Sketch: Jim Sheridan, noblest parliamentarian of this or any era I'm ashamed to confess, dear reader, that I think they might be me. Or at any rate, sketchwriters in general. Mr Sheridan, after all, has called for sketchwriters to be banned before; in 2009, he demanded they be flung out of Westminster for poking fun at his friend Michael Martin, the Speaker who so sadly resigned after criticism of his handling of the expenses scandal. Among the sketchwriters" many outrages they referred to Mr Martin as "Gorbals Mick," an appellation his fellow Glaswegian decried as "racist." Hence we sketchwriters, I fear, are the miscreants he had in mind when fulminating against the "parasitical elements." I, for one, am sorry Mr Sheridan feels this way. And I hope he will accept this sketch I write today as a peace offering. After all, it would be easy to mock. It would be easy to point out that the Chambers dictionary's definition of parasite - "a person who lives at the expense of society" - applies less obviously to a journalist than it does to someone whose handsome salary is funded by the tax-payer: say, to pluck an example at random, an MP. It would be equally easy to argue that Mr Sheridan should know a thing or two about parasitical behaviour, given that, as we know from the Telegraph's expenses investigation, he once claimed for a 42-inch plasma TV and a leather bed. But I'm not going to say either of those things. To do so would be the action of a parasitical element. As would be any attempt to caricature Mr Sheridan's manner and disposition. A parasitical element might, for instance, call him a cavilling joy-vacuum, a waddling autocrat manqué, a great swollen zeppelin of self-importance, his face sour as vinegar and his voice dull as drizzle. Such a parasite might even, observing the volatility of Mr Sheridan's temperament, nickname him "Wee Jimmy Cranky." I, however, would write no such thing. For Mr Sheridan commands my respect. Reverence, even. Reverence that - although I am sure he would be too humble to agree - is wholly his due. I only hope he can bring some kind of decency into me.