Eurovision 2012: Engelbert's last waltz Let's be really frank here. This was a performance so retro it would have been old fashioned even when Engelbert was a superstar. It had no chance whatsoever in a eurotrash setting crammed with babes and hunks in ludicrous costumes and licentious dancers bending their bodies to banging beats. The winner was a sexy Swede singing a stroboscopic techno stomper that has already been a number one hit across northern Europe. By contrast, Engelbert's song only reached number 76 in his home country, which shows just how interested we really are in this annual parade of banality. The truth is, the whole Engelbert exercise has been a smokescreen for the BBC, who have run out of ideas about ways to genuinely compete for a prize which, by all accounts, nobody really wants to win. Why do you think Ireland keep putting up professional losers Jedward? So tough luck to Sweden, who hoisted the poison chalice. Britain survives to lose another day. As for Engelbert, there is no real shame in maintaining our usual dismal standards by coming second last. He can return to musical pasture on the golden oldies touring circuit, where ticket sales will no doubt have received a boost from the revelation that Engelbert is still alive and well and singing in tune.