England team cuisine makes Merv Hughes gag England's new-age menu might have the approval of some of Australia's finest foodies but not so former Test great Merv Hughes. "Give me a ham and pickle sandwich," Hughes said when told of England's extravagant catering demands for their Ashes tour. A lot of leftovers: Merv Hughes is unimpressed by England's haute cuisine manifesto for their Ashes tour. As revealed by Fairfax Media on Friday, England have issued an 82-page list of recipes and requirements, including instructions on how to prepare dishes such as "Quinoa and Cranberry Breakfast Bar" and "Butternut Squash and Falafel Coronation." "As I say to people who talk about going on a diet, 'Eat foods you don't like because you don't like much of it,"' Hughes said. By the sounds of it they're going to have a lot of this crap left over. Asked what he would do if fed a plate of "Piri-piri Breaded Tofu with Tomato Salsa," Hughes said: "I'd dry retch for the next three days." England's menu is a far cry from what was on offer during Hughes' time in the national team in the 1980s and '90s. "It didn't matter which ground, normally there was a cold meat and salad, roast of the day, a choice of fish and chicken," Hughes said. He [physio Errol Alcott] would request food we wanted to eat, getting rid of rubbish food. All the good food he ordered we didn't eat. England's "Pumpkin Seed and Goji Berry Bar" or "Cherry Fig and and Almond Breakfast Bar" are a huge upgrade on the low-fat and low-sugar muesli bars Hughes's teammates were given by then team physiotherapist Alcott. "The boys could eat them because they tasted like crap," Hughes said. The dietary requirements of players [these days], and that's what frustrates me, is almost worth more than the players taking wickets and making runs. Former Test batsman Dean Jones said the revelations about England's culinary requirements would provide more fodder for Australian crowds to heckle the visitors. "Ultimately they're setting themselves for a nice little whack between the ears," Jones said. And hopefully it comes in the first Test then I think the Australian supporters will ask what sort of dish they'd like in the next Test. However, Hughes admitted not all of the dishes in England's haute cuisine manifesto were a complete turn-off for a meat-and-three-veg man such as himself. Blokes all over the world are the same, they just eat what's there. The spicy moroccan lamb caught my eye, that looked all right," said Hughes after casting an eye over the England recipes. It just shows how far the game has come. It's all about looking after the players. If you have a look at the staff now, Errol Alcott was our physio, dietitian and fitness adviser, but these days there's a dietitian, a fitness adviser and a physio who all have to justify their positions, so everyone's got to make a splash. They could just back off and let the guys make some runs and take some wickets. [But] England are crossing their ts and dotting their is and people are taking notice because they've been fairly successful. Hughes was less enthusiastic about the piri piri breaded tofu - "obviously they just don't want people eating," he joked. England's dietary demands are much stricter than the old regime in the players' dining room at Lord's, where Middlesex cook Nancy Doyle was in charge. Guardian correspondent and former England and Middlesex fast bowler Mike Selvey recalled that Nancy, who was famous for her apple crumble at lunch, giving Mike Brearley a fearful serve when he suggested his boys were being fed a little too generously. "Tell you what, Michael," she spat, drawing herself up and stabbing her forefinger into his chest, like a woodpecker at a tree, "I won't tell you how to fecking bat if you don't tell me how to fecking cook. "We heard no more about it and there was not one person in the Middlesex dressing room sorry about that," Selvey wrote, describing a menu consisting of "three, four, sometimes five courses ... soup, starter, main, pudding and cheeseboard. Just occasionally, during bad weather that precluded play in the immediate future, there might be a bottle or two of the MCC claret sneaked on to the table as well. It was a world away from the slimy ham salad at the other end of the catering scale and, in no small way, helped make Mike Gatting the man he is today. But times have changed. England coaching director Andy Flower is famous for his attention to detail. Some describe it as fastidious professionalism, others as control freakery. In one reported example of micro-management, the players' wives and girlfriends were invited out for a pre-tour dinner at which they were reminded of their responsibilities during their time in Australia.