The men too tired to have sex Elaine George: "There is a myth that all Aussie men want sex 24/7." Bill Shadworth* used to have passionate sex with his wife. Then three kids came along and that passion dwindled to "friendly affection." Yet while Mr Shadworth, 45, is more focused on kindling affection with his wife of 14 years by reading poetry and holding hands, she still wants sex several times a week, a desire he is unable to match. The mismatch in desire has created great tension in their relationship. "If I was approaching things tentatively and I was flaccid, she would think it was a problem," Mr Shadworth said. She thought sex should happen naturally and when it didn't, she blamed me. Sex is a way of keeping social bonds close. If you don't have it, then the relationship isn't harmonious. One in six Australian men wants sex only once a month or less, often because they are too tired and stressed, new research shows. More than 300 men in their relationship for at least a year participated in a University of Sydney PhD study into male desire. While nearly half said they wanted sex every day, and a quarter wanted it twice to three times a week, 16 per cent wanted sex once a month or less. "It's not always the woman whose libido goes out the window; sometimes it can be the man," researcher and Sexology Australia director Elaine George said. There is a myth that all Aussie men want sex 24/7 and if they don't there is something wrong with their virility and masculinity. This research suggests that for one in every six couples the woman is likely to have higher desire than men. Forty-six per cent of the men whose interest in sex had declined in the past six months blamed stress and fatigue. These were far more likely to be cited than dissatisfaction with their partner, relationship problems, medication or illness. "They are the two major [passion] killers for women [but] we assume that men who have a stressful day at the office come home and use sex as a stress release or tension breaker," Ms George said. Some do, but some retreat and shut down. Low female libido tends to be caused by fatigue, the arrival of a new baby or oestrogen depletion (due to breastfeeding or menopause). Clinical psychologist Lissa Johnson said couples were more likely to view low male libido as a problem and seek help. Dr Johnson said men often felt ashamed of their lack of sexual desire and guilt about letting their partner down, while women with higher libido felt rejected, undesirable and unloved. Mr Shadworth thinks it is unrealistic to expect men to be full of endless sex drive. "You hope desire never fades, it just changes," he said. That's what I'm working on, that's what I'm hoping for. Not his real name.