text:
Two guys in their mid-twenties are sitting at a bar having a beer. One of the guys says to his buddy, "Man, you really look tired." His buddy says, "Dude, I'm exhausted. My girlfriend wants sex all the time, three, four, even six times a night, every night. She wakes me up at all hours. I just don't know what to do." A fellow about 65, sitting a couple of stools down overheard the conversation. He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says… "Marry her. That'll put a stop to that nonsense."
Two attorneys are stranded on a tropical island for several years. One day one attorney saw a woman out in the ocean floating in their direction." the other lawyer was wary and said: " You're hallucinating, You've finally lost your mind." But within a few minutes, up on the beach floated a stunningly beautiful woman, face up, totally naked, unconscious, without even so much as earrings on!
The two lawyers went down to the water, dragged her up on the beach and discovered, yes, she was alive, warm and breathing. One said to the other, "You know, we've been on this God forsaken island for months now without a woman. It's been such a long, long time. So, do you think we should, well… You know… Screw her?' "Out of WHAT?" asked the other lawyer !!
ROMANTIC TEXT MESSAGE An elderly couple learned to send text messages on their mobile phones. The wife, a retired college English instructor with emphasis on the Classics, was an unapologetic romantic; her husband, a retired salty Navy chief petty officer of thirty years' service, was a no-nonsense guy. One afternoon the wife went to the local Starbucks to meet a friend for coffee. While awaiting her friend's arrival, she exercised her new skill by sending her husband a romantic text message: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you." The husband responded: "I'm takin' a shit. Please advise."
Why we wish children would stay so innocent!
1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. 'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil. 'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently. 'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move'
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the minister leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?' The little girl replied, directly into the minister's clip-on microphone, 'Yes, and my Mum says it's a bitch to iron.'
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?'
The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!"
I hope you enjoyed it.
Archive for Humour
Laugh PagePosted in America, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, European Union, News, Teens, UK, USA with tags Cartoons, Fun, Humour, Jokes, Laughter on 21/01/2018 by floroy1942
Have A Laugh!Posted in America, Australia, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, European Union, News, Spain, UK with tags Cartoons, Fun, Humour, Jokes, Laughter on 08/08/2017 by floroy1942
"I sat, as did millions of other Americans, and watched as the government underwent a peaceful transition of power a few short months ago … At first, I felt a swell of pride and patriotism while Donald Trump took his Oath of Office. However, all that pride quickly vanished as I later watched 21 Soldiers, in full dress uniform with rifles, fire a 21-gun salute to the President. It was then that I realized how far America's military had deteriorated. Every one of them missed the bastard …
Car Keys
They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband: "I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."
There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice. "Are you kidding me?" he barked, "I dropped you off!" Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me." He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your car!"
The commanding officer at the Russian Military Academy (the equivalent of a 4-star general in the U.S. ) gave a lecture on 'Potential Problems and Military Strategy'. At the end of the lecture, he asked are there questions? An officer stood up and asked, "Will there be a third world war? And will Russia take part in it?"
The general answered both questions in the affirmative.
Another officer asked, "Who will be the enemy?"
The general replied, "All indications point to China".
Everyone in the audience was shocked A third officer remarked, "General, we are a nation of only 150 million, compared to the 1.5 billion Chinese (an odds of 10 to 1). Can we win at all, or even survive?"
The general answered, "Just think about it this for a moment: In modern warfare, it is not the quantity of soldiers that matters but the quality of an army's capabilities. For example, in the Middle East there have been a few wars recently where 5 million Jews fought against 150 million Arabs (an odds of 30 to 1), and Israel were always victorious."
After a small pause, yet another officer from the back of the auditorium asked: "Does Russia have enough Jews ?
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year
old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
shower. She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!'
I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her
tummy.' 'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'
The seven dwarfs always left to go to work in the mine early each morning. As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores. As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunch and carry it to the mine.
One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunch, she saw that there had been a terrible cave-in. Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived. 'Hello…Hello !' she shouted. 'Can anyone hear me? Hello !' For a long while, there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow White again shouted, 'Hello! Is anyone down there?'
Just as she was about to give up all hope, she heard a faint voice from deep within the mine, "VOTE FOR CORBYN " Snow White fell to her knees and prayed, 'Oh, thank you, God!….At least Dopey is still alive !'
Most people today think it's improper to discipline children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have had one of 'those moments.' Since I'm a pilot, one method that I have found very effective is for me to just take the child for a short flight during which I say nothing and give the child the opportunity to reflect on his or her behavior. I don't know whether it's the steady vibration from the engines, or just the time away from any distractions such as TV, video games, computer, iPod, etc. Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our flight together. I believe that eye to eye contact during these sessions is an important element in achieving the desired results. I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique. Should work with grandkids too!
How the British have passively succumbed to the Muslim invasion:
When you leave the hen house gate open, don't cry after the fox has taken the chickens….
Mayor of London … MUSLIM
Mayor of Birmingham … MUSLIM
Mayor of Leeds … MUSLIM
Mayor of Blackburn … MUSLIM
Mayor of Sheffield … MUSLIM
Mayor of Oxford … MUSLIM
Mayor of Luton … MUSLIM
Mayor of Oldham … MUSLIM
Mayor of Rochdale … MUSLIM
Over 3,000 Muslim Mosques
Over 130 Muslim Sharia Courts
Over 50 Muslim Sharia Councils
Muslims-Only No-Go Areas Across The UK
Muslim Women … 78% don't work and are on FREE benefits/housing
Muslim Men … 63% don't work and are on FREE benefits/housing
Muslim Families … 6-8 children planning to go on FREE benefits/housing
… and now all UK schools are ONLY serving HALAL MEAT!
All this achieved by just 4 million Muslims out of the 66 million population!
This is a very nice souvenir photograph of 24 newly wedded couples in Enfield:
Just hope, for their sake that each husband goes home with the right table cloth..
A son asked his mother the following question: ' Mom, why are wedding dresses white? ' The mother looks at her son and replies: ' Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.' The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father. ' Dad why are wedding dresses white? ' The father looks at his son in surprise and says: 'Son, all household appliances come in white.' The husband is still in intensive care and the prognosis is not good!!!
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter.'
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, 'I'm Jane Sugarbrown.'
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, 'Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?' She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm not.'
I hope you enjoyed it. 'Til next time.
Have A LaughPosted in America, Australia, Britain, British Humour, Canada, Europe, News, UK, USA with tags Cartoons, Fun, Humour, Jokes, Laughter on 07/04/2017 by floroy1942
What a good shave will do for you!
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his haircut, eating a snack cake The barber says to her, 'Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin..' She says, 'Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.'
A US Marine enters the Catholic Church confessional booth in Hendersonville, NC. He tells the priest, Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Last night, I beat the ever-living crap out of a flag burning, cop-hating, Muslim Jihadist." The priest says, "My son, I am here to forgive your sins, not to discuss your community service."
I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. 'I asked them, ' If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?' 'NO!' the children answered. 'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?' Again, the answer was 'NO!' 'If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?' Again, they all answered 'NO!' I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, 'Then how can I get into heaven?' A little boy shouted out: 'YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN' DEAD.'
Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the lights out of this bloke at a party. In my defence… when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.
What's the difference between a refugee and ET? ET looked better, smelled better, learnt English, didn't claim benefits, had his own bike and wanted to go home!
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?'
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. 'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.' A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: 'The big sissy.'
The doctor took the husband in first. The husband was a bit embarrassed and told the doctor he had trouble getting an erection with his wife and she was getting frustrated. He checked his blood pressure and other things then said he was going to check with the wife. He took her to another cubicle and asked her to disrobe. Then he told her to turn all the way around slowly. She did as instructed. He then told her to turn all the way around in the other direction. Then he said – "Ok, good – you can get dressed now, and I will talk to your husband". The doctor went back to the other cubicle and said to the husband, "Well, you can relax, there is nothing wrong with you. I couldn't get an erection either"
I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him. I shouted. Where you off to Charlie? He said, I'm off to change a light bulb. Well, I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing. I said. That's going to be a bit awkward init? Not really, He said. I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard.
A son asked his mother the following question: ' Mom, why are wedding dresses white? ' The mother looks at her son and replies: ' Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.' The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father. ' Dad why are wedding dresses white? The father looks at his son in surprise and says: 'Son, all household appliances come in white.'
I hope you enjoyed this little offering. 'Til next time.
Not All American's Are DumbPosted in America, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, European Union, Government, News, USA with tags Fun, Humour, News, Politics, Presidents on 14/03/2017 by floroy1942
I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's staffer, who wanted to go to Cape Town. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts .."
Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Cape Town is in South Africa .." His response — click..
A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, 'Don't lie to me!, I looked on the map, and Florida is a very THIN state!!"
I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?"
I said, "No."
She said, "But they look so close on the map"
An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.
A New York lawmaker, called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?" I said, 'No, why do you ask?' He replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!"
After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca. is (FAT – Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage..
A New Jersey Congressman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York ."
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?"
'Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the man.
After some searching, I came back with, "I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."
"The man retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!"
So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo , do you?"
The reply? "Whatever! I knew it was a big animal."
A Senator, called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those."
I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!"
A Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?"
I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola and fly on a commuter plane.
She said, "Yeah, whatever, smarty!"
I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?"
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them."
A Senator John Kerry aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)
An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas .. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas … When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time."
People can be so funny at times. I hope you enjoyed this.
Laugh For FreePosted in America, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, Europe, News, Teens, UK, USA with tags Cartoons, Fun, Humour, Jokes, Laugh on 13/02/2017 by floroy1942
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake The barber says to her, 'Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin..' She replies, 'Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.'
A Police Officer was patrolling late at night off the main highway. At nearly midnight, he sees a couple in a car, in Lovers' Lane, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the Officer walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window. The young man lowers his window. "Uh, yes, Officer?" The trooper asks: "What are you doing?" The young man says: "Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine." Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the Officer says: "And, her, what is she doing?" The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails." Now, the trooper is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in Lover's Lane and nothing obscene is happening! The trooper asks: "What's your age, young man?" The young man says: "I'm 22, sir." The trooper asks: "And her, what's her age?" The young man looks at his watch and replies: "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."
A very sad day today. After seven years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant undertaker.
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?' The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!"
In the Pub the other day I was telling that old joke about what do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath? Answer: Throw in your washing…. We were all having a good laugh about this when this big bastard tapped me on the shoulder and said. "I don't find that very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fits". I said. "Sorry mate. Did he drown?" "No" he said, "He choked on a sock."
When asked by a young patrol officer, "Do you know you were speeding?" This 83-year-old woman gave the young officer an ear to ear smile and stated:- "Yes, but …. I had to get there before I forgot where I was going." The officer put his ticket book away and bid her good day. Makes perfectly good sense to me!!
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three-year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!' I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy.' 'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'
A Spanish language teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa." "Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."
A student asked, "What gender is 'Computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher divided the class into two groups, Male and Female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "Computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that "Computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck to buy accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("el computador"), because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer, you could have got a better model. The women won.
'Til next time.
This Will Cheer You UpPosted in America, Australia, Britain, Canada, England, European Union, Germany, News, UK, USA with tags Cartoons, Fun, Humour, Jokes, Laughter on 19/01/2017 by floroy1942
In the Pub the other day I was telling that old joke about what do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath? Answer: Throw in your washing….We were all having a good laugh about this when this big bastard tapped me on the shoulder and said. "I don't find that very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fits." I said, "Sorry mate. Did he drown?" "No." he said, "He choked on a sock."
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser who responded "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste." "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump." "We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked so they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They too were overbooked so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!" "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me." "Oh, really! What'd he say?" He said: "Who in hell cut your hair?"
Dear Friends:
I have the distinguished honor of being a member of the Committee to raise $50,000,000 for a monument to Hillary R. Clinton. We originally wanted to put her on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for her two faces. We then decided to erect a statue of Hillary in the Washington, D.C. Hall of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside Barack Hussein Obama, who never told the truth, since Hillary could never tell the difference. We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on someone else's money.
Thank you,
Hillary R. Clinton Monument Committee
P.S. The Committee has raised $2.16 so far…. ($2.00 of which was from the Clinton Foundation)
A woman went into a pet store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the assistant she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune. "Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blow jobs!" "Blow jobs!" the woman exclaimed. "It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said.
The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true? No more blow jobs for her, so she bought the frog. When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off!… The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.
In the middle of the night however, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cook books. "What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked.
Her husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, you're history."
At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace. The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She started walking toward the pastor slowly. Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom. The groom's mother fainted. The groomsmen started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation. The pastor asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?" The woman replied, "We can't hear in the back."
A Muslim couple, preparing for their wedding, meet the Mullah for counseling. He asks if they have any last questions before they leave. The man asks, "We realise it's a tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together." "Absolutely not," says the Mullah. "It's immoral. Men and women always dance separately." "So, after the ceremony, I can't even dance with my own wife?" says the man. "No," answered the Mullah, "It's forbidden in Islam." "Well, okay," says the man, "What about sex? Can we finally have sex?" "Of course!" replies the Mullah, "Sex is OK within marriage, to have children!" "What about different positions?" asks the man. "No problem," says the Mullah. "Woman on top?" "Sure," says the Mullah. "Go for it!" "On the kitchen table?" "Yes, yes!" "Can we do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, leather harnesses, a bucket of honey and a porn video?" "You may indeed!" "Can we do it standing up?" "Absolutely not!" says the Mullah." "Why not?" asks the man. "It could lead to dancing!"
British humour as it used to be: absolutely politically incorrect.
It has been announced that the police are going to be allowed to use water cannons on rioters. They are putting some Tide washing powder in to stop the coloureds from running.
Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London. Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.
Riots in Birmingham last month caused over £1 million worth of improvements
Muslims have gone on the rampage in Manchester, killing anyone who's English.. Police fear the death toll could be as high as 8 or 9.
Years ago it was suggested that, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." But, since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works great!
Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque…
They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.
During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling tree.
A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said "We didn't even know they were living up there".
Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown 5 times a week now.
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low.
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony, shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal. It seems that a caller dialed 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah." To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line".
I hope you enjoyed a laugh! 'Til next time.
Just Joking!Posted in America, Britain, British Humour, European Union, Insanity, News, President, UK, USA with tags Cartoons, Fun, Humour, Jokes, Laugh on 29/11/2016 by floroy1942
A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, "This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!" "Good," replied his wife. "Now you know how I always feel."
A drunk staggers out of a bar and lets go a loud belch just as a couple are walking in the door. The man yells at the drunk, "How dare you belch before this woman!" The drunk says, "I'm sorry! I didn't know she wanted to go first.
Two blondes were shopping at the mall. When they were done, they went out to their car, an awesome leather-interior convertible, but they realized they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind of stood there and thought for a while. Then one of the girls had the bright idea to try to open the car with a coat hanger, so she started fiddling with the lock. The other blonde looked up at the sky, became very worried, and pleaded, "Hurry, hurry! It's going to rain and we left the top down!"
Mr. Brown was working in his garden when on the other side of the fence, he heard his neighbour crying. Mr. Brown popped his head over the fence and asked, "What's the matter Mary? What has upset you?" The blonde neighbour replied, "My dog has died and I'm going to bury it here." Mr. Brown said, "You only have one dog, so why have you dug three holes?" She answered, "The first two were too small."
One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, "Why are you home so early?" He answered, "Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class." She said, "Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?" Jimmy replied, "The question was 'Who threw the trash can at the principal's head?'"
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend, he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000." "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in September," the friend continued, "my father died, leaving me $90,000." "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." "Then last month, my aunt died and left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad." "Then this month," continued the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the edge of their pool and throw them fish?
A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian. The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too." The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650." "$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the man. "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests."
A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen darlin', I'm not horny – I'm just homesick."
Hope you enjoyed it. 'Til next time.
Sunday JokesPosted in America, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, European Union, News, Obama, Politics, UK with tags Cartoons, Fun, Humour, Jokes, Laughter on 23/10/2016 by floroy1942
A young Arkansan boy goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all of his money on his girlfriend, he calls home. "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here at Hendrix that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!" "That's amazing," his dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue in that program?" "Just send him over here with $1,000" the young Arkie says "and I'll get him in the course." So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.
About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home. "So how's Ole' Blue doing son?" his father asks. "Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this — they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!" "Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?" "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."
The money promptly arrives. The Arkie and his girlfriend are able to buy enough marijuana to last the whole semester. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. Even though he was always pretty much able to lie his way out of trouble, the Arkie asked his girlfriend to help him think of a really good lie to tell his dad. She very quickly came up with a plan for him. So she has him shoot the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!" "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does". "Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?" The father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot that lying damn dog before he talks to your mother!" "I sure did, Dad!" "That's my boy!"
The kid married his girlfriend, they both went on to law school in Fayetteville, he became Governor of Arkansas and President of the United States, and you already know what a lying bitch his girlfriend turned out to be!
So a man dies, goes to Heaven, and sees St. Peter. There are many clocks surrounding him so the man asks, "What are these clocks for?" St. Peter replies, "These are lie clocks, they tick once for every lie you tell. Here we have Mother Teresa's clock. She has never lied so the clock has not moved. Honest Abe has only lied twice in his life, so it has only ticked twice." The man then asks, "So where is George Bush's clock?" St. Peter replies, "Oh, that is in Jesus' office, he is using it as a ceiling fan!"
How can you tell when a brunette is actually a blonde who dyes her hair? When she trips over the cordless phone.
So I asked a blonde, "Which is closer, Florida or the Sun?" She said, "The Sun, because I can look up and see it.
It was a baby mosquito's first day to fly out from home. When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, "How was your journey?" The baby mosquito replied, "It went great. Everyone was clapping for me!"
Travelling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station. The attendant asks the old man, "Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town." The old man says, "We're from Nebraska." Hard of hearing, the old lady nudges her husband, "What did he say, papa?" The old man answers her, "He asked us where we are from." "Oh," replies the old woman. The old man tells the attendant to fill up the tank and check the tires. When that's all done, the attendant tells the old man, "You know, the worst piece of ass I ever had was from Nebraska." The old lady nudges her husband once more and asks, "What did he say, papa?" The husband replies, "He thinks he knows you, mama."
Two nuns from Ireland come to tour New York City. Before they come, they hear that Americans eat dogs, so they both agree to try it when they arrive. As they're walking around New York, they hear, "Hot Dogs! Get your hot dogs!" They rush over to get one! As the first nun opens hers, her face turns white and she gasps, "What part did you get?!"
A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
'Til next time.
Miserable Day? Let This Cheer You Up!Posted in America, Australia, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, European Union, News, UK, USA with tags Cartoons, Fun, Humour, Jokes, Laugh on 26/09/2016 by floroy1942
There's a blond and a brunette in a car. The brunette is driving while the blonde is in the passenger seat. They're going down a steep hill when the brunette realizes that the brakes don't work. The brunette tells the blonde that the brakes don't work and they will drive off the side of the cliff because they failed to stop. The blonde then replies, "Don't worry! There's a stop sign ahead."
An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?" The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!"
Little Susie, a six-year-old, complained, "Mother, I've got a stomach ache." "That's because your stomach is empty," the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it." That afternoon, her father came complaining that he had a severe headache all day. Susie perked up, "That's because it's empty," she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it."
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse approaches the first guy and says, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins." "That's odd," answers the man. "I work for the Minnesota Twins!" A nurse then yells the second man, "Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!" "That's weird," answers the second man. "I work for the 3M company!" A nurse goes up to the third man saying, "Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets." "That's strange," he answers. "I work for the Four Seasons hotel!" The last man begins groaning and banging his head against the wall. "What's wrong?" the others ask. "I work for 7 Up!"
An Amish husband, wife and son travel to the city on vacation. They visit a shopping mall and while the mother is shopping, the father and son are standing in awe in front of an elevator (having no idea what it is). As they watch, an elderly lady walks into the strange silver doors and the doors close. The father and son watch as the numbers go up, and then back down. When the doors open, a beautiful young woman walks out. The father leans over and whispers to the son, "Son, go get your mother!"
A fourth grade teacher asks the class, "Have any of you ever saved somebody's life?" A little boy raises his hand, "Yes, my little nephew's." "Wow, what a little hero you are! How did you do that, sweetie?" asks the teacher. The little guy replies, "I hid my sister's birth control pills!"
There were three women. a brown headed a brunette and a blonde. they were talking then they started talking about sex. The brown headed one said "I'm gonna have 3 baby's". The brunette said she was gonna have twins. And the blonde started crying and the other two women asked her what was wrong. And the blonde said she was gonna have baby dogs because she had sex doggy style!
An old couple is ready to go to sleep. The old man lies on the bed but the old woman lies down on the floor. The old man asks, "Why are you going to sleep on the floor?" The old woman says, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change."
A farmer buys a young rooster. As soon as he brings the bird to the farm, it rushes & shags all 150 hens. The farmer is impressed thinking about all the eggs the hens would hatch. At lunch, the rooster again screws all 150 hens. The farmer gets a bit worried now. The next day, he finds the rooster fucking the ducks, geese, & a parrot too which is now scaring him. Later that day, he finds the rooster lying pale, half-dead with vultures circling over its head. The farmer says, "You horny bastard, you deserve this." The rooster opens one eye, points up, & whispers, "Shh! Don't shout, let them land!"
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
A man needed a horse, so he went to a temple and got one. Before he left, the priest told him that it was a special horse. In order to make the horse go, you say, "Thank God," and for it to stop you say, "Amen." So the man left, and a few minutes later he dozed off on his horse. Hours later, he woke up and his horse was racing him towards the edge of a cliff. Just in time, he shouted "Amen!" and the horse stopped a few inches from the edge. "Whew," said the man, "thank God!"
How are women and tornadoes alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a wedding cake.
Q: When can women make you a millionaire? A: When you're a billionaire.
A man is drinking in a bar when he notices a beautiful young lady. "Hello there and what is your name?" "Hello," giggles the woman, "I'm Stacey. What's yours?" "I'm Jim." "Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight?" "Sure!" replies Jim. "Let's go!" At Stacey's house, Jim notices a picture of a man on Stacey's desk and asks, "Is this your brother?" "No, it isn't, Jim!" Stacey giggles. "Is it your husband?" Stacey giggles even more, "No, silly!" "Then, it must be your boyfriend!" Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim's ear. She says, "No, silly!" "Then, who is it?" Stacey replies, "That's me before my operation!"
I hope you had fun. 'Til next time
A Message To ImmigrantsPosted in America, Australia, Britain, Canada, England, European Union, Germany, Immigrants, News, UK with tags Comedy, Fun, Humour, Illegal Immigrants on 06/09/2016 by floroy1942
Trust the Aussies to say how it really is. Worth watching, and a pointer to many European countries …… and America!
Start The Week With A LaughPosted in America, Australia, Britain, British Humour, Canada, England, European Union, News, UK, USA with tags Cartoons, Fun, Humour, Jokes, Laughter on 04/09/2016 by floroy1942
A blonde, out of money, and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom. She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took him behind a building, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides, on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning, the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."
A man tells his wife, "Honey, your mom fell down the stairs 15 minutes ago." The wife yells at him, "Why are you just telling me now?" He said, "Because I couldn't stop laughing."
A husband and wife have four boys. The odd part of it is that the older three have red hair, light skin, and are tall, while the youngest son has black hair, dark eyes, and is short. The father eventually takes ill and is lying on his deathbed when he turns to his wife and says, "Honey, before I die, be completely honest with me. Is our youngest son my child?" The wife replies, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son." With that, the husband passes away. The wife then mutters, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
A blonde lady was stuck in a snowstorm when she remembered her dad's advice: "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait until a snowplow drives by and then follow it." Eventually she saw a snowplow so she followed it along in her car. After 30 minutes, the snowplow driver stopped, got out, and walked up to the woman's car asking, "Lady, why are you following me?" She explained what her father had told her and the driver said, "Well I'm done with the Walmart parking lot now. Do you want to follow me to Best Buy?"
A child goes to his father and asks, "Father, how do parents think of names for their children?" The father answers, "Well, son, the night before the mother gives birth, the father goes into the woods and camps for the night. When he wakes the following morning, the first thing he sees is what he names his child, which is why your sister is named Soaring Eagle. Why do you ask, Bear Poop?"
A man and a wife were in bed one morning when the wife said, "I had a strange dream last night. I dreamed I was at a penis auction. Long penises were going for $100 and thick penises were going for $300." The husband asked, "What would mine go for?" The wife replied, "They were giving ones like yours away for free." The husband said, "I also had a dream last night about an auction where they were selling juicy vagina's for $500 and tight vagina's for $1,000." "How about mine?" the wife asked and the husband replied, "That was where they were holding the auction."
The words election and erection are spelled similarly. They both have the same meaning too: a dick rising to power.
Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch. One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?" The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhoea!"
A man is fishing and he catches a crocodile. The crocodile tells him, "Please let me go! I'll grant you any wish you desire." The man says, "Okay, I wish my penis could touch the ground." The crocodile then bites his legs off.
Two salesmen were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result – the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude salesmen were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of the men said: "Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."


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Multi-stream communication in the 60 GHz band has the potential to achieve up to 100 Gbps via concurrent transmission of multiple data streams. Unfortunately, establishing multi-stream directional links is a high overhead procedure in which the search space scales with the number of spatial streams and the product of AP-Client beam resolution. Hence, the key challenge to realizing such rates is to efficiently discover the analog beams at the Access Point (AP) and clients that support concurrent directional transmission/reception of multiple data streams without excessive inter-stream interference. The key activity over the past year was to design, implement and experimentally evaluate an efficient beam steering protocol for downlink multi-user MIMO transmission in 60 GHz WLANs.
The beam steering has a significant role in the achievable throughput of a multi-user 60 GHz transmission since (i) it provides SNR boost via beamforming gain to invoke higher order modulations; and (ii) it impacts the channel orthogonality between a pre-selected group of clients. The latter is the case due to sparse scattering of millimeter waves, i.e., only a few dominant LOS and NLOS paths characterize the channel between any two nodes. An analog beam acts as an amplifier, boosting the strength of certain paths within its main lobe (and side-lobes) and weakening the others. Hence, analog beam steering impacts the effective channel between the AP and each client, and consequently the achievable multiplexing gain.
Figure above: Aggregate PHY rate of a two-user MIMO transmission to R1 (fixed at position index 1) and R2 when placed at other 11 positions.
In millimeter-wave networks, the AP needs to establish and maintain a directional link with every client in the network. This is achieved by a beam acquisition procedure that includes periodic transmission of multiple training frames. In this project, we first reuse the received training frames to fully resolve the dominant LOS and NLOS paths between the AP and each client and their relative timing (i.e., power delay profile or PDP). This is particularly possible thanks to the high sampling rate at 60 GHz and sparse channels.
Unfortunately, solely adding PDP information does not solve the multi-stream beam selection problem as it does not contain any direction information. Second, we couple the knowledge of beam patterns in the AP's RF codebook with PDP estimates for each beam to infer the direction of each dominant path. In other words, by weighting each PDP to the known directional gain for that beam pattern, we can narrow down the direction interval that each path may fall into.
Figure above: Experimental floorplan. Square boxes represent client positions.
Third, we leverage the collected direction inferences for all intended clients to select a set of analog beams with diverse or ideally orthogonal paths for downlink multi-stream concurrent transmission. The beams are selected such that they provide highest SNR at the target client while maximizing channel orthogonality between clients.
Significant Results:
We have implemented and evaluated our design using a programmable testbed for wideband 60 GHz WLANs with electronically-steerable phased arrays. We conducted over-the-air experiments in different indoor settings and our key findings are as follows:
The practical 60 GHz beams generated via phased array antennas have highly irregular beam patterns. Nonetheless, despite their irregularity, the directivity gain is known a priori in each direction as it is a deterministic function of the codebook and antenna spacing. Due to this irregularity, several beams may capture the same LOS/NLOS path through their main-lobes or side-lobes. Multiplexing independent data streams over such beams hinders the multiplexing gain as their channel is correlated due to the common dominant path and sparse nature of 60 GHz propagation. Applying digital precoding (e.g., zero-forcing) can mitigate the inter-stream interference in such cases; however, it cannot fully compensate for high channel correlation and low stream separability.
Figure above: The aggregate PHY rate as a function of the number of spatial streams.
We show that our design successfully obtains multiplexing gains for both single-user MIMO and multi-user MIMO in the evaluated scenarios. Our results demonstrate that the aggregate PHY throughout is in average within the 90% of maximum achievable throughput (being realized by an exhaustive search over all possible AP-clients beam combinations) in different multi-client settings with 2 to 4 concurrent transmissions. Yet, our system overhead is a linear function of number of multipath components in the sparse 60 GHz band; hence, it requires only 0.04% of the exhaustive search's overhead.
Y. Ghasempour, M.K. Haider, C. Cordeiro, D. Koutsonikolas and E. Knightly, "Multi-Stream Beam-Training for mmWave MIMO Networks," in Proceedings of ACM MobiCom 2018,New Delhi, India, October 2018.

subset: commoncrawl


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In the January 2015 issue of the JCUA newsletter…
- Join JCUA in 2015 to learn more about our two new organizing campaigns.
- RSVP for JCUA's first member meeting of 2015 on Jan. 21.
- Or Tzedek Summer 2015 registration is open.
- What are you doing on MLK day weekend?
- Guest blog post on immigration reform.
- Save the date for JCUA's 2015 Passover Seder on March 19.


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Android iPhone and iPad Tech News
Google Duo Now Lets You Make Voice Calls Worldwide
Google has added the ability to make voice calls to Google Duo. So what started out as an app purely for making video calls now does voice calls too. Unfortunately, this just makes Google's strategy with its many messaging/chat apps look more confusing than ever.
At Google I/O 2016 The Best of Google I/O 2016, Nokia Makes a Comeback... [Tech News Digest] Google reveals new products and services at I/O 2016, Nokia comes alive once more, a reminder that Facebook Live broadcasts are public, and the first teaser for the new Star Trek TV series. Read More , Google unveiled two new apps designed to complement each other. Allo was focused on messaging, with Duo focused on video calls. Now, Duo also does voice calls, just like Hangouts, which Google recently split into Chat and Meet Google Splits Hangouts Into 'Chat' and 'Meet' Google is splitting Hangouts into two separate apps, Hangouts Chat and Hangouts Meet. No one seems to know why, but it's happening nonetheless. Read More . Confused? Then you're not alone.
Making Voice Calls Using Google Duo
Almost a year after its debut, Google Duo has the ability to manage voice calls. Google tested voice calling inside Duo in Brazil last month, but it's now available to users worldwide. We know because Duo's technical lead, Justin Uberti, tweeted the following this past weekend.
?? Google Duo's new audio calling feature now available worldwide! pic.twitter.com/gFQxQTcu2S
— Justin Uberti (@juberti) April 10, 2017
Duo was designed to keep things simple, and the integration of voice calling is no exception. Once you have updated the app, all you need to do is switch the toggle at the top of the app from Video to Audio. Et voila, you can now make an audio-only call without making sure your hair is on-point.
Too Many Apps Which Do the Same Thing
We can't help thinking Google has one too many messaging/chat apps on its books at the moment. Most of which do the same, or very similar, things to each other. Google has already killed Talk Google Finally Kills Google Talk After 12 Years Google is retiring Google Talk, also known as Google Chat, after 12 long years of service, and urging existing Talk users to switch to using Hangouts. Read More , but do we really need Allo, Duo, Chat, Meet, Google Voice, and the Supersonic Fun Voice Messenger Google's New App Turns Your Words Into Emojis Supersonic Fun Voice Messenger is yet another messaging app. However, at least this one, which is backed by Google, does something interesting with emojis. No, really. Read More ? In a word, no.
The big problem for Google is that none of these apps are gaining enough traction to justify their existence. Google would be doing us, and itself, a huge favor by rolling all of these various messaging/chat apps into just one master messaging/chat app which does everything. Right?
Have you ever used Google Duo? If so, what do you think of it? Are you likely to use it for voice calls? If not, why not? What app do you use for video calls instead? Should Google fold all of its messaging/chat apps into one? Please let us know in the comments below!
Image Credit: Simon Blackley via Flickr
Related topics: Google, Google Hangouts, Video Chat.
Affiliate Disclosure: By buying the products we recommend, you help keep the site alive. Read more.


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Hoplite Basketball Academy | Shooting Camp
Event Description
Francis Howell Central High School
2019 Hoplite Basketball Academy
Shooting Camp
Shooting Camp will include instruction, drills, and competitions that include finishing at the rim with contact, mid-range jump shots, free throws, and three point shooting. We will make sure athletes learn the basic fundamentals of shooting, driving and scoring, and free throws. Camp will end each day with shooting competitions and games.
*Register for both Shooting Camp & "Skillz-N-Thrillz" Camp for only $125
Location: Camps will be held at the Francis Howell Central Gym
Contact: Brian Cissell (Head Coach) | 314-606-4036 | firstname.lastname@example.com
Day 1- Will showcase a FT competition, Hot Shots, and Around the World
Day 2- Will showcase a 3pt contest, Knock Out, and a Pig Tournament


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The show had a juried section and a non juried section. I found most of the creative quilts were found in the latter. There were some vendors there, but I was able to keep it under control. My favorite fabric was Shweshwe from South Africa, but I found it when I was at the end of my budget. I will be ordering some.
|An incredible reverse appliqued quilt, wow
|Applique details
|Incredible house quilt. All the windows were fussy cut figures.
|Incredible quilt made from all small squares
|From Aurifil- all their colors in a quilt!
|A four seasons crazy quilt with all kinds of cool embellishments


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Free is always nice. No clue when i will be going that far north again tho.
Hmmm. Thinking the 3g might look good the the same color blue as the new one. Maybe
Free is always nice. No clue when i will be going that far north again tho.
Hmmm. Thinking the 3g might look good the the same color blue as the new one. Maybe
I just drove right by your town a few weeks ago, i could have dropped it off, but i didn't know about this thread.
I like the coup and the color. That blue may be too much blue for a 80's car, but any new paint would look awesome.
1988 Honda Accord LSDX-I
whats up with honda coupes and visors. seams hard to find some. hope someone makes some aftermaket ones.
1989 Honda Accord LX-i
B18c1 swap since 7/2011
175whp and 132tq
Redzone tuned
There are aftermarket ones. But the stick on ones look like s*** and the in-channel ones put a lot of extra strain on the window motors from what I've been reading.
New car is paid off now. Hopefully i will be able to resume work on the hatch pretty soon. In between jobs atm. First order of business will prob be pads and rotors all around. Sitting outside for 2 years hasn't been kind to them. I still drive it occasionally. Has antique plate now so I'm restricted to weekends, holidays, and car shows. Brought my parts car up from Florida finally. if anyone needs any parts that are easy to ship from an 87 hatch let me know.
very. but its a permanent plate. never have to register it again. and since getting the new one i only put 500-600 miles on it per year.
TN has antique plates? I've lived here most of my life and didn't know that lol
I've seen them on Virginia registered cars.
Also didn't know they were that restrictive. Learn something new every day.
Originally posted by ShiRen:
Nice car or not, nobody likes losing a race to an old 4 door Honda.


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Mary Noxon
Mary has maximized her education and career experiences in many diverse and transforming ways. Following completion of her Master's Degree in Exhibition Design from the Corcoran School of Art and Design at George Washington University, Mary helped create large-scale advertisements for companies such as Google, Apple and Facebook in New York and Los Angeles. During her year-and-a-half at the Smithsonian Institution, she was published and received an award of excellence for her project work there.
As a designer at Solid Light, Mary's unique background, interest in education, and curiosity about whatever's she's working on help the company create visitor experiences with striking designs informed by a deep understanding of content and a desire for authentic story-telling.


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Monday, 01 July 2019 by Tara Crooks
Our best sale of the year is back! Let us help you look and feel fabulous for July 4th weekend. Beginning Monday 7/1/19 – Wednesday 7/3/19 we are offering BOGO's online and in store. You can buy one tan and get a 2nd tan for only $15. This sale includes all of our solutions. That
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Fresno County is saving millions of taxpayer dollars by not picking up some people who call for an ambulance.
Those callers aren't being neglected.
They've been identified as "regulars" who abuse the ambulance system.
Emergency calls come fast and furious at American Ambulance.
Dispatchers and paramedics are quick to respond to trouble.
But sometimes the people they see and the voices they hear are a little too familiar.
"Most people don't need ambulances routinely, so even 10 or 12 is a lot, but 25 will get my attention especially within a tight span of time," said Ken Katz of American Ambulance.
Frequent flyers can clog the system - calling 911 for an ambulance ride they don't need to a hospital that can't help them.
Dan Lynch, A Fresno County EMS coordinator, said every day, there are people who use it to get to the other side of town.
Lynch decided the problem was too big to ignore in 2011 when two men combined for more than 1,300 ambulance rides.
For nearly seven years now, the county has built a "no-fly" list for ambulance abusers -- people calling at least twice a month for three months.
16 people have gotten through three warnings, kept calling, and made the list - meaning paramedics are allowed to deny them a ride if they don't seem to have a real emergency.
Action News tracked down one of them.
Dale Whitley called 911 almost 100 times in nine months last year before he got banned in September.
"Mental reasons and medical reasons. Those are the only two reasons," Whitley told Action News.
Whitley said he feels like he's only requesting an ambulance when he really needs it, but he often has allergic reactions and suicidal depression.
An ambulance ride and a basic hospital visit cost about $800, so taxpayers covered somewhere around $80,000 worth of care for Whitley before his ban.
But he says he's afraid for his life and needs help.
Lynch says he's just looking in the wrong place.
Fresno County's program tries to divert ambulance abusers into programs for mental health and social services.
"We want to get them help. We've always said we want to help them out of the system before we have to shut them out of the system," Lynch said.
Cities like Minneapolis are using Fresno County's program as a model for their own.
Paramedics say it lets them focus on their mission - saving lives in true emergencies.
EXCLUSIVE: Fresno County creates ambulance 'no-fly list' to save millions of dollars
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#LongCalls #LEAPS – Something I've started doing on these longer term positions is really working nicely. I'm setting the initial position after a pullback (or run up for short positions) and only starting with about a half position. This allows nice gains if my timing is perfect (ya right! LOL) but more importantly it allows a nice averaging down into the full position and drastically reducing the cost basis (in addition to the weekly selling).
Added another AMAT today:
Bought AMAT JAN 17 2020 50.0 Call @ 2.43
I've added 3 times now. Original half position at 7.70 and adds at 2.55, 2.55, and 2.43 reducing basis to 5.75 overall. Weekly sales have further reduced this to 4.12 with the position out to 2020. LEAPS are trading at 2.40 now so slightly underwater but not nearly as bad as it would be had I gone all in from the beginning.
AMBA is an even better example. Original position at 11.20 with adds at 11.00 twice to get to a half position. Added the other half after the implosion at 5.20 and 3.40.
New basis is 7.44 with weekly sales reducing that to 3.93. The LEAPS are trading at 4.65 so the position is actually profitable in spite of over a 30 percent selloff since starting the trade. What really helped was piling into my full position on the big earnings drop on Aug 31st. Actually caught the bottom there so a big help.
Same thing with the DUST short position. Started at 14.50 with adds at 14.20, 14.00, 13.49, and 12.50 getting to only an 80 percent position but the trade is nicely profitable already.


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What are razor bumps?
the medical term for razor bumps, is pseudofolliculitis barbae.
Razor Bumps and Ingrown Hairs are most commonly associated with popular hair removal procedures, such as shaving and waxing. Strands of your hair curl back on themselves and grow into the layers of skin causing irritation, inflammation, pimples, bacterial infections, and in severe cases, a lot of scarring. That doesn't sound too delightful, now does it?
I have a confession…..
♥ it's a little bit embarrassing, but I have to share this with you!
When I was attending college for esthetics, it was mandatory that us students, practice treatments on each other. The school was poorly maintained, and not sympathetic to those who had sensitive skin. I never had sensitive skin, but now, my skin is so sensitive it's pretty much a bio hazard if I use the wrong products!
If you are a fan of waxing, waxing over a period of time will actually damage your hair follicles. Some say that if you wax long enough your hair will not grow back. That is a myth and nothing is farther from the truth. That is FALSE. When students performed hair removal by waxing, on my skin, it was a nightmare. I had damage to my hair follicles, which caused improper hair growth. Long story short, I get horrible folliculitis, razor bumps and in grown hairs! Especially on my legs! It has been over 3 years since I've graduated, and I'm still suffering the consequences…. HOWEVER….
There is light at the end of the tunnel….
and no, it's not a train!
KERAH LANE, sent me this product to test, and give a review. Mind you, I have been to a primary care physician, and dermatologist. Antibiotics, steroid creams, clindamycin wipes, glycolic wipes, you name it, I've tried, with no success… So I was highly skeptical of this product, almost doubtful. Here is a Before Photo, As you can see, I have bumps and visible red markings, from ingrown hairs, and razor bumps. My Legs were mild here. There times, and flare ups where I look like I rolled around on a bee hive, and I'm not over exaggerating or being melodramatic one bit!
After showering and shaving (or waxing), apply a generous amount of Kerah Lanes's product all over the areas that you've removed hair. Be generous with it! Slather it all over!! Massage it into your skin for however long you'd like, and then rinse it off thoroughly. Repeat each time you use methods of removing your hair.
I've use this product for the past 2 days. Not only did clear all the razor bumps and ingrown hairs, it left my legs extremely smooth. It removed all dead skin I had left over on my legs. I didn't even have to put lotion on after I rinsed the product off! The only downside it smells like after shave, not so much when you rinse it but when you first apply it. I think it would be great if it smelled like lavender or flowers, something a bit more feminine for ladies, but IT GETS THE JOB DONE! Even if you don't have razor burn, this is a great product to purchase if you want your skin extremely smooth and touchable! ♥
would I recommend this product to my viewers?
yes, most definitely! I liked it, and will continue to use it!
Want to read more on the product or purchase your "Kerah Lane Organic Razor Bump And Ingrown Hair Formula"? Visit their website
this is a product sponsored post.
All opinions and thoughts are my own. I am 100% honest in all of my reviews on products and topics. Product was purchased by value of submitting an honest unbiased review.
thank you for visiting http://www.beautybyimpulse.com
I appreciate each and everyone of my followers! ♥


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This long LED ceiling light fixture offers energy-efficient illumination and a design that suits simple modern tastes.
Additional Info:
Get a sleek, simple, and stylish look with the Wafer collection by Maxim. This energy-efficient LED ceiling light comes in a rectangular linear flushmount frame, making it perfect for low ceilings. A clean white finish is perfect finishing touch to this modern design.


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High school students who are interested in exploring careers in the healthcare field can apply for the MedQuest Health Center Exploration Camp, which is June 16-21, 2019. The camp is at Eastern Oregon University in La Grande. Application deadline is March 14. For details, please see the MedQuest Camp Flyer.
Release Date


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It's been a busy month since we moved back from Tokyo to London. There have been some ups and downs, but it's been a lot of fun and we are enjoying setting up our new home. The bag-making has waned slightly during that time, but I am now getting back on track and am loving rediscovering my varied selection of Japanese fabrics.
These three little gems are my latest creations. They are small clutch bags, each made from kimono fabrics that I collected whilst living in Tokyo. They can be bought individually on my Etsy store, or I can offer a 10% discount if they are bought as a set of three! If you are interested in buying the set, please contact me through my Etsy store and I can arrange the discount for you.


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BLACK COUNTRY COMMUNION Releases 'Sway' Studio Video
BLACK COUNTRY COMMUNION's studio video for "Sway" can be seen below. The track is taken from the band's fourth album, "BCCIV", which was released on September 22 via Mascot Records. This is BLACK COUNTRY COMMUNION's first studio album since 2013's "Afterglow".
BLACK COUNTRY COMMUNION is the Anglo-American rock group comprising vocalist/bassist Glenn Hughes (DEEP PURPLE, TRAPEZE), drummer Jason Bonham (LED ZEPPELIN, FOREIGNER), Derek Sherinian (DREAM THEATER, ALICE COOPER, BILLY IDOL) and blues-rock guitarist/vocalist Joe Bonamassa.
Just like its three predecessors, "BCCIV" was overseen by Kevin Shirley, whose catalogue of hit records for LED ZEPPELIN, IRON MAIDEN, AEROSMITH, JOURNEY and THE BLACK CROWES has made him one of the hottest producers that rock music has to offer. Shirley, who originally had the idea of putting Hughes and Bonamassa in a band after seeing them jamming together onstage in Los Angeles back in November 2009, is the group's unofficial "fifth member."
"BCCIV" track listing:
01. Collide (4:07)
02. Over My Head (4:06)
03. The Last Song For My Resting Place (7:57)
04. Sway (5:24)
05. The Cove (7:11)
06. The Crow (6:00)
07. Wanderlust (8:18)
08. Love Remains (4:53)
09. Awake (4:42)
10. When The Morning Comes (7:56)
11. With You I Go (bonus track on vinyl edition only)
Speaking to myRockworld about some of the lyrical themes covered on "BCCIV", Hughes said: "All the songs were written with a topic — what kind of song we're gonna write musically, what kind of song am I gonna write lyrics about? This album is about walking through the fear, having faith, hope, the killing of dolphins, which I'm against, of course. Look for a big video on [that song, 'The Cove'] — a big video. 'Wanderlust', a song that was written about my travels and always returning home, always safe… to get back home to a safe place. 'The Crow', a very intense rock track written about the bird that watches over the band; it's really a great song about the Black Country. I wrote a song for my father when he passed away, called 'Love Remains'. The chorus was very, very sensitive, and it sounds like a song written for someone that had just passed. So it's a very personal song for me."
As for the track "The Last Song For My Resting Place", Hughes said: "[BLACK COUNTRY COMMUNION guitarist] Joe [Bonamassa said to] me, 'Hey, I've got this idea about writing a song about the head violin player… or the leader of the orchestra on the Titanic, and I said, 'That's a really good idea.' So he wrote a lyric about the violin player — a great Joe song that needed to be, as always… I mean, I love Joe, I love Joe's voice and I love Joe's work — I really do love him. And I thought it was a great opportunity to show how versatile Joe is on this particular song. So I'm really happy for Joe."
Elsewhere, the basic idea for "Over My Head" came to Hughes in the middle of the night. "[My wife] hears me singing, [singing] 'Over my head.' And she said, 'Honey, what's that?' I said, 'I don't know, but I have to go and record it,'" Glenn recalled. "And I left the bedroom and I went, [singing], 'Over my head,' and I just wrote a song around that chorus, that very melodic chorus. And I came back to bed, and the idea was recorded. And that's the way I took it to Joe and we finished it together."
BLACK COUNTRY COMMUNION's inception took place when Hughes and Bonamassa fused their styles on stage in Los Angeles in November 2009 for an explosive performance at Guitar Center's King Of The Blues event. With the help and guidance of Shirley, they further added to their rock lineage by recruiting Bonham and Sherinian.
BLACK COUNTRY COMMUNION has announced two exclusive concerts in Europe during January 2018 to support of "BCCIV". The band will play Wolverhampton Civic Hall on Tuesday, January 2 and London Hammersmith Apollo on Thursday, January 4. These will be the only two concerts the band will play in Europe.
Source: HRRL News Feed via Blabbermouth.net
BLACK COUNTRY COMMUNION Releases 'Sway' Studio Video
HRRL News Feed via Blabbermouth.net


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Wednesday, October 20, 2010
A little "gift" from the Halloween witch
46 comments:
- Lululiz said...
Well, look at you, pretending to be a wicked witch! Lol, even with that outfit, you can't convince anybody that you are wicked. You are way too nice. Great hat though, I like it!
Thank you so much for sharing those great photos with us. The little girl really is adorable, but I think I like the photograph of the three women best, it is a great group photo.
Have a lovely evening, xx
- October 20, 2010 at 9:17 PM
- Lululiz said...
Ooooh, I think I am seeing double, did you post this twice?
- October 20, 2010 at 9:19 PM
- Sissie's Shabby Cottage said...
Hi Dorthe!
Even nderneath that witches hat and veil you cannot hide your sweet self! It is a great hat though and would be wonderful to wear on Halloween!
Love those old photos too. I doubt that daughters like dressing like their Mothers after the age of 6! LOL.
Hugs and enjoy your family.
- October 20, 2010 at 9:59 PM
- Rhonda said...
That hat is very nice....but you my dear are far from a wicked witch. Great costume, then, right?
Have fun with your family during the visit. I can imagine all the laughing and fun you will have.
I love your old photos, they are precious.
- October 20, 2010 at 10:00 PM
- Shabby Cottage Studio said...
Dorthe, You look so (be)witchingly beautiful! :-) Thank you fro the images, I love the little girl and can't wait to use her for something.
- October 20, 2010 at 10:08 PM
You make a marvelously mysterious witch. Great hat.
Hope you don't scare the grandkids. Have fun with family. xox Corrine
- October 20, 2010 at 10:51 PM
- Debra@CommonGround said...
Hello, Dear Dorthe, you look very "fetching" in that wonderful hat! Hope you have a lovely time with your family this week. Enjoy your fall, your package is on it's way and should be there in the next few days!!!
hugs and love,
- October 20, 2010 at 11:10 PM
- Silke Powers said...
What a wonderful hat!! You are bewitching!!! Have a most wonderful and energetic time with your grandkids! Such a special time!! Much love, Silke
- October 21, 2010 at 12:20 AM
- Carol Mae said...
Thanks for the nice words about my paper Wreaths. I really appreciate it. blessings to you, Carol Mae
- October 21, 2010 at 12:41 AM
- Createology said...
My dear Dorthe you are the beautiful and good witch in this super clever hat. Enjoy your family and every minute you spend together. Happy Haunting...
- October 21, 2010 at 1:02 AM
- Sue@MyArtsDesire said...
Thank you for sharing those wonderful photos, Dorthe! And here's wishing you more joy than your heart can contain as you spend time with your precious family! Xo, Sue
- October 21, 2010 at 2:08 AM
- sharon said...
You are looking great in that hat Dorthe! That is really cool, and thanks so much for those wonderful images!
Enjoy the time with your family!
- October 21, 2010 at 2:50 AM
- Draffin Bears said...
Hi Dorthe,
Love your cute photo of you with the witch hat and veil, what fun!
The old photos you have shown are lovely.
Have a wonderful time with your family.
- October 21, 2010 at 3:09 AM
- Mosaic Magpie said...
I am so glad you are a good witch. A good witch that shares great images. Have fun with the family.
- October 21, 2010 at 3:15 AM
- Hopemore Studio said...
You are really in the spirit now! Your grandchildren may wonder what happened to their grandma...
Thank you the images, they are very sweet. I wanted to say I saw an exhibit at our local art museum over the weekend and there were several 100 year old dresses on display. I couldn't believe how tiny the waists were...corsets had to be very painful to create that look. Now when I look at vintage portraits I can't help but wonder if they can breathe..lol.
Wishing you a wonderful weekend,
- October 21, 2010 at 3:53 AM
- Vintage Linen Treasures said...
GREAT hat!! Love the vail, and I love the old photo of the women in their very severe dresses. I'm fascinated by their clothing. Have fun with you little ones. You may be a bit tired, but it's gonna be SO worth it!!
Patricia :o)
- October 21, 2010 at 4:10 AM
- Linda @ Itsy Bits And Pieces said...
Your hat is perfect for Halloween, Dorthe! Great photos, too!
- October 21, 2010 at 4:16 AM
- June said...
You are too darn cute to be witchy, my friend, way too cute!!!
I love the old family photos. I love the one with the women all dressed in black. Wouldn't they make a great witches coven?
Dorthe, thank you for the sweet comment you left me. It made my day.
hugs to you form here...
- October 21, 2010 at 5:24 AM
- marie said...
Dorthe ~ you are a lovely witch!
Have a wonderful time with your family. Have lots of fun making memories!
- October 21, 2010 at 5:28 AM
- Sandy said...
Ha Dorthe you look so beautiful.
Not a scary witch.
Thanks for the darling iamges my friend. I wish you a lovely day. Hugs.
- October 21, 2010 at 7:09 AM
- Alexandra said...
Der Hut ist echt der Hammer!
Ich wünsch dir schöne Tage mit deiner Familie Dorthe.
Hugs Alexandr
- October 21, 2010 at 8:39 AM
- My Creative House said...
Oh no, after seeing this picture of you I dare not go to bed tonight I'm afraid to get nightmares, hej søde jeg spekulere på om Henning siger at du viser dit sande jeg her - ha ha - flot hat, den klæder dig.
Knus Anni
- October 21, 2010 at 10:38 AM
- Diane said...
LOOOOOVE that hat!!
- October 21, 2010 at 1:47 PM
- Julia @ Vintage with Laces said...
You are such a sweet little witch, dearest Dorthe but where is your wand? Did the grandkids take it to make a huge amount of chocolates and other sweets appear ;-)?
Thank you for sharing those lovely images! Enjoy the time with your grandkids!
Have a great afternoon!
Big hugs and lots of kys og knus,
- October 21, 2010 at 2:35 PM
- Ella said...
You are so cute in your witchy outfit! Love all of the vintage photos~ Thank you!
- October 21, 2010 at 2:50 PM
- The Feathered Nest said...
You, precious friend, are the last person that would be a witch!!!! But the hat is a little bit spooky!!! I hope you have a wonderful time with your dear family...I'm sure you will be making many more wonderful memories together, hugs and love, Dawn
- October 21, 2010 at 4:51 PM
- Deborah said...
Lovel your hat!
- October 21, 2010 at 7:21 PM
- Sue said...
My goodness Dorthe, you are such a glamorous looking witch! I think it is the veiling!
Fabulous pics - thank you. Have fun with your grandkids.
- October 21, 2010 at 9:29 PM
- Unknown said...
Great hat!!
- October 21, 2010 at 10:53 PM
you are ever so cute and witchy!! love the hat!!!
and those photos are lovely indeed -- i LOVE old photos too. :)
- October 21, 2010 at 11:22 PM
- Anneke said...
what a lovely weird hat.
thank you for sharing these gorgeous vintage images.
have a nice weekend dorthe
- October 22, 2010 at 1:22 AM
Oh you're such a dear! Obviously, you're a "good witch"! :-) I think it will be perfect to wear in your shop on Halloween! Love the veil. I've never seen anything like that.
Have fun with the children!!
Hugs, Diane
- October 22, 2010 at 11:55 AM
- WW said...
nice pictures.
- October 22, 2010 at 4:52 PM
- Rebecca Nelson said...
You totally crack me up! :)
I'm smiling big!
xo~Rebecca PS: Thanks for the link to my giveaway. I've entered you! :) xo
- October 22, 2010 at 7:10 PM
- Beth Leintz said...
Your hat is wonderful- what fun- almost like a spider web attached to the top. Have a wonderful weekend with your family.
- October 23, 2010 at 2:22 AM
- Marlynn said...
Oh, my dear, the hat is so you! I love it and you look beautiful in in it. Thanks so much for those wonderful photos. Have a great day, hugs, M
- October 23, 2010 at 6:12 PM
- Lisa said...
Oh I love the witchy hat! You look great modeling it. It's great to see your pretty face even if it is covered in webs! I'm so happy you'll have your Mithilde with you soon! Lisa
- October 23, 2010 at 10:49 PM
- karlascottage.typepad.com said...
What a witch hat! That will be great for Halloween.
- October 24, 2010 at 3:23 AM
- JoAnne said...
Wonderful hat Dorthe!!!! I just visited Marie and saw the gifts she received from you-beautiful! Enjoy those grandbabies.
- October 24, 2010 at 2:54 PM
- Jane said...
Have a wonderful time with your family...I bet you are one fun grandma!!
Love the witches hat and the old cabinet cards are always a favorite of mine.
- October 24, 2010 at 5:24 PM
- Viola said...
Hihihi, Du siehst ja klasse aus, Süße!!! Aber Du bist eine gaaaanz liebe witch, nööö.... bist keine witch... Du bist doch ein Engelchen, hihi! Ganz liebe Grüße und viel Spaß mit Deiner Familie! Ich melde mich morgen bei Dir!:o)))
- October 24, 2010 at 9:10 PM
- Unknown said...
Oh Dorthe, you look darling!
Definitely a GOOD witch. :-)
- October 24, 2010 at 10:26 PM
- Sugar Lump Studios said...
you look too sweet to dress as a witch - but I love the hat! the web is very creative! :)
- October 25, 2010 at 1:28 PM
- Lovey said...
Dorthe I love the vintage images they are beautiful! I'm not a halloween fan but it's a very interesting hat! Big hugs to you my friend!
- October 25, 2010 at 2:08 PM
- http://truutske.blogspot.com said...
Love this fantastic witches hat and thanks for the beautiful photo's Dorthe.
Have a nice day. Trudie.
- October 25, 2010 at 6:55 PM
- Vicki Boster said...
Is that you my friend? Love the hat - bet your grandchildren will love seeing you dressed up as a witch! (but you can't fool us - we all know how wonderful and sweet you really are!)
- November 4, 2010 at 5:10 AM


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Put your travel plans onto your mobile.
Create beautiful lists of restaurants and locations to visit with Everplaces. It's free, mobile and anti-roaming. Curious?
The filament lightbulbs at Tom Colicchio's endlessly imitated restaurant don't look quite as cutting-edge as they used to. But the classic farm-to-table menu still exudes a sense of austere, even biblical, authority, and almost everything on it tastes exceptional. Pay special attention to the simple, unadorned pleasures—the fat, milky Fanny Bay oysters from British Columbia, the ever-changing seasonal selection of hand-foraged mushrooms, and the impossibly sweet diver scallops, which were garnished, the last time I dropped by, with a simple bay leaf and served with a pot of vermouth butter on the side.
Save and share places you love
with Everplaces


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Thursday was my birthday. I celebrated by jumping
out of a cake. Unfortunately, my foot slipped on some
icing, and I swallowed a sparkler, but I'm OK now.
Anyway, this column actually serves an important purpose:
remembering people's birthdays. Everyone has a birthday,
except for people over 30 and some miniature golf course
owners. The key, though, is putting together the proper
birthday with the correct person. It would be slightly
pointless, although much more convenient, to just nominate
a random birthday for everyone you know.
I found two fairly good-sized sites that have numerous
birthdays listed. The first, anybirthday.com, gives you the option to search based on first name,
last name and zip code. I don't think I was listed on
the site, but at the same time, I didn't scroll through
every person who shared my name. I was also disappointed
to find that miniature golf course types were not listed,
because it would be easier to weed out the boring courses
as opposed to the ones that resemble the circus or pirate
ships. The site did mention that they were not posting
Social Security Numbers, so I guess that's a good thing.
The next birthday search, dubbed as the World
Birthday Web, shows numerous birthdays from across
the globe. Sure, you have to sign up to have your name
in the list, but is it worth it? The site says you will
not receive spam if you sign up, but it doesn't guarantee
your information will be sold to the highest bidder.
I had my birthday a few years back and received birthday
greetings from people in a few different countries.
Although that is fascinating, it's not as cool as a
hole-in-one shot through one of those spinning windmills.
There are a multitude of sites that offer party packs,
greeting cards, etc. Birthday Express seemed
to be one of the biggest. They also have a feature called
a birthday scroll, which shows many events that occurred
on your birthday and can be framed. The site also offers
assorted parties, whether it be a tea party of an 'NSYNC
one. No, I refuse to dress up as Lance or Justin, but
apparently, these guys will.
Now, on to the things that are more thought-provoking
than why they can give you only a half a pencil to keep
score at miniature golf. At the Decimal
Birthday Calculator, you can find out how many days
you have lived on the planet. As of July 7, I am 9,500
days old. That is considered a minor decimal birthday.
That might seem old, but I guess it could be worse.
On Mercury, I think I would be about 22,301 days old,
and on top of that, I would probably weigh 13,452 pounds.
The most provocative site (and possibly the most popular)
is the pi
birthday chart. That's right, you thought you knew
everything. But do you know if your birthday is in pi?
Well this site will tell you free of charge, nothing
to buy, ever. My birthday begins at the 126,728th number.
Unfortunately, I knew pi only to 50 digits, so I had
no idea.
I hope these, sites, and maybe others you can find
on your own, will make your next birthday the best ever.
Just remember to celebrate hard and if you want to keep
your golf ball, don't hit it in the 18th hole.


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How to Talk With a Loved One About High Cholesterol
It's not an easy conversation, but if someone you love is ignoring high cholesterol, helping them understand the importance of treatment is key.
Watching loved ones disregard their health can put a toll on any relationship. Because people with high cholesterol don't feel like anything is physically wrong, it can be especially difficult for them to stick to their medications or treatment regimen.
Statistics show high cholesterol is quite common, with about one of six Americans having a cholesterol number of 240 mg/dL or higher (a desirable level is less than 200 mg/dL according to the American Heart Association). Research has also revealed that fewer than half of those diagnosed with high cholesterol take their medication as prescribed after a year. With such lack of compliance, family members have justifiable concern.
Confronting a loved one who ignores high cholesterol can be a tricky and even unpleasant conversation. Here are tips to make it go more smoothly:
- Explain the facts. Make sure your loved one understands what high cholesterol really is, suggests Janet Bond Brill, PhD, RD, LDN, a cardiovascular nutritionist and author of Cholesterol Down: 10 Simple Steps to Lower Your Cholesterol in 4 Weeks — Without Prescription Drugs. "High levels of 'bad' cholesterol in the bloodstream is the main factor involved in the process of atherosclerosis, or plaque buildup in the arteries," Brill says. Bad cholesterol, or LDL, inflames the arteries, instigating and accelerating plaque buildup. "Lowering the amount of circulating LDL cholesterol saves lives, prevents new heart problems, and even reverses existing plaque buildup," says Brill.
- Emphasize the severity. Though there may be no symptoms, high cholesterol is still a serious condition. Statistically speaking, two times as many Americans die of cardiovascular disease — heart attacks and strokes — than the next four leading causes of death combined: cancer, respiratory diseases, accidents, and diabetes, according to Brill.
- Accentuate the positive, and be proactive. There are many ways to lower one's high cholesterol, including diet and medication. When the numbers come down, so does the risk for a heart attack or stroke.
- Be a good listener. Some people understand the seriousness of high cholesterol but still fail to act. In these cases, it's important to find out why. "There may be some deep-rooted fears, and once you know what the fears and obstacles are, you can help the person overcome it and come up with solutions," says Julie T. Chen, MD, a physician at Making Healthy EZ in San Jose, Calif. "It's more important to help the person come up with his own ideas of how changing the lifestyle will benefit him, such as: 'What if you ate a low-saturated-fat diet and lost 10 pounds? Would you be able to play sports like you used to or wake up more energized every day?' That kind of reasoning may work."
- Offer to attend doctor visits. Although issues of doctor/patient confidentiality might prevent a physician from speaking directly to a loved one on the phone, tagging along on a doctor's appointment could help your loved one open up and voice any high cholesterol concerns.
- Help them live better. Someone will high cholesterol likely has to make lifestyle changes, such as eating a healthier diet. Little modifications around the house can do major help. Toss junk food and replace it with fruits and nuts for snacking. Cook healthy meals and watch portion sizes. Exercise more by walking together, or consider getting a dog to encourage more walking.
- Come up with a plan. Think of ways to help our loved one remember to take cholesterol medication instead of scolding forgetfulness. Fill a weekly pillbox on Sunday and carry it as needed. Taking medication should be made routine — the pills could be sitting by a breakfast or dinner plate, at the sink next to the toothbrush, or anywhere it can become part of a daily habit.
- Know when to back off. "Ultimately, loved ones need to arrive at a point in their own lives where they are ready to take control of their health," says Brill. For some, that point comes with a health scare; for others, it arrives as a result of family members or health care providers saying or doing something that finally sinks in.
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