign. The New York Times Magazine will try to defend its unbeaten record next month against WNYC.