In-Laws and Outlaws - NYTimes.com My husband and I are in our late 50s and recently wed. We met long after our separations from our previous spouses. My family loves him, and his likes me - except for a sister-in-law (who is married to his brother). She refuses to acknowledge my presence or speak to me. It can't be about me because she doesn't really know me. I try to make the best of it at family functions, but it's still weird and hurtful. Recently, she came to our home for dinner. She brushed past me when she came in and ignored my greeting. Lisa, New York Let's assume (just for kicks) that your sister-in-law is not a pathological meanie or an alumna of the Elizabeth I/Mary Queen of Scots College for Family Relations. She is probably harboring a ferocious (if erroneous) loyalty to your husband's former wife. I understand that you and the ex did not overlap, so you could not have pilfered your husband from his first wife. But how else to explain your sister-in-law's "Tenth Avenue Freeze Out"? Life is too long to "make the best of it." Speak with your husband's brother or ask your husband to. (Don't go near Silent Sue. She must be dug deep into her foxhole to behave so badly. And no good will come from that conversation.) Say: "If I've done something to offend Sue, tell me, so I can try to make it right. But ignoring me and friendly greetings is not cool. Can you speak with her about it? The glacier may thaw slightly. But a betting man can safely wager that you and she will never be soul sisters. Still, there are lines in polite society which we may not cross, and icing out in-laws who have done us no harm (in their own homes, no less) is one of them. Codes of Silence I dated a man about a year ago. I stopped seeing him after he proved to be self-centered and inconsiderate. He was not happy about it. Last month, he texted me (his preferred method of communication) and said he missed me and wanted to see me again. I agreed to meet for dinner. We also agreed to touch base that afternoon to establish a meeting time. That day, I texted him and got no reply. After the gym, I texted again to let him know I was free. Still no reply. Obviously, I want nothing more to do with him, but I absolutely need to let him know that his behavior was despicable. What would be the best way to do this? Rod, New York This seems to be the day for mysterious silences, does it not? But unlike the family scenario above, with its multitude of holiday dinners ahead, what good can possibly come from further engagement with this fool, other than giving him the pleasure of knowing that he got under your skin? You are not his teacher. (Or at least I hope you aren't. That would open a different can of worms.) Do not write to him again, and do not reply to future texts. Only rarely is it worthwhile to circle back to crime scenes (other than for Mark Harmon on "NCIS") or soured romances. Keep bad boyfriends in your rearview mirror. Unwelcome Commentary My 13-year-old son held the door open for a family that was leaving a crowded store. The father said, "Thank you." My son did not reply. Then the father said, "You're welcome." He proceeded to tell his children in a loud and exaggerated voice, "When someone says "thank you," always say "you're welcome." " It seemed like a nasty thing to do to a child who had just been helpful. Is it rude not to say "you're welcome"? Jennifer, Waccabuc, N.Y. When we are kind to strangers and they bother to thank us (admittedly, a rare one-two punch), it's nice to smile or nod or say "you're welcome." It completes the arc of politeness. But the original good turn is still the main thing. Here, the father who spoke with the express purpose of embarrassing the boy was pedantic and rude. And in my etiquette book, there are few offenses worse than making a probably already self-conscious adolescent even more so. A Clean Break I was 15 minutes into my treadmill run when a man got onto the machine next to me. His body odor was so bad that I could taste it with every inhalation. It was prime workout time, so changing machines was not an option. Is there any way to let someone know that they need to launder their clothes? Christina, New York If you knew Mr. McSmelly, we could probably come up with something tactful for you. But when it comes to strangers on treadmills (or worse, elliptical machines) during peak gym hours, criticism may lead to explosions far worse than stench. Silently thank this malodorous man for pushing you to run faster (and to step off the treadmill sooner) and mention the problem to the person behind the desk. This is why gym managers are paid the big bucks.