The careerist: Tough management - FT.com Being firm but fair is something most bosses aspire to - and it is the key to being respected. But how do you strike the right balance? How should I behave? "A team can be a bit like a family," says Rebecca Alexander of The Coaching Studio. You need to treat everyone the same and give them the same opportunities and criticism. Make sure everyone shares the credit and don't hide behind people if things go wrong. Jon Lavelle, author of Water Off a Duck's Back: How to Deal with Frustrating Situations, Awkward, Exasperating and Manipulative People and . . . Keep Smiling!, says: "You should be crystal clear in terms of expec­­­­tations and behaviours. Ensure those you manage understand these and agree with them. Check in with people regularly . . . being firm but fair is about being objective, consistent and reasonable - while remembering that you're the boss. How do I prepare to give negative feedback? "Be clear in your mind why you want to do this," says Arabella Ellis, a director at The Thinking Partnership. "It is dangerous if all you want is to punish them: "slapping" people doesn't work. You should be helping them change for the better. Mr Lavelle adds that you should define what is causing the issue and focus on the facts. Practise what you are going to say: most people dislike confrontation, so their messages can often be unclear. How should I actually give the feedback? Meet somewhere private and aim for a serious, but reasonable discussion. You should start the meeting a bit like the news: give headlines first and details later. People like to know what's coming," says Ms Ellis. Consider giving both positive and negative feedback together. People talk about the 5:1 ratio [of good news to bad news] and staff tend be more receptive if they think you care. Mr Lavelle says you need to be objective and specific, rather than personal. "Use "what I expected to see was . . ." and "what I'm actually seeing is . . . ."" Once you've said your piece, "shut up and listen." Listening not only gives the feeling of fairness, but the employee may be right. "Facts and circumstances may have changed," he says. Agree an action plan and offer support. "Make it easier for the person to change," says Ms Alexander. Position yourself as a constructive ally, and always avoid laying into people. "Managers often mistake tough for brutal, but it's harder - and far more effective - to be disappointed in people," says Ms Ellis. How do I follow up? Plan to review a month later. If you still have the same problems, try a different approach. If it's getting more serious, start looking at consequences," says Ms Alexander. Mr Lavelle says that if things do not improve, "you may need to involve others such as HR, move to a performance improvement plan or consider formal disciplinary processes." The writer is author of "The Careerist: 100 Ways to get Ahead at Work"