Lord McAlpine: my reputation will never recover from paedophilia slurs He added he did not know what was being said about him on Twitter until it was "spread all over the world," saying it left him "in a state of total shock." Lord McAlpine also hinted he had his "own ideas" about how the story came into the public domain. He declined to elaborate or blame anyone, saying: "I strongly feel people ought to be damn sure about something before they air it." He acknowledged rumours had been published in other outlets but suggested the Newsnight piece carried more weight, saying: "Strangely enough, all over the world, people believe the BBC to be one, or possibly the only, honest voice." His reputation will never recover, he told BBC Radio 4"s The World at One. It can't be repaired. It can be repaired to a point," he said. "But there is a British proverb which is insidious and awful where people say "there's no smoke without a fire," you know, 'he appears to be innocent, but...'" It's very difficult and so this is the legacy that sadly the BBC have left me with. I'm 70 years old, I've got a very dicky heart. And, so I don't want to die. Not for another 20 years at least, but I don't see it going away completely. He said his wife had been "upset" and "furious" at hearing the allegations. Members of his family, who work in business and charities, have seen their reputations damaged as well. He had not initiallly intended to issue a statement, he said, but was compelled to do so by the scale of accusations. He credited Boris Johnson's "extraordinary" Telegraph article with helping to change the tone of coverage, after the Mayor of London wrote that to call someone a paedophile was to "consign them to the lowest circle of hell - and while they're still alive." "I think it describes pretty much what happened to me in the first few days of this event," Lord McAlpine said. It gets in to your bones. It gets into, it makes you angry. And that's extremely bad for you to be angry. And it gets into your soul. You just think there's something wrong with the world. What really shattered me was when all of a sudden this has spread all over the world. It's a bit frightening when you suddenly find the depth of knowledge about this libel. He added the reality of the allegations was now beginning to sink in, leaving them permanently on his mind and part of his life. Even now, when we go away and I go to bed for the night and I go to sleep, I wake up in the morning and I'll still wonder about this thing. It'll still be on my mind," he said. It becomes part of your conversation, it becomes part of your life. There is nothing as bad as this that you can do to people. He praised his accuser, Steve Messham, for deciding to apologise publicly. This was beyond my comprehension. I was very grateful that he said this," he said. I actually have deep sympathy with him. He's obviously a man who has suffered a lot in his life. I've been blessed in my life. I've been very lucky. But he's had a terrible time. He added he did not wish to meet him, preferring instead to "get this over." Lord McAlpine is expected to agree a settlement with the BBC today. His lawyers are preparing action against ITV and Twitter users who linked his name to the false allegations.