Friends: The One with Dave's Text Messages "I hate to be the one to break it to you," said Nick. But that's not what it means. It's 'laughs out loud."" Dave's face turned ashen. Oh God - all those texts to Rebekah. What must she have thought? "Never mind that," said Nick. Just who else have you been texting. Dave thumbed through his messages. Here's one to Theresa. Congrats - looks like we might finally get rid of Qatada. Or Barack: 'Glad we agree on gay marriage. Will make our partnership even more civil. Nick look pained. Meaning? "I thought everyone knew that," said Dave. Relishing Our Friendship and Love. "Try 'Rolls On the Floor, Laughing,"" said Nick, with enough disdain to hide the fact that he'd already been lectured on this subject by his children, amid much eye-rolling. In fact, I think I might LMAO myself. "That sounds painful," said Dave. "Laugh My Arse Off," said Nick. "Oh," said Dave. Rebekah used that one, but I thought she was telling me to Leave My Advisers Outside. He paused, then groaned. So when I texted François last weekend to tell him I was sure we could work together... "No wonder he's jumped in bed with Ed," said Nick. "Which makes a change from the DSK days, I suppose," said Dave. Nick suddenly smiled. You do realise, you're going to be asked to release these texts? Even if you're cleared of inappropriate closeness to Murdoch, everyone will see how square you are... Dave looked offended. I'm not square. I'm hip. I'm with it. I'm in touch with the nation's pulse. With the people struggling to afford to fill up the car, to get the weekly shop, to make the numbers add up at the end of the month. To get the economy moving by buying their grime records and alcopops and Topshop jeans. Come on - test me. Price of a pint of milk. Who's got the Number One record. I even watched The Only Way Is Essex, just in case they asked us about it during our visit. "Ah yes - TOWIE," said Nick. "How dare you?" snapped Dave. I'm a married man.