Young under threat from tidal wave of porn THESE days, smart phones put XXX-rated videos in the pocket of every teenager. Don't fool yourself that our teens and 20-somethings aren't watching porn. A recent Australian study suggests that more than 90 per cent of 13 to 16-year-old boys, and 60 per cent of girls the same age, have been exposed to pornography online. They're not just watching it, though, they're using it as a sexual primer, teaching them about what to expect from their sexual relationships. What that means will probably shock you: it means they're learning that rough, sexist, brutal sex is not only normal, but expected. Nowadays, pornography has an emphasis on oral sex, group sex, rough sex and many other things I can't write about in a family newspaper. In pornography today, girls must be willing, subservient, and do whatever the male wants her to do. Boys are expected to take the lead, be forceful and push the limits. As one veteran porn industry performer put it, porn is now more about sexual "circus acts" than anything else. Deakin University research shows that acts of aggression are commonplace in pornography: 88 per cent of scenes show physically violent acts such as slapping, gagging or choking. And, of course, 94 per cent of the aggression is directed towards women, usually with a neutral or positive response so that if you didn't know any better, you'd think she liked it. It goes to show how much things have changed from when I was young. A quick red-faced flick through a pretty tame edition of Playboy found once on holidays was the sum total of my exposure to pornography until well into my 20s. I learnt about sex from Dolly Doctor and the sealed section of Cleo, which was very, very innocent by today's standards. To see the difference, check out some of the pornography around today - for research purposes, of course. We need to know what our young people are dealing with so we can help them negotiate the brutal world they're growing up in. Last week I sat down with documentary filmmakers Maree Crabbe, an adolescent sexuality expert, and David Corlett, who hosted Go Back to Where You Came From. They have made a documentary called Love and Sex in an Age of Pornography. It's being shown on SBS2 on Friday night at 9.45pm and is well worth a look. It draws on interviews with 140 young people, porn stars, managers, and directors - including Hustler's Larry Flynt - and is eye-opening. It will leave you in no doubt about the role that porn plays in many young people's lives. As one 20-year-old female explained: "Boys, definitely, watch porn and then expect something like that to be done in real life." As Sara, 20, puts it, boys think girls "should be able to do what the porn star does." We learn that pornography is rife in high schools, with boys sitting in the back row in class just so they can watch X-rated clips on their phones. From porn they learn that girls should be "filthy and promiscuous" and boys have to be domineering and aggressive. Don't be under any misapprehension that your little darling is immune from this. As Chelsea, 22, says in the documentary: "It's harder to escape it than to watch it." The documentary also spells out what adults take for granted, but what may not be fully understood by teenage viewers: that porn actors are just doing it for the money. That they often don't enjoy it. That they don't have that sort of sex in their own personal lives. That the male actors may take viagra before a scene. That female actors have to "train" their body to do certain things. As one female porn performer says: "Men are tearing women apart. I can't imagine how they would think that feels good. The male actors agree, with one pointing out they "have to be very rough with the girl and take charge." THE documentary also shows males are often the driving force behind the use of porn as a sexual manual in real life. The young women say porn makes it harder to say "no" to the things they're not comfortable with, because sex is all about the male being pleasured, not the female. As Sara notes: "You just have to act like it's amazing." That is why, although it is confronting, I welcome the Victorian Education Department helping to give our teenagers some tools to navigate the aggressive, sexist and negative pornographic images they're watching every day. Properly trained teachers are well placed to help their students negotiate the pornographic minefield and to analyse the images they're seeing. Of course, schools should ensure that any material is age-appropriate and culturally appropriate for the kids in each setting. Our young people need to understand that despite what porn clips may be teaching them, they need to negotiate consent with each other, ask permission and make sure the other person is fully comfortable with what's occurring. That is the basis of respectful relationships. Parents also have a vital role in helping their teenager have respectful, satisfying relationships and the documentary provides a good starting point for discussion about the role porn is playing in their lives. As a parent, I'm trying not to be in denial. I'd like to think that when they're older, my children will be among the minority who will still be watching the family movie channel well into their teens. But chances are they'll be watching RedTube rather than Red Dog and I know I need to help them swim against the tide of the pornographisation of sex. Love and Sex in an Age of Pornography will air on SBS2, July 26 at 9.45pm.