Queen's speech sketch: David Cameron farages for votes Modernisers complain that in a 21st-century democracy there is no room for so antiquated a figure as Mr Skinner, that he is a throwback to a bygone age, and that it is high time he were abolished. But traditionalists insist he be maintained, citing his decades of honourable service and appeal to tourists. Once MPs had trooped through to the Lords, the Queen began. As a piece of rhetoric the speech was banal, although I suppose it isn't every day that an 87-year-old monarch finds herself uttering the phrases "matching internet protocol addresses" and "crime in cyberspace." In the afternoon, MPs debated the speech. Or, to give this tradition its official title, the Blurting of the Scripted Jibes. Ed Miliband warned the Tories against obsessing over Europe: "You can't out-Farage Farage!" Yes, Nigel Farage is now so important, he's become a verb. I imagine "faraging" is a bit like foraging, but more desperate. ("I've just seen the Prime Minister in the street, faraging for votes. Poor creature, he looked half-starved.") I'm sure the Labour leader had other things to say, but I kept getting distracted by his habit of excitedly raising his right index finger, like a cartoon character who's been struck by an idea. David Cameron was on slogan duty: four times he said he was for "people who want to work hard and get on." At one point he even referred to people who "work hard and save hard," which sounds a lot less fun than working hard and playing hard. ("Round here we work hard, buddy. But at night we let our hair down by ploughing 25 per cent of our earnings into a private pension plan.") There was also the usual squabbling about borrowing. In summary: Labour thinks the Government is borrowing too much because it hasn't borrowed enough, and that it could get borrowing down by borrowing more. The Government, meanwhile, says Labour's only solution is to borrow, while itself borrowing more and more by the day. Essentially the argument is about whether borrowing should be gargantuan, or merely enormous. Perhaps both sides would seem more honest if they actually put it in these terms. Mr Speaker, we need borrowing to be gargantuan! Nonsense, Mr Speaker! Borrowing must be enormous, and not a penny more! That simply isn't good enough, Mr Speaker! We cannot turn this country around unless borrowing is absolutely crippling! Mr Speaker, it would be disastrous if borrowing were absolutely crippling. It should merely weigh us down so heavily we can barely breathe! Both the Prime Minister and the Labour leader, incidentally, took a moment to praise Sir Alex Ferguson. "A great supporter of the Reds, you might call him!" gurgled Mr Miliband, astutely noting the similarity in colour between Manchester United's home shirts and Labour's logo. "Perhaps he can now provide some consultancy services for Aston Villa!" burbled Mr Cameron, a Villa supporter ever since his uncle Sir William Dugdale was the club's chairman. Sir Alex's success at Machester United, of course, was built on immigrant talent and high spending, but now was not the time to mention that.