Wedding Q&A - NYTimes.com She Invites Them, She Invites Them Not I sent out save-the-date cards last fall for my spring wedding. In doing so, I invited some of my father's siblings. I had great hesitation doing so, specifically because they have not been a part of my life nor my family's for as long as I can remember. But I invited them because I knew my father would want them there. Then the unthinkable happened: My father unexpectedly died. During this very difficult time, his siblings attended the funeral but never reached out to my family. I know I shouldn't be shocked since this is consistent with how they've always (not) interacted with us. I never wanted to share my special day with them, and now I definitely don't want to, especially since my father won't be there. How do I inform them that they are no longer invited? Should I just not send a formal invitation or should I send a letter informing them of the situation? I'm still close with one of his siblings (the only one I call my uncle), so I know the others will be aware the wedding is still taking place, especially since he lives with one of the siblings I'm not inviting. Anonymous, Atlanta Please accept my condolences for the loss of your father. I imagine this is a bittersweet time for you. This may not be the answer you are hoping for, but it really would be best to invite them. Ideally, anyone who receives a save-the-date notice receives an invitation. You included them initially out of love and respect for your father, and perhaps you can see your way to keeping them on the list for the same reason. Retracting an invitation, even an implied one, has negative repercussions and may serve to emphatically sever the ties, however tenuous. On the other hand, if you take the high road and invite them, your invitation will indicate that the family door is still open. Now, it becomes their decision whether to accept or decline. Some may surprise you and accept. If that's the case, stay positive; greet them cordially at your wedding and go on and enjoy your day. Given your history, they may decline. I am sure these relatives feel awkward around you and your family, just as you do with them. From your letter, it sounds as if that was the case at your father's funeral. Without your father, you all have no real relationship, and it doesn't seem likely that the situation will change. If you really can't face having these relatives at your wedding, and you're willing to be the one to further sever the ties, then don't invite them. However, by no means should you write each one a letter announcing your feelings and stating your decision. There is no possible way to politely write such a letter. Instead, simply send a wedding invitation to the one uncle you feel connected to, but none to the rest. They'll get the message. It's Supposed to Be An Honor, Right? I recently got engaged and have a maid-of-honor-related issue. A friend from high school and I have, for years, said that we would be each other's maid of honor. When she got engaged, she formally asked me, and I accepted. Since then I met and fell in love with my fiancé. Approximately a year ago (before our engagement), this friend revealed to me in no uncertain terms that she dislikes him. This has affected our relationship, and we no longer talk as frequently as we once did. I feel as though I should ask her to be my matron of honor, but part of me is uncomfortable with doing so considering her disapproval of our relationship and our drifting apart. On the other hand, if I don't, I am concerned I would lose her as a friend entirely. I'm unsure of what to do. Alison A heart-to-heart talk with your friend is really a must. Because this conversation is so sensitive, have the discussion face to face. If that is not possible, by phone is the next-best option. Don't attempt the chat via e-mail or text; the door is wide open for misinterpretation and hurt feelings. Before you talk to her, plan out what you will say. Doing so will help you stay focused on the issues, rather than the emotions. I recommend something like: "You're my good friend. and I care deeply about our relationship. I have to be honest with you. When Harry and I were first dating, I was hurt when you told me how much you disliked him. I have always hoped that you would be my maid of honor, and you are my first choice, but I don't want to put you in such a difficult position if you still feel that way about him. I think it would be tough for all of us. I know you haven't been around Harry much in the past year, but my hope is that you can grow to like him. See where the conversation goes from there. If your friend has become more open-minded about your fiancé, she might say that she has learned that he has good qualities, that she can see how happy you are with him and that she has learned to appreciate him and accept him. It's also possible that your friend might say she just can't learn to accept your fiancé for who he is, and that she is upset that you're marrying him. Your decision about what to do will be clear after your talk. Either, you'll tell her (a.) how happy you are that she's accepted Harry and you're so happy to ask her to be your matron of honor, or (b.) you appreciate her honesty and think it better if she is not one of your attendants and hope she understands. Many people have friends who either do not know their spouses or who are not particularly fond of them, yet they still manage to be friends. If it turns out that your high school pal is still not a fan of your fiancé, see if you can keep the friendship going, in spite of the circumstances. Peggy Post is a director of the Emily Post Institute and the great-granddaughter-in-law of its namesake. The institute, in Burlington, Vt., maintains and updates the etiquette advice of Emily Post, publishes books by the founders" heirs and presents seminars. Submit questions to weddingmanners@nytimes.com, or by mail to The New York Times, Society News Desk, Fourth Floor, 620 Eighth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10018. Include daytime and evening telephone numbers so that Ms. Post and Times editors may follow up. Readers can also link to the column on the institute's Web site, at emilypost.com/wedding.