Time poor Australians abandoning good manners Laura Kirchner thanks Please Say Please's Simmo Heinrich for her coffee. TELL US: Are good manners dead? NANNA would be horrified: Aussies are abandoning good manners as work, relationships and family life leave us time-poor, frazzled and more inclined to be rude. New research shows we are abandoning common etiquette such as saying "please," "thank you" and even "hello" as traditional signs of respect diminish in importance. Giving up one's seat to the elderly, holding a door open for women and not swearing in public are also on the wane, according to a survey of more than 500 people conducted by social analysts McCrindle Research. Almost 90 per cent of those surveyed said the courtesy of motioning a person to pass by with the phrase "after you" was on the way to becoming obsolete, while 78 per cent said pushing in one's chair after getting up to clear a path for others was dying out. Mealtime etiquette has also suffered, with 88 per cent saying the old rule of having to be seated to eat was disappearing. Respondents said it was now more commonplace to eat meals standing or walking, and that watching television or browsing the internet often replaces mealtime conversation. Gender-based courtesies practised by baby boomers have seen the biggest decline, with almost 85 per cent of respondents saying men no longer walk on the street side of the footpath to "protect" their female partner. More than 75 per cent said the old fashioned rule that women should "sit or stand but never lean" was on the way out in Australian society. State secretary of the New South Wales Transport Workers' Union Wayne Forno agreed that basic courtesies such as saying "please" and "thank you" and giving up seats on public transport were in decline. "There's definitely been a breakdown of manners over the last 20 to 30 years, people don't have the same manners they once had," he said. As a child growing up I was told you get up on the bus for an adult or for pregnant ladies and the elderly, that may be old fashioned but that's what I believe and people don't do that anymore. Plus bus drivers are spat at and assaulted on a regular basis, which is the further extension of a breakdown in civil manners. James Parham, bistro manager and sommelier at The Highway hotel in Plympton, South Australia, agreed with respondents that mealtime etiquette and basic courtesies were in decline. I've been in the hospitality industry for a long time now and I've slowly seen the decline in men opening doors and pulling out chairs for not only ladies but every guest at their table. It's just common courtesy," he said. When families come out to dine together, kids these days spend almost the entire time on their iPod or iPhone. It's supposed to be family time. Parents need to teach their kids patience and good manners. Researcher Mark McCrindle said it wasn't a case of traditional manners simply disappearing, but rather them being replaced by new social rules. "Manners are not set in concrete, we don't operate like they did in 19th century England," he said. The fact that manners and traditions pass by the wayside is a sign of a dynamic and adaptive culture. However some of these things are good and healthy for individuals and society and we ought not in the name of progress jettison these practices of the past. Mr McCrindle said the survey showed certain courtesies remained strong, such as bringing a bottle of wine or box of chocolate when invited to dinner at someone's house, a practise more than a third of respondents said had not diminished at all. Diminishing Etiquettes and Social Traditions Playing cricket or other sport in the street with family, friends and neighbours *Eating breakfast around the table with family *Using the phrase "after you" frequently to let a stranger pass *Eating a meal only if you are seated, never if you were standing or walking *Eating dinner together with family most nights of the week and sharing the business of the day with one another *As a man, walking on the half of the footpath next to the gutter to protect the woman from traffic *Wearing one's "Sunday best" for special events such as funerals or weddings *Pushing one's chair in when getting up from one's desk as a gesture to those who might pass