X Factor 2012: the second live show, as it happened TEAM RYLAN! (he's terrible but I want to win that ill-advised bet) 22.11 Just remembered that I put £5 on Rylan to win (at 33/1) when I had sipped some wine a couple of weeks ago. 22.08 Oh. ha ha, Rylan started off singing Take That's Back For Good. Then said "I in't really singin' that, that was just for you Gary, love ya!" before seguing into Groove Is In The Heart. And now we are finding out what fashionista pandas are. Now Gangnam Style, Pump Up The Jam, Groove Is In The Heart again... 22.06 Now Nicole is introducing Rylan Clark, this year's CONTROVERSIAL contestant and the reason for Gary Barlow's Sunday stomp-off. The choreographer is talking to him about performing with "fashionista pandas." Pardon? 22.00 When Dermot O'Leary pats contestants on the shoulder and calls them "fella," you know he thinks their days are numbered. He'd be an excellent cancer doctor. 21.57 A Dido mash-up? 2012 is a funny old thing. 21.55 Next up, singing chimney sweep Kye Sones. I'm not mocking his appearance, he did actually used to be a chimney sweep. And may well still be a chimney sweep, if we give it a few weeks. Well, at least up chimneys there aren't loads of people saying "oh, you're that guy who got voted off X Factor! What are you up to these days and can I get a photo for everyone to take the mickey out of on Facebook?. 21.53 Oh good, it's not just me. ‏@dollyalderton Rap. Brought to you by H n M January sale 2006. #xfactor @mrjamieeast MK1 may aswell have started making balloon animals halfway through. 21.50 If this performance was the result of some sort of terribly worthy inner-city youth mentoring scheme and taking place in an under-funded community centre in Hackney, it would be polite to nod and smile and clap. But this is on the TELLY. 21.47 Oh no, not MK1. No longer just a postcode in Milton Keynes, but a really terrible X Factor act, dressed from Cher Lloyd's most recent Oxfam drop and singing Jackson 5 in the style of Sesame Street extras. 21.42 All the wise people on Twitter (so, about three, then) are agreeing that Jade gave the best performance of the night so far. 21.36 Another Amy Winehouse song. This time, possibly the saddest song ever, Love Is A Losing Game. And Jade is good. I just got a bit shivery but I think it's just the Telegraph air-con. 21.35 .... aaaaand we're 14 seconds into Jade Ellis's VT and she's mentioned being a single mum. 21.33 Boy band legend Gary Barlow is slagging off a boy band singing a cover of a boy band. 21.29 Wow, they're singing I Swear by All 4 One. This was a Chatteris Youth Club classic in 1994. Perhaps these little guys were conceived there. 21.27 Now it's another boy band, District 3, who are different from Union J in that... um.... well, there are less of them? Apparently Louis has given them "a classic big ballad." Westlife? No, hang on, he said "classic." 21.19 She's singing Kanye West's Gold Digger. Which, considering the lyrics (an "ass like Serena"? A "baby by Busta"?), one would assume isn't dedicated to her granny. Because if it is, this is even more awkward. The trouble with Lucy is that she's quite good, but absolutely not right for X Factor. If she wins, she'll hate it, like a female Matt Cardle. 21.17 Someone's granny always dies during X Factor. Which is sad for them, and awkward for live-bloggers because we have to stop being so mean about everything. This series, it's poor Lucy Spraggan, the one with the guitar and, this week, a little bobble hat which was presumably surplus to Union J's knitwear requirements. 21.14 Louis Walsh thinks James is a real artist. But Louis's favourite artist is that woman who takes photos of babies with cabbages on their head.