text:
I have an Etiquette Hell story regarding Thank You cards, but not the typical story about never receiving one.
About one or two weeks after we brought our baby home from the hospital, my husband's dad and step-mom visited us and gave us a gift from one of their friends in the community who we had never met. This was not abnormal. We actually received quite a few baby gifts from their friends we had never met before. My in-laws are very involved in their community, especially with the school, and I guess the couple that gave us the gift were higher-ups in the school. It was a toy for 2+ so I stored the gift and did not immediately write up a Thank You note as I was caring for a my first baby and it wasn't top on the priority list!
Maybe a week later, I received a text from my step-mother-in-law saying, "Did you ever send a thank you note to Mr and Mrs Smith?" I responded "Not yet, I've been busy." She proceeded to tell me, "Make sure you do it pretty soon." Now, please note this was not 3 months after I received the gift, it was no more than one week. She then told me that she had just attended this couple's daughter's baby shower and, "I received a thank you note from her 3 days after the shower!" Wow! This was exceptionally rude in my eyes because when my step-MIL had thrown me a baby shower, I promptly got 20-30 thank you notes out within the week. And, all the while my daughter was in the NICU and had been for some time! And here we are, after just bringing baby home, and she is ragging on me for not sending a thank you note out to this couple within a week, and then bragging that THEIR daughter sent her a thank you note within 3 days of her baby shower!
I think the worst part of the whole ordeal was that it was all about image to step-MIL. If her daughter-in-law didn't send out a thank you promptly, it would (in her eyes) reflect badly on HER, especially since this couple were "higher-ups" in the school/community. That probably hurt the most. No matter that my daughter had just had a 2 month stint in the NICU and I had JUST brought her home, no no… It had to be about her and how she appeared to other people! 0511-15
Comments on this entry are closed.
May 12, 2015, 5:51 am
Yes, it was rude of MIL to chase in this way, and if she commented about the shower then you would have been fine to say "Yes, it's much easier to get the notes out fast after a shower, as you are not yet busy with a newborn"
Meanwhile, as this is a friend of your husband's parents, why not suggest your husband writes them a thank you note? After all, it is his child too.
While it is obviously not your highest priority with a new baby, particularly one who has been unwell, if you and he each did a couple of notes every day you could get through them fairly quickly.
May 13, 2015, 2:34 pm
"Meanwhile, as this is a friend of your husband's parents, why not suggest your husband writes them a thank you note? After all, it is his child too"
YES!! THIS!! Why does 99.9% of this stuff become the woman's responsibility the second she starts dating a guy? I don't remember promising to love, honor and take care of all social and familial aspects of our life together" And yet, with most women I've even known, this is exactly what happens.
May 16, 2015, 5:03 pm
Unfortunately I feel you fail to realize that in a relationship, one partner just does certain things and the other partner does other things. This doesn't mean those responsibilities or chores can't be interchangeable, but I know for me, if I left Thank You notes or birthday cards or the like up to my husband, a) they would never get done. Ever, and b) if he did do them, they would be unreadable (my husband has terrible handwriting) and extremely late. So I do all cards/letters, and that's the way we both prefer it. Even when I had a baby, because not only was my husband still working full-time when baby came home, but he also helped care for baby when he got home from work, too. There's nothing that says the mom is more exhausted or busy than the dad. There's no rule about this, it's whatever works for the family.
May 19, 2015, 5:38 am
But all too often most of the chores do full to the woman in this area. It's one thing if you are doing things according to your skills but I have found that with my friends who have had children the woman ends up doing most of the work.
May 13, 2015, 8:30 pm
This is a great point! The gift was for the BABY, not the mom specifically, so either parent could have written the thank-you note. In fact, in this case it might have been more appropriate for the father to write it, because the gift was from his parents' friends.
May 12, 2015, 6:12 am
Have your DH write the thank you. His monkey, I mean his step-MIL, his circus.
Probably wouldn't hurt if he mentioned the baby just got home from the NICU, and you both have been very busy.
May 12, 2015, 6:32 am
Unless you have missed out a huge chunk of story, you are way over-reacting and reading far too much into one text. Your MIL was being OTT but it's not worth this amount of angst at a stressful time in your life.
May 12, 2015, 9:40 am
Take it from someone whom was constantly harassed about thank you notes, it can be quite grading. I was in labor with my oldest and my mom was watching me and making sure I was writing thank you notes…while I was in labor at the hospital. They got done but I didn't write anything extra, just "Thank you for XYZ gift, it was very thoughtful" and left it at that. If anyone had dared say a word to me about how short it was I would have said "Well let's see how great you do when you are writing while having painful contractions and someone harping on you the whole time to get the letters done while you have 'time'". I wasn't happy at all. Now I have a shiny spine and there is no way I would have allowed that to happen.
While I appreciate a thank you note, when someone just had a baby I give them so much slack in regards to time frame. And it was NOT the step-mil's place to say a word to the OP about how long it was taking her. There was no reason to mention how short a time she got the thank you from the other person. The only reason you would mention that would be to brow beat someone. It reminds me of Amy's wedding on Everybody Loves Raymond and they just got back from their honeymoon. Marie was chastising her for not having thank you's done already…a week later.
May 13, 2015, 7:49 am
Ergala, your story was even worse than Marie on Everybody Loves Raymond.
May 13, 2015, 11:05 am
Your mother had you writing thank-you notes while you were WHAT? and she justified it by saying you had "time" while you were in labor? SMH
May 14, 2015, 11:08 am
Yup. Needless to say I was not exactly the happiest person on the planet. 3 days of labor later I was a tad cranky and was demanding everyone leave my room when I started to push. I was sick of everyone.
May 12, 2015, 10:04 am
I imagine that OP is still a bit overly anxious and hormonal from giving birth and the subsequent NICU stay. Please be kind to her. It's extremely common to see small things as slights during such a stressful time.
OP, ignore the MIL as best you can. You're doing a great job.
May 12, 2015, 10:09 am
I agree, K. This was really dramatic and weird to me.
May 12, 2015, 11:06 am
I thought so, too. I wondered if I was being a bit cold towards LW. When ILs act this way, one needs to just blow it off. My philosophy about ILs is that it is much better to encourage one's spouse (their child) to have a close relationship with them and teach the grandchildren to love and respect them. Being touchy about everything ILs say and do is accomplishing no good anywhere. Perhaps the LW is overwrought and is transferring all her anxiety on her MIL.
I didn't write my thankyous until after the baby was born so they could double as birth announcements.
May 12, 2015, 12:31 pm
This. A thousand times this. Just ask your husband for the assist on the thank you note.
May 12, 2015, 8:34 pm
I think considering it WAS a stressful time in OP's life, that probably (and understandably) led to the angst. If my kid had been in the hospital for x number of months and then I finally brought that kid home, I would be so pissed that my mother-in-law was bugging me about promptly getting a thank you note out to one of her friends.
May 19, 2015, 5:42 am
@ K – I think what the OP doesn't like is the unneeded pressure and there does seem to be a focus on treating people who are "higher up" in society should be worshiped by those lower done. The OP isn't ranting or writing loads and loads about this one event. She is expressing her frustration at her step mother's unreasonable and rude behaviour which is what this site is about.
May 12, 2015, 6:32 am
This sounds like a case of someone making a mistake and making the case that they don't have to apologize because someone else did worse. Just write the thank you note.
May 12, 2015, 12:28 pm
I agree. Pick up a pack of thank you notes from Target, dash off a quick note, and call it good. Certainly husband can help with that as well. I don't think this is something to get worked up over.
May 12, 2015, 6:54 am
MIL does sound like a challenge. Sadly, I don't think you'll get credit for your promptitude in shower thank-you notes, or your travails. She's not likely to change. If this is so all-fired important to her, how about if she writes a note and you sign it, then she can stamp and send?
May 14, 2015, 10:06 am
How about she writes the note, then the baby's father stamps and sends it?
May 12, 2015, 7:06 am
Just send the thank you note now and be done with it. 🙂
May 12, 2015, 7:25 am
With people like this, it's often more helpful to tell them when you WILL do something versus just a status update about something you haven't done. Instead of, "Not yet, I've been busy (and when aren't we ALL busy???)" , you'd dispatch her permanently by a response like, "Not yet, but I will write it within the next two weeks." It should mollify her, but if she compares you to anyone else anyway, you could sweetly ask, "Oh! Did friend's daughter just suffer through the stress of her baby being in the NICU for a month, too?"
May 12, 2015, 7:28 am
Okay, your mom seems to have mastered thank-you-note etiquette, but she hasn't quite gotten the hang of "it's rude to point out rudeness in another adult." Has she accepted that you're an adult now? It's hard for some parents, because, at one point, it WAS their job to point out rude or inappropriate behaviour–"OP, don't blow bubbles in your juice," or "OP, don't stick straws up your nose and pretend to be a walrus, even though it was hilarious when Will Smith did it on The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air," or in this case, "OP, don't forget to write a thank-you note." At one point, the latter statement would have been useful information for you. At one point, she had to teach you to thank everyone who gave you a gift, even if it was something you didn't like; for example, a sweater that was itchy, or, right now, a toy that's too advanced for your new baby. The thing is, now you're all grown up, and you've already taken on board what your mom taught you about gratitude and thank-you notes, and in a few years, you'll be teaching Little OP, when she's old enough to understand the concept. I'm not taking your mom's side, but I can imagine that it's hard being a parent, because the job of being a parent is to make yourself obsolete…….and now your mom thinks she has. If your mom's not toxic, would it be possible for you to assuage her fears by asking her for parenting advice about specific issues as Little OP grows up?
As for the issue at hand, you just brought Little OP home from the NICU, and it's been less than a week, and so, thank-you notes are naturally going to take a back seat to figuring out the ins and outs of caring for your preemie. I pretty much don't expect thank-you notes from people with babies at all, let alone within the week. I have a friend who had a baby in late 2013, and I attended the baby shower before he was born, and the first birthday party as well, and gave gifts at both. For the baby shower, my friend didn't do thank-you notes, and for the first birthday party, she just posted gratitude on people's Facebook walls (or, she did on mine, anyway). I don't see this friend often, and I almost NEVER see her without her son, but we're still friends, because I've adjusted my expectations in a BIG way. So, if you're planning to write thank-you notes at all, and if you get that done within a reasonable time frame (which varies, depending on how many notes you have to write, and how demanding the early days with Little OP are), then you're doing fine.
May 12, 2015, 8:24 am
The problem "mom" is the OP's step-mom-in-law, so she doesn't have the excuse of being used to being the parent to the OP as a child.
May 12, 2015, 8:59 am
It isn't the OP's mother that is the problem – it's her husband's stepmother. So a lot of what you've said isn't relevant.
May 12, 2015, 10:14 am
Agreed; after a baby shower (assuming it wasn't a surprise-shower and that the pregnancy/adoption progressed normally afterwards) I'd expect thank-yous- if you allow someone to put together a shower for you, you should expect to need to write thank-you notes afterwards. However, if I send a gift, especially after or close to the baby's arrival, a thank-you note is just extra frosting on the cake. Quite frankly, getting a facebook post- especially a picture of the munchkin using whatever I got them- can even be more enjoyable because I don't need to worry about loosing it. Having finished college, moved temporarily home with my parents, then overseas, then to a new campus for grad school, then with friends while I job-searched, and FINALLY into my own apartment last week, a lot of personal letters and cards have been lost over the years. I still love a hand-written letter or card; just saying that electronic-thank yous have their own set of perks!
I'm guessing if the OP has a spare moment, she needs to use it to SLEEP at this point!
May 13, 2015, 11:14 am
Yes, I love when my mommy friends post a cute pic of the new baby and whatever toy/outfit I bought them. 1) you know they actually are making use of the gift and 2) you get a cute picture you can print or share. I have one friend who habitually posts pictures with the caption, "Little so-in-so wants to tell Auntie/Uncle XYZ she loves her new book/toy/outfit". Its especially nice for long distant friends who might not get to see the new baby till they've out grown the item.
May 12, 2015, 10:18 am
You need to re-read the post…the woman is NOT her mother, it's her step-mother-in-law.
May 12, 2015, 10:44 am
It isn't OP's mother, it's her husband's step-mother.
May 12, 2015, 11:24 am
Why should people 'adjust their expectations' of gratitude just because someone else is a parent? Unless your friend had issues in her life or with her baby, she was just flat-out bad-mannered, and if it didn't bother you, you can bet it's upset quite a few others.
That's from someone with a new baby.
May 12, 2015, 11:25 am
This is way harsh on the OP. First of all, this woman is NOT her mother. It is the step mom of her husband. I think lecturing the OP about how it's a mom's job to issue corrections (to an adult child) would be OTT regardless, but step mother in law has no place being passive aggressive in her criticism of OP. OP is an adult, and can follow her own schedule on thank you notes. If that means never getting them out and accepting the consequences, so be it. It reflects badly on the person receiving the gift, no one else.
I think the fact that OP got notes out so quickly after her shower should indicate to step mother in law that the OP's got it covered. As another commentor mentioned, the step mother in law could offer to help. If it's out of character for OP to send notes late, then maybe something is up and SMIL should kindly ask if anythings wrong, not comparing OP to another mother (don't new moms hate being compared anyway? )
May 12, 2015, 8:02 am
The only way a request like OP's step-MIL's could come out of my mouth, would be if it's immediately followed by "why don't I come over and take care of the baby for a few hours, so you can write that thank-you note and take a nap. What day is good for you?" I'm pretty sure the gift-giving couple does not expect a thank-you note within a week from someone who has just brought their baby home from NICU. Step-MIL is overly worried about her own image here, IMO.
May 12, 2015, 9:08 am
I like this response!
May 12, 2015, 10:04 am
And I think the OP's husband should write the note anyhow. Why is it always the woman's responsibility?
May 13, 2015, 11:06 am
Very true!!
May 12, 2015, 10:20 am
Because that's what ever new mom wants: someone else to hold their newborn while they do "chores". (Eye roll) If it's that important to sMIL, she can write what you dictate while holding your baby- or she can ask your DH to write it.
May 13, 2015, 10:09 am
Chelle that is what I was thinking. If anything the smil could have offered to help her actually write them. When our youngest was born I was so happy we didn't have a baby shower. People dropped in to see him when we got home and so many would be holding him and asking me to get them a drink or would see me folding laundry galore and just sit there and chat without once asking if I needed help. Even when I mentioned ds was a screamer. You put him down while he was awake and he would have this ear piercing scream and it wouldn't stop until he was back in my arms. I wore a baby carrier for the first 4 months I kid you not. I woke up and in he went. I was doing laundry in he went. Only time I put him down was to cook supper and even then I'd have to stop and hold him to alleviate some of the crying. It was maddening. If someone had offered to help with some mundane chore I would have cried from relief.
May 13, 2015, 11:12 am
My apologies, didn't mean to offend. My own babies were born 2.5 years apart; the oldest, unbeknownst to us, had Aspergers (and was most certainly NOT happy when he got a baby brother), and his brother had ADHD (plus a terrible case of colics). Their grandparents were a 1-2 days train ride away and their father didn't believe in helping out with the kids. If someone came around at that time and offered to take care of my kids for a few hours, and thrown a nap into the deal, I would've written them as many thank-you notes as their heart desired. I was already holding the babies 24×7 and could've used a break from all the baby-holding. YMMV.
Seriously, the sMIL could've just written the darn thank-you note. What would the mother dictate that she herself cannot come up with?
May 13, 2015, 2:53 pm
Hey, I had people coming over to "meet the baby" for an hour or two. These were close friends of my mother, I called them "Aunt" and grew up with their kids. They would show up, take the baby and order me to catch a shower or a nap or anything else that needed doing. They got their "Baby Fix", as they called it, and I got a break. I considered it a great gift. If StepMother-In-Law wants to do this….but somehow I don't think she will
May 12, 2015, 8:30 am
I don't understand this "higher ups" thing. She says her in-laws are active in the school, which sounds like they volunteer. How are these people "higher up" ?
May 12, 2015, 10:22 pm
She's trying to indicate that the people giving the gifts are in a higher social strata, either due to personal connections, wealth, or a combination of both.
May 13, 2015, 2:11 am
Higher up in social standing possibly. Prestigious family or maybe leaders of some kind of volunteering organization. Or maybe in school board or something like that. It really does not matter how they are higher up, just that if the PILs see them as "higher ups" or someones one should impress, then that's enough.
May 12, 2015, 8:41 am
Yeah, it sounds like your MIL is a little too concerned with appearances, but try not to take it personally. It's her hang-up, not yours. Write the thank you note if it gets her off your back, or better yet, have your husband do it.
Next time she gets on you about something like this, smile, say "I'll get right on that", and then change the subject.
May 12, 2015, 9:02 am
I do feel confused. Where there is a mother in law, there is a spouse. Can your spouse not write? It's not like he also has to feed the baby or deal with the after affects of labor.
May 12, 2015, 9:41 am
Oh, wait, I missed that it was the OP's MIL, not her mother. In that case, never mind what I said. MIL didn't raise OP, so MIL has no reason to comment on OP's gratitude habits with others.
May 12, 2015, 9:50 am
If my MIL were not dead, I'd think you were related to us.
Upon receiving our thank you note, my MIL called us up and berated us for getting our thank you notes out promptly. Why is that a bad thing?
Because her daughter (my husband's sister) who had gotten married before us had not sent out her thank you notes yet. So we should have "known" to wait until she got them out because by being prompt, we made her daughter look bad and by extension, made my MIL look bad. Yup. We were breaking an "etiquette rule" by getting out notes out promptly when someone with a prior event had not done so. It would have been better in her eyes if our notes were late, than preceding notes pertaining to the earlier wedding.
Note that my SIL took over 18 months to send out thank you notes.
My MIL commented on our "rudeness" for the next 25 years (until she died) on our anniversary. She'd call us to congratulate us and then launch into a wail about how she was still embarrassed by our "rudeness" about sending out thank you notes promptly.
May 12, 2015, 10:24 pm
About year two, I believe I'd have said, "We've heard you out on this topic already. Do not bring this up to us ever again."
May 13, 2015, 9:45 am
Let me see if I have this right: you did the right thing in sending out thank you notes on time; your sister-in-law did NOT get her thank you notes sent out until 18 months after the wedding; and your late MIL not only thought YOU were rude, but harped on it for 25 years??? She must have been a joy to live with – and severely etiquette challenged as well.
May 13, 2015, 10:13 am
I'd have been so tempted to say something about how it's not your fault that MIL couldn't teach her daughter how to do things promptly. I'd be biting my tongue so hard…
May 13, 2015, 9:09 pm
From "Young Victoria", "We have exhausted the topic." MIL should have been told that it was not rude to send out the notes and she had already complained about it.
I believe people should send thank you notes. However, I trim my expectations in the case of people who have newborns to care for. I feel the same way when I've sent flowers for a funeral. There's just no telling how difficult a time the person is having. Besides, I don't know anyone who sits around calculating how soon the thank you were sent out.
Regarding MIL, snotty me would have suggested she talk to her son about the thank you's, since his arm isn't broken.
Also, OP, congrats on the new baby.
"Regarding MIL, snotty me would have suggested she talk to her son about the thank you's, since his arm isn't broken."
That was a lame joke. I meant to add "LOL".
May 12, 2015, 10:18 am
I think you should get Hubby to write it, his baby also, and his family…he can say you are so busy taking care of the new baby…
and also congrats hope the little one does well!!!
May 12, 2015, 10:20 am
Wouldn't it have taken less time to write the note than to write the etiquette hell post?
May 13, 2015, 6:39 am
That's what I was thinking!!! I find it funny that a person would come to an etiquette site to complain that she didn't do something that's required for good etiquette and then someone called her out on it. And her complain is "how dare she" when it should simply be "I will get it done".
Yes I totally understand and appreciate that as a new mother (especially with an ill child), time is a valuable commodity not to mention the lack of sleep and stress. I do think a week is too short a time for a note to be expected but still, you need to write a note or more so your spouse could write this note. Complaining that the MIL was rude doesn't make you any less responsible for the note and dwelling on her rudeness is just adding stress to an already stressful life. But in another way, my sympathies for how little time you have starts to dwindle when you clearly have time to complain about it on etiquettehell instead of just writing the note.
May 13, 2015, 6:43 am
While I agree with the OP that her step MIL is rude and agree with other posters that OP's husband should write the note, this was my other thought. The one note causing the problem will take approximately 90 seconds to write and address. Less time than writing this post.
May 13, 2015, 7:25 am
I just read over the post again. I stand by my opinion that the husband should have been asked about the note, but take back what I said about writing the post. This could have been written anywhere from one day to five years after her baby came home. I'm sure the notes went out well before OP submitted this story.
May 13, 2015, 11:16 am
You don't have to go to the store and buy a card, buy a stamp, stamp it, address it, and possibly take it to a mailbox, in order to send an EHell post – as opposed to a thank-you note. These tasks, that are simple for you and me, might be challenging for someone who just brought a newborn baby home from the NICU.
May 12, 2015, 10:24 am
I probably wouldn't think of it at the time, but the answer I'd like to give would be, "I'll remind DH."
May 13, 2015, 5:35 am
Now that is a really good question.
May 12, 2015, 10:29 am
I think you are over-reacting. As a mom, I'm also very concerned about the notes to my friends and associates because it DOES reflect badly on me if someone give a gift to one of my DDs and doesn't receive a note. I think MIL is over the top in expecting a note so quickly and also in comparing you to someone else, but likely that it just the way it is.
Having DH write the note is a good idea. But really, how long does it take to write a thank-you note anyway? In the time it took you to post this you could have written, addressed and dropped in the mail box.
May 12, 2015, 11:15 am
Why does OP have to write the thank you note? Husband should do it–they are friends of his parents after all. Why doesn't step-MIL bug him about it?
My own DH is terrible about social niceties like this. After 15 I have stopped doing it for him. He can buy a card for his mother on Mother's Day himself. And no he did not call her Sunday . . .
May 12, 2015, 11:29 am
I personally think anyone reminding someone to write a thank you note is rude.
However, ask your DH to write it tonight and be done with it, then have him call his mother and let her know it has been done. (which makes me wonder why she didn't call him to begin with, p/a perhaps?)
I agree it's a ridiculous request but don't waste anymore of your time on it, just have him do it and be done, good grief.
May 13, 2015, 2:15 am
Because some people still think that maintaining social relations are woman's responsibility. It would not even cross their mind that a MAN could write a thank you note or buy the Christmas gifts and send birthday cards.
May 12, 2015, 11:39 am
If she had to bring this up at all (and she didn't) she should have brought it up with your husband. Why do people assume only women can write thank you notes?
May 12, 2015, 11:46 am
I hope your little one is doing well! As for your MIL, well she was rude and I would be irritated too. But I think your best course of action here is to just ignore her get the note out soon but in your own time, and if she inquires again simply say "it's under control, thanks." Repeat as necessary.
May 12, 2015, 12:28 pm
In the time it took you to write this post (or rant as I see it) you could have written the thank-you note.
Count me among those who think you are overreacting. I realize you are under some stress with the baby having been very sick but if you can set aside those emotions for a moment and think about it from your step-MIL's point of view you'll probably be able to see that these people sent a lovely gift to someone they don't even know because of the friendship they have with your step-MIL. And yes, they do deserve a short note that would take you no more than five minutes to write.
I think it might be helpful to step back, take a deep breath, and try not to let this impact your future relationship with your in-laws. Right now it has the potential to go either way. You can apologize to her and get the note out or you can hold to your rigid point of view going forward. It may not be easy right now, OP, but if you can show some flexibility–with explanation of where you are coming from so others understand things may not be normal right now–then I think you have a good opportunity to help yourself and your relationships.
May 13, 2015, 7:06 am
I'm with you. I like to do thank-yous as soon as humanly possible because the longer you wait the more likely you are to forget. Maybe step-MIL is just worried that if she doesn't remind her, the OP will forget. And her argument about time is kind of invalidated by this rant!
May 13, 2015, 10:53 pm
Apologize to her?! Apologize? For what, in the name of all that's holy? How dare she focus on taking care of a sick newborn rather than dancing to her mother in law's tune. Isn't the whole point of this website to encourage people to grow a "polite spine"?
"If you're that worried about it you'd best talk to your son," is the ONLY thing I would have said to her before I got up and left the room.
May 14, 2015, 10:21 am
Leaving aside the thank you note business, the MIL was calling up to criticise an adult who was not her own child or employee. Why shouldn't the OP let this impact her future relationship with her in-laws? If she apologises for this, it probably would encourage the MIL to consider her actions entirely justified and offer more "little" criticisms. Obviously, we should all be prepared to overlook some faults in others, and hope they overlook faults in us, but apologising for being treated rudely is a step too far.
May 12, 2015, 1:00 pm
You know…I can understand that you really have your hands full with a newborn but…you apparently have time to read Ehell and type out a lengthy story. In that amount of time you could have just written the thank you note…probably a couple of them…and been done. I also agree with the other commenters who said your husband should take some responsibility for the thank you notes or at least watch the baby while you write a few at a time.
May 13, 2015, 6:47 am
My, what an interesting assumption. With all due respect, I can a quick letter in mere minutes whereas with writing a letter, I have to get pen and paper, addresses, stamps, the book that states who gave what, the letters themselves, set up an area, and hope I can write one letter uninterrupted. Also, she may have been mobile and was perhaps holding a sleeping baby or nursing while typing with one finger.
My twins are a year old. I still remember how difficult the first half year was, and mine were never in NICU. The thought of thank you notes would have been too overwhelming until things calmed a bit, and I'm sure caring friends and family would understand if notes were not there within three days. While etiquette is important for a civilized society, it is important to remember we are dealing with real human beings with real emotions and hormones.
I do agree that the husband can also be responsible, but perhaps he, too, is trying to adjust to a new baby and those long, sleepless nights.
OP, I would have told SMIL thank you for the sweet and wonderful offer and that you and the baby will be bonding and taking a nap while she takes care of the thank you notes.
May 13, 2015, 6:48 am
*I can type a quick letter.
My apologies for not proofreading as I should have.
May 14, 2015, 10:22 am
With my first, I spent ages sitting around breastfeeding, which meant I had one hand free. Fine to hold a tablet and tap away, not so fine for writing a letter.
May 15, 2015, 10:14 am
Agreed. How long can it possibly take to write "Thank you So-and-So for the lovely thing. We really appreciate it and know that baby would say so too if only s/he could talk! All the best – OP & DH"
That took me about thirty seconds. I'll give you a little extra time for handwriting and sealing an envelope. Shove it into DH's hand as he goes out the door and you're done!
As I said above: the longer you wait the less likely it is that something like this will be finished. I don't think that SMIL should be hounding you but I don't think its that big of a deal to fill out a quick thank-you card.
And yes, I do have kids and I do know what it is like with a newborn!
May 12, 2015, 1:12 pm
I'd say something like "OK, I'll pass that onto your son." *eyeroll*
Why do so many people tend to assume men don't have to write the thank-you notes? My DH did fully half of the wedding ones, and probably most of the baby-gift ones because he wasn't, you know, trying to get the hang of nursing.
May 12, 2015, 1:20 pm
It sounds like you're reading way too much into it and I wouldn't give it another thought. You just had a baby that was in the NICU come home. You are likely dealing with a lot of emotions, a lack of sleep and realizing what your ordeal actually was. You have a lot on your plate both psychically and emotionally and may be reading more into the statement than was intended or there.
Just write the thank you card and be done.
It could easily be that the Step-MIL was just pointing out how impressive it was to get thank you cards out so quickly.
May 12, 2015, 2:28 pm
I'm curious…
What did your in-laws say to their son your husband about the thank-you note? Reading the story a second time, the gift was given to both of you at the hospital, therefore, either of you could write the note.
May 12, 2015, 3:33 pm
It's always the way with that society lot. My parents were socialites as well and it was all about appearances.
Write the thank you note (or get husband to do it) and send it. After all, you wouldn't want your step-MIL to think you're some sort of vulgar bogan clod!!
May 14, 2015, 10:25 am
Why not? This was a step-MIL who called up another adult, not an employee, to criticise them. Being regarded as a sort of vulgar bogan clod by her would be a compliment.
May 12, 2015, 5:25 pm
I have a relative who loves to badger people about correspondence and to be honest, the few times she has harassed me I just told her I already did it. My standard response is "yep, I got it in the mail this morning." I know it's wrong to fib, but it's easier than engaging with someone who is rude enough to pressure me about gifts, or cards, or thank-yous, RSVPs, etc. The other point I should stress, in terms of competitiveness in the thank-you arena, is that this person is pretty much BONKERS when it comes to thank-you notes. She has been known to send a thank-you postcard for a thank-you note. That sort of thing. It's odd, to say the least.
So a little white lie is just my little trick so I don't get all riled up about it–but then I always make sure to get the darn thing done RIGHT NOW! 🙂
May 13, 2015, 10:17 am
Ever been tempted to send a thank-you fax for the thank-you postcard to the thank-you note? Would she then return a thank-you email? Then a thank-you text?
May 16, 2015, 8:02 pm
Yes!!! But I never have. She is so super-sensitive to stuff, she really doesn't have a sense of humor when it comes to herself. She would freak out and be severely insulted and angry if I did that. She's very anxious and high strung.
But yes, I wish I could–it would be so funny!
May 12, 2015, 6:42 pm
It seems super extreme and self-absorbed to consider this scenario an "ordeal".
May 12, 2015, 8:17 pm
OMG, write the thank you note! Or get your husband to do it. Or when your MIL asks what she can do to help, ask her to buy some thank you cards and stamps, and then ask her to address the envelopes, so all you have to do is is jot a few words. Then ask MIL to take them to the post office.
May 12, 2015, 8:42 pm
My first thought was sympathy for you. You have had a stressful time.
My second was "wait, you have time to write an etiquette website, but not a thank you". My third was to assume the best that you wrote the thank you before you wrote this and just forgot to mention that.
May 13, 2015, 3:44 am
Wow… there have been a few who have commented that OP had time to write to etiquette hell, so they had time to dash off a thank you note. Not so much, in my opinion. Dashing off a story online is fast and can be done spontaneously. Sending it is as simple as hitting "enter". The OP has a new baby, just home from the NICU; what if she hasn't bought Thank You cards yet? What if she doesn't have stamps? What if she needs to look for the address? She then needs to actually leave the house to drop the envelope into a mailbox. All these actions seem so tiny and easy. But I've had kids, and neither of my babies spent time in the NICU. There are times when these little actions are tough to do, while quickly punching in something on a keyboard and hitting send isn't. And I think everyone knows that.
May 13, 2015, 8:08 am
What Heather wrote, a thousand times.
May 13, 2015, 10:22 am
I think typing up something on the computer while trying to handle a newborn is more work than trying to send a card. I know there is a lot to do with an infant, but they do take the occasional nap. And there is the dad. Either he can write the note or manage to watch the kid for a few minutes while mom writes it. Heck, if he's still working, he can run by the store and grab a card and stamps on the way home. He's probably already stopping for groceries if mom isn't able to.
Also, this is one of the reasons I really love having the shower and getting the gifts before baby arrives. It lets you write your notes before you have a little one demanding snuggles and feedings.
May 14, 2015, 10:27 am
Yes, but when babies take that nap, there's the clothes washing, the dishes, making a meal, maybe doing some mad self-indulgent stuff like having a shower and putting on clean clothes ….
May 12, 2015, 9:42 pm
Why does everyone assume they haven't written the thank-you yet? Is it impossible that she was still bothered by the comment and wrote this AFTER taking care of it? There's no hint in the post how long ago the incident was.
May 13, 2015, 8:02 am
May 13, 2015, 3:06 pm
This, times 2!
I had a son in the NICU. I still remember how exhausting and stressful it was, including after we brought him home. (We had to watch him like hawks for signs of heart trouble, illness, etc., and because of his condition, I was up constantly trying to get him to eat.) Maybe the OP is over-reacting a bit, but if my MIL chose to focus on something like this during a very tiring, stressful time … well, yeah, I think a lot less of her. And the focus on "higher ups," etc. doesn't help. Where are her priorities?
The judgment I'm seeing here for the OP appalls me. And, yes, where is her husband in this? Presumably he was capable of writing the note.
May 13, 2015, 7:10 pm
Ditto on this sentiment.
Also, at least for me, getting badgered about something absolutely kills any actual drive I might have ever had to do it. Probably not terribly mature on my part, but even if the action in question is something I really do HAVE to get done and I had every intention of doing so up to that point, the second someone starts badgering me about it it turns from 'thing I was going to do right after supper' to 'thing I'm now being forced to do or else [person] won't shut up'. I still do whatever the thing in question is either way, the second option just adds stress.
May 12, 2015, 10:05 pm
When I gave birth, to twins, one spent a week in NICU. I too got many gifts, including some from friends of my parents and my stepmother, people I had never met. One gift from one of my stepmother's friend's was a set of jackets sized 18 months, so something I put away for future use.
My dad asked me if I had sent a thank you note about a week after I had received the gift. I was happy he asked – it wasn't meant to harass or nag, it was to remind me. I had lots on my mind, I was sleep deprived, I had hormone surges, I was adjusting to a whole new life, and the gift was now out of sight… and out of sight is out of mind.
Your ILs got a thank you note, from the giver's family no less – that reminded your MIL, and so she passed on a reminder to you. It honestly could be that simple. Reminding new moms of stuff is a pretty routine thing, "mom brain" makes them scattered, and friends and family issue gentle reminders. Its generally not meant as nagging.
May 13, 2015, 10:24 am
The step-MIL would have been fine if it had just been a reminder. But she had to add the part about the other thank you arriving after only 3 days. Thats a bit of a dig depending on the tone. Which now makes me wonder what the tone was. Step-MIL might have used a tone of incredulity at how quickly the other notes came out and the OP heard it a different way?
May 13, 2015, 9:39 pm
It might have been a dig, but it just as easily could have been said because its what made SMIL think of it. "Oh how nice a thank you from Alice, Marie and Josh's daughter… hey I wonder if Lucy ever got a thank you out to them, shes been so busy lately, I should remind her…"
May 13, 2015, 7:45 am
I think it's unfair to criticize the OP about taking time to write here…how many of us come here to read and mentally respond to posts as a way of relaxing, unwinding, having a little time to ourselves.
And what is written here is safe…were she to mention the episode to a friend or relative it could get back to the SMIL….
My husband (as was..) had an operation on his knee which required complete sedation…we arrived at 6 am and I waited from 6:30 until 3 pm. I had brought a linen tablecloth to embroider as I waited as I knew I couldn't concentrate on reading a book (and I'm an avid reader). It wasn't a risky operation but it was the uncertainty, of not being able to do anything to help.
A month of a newborn in NCIU has to be a living hell, no matter how competent the care and professional the hospital. If the family were people of faith I would have hoped the SMIL would have asked people for prayers and told them she would let the SDIL know. I would have much more respect for someone who would be a MIL (which is how she sees herself, I think) who would not just carry presents to people but would be solicitious of the mother's health and well-being. A woman who accepts the gift could have told the person how much she knows the couple will appreciate it, that such good wishes are so beneficial to someone who has been through such a trying time…and that if the thank you note is delayed a little, that she (SMIL) knows they'll understand.
Now THAT would impress the people she wants to impress more than them just received a thank you note quickly.
SMIL is more concerned about going through the motions and not the emotions that are involved.
Since she is a step-mother, I wonder if she has children of her own and how they interact with the OP and her husband? She may not have had children and have no idea what it's like….
I think the OP needs to establish what their 'house rules' are and not let the SMIL try to apply her own when she visits.
Me, I'd be sorely tempted to remind the SMIL that 'things were different when you were young'….that things are more relaxed now.
May 13, 2015, 7:48 am
I am SURE this ehell submission was written well AFTER this event people! OP is just ranting….for all you know, this happened years ago, pls stop suggesting she write the note now!
May 13, 2015, 8:03 am
For the people wondering why she had time to write to e-hell but not write the note, I got the impression the story she's telling wasn't a recent event. I imagine she sent the thank you notes, and everyone was happy.
I do agree with everyone else at 'why not ask the husband to do it?' and I hope she did. I also hope the baby is doing well now!
May 13, 2015, 9:36 am
Two years ago, I had a kidney transplant. I received a floral delivery from FIL's cousin the day after I arrived home from the hospital. The cousin must have called MIL to get our information because she called me twice the same afternoon the flowers arrived to find out a) if they had arrived and b) did I call FIL's cousin yet to thank them for the flowers. I had planned to write a batch of thank you notes all at once after the first couple of days of pain meds were under my belt and told MIL the same but that wasn't enough to placate her.
May 13, 2015, 11:04 pm
Just because someone wants to be placated doesn't mean they need to be or should be. A simple "I don't care to discuss this" is all that's needed, repeat as necessary. People really need to learn to mind their own business.
May 13, 2015, 11:27 am
I just have to say thank you to all the folks commenting on "why can't the husband do this?"
We've been going through some minor thank you note drama in my family lately. Aunt's son got married 8 months ago, daughter 2 months ago. Daughter has sent out thank you's, son and DIL have not. My aunt and my mom are wringing hands over the lack of notes and mildly chastising DIL. When I asked why son got a free pass on the issue both were shocked that I would suggest that he is somehow responsible for at least the notes for gifts from his family. I on the other hand was left wondering if I had committed some huge faux pas after my wedding many years ago, when my hubby and I split the list.
May 15, 2015, 10:22 am
I don't think it's a faux pas, seems like good old fashioned sexism. I made my husband write thank-yous to his groomsmen but I covered his family and his family friends and everything simply because I knew if I left it up to him they'd never get done. I had all but those few in the mail five days after we got back from our honeymoon. He didn't send his for two months. For no reason other than forgetfulness!
May 15, 2015, 10:23 am
Sorry I meant to clarify: a man writing thank yous is not a faux pas. Women wringing their hands and harassing DIL is sexism because apparently thanking people is "women's work". I'm sure Admin would not say writing thank yous is a ladies-only job.
May 13, 2015, 12:18 pm
I am from a different country, so maybe this is a cultural thing… but… it wouldn't enter my head to expect a thank-you note from a new mother! I would imagine that they would have more pressing things to do. I would think it was a bit rude if they didn't say thank you when I saw them, though.
May 13, 2015, 1:07 pm
"Ordeal"? That seems a bit over the top itself. I keep a dozen blank, pre-stamped, pre-address-labelled cards in my desk drawer. It takes roughly three minutes to pull one out, write a quick four line message of appreciation, address it, and hand it to Husband to drop in the mail. If three minutes would have kept my mother-in-law peaceful and contented, I'd have taken that deal in a red-hot minute.
May 14, 2015, 11:40 am
I have a problem with the general tone of this whole thing. It's so ungracious–so many different excuses for why one cannot take a moment to thank someone.
It would be so much nicer to see someone have the perspective of: "My MIL's good friends gave us a nice gift. MIL is harping on me to get the note out. It's annoying but how wonderful that someone who doesn't even know us took time out of their busy day to spend their hard earned money to give us a gift. MIL is right, I should get that out right away."
Instead of "it's just not a priority right now."
May 14, 2015, 2:54 pm
My grandma has been known to write thank you notes out on the behalf of others, then hand them to you written, stamped, and addressed to mail. My grandma also has very distinct handwriting, pretty sure the recipient has to notice… my grandma is also known for buying gifts on behalf of others in her family and writing their names on the card. For my baby shower, I received 10 gifts from the same store, the same clerk on the gift receipt, in chronological time order, marked from 10 different people… in granda B's handwriting. Either grandma organized a mass shopping trip with her relatives (unlikely) or she decided to take it upon herself to buy all the gifts. I am sure some people were puzzled when they received thank you notes…
Anyway, point of the story: Appearances ARE important to some, especially the "traditional" types.
May 16, 2015, 8:15 pm
If you seek sympathy for neglecting to write a thank you note, you are unlikely to find it on a site dedicated to proper etiquette.
May 19, 2015, 11:54 am
Except that this is not someone who has "neglected" anything: OP is a harried new mom who has just brought a fragile preemie home from the NICU, who is now being nagged to send a thank-you note for a gift she'd received less than a week previous. But I agree that she is not likely to find sympathy from the small subset of eHellions for whom etiquette is (as it plainly is for step-MIL) a tool of social one-upmanship rather than a means of expressing consideration for others.
May 23, 2015, 10:35 am
Neglect. A brief note, not a doctoral dissertation, was required. Someone in the household should have devoted five minutes to taking care of it.
May 23, 2015, 10:24 pm
It's scarcely neglect when it's been less than a week since the gift has been delivered–unless you are, indeed, the type of person who uses etiquette as a means of feeling superior to others.
May 23, 2015, 3:27 pm
Not saying the OP has no right to feel hurt–but on the other hand, just write the thank you note and be done with it. You spent literally 10 times as long ruminating about it, writing into ehell and reading our responses than just writing the thank you note and being done with it. We get it, your MIL is a witch and probably will be for the duration of your marriage. On the other hand though, why give her a reason?
June 3, 2015, 1:02 pm
Haven't been able to keep up over here lately and missed this story, so I am late to comment…
But technically, the gift was actually given to MIL for the baby. Therefore, it may be considered MIL's duty to write that thank you note.
June 8, 2015, 10:00 am
It's not like you were going to wait until the kid was 2 to write the note so there was no reason to put it off. You were both in the wrong.
Next post: Chopstick Chaos
Previous post: Feel Good Mother's Day


text:
Book review: Columbine, by Dave Cullen (Amazon / Book Depository)
Anyone reading here knows I'm a huge fan of narrative (or creative) nonfiction, a genre that can encompass a lot, but the key element is nonfiction that uses narrative literary structures, styles and concepts similar to those used in fiction. Books like Adrian Nicole LeBlanc's masterful and revealing Random Family is a standout example in this genre and one of my favorites, as is reporter John Berendt's Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil or Rebecca Skloot's recently popular The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks.
Despite my reading list always being unconquerably long and like a Hydra head in that when I finish one, I've already added five more, I still can't resist browsing lists of recommended narrative nonfiction. This genre is my weak spot. Dave Cullen's decade-in-the-making 2009 account of one of the most infamous school shootings, Columbine, appears again and again on these lists. Today marks 19 years since that day "changed the way the nation viewed shootings". I hesitated because I knew this would be a tough, emotional read but after seeing it lauded enough, I finally caved.
Reading it felt at times physically painful. I thought I'd check in and out, taking it slowly and tempered with reading something else. It didn't work out that way, because the writing is so compelling, it does the cliched sucking-you-in.
The narrative jumps often between past and present and multiple story lines and players: the two shooters; the coldly cruel Eric Harris and depressed, downtrodden Dylan Klebold; their friends and families, several of the victims and their families, police and FBI agents, and many peripheral figures.
Cullen was one of the reporters who covered the deluge of information that poured out of the school and the surrounding Littleton, Colorado environs in the immediate aftermath of the tragedy. He says that by writing this thoroughly-researched account, he wants to set right some of those initial wrongs and address misinformation. Part of the massacre even unfolded live on TV, as helicopters and reporters flooded the scene, and some students who already had cellphones called news stations.
This wasn't exactly clear to me, why they would call the news instead of staying on the line with police or parents, but Cullen does put the danger into crucial context, at least: "This was the first major hostage standoff of the cell phone age, and they had never seen anything like it." Students revealed their locations to news anchors, and no one knew exactly how many shooters were active or if they were also watching one of the many TVs in the school, catching the breaking news reports run on every station about the situation there and using it tactically.
The narrative unfolding on television looked nothing like the killers' plan. It looked only moderately like what was actually occurring. It would take months for investigators to piece together what had gone on inside. Motive would take longer to unravel. It would be years before the detective team would explain why. The public couldn't wait that long. The media was not about to. They speculated.
And as we now know, this rush to have information and answers immediately led to the dissemination of falsehoods and myths that became more cemented in collective memory and understanding than the truth, even when they were publicly debunked. One of the biggest is that of victim Cassie Bernall's "martyrdom", which was played up by her Evangelical parish.
Cullen also debunks myths surrounding Harris and Klebold – that they were heavily bullied outsiders, loners, "goths", the Trench Coat Mafia myth, etc. Because Columbine was a big school, the majority of student witnesses interviewed hadn't known who they were. But they still tended to confirm this media-driven narrative; yes, the boys were outsiders and loners.
Cullen argues that that wasn't exactly the case: they did have a wide circle of friends and acquaintances, they'd attended the prom with dates the weekend before Tuesday morning's massacre. They exhibited odd and aggressive behavior, to be sure, they'd had run-ins with the law over violence and underage alcohol use, but they seemed to do more bullying than they were victims of it.
Part of myth is memory, and Cullen explores the role that faulty memory played in creating or perpetuating incorrect narratives or events. It's eerie, how a misunderstanding or a moment recalled in error can enter the narrative so forcefully, and have such stubborn staying power.
The book also presents some utterly devastating realities: despite the boys' exploitation of the gun show loophole to purchase firearms without required background checks and the obvious horror of two teenagers being able to equip themselves with enough weapons and ammunition to do what they did, no lasting gun control legislation was enacted because of Columbine. What a fucking mess.
Kmart did stop selling handgun ammunition though, possibly in response to Michael Moore's Bowling for Columbine, so at least there's that.
One of the most devastating stories (they all are, don't take that the wrong way – I just mean in the detail and telling of it) was that of the sole teacher killed that day, Dave Sanders, and his family. It was so difficult to read and think about, and especially disturbing that his death was preventable if police or SWAT had been better organized. Any reader should be aware; Columbine is incredibly challenging to read and turn over in your mind. It haunts.
As affecting and important as this book undeniably is, it still seemed that much was left untouched. I realized upon finishing it that I didn't even know the names of all of the victims, I'm almost certain that not all of them were mentioned. And despite some historically important myth debunking, I still had my doubts about a few points. I remember from the media at the time that it was believed they were particularly angry with "jocks" and "preps", but it isn't explained why they targeted people wearing white hats in the library, where elsewhere that's explained as being part of a common "jock" uniform at Columbine. So, was there some truth to that after all? That seems like it would've been important to cover.
I liked that some of the survivors were followed, their progress at recovery detailed. It moved me to tears, especially Patrick Ireland, the boy who I remember from horrifying news footage – shot, in shock, and frantically brushing aside broken glass from a library windowsill before toppling out onto a van and a not-ready SWAT crew.
At first he assumed hope – not quite; it was trust. 'When I fell out the window, I knew somebody would catch me,' he said. 'That's what I need to tell you: that I knew the loving world was there all the time.'
And cue my river of tears.
Lives up to its accolades as excellently written, heavily researched narrative nonfiction about a terrible but unfortunately influential event, its lead-up and background, and of a kind of violence that's become even more prevalent in the two decades since this occurrence. If only the politicians who continue to fight sensible gun control legislation would read it. My rating: 4.25/5
by Dave Cullen
published April 6, 2009 by Twelve Books (Hachette)

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Pied Cormorant
A cormorant in flight.
Portrait of a Pied Cormorant.
Pied Cormorant in flight.
Pied Cormorant
Little Pied Cormorant
Cormorant taking off.
A little cormorant in flight over Lake Belvedere.
Great Cormorant
A flying cormorant.
A cormorant with nesting material.
A cormorant flying by.
A Great Cormorant perching.
Incoming to land.
A cormorant too close to fit into the frame.
A Great Cormorant resting.
Little Black Cormorant
A little cormorant fishing.
A Little Black Cormorant flying to its nest with a feather to line it.
A Little Black Cormorant fishing at the weir.
A cormorant fishing.
This photo was taken in portrait orientation!
A cloud of cormorants.
A perching cormorant.


text:
SACRAMENTO — With no opponent last year, Assemblywoman Susan Bonilla glided through the election season. But the Martinez Democrat spent campaign money as if she were fighting for her political life.
In burning through $407,000 of her donors' money in 2012, Bonilla took a half-dozen flights in and out of California, including a trip to Maui to be wined and dined by lobbyists. And she held dozens of lunches and dinners — described in spending reports as "campaign strategy" meetings — across the state, 62 in all. The tab: $11,567.
Bonilla was hardly alone in blurring the line between personal and professional uses of her campaign donations, an examination by this newspaper shows. Yet she and her colleagues can expect their spending sprees to go unchallenged.
It's a glaring weakness of California's campaign-finance reporting system, making it ripe for abuse: It's hard to verify whether the expenses of Bonilla and other politicians and office-seekers are legitimate. The law is vague, saying candidates can dip into their treasuries for anything with a political, legislative or governmental purpose. In addition, there are only minimal requirements when it comes to reporting — saying how many people ate at a restaurant, the cost and location. And few questions are raised if those details are missing.
"We would like to see campaign spending regulated at a higher threshold so that the money is actually spent on campaigns and not used as slush funds," said Phillip Ung, a lobbyist for Common Cause, an organization that advocates for greater transparency in politics.
The state Franchise Tax Board and Fair Political Practices Commission conduct random audits on about 10 percent of the campaign finance forms candidates file with the Secretary of State's Office. But the tax board and FPPC, the state's political watchdog agency, focus mostly on egregious violations of the law, allowing many potential violations to slip by. And the Legislature has little interest in fixing a system that allows its members to treat themselves to expensive meals and trips, often gaining access to the powerful and connected.
Trips to far-flung, exotic destinations are increasingly commonplace. Former state Sen. Joe Simitian, D-Palo Alto, last year spent $6,198 on a trip to Turkey, Iraq, Azerbaijan, Armenia, the Nagorno-Karabakh Republic and London. Sen. Mark DeSaulnier, D-Concord, spent $13,711 on two trips that took him to Moscow, London, New Zealand, Australia and Hong Kong.
"I know we get criticized for it, but we don't use public funds, there's no international quid pro quo, and it helps my understanding of different issues like high-speed rail," DeSaulnier said. "I understand that people think it's elitist, that it's something we're taking advantage of — and I guess I enjoy the trips. But this makes me a better person, more knowledgeable about the global economy we live in."
Simitian agreed. Such trips "make us better legislators" by gaining a greater understanding of other cultures, said Simitian, who recently returned to his old job as a Santa Clara County supervisor.
Last year, former Assemblywoman Fiona Ma, D-San Francisco, was term-limited and had no election, but she pulled $329,252 out of her campaign kitty, which she says was necessary to lay the groundwork for a 2014 run for the state Board of Equalization.
She took more than 30 airplane trips, mostly in California. In addition, Ma doled out $44,268 for travel, lodging and meal expenses for Bob Twomey, her district director. But few details about Twomey's trips are provided in Ma's campaign reports, which don't say whom he traveled with, where he went and for what purpose.
Twomey told this newspaper the money was spent to fly nearly 200 interns around the state to attend political events, a group that he said was dubbed the "Ma Squad."
But when asked to show receipts for the expenditures, Twomey balked.
"I'm not sure that's required," Twomey said. "These are all legitimate expenses. You've got to feed them. Is there a way to verify? As far as doing additional disclosure, I'm not sure anybody is willing to do that."
Assemblywoman Nora Campos, D-San Jose, spent $1,829 on a Maui trip to attend the Pacific Policy Research Foundation conference, a weeklong retreat set up by lobbyists and big contributors to lavish luxury on legislators. She also spent $1,524 for a trip to Orlando, Fla., where she attended a five-day National Association of Latino Elected and Appointed Officials conference with her husband and son. They stayed at a Disney World hotel.
"The trip was for educational purposes, and she wanted her son to be with her, so her husband accompanied her so he could baby-sit him," said Linda Rapattoni, Campos' spokeswoman, who added that "any expense paid for her husband and son were paid with personal funds."
Unless complaints of potential abuse are brought to the attention of the FPPC by the media or others, the expenses generally go unscrutinized.
The FPPC has 30 staff members in its enforcement unit, overseeing the campaign spending of thousands of elected officials and office-seekers, so its ability to track the abusers is limited, said Ung of Common Cause. And under FPPC Chairwoman Ann Ravel, the agency has placed a stronger emphasis on investigating larger cases — such as the fraud case of Democratic treasurer Kinde Durkee and last fall's anonymous $11 million donation from secret out-of-state groups to a pair of ballot initiative campaigns.
Ravel indicated she wasn't sure whether sifting through restaurant and hotel receipts would be a good use of the FPPC's time. "You could be getting so much volume and requiring so much detail to get at a couple of scofflaws," she said.
But Bob Stern, a former top FPPC official who helped write California's original campaign finance regulations in 1974, argues that legislators and candidates should at the least be required to say not only how many people are attending a meal or fundraiser, but also who attended.
"You can't require them to record a conversation," Stern said. "So I guess I'd say, 'Who are you with? Are you with your wife or husband, or are you with your consultant? If you had a fundraiser, who gave to you and how much?'"
Referring to Assemblywoman Bonilla's "campaign strategy" lunches and dinners despite the fact that she ran unopposed, Stern said: "Clearly, 62 meals is a lot for a year. I'd question it."
In an interview, Bonilla said she was active in the campaigns for Proposition 30, Gov. Jerry Brown's tax-hike measure, and to defeat Proposition 32, the measure that would have curbed labor's political clout. She said she also helped out in other candidates' races.
The weekly meals at such establishments as the Salted Pig in Riverside and the Shady Lady Saloon in Sacramento "was the form of campaigning I engaged in," Bonilla said. "In this line of work, that's where a lot of meetings take place. You can't do them in your office, and most people are available to you in a meal."
Besides the trip to Maui, Bonilla also flew to legislative conferences in Monterey; San Diego; Pasadena; Portland, Ore.; Dallas; and Charlotte, N.C.
She said her Hawaii trip, at the lobbyist-sponsored Pacific Policy Research conference — the same trip she and her husband had taken the previous year — was to study cap-and-trade, the federal health care law and regulatory issues. In all, Bonilla used $3,706 from her campaign funds to attend the weeklong affair.
"It was certainly an enjoyable trip to Hawaii, but the actual time spent in conference was very substantive, and it was information I valued receiving," Bonilla said. "My choice was not to spend taxpayer dollars."
Not that she had much of a choice. State law prohibits the use of taxpayer dollars on trips out of state.
Contact Steven Harmon at 916-441-2101. Follow him at Twitter.com/ssharmon.
Source: California Fair Political Practices Commission


text:
US Officials: NY bomb case points to possible new threat from Pakistan-based militant groups
WASHINGTON – WASHINGTON (AP) — The failed bombing in New York's Times Square is a possible signal that militant leaders in Pakistan have shifted their focus to targets in the U.S. and other Western countries instead of sticking to their home base, according to U.S. counterterrorism officials.
The attack, they also warned, could be only the first by terrorist groups that seek to avoid detection by using simpler methods that are more independently planned. The officials spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to discuss the case publicly.
U.S. investigators and intelligence agencies are trying to establish whether accused bomber Faisal Shahzad was trained or recruited for the Times Square operation by any Pakistan-based terrorist organization, including the Pakistani Taliban. Shahzad, a U.S. citizen of Pakistani descent, spent five months in Pakistan before returning to the United States in February and preparing his attack.
Shahzad has told investigators that he trained in the lawless tribal areas of Waziristan, where both al-Qaida and the Pakistani Taliban operate. He was arrested aboard an Emirates Airlines jet in New York just minutes before it was scheduled to take off for Dubai.
A senior military official told The Associated Press that investigators believe Shahzad had bomb-making training in Pakistan, sponsored in part by elements of the Pakistani Taliban.
If those suspicions prove correct, it suggests that groups based in Pakistan, including the Taliban along the Afghan border, may be taking on a more global approach after years of focusing attacks largely on government or coalition forces in their region.
That focus could stem from the Taliban's continued close association with senior al-Qaida leaders, who are believed to be hiding in the lawless regions on the border of Pakistan and Afghanistan, said one former Obama administration official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because the investigation is continuing.
This former official said the Pakistan Taliban may be another potential al-Qaida affiliate that wants the U.S. out of Afghanistan and the Pakistan Army out of their villages. After months of intensified attacks from drone aircraft, mainly by the CIA in a classified program, Taliban leaders may be more intent on going after the U.S.
One counterterrorism official said the groups were "deadly enemies of the United States" before the U.S. began destroying their leadership, fighters, and camps from the air.
The counterterrorism officials say the Times Square attempt also shows a continuing shift to opportunistic attacks by the Pakistani Taliban and other militant groups that don't have much money for overseas operations. So they use whatever method they can afford, wherever they happen to find a willing operative. As a result, U.S. authorities must figure out how to deal with less predictable patterns of behavior.
The officials say one major concern is that terrorist groups could send people to the U.S. to train homegrown extremists instead of people going to Pakistan or elsewhere for training.
Pentagon press secretary Geoff Morrell said the alleged bomber's possible links to the Pakistani Taliban will not change the U.S. approach to Pakistan or support for Pakistan's step-by-step approach to confronting internal terrorism threats.
"We are in the passenger seat, they are behind the wheel," Morrell said. "They are the ones who are going to determine the direction, the pace, the speed of their operations."
Morrell said he had no information on whether the suspect trained at a terrorist camp in North Waziristan, a sanctuary for militants who attack U.S. forces in Afghanistan. He said the possible link would not increase pressure to deal with North Waziristan more quickly.
"There is a recognition on everybody's part that all the terrorist safe havens in Pakistan must be dealt with," Morrell said.
Juan Zarate, President George W. Bush's former deputy national security adviser, agreed that the Times Square attack may mark a new chapter in the terrorist threat. "The model may be shifting here, in part because they may have made a calculus that it's much more difficult to have a big ticket attack, and secondly, they may have moved to a model of disruption rather than destruction," he said.
He added that the sloppiness of the attack has raised questions, as U.S. officials work to unravel Shahzad's possible ties to terrorist organizations in Pakistan.
"If he was trained, he was trained pretty poorly," said Zarate, who is now a senior fellow at the Center for Strategic and International Studies.
He said it may be, in part, be a reflection of the pressure that the U.S. and the Pakistani military has put on the militant cells in Pakistan. It may suggest the poorer quality of training available or the lack of higher quality recruits that they've been able to attract.
"Maybe they're weren't quite sure about this guy, so they gave him a little bit of training and, kind of threw spaghetti at the wall," said Zarate.
Associated Press writer Anne Gearan contributed to this report.


text:
Using a screw guide to keep fasteners on track, the Black & Decker Ll4000 SmartDriver might help that special poseur carpenter in your life who's nothing but thumbs.
Because in addition to the typical magnetic drill bits that save sanity and screws from falling between the cracks of your current project, the 3.6-volt, Lithium-Ion battery powered SmartDriver also has a little extended arm that holds the screw in place while you work. Add in an LED work light and a six speed clutch and you have a pretty indispensable little gift, should you be a butterfingers handy man, like me.
Pay no attention to the wacky $4,000 Amazon price tag—the SmartDriver supposedly only retails for about $40. [Craziest Gadgets via Coolest Gadgets]


text:
(visited by Helmut Resch, Babs Coleman and Malte "Schnuppi" Schmalfeldt)
22-May-2005 -- Ajaokuta, it is Sunday morning and after having visited 9N 7E the day before and having had a good night at the bar of the "Berghof", we all found it extremely difficult to get up. Eventually, we all met for breakfast around 7 a.m. We managed to get onto the road before 8 a.m. and our aim was to visit confluence 7N 7E.
We were proceeding towards the bridge and crossed the river Niger, bypassing Itobe and heading in direction of Ejule. Some kilometres before Ejule we took the turnoff to Umomi. At Umomi we followed the road towards Idah, but turned off before we reached Idah towards Oforachi and reached the road leading to Egabada. Just after we had crossed the bridge over the river Anambra we off-loaded our bikes. In a matter of minutes we were surrounded by the villagers who were very curious, wondering what we were doing here. One lady, quite smartly dressed, thought she knew it all and was convinced that we are prospecting for oil and wanted to be informed of our findings first.
At this point we were 5.2 km away from the degree confluence 7N 7E. After travelling for a kilometre we reached a side arm of the river Anambra that looked bigger at the map than it actually was and would have been a problem later on during the raining season. The area before was rain forest, but now it was cleared and the wood had been turned into charcoal. What a waste of pristine forests! We managed to get as close as 50 meter to the Confluence with our bikes, the rest was an easy stroll. After we had made the required pictures we returned to our bikes and had a casual ride back the same way we came.
We reached the small stream again which we crossed with ease, provided of course you are riding a Honda. Schnuppi's KTM somehow didn't like the crossing: he tried twice and ended up landing in some bush but eventually managed - well done, Schnuppi! To avoid again a big gathering of the villagers at Egabada when loading the bikes we decided to carry on with our bikes for another 25 km or so before we loaded the bikes onto the trailers.
We returned to Ajaokuta and branched off to the "Berghof" where Heimo and Traudl already expected us for lunch. We got served an excellent tasting Austrian specialty called "Backhendl" (braised chicken parts). The lunch lasted for quite a while, mainly because of the good company and all the digestive we were offered and could not refuse. At 4 p.m. however we had to say farewell to our friends at Ajaokuta and returned to Abuja. Our trip to the confluence 7N 7E turned out to be a really fun-filled gourmet weekend.


text:
Welcome to my Quilting blog. I love quilt, love quilting but got bored with traditional quilting. My solution was to try new technique and inspiration. Follow me in my journey of discovery who is my inner artist. Visit my web site at: https://www.yanickaquilt.com/ or contact me at firstname.lastname@example.com
Sunday, June 11, 2017
2 comments:
Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)


text:
Win This Steamer!
Steam produce perfectly with this easy-to-use 9-in. stainless steel pot and lid. This steamer from RSVP International does more than cook asparagus to perfection, it's also great for yams, artichokes and carrots.
You can buy your own Endurance Asparagus Steamer (9-in.) by RSVP International from the Food Network Store or enter in the comments for a chance to win one. Just let us know, in the comments, your favorite winter produce. The contest starts at 10:00 a.m. EST today, and ends on Friday, November 9 at 5 p.m. EST.
We're giving away one Endurance Asparagus Steamer to one lucky, randomly-selected commenter. You must include your email address in the "Email" field when submitting your comment so we can communicate with you if you're a winner.
You may only comment once to be considered and you don't have to purchase anything to win; a purchase will not increase your chances of winning. Odds depend on total number of entries. Void where prohibited. Only open to legal residents of 50 U.S. states, D.C. or Puerto Rico, and you must be at least 18 to win. For the first day of the giveaway, all entries (answers) must be entered between 10:00 a.m. EST on November 7 and 5 p.m. EST on November 9, 2012. Subject to full official rules. By leaving a comment on the blog, you acknowledge your acceptance to the Official Rules. ARV of each prize: $24.95. Sponsor: Scripps Networks, LLC, d/b/a Food Network, 9721 Sherrill Blvd, Knoxville, TN 37932.


text:
April 1876St. Louis, Missouri Liam Anderson sat in front of a blazing fire, in his pajamas and robe, puffing on his pipe, reading, for the last time in this house. The place he'd called home for so many years. The kids were asleep upstairs. Sleep had eluded him and he'd risen to read until he got tired.BAM! BAM! BAM!He looked up from the book he read and glanced at the mantel clock. One of the few things he hadn't packed away. "What in the world? Who would be out in this weather at this hour?"What the hell?" said Liam, when he opened the door to his two younger brothers. "Jake? Zach? What are you two doing here? It's the middle of the night."Zach growled from behind Jake. "Are you going to let us in or make us stand in this rain all night?""Come in. Zach put that gun away," said Liam."Can't until the kid here," he poked Jake in the back with his gun, "is inside and we've talked to you."Jake, the youngest of his brothers, walked into the foyer of the house, followed closely by Zach. He stared down the hallway, packed with luggage and boxes down to the parlor, but didn't question it. Didn't even seem to notice that the house was packed up ready to move.Both of them were haggard, completely worn out. Their coats were soaked through and they couldn't have been comfortable. He'd never seen them looking so exhausted or…desperate."Sorry to do this to you, Liam. I know you're leaving tomorrow," said Zach as he holstered his gun and dripped water onto the foyer floor. He threw his had onto one of the steamer trunks. Jake followed suit.It was times like these that the difference between his brothers was so striking. Zach with his nearly black hair and dark blue eyes. There was one in every generation with the coloring of their Gypsy great grandmother, Zach was theirs and their father had been the one in his generation. It was rare to have two gypsies in the same family, usual it was an uncle or aunt rather than a parent of the latest child with the coloring.Jake with dark blond, overly long hair and light blue eyes most resembled their dear mother.Liam was somewhere between the two, with light brown hair and gray eyes. His children were different as night and day, too. Ten year old David resembled Liam not only physically but mentally too. David always seemed to weigh his words before he spoke them. Whereas Hannah, the gypsy of her generation, said whatever came into her little head. She was only five, but even at her age, David had been as contemplative as he was now.He smiled thinking of his children. They were his joy. His reason for living. He closed his eyes and grounded himself in the present and answered Jake."Yes. At first light. Now, tell me what's going on and why you brought Jake here at gun point.""Only way I could get him to come," growled Zach."And?" Liam said, exasperated. "Don't make me beat the story out of you word by word, little brother. Just tell me the problem."Liam pointed at the two chairs in front of the fire and then went to the fireplace and stoked the banked coals back to a roaring blaze. He really didn't need this now, not when he was leaving in the morning. Not when he was so close to putting the old, hurtful memories behind him.
"I will never lie to you. When I tell you that you're lovely, you can rest assured you are. How could anyone with half a brain not see her for what she was? Beautiful. Not in the conventional sense, though. Her beauty was subtle, quiet. But he saw it, there underneath the starchy façade she put up for the world to see. Liam saw beneath, to the real woman. And he liked what he saw."
a Rafflecopter giveaway


text:
Today's News: Our Take - Brooklyn Decker to Be Wooed By the Men of New Girl
TV Guide
Sorry, Jess: There's a new New Girlin town!
Model/actress Brooklyn Decker will guest-star on an upcoming episode of the Fox comedy, Entertainment Weeklyreports.
Newsroom's Olivia Munn hopes her New Girl character doesn't come between Nick and Jess
Decker will play Holly, a bar patron attracted to the brokenhearted. Cue Nick (Jake Johnson), Schmidt (Max Greenfield) and Winston (Lamorne Morris) all vying for her attention.
Decker, whose credits include What to Expect When You're Expecting, Chuckand Royal Pains, will appeared in one episode slated to air early next year.
New Girl airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on Fox.
View original Brooklyn Decker to Be Wooed By the Men of New Girl at TVGuide.com
Related Articles on TVGuide.com
Other Links From TVGuide.com


text:
High Dose Radiation an option for some with breast cancer
Diagnosed with breast cancer in June 2008, Patricia Ferreira, 71, of Tiverton, R.I., had many of the same concerns as others who have been similarly diagnosed. Is this a death sentence? How will it change in my life? What about radiation therapy and its side effects?
Diligent about scheduling mammograms each year, Ferreira's doctor said the tumor was caught early, and it was very small. After having the tumor removed, Ferreira's surgeon recommended the traditional radiation treatment lasting five to six weeks.
But Patricia's husband, Thomas Ferreira, had other ideas.
"I would have just done the six weeks, but my husband, who reads up on this stuff, asked the doctor that because they caught the cancer so early, if there was an alternative besides the regular radiation," said Ferreira. "He knew of High Dose Radiation, but he also knew there were many conditions attached to it."
Ferreira fit two of the most important criteria for HDR: She was over 60 and her tumor was less than 2 centimeters in length.
"There are many conditions attached. There has to be healthy tissue surrounding the spot and there can't be any other lymph nodes present, and the breast needs to be big enough to get the balloon in and have remaining tissue around it," said St. Anne's Radiation Oncologist Dr. Michele Albert. "There are a lot of women who think they can have it, but in truth, very, very few can."
Surgeons insert a small balloon-type device into the breast. The device is attached to a catheter that protrudes from the skin of the affected breast. The patient lies down, and the HDR device places an isotope called Iridium into the balloon device, where it remains for about three minutes before being removed. The patient then returns home and returns later in the day for another brief treatment.
"Many women say that they feel a little pressure at the site but most feel fine," said Albert.
The treatment spans five days; 10 treatments. Albert said HDR is deemed much safer than other treatments because it just affects the site of the tumor instead of the whole breast.
"This treatment is extremely localized and you don't want any lymph node positives anywhere else because this is so precise and you want to make sure you are not missing another area of risk," said Albert. "For many women, it's like having a chest X-ray. The radiation glides into the balloon and the patients are not aware of it and they generally seek no medication for it. If these women meet the many criteria that come with High Dose Radiation, you are looking at a five-day treatment period as opposed to five to six weeks."
After the 10 treatments, Albert said the balloon is then deflated and removed without additional surgery. She said the only side effects her patients have experienced is redness of the skin under the small area where the balloon was inserted and some pressure during treatment.
St. Anne's Hospital has been administering HDR since April 2007. Dr. Albert, along with fellow doctors Rita Linggood, Anthony D'Amico, Jason Lee and others who spend time at St. Anne's Hospital, are all affiliated with Harvard Medical School, Brigham and Women's Hospital and the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute.
Since her HDR therapy in October 2008, Ferreira has been cancer free, and besides taking the drug Arimidex for five years, she is back to where she was before; looking forward to each day of life. She takes part in "Get Fit" classes at St. Anne's, a program for cancer survivors with exercise and group support. With an estimated 40,000 people dying each year from breast cancer, Ferreira said she knows that she is one of the lucky ones.
"I feel very fortunate, very lucky that they were able to catch this right away, and I thank the digital mammograms for that. They have been wonderful to me here," said Ferreira. "My last mammogram in 2009 showed no sign of cancer. I'm thrilled."
E-mail Jay Pateakos email@example.com.


text:
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
12 comments:
He sure could be right.ReplyDelete
Of course he's an old soul! Wise ol' Bob. Have you checked his palms? :)ReplyDeleteReplies
- AnonymousOctober 30, 2012 at 12:27 PM
I love this comment by Bob. It reminds me of something Jesus said, "Become like children." Not stay like children, not don't mature, but be open to understanding like children. Pretty heavy to me. In all the work of parenting (I'm a mere step-dad and don't have the intimacy with it that folks like you do!), I think that if parents can make time to explore this stuff with their children, we'd all be a lot better off. That you have this Smacksy accounting of it all is a leap forward in that regard, I think.ReplyDelete
goosebumps goosebumpsReplyDelete
This is amazing!ReplyDelete
michael kors outlet, longchamp handbags, polo ralph lauren outlet online, nike roshe run, ray ban sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet online, tiffany and co, gucci outlet, nike air max, kate spade outlet, true religion jeans, true religion, coach outlet, true religion outlet, burberry outlet online, longchamp handbags, cheap michael kors, tory burch outlet, longchamp, coach factory outlet, air max, longchamp outlet, nike shoes, louis vuitton handbags, prada handbags, oakley sunglasses, michael kors handbags clearance, longchamp, nike free, coach purses, prada outlet, louboutin outlet, toms shoes, nike air max, michael kors outlet online, oakley vault, air jordan, chanel handbags, ray ban sunglasses outlet, coach outlet store online, kate spade handbags, nike free, polo ralph lauren outlet, cheap oakley sunglasses, jordan shoes, air max, michael kors outlet online, louboutinReplyDelete
moncler, tn pas cher, uggs outlet, canada goose, moncler, moncler outlet, air max pas cher, uggs on sale, marc jacobs, bottega veneta, air max, air max, ferragamo shoes, gucci, insanity, ray ban, ugg, air max pas cher, celine handbags, ghd, canada goose outlet, ralph lauren, soccer shoes, babyliss pro, oakley, valentino shoes, ugg, giuseppe zanotti, ugg boots, canada goose, canada goose outlet, nike air max, moncler, herve leger, instyler ionic styler, canada goose, p90x, vans, canada goose, soccer jerseys, jimmy choo, converse, chi flat iron, louboutin, ugg boots, asics, moncler, mcm handbags, hollisterReplyDelete
new balance pas cher, karen millen, supra shoes, michael kors, reebok outlet, north face, abercrombie and fitch, michael kors, wedding dresses, hollister, ralph lauren, beats by dre, montre pas cher, hogan, roshe run, louboutin, mont blanc, burberry, lululemon outlet, ray ban, oakley pas cher, converse pas cher, ray ban pas cher, nike trainers, mulberry, converse shoes, vans, air max, hollister, louis vuitton, birkin bag, michael kors, nike free, north face outlet, rolex watches, hermes, abercrombie and fitch, nike huarache, new balance shoes, lancel, mac cosmetics, nike air max, juicy couture outlet, timberland, nfl jerseys, north face jackets, louis vuitton, juicy couture outlet, lululemon, nike rosheReplyDelete


text:
Val Garland is a master of thinking on her feet. For the Hache makeup test on Sunday, she entered the studio cold—never having even glimpsed the new spring 2014 collection beforehand. She reviewed the inspirations for the line with designer Manuela Arcari and stylist Havana Laffitte—a rock 'n' roll-meets-romanticism vibe—while an assistant meticulously laid out Garland's entire makeup kit, littered with yet-to-launch M.A.C products.
"The collection feels quite sweet but we want something strong and graphic—like a biker chick mixed with a teddy boy," she said as she began drafting a sideways lightning bolt shape on a model's lid with M.A.C Crème Liner.
More From ELLE
Next, Garland earnestly began searching for a very specific shade for the lip look. "I want a nasty sort of salmon. Something really nasssssty," she hissed, rejecting milder coral and peach hues with a shoo of her hand. "I want one of those opaque, chalky, '60s apricot colors—something that's a little bit off, which reflects the collection." Finally, she conjured up the ideal hue by mixing an orange gloss (M.A.C Lipmix in Orange) with a chubby persimmon lip pencil (the new-for-spring Velvetease Lip Pencil in Lovers Lane).
Garland stepped back to inspect her design. "That doesn't look that interesting with the eyes open, only with the eyes closed. Doesn't it?" she asked her team. Garland plunged back into the look a second time and began smudging black cream along the lower lash lines and painting over her bolt with liner all over the lids. She extended two stripes—one along the lashes and the other in the sockets—past the inner and outer corners to create double wings on both sides. While she worked, an assistant shined a flashlight onto the model's face (any other light would make the model's eyes tear).
After she finished coloring in and flicking out the lids, Garland decided she was pleased enough with her second iteration. She escorted the model to Arcari and Laffitte, who for their parts, had secluded themselves during the entire process. It was the moment of reckoning. "It's funny, it ended up being very Fabulous Stains," said Lafitte, referencing the '80s film starring Diane Lane. Garland nodded her head. "Alright, cool!" Lafitte announced, giving her final approval as Arcari watched on without a word, but a smile. And with that, the acute and quick-witted Garland aced the test.


text:
WESLACO, Texas — Hundreds of migrants were captured on camera walking in the middle of the night across the New Mexico-Chihuahua border.
The video was taken by Jim Benvie, a member of a volunteer group called United Constitutional Patriots. The group has been camping out in the Chihuahua desert for two months.
The video – streamed on Facebook Live – shows droves of asylum seekers comprised of men, women and children, walking up a dirt road just after midnight Tuesday. They crossed through a border fence gap in Sunland Park, New Mexico, to turn themselves in to Border Patrol, but they came across Benvie's encampment instead.
"I literally walked out and I looked, and all I saw was hundreds of people coming at us," said Benvie.
Benvie and three other men had been scouting the area Monday night before encountering what the U.S. Border Patrol estimated was 300 migrants.
"We held them there until Border Patrol came," said Benvie. "And once they came then we did what we do, and that's to help Border Patrol get them to the processing van. So, everybody is safe."
The KENS 5 Border Team first met the UCP two weeks ago, and was shown what Benvie identified as gaps in border security at the corner where the borders of New Mexico, Texas, and Chihuahua, Mexico meet.
Benvie has documented their encounters with smugglers and asylum seekers for the last 60 days.
"We're just Americans. We're veterans, we're ex-law enforcement, we're people that care about our national security," he said. "We're people that care about our strained Border Patrol."
Border Patrol said it's aware of the presence of the UCP but does not condone the group's actions. Actions Benvie described as peaceful – and the guns they carry – purely for self-defense.
"There's danger that goes along with this," admitted Benvie. "We do have the cartel here. We are interfering with their business. We don't think that we can save the border, we're down here because we want to show America the truth. That's why we're making these videos."
The videos have been watched and shared by thousands of people on Facebook.
It is through their online presence that the UCP tries to raise money to continue shining a light on that they believe is a crisis at the border.


text:
During his campaign, Rick Santorum didn't ask for much from his lodging. In fact, the only thing that he explicitly required was that all hotels housing his staff offer a free breakfast buffet. Hey, I agree with Rick Santorum about something!
Santorum's geriatric demand for free breakfast (or, as I'm now obligated to pun, "The Buffet Rule") wasn't due to the fact that sausages and pancakes served in metal warming pans are awesome. Rather, it was due to the fact that his was campaign was broke, and his exhausted staffers could use all of the complex breakfast carbohydrates they could get.
Before he dropped out of the race on April 10th, Rick Santorum ran a campaign that had long been hanging on by a thread, run on a shoestring budget, and appealed to a fringe group of folks whose looms were missing several frets. But among the unpleasant stringiness of a Santorum Presidential run was some dogged resolve. Santorumites don't sound like they were disingenuous social climbers eager to pad their Washington resumes; they were true believers. So much so that they'd share rooms and didn't mind that there were no actual campaign headquarters and I wouldn't be surprised if they also hoarded ketchup packets when the campaign bus stopped at McDonald's so that they could make their famous "ketchup pie" for dessert on Sundays. Thanks be to God & Ronald McDonald!
Joking aside, Rick Santorum's broke-ass campaign is still terribly broke; it's about $2 million in debt, and it doesn't look like Mitt Romney is going to bail him out. But instead of begging for the same sort of handout that Rick Santorum would condemn other people for wanting, he should pick himself up by the bootstraps. We can all agree on the virtue of the free breakfast buffet, and not one of those bullshit "continental" breakfast buffets with day-old bagels and a machine that dispenses orange juice that tastes a little bit like Coca-Cola, either — the real shit. Why not compile all of his useful breakfast buffet knowledge into a helpful guidebook for fellow cheapskates and brokesters? The Santorum Guide to America's Free Breakfasts. I'd buy it!


text:
Golfer Jolly Wins Northeast Amateur
RUMFORD, R.I. – LSU's junior All-American Stewart Jolly led wire-to-wire to take home the title at the 53rd Northeast Amateur Invitational Golf Tournament as he capped the event with a 2-over par 71 in Saturday's final round at Wannamoisett Country Club to finish two strokes clear of Oklahoma State's Jordan Niebrugge on the leaderboard.
Jolly teed off with a narrow one-stroke lead over Niebrugge as the two collegiate standouts separated themselves from the rest of the field following Friday's action at the unique par-69 course. The Tiger All-American was the only competitor in the field to break par for 72 holes as he carded a 71 in the final round for a 72-hole score of 2-under par 274 to take the title.
Niebrugge, who got himself into title contention with a 4-under 65 in Friday's third round, posted a 3-over 72 in the final round to finish two shots off the pace at 3-over par 276 for the week.
Their performance on Friday set up a two-man race for the title as Jolly birdied each of his last two holes at the par-five 17th hole and par-four 18th hole for an even-par 69 on the day to regain his one-stroke lead for the tournament heading into the final round. Jolly jumped out to an early lead in the tournament with back-to-back scores of 2-under 67 in Wednesday's first round and Thursday's second round.
UNLV's Kurt Kitayama was the only other player in the field to tee off in the final round within six shots of the lead, but he managed a 4-over 73 on Saturday to tie for seventh place at 4-over par 280 for the event.
TCU's Chelso Barrett, Georgia's Lee McCoy, Georgia Tech's Seth Reeves and junior golf standout Scott Scheffler each finished five shots behind Jolly on the final leaderboard with matching 72-hole scores of 3-over 279. Kitayama tied for seventh place on the final leaderboard with Virginia Tech's Trevor Cone and amateur golf standout Scott Harvey of Greensboro, North Carolina.
Jolly's victory at the 53rd Northeast Amateur Invitational capped an outstanding week for the Palmer Cup invitee as he was named a Third-Team All-American by both PING and Golfweek for his performance in 2013-14 in leading the Tigers. He will tee off with Team USA at the 2014 Palmer Cup next week as the top American collegian will face Team Europe from June 26-28 at Walton Heath Golf Club in Surrey, England.
LSU's two-time All-American Curtis Thompson also joined the field at the 53rd Northeast Amateur Invitational this week as he wrapped up the event with a 1-under par 68 in Saturday's final round for a 72-hole score of 6-over par 282 to tie for 12th place on the final tournament leaderboard.