Increasing numbers seeking advice on sex addiction WHEN sex becomes an addiction, the fallout can be very harmful - but there is counselling out there, writes Anne Chilton. Sex is a hot topic - are we getting enough, not enough, how to do it better, longer faster and with more variety. All good fun, but what happens when it gets out of control, when the desire for sex outweighs everything else on life? When the need for sex places you in situations where you might be at risk of losing your partner, your family, your home, your self-respect? Having a curiosity about sex is healthy for some, though this can lead them into behaving in ways that they might never have thought they could. While the likes of Russell Brand and Gail Porter have brought sexual addiction under the spotlight recently, it is not a new issue. What is new is the numbers of people looking for help to deal with sexual behaviours that they feel are out of control. Relationships Scotland is now able to offer a service specifically for people who are concerned about their sexual behaviour, be this having excessive numbers of partners, using porn to the detriment of other relationships, or if they feel they are no longer in control when it comes to sex. Relationships Scotland has always provided a specialised service to people with sexual difficulties in all of its 15 relationship counselling services, however over the past year or so there has been an increasing number of people asking for help with their sexual behaviours. Whilst there are some counselling services who work with addictions, there has, until now, not been any one service that helps address these problems throughout both mainland Scotland and the islands. Experienced and qualified counsellors and sex therapist are now able to offer people a counselling service specifically tailored to working with sexual addiction difficulties. When the desire for sex gets out of control it doesn't always remain that one person's concern. Many people with sexual concerns are already in relationships, they have partners and families, all of which they can put at risk by losing control of their pursuit of sexual desire. So what are we really talking about here, what do we mean by out of control sexual behaviours? Whatever the moral rights or wrongs of watching porn on the internet, viewing it occasionally or for the odd half hour or so is not likely to have you labelled a sex addict. However, if you find that you need to look at porn every night for hours at a time, you neglect your partner or family. If you feel you have no control about whether or not you search out images to view or if you need new and different images to get aroused then you are possibly on your way towards being out of control of your sexual feelings. Sex addiction isn't about sex itself, its more about the need to search for sex. Sex and the need for it is something very few people will talk about openly. There might be banter, but people rarely talk openly about what they want or need sexually. In the absence of real conversations, there is the internet. A click of the mouse and a whole new world can open up - things you never thought would be available to you sexually can be found there. Very quickly you can find yourself stuck in a cycle of desire which it is difficult to step away from. There is a myth about all addictions or out of control behaviours, that the person has a choice and they only need to stop doing it and all will be well. To some extent this is true. However, it's helping the persons to the point where they can stop that is the tricky bit. If they could stop, they would. However, like many addictions, sex addiction isn't just about the need for sex. In fact it is rarely about the need for sex, its more about the routes and ways people need to go down to find and seek out sex that need to be changed. Relationships Scotland's Sex Addiction Service is available to individuals and couples. Finding out that your partner has a sex addiction can be equally devastating for your partner. If you want to repair your relationship and to find out ways of being together and working through to a better place then this service can help. Contact 0845 119 2020, e-mail enquiries@relationships-scotland.org.uk or visit www.relationships-scotland.org.uk to find out more. Anne Chilton is head of professional practice (counselling) at Relationships Scotland - www.relationships-scotland.org.uk