Same-Sex Couples Often Face Obstacles in Establishing Legal Ties to Children David Maxwell for The New York Times Michelle and Katrina Muzingo, who live in Ohio but married in Canada, know their children would be unable to collect Social Security death or disability benefits on Michelle's work record. Same-sex couples raising children must stand ready to prove to the world they are a family, just one that happens to have two mothers or two fathers. This constant burden of proof is especially difficult for families like the Muzingos, who live in a state that doesn't allow them to establish legal ties to one another. Michelle Muzingo was in the delivery room when her wife, Katrina, gave birth to each of their three children, who are now 7, 4 and 1. She cut their umbilical cords and was the first to hold the children, who call her "mommy." Yet because they live in Ohio, a state that does not allow gay couples to adopt, she is unable to make that title official. "We are always scanning the circle around us to see what we need to put in place to protect ourselves," said Katrina, 37. A report released earlier this week illustrates just how vulnerable these couples and their children are, both legally and financially. After all, 30 states do not have laws that allow same-sex parents to both adopt, while six states restrict them or impose outright bans. Even families who live in states that recognize their relationships can run into trouble if they travel or move. And if something were to happen to a parent who was unable to adopt or otherwise establish legal ties, the child might be denied certain federal benefits - something that children of most heterosexual parents receive automatically. "Outdated state laws really place children being raised by lesbian and gay families at risk, whether they do so intentionally through antigay legislation or whether they do so unintentionally because they haven't updated their laws to reflect modern and contemporary family structures," said Laura Deaton, policy research director of Movement Advancement Project, which wrote the report with two other research and advocacy groups, the Family Equality Council and the Center for American Progress. The Muzingos, who live in Brunswick Hills, Ohio, but married in Canada in 2005, know their children would be unable to collect Social Security death or disability benefits on Michelle's work record. "We have way more life insurance than probably a typical middle-class family," said Katrina. If something were to happen to Michelle, the sole breadwinner, we would have zero rights to her Social Security, to her pension, to anything. They have to deal with smaller inconveniences, too. When the couple went to sign up their son Carter for kindergarten, they had to get a notarized letter stating that he lived in the family's home in the school district because the home was in Michelle's name only (Michelle, 42, said she was unable to easily add Katrina to the title at closing because their marriage wasn't recognized and Katrina wasn't on the mortgage). Michelle's guardianship papers weren't enough, something they drafted shortly after Katrina became pregnant for the first time. And as the couple has learned, those papers - along with the powers of attorney, health care proxies and wills, which together cost $2,000 - don't guarantee that they'll be recognized as a family. The same goes for many of the estimated two million or more children being raised by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender parents who are unable to formalize relationships with both of their parents, according to the report. These families bear a variety of financial, legal and emotional costs. A child may be unable to receive insurance through the employer of a nonbiological parent, for instance, a particularly big burden if that parent is the sole breadwinner. Even if the parent's employer does provide coverage, the family may owe extra taxes on the value of that insurance, unlike their heterosexual married peers with children. The same parent may not have the authority to make routine or emergency medical decisions for the child, or even sign a school permission slip. And in the event of a breakup, both parent and child could be hurt: The child may be denied financial support from a parent, or the parent may be denied visitation rights. "When both parents have legal ties to their children, family court can award custody and visitation to the most suitable parent or jointly to both parents based on the interest of the child," the report said, "as opposed to having to exclude one parent from consideration." The inequities don't end there. If the biological or legal parent were to die or become disabled, the child could be placed with a distant relative or in foster care instead of staying with the nonlegal parent. Having a legal relationship also provides children with the right to sue over a parent's wrongful death, and it usually gives them the right to inherit from a parent who dies without a will. So many families go to great lengths to establish strong legal relationships where they can. Take, for instance, a lesbian couple with one spouse who is pregnant. With the exception of Iowa, the report said that all states that recognized their union would allow the second mother to be listed on the child's birth certificate because the state's statutes recognized her as the "presumed parent." This is an easy and free way to establish legal ties. But some lawyers still advise the nonbiological parent to go through the adoption process anyway. Why bother adopting your own child? If the family moves or travels to a less friendly state, that state generally must honor another state's court judgments - but it is not obliged to honor birth certificates or relationships borne from a state statute. Adoption also creates an independent legal tie between parent and child, the report said, regardless of the parents" relationship. And adoption is easy for most people to understand. "Most schools, churches, summer camps and doctors understand adoption and adoption judgments," Ms. Deaton added.