A handy guide: "Here's why my footy team is better than yours" This Dockers fan shouldn't admit defeat just yet. YOUR footy team may not have won the grand final. It probably didn't even reach the final. But you can still argue it's the best side in the league. With some help from this handy guide, you can even make that argument sound credible! Here are ten reasons why your team could be better than the rest. Sure, it's an obvious argument, in the same way that winning the lottery is an obvious way to get rich. Very few pull it off, but when they do, nobody can dispute their wealth. Until they squander it on Lamborghinis and antique trombones. Remember, your team will stop winning one day, so you'd better prepare a back-up argument. Winners get to show everyone their armpit hair. Your team won a bunch of premierships before your grandparents were born. Now its dismal performances make you curl into a ball and sob yourself to sleep every week. The solution? Live in the past, and tell everyone else how swell it was. South Sydney and Liverpool fans are particularly fond of this reasoning. It's OK guys. You'll always have 1908. Your team plays proper footy. Like everyone did in the good old days, before those sissies in suits made smashing opposition players in the face illegal. So if another team beats yours by playing "pretty" or, you know, occasionally passing the ball, the victory doesn't really count. Paul Gallen protests against the referee because he insists on refereeing. Sport is entertainment, so every team should try to be as entertaining as possible, right? Your club embraces that idea. The players have no discipline whatsoever; they just chuck the ball around like they're the Harlem Globetrotters. The team gets beaten by 50 points every week, but the other side is boring, so the score doesn't matter. Gary Ablett is pretty skilled. The rest of his team ... not so much. Your players have no talent and lose every game, but they look delicious doing it. Well, that's what your girlfriend tells you. While the team's trophy cabinet is bare, the players presumably "win" quite a lot off the field, so go ahead and add those victories to your club's tally. Look into Matt Cooper's eyes and try to tell him the Dragons suck. It's impossible. Don't scoff, the colour of your club's jersey is important. You have to watch this team play every week and wear your absurdly overpriced replica jersey to all the home games, so the last thing you want to put up with is a disgusting jumper. This argument defeats South Sydney fans every time. Not that we mean to pick on them again. Essendon's Jobe Watson flaunts a striking black and red number. No loss really feels like a loss if you watch it from a spacious seat, with an edible (gasp!) meat pie and a reasonably priced beer. Stadiums rarely provide all, if any, of these comforts, so even a sufficiently epic atmosphere can suffice. For instance, the Brisbane Broncos play at Suncorp Stadium, which is almost awesome enough to make up for Brisbane missing the finals this year. Suncorp is a fantastic place for losing fans to unfurl gigantic jersey replicas. If all else fails, make excuses. Lots of extravagant, shameless excuses. Perhaps the referees are conspiring against you. Maybe the league deliberately gave you a tough draw for the month of June, somehow anticipating the injury to your star player. Please refer to the North Queensland Cowboys" reaction to their finals loss a few weeks ago if you require a template. After the Sharks got that extra tackle you never stood a chance.