Oscars 2013: Seth MacFarlane's lamely nasty jokes What Family Guy and Ted creator Seth MacFarlane did as the host of this year's Oscar show was to audition, almost faultlessly, for the part of being an appalling one. You can at least say he was upfront about this. Within minutes of his first routine - the one that needlessly insulted Jean Dujardin for his low profile since winning last year, and threw in a dismally unfunny remark about the torture in Django Unchained resembling what Rihanna and Chris Brown would call "date night" - he was laboriously trying to bypass criticism. William Shatner, doing Captain Kirk, called in with a message from the future to help MacFarlane fix the broadcast as it went along: a bold but self-defeating gambit. He was shown a headline - "Worst Oscar host ever" - from tomorrow's news. More feeble jokes. Two inexplicable dance routines. Somehow these got the headline modified to "Pretty Bad Oscar Host." Eventually he reached "Mediocre." Nothing happening on stage remotely justified the upgrade. The problem is, MacFarlane's mere awareness of his obvious horribleness as a presenter was no inoculation against it. He'd deliver would-be risqué cracks, most of them just lamely nasty, and serve up a coy grin afterwards to take the edge off. Many in the audience seemed abjectly uncomfortable. I said "almost faultlessly," as a few more good-natured cracks did work, like the one preparing nine-year-old Best Actress nominee Quvenzhané Wallis for her loss to "that old lady" (not Emmanuelle Riva, who turned 86 on the night, but 22-year-old Jennifer Lawrence). Otherwise, MacFarlane's impression of a smirking school bully goes straight into the hall of Oscar shame, along with that wacko, dead-eyed bit of performance art from James Franco two years ago. Beyond the emcee, it was a funny old show - not a shambles, but baggy in all the wrong places. Their homage to Bond was enjoyable, but why scatter it about so much? Doffing the hat to song-and-dance (a gimmick the producers pretend is original every year) meant long, shouty numbers from Chicago and Dreamgirls alongside the nominated Les Misérables. Meanwhile, the orchestra couldn't wait to boot grateful winners off the stage, like the poor visual effects chaps from Life of Pi, who were blared off by fanfares from The Magnificent Seven and circling sharks from Jaws. If they were looking to save some time, MacFarlane's asides on the Jewish, or the Spanish, or the profound contemptibility of women, were crying out to have him hoicked into the wings, perhaps by an almighty, ego-shrivelling bass blast from Hans Zimmer's Inception score. Click here for list of 2013 Oscars winners