Robinson: I thought of suicide Former Essendon fitness coach Dean Robinson says he has contemplated suicide since the AFL club stood him down. Robinson also claims the Bombers effectively kicked him out on the street when their anti-doping crisis broke on February 5. He resigned from Essendon last week and is planning legal action against the club. Robinson said the only thing that stopped him trying to kill himself was his family. He and wife Tori are the parents of two sets of twins aged under four. "There were numerous days where I thought about suicide," a tearful Robinson told Channel Seven in a paid interview. I've chosen the knife, chosen exactly how I'd do it and been within seconds of it. The worst thing is walking in and seeing my kids and realising that everything I've worked for ... Essendon (are) targeting me. The only thing that pulled me out was seeing my little girl. The impact on my family has been the worst. Tori said they are selling their house because of their legal costs. Robiinson said she had needed to go to hospital twice because of the stress they have been under. "I just got to the point one day where I woke up and could not function," Tori said. I just was so numb I couldn't feel a thing. Robinson claims no-one from the club has spoken to him since February 5 and adds Essendon are trying to make him a scapegoat. "What have I done that's deserving of this?," he said. I'm getting thrown out by Essendon to probably protect their favourite son (coach James Hird). They say they should give natural justice to James Hird - where's mine? Robinson added his biggest mistake was leaving AFL club Geelong, where he also worked in the fitness department before eventually joining Essendon. He said he had apologised to his wife "many, many times" for putting their family in this situation. Robinson said he agreed to the interview with Seven to tell his side of the story. I've been handcuffed for too long - I've been restricted. People deserve to hear what really went on, I'm risking my credibility ... my career. He said he cannot forgive Essendon for the toll the saga has taken on his family. Asked he thought he had done anything wrong as a key figure in Essendon's supplements program last year, Robinson said he only followed orders. "I followed the directive I was gtiven by the head coach (Hird), as long as it was within the rules," he said. That's what I was there for.