Letting go can be hard to do Money management can be a major ongoing stress point in relationship breakdowns. RELATIONSHIP breakdowns are a major trigger for financial issues as an estimated 100,000-plus households separate each year, including about 50,000 formal divorces. Children and emotional well-being are often the first priority, but money management can be a major ongoing stress point in relationship breakdowns. The average length of partnership in Australia before separating is about 12 years, plenty of time to establish joint finances and assets. However, government statistics also show a 40 per cent increase during the past two decades of older couples, with partnerships of more than 20 years, also parting ways and having to unwind complicated long-term financial arrangements. Australian Securities and Investments Commission senior executive Robert Drake says one of the first steps when it comes to a financial separation is undoing joint accounts, debts and bills. "Think about what are the debts and bills in joint names, the lease agreement, electricity, car loan, mortgage, credit card and those sorts of things," Drake says. "You want to know what you're responsible for and avoid being unfairly billed for things that you don't owe after you split up," he says. Communication and goodwill are always tested in this sort of situation. Unfortunately even when things have worked out well in the past, peoples' attitudes may change. If you have a joint bank account, think about what will happen to that money and who can access it. Decide how to protect yourself by making sure your ex partner can't empty the bank account. Accountant BDO Australia director Tony Simmons says in many relationships one partner, often the woman, is not fully aware of all the financial issues which can be a disadvantage. "First there needs to be a stocktake of what's around, what assets are owned in individual names, joint names, companies, trusts and superannuation funds," Simmons says. Both parties need to get a stock take of assets and values. The main issue is to get independent advice - and fairly quickly," Simmons says. I always recommend that each partner gets their own adviser in regard to legal, accounting and financial. Counsellor and Sunshine Family Relationship Centre manager Sue Yorston says money can be used as a weapon in difficult breakups. "People can be emotionally distressed, very angry, experiencing grief and loss, concerned about their future and then all the financial issues and worries get mixed in with those emotions," Yorston says. We encourage people not to rush in to making decisions and to take a little time to acknowledge the emotions and get help dealing with them. Of course, people should have legal and financial advice but we also encourage them to talk to a counsellor or get some support emotionally. Once you step back, often you can see the practical side of things are different to your emotional side. Financial adviser Hewison Private Wealth director Chris Morcom strongly recommends getting individual financial advice before finalising any property settlement. Different tax treatments, negotiation on timing or even splitting assets in a different way - but with the same financial outcome - can make an enormous difference to each partner's financial future, he says. Selling the family home and then halving or dividing the proceeds is not necessarily going to get the right outcome, it could mean that both parties don't have enough money. If one person takes the house or the full proceeds of the house and the other person takes the superannuation or the investment, then the 'percentage' split is still the same but it can work better for each of them. If one partner is getting all the cash, then the other partner might get a higher percentage split or they can negotiate a mixture of both superannuation and house money.