Stop the Fishing for Lunch Dates People often e-mail me saying: "I'd like to have lunch. Please send me some dates when you are free. This drives me nuts. It assumes that I want to have lunch with them, and puts the responsibility on me to find a date. I miss the old days when people said, "Let's have lunch next Thursday," which gave me an out if I wanted one, or the chance to suggest another day if I felt like it. Your thoughts? Susan, Grand Rapids Well, I miss the even older days when servants answered the phone and told me: "Miss Otis regrets she's unable to lunch today." Hang on, that was Cole Porter, wasn't it? Still, I confess I am occasionally guilty of this presumptuous behavior, too - but only with certified Social Animals, whose schedules I know to be 30 times busier than my own. Which doesn't take much. But you're right; it is a lazy practice and robs an invitation of much of its pleasure. Here's what you do. To folks whom you do not want to see, reply: "Gosh, I'm jammed right now. Let's circle back when things quiet down. For the ones you'd like to spy across a luncheon table, try: "My calendar looks pretty good. When did you have in mind? And thus is the onus Ping-Ponged back to them. Your Neighbor's Meal Many of my friends take pictures of the food they are eating at restaurants and post them on Facebook and Twitter. I recently had lunch at a dive restaurant, and the stranger at the next table was eating the most enormous, delicious-looking pancake I have ever seen. Would it have been O.K. for me to ask her if I could photograph it and post it on Facebook? Eric, Yonkers Eat your heart out, IHOP. Of course you could have asked. Even at separate tables, restaurants are quasi-public. And the woman was free to say no, at which point you would have receded politely. My problem with this trend is that it underscores the vital importance of food stylists in photography. The gastro-pics I spy on my pals" social media feeds make their meals look as appetizing as the dog's dinner (and I don't mean leftovers from Il Cantinori). Lighting, people! The Dean and I I teach at a large university. Several of my colleagues are pronoun challenged. For instance, they will say: "Bill asked the dean and I for a raise." When my students do this, I correct them immediately: "You mean, "the dean and me." " But my colleagues are grown-ups and should know better. Should I correct them? Robert, Syracuse Nobody likes a smarty pants. But your students are paying for the privilege of your book learnin. And you are correct to correct them. Peers are a different kettle of fish. Better to leave awkward (and possibly pride-wounding) grammatical corrections to closer friends or loved ones (who know about the objective case). Hot Bouquet I was at a girlfriend's wedding with a bunch of friends. When she threw the bouquet, we jokingly pushed it to one another. Later, we received an e-mail from the bride saying how humiliated and upset she felt by our behavior. I don't think I should apologize. How should I handle this, or should I ignore it? Debbie, Hong Kong Here's the thing about apologies, Debbie: We can still make a good one, even if we don't think we would have been hurt by the underlying behavior - as long as we're sorry for hurting someone else. I probably wouldn't have been offended by the bouquet business, but I'd regret hurting a friend. Same with you, right? So, tell your pal you're sorry. Remember: pride goeth before the bouquet. For help with your awkward situation, send a question toSocialQ@nytimes.com or SocialQ on Facebook. You can also address your queries on Twitter to @SocialQPhilip. Please include a daytime phone number.