Finding an End to the Parent-Teacher Wars According to Ron Clark, Disney's American Teacher of the Year, new teachers remain in our profession an average of just four and a half years, "and many of them list "issues with parents" as one of their reasons for throwing in the towel." I am a middle-school teacher, and I am with Ron Clark on this one. I want to hug this man, bake him cookies, thank him for going public with this ugly reality. "Issues with parents" strike fear into my heart. "Issues with parents" have inspired elaborate fantasies in which I quit my job, move to Alaska and raise sled dogs. "Issues with parents" are the stuff of my nightmares. But I am also the parent of two boys, and I have to come clean: I've been the parent with an issue. I've been amped up with anger, in full-on mommy-warrior mode. I've pounded out adrenaline-soaked e-mails to teachers and allowed my finger to hover over the "send" button. But the moment passes, and I almost always manage to hit "cancel" instead. I've been the recipient of hasty and venomous e-mails, and I've seen the scars that can result. I have made it well past the four-and-a-half-year mark in my teaching career, and in that time, I have learned a few things about the parent-teacher relationship - from both sides of the battleground. We have the clearest of common goals, and - really - even when it seems as if we're on opposite sides of no man's land, it's possible to work together for the student we both care about. My "rules of parent-teacher engagement": Do not act until the first flush of anger has passed. Step away from the keyboard. Put down the iPhone. Breathe. Sleep on it. The situation will look a lot less dire in the morning, and time spent cooling down now will allow for a more rational, logical and reasoned communication later. Often, the best thing a parent can do for her child is allow the student to work things out with the teacher on his own. Parents and teachers need to help children learn that adults won't always fix their problems for them. Their teachers will respect them more for it, and it will help them learn how to gain control of their education and their world. Yes, even the little kids. It's never too early to start, says Heidi McPherson, a kindergarten teacher from New Hampshire. "When a child runs up to me on the playground to complain about another student's actions, my first question is always, "Did you talk to him about it yet?" We teach kids to zip their own coats and tie their own shoes for a reason. Kids have to learn to gain control of themselves and their relationships. If this communication fails, then it's time to move on to a parent-teacher conference, and ... The best time to conduct a parent-teacher conference is at a formally scheduled parent-teacher conference. Cocktail parties, the produce section of the grocery store and the doctor's office are not appropriate places to instigate impromptu parent-teacher conferences. Nor are your child's drop-off and pickup spots, no matter how "free" that teacher may appear. The first and last moments of the day are often the most hectic for teachers, and to have an informed conversation about a student, teachers need time to mentally prepare. Remember that parents and teachers have an interest in common - the student. "Begin with the common ground, the fact that both parent and teacher should truly care about the student in question; both should be seeking what is truly best for the student," advises K. C. Potts, an English teacher from Massachusetts. As someone who has fought on both sides of the educational battlefield, I have to admit that I have had trouble keeping an eye on that common ground. When lines are drawn in the sand, and the first shots have been fired, the common ground can look a heck of a lot like the front lines. True victory, however, lies in the successful education of our children. Parents and teachers can be powerful allies. The sort of allies who can gain real ground and turn the tide of war in favor of education. The sort of allies who can turn a battle ground into common ground. Those are just my rules, of course - and although I've been that worried, defensive, angry parent, I've most recently played the role of "teacher" at my conferences. So if mine are the "rules" from one side of the desk, what are yours?