Calling all women: how to find your voice and win arguments Yes! That is exactly it - my frustration and shouting to the point of crying (and then muteness) has often left me feeling totally out of control in my personal life. So in an attempt to combat this, I joined 15 other women at St Bride Institute off Fleet Street, and to the background sound of the city, spent three hours honing my vocal skills, and working towards clear and measured speech. I had thought the session would involve lots of role-play, pretend "shouty" situations, and opera-singer-type vocal warm ups. It was much more interesting than that, and more of a drip-drip build up to a 'light bulb' moment conclusion, where it suddenly just clicked WHAT made our voices go out of control. To begin with we paired off, chatted with our partners and then introduced them and their vocal issue by way of an ice breaker. I was with Lisa from Essex who loved her regional accent, but hated the fact her voice was 'lost' in groups and that people spoke over her. She then told the group on my behalf that I enjoyed my delivery in professional situations, but hated my bawling and yelling during domestic disputes. Breathing, Louise told us, is the key to controlled responses. As a group we paced the room wearing an imaginary dragon's tail, a jewelled cloak and a crown; all conjured in order to make us stand tall, and be aware of our 'core' and to breathe precisely and with awareness. "In highly charged situations," Louise said, "You need to remember to breathe in order to maintain control." So true - I've lost count of the number of times I have practically hyperventilated during a screaming match. Voice coach Louise Kerr teaching the art of breathing As we wiled away the hours blowing into drinking straws with 'puffy cheeks' (to help maintain breath flow and open our vocal tracts) and attempting to recite a phrase with our tongue 'glued' to the roof of our mouths, I really began to develop an awareness of the connection between my voice and my breathing. Delivering a stern "Please be quiet, I am talking now" while standing tall (Louise constantly reminded us to 'use all our space' when speaking, telling us that sitting and standing well makes others see us as strong) and breathing correctly was a revelation - although she did tell me to lower my tone still further for greater authority. Concentrating on my core, pausing to clear my mind and focusing on my breathing, I projected it again: "Please be quiet, I am talking now." "Remember to support your voice if you do need to shout," Louise said, telling us to imagine we had oranges under our armpits and to squeeze them, then relax, before letting out our words. Sounds crazy but it felt good: controlled, and commanding. I left the course walking tall, imaginary tail, cloak and crown still in place. Stopping off at a crowded pub on the way home, I pushed through the throng, breathed deeply, squeezed my pretend oranges and, in low but firm tones, announced: "I'm next, barman." It worked, but I guess I have to wait for that next big family explosion to really test out my new found skills.