PMQs sketch: Keith Vaz, sugar daddy If one Labour MP has his way, Britain will soon enter a new war. Not in Mali or Syria or indeed any other foreign nation. This will be a new kind of war, against a new kind of enemy. An enemy that infiltrated our society countless generations ago, under the guise of good, and whose might grows daily, its toll devastating. An enemy with whom we cannot negotiate. An enemy we can't even see. Well, except in granulated form. You can see it then. But anyway. Sugar. "What steps does the Prime Minister propose to take," demanded Keith Vaz sternly, "to engage manufacturers in a War Against Sugar?" You could hear the capital letters. Mr Vaz - senior backbencher, campaigner against diabetes and noted fat man - insists that it is the job of the Government to reduce our children's sugar consumption. Some people might argue that actually it isn't the Government's job, it's the parents" job, but such people are political dinosaurs who labour under the fanciful delusion that voters are capable of taking, or even inclined to take, responsibility for their own actions. Hence Mr Vaz wants us on a war footing. We shall fight sugar. We shall fight it in the supermarkets, we shall fight it in the corner shops, we shall fight it in the playgrounds and in the streets, we shall fight it in the 24-hour garages; we shall never surrender. And if, which Mr Vaz does not for a moment believe, this island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, we should still keep the family pack of fun-size Mars bars out of reach of the children, accessible only to Mummy and Daddy when they've had a hard day at work, I mean come on, they've earned it, it's only one, what harm can it do, and how about a cheeky glass of white wine dear, oh go on then, God I needed that. Maybe while Mr Vaz is conducting his War Against Sugar, he can launch one against horse-meat burgers, too. The War Against Shergar.