I'm not scared by the forced caesarean row, I'm reassured... and I'm bipolar and pregnant, too Kerry Hudson suffers from a bipilar-type mental illness She is pregnant and has come off medication for the duration Kerry is reassured she has doctors to help her make decisions By Kerry Hudson Reassured: Kerry Hudson, who is 14 weeks pregnant, has a bipolar-type mental health condition It was the stuff of nightmares: a vulnerable, mentally ill woman held against her will and forced to give birth by caesarean. By her own horrifying account, her newborn daughter was snatched by â€˜social workersâ€™ from her breast and spirited away, to be adopted â€" the mother simply left to howl in anguish. Hearing the case of Alessandra Pacchieri, who was in Britain to attend a training course and is now back in her native Italy, a senior Milanese judge called it â€˜an extreme act of violenceâ€™, and akin to a horror movie. And, on first reading, it would seem there was some sinister agenda at play â€" a fragile mental health patient who had her unborn child stolen from her womb. For me, though, the case held particular terror. You see, like Alessandra, I suffer a bipolar-type mental illness. And I am pregnant. Like her, I too made the decision â€" although with full consent of my doctor â€" to come off medication, to prevent any harm to my unborn child. But we now know Alessandraâ€™s experience is not as it first appeared. No one can doubt her anguish, yet the reality of the complex and very sad situation is not quite as she saw it. And knowing that there were professionals around to make decisions that could well have saved her and her childâ€™s life when she was unable to do so herself, reassures me. The caesarean birth was necessary because sheâ€™d had one previously and a natural labour could have resulted in uterine rupture. It was eerie timing that, just a few days before Alessandraâ€™s story came to light, my colleague Erica Camus wrote in these pages about how the medical establishment is geared up to support women with mental health problems who wish to start a family. Erica, who has a history of schizophrenia, is exploring her options and isnâ€™t yet ready to start a family. My partner and I were not so well prepared when, in late September, I discovered I was five weeks pregnant. I had been told by gynaecologists while in my mid-20s that I would have fertility problems as a result of polycystic ovary syndrome and fibroids. Iâ€™m now 38, and I didnâ€™t think Iâ€™d ever be a mum. After confirming the pregnancy with my GP, I made an appointment with my regular psychiatrist. He made me an immediate referral to see a perinatal specialist, a psychiatrist who supports expectant mothers with a mental health diagnosis during pregnancy, and for up to 12 months after birth. I made the decision almost immediately that I wanted to stop taking the four medications I use to control my condition, as there is a risk of damage to the foetus. Initially, my doctors advised me not to â€" itâ€™s a case of weighing up the risks versus the benefits â€" but I was insistent. Life-saving decision: Alessandra Pacchieri's caesarean birth was necessary because sheÂ¿d had one previously and a natural labour could have resulted in uterine rupture I take an antidepressant, which I had to be weaned off over two weeks as suddenly stopping can cause panic attacks. I was also referred for an early scan, at eight weeks, to check that the drugs hadnâ€™t already affected the babyâ€™s heart. Thankfully, everything was fine. Among the army of healthcare professionals assigned to me as a pregnant woman, I also have a mental health midwife. Iâ€™ve not yet met her, but I am told they are specialists in the emotional side of pregnancy and motherhood. They all form my dedicated community mental health team (CMHT) â€" every woman similar to me will have one â€" who communicate with each other about my case. Bar a few mood swings in the first trimester that most pregnant women experience, I feel more stable now than I have in recent memory. Maybe itâ€™s something to do with the healthy routine I have been sticking to, something I feel I need to, as itâ€™s not just me any more. I never used to eat breakfast, but now Iâ€™m eating three times a day. By early evening Iâ€™m exhausted, so I go to bed earlier and get up earlier, absorbing more daylight. Iâ€™m taking recommended pregnancy supplements, working harder, making plans, and have a focus. But I am being monitored and have been advised that even though my partner is brilliantly supportive, I may need to spend some time in a mother and baby unit â€" like a nursing home but for new parents with diagnoses like mine â€" after the birth. A combination of lack of sleep and hormonal changes means there is a high risk that women with bipolar can suffer post-natal psychosis and a facility like this is equipped to support me, and nurse my baby, if that happens. My CMHT have a duty to make a referral to child services around the time of birth. Initially I was concerned. Would they deem me unfit to be a mother? But I was confusing child services with child protection, a different thing altogether. Child services offers initial support, making sure you are coping with everything, if, and only if, needed. Soon, at 32 weeks, a month and a half shy of my due date, there will be a meeting: a room filled with my CMHT team, social services, my family, and partner. This is part of an ongoing dialogue. Decisions arenâ€™t made for me. Just like any patient, ultimately what I do is down to me. But should I become ill, I might not cope so well, and in that case these people will act in my babyâ€™s and my own best interest. It would distress me to think that, having seen the outcome of Alessandraâ€™s ordeal, a pregnant woman would rather suffer in silence because she now feels that asking for help could result in having her child taken away. Like her, in the past, I have voluntarily been admitted to hospital for treatment when I felt I needed help. But I would like to think this will be recognised not as weakness, but as making positive decisions regarding my health. Episodes, as we call them, are only temporary. Often there are many months, years or decades of wellness. Unfortunately we tend to come under scrutiny only during the bad times. Bipolar people are just like anyone else, and we can make darn good mothers, too. seesaw-seatingplan.blogspot.com