A Puppy Predicament - NYTimes.com I am in my late 20s and have devoted my adult life to saving homeless animals. I work at a shelter, volunteer and even started a rescue organization. I strive to prevent animals from being euthanized. One of my best friends just bought a puppy from a breeder. She has no allergies or any reason not to have adopted a dog. I feel betrayed and angry, and find it tone-deaf when she sends me pictures of the puppy. She knows I weep over animals I can't save. Am I right to think we're not compatible as friends? Allyson Right up top, let me thank you for your valuable work. Make sure you hear that part, O.K.? Because next I want to warn you about over-personalizing it, which may make you doctrinaire ("No friends with breeder puppies!") and less effective in your work. The pup is not your enemy; neither is your friend. Consider this: There are hundreds of thousands of orphans and children without permanent families in the United States alone. But you would never begrudge a couple for having their own child rather than adopting one, would you? We have so many reasons for the things we do; and as friends, our job is to try to understand each other without judgment. What's more, the best advocates communicate their passion in a way that draws folks in. That's how movements grow. So, instead of cutting this friend out of your life, go to her house and play with the puppy. Say: "He's adorable! But did you consider adopting a dog from the shelter? So many sweet animals need homes. And if we can't place them, they're often put down. Who knows? She may have room for a second pooch (or at least some dough for your rescue fund). A Piece of Cake? Our extended family celebrates the children's birthdays with bimonthly dinners. My mother always makes a special request about her cake portion: "Not so big!" Just a sliver. Half that much! Often, having eaten the requested amount, she can be found cutting herself another piece. After long evenings entertaining large crowds, her requests annoy me. May I tell her to serve herself from now on? Katie, St. Paul I once read (and can testify firsthand) that a disproportionate number of car accidents happen in the last miles of our journeys, with our destination nearly in sight. That's where you are, Katie, once the cake and ice cream have appeared: almost home free. No fender-benders on my watch! Just smile (as best you can) and serve your annoying mother the teensy-weensy slices she desires. Table Talk Lately, even when I have a reservation at a restaurant and arrive on time, it doesn't guarantee my being seated at that time. Diners ahead of us pay their bills and remain seated for long periods, and the restaurants don't do anything about it. One place left my family (including two small children and my father with a walker) waiting for over an hour after our reservation time. Shouldn't the restaurant step in, or should diners be more mindful of those waiting? Gabrielle, New York City Restaurants are in the business of hospitality - both to you and the people at your table before you. They score no points by giving seated parties the bum's rush or making you wait forever and a day. Sadly, there is no science for determining the length of a meal. Some of us wolf; others savor. So reservations are just approximations. Cold comfort, I know, when your rugrats are squirming and Grandpa's knees are buckling. If you consistently wait for tables, your restaurants are probably not allowing sufficient time between reservations, or seating walk-ins too close to your arrival. Neither is the fault of the diners ahead of you. If a restaurant pulls this twice (and you're not the type for a drink at the bar), vote with your feet and find a new watering hole. But once the party ahead of you has paid, and still lingers at the table for 20 minutes (and your reservation time has come and gone), ask the maitre d" to buy them a drink at the bar so you can sit down. That's hospitality for everyone. Surprise! I want to invite 20 friends to my birthday party at a friend's restaurant. How do I indicate that I am not paying for the meal? And can I suggest gifts that I might actually use? Anonymous Some folks won't fancy footing the bill when they are guests, but it's your party. Spare yourself (and your guests) the aggravation of dividing a check by 20 (after 6 guests have left early). Pick a three-course menu with your restaurateur pal (with a couple of options for each course) and ask him to estimate the amount of wine you'll need. Now he can calculate a price per head, and you can let your friends know how much they will be expected to chip in before they R.S.V.P. On the invite, write: "Dinner with wine will cost $50 per person, including tip." And if you say another word about gifts, I will burst through the computer and spank you. For help with your awkward situation, send a question to SocialQ@nytimes.com or SocialQ on Facebook. You can also address your queries on Twitter to @SocialQPhilip. Please list a daytime phone number.