Kensington Hotel's Petite Etiquette Classes Despite the statistics, there wasn't much evidence of bad behaviour from the children who attended with Dylan. All from seemingly well-off families, and suddenly shy and quiet once faced with Jean's glare, the five others remained more or less rigidly in place as they were put through their paces. Jean was the principal of the Lucie Clayton modelling school for 30 years and has taught etiquette to Joanna Lumley, Esther Rantzen and a number of Prince William's former girlfriends. Over the years she's instructed plenty of children too, and she sees an insistence on children practising good table manners as vital in ensuring they become respectable adults: "They say that "manners maketh the man" but I'm a great believer in the same being true for children as well. If you take time to teach your children table manners while at home, you'll... help your children to grow into polite adults. Jean formally begins the day's lesson by instructing the boys on "how to be gentlemen for the ladies," before informing the four "gentlemen" present that they should always pull out a chair for their female companions and offer their female companions food first. The assumption that men should treat women differently - rather than everyone at the table should simply show courtesy and generosity towards companions of either sex - seemed rather regressive to me but the boys followed her instructions adequately before plonking themselves down and stuffing their faces with free sandwiches. Although he'd complied with the initial command Dylan thought the whole concept hilarious. Jean was quick to hone in on the rogue rebel in the group and stationed herself firmly behind Dylan's chair to make an example of him. "A gentleman should sit upright...and try not to shuffle your seat like that because it looks terrible and sounds awful...no elbows on the table... give mummy that car please..." and so on. He was then instructed that well-mannered children should stay glued to conversation at the table and contribute. Absolutely no getting bored and running about. Uh oh, Dylan's out of his seat. Sit down young man! And when you're drinking hot chocolate, remember to always bring your saucer up with the cup. So, onto the food: "No fingers on sandwiches please. Learn to use tongs. Get up and serve the ladies first. Knives and forks are for eating with, not for waving around...Sit down Dylan! "So," I venture "what's the best way to stop them from leaving the table?" Well, you should never have gadgets on the table, no matter how bored they are. No toys either, perhaps just a crayon. I'm about to tell Jean that that doesn't really answer my question when I notice Dylan again. He's now slumped back in his chair, conspiring with the previously well-behaved, now-corrupted boy who was seated beside him. After the hour draws to a close I ask Dylan what he's learned. In characteristic style, none of the above advice penetrated his consciousness at all, though two of Jean's nuggets are now quoted back to me at every possible opportunity. That bossy lady said that if we go out to a restaurant, you should let me order whatever I want. Yes Dylan, but I don't think she meant no main course, just three desserts. That bossy lady said it doesn't matter which way round I hold my knife and fork. All right, I've given up on that one now, perhaps she had a point there. But have I otherwise seem a dramatic turn-around? Well, no, but to undo seven years of hardwired delinquency in one hour was a big task. All in all, despite crying on the way there because he was scared of being told to behave, he did concede that he had enjoyed himself when we left. "Any lesson that involves eating is great," he declared. Well, at least we can agree on that. Complimentary hour-long Petite Etiquette classes take place at The Kensington Hotel on March 24, April 14 and April 28. For further information or to book a place on the classes call the hotel on 020 7589 6300.