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I have devoted all of my time learning the two handed Dvorak keyboard layout. Why? Definitely after my post just a couple of days ago about the convenience of the QWERTY layout with respect to PHP and navigating a non-Windows machine?!? Because I sit at a keyboard all day long (as most of us programmers do), and I have been suffering from RSI (repetitive stress injury). Being a piano player, I know all about carpal tunnel and proper technique when sitting at the keyboard, and typing is no different.
The benefits of Dvorak are amazing. Speed can be increased to over 75% faster versus QWERTY, RSI is significantly reduced (although it isn't a cure-all), accuracy can been increased ten-fold and it is much more comfortable to type with as it has been adapted to the English language better than QWERTY.
The layout is very different. In fact, there are 3 main layouts of Dvorak: two-handed, right handed and left handed. Of course, there are minor variations in each of the 3 layouts as with QWERTY, but they are only with punctuation as numbers and letters are the same. The idea behind the Dvorak layout is ths:
- Each hand alternates when typing. This was a common idea behind QWERTY, but with QWERTY the idea was to keep the keys that were adjacent to another on a typewriter from getting stuck. The idea behind Dvorak is increase the comfort level of the typist.
- All the vowels are placed on the home row under the left hand, the the most commonly used consonants on the home row under the right hand. With this home row combination, thousands upon thousands of English words can be typed just on the home row. I have a list of over 5,000 words that can be typed on the home row alone, if you're interested. This means in typing class you could've easily been typing real English words on the home row rather than the "jjj kkk fff ddd" nonsense.
- Your fingers move up a row more easily then down a row, so the next most common used letters and punctuation are found on the row above home with the highest frequency of letters hit with the index and middle fingers.
- Finally, the least used letters and punctuation found in the English language are sitting on the bottom row out of the way. Less than 5% of your typing will require you to type keys below the home row. Dvorak really had comfort in mind when he disigned this layout.
If you are interested in the history behind Dvorak or further details, including great tutorials and typing software, there are a number of good sites if you just Google it.
Unfortuantely, because of the lack of popularity, Dvorak keyboards just are not manufactured on a large scale. This provides no hiccup however, as there are a number of different options availalble. First, your operating system. Linux, Mac and Windows all support typing with the Dvorak layout. Check your OS for instructions on how you would do this. Next, you can move the keys around or purchase overlays for looking at what you are typing. I just printed off a layout, and taped it to my monitor to help me.
I have been typing Dvorak now for a couple of days, and already I have seen the improvements. Give me another week or two, and I should be up to par with my typical QWERTY speed. Hopefully, in a month or so, I will have surpassed my QWERTY skills.


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How should we return the greeting of salaam from a non-Muslim?
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible firstly to initiate the greeting of salaam to a non-Muslim. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Do not initiate the greeting of salaam to a Jew or a Christian(Narrated by Muslim, 2167).
If one of them says As-Saam alaykum meaning, may death be upon you or it is not clear whether they have said salaam, then we should respond by saying Wa alaykum (and upon you).
It was reported that Ibn Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: When the Jews greet you, they say Al-saam alaykum (may death be upon you), so respond by saying alayk (and also upon you).(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5902; Muslim, 2461).
If a non-Muslim greets us with the correct shari greeting (i.e., says Al-salaamu alaykum clearly), the scholars differed as to whether we have to return the greeting. The majority of scholars said that we do have to return the greeting, and this is the correct view.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: they differed as to whether it is obligatory to return the greeting. The majority said that it is obligatory and this is the correct view. A group of scholars said that it is not obligatory to return their greeting just as it is not obligatory to return the greeting of those who follow bidah. But the correct view is the first one. The difference is that we are commanded to forsake the followers of bidah by way of rebuke and to warn others about them, which is not the case with the Ahl al-Dhimmah (Jews and Christians).
(Zaad al-Maaad, 2/425, 426)
The Muslim who is returning the greeting should respond in the manner prescribed by shareeah, giving a similar or better greeting, because of the general meaning of the Aayah (interpretation of the meaning):
When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it, or (at least) return it equally. [al-Nisa 4:86]
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: if the person is certain that the Dhimmi (Jew or Christian) is clearly saying al-salaamu alaykum to him, and he has no doubts about that, should he say wa alayka al-salaam or shorten it to wa alayk? What is indicated by the evidence and principles of shareeah is that he should say wa alayka al-salaam, because this is more just, and Allaah commands us to be just and to treat others well this does not contradict any of the ahaadeeth on this topic at all, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded us to shorten the greeting to wa alayk because of the reason mentioned above, which is that they deliberately used to say al-saam alaykum instead of al-salaam alaykum, as indicated in the hadeeth narrated by Aaishah (may Allaah be pleased with her). He said, Do you not see that I say wa alaykum when they say al-saam alaykum? Then he said, If the People of the Book greet you with salaam, say, Wa alaykum.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
and when they come to you, they greet you with a greeting wherewith Allaah greets you not, and say within themselves, Why would Allâh punish us not for what we say? [al-Mujaadilah 58:8]
If this reason is not there, and the Jew or Christian says, Salaam alaykum wa rahmat-Allaah, then it is only fair to respond in kind.
(Ahkaam Ahl al-Dhimmah, 1/425, 426)
The hadeeth of Aaishah was narrated by al-Bukhaari (5901) and Muslim (2165)
See also: Majmoo Fataawa Ibn Uthaymeen, 2/97
And Allaah knows best.

subset: commoncrawl


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Welcome to Skeletown
where every day is the
Day of the Dead and
all of the inhabitants
are skeletal! Join friends
Skully and Skelly as they
find high adventure along
with Wilfredo, the worry doll,
who'll worry along the way!
Incredible concept by artist Rhode Montijo.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Welcome to Skeletown
Posted by Rot at 7:17 PM
Labels: art, artist, day of the dead, mexican day of the dead, rhode montijo, skeleton, skeletons, skeletown
2 comments:
- crudedoodle.com said...
This is wonderful work. I love these illustrations.
- July 14, 2010 at 11:18 PM
- ShellHawk said...
Love this work! Such detail!
- July 14, 2010 at 11:54 PM
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Saving my hard-earned dollars isn't nearly as much fun as spending my money on video games, gizmos, and booze. Here's a little Japan-only bank that'll encourage me to save the thousands upon thousands of...Yen. Every 500 coin deposited gives the little man on the LCD more funding to turn shoe-box apartment from ikea-slum into a pixelated palace. As Aragoto on dottocomu says:
Then you open up the box and find he actually has spent all your money on 8-bit hos and lo-rez champagne.
Tomy Life Bank [Tokyo Mango via dottocomu ]


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text: Free Shipping On All Orders With A Screen* CART MENU Open menu Plisse Retractable Screens Toggle search bar What can we help you find? Submit search CART Door Screens Single Screens Double Screens Window Screens Single Windows Side to Side Operating Retractable Screens Top to Bottom Operating Retractable Screens Double Windows Double Side to Side Operating Retractable Screens Top to Bottom Operating Retractable Screens Adapters Threshold Adapters Surface Mount Adapters Space Adapters Locks & Latches Parts & Repairs Repairs Replacement Parts Extras Samples Nav Menu 2 Available Colors General Information Pictures Extras Nav Menu 3 Nav Menu 4 Nav Menu 5 Nav Menu 6 Nav Menu 7 Nav Menu 8 Want to tell a friend about Double Door Retractable Door Screen, Up to 107" Tall & 95" Wide? It's easy. Just enter the information requested below, click the "E-mail a Friend" button, and your message is on its way. Name of recipient: *Recipient e-mail address: Your name: Your e-mail address: Personal Message: I found this product at Poseidon Interiors and thought you might find it of interest. The above image says: *Don't worry--this address will not be sold or used for promotional purposes.


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Home » Full Catalogue » WRIGHT, MARK PETER: Where once we walked
WRIGHT, MARK PETER: Where once we walked
Last copies of a small edition of 150 exhibition copies of this exquisite work that collects soundscapes from a number of mnemonically resonant sites in Poland. Bells, water, bees, town squares, murmuring crowds, cantors, raina distant storm, tractors, birds and, far spaces. A quietly atmospheric work with no fireworks, no excesses and no tinkering. In five tableaux, in all about 30 minutes long; but precious minutes. Comes in a nicely designed folded card and limited to 150 exemplars.
Code: markpeterwright
Price: £14.50


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Religion News: Anti-abortion activist holds 'Burn in Hell' contest
An anti-abortion activist is holding a "Burn in Hell" contest to protest the health care reform proposals before Congress.
Randall Terry, founder of anti-abortion organization Operation Rescue, is encouraging people to burn effigies of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, film the burning, and submit the video for a chance to win prizes.
The top prize includes a weekend in Washington, D.C., during the anniversary of Roe v. Wade.
In instructions for the contest, organizers say the contest is not a threat to Nancy Pelosi's or Harry Reid's person, and that participants should obey all laws on open flames.
According to wire reports, House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer called the contest "unfortunate."
Chief bodyguard of Pope John Paul II dies
The longtime chief bodyguard of the late Pope John Paul II died Sunday at 83.
According to wire reports, Camillo Cibin died at the Pius XI clinic in Rome. Vatican Radio did not give a cause of death.
Cibin retired in 2006 after a 58-year career with the Vatican. He was nearby on May 13, 1981, when a Turkish gunman shot John Paul in a failed assassination attempt.
He also directed security during the 1962-65 Vatican Council II, which drew cardinals from around the world.
Survey Says
While many young adults are active users of the Bible, the pattern shows a clear generational drop-off – the younger the person, the less likely then are to read the Bible. People ages 18 to 44 are less likely than average to have spent time alone in the last week praying and reading the Bible for at least 15 minutes.
-- The Barna Group
Good Book?
"Reading Jesus: A Writer's Encounter with the Gospels" by Mary Gordon
In the introduction to this book, Mary Gordon is riding in a taxi as the driver listens to a religious broadcast, and she reflects that, though a lifelong Christian, she is at odds with many others who identify themselves as Christians.
In an effort to understand whether or not she had "invented a Jesus to fulfill my own wishes," she determined to read the Gospels as literature and to study Jesus as a character. What results is a fresh and personal journey through the Gospels, as Gordon plumbs the mysteries surrounding one of history's most central figures.
Gordon takes us through all the fundamental stories — the Prodigal Son, the Temptation in the Desert, the parable of Lazarus, the Agony in the Garden — pondering the intense strangeness of a deity in human form, the unresolved more ambiguities, the problem posed to her as an enlightened reader by the miracle of the Resurrection.
Get to Know … Margot Kaessmann
The Rev. Margot Kaessmann, bishop of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of Hanover, recently was elected to chair the Evangelical Church in Germany.
The Evangelical Church in Germany is the umbrella organization for 22 regional Lutheran, United and Reformed churches. It accounts for most of the country's Protestant Christians.
Kaessmann is the first woman to hold the post, as well as the youngest. The 51-year-old bishop holds a doctorate in theology and has four grown children. She was the a first person in a German evangelical bishopric to divorce a spouse.
She promotes larger emphasis on Christianity in the church, compared to past decades, and pleads for a clearer spiritual profile in church-run facilities. Kaessmann also has criticized some positions of the Roman Catholic Church, such as the teachings about homosexuality, action on reducing the spread of AIDS, ordination of women and celibacy.
The Word
Feng Shui: A belief, originating in Taoism, that structures and objects need to be properly aligned in order to promote health and functioning. -- www.religioustolerance.org
Religion Around the World
Religious makeup of India
Hindu: 80.5 percent
Muslim: 13.4 percent
Christian: 2.3 percent
Sikh: 1.9 percent
Other: 1.8 percent
Unspecified: 0.1 percent
-- CIA Factbook
GateHouse News Service


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There's a fine tradition of Steve Wozniak waiting with normal folk to pick up new Apple products, and today is no different. This time, Woz is second in line at the Westfield Mall in Century City, CA—beaten to the front by his wife.
"My wife was the first, I was the second. We came at about noon. We're used to Northern California where the stores lines start early," he said to What's Trending. "It's become a ritual almost because I've done it so many times. It's not something that I have to do. Nobody need to wait in line. You can pre-order… But I'd rather be there genuine like the real people. I want to be one of the people lined up and wait all night. Apple's just that important to so many of us." Word, Woz. Word. [What's Trending ]


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Lackey sharp as Red Sox beat Rockies
Red Sox 5, Rockies 3
John Lackey struck out a season-high 12 over seven strong innings and Daniel Nava drove in two runs, leading the Boston Red Sox to a 5-3 victory Wednesday and a sweep of the two-game series against the Colorado Rockies.
Shane Victorino had three hits and Dustin Pedroia added two for the Red Sox.
Colorado's Michael Cuddyer extended his hitting streak to 23 games with two solo homers, matching Dante Bichette's club-record set in 1995.
Lackey (5-5) gave up two runs and eight hits without walking a batter. Mixing a fastball and slider most of the time, he had good command, throwing 73 of 98 pitches for strikes.
The Rockies finished a road trip in which they lost seven of nine.
Roy Oswalt (0-2), making his second start since being recalled from Double-A, allowed five runs and nine hits in six innings, striking out five and walking one.
Lackey, who missed all of last season rehabbing from elbow ligament-replacement surgery, struck out nine over the first four innings — getting three each in the first, second and fourth — while allowing Wilin Rosario's first-inning RBI single.
The 34-year old right-hander had his 14th career double-digit strikeout game, first since Oct. 3, 2010.
New Boston closer Koji Uehara worked a perfect ninth for his second save.
The Red Sox wasted little time jumping to a 3-1 lead against Oswalt in the first. Jacoby Ellsbury had a leadoff double and scored on Victorino's single to right. David Ortiz followed with his 499th career double, a drive high off the Green Monster that scored Victorino. Nava then had an RBI single when the ball bounced off the second-base bag and into short left just as shortstop Josh Rutledge was attempting to make a play on it.
Oswalt, 3-2 with a 2.16 ERA Double-A Tulsa, struck out 11 without allowing a walk in his first start against Washington last Thursday.
Boston increased it to 5-1 in the third on an Mike Napoli's bases-loaded RBI single. He improved to 6 for 9 and four RBIs this season with the bases full. Nava followed with a sacrifice fly before Oswalt got the next two outs to strand runners on second and third.
In the sixth, the Rockies cut it to 5-2 on Cuddyer's leadoff homer off a billboard above the Monster seats. They had runners on first and third with one out before Lackey struck out Tyler Colvin and got Yorvit Torrealba on a liner to center.
In the eighth, Cuddyer hit a different sign above the left-field seats leading off against Junichi Tazawa.
Colorado had grabbed a 1-0 lead on when Rosario singled after Carlos Gonzalez singled and stole second.
NOTES: Cuddyer had his ninth career multihomer game, first since July 24, 2012, at Arizona. ... Boston had double-digit hits for the fifth straight game. ... Red Sox RHP Clay Buchholz, on the DL since June 9 with a neck strain, had to cut short a bullpen session. Manager John Farrell said he was expected to have an MRI. ... Boston entered the day leading the majors with 172 doubles and hd three more. ... Rockies OF Dexter Fowler was out with a sore right wrist. ... The Red Sox activated RHP Clayton Mortensen from the 15-day disabled list after optioning RHP Pedro Beato to Triple-A a night earlier. Mortensen was sidelined since June 11 with a strained right groin. ... The teams are schedule meet again in Colorado on Sept. 24 and 25 for the Rockies' final two home games of the season. ... The Rockies host the Mets in a make-up of the teams' April 17 snowed-out game. New York's Tyler Chatwood (4-1, 2.22 ERA is slated to face Jeremy Hefner (2-6, 3.89 ERA). ... Boston is scheduled to play the first of four against the Blue Jays Thursday. Jon Lester (7-4, 4.57ERA) is expected to face Toronto's Chien-Ming Wang (1-0, 2.18). ... Boston's Stephen Drew had a triple for the second straight game.


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Obama v Boehner
The speaker's plan won't cut as much spending as promised, and the president won't veto it if it reaches his desk
If the test was likelihood of swaying the uncommitted, I saw no winner in last night's broadcast contest. Obama and Boehner were both addressing mainly their own supporters. Neither rose above partisan talking-points.
The "balanced" approach advocated by Obama makes much more sense, though not because taxing corporate jets is a top national priority at the moment. Bearing in mind what is at stake, tirelessly underlining this point is ridiculous. The best thing about the White House's approach is that it aims to backload the austerity (eg, by extending the payroll-tax cut). The GOP's biggest mistake is to want to cut spending as much as possible as fast as possible: fiscally speaking, a self-defeating agenda.
So on the substance, Obama has the better plan--but his talk failed to make this clear. Presumably he thinks the argument for gradualism is already lost. Even if it is, though, his comments were odd. Almost in the same breath as "corporate jets" and "millionaires and billionaires", he endorsed (admittedly without much enthusiasm) the Reid proposal, which includes no extra revenues. It was as though his remarks were written a week ago. Looking at where Congress stands at the moment, Obama's main theme---we must have revenues as well as spending cuts--was simply beside the point. Congress is no longer even talking about this.
The truth is, the Reid plan and the Boehner plan are not that different. Downpayment of spending cuts; process for further deficit reduction later. Neither plan is what I would propose, but either would raise the debt ceiling and avoid default--which after many wasted months is what matters most. Contrary to Obama's pitch, there is no real ideological distance between the two schemes.
The question is whether Boehner and Cantor (who now appear to be on the same side) can get their plan through the House, and then (presumably with modifications) the Senate. If they can, Obama would surely have to sign it, despite his earlier threats (conspicuously absent last night) to veto a short-term deal. How could Obama possibly justify such a veto? "I am plunging the economy into instant turmoil because this bill creates too much uncertainty." That doesn't work very well, does it? "I am plunging the economy into instant turmoil because this deal does not give me political cover on the budget all the way through next November." I don't think so.
If the House Republicans support the Boehner plan, Obama and the Democrats will have to give way--again. The only consolation for Democrats is that many Republicans will be as dismayed by this outcome as they are. If the GOP says no, and the US government then defaults, the economy gets kicked in the teeth and the GOP will get the blame.
Update: So much for Boehner's plan aiming "to cut spending as much as possible as fast as possible: fiscally speaking, a self-defeating agenda". I misspoke. The CBO's score shows not just that the plan cuts less than Boehner's staff expected, but also that the plan's first installment is very back-end loaded (scroll down to Table 3). It cuts essentially nothing from the deficit in 2012. The plan will have to be changed to raise the total back to the originally estimated $1 trillion over ten years, but the profile of cuts looks very gradual.
Update: The White House in effect announced today that it would not veto the Boehner plan. At least, that is how I read the statement that if the bill were "presented to the President, the President's senior advisors would recommend that he veto this bill." The evasion is comically transparent. What is the point, really, of making a statement like that?


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In this article I would like to share some tips that I find important when I take black and white photos.
Black and white photos is not only black and white but obviously also a lot of grey. Everything between pure black and white is a shade of grey, actually it exist more than 500 different shades of grey, however the human eye can only distinguish between around 30 of them!
Now that we know this, let's see what we can make out of it!
Light and shadows:
When you think of a landscape it is usually a lot of colours involved, however landscapes can also look amazing if not even more powerful if created in monochrome.
Photography started in black and white but despite all the new technology introduced since that time, it feels like a challenge to create a great black and white photo. By taking away all the colours and reducing photography to only textures, tones and lines, make a photographer touche the essence of photography.
The contrast is an extremely important aspect when creating black and white photos since light and shadows become one of the main tool, so in order to find contrast you need to look for light or shadows in the scene.
Patterns and shapes:
A black and white photo can bring out patterns or shapes that you would not normally notice in a colour photography. When shooting black and white landscapes, patterns and shapes like clouds, rocks and trees can often be used as a compositional tool.
Black and white Composition:
Because there is no colour to attract the viewer in black and white compositions, photographers often base the composition on plays between pattern, shapes of objects, light and tones. A good tip is to include a foreground, use for example a rock or a tree, to create an effect of contrast or leading lines.
In the photo above I used the road as a leading line and the two different types of trees on each side makes a nice contrast.
Is black and white photography loosing its popularity?
I don't believe so, however it is a lot more colour photography going on, specially on Instagram and other social media, so I would like to ask you to share your opinion on this matter. Why isn't there more black and white photos being created?
Please post a comment below and tell me what you think about black and white photography.


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Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed.
I took my kid to a playground the other day and it smelled like football. If you've ever played football (or any fall sport, for that matter, but I associate it with football because that was the fall sport I happened to play), you'd recognize that smell. Smells like clipped grass mixed with condensation mixed with OH FUCK YEAH FOOTBALL WOOHOO GODDAMN RIGHT BITCH!
You walk onto any local high school football or soccer field early in the morning right around this time of year and you can pick up that scent, especially if you put on a helmet and lie face down on the grass. When I rode the bench in dipshit prep school, sometimes I'd just sit there with my helmet on during team stretches and stare at the ground, my head suspended in the air by my chinstrap. Sometimes I'd forget to stretch anything and the position coach would come and yell at me and tell me I was a gash. I was not a good athlete. But man, I loved that smell. It's basically there to tell you that fall is arriving, and summer is about over. Thank fucking Christ, summer is over.
I dislike summer more with every passing year. I hate the heat. I hate the humid rainstorms. I hate applying suntan lotion and having to apply suntan lotion to children who won't fucking hold still. I hate carrying around and sitting in beach chairs, and anyone who tells you a beach chair is comfortable is a cunt.
But most of all, I hate that summer is the time when nothing seems to fucking happen. Everyone just fucks off and dies for three months. You go to work and 10% of the staff is always away on vacation, and everyone else may as well be. They've mentally checked out and you don't even know why the place bothers to be open from Memorial Day to Labor Day. But it is, and you have to sit there from 9 to 5 every goddamn day while the world bakes outside.
I don't even like the parts of summer where you DO get to go on vacation. I have kids. Vacationing with kids is fucking AGONY. It's like double the parenting work. You don't have your own bed. They don't have their own beds. You have to fly somewhere, or drive somewhere, and you constantly have to make sure they're all happy and quiet while you're traveling. They stay up late because they don't understand what the hell is going on. There's no relief. There's nothing in the way of rest. You try and convince yourself the whole thing was a good idea when you know, deep in your heart, you're fucking miserable. In fact, the most restful part is returning back home and releasing the kids into the babyproofed section of the house. If you have young kids, you really shouldn't go anywhere. There's no goddamn point.
There are no good sports in the summer, doubly so in a summer where three of the four golf majors are won by assholes whose names I've already forgotten (I'm one of those horrible people who believes, deep down, that any major not won by Tiger Woods is a major fucking wasted). There was the World Cup this year, but that only happens once every four years. And while I try and not be some dipshit soccer naysayer, it's still not my thing. After June, all summer has to offer is baseball. Horrible, horrible baseball. One meaningless, shitty game after the next.
There's barely any good TV in the summer. Ninety-nine percent of the movies that come out are liquefied dogshit conceived by some asshole in marketing at Hasbro. Grilling dinner when it's 100 degrees is never as enjoyable as I always think it's going to be. Bars are crowded with dipshits and hotter than death. Garbage outside becomes rancid within seconds. Old people walk about freely in opened-toed shoes. For real. I walked by some old guy in Tevas the other day and his toenails were all fucking black and rotted. And I didn't want to look at them, BUT I DID AND IT WAS HORRIBLE. Old people should have their feet amputated.
You can't stick your kids in school during the summer, unless you've got the scratch for expensive bullshit day camps they don't really want to attend. No one is around on weekends in the summer. There's nothing to do, especially on weekends. You'll go to the zoo out of boredom and realize that going to the zoo is condemning yourself to walking endlessly and trapping yourself inside lizard houses that smell like a hockey player's taint.
And summer overstays its welcome every year. I got married on September 21st, 2002. It was an outdoor wedding. I wore a tuxedo. It was 88 degrees during the ceremony. I nearly pulled a Korey Stringer at the altar. Once Labor Day hits, it should be 50-60 degrees every day for 90 straight days. This is why I will retire to Canada one day.
Because I've had enough of summer. I smell football in the grass at a playground or on a high school field and it's a cue to me that this endless death march of boredom in the heat is going to go away soon, and that shit will finally start fucking happening again. That's what I like about fall. I like people returning back to their natural stations on the globe and doing shit again. I like the world buzzing and moving and getting things accomplished. I don't like it when everything just fucking stops. It's okay if I do that on a personal level, because I am very lazy. But I don't like it when people around me cease what they're doing and fail to provide me with something to watch or talk about. That fucking blows.
This, to me, is the spiritual beginning of the year. The time of year when I stop feeling like I'm living on the goddamn Equator. Kids are back in school. TV networks begin trying (and failing) again. Stewart and Colbert finally work more than two consecutive days at time. Baseball is almost kinda fairly watchable. Everyone is back at work and suffering equally. Your rich fuckface of a boss isn't always talking about how lovely his weekends in Nantucket are. You can wear jeans. The world finally WORKS again.
And best of all, there is football. No more boring weekends for another five months. In fall, the world around doesn't even take weekends off. It just keeps on churning, and keeps on making you feel productive even if you're aren't doing anything. I lived in New York for a while, and the reason I loved New York was that you always felt like something was happening when you stepped outside. That's a thrill summer doesn't provide. It's hot and languid and still and I'm not built to endure that sort of thing. Not anymore. I'm done with summer. I'm ready for fall. I'm ready for fucking football. SO HIT THE GODDAMN MUSIC.
WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO! This is your Week One Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo. Let's dig in.
2010 NFL Predictions
I do this every year, because making brutally incorrect predictions never stops being enjoyable. Plus, if one of these predictions stumbles bass ackwards into being correct, then I can totally say I'm way smart for foreseeing it. Like picking the Jaguars to win the AFC South last year. WAS THAT NOT A BOLD AND HEADY CHOICE?!
NFC North
Green Bay 11-5
Chicago 9-7*
Minnesota 9-7
Detroit 6-10
NFC South
New Orleans 14-2
Carolina 10-6*
Atlanta 9-7
Tampa Bay 3-13
NFC East
NY Giants 11-5
Dallas 9-7
Philadelphia 8-8
Washington 7-9
NFC West
San Francisco 9-7
Arizona 7-9
Seattle 6-10
St. Louis 2-14
Giants over Bears
Panthers over Niners
Giants over Packers
Saints over Panthers
Saints over Giants
AFC North
Baltimore 12-4
Pittsburgh 10-6*
Cincinnati 7-9
Cleveland 6-10
AFC South
Tennessee 12-4
Indianapolis 12-4*
Houston 7-9
Jacksonville 4-12
AFC East
Miami 10-6
New England 9-7
NY Jets 8-8
Buffalo 2-14
AFC West
San Diego 10-6
Oakland 8-8
Kansas City 6-10
Denver 6-10
Colts over Chargers
Steelers over Dolphins
Ravens over Steelers
Titans over Colts
Titans over Ravens
Saints 37, Titans 26
The Games
All games in the Jamboroo are evaluated for sheer watchability on a scale of 1 to 5 Throwgasms.
Five Throwgasms
Vikings at Saints: Now, before we say anything about tonight's game, let's take a second to remind ourselves where we left off last season.
Oh, man. That is fucking great. Never gets old. Until the Saints repeat this year and I grow to loathe them and their hillbilly Louisiana fans who keep shouting WHO DAT or whatever the fuck and always expecting me to love the Saints as much as they do. You fuckers are on a short leash.
Oh, and I fully expect the Vikings to lose this game tonight by about seven touchdowns.
Packers at Eagles: The other day I was at the supermarket when I nailed this one lady in the foot with my shopping cart. I mean, I just bashed right into her. I was in the produce section, trying to find a way out. This isn't always easy in the produce section. Sometimes, you get trapped by old people and parents who let their kids ride in those fucking double wide red car carts from hell. So I saw an opening, and I fucking gunned it. I took a risk that the gap would stay open and I would come flying out, not unlike the Millennium Falcon out of the Death Star at the end of Jedi. And I totally would have pulled it off, if this lady on the phone hadn't unwittingly backed into my shit. So I nailed her ankle and she winced in pain.
ME: (really half-assed) Are you okay?
HER: No, actually!
ME: Oh. (flees the scene immediately and spends the rest of the time in the store making sure not to encounter that woman again)
Anyway, that was totally my fault. Then again, fuck that lady. Not only was she on the phone, but she clearly lacked proper pocket awareness. With good pocket awareness, you sense that cart coming. It's not my fault you're Koy Detmer with your cart, honey. Fuck her. Pocket awareness is crucial.
Oh, and I think the Packers criminally misused Aaron Kampman and will miss him terribly.
Ravens at Jets: I dunno why they signed LDT, but he's gonna piss off twenty million Shonn Greene owners when he vultures a touchdown or two somewhere along the line.
Four Throwgasms
Colts at Texans: Every year, it makes sense to pick the Texans to break through and finally get to the playoffs, and every year they fuck it all up. I still think this is because they have the dumbest nickname in the league. They chose Texans from Apollos, Bobcats, Stallions, Texans, Toros and Wildcatters. They could have been the Toros. They could have played "Millionaire" before every game and had fans screaming GIMME TORO, GIMME SOME MORE! GIMME TORO, GIMME SOME MORE! They could have staged bullfights before games and had smoking hot female matadors come out, and cheerleaders riding mechanical bulls while shooting pistols in the air with their tits bouncing around.
Instead, they became the Texans and drafted David Carr. Reap what you sow, assholes. You're never making the playoffs. EVER.
Panthers at Giants: I was playing with my kid the other day and she was sitting Indian style, so I followed suit. Horrible, horrible mistake. You ever try sitting Indian style as an adult? It becomes excruciating after about five seconds. Grown people who voluntarily sit that way, like hippies, disturb and anger me.
Cowboys at Redskins: Holy shit, the Skins aren't ready for the beginning of the year. They need to start the year in, like, Week 8. They're totally gonna start out 0-5 and then limp their way to somewhere below .500.
I don't understand the whole Haynesworth thing. Every NFL team is stacked with turds. Even the Saints have Jeremy Shockey. Good coaches are the ones that find a way to manage the handful of turds they have on any given roster. That's a coach's job. There's some kind of fan and journalist wet dream out there that every team should have 45 quality guys on it, who play really hard and like to go snow tubing with each other and shit. It's this bullshit utopian football landscape that has no chance of ever happening, yet every week you'll get people calling into radio stations demanding whatever team they like needs character. No. No team needs character. Character is an arbitrary idea drawn up by the Baylesses of the world. A team needs talent, and a coach who can manage the talent without getting into stupid pissing matches. Haynesworth won't play a worthwhile down all fucking year for Washington.
Three Throwgasms
Bengals at Patriots: This sounds like a decent game, but I promise you it'll be boring as shit.
Falcons at Steelers: If the NFL had any sense of humor, they'd make Big Ben play the part of the lecher in their employee sexual harassment education video. "No, I'll just wait for you to make those copies, Linda. The view from here is NICE."
Raiders at Titans: I picked the Titans to go to the Super Bowl, which is dumb because I don't even like Vince Young. I mean, Jesus Christ. Did you see this cover? First of all, what the fuck does ESPN have a travel issue for? "Hey, look at all the great places athletes can go on vacation where you can't! Watch as Stu Scott serves them rum punches and massages their balls!" Secondly, what the fuck is Vince Young doing on vacation? You made the Pro Bowl as the 93rd alternate, you dick. Put your shirt on and go drag tires around.
Anyway, yeah. Titans to go the Super Bowl.
Two Throwgasms
Dolphins at Bills: Earlier this summer, I went to Mrs. Fields with my kid and had a cookie cup. This is a cupcake made entirely of chocolate chip cookie, with cream cheese frosting on top. I can't tell you how disappointed I was that there was no frosting in the center. Really seemed like the obvious death blow.
Chargers at Chiefs: Charger fans, your GM is a fucking dick. Look at this picture of AJ Smith. Look at it!
God damn, he looks like a complete asshole. He looks like he conducts 80% of his business while face down on a massage table. I bet he's the world's worst father-in-law.
Broncos at Jaguars: The Jaguars should really just move already. We're wasting time. There's no reason at all for them to be in Jacksonville right now. If they moved to LA in Week 3, no one would be upset except for Scott Stapp. The NFL shouldn't have a team that's the equivalent of the Memphis Grizzlies.
Also, Brandon Lloyd is on the Broncos roster. I don't know why you trade Brandon Marshall for being a prick, and then go turn around and sign Brandon Lloyd. At least Brandon Marshall is a PRODUCTIVE asshole.
Lions at Bears: I've had two fantasy drafts this summer, and something needs to be done about the end of fantasy drafts. They're unbelievably depressing. Perhaps this is because I don't have a league featuring HORGS! and BLUEBOY! and all my crazy awesome HOLY FACKIN' CRAWSS friends. But the end of virtually any fantasy draft always leaves me wanting to kill myself. All the good players are gone. You're forced to pick from any number of turds and scrubs, and you know there'll come a time during the year when you'll have to start them, which is a horrible feeling. Guys leave the draft room for minutes at a time to get snacks or talk with loved ones. The general air of giddiness is pretty much gone. I need to participate in drafts that are only six rounds long. Because by Round 16, I'm ready to jump off a fucking cliff.
One Throwgasm
Browns at Bucs: If I'm at a bar and someone with me whips out their cell phone to take a call or something, I'll totally take out my phone and send someone an unwarranted text message, or I'll just stare at the four pictures I have on it. Just so I feel as important as the person I'm hanging out with. TWO CAN PLAY THAT GAME, BUB! Oh, and this game blows.
Cardinals at Rams: The NFL clearly took great pains to make sure the four NFC West teams played each other on Kickoff weekend, so that only TWO games are spoiled by horrible play instead of four. I wouldn't be against making this a weekly occurrence somehow.
Niners at Seahawks: By the way, I may hate summer, but there is one thing I like about it: Surly blond teenage lifeguards wearing sunglasses. Oh, surly blond teenage lifeguards wearing sunglasses. You can blow your whistle at me any time.
Pregame Song That Makes Me Want To Run Through A Goddamn Brick Wall
"Mother," by Danzig. I went to a dipshit prep school that forced us to attend assembly three times a week. These assemblies usually featured some asshole coming in and lecturing us for forty minutes. If you skipped out on assembly and got caught, you got a "dickie," which is just as gay as it sounds.
The only relief from this was that, twice a year, the school held a rock assembly, with student bands gathering together to play really shitty versions of Pearl Jam songs. I sang in this assembly twice, and I assure you I treated it with all the seriousness of going onstage at fucking Donington. I thought about the gig (In my mind, it was a gig) for weeks in advance. I pictured myself getting on stage and tearing the fucking roof off the hall. Girls would throw their panties at me. The entire student body would rise up and revolt against the faculty, stabbing them in the eyes and pissing on their heads. Clive Davis would show up unannounced and hand me a seven-record deal. I would be a fucking rock GOD.
Anyway, the first time I sang "Free Ride," by Edgar Winter Group. My voice cracked eight times. The second time around, I sang "No Excuses," by Alice in Chains. I don't know if I sang it well. I don't remember, and no one else does. Because right after I sang, a post-grad student named Grant got up on stage to perform "Mother." Grant was a Mormon from rural Vermont who was born with a cleft palate and now makes his living as an amateur cage fighter. For "Mother," he put on black leather pants, wore no shirt, and donned one of those black captain's hats that looks like a Nazi hat but isn't. He flew out onto the stage and did a perfect rendition of this song from front to back. The whole goddamn place went INSANE. Later on, Grant got accepted to the Air Force Academy and put it off to serve a two-year mission in Budapest. Grant is much cooler than I am.
Embarassing iTunes Library Track I Own That Will Not Fire You Up
"Willy Was A Whale" by Justin Roberts. My computer also doubles as the family computer, which means every fucking kiddie track we own takes up residence in the iTunes library, which means I'm liable to find a song like this immediately pop up right after I'm finished listening to "Blood And Thunder" or something awesome. And I'm far too lazy to sort out my shit into any kind of individual playlist. So let this be a lesson to your future parents out there. Make sure you have your own designated laptop and iPod or whatever. Don't EVER let your library somehow get intermingled with your kid's music library. You'll never forgive yourself.
Fantasy Player That Deserves To Die A Slow, Painful Death
Well, week one hasn't happened yet, so no player has yet shit the bed during an actual game to warrant a selection here. But that doesn't mean there aren't obvious candidates looming (Hi, Steven Jackson!). Also, I drafted Vincent Jackson a few weeks ago, assuming his contract squabble would end soon after camp, as all contract squabbles do. I thought I was all sneaky and shit, getting a top 10 wideout at a low round discount. But I failed to recognize that AJ Smith is a stubborn cock, and that Jackson might seriously be dumb enough to hold out during an entire year that has a lockout looming. So I'd like to murder Vincent Jackson. But really, I only have myself to blame. I should be murdering myself.
Of course, this is fantasy. The whole point of fantasy is to never blame yourself for anything that goes wrong. So go fuck yourself, Vincent Jackson. Take it in the ass and report already.
Suicide Pick Of The Week
We once again pick a team for your suicide pool and something that makes you WANT to commit suicide. This week's pick? Tennessee, and taking out the garbage. God dammit, I turn around and that garbage can is always fucking full. It's like a little genie is parked at the bottom, and any time a new bag goes in, he magically conjures four hundred banana peels and a dry cleaning bag. Fucker.
Nazi Shark's Vegas Lock Of The Week
Lots of sports sites, to demonstrate the arbitrary nature of gambling, like to have animals like monkeys pick games to see if they can outwit their human counterparts. There's no reason we at Deadspin can't also get in on the fun. So we've asked National Socialist German Workers' Party member Rolf, who also happens to be a shark, to pick one game a week. Take it away, Nazi shark.
"This week, I like the Eagles getting 3 points at home against the Packers. I'd like to issue a giant FUCK YOU to the German POLIZEI for shutting down my group's youth summer camp. You scoundrels had no right to invade our compound and take all our shit. These campers are fine, hardworking, WHITE young men who spent the whole summer learning how to knit armbands and water ski on a lake of Jewish baby stem cell fluid. HOW DARE YOU TAKE AWAY THEIR RIGHT TO BUILD CHARACTER?!"
2009 Nazi Shark Record: 9-11. Like the other 9-11, this too was orchestrated by David Geffen and his minions.
Great Moments In Poop History
Time again for you folks to round up your finest poop and/or fart stories and send them in for this space every week. Reader George sends in this story I call DEF POOPARD:
Back in the late 90's, when I was in college, I lived with a buddy of mine that happened to be in a local band. His band would play clubs around the area on the weekends, and myself and other friends would go watch and get hammered on Miller Lite and try the ever-futile "I'm with the band"-type lines on the generally uninterested womenfolk. Any night said band was playing was a great excuse to party, right? Sometimes on those occasions, old high school friends, or friends from other towns would travel in to hang out and get drunk with us.
So one night, about four hours before showtime, band-guy and I are sitting around the apartment and band-guy has to take a shit. He goes into the bathroom and starts shitting with the door open. So to help him stave off boredom while taking the browns to the superbowl, I regale him with a tale my uncle once told me about a guy who took a shit and pulled it out of the toilet and threw it in a cat's litter box, and went on to convince the cat owner that his cat was extremely sick, dropping an enormous human-sized deuce like that.
So band-guy thought that was pretty funny, and decided that he needed to do something similar with his own shit log. So when finished, he eschewed flushing, bare-handed his shit log, placed it on a piece of bread, and put the piece of bread on a plate. He proceeded to mold the shit like Swayze in Ghost until it was in the shape of a 1/4 (or maybe 1/3) pound hamburger patty. So, now he's got an open-faced shitburger, to which he takes a butter knife and lovingly adds "grill marks". Then he added cheese, mustard, and ketchup (naturally). I still have a mental image burned into the back of my brain from that day. It is a memory of him with his tongue touching the ketchup, and the ketchup touching the shitwich. Why this was done, I don't know. Band-guy is in a band, so he's weird.
Anyway, he leaves the open faced "burger" sitting out on a 3-foot high speaker that was sitting on the living room floor of our apartment. Eventually it stinks the entire place up, so instead of getting rid of the sonuvabitch, he sets the speaker next to a window and uses a fan to blow the stink out the window. His plan, to be carried out in the next few hours, is to trick some friends that are coming in from out of town for that night's gig to... I don't know… potentially… bite into it… I guess?
So, when one out-of-town guy (OOTG) shows up (now 2-3 hours after the shit was born), band-guy moves the fan into another room. OOTG subconsciously notices a terrible smell, but no doubt chalk it up to college life. OOTG proceeds to sit on the floor, next to the window/speaker, nose just inches from the poopy melt. OOTG asks, "whose burger?" clearly famished from his travels and wanting a bite. I can barely contain myself, and let out a mild guffaw, which tips off OOTG to the "burger's" nefarious genesis. Slowly but surely, OOTG realizes what he is actually face-to-face with, but is too terrified or disgusted to utter the unspeakable, and instead lets out a meek, newborn piglet-like squeal. He simultaneously shoves the speaker with both hands (sending the poopwich flying to the ground) and vomits. Whether the puke or the poop hit the carpet first, the world may never know. Some people are terrified of clowns. Some are scared of spiders. This guy obviously had a very deeply-rooted fear of feces-dressed-up-like-foodstuffs.
I greatly admire the craftsmanship of this poopburger. But he should have used A1 instead of ketchup. A1 makes poopburgers taste like steakburgers!
Fire This Asshole!
Is there anything more exciting than a coach losing his job? All year long, we'll keep track of which coaches will almost certainly get fired at year's end or sooner. And now, your updated chopping block:
Tom Cable
Gary Kubiak
Jack Del Rio
Lovie Smith
Eric Mangini
John Fox
Raheem Morris
Tom Coughlin
Norv Turner
Chan Gailey
Wade Phillips
That's the working list of guys who, if shit goes really wrong, probably won't be back next year. So let's hope in our hearts of hearts that everything DOES go wrong for them. Because I love me a good firing.
Gametime Snack Of The Week
Pub cheese! I like pub cheese because it's not actually cheese. It's Dorito dust mixed with partially hydrogenated soybean oil. Oh, man. SO GOOD. It's like a spreadable Planter's Cheez Ball. It's a great way to class up a cocktail party with something that isn't really classy at all.
Gametime Cheap Beer Of The Week
Cerveza Caguama! Straight from the pristine waters of war-torn El Salvador! Reader Steve writes in:
It looks like a harmless enough little beer, and it has a cute turtle on the label. Then you take a sip and you're be certain that turtle pissed in the bottle. Skunky smell, skunky taste, and the worst part is it's not even that alcoholic, clocking in with an ABV of 3.2%. Dreadful all around, except that its easy on the wallet.
Let's take a look at their sales copy!
Legend has it the fishermen of Central America sought the Great Loggerhead Turtle in warm tropical waters.
Warm tropical seawater? Large turtles? I think someone just gave us a glimpse into their brewing process.
It was tribal belief that this powerful turtle also known as the "Caguama," symbolized good fortune for the fisherman's village. It is our hope that you too will experience the good fortune of the Caguama when you experience this award-winning Latin beer.
Nothing lucky can come from swilling that bottle of turtle piss. A six-pack of that will have you licking sand within an hour.
Robert Evans' MVP Watch!
Time to start thinking about who the leaders are for the NFL's MVP award. So every week, legendary Hollywood producer Robert Evans will join us to give us his assessment. Take it away, Mr. Evans.
"Baby, my favorite for the NFL's MVP this year is Drew Brees of the Saints! Oh, children. What a grand, grand summer your dear Evans has had! A Windjammer barefoot cruise around Corsica? YOU BET! Tennis with the legendary John Davidson of Hollywood Squares? YOU KNOW IT! A clandestine meeting with Bill Murray in the cocaine room at one of Ibiza's hottest hotspots for hot people? INDEED!
"Oh, Murray is a HOOT! What company that devil is. You know he has no agent? To reach him, they say you have to dial a 1-800 number. But real insiders like Evans know the best way to reach old Billy Boy is show up at the local muni with a bag of coke-molded Titleists that dissolve in vinegar! Two sniffs of those beauties and suddenly the world is your Cinderella Story! Oh, can Murray pull the ladies. They think he's so mysterious and dour. They don't understand why he likes to cuff them naked to a donkey stable and then leave them for 20 hours at a time. He loves to keep them guessing! Old rascal!"
Sunday Afternoon Movie Of The Week For Rams Fans
Three O'Clock High, submitted by a reader whose Twitter handle I can no longer locate. Anyway, I remember this movie fondly as the last legitimate movie Cinemax would play every weekend night before finally getting to the porn. And sometimes I'd be so horny that I'd jack off to the scene where the teacher tells Casey Siemaszko her favorite book is "Turn Of The Screw." She doesn't take off her top or anything, but I was so bonered up by that point I'd just finish out anyway. Speaking of soft core porn, Richard Tyson plays the bully in this movie. He also nailed Sherilyn Fenn in "Two Moon Junction" and was the bad guy in "Kindergarten Cop." He also looks like a fat Michael Hutchence. Quite a diverse resume.
Gratuitous Simpsons Quote
" There was an optics festival and I wasn't informed?!"
Halftime Masturbation Kit
-For the guys: Hot Jews! A gallery of 76 Israeli beach babes. Even Nazi Shark approves!
-For the gals: Hey look! It's Richard Tyson! Now you see what made Ms. Fenn swoon.
Enjoy the games, everyone. The NFL is back.


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State Briefs 6/25/09
Girl run over by grandmother's van dies
PEORIA — A 2-year-old girl who fell out of her grandmother's van and was run over by a rear wheel last week died Wednesday night.
Elise M. Nelms was pronounced dead about 7:30 p.m. Wednesday at OSF Saint Francis Medical Center. An autopsy is scheduled for Friday, but Peoria County Coroner Johnna Ingersoll said the toddler sustained multiple injuries to the head and chest.
Nelms, the daughter of Lottie Sloan, was taken off life support after her condition deteriorated, Ingersoll said.
The incident happened June 17. According to Peoria police, Nelms was in a booster seat and freed herself, then opened a sliding door to the minivan. When grandmother Orlean Chittick pulled forward, the child fell out of the vehicle and was then run over by the rear driver's side tire.
Peoria Journal Star
Battery maker heavily involved in hybrids lays off 15
PEORIA – Even Firefly Energy Inc., the Peoria company that wants to revolutionize the world of lead-acid batteries, is not exempt from the economic downturn.
Co-founder Mil Ovan confirmed Wednesday that 15 people have been laid off from the company's headquarters.
Firefly received a $2 million grant from the U.S. military last year. That followed a separate $7 million development contract Firefly received from the U.S. government in 2007.
Ovan said the future of battery development remains bright and hopes to rehire workers in the near future. He said the company is still in the running for federal stimulus funds.
Firefly's proposal focuses on the development of two different car batteries - one for micro hybrids and another for plug-in hybrids. Micro hybrids offer gas engines that average 5 percent fuel savings with features such as regenerative braking and an engine shut-off while the car is at a stoplight. Plug-in hybrids provide an electric motor that can be recharged.
Peoria Journal Star
Man convicted in 5-month-old son's death sentenced to 100 years
PEORIA – A man convicted of murder in the death of his 5-month-old son was sentenced to 100 years in prison Thursday.
James Sargent, 24, was convicted in April of first-degree murder. Prosecutors Donna Cruz and Nancy Mermelstein argued the infant's diaper wasn't changed for at least five days and possibly up to a week. He wasn't bathed for about nine days. His last meal likely came three to four days before he was found, lifeless, on Feb. 12, 2008. Prolonged exposure to that unchanged diaper caused his skin to be eaten away and allowed bacteria to seep into his body, ultimately causing his death.
Sargent's attorney William Loeffel contended his client was mentally ill and suffered from a slew of problems, all of which contributed to his neglect of the child.
The boy's mother, Sargent's former girlfriend Tracy Hermann, 22, of Peoria, faces the same charges and is scheduled for trial in October.
Peoria Journal Star
Man 'listening to coyotes' arrested on meth manufacturing charges
RUDEMENT – A man who claimed he was out listening for coyotes was arrested on charges of possessing methamphetamine manufacturing materials last week.
Saline County Sheriff's Deputy Jerod Campbell stopped a suspicious truck on private property last Friday night. The driver, Joshua Michael Gibbs, 29, of Carrier Mills, claimed he was out listening for coyotes. According to a police report, Campbell smelled what he believed to be ether, an ingredient commonly used in manufacturing meth.
Gibbs told Campbell he was supposed to drop off a bag of crushed Sudafed pills – commonly used in meth making –at the Rudement Social Brethren Church at midnight and he had driven to where he was stopped by Campbell to kill some time.
Inside Gibbs' truck deputies found salt, rubber hose attached to bottle caps, lithium batteries, the bag of 68 grams of crushed Sudafed and a small plastic bag with a white powder substance that field tested positive for meth.
Harrisburg Daily Register


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Brewing A Conflict With China
Washington has pressured the Philippines, whose government it owns, into conducting joint military exercises in the South China Sea. Washington's excuse is that China has territorial disputes with the Philippines, Indonesia and other countries concerning island and sea rights in the South China Sea. Washington asserts that China's territorial disputes with the likes of Indonesia and the Philippines are a matter of U.S. national interests.
Washington has not made it clear what its stake is in the disputes. The reason Washington cannot identify why China's disputes with the Philippines and Indonesia are threats to the United States is that there is no reason. Nevertheless, the undefined "threat" has become the reason Washington needs more naval bases in the Philippines and South Korea.
This is all about provoking a long-term cold war conflict with China that will keep profits and power flowing into Washington's military-security complex. Large profits flow to armaments companies. A portion of the profits reflow into campaign contributions to "the people's representatives" in Washington and to Presidential candidates who openly sell out their country to private interests.
Washington is going to construct new naval bases in the Philippines and on the environmentally protected Jeju Island that belongs to South Korea. Washington will waste tax revenues or print more money in order to build the unnecessary fleets to occupy these bases. Washington is acquiring bases in Australia for U.S. Marines to protect Australia from China, despite the lack of Chinese threats against Australia. George W. Bush and Barack Obama are the leading models of the "people's President" who sell out the people, at home and abroad, to private interests.
Why is Washington ramping up a new cold war?
The answer begins with President Dwight Eisenhower's 1961 warning to the American people in his last public address about the military-industrial complex.
Eisenhower pointed out to Americans that, unlike previous wars after which the United States demilitarized, after World War II the Cold War with the Soviet Union kept the power and profits flowing into the military-industrial complex, now known as the military-security complex. Eisenhower said that the flow of power and profit into the military-industrial complex was a threat to the economic well-being and liberty of the American people.
No one paid any attention, and the military-security complex was glad to be rid of the five-star general war hero President when his second term expired. Thanks to the hype about the "Soviet threat," the military-security complex faced an unlimited horizon of mounting profits and power as Americans sacrificed their future to the interests of those who protected Americans from the Soviet threat.
The good times rolled for the armaments companies and security agencies for almost three decades until President Ronald Reagan and Russian President Mikhail Gorbachev reached agreement and ended the Cold War. When the Soviet Union subsequently collapsed, the future outlook for the power and profit of the U.S. military-security complex was bleak. The 1 percent was about to lose its fortunes, and the secret government was about to lose its power.
The military-security complex went to work to revive the need for a massive "defense" and "security" budget. Among their willing tools were the neoconservatives, with their French Jacobin ideology and Israeli loyalties. The neocons defined America as the "indispensable people." Such extraordinary people as Americans must establish hegemony over the world as the sole remaining superpower. As most neoconservatives are allied with Israel, the Muslim Mideast became the target of opportunity.
Muslims are sufficiently different from Westerners in that Muslims are easy to demonize.
The demonization began in the neoconservative publications. Once Dick Cheney had the Bush regime staffed with neoconservatives, the next step was to create "threats" to Americans out of verbiage about the Taliban's responsibility for 9/11 and about "Iraqi weapons of mass destruction," including verbal images from Bush's National Security Adviser of "mushroom clouds" over U.S. cities.
No one in the U.S. government or the "free" U.S. media or the media of the U.S. puppet states in England, Europe, Japan, Taiwan, Canada, Australia and South Korea was struck by Washington's proposition that "the world's sole superpower" was threatened by the likes of Iraq and Iran, neither of which had any offensive military capability or any modern weapons, according to the unequivocal reports of the weapons inspectors.
What kind of "superpower" is threatened by Iraq and Iran? Certainly, not a real one.
No one seemed to notice that the alleged 9/11 hijackers were Saudi Arabians, not Afghans or Iraqis, yet it was Afghanistan and Iraq that were labeled "terrorist threats." Saudi Arabia and Bahrain, which do terrorize their subjects, are safe from having America bring them democracy because they are Washington's puppets — not independent countries.
As fear of nonentities swept over the population of "the world's sole superpower," the demands for war against "America's enemies" – "you are with us or against us" — swept through the country. "Support the troops" plastic ribbons appeared on American cars. Americans went into a frenzy. The "towel heads" were after us, and we had to fight for our lives or be murdered in our beds, shopping centers and airliner seats.
It was all a hoax to replace the Soviet threat with the Muslim threat.
The problem that developed with the "Muslim threat" is that in order to keep the profits and power flowing into the military-security complex, the promised six-week war in Iraq had to be extended into eight years. The war in Afghanistan against a few thousand lightly armed Taliban has persisted for more than a decade, longer than the attempted Red Army occupation of Afghanistan.
In other words, the problem with hot wars is that the need to not win them in order to keep them going (Korea, Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan are all long-term wars never won) in order that the profits and power continue to flow to the military-security complex demoralizes the U.S. military and creates the worldwide impression that the "world's sole superpower" cannot even defeat a few thousand insurgents armed with AK-47s, much less a real army.
In Iraq and Afghanistan more U.S. soldiers have died from demoralization and suicides than from combat. In Iraq, the United States was humiliated by having to end the war by putting the Sunni insurgents on the U.S. military payroll and paying them to stop killing U.S. troops. In Korea the United States was stopped by an army of a backward Third World country that lived on rice. What would happen today if the U.S. "superpower" military confronted China, a country with an economy on which the United States is dependent (about equal in size to the U.S. economy), operating on its home territory? The only chance the evil in Washington would have would be nuclear war, which would mean the destruction of the entire world by Washington's hubris.
Fortunately, profits are more important to Washington than ending life on Earth. Therefore, war with China will be avoided, just as it was avoided with the Soviet Union. However, China will be presented by Washington and its prostitute media — especially The New York Times,The Washington Post and Murdoch's collection of whores — as the rising threat to America. The media story will shift the importance of America's allies from Europe to countries bordering the South China Sea. American taxpayers' money, or newly printed money, will flow into the "new alliance against China."
China's rise is a great boon to the U.S. military-security complex, which governs an America in which there is a pretense of "freedom and democracy." China is the profitable replacement for the "Soviet threat." As the days go by, the presstitute media will create in the feeble minds of Americans "The China Threat."
Soon, whatever little remains of the U.S. standard of living will be sacrificed to Washington's confrontation with China, along with the seizure of our pensions and personal savings in order to deter "the China threat."
If only Americans were an intelligent people. Then they might have some prospect of holding on to their incomes, remaining wealth and liberty. Unfortunately, Americans are so thoroughly plugged into the matrix that they present as a doomed people, incapable of thought, reason or the ability to comprehend the facts that the rest of the world sees clearly.
Can reality be brought to the American people? Perhaps a miracle will occur. Stay tuned.
#1 2012-05-09 17:02
Excellent article, but let us never forget that China, in this whole game of chess, is also controlled as much as the Phillipines is. Communist Red China was a creation of the Rothchild banking family, who were responsible for hand selecting their man, Mao Tse Tung, to power.


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Posts Tagged developing story
A site to help you fill the gaps in your story outline
Posted by Roz Morris @Roz_Morris in Inspirations Scrapbook, Nanowrimo, Plots, Writer basics 101 on October 21, 2012
I'm shuffling ideas for The Venice Novel and I've come across a fantastic site that's helping me clarify where I want to take the story.
It's called Television Tropes and Idioms. But don't be fooled by its name. Tropes doesn't mean cliches; it means story conventions and readers' expectations. In fact, you can use the site as a cliche and stereotype warning – it tells you what's already been done to death so you can keep your story and characters fresh and original. And the site includes movies and novels as well – of all types, all genres (and even stories that don't fit easily anywhere).
I'm using it to fill gaps. At the moment I have a rudimentary cast of characters and a fundamental conflict, so I need to see what else could gather around it. Poking around in the subject sections ('topical tropes', in the left sidebar) suggested a lot more places I could take the characters and ways to develop the plot. It also gave me ideas for more defined roles my characters could play.
If you want to hit a particular genre, zip down the left-hand sidebar and look up 'literature' and you'll find a list of categories to clarify where you fit. You can also check you've covered enough bases to satisfy readers and identify possibilities you might not have thought of.
But even if you don't fit traditional pigeonholes (like certain folks I could mention), you can look up story ingredients, such as 'war', 'betrayal' or 'family' – just for instance, under the latter you get a delicious sub-list with suggestions like 'amicably divorced', 'hippie parents', 'dysfunctional'.
Some writers get their first inspirational spark from a setting – if that's you, you can research how other authors have done your setting justice, from pre-history to '4000 years from now (and no jetpack)'.
One of the other things I like about it – very much – is its tone. No judgements are made about whether genres are fashionable, overworked, lowbrow or highbrow. It's all about celebrating how stories work – or sometimes don't. As we know, that comes down to the writer's skill anyway, not whether a 'subject' is en vogue. And after a few hours in the company of their rather breezy descriptions, not only will you be better informed, you will be spurred to avoid the lazy story decision.
If you're sprucing up your outline – especially as NaNoWriMo looms – spend an afternoon exploring Television Tropes and give your story a thorough workout.
Do have any go-to sites when you're planning a novel – and how do you use them? Share in the comments!
You can find tips for researching, outlining and what makes a robust story in my book, Nail Your Novel – Why Writers Abandon Books and How You Can Draft, Fix and Finish With Confidence. Available on Kindle and in print.
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It's sad. If you're a human woman on this planet, the chances are pretty good that there's something on (or missing from) your body that you curse daily. Mine's my chin, or lack thereof. On good days, I hardly see it. On bad days, I see this picture of Megan Amram. From that mirror scene in Regina George's bedroom in Mean Girls, to the devastating prevalence of eating disorders and plastic surgery, American women are constantly in a state of agony over their bodies. Unfortunately, it's also one of the easiest ways to bond with other girls.
Even supermodel Brooklyn Decker, whose legs are probably as tall as my entire body and whose hair deserves a seminar at the Blake Lively andConnie Britton's Glorious Unicorn Mane Academy, has her own insecurities about her looks, as she confessed to Women's Health via The Daily Mail. Decker, who's no stranger to fitness herself (not to mention married to Andy Roddick), was awestruck about Jennifer Aniston's bikini body on the set of Just Go With It. She was so self-conscious about her own that she declined an invitation to work out with Jen: "I was invited to do yoga with her on set but they had so many good yogis I was intimidated and chickened out." Humblebrag or honest insecurity? You be the judge.
I mean, Christ on a cracker. If Brooklyn Decker's insecure about her body, where does that leave the rest of us? But here's where I officially throw in the towel: Audrey Hepburn, the gamine of Sabrina—Holly freaking Golightly, for God's sake—didn't think she was pretty. Her son Luca Doti spoke to Vanity Fair about his mother's insecurity with her looks, which Hepburn referred to as "a good mixture of defects."
"She thought she had a big nose and big feet, and she was too skinny and not enough breast. She would look in the mirror and say, 'I don't understand why people see me as beautiful.'"
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The 1957 movie Funny Face starred Hepburn as an intellectual book store clerk who's discovered by women's magazine photographer Fred Astaire and whisked off to Paris to be a supermodel. The title, which of course is a references to Hepburn's face, echoes her own sentiment about "a good mixture of defects." I'll never say life doesn't imitate art again.
Follow Anna on Twitter: @annabreslaw
Photo via Paramount Pictures/Courtesy of Getty Images


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Don't look at me — I just report what I read.
On a per capita basis, it may actually be true that Seattle is KING. And, in terms of enthusiasm for the art form, Seattle certainly ranks high; however, I'm not sure you can make the case that Seattle Opera fans are bigger operaphiles than the people who go to Glimmerglass or San Francisco or Chicago or Santa Fe each season (not to mention, Dallas).
I gave this article the benefit of the doubt until the final paragraphs, when I found myself raising an eyebrow at Speight Jenkin's claim that Seattle has the best opera house in America. Check out the entire chest-beating piece here.
Perhaps he's right. It may be an entirely legitimate claim…yes, indeed…for about another year.
Suzanne Calvin, Assoc. Dir. of Marketing, The Dallas Opera
Postscript: Speight Jenkins rightly points out that the article says "singers" have told him Seattle is the best venue; meaning, it's an acoustical rather than aesthetic judgment. Sounds reasonable to me. I'll post his entire response as soon as it comes my way.
Mea culpa, Mr. Jenkins…I must read more carefully in the future.
Here's the text of his email, just received:
Dear Suzanne,
I am sorry that what I said to Mr. Littler appeared to you that I was saying that Seattle Opera has the best opera company in America. I never said that, nor would I . What I said was that many singers have said that they enjoy singing here more than in any other opera house, referring specifically to our acoustics. I can't take credit for that. The Connecticut firm of Jaffe/Holden were responsible for the acoustics of Marian Oliver McCaw Hall, and they did a marvelous job.
Best wishes,
Speight Jenkins
(Suzanne's note: A gracious response, and, at the risk of repeating myself, I must read more carefully in the future.)


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Madagascar must combat poverty to eradicate slavery, UN independent expert urges
"Human rights cannot thrive in an environment of extreme poverty," the UN Special Rapporteur on contemporary forms of slavery, Gulnara Shahinian, stated in a news release at the end of her first-ever visit to the African country.
During her trip – which included stops in the towns of Antsirabe, Ambositra, Fianaransoa, Ihosy, Sakaraha, and the capital, Antananarivo – Ms. Shahinian noted that she was informed that over 70 per cent of the population in Madagascar is poor and over 50 per cent is extremely poor.
Moreover, she detailed the lingering effects of Madagascar's caste system and the deeply rooted discrimination resulting from it, which continues to marginalize the most vulnerable people in society, particularly those descended from slaves.
"Madagascar's experience has shown the extent to which men, women, and children suffering from extreme poverty end up living in conditions of contemporary forms of slavery such as domestic servitude, child slavery in mines and quarries, bonded labour, and servile marriages," Ms. Shahinian said.
She noted that many parents across Madagascar are "desperately poor" and are often faced with few alternatives regarding employment and where to send their children to school. As a result, the children, who are frequently undernourished and suffer from chronic hunger, are doled out across the countryside as domestic workers in order to pay off rising debts or simply to help feed the family. In addition, many girls and boys are forced to marry against their will and at ages as young as 10 years old, despite laws to the contrary.
The UN expert also pointed out that many children were illegally working in Madagascar's artisanal mining and quarrying sector, often living in remote areas plagued by violence and lawlessness where they were exposed to rape, prostitution and potentially fatal health hazards.
Nevertheless, Ms. Shahinian emphasized that the country's authorities already had proper legislation on its books to counter the diffuse problem of slavery but that they were not being implement or monitored prompting impunity and corruption.
"The Government, as well as civil society and international organizations cannot continue to ignore this issue," she stated. "I urge the government to develop urgent measures and fully resourced programmes with local authorities and work closely with civil society and international organizations in order to secure funding and combat contemporary forms of slavery."
UN independent experts, or special rapporteurs like Ms. Shahinian, are appointed by the Geneva-based Council to examine and report back on a country situation or a specific human rights theme. The positions are honorary and the experts are not UN staff, nor are they paid for their work.


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Radio Shack robbery: Police release license plate number in theft caught on tape
8 people held at gunpoint; no one injured
Police are searching for two gunmen who robbed a Radio Shack in Port St. Lucie, holding employees and customers at gunpoint around lunchtime Friday at the store on U.S. Highway 1.
On Monday, Port St. Lucie police released a picture of the getaway car and the tag number. The car is described as a dark-colored Nissan Rogue with the Florida plate B-G-F-F-9-5.
Port St. Lucie police spokesman Frank Sabol said two gunmen entered the store and ordered an employee to the stock room, where she was told to open a cabinet filled with merchandise. As she was searching for the keys, a customer entered the store.
One of the robbers ordered the customer to the storage room and was forced to call his wife, who was waiting in the car, to come inside. She was greeted by one of the gunmen and forced inside the storage room.
Sabol said another customer and a second employee also entered the store during the robbery. They were forced inside the storage room as well.
One by one, customers were held at gunpoint while the employees were made to call someone who had the keys to the cabinet, Sabol said.
Eventually, an employee with the keys arrived and was forced to open the cabinet. The gunmen stole several phones, cameras and other merchandise, placing them in a garbage bag and pillowcases.


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Friday, July 7, 2023 Spirits of Milford Ghost Walk
Have a spooktacular time on our lantern-lit ghost tours through downtown Milford, CT, which blend stories from history with the macabre!
When and where
Date and time
Friday, July 7 · 8 - 10pm EDT
Meet at Hotchkiss Bridge Helwig Street Factory Lane Milford, CT 06460
Refund Policy
About this event
- 2 hours
- Mobile eTicket
Come on a scarily good Spirits of Milford Ghost Walk through downtown Milford, Connecticut, where you'll be enthralled and entertained with stories about:
- The distraught Paugusset Indian mother who, 400 years ago, strangled and killed her two young sons near Milford Harbor
- The three deadly curses cast on Charles Island, including one made by Captain Kidd
- Why almost 300-year-old Capt. Stephen Stow has never left his house on High Street
- The accused Colonial witch buried in Milford Cemetery
- And so many other unexplainable and frightening tales
Blending the macabre with Milford history, this spirited, lantern-lit walk follows a roughly 1.15-mile loop through downtown Milford, including stops at some of the city's oldest homes and Milford Cemetery. Participants who desire also get the chance to try out paranormal investigation tools like EMF detectors and dowsing rods.
Walks start at the Factory Lane side of the Hotchkiss Bridge (that connects to Fowler Field) and are appropriate for all ages. Sidewalks line the route, making it stroller and wheelchair friendly. Space is strictly limited to ensure the health, safety and best possible experience for all participants.
Cost for advance tickets, purchased here, is $23 per person. Walk-up ticket price is $28 per person. Children 4 and under are free. Parking is available throughout downtown Milford. One of the most convenient places to park is Fowler Field, behind the Milford Public Library.
Your purchase of Spirits of Milford Ghost Walk tickets signifies that you have read, understand and agree to the terms and conditions stated in our liability waiver. All sales are final. In the event a walk is cancelled because of severe weather, you will receive a credit to use your tickets on any future Spirits of Milford ghost walk, in 2023 or beyond. Spirits of Milford will also do its best to accommodate cancellations made by the customer, ensuring that the customer is able to use his or her tickets on a future, mutually agreed-upon date.
For more information about Spirits of Milford -- including details about our other tours, tarot card readings, private or group walks, or special events -- visit www.spiritsofmilford.com.


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Cattle Weights Clipped by Storms
Severe winter storms continued this week across the Great Plains, with cold weather expected to slash animal weights. Severe weather can stress cattle, causing them to eat less and lose weight; some reports released showed animals as much as 100 pounds lighter due to the storms. This reduction in weights translated to a smaller supply of cattle and helped to push prices higher.
Meanwhile, Washington remained deadlocked on the issue of budget cuts, which is expected to lead to "rolling furloughs" for USDA meat inspectors, potentially shuttering meatpacking plants. Although the precise impact is still unknown, analysts expect that the reduction in meat inspectors will curb beef production and demand for cattle, limiting the price gains for live cattle, while increasing the price for beef at the grocery store.
During the week, the "bullish" factors outweighed the sequestration concerns, pulling prices as much as 2.3 cents per pound (+1.9%) higher. By midday Friday, live cattle for April delivery were worth $1.305, the highest price in two weeks.
Gasoline Gushes Lower
Gasoline prices tumbled this week as refinery capacity rose, bringing increased supplies of the fuel onto the market in the near futures. Refineries frequently shut down during late winter for seasonal maintenance, but this year's closures were larger than expected, curtailing the short-term supply of gasoline. Market participants are seeing this week's increase in refinery activity as a sign that gasoline and diesel fuel shortages will soon be over, sending prices spiraling downward.
April gasoline futures collapsed by more than 20 cents per gallon this week, falling 6.1%. Wholesale gasoline for delivery in April, which represents the price of fuel without taxes or other fees, was worth $3.06 on Friday morning, the lowest price in over a month.
Natural Gas to Remain Plentiful
Early this week, the University of Texas published a study indicating that the supply of natural gas in the future may be much larger than had been anticipated. Just five years ago, there was widespread concern that the world was running out of natural gas, but new technologies and discoveries have changed the outlook.
As a result of the currently growing supply of natural gas in the United States, prices remain relatively low, trading Friday for $3.47 per million British thermal units.
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All Pokemon with inter-generational evolutions from Gen 1, Gen 2, Gen 3, Gen 4, Gen 5 and Gen 6 complete with CP. Tap on a Pokemon to see its full Pokedex entry. Consider saving your candies and top evolution candidates in Pokemon Go for these Pokemon. Pokemon are seperated into two sets, those families which gain evolutions, and those families that gain pre-evolutions.
If you like Poke Assistant and the free services it provides, the best thing you can do to give back is to recommend it:


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The latest defense for the pro-gun movement? Sexism! This week during the senate gun control hearings, conservative lawyer Gayle Trotter (a woman, need I point out) testified that women need firearms to level the playing field against strong male attackers. She specifically called out the AR-15, a menacing-looking assault rifle, as the ideal gun for women to carry around.
She's partially right. Who would attack a woman with a massive assault rifle sticking out of her Kate Spade purse? Well, probably a guy who wants to grab it from her and then use her own gun against her, actually.
This whole "more guns is the answer to gun violence" thing is beyond insane. People speaking out against Trotter's comments are already citing a recent Harvard study, which showed that women in states with looser gun laws suffered more violent deaths than in states with fewer guns.
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Another recent study shows that women are also weaker than ever before in history thanks to fad diets and an emphasis on being skinny not strong. Obviously a self defense class isn't going to protect you 100 percent of the time so I get what Trotter was going for with her statement, but hitting the weights and taking an ass-kicking class has less chance of backfiring, literally, than packing an AR-15 in your bedside drawer.
Follow Emma on Twitter.
Emma Barker edits longform reporting at Cosmopolitan. She lives with her husband in Brooklyn, NY.


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Our #1 goal at Wynwood is to make you, our customer, happy.
Reaching that goal is an exciting and extensive process that begins with an idea. That idea usually comes from Wynwood's fashion consultants that search the world for unique materials and latest trends in shapes, textures and colors. The idea begins to take form as our talented designers create sketches, renderings and blueprints for the new design. A furniture collection is born.
Finishes are selected and tested; hardware is chosen. Specifications are checked and re-checked to ensure that the collection is not only beautiful but functional in every aspect. Prototypes are made. Samples are produced. We consult with marketing and merchandising experts who know the marketplace and know what you, the customer, expect. The finished product is brought to market where tens of thousands of retailers from all over the world come to see what's new and exciting. The collection's a hit!
Now it's down to business. Our engineers turn prototypes and samples into a production line where skilled crafts-people build the furniture, hand apply the finishing materials, inspect, package and ship the product to Wynwood's partner furniture stores all over the world.
In this whole process, hundreds, perhaps thousands of people have been involved in the process, all sharing the same goal, to make you, our customer happy!
Enjoy your new Wynwood furniture. Care for it as we have cared for bringing it to your home. And know that you can count on it, and us, for years to come.


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Ideas are the seeds from which all greatness grows. Every book and every company started from the spark of an idea. Ideas come on their own time and in their own way. Those who understand this principle find a sure path to success.
The key to benefiting from ideas is to capture them. You need to write them down in a place where you can review them and use them when the time is right. In his audio book "Capturing Million Dollar Ideas," Richard Paul Evans recommends keeping and "idea journal" with you at all times so you can capture ideas as they come. This is important because you can never control or predict when ideas will come. He further discusses five things to know about your ideas:
- Your life if the sum of your ideas.
- Ideas are like butterflies, they come at any time and they appear unannounced, flittering through your mind as if to find capture. Creating a place to capture the ideas seems to attract them, and in greater number. "A discovery is an accident meeting a prepared mind."
- Ideas, no matter how brilliant, have a very short shelf life.
- You may not understand how big an idea is until later; some ideas need to age like cheese and wine to come to value. In come cases, you need to grow before you realize just how big a concept is.
- Ideas beget other ideas.
Remember, ideas come on their own time. When ideas come to you, write them down.
The Product Management Perspective: Ideas are the fuel for great products. The difficulty for many product managers is capturing ideas and filtering the potentially great ones from the not so good. That topic deserves its own post (or perhaps its own book). The key point here is that you, as the PM, capture the ideas that come to you regardless of the source. The more ideas you capture the more likely you are to get the perfect new product or feature. Many times ideas will seem silly or absolutely unobtainable; write them down anyway. Over time circumstances change, technology improves and opportunities appear that you do not expect. The more ideas you have captured the better prepared you will be to develop your ideas into the next great product.


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State's hottest week further diminishes crops
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) - Iowa's corn crop has continued to decline as Iowa experienced the hottest week of the year last week.
The U.S. Department of Agriculture's weekly crop condition update released Tuesday says 25 percent of the state's corn is poor or very poor. That's up from 21 percent the week before. Just 39 percent is good or excellent down from 44 percent the week before and 48 percent two weeks ago.
Iowa's soybeans are now 24 percent poor or very poor, up from 20 percent a week ago and 39 percent is good or excellent, down from 45 percent.
The conditions generally reflect the national trends.
Iowa temperatures averaged nearly 12 degrees above normal and average rainfall was about a third of an inch. Normal for the week is about an inch.


text: Buy One Gift Card. Use It in Five Locations! Dining. Concerts. Shopping. Events. Every gift card purchased is good for use at any one of our five beach locations: Blue Ocean Music Hall, Seaglass Restaurant & Lounge, Capri Seaside Italian Grille, By the Sea Gifts, and at Surf Side. Order the perfect gift conveniently and securely on-line. Gift cards will be mailed to your billing address. Please allow five business days for delivery.


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Go for the Food: In Annapolis, crab rules
ANNAPOLIS, Md. – Do not wear your Sunday Best.
That's the first rule for eating messy crabs here on the Chesapeake Bay. Everything else — demonstrating brutal hammer skills, sending up clouds of powdered spice blend, shaking the wobbly communal picnic tables — can be forgiven here at Jimmy Cantler's Riverside Inn.
After all, everyone commits at least one of these offenses during a visit.
A family-run institution on the Mill Creek since 1974, this casual crab shack is a favorite for those lucky enough to live in Maryland's picturesque state capital, as well as visitors from nearby Baltimore and Washington. Because how many other restaurants have industrial-sized wash tubs off the back deck for patrons to rinse their arms between courses?
Tucked off a side road a short drive from the Statehouse, this low-key restaurant is Mid-Atlantic comfort food, served on plastic trays and with plenty of napkins. Seats inside are easier to come by, but then you would miss out on the breeze coming off the water.
Instead, wait for a bench on the back patio at one of the communal tables.
The parking lot is fine for loitering, but head down to the lower decks where workers sort the crabs by size and boaters get free docking with their lunch. There is something comforting about knowing the meal is undoubtedly fresh and, just hours earlier, was splashing around in the industrial tubs.
That's not to say fresh is the same as cheap. The steamed super-size crabs ran $105 a dozen on a recent visit. Large crabs were $75 a dozen. All come crusted in seasoning on the outside that inevitably ends up in a dust cloud all over everyone sitting nearby as hammers — and shells — fly.
The menu has slightly less pricey options for those who don't want to spend an entire afternoon removing legs, cracking shells and scraping gills for what, really, isn't all that much meat.
The soft-shell crabs are crunchy and a bit salty, full of flavor and like biting into the Chesapeake Bay. The sandwich is an easy-to-eat plate, but the platter offers two juicy soft-shell crabs. Now is not the time to exercise moderation.
The crab cakes are almost entirely meat with just enough filling to hold them together and keep them moist. As with the soft-shell crabs, the sandwich is solid but the platter is better.
The jumbo shrimp live up to their name and the platter is enough to share, especially when matched with fries piled high. The tangy coleslaw cuts through the rich seafood and is a surprising bite of coolness on a warm afternoon.
Every order should also include a side of hush puppies. Wonderfully fried, not at all greasy and nicely chewy on the inside, they come with a small tub of butter for dipping.
Fine dining, this is not. But it's local and authentic. The brown paper table coverings aren't here for kitsch. It's there for easy cleanup of errant shells that don't make their way into the plastic beer buckets.
Yes, it's messy.
But if a visitor doesn't end up caked in crab shells and seasoning, he can't walk to the side lot and shower his forearms in the industrial tub. And that would just be missing the whole experience.
• Jimmy Cantler's Riverside Inn, 458 Forest Beach Road. 410-757-1311. http://www.cantlers.com