Ashes 2013: what if Fred Trueman and Jimmy Anderson could chat? Anderson: James. And it's down to 29 now. Trueman, puffing on pipe: I'll tell you summat, sunshine. As a Lancashire lad, you remind me of Gentleman George, my old opening partner Brian Statham. You can't bowl properly but you've got a bit of his flexibility, Jim lad - double-jointed, tha' nos. Can you put your sweater on and pull it down past your backside in one go like what he could? Anderson: We don't have sweaters any more. They're more like tracksuit tops. Trueman: Unbelievable. Un-ber-bloody-live-a-ble. You'll be telling me next that you don't bowl 1,000 overs a season for Lancashire, like what I did for Yorkshire. Or that England go round with an analyst and she's a bloody woman! Anderson: Hey, Gemma Broad. Do you know her? Trueman: Un-be-liev-able. I don't know what's going off down there. Anderson: Anyway, aren't I just as good a bowler as you were, as I bowl mid-80s and can reverse-swing it, which never happened in your day... Trueman (with thunderous brow): Now listen 'ere, Jim lad. In t'Bradford League we had a bowler called Dan Woodhouse and back in 1948 he showed me 'ow to soak one side of t'ball. We just called it swing in my day, none of your airy-fairy hocus-pocus willy-nilly reversing nonsense. Anderson: We don't soak it, Fred. We've moved on. Nudge and a wink, know what I mean? Trueman: Hell fire. Well, I suppose it were a good ball what you bowled that Michael Clarke with. But what about this Ashton bloody Agar? You can't call thissen a fast bowler if you're carted all round Trent Bridge by a number eleven, can you Jim lad? Anderson: He batted all right, not like a number eleven. Trueman: I'd've bounced s*** out of t'lad then given him my swinging yorker and knocked out his poles. Anderson: Hang on. Somebody told me you bounced the s*** out of Peter Burge in the Headingley Test in 1964, except he kept on hooking you and made a big hundred, and you lost the Test for England? Trueman: Hmmmph. Anderson: And how many England victories over Australia did you play in? Trueman: Well, nah then, Jim lad. Let me count them. Pause while Fred puffs on pipe. Four - as it happens. Anderson: Well, Trent Bridge was my sixth Ashes win. Anderson: And now many Test wickets do you take in Asia? Trueman: I never went on any bloody tour of Asia. I was saved for the important tours - to Australia and West Indies. Anderson: Not much in the wickets when you're bowling in India, Fred. Trueman: I'm still the finest bloody fast bowler that ever drew breath, tha knows, Jim lad. Trueman: Ok, James. Listen, you're not bad for a Lancastrian medium-pacer. Now show me how you hold t'ball for that reverse-inswinger...