Arsenal v Southampton, Fulham v Swansea, Newcastle v Norwich, Stoke v Sunderland: live Can they stick a fork in this one and call it done now so that I can take a comfort break? Giroud tugged back in the box and the referee decides there was enough in it to give the penalty. Giroud converts and that's done. Just a reminder that they're still playing at Arsenal thanks to that late kick-off. 15 mins or so to go there. Full time: Newcastle 2-1 Norwich: The comeback never quite materialised for Chris Hughton's side, though they gave a good account of themselves. Full time: Hull 0-1 Crystal Palace: Tony Pulis will take over a team who are no longer bottom of the table. Paul Merson is screaming that there's a goal. He then clarifies "It's a corner but I didn't think it was a corner!" In short, there was no goal. Full time: Stoke 2-0 Sunderland: Mark Hughes gets is 100th win in management. Arnautovic missed a sitter at the end, but that's all a bit inconsequential. Full time: Fulham 1-2 Swansea: That's five straight defeats for Fulham. Less relegation candiates, more presidents elect of the Going Down Society. Ahh Jonjo Shelvey, you fool. He's just missed a wonderful chance to wrap up the win for Swansea at Fulham but looks to round the keeper when he should shoot. It allows the defence to get back and clear. It's all gone a bit flat at Arsenal, but good news for their fans as Theo Walcott makes his comeback from injury off the bench. Norwich have a free kick in a good position but waste it. Trust me, that'd be your face too. Hull 0-1 Crystal Palace (Bannan 81) Barry Bannan with his first goal for two years. Invigorated by that red card I guess? Right now I'm going to try and remember a few more details about all those. Stoke 2-0 Sunderland (N'Zonzi 80) Played in by Peter Crouch and shot low into the net. And you won't believe this but... It's another red card, this time for Palace's Yannick Bolasie. An unfortunate one that as he more slipped over and in doing so took out Jake Livermore. We can't dwell on that either though... Newcastle 2-1 Norwich (Fer 80) A good header from a cross, thumped into the net. Alsoooo... Fulham 1-2 Swansea (Shelvey 80) A goal for subsitute Jonjo Shelvey puts Swansea in front. I like this. I like Swansea. Ooh and also... "So many of the games finely balanced" says Geoff Stelling. Which is a nice way of saying not very much is happening. Apologies, we had technology gremlins for a moment there and lost you momentarily. Fortunately nothing happened. Adam Lallana has gone off for Southampton to be replaced by Osvaldo, who was a slight doubt before the game. Curtis Davies had a chance for Hull but met it with a comedy air kick. Another quick glance away from the Premier League tells us that Bayern have omitted Mario Goetze (er, anyone know how to do umlauts on here?) for their game with Dortmund. Schneiderlin makes a great run into the heart of the Arsenal defence as Southampton go back on the attack. They're starting to turn up the heat ever so slightly. Although on this occasion it didn't come to anything. Fulham v Swansea seems to have livened up too as Bony can't take a half chance, but Hull v Palace is as awful as you'd expect. There was a reason we forgot about that match. Changes for Southampton at half time: Steven Davis on for Luke Shaw. Ward-Prowse goes to right-back, Clyne to the left. Fulham 1-1 Swansea (Parker 62) "What a goal!" yells, er, the Scottish chap on Sky Sports News. Before qualifying that with "I'm not sure if he meant it." He's getting all excited and it's not quite clear what happened. It seems Scott Parker has hit one from the edge of the area across Michael Vorm into the top corner. Cripes, in Scotland Aberdeen have equalised at Celtic. If that finished a draw it'd be the shock of the day given how bad Aberdeen's away form has been. The Newcastle v Norwich game is dying a death as Newcastle are now sitting back having seemingly declared. Listening to Paul Merson is great fun isn't it? He's the footballing Phil Tuffnel, having just made Palace's Julian Speroni sound like a well-known overpriced Italian beer. Fulham 0-1 Swansea (Hughes OG 55) De Guzman finds some space down the flank and crosses low into the moshpit that last season was used as a penalty area. It hits the unfortunate/inept Aaron Hughes on the shin and bobbles into his own net. Wow, I've just seen that Wes Brown red card. Sunderland have had their disciplinary problems this season, but it looks like their reputation might have preceded them there. That's one of the worst decisions you'll ever see; there was daylight between Brown and the player in possession. Swansea had 66% of possession in the first half at Fulham but, without Michu, they managed to create the square root of Michael Carberry's score in The Ashes today. At Newcastle Pilkington has gone off on a stretcher and been replaced by Elmander. Half time at Arsenal and they're back underway at Stoke and Fulham. I had a three second break but missed it. Southampton easing back into things, Szczesny saving well from England man/future pub quiz answer Jay Rodriguez's acrobatic volley. Nearly half time there, which means things are nearly back underway in the other games. That game's late kick off also means I'm going to have to stay on this until the minute West Ham v Chelsea kicks off. Confession time: I ran for a coffee. Got away with it too, didn't I? Half Times Fulham 0-0 Swansea: dire Newcastle 2-0 Norwich: slipping one way Stoke 1-0 Sunderland: controversial, which in this case is probably something to be thankful for Hull 0-0 Crystal Palace: satisfactory for the away side Arsenal 1-0 Southampton: not half time yet so I can't go and get a coffee THANKS TFL Norwich are struggling here. Shola Ameobi, aged 102, has hit a wonderful shot at goal from 20 yards and John Ruddy has made a great save, fisting it away. Southampton have had a chance at Arsenal, where Phil Thompson informs us Koscielny made a great save from Lallana's drive. Let's just assume we all know what he meant, OK? Whew. And breathe. Or e-mail me, or Tweet me. Come on guys, don't leave me hanging out on my own here! Newcastle 2-0 Norwich (Gouffran 35) The visitors had been getting right back into this but got caught out at the back. Someone (I didn't hear who I'm afraid, as I'm trying to describe three things happening at once) squared it from the left for Gouffran, who had an easy tap in. Arsenal 1-0 Southampton (Giroud 20) That's been coming. It's also a horror show from Arthur Boruc, who was caught in possesion trying to turn past Giroud (yep, that's right) and was, surprisingly, robbed of the ball. His manager has lost his rag. It's all happening now! Wes Brown has been sent off for Sunderland but it turns out he hasn't even made contact with the man he was tackling. That's a shocker apparently, and Gus Poyet's rag is a thing of the past. And... Didi Hammann is impressed with Arsenal The pressure is growing on Southampton as Aaron Ramsey this time has made himself a great chance but wasn't quite able to finish it off. Anthony Pilkington has nodded one past Tim Krul for Norwich but it's gone this wide. Sitters missed by Bent for Fulham (I know) and Sissoko for Newcastle. Goal! Stoke 1-0 Sunderland (Adam 28) Who'd have thought?! Not sure what's more shocking: that this game has produced a goal or that we can use the phrase "A nice finish by Charlie Adam." Scott Parker has fashioned a chance with a rare moment of quality at Fulham but Darren Bent couldn't put it away from a tight angle. Arnautovic things he should have won a penalty for a John O'Shea handball in Stoke v Sunderland, but it would have been tough on the former Monty Python Manchester United man. At Hull, some stewards have taken a banner, which the home fans are unhappy about. Palace are the better team in that match, but between those two that's like being the tallest dwarf. A totally personal one here: Hartlepool lead Northampton 1-0, which is one over me for the friend who reintroduced me to football after years of cynical abstinence. At The Emirates Arsenal have shredded the Southampton defence thanks to some magic from Jack Wilshere and only scrambled defence and desperate scrapping allowed Boruc to grab the ball amid a melee before anyone can poke it in. Sky Sports News have Neil Mellor reporting from the Football League. I remember him as someone who could be trained up to be quite good in Football Manager quite a few years back. I've had my first e-mail! And it's from music critic David Edwards. Surely Newcastle can't win a game that we're expected to win?! Remy is flying at the moment. Though this is the time of year that Newcastle fans begin to worry - the January transfer window approaching. Krul, Cabaye and a few others being linked away. Any top clubs want to reconsider those £25 million Cisse rumours from 18 months ago?! Fulham v Swansea is disappointingly scrappy, which isn't exactly what you'd expect from Zlatan-lite Berbatov against the hipsters' choice. Fulham are all over the place but Swansea can't punish them. Also they've kicked off at Arsenal; apparently there were problems on the tube, which is annoying as I have to get out to Amersham tonight. Sunderland are pressing at Stoke, where Steven Fletcher has fashioned a controversial chance, possibly with his arm, and forcing a good save from Begovic. Meanwhile Newcastle v Norwich is living up to mental expectations, with Tim Krul having to make another good save. You'd say the visitors were on top if they weren't, er, losing. Norwich are getting back into this and Nathan Redmond has just wasted an excellent chance, shooting over from 20 yards when he was one on one with Tim Krul. In the lower leagues it seems Northampton's Sixfields Stadium - in my hometown where I saw my very first ever game - is something of a graveyard for teams as Coventry have fallen 4-0 down after 37 minutes. Leroy Fer has had a chance for Norwich, who have come straight back at Newcastle after falling behind. In other news, the audio on my Sky feed went all out of sync with the pictures for a little while, which was weird. I should have probably mentioned that Crystal Palace are playing Hull today. A rival for Stoke v Sunderland there; a game so noteworthy that we might have forgot to include it in the clockwatch. Apologies. Anyhow, bad news for Palace (not the Pulis appointment): Marouane Chamakh has collided with McShane and come off feeling rather groggy. Cameron Jerome has replaced him. Newcastle 1-0 Norwich (Remy 2) Shocking defending from Norwich at a corner and Loic Remy has turned it in. Let's credit that one to Joe Kinnear shall we? We're underway everywhere except Arsenal. In other news, Tony Pulis has been named manager of Crystal Palace. Because they weren't bad enough to watch already. Full time on Merseyside. Look away now, spoiler-haters. Meanwhile two sides, whose most ardent fans even wouldn't have thought they'd be in these positions at the start of the season, meet at The Emirates. Walcott and Mertesacker are back for Arsenal, and Rosicky has been passed fit, (that's good) but Flamini is out thanks to having picked up five yellow cards (that's bad). Southampton lost this one 6-1 last year, but under Mauro Pochettino have tightened up no end and have one of the meanest defences in the league. I'd wager against a repeat score, even with all of Arsenal's attacking prowess. Also traffic problems (on a Saturday in London!) mean this one will be kicking off 15 minutes late. Which is why I'm leaving the preview until last. Arsenal: Szczesny, Sagna, Koscielny, Mertesacker, Gibbs, Arteta, Ramsey, Wilshere, Ozil, Cazorla, Giroud Subs: Fabianski, Vermaelen, Monreal, Rosicky, Walcott, Gnabry, Bendtner Southampton: Boruc, Clyne, Fonte, Hooiveld, Shaw, Wanyama, Schneiderlin, Ward-Prowse, Lallana (c), Rodriguez, Lambert Subs: Gazzaniga (GK), Yoshida, S. Davis, Osvaldo, Chambers, Reed, Gallagher. In today's match between Newcastle and Norwich, AKA the one that will be decided by a combination of lottery numbers, tarot cards and astrology, the home side will be without the suspended Mathieu Debuchy, but are able to welcome back the previously injured Coloccini, Dummett and Twitter genius Steven Taylor. Norwich on the other hand are hamstrung by the absence of Ricky van Wolfswinkel, who has a toe injury, although Anthony Pilkington just gets in after recovering from a, er, hamstring injury. Both sides have been up and down like a cliche when it comes to form, which normally bodes well for entertainment purposes. Newcastle: Krul; Yanga-Mbiwa, Coloccini (c), Williamson, Santon; Sissoko, Cabaye, Tiote, Gouffran, Shola Ameobi, Remy Subs: Elliot, Haidara, Anita, Obertan, Sammy Ameobi, Ben Arfa, Cisse Norwich: Ruddy; Martin (c), Turner, R Bennett, Olsson; Johnson, Fer, Howson; Redmond, Pilkington, Hooper Subs: Nash (GK), Whittaker, Bassong, Hoolahan, Elmander, Becchio, Josh Murphy. Watching Iain Dowie on mute makes me feel like I'm at the opera. 14.25 Here are 36 players who won't be scoring today Stoke: Begovic; Cameron, Shawcross (c), Huth, Pieters; Walters, Nzonzi, Whelan, Adam, Arnautovic; Crouch Subs: Sorensen, Muniesa, Palacios, Shea, Assaidi, Etherington, Wilkinson Sunderland: Mannone, Celustka, Bardsley, O'Shea (c), Brown, Ki, Colback, Larsson, Johnson, Giaccherini, Fletcher Subs: Cabral, Gardner, Altidore, Roberge, Borini, Mavrias, Pickford Here are two key facts, courtesy of the good folk at the BBC, that should tell you all you need to know about Stoke v Sunderland: The 1-1 draw at the Stadium of Light in May marked only the second time in 10 Premier League meetings that both sides scored. Stoke have failed to score in their last two home games against Sunderland (D1, L1), having won the previous four meetings at the Britannia Stadium. We have some teams! OK we already had those, but now we know who's going to be playing for those teams this afternoon! Fulham: Stekelenburg; Zverotic, Hughes, Amorebieta, Ricahrdson; Parker, Kasami, Boateng, Ruiz; Berbatov, Bent Subs: Stockdale, Senderos, Sidwell, Taarabt, Dejagah, Kačaniklić, Dembele Swansea: Vorm, Rangel, Chico, Williams (c), Davies, Canas, de Guzman, Dyer, Lamah, Pozuelo, Bony Subs: Tremmel, Tiendalli, Amat, Taylor, Britton, Shelvey, Vazquez If you don't want to know the score in the Merseyside derby it's now 2-2. Oh, sorry. It may be considered football hipster heresy to say so - so whisper this very quietly - but Swansea have been a bit disappointing this season, haven't they? OK Michu has been out injured and Bony is taking time to settle, and any side would struggle under such circumstances, but they haven't really shown that ability they had last season to unexpectedly rip sides apart this time around (unless you're Valencia). They're only a couple of points better off than Fulham, a side who were apparently mathematically relegated at some point around the start of October. Still, today's hosts have been atrocious this season, and the absence of Brede Hangeland, Sascha Riether and 94-year-old Damien Duff mean that they might struggle to end a losing run in this fixture that goes back to 1997. Doesn't Jeff Stelling look like Brian Cranston's let himself go? Afternoon all. Welcome to our clockwatch of all tomorrow's parties today's 3pm kick-offs. We've got the slightly bizarre situation of Arsenal v Southampton being a first-plays-third top of the table clash; a smorgasbord of silky locquatiousness between two attractive-but-underperforming sides at Fulham v Swansea; an in-form side who have just beaten Chelsea and Spurs but to lost to Sunderland against a poor side who just won impressively against West Ham, so good luck calling Newcastle v Norwich and... nope, sorry, I can't sell you Stoke v Sunderland. Although now I've said that it'll probably be a cracker. Although having said that I've probably double-jinxed... yeah you get the picture. Before all of that excitement (and the Stoke game, HA!) you could do much, much worse than joining my colleague, the excellent Ed Ballard, who's liveblogging the Merseyside derby. It looks like he's drawn the right match today too, as it's quite the thriller. After that though I'll be here to guide you through the afternoon kick offs and will have build-up, team news, and all that jazz as it comes in. And all this after being up since 2am watching cricket. Don't say we aren't good to you.