2013 sports forecast is for an end to fiery Sir Alex Ferguson storms and 14 sunny days at Wimbledon February Fresh from his £200 million spending spree, Arsène Wenger outlines his new footballing philosophy. "To hell with all that financial sense, all that wise investment, all that development - we crave success here and now at any cost," he says. After six straight wins, Wenger resigns after drawing with Stoke 4-4 (Messi, 2, Ronaldo, 2). "I couldn't bear not having an excuse for our shortfalls," said the Frenchman, before taking over from Harry Redknapp at QPR. Piers Morgan has no opinion whatsoever on the issue. April Kauto Star is returned to Paul Nicholls's yard as his owner finally understands that this equine hero deserves retirement and not a new career. "I thought about it and saw that asking a steeplechaser to turn to dressage is rather like asking a heavyweight champion to become a dancer," said Clive Smith. Although I see David Haye has signed up for Strictly Come Dancing. Sepp Blatter makes a decision which helps the game of football. May Roberto Mancini keeps his job as Manchester City finish the season potless; Roman Abramovich keeps faith with Benítez despite Chelsea coming fifth; North Korea sets free all its dissidents; Robert Mugabe invites leader of opposition over for tea and crumpets. June Roger Draper's salary rise to £1 million per annum universally welcomed as British tennis players who the Lawn Tennis Association actually helped develop make it through to the latter stages of Wimbledon. The sun shines for 14 straight days, not a single professional golfer is spotted in the Royal Box and Tim Henman's incisive analysis makes John McEnroe consider his future. British Boxing Board of Control orders Audley Harrison to attend an anger management course. July Three days before the Open tees off, Muirfield announces they have followed Augusta's lead and invited a female to become a member. First Germaine Greer turns down the opportunity, then Julie Burchill raises two fingers, as do Martha Burk, Lady Gaga and Dame Edna Everage. "We've tried our best," says the Muirfield chairman. We don't know what else to do. If Nadine Dorries also says no, we might have to ask a woman who actually plays golf. David Beckham signs for a serious football club, who value results above merchandise sales. August David Cameron announces he will repeal funding cuts in school sport. "Who says we've forgot all those Olympic pledges?" says the PM. And, please, no pictures of me stood up here alongside Jessica Ennis. This isn't some blatant PR stunt. Lance Armstrong takes over as presenter on Call My Bluff. September A month into the football season and the referees have hit back, with 52 players already sent off for swearing at officials. "Football - flipping hell," says Ferguson, careful to avoid a three-match ban. John Terry has voice-box removed and mouth stapled to thwart the lip-readers. Clare Balding goes full 24 hours without appearing on radio or television. October Stirling Moss recrowned F1 world champion. November Tony Jacklin wins the European Tour's Order of Merit. December Shane Warne wins back the Ashes for Australia.