Anti-pervert hairy stockings: The latest must-have for your handbag? Hair stockings, anyone? Forget a hair shirt, or even a hair belt - they're so Tudor - no, the hot trend for young women this summer is a pair of leggings that make the wearer look like they've lost their Ladyshave and embraced a more natural look. Are they a fashion item, or a deterrent? It is difficult to tell - perhaps they are both. Indeed, many men find the garments worn at the higher end of the fashion world a deterrent in any case (straight-jacket and transparent kilt on a first date, anyone?), so there is already some degree of crossover. They first appeared on a microblogging Chinese site Sina Weibo (China's version of Twitter), and have become a viral sensation, with one user @HappyZhangJiang describing them as "anti-pervert stockings." Trend-watcher ChinaSMACK has offered them to the world, and the world has said, "urgh, gross." In fact what will happen is that all those nice, feminist men who pride themselves on being above their own cultural conditioning will be buying the drinks, and the old misogynists will leave the ladies alone - the successful suitors will be a pleasantly self-selecting group of males who are intellectual, lentil-eating, gentle and good at listening. The sex will be awful, of course, but it will be ever so respectful. And yet, undaunted, I have ordered a dozen pairs. It is to be my new summer look. With magazines everywhere offering their usual seasonal diet of "getting your best bikini body for summer" and "are your legs/feet/toes ready for the sun," I think this is a very desirable alternative to all the feverish exfoliating, moisturising, fake-tanning and subsequent weeping that accompanies a British heatwave. Let's just admit what we are - great apes in cotton dresses - and live accordingly. It would all be so much more relaxing, and perhaps without the attendant neuroses and maintenance that we ladies have to endure for the summer months, men and women would get along much better - if you are covered in hair, you have nothing to hide. The more I think about it, the more I think these hairy stockings could solve a lot of problems. Relationships will be more honest; flirtation truer to our animal instincts; al fresco sex will be ... warmer. My only question is, where can I get a whole bodysuit?