Illustration: Eric Lobbecke Source: The Australian I WAS at the dentist the other day. I don't mind the dentist; in fact, I get there early because the dentist is the only legitimate place where men get to do what men really like to do. To read women's magazines. I was forced to read Woman's Day because there was nothing else to read. No, National Geographic doesn't count. That's American. The rule of waiting-room magazines is that if the only available men's magazines are American or English then men are at liberty to casually peruse whatever women's magazines are available. Do I really have to explain why? It's a question of relevance and patriotism. An Australian magazine, no matter how tacky, beats an American magazine, no matter how chic. I like the stories in women's magazines: coping with adversity; an exciting new life direction; a special relationship with children or partner. It's uplifting. I even like the advice columns: those with problems seem so very "human." My dentist also carries the outstandingly preppy Architectural Digest, which I think is there specifically for blokes (because we like to build things) as well as several - no, make that multiple - Australian magazines for women. Now, the rule is that if there's no one else in the waiting room then men can happily rummage through whatever magazines take their fancy: Vogue, Family Circle, Harper's Something. I know them all. I once read a copy of Who and I didn't twig it was a decade old until I had invested 10 minutes of full-on reading time. I felt cheated; I got all interested in the fashion and in the celebrity gossip only to realise that it was so yesterday. If there are other patients in the waiting room, or if the receptionist has a clear view of what you're reading, I have worked out it is necessary to pick up a designated men's magazine, be seen to thoughtfully consider the cover, and to then put it back with a bit of a sigh. The sigh is an important part of the process. It needs to be audible and it needs to be accompanied by a particular facial expression that projects the fact that you have just exhausted all legitimate Australian-based male reading options. This performance must communicate to the waiting room community that you are at the end of your tether and that you intend exercising your sovereign male right to pick up whatever magazine frippery is immediately available in the vain hope that it might amuse you while you wait. Oh, wait, what's this? The Australian Women's Weekly? This looks interesting. I guess I'll give it a go, just out of curiosity, you see. I also like New Idea, and especially the Mere Male section. Those men; they really are duffers. Although I have to say I am continually perplexed by stories in women's magazines about supermodels who "reveal" their beauty secrets. No, it's not because you do tai chi or drink warm water and lemon in the morning. It's because you were born this way. Can no one else see this? The problem with my dentist is she does her best to get me done on time so my scheming to read women's magazines is often to limited avail. I feel like saying to my dentist, no, leave me here for five more minutes while I work out whether Brad and Angelina really are meant for one another. Bernard Salt is a KPMG Partner and founder of the Facebook page Society for Normal People.