John Gibson: Job's not what it used to be THE last remaining vestiges of evening papers as I knew them (you at the back there, stop yawning) are endangered. I mean, seriously. We have hanging over us tests for alcohol using a fingerprint device with instant results. It's called AlcoSense TrueTouch. The world's first finger-touch system that measures blood alcohol content in the skin. Whoever invented this contraption had better start running now. Me and my crotchety colleagues from the lazy, crazy days of the profession are on your tail. Oh, and if you feel somebody's got you in a bear hug, squeezing the very life out of you, it's Big Brother. Joan denies it all Here's the twice-married Baroness Bakewell blowing hot and cold: "Everyone wants to get me hitched. I have male friends. Young people think old people are past it. Or they think "are they or aren't they? If they are, will they tell us? Well, the answer is, no we aren't. Joan conveniently never mentions that we frolicked on a bed in Ann Street here in Edinburgh. Well, would you? Giving Bach Bacchanalian? Heavens, no! All highly civilised, guaranteed, a festival of music by JS Bach at St Mary's Episcopalian Cathedral on Saturday, May 4. Bach to Bach is a musical journey of up to 30 performances with three actors relating the story of the composer's life, harpsichord, etc, etc. Starting with coffee and croissants at 8.30am. Day ticket £10. Supporting Christian Aid Week. Details from Alastair at bachtwobach@gmail.com. I may be a Chopin man myself.