Most mums and dads are heading in the right direction A Miley Cyrus film clip has raised alarm bells. TODAY'S parents are over-protective, over-controlling and overbearing. Or are they? Barely a day passes without another reprobate abusing footy umpires, parading their kids in sexy outfits or hiring stretch limos for primary school graduations. Pushy parents terrorise teachers if their little "star" doesn't get special treatment, while helicopters hover over their child's every move, driving the rest of us mad. Some argue we're producing a generation of spoilt, narcissistic monsters lacking resilience and empathy. Veteran American TV news anchor Bill O'Reilly recently raised alarm bells after 20-year-old Miley Cyrus's sexually provocative film clip. Writing for the New Haven Register he warned of an "epidemic of bad parenting" that made excuses for inexcusable behaviour such as the young men who shot Australian baseballer Chris Lane. "There is no question that American society is becoming increasingly callous and coarse and part of the reason is that derelict moms and dads refuse to set boundaries for their children," he wrote. Many parents are distracted and care more about themselves than their children and the kids know it. It is true that some parents are failing dismally. We all know someone who spoils their kids, emotionally neglects them or pushes them to succeed at all costs. In 14 years as a parent I've seen all types, from those who stalk sporting coaches convinced their "good ordinary player" is a future Olympian, to those who tell teachers how to do their job. But for every image-obsessed mum and deadbeat dad there are others who deserve a medal. Like anything else in life, the extremes dominate discussion and media coverage while the good guys don't stand out or seek attention. Many are going to extraordinary lengths to raise well-rounded and well-behaved children. A friend has spent many years caring for two children with intellectual impairment and one without, giving up almost all of her time to give them the best possible quality of life. Another organises most of her school's fundraising events, spending hundreds of hours sourcing and making items for stalls. She also ferries her kids to sport and encourages their independence. Others have changed careers to spend more time with their children, working part-time or from home to be there for them. Then there are the sporting dynamos coaching or managing multiple teams while juggling paid jobs and family commitments. All are busy but find time to help their children and others. Good parents like these make good communities. Our primary school is rarely short of volunteers for working bees, school fetes, discos and sport. Some are involved in almost everything, constantly attending meetings, sourcing sausages and supervising stalls. These parents are modelling the best possible behaviour for their kids: healthy lifestyles, selflessness and community spirit. Adolescent psychologist Dr Michael Carr-Gregg says 70 per cent of parents are doing a great job and 30 per cent "not so good." He despairs of the growing number who can't or won't set boundaries or say no, which he calls "Vitamin N deficiency," but agrees good parenting deserves praise. We shouldn't need reminding, but Carr-Gregg says good parents: Set limits and boundaries Know how to say no Understand their child's developmental stage Have behaviour expectations and monitor/supervise where needed Teach manners Enforce bed times Expect their kids to exercise Control technology use and keep computers, phones and iPads out of bedrooms A friend adds that good parents know they are not perfect and how to say sorry when they make a mistake. "By doing so, you're teaching your child the importance of respect and forgiveness," she says. For every troubled family he sees, Carr-Gregg is heartened by examples of those getting it right. A woman told him on radio recently that she put her daughter's Pink tickets on eBay after the girl did not tell her where she was. "I called her parent of the year," he says. My favourite is the parent who put up a sign on the fridge door that said: Do you want your wi-fi password? 1) Make your bed, 2) Walk the dog, 3) Do your allocated chores. I thought that was very clever. Cheryl Critchley is on Twitter @CherylCritchley