Olympics sketch: The day Nick Buckles buckled First the Armed Forces, then the police. Let's hope they're enough, or goodness knows which sector of the workforce will be called up as Olympic security staff next. The nation's traffic wardens? Its exam invigilators? Its lollipop ladies? Perhaps the athletes themselves. Usain Bolt will not only run, he'll punch your ticket on the door, check your handbag for offensive weapons, and then bop you on the head with a truncheon if you've had one too many to drink. The interrogation began. MPs were united in disdain. Those wearing spectacles spent the full 90 minutes glowering over the top of their rims, in the manner of appalled elderly aunts. "Mr Buckles!" they kept snapping. Mr Buckles! (A tip for embattled executives: try not to have a comical surname. It sounded as if they were scolding a children's entertainer.) Buckles buckled. Whimpering like a disgraced puppy, he agreed that his firm's reputation was "in tatters," and that this was "a humiliating shambles." MPs fired demands at him, as if peppering him with buckshot. Would he reimburse the military and the police? Stump up for their accommodation? Offer them bonuses? To all these demands, Buckles - sounding horribly as though he were deciding on the spot - croaked helpless assent. By now he barely seemed to know what he was saying. He'd probably have agreed to anything they'd asked. Will you do all our washing-up for a month? Will you spend the duration of the Games walking around East London with a "kick me" sign taped to your back?" The only thing he wouldn't surrender was G4S's £57m "management fee," on the grounds that "we still expect to deliver a significant number of staff." Valiantly the MPs just about succeeded in not falling off their chairs. Somehow they succeeded again, 10 minutes later, when the benighted Buckles was asked why he was unable to guarantee that all G4S staff could speak fluent English. "I don't know what fluent English is," mumbled Buckles. So what are you speaking here today? Is it fluent English?" demanded an incredulous Keith Vaz (Labour, Leicester East). "I don't know," replied Buckles miserably. Nick Buckles earns £1.2m a year. For now, anyway.