A Mystery in Father's Clothing I am a lesbian in my early 30s. Ever since I came out to my father several years ago, he has been pretty lousy about my sexuality: dismissive at first, then judgmental and condescending. That is, until he met his new girlfriend, who happens to have a gay son. Now, like magic, my partner and I are honored guests whenever we visit. I'd like to slap him across the face for his transparent, new acceptance. But I am hoping you have a better way to handle this. Jessica, Queens Speaking of dads (it is Father's Day, after all), mine was a relentless whistler: in the car, on the stairs, walking the dog around the block - like living with a teakettle. But it wasn't until after he died that I learned the lyrics to his old-time ditties, one of which (courtesy of Cy Coleman and Dorothy Fields) may be just right for you: "It's not where you start, it's where you finish. It's not how you go, it's where you land. Not so long ago (and certainly when your father was coming of age), being gay or lesbian didn't exactly win you a round of applause in most quarters. Still, right-thinking folks opined that the key to greater acceptance would lie in everyday interactions with gay family members, co-workers and friends. That sounds exactly like what's happening with your dad. Perhaps he was slow to come around, or perhaps he's trying to live up to his girlfriend's example, or she gave him a stern talking-to. Maybe he's a miserable homophobe in sheep's clothing. We'll never know. But he is treating you well now, is he not? So do nothing, except try to give him the benefit of the doubt. This is a fast-moving area, and he is your father. My hunch is that the more gay people he meets, the more he'll see we are not "honored guests," but just as great (and lousy) as everyone else he knows. Reading Between Shows I rely on Hulu and Netflix to watch most television shows, months and sometimes years after they've aired. Even when I watch original broadcasts on the West Coast, my Facebook feed is filled with comments from East Coast friends who ruin surprises for me hours before the shows run out here. Is it my responsibility to avoid spoilers, or should others be more cautious when revealing plot turns? Anne, Seattle I hear you. I have barely forgiven my mother for blurting out that Matthew Crawley was (spoiler!) Downton dead just as I clicked on my DVR. Over the long term (that is, after we've each had our fun spoiled a few times, and accidentally spoiled our friends" pleasure in return), we will hopefully become more sensitive about revealing unexpected plot twists. Until then, simply avoid Facebook, Twitter and all blurt-prone people. And don't be shy about interrupting conversations (in your case) with: "I don't know who shot J.R. yet, so please don't spill the beans." Eliminating Thought Bubbles I am a man who has been in a committed relationship with a woman for five years. We stay at her house during the week and at mine on the weekends. At her house, I clear the table, wash and dry the dishes and dispose of trash, etc. But she rarely helps at my place. She may wash the dishes occasionally, or rinse them and leave them in the sink. What is your advice for handling this uneven and manipulative situation? Anonymous Unless you and your girlfriend have taken monastic vows of silence, why not speak with her about it? This can't be the first problem to have cropped up in five years. Some night, when the two of you are watching Lucy Ricardo on television (another spoiler, Anne from Seattle!) after she's given birth to Little Ricky, say gently: "I think I do more housework at your place than you do at mine. Can we talk about it? There may be good reason. She may say: "Because I do all the cooking and laundry." In which case, be quiet because you're getting off easy. Or she may not be aware of the disparity; so discuss it. But your use of "manipulative" suggests suspicion of a deeper motive: perhaps a desire to stay at her home exclusively or to deepen your commitment. Still, why assume? Discuss that, too. No Follow-Up Questions My daughter was married three months ago, and a number of our guests have still not delivered their wedding gifts. She is anxious to write her thank-you notes. May I gently remind these people that my daughter is waiting for their gifts? I commend your daughter on her prompt note-writing. But when it comes to wedding gifts, the operative word is "gift," a voluntary token. They are not tickets to entry (like pastel stubs at the multiplex) or itemized bills at the end of restaurant meals. They are voluntary, really. So, in answer to your question: You may never follow up with guests about their gifts to your daughter - unless you want to be super-tacky, in which case, swing for the fences and check in daily.