You never catch me outsource work to China Developer Bob is clever guy, so good luck to him. His only crime, like we say here in West, was getting caught. But it is also unfair, since not every profession so susceptible to subterfuge. Example: it is a most attractive idea to outsource this column to Chinese journalist, pay him two peanut (1.62 renminbi) to write article in my name, and spend whole day playing poker on internet, or watching Laura Robson or Li Na - first and so far only Chinese grand slam tennis champion, and big heroine in People's Republic - at Australian Open. As US jazz virtuoso Louis Armstrong says, what wonderful world that would be. Also, there is excellent precedent for such scheme in English literature. In Porterhouse Blue, funny ha ha story by fictional writer Thomas Ridley "Tom" Sharpe (1928-), wealthy students at University Cambridge pay their college porter Scullion, and he bribes postgraduates to impersonate them. Conscientious proletarian "swots" sit final examination for sons of privilege and get them fine degrees: the forerunners of Developer Bob drink champagne and row on river. These aristocratic parasites, called "Scullion's Scholars," suffer no harm from their plot, and progress in honour to oversee crumbling remnants of evil British empire (see Opium Wars, Boxer Rebellion, so forth). In ideal world, there would be even more efficacious solution to problem of getting paid for no work. Trouble is, world not ideal. These days, there is no journalist equivalent of European Union agricultural policy, where farmers paid big money to grow no crop at all. Once upon times, man sit at desk at Daily Mirror for 37 year without write one word in paper. But no journalistic set-aside any more, so understand temptation to follow example of Developer Bob. Yet extreme peril in outsourcing column to China. Translation software good but not perfect, and smart readers see through deception maybe. Even Editor, if wide awake. Also, if ghost resents you paying so little, he can sabotage fragile career by making big clues it not written by who says wrote it. Maybe he takes the Michael Bliss (Cockney rhyming slang; character of uncertain origin, representing forced removal of urine without catheter), by parodying lazy, racist assumptions about Chinese people, like in outmoded UK sitcom Mind Your Language. Starts sentences with "Confucius, he say" or quotes from Sun Tzu - does everything he can to balls it up for fat, indolent English leech. Not to say such scheme should be dismissed out of hands. No good standing still - stand still long enough, big truck will knock you down - and always good to try fresh ideas. Confucius, he say, "They must often change who would be constant in happiness or wisdom." But remember: try make sure no one sees through it. Bob will tell you that if you meet him at dole office. So what lesson do we learn from this story? As Sun Tzu says in Art of War, "Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Bob was inoffensive family man you wouldn't look at twice in the elevator, and he made no sound - not even quiet chuckle - when watching amusing kitten videos at desk. But Bob not subtle or mysterious enough. He could have set up own server at home to send information to his guy in People's Republic, not use one in office: that way his bosses never penetrate ruse, still think Bob best software writer in whole company. A lesson some of us, not boastful about it, learn good.