Talk of the Twon: Coffee's under starter's orders THE scandal over horse meat being found in Tesco value burgers should really have been neigh laughing matter. Instead, it's sounded the starter pistol on a slew of funny and not so funny jibes which have appeared online. Now Edinburgh coffee shop Artisan Roast has joined in the fun, although the rather muddled message on its latest promotions board might be the final hurdle for some customers. The Broughton Street shop's regularly changing board advertised that its espresso blend was made up of "70% Mandhelings, 28% Brazil and 2% horse meat." Thieves get hee-haw Everyone knows crime doesn't pay - especially if you're making your getaway with a 17ft red canoe. The city's hapless canoe thieves are far from alone, though - an ambitious raid in Colombia recently fell apart because police were alerted by the noise made by their getaway donkey. Bucky sales bring in the big bucks It is a favoured tipple of former Lord Provost Eric Milligan - and it seems the charms of Buckfast are starting to spread. Sales of the tonic wine have reached a record high with sales last year totalling almost £40 million. The company said the boost in its coffers was down to "loyal" customers. For better or verse . . It's Burns Night, which usually means people across the Capital will be reaching for old books of the Bard to get ready for a recital. But for those who know their Burns, Tempus at the George Hotel has a tempting offer - the restaurant is launching the Bard's Burger, made with haggis mixed with venison mince, and the first ten diners who can recite Address to a Haggis tonight, without any help, will be able to enjoy theirs - and a dram - for free.