Friends: The One Where Nick Clegg is Frozen Out "For God's sake, Nick, I was on a personal best," said Dave. Anyway, you never listen to me, either. What do you mean? How many times have I told you the first rule of public school club - never suggest one rule for the oiks, and another one for the toffs. I don't know what the teachers at Westminster were like, but the best beaks at School were off their rockers - never got a teacher's qualification in their life. And the idea of a national curriculum? They'd have beaten you within an inch of your life if you mentioned the words. "That's not the point, Dave," said Nick. It's all about best practice, issues around continuing professional development, consumer-led content... "Just a moment, Nick," said Dave, putting his iPad on the Cabinet table and turning up the volume on the telly. Wonderful news - the Commies have caved in! Nick turned to look at the screen. The dormant chimneys of Grangemouth were choking out clouds of black smoke once more. "They don't like it up "em!" cried Dave. Threaten to turn the lights off - and Len and the gang collapse like a house of cards. What a bunch of wee, timorous beasties! "Not sure if it was anything to do with you," said Nick. Ed's been working like crazy with the unions. "I'll bet he has," said Dave gleefully. He was flipping terrified. You try freezing energy prices if no one's making any energy any more. Well, Alex Salmond played a blinder with that billionaire oil baron, too, didn't he? "He was even more desperate," said Dave. You try running an independent Scotland without any petrol. So much for your precious green power, too. "I know you don't make it to Scotland much - Miriam prefers the grand estancia in Spain, doesn't she?" said Dave, grinning. But let me tell you - we go there every year. The place is built out of lochs and wind, but it wouldn't survive for a second on green power, without a big bucket of oil. How can you deep-fry a Mars Bar if there's no electricity for the fryer? "That's not really the point," said Nick. It's all about eco-sustainability, issues around bio-security and - I'm sorry. I really can't hear you," said Dave, turning up the TV volume to the max. His face was a warm, contented orange as it reflected the news footage - Falkirk once again lit up by the bright glow of fossil fuel on fire. "Burn, baby, burn!" cried Dave, as Nick slunk out of the room.