In which I take pot-shots at litter bugs I have a recurring fantasy which I probably shouldn't share in a national newspaper, as it involves me being on top of a tall building with a high-powered rifle picking off members of the public. But too late now. In my defence, I would say that my imaginary killing sprees aren't indiscriminate, because I only train my sights on people dropping litter, spitting out chewing gum and eating "hot snacks" while "on the move." In every other respect I consider myself a model of tolerance. And I think a therapist would conclude that my anger management "issues" are to do with my inability to confront those I see committing these offences. Not only that, I often pick up the litter I've seen others dropping. If I'm feeling brave I might shake my fist silently at their disappearing backs, so long as no one else is watching me. Anyway, my confession is prompted by the news that in Rome they have had enough. People are now banned from "snacking" around the Spanish Steps. Not only that, they are fined up to 500 euros if they are caught. Viviana Di Capua of the Associazione Abitanti Centro Storico di Roma (the Residents" Association of Rome's Historic Centre) says: "This is a way to re-educate people about how to behave in this city. We've let standards fall. Well, hear, hear, Abitanti. And I think we should adopt your zero tolerance approach in London, starting with Trafalgar Square. And while we're at it, the eating of burgers should be banned on the 8.30 from Waterloo to Portsmouth. I always wish I had brought a gas mask for that journey. On the subject of anti-social behaviour, why do some passengers still have long, thousand-decibel conversations on their mobile phones so many years after being roundly mocked for it? I'm on the train! What is wrong with them? Just as I decline to confront litter louts so I sit in silent rage until they hang up, then I can breathe again. Apparently what makes their conversations more annoying than others going on around you is that hearing half a conversation is much more distracting that hearing all of it. Our brains are programmed that way. I feel a similar mix of powerlessness and anger when I find myself sitting next to someone listening to loud music through their iPod headphones. Spike Milligan used to campaign against such noise pollution and would describe how it not only made him feel homicidal, but also ill - palpitations, high blood pressure and so on. The shame of all this is that mild-mannered people like him, and me, shouldn't be driven to murderous thoughts. We live on a small, overcrowded island. Why can't its inhabitants show more consideration for those they share it with? I feel a lot better for having got all that off my chest. Quite therapeutic, isn't it? What else can I unload on you? Cold callers, they've got to go. And queue jumpers. And people who are unable to control their tempers when driving. And here's another: lawn specialists. Don't you hate it when they charge you £250 to treat your lawn for red thread and then forget to rinse out the Roundup they had in their spray tank from their last job. And then, when they've left your lawn looking like it has been napalmed, instead of saying sorry they try and blame it on leatherjackets? I can feel my trigger finger getting itchy just thinking about them.