Running a pub - how hard can it be? - Telegraph It is grueling, stressful, demanding, frustrating, relentless, demoralising, loud, hot, physically draining, disorientating and exasperating... But when you've had a great service with hundreds of happy customers who have enjoyed good food in a buzzy environment and have been looked after by a team of energised and motivated staff, it is also wonderful and it spurs you on to do it all again the next day. Russell Norman: 'most pub punters think the business model is simple' Since announcing that we have taken on a famous London pub in the middle of Cambridge Circus, where Covent Garden, Theatreland and Soho converge, there has been a different sort of response. It's a variation on the sentiment described above and it goes something like this: A pub? You lucky git! I've always fancied having my own pub. What a great business! I mean, you just stand around all day pouring beer and people give you money. What could go wrong? My pub would be great, it would have a jukebox and a pool table, a dart board, a real fire in the winter, a piano in the corner, quiz nights, meat raffle, some stag heads on the walls... You get the idea. Every bloke (and it's almost always a fella), it seems, harbours a secret desire to own a pub. I think that everyone wants to own a boozer because they genuinely think it will be easy. The user experience of a pub is pretty straightforward: you order at the bar, you pay, you get your drinks and you have fun with your mates, or variations thereof. Because the transaction is so simple (it's basically "money = beer," isn't it?) I'm sure that most pub punters think that the business model is simple too. Having cut my teeth on restaurants, I'm not naïve enough to think that running a pub is so simple. Ours, The Ape & Bird Public House, will have four bars and two dining rooms over three floors, with 120 dining seat plus 100 drinking seats and will be open 13 hours a day, seven days a week. Maybe it's because we are used to seeing pubs on the telly - The Old Vic, The Rovers Return, The Woolpack - they all seem permanently busy, seamlessly run, profitable and moderately glamorous (apart from the odd fight, mental breakdown or murder.) Maybe it is because it is the ultimate blokish trophy; you've got your Range Rover Sport, your personalised number plate, your surround-sound TV cinema suite and your Rolex Submariner; now you want to be a pub landlord. Well, I've got news for you, sunshine: don't do it. In the UK currently there are 27 pubs going out of business every week. There is massive competition from the super-slick chains, backed by very efficient corporate infrastructures, publicans are constantly having to up the ante and offer fantastic value - and added value; it is a very competitive market and pubs, as businesses, are harder than ever to make work. Please, don't do it. So why am I? Well, I've always fancied having my own pub... The Ape & Bird Public House, 142 Shaftesbury Avenue, London WC2H 8HJ, opens on November 28 Russell Norman is the founder of Polpo, Spuntino and Mishkin's