Nigella Lawson reveals her childhood melancholy Asked how this would express itself, she said: "I used to not be able to get up in the morning." Lawson acknowledged that it was a well-known sign of depression, adding: "Well - I've got better at that." People think that if you cook you're all sweetness and light. And I am a dark person. Which doesn't mean I don't take an inordinate amount of pleasure in life. Lawson experienced tragedy with the death of her first husband John Diamond, father of her two children, from throat cancer at the age of 41 in 2001. She is now married to advertising guru and art collector Charles Saatchi. Her US interview comes amid her new found fame in America, where she has acted as a judge on ABC cooking show The Taste. In another disclosure about her emotional life, Lawson described her aversion to crying. She said: "I don't like women crying in offices, but then I'm not crazy about men crying in offices either. I did send my boss home once for crying in the office. Even if I'm exhausted to the point of weeping I wouldn't. I'm proud and I never cry. Lawson also said that her flamboyant television persona was all a "circus act."