Paper Monitor: The critics agree 6 September 2013 Last updated at 12:06 A service highlighting... ... the riches of the daily press A Princess Diana biopic is given a less-than-deferential reception. Diana, a new film about the late Princess of Wales, receives prominent reviews in every paper this morning. The producers will be pleased with this publicity, right? Almost universally, the critics' verdict is damning. "I hesitate to use the term 'car crash cinema'," writes Peter Bradshaw of the Guardian. The review gets worse. Is this film an MI5 plot to blacken Diana's name and make her look plastic and absurd? The movie isn't so much Mills & Boon as a horrendous Fifty Shades of Grey with the S&M sex taken out - and replaced with paparazzi intrusion and misunderstood charity work. The Times concurs. According to critic Kate Muir, who also awards it a solitary star, the film is "atrocious and intrusive" and has a "squirmingly embarrassing script." Don't hold back, Kate. Tell us what you really think. The Daily Mirror's David Edwards describes the film as "a cheap and cheerless effort that looks like a Channel 5 mid-week matinee." Christopher Tookey of the Daily Mail says it's "slow and terribly, terribly dull." All of the above offer award the film one solitary star out of five. David Gritten of the Daily Telegraph is slightly kinder, awarding two stars. Actress Naomi Watts "makes a decent fist" of playing Diana, he says, but much of the action is "pedestrian." Paper Monitor offers deepest condolences to all involved.