Britain in brief - Telegraph A spokesman for Beckham refused to comment on the matter today. Mr Key was not available for comment, but told breakfast television: "That is someone that thinks they have overheard a conversation I have had." Asked if that meant he was denying he had called Beckham thick, Mr Key said: "No, what I am saying is that somebody has overheard a personal conversation and that's their recollection of it. Hawk attacks Jack Russell DUNDEE: A Jack Russell dog is fighting for life after its tongue was ripped out by a hawk. Four-year-old pet Ollie was enjoying a walk with owner Ian Farquhar when a Harris hawk, which was being trained, swooped and attacked him. The bird of prey sank its talons into the dog before ripping off his tongue. Ian Gardener, 47, now faces the decision of whether to have his pet put down after being told by vets that he will have to be hand-fed for the rest of his life. Hawk trainer, Dundee council worker Colin Kirk said the attack was an 'unfortunate accident' and said that he would respect any request to have the one-year-old hawk put down. It was quite a nasty injury, this chap was understandably jumping up and down. Laptop sperm shock CLANFIELD, HANTS: An electrician was surprised to find out he could not conceive because his sperm was heat-damaged by his laptop. Scott Reed, 30, of Hants, did not realise spending several hours a day with a computer on his lap was hindering his chances of having a baby. Mr Reed and wife Laura, 30, decided to visit their doctor after six-months of failing to get pregnant. The results came back that Scott's sperm had been heat-damaged. Sue Kenworthy, a biomedical andrologist at Queen Alexandra Hospital, Portsmouth, said: "The laptop would get really hot, which would have an effect on his sperm. I would say men should place the laptop on a table, rather than on their lap. Thursday, November 1 Bump in the night CROYDON: Police are staking out a lay-by after local astronomers said it was being used as a site for al-fresco liaons, with queues of traffic waiting to get 'a slot'. Members of the Croydon Astronomical Society, which has a observatory just a short walk from the 'dogging' site in Kenley, south London, have complained to police about the antics, which involve up to 12 cars a night. PCSO Kelly Evans told locals she had visited the site "to see if there were any heads popping up from inside cars." No arrests have been made. Simply the blast STAVERTON, GLOCS: Airport staff at Gloucestershire Airport are using the music of Tina Turner to scare birds from the runway. Turner's hits are played at high volume from a loudspeaker on top of a van which drives up and down the runway of the council-run airport to disperse flocks of gulls, in order to prevent birds striking aircraft. Head of Operations Darren Lewington said: "Normally we use the speakers on the top of the vehicle to play bird distress calls, but when our bird distress noises stopped working properly we found we could use Tina Turner just as effectively." Winehouse dress theft CAMDEN, N LONDON: Amy Winehouse's wedding dress, which was to be auctioned for charity, has been stolen from her home. The dress she wore to marry Blake Fielder-Civil in Miami in 2006 was stolen along with a newsprint cocktail dress she wore to perform on the BBC live music show Later With Jools Holland. The wedding dress could have raised up to £100,000 for her foundation which helps youngsters beat drugs and develop their music. The cocktail dress could have raised a further £30,000 at the auction later this year. A spokesman for the Amy Winehouse Foundation said the dresses were stolen from the performer's Camden home in north London but it is not believed the property was broken into. Because of the items' significance, it is thought they might have been stolen to order by someone entering the property during events after her death in July last year. The late Amy Winehouse and husband Blake Fielder-Civil Wednesday, October 31 Halloween horror WIGAN: This is the moment armed robbers dressed in clown masks raided a jewellers. Three men, armed with crowbars and a hammer got out of a stolent VW Golf at the edge of the shopping centre and walked a short distance into the jewellers before threatening staff and customers, including a pregnant woman. One of the men was wearing a clown mask with a red curly wig, the second man was wearing a Halloween style mask with a white dreadlock-type wig and the third man was wearing what was believed to be a clown mask with a black curly wig. They were also carrying charity collection buckets. Big kids DUNSTABLE: A clothes shop has started selling trousers with a waist size of up to 60 inches to cater for obese school children. Mick Radford, 63, who runs Big Stuff, said many of the pupils were looking for trousers with a waist size of 44 to 46 inches, which are not sold by other high street stores, and one boy required a 60-inch waist. "I started as a clothing store to cater for men, but the trend for larger school uniforms has increased over the last couple of years and has been especially noticeable this year," he said. If these sort of figures are the same nationwide it is quite frightening. Expensive as duck OSWESTRY: Britain's most expensive duck, known as the "Red Rum of wildfowl" has sold for a record £1,500. Big Dave, a three-year-old Muscovy drake sold at auction last Sunday. Poultry breeder Graham Hicks was given the bird as a retirement present from friends who clubbed together to prevent it going to another bidder. The average price for a duck in Britain is less than £50. Stanley defaced DENBIGH: A bronze statue of the African explorer who uttered the immortal words "Dr Livingstone, I presume?" has been defaced. A £31,000 figure of Sir Henry Morton Stanley was erected in his birthplace last year but has now been sprayed with white paint, in an apparent protest at his alleged abuse of Africans. Historians and academics claim Stanley supported the slave trade to "civilised worlds" and even slaughtered many Africans who challenged him. Poet Benjamin Zephaniah and transexual author Jan Morris joined a campaign to have the statue scrapped, claiming it represents British Imperialism at its worst. Cllr Gwyneth Kensler, chairman of the HM Stanley Commemorative Group, said: "A minority of people are trying to cause trouble because they believe they have the moral high ground. Stanley was not responsible for the atrocities under Kind Leopold II because he refused to carry out his orders and insisted the land belonged to the Africans. Zoo riot BARNSTAPLE: Police have donated riot shields to a zoo to help keepers to protect themselves from attack by over-aggressive cranes. Devon and Cornwall Police have donated two decommissioned and unwanted shields to Exmoor Zoo near Barnstaple, where staff had been pecked and kicked by "anti-social" cranes. Hangover cure MEDICAL: Christmas revellers have been offered a helping hand with an American hangover "cure" that claims to be second only to an "intravenous stuck in your arm." The Bytox Hangover Prevention Patch, invented by the US plastic and reconstructive surgeon Dr Leonard Grossman, has gone on sale in the UK following its launch in New York late last year. According to the packaging, the patch replenishes the vitamins and acids lost when consuming alcohol, although it has not received any official medical backing either here or in the US. It has, however, received glowing reviews from consumers who have posted on websites, with one writing: "I tried it twice. Both times after nine or 10 Martinis. I can only account for myself. It works great. Stroke recovery CHESHIRE: A benefits cheat who received over £17,000 by claiming he could barely walk faces jail after being caught completing a 15 mile triathlon. Anthony Connor, 39, said a debilitating stroke left him with a limp and he could only walk 75 metres in five minutes. He also said he needed help getting in and out of the bath and getting up and down the stairs. But investigators secretly filmed him swimming, cycling and running during the Tatton Park triathlon. Footage showed Connor whizzing past spectactors on his bicycle during a 19k sprint and later raising his arms in victory as he completed a 5k run. Defence lawyer Mr Chris Joseph said: "The recovery process, especially for something like a stroke, is complex." Tuesday, October 30 Magic mushrooms RETAIL: Mushrooms are now the second most popular item from vegetable aisles after potatoes and tomatoes following surge in sales in past year, research says. Shoppers spent more than £365 million in the last year on mushrooms - up 3.8 per cent on the previous year, and a record high - making it the nation's second most popular vegetable after potatos and tomatoes, according to new figures. Some 118,000 tonnes of mushrooms were sold last year, according to Kantar World Panel. Coke fiends WEASTE: Thieves smashed their way into a petrol station during a late night raid in order to steal two bottles of cola. Two men, one wearing yellow jeans, approached the petrol station kiosk and hurled abuse at the member of staff who was working the night shift. They then forced their way into the petrol station by driving open the shutters and kicking down a glass door. Police Constable Matt Galbraith said: "Working the night shift at a petrol station can be an uncomfortable experience, particularly when people leave pubs or clubs in a drunken state and are looking for food. However, the aggression, abuse and violence these men displayed is particularly shocking. Highland pains ISLE OF SKYE: A woman is poised to sue to Highland Games organisers after she was hit by a throwing hammer. Marion MacKenzie, 47, was assisting the judging of a dance competition at the Isle of Skye Games in August when the 28lb hammer flew through the tent and slammed into her side, catapulting her from her seat and leaving her with severe brusing to her ribs. Mrs MacKenzie is now speaking to solicitors as she fears someone could be killed with the games are not changed. Monday, October 29 Police injured by charging horses ROMFORD: Two police officers were taken to hospital today after five loose horses charged their unmarked vehicle. The Metropolitan Police were called at 5.15am to reports of horses out of control in Lower Bedfords Road, Romford, Greater London. Officers discovered five horses galloping down the road so they closed it in both directions. But as police and members of the public tried to contain the horses four of them charged the police vehicle and one horse collided with it, shattering the windscreen. The two police officers who suffered hand and wrist injuries were taken to Queen's Hospital, London by the London Ambulance Service. The horse that smashed into the police vehicle sustained fatal injuries and had to be put down by vets on the scene. Fitness to practise MANCHESTER: A district nurse who penned steamy tale of a health visitor bedding a dying patient before killing him faces disciplinary action after she sold her book to patients. Kathleen Pugh, 53, wrote a short story called 'Angel with Black Wings' about a nurse seducing a terminally ill man before administering a lethal injection, a tribunal heard. She advertised it for sale in a clinic's waiting room. Susan Kearns, Pugh's line manager, told a fitness to practise hearing: "One patient who bought the book told me she didn't like it and was disgusted by it." Twits DUNDEE: Police issued with smartphones in order to inform the public via Facebook and Twitter have instead used the platform to Tweet about doughnuts and their workload. Tayside Police equipped 80 community police officers with HTC handsets last month. In the first five weeks of the project, 31 of the 80 community officers involved in the project failed to post a single tweet. Of those that did, one Dundee-based officer took to the website to say "mmmm doughnuts," while another who had only just returned to work complained "I need a break." Unveiling the intiative in August, the force's head of digital media and communications Sarah Craig said that it is "essential" that police "keep pace with developing technology and embrace these tools." Protected meat NEWMARKET: Suffolk sausages have been granted protection putting them alongside Parma Ham, Champagne and Melton Mowbray pork pies. Newmarket Sausages are the 50th British food product to be awarded the Protected Geographical Indication by the European Commission. Only sausages produced in the town or the surrounding areas of Dullingham, Woodditton and Kirtling may carry the name and they must be at least 70 per cent meat. Friday, October 26 Autographs SOUTHAMPTON: An antiques dealer was found guilty of ten counts of fraud after duping unsuspecting collectors by forging the signatures in books of famous writers such as Winston Churchill and Robert Louis Stevenson. Allan Formhals found the books and magazines in car boot sales and a recycling centre, added the signature and then sold them on eBay as the real thing to collectors as far away as Texas, making thousands of pounds in the process. Police also found forged signatures from Oliver Cromwell, Elizabeth I and Marie Antoinette among others when the 66-year-old's home was searched. Repeat offender PLYMOUTH: One of Britain's most prolific shoplifters has been jailed for his 329th offence, committed the day after he was released from prison. Robert Knowles, 65, has been in court charged with theft virtually every year since 1959. He has been charged with 329 offences over seven decades and has been convicted 170 times. He was jailed for a year for stealing three Glenfiddich miniatures from a shop, despite carrying £135 in cash at the time. Lou Sellick, defending said: "This really is a case in which the phrase revolving door really does apply." Video nasty BRADFORD: A burglar who accidentally recorded a break-in on his own mobile phone is beginning a 44-month prison sentence. Emmanuel Jerome, 23, thought he was switching on the torch function on his mobile during the night-time raid on a house in Huddersfield last autumn in which tens of thousands of pounds of goods were taken. But instead he activated the video recording function. Police discovered the incriminating clips following Jerome's arrest at the scene of another crime. Foul mouthed teacher BLACKBURN: A foul mouthed teacher who constantly swore, threw a piece of wood across a classroom and told pupils he thought the deputy head was a vampire has been banned from the country's classrooms. Pupils claim Frank White, 61, also rubbed garlic on his hands and chased them around the classroom. He is alleged to have told one pupil: "If I were a member of Joe Public and money didn't change hands then I would probably rip off your head and s*** down your chuffing neck." Secretary of State for Education Michael Gove banned Mr White from teaching for at least the next four years. Teaching Agency deputy director Alan Meyrick said: "His behaviours fall significantly short of the standards expected." Roadside cows DRIVING: A fifth of Twitter users confess to tweeting whilst driving, new research from a money saving website has revealed. Many aren't aware of any laws relating to social media on the road, as a new poll found that 21% of Twitter users have admitted to tweeting whilst being in control of a moving vehicle. Respondents were asked to give reasons why they felt the need to tweet whilst on the road. 41% said they did so because they "were stuck in traffic"; whilst 37% said it was because they had something that they wanted to "share urgently." George Charles of VoucherCodesPro commented: "Save it for when you get to your destination. That hilarious picture of the cow you saw on the side of the road can wait. Thursday, October 25 Dope ABERDARE: A Vietnamese cannabis grower was caught after police found his homemade English dictionary and found it contained only words related to the drugs industry. Anh Dung Dang, 32, was caught by police with more than £300,000 worth of cannabis plants inside a disused shop, but he denied knowing what they were. Prosecutor Owen Williams said police discovered a self-penned Vietnamese into English phrase book - entitled "English to learn myself." Its vocabulary included the terms cannabis, drug, guilty, supply, operation, maintenance, pipework, evidence, investigation, prosecute, statement, convict and supplier. Dang claimed he had taken the terms from newspapers. He was jailed for 27 months. Legal action ABERYSTWYTH: A Welsh council is threatening to sue after the town's coat of arms was used on a web page of "sexual confessions." Hundreds of people, including many students, have posted steamy accounts onto the Facebook page called "Aberystwyth Confessions," which bears the Victorian town's official logo. Town clerk Jim Griffiths said: "We are currently taking legal action against the site originator. We wish to make very clear that the council totally disassociates itself from any action, comment or view expressed on these pages. An Aberystwyth University spokesman said: "The behaviour described in these posts is highly offensive and, in places, clearly illegal." Flock off HACKNEY, EAST LONDON: A housing association boss has come under fire after saying that people who want the "quiet life" should "go and live in Wales with some sheep." Ita Symons, the chief executive of Agudas Israel Housing Association, spoke out after bosses at Hackney Borough Council refused planning permission for "intrusive and overbearing" flats on the site of a former school. Mrs Symons said: "If people want to live in solitude without many neighbours they should go and live in Wales with some sheep." One resident said: "If it had been built it would have meant 300 people living on a piece of land barely bigger than a football pitch - we would have been crammed in like sardines." Coffee shop halted TOTNES: Costa Coffee has pulled out of a Devon town that prides itself on its array of independent shops. South Hams District Council had approved plans by Costa Coffee to open in Fore Street, Totnes. However, the company said it "recognised the strength of feeling" against the plans in a letter addressed to the "people of Totnes." The town has 41 independent coffee shots and is known for its "alternative" communities of therapists, artists and herbalists. Getaway HEATHROW: The airport has opened a pop-up park in Terminal 5 to give passengers a relaxing space, complete with soft grass, foliage, picnic benches, jasmine and rosemary bushes. It follows research that shows Britons take an average of eight days to relax while on holiday, while one in ten never switch off. Almost half of tourists check emails and voicemails while on leave. Banana republic SOUTHEND: A retired market trader has risked jail to expose what he says are huge flaws in the voting system. Terry Davis, 58, successfully registered for five polling cards despite living alone at his home in Leigh-on-Sea, Essex, allowing him five separate votes. Registering false names on the electoral register is punishable by a fine of up to £5,000 and six months imprisonment. Mr Davis said: "The system is open to corruption - it is like a Third World country system." Gender row BRIGHTON: A council may ban the use of the terms 'Mr' and 'Mrs' from official forms and paperwork because the titles could offend transgender people. The proposal resulted from an investigation by Brighton and Hove council. Campaigners said that the titles were "extremely outdated" and "assume people live in a binary world where you're either one thing or another." Deputy leader Cllr Phelim MacCafferty said: "Putting Mr and Mrs on a form is completely useless. This is an issue that concerns most institutions from banks to mobile phone companies. Wednesday, October 24 Beautiful but boring SCIENCE They may be popular at parties, but talking to beautiful people will be ultimately disappointing because they tend to be boring, a study has found. Physically attractive people tend to be less independent and tolerant than those less blessed with good looks. Psychologists set out to find out if attractive people really have attractive traits and values noting it was difficult to resist the temptation of assuming that a person's outward appearance reflects something meaningful about his or her inner personality. Research showed people tend to perceive attractive adults as more social, successful, and well-adjusted than less attractive adults, but actually tests found that the opposite was true. The study was conducted by the Open University and published in the journal Psychological Science. Lights out SUSSEX: Thousands of residents have been left in the dark because of a council blunder. East Sussex County Council spent months installing new sensors on more than 3,000 street lights to save cash. But officials discovered the hi-tech devices were not turning on at the correct time, and failed to recognise the clocks going forward and back. Now 3,300 sensors installed over the summer in Newhaven, Seaford, Peacehaven and Telscombe will need to be replaced at a cost of around £30 each. Peacehaven resident Vicci Baker, 58, said her husband, 62, fell from the front step of their home in Fox Hill after stepping out into pitch blackness at around 6am earlier this week. Savile row ISLINGTON, N LONDON: A gallery has opened an exhibition in honour of accused child abuser Jimmy Savile. The Bread and Butter Gallery invited artists to contribute sculptures, paintings and poetry to the free show, entitled the "Jimmy Savile Is Innocent Exhibition." Curator David West said it was in response to the "witch trial" around the disgraced star. He has not been found guilty in the eyes of the law. He added: "Up until now it has been 100 per cent positive from the public and artists." Wazza backs Bazza FOOTBALL: Wayne Rooney has revealed he is gripped by the US presidential race, and would vote for Barack Obama. The Manchester United striker revealed a hitherto unknown interest in politics and said he had watched all three late-night television debates between Mr Obama and Republican Mitt Romney. After taking part in United's 3-2 win over Braga on Tuesday, he wrote on Twitter: "Watched all the presidential debates. If I had to vote would vote Obama. Viva cut short LENTON, NOTTS: A Spice Girl's fan has been handed a six-week suspended prison sentence after continually out the girl band's number one hit Viva Forever over a period of two years. Gavin Townroe, 33, played the Girl Power group's 1998 love ballad so loudly that one nearby resident had to be signed off sick from work due to lack of sleep. Neighbour Salah Alsayed, 33, said: "Friday, Saturday, you don't mind, but seven days a week it's very difficult to deal with. I like music too - but not like that. Storm in a coffee cup LONDON: BBC staff are revolting over the quality of coffee at Broadcasting house. Staff are furious after the Radio Theatre Cafe at the BBC's HQ at Broadcasting House closed down for refurbishment in the summer. Jatinder Sidhu, a senior producer at the BBC World Service, wrote to Corporation executives: "I'm really annoyed about the closure of the Radio Theatre Cafe. I refuse to drink from a machine - the coffee I want to drink is barista-made, fairtrade and affordable. Owl assault MORECAMBE: Police are hunting a gang who assaulted an 11-year old boy who was carrying an owl. Boy, who was in company with a friend, were walking through Morecambe town centre carrying the bird of prey. They were approached by a large group of teenagers, who began to spray them with 'silly string'. The boys were chased and and one was punched in the face. PC Ben Hanley said: "This is an unusual incident which has occurred in broad daylight in the middle of the afternoon so I would appeal to anybody that witnessed it or with any information about those responsible to come forward. The motive for the offence is unclear at this time but it is possible they were trying to steal the owl. All at sea SOUTHAMPTON: A novice sailor feared she was going die when a yacht school took her out to sea despite forecasts of force ten gales, a court heard today. Julie Denaro paid £225 for a four day voyage onboard a £105,000 race cruiser called Liquid Vortex. But Mrs Denaro, the skipper and five other crew had to be rescued by a helicopter and two RNLI lifeboats just 15 hours after setting sail. The Beneteau First 40.7 yacht was tossed about in 20-feet waves and winds of 55mph, leaving five of the seven onboard seasick, suffering from hypothermia and unable to work. Tory slum CHESHIRE: A former Tory mayor been has fined £45,000 after he breached fire safety laws which left one tenant so scared of dying in a blaze he kept a rope in his bedroom so he could escape. The dilapidated bedsits rented out by Brian Silvester and his brother Colin were branded "dreadful" and an "accident waiting to happen" by a judge. They featured broken smoke alarms, loose wiring, overloaded electrical sockets and a fire extinguisher which had not been tested for 18 years. Cllr Silvester was fined £45,000 and ordered to pay £20,000 to Cheshire Fire and Rescue Service and £2,000 in legal costs. Tenant John Masters said: "I've stayed in some of the poorest slums in Bombay through my charity work and the conditions in accommodation there were better than this. Drugs plot smashed WELLING, KENT: A drug smuggler has been jailed for 28 years after attempting to smuggle £53m of cocaine into the UK in submerged lobster pots. Edward Austin, 47, fled to Spain where he stayed in hiding to evade capture for 18 months but was caught by officers from SOCA and the Metropolitan Police. The drugs were stashed in 11 water-tight holdall bags which were dropped into the English Channel from a container ship travelling from Brazil to Antwerp in Belgium in May 2010. Austin's gang then pretended to be on a legitimate fishing trip on a genuine boat called Galwad-Y-Moron to retrieve the bags from the sea. The gang, under surveillance from sea and shore, had tied a buoy and a makeshift anchor to either end of the rope, and had charted its position on the fishing boat's radar. Extreme window cleaning BATH, SOMERSET: An investigation has been launched after a daredevil window cleaner was captured on film balancing on a ledge without a safety harness on the third floor of a city centre building. The YouTube clip, which shows a man working above the Loch Fyne restaurant is being investigated by Bath and North East Somerset Council.