Friends: The One with Dave's Health Problem Touché, thought Dave, rubbing his arm. Perhaps she was right: his announcement about the "care problem" in nursing hadn't been that carefully considered. But still, he'd given it as much thought as, say, alienating the entire EU. What's more, it could prove almost as popular, for there was no shortage of chilling stories about poor nursing. And anyway, he concluded, nurses all voted Labour. "But why do I have to go to a hospital in Salford?" he'd asked Craig that morning. Can't I just say something on the Today programme as usual and leave it at that? "Because we should take advantage of the lack of news," Craig had said. If you don't go to Salford, the only other options are giving a news conference about Diane's tweets, Louise's GQ shoot and rail fare rises, or accompanying Nick to Scotland to talk about youth unemployment. Dave had quickly decided that Salford wasn't such a bad idea after all. But now he was here, he was starting to have second thoughts. Nurses, it seemed, weren't all that keen on being told how to do their jobs. Amy, the one with the surprisingly sharp blood pressure cuff, had met him at the door and yelled at him to tuck his tie into his shirt. Dave, scarred by his last hospital visit, when he and Nick had been told off for not rolling up their sleeves (even though they jolly well had), did as he was told. "Some of us are actually quite keen on health and safety laws," Amy muttered. The muttering didn't stop for the rest of the tour. "Patients, not paperwork," hissed Amy, when Dave asked if he could have a look at the notes she was holding. Half an hour later he summoned up the courage to ask if he could speak to a female patient. "Dignity and privacy," Amy retorted, shooting off on her regular ward round and leaving Dave fumbling for his credit card so he could watch a few minutes of Lansley TV. After taking this abuse, Dave was rather surprised when Amy offered to give him a quick health check. Surprised, but not too daunted. He was in pretty good shape, he thought, as he felt the cuff - now free of needles - tighten on his arm. He didn't smoke, drink or eat to excess, unlike some colleagues he could think of. Yes, physically and politically, he felt good about 2012: Ed was in all sorts of trouble, Britain remained outside the euro, Boris... Dave suddenly went puce again, his pulse thumping. Amy turned white as she looked at the monitor. "Everything all right?" asked Dave. "I've got my concerns," said Amy, another faint smile returning to her face. But I've got far too much respect for politicians to share them with you.