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Department of Surgery faculty members, both physicians and scientists, are world-renown in their subspecialties. Faculty members are passionate in their clinical care and research practices, as well as being mentors for medical students and trainees. The department also invests significant funds to provide protected time and lab space for junior faculty to perform research.
Craig J. Baker
Cardiovascular computed tomographic angiography as a patient avatar for virtual surgical planning: Repair of a Raghib syndrome variant in middle adulthood J Cardiovasc Comput Tomogr. 2020 Jul 18. . View in PubMed
Cardiovascular Computed Tomographic Angiography as a Virtual Patient Avatar for Individualized Surgical Planning of Complex Anomalous Coronary Artery Anatomy World J Pediatr Congenit Heart Surg. 2019 07; 10(4):502-503. . View in PubMed
The Development of a Novel Perfused Cadaver Model With Dynamic Vital Sign Regulation and Real-World Scenarios to Teach Surgical Skills and Error Management J Surg Educ. 2018 May - Jun; 75(3):820-827. . View in PubMed
Selective Aortic Arch and Root Replacement in Repair of Acute Type A Aortic Dissection Ann Thorac Surg. 2018 Feb; 105(2):505-512. . View in PubMed
J Thorac Cardiovasc Surg. 2018 08; 156(2):922-927. . View in PubMed
Optimal Approach for Repair of Left Atrial-Esophageal Fistula Complicating Radiofrequency Ablation Ann Thorac Surg. 2018 05; 105(5):e229-e231. . View in PubMed
Resection of Metastatic Hepatocellular Carcinoma in the Ventricular Septum Causing Left Ventricular Outflow Tract Obstruction Ann Thorac Surg. 2018 03; 105(3):e107-e108. . View in PubMed
Lessons Learned: A Roundtable Discussion on Succeeding in Cardiothoracic Surgical Residency and Practice Semin Thorac Cardiovasc Surg. 2018; 30(3):293-303. . View in PubMed
Type A Aortic Dissection Repair: How I Teach It Ann Thorac Surg. 2017 Jan; 103(1):14-17. . View in PubMed
Type B Aortic Arch Interruption in an Adult Ann Thorac Surg. 2016 Nov; 102(5):e431-e432. . View in PubMed
Impact of Moodle-Based Online Curriculum on Thoracic Surgery In-Training Examination Scores Ann Thorac Surg. 2016 Oct; 102(4):1381-6. . View in PubMed
A comparison of aortic valve replacement via an anterior right minithoracotomy with standard sternotomy: a propensity score analysis of 492 patients Eur J Cardiothorac Surg. 2016 Feb; 49(2):456-63. . View in PubMed
Gamification in thoracic surgical education: Using competition to fuel performance J Thorac Cardiovasc Surg. 2015 Nov; 150(5):1052-8. . View in PubMed
Pressurized Cadaver Model in Cardiothoracic Surgical Simulation Ann Thorac Surg. 2015 Sep; 100(3):1118-20. . View in PubMed
Age-Related Outcomes of the Ross Procedure Over 20 Years Ann Thorac Surg. 2015 Jun; 99(6):2077-83; discussion 2084-5. . View in PubMed
A framework for professionalism in surgery: what is important to medical students? Am J Surg. 2014 Feb; 207(2):255-9.. View in PubMed
Cardiothoracic surgery residency training: past, present, and future J Thorac Cardiovasc Surg. 2013 Oct; 146(4):759-67. . View in PubMed
Anomalous coronary arteries: cardiovascular computed tomographic angiography for surgical decisions and planning World J Pediatr Congenit Heart Surg. 2013 Apr; 4(2):142-54. . View in PubMed
Breast implants and minimally invasive cardiac surgery: a case series Ann Plast Surg. 2012 Jul; 69(1):10-3. . View in PubMed
Development of a cardiac surgery simulation curriculum: from needs assessment results to practical implementation J Thorac Cardiovasc Surg. 2012 Jul; 144(1):7-16. . View in PubMed
2012 Jan 01; 3(1):123-9. . View in PubMed
Thoracic aortic stent-grafting for acute, complicated, type B aortic dissections Ann Vasc Surg. 2011 Apr; 25(3):333-9. . View in PubMed
Emergency off-pump revascularization for left main dissection in pregnancy Am Surg. 2011 Feb; 77(2):253-5. . View in PubMed
Perimembranous ventricular septal defect and Gerbode defect Echocardiography. 2010 Feb; 27(2):215-7. . View in PubMed
Pectus excavatum and chest pain: a case report Cases J. 2008 Nov 25; 1(1):351. . View in PubMed
Resection of giant coronary artery aneurysms in a Takayasu's arteritis patient Ann Thorac Surg. 2008 May; 85(5):1795-6. . View in PubMed
Hemidiaphragm plication after repair of congenital heart defects in children: quantitative return of diaphragm function over time J Thorac Cardiovasc Surg. 2008 Jan; 135(1):56-61. . View in PubMed
Ascending aortic extension for enlargement of the aortopulmonary space in children with pulmonary artery stenosis Ann Thorac Surg. 2005 Nov; 80(5):1647-51. . View in PubMed
A decade of living lobar lung transplantation: perioperative complications after 253 donor lobectomies Am J Transplant. 2004 Aug; 4(8):1283-8. . View in PubMed
Needle embolism to the heart Ann Thorac Surg. 2004 Mar; 77(3):1102. . View in PubMed
A decade of living lobar lung transplantation: recipient outcomes J Thorac Cardiovasc Surg. 2004 Jan; 127(1):114-22. . View in PubMed
Depopulated vena caval homograft: a new venous conduit J Thorac Cardiovasc Surg. 2003 Aug; 126(2):498-503. . View in PubMed
After a three-year cardiothoracic residency at the Keck School of Medicine of USC, Dr. Baker subsequently accepted a fellowship in pediatric cardiac surgery at the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles. While at Children's Hospital, Dr. Baker had the privilege of working under the direction of renowned cardiothoracic surgeon Vaughn Starnes, MD. The following year Dr. Baker accepted a position in the Department of Cardiothoracic Surgery at the Keck School of Medicine.
Dr. Baker is currently the chief of the division of cardiac surgery at the Keck School of Medicine. He also serves as vice chair of surgical education and directs the cardiothoracic surgery training program. Dr. Baker has achieved national recognition for his involvement in cardiothoracic education. He has developed a comprehensive educational curriculum, including a highly structured simulation training program. In 2017, after 20 years at USC, Dr. Baker was appointed chief of the division of cardiac surgery.


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Lego has failed in its bid to register the shape of its play bricks as trade marks. A European court said that the brick shape was functional and that it had to be that shape to operate as it did, so could not be registered as a trade mark.
The Court of First Instance (CFI) of the European Communities backed a 2004 decision of the EU's trade marks office the Office for the Harmonisation of the Internal Market (OHIM) to cancel Lego's trade mark registration.
Lego told the Associated Press news agency that it expected to appeal the decision.
Shapes can be registered as trade marks just as words or logos can, though Lindsey Wrenn, a trade mark law expert at Pinsent Masons, the law firm behind OUT-LAW.COM, said that it was harder to be successful registering a shape for a trade mark than registering other kinds of characteristics.
"The law provides for 'the shape of goods or of their packaging' to be registered as trade marks," said Wrenn. "However, applications for shape marks are less likely to succeed than other regular marks because such registration would create a perpetual monopoly in a shape where other forms of IP, such as registered designs or patents, offer a shorter duration of protection."
In 1999 Lego applied to make its traditional brick a registered trade mark in Europe. Two days later, competitor toy brick company Mega Brands filed an objection to the registration. In 2004 the registration was cancelled by OHIM.
Lego appealed that decision in a case that went to OHIM's Grand Board of Appeal. That Board said that Lego could not be given a trade mark because the brick's shape performed a technical function.
Items whose shape performs a technical function cannot be trade marked because to give someone a monopoly over the shape would give them a monopoly over that function.
Lego argued that the rule on functionality was "not intended to exclude functional shapes per se from registration as a trade mark, but only signs which consist 'exclusively' of the shape of goods which is 'necessary' to obtain a technical result".
The CFI said that Lego bricks would not escape the rule on functionality just by adding non-essential characteristics.
"The addition of non-essential characteristics having no technical function does not prevent a shape from being caught by that absolute ground of refusal if all the essential characteristics of that shape perform such a function," said the CFI, backing the OHIM Board of Appeal.
Lego argued that the only shapes which should be barred would be ones that create a monopoly on a technical solution.
The CFI disagreed, saying that a shape could still be barred from registration as a trade mark even if the function of the shape could be achieved by other means or other shapes.
"In order for that absolute ground for refusal to apply, it is sufficient that the essential characteristics of the shape combine the characteristics which are technically causal of, and sufficient to obtain, the intended technical result, and are therefore attributable to the technical result," it said. "It follows that the Grand Board of Appeal did not err in considering that the term 'necessary' means that the shape is required to obtain a technical result, even if that result can be achieved by other shapes."
The Court backed the OHIM decision and ordered Lego to pay costs.
Trade marks are designed to reassure consumers that a good or service has come from the supplier that it claims to come from. Wrenn said that registering shapes is harder than registering logos or phrases because it is more difficult to claim that they indicate the origin of goods.
"It is difficult to establish that product shapes are viewed as having a trade mark function especially when it is often the case that product shapes are used in conjunction with other marks," she said. "The question is whether consumers would see the shape and automatically associate it with the applicant and understand the shape to be a trade mark and not simply part of the product design."
Shape trade marks are assessed in the same way as other applications, but they have additional hurdles to leap, said Wrenn. They cannot be registered if their shape results exclusively from the nature of the goods, if the shape is the way it is exclusively to achieve a technical result, or if the shape exclusively gives substantial value to the goods.
"There have been a number of shape mark cases, most notably in connection with the shape of dishwasher tablets where arguments that speckled tablets can distinguish detergent products have been routinely refused," said Wrenn.
Copyright © 2008, OUT-LAW.com
OUT-LAW.COM is part of international law firm Pinsent Masons.

subset: commoncrawl


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'Learning Menus' Empower Students to Tailor Curriculum
An Ohio district's 'learning menus' give students choices about how they will learn class material
When the science department at Darby High School outside Columbus, Ohio, received new iPads two years ago, the devices came with a challenge from the school's principal: Make classroom instruction look different.
The result has been new student "learning menus" that offer "voice and choice" via the chance to decide among a variety of assignments and activities to meet class requirements, said Mike McDonough, the 16,000-student Hilliard City district's director of secondary education.
"The resounding response from students is that they feel like they have ownership of their learning," Mr. McDonough said.
That's just one example of an emerging trend in educational technology. Sometimes called "curriculum playlists," the idea is pulled from other sectors of society in which content is "unbundled" so that users can reassemble the pieces according to their individual preferences.
It's iTunes meets public school, said John Bailey, the executive director of Digital Learning Now!, a digital-learning advocacy group based in Tallahassee, Fla.
"The same way you and I might like most of what's on a [music] album, but might want a couple different songs, the same is true for teachers," Mr. Bailey said. "They want to be able to pull resources from PBS, from publishers, and from other teachers."
As experimentation with learning menus is still new, many questions about academic rigor, developmental appropriateness for different ages, and best practices remain to be answered about this approach, according to educators.
Sometimes, as at Darby High, teachers are solely responsible for pulling the learning menus together. For a recent science lesson on continental drift, for example, all students were required to complete a guided note-taking activity, answer questions about a video, and complete an exercise about plate tectonics. But they had their choice of assessments and could select whether to do a puzzle activity, a virtual lab, or a custom-made geography challenge in order to complete the lesson requirements.
"Students appreciate that [approach] and find it much better than the traditional drill-and-kill or lecture models," Mr. McDonough said.
Because customizing daily or weekly playlists for dozens of students isn't always possible, software often plays a role, too; some tools make it easier for teachers to curate content, Mr. Bailey said, while others, like Knewton or Read 180, use algorithms to tailor their offerings to individual students.
"I don't know if there are any platforms where the algorithms overrule a teacher's judgment," Mr. Bailey said, "but having a tool that can get you 70 percent there frees teachers to spend more time on higher-value activities."
Customizing Content
Karen Cator, a former Apple executive who previously managed the U.S. Department of Education's office of educational technology, said the learning menu or playlist approach is tailor-made for the Internet age.
"We can only leverage all the content online if we can come up with better ways of organizing it," said Ms. Cator, who currently heads the Washington-based nonprofit Digital Promise.
"Curating content playlists helps teachers ensure that there's relevant material for today," she said, citing teachers who pulled together for their students readings, content, activities, and math challenges related to the Winter Olympics.
In Hilliard, 600 middle and high school students have used the learning menus over the past two years, and the practice has started to spread from the science department to other subjects.
Other schools doing similar work include the Summit Public Schools charter network in California and the School of One in New York City, Mr. Bailey said.
The key, he maintained, is making sure the variety of available materials is rich enough to provide differentiated options to students not just based on their skill levels, but on their learning styles and preferences.
"Just the right content in just the right way at just the right time," Mr. Bailey said. "That's the hope."
Vol. 33, Issue 25, Page 10Published in Print: March 13, 2014, as 'Playlists' Tailor Curriculum
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Lake Como is a destination of choice for many people each year. Lake Como has its own microclimate that ensures it is never too cold or too hot. It does see snow occasionally in deepest winter and is an amazing sight, but generally, the snow simply caps the surrounding mountains. In summer it can be hot but is generally pleasantly temperate. Spring and Autumn are ideal for short breaks and to see the
COMO CITY: Hotels in Como, like many cities, can be expensive and a private apartment is often a better choice and there are many nestled amongst the elegant and ancient back streets, a short walk to the town
You can search for Como Rentals here, by clicking this link. As an example of our accommodation and what to expect, the photo and link below
Read more about Como city here
Lake Como has many interesting towns and villages. The West shore of Lake Como has train lines and faster road access to villages such as Varenna and Bellano but the East shore gives access over to Porlezza and Lugano and has towns such as Menaggio, Tremezzo
Eats & Retreats' Rewards Program is designed to reward our valuable customers with benefits and services that enhance their travel experience in our featured destinations and properties. Lake Como is a dream destination but we do not expect everybody to return each year. The world is full of fabulous places and our company represents some of the best! Book with and get free member benefits for 2019 & 2020 in some fantastic destinations.
COVID 19 - Please read our advice
There are no guest service fees applied to our bookings, as found on the large branded US Corporation marketing sites, where you may find our properties. Compare prices and don't forget that the booking is always with the manager anyway, not the websites that add these surcharges.
Lake Como Homes has been awarded a recommendation from industy experts
A great 30 second Lake Como video of great shots. See if you spot the rich & famous!
If you wish to bring your dog to Lake Como or further afield then we recommend this Pet-Friendly website too.


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Confiscated weapons are always destroyed, but that doesn't mean the wreckage can't be used for something. Artist Pedro Reyes took the remains of 6,700 guns—many of which had probably seen some action—and used their dismembered parts to build instruments for a makeshift gunmetal orchestra.
The instruments were all constructed out of pistols, shotguns, and even automatic weapons and then used to play a rendition of "Imagine." They're currently on display in Istanbul until December 12th, but chances are you won't be able to go see them there. You can hear them in action in the video above, and while they're not the most in tune instruments you've ever heard, but they're not bad enough to do any moral harm, at least not anymore. [TreeHugger]


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Eli Lilly and Company is launching it's first-ever Pan-European consumer campaign to educate men about the importance of discussing erectile dysfunction (ED) symptoms with a healthcare professional in. Sweden is one of the first countries to launch the campaign that will go live in Swedish media on the 3rd of May.
The campaign, titled "No More Excuses," will run in 14 countries in the European Union (EU), including Spain, France, Italy, the United Kingdom (UK) and others.
Research conducted by Lilly in 10 European countries over three months included interviewing and surveying men ages 40-70 with ED symptoms to help identify the barriers to seeking treatment.
The "No More Excuses" campaign was developed because it effectively corrected men's misconceptions about ED treatment.
This campaign supports patient self-awareness, urging men to admit to themselves there is a medical issue behind their symptoms. It emphasizes the importance of knowing where to turn for answers – to a physician.
With the "No More Excuses" campaign, Lilly hopes to make the topic of ED treatment more comfortable and encourage patients to discuss their ED symptoms with a healthcare professional.
Client: Eli Lilly
Creative Agency: 180 Amsterdam
Production Company: Hungryman
Photographer: Derek Henderson
Good day! I read your article and learn about it. Thanks for sharing your expertise and information about this study. I also have a site imarksweb.net ,kindly open if you have time :) Thanks. GBY


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Phoenix Cars Bridlington
Taxi Service
Address: 2 Field Rd, Bridlington, North Humberside YO16 4AU
Phone:01262 228636
Phoenix Cars Bridlington provides taxi service in Bridlington. It provides en suite taxi service to people around Bridlington area. You can just call them and they will come to your home. Their drivers are highly experienced and friendly. They provide a full range of transport services, including taxis, airport shuttles, limousines and special events.
Convenient, reliable and expensive transport service are provided by them. It has a modern fleet of saloon cars, limousines, minibuses and minicoaches. They pride ourselves on giving their customers a more on-demand door to door service around the clock. They fully understand that their customers require a private hire minicab service that is best fit, best priced and goes the extra mile.


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$ 150.00
The "Pick a Grip" system is unique only to Gearhead Archery. Since the grip is not an integral part of the bow's riser load, it can be interchanged with other grips while the bow is fully loaded by simply removing six fasteners. Gearhead Archery has developed 6 distinctive grip options that allow the shooter to choose the grip that fits them best.
Many people love Gearhead Archery's Standard grip, while others desire the Flat Back grip. In the chilly weather, it is hard to beat the Carbon grip for the warm grip feel. The Slider grips gives the archer the most versatility and allows the adjustability that has the other bow companies reeling. Gearhead manufactures 3 different sliders, the Standard Slider, Flat Back Slider and the 1911 Slider. The 1911 Slider is new for 2019 and implements 1911 side plates from the gun industry. The 1911 grip comes with wood laminate side plates but can be customized to any aftermarket 1911 side plates. The "Pick a Grip" sliders by Gearhead Archery are the most forward-thinking innovation to hit the archery industry in decades!


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Patricia Childs
Freelance marketing professional Patricia Childs has been with the Juice Plus+ family from almost the very beginning. Her introduction to Juice Plus+ began when she was hired in 1997 to edit and polish the first Juice Plus+ product audio Call Me in the Morning, featuring Mitra Ray, Ph.D.
"You cannot listen intently, over and over again, to a presentation from a renowned biochemist about the nutritional benefits of fruits & vegetables without getting the message."
Patricia, a mother of two adult children herself, quickly realized that she had "no excuses left" when it came to living a healthy lifestyle, centered on fruits and vegetables and Juice Plus+.
Editing and polishing audio, then video, gradually expanded to proofing and editing copy for Juice Plus+ brochures, websites, and the like – and, more recently, to the creation of English and Spanish captions for the current generation of Juice Plus+ DVDs. Patricia loves working with Juice Plus+. "For over 15 years now, not a day has gone when I've not had the opportunity to share the wealth of information I've learned about health, wellness, and nutrition."


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OAKLAND (AP) — Scott Kazmir pitched seven innings to win his fourth straight start, Yoenis Cespedes hit his 14th home run of the season and the Oakland Athletics beat the Boston Red Sox 4-2 on Thursday night.
Stephen Vogt had two hits and two RBIs, Jed Lowrie scored twice and John Jaso singled in an insurance run in the seventh to move the A's a season-high 17 games over .500. It's the best record in the majors and continued Oakland's best start since 1990.
Kazmir (9-2) went into the game with the second-lowest ERA among qualifiers in the AL and extended his streak to 18 1/3 innings without allowing an earned run before Dustin Pedroia hit a two-run home run in the sixth. He struck out eight and didn't walk a batter.
Cespedes had not homered against the Red Sox until his two-out, solo shot off Jake Peavy in the third.
Boston had played five straight one-run games heading into the series opener with Oakland. This one was tight as well.
The A's led 3-0 after Vogt's single scored Lowrie in the fourth.
Kazmir, who hasn't lost since May 23, took a shutout into the sixth that Pedroia ended with a two-out home run.
It was the only mistake Kazmir made. Over his past five starts, Oakland's right-hander is 4-0 with a 1.27 ERA.
Luke Gregerson pitched the eighth and Dan Otero worked the ninth for his first career save.
Peavy (1-5) had a second straight strong outing but remained winless over his past 10 starts. Peavy allowed five hits over 6 1/3 innings, retired eight of the final nine batters he faced and struck out four with three walks.
It wasn't enough to prevent the Red Sox from ending their three-game winning streak.
Vogt hit an RBI groundout off Peavy in the second and singled in another run in the fourth. Lowrie, who walked and doubled, scored both times.
Cespedes hit his 14th home run with two outs in the third. The Cuban slugger is batting .343 with four home runs and 12 RBIs through 17 games in June.
Kazmir retired 15 of the first 17 batters he faced before Pedroia's two-run home run cut Oakland's lead to 3-2.
NOTES: Otero was in the closer's role because Sean Doolittle had pitched in the previous two games. ... Cespedes has now homered against every team in the AL except Tampa Bay. ...RHP Clay Buchholz (hyperextended knee) pitched six scoreless innings during his second rehab start for Triple-A Pawtucket. ... LHP Brad Mills starts Friday in his Oakland debut. Mills was acquired in a trade from Milwaukee earlier this week. LHP Felix Doubront (2-4) pitches for Boston.
OAKLAND (AP) — Scott Kazmir pitched seven innings to win his fourth straight start, Yoenis Cespedes hit his 14th home run of the season and the Oakland Athletics beat the Boston Red Sox 4-2 on Thursday night.


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With the clock ticking toward midnight on New Year's Eve of 1993, a group of people in West Palm Beach, Florida, huddled around a detonator, getting ready to set off explosives that would blow up the waterfront Holiday Inn.
This was not a plot concocted by dangerous subversives. This was the West Palm Beach mayor's idea of civic advancement.
The old hotel had to be razed to make way for a new bandshell at the waterfront site. Mayor Nancy M. Graham sold $25 tickets to a "mayor's danger zone" for the midnight implosion. The pyrotechnics took on a festive air, and when the dust cleared, the city celebrated too: Ticket revenue and donations added up to almost $1 million, nearly covering the price of the bandshell, at a time when the city was facing a $9.5 million budget deficit.
Most of Graham's plans for her city have been about building it up, not blowing it up. Outsiders often confuse West Palm Beach with Palm Beach, the glitzy island Shangri-La to the east. But West Palm, just across the Intercoastal Waterway from that millionaires' playground, is a world away. "People always ask me," Graham says, "what it's like to be the mayor of paradise." What they don't realize is that West Palm Beach has a minority population of nearly 50 percent, including a large, impoverished immigrant population from Haiti and Guatemala. Its downtown had become blighted, with prostitutes roaming the streets. Crack houses had cropped up in poorer areas, businesses had shut down or left town, and once-nice middle-class neighborhoods had become dilapidated. Over a four-year period from the late 1980s to the early '90s, property tax revenues had dropped by 60 percent.
"We had to get the heart pumping," Graham says. After she was elected in 1991, she focused on a redevelopment strategy that would bring arts and entertainment to the downtown. The city now has a new plaza and fountain, an amphitheater and a multicultural center. The city also started "Clematis By Night," a weekly event named for the city's main street. Most every Thursday of the year, the area around the new downtown plaza is filled with bands, artists and food. Depending on the weather, the outdoor festival draws an estimated 3,000 to 5,000 people each week.
In 1996, the city bought 75 acres of land that had been cleared for a failed development project in the '80s; the city formed a partnership with a developer who in May broke ground on CityPlace, a $450 million, 2 million-square-foot mixed-use project that many expect will recreate street retailing in West Palm Beach.
At the same time Graham has been working on redevelopment, she also has been dealing with serious budget problems that had long plagued the working-class city. She trimmed 150 employees, or about 15 percent of the workforce, from the payroll, and set up a competitive contracting process. With the aid of a booming stock market, the city was able to close an overfunded pension plan and reap a $30 million windfall; a new pension plan has been created and is fully funded.
Graham, now 52, came in as the first mayor elected after a charter change created a strong-mayor form of government. Not surprisingly, there has been grumbling from some city commissioners about not always being included in decisions. Graham believes the criticism arises from the shift in the balance of power and the natural tensions between the executive and legislative branches.
A newspaper editorial commented that she has overreached at times. She brushes off the criticism. "If I didn't push real hard, it wouldn't happen sometimes," she responds. "We would have stayed stuck."
— Ellen Perlman
Photo by Tony Arruza


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Home > Patients & Visitors > Health Library > Transurethral needle ablation (TUNA)
Transurethral needle ablation (TUNA) is a procedure used to treat the symptoms of benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH). This procedure uses heat to destroy specific areas of the prostate that are blocking urine flow.
A needle-shaped device is inserted up the urethra inside a tube called a catheter. The tube protects other tissues from being burned as the device delivers heat to very precise areas of the prostate.
Current as of: February 11, 2020
Author: Healthwise Staff
Medical Review:E. Gregory Thompson MD - Internal Medicine & Adam Husney MD - Family Medicine & J. Curtis Nickel MD, FRCSC - Urology
This information does not replace the advice of a doctor. Healthwise, Incorporated disclaims any warranty or liability for your use of this information. Your use of this information means that you agree to the Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. Learn how we develop our content.
To learn more about Healthwise, visit Healthwise.org.
© 1995-2020 Healthwise, Incorporated. Healthwise, Healthwise for every health decision, and the Healthwise logo are trademarks of Healthwise, Incorporated.


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"I actually do think parts of the Bible are more valuable than others, more inspired than others. In fact, I think that some parts of the Bible have been put aside by the Christian revelation."—Quote by Cecil Sherman, your typical Anti-Bible Biblically Illiterate unregenerate non-Christian Liberal Baptist apostate reprobated and heathen heretic.
Pre-requisites for this course: one must have completed the following courses—our course on Absolute Truth and our course on Discernmentalist Church History 101 or candidates for this course must at least have a sufficient and satisfactory grasp on Discernmentalese: the official jargon that we use around here. Your Discernmentalese must be approved by your official instructors: the esteemed Dr. Truthslayer, the wise Dr. Arthur McJohn, the illustrious Dr. I. Todyaso and yours truly the pithy Dr. Don Jobson. Candidates for this course must have also completed part 1 of our course on Bible Literalism.
Your official instruction: We must think only in binary terms. Everything is black and white, either this or that—there are no in-betweens. Brainiac our field agent for Todd Friel (Wretched) says:
The literal sense is the only honest way to read. Honestly, the literal sense is literally the only honest way to read. If you care what the author said, read literally. If you do not care what the author said, do not bother reading.
We agree as metaphors do not exist in the Discernmentalist Worldview. Everything literally means what it says as long as it doesn't clash with our Pure Doctrines and even if it does we'll find some way to spin it literally such as: "Οὕτως γὰρ ἠγάπησεν ὁ Θεὸς τὸν κόσμον, ὥστε τὸν Υἱὸν τὸν μονογενῆ ἔδωκεν, ἵνα πᾶς ὁ πιστεύων εἰς Αὐτὸν μὴ ἀπόληται ἀλλ᾽ ἔχῃ ζωὴν αἰώνιον" doesn't literally mean "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life"—but literally means that God literally loves and literally only died for the Elect and the Elect only literally.
Eventhough Jesus literally said "This Is My Body" which literally interpreted means exactly what it says that the bread in Communion is literally Jesus' literal Body, we must take a self-righteous stand in our Truth Wars and come against the Eucharist/Real Presence as it literally has no place in our Pure Bibles. A literal interpretation of "This Is My Body" literally clashes with the literalness of our Pure Doctrines. John MacArthur told us so and if he says it—it must literally be by default True because anything he literally says he speaks ex cathedra and all that he speaks is ex cathedra not to mention literally infallible Absolute Truth. However we Discernmentalists don't need to appeal to John MacArthur to know that this is literally True. It is literally True because We Say and believe It is literally True.
We Know that in Psalm 137:9 God literally commands us to "take our babies and smash them against the rocks!"—though we literally stand against abortion. We Know that I Timothy 1:9-10 is literally about gay marriage. Everything in the Bible is about our American Gospel and can literally be summed up by our moral stances in Politics. However when Jesus says "Sell all your possessions and give to the Poor and follow Me (Matt. 19:16-26;Luke 12:33-34 and 14:33) " He doesn't literally mean that. We like the parts of the Bible that fit our Pure Doctrines but ignore the verses that we do not agree with, that do not make us comfortable in our American values and/or do not back up our Discernmentalist Worldview.
Our interpretive lens of the Bible is flawless and therefore Inerrant for the Bible and not Jesus is literally the literal Word of God (John 1:1) as John MacArthur literally states:
Neo-orthodoxy's attitude toward Scripture is a microcosm of the entire existentialist philosophy: the Bible itself is not objectively the Word of God, but it becomes the Word of God when it speaks to me individually. In neo-orthodoxy, that same subjectivism is imposed on all the doctrines of historic Christianity. Familiar terms are used, but are redefined or employed in a way that is purposely vague—not to convey objective meaning, but to communicate a subjective symbolism. After all, any "truth" theological terms convey is unique to the person who exercises faith. What the Bible means becomes unimportant. What it means to me is the relevant issue. All of this resoundingly echoes Kierkegaard's concept of "truth that is true for me."
Thus while neo-orthodox theologians often sound as if they are affirming traditional beliefs, their actual system differs radically from the historic understanding of the Christian faith. By denying the objectivity of truth, they relegate all theology to the realm of subjective relativism. It is a theology perfectly suited for the age in which we live.
And that is precisely why it is so deadly.
This is why we must always interpret the Bible literally except for when it literally disagrees with our Pure Doctrines so take heart fellow Discernmentalists and remember these wise and literal words of Brainiac:
Be a literalist. Read the Bible literally. If anyone objects, ask him if you should consider his objection literally. Or, you can explain that the Bible is literature, and that there is no other way to read it but literally.


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A Remake That Will Leave Fans Seeing 'Red'
Released during Ronald Reagan's 1984 re-election campaign, the original Red Dawn was denounced as right-wing propaganda. But while director and co-writer John Milius' fantasy of Colorado high-school students who battle Soviet and Cuban invaders was anti-communist, it was principally pro-gun and pro-youth. In spirit, it was closer to Frank Capra than to Leni Riefenstahl.
Neither of those names comes to mind when watching the clunky new Red Dawn — which is not all that new. Filmed in 2009, the remake was shelved for several years. Then, apparently, someone noticed that it stars Chris Hemsworth, who later played Thor in two superhero flicks that made a few bucks. Alas, he doesn't impersonate the Norse god in this movie, which might benefit from a thunderbolt of divine intervention.
Narratively, the revamped Red Dawn is much like the first one. The heroes are still mostly teenagers, although they now live in Spokane. And they still call themselves "Wolverines," after the local high school team. But the villains have been updated, which may be the funniest thing about this inadvertently comic misfire.
When the movie was shot, the invaders were Chinese. But as the pixels aged in some digital cellar, the producers had second thoughts. China is a growing market for film production and distribution. So they did reshoots and CGI fixes, and turned the marauding hordes into North Koreans.
Yes, soldiers from North Korea, a country whose electrical grid is frail, whose food production is disastrous and whose missiles tend not to travel far from their launchpads. A country whose likelihood of conquering Spokane is about as high as, say, Yemen's.
Nonetheless, the movie shows a sky full of North Korean paratroopers, who land just after the football team loses a squeaker. Luckily, Jed (Hemsworth) is in town, on leave from the Marines. He assembles an adolescent guerrilla force that includes younger brother Matt (Josh Peck) — the quarterback whose team just folded, so he's got something to prove.
Also in the ranks are a tech guy (Josh Hutcherson), a woman with a crush on Jed (Adrianne Palicki) and the son of the city's turncoat mayor (Conner Cruise, son of Tom). Matt's blond-cheerleader girlfriend (Isabel Lucas) is already in commie custody, but the Wolverines will soon rescue her.
The kids' enemies are mostly nameless, their threat condensed into one figure, Capt. Cho (Korean-American actor Will Yun Lee). He's a Ming the Merciless type who's fond of summary executions, preferably witnessed by the victim's family.
Perhaps inspired by U.S. troops' battles in Iraqi cities, director Dan Bradley often abandons the hilltops for urban combat. But Spokane isn't exactly Baghdad, and it's hard to believe that the Wolverines could strike with impunity and then blend into the teeming crowds. No medium-sized American city teems.
Bradley has experience as a stunt coordinator, which might have heralded credible battle sequences; as a director, however, he conforms to the current vogue for fast pans, handheld camera and frenzied edits. That makes large chunks of the movie energetic but incoherent. The pace slows for the deaths of named characters, but the rest of the action could just as easily be break-dancing as combat.
The new Red Dawn's body count is as high as its predecessor's. But the fatalism in all of Milius' projects — even the silliest ones — has weight. That's not the case with the remake, whose portrayal of violence derives more from video games than from history. It wouldn't really matter if the movie were doctored once again to replace the Koreans with Klingons.
Copyright 2020 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.


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While I agree with the answer given to the subject "TV 'Apostolic' Healing Services", there is one part that doesn't seem to be totally accurate. You state:
"Sadly, they too often also say that if you did not receive your miracle, it is because you lacked faith. 'You lacked faith' is not good pastoring! It is not Biblical! Jesus and the Apostle Paul, both of whom did many healing miracles, never told people those words!"
Jesus did use these words in Matthew 14:31 (granted that this is not a healing miracle, but a miracle nonetheless) and, to some extent, in Matthew 17:14-20. Also, many of the miracles Jesus performed were granted because of the faith present in the person being healed. Obviously, faith was granted to these individuals as well, but their faith is still provided as the reason for the healing. (Matt. 8:13, 9:22, 27-29 are a few examples.)
Any feedback you might have would be appreciated.
You are right that Jesus often connected healing with the exercising of faith. I have often stressed and exhorted on that point in my preaching over the last 40 years.
However, there are some other factors to be considered.
1. Jesus who healed others did not heal himself from his wounds or death at the hands of his enemies. Neither did the Apostle Paul—who also healed others—on at least one occasion obtain the healing he sought from God:
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Cor. 1:7-10, New International Version)
Note these things: God had Paul heal others, even though it was God's will upon this occasion not to heal Paul, and the reason given for Paul's failure to be healed was not that of lack of faith, but that it might be seen that God's grace is sufficient.
2. Application: Not always can we pastor our people that they are not healed because they lack faith. We pastors have to have other evidence than lack of the healing asked for to have sufficient grounds for saying, "you are not healed because you lack faith."
3. The Pentecostal thinking to which I referred has been insufficiently guarded against counterfeit healing [worship and praise] services. God did not send them to be Apostles. God did not call them to a ministry of miraculous healing of the type that Apostles were sent on, the gift of such healing as can be done in a quiet, sober-minded and God-honoring manner. They proclaim "There is healing in the atonement" and go on to say we are going on faith.
I have met Pentecostal Christians who pray, as I would also do, in the manner of James 5. But then, sadly, I have also met Pentecostals who boast of how noisy their services are and who say they are exercising greater faith when they are demanding that God heal now and by a miracle. They are testing and tempting God, a thing forbidden in Exodus 17 and forbidden by Jesus in Luke 4:12 in his temptation by Satan. These "healers" sometimes claim that miracles will produce faith even where reading the Word of God will not produce faith, but consider Luke 16:28-31, NIV:
Abraham replied, "They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them." "No, father Abraham," he said, "but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent." He said to him, "If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead."
Such reliance upon healing miracles are the claims not of "great believers," but of unbelievers.
In sum I have agreed with you that often (but definitely not always) healing is related to faith. But it is also true that a failure to be healed cannot be dogmatically declared to be the result of "a lack of faith." In fact, sometimes God's perfect will is that His people (like the Apostle Paul) not be healed, and the result here is the glory of God as much as it is in those situations where God chooses to heal. Thank you for your interest in the things of Jesus. May the Lord continue to grant you His favor and a calling in His kingdom.
"Questions and Answers" is a weekly feature of the OPC website. The answers come from individual ministers in the Orthodox Presbyterian Church expressing their own convictions and do not necessarily represent an "official" position of the Church, especially in areas where the Standards of the Church (the Scriptures and the Westminster Confession of Faith and Catechisms) are silent.
The questions come from individuals like yourself. If you have questions about biblical and theological matters, you are invited to send them by e-mail by using the "Pose a Question" link on the OPC home page or by clicking here.
At least one new question is posted each week, so there should always be something new here for you to read. (For those people who would like to look at previous questions and answers, they will continue to be available as well.)
The purpose of the OPC website's "Questions and Answers" is to respond to biblical and theological questions. Matters of church discipline, disputes, or debates go beyond the scope of our work. We recommend that you present your concerns in these areas to the appropriate judicatory. In most cases this will be to a local pastor, elder, or session. We do not want the website to replace personal involvement in, or commitment to, the local, visible church.
While we will respond to every serious questioner, we are not bound to give a substantive answer to every question, should we deem the question to be beyond the scope of our purpose or our own ability to answer.
You will receive an answer by e-mail. Please be patient as many of our respondents are busy pastors. The response to your question may take up to two (2) weeks. Some of the questions submitted will be chosen to be posted here, along with the corresponding answers.
Note that the "Questions and Answers" posted on the site have been editedall personal references are removed, Scripture references or from some source may be added, and sometimes portions are expandedto make the questions and answers more useful to a larger audience.


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Making Time!!7:22 PM Edit This 1 Comment »
I have been absent from blogging AND scrapping for way too long now!! I think it's been a good six months since I actually scrapped and I don't even want to know how long since I blogged!!
But, I have decided I need to make the time to be creative because I really do enjoy it!!
I thought the best way to get back into it was to join in a challenge, so I chose the Kaisercraft Saturday Sketch #3 to get me going. Here is the sketch....
.....and this is my take on it. I rotated mine.
I used the Kaiser, Sweet Nothings Collection. I also used Kaiser card, stamps, bling and flowers. I sprayed white flowers with glimmermist and also layered 2 colours of the small flowers.
I also have another page to share as well, it was a just for me page. I found some inspiration from a friend on FB and tried something a little different!! Here is a link to her blog A Little Peek at Me.
And here is my page :)
It's a little bit hard to see, but I used some silver thread around the large brad, it looks a little bit like a flower, and the sequins, I love. I like this new trend!! (Well it may not be that new but I did say it's been a while since I have done anything scrap related LOL) The papers are Teresa Collins.
That's all folks.
Hope your enjoying 2014 so far!!


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Melo M9
It is time for the next version of Carmelo Anthony's signature sneaker. The new model is called Melo M9, and right off the bat you can spot the differences. First thing to notice is the entirely new lacing system combined with Flywire technology. It was designed to cooperate with the midfoot shank to provide forefoot, midfoot and heel lockdown. The shoe hugs around your foot as you lace it up, and keeps it in one place, giving support. As far as the ventilation is concerned the shoe offers some air flow, mostly due to the strap-like construction. The inside of the Melo M9 features a foam lining that feels almost like a sock and will absorb some of the heat and moisture. The cushioning is provided by two Zoom Air units. First one, low-profile bottom-loaded is located in the forefoot and offers responsiveness, while the other one, top-loaded 10mm unit provides a huge amount of comfort and resilience. Melo M9's outsole features a herringbone pattern that allows multidirectional movement without any slippage. You may have a feeling that these look bulk and heavy but the simple fact is that the whole shoe is flexible, so it doesn't restrict movement and yet supportive, so that it can keep up with a big guy.


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Béton - Specific gravity frame and baskets: Specific gravity frame and baskets
Used with a suitable electronic balance for specific gravity determination of fresh and hardened concrete and aggregates. A purpose built robust frame designed to support the electronic balance. The lower part of the frame incorporates a moving platform, which carries the water container allowing the test...Continuer


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Building a Common Drupal Platform for Your Organization Using Drupal 7 [April, 17, 2012]
Want to learn more about Acquia's products, services, and happenings in the Drupal Community? Visit our site: http://bit.ly/yLaHO5.
Many organizations centrally develop a web site platform to allow other groups to easily ramp up on web projects. In an effort to standardize branding policies, authentication procedures, and security requirements, Drupal installation profiles can be used to pre-configure Drupal sites for a wide variety of users as well as push modifications later on for ongoing changes. Well-designed profiles can provide everything from a starting point for other developers to a near-SaaS solution for hosting many similar Drupal sites.
Topics that will be covered during this webinar include:
• Leverage Drupal 7 to manage your organization's array of web properties
• Decrease the setup time required for rolling out new Drupal sites
• Maintain consistent branding and security guidelines for all Drupal sites
• Vastly simplify management of many Drupal sites from a single point
• Prototype a home-grown Drupal SaaS solution for self-serve site rollouts


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LiquidSmooth is an aftermarket firmware based on the Android Open Source Project.
Dedicated to providing users with smooth, stable and ROMs. A Lightweight modified AOSP base, and then add the features you crave!
While we make every effort to test these builds as much as possible, we are not responsible for anything that may happen to your device.
We ask that you do your part to know your device and know how to recover from problems before you flash!
* ROM built with SaberMod 4.8.4 GCC Toolchain * Kernel built with SaberMod 4.9.3 GCC Toolchain * Updated Linux to 3.10.62 * LCD KCAL control * Disabled forced encryption * Tweaked CPU governors (more gov's to come) * ARM Optimized String Handling Routines * Linaro and Code Aurora Optimizations * Gesture Anywhere * Gesture unlock * Battery icon options * SlimRoms Headsup customization * Custom toast animations * Option to disable screenshot noise * Built in superuser options with Root access options * Call blacklist options * SMS rate limiting option * Filter spam notifications * Per app control for Lockscreen notifications * Configurable 0, 90, 180 and 270 degree rotation * Safe headset volume option * Less annoying sound notifications option * Option to use volume keys to control media volume anytime * Option to customize device hostname * Option to not wake up device when charge is plugged/unplugged * Volume rocker wake up * IME switcher notification control * Option to disable fullscreen keyboard * Force autorotation on IME * Option to force show enter key * CM's Privacy Guard * Increasing ringtone option * Dark UI (primarily in Settings for now) * Screen Density changer * Statusbar clock customization * Option to disable searchbar in recents * Statusbar brightness control * Double tap statusbar to sleep control * Custom Lockscreen shortcuts * Extra info about your device (About phone/tablet) * Custom Liquid Logo in about phone/tablet * Google bug report and ota removed * Option to show kernel toolchain and other info by tapping kernel version in about phone/tablet * Timeout and instant lock options added to slide unlock instead of just secure keyguard options * Developer options enabled by default * Navigation bar height control * Show application package name in app info * LiquidSmooth Stats and Updater added * Partition size info * Option to disable immersive messages
Check our Google+ for updates
Source Links
Download Links
Please Support Liquid by Donating HERE
XDA:DevDB Information
LiquidSmooth Project, ROM for the HTC One (M8)
CPA Poke, santod040
ROM OS Version: 5.0.x Lollipop
ROM Kernel: Linux 3.4.x
Version Information
Status: Testing
Created 2014-12-25
Last Updated 2014-12-26


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LIke many others, I found gotop100 by following another list. I'm very happy to find gotop100. Great timing guys!
Help this wonderful service grow!
LIke many others, I found gotop100 by following another list. I'm very happy to find gotop100. Great timing guys!
Found you after a Google Search for free toplist hosts.
Thanks much for this terrific service. Yours is the most user friendly and clean design around.
Ruth Ellen
Hello i found the site from another members site i visited and i love it
this is one of the best top lists that I have found out there in ages, it offers the best of everything and all this for FREE.
ops: Wow, I am the only one who doesn't remember. lol :lol:
I saw a link clicked it found a top 100 site a found this site out best day of my live I also send about 40 ppl to here
I found you via another list too. And not a moment too soon. I had originaly set up a top sites list with a different host. But when my site started throwing up errors all over the place, and very little support was given, I decided it was time to look for a better host. gotop100 seems to be the best one I've seen so far. Awesome Job Guys! Thanks!
saw someone elses
I Googled a long time ago to find a TopList to join, and I stayed with that list until it no longer fit my needs. Then, when I decided to start one of my own, I went back to see who they used.


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Watch this video and see how simple it is for Unity to guide your organization through a growth strategy
See how we've helped other organizations just like yours!


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Well, it could've been worse.
As 2008 mercifully ends, we're left to ponder a year in which the real and the surreal were pretty much indistinguishable, where insanity actually became tedium, and where every silver lining was eclipsed by a brand new dark cloud. Sure, O.J.'s going to prison, but think about the absurdist comedy-of-errors it took to finally put him there. Yeah, gas is technically affordable again, but who has money to make car payments -- and for that matter, will anyone in Detroit still be in business in the coming months should you, for whatever reason, feel like buying American? True, Barack Obama was elected president in a political upheaval that can only be described as epochal, but, well, you don't really think Cheney's just going to quietly vacate his office come January 20th, do you? Not when construction on the new Death Star is so far from completion.
2008 will be remembered as the year that a simple "hockey mom" from Alaska, an ex-beauty pageant contestant and political neophyte, paved the way for history and helped prove once and for all that anyone can ascend to the highest levels of government in the United States -- even a black man. It will be remembered as the year that Beyoncé inexplicably demanded that everyone call her "Sasha Fierce" and Britney Spears demanded that somebody call her an ambulance. Then leave her alone. Then give her back her kids. Then buy her album. 2008 was the year that Michael Phelps won enough Olympic gold to make him the most financially secure man in America. It was the year that the flagging economy, taxpayer-funded bailouts and a holographic image of Will.i.am dominated the news coverage. It was the year that Katherine Heigl could claim to be better than the material being given to her and actually be right (only because that material happened to be the scripts for Grey's Anatomy). It was the year that an unknown plumber who wasn't really a plumber became a household name and a singer who was really an unknown bartender became the latest American Idol. Eliot Spitzer and John Edwards fell from grace and turned into national punchlines and Heath Ledger died tragically but still had the last, and lasting, laugh. Prop 8 passed and civil rights lost.
Everything changed. And not much changed at all.
So, as we watch that giant ball drop like the value of your 401k, ushering in 2009, let's take a look back in anger at the people and events that make us think that no matter what's to come, it damn sure can't be any worse than what we've already been through. In the words of Crowded House: Don't scream -- it's over.
That's not how the song goes? Well it should be.
We'll start at the bottom -- literally.
Title: Cinquagenarian Entertainer, Gay Icon, Homewrecker
Big Pharm Recommended Treatment: Cymbalta, Viagra, Geritol
The Facts: You've really got to hand it to Madonna. Most waning sexpots adopt a nauseatingly pretentious air of faux-class in their twilight years (and indeed that's the territory Madge seemed to be staking out exclusively for a while). But only the truly self-absorbed can manage the kind of scandalous second-wind that catapults them back into the tabloids for breaking up not one but two celebrity marriages at age 50. 2008 was a banner year for the Immaterial Girl: She incomprehensibly got herself inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, very comprehensibly got divorced, had a hit single whose only appealing characteristic was the fact that its video was thoughtful enough to feature a large digital clock which counted down the time until the song finally ended and something else came on, and caused "Controversy" by bombastically comparing George Bush and John McCain to Hitler and Mussolini. Oh yeah, and she brashly flaunted the apparently Benjamin Button-esque nature of her sex drive by fucking Alex Rodriguez and helping to land him in divorce court (Note to A-Rod: Being able to say that you're nailing Madonna doesn't carry quite the amount of clout that it used to. You may as well be the new bass player for Bon Jovi -- the guy who missed the stadium tours but gets to be on board during the state fair years). In between all of this -- somewhere in that hectic schedule -- Madonna found the time to get in a work out. Quite a few, actually. As in, she looks like a piece of driftwood that's been beaten by the ocean and left in the sun for a hundred years or so.
Mitigating Factor: Her succubine presence and presumed vagina dentata probably spared the country the hell of another Yankees World Series run.
"By This Time Next Year, She'll Be..." Post-menopausal.
Dishonorable Mention: Ben Stein, who pulled off the somewhat laudable feat of being on the wrong side of almost every argument in 2008, notably culminating in the theatrical and DVD release of the documentary Expelled, in which Stein insurgently railed against Darwin's Theory of Evolution in favor of the unadulterated nonsense that is Intelligent Design. I wrote it at the time but it bears repeating: The SNL writing staff, circa 1977, couldn't have created a more audaciously comical premise than Ben Stein -- a man so square he craps cubes -- writing "I Will Not Question Authority" on a blackboard while dressed like Angus Young. Stein is a Dangerous Mind only if you see mark-to-market accounting as a ballsy show of defiance, which makes him the perfect impertinent hero for the God-said-it-I-believe-it set.
Title: Consumer, Arbiter of All Entertainment, Not the One Paying the Goddamned Cell Phone Bill
Big Pharm Recommended Treatment: Ritalin (for the Kid), Xanax (for the Parents)
The Facts: If you're the relatively sane parent of a 13 year old girl, chances are you love the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus, right? No, of course you don't. What you've done is ceded your own tastes to those of your kids, who robotically inundate you with the same crappy music, movies and TV shows that Disney giddily bombards them with 24/7. This wouldn't be such a big deal were it not for the fact that your children are no longer harmless islands unto themselves; thanks to the internet and cell phone text messaging, they've coalesced into a hive mind and, what's worse, one that's turned them into a giant conduit/amplifier for whatever garbage is being cleverly and cynically marketed in their direction. In our new Wiki-world, those with the loudest voices can dictate what we all see and hear -- they can literally adjust reality to suit their needs and, well, have you ever heard how loud a 'Tween girl screams for the fucking Jonas Brothers? In 2008, the 'Tween demographic asserted its authority in unprecedented ways, forcing the rest of us to endure a seemingly endless cavalcade of Disney "Stepford Teen" entertainment, from High School Musical 3 to Miley and, by extension, her father -- the honest-to-Christ most spectacular douchebag on the planet -- Billy Ray Cyrus. We listened to the music, paid to see the movies and bought every manner of merchandise until our kids became walking billboards for this shit. Parents willingly allowed a million little Veruca Salts to inflict their will on the world, and did nothing to stop it.
Mitigating Factor: Well, they did almost nothing to stop it. David Cook somehow managed to wrestle the American Idol crown away from frumpy, willowy-voiced 'Tween fave David Archuleta. That's gotta be a step in the right direction.
"By This Time Next Year, She'll Be..." More than likely, pregnant. Or a member of the Pussycat Dolls. Or maybe suckered into sex with a guy like Chuck Bass on Gossip Girl, who'll then turn around and post naked pictures of her on the internet so that she can be just like her erstwhile idol, Vanessa Hudgens. But none of this will happen before she drags you kicking and screaming to see The Jonas Brothers: 3D in February.
Dishonorable Mention: Speaking of graduating to the big leagues of noxious teen entertainment, MTV's The Hills is so utterly devoid of any value whatsoever that the craft services truck could catch on fire, turning the entire cast into running, screaming balls of flame, and the correct response would be to sigh and flip your pillow over to the cool side. And among that show's collection of future has-beens, no two have been more overexposed than Spencer Pratt and his idiot pretend girlfriend, Heidi Montag. Their tabloid-friendly relationship, a triumph of post-modern meta-reality, peaked just a couple of weeks ago when the two returned from their fake fake elopement to Mexico to engineer a fake real wedding in a Beverly Hills courtroom, which the court happily went along with while presumably telling a truly in love gay couple to go fuck themselves.
Title (On the Record): The New Standard in Live News Coverage and Proof of CNN's Journalistic Dominance; Title (Off the Record): A Much Cooler Way to Spend the Salaries of 21 People
Big Pharm Recommended Treatment: Primidone, Lasik, Changing the Channel to the Jim Lehrer NewsHour or BBC World News America
The Facts: The ability to lay claim to the biggest "What the Fuck?" moment of the seemingly interminable coverage of the 2008 presidential election is a little like being able to say that you're the gayest man at a Scissor Sisters show. An exhausted America had already endured approximately 623 sponsored debates (including ABC's unforgivable gossip-and-conjecture-fest), the "lipstick on a pig" non-story and of course Fox's famous "terrorist fist jab" comment by the time election night proper rolled around. Yet CNN, obviously saving the best for last, somehow managed to make all of that inanity seem like the work of amateurs by pulling out its secret weapon when it really mattered. And so, on the night that millions tuned in to find out who would become the 44th president of the United States, CNN gave them something they'd really be able to tell their grandkids about: an uncomfortable conversation between Anderson Cooper and a supposedly holographic image of the Black Eyed Peas' Will.i.am. It was Vaudevillian theater in its purest and most ridiculous form, especially when you considered that the "hologram" in question wasn't really a hologram at all and that, as Wolf Blitzer had done earlier in the evening, Anderson Cooper was essentially talking to himself on national television. Taken on its own merits, this would've seemed like nothing more than a silly ratings-grabbing gimmick, and indeed it was swiftly and roundly panned as being just that. But the fact that it was the culmination of a garish year-long spending spree by CNN -- one that was immediately and conspicuously followed by a series of high-profile layoffs that included respected flesh-and-blood veterans like Miles O'Brien, Kelli Arena and the network's entire Science and Technology Unit -- made it clear that network president Jon "Diddy" Klein's priorities and his head were in pretty much the same place: his ass. When all was said and done, an interview with the New York Observer in which Klein had bragged less than two weeks before the layoffs, "We can afford more people on our air and off our air. So, goddamn it, we're going to have more people," would become the icing on the irony cake and an almost amusing epitaph for those who'd lost their jobs. But hey, at least audiences could still count on being able to tune in and be dazzled by the pretty special effects.
Mitigating Factor: As far as anyone knows, the CNN "hologram" was built without the use of illegal Mexican labor -- which gives Lou Dobbs one less thing to bitch about.
"By This Time Next Year, It'll Be..." Obsolete.
Dishonorable Mention: Former wunderkind and current wunderkind (if you define "wunderkind" as a megalomaniacal tool who's inexplicably been allowed to run a television network into the ground with zero accountability) Jeff Zucker and Ben Silverman, respectively. The two top dogs at NBC, Zucker and Silverman bear most of the responsibility for making the network what it is today: 4th place. The former's handiwork can be seen in the almost preternatural level of cross-promotional whoring between NBC Universal entities (the Today show interviews contestants on Bravo's Top Chef who cook for the cast of The Mummy: Tomb of Whatever the Hell using GE appliances); the latter's handiwork could be seen in network television's tribute to the absolute lowest common denominator, The NBC All American Summer. Beyond that, well, his handiwork can't really be seen unless you're lucky enough to nab a seat next to him at the bar of whichever exclusive party he happens to be attending at that moment. Put it this way: Silverman bears an uncanny resemblance to "Girls Gone Wild" CEO and overgrown frat-boy Joe Francis -- and the similarities don't end there.
Title: Independent (as in, He Doesn't Have a Friend in the World) Senator from Connecticut, Political Opportunist, Embarrassing Jewish Stereotype, Guy You Never Want to Take Handicapping Advice From, Mr. Excitement
Big Pharm Recommended Treatment: Dexedrine, Pharmaceutical Cocaine
The Facts: It takes a special kind of personality to go from being one party's candidate for vice president to being the go-to political hitman for the opposing party in the span of just eight years -- and that personality is, apparently, no personality at all. 2008 was the year that Joe Lieberman finally proved just how shamelessly and entirely he was willing to screw over those who'd spent a good portion of their careers supporting him. Like a desperate high school girl who flits from one clique to another sharing gossip in an effort to be liked, he'd spent years playing both sides of the fence and every conceivable angle hoping to stay one step ahead of political irrelevancy. But it wasn't until the last few months of last year's presidential race that the true evanescence of Lieberman's loyalty -- and therefore the general worthlessness of his friendship -- became clear to pretty much everyone. Old Droopy didn't just turn his back on the Democrats; he took center stage at the Republican National Convention. He didn't just support John McCain; he insinuated that Barack Obama might be a Marxist and, what's more, questioned his overall ability to lead (a somewhat laughable implication, considering the source). In the end, though, Lieberman's gambit didn't pay off -- so now, in wholly expected fashion, his one-time campaign battle cry, "Joementum," has taken on an entirely new meaning: "Joe meant... um..."
Mitigating Factor: Yup, it sure is fun watching as Joe sucks up to the Democrats, blissfully unaware that being their short-leashed bitch will almost certainly wind up being more humiliating than banishment to the Beltway's Phantom Zone.
"By This Time Next Year, He'll Be..." Exactly what he is right now: A lame duck. On the other hand, a couple of years from now you'll probably be able to find him trying to send back the Reuben at Ben's Kosher Deli in Boca. Or maybe on the Fox News Channel, where he'll be a full-time contributor.
Dishonorable Mention: Zimbabwean, ahem, "President" Robert Mugabe. To twist a line from Craig Ferguson, you know what Zucker and Silverman are doing to NBC? Well Mugabe's doing that to an entire country.
Title: TV Host, Former Supermodel (Current Plus-Size Model), Self-Parody, Harbinger of the Apocalypse
Big Pharm Recommended Treatment: Topamax, Potassium Cyanide
The Facts: There's no better caricature of fame in the 21st century and all that it represents than Tyra Banks. No one is more pristine an example of an entity whose entire existence is about the relentless pursuit of self-obsession simply for its own sake. Seriously, name one thing Tyra has done -- not just in 2008 (although it really was an ascendant year for the "fierce" one), but ever -- that benefited someone else more than it did her. Submerse yourself in Tyra's admittedly mesmeric vortex of televised self-love long enough and you actually begin to subscribe to the alternate universe she inhabits: one where she's the reigning queen of pop culture, where people actually believe that being a shallow and superficial fashion icon is an entirely noble endeavor, and where words like "booty" and "badonkadonk" can be uttered in the same sentence as "Mr. President" and no one finds it the least bit unusual. Like her idol in the talk show game and rival in the battle for media ubiquity, Oprah, Tyra Banks has an affinity for taking any subject, really anything, and somehow twisting it inside out until the focus winds up being her and only her. But whereas Oprah has mastered the art of self-promotion to such an extent that it's become an almost exquisite thing to behold, Tyra's strictly a novice, clumsily bludgeoning the conversation -- to say nothing of the audience -- then propping up its limp body and putting her arm around it like some kind of trophy. And that's just on her talk show. Best we not even get into the grotesque minstrel show of gay and urban elitist clichés that is America's Next Top Model.
Mitigating Factor: Two words: Joel McHale
"A Year From Now, She'll Be..." If she has her way, holding Oprah's severed head aloft on the end of a spike and bathing in the blood draining from it.
Dishonorable Mention: Send the children out of the room; they shouldn't be exposed to the kind of unrestrained venom I'm about to unleash: CNN's Nancy Grace is the most loathsome, feckless troll to currently, unfathomably have a forum on national television. She's a vile, unscrupulous monster who peddles morbid prurience like a five-dollar streetwalker and whose brand of rank solipsism is matched only by her near-sociopathic disregard for the lives she's ruined and exploited and by her apparent contempt for the tenets of responsible journalism (to say nothing of basic human decency). Nancy didn't do anything in 2008 that she hasn't done in years past, but then again she wasn't unceremoniously kicked off the air either -- hence, a place on this list. Incidentally, if that kid I mentioned a few seconds ago happens to be white and cute and disappears on his or her way out of the room, you can expect to see a hell of a lot of Nancy in the near future.
Title: Unqualified Shame
Big Pharm Recommended Treatment: USE ONLY AS DIRECTED
The Facts: Certainly the single most startling event in the world of entertainment in 2008, Heath Ledger's sudden and untimely death last January initially left millions scratching their heads in shell-shocked confusion. But what made it truly noteworthy was that as questions were answered and the facts began revealing themselves, it all provided little comfort and almost nothing in the way of macabre titillation. The fact is that Heath Ledger was so damn talented -- his death, such a tragic loss -- that even the typically scandal-hungry public found nothing to revel in, snicker about, or wag its collective finger at. The whole thing was just so sad. So heartbreaking. There were the constantly televised and published images of Ledger with his young daughter, Matilda, and the ugly debate over her financial security; the threats of protest at Ledger's memorial service by the reprehensible psychopaths of the Westboro Baptist Church; the grief of watching his past films -- most memorably, his astonishing and anguished performance in Brokeback Mountain -- and realizing the true measure of what was lost. And then, of course, came The Dark Knight -- and Heath Ledger's awesome, iconic reimagining of the Joker. It's a testament to the man's excellence as an actor that we could become completely lost in the character he created while he was onscreen and really only remember as the credits rolled that we'd never see him again.
Mitigating Factor: It seems sickening to find a silver lining to this cloud, and really there isn't one. That said, it will be an ironic final tribute to Ledger's abundant talents that Warner Bros. can't bankrupt the power and novelty of his Joker character by milking it to death in sequel after sequel (see: Hannibal Lecter, Jack Sparrow, the last two Matrix films). It was lightning in a bottle -- and it gets to remain that.
"A Year From Now, He'll Be..." If there's any justice in the world, an Academy Award winner.
Honorable Mention: Although many would rightly argue that Tim Russert's sudden death by heart attack had a much bigger impact across a larger swath of the public, for my money the shocking suicide of writer, columnist, and masterful cultural observer David Foster Wallace was a loss of staggering proportions. Like Heath Ledger, Wallace was a brilliant practitioner of his craft -- at once comical, challenging, and an unparalleled chronicler of the human condition. And, like Ledger, Wallace suffered alongside his art without in any way intending to. Unlike Ledger, though, David Foster Wallace lived with the pain inside himself until he simply couldn't anymore. He took his own life after battling depression for more than 20 years. His work, however, endures -- with his masterpiece, 1996's Infinite Jest, deservedly hailed as one of the greatest novels ever written.
Title: Governor of Illinois (For Now), "Entrepreneur," Asshole
Big Pharm Recommended Treatment: A Huge Rail of Blow Done Off a Stripper's Boob and Washed Down with Five or Six Quaaludes
The Facts: Alright, Andy -- enough already. Listen, man, it was fucking brilliant -- and I mean brilliant -- but it's time to take off the ridiculous outfit and just admit that it's you. I mean, we already knew you were a genius even before you faked your death back in '84, but obviously that was just the set-up for your biggest and best piece of performance art yet -- the greatest practical joke of all time. Only you could pull off a character like this and somehow get people to buy it: A foul-mouthed, belligerent and shamelessly corrupt politician; a Serbian-American with an Adrian Zmed circa 1981 haircut; a guy who's first name is actually a euphemism for "dick." Man, how the hell did you get away with this for so long? I mean, you publicly fought with your own cabinet, tried to smuggle flu vaccine past the FDA, threatened to beat the shit out of state senator Mike Jacobs, and called yourself "the first African-American governor of Illinois." Did you finally decide to go all out and try to sell Barack Obama's Illinois senate seat when you realized that no one was picking up on the gag -- or did you really just want to see how far you could push it? Either way -- fucking magnificent, dude. You're gonna go down in the history books. We're talking legendary. One problem, though -- you really need to cop to this thing, and soon. Really. 'Cause the alter-ego you created and have been nurturing for the past fifteen years or so is now facing a 78-page federal indictment -- and probably a shitload of jail time. Then again, knowing you Andy, that's all part of the joke. Genius.
Mitigating Factor: Not a one.
"A Year From Now, He'll Be..." Inmate #2259836
Dishonorable Mention: Proof that the left and the right are basically interchangeable, particularly at the "Craven Political Operative" level, Mark Penn was the Democrats' answer to Karl Rove before getting his substantial ass kicked out of the Hillary Clinton campaign in April of 2008. The CEO of public relations behemoth Burson-Marsteller -- in other words, the top liar at a firm whose bread-and-butter is lying as creatively as possible and doing it inexhaustibly -- Penn is one of those guys whose physical appearance perfectly reflects his personality: In this case, he looks like he should have a bikini-clad Princess Leia chained to his bulbous frame somewhere while a little Muppet-like minion cackles mindlessly from the rafters. It was Penn's brilliant strategy to suggest that Hillary Clinton and her surrogates bring up Barack Obama's past drug experimentation whenever possible, and it was he who took the are-you-fucking-kidding-me prize by saying that Obama couldn't take the Democratic nomination by winning a lot of states he deemed not to be "major." Penn managed to drag the campaign of the famously opportunistic Clinton even deeper into the mud, if such a thing were possible. Oh yeah, and he did it all while his firm was busy repping PR-challenged organizations like Blackwater and Countrywide and lobbying for a free trade deal with Colombia that Clinton herself was against.
Title: Voice of a Generation (Just Ask Him), Auto-Tune Afficionado, Little Boy Who Just Wants To Be Loved, Douchebag
Big Pharm Recommended Treatment: Zoloft, Stick One Ball of Cotton in Each Ear
The Facts: Let's just say it: Kanye West isn't nearly as talented, important, or distinguished as he thinks he is. He couldn't be. It's simply impossible to be a carbon-based life form and have achieved the kind of preeminence Kanye insists he has. If he were even half the omnipotent cultural juggernaut he believes himself to be, he would've shed his physical form and morphed into a phantasmal ball of pure energy years ago. For the most part, 2008 didn't really bring anything new from Kanye that we hadn't already come to expect: There were the usual boasts about possibly being the most influential human being since Christ; the inescapable guest appearances on the records of lesser musicians (the year's nadir being his irritating cameo on the already irritating-as-hell American Boy); and of course the petulant whining about how no one shows him the adequate level of respect and everyone is out to get him because he's black. But toward the end of the year, we were treated to a new, yet not even slightly unexpected, side of Kanye: that of the self-loathing mega-star. Certainly, the death of his mother took an emotional toll on him. But the supposed result of it and a few other recent personal catastrophes -- his latest release, 808s and Heartbreak -- plays exactly the way you'd figure an "introspective" album from Kanye West would. Even at its quietest and ostensibly least obtrusive, the whole thing exudes its creator's legendarily gargantuan ego. Kanye can do self-pity; God knows we've heard it from him before. But after being asked to tolerate his narcissistic swagger for so long, it's just not very easy to feel sorry for him. And 808s, with it's ironically bombastic sadness, makes Kanye seem all the more like the kid who, even at his lowest suicide-threatening point, is just looking for attention.
Mitigating Factor: You know what almost did make me feel sorry for Kanye? His performance on Saturday Night Live a couple of weeks back -- when his Auto-Tune malfunctioned and he was left standing there onstage, looking and sounding like a really lousy karaoke act.
"By This Time Next Year, He'll Be..." Complaining about (fill in the blank).
Dishonorable Mention: Speaking of ego-driven bombast -- you can go back into hiding now, Axl. Chinese Democracy sucks.
Title: Investment Banker, Two-Bit Con Man, Shakespearean Figure Sold Out by His Own Sons
Big Pharm Recommended Treatment: Find the Nearest Window, Jump
The Facts: When all is said and done, the financial scandal surrounding Bernie Madoff won't be remembered as the costliest or even most brazen of 2008. But his arrest coming so close to the end of the year -- simultaneously bookending and providing an almost mind-boggling crescendo to the economic disaster that began with the subprime mortgage and credit crises and escalated to titanic financial institutions folding and taxpayers being forced to buy up most of Wall Street -- Madoff has become the one instantly recognizable face of unfettered greed in America in 2008. Sure he bilked investors out of billions of dollars -- perpetrating the largest fraud of its kind by a single person ever -- but more than that, he symbolized, maybe better than anything or anyone, the end of hands-off capitalism. The death of a political and economic era. Thanks to government deregulation and a complete lack of oversight, guys like Madoff had been able to run the table with impunity, turning Wall Street and the global market into their own personal sandbox at the expense of the average person looking to carve out his or her slice of the American dream. It's simply staggering when you consider what Madoff got away with; or the fact that AIG's top executives treated themselves to a half-million dollar spa vacation just a few weeks after the government bailed out their company to the tune of 85-billion dollars; or the fact that JP Morgan is still being arrogantly cryptic about what it's doing with the 25-billion that it received in the bail-out; or that the heads of the big three automakers flew private jets to D.C. to ask taxpayers to foot the bill for their flagging companies. I swear, in another time and place, the struggling masses would've carried these people kicking and screaming to the public square and joyously guillotined them.
Mitigating Factor: Like an raging alcoholic who suddenly wakes up one morning to find himself broke and beaten nearly to death in a gutter, it took hitting rock bottom for this country to finally decide that it's fucking had enough.
"By This Time Next Year, He'll Be..." Inmate #2259837
Dishonorable Mention: It's probably a tie between corrupt-as-hell Alaskan Senator Ted Stevens -- now a convicted felon but always in our hearts as the man who lobbied for the infamous "Bridge to Nowhere" and who understands the profound differences between the internet and a truck -- and New York Times columnist and neo-con architect Bill Kristol, who best symbolizes the far right's pig-headed tenacity when it comes to being unwilling to admit to its mistakes. Kristol was wrong about everything -- seriously, everything -- and yet continues to walk around with that Cheshire-Cat-on-Valium smirk on his face while espousing a political philosophy which failed in devastating fashion over the last eight years and was soundly rejected by voters in November of 2008.
Title: Alaskan Governor (Still), Political Nobody (Formerly), Likely Leader of the Republican Party (Currently), Fashion Plate, Punchline
Big Pharm Recommended Treatment: Oxycodone, Hyrdocodone, Haloperidol, Lithium, All Taken by the Handful; Nitrous Oxide, Prozac
The Facts: Man, oh man. It would be great to be able to throw some sort of Shyamalanian twist in here at the end, but there's just no way to escape the inevitable: Sarah Palin was hands-down the dumbest thing going in 2008. A comedian's wet dream -- and Intelligent America's worst nightmare should her political aspirations have come to fruition -- Palin was so astonishing in her provincial arrogance, so spectacular in her lack of knowledge or shame, and so admittedly awe-inspiring in her commitment to overlooking her own obvious deficiencies while putting absolute faith in both Jesus and the notion that a well-placed wink and a little small-town sweet talk was all she'd need to succeed on the world stage that her campaign instantly became a benchmark in unabashed folly. The new gold standard for idiocy in the 21st century. We could run down the moments that will be etched in our collective memory for years to come (at least one would hope they will; the alternative could be disastrous) but that would take all day. Instead, best we just cut to the chase: Sarah Palin was almost single-handedly responsible for turning the 2008 Presidential Election into a referendum not on left vs. right or rural vs. metropolitan -- but on smart vs. dumb. Her invocation of the supposed moral and political authority of "Joe Six Pack," particularly as opposed to everyone else in the country, and her smug and insulting implied denunciation of those who place a high value on intellect and education trod all-too-familiar ground for the Republicans; it reduced what had been an election season focused, for the most part, on issues to what some in the party hoped would be a fear-based culture war that would once again lead them to victory. But here was the best part: Palin never really saw herself as the small-town hick she pretended to be and hoped to ingratiate herself to. This was proven by the lavish spending spree that transformed her and her family into, literally, the Beverly Hillbillies. The truth is that she always aspired to be a fashion icon, some hyper-hottie in a tight leather blazer and knee-high black boots, someone worthy of a $75,000 shopping trip to Neiman Marcus. Sarah Palin became everything she ever dreamed of being: Sex and the City, right down to the "city" part. Sure, publicly she rebuked and ridiculed those cosmopolitan urbanites in their bustling elitist hubs, but she knew damn well that she couldn't buy Valentino and Louis Vuitton at the Wal-Mart in Wasilla -- and if you don't think that Sarah Heath Palin had always fantasized about wearing Valentino and carrying Louis Vuitton, I've got a bridge to nowhere I want to sell you. She was always a backwater dingbat, but she became a very well put together backwater dingbat -- which likely convinced her that she was no longer a backwater dingbat. If this is true, then it would mean that Palin essentially ascended to the same position as George W. Bush and her GOP benefactors: she only played the part of the rube and was, in fact, secretly talking down to every one of those pick-up-driving Toby Keith fans who showed up to her rallies -- the Dickies-clad folk not lucky enough to have won the Miss Vice Presidential pageant and been scooped up to a life of charter jets and appearances on Saturday Night Live. Sarah Palin was and remains completely full of shit, but we should be willing to concede that perhaps she's dumb as a fox -- which doesn't negate the fact that she's still dumb. Still a triumph of style over substance. And still dangerous.
Mitigating Factor: President Barack Obama, Tina Fey
"By This Time Next Year, She'll Be..." Already on the ticket in at least 23 states. And a great-grandmother.
Dishonorable Mention: Joe the Plumber -- who was neither named Joe nor a plumber. Tell me you don't roll your eyes at the mere mention of this entirely fictional mascot for the McCain campaign. Uh-huh -- I thought so.
Postscript: For those who have expressed curiosity as to why George W. Bush -- or for that matter Hillary Clinton -- wasn't chosen for this list, the answer is simple: The Bushes and Clintons are practically emeritii at this point when it comes to being the worst of the worst. I figured I'd give a few new folks a chance to compete. See you again in January of 2010.


text:
"Delicious, if I say so myself!"
"You don't know what a Mac is!!"
The Apple Mac (or Macintosh) is a well-known brand of various biscuits, ranging from Strawberry Swirls to the humble Digestive. By the time founder Steve Jobs had passed away...he was considered the undisputed champion of edible technology and truly something of a household name and one of Americas true desktop icons.
Apple's triumph in the global cookie industry has been based on a clear ideaology of innovation, flour to water ratio control and heaps of determination. In due time, Apple soared through the biscuit market and survived the various pastry crises of the 1980s defeating economist's expectations again and again. Their most recent triumphs have been: the release of the double glazed iFone, the iMac and cheese (not quite a pastry) and the instant toastable and disposable iTarts. They are all considered the top of their class and are said to be trully are yum yum.
Macbook Air[edit]
The Macbook air was an incredible experiment in non-existant technical design and the minimalistic use of Helium, Nitrogen and Neon in quantities that the world's kitchen has never seen before. Apple dared to use a teaspoon less of Nitrogen and half a cup more of Neon than any tech lab could fathom. These biscuits were engineered to be as thin as air and disolve in your hand on its way to your mouth. Apple was able to offer everything any customer would want in the pastry business: traditional recipees meeting hi tech fantasy and an absolute minimum amount of calories. The Macbook Air Wafers took ten years to produce and were sold out a year before they were put on sale. Apple decided not to continue with the Macbook Air though there are rumours of its reintroduction as several former customers have threatened to commit suicide if the line is permanantly discontinued.
The iPhone is an edible, and versitile Bourbon biscuit. The iPhone was the first customizable biscuit product that could adapt to the needs of customers based on the language they spoke, the needs of their working/leisure life and their ability to process sugar through their pancreases. The iPhone is portable and can be taken anywhere, is durable and can be placed safely in any pocket and will stay intact, even if dropped from 10 meters in the air. It contains more vitamins and minerals than the next two leading telecommunication snacks combined. The more recent versions relate to the iMac, since they are all getting smaller and smaller over time. The iPhone 4 was a major breakthrough in cream biscuits, since it was different than any other biscuit known to Bourbon. Indeed, the introduction of Bourbon to the biscuit improved it vastly.
The first collection of food stuff was revealed on January 24, 1984 when founder Steve Jobs created his first marketable invention in his mother's kitchen. The iMac and cheese was Apples first commercial success and the profits went to create Apple's first subsidiary. While Apple wasn't the first company to sell boxes of orange chemical cheese powder and macaroni made of shredded news paper, he was the first to do so with colourful packaging and state of the art branding and marketing. After making a fortune in Apple's IPO, Job's directed the company away from college food and into the competitive pastry market against the sound advice of everyone around him. Those who stayed are now rich and those who left became depressed and over weight couch potatos.
The iDanish[edit]
The iDanish was a bold experiment and a new ways of thinking about an old product. How could apple take a round tin of Danish cookies and make them richer, more efficient and extra buttery? By compacting a cookies density and cutting them into courageously new shapes, Apple managed to achieve optimal tin space and caloric economy. When Steve Jobs first told the public about the iDanish no one believed it could be done. No biscuit manufacture had ever managed to fit two kilos of condensed cookies into a small tin box let alone 200 tons of it. Apple achieved its goal in record time and brought brittle cookies into the modern era. Scandanavian desserts became "cool" and the industry never looked back.
iPhone 4S[edit]
The iPhone 4S is the most complicated and exclusive biscuit to reach humanity. It is the equivalent of strawberry champagne snaps, Parisian macaroons and vanilla oreo cream puffs, all elegantly placed into an elegant yet bitable frame. The 4S comes not only with several manuals and various tools to enhance the digestive process, but also a "personal assistant" named Siri, who will advice you which flavour module of the 4S you should eat based on its measurements of your gastric tract and status of your bladder and bowels. Siri's best quality is the ability to make your iPhone experience less complicated and more savoury, less rigamerole and more satisfaction. Those who can afford the iPhone 4S are known to own even three of them, one in their office, one at home and one that their family doesn't even know about. Apple realises that the iPhone 4S mega biscuit, is a source of guilty pleasure and the secret of the rich and famous.
Mac Mini[edit]
The not-so-long-ago release of the Mac Mini has encountered many problems, like flavour information loss and compression failure. French chefs have recently fixed these problems and Apple hopes that they can continue to sell the Mac Mini after its crumbly beginning. Even Bill Gates is recorded as saying "It's even more delicious than the original. It makes me want to get back into the baking industry and I would in a sec if I didn't spend so much time helping AIDS and mourning the loss of my only worthy opponent in life".
The Macintosh Biscuit Family is not just a variety of cookies sold on the open market, but in its inner core, is a philosophy. It's a philosophy of life, of living, of being alive and consuming lightly sugared baked flour food stuff. Ultimately, it is a tasty delight craved by a small yet gastronomic savy, intelectually gifted and fashion forward sector of the human race. As long as Macintosh realises what is ultimately important, that is, the over all cosmic experience of consuming really good cookies in a way that no one dare dreamed, at prices the upper middle class can afford, it will be able to continue innovating and fulfilling its dream to make its mark forever in the worlds bakeries and cookie jars.


text:
Welterweight titans collide this September...
After hinting at retirement following his October 2011 loss to Nick Diaz, former two division UFC champion BJ Penn has found the motivation to continue his storied career in the form of Canadian phenom Rory MacDonald, who he has verbally agreed to face in a September 22nd bout in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. MacDonald, winner of three in a row, has also agreed to this intriguing matchup on the UFC 152 card.
Joaquin Buckley: The Kick Heard Around The World