American Horror Story, Series 3, episode 1, review Fans of American Horror Story know from bitter experience that if you try describe the show - let alone explain its appeal - to somebody who's never seen it, you inevitably sound like a crazy person. Anyway, here goes. Part of the problem is it that series creators Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk (whose other series, Glee, seems sensible in comparison) refuses to follow any of the normal rules of television. Taking an everything-plus-the-kitchen-sink approach to horror tropes, the previous two AHS" two seasons packed in alien abduction, demonic possession, ghosts, serial killers, the antichrist, Nazi genetic experiments - sometimes all in the same episode - and made no attempt to explain or rationalise any of it. Historical figures - Anne Frank, the Black Dahlia, the Pope - popped in for guest appearances. It was violent, tasteless and has often veered towards exploitation (a school shooting storyline comes to mind). The plots became so convoluted that it was difficult to tell past from present, good from evil, or dead from alive. Adding to the confusion, each season has a completely different premise, characters, and setting - only the cast is the same. And then there's theme music, a series of itchy, bump-in-the-night noises that barely qualifies as music at all. Then why does it work? The truth is, if you're in the right frame of mind American Horror Story gets under your skin like nothing else on television. It's never dull, far from predictable, and full of fantastic actors who clearly haven't had this much fun in years. This year, after presiding over a haunted house (season one) and a 1960s asylum (season two), AHS matriarch Jessica Lange is spellbinding as Fiona, the head - or "supreme" - of a witches" coven. In the first episode we learnt that the Salem Witch Trials, depicted in silent movie-style flashback, were a waste of time: the real witches escaped to New Orleans, where their ancestors now hone their powers with Fiona's daughter Cordelia (Sarah Paulson), head of Miss Robichaux's Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies. The students, who revealed their powers during a truly demented dinner scene, include a clairvoyant (Jamie Brewer), a "human voodoo doll" (Gabourey Sidibe, of Precious fame), a telekinetic (Emma Roberts), and a girl who can kill men by making love to them (Taissa Farmiga). Fiona, played by Lange as Anna Wintour with a mean streak and super-powers, arrived fresh from "a wonderful spiritual retreat with Shirley MacLaine" in order to "cure" herself of ageing and to whip the coven into shape for an impending war with voodoo mistress Marie Laveau (Angela Bassett). As she put it, "If witches don't fight, they burn." Ryan Murphy has described the new series as an attempt to "lighten" things after the sadistic nuns and forced lobotomies of last year, although there's scant evidence of this so far. People were hanged and burnt alive; a gang-rape victim wiped out her assailants by flipping their bus with a flick of the wrist; a coke-addled Fiona sucked the life from a man, turning him into a desiccated corpse. However, none of this compared to the first 10 minutes, which were eye-wateringly horrific even by AHS standards. In 1834, psychotic socialite Delphine LaLaurie (Kathy Bates) was seen torturing her slaves and using their blood as a face-cream. LaLaurie and her crimes are all too real, and in the AHS universe her punishment was a thing of beauty: slipped an immortality potion by Marie Laveau, she was buried alive for all eternity, or at least until Fiona decided to rescue her. If past form is anything to go by, things will only get wilder from here. As you may have surmised, American Horror Story is an acquired taste. Anybody who values realism, logic or anything approaching decency should give it a wide berth. But if the thought of a Chanel-clad Jessica Lange flinging people across the room, threatening to "drop a house" on her own daughter, and digging up Kathy Bates from an unmarked grave is remotely appealing to you, please dive right in. You'll never look back.