'Spreadsheet parents' who make children do too much: Unwillingness to say no to offspring may do more harm than good, says leading psychologist Professor Tannya Byron says modern parents cannot say 'no' to children Couples are also projecting their ideas of success on to youngsters 'Kids end up living from spreadsheets that don't reflect what they want' Tanya Byron said modern parenting styles, and particularly a reluctance to say 'no' to children, were harming their offspring Parents are increasingly adopting a "spreadsheet" approach to family life and treating their children as friends instead of asserting their authority, according to a leading psychologist and broadcaster. In a speech to head teachers, Professor Tanya Byron spelled out how modern parenting styles - including an unwillingness to say "no" to children - may be doing more harm than good. Some parents project their own ideas about success onto their children and force them to lead over-scheduled lives filled with activities, she said. This "spreadsheet" approach leads to children being pushed in directions that "bear no resemblance to what they feel or want for themselves." Parents also increasingly struggle to say "no" to their children and try to act as their equal rather than their boss, she added. These "friend-parents" are leaving youngsters ill-equipped for the real world and forcing schools to step in to lay down boundaries. Addressing the Girls" Schools Association, Professor Byron said: "A lot of parents feel completely disabled to parent. They're terrified. I see the friend-parent phenomenon. I see it when they're very young. But she added: "This idea that I have to be my child's friend is a really dangerous one. You need to say no and give them containment and structure. Say "stop." I remember when my parents said no. You sucked it up. The problem for a lot of children is that their parents haven't said no since they were little so by the time they get to be a teenager they're b***ered. 'I don't get what the issue is. Why can't parents say no? What's the problem? Professor Byron, who has been a clinical psychologist for 25 years and featured on the BBC series House of Tiny Tearaways, added: "The problem for schools is that not only do you have to educate kids and help them eat a healthy diet, you've kind of got to parent them as well. It is a systemic approach [that is required] and looking at how parents need to establish boundaries. She had also observed how "some families have an almost spreadsheet approach to parenting." "We all want the best for our children but there are parents where the best is a huge projection, so that the child reflects something about them as parents," she told the GSA, which represents independent girls" schools. There's nothing wrong with being ambitious but I meet a number of children who have been pushed and crafted into something that bears no resemblance to what they feel about or want for themselves. Professor Byron also said parents were being too friendly with their children, and were unwilling to assert their authority which wsa doing more harm than good In a further warning, Professor Byron highlighted that growing numbers of teenagers are suffering from eating disorders and self-harm due to the pressure of exams. She said she was astonished at the attitude of some parents who were worried that treating problems might interfere with exam preparation. "Parents are often very concerned and shocked at how any treatment may impact on their child's continued preparation for exams," she added. For instance, you may tell them that their child may not be able to do her GCSEs at present. Parents" attitudes can cause "incredible damage" to their child, she said. Professor Byron said that self-harm among boys was also increasing, and that even the children of "aspirational middle class parents" were vulnerable. "It is absolutely heart-breaking and it is increasing," she added. Professor Byron, who advised the last Government on the impact of video games and the internet on young people, went on to warn that some vulnerable youngsters were at risk from social media since they were using it in "really unhelpful" ways. "Children are digital natives, we are digital immigrants," she added. The conference heard earlier in the week how social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter are creating a generation of timid parents who are afraid to discipline their teenage children for fear of being shamed on social media. According to GSA president Alice Phillips, grumpy teens are increasingly refusing to back down in rows with their parents as friends egg them on via social networking sites. Parents are becoming "less bold and intuitive" when disciplining adolescents amid fears that family disputes will be broadcast to hundreds of friends online, she claimed.