I just adore the JEWS. They can LITERALLY do no wrong in my book All my life, I have been wrapping myself in the blue and white flag of Israel. I love Israel, me. I love Jews, too. They're all so clever and good-looking and people who try to stereotype them are just Nazis. There I've said it. I don't much like bagels, though. It all started when I watched the Holocaust episode of The World at War, literally THE GREATEST documentary series ever made, with my dad, and I just started blubbing and thought: "These people need JULIE's help." And from that time on, I have just adored the JEWS. They can LITERALLY do no wrong in my book. Anyone who says different is an antisemite. End of.At school, I remained a virgin because I never met a Jew. I masturbated so much, I wondered if had turned into a lesbian! I fucking hate people who say LOLS. I'm not boasting or nothing when I say I knew NME was going to hire me, because I knew I was a lot cleverer than the dopey halfwits who were running the rag. God, I hated the music, though, and having that needy moron Tony Parsons sniffing around me drove me MAD. I probably shouldn't have made the mistake of letting him shag me the once, mind, but I like to get PISSED me and to be honest, I didn't really know he had shagged me because his cock was so small. After that incident, I wanted a proper Jew because they all have huge cocks. So I set out to seduce the only Jew in the office, the permanently stoned 70-year old (well, he looked it) Mick Farren. Thing was, Mickey had a taste for S&M, so I ended up getting whipped. Loved it! Never felt more Jewish. Only it turned out Mickey wasn't a Jew so I married Moron Tony as penance. Four years later I walked out on him and the kid, whatever his name was. Regret it? Best thing I've ever done. Because they weren't Jewish and I had just met a Jewish bloke called Cosmo with a huge cock, so I went to live with him and take buckets full of KOSHER cocaine. I have to say, though, he was a disappointment to me. As were his bohemian, lefty parents who used to say: "Sometimes we wonder if just maybe Israel might have been a little over-the-top in some of its actions." Typical self-hating Jews. It's that kind of pussywhipped snivelling that will take every Jew back to the concentration camps. I now seem to have ended up in Brighton married to Dan, the brother of my former lover Charlotte, whom I've now dropped along with everyone else who isn't JEWISH. Especially the Guardian which is absolutely riddled with Jewish Muslims. People say to me (yes, I'm looking at you, India Knight) that I can be too intolerant of people who aren't Jews. Well, think about this, then. Have you ever met a Muslim who didn't hate women and GAYS? Or who didn't want to blow up tube trains and take the world back to the stone age? I fucking haven't and until I do, it's Torah! Torah! Me and my best mate Nina, who is the only person I know who loves the Jews as much as I do, have been to Israel four times. Each time we've got completely pissed, which makes it the best place ever. It's like landing in a SPIRITUAL paradise. Apart from Eilat, which is full of Israeli chavs. I can't fucking stand them. The thing that always gets me every time in Israel is the TOLERANCE. I love that. It must be miserable to be surrounded by so many Muslims. Why haven't I converted then? I went along to this liberal synagogue run by some lipstick lesbian rabbi who wouldn't even give me a glass or two of the case of vintage champagne I had brought round for dinner, and then had the cheek to suggest that some Muslims and Christians might be half-decent people. What a fucking TRAGIC loser. What kind of religion is that? I said to her: "You can stuff your antisemitism up your arse, you neofascist hypocrite. And while you're about it, you can give me back the £3,000 I gave you for the synagogue roof. Digested read, digested: Unhinged