Memory of former Brumbies teammate Shawn Mackay drives Wallaby Matt Toomua Matt Toomua fires a pass for the Wallabies. ABOUT forty minutes before every game, Matt Toomua reaches into his bag, pulls out a marker and writes a number on his left wrist. For four years Toomua has scribbled the three digits and paused to remember the guy who owned them. "In special games you think about it a bit more," Toomua says. I like to write it down to remember, and think about how much he'd love to be here right now. The number is 118; the Brumbies player number of late friend and teammate Shawn Mackay. Mackay earned it two weeks before he tragically passed away in 2009, following complications from a hit-and-run accident in Durban while on tour with the ACT side. Then 19, Toomua was crushed. He and Mackay were flatmates and had fast developed a strong bond. We just got on really well. He kind of took a big brother role," Toomua said. To be fair, we knew each other less than a year but we just got on, and he really helped me out. I was barely out of school, so with just basic things like cooking. His girlfriend moved in and they took care of me, so I guess that's why he meant so much to me. Much has changed for Toomua since Mackay's passing. Then a fringe Super Rugby player, the 23-year-old is now a Wallaby, and he was set to play against the Springboks in Cape Town early Sunday morning (AEST). He's been back to Africa "five or six times" since 2009, so the pain attached to the flight over has faded now. But the memories of Mackay haven't. Toomua still uses his mate as a benchmark for the merit of hard work, and as a reminder to savour every moment. The thing I remember about him is I came out of school and played Super Rugby the year after. Things happened quite quickly for me and the progression was a lot simpler," Toomua said. He was eight years older than me, so he would have been 27 or something like that, and he had just made his debut after a long time. It was such a nice thing to see a guy who's worked so hard finally get there. It's kind of like Scott Fardy, someone who has taken a different kind of journey and you know it means a lot to them. It makes you realise how lucky you are to be where you are, and I still think about that quite often. Toomua likes to remember how happy Mackay was in the weeks before his accident. He'd come off the bench on debut against the Lions in Johannesburg, and again against the Sharks on the night of his accident. "It was a huge high for him, so for him to only get two games was unfair," Toomua says. After being informed of Mackay's death, the Brumbies rallied around the teenage Toomua. The full impact didn't come, he says, until several months later while playing in the under-20s world championship in Japan. It all came and hit me. That was quite rough actually," Toomua says. Toomua needed the lessons of Mackay's perseverance for several years after, with his rapid rise stalling somewhat at the Brumbies. With injury and falling out of favour, he was played lightly until 2012 under Jake White saw him begin to play regularly. This year was the first season he played the entire year at five-eighth, and helping to steer the Brumbies to the Super Rugby final saw Toomua called up to start for the first two Tests of The Rugby Championship. He has since been moved back to the bench behind Quade Cooper, but now older and wiser, Toomua shrugs about the demotion. I am more balanced about my views now than what I would have been when I was younger. You ride the roller-coaster a lot more when you are younger," Toomua says. You learn to be more neutral with your emotions when you get picked or you get dropped or whatever. That's just a case of me growing up and being part of this industry for a while. I am not that player who will always be constantly picked and be the superstar. I am comfortable with that, and it helps me strive to always be better. There will always be opportunities. He and Cooper get on well, and help each other with preparation. Whether starting or coming off the bench, Toomua now feels like he belongs at Test level. In your first year or two, a lot of it is about not screwing up, I reckon. Now it is about making an impact on the field, and leaving a mark on it," he says. The mark on Toomua's wrist tape serves as constant inspiration. Mackay played sevens for Australia and dreamed of playing for the Wallabies. Tragedy took his dream, leaving Toomua to carry him into Test rugby instead. "It's obviously in memory of Shawn, but it also represents a lot more," he says. Just how lucky I am to have the opportunity, and how much someone I know would have given up just to do what I am doing, and be where I am now. I will never lose sight of that.