PMQs sketch: Such guff as dreams are made on Normally, Prime Minister's Questions is 34 minutes of vacuous bellowing. But this time it contained an extraordinary revelation. "When I see a white van, Mr Speaker," boomed Nadhim Zahawi (Conservative, Stratford-on-Avon), "I think of a small business owner who works long hours to put food on the family table. And when I see the cross of St George, I think of the words of my constituent William Shakespeare: "This blessed plot, this - "" Yes, you read that correctly: Mr Zahawi really did refer to "my constituent William Shakespeare." Which can mean only one thing. At the grand old age of 450, William Shakespeare is still alive. To the public at large it may sound unlikely, but in fact Mr Zahawi's boast was not an empty one. Four centuries into retirement, Mr Shakespeare lives quietly in a two-bed semi in the charming South Warwickshire village of Alveston, where he spends most of his time writing letters of complaint to public figures who use the phrase "gild the lily," a misquotation of "paint the lily" from his play King John. Having in recent years decided to eschew his doublet and tights for a velour tracksuit, Mr Shakespeare is able to pass unmolested among the tourists who throng Stratford to see his plays. Even literary scholars do not recognise him, mainly because they keep mistaking him for Francis Bacon, Christopher Marlowe or the 17th Earl of Oxford. As a keen follower of parliamentary events (he based the character of Iago in Othello on George Osborne), Mr Shakespeare will have been proud to hear his MP quote from Richard II ("This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England"), and to hear the lusty Conservative cheers with which the line was greeted. He will also have been proud to see the emotional impact his 419-year-old words had on Mr Zahawi. So inflamed with patriotic fervour was he that by the time he sat down his face was crimson and throbbing, like an angry thumb. The aim of Mr Zahawi's eruption was to embarrass Ed Miliband over last week's nonsense about white vans, England flags and class snobbery. If anyone succeeded in embarrassing Mr Miliband, however, it was probably Jamie Reed, one of his own MPs. "The first thing I think of when I see a white van," said Mr Reed (Labour, Copeland), "is whether or not my father or my brother is driving it." This casual flourishing of working-class credentials only emphasised the metropolitan gawkiness of Mr Miliband, who announced last week that whenever he sees a white van he "feels respect." What he feels when he sees a silver, red or blue van is unknown, although journalists remain in hot pursuit of the story. Do you feel respect when you see a red van, Mr Miliband? Mr Miliband, are red vans less worthy of your respect than white vans? What about lorries, Mr Miliband? Mr Miliband, when you see a lorry, do you feel consumed by quiet awe? Mr Miliband: do trucks make you cry?