More Couples Ask Friends or Family Members to Marry Them Stephanie Diani for The New York Times Chris Coughlin, center, at the wedding of Amity Kitchen, left, and Matt Saucedo, right. Mr. Coughlin, ordained specifically for the wedding, is a friend of the bride's sister. FOR generations, getting married meant solemnly standing before an authority figure charged with upholding the rules of civil society or religious traditions. But when Amity Kitchen wed Matthew Saucedo in January, a gregarious family friend, Chris Coughlin, officiated. Mr. Coughlin's credentials for performing the ceremony? He clicked his mouse at a site offering ordination as a Universal Life Church minister, joining the ranks of Web-blessed clergy who are becoming an increasingly popular choice to preside over weddings. "Neither Matt nor I are very religious," Ms. Kitchen said. The thought of just randomly picking someone to perform this meaningful ceremony, that just didn't make sense. Couples are turning to these nontraditional officiants for a mix of reasons: The ties that bind Americans to traditional religious institutions are eroding in many pockets of the country. Inter-ethnic marriages are on the rise. And many brides and bridegrooms want every aspect of their weddings to feel unique, not just the handmade centerpieces and couture cake. "I myself got ordained, because what if an officiant doesn't show up?" said Mindy Weiss, a high-end wedding planner in Beverly Hills, Calif. About a dozen of the 60 couples she worked with last year used a friend or family member ordained online to officiate. Hard numbers on such weddings are difficult to come by because many counties and states do not record officiants" religious affiliations. But places that do keep track have seen a jump. In Ohio, the number of people registering as Universal Life ministers to perform weddings has risen steadily, to nearly 1,600 in 2011, twice as many as registered in 2007. In New York City, the City Clerk's office processed 1,105 marriage licenses last year for ceremonies officiated by Universal Life ministers, a small fraction of the total, but more than twice as many as in 2009. In Massachusetts and Vermont, where almost anyone can become a temporary civil officiant, a growing share of couples have had their weddings presided over by friends or relatives with temporary permits. Last year, 13.5 percent of couples marrying in Vermont chose that route. And nearly a third of the couples interviewed by the wedding Web site TheKnot.com, in studies of its members in 2009 and 2010, said they were married by friends or family members. Anja Winikka, the site's editor, said the topic "wasn't even on the radar enough" to include in the survey from 2008. As couples marry later in life, Ms. Winikka said, they are less beholden to their parents" notions of the ideal wedding. "Couples have established their own lives before they've tied the knot," she said. The wedding has become much more about them. Stephanie Coontz, a chairwoman of the Council on Contemporary Families, suggested that perhaps some "magical thinking" is at play, with couples believing that "if we make our wedding unique, our marriages will be unique, and we'll be exempted from the pressures." April Beer, who began working as a professional celebrant after completing a seven-month course with the Celebrant Foundation and Institute, in New Jersey, has her own theory. "Unfortunately a lot of religious ceremonies are very cold," she said. I turn my weddings into big love-fests. Some religious leaders are troubled by the phenomenon. "People think of the wedding as a purely private matter," said Sheila Garcia, an associate director at the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. We also believe it's something larger than that: that your love, your marriage, is a gift not just to you but to the entire community. Rabbi Rick Jacobs, president-elect of the Union for Reform Judaism, noted that a clergy member can provide counseling based on years of experience. "Your best friend is not somebody who's going to counsel a couple about the hard parts of creating a deep bond," he said. The Universal Life Church, founded in 1959 and based in Modesto, Calif., for decades has been ordaining people free (ordination certificates can cost $5; a "ministry package," including baptism certificates and a parking placard, is $119.95). The Internet has made ordination easier, and the field is now getting crowded. In addition to Rose Ministries and the Church of Spiritual Humanism, there are several ministries using the Universal Life Church name. The popular Universal Life Church Monastery, based in Seattle, says its ordinations have surged from fewer than 98,000 in 2007 to more than 150,000 last year. The Modesto group says its numbers have fallen from a peak five years ago, though greater competition is likely a reason. In most states, marriage licenses are freely granted to couples being wed by ministers ordained online. State marriage laws, however, often do not explicitly address whether such ministers are qualified to preside over weddings. Some legal scholars say the vague areas in those laws open the possibility, however remote, for marriages to be vulnerable to legal challenges.