Friends: The One with the Coalition Burns Night "What terribly cliched, locker-room stuff," said Sarah, the Lib Dem sitting opposite, after he'd sat down. How unbearably macho. "So why don't you go and complain to the Today programme?" sniggered Ed. If they'll have you. The real fun, however, didn't start until it came to settling the bill. Although Parliament's kitchens had charged the usual subsidised rates, the total still came to almost as much as the annual income of a family of five living on benefits. "We're going Dutch, presumably?" said George. "Or should we call it "going Greek" these days?" "But the neeps were far too watery," protested Eric. And the haggis wasn't arranged in the tower formation that I like. "Some hae meat and canna eat, / And some wad eat that want it," said Danny. But we hae meet and we can eat, / And sae the Lord be thankit. "What?" said everyone. Dave grabbed the bill out of his Chancellor's hands. "We could always charge it to the taxpayer," he said. "Or to Stephen Hester," said Nick. "Same thing," said George "I think we should pay," said Nick. "Why?" said Dave. Public debt is already £1 trillion. It won't make much difference. George gave his boss a warning look. "I don't think it will look good," he said. Not unless you can claim this was a policy-making dinner. Dave looked round the room at the half-eaten haggis, the congealing neeps, Michael's hairy knees. "This is a policy-making dinner now," he said as Danny tuned up his bagpipes again for Auld Lang Syne. Oh, and call Alex and tell him he can have his referendum.