Timely tonic for the royal blushes Lisa Armstrong: '"Who goes topless these days?"' commented my neighbour at one show about the Duchess of Cambridge. "It's so Nineties."' Plus, is there ever a right time to go grey? The Duchess of Cambridge may draw comfort from the sleepy newsagent round the corner from my hotel in Milan, where at least three copies of Chi , the Italian magazine that has just published those pictures, sat blissfully undisturbed and un-bought when I last dropped in. READ: The Duchess of Cambridge Photoshopped with baby bump? This is the country where even children's TV presenters sport a lascivious, Nancy Dell'Olio look (many of them employed on Berlusconi's channels). It takes a lot to shock them. As for the front rowers, they famously never notice naked breasts and certainly not when there's a fascinating new scalloped hem to jot down. The only outrage I've heard expressed so far wasn't to do with the invasion of the Cambridges' privacy, but Kate's decision to dispense with her top in the first place. "Who goes topless these days?" commented my neighbour at one show. It's so Nineties. It's years since I've been to the south of France, where they did it, so I couldn't comment. They don't go topless in Greece or the US, that's for sure. But having seen the strapless dress presented to Kate on tour this week, which she graciously proceeded to wear, I can understand why she wanted to avoid tan lines. So, in the name of harmonious international relations, I'd suggest in future the Duchess opts for The Organic Pharmacy's Self Tan (£33.95 for 100ml, theorganicpharmacy.com) or This Works Perfect Legs Gradual Tan (£38 for 120ml, thisworks.com) which you can use on your whole body. Both are so idiot-proof even a dozy security officer could be entrusted with their application. SMILE IF YOU'RE GLAD TO BE GREY Is there ever a right time to go grey? Not, it seems, if you're a woman working in television, as Fiona Bruce wearily observed this week. But perhaps it's not such a terrible burden. Time was women were expected to lop off all their hair once they hit their forties, and adopt a hydrangea-head perm appropriate to their advancing years. If they didn't look frumpy and old before the perm, they sure did afterwards. Aren't we lucky these days to be able to choose? If you have thick, glossy hair in your fifties and sixties, no one's chasing you with a pair of shears. Conversely, if you want to embrace grey in your thirties or forties, there's really nothing stopping you. Well tended and sharply cut, it looks amazing and edgy. But you need to be quite brave. Greyness among women under 55 is so rare that Vogue 's silvery-tressed Sarah Harris (mid thirties, below) is constantly being asked to write about what it's like to live with. Fabulous, apparently, but also quite a commitment - you have to work hard to keep it shiny and smooth. In its clumsy way, television's unspoken grey legislation is acknolwedgment that middle-aged women are no longer over the hill. Getting your roots dyed every five weeks may be a pain in the neck, but so is most grooming. It's the price we pay for looking good. Sarah Harris of 'Vogue' Photo: Philip Hollis