Telly guilt? Try the costume drama I'm thinking Christmas could provide a few days of crucial telly catch up - about 97 hours straight should do it This is what I've learnt from the art critics' round-ups so far: Mantel is God, Tarantino is Lazarus, but telly is where it's at: brilliantly scripted dramas, high- quality production values, and here's-an-expression-I-prepared-earlier Bafta-quality acting. It's high-class, Rococo chocolate stuff. And it's exhausting. Have I seen all of seasons one and two of Homeland, plus the original Israeli Hatufim? But my Virgin box thingie has. Same goes for State of Play, season two of The Killing (along with most of season three), The Bridge, Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones....It's all brilliant (allegedly) and unmissable, literally, thanks to iPlayer and 4oD. But somehow I've managed to do just that. As the great lyricist Alanis Morissette would say - isn't it ironic? As a student, I spent hours in front of the telly. Admittedly, the following morning's guilt was way worse than anything a one-night stand could muster, but these days I feel guilty when I'm not watching. Last minute Christmas gift ideas It's not as if I don't try. But life, fatigue, emails and my cats, who keep falling asleep in front of the screen (it would be cruel to move them) conspire against me. It's a shaming admission, but the milk chocolate TV with its hi-saccharine content, designed for quick hits, limited attention spans and multi-tasking viewers, is much easier to stay awake through than some meticulously plotted Nordic trauma. Still, I'm thinking Christmas could provide a few days to catch up - about 97 hours straight should do it. Until then, I just have to avoid all those water-cooler conversations about whether or not Robert Zeuthen is attractive in a weird, Scandi way, because I've been too busy wrapping presents to pay him the attention this debate clearly warrants. I advise anyone else suffering from Telly Guilt to steer the conversation in the following direction, should they find themselves trapped in conversation with a TV Bore: TV Bore: Wasn't Chiwetel Ejiofor's acting amazing on The Edge? As for Poliakoff's plot structure... You: What about that cliff-hanger in Strictly, when Denise's heel got caught in her dress? As for structure, the frocks on the box have been unbelievably shoddy this year. TV Bore: Don't tell me you preferred the shameless fantasy of Sex and the City to Lena Dunham's Girls? Surely you can see that Dunham's gritty portrayal of four twentysomething women making their way in Nu Yoik is far more truthful than anything Candace Bushnell ever wrote. Piercingly funny and poignant, too. You: But Jesus, those smocks. TV Bore: Obviously, you expect the clothes on the X Factor to be atrocious. You: But couldn't they have tried a little bit harder elsewhere? TV Bore: Don't you understand the importance of verisimilitude? Some of the best TV in 2012 has been about murderers, terrorists and Danish cops. You: couldn't at least one of them have worn a bit of Céline? TV Bore: OK, what about Mad Men and Atlantic City - plenty of post hideous-dress relief there. You: Sky Atlantic. No one's watching. TV Bore: OK, The Hour, then. You: Promising, until some nit-picker decided - in the name of your precious verisimilitude - that a 1960s BBC female producer would be paid such a pittance she'd barely be able to afford a change of girdles, let alone the 360 costume changes that an authenticity-light production would have gone in for. So, red suit followed by blue suit followed by red suit. TV Bore: The wife on Homeland's quite cute. You: But Carrie (absolutely no relation to Carrie Bradshaw) Mathison gets most of the screen time. And those horrible fatigues do nothing for her colouring. TV Bore: I blame The House of Eliott: appalling script but pretty, period clothes. Expectations lowered for ever. You: I blame the Oscars. They set the bar at the start of the year and, frankly, set it so low even Brendan Cole would have trouble shimmying under it. TV Bore: Can't you see that in 2012 we finally got Destination TV? You: Only if your destination happens to be New Look.