The Unbridled Shower - Celebrating Divorce Not With a Whimper but a Bang - NYTimes.com STARTING OVER Tom Carling in his kitchen with gifts he received at a divorce party. "The shower gave me this sense that I'd have the strength to move on," Mr. Carling said. I'M not divorced. But when my husband tosses criticisms at me like wedding rice, divorce, were it to assume a human form, begins to look a lot like Channing Tatum. And so it's on these days that I ponder (and hope, if the time ever comes) that I have friends like Tom Carling's. Because Mr. Carling got the gift I would wish for, something that is becoming more common in certain circles: a divorce shower. "Actually, they called it an "unbridled shower," which is like a bridal shower for divorcées," said Mr. Carling, a Manhattan graphic designer. Brides get stuff for the house. Well, I got a party to replace the stuff that my ex had taken from the house. Organized by close friends, including Elizabeth St. Clair, a Manhattan lawyer, the party stocked his home with basic utensils, like a replacement set of nesting bowls ("that really hurt"), and gave him a file of idiot-proof recipes that would allow him to feed his teenage daughter or impress a date. You think this is just a small thing? Mr. Carling said. It's not. He explained: "The kitchen is an intimate space, and if you've been married for 25 years as I had, you really form attachments to the items you've been using." Mealtimes, Mr. Carling added, "were the time I'd feel like a really lonely bastard, so the shower gave me this sense that I'd have the strength to move on" - and apparently the glassware, too. Don't misunderstand: It's not as if everyone is registering for their divorces the way they registered for their weddings, though, in fact, there is a store in London, Debenhams, that has an official divorce registry, and some people simply open their own divorce registries on sites normally reserved for weddings. And unless Katie Holmes is planning a little do, there's small chance that a celebrity divorce party will land on the cover of Us Weekly, though the Shanna-Moakler-splitting-from-Travis-Barker bash, featuring a cake with a blond bride on the top holding a bloody knife over mutilated remains of a groom, did make for good copy. Planners of high-end parties are reporting a significant increase in the number of people celebrating the end of a marriage not with a whimper, but a bang. Sometimes literally: there is a fireworks company in England that can be hired for divorce parties and will explode the words "free at last" in the night sky. There are specialists in divorce-party planning, and there is also a Web site, divorcepartysupply.com, where you can "celebrate your new freedom" with light-up devil-horn tiaras, black long-stem roses and, for those trying to work off a little anger, penis piñatas. "People don't usually bill them as divorce showers or divorce parties," said Marcy Blum, the events planner and an author of "Weddings for Dummies." "It's more like, "Come Celebrate My New Life (and Maybe Get Me a Present)." " For example, Ms. Blum did an "Alice in Wonderland"-themed party in the Hamptons for one elderly wealthy client whose third marriage, to his yoga instructor, had gone off the rails. "Why "Alice in Wonderland"?" Ms. Blum said. Well, It was kind of whimsical, and it was a good excuse for inviting a lot of young mothers and their children. The client died recently, but not before marrying once more, Ms. Blum said, "a woman like a 10th his age. Did I mention he liked parties? She also noted that since gay men and women now have the right to marry in several states, they will also have the right to divorce, which could mean that divorce showers will become even more frequent. In a way, the rise of the divorce shower is not that surprising. With only about a 50-50 chance of a first marriage lasting - and the odds worse for second and third marriages, in case you were under the illusion that love is lovelier the second or third time around - there seems to be a societal desire to commemorate, and even celebrate, what has become an increasingly common milestone in people's lives.