Fifty shades of lame and other First World problems Please do something wrong Cate... please. Just one slip. The start of the year is a good time to compile a dishonour roll of words and phrases that have crept into our parlance and must be banished immediately, lest they spawn a new entry in the Macquarie ("Misogyny Updated" Edition). Hipster. Hipster used to mean a state of mind - a reference to a person's non-mainstream politics, musical taste and fashion. Now it just means a guy with an unkempt beard living in the inner city who rides a retro bike, votes green and probably snorts coke off his recycled timber coffee table. That'd be cool, unique and hipsterish and all if there weren't thousands of clones doing just the same thing. So enough with "hipster" cafes, restaurants, bars. They can't be hipster if you're saying they are, OK? Kim Kardashian... Kim, Kourtney, Khloe... Don't care. Do. Not. Care. First World problems. Or #firstworldproblems or #FWP! Often inserted as a self-conscious acknowledgment that whatever came before it was vacuous and materialistic and compared with the starving children in Africa or single mothers trying to feed five kids on a Newstart allowance probably isn't that much of a problem at all. Exhibit A: "Got my aircon on because I can't be bothered changing over to my summer Doona. #firstworldprobs!" 50 shades of ... E.L. James proved that woefully written prose ("His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel ... or something.") is no barrier to the women of the world indulging their secret fantasies of a rich, handsome man doling out some PG-rated S&M. But it also launched one of the most annoying cultural riff-offs of all time. 50 Shades of Chicken. 50 Shades of Summer. 50 Shades of Black. 50 Shades of Different Ways to Use a Popular Book's Title in a Headline or Ad Campaign. Abbreviated celebrity names. J-Law. Scar-Jo. K-Stew. R-Patz. For the record, Jennifer Lopez coined J-Lo herself. For her music, when she was trying to bust out of the Bennifer phase, and who could blame her? It's not OK for journos or "celebrity bloggers" to invent their shortened, annoying versions of makeshift rap names for young celebs. If in doubt, ask yourself: what would Cate Blanchett do? Speaking of ... Cate Blanchett. C'mon, don't say you haven't thought for just one moment you'd like to see the never-a-hair-out-of-place, luminously skinned, always-picks-interesting-roles, got-perfect-marriage-and-kids- and perfect-dress-for-her skin-tone, figure, the red carpet etc make a wrong move, just once in her life? A squirt too much Botox? A public spat with her hubby? Declare she once ate non-organic kale? Give us something, Cate! Even Angelina put a pretty foot wrong with that leg-ajar stance at the Oscars last year. In that moment, She of the Perfectly Symmetrical Face became relatable to us heathens. Please, Cate, for the love of our withered self-esteem, screw up something once in your life. Kardashian, anything. Kim. Kourtney. Khloe. Kevin. Stop. Alcohol-fuelled violence. So what if it's alcohol-fuelled or ice-fuelled or steroid-fuelled or I Don't Like Mondays-fuelled? or My T-shirt's Too Tight and I Want to Cave Someone's Head In-fuelled? It's violence. Doesn't need a qualifier. Dominate. Watch or read any sports bulletin and you'll note "dominate" is the Powerball word - inserted at every occasion, for every occasion. There's an app for that. Usually inserted after someone says wistfully they wish they could do something. Wish I could push a button and magically manifest hot single people within a three-kilometre radius who just want to have no-strings-attached wanton sex with me right now! Oh, um ... really? Heh, heh. Well, maybe not right now. Be careful what you wish for. Giving back. Why are you doing this run/telethon/midnight nudie swim for charity? I wanted to give something back. Your house? Your four investment properties? Your collection of Mad magazines circa 1977? Probably not, huh? What you're doing is giving. It's OK to say it. You're contributing your time, money, support, whatever to help make something or someone in the world better. Don't feel ashamed about your success - just spread the love without expecting anything in return. It's called giving. Don't overcomplicate it. Ahhh, I feel better already. Diana Elliott is a Melbourne writer.