No Is All You Need I made a reservation for my wife and me at our favorite restaurant. We were really looking forward to it. I casually mentioned our plans to an acquaintance, and the next day, he told me he had called the restaurant, changed our reservation from two people to four. He then asked, "Would it be O.K. if we joined you?" I didn't know what to say. I was so astonished that I agreed. But we don't know this couple very well and soon began dreading a long night of stilted conversation. Was there any way around his maneuver? Anonymous, Louisville, Ky. Mr. Nervy, party of one! Sorry your dinner was hijacked, but there is a four-star upside here. The pushiest among us have an amazing lesson to teach: An invitation (even when it feels like a gun to the head) is still just a question. And "no" is nearly always an acceptable answer. Next time, try, "Dinner isn't going to work for us that night, but let's make a date soon." Then stop talking. That's the secret ingredient. No need for elaborate excuses or convoluted back stories, just no, thank you, with an optimistic prognosis for the future. You'll be amazed at how effective it is. Even the congenitally nice and those prone to unwarranted feelings of guilt can pull it off. You may even be grateful to your pushy pal for putting this screwdriver in your toolbox (indirectly, anyway). As for him, he and his wife must really like you to have horned in on your dinner this way. So try not to hold a grudge. He may come in handy when you're trying to push your way onto small lifeboats (or exclusive Kentucky Derby parties). Healing Old Wounds Three years ago, my same-sex partner and I decided to marry. I called a favorite aunt to give her the news. Her response was a heavy sigh, followed by the statement, "I'm glad you guys have a good life, but marriage is for a man and a woman." I was upset by her uncaring comment and haven't spoken to her since. I miss her, but I'm not sure how (or if) I should re-establish contact. Any thoughts? David, Boston You know that old wives" tale that one dog year is equivalent to seven human years? Well, one gay-marriage year (lately, anyway) is like 15 years of any other social issue. Who's ever seen a cause move so swiftly? And who knows where your aunt stands three years later - or cares, frankly? She tempered her silly remarks about same-sex marriage with happiness for you and your husband. And can't you take a little solace in the fact that we're winning? Call her up and tell her you miss her. And skip the same-sex marriage debate. There aren't enough people in the world who love us (and whom we love back) to start cutting out those who disagree with us on developing social issues. And the more time you and hubby spend with her, the more she'll see we're like everyone else in the world - only with better taste. Kidding. An Act of Discretion My son, a secular Jew, works for an Orthodox Jewish partner at a law firm. Recently, he was called into the boss's office and noticed that the boss wasn't wearing a skullcap. This was the first time in six months there that he had seen him with his head uncovered. My son looked around the room, thinking it may have fallen off, to no avail. Would it have been polite to mention the missing skullcap? Sandy, East Northport, N.Y. Orthodox Jewish men keep their heads covered as a sign of humility in the face of God. But like the rest of us, they are only human - and occasionally forget to don them (or suffer windy mishaps). If I wore a skullcap, I would take it as a kindness if someone pointed out that it was missing. So, that's one yes vote. But if your son felt uncomfortable, it may have been for good reason. Their relationship may not extend to easy observations about each other's religious practices. And it wouldn't be impolite to let it slide. Say It With Feeling My boyfriend and I are 17. He corrects my grammar constantly when we're talking, which makes me feel bad. He doesn't do it in front of other people. But still, do you think it would be O.K. to tell him that it bothers me? Anonymous, New York Of course, it's O.K. In fact, I insist you speak up. But I also insist that you head to your English teacher for some extra homework because I corrected two errors in your short question alone. Say: "I love that you're trying to help me. But I don't think you're the best person for the job. It hurts my feelings. Then drive home your point by taking him to see the adorable Kyle Riabko (and his talented posse) in "What's It All About? Bacharach Reimagined" at New York Theater Workshop. Give your beau's leg a squeeze when they get to "Don't Make Me Over." Because when we love someone, it's faults and all.