Diane Abbott and Luis Suarez are not really apologising Masterly use, there, of the passive voice. A less experienced politician might have said something naive like, "I breached the ministerial code," but Dr Fox's phrasing deftly suggests that the identity of the culprit, or perhaps even culprits, is unknown. Who could they be, these shadowy figures who have conspired to breach the ministerial code and thus bring down a blameless public servant? Gallantly, Dr Fox did not say; instead, like Our Lord and Saviour, he bore the punishment on the sinners" behalf. The most adept politicians can turn apology not only into self-defence, but into outright self-promotion. Here, again, is Dr Fox, who in his resignation speech said he'd allowed "distinctions to be blurred between my professional responsibilities and my personal loyalty to a friend." Poor Dr Fox: his crime was his excessive, reckless, unthinking loyalty. If only he could have found it in himself to be less kind. Possibly Dr Fox was inspired by his colleague Caroline Spelman. In February, having told the Commons she had abandoned her unpopular plan to privatise Britain's forests, the Environment Secretary said: "It is a good example of how humility is a valuable quality in a politician." Pedants may argue that to boast of your own humility proves that you have none, but I'm sure Mrs Spelman will welcome their criticism. She is, after all, bursting with humility. No one, however, can turn penitence into pride quite like Newt Gingrich, a candidate for the Republican nomination in this year's American presidential election. Last year, to explain why he'd cheated on his first two wives, Mr Gingrich confessed that "at times, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, I worked far too hard and things happened that were not appropriate." In other words: Mr Gingrich's adultery was a humble act of patriotism. He was sleeping around for the good of America. You'd think his wives would be grateful. There are circumstances, however, in which politicians are all too eager to apologise, and that's when there's no chance that they themselves will be held to account. Tony Blair, for example, has never apologised for invading Iraq, but he has apologised for the false imprisonment of the Guildford Four (1974), English indifference to the Irish potato famine (the 1840s), and the slave trade (ended 1807). Although Mr Blair has many critics, few have blamed him for those three horrors. But never let it be said that Mr Blair is too proud to admit when others are wrong. Were he still prime minister, who knows how far into history he might have travelled on his tour of remorse. On behalf of the Gorgon community may I express my profound regret at the conduct of Medusa. That so many innocent people should have been turned to stone, merely for looking at her, has left deep scars, as well as quite a lot of statues. But perhaps I'm being unkind. Perhaps every one of the public figures above was truly contrite. If so, I'm sorry that they've failed to understand me, and apologise for whatever offence they've wrongly taken.