Put something sugary smooth near one's lips and, unfailingly, humans will lick it off. This reflexive gesture dries out lips, which in turn ramps up the urge for more sugary lip love. And so the pendulum swings forever between dry, chapped lips and the balms that soothe them. The Samurai Shopper is convinced that if a balm is somewhat tasty, non-gooey and momentarily assuages flaky, wrinkly, sunburned, wind-swept, dehydrated lips, it's good. I do believe none are as tasty as Bonne Bell's Pink Guava Lip Smacker, but then again, are we 12? Let's pursue the age-appropriate with with Eos's Smooth Spheres; they're sophisticated rainbow-colored pods of 95 percent organic, honey-dewy or lemony heaven and available at mass-market drugstores. Of course if you are 12, Eos's Alice in Wonderland three-pack makes its debut in November. And Bonne Bell offers a zillion flavorific options. Ilia's Balmy Days lip conditioner, 85 percent organic, is a more upscale favorite: thick enough to moisturize, thin enough to use as a base for Ilia's creamy Crimson & Clover cherry red lipstick. My default daytime choice is Jane Iredale's Lipdrink, with SPF 15 and 8 percent zinc oxide for the great outdoors: can't shop without it. There's a workmanlike trifecta of health food store lip balms from Alba Botanica, Avalon Organics and Aubrey Organics. If you fancy the mouthwashy buzz of peppermint with tea tree, go Aubrey; peppermint with green tea, grab Avalon. Alba's Hawaiian Coconut Cream Lip Balm is a nighttime treat. Generally speaking, I'd avoid medicated lip balms that seem to aggravate dryness rather than "heal" lips: Plus all that camphor and menthol scream Vicks VapoRub. The exception: Eos's Tangerine Medicated Lip Balm, for lip ailments like fever blisters or cold sores. Head colds and frigid temperatures demand extreme measures to mitigate the chill. Natura Bisse's Lip Recovery Balm is a velvety moisturizer that keeps dehydration at bay during the steam-heat months. Peter Thomas Roth's Beeswax-Infused Pink Bombshell Lip Balm imparts lots of rosy lubrication and will help you stave off the deep freezes. Available in December, Royal Apothic's clear lip conditioners are thick, glossy and rife with the subtler scents of winter: Macaroon, Fig and Earl Grey. For holiday party time, Dex New York, a makeup studio/town house on East 65th Street boasts a superb palette of lipsticks, under which you need Dex's Revita-C Lip Therapy; it blooms into creamy lustrousness and looks great all on its own. Better under Brighton Beach Bordeaux! The key to lips as soft as the driven snow is regular exfoliation with a washcloth, old toothbrush or Sara Happ's Lip Scrub in Vanilla Bean. I'm tickled with the Mia by Clarisonic, a tiny tool with a sonic tingle that produces kissy lips in no time. Then I'm ready to look at life with rose-colored lips, from Linda Rodin's Olio Lusso Tinted Lip Balm, through the eerily addictive Benetint by Benefit, and on to By Terry's Or De Rose Baume Precieux, tinged with 24-karat pink gold - the longest lasting, most gorgeous luxury-in-a pot out there. No joke, it really is the Balm.