Are you a woman who wants to get ahead? Then stop doing all of these things. Right now. Be kind. Be good. Work hard. They're among the most common lessons taught to young girls by well-meaning parents. But when that little girl becomes a woman in the workplace, they can really limit her potential to get ahead. That's the take home message from Dr Lois Frankel, the American best-selling author and executive coach who arrived in Sydney this week to lead a workshop run by women's networking group Business Chicks. Well actually, it was one of many messages Dr Frankel managed to squeeze into the two hour workshop aimed at preventing women from sabotaging their own career prospects. Dr Frankel said that boys are often taught to be fearless, competitive and tough - ready to hide their feelings and put themselves first. While girls are told to behave themselves, be good, be nice and be aware of the needs of others. And it's that distinction that's ultimately responsible for the inequality of the modern workplace. According to Dr Frankel women who want to get ahead need to break that cycle and lose what she describes as the 'nice girl image' and be assertive. We need to unlearn the lessons of childhood. They restrict us," she said. "That doesn't mean you walk all over everyone else to get what you want," she said. The workplace is a game. You have to play to win and to do that properly you need to understand the rules. Each workplace comes with a different set of rules but Dr Frankel said there are several unconscious things most women do that prevent them from getting where they want to be. But get rid of them and Dr Frankel insists we'll be well on our way to getting ahead. Make yourself heard. Don't ask a question. Make a statement and then back it up with facts. Ask questions instead of making a statement When you lead in with a question you give someone the opportunity to immediately disagree with you. Instead, put your idea out there first. Be courageous about the thing you most want to achieve and make everyone understand it. Eg: I strongly think we should implement this strategy and here are three reasons why. Avoid negotiation Good negotiation is a communication. Go into every negotiation knowing exactly what you want to come out with. Don't be afraid to promote your value and your worth. Be clear, upfront and decisive. Tolerate jerks We often put up with someone or a situation far longer than we should. Do this for too long and we run the risk of exploding. You don't have to be unkind to the person who treats you badly; you just have to set boundaries. Be honest about how much you can achieve and offer the person choices. For example, "I am happy to do that for you but with the resources I have available it will take me this much time." Keep your hand in the money pot at home. You need to know where your finances are at. Act like a financial ostrich Women often say "I don't need to be rich I just want to be comfortable." That's usually because we separate the idea of doing good work and getting paid well. You need to aim for having enough money to live your life the way you want, free from concerns about anything. Also, always keep your hand in the money pot at home. Know exactly how much money comes in and comes out. You always need to know what's going on. Forgetting that you have to compete to win Aim high. True workplace gains are made on the edge of the boundaries. Learn the rules of your organisation and look beyond them if you want to succeed. Perfect perfection Know when good enough is good enough. Don't fuss over something. Get it out, get it done and move on. Volunteering Don't offer to organise anything that has a low pay-off for you either professionally or personally. Only volunteer for things that are close to your heart or high profile. Any work you do must get you in front of the decision makers. Over-explain As an adult there is no reason for you to justify why you need something. We often try and fill the silences with apologies to soften our message. Don't do that. Use an economy of words. Example: I need to take Friday off for personal reasons. If you need anything done before then please let me know and I will arrange to take care of it. Also, engage more in active listening. The tiara syndrome Don't expect praise for your work. Always present a business case for what you want and what you set out to achieve. Don't just expect to be handed a tiara for your efforts.