The social minefield of brunch in Dubai Let me paint the picture for you. Many families in Dubai have a maid to help and, as Friday is the official day off, there is little babysitting to be had. This means that cherubs often accompany their parents to brunch, and in the main are allowed to run riot, stuffing their faces, while the adults gets redder and redder with an alcoholic glow. The bigger brunches, usually in the hotels, take this into consideration. There are children's play areas, face painting, computer games, balloon artists, and even petting zoos. When your five year-old comes back to your table with a snake wrapped around her neck, the common response is not to scream for help. Just say: "That's a nice necklace, dear" and go back to your roast beef. Nothing seems out of the ordinary in Dubai. And so what about the food and drink? That's the main attraction. There are all sorts of brunches on offer but the largest ones offer variety. One minute you're savouring sushi, the next your scoffing fish and chips. You might start with a healthy salad and save your calories for the chocolate fountain. An aperitif cocktail might be the first order of the day, but a glass of tawny port might be the last. So to wrap up here are my top tips for keeping it elegant and avoiding a messy brunch: Your children are still your responsibility. Depending on their age, give them boundaries otherwise you'll spend the entire time getting up and down from your table. Where are they allowed to go, what are they allowed to eat, how much are they allowed to eat? Pace yourself: If you are overwhelmed by the starter, you'll miss out on the other courses. Know your drinking limits. The Dubai brunch is about excess on every level, but you need to avoid a Bacchanalian disaster. Work out your exit strategy: There is a zero-tolerance policy to drinking and driving so don't touch a drop if you intend to drive. Accept the long lines for the taxi or book a car service in advance. Be aware of final orders. Some brunchers will use this as an excuse to line up their mojitos and settle in for an extra hour. Keep it classy. Drink plenty of water. Alcohol, dry air-conditioning and the heat of the day aren't a great combination. Wear loose fitting clothes. Look after out-of-towners. If you see your mother-in-law necking the fruit punch because she innocently thinks it's a virgin cocktail with a kick, steer her away from impending disaster. There is no Roman vomitorium on your way home so you need to be able to keep down what you put in. While drinking in the hotels is allowed (strictly speaking the drinker needs a license) it is illegal to be drunk, so be careful unless you wish to sleep it off in a desert hotel, courtesy of the police. Book a hotel room. Believe me, staggering to your second floor room after brunch is akin to scaling Everest. And enjoy! Helen McClure is the journalist behind the Expat Explorers website (www.expatexplorers.org). You can also follow her on Twitter @expatexplorers