Sketch: Full Britannia, Britannia rule the waves This is a crucial distinction. The former are untrustworthy chancers and spongers, whose movements should as far as possible be restricted. The latter, however, are proud, honest citizens, whose freedom to roam the globe as they see fit must never be curtailed. By "this country" his constituents presumably mean the UK, rather than, say, Spain, which is said to be home to around three quarters of a million British people. Those three quarters of a million had better not return, or Mr Hollobone's constituents will be up in arms. ("Bloody British. Coming back here, taking our jobs.") The occasion was an Urgent Question. Theresa May, the Home Secretary, and Yvette Cooper, her opposite number from Labour, were arguing about the prospective arrival of Romanians and Bulgarians, immigrants the lot of them. An argument between Mrs May and Ms Cooper is always a treat to watch, provided you've remembered to wrap up warm first. The minute the two lock glares across the dispatch box, the temperature in the Commons plummets 50 degrees. What is she or the Prime Minister doing to address the problems for wages and jobs? Nothing!" snapped Ms Cooper, as a thick layer of snow formed on her hair, nose and shoulders. "The hypocrisy of the Labour party is absolutely staggering!" shouted Mrs May, as the body of a senior backbencher was found entombed in ice. "Out of order!" cried Labour MPs, as a colony of emperor penguins shuffled through to the lobbies. "I understood the reference to be a collective reference, not an accusation of individual impropriety," came the muffled voice of the Speaker from somewhere deep inside his igloo.