Sketch: Andrew Mitchell, whipping boy Ah, such innocence. It was nowhere near the end of it. "Does the Home Secretary agree that it does not empower the police when a Cabinet minister rants at them and swears?" demanded Barbara Keeley (Labour, Worsley and Eccles South). "Arrest him!" shouted a fellow Labour MP merrily. Theresa May gave, almost word for word, the same answer Mr Green had. And so it went on, the Chief Whip either staring at nothing in particular, or nodding earnestly at any reference to the police as "the greatest in the world." At one point he was joined on the front bench by the former Health Secretary, Andrew Lansley. It would have been interesting to know what they were whispering to each other. ("How's your diary looking these days?" Pretty empty. Yours? "Same here.") At last it was Yvette Cooper's turn. As regular readers of this sketch will be aware, no two women address each other with such wintry disdain as Theresa May and her opposite number. As always, their exchanges sent the temperature plummeting to Antarctic depths. A backbencher choked on the icicles formed instantly in his mouth by frozen saliva. The chattering of the Speaker's teeth caused an avalanche, resulting in the loss of 13 MPs and the Serjeant at Arms. The Minister for Policing was chased round the dispatch box by an irate mother penguin who suspected him of stealing her eggs. First, Miss Cooper reminded us that Mrs May had once told the police that they "put up with abuse" and that it was "time we gave you the respect you deserve." "I've already answered that particular issue," returned Mrs May icily, as Sir Ranulph Fiennes trudged past, dragging a sledge. "People think this goes to the heart of the Government's attitude to the police," snapped Miss Cooper. "I was asked about the Chief Whip earlier," barked Mrs May, as the Immigration Minister was treated for frostbite. The Right Honourable Lady really should listen. Eventually it was over, the snows melting just enough for Members to struggle out of the chamber. Would Mr Mitchell run for it? Oddly, no: he rose unhurriedly, turned to the Speaker, waited patiently to catch his eye, then bowed his head. What an impeccably mannered gentleman he is.