Sketch: Ed Miliband's repeat prescription If you didn't manage to catch Ed Miliband's speech at Labour conference, it went a bit like this. Friends: if you didn't manage to catch Ed Miliband's speech at Labour conference... it went a bit like this. It was repetitive, friends. Friends: it was repetitive. He'd settled on two key phrases: "Britain can do better than this" and "A race to the top." And do you know what he did? I'll tell you what he did. He repeated the two key phrases. He repeated the two key phrases throughout the speech. Again and again - and again and again. Friends: that's what Ed Miliband did. But do you know what else Ed Miliband did? Friends, I'll tell you. Ed Miliband said the Tories didn't care about people in the north. The Tories didn't care about people in the north because the Tories thought people in the north didn't matter. But friends, people in the north did matter. Because people in the north were - as Ed Miliband said, loudly, getting very worked up about it - "Our friends! Our neighbours! That's right, friends. Simply living in the north makes you a hero. A hero of Britain. Well done, people in the north. Well done for living in the north. Ed Miliband appreciates your sacrifice. He doesn't know how you do it. Personally, friends, I used to live in Sheffield. I lived in Sheffield for three years. And frankly, friends, I'm flattered. Flattered that Ed Miliband considers me a Hero of Britain. Friends, Ed Miliband once met an ordinary person somewhere in the regions. And do you know what that ordinary person said? That ordinary person said: "Ed, here's a quote that conveniently reflects the political message you want to convey. A quote that proves you're on the side of ordinary people in the regions like me. Feel free to repeat that quote in your conference speech. And friends, that's what Ed Miliband did. Many times. Friends, Ed Miliband did some jokes about how "geeky" he is, and the audience liked it. He attacked the Tories over the NHS, and the audience liked it. He said 16-year-olds should get the vote, and the audience liked it, particularly the rows of young people stationed behind him. Ed Miliband likes to show that young people are behind him. A few months ago he had young people stationed behind him when he gave a speech launching his local election campaign in Ipswich. The young people weren't from Ipswich. They were party members. They'd been brought in specially, by train. Friends: this is my message. If you want to give your banal thoughts impact, say them again and again. Say them again - and again. Again and again, your voice rising, your voice rising until you're shouting, shouting above the cheers of your audience, your audience cheering in acclaim, acclaim for your banal thoughts, your banal thoughts with the word "Britain" in them, your banal thoughts. Friends: thank you.