Are you a smartphone addict? Here's how to swicth of and stop talking, texting, surfing By Martha Roberts Martha Roberts, a self confessed smartphone addict Why it's not always good to talk, surf, text. Here's how to switch off and stay in the loop My name is Martha and I've got something to confess. Hold it right there...just a minute...bear with, bear with...right, I'm back. Where was I (sorry, I was just checking my phone messages)? Ah yes, my name is Martha and I'm a cyber zombie. To the untrained eye, I initially appear normal. After all, in company I listen well and answer at all the right places. But then I'll reach for my phone and break from our conversation to check emails, take my turn in one of 19 Words With Friends online games I'm involved with, and laugh at someone's witty Twitterisms. Like all cyber zombies - people obsessed with their smartphones - you've got me in body but not entirely in spirit. When my smartphone wants me, I come running. According to Nicholas Carr, author of The Shallows, a book about how the internet is changing how we function, I'm not alone. "We have a very strong emotional attachment to our gadgets that often leads us to use them in an obsessional way," he says. People sense a discomfort in other people when they use their smartphones in company but still they carry on. It's testament to the power that the technology has over us. He says we have become so smitten with having access to virtually instant messages, texts and emails that the technology has turned us into "lab rats constantly pressing levers to get tiny pellets of social or intellectual nourishment." The reality is that the world is jam packed with lab rats, "nomophobes" (people who fear being without their mobiles) and cyber zombies like me (not to mention most of my friends - you know who you are). Not only are we great conversation-killers, we are also pavement-stealers (the ones you soft-shoe shuffle with to avert a collision as they delete emails on the go) and buggy-tippers (sorry, Peaches Geldof: you might blame London's shoddy streets for Astala's topple last September, but two hands on the buggy are definitely better than one). We are the bête noir of shoppers, slowing down queues by packing groceries one-handed as we text with the other. Hi, yes, it's Peaches Hang on, I've hit a bump... Oops, there goes Astala... Yeah, I'm still here We change nappies cack-handed as we juggle smartphones with wipes (yes, London is full of them - seen one, been one). But worse than that, as my six-year-old son will testify, we are bedtime-story wreckers for the next impressionable generation. I may entreat him to "concentrate" at school but my mind wanders during The Famous Five because I cannot help responding to the smartphone "ping" like one of Pavlov's dogs. I get intense finger itch and just have to look, even though to do so interrupts a special process that I would like to be able to look back on nostalgically when my son has grown up. Mothering is what matters most to me and yet I can't help wanting to be intruded upon by my iPhone. "We want to be interrupted because each interruption brings us a valuable piece of information," writes Carr. To turn off these alerts is to risk feeling out of touch, or even socially isolated...tuning out is not an option many of us would consider. That's very much how I feel, as though I'm in the loop - but in the process I wonder if I'm showing my son that skewed attention is acceptable. OK, so this is anecdotal, a tale of my own addiction, but the statistics back it up. According to the latest figures, the cyber zombie's day begins at 6.51am with the first phone check. Only when we've checked our phones do we clean our teeth, make a cup of tea and get dressed (in that order, according to the O2 report All About You). And then begins a full day of checking our smartphones pretty much constantly (a quarter of us admit to looking at our screens ten to 20 times a day, though Carr says it's not unusual for office workers to check their email inbox 30 to 40 times an hour). A survey by US company Lookout Mobile Security found that we even check them in the middle of the night, during church services and meals. Forty per cent of us check them while we're on the loo, risking smartphone death in the process, and a quarter of us check them while driving, risking actual death. Peaches Geldof, you might blame London's shoddy streets for Astala's topple, but two hands on the buggy are definitely better than one That, surely, is crazy.Personally, I can rarely be parted from my phone. I carry my charger everywhere and plug it in whenever I can (even when I'm watching my son in the gym, I check for sockets before I choose my seat). I recently bought a Lifeproof cover in case I drop it in the bath (yes, I check it there too). I even emailed the company's head office to ask which colour is the most "visible" in a bid to avert phone-loss panic when I can't find it in the depths of my bag - the answer was red, my least favourite colour, but needs must. In his book How To Thrive in the Digital Age, Tom Chatfield describes how the internet can be "library, friend, prison as well as comforter, facilitator and seducer." This certainly sums up its role in my life - no wonder I'm so utterly suckered. In my defence, I am self-employed and a single mum, furiously spinning plates to keep this show on the road, and I'm aware that technology often gets me out of a tight spot both personally (such as using bus-checking apps to make sure I'm not late to pick my son up from school) and professionally (the web has been a godsend to me as a writer, streamlining the time it takes to carry out research). So I have my excuses, but secretly I'm a bit ashamed. At best my behaviour is probably irritating, at worst it is selfish and even hazardous (how long before I walk into a tree while texting? I give it six months). I've succumbed to what Damian Thompson, author of The Fix: How Addiction is Invading Our Lives and Taking Over Your World, refers to as "digital rudeness." I know that. Trouble is, I just can't stop. But is my love of modern technology really so bad? Dr Richard Graham, clinical lead in technology addiction at Capio Nightingale Hospital in Central London, says: "It strikes me that when you, as a parent of a young boy, have committed to giving time to him, you really shouldn't let technology interrupt that experience. The unpredictable nature of those interruptions could be unnerving for him over time. Ouch! I don't want reading with my son to make him feel unnerved, and I know Dr Graham is right, so where do I go from here? It's probably unrealistic to think that we cyber zombies can go cold turkey by switching off our online life while we get on with, well, real life. Not only do you know where your phone is at all times, it is always in full view. You never turn it on to silent, even at night, as you feel you might be missing something. You sleep with your phone charging next to your bed - or in bed. You're out with friends yet still can't resist constantly checking your emails, social networking, texts and calls throughout the evening. You find yourself getting defensive or going into denial when the amount you check your phone is challenged. Nicholas Carr did it once and although his "synapses howled for their net fix" for a while, eventually his cravings subsided and he felt "less like a lab rat...and more like a human being." However, he has since gone back to keeping his email running all the time and has concluded that "it's cool. I'm not sure I could live without it. A better option for cyber zombies could be to use the technology more appropriately by compartmentalising our access to it - having a basic phone for calls and texts (a "dumb phone"), a tablet for social networking and emailing at appropriate times and a work computer to get on with work. This is what Roger Warner, managing director of social networking PR agency Content & Motion, did after realising that his smartphone turned him into a "busy fool" whose marriage and parenting were being hampered by technology. The O2 report refers to smartphones as being like a digital Swiss Army Knife, replacing alarm clocks, watches, cameras, TVs and even books. Warner also uses the analogy but points out that "a Swiss Army Knife doesn't make a particularly good screwdriver" - in other words, smartphones may seem like the answer to everything but other tools may be a lot better. Warner, who uses a small browsing pad for email and Twitter, a dumb phone for calls and texts and his desktop computer for focused work tasks, has written his approach up in the DumbPhone Manifesto (dumbphone.co.uk) in a bid to show others how to do it (what Dr Graham refers to as "technology hygiene," along the lines of sleep hygiene, where you improve your environment to ensure a good night's sleep). He also advises people to "never use devices in incongruous circumstances: laptops and friends at the pub don't mix; dinner with wife and iPad is a no-go; [and] soft-play areas with your kids and a smartphone is silly." I'm guessing iPhone and bedtime story with son is an equally absurd combination. "Learning how to use your smartphone sensibly involves a life skill," explains Tom Stewart, founding editor of international journal Behaviour and Information Technology. We are expected to be sensible about crossing the road, not drinking too much alcohol and not overeating; now we also need to do this with technology. It's about flexibility and discipline, and that's something we need to take command of ourselves. TV psychologist Jo Hemmings agrees: "The key is to use the technology judiciously and to keep yourself in check." So there we are. I'm a grown-up who knows how to cross a road safely, how to drink in moderation and not splurge on food - there's no reason why I shouldn't learn how to moderate my behaviour when it comes to technology without being sucked into an information vortex. Flexibility and discipline will be my new buzz words. Come back and see me in a few months and I'll show you how successful I've been...hopefully without being interrupted by my beloved smartphone. Try asserting some control over your phone. Leave it at home for an hour or two - concentrating on a real-time conversation might feel liberating. If this feels a step too far, turn your phone on to silent (and non-vibrate mode) during an evening out and leave it in your pocket/bag, only allowing yourself to sneak a peek during loo breaks. Learn to recognise when you're getting slightly obsessed by your phone and how you feel when it's out of your sight - write down what you're worried about and work out whether it's really that important. Reassure your friend that you're with them because you enjoy their company - and it would be all the better if they could check their phone less. Guilt-trip your mate into using their phone less. Say that you feel neglected when they are constantly checking to see what their other friends are up to. Show some consideration for their relationship with their phone and suggest that it's OK for them to check it while you're doing certain reactive things together, such as watching TV, but not when you're in the pub or out for a meal.