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Archive for the 'British Muslims' Category
19 The Immigrant Spouse
Perhaps there was some accuracy in that acerbic adage that we'd grown up with – the one about Pakistanis owning all the houses – from the days when it was customary on the streets of Bradford to spitefully truncate the very word which defined our ethnic origin. The stories mum recounted of her kin, from before her marriage and migration to Bradford, offered us a window into the mind-set of the class based rural society she came from, and reminded us that aspirations of home ownership ran deep in mum's Pakistani blood. In a culture where the ultimate security was land, to be a 'kiraidaar' (tenant) was to be frowned upon. One aspired to becoming a 'malik makaan', literally a property owner. I suppose it was only natural that mum would incorporate these ingrained canons into her new life in Britain. That's why she'd shrewdly taken advantage of the tenancy entitlement on our home, located on Bradford's Canterbury council estate, preferring to pay a mortgage rather than squandering her earnings on rent.
A 'malik makaan' she might have become, but mum's dreams didn't stop there. She was determined to offer her three children an environment more suited to the moral markers she'd imported from Pakistan in 1964; which probably explains why she always addressed our neighbour on the estate as Mr Gardener, despite the fear of God his racist abuse put into all of us. And presumably because mum couldn't bring herself to concede to our impressionable minds that intimate relations, particularly the kind that produce children, could exist outside marriage, the girlfriend of Terry the milkman, who also happened to be the mother of his children, was always referred to – at least in our home – as his 'wife'.
It was the early 1990s when we became the proud owners of a handsome mid terrace at the top of Barkerend Road, a world away from the strains of the Canterbury estate. We could now look forward to living among our own folk. Safety in numbers, you might say. The few English families yet to take flight from our street were definitely in the minority. The area still boasted more pubs than fabric shops but sightings of women in shalwar kameez were becoming more commonplace. It was such a novelty to have a corner shop that stocked 'our' essentials, like halal meat and coriander. Even the ice cream van that roamed the neighbourhood played Dil Dil Pakistan, that unofficial national anthem by the pop band Vital Signs, as its patriotic chime.
This new neighbourhood would surely be a home away from home for my husband of two years. Several months had passed, you see, since my abrupt return from Pakistan. Having spent my teenage years feeling utterly lost in Bradford, I had resolved to make Islamabad my home after marrying a cousin there. Alas, things hadn't gone too well so I'd returned for respite.
But time and space had clearly mellowed my mood since I was now thinking about persuading my husband to settle with me in Bradford. This is why I was wading through the spousal visa application; a lonely task when your husband is absent and unfamiliar with the requisites; a thankless chore when he's a Pakistani national, almost instinctively presumed guilty by the authorities. As if collating the paperwork wasn't time-consuming enough, the visa application for his permanent stay would take months to come through, perhaps even longer.
I'd reached an impasse. My strength was sapped from staving off pressure to return to Pakistan. Perhaps the protracted visa process would buy me more time and my parade of proactivity might shift the stale conversation in our home. That's why deferring the decision about the future of my marriage, even if only to bureaucrats at the UK Border Agency, seemed somehow liberating. But given the expertise in our new neighbourhood, I was starting to wonder if the process would even take that long. Transnational marriages, you see – the union between a Pakistani national and a British citizen – were two-a-penny in Bradford Moor.
It was a scene I'd witnessed several times, mindful that this might soon be my reality; the entire family setting off for Manchester Airport, Terminal 2, to welcome the new arrival to Britain, with the nervous looking British bride or groom in tow; the visits to Littlewoods in town for jumpers, socks and shoes to suit the British weather; the obligatory round of dinners for the reunited couple followed by the sightseeing day trip to Blackpool en masse.
The custom of transnational marriages was so popular in fact, that it had its own vernacular. Of course we never used the sociological term, transnational or transcontinental marriage. Instead, we talked colloquially about getting married 'abroad', even though we all knew that 'abroad' could only ever mean Pakistan. It did no harm to exoticise our perpetual holiday-cum-honeymoon destination. And the spouses from 'abroad' that we planned to 'import' were referred to as 'mangaytar'. The term comes from the Urdu word for engagement, 'mangni', and means literally 'the betrothed' when used in Pakistan. In Bradford though, 'mangaytar' was reserved specifically for the partner from Pakistan – the immigrant, if you will – while the British citizen was known as 'the fiance' even when we spoke in mother tongue. Although the separate terms conveniently indicated your spouse's birthplace and likely social mores, the distinction effectively inferred a tacit imbalance between the two parties; 'fiance' assumed an air of superiority, while 'mangaytar' was at best unequal and pejorative at worst.
Transnational marriages were tied up with the links that much of our neighbourhood had with Mirpur, a region in Pakistan-occupied Kashmir. So strong were these bonds that it sometimes felt like the same society existed in both places. The people of Mirpur famously practice an intensified system of clan alliance. Biraderi they call it – a scheme of tribal networks or extended brotherhood. Biraderi determines identity and personal codes of behaviour. Protecting its status against other clans is a matter of honour, even if it means favouring allegiance over merit, to the extent that mobilising the biraderi has been known to influence wholesale vote-gathering, not only in Mirpur but also in British politics.
Cousin marriages are intrinsic to the biraderi system because they reinforce ties of obligation, which is a source of pride in itself. No wonder Mr Hussain, now in his fifties, bearded, shalwar kameez clad, walking stick in hand, commanded such respect in our street. To his credit, he had 'acquired' the daughters of his own siblings from the ancestral village in Mirpur for his British born sons. He'd also installed his three sons in separate houses on our street, having the foresight many years earlier to buy each house as it came on the market. So Mr Hussain was now the brides' father-in-law as well as their uncle. And the three brides, all of them cousins who had grown up together in Mirpur, were now neighbours in Bradford, and related to each other in new ways through marriage. This sort of union had many benefits. It permitted property to be retained within the clan. The transnational nature of the match made better opportunities available not only to the three brides, but also to their families in Mirpur. It was also understood that the handpicked daughter-in-laws would readily attend to Mr Hussain and his wife in old age.
There's also the custom of watta satta, literally 'give and take', which establishes a web of familial connections that's even more mindboggling. Watta satta involves the simultaneous marriage of brother-sister pairs from two households, where the heads of the two households may also be siblings. Crucially, this sort of marriage creates an inner circle of liability. So for instance, if a husband mistreats his wife, then the perpetrator's sister might be the one to face the repercussions. It's probably to make allowances for these convoluted family relations that Urdu and Punjabi languages contain extended vocabulary, to help us distinguish between cousins, aunts and uncles on different sides of the family.
The intensely bound networks in our neighbourhood inevitably made for a lot of coming and going, especially since house visiting was the main pastime. And since it was customary for guests to arrive unannounced, it was little wonder that our row of terraces with two reception rooms was so popular; enabling the multi-unit, multi-generational families to use the rear room as a lounge whilst keeping the front for best. Impromptu guests could be accommodated without disrupting family life, but more importantly, separate spaces could be appropriated for men and women. We're talking about a rigidly patriarchal society here, so this was essentially an extension of purdah to seclude women from men they didn't know. Akin to the Victorian parlour I suppose, with inner sections of the house reserved for women, while men outside the immediate family had access to only the outer parts.
With the front of the house reserved for men and formal visitors, women preferred to use the back alley as their main thoroughfare, entering one another's houses by the back door, which led straight into the 'zenana', the women's parlour. Mum did the same on her neighbourly visits, although she was irked to always be the last to hear about a birth, marriage or death. How poignant that we'd sought comfort in living among our own folk after the racism we'd endured on the Canterbury estate, only to find that our new neighbours also considered us to be outsiders. We weren't one of them, you see, so there was no need for them to mix with us beyond the superficial. With bonds of biraderi in full force, being Pakistani wasn't enough, it seemed. In order to be truly accepted, you had to belong to the same clan from Mirpur; and we weren't even from the same region.
But then, quite unexpectedly one morning, Masi Shamim from across the street rang the doorbell as mum was about to leave for work. Clutching an unopened envelope bearing familiar Pakistani postage markings, she insisted she couldn't go all day without knowing what sort of news it contained. Mum knew this yearning all too well, so without even removing her coat, she sat down and read the letter aloud before handing it back. The grateful listener moulded the piece of paper back into its folds before tucking it protectively inside the envelope. When could she return to dictate her response, she wanted to know.
With no formal school experience, Masi Shamim wasn't literate in English or her mother tongue and therefore unable to independently read and write her own letters. Enlisting one of her British born children was pointless because they wrote only in English while relatives in Mirpur corresponded only in mother tongue. Many of the women in Masi Shamim's circle were frustratingly in the same situation. She was loathe to rely on her husband since this would necessitate revealing to him the matters she discussed with her parents. Approaching another man was of course unthinkable. In desperation, Masi Shamim had sought mum's help.
It wasn't long before mum was spending Saturday mornings as letter scribe to the women from our neighbourhood, who'd arrive at our house carrying freshly purchased aerograms from the post office. Mum was sage, literate and possessed an unassuming demeanour. But more importantly, she stood firmly outside the biraderi so she didn't pose a threat to the women's secrets. I would be charged with fetching tea before I could join the women in the rear lounge. Mum would sit attentively, with one eye on the decorative clock on our mantelpiece, aerogram resting on a thick book on her knee, pen in hand, impatiently awaiting direction. I observed that despite their lack of literacy, the women dictated their letters with a particular formality, in anticipation of the buzz their letters would generate upon receipt. On one occasion, mum began to object when the concluding greetings to various clan members exceeded a page. The woman explained that the letter would be read out in a circle of women, all of whom would expect to be remembered in the communication from Bradford. Even if one woman was missing from the circle, she would come to hear whether or not she'd been mentioned. So, despite mum's frustration, the etiquette of citing the various members of the biraderi had to be maintained.
You can see why it was impossible to ignore the bonds of biraderi in a neighbourhood like ours, even as a bystander. I thought of my extended family and understood, probably for the first time, that just like a small cog in a large wheel, I too was playing my part in strengthening our clan connections. I was also starting to realise that the only way to endure this pact was to learn to think beyond yourself.
Observing the comings and goings of Bradford Moor also made me wonder what the Border Agency officers made of the networks that were, to all intents and purposes, irrelevant to the visa application. I had the list of supporting documents down to a tee: the original marriage certificate as well as a certified English translation; photographic evidence of the ceremony; proof of accommodation; a housing inspection report to demonstrate that an additional person wouldn't lead to overcrowding in the family home; evidence of savings; pay slips and bank statements showing my ability to support us both. The authorities even wanted proof that we had met, which is presumably why they asked for at least one photo of the happy couple sitting or standing together.
There were no obvious eligibility issues with any of these formalities, although I sensed we'd need artistic license to embellish our demonstration of emotional attachment. Love, you see, would have been nice to have, but it had somehow evaded me. But then, our marriage was always more of a family alliance than the union of two individuals. I just wasn't sure how to substantiate this on the visa paperwork.
That's not to say I wasn't happy about the match from the outset. I completely understood that mum could make no wiser choice, than to give my hand in marriage to her brother's son. I knew that marrying my cousin would grant me more security than any outsider ever would. I believed that sharing the same background and values were important virtues for building a life together.
Lately though, I'd begun to realise that my husband and I actually belonged to two different worlds, and dragging him out of his world to transplant him into mine, now seemed as senseless as trying to save this marriage. I couldn't see myself waiting to receive him at Manchester Airport, and nor did I want the responsibility of settling him in. More than anything else, I was perturbed to be struggling to find proof of emotional attachment in my marriage and it jarred me that something so critical to one community could be so inconsequential to another.
15 Raw Silk
Mum's married life was scarcely memorable, yet she still muses about the only time my father treated her to a gift. It was 1964 and the occasion was mum's first Eid in Keighley. Not being the indulgent sort, dad took no pleasure in lavishing his cash, which made it all the more astounding when he presented mum with a plush bundle of turquoise velvet, delicately embroidered with goldwork, so she could stitch herself a shalwar kameez suit to wear on the religious festival. Amusingly, dad didn't know that the two yard shalwar piece ought to contrast with the two yards for the kameez to break up the uniformity, and that the dupatta should really be diaphanous. In his eager effort to mark the milestone that was his bride's first Eid, dad had naively bought six yards of the same thing. Nor was the fabric something mum would have picked out for herself, but dad's extravagance wasn't lost on her. You see, he'd spent almost a week's worth of his woolcombing wage to buy the fabric from Brown Muffs, Bradford's grandest department store, where ladies came from Harrogate just to buy their hats. The crisp white table linen and sparkling silver cutlery of the store's high-class restaurant attracted the stars performing at the nearby Alhambra Theatre to dine there. Indeed, this institution had such a reputation for luxury goods that Brown Muffs was fondly known as the Harrods of the North.
Dad's romantic gesture, which stirred mum to stitch and savour that shimmering shalwar kameez, still evokes a fond memory of a closed chapter. Now, a new chapter in my life was beginning and it was my turn to look forward to marking milestones with my husband. It was around this time that I first discovered the film, Sahib Bibi Aur Ghulam (Abrar Alvi, 1962), poignantly made around the time of mum's marriage. Watching the mesmerising Meena Kumari adorn herself so faithfully for her husband, my thoughts would turn to mum. I've always known her to dress simply, yet her reminiscences hinted at her prime, of days when she harboured hopes and dreams as someone's wife, just as one day I would.
The other thing mum romanced about was celebrating Eid with her family in Pakistan, which frankly made our festive efforts on the Canterbury estate feel about as out of place as sunshine on Christmas day. These religiously ordained occasions are meant to be the fibre that ties us, but my memory of Eid is of little more than a time to come to terms with our lonely existence in a foreign land. It's difficult to believe that back in the '70s and '80s, Eid wasn't the colourful community affair it is today, with lights draped around the city centre. Yet there was a time when we Muslims still felt rather meek about parading our cultural heritage in public. So Eid would arrive in Bradford unceremoniously and leave with barely a fuss.
The formalities always began with new clothes since Eid requires Muslims to wear their best attire. Mum would ritually escort my sister and I to her favourite fabric emporium, Choudhry Cloth House on White Abbey Road. Bear in mind that this is a decade or two before White Abbey Road was revered as the World Mile, that vibrant cultural quarter which is now the envy of shoppers as far afield as Stockport. Back then though, this main thoroughfare heading out of Bradford city centre towards the delights of Manningham, Girlington and Allerton, offered little more than a kebab and roti house, as well as a hardware store selling plastic lotas (ablution pots), heavy duty rolling pins and chapatti pans.
What I chose was always a compromise. While I coveted the sumptuous silks which actresses of yesteryear wore in the classic Bollywood films I watched, Mr Choudhry preferred to stock a selection of showy satins. Besides, I was desperate for the English folk to forget, even for a moment, just how different we really were, but sadly, Topshop was never the place to go for Eid clothes. So much so, that I actually came to presume it was blasphemous to wear something other than our national dress on the auspicious day, even if being caught outside the house in a shimmering, billowing, non-weather-proofed shalwar kameez made me feel ill at ease.
We knew the two Eids as sweet and savoury rather than by their official names. I preferred the sweet one (Eid-ul-Fitr) which marks the end of Ramadan rather than the savoury one (Eid-ul-Adha) which marks the end of the annual pilgrimage to Mecca. The latter is also known as the Festival of Sacrifice, the ethos of which, much to mum's irritation, tended to trouble my vegetarian tendencies. You see, Eid-ul-Adha also commemorates Prophet Abraham's willingness to submit to God by sacrificing his son when commanded to do so in a dream. Divine intervention replaced his son Ismail with a lamb, which is why Muslims around the world still sacrifice an animal, usually a cow or a goat, to mark this day. Fortunately, my grandfather in Pakistan organised the sacrifice (qurbani) on behalf of his entire family, but the abundance of meat on the menu for Eid-ul-Adha still made me flinch.
Both of the Eids always began with a breakfast of plump vermicelli steeped in a cardamom-laced milky syrup. Apart from mum's impatience to admire her handiwork, there was really no rush to get ready – we knew we'd be all dressed up with nowhere to go. We didn't have uncles and aunts in Bradford that we could visit to show off our new clothes, to collect gift money from, to run around with their children and to taste the treats at their dining table. Instead, mum would dole out the gift money and then take us on the bus into town so we could spend it. We'd return to feast on shami kebabs, kofta curry (meatballs) and pilau rice and slump in front of the TV, with the grease from our overflowing plates in our laps staining our shiny new clothes. We didn't expect our festival to merit the sort of superior scheduling reserved for Christmas Day. Any distraction from the day's dullness would do. The highlight was booking a three-minute call through the international operator, to wish Eid Mubarak to our loved ones in Pakistan. The rest of the evening would be spent dissecting the call, imagining our cousins enjoying the perfect Eid on the other side, without us.
You'll appreciate my enthusiasm then, when the countdown began to my first Eid in Pakistan as a married woman. Taking a cue from my World Bank colleagues, I spent days spring cleaning to get the house in order for the grand occasion, poring over kebab recipes and stocking up the freezer. Things were going well at work and the dust had finally settled at home. I'd managed to tweak the household routine to fit around my office hours. I'd accepted that as a woman, my financial contribution wouldn't grant me the leverage that it awarded the men of the household. I'd even stopped day dreaming about coming home to find somebody running around after me. I'd also realised that being taken for granted was simply inevitable when you marry a first cousin and your mum's older brother becomes your father-in-law.
If I couldn't cope with the pressures of running a household as well as a diplomat's office, I could always resign. If I returned home from work to a request for a mutton and pea curry, I'd drop my handbag in the hall and head for the kitchen to start shelling the peas my father-in-law had thoughtfully collected from the market on his way home. And if my double duty meant I was too busy to go out in the evening with my husband, then so be it. Appreciating my predicament, and being far too respectful to stand up to his father, he would leave me to it and go out with friends instead. It was all my own doing, after all. I'd barely sought anyone's consent before embarking on my job hunt, and besides, my husband's return to Islamabad meant I'd achieved my goal. So why didn't I resign? The truth is that while life unravelled at home, it was my job that pinned me together. My job gave me a reason to get dressed and run a comb through my hair every morning. Work was a place where my efforts were rewarded, where my contribution felt valued and where my relationships were equal. It was my job that ignited a spark in my lacklustre life.
The Festival of Sacrifice was upon us, the savoury Eid. Neighbours had bought their sacrificial goats early, so they could pamper them during their final days. I'd return from work to find children taking their special guests to graze in the nearby field or feeding them treats by hand. On the big day, I knew the butcher and his knife would call door to door, slaughtering one unsuspecting animal after another. The meat would then be divided into three equal parts – one to be distributed to the poor, one for friends and family, and the final part for the household's consumption. I felt squeamish handling raw meat at the best of times. Now, the thought of being responsible for bagging up and freezing the equivalent of a third of a goat, was making me very anxious. On a previous occasion – the Aqiqah (naming ceremony) of my sister-in-law's new-born, two goats had similarly been bought and slaughtered in our back yard. I refused to leave my bedroom until every shred of bloody evidence had been washed away.
No wonder my disappointment was tinged with relief when my uncle announced his last-minute decision to spend the Islamic holiday with an older son. As head of our household, it was up to him to organise the sacrifice wherever he chose to celebrate Eid, which meant I was now mercifully pardoned from the clean-up operation. Perhaps this was a kindly gesture to give his youngest son and new bride some time together, home alone. Or perhaps this was my uncle's way of giving me a break from the kitchen. Whatever his intentions, it was a disheartening Eid in the end, empty of all the cordiality and ceremony mum's reminiscences back in Bradford had conveyed. With my uncle gone, the rigid domestic routine fell apart. I snubbed the big day with back-to-back Bollywood which also drowned out the din of the bleating goats outside. My fear of carelessly catching a gruesome slaughter scene compelled me to keep the curtains drawn too. Meanwhile, my husband slept off the fatigue from his nonstop night shifts.
Wasn't it just as well that I didn't get around to ordering the exquisite ensemble that I'd set my sights on months earlier! From the moment I saw it, I was captivated by Ranjeeta's outfit from the song Husn Hazir Hai, from the film Laila Majnu (H S Rawail, 1976). She wore a charming traditional Afghani dress with sheer, bell shaped sleeves in black chiffon silk, embossed with gold banarsi medallions, accessorised with understated gold hooped earrings offset with a single pearl. I didn't feel inspired to watch the entire film, but I did scrutinise that song sequence endlessly. And after a while, the dress became trivial as something else in the song took hold. Based on the legendary Arabian Nights tales, Laila Majnu featured star-crossed lovers, willing to give up their lives for each other. Something about Laila and Majnu's archetypal love story, set against the lingering melody now troubled me. Was Laila really singing that she would die for the man she loved? People didn't really expect to have relationships like that, did they? You know, ones where they couldn't imagine life without the other? I'd assumed that everyone just went through the motions as I was doing, so this couple's devotion reared a tinge of envy. Experience had already taught me that no-one would fight my corner, and now I had Laila and Majnu in my face, with a love so strong that they felt they could challenge the world together. I didn't just feel envy, I felt neglected too.
A few months before my wedding, I had taken mum into my confidence to tell her I didn't love my fiance. I suppose I assumed that by telling her, she'd be able to "put things right" in some way. Indeed, a huge weight had lifted from my shoulders as I told her, and sure enough, mum's supportive words, delivered with such tenderness did comfort me: "Of course you don't love him," she'd said. "You don't even know him! English people might marry the person they love but we grow to love the person we marry." As I clung to mum's words, I was unaware of the irony that I probably wouldn't even accept a temporary job in the hope that I might one day grow to love it. And yet, embracing the traditions of Pakistani culture, this is precisely the premise upon which I was entering something as permanent as a marriage.
And lately, mum's reassurances had become something of a yardstick with which to measure my feelings. "Do I love him yet?" I'd ask myself. "Do I feel any more than I did a week ago?" If I sensed a void, then I preferred not to dwell on it in case it was real. There was thankfully too much to do each day to stop me from crumpling. Late into the night though, I'd shiver at the thought of confiding in the ceiling fan for years to come; relying on its gentle hum to soften my sobs, with infants asleep beside me, still waiting for love to emerge. Having combed the day for clues, I'd console myself again with a cautious breath: "I'll give it a few more weeks."
9 Obligation and Intimacy
Ever the blushing bride, I didn't dare allow myself the indulgence of a lie-in with the man I'd just married. It seemed vulgar to linger behind a bolted bedroom door screaming 'do not disturb' while the in-laws ate breakfast downstairs. My reasoning was all thanks to the old fashioned values I'd honed back in Bradford. Despite my British birth, I was mindful of the implications of being female from an early age, because my gender was bestowed with the millstone of preserving a valuable commodity – family values. Even though it was sometimes a sham, I was used to manipulating my behaviour because it was usually subject to feedback. "What will people say" was a dominant theme in our home long before my marriage. I was taught that women's conduct needed greater protection and control because it was worth more, so much more in fact that the entire family's honour depended on it. And now, with all eyes trained on me as I moved in with the in-laws in Islamabad, I knew it was my conduct rather than my husband's that would be scrutinised. Besides, he was already within his comfort zone because this was his home. Now it was my home too but it didn't feel like it yet.
I presumed that being watchful of the unspoken rule that bars public displays of affection, I might exemplify my model upbringing and the Pakistani values I'd inherited from mum. I had after all been trained to switch channels instantly if a sordid kissing scene caught us out on the TV. Mum once deserted a bus stop because she couldn't bear to stand behind a couple absorbed in a snog. Indeed, I'd never seen a Pakistani married couple holding hands or even sitting snugly on the sofa. Then there was the story of my maternal grandmother which typified the conduct of an entire generation. She moved into the large household that was already occupied by her husband's parents as well as his many siblings. That old house, with its enclosed courtyard and rooms leading off the veranda, is still standing in our ancestral village of Neela. Only married couples were assigned the privacy of a separate room, primarily for use at night, since much of the day to day activity took place in the communal spaces of the courtyard and veranda. Mum says if my grandmother went inside and her husband inadvertently followed her in, she would quickly retreat lest anyone think the couple was snatching a private moment together!
So there I was in my new surroundings, trying to display the sort of modesty that I thought was socially appropriate. As a naïve 23 year old just entering my first relationship, it never even crossed my mind that my sense of decorum might be based on the antiquated rules from the 1950s, that mum had hauled to Bradford in her suitcase! I wanted someone to tell me to relax and be myself. I wished there was some sort of guidebook that explained the code of conduct a British bride should adopt as she assimilates into a new household in Pakistan. Instead I felt a sort of cultural confusion. That's why I put myself on a rota of self-imposed early starts. Ignoring my husband's protests, I would fling myself out of bed, get dressed as quickly as possible and present myself downstairs as soon as I heard activity in the kitchen. In my own way, I was making sure nobody could even accuse me of alluding to intimacy with my other half.
My early mornings might have been entirely voluntary but they were still a struggle because I was also enduring continuous late nights. You see, with the official ceremonies behind us, we had now embarked on a whirlwind of dinner parties, which confirmed beyond any doubt that our wedding was more about a family alliance than the union of two individuals. Ostensibly laid on to honour the bride and groom, the dinners were ultimately a chance for the two families to get to know each other. The invitations always extended to the entire family which meant cooking was abandoned in several households for many days after the wedding. With so many cousins and aunts lining up to host the happy couple and their entourage, the dinners demonstrated how influential and popular each family was, the extent of their clan, as well as the value they placed on kinship ties. And so, my husband and I found ourselves, lunch after lunch, night after night, feasting with the same bunch of people at different tables across Islamabad. The induction was ingenious if a little intense and irritating, since the entourage seemed oblivious to sabotaging our chances of spending quality time together.
Even Bollywood films couldn't help me in this unchartered territory. My own love story had only just got going after the wedding, whereas it was courtship that tended to be the focus of most of the romantic films I'd seen. The first half was usually devoted to the declaration of love. Then the couple spent the second half ironing out the obstacles that prevented them from marrying – their fathers were arch enemies, the girl was already promised to someone else, the girl was richer than the boy, and so on. Such was the emphasis on love blossoming before marriage, that I couldn't even recall a Bollywood film where the romance focussed on newlyweds. Recent films have dealt with themes of adultery, separation and divorce yet the notion of romance between husband and wife is rarely explored. Just like this example from Waqt (Yash Chopra, 1965), a song featuring a married couple is likely to be incidental, and generally acts as a precursor to some great calamity. The evergreen 'Ae Meri Zohra Jabeen' establishes the couple's happy family life. Just after the husband publicly serenades his wife at a party, the family is torn apart by a major earthquake in this classic lost and found story.
Interestingly, romantic songs within marriage often feature older couples, even grandparents. There's a song in the film Baghban (Ravi Chopra, 2003) where the sons, their wives and children help to celebrate a senior couple's wedding anniversary. Since the grandparents' roles are played by Amitabh Bachchan and the astonishingly youthful Hema Malini, I can't help wondering if the song was little more than a ploy to relive the magic these veteran actors created some 20 years earlier in films like Naseeb (Manmohan Desai, 1981).
The exception is 'Payalay Chunmun Chunmun' from Virasat (Priyadarshan, 1997) featuring Tabu, my favourite actress. Anil Kapoor (from Slumdog Millionaire) marries out of obligation, but isn't sure if he'll be able to fall in love with his bride. The song beautifully portrays the newlyweds' blossoming romance. Towards the end of the song, there's a delightfully telling scene in which the husband playfully drenches his wife whilst they water their crops. When she runs inside to remove her soaking sari, he sheepishly checks for onlookers before rushing inside to join her.
My own bedtime routine was being compromised by a pressing matter. After returning from yet another dinner party close to midnight, I would wearily remove my makeup and jewellery, and set about rummaging through the various suitcases containing my clothes which now occupied our bedroom. In anticipation of my early starts, I would plan my outfit the night before. This was time well invested because as a new bride, it wasn't just my behaviour that was under scrutiny, my appearance was too. The scrutiny had started the moment I set foot in my new home on the wedding day. I received a diamond ring from my husband, his first gift to me, as part of the 'munh dikhai' ceremony which literally means 'unveiling the face'. And in the days after marriage, I was similarly 'viewed' in exchange for a cash gift, by family, friends and nosy neighbours. You know how it is when your house is up for sale, and the thought of potential viewings, as well as the pressure to promote your property compel you to spruce up your home to an impossibly high standard. Well, that's just how I felt at times, although the term 'strictly by appointment' was often lost on the people coming to greet me.
The problem was that planning the outfits took much longer than usual. All the belongings I'd packed at my mum's house now sat in suitcases around my new bedroom. The new outfits mum had paid for had already been displaced by an entire wardrobe courtesy of my husband's family. This was my 'bari', the traditional gift of clothing and jewellery to welcome a bride into the fold. It would now be tactful to show my acceptance and appreciation by wearing these outfits. But you see, although the bari was prepared especially for me, my taste and preference had been irrelevant – apart from a request for my measurements and shoe size, I wasn't even consulted. In fact, the bari was put together secretly, partly to amplify the impact of its presentation. But then, the whole point of the bari is to allow the donors to make a statement about their status and style.
Luckily, it was my good fortune that the wife of my husband's older brother was in charge, because she was renowned for her fine taste and had a degree in home economics to boot. Still, putting the bari together is no mean feat. It's a huge undertaking requiring the skills of an experienced project manager – a methodical approach, budgeting and brokering skills, sound judgment, chasing up deadlines, discretion and flair. Then there were the months of shopping trips to bazaars in the gruelling summer heat. Fabrics were selected and delivered to a trusted tailor, and there were discussions about the design of each outfit. An embroiderer was commissioned to create intricate beadwork on the neckline and hem of the kameezes. Dupattas were delivered to the dyer to ensure they matched the accompanying shalwar kameez suits perfectly. Then they were edged with gold or silver trimming to make them appropriate for 'occasion wear'. Matching shoes, handbags and make-up also needed to be bought or preferably imported.
You'd hardly go to all that trouble if the results weren't going to be publicly appreciated. In fact, the grand unveiling is precisely the occasion to showcase the efforts and enthusiasm with which the bride is being welcomed. And so the big reveal took place on the eve of my wedding during the mehndi celebrations. With the ceremonies conducted, the food eaten, the bride-to-be poised in her ringside seat, out came the suitcases. Every single item from those suitcases was unveiled to the gathered crowd of women. Each of the 21 outfits had been pinned together to facilitate its exhibition. My sister-in-law and her team held up each outfit with outstretched arms, conscientiously revealing the front as well as the back, then turning 180 degrees to ensure everyone in the audience could appreciate the detailed embroidery. I smirked beneath my yellow dupatta as the scene reminded me of the glamorous hostesses on the TV programme, Sale of the Century. The ladies would then turn the outfit towards the cameraman to ensure an eternal record was being kept of their triumph on video.
The most spectacular outfits were revealed first, like the lengha I would wear on the walima (the celebration to mark the consummation of the marriage). I gasped with delight when a shimmering red shalwar kameez was held up. An aunt sitting nearby instructed me to wear the white China silk outfit when it was her turn to host a dinner. The women nodded admiringly, approving the extent of embroidery on a particular kameez, or acknowledging the quality of the imported court shoes. Now a green towel was held up, forming a canvas for the skin coloured bras and knickers stitched on to it, presumably to make them easier to display. The obligatory gold jewellery was refreshingly tasteful. I spotted a bottle of Lou Lou perfume, a nightie I'd never wear, some very usable clutch bags, as well as a couple of hand knitted cardigans. The clothes were then spread out on a charpoy for closer inspection. Each outfit had been impressively packaged to allow them to be handled by curious women without being damaged.
Ideally, I'd have scheduled 48 hours to unpack and organise my wardrobe; to try on the new outfits at my leisure and identify the shoes, bags and earrings that were the best match. I could have done with some order in my surroundings to counter the confusion I was feeling already. It seemed ironic that the person I was supposed to adorn myself for was the one I wasn't spending much time with. Rather than bonding as a new couple, our first days together seemed to focus on the social ties that our union had created.
I greeted the end of the honeymoon period with a huge sense of relief. The flurry of activity had died down with the final relatives returning to their homes in different cities, leaving just me, my husband and his father. With the return to normality, I would finally have time to catch up on sleep, sort out my wardrobe and rearrange the bedroom furniture. But there was sadness too. My husband said goodbye to me with a handshake in the driveway as his friend prepared to drive him to the airport. After two and a half weeks of married life, it was time for him to return to his job in the Middle East.


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Think most people who go under the knife for cosmetic procedures only ask for bigger breasts and smaller stomachs? Think again. Plastic surgery is more than just breast implants, liposuction, and facelifts, says Dr. Tony Youn, board-certified plastic surgeon and author of the plastic surgery memoir "In Stitches."
Keep clicking as Dr. Youn reveals fifteen unusual but popular plastic surgeries you may not know about...
Credit: istockphoto
In the past, liposuction was only used to flatten areas that stuck out. Now, a handful of plastic surgeons are performing Hi Def Liposculpture, an advanced liposuction technique that creates the six-pack many men desire. To achieve this "washboard" look, the procedure combines liposuction and shrinking of the skin. The procedure is much more involved than traditional liposuction, but the results are obvious.
Credit: Dr. John Millard
The corners of our mouths droop as we age. But for an unlucky minority, this permanent scowl can make them look perpetually grumpy. The grin lift is the most effective way to turn this frown upside down.
For the procedure, a surgeon removes small skin triangles from above each corner of the mouth to cause it to lift. What's the upside? People no longer ask you why you are upset. But there is a downside - this creates permanent scars that can make you look like The Joker.
Credit: Dr. Anthony Youn
The skin between the nose and upper lip lengthens as we age, causing us to look like Spiderman's Aunt May. Some doctors have treated this effect by injecting the upper lip with fillers, causing it to look like it's been stung by a bee. The upper lip lift is a small surgery where the plastic surgeon removes excess skin by creating a small scar hidden at the base of the nose. The scar is barely noticeable in older patients.
Credit: Dr. Richard Ellenbogen
Many women complain to their plastic surgeons about the dreaded "bread back" - unsightly rolls of back fat which make their bras fit uncomfortably. In the past, our only real surgical option was to liposuction this fat away, sometimes leaving the patient with loose skin.
The Bra Line Back Lift is a novel procedure where the back rolls are surgically removed, leaving behind a flatter back with a scar that's hidden in the bra line. The scar is permanent, but results usually are as well.
Credit: Dr. Remus Repta
Is it possible to turn an outie into an innie? Sure is - most outie belly buttons are actually small umbilical hernias. Surgeons can repair this hernia with an umbilicoplasty - a small incision on the upper surface of the belly button that turns it into a more aesthetically pleasing innie. The procedure creates a permanent scar that is usually well-hidden.
Credit: Dr. Daniel Yamini
Chubby cheeks are cute in kids, but can make some adults look overweight or jowly. This can be improved by a buccal lipectomy. In this minor surgery, the plastic surgeon makes a small incision inside the cheek and removes a gumball-sized chunk of fat. This causes the cheek hollows to contour inward, improving the jowly or "chipmunk cheek" look.
Wide jawlines can occur with overgrowth of the masseter muscle, a muscle used for chewing. In the past, plastic surgeons would shave down this muscle in a bloody surgery. Today, plastic surgeons decrease the size of this muscle by injecting Botox into it. Botox weakens the muscle, causing it to atrophy. Within a month most patients notice their jawline is thinner. But the effects last about 6 months before the injections need to be repeated.
A smile is considered "gummy" when it reveals an excessive amount of gums. Many dentists treat this condition by altering the gumline, but plastic surgeons have devised techniques to improve a gummy smile by cutting some of the muscles that elevate the lip and inserting a spacer implant to prevent these muscles from reconnecting. The procedure takes less than an hour with minimal downtime.
When the jaw is either too big or too small, oral surgeons treat this by breaking the jaw in two places and setting it backward or forward into its new position. Dr. Youn himself underwent this surgery between his high school and college years, "And I can tell you, it really hurt! I wouldn't wish this surgery on my worst enemy." he said. "But it did make a huge difference in how I looked, how I ate, and my self-image. Gone was my old moniker, Jawzilla!"
We've all heard of hair transplants to the top of the head, but hair can also be transplanted to the eyelids. Many people find their eyelashes thinning and falling out as they age. Latisse
Credit: Dr. Alan Bauman
We can't all be born with dimples like Jennifer Garner and Mario Lopez, but some plastic surgeons are creating them. Dimple creation involves a tiny incision on the inside of the mouth and placement of a small suture between the buccinator muscle and the skin of the cheek. This small, man-made indentation is typically indistinguishable from a real dimple and only appears when smiling.
Credit: Wikimedia Commons
Some women - and even men - develop excessively long nipples or wide areolas. This can be due to heredity, pregnancy, or plain bad luck. Doctors reduce the nipples by literally cutting off the tip (ouch!) or by my preferred technique- removing some skin at the base of the nipple.
Excessively wide areolas are reduced by removing a donut-shaped ring of skin from the periphery of the areola and suturing it smaller. This leaves a permanent circular scar around the areola, however.
There is a growing - and somewhat disturbing - trend towards plastic surgery of the genitals. These procedures remove excess labial skin, tighten the vaginal canal, and even enlarge the G spot to enhance the sexual experience. Dr. David Matlock, a Beverly Hills gynecologist, has practically cornered this market with such registered terms as the G Shot

subset: commoncrawl


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A diverse group of up-and-coming comedians perform 15-minute sets in this stand-up comedy showcase series.
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Times Square, 1977. After his early successes managing the Hi-Hat and French Parlor, Vincent is now proprietor of a new mob-backed disco, Club 366, while ...
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Hilda follows the adventures of a fearless blue-haired girl as she travels from her home in a vast magical wilderness full of elves and giants, ...
Empire Season 5Eps18
A hip-hop mogul must choose a successor among his three sons who are battling for control over his multi-million dollar company, while his ex-wife schemes ...
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A vicious cyclone stirs up emotions on the first day on the island, and the "David" tribe tries to take down the "Goliath" tribe.
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Common Core Catches On With Private Schools
States' adoption of standards creates pressure
The common standards aren't just for public schools, it seems.
With all but four states having adopted them since 2010, districts have little choice but to implement the Common Core State Standards. But many private schools are also making the transition.
More than 100 Roman Catholic dioceses spanning the nation from Los Angeles to Philadelphia, have decided to adopt the standards, according to a recent survey from the National Catholic Educational Association. Even the El Paso Diocese in Texas, a state that wanted no part of the common standards, signaled last spring that it was signing on.
Experts say practical considerations are likely an important motivator, as many private schools feel the pressure from the tidal wave of states beginning to implement the new standards, which cover K-12 mathematics and English/language arts. That's having profound effects on textbook and test publishers, for instance, which are revising their wares to better reflect the standards. Observers also suggest the common core will even reshape college-entrance exams.
It's not just Catholic schools making the move. Some Lutheran and other denominations of Christian schools are shifting to the common core, including Grand Rapids Christian in Michigan and the Christian Academy School System in Louisville, Ky.
The Aspen Country Day School in Aspen, Colo., meanwhile, isn't adopting the common core wholesale, but has used portions of the standards to help revamp its curriculum.
A number of leaders in private education emphasized that they adopted the common standards only after careful study and see them as worthy guideposts.
"What we came to decide was that if the public schools were going to implement them, it was something that we should take a good, hard look at," said Kevin C. Baxter, the superintendent of elementary schools in the Archdiocese of Los Angeles, which oversees 270 Catholic schools. "We looked at them with an honest eye ... and realized they were something we wanted to pursue."
"It fits with what we're trying to do, going for depth, understanding, higher-level thinking skills," said Lisa H. Meyers, the academic dean at Valley Lutheran High School in Saginaw, Mich., which has long followed the state's standards. "We can buy into that."
Another issue for some leaders in private education is staying competitive with public schools.
"We feel there is a credibility factor for us," said Thomas J. DeJonge, the superintendent of Grand Rapids Christian Schools, a set of four private schools in and around that Michigan city. By using the same state standards and tests as public schools, as his schools long have done, parents can better gauge how their schools compare, he said.
The common core is by no means universally embraced, however.
Patrick F. Bassett, the executive director of the National Association of Independent Schools, in Washington, said that while he sees much to admire in the standards, he doesn't expect many NAIS member schools will adopt them.
"This notion of independence is central to [us]: local control, school by school, of what to teach and how to teach," he said. "So, decisionmaking through a national effort runs counter to our very being."
'Every Hand Went Up'
The earliest and most widespread adoption of the standards beyond public education appears to be among Catholic schools. Mr. Baxter from the Los Angeles Archdiocese recalled attending a recent regional conference for Catholic educators where the common core came up.
"We were asked how many were going forward with it, and every hand went up," he said.
The archdiocesan schools in Los Angeles, which Mr. Baxter said have until now been guided by California's prior state standards for English/language arts and math, are focusing first on the ELA section before tackling the math common core.
"I don't know of other sectors that have embraced it as fully as Catholic schools," said Joe McTighe, the executive director of the Council for American Private Education, in Germantown, Md. "They've in many instances never been reluctant to embrace public school programs."
The Archdiocese of Philadelphia is in the second year of implementation for its 144 schools, which serve some 64,000 students.
"What appealed was that they're aligned with college and career expectations and include the rigorous content we've been known for, plus application of knowledge and higher-order skills," said Jacqueline P. Coccia, the superintendent of elementary schools there. "We felt this was a change that would really help us grow."
The Archdiocese of Louisville, which oversees 47 schools, is implementing the math standards now and will review and likely adopt the English/language arts standards soon, said schools Superintendent Leisa M. Schulz.
Sister Dale McDonald, the director of public policy and research at the Arlington, Va.-based National Catholic Educational Association, said she sees the overwhelming state backing for the common core driving broader changes in the education sector and creating pressure on Catholic schools.
"A very big consideration is all the textbook publishers, the testing manufacturers, are [adapting] their products" to the common core, she said, as well as teacher-preparation programs. "So if you're looking to hire new teachers coming out of a teacher education background, you're disadvantaged."
With so many Catholic schools turning to the common core, a national effort is under way to help make sure the imprint of their faith is on the standards. The Common Core Catholic Identity Initiative, which involves the NCEA, Catholic universities, and others, is developing and sharing resources and guidelines for schools to integrate Catholic identity—including values, beliefs, and social teachings—into curriculum and instruction based on the standards.
"We're showing people how you might develop this in a systematic way," said Sister McDonald from the NCEA. She explained, for instance, that teachers might introduce social-justice principles or a commandment during a lesson focused on the ELA standards.
Ms. Schulz from the Louisville Archdiocese welcomes the project.
"That's just the type of work we want our schools to have," she said. "We sometimes talk about 'baptizing' the state standards, so that we're really able to integrate our Catholic identity."
Lutheran Schools
The common core also is taking hold among Lutheran schools in at least a few states, including Illinois, Michigan, and Ohio.
"We are strongly encouraging and recommending that Lutheran schools go with this," said Bruce N. Braun, the superintendent of schools for the Michigan district of the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod. His organization has more than 80 member schools in Michigan, and he says about 60 already have adopted the common core.
"We think it's good for kids," he said. "And there is some room for creativity, room for you to be a professional in how you reach the standards."
He's hearing positive feedback from Lutheran schools about the standards, but also said it may be risky for them to take a pass.
"Many of us are thinking, if this is going to show up in assessments, if this is going to be the direction publishers are going to go, for us to ignore it, that's not healthy for kids, not healthy for the system," he said.
Jeff Blamer, the membership director for Christian Schools International, based in Grand Rapids, said he expects to see widespread adoption among his roughly 400 U.S. member schools.
"The only place where I would qualify that is if any standard interfered with the mission or biblical worldview of a school," he said.
Adopting the standards especially comes to a head when it's time for a school to go through a periodic reaccreditation process, he said, as schools typically need to identify the standards underlying their academic programs.
Jeffrey T. Walton, the executive director of the East Ridge, Tenn.-based American Association of Christian Schools, said his roughly 800 member schools are leery of embracing what they see as national standards that the federal government placed pressure on states to adopt, but he expects many will ultimately feel compelled to reflect them in instruction, at least to some extent.
He's aware of a handful that already are citing the standards as their guide in going through reaccreditation.
"It's like they're warily circling them," he said. "There's no great track record for national reform efforts that would make independent schools want to jump on the next bus that rolls by."
Sign up to get our new Common Core Update e-newsletter, a collection of news, opinion, and analysis on the Common Core State Standards delivered to your inbox every month.
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But Mr. Walton cites several reasons schools will seriously consider them, such as interest in "seeing how their curriculum and instruction stacks up against the standards," concern for students who may transfer back to public schools, and the expected impact on K-12 standardized tests, textbooks, and college-entrance exams.
"So our schools are looking at them," he said, "realizing it's probably something we're going to live with."
Chester E. Finn Jr., the president of the Thomas B. Fordham Institute, a Washington-based think tank, said that if the common standards take firm hold in public education over time, they will increasingly touch private schools.
"They'll be affected in a more gradual and spotty way, but of course they'll be affected," he said, including by "practical things, like college-entrance expectations and college-entrance tests, things that they are part of even if they're not part of their state standards and testing systems."
And parents may come to expect some alignment.
"There may be over time a gradual cultural expectation that 6th graders learn such and such in the United States," he said.
But Mr. Finn, a vocal proponent of the standards, said their reach has limits.
"Keep in mind that, so far, common core is just two subjects," he said. "And you can teach them in a variety of ways. It does tell you what the kids are supposed to have learned, but does not tell you what sequences, what kind of textbook to use, whether to have the desks in circles or rows, to be didactic or constructivist in your pedagogy."
'Not on the Bandwagon'
Some private school educators, impressed by the common core, say their schools are drawing on the standards but stopping short of full adoption. Aspen Country Day School studied the common core as part of its reaccreditation effort, when it was revamping the curriculum.
"We used it as sort of a jumping-off point, depending on the program area," said Andy Davies, the school's curriculum director.
The standards have been especially influential in math.
"Our lower school math is grounded in the common core, and I would say our language arts is influenced," she said. "As an independent-school person, I can use it as a stake in the ground and massage it so that it meets our needs."
Trinity Episcopal School in Charlotte, N.C., a K-8 independent school, also is taking common-core elements to inform its curriculum.
"We began with the English/language arts, and we were in the process at that time of trying to make some changes around writing and grammar, and as we looked at the document, we liked it," said Christine H. Weiss, the head of Trinity Episcopal's lower school.
"We're not wholesale adopting," she said. "We have embraced them, and we are using them as good guidelines and references and resources. ... But we're not on the bandwagon, jumping and buying everything that says common core on the cover."
Vol. 32, Issue 07, Pages 1, 12Published in Print: October 10, 2012, as Private Schools Opt for Common Core
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5 Things You Didn't Know About Johnny FootballHere are five little known facts about Johnny Manziel.
Keidel: Jameis Becoming Famous For Wrong ReasonsFinancial experts estimated Johnny Manziel made more than $30 million for Texas A&M. Maybe Winston does the same for FSU and their acolytes. So you can see the logic, even if it's shameful, when the police stutter when mentioning Winston's name in any criminal context.
Sports Verdict: Will Johnny Manziel Win Back-To-Back Heisman Trophies?The lightning fast start of reigning Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Manziel has a lot of people talking. The unbelievable statistics he is compiling this year rival that of any other player in the country.


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As the ballad of Charles Waugh unfurls, Ohio State has taken its share of lumps in the P.R. department. Now, they are getting hit in the athletic department. Alex Anzalone, a highly rated linebacker recruit from Pennsylvania, has decommitted from the school just one day after the Athletic Department's letter about Waugh—convicted in Kentucky four years ago on child pornography charges—was made public.
Anzalone committed to the school at the annual Scarlet and Gray spring game. He also met, and was photographed with, Waugh and other recruits that day. Waugh later posted the picture (one of several) on twitter. That's Anzalone on the left.
According to ESPN, the picture was the last straw in an already confusing and mixed up experience for Anzalone. His father, Sal, urged him to decommit.
That was enough to spook Anzalone, who already had experienced some regret about his early college decision, his father said.
"You would think that these kinds of people would be kept at a distance away from recruits," Sal Anzalone said. "The fact that he got close to recruits was the issue. Keep people like this away from them. I can't be everywhere."
The timing of the Anzalone decision is curious, coming on the heels of the Ohio State athletic department's email about Waugh. Perhaps the school was aware of the impending Anzalone decision and tried to get out ahead of the story. Maybe Anzalone did not like all the attention the picture was receiving. Or, perhaps it's all just a coincidence. It's times like these the nation needs not just any investigative journalist, but the investigative journalist.
SEE ALSO: Ohio State Warns Athletes About Superfan Who's A Convicted Sex Offender
How An Ohio State Blog's Reporting Led To The Arrest Of A Fan Who's A Convicted Sex Offender
Alex Anzalone Decommits from Ohio State [Eleven Warriors]
Alex Anzalone decommits from OSU [ESPN]


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Dennis Wedin
Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number may rework sexual assault scene included in game's current demo
Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number developer Dennaton Games is considering removing a sexual assault scene included in game's current demo.
Dennis Wedin headlines
Hotline Miami DLC 'as long as the full game', creator suggests
Hotline Miami creator Jonatan Söderström has revealed that his first DLC for the game will probably be sequel-sized, and that a map creator is being considered. Get the details below.
Hotline Miami creators working on concepts and design for next title
Hotline Miami creators Dennis Wedin and Jonatan Soderstrom have started working on concepts for new projects, one of which is a 2D action platformer. Speaking in a podcast on D'toid, the fellas at Dennaton Games said that while the concept may change, Wedin has at least started on the game's artwork, while Soderstrom is focused […]


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TV sex is a problem, but violence is fine? (Column)
Have you checked out the NBC series "Hannibal"? Here are a few things you might have missed:
o The naked body of a woman impaled on antlers.
o Bodies carved up so that their backs are splayed like grotesque angel wings.
o Characters dining on human body parts .
o People buried alive, covered in compost and fed sugar water so they grow fungus all over their bodies.
o Victims with their eyes gouged out.
o Victims being shot as blood splatters in slow motion.
o A victim whose throat is slashed and blood gushes from her wound.
Just to name a few.
In the 23 years I've been a TV critic, "Hannibal" is the single most violent, gory series that's aired on broadcast television.
It's not as gruesome as "The Walking Dead," although there are moments that equal anything on that cable series.
And yet ... have you heard of protests by the parents groups that want to cleanse TV? Have you heard anybody protesting?
Janet Jackson has a momentary wardrobe malfunction and these groups go nuts. But prolonged, horrific violence? No problem!
Locally, KSL yanks "The Playboy Club" and "The New Normal" off the air amid talk of how they are inconsistent with the KSL brand, but that brand is consistent with "Hannibal"?
It's not just that show. NBC's "Revolution" and "Grimm" can be hugely violent.
And it's not just NBC. There's a long list of violent shows, from CBS' "Criminal Minds" to The CW's "Supernatural" to Fox's "The Following."
I can't begin to tell you how many times I've had a conversation that went like this:
Parent: Is such-and-such show OK for my kids to watch?
Me: Well, 11 people are shot to death, there are two stabbings, a guy's head is chopped off and there's blood everywhere.
Parent: But are there any sex scenes?
We could argue about the competing studies on how television influences behavior. But broadcast TV is based on the commercials affecting behavior, so it's disingenuous to argue that program content does not.
If I had young children, there's no way I'd allow them to watch "Hannibal." When my kids were growing up, I knew what was on TV and didn't let them watch a lot of it.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting sexual content is good for children. I'm not suggesting that adults shouldn't watch shows designed for them. I'm not suggesting local stations should pull shows and deny adult viewers the right to make decisions for themselves.
But what I don't understand is parents who reject sex on TV but don't flinch at the violence.


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Nissan Sport Sedan Concept Debuts At 2014 Detroit Auto Show
Detroit, Michigan - An atomic sunrise came to mind as the Nissan Sport Sedan Concept came into focus on its stand at the 2014 Detroit auto show. Sure, the orange hue on this car is visually radioactive, but also this Nissan concept represents a burst of creative energy that that will define a new design vocabulary for Nissan.
Concept cars from Japan have generally been pretty self-effacing over the years, yet Nissan itself has been recently undergoing an overdue design renaissance. First came the Nissan Resonance at the 2013 Detroit auto show, then the Nissan Friend-ME at the 2013 Shanghai auto show, and now the Nissan Sport Sedan Concept here at the 2014 Detroit auto show. Like most of the work from the studios overseen by Nissan/Infiniti design director Shiro Nakamura, the result here is not exactly beautiful; it's more of a high-concept look than enduring beauty.
This is all the more surprising because we think the Nissan Sport Sedan Concept is a concept in name only. If you peel back the concept label, we think you'll find out soon that this is a production car - the 2015 Nisan Maxima, to be exact.
Yes, we've got the big grille now
Nakmura says, "Nissan's design language is our brand promise - 'Innovation and excitement for everyone'- rendered in metal." The strongest bit of this promise can be found in the "V-motion" grille, a response to the oversize grille that designer Walter de Silva first developed for Audi and which has since become a widely imitated fashion.
As Nissan describes it, the V-motion design gesture flows from the grille to the hood and then completes itself in the broad windshield. The grille is complemented by a deep front fascia that incorporates heavily modeled ducts. Wild boomerang-style LED headlights complete the look.
We're told that the V-motion grille will find its way to both Nissan cars and trucks in the future.
Long, low silhouette
"Our new design direction mirrors the strength, power and capabilities of engineering and innovation that serve as the foundation of every Nissan vehicle," Nakamura says. We think you can find much of this in Nissan Sport Sedan Concept's silhouette, which seems refreshingly long and low to us.
The hood line is certainly lower than what we have seen from European carmakers, which must meet new governmental regulations for pedestrian impact protection in their home countries. The front and rear overhangs are short, plus the ride height is low, so the car looks very long, even though the car measures 191.7 inches overall on a wheelbase of 111.2 inches.
The fender forms also have a fully sculptured look, and when you combine this with the big 21-inch cast-aluminum wheels with 275/30R21 tires, the car takes on a look that is muscular. Nissan says, "The resulting look imparts a sporty and athletic strength, rather than brute, aggressive force."
Look, my roof is floating
Just as with the Resonance and Friend-ME concept cars, the Sport Sedan has what Nissan describes as a "floating roof." It's an interesting expression of elegance that clearly will become a signature of forthcoming Nissans.
Nakamura comments, "[I]t makes it seem as if there are no pillars at all, enhancing the sense of athleticism and sportiness." He says this roof treatment balances the heaviness of the lower body, notably the sculptured line along the rocker sill that seems to connect the front and rear wheels.
We like the roof because it promises lightness and openness. It reminds us that we're tired of squat lids with narrow windows, which make cars look like assault vehicles.
Boomerangs from Japan
Once you get to the back of the car, you begin to realize that the Sport Sedan is somehow very Japanese, even thought it was initially conceived at Nissan Design America in San Diego, California, and then developed at Nissan Global Design Center in Atsugi, Japan. There's clearly a lot going on back here.
Of course, you have to kind of expect this as all the shapes try to come to some kind of resolution. You find yourself seeing the boomerang lights again as if to find something to blame for all the surface excitement. At the same time, the boomerangs also accentuate the car's width, although it technically measures only the customary 75.3 inches.
Quilted for your protection
When you look into the interior of the Nissan Sport Sedan Concept, you're able to tell that this car hasn't strayed too far from the platform of the Nissan Altima, from which so much of the Nissan lineup derives. There's lots of chrome on the dash and the leather upholstered seats have fancy diamond stitching.
Of course, if you stop there, you miss the fact that you have here a two-tone color treatment, which is a real innovation at Nissan. Monochromatic black interiors are the signature of performance, but Nissan has clung to this look far longer than other carmakers, and it has sometimes betrayed itself by tolerating color values that are less than the best. For Nissan, a two-tone interior is real innovation.
A big statement from Japan
This concept sedan isn't exactly beautiful, but it looks like it's from Japan, and we like that a lot. Japanese carmakers have almost always embraced derivative shapes and styles in an effort to keep from alienating potential customers, but apparently those days are done at Nissan.
Most important, the Nissan Sport Sedan Concept is an expression of excellence. This also is a refreshing change from Japan, and we're glad to see Nissan's enthusiasm for modernity here.
And in case you're wondering, the name of the radioactive color is "Strad Amber." It's meant to recall the finish of Stradivarius violins, which (Nissan says) are capable of a broad range of musical tones, from vibrant intensity to simple stillness. A base of gold paint is overlaid with an orange-amber topcoat, and the overall effect is that of a candy-color finish.
We can't wait until we drive the 2015 Nissan Maxima in this color.


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Jazzak Allah khair for a beautiful website giving people help in learning how to learn tajweed and thus recite the words of Allah in the manner they should be.
I am trying to memorise more of the Qur'an and I wanted to know how often to revise what i have already memorised. How can one balance revision and new memorisation.
What is the best way of revising? Currently I read it over by looking at it and then read it from memory and sit with my teacher and recite to him.
Jazzak Allah khair
Wa alaikum assalaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. Wa iyyaakum.
The best way to balance new memorization and review is to have a set schedule that you do not relax in. You should have two review schedules; one for old sections that you memorized before, this should be a large section every day, the second review should be for more recent memorization, and this can be a lesser amount.
The method you use for review is good. Looking at the words helps you keep a picture and reminds you of the vowels and words, then reading on your own from memory gives you a glimpse at how well them memorization is and whether it needs more work. Finally, reciting to your teacher is a very important tool, so that any unknown errors you may have in the memorization can be pointed out, noted, and fixed.
You should try to pass by everything you have memorized every week, every two weeks, or at least once a month. The best is every week.
May Allah make memorization of the complete Qur'an easy for you.
Wa assalaam alaikum wa rahmatullah.


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Miami Booker T. Washington quarterback Treon Harris committed to Florida State on Monday afternoon despite what appears to be a logjam of incoming QBs in the Seminoles future.
Harris (5-foot-11, 180- pounds), who has guided the Tornadoes to two straight appearances in the state championship game, including last year's Class 4A state title win over Jacksonville Bolles, picked the Seminoles over hometown Miami and offers from 16 other schools.
"He's going in as a quarterback," Treon's father and Miami Booker T. head coach Ice Harris Sr. said. "We feel comfortable with Coach [Jimbo] Fisher to really give him an opportunity to come in and compete.
"We know they have a big-time guy there right now and he'll have a chance to go in and compete and if he has to redshirt then he'll have a chance to really, really learn from a lot of people they have there. They've done a great job with the quarterbacks they've had there in the past."
He had also been recruited by some schools as an "athlete" and many were interested in him playing defensive back or receiver.
Harris is the second QB commitment to the Seminoles' 2014 recruiting class, joining J.J. Cosentino of Pittsburgh (Pa.) Central Catholic. Incoming redshirt freshman Jameis Winston will be the likely starter when FSU opens the season at Pittsburgh, Sept. 2. Winston, also a basball outfielder for FSU, was impressive in the 'Noles' spring game.
FSU also has February QB signee John Franklin from Plantation, and roster players Jacob Coker (RS-sophomore) and Sean Maguire (RS-Freshman).
Florida State also has highly touted Jacksonville First Coast quarterback DeAndre Johnson coming in with the 2015 class.
"It will be a tough situation with the quarterbacks they have," Ice Harris Sr. said. "But he'll be given the opportunity to grow and compete and he'll have to show Coach Fisher that he can really come in and compete with the other guys they have, as well as the guys they are bringing in, also. Hopefully he can show the coach he can lead the team one day … that he has what it takes to lead them to a national championship. We'll see what happens."
In his first three seasons as the starter at Booker T., Harris has completed 245 of 399 passes for an impressive 61 percent, including 50 touchdowns and just 12 interceptions. He has also rushed for 1,691 yards and 35 touchdowns and is ranked as the No. 13 dual-threat quarterback in the country by 247sports composite rankings. His stats come despite sitting out the second half of many BTW blowouts.
Harris is the No. 23-ranked player in the Sentinel's 2014 Florida Top 100. He is the 18th commitment to the FSU 2014 recruiting class.
Florida State 2014 commitments(18)
DT Demarcus Christmas, 6-3, 285, Manatee
QB J.J. Cosentino, 6-5, 215, Pittsburgh (Pa.)
LB Kain Daub, 6-3, 240, Jacksonville Sandalwood
OL Alec Eberle, 6-5, 278, Mechanicsville (Va.) Atlee
OL Ethan Frith, 6-7, 292 Summit (Miss.) North Pike
LS Stephen Gabbard, 6-3, 220, Tallahassee Godby
QB Treon Harris, 5-11, 180, Miami Booker T. Washington
ATH Malique Jackson, 5-11, 170, Jessup (Ga.) Wayne County
S Trey Marshall, 5-11, 193, Lake City Columbia
OG Corey Martinez, 6-4, 297, Tampa Catholic
DE Blake McClain, 6-3, 254, Jacksonville Sandalwood
WR Markell Pack, 6-3, 190, Purvis (Miss.)
LB Delvin Purifoy, 6-2, 228, Pensacola Catholic
LB Jacob Pugh, 6-4, 220, Tallahassee Godby
ATH JoJo Robinson, 5-10, 179, Miami Northwestern
TE Mavin Saunders, 6-6, 220, Houston (Texas) Kinkaid School
WR Ryan Sousa, 6-1, 180, Orlando Lake Nona
WR C.J. Worton, 6-0, 170, Homestead South Dade
Chris Hays is the Sentinel's recruiting coverage coordinator and can be reached at email@example.com. Follow us on Twitter at @Os_Recruiting and Facebook at Orlando Sentinel Recruiting and now on Pinterest at Orlando Recruiting.


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Despite struggles, Melvin sticks with usual platoons
CINCINNATI -- Though he hinted at some lineup changes following another woeful offensive performance Tuesday night in Cincinnati, A's manager Bob Melvin didn't stray from his usual platoons for Wednesday's series finale.
Rather than Melvin shaking up the lineup, he stuck with the usual lineup against a righty pitcher, Homer Bailey, with Stephen Vogt starting at catcher instead of Derek Norris, who hit a pinch-hit solo homer in the ninth inning Tuesday night -- the A's only run in their past two games.
They've scored just 10 runs in their past six games, leaving 45 men on base in that span while hitting 4-for-42 with runners in scoring position.
"There's a tendency sometimes when you're not swinging well," Melvin said, "to mix things up too much, when we do have a plan here, a formula of how we run our team out there on a particular day."
The only prominent left-handed hitter out of the mix on this day was Josh Reddick, who sat in favor of another lefty swinger in Seth Smith. Reddick is hitting just .152 over the last 21 games and entered the day with a .205 clip on the season.
Melvin also opted to go with the switch-hitting Alberto Callaspo over the hot-hitting Eric Sogard, riding a 12-game hitting streak, at second base. Callaspo came into the game 0-for-his-past-18, including 0-for-11 with the A's. He recorded two doubles off Bailey, but then had to leave the game with a left forearm contusion, suffered in the fourth inning on a play at the plate.
"We'll stay with our matchups," Melvin said. "There are times when, even more so, you have to stick with it. There becomes a point where you shake things up just to have a different look, but this team was set up a particular way, and you're going to go through some struggles. I think, if you stay with those matchups, that they tend to even out at some point."


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Five things your English teacher (may) have gotten wrong
You can't use "and" to start a sentence
Actually, you can use and for this purpose. Just for good measure, here are a few examples from literature:
"And even Mary could assure her family that she had no disinclination for it." – Jane Austin from "Pride and Prejudice"
"And to seek to make the blacksmith a scholar is almost as silly as the more modern scheme of making the scholar a blacksmith." – W.E.B. Du Bois from "The Souls of Black Folk"
"And let every other power know that this hemisphere intends to remain the master of its own house." – John F. Kennedy from his Inaugural Address on January 20, 1961
You always use commas after each item in a series
Commas are necessary after each of the items in a series, except the last one. For example, someone might suggest that this is correct: red, white, and blue. However, that's not the case. Using the comma after "and" is actually redundant. It's like saying "and" twice. So, the correct method would be to write it as follows: red, white and blue.
Over and under
They do it in commercials and advertisements all the time. I suppose it is for brevity sake but that doesn't make in any less incorrect. I'm talking about when people use the words "over" or "under" to indicate anything other than height. For example, cars are not on sale of under $20,000. Nor are there over 7 billion people in the world. The correct phrasing for each of these would be: Cars are on sale for less than $20,000 and there are more than 7 billion people in the world.
It's not a real word if it's not in the dictionary
First off, this implies that there is only one official dictionary when in fact there are many. On another note, there are many words that have simply been removed from dictionaries based on infrequent or rare use in modern language and conversation. I bet you wouldn't find a lot of terms used in the Renaissance era in today's dictionaries but that does not make them any less relevant.
Improper grammar is never acceptable
Generally speaking, improper grammar is a bad thing. However, there are a few exceptions. One of the first that comes to mind is with the use of direct quotations. Whether the quote is from a real person or a character in a book, language and grammar allowances can be made for such things as accents, education level, etc. A quick example is the phrase frequently spoken by the character Aibileen Clark in the film "The Help" in which she says, "You is kind. You is smart. You is important."


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The researchers followed up these correlational studies with a set of experiments in which they directly manipulated both this apparent influence on the tendency to cooperate—processing speed—and the cognitive mechanism thought to be associated with this influence—intuitive, as opposed to reflective, decision-making. In the first of these studies, researchers gathered 891 participants (211 undergraduates and 680 participants from a nationwide sample) and had them play a public goods game with one key twist: these participants were forced to make their decisions either quickly (within 10 seconds) or slowly (after at least 10 seconds had passed). In the second, researchers had 343 participants from a nationwide sample play a public goods game after they had been primed to use either intuitive or reflective reasoning. Both studies showed the same pattern—whether people were forced to use intuition (by acting under time constraints) or simply encouraged to do so (through priming), they gave significantly more money to the common good than did participants who relied on reflection to make their choices. This again suggests that our intuitive impulse is to cooperate with others.
Taken together, these studies—7 total experiments, using a whopping 2,068 participants—suggest that we are not intuitively selfish creatures. But does this mean that we our naturally cooperative? Or could it be that cooperation is our first instinct simply because it is rewarded? After all, we live in a world where it pays to play well with others: cooperating helps us make friends, gain social capital, and find social success in a wide range of domains. As one way of addressing this possibility, the experimenters carried out yet another study. In this study, they asked 341 participants from a nationwide sample about their daily interactions—specifically, whether or not these interactions were mainly cooperative; they found that the relationship between processing speed (that is, intuition) and cooperation only existed for those who reported having primarily cooperative interactions in daily life. This suggests that cooperation is the intuitive response only for those who routinely engage in interactions where this behavior is rewarded—that human "goodness" may result from the acquisition of a regularly rewarded trait.


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Manually and precisely edit home videos and photos, get word processing and spreadsheets done with keyboard and mouse, and use a stylus for graphic design. The ET2300 meets all your productivity needs with adjustable-angle panel and helpful support tools. Home theater - immerse in Full HD with cinematic sound The ASUS AiO PC ET2300 Series has an ergonomic design coupled with a 23-inch, 178° wide-view angle IPS display for enhanced brightness. Along with ASUS-exclusive audio technologies, it immerse you in a Full HD world with cinematic surround sound that suits all your multimedia entertainment. Lifelike Audio with SonicMaster Premium The Best Audio Ever on an All-in-One PC The ET2300 is the first All-in-One PC with built-in array speaker and subwoofer, plus an external subwoofer, all underpinned by the ASUS's Golden Ear team's renowned SonicMaster technology. Together with MAXXAUDIO professional audio processing, it creates incredible aural immersion. Enjoy smooth, rich, and detailed sound in music, movies, gaming, speech and recording, the ET2300 delivers fully-fledged hi-fi for your living space. Two Subwoofers for Extra Bass ET2300 has a built-in subwoofer for rich bass and powerful volume, and an optional external subwoofer for bass that goes a whole octave lower. Whether watching movies or listening to music, the result is an intense and satisfying audio experience. Be Captivated by Mesmerizing HD Visuals 23-inch Full HD IPS LED Backlit Display The 23-inch, 16:9 Full HD IPS LED screen of the ET2300 delivers high definition content with an added emphasis on detail; bringing you more pleasure while playing games or watching movies. Its super-sharp color reproduction enhances your productivity, entertainment, and web-surfing experience. 178° Wide Viewing Angle In addition, the ET2300 Series has a 178˚ wide-view angle IPS panel that eliminates color shift on your screen no matter where and how you look at it. 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Halle Berry is pregnant!
Big news is breaking about Halle Berry.
USA TODAY has confirmed through her publicist that the actress, who is 46, is expecting her second child.
TMZ reports that Berry is 12 weeks along, and that she and fiance Olivier Martinez, 47, already know the sex. It's a boy!
He'll be little brother to Berry's child, Nahla, 5, with Gabriel Aubry.
E! News also says it has confirmed that the Oscar winner is pregnant and quotes a source as saying, "Halle and Olivier are really excited. It's a blessing. They can't wait to have a baby together."
In a November appearance on The Wendy Williams Show, Berry said Nahla was hoping for a baby sister. "Every night, we do our prayers. We pray to God, so sweet. She says, 'God, please bring me a bunk bed and a baby sister.' And I say, 'I can do one of those things, I know for sure. The other one, we've got to keep praying on.'"