Football transfer rumours: Ross Barkley to Manchester City for £60m? Manchester United is not run by complete morons. That is the claim made by several newspapers today, as they carry reports that the club want Radamel Falcao to prove his fitness if they are to buy him on a permanent basis in the summer. Well hot dang! Newspapers in England find it notoriously difficult to captivate their readers in the run-up to hard sells such as a dreary home qualifier against the likes of Slovenia, so how incredibly lucky it is for editors that several Premier League clubs have chosen today to reveal a series of sensational transfer plots! Some helpful deep throat at Chelsea, for instance, has taken this opportunity to disclose that Roman Abramovich has greenlit a £90m move for Gareth Bale! Just to repeat, that's Chelsea, Real Madrid, and Gareth Bale, search engine users! The story does not contain any mention of Cristiano Ronaldo or Lionel Messi. Nor, to be clear, of Kim Kardashian or cheap flights. Elsewhere there is talk of Ross Barkley moving to Manchester City, but don't worry, Everton fans, you don't have to go to preposterous Roberto Martínez lengths to find the positives in that one, because there will be at least sixty million of them, apparently. City will help fund that move by asking their daddy for more pocket money. And selling Matija Nastasic to Internazionale, who sure know a bargain when they see one, as they are also poised to fork out a fortune to spring Fabio Borini from Liverpool. Arsenal could raise some money by jacking up ticket prices even further; or even by selling Joel Campbell, who is also wanted by Inter, who appear determined to do all their January shopping in England, as Tottenham's Vlad Chiriches is also on their list. Meanwhile, there are yet more reports today that Sami Khedira does not want to leave Real Madrid for Arsenal, causing the Mill to wonder whether the frequency with which this story appears in the papers has anything to do with someone at Arsenal actively trying to create an impression that Arsène Wenger is actually trying to do something about that hole in his side's midfield. Ditto the reports about Arsenal and Sevilla midfielder Grzegorz Krychowiak. Tottenham are planning to make some purchases too, naturally. Colombian striker Teó Gutiérrez could soon be heading to White Hart Lane for a large fee, before flitting in and out of the first team in a thrilling tussle for supremacy with Harry Kane. Manchester United are considering making a move for Memphis Depay. The player has been described as a sort of Norwegian Terry Wogan, but only by raving clowns. In reality he is a Dutch winger. Finally, there are reports that Wigan are going to offer famous text messager Malky Mackay a route back into management following this week's sacking of Uwe Rösler. No doubt Dave Whelan will have to put any shyness aside and brave relentless media requests for interviews if that turns out to be true.