Parental Quandary: Grandma Gives Girly Gifts to a Tomboy January 6, 2012, 11:25 am Grandparents, and in particular the grandparents on the "in-law" side, can provide a nearly endless series of quandaries for some parents. The lucky ones among us have two charming sets who support us in all things parental and offer our children the best grandparenting going. Most of us (among those fortunate enough to have our parents around at all) would name at least one or two areas where we're not quite sure how to navigate all these familial relationships. Gretchen (her name, and her daughter's, have been changed) falls into that category. Gretchen's mother-in-law is generous to a fault with Gretchen's 7-year-old daughter, Mia. She lives a good distance away, so she sends Mia gifts - of frilly, girly clothes in all shades of pink and purple - by mail. "But why," she asks when she visits or sees pictures, "why do I never see her wearing ..." (the latest tiered skirt, magenta sweater or pom-pom hat)? The answer is simple. Mia hates all things pink, frilly and girly. She wears boys" clothes, right down to the skin, prefers her hair short and enjoys being taken as a boy by strangers on the street. This isn't new. Mia has told her family she wishes she was a boy (and pushed away any feminine clothing) since she could talk, but Grandma doesn't see it (or doesn't want to). But telling her mother-in-law something that Gretchen thinks should be obvious has proven to be anything but simple. Should Gretchen try to persuade her mother-in-law to change, or continue to be the most popular donor at the local children's thrift shop? And Mia is beginning to notice that Grandma wants her to be something she's not. How can Gretchen explain that Grandma loves Mia just the way she is, when Mia sees Grandma sending clothes that say "change"?