At a Swim Meet, a Ribbon for Everyone My 10-year-old recently joined a swim team, which holds meets at municipal swim centers around town. At one recent meet, after we parked and made our way through a sea of speedo- and goggle-clad children, the coach walked up to the gathered group of parents. O.K., I've got everything covered but still need one kid herder and one ribbon-writer. I volunteered. I'll write ribbons. I had never done it before. How hard could it be? The coach pointed across the pool and said, "Head over to those tables, and they'll show you what to do." I walked over to join the folks already crowded around two tables. "You might need to grab a chair," the leader said to me. You're going to be here awhile. As I walked away, she yelled: "And get your kid's race numbers. We'll give you a break so you can watch! I instantly wondered what in the world I had gotten myself into. Chair in hand, I headed back to the tables. By this time, the leader had placed in my spot a calculator, a red pen, a stack of post-it notes and a roll of stickers to be filled out and placed on the back of ribbons. I started to think the wrong person signed up for this job. Ummm ... does this writing ribbons require thinking? The woman next to me grabbed her drink and said: "I'm not going to lie, it's a little stressful. But you will get the hang of it. The leader began training: "O.K. Here's what's going to happen. Runners will bring us the race results. On each card, there are two times. You will need to average the times then and record it in the top right-hand corner of the card. Do this on each swimmer for each heat. Some races might have 20 swimmers, so make sure to complete your stack. Then order the stack according to finish time. Write in the top left corner, race placement. Next group the stacks by team. Then we will all write the ribbons for the teams each of us represent. It's going to come at you fast. And we start with relays. Those are really confusing. But we will work together and get it all done. The woman next to me, red pen in hand, calculator within reach and clearly braced for battle, gave me a reassuring nod. So much for leisurely chatting. The next thing I know, I've got a stack of race results in front of me. I began averaging and wondered again if I should admit that my children won't even let me help with remedial math homework - something about getting the answers wrong. The leader yelled above the crowd, "I forgot to tell you ... Places one through eight get numbered ribbons. After the eighth, write a "P." Then complete the ribbons accordingly. "What does "P" stand for?" Participation. Please don't tell me everyone gets a ribbon. There are 16-year-olds racing over there. "Oh yes," she said pointing to the enormous box sitting in the middle of the table. I thought it was a toolbox. I had no idea it was home to hundreds of ribbons. I started to realize why everyone looked like they were going to battle. No leisure. No chatting. Plenty of calculating. And lots of writing. Because every child in every heat in every race would be awarded a ribbon for every swim. Our little circle of ribbon-writers sat at those tables for three hours working nonstop. In fact, I missed watching two of my child's three events. Self-esteem? As if getting recognition for participation does anything for anyone, let alone this far-from-toddler crowd. And what about the child who worked hard, and just happens to be gifted in the water, finishing first? Why can't we allow the top three to be just that? Good swimmers. Awards for the winners: not a new concept. Awards for everyone: needs reconsidering. Not winning rarely demeans the loser. Placating always does. Those ribbons ruined the race - completely. Maybe we need to start a new movement. A movement to stop over-ribboning (trophy, sticker, whatever). Not only will it benefit our children, some moms and dads just might get to do what they came to the swim meet to do. Watch their child swim. And cheer their hearts out, even when their child comes in last. Want to "participate" in more discussions about children, self-esteem and competition on Motherlode? Read more: Give Children a Chance to Lose - and Win; The Crazy, Intense Schedule of Competitive Youth Soccer? Bring It On; My Son's Grades Are Too High and Paying to Get Your Child's Book Published. Sorry, no trophies will be awarded.