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Since its establishment in 1989, PSP has become the focus of significant investments from the public and private sector as well as companies abroad
This has been done through creating a community "Eco-system" both in site and its wider vicinity that brings together the vital ingredients necessary for the small enterprises to survive and succeed
Whether you plan to begin a start-up / spin-out or you are an established company, PSP and the area has something to offer.
PSP has over 15 years experience and record of achievements in business incubation, and is considered to be a national leader in the field. We work to cultivate highly positive relationships with the University and the Research Community, and we are engaged with other organizations in the area, researchers, entrepreneurs, business people, financial institutions, advisors and investors to achieve our goals.
As a PSP tenant, you can:
- Test you business idea and refine your working model at lower risk, gaining from our low cost and infrastructure provided. Our tenants find they can concentrate on their business and be separated from city noise or personal home life
- Try business as a career option or join around an existing job
- Be part of a supportive business and academic community, helping you remaining motivated, learning new business skills and information
- Gain Credibility. Patras is a major national economic, social and cultural centre
- Experience working with young scientists at a lower cost
- Enjoy full access to the University and Research Centre's facilities, networks, technology transfer unit
- Get guidance to IP protection rights and licensing
- Access and submit proposals in multi-partner projects involving independent companies, academic units and governmental departments or public authorities
- Benefit from clustering initiatives
- Associate with governmental authorities
- Work with the IASP (International Association of Science Parks) network to match opportunities in other countries and STPs (Science and Technology Parks)
An easy‑to‑reach location combined with world class science and research, makes Patras and PSP a challenging location for your accommodation and collaboration. Patras is a Dynamic and cultural city reinventing herself as it expands and develops. It is the third largest economic centre in the country after Athens and Thessaloniki and the west gate, connecting Greece with Italy and EU.
PSP is in the center of the Academic and Research Pole, only 20 minutes from the city centre.
During the next four years, a high speed train and modern motorway will connect Patras to Athens reducing today's distance to approximately one and a half hour. There is also Araxos International Airport which is expected in due course to become privatized and function on a continuous basis. Patras has a long industrial and commercial history, serving some large multinationals like Titan Cement, Coca-Cola HBC, Frigoglass, Friesland, Resilux, Athenian Brewery coupled with strong local brands as Loux beverages, El-Pack Packaging, Ideal Bikes, Kepenos Flour Mills.
Within short distance from the Ancient cultural centres of Olympia and Delphi, Patras has also excellent connectivity with Ionian Islands, West Coast and Mountainous inland of Peloponnesus, acting as the regional centre for leisure and city-breaks.


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Softball Prepares for 2014 Season
NASHVILLE, Tenn. – The Tennessee State softball program is less than two weeks away from the start of the 2014 season. Head coach Jeff Dabney and the Tigers have been at full go for over a week in preparation for the upcoming campaign.
TSU has taken advantage of the indoor hitting facility, as well as the indoor athletics facility, which houses the Tigers football team. The colder weather has forced the team inside for most of the early training, but the two facilities have allowed the team to work on all aspects of the game, including live hitting.
The team took advantage of a pair of days in the 50's, including Sunday, to step onto Tiger Field to work out on the dirt. The Tigers will open the season in the Music City Classic on Saturday, Feb. 8 as they take on #34 Virginia Tech and cross-town foe Lipscomb at Bisons field.
Junior Tayler Shimizu and sophomore Kiarra Freeman speak to tsutigers.com about the start of spring workouts.

subset: commoncrawl


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Moderator: Cartographers
Seamus76 wrote:Very nice. I really like the men and ships, good work.
koontz1973 wrote:Oneyed, Trench warfare, change to Static warfare as the sites setting of the same name will cause this a lot of confusion.
koontz1973 wrote:Your tiny flags for the London attack and Paris bombards, place these next to or on top of the names to make it easier to understand. The London one is closer to the England name than to London.
koontz1973 wrote:Your soldiers, give each pair a different look and word it +1 for each pair.
koontz1973 wrote:Sinai name is going over the border. Move the border so the name sits in the territ. Same with all others.
koontz1973 wrote:Bottom right of the map can be held with 2 or 3 territs only depending on holding Greece or not. You have huge bonuses there with very few attack points. Find a way to open it up some more.
koontz1973 wrote:Why does Paris bombard Somara?
Oneyed wrote:koontz1973 wrote:Oneyed, Trench warfare, change to Static warfare as the sites setting of the same name will cause this a lot of confusion.
I do not understand here... btw, what is confused on Trench warfare when it was Trench warfare?
Oneyed wrote:do you mean by colours or how? will try to do something.
Oneyed wrote:ok, but in some places the names will be in the sea.
Industrial Helix wrote:Are you doing the battles still? I hope so, that was like one of the best parts of this map.
Industrial Helix wrote:You might try giving the opposite fighting armies coordinating colors to further illustrate that they're opposite.
koontz1973 wrote:Oneyed wrote:koontz1973 wrote:Oneyed, Trench warfare, change to Static warfare as the sites setting of the same name will cause this a lot of confusion.
I do not understand here... btw, what is confused on Trench warfare when it was Trench warfare?
Trench warfare may be just that, but with the sites setting called Trench, I can guarantee that you will be asked more than once why they cannot attack past this point when they are not playing trench games. Trench warfare may of been slow progress but progress was made so to have trenches as impassables would not be correct anyway.
tokle wrote:They are passable through the armies though, so I think it's still a valid idea.
How about calling them "trenches" rather than "trench warfare"?
tokle wrote:Love the map, by the way. Keep it up.
Dukasaur wrote:Also, during WWI Petersburg was renamed Petrograd. This is valid in both English and Russian.
Dukasaur wrote:I would like to see a city in Belgium
Dukasaur wrote:and in general 2 or 3 more cities in Western Europe. I realize it is a crowded area and they will be hard to fit, but for historicity I think it's important to give weight to the economic importance of the industrialized West relative to the agricultural East.
Dukasaur wrote:If you could somehow squeeze in Montenegro I think that will give some historical feel, considering how amazing was the Montenegrin performance in the first year of WWI despite its tiny size and eventual doom. Again, I realize it's a crowded area, but I think with some twiddling it can be done.
koontz1973 wrote:Have you decided on which direction you are going with the armies?
koontz1973 wrote:I like that idea. Clean and simple. One thing, it might be nice to see it in the legend as well to clear it all up for players.
koontz1973 wrote:Oneyed, wit the new abandoned maps policy, are you ready for this to get stamped or would you like it here for a bit longer?
Dukasaur wrote:Nice job.
Dukasaur wrote:I like the armies facing each other. Originally I thought they should all be different, to reflect different war zones (machineguns in France, horses in Russia, and so on) but I think what you've done actually looks neater.
Dukasaur wrote:When I have more time I'll try to improve some of your English in the legend. Probably not this week, but it's probably not important until late in the process, anyway.
tokle wrote:One suggestion I have about the armies is that you should try turning one of them on its axis, so that they face each other.
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Taylor Swift & Taylor Lautner Reunite at Teen Choice Awards
Taylor Swift and rumored ex Taylor Lautner catch up at the 2011 Teen Choice Awards on Sunday (August 7) at the Gibson Amphitheatre in Universal City, Calif.
"They sat next to each other during the ceremony," an audience member tells JustJared.com. "They were laughing and having non-stop fun with each other."
Two years ago, Swift, 21, and Lautner, 19, reportedly dated for a few months. They even shot kissing scenes together for the romantic comedy Valentine's Day.
Lautner won Choice Movie Actor: Sci-Fi/Fantasy at the TCAs for his work in The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. Swift picked up six surfboards of her own for Ultimate Choice Award, Choice Female Music Artist, Choice Female Country Artist, Choice Country Single for "Mean," Choice Break-up Song for "Back to December," and Choice Female Red Carpet Fashion Icon. Congrats Taylor and Taylor!


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FrankMel necesitaba un nuevo diseño de papelería y lanzó un concurso de diseño en 99designs.
Un ganador ha sido elegido entre 80 diseños de 13 diseñadores freelance.
Yatri vzw, http://www.yatri.be
Yatri is a non-profit organisation(vzw) offering various workshops in personal development for men, women and couples. Our main approach is inspired by the rich Tantric spiritual path for daily life, reconnecting us with the deeper sense and challenge of life and liberating our original life-force. There are quite some different approaches of Tantra in the world and our view focuses more on falling in love with the mystery of life, encouraging curiosity, an attitude that embraces whatever we experience and exploring it, living from the heart.
The word YATRI is a Sanskrit word (an old Indian language) for traveller on his way, a pilgrim's journey in search of the Truth, being in love with Life as an adventure.
Some themes we work with:
• the art of loving (not meant as only explicitly sexual)
• developing consciousness, loving relationships
• intimacy and sacred sexuality (connecting our sexual energy to our heart's sensitivity)
• being truthful with yourself, with others and the world around you
• our true power
• to live with more quality in life and to develop our total potential
• being mindfull
• freeing ourselves from limiting conditionings
• living consciously, living soulfully
• celebrating life
Some techniques we use: (emotional) bodywork, sensitivity,contact exercises,massage,dance,(Tantric) meditation techniques and rituals, breathing and centering meditations
Almost everybody who
- is curious to be in touch with what lives inside them
- wants to make life-choices from within
- wants to develop their potential and live life more fully
Ages range usually between 30 and 60 years old.
We would like the flyer to mirror dynamism and passion for the work of self-development, in an atmosphere of love and respect.
The comment many participants make after having participated in one of our workshops, is the feeling of deep caring they have felt. The comfort and security Yatri provides while they're looking into the depths of their souls.
This is what we had until now :
we've added a file with the flyer we currently have
We would like the flyer to contain the following :
• somewhere our name: Yatri (incorporated in an artistic, maybe more calligraphic way)
• no cartoons (they're often too childlike)
• feel free to experiment with colours. We've added an example of a flyer of which the colours and design appeal us.
• Maybe a few photo's with people or peoples faces or hands to link to our activities or to represent feelings. We think that if people can recognise themselves in the depicted situations/feelings, they will feel more attracted. The photo's should be royalty-free. (300 dpi minimum)
The file-formats we prefer are in .ai(CMYK) or .indd(CMYK). Other formats like photoshop, or corel are also acceptable after explicit request of the designer.


text:
- Details
- Specs
- Reviews
- What's Included
Complete the installation of your switches with a wallplate that features clean lines and super simple installation. Constructed of tough and rigid thermoset, the wallplate is resistant to impact and abrasions, maintaining long life and superior protection for the installed units. Slightly larger than standard-sized versions, the mid-size wallplate will hide large wallboard openings and flaws in drywall installation and cuts. Specially designed "screw-catch" holes hold each screw in place once the plate is positioned, making installation a breeze.
This combination wallplate is also available in almond, ivory, light almond, and white, each sold separately.
Specifications Manufacturer Cooper Wiring Devices Manufacturer Product No. 2038B UPC 032664314209
- 1x- Mid-Size Combination Thermoset Wallplate
- Mounting screws
- 1x- Mid-Size Combination Thermoset Wallplate


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Georja: After being introduced to POP's (Pacific Opera Project) first season last year with the brilliant Cosi Fan Tutti, I couldn't wait to see what Josh Shaw, director and designer of the shows, and his partner conductor Stephen Karr, had in store with the new production of Sweeney Todd at the Porticoes Theatre.
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street is Stephen Sondheim's 1979 Broadway award winning musical thriller, often performed on stage and masterfully adapted by Tim Burton in movie version. Originally based on a popular 19th century Victorian legend, it's about a man determined to seek vengeance who teams up with Mrs. Lovett, and opens a barbershop in which he slits the throats of customers and has them baked into pies.
Georja: All in all, there are many admirable elements to this production: the talents of the two leads, Phil Meyer as Sweeney Todd and Amanda Carlin as Mrs. Lovett are adorable together. Meyer is a nonstop stoical face and Carlin has many endearing comic bits. The funny and dramatic first act ending song and dance duets, (partly without the orchestra) is a huge stand out and really gets the show moving. This is the first truly wickedly funny moment when Todd and Lovett decide on a plan to murder Todd's enemies --and then gleefully broaden it to include all humanity – punishing the rich and relieving the poor of their misery. Then Lovett suggests they not let the corpses go to waste: re-cycle them into Lovett's lagging meat pie enterprise. The higher ups will be lower down! And why stop at that! A little priest would be tasty! Real shepherds in shepherd's pie! (Right after is intermission where real meat pies are available. Their odor wafts into the theatre beautifully at the beginning of act 2 where the whole London community on stage is scarfing them down.)
Gerald: Shaw's stage set is resourceful and practical in the small proscenium space. In 19th century England, murderous-barber plays were so popular that many theaters were equipped with spring-loaded barber chairs that could fold back to disappear beneath the floorboards. Audiences delighted when the victims would suddenly pop back up, having been transformed to grisly, blood-soaked corpses through fast work by a makeup crew in the pit. Shaw neatly solves the logistics problem with a foldable hospital gurney and a children's playground chute to whisk the victims from the barbershop loft to the basement of the meat-pie establishment below. The actors ascend to second-story playing areas by way of a wheeled industrial ladder (which could benefit from some side panels to integrate it with the scenery).
Georja: Being an audience member who needs creature comforts, I must say that my initial reactions to Act I may have partially to do with being placed near huge cold streams of air being blasted toward my head from the enormous and noisy air conditioning unit on the side wall. (Suggest you sit far from it).
More than 30 performers tread on and off a rather small stage, which often seems cluttered with little space for interesting choreography. (Is such a big chorus necessary in this small space?) Sweeney Todd is heavy on singing dialogue but on opening night much of it was not loudly enunciated enough to overcome the music from the energetic nine piece chamber orchestra on stage right (or perhaps the musicians were too loud?). A cacophony that didn't quite gel. Team POP graciously moved us closer to the stage in the second act and seemed to have turned off the big blower. This improved the experience enormously although the acoustical balance in the theatre still needed tweaking and perhaps will be adjusted in future shows.
Gerald: In this production, bloody effects are notably absent. The only splattering, in fact, is shaving cream. When Pirelli (Alex Mendoza) sings his big aria as he engages Todd in a public shaving contest, he flings soap all over his fellow actors as well as some of the patrons in the front row. We wonder if they were warned? Georja and I recently reviewed the musical version of Stuart Gordon's Reanimator, in which fake blood was flung liberally everywhere, and the audience members up front were given plastic raincoats to protect their clothes. I'm not suggesting that this production go to that extreme, but a major appeal of the genre – in Victorian times as now – would be the gruesome sight gags.
More highlights include Timothy Campbell as Anthony Hope who is sublime and his gorgeous voice is always heard and understood. His duet with Meyer in the second act is also a stand out. E. Scott Levin as Judge Turpin and Robert Norman as The Beadle also have a wonderful duet in Act II. Other stand outs included Eddie Sayles' (as Tobias Ragg ) version of "Not While I'm Around" accompanied by Carlin, and Meyer's "Pretty Women" with accompaniment by Levin. These two beautifully executed Sondheim masterpieces are thrilling to experience in the context of the original score. Alex Mendoza, with his wonderful silly supercilious performance of Adolfo Pirelli is perfect. (If only he weren't sent down the chute so early!)
Gerald: Clearly, POP's scheduling is meant to tie in with Halloween, so much so that they are encouraging the audience to come in costume for the October 31 performance at the Miles in Santa Monica.
Georja Umano is an actor and animal advocate.
Gerald Everett Jones is the author of the Rollo Hemphill series of comic novels.
Photos courtesy Pacific Opera Project
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street – Music & Lyrics by Stephen Sondheim, Book by Hugh Wheeler, Adaptation by Christopher Bond
Pacific Opera Project in association with Porticoes Theatre
2033 E. Washington Bl., Pasadena, CA
Tickets $30 general admission / $20 senior/student / $25 Santa Monica residents with ID at the Miles
Porticoes Theatre Performances
Oct 20, 26*, 27, 2012 at 8pm
Oct 21, 28 at 4pm
Miles Memorial Playhouse, Santa Monica, Performances (1130 Lincoln Blvd.)
Oct 31+, Nov 2* and 3 at 8pm
Nov 4 at 4pm
* Cover cast performance
+ Costumes encouraged for Halloween Night


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So many years now, and I feel like my answer is still no. I've had a little more experience seeing just how easily people can betray someone for money—what the death of someone and a little bit of inheritance can quickly do to a family—and I certainly hope I'm right on my feelings. Maybe many of us would feel a little differently if we were struggling to provide for ourselves, or our children?
I just know the subject makes me a whole lot sadder than it used to. I've seen how quickly people can turn on principles and friendships for hundreds of dollars, let alone enough to have a material impact on a lifetime.


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String::Trim − trim whitespace from your strings
version 0.005
use String::Trim; print "Do it? "; trim(my $response = <>); print "'$response'\n";
"String::Trim" trims whitespace off your strings. chomp trims only $/ (typically, that's newline), but "trim" will trim all leading and trailing whitespace.
Returns the string with all leading and trailing whitespace removed. Trimming undef gives you undef. Alternatively, you can trim in-place.
my $var = ' my string '; my $trimmed = trim($var); # OR trim($var);
"trim" also knows how to trim an array or arrayref:
my @to_trim = (' one ', ' two ', ' three '); my @trimmed = trim(@to_trim); # OR trim(@to_trim); # OR my $trimmed = trim(\@to_trim); # OR trim(\@to_trim);
"trim" is often used by beginners, who may not understand how to spin their own. While String::Util does have a "trim" function, it depends on Debug::ShowStuff, which depends on Taint, which fails the test suite, and doesn't appear to be maintained. This module installs, is actively maintained, and has no non-core dependencies.
Other options include Text::Trim and String::Strip (which is implemented in XS, and is therefore likely to be very fast, but requires a C compiler).
The latest version of this module is available from the Comprehensive Perl Archive Network ( CPAN ). Visit <http://www.perl.com/CPAN/> to find a CPAN site near you, or see <http://search.cpan.org/dist/String−Trim/>.
The development version lives at <http://github.com/doherty/String−Trim> and may be cloned from <git://github.com/doherty/String−Trim.git>. Instead of sending patches, please fork this project using the standard git and github infrastructure.
The development version is on github at <http://github.com/doherty/String−Trim> and may be cloned from <git://github.com/doherty/String−Trim.git>
No bugs have been reported.
Please report any bugs or feature requests through the web interface at <https://github.com/doherty/String−Trim/issues>.
This module was inspired by code at <http://www.perlmonks.org/?node_id=36684> written by japhy (Jeff Pinyan), dragonchild, and Aristotle. This Perl module was written by Mike Doherty.
Mike Doherty <doherty AT cpan DOT org>
Jeff Pinyan <pinyan AT cpan DOT org>
Rob Kinyon <rkinyon AT cpan DOT org>
Αριστοτέλης Παγκαλτζής (Aristotle Pagaltzis) <aristotle AT cpan DOT org>
This software is copyright (c) 2010 by Mike Doherty.
This is free software; you can redistribute it and/or modify it under the same terms as the Perl 5 programming language system itself.


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Helen Clark: Opening Statement at the United Nations High-Level Meeting to Undertake the Comprehensive Review and Assessment of the Progress Achieved in the Prevention and Control of NCDsJul 10, 2014
Helen Clark, UNDP Administrator
Opening Statement
at the
United Nations
High-level Meeting to Undertake the Comprehensive Review and Assessment of the Progress Achieved in the Prevention and Control of NCDs
United Nations, New York
I am delighted to be speaking alongside my colleague Dr. Margaret Chan, Director General of WHO, at this High Level Meeting, which aims to assess progress made in the prevention and control of non-communicable diseases (NCDs) since the September 2011 Political Declaration. As UNDP Administrator and Chair of the UN Development Group, I acknowledge fully that the major challenge which NCDs pose to public health is also a challenge to human development overall.
Health is inseparable from human development. The great health challenges of today – among them infant, child, and maternal mortality, malaria, HIV, and NCDs – all impact on the capacity of people to survive and thrive. Advancing better health is a gateway to development progress. And development progress is a gateway to improving health. It is vital that the social determinants of health are addressed.
For too long NCDs were regarded as a problem for high-income countries. Thus, the ways in which they impede development progress and impact on the lives of the poorest people have yet to be fully addressed. The 2011 Political Declaration of the High-level Meeting of the General Assembly on the Prevention and Control of Non-communicable Diseases did much to correct misperceptions about NCDs by explicitly noting that developing countries are home to eighty per cent of the world's NCD-related deaths.
Today, low and middle-income countries are bearing the brunt of NCDs. Therefore, understanding the far-reaching development consequences of this is very important. For example, for lower and middle income countries, economic costs from the four main NCDs [cardiovascular diseases, cancers, chronic respiratory diseases, and diabetes] are predicted to exceed US$7 trillion between 2011 and 2025. This is roughly equivalent to 500 billion US dollars per year, or four per cent of the Gross Domestic Product of low- and middle-income countries in 2010.
Looking ahead, it will be critical to understand the changing patterns of NCD distribution, and to ensure that all relevant actors are involved and adequate resources are made available to combat this disease epidemic.
Understanding the Trends
With respect to disease distribution overall, disparities in health outcomes tend to mirror existing inequalities and inequities within and between countries. This also holds true for NCDs, with the disease burden falling on the most vulnerable and least able to manage the long-term impacts of these diseases.
Thus, what may be a treatable or manageable condition in a high income setting can be life threatening in a low income one. The average age of death from cardiovascular disease in sub-Saharan Africa, for example, is at least ten years below that in developed countries. The death rate among women in Africa because of NCDs is twice as high as the rate in high-income countries.
The developmental costs of NCDs also have a disproportionate impact on poor families and poor countries. One study in Sudan, for example, showed that for a family with a diabetic child, 65 per cent of the family's annual health spending was on the child's diabetic care. A 2012 report from the World Bank estimates that dialysis for patients with diabetes-related kidney failure cost the Government of Samoa $38,700 per patient per year in 2010/11. That is twelve times higher than the country's per capita Gross National Income.
The key behavioural risk factors, including tobacco and alcohol use, poor nutrition, and physical inactivity, are strongly determined by broader social, legal, and environmental factors – for example the concentration of alcohol advertising, or the absence of parks in poorer areas. In this country, the term "food desert" has been coined for areas where there is no ready supply of fresh fruit and vegetables. Tobacco use, which alone costs the world 1-2 per cent of its GDP every year, is concentrated among the poorest, whatever the income level of the country.
Recognizing these significant social determinants of NCDs, UNDP has advocated for strong action beyond the health sector, to complement action taken within it. Indeed, more than half of the recommended policy options and cost effective interventions included in the WHO's Global Action Plan for the Prevention and Control of NCDs require action outside the health sector. The good news is that measures like those outlined by Dr. Margaret Chan today cost very little – as against the huge costs of treatment. But they do require major political will and commitment from top leadership of countries.
The need for Action Beyond the Health Sector and Better Financing
So, let us see health in the broader sustainable development context. Sustainable development calls for integrated policy-making across the economic, social, and environmental spheres. This approach is highly consistent with the multi-sectoral approaches which are required to address NCDs. To make progress, we will need to revisit patterns of trade, consumption, governance, and urbanization – to name a few, and not only to treat and manage disease through medical interventions.
Discussion here today, and around the post-2015 development agenda, offers opportunities to ensure that NCDs are not seen as a 'health' challenge alone, but also, more broadly, as a development challenge. UNDP welcomes the ongoing discussions on proposed targets to reduce NCD-related mortality and strengthen implementation of the WHO Framework Convention on Tobacco Control, the world's first international treaty on a health issue.
But accelerating efforts on NCDs need not wait. NCDs are placing an enormous burden on health systems now, accounting for approximately three-quarters of global health care spending. Governments in countries at all income levels can initiate cross-sectoral interventions immediately. For example, zoning ordinances which restrict the density of fast-food restaurants in low-income urban areas can address inequities and be implemented at little to no cost.
With no global financing mechanism for NCD responses, innovations in the use of domestic sources of revenues, such as through national trust funds or greater taxation on unhealthy products, will be needed. Indeed, measures which incentivize the production, trade, and consumption of healthy food, as opposed to those high in processed sugars, salt, and fat, must become the norm. Tonga, recently raised duties on unhealthy foods, while also decreasing import duties on fresh fish, and it has introduced higher excise tax rates on tobacco products. I applaud these measures.
More broadly, as national incomes and revenue flows to state treasuries grow, governments must direct more of the benefits of that growth towards national NCD responses, as well as work to reduce the impact of unhealthy products.
No country, however, can fight NCDs alone. The 2011 Political Declaration recognized: "the important role of the international community and international co-operation in assisting Member States, particularly developing countries, in complementing national efforts to generate an effective response to non-communicable diseases." Managing the growing burden of NCDs is especially challenging for already overburdened health systems in countries where the battle against preventable communicable diseases and low life expectancy is ongoing.
Some countries, including Small Island Developing States, have particular NCD issues to address. Diabetes is almost fifty per cent more prevalent in Pacific Island countries than it is in lower- and middle- income countries globally. While life expectancy across developing countries as a whole is rising, in some, it appears to be dropping with the devastating impact of NCDs playing a role in that regression.
I believe that support for countries tackling these NCD epidemics must be seen as a broader global responsibility, not only because of the inherent injustice in persisting disparities in health across countries, but also because patterns of globalization and international trade contribute to these inequities. For example, although lower and middle income countries bear the brunt of NCD mortality, it is often upper income countries which are home to the largest producers and exporters of tobacco and unhealthy foods which contribute to these disease patterns.
UNDP stands ready to work with the World Health Organization, other UN agencies, civil society, and other partners to support Member States to accelerate the implementation of comprehensive national responses for the prevention and control of NCDs. Our collective responsibility and action must match the scale of the challenge which NCDs now present to countries rich and poor alike. Without more dramatic action, the threat to sustained human development from these diseases is very high.


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Welcome to the new Gay Married Men's website
Are you a married man, or in a relationship with a woman, and have feelings towards men?
Do you want to chat and socialise in a confidential environment with other men in a similar situation to you?
Then the Married Men's Group might be for you.
I was with my wife for around eight years and whilst always knowing there was something different about my sexual orientation, I just tried to ignore it in the hope that it would go away. But it never really went away, not if I'm honest. I just became a lost person and buried myself in work.
Eventually I started feeling quite down. I'd became the least important person in my life. I couldn't have cared if I lived or died, which was so sad and unnecessary, looking back at it. Certain things happened in my life and I decided that I wanted to live a gay lifestyle - whatever that was.
I did not even know that other gay people existed outside London, never mind other married gay men. But at the time, it didn't matter. I just wanted to not feel guilty about the things I thought about. So I told her. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. There were times I didn't think I had the strength to make it as I didn't have anyone I could talk to.
I didn't know about such things as support for people like me, and didn't even think I was worthy of support. But that was 15 years ago and things are fine now. I feel like a real human being and able to take on the world as a full member of society. And that's why I got involved with the Married Men's Group: to help blokes who are in a similar situation to me all those years ago.
Sound Familiar?
Click here to find out more
About the group
About the groupThe Group is for men who are, or who have been in relationships with women and who also have sexual feelings for other men. When you are in a relationship with a woman and find yourself attracted to another man, feelings of guilt, confusion and self-doubt can be overwhelming. However, as recently portrayed on Coronation Street, this is not new, and you are certainly not the only man to find himself in this situation.
Welcome to the new Gay Married Men's website
Welcome to the new website for the Gay Married Men's group in Manchester.
Forthcoming meetings: 1st & 3rd Tuesday evenings at 7.30 pm at Via in the Village, 30 Canal Street, Manchester M1 3EZ


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Alright, I'm just going to say it: I found the Grammys kind of fun last night. Even though the winners were completely predicted by the performance right before, and even though Rihanna looks good but can't really sing live, there were still some surprises and some great clothes. Unlike the super safe movie awards gowns, the Grammys give celebs a chance to get sassy and show their personalities. Case in point: Jennifer Hudson in Versace, Neil Lane Jewels and Christian Louboutin shoes. By far my favorite of the night, she had just the right amount of shimmer, sex appeal and class to feel rock and roll without going overboard.
Jennifer Lopez went for ultra silver shimmer in her Pucci mini, Cartier jewels, Swarovski clutch and Louboutins, but it works. She followed the rule of short skirt, long sleeves, and went minimal on the hair and makeup. The Grammys are really all about the sequin, so JLo knew that to make a statement, she'd have to rock the look from head to toe.
My final favorite was Lea Michele, also opting for Pucci. But her dress couldn't be more different than JLo's – instead of sparkle, she chose a plunging neckline with lace inserts and a sky-high slit. The hot pink lips and Lorraine Schwartz bracelet were the perfect additions to a slinky, sultry ensemble.
If you want to get your own red carpet rock and roll look, a silver clutch will never do you wrong. Here are some of our favorites:
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The revisions are coming! The revisions are coming!
The story of Sarah Palin's tangled explanation of Paul Revere's ride galloped off in a new direction today when Little Green Footballs and the Huffington Post reported that her supporters tried to edit the Wikipedia page on the 1770s patriot on horseback to state that Revere did not say "The British are coming" because most people at the time considered themselves British. The revision was quickly reversed.
The dispute started last week when Palin visited Boston's Old North Church last week and said that Revere "warned the British that they weren't gonna be takin' away our arms." History, of course, records that Revere was trying to warn the Americans.
On Fox News Sunday, Palin acknowledged that Revere was warning the Americans but also defended her stance, saying "Part of his ride was to warn the British that were already there that 'hey, you're not going to take American arms, you are not going to beat our own well-armed persons individual private militia that we have.' "
The Boston Herald found a local historian who backed up the idea that Revere at one point did issue a warning to the British.
As for Revere's famous cry, according to the Paul Revere House website, what he really said was "The regulars are coming out!" That doesn't quite have the ring of "The British are coming!," but expresses much the same sentiment.
Sarah Palin comments over Paul Revere's ride prompt Wikipedia revision
The revisions are coming! The revisions are coming!


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SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. (AP) Phil Mickelson birdied the ninth hole a day too late and missed a chance to break the PGA Tour's 36-hole scoring record when he finished with a double bogey after driving into the water.
Mickelson followed his opening 60 with a 65 on Friday in the Phoenix Open to reach 17-under 125, a stroke off the tour record for the first two rounds of a tournament set by Pat Perez in the 2009 Bob Hope Classic and matched by David Toms at Colonial in 2011.
Mickelson tied the Phoenix Open record set by Mark Calcavecchia in 2001.
A day after missing a chance for a 59 when his 25-foot putt on the ninth caught the right edge, curled 180 degrees and stayed out, Mickelson hit to 4 feet and rolled the downhill putt into the center of the cup.
Bill Haas was second, four strokes back.


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We wanted to remind you that counties and clubs can take advantage of reduced rates when advertising their event in English Bridge magazine.
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Browsing by Author "Ørngreen, Rikke N."
Now showing items 1-3 of 3
A case study on collaboration with clients, in community interaction and learning designØrngreen, Rikke N.; Nielsen, Janni; Levinsen, Karin (København, 2004)[More information][Less information]
Abstract: Abstract In this paper the Human Computer Interaction (HCI) Research Group reports on the pre-phase of an e-learning project, which was carried out in collaboration with the client. The project involved an initial exploration of the problem spaces, possibilities and challenges for an online accredited Continued Medical Education (CME) programme at the Lundbeck Institute. The CME programme aims at end-users, which are primarily general practitioners, but also specialists (psychiatrist and psychologists), from all over the world. The assumption was that it would be possible to identify and build on resources and competencies already existing in the client organisation. We asked: What is it we know? Uncovering the prerequisites and background of and with the client allowed us concurrently to identify: What do we not know? Working iteratively in collaboration with the client, allowed us to build on existing resources and networks, suggesting a design, which also included end-users community needs and work-context. Our argument is that if a preparation phase both seeks to confirm knowledge and contemplate what is not yet known, giving attention to the context and need of the client (i.e. not only end-users,) then it is possible to build on existing resources within the client organisation, leading to grounding of design decisions and a match between the e-learning environment designed and the capabilities of the client. URI: http://hdl.handle.net/10398/6469
Files in this item: 113-2004.pdf (403.8Kb)
An HCI Study with the Lundbeck InstituteØrngreen, Rikke N.; Nielsen, Janni; Levinsen, Karin; Stanley Christensen, Elise; Mortensen, Ole E. (København, 2004)[More information][Less information]
Abstract: This working paper presents the first results of a close collaboration between the HCI-Research Group, at the Department of Informatics, CBS and the Lundbeck Institute.This report contains the resulting descriptions of analyses, investigations and evaluations carried out in the pre-phase. The working paper is written considering both the current and future context of the Lundbeck Institute and what we (in the HCI Research Group) know and need to know more about with respect to the future users of the e-learning activities. Another of our concern has been to investigate the Lundbeck Institute current activities and raise questions that the Institute needs to consider when contemplating a relatively large e-learning project. However, we find that the concepts investigated and the processes we have been through have a general relevance. We are thus grateful to the Lundbeck Institute for allowing publication of these pre-phase results. URI: http://hdl.handle.net/10398/6450
Files in this item: 103-2004-7.pdf (1.530Mb)
Ørngreen, Rikke N. (København, 2002)[More information][Less information]
Abstract: SUMMARY The summary presents an overview of the dissertation and major findings of my research: · Research Area, Questions and Design · Frame of Reference - Domain Knowledge · Major Findings Research Area, Questions and Design This dissertation investigates development and use of multimedia teaching cases, as applied in business education. Teaching cases present companies, and the current problems or opportunities they are facing. (Barnes, Christensen and Hansen 1994, Maufette- Leenders, Erskine and Leenders 1997, Heath 1998, Manninen 1997.) The primary characteristic is that the case is based on real events. Very often the case description follows a decision-making situation. (Mauffette-Leenders, Erskine, and Leenders 1997, Hazard 2000.) The case is prepared by students and then discussed in class. The objective of the class discussion is to analyse the company's situation and come up with viable strategies for the future (Leenders and Erskine 1989, Heath 1998, Orngreen and Bielli 2001). Cases were introduced to business education already in 1910 at the Harvard Business School, and have since then gained widespread use throughout the world (Leenders and Erskine 1989). Traditionally teaching cases have been written descriptions, but the teaching cases in this dissertation are multimedia cases. The use of multimedia teaching cases is a relatively new phenomenon. Because of the novelty of the approach, research on how to apply these or developing them is extremely limited. Though I investigate both a use and a development perspective, the use dimension is investigated with the purpose to inform development. In particular the dissertation results in a set of roles and tools influencing the development process, which is also seen in my three research questions: 1. Which roles and tools characterise the development and use of multimedia teaching cases for business education? 2. How are these roles and tools applied to the multimedia development process, and how do they support or restrain the development. 3. How are the development roles and tools, and the use roles and tools interrelated, and how do they relate to a development model for multimedia teaching cases? URI: http://hdl.handle.net/10398/7746
Files in this item: 1rikke_n_orngreen.pdf (10.97Mb)
Now showing items 1-3 of 3


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Women's Boots
Boots for women at Buckle come in a variety of brands, colors and styles. Whether you are searching for western boots, ankle boots, or knee-high boots, our women's boots come in the latest styles and the greatest looks. With brands like Corral, Not Rated, UGG and many more. Create an awesome outfit with women's tops, hats and other accessories. The season's must-have fashion boots for women can be found at Buckle.


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5 Seconds of Summer Perform 'She Looks So Perfect' + 'Amnesia' on 'TODAY' Show [VIDEOS]by Mandi Salerno | PopCrush
5 Seconds of Summer, the not-so-little pop-punk band from Sydney, Australia, had another huge milestone in their music careers today.
Luke, Calum, Ashton and Michael made their morning show debut on 'TODAY' this morning (July 22) to promote the release of their self-titled album. You certainly wouldn't know it was their first based on the turnout. They drew a massive crowd of adoring fans, some who began camping out for spots at New York City's Rockefeller Plaza as far back as late last week, according to the show.
Their dedicated audience was rewarded with two rocking performances. Ashton kicked off the first with a heavy drumbeat that led them into their hit single 'She Looks So Perfect.' The Aussie lads stood on a platform spray-painted red and black as they sang back to the sound of screaming girls.
They followed up the upbeat performance by slowing it down with their newest single 'Amnesia.' Fans sang along to the ballad, while brandishing homemade signs and a couple of oversized photos of Will Smith's face, which might seem like a strange choice if you're unfamiliar with the band's slight obsession with the actor.
"Basically, Will Smith is probably the best man that ever lived," Luke explained on 'TODAY.'
Check out 5SOS' performance of 'She Looks So Perfect' above and 'Amnesia' right below!


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Companies organise events, like business courses, masterclasses, workshops and other career events for students and graduates in order to get to know potential candidates. Big firms like Philis, ING, BCG and Unilever often organize events such as workshops. Companies like TOPdesk, YSE and Houthoff have lunch or coffee events and meet & greets that one can go to.
For you, attending a company event is a great way to get to know some graduate employers better. It can be beneficial for networking purposes or simply for talking to recruiters too.
Find all kinds of interesting events at a company of your choice on Magnet.me.
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The best of The Mike Missanelli Show!
The man who revolutionized what great Philadelphia sports radio is all about and in the process turned PM drive-time talk radio on its head, Mike Missanelli, can be heard on the Fanatic weekdays from 2-6pm. For over a decade on the Fanatic, Mike's sports acumen, witty pop-cultural references and overall fun persona are just a […]
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Anglers flock to the lower Susquehanna River each year to catch rockfish and catch and release shad. But this season they'll have the chance to cast for a newcomer to the waters- rainbow trout.
Merrie Street Exelon Power 610-765-5750/610-755-1199
Conowingo, Md. (March 19, 2009) - Anglers flock to the lower Susquehanna River each year to catch rockfish and catch and release shad. But this season they'll have the chance to cast for a newcomer to the waters- rainbow trout. The Department of Natural Resources (DNR) today released 400 rainbow trout into the Octoraro Creek in Cecil County.
Rick Schaefer, Eastern Regional Manager Natural Resources Fisheries Services says the new Exelon Trail and parking area at the Octoraro Creek provide safe parking and access to the creek for anglers giving DNR the opportunity to stock the creek with the trout.
"Old-timers say we used to stock the Octoraro, but this is the first time in my memory we've set up a put-and-take program in this creek," says Schaefer. "We'll be collecting feedback and talking to fisherman and if this season is a success, we'll plan on adding the Octoraro to our annual put-and take program".
Exelon Power Regulatory Manager Colleen Hicks says the decision by DNR to stock fish in the Octoraro enhances recreation opportunities.
"Since we opened the Exelon Trail last summer it's been a popular place for hikers and anglers. With the addition of 400 rainbow trout this week I expect the trail's popularity to grow," Hicks says.
Since this is a first-time put-and-take program (DNR puts the fish into the creek, anglers take them out and take them home), anglers don't have to wait to cast their lines. They may begin fishing immediately.
"These fish come from our hatchery in Western Maryland and the point of this program is to provide fishing opportunities," says Schaefer. "We want families to grab a fishing pole and enjoy the environment."


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The Under-20 teams from the United States and Canada are expected to compete for two of the four World Cup qualification spots up for grabs during April's 2011 CONCACAF Championship. Over the next few days, they will have a good measuring stick upon which to assess their progress: each other.
The pair will play matches on Dec. 16 and Dec. 18 in Sunrise, Fla.
Thomas Rongen's 24-man US roster features a mix of experienced veterans and new faces. Defender Gale Agbossoumonde as well as midfielders Amobi Okugo and Dillon Powers traveled to Egypt for the 2009 U-20 World Cup, while América de Cali goalkeeper Kevin Piedrahita and striker Conor Doyle are participating in their first camp.
TSG 1899 Hoffenheim winger Joseph Gyau makes his return to US fold. Though the former U-17 star struggled to find his form after signing with the European side last August, he has posted a strong run of performances for the club's U-19 squad in recent months. Rongen considered bringing the son of former US international Phillip Gyau into camp sooner, but left him out while he transitioned to life in Germany.
Akron's NCAA championship-winning duo of Perry Kitchen and Zarek Valentin will look to make an impression and possibly earn a roster spot, as will Michigan freshman and camp newcomer Soony Saad.
"This team should be all pro when qualifying comes around, but there's going to be an exceptional college player here or there," Rongen said last month.
The Americans will take on a Canadian side that's full of the country's best youth talent. Manager Valerio Gazzola's 21-man roster features five of the six nominees for Canada's U-20 Player of the Year, including winner Ethan Gage.
Pat Onstad helped coach a recent U-23 camp in which Gage – as well as agemates Ashtone Morgan, Julien Latendresse-Lévesque and Sean Hart – participated.
"He's a good, solid guy," the former Dynamo 'keeper told MLSsoccer.com by phone. "Technically he's a defender – although he sees himself as a bit more of a midfielder – and he's a hard-worker and good tackler.
"His best attribute is that he's a good leader. Even if he's not the captain, he's the kind of guy the locker room will revolve around. He was a little quieter on the U-23 team because he was playing with guys who were a couple years older, but he stepped up as he got more comfortable."
Onstad also had high praise for goalkeeper Latendresse-Lévesque, who finished second to Gage in the U-20 PotY voting.
Getty Images
"Julien has come a long way," he said. "He's not the biggest 'keeper at only 6-feet or 6-1, but he's technically very gifted. He's done well at FC Energie Cottbus and will continue to improve."
According to Onstad, Canada – despite missing out on the 2009 U-20 World Cup – are "pretty competitive" at the age level but struggle because the opportunities aren't there.
Gazzola can deploy just two field players – FSV Mainz '05's Jaineil Hoilett and Slavia Praha's Niall Cousens – who call European clubs home. Major League Soccer's Canadian expansion is helping to develop the program, something Onstad believes will continue as Vancouver and Montreal join the league in 2011 and 2012, respectively.
For now, the team might not be as talented as some of their regional opponents, but they are united.
"One thing I always find about the Canadian makeup is that when they get together for any amount of time, they turn into a pretty cohesive unit," Onstad said. "There's that Canadian fighting spirit."
CANADA U-20 Roster By Position:
GOALKEEPERS (2): Julien Latendresse Lévesque (FC Energie Cottbus; Chambly, Quebec), Roberto Stillo (Genoa CFC; Mississauga, Ontario)
DEFENDERS (8): Sven Arapovic (Toronto Croatia; Etobicoke, Ontario), Derrick Bassi (Simon Fraser University; Delta, British Columbia), Vince Caminiti (AEK London FC, Lambeth, Ontario), Sean Hart (Schulz Academy; Toronto), Doneil Henry (Toronto FC; Brampton, Ontario), Ashtone Morgan (Toronto FC Academy; Toronto), Chris Suta (University of Detroit Mercy; Windsor, Ontario), Roger Thompson (University of Cincinnati; Brampton, Ontario)
MIDFIELDERS (6): Kevin Cobby (Vancouver Whitecaps FC; Brampton, Ontario), Oscar Cordon (Toronto FC Academy; Toronto), Ethan Gage (Vancouver Whitecaps FC; Cochrane, Alberta), Jaineil Hoilett (FSV Mainz '05; Brampton, Ontario), Jonathan Osorio (Clarkson Sheridan; Brampton, Ontario), Matt Stinson (Winthrop University; Toronto)
FORWARDS (5): Jerome Baker (Unattached; Toronto), Niall Cousens (FC Hlucin on loan from Slavia Praha; Vancouver), Erik Grigore (North York Astros; Toronto), Nicholas Lindsay (Toronto FC Academy; Brampton, Ontario), Massimo Mirabelli (Portugal FC; Brampton, Ontario)
US U-20 Roster By Position:
GOALKEEPERS (2): Zac MacMath (Maryland; St. Petersburg, Fla.), Kevin Piedrahita (América de Cali; Queens, N.Y.)
DEFENDERS (8): Gale Agbossoumonde (Unattached; Syracuse, N.Y.), Greg Garza (G.D. Estoril Praia; Grapevine, Texas), Sebastien Ibeagha (Duke; Missouri City, Texas), Perry Kitchen (Akron; Indianapolis), Eric Schoenle (West Virginia; Yardley, Pa.), Ben Sweat (South Florida; Palm Harbor, Fla.), Zarek Valentin (Akron; Lancaster, Pa.), Korey Veeder (Unattached; St. Petersburg, Fla.)
MIDFIELDERS (8): Steven Evans (Portland; Troutdale, Ore.), Joshua Gatt (SC Rheindorf Altach; Plymouth, Mich.), Joe Gyau (TSG 1899 Hoffenheim; Silver Spring, Md.), Alex Molano (NK Dinamo Zagreb; Grapevine, Texas), Amobi Okugo (Philadelphia Union; Sacramento, Calif.), Dillon Powers (Notre Dame; Plano, Texas), Kelyn Rowe (UCLA; Newport Beach, Calif.), Conor Shanosky (D.C. United; Sterling, Va.)
FORWARDS (6): Conor Doyle (Derby County FC; McKinney, Texas), Dylan Mares (Louisville; Zionsville, Ind.), Jack McInerney (Philadelphia Union; Alpharetta, Ga.), Adrian Ruelas (Celtic F.C.; Fontana, Calif.), Soony Saad (Michigan; Dearborn, Mich.), Omar Salgado (Unattached; El Paso, Texas)
TFC Youngsters Set For U.S. Duel
The Under-20 teams from the United States and Canada are expected to compete for two of the four World Cup qualification spots up for grabs during April's 2011 CONCACAF Championship. Over the next few days, they will have a good measuring stick upon which to assess their progress: each other.


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In her new book, Letting It Go, Katin grapples with her son Ilan's decision to move to Berlin, a city she identifies with Nazis.The Paris Review
A Holocaust survivor struggles to let go of the past
Miriam Katin has the light hand of a master storyteller in this flowing, expressive, full-color masterpiece. A Holocaust survivor and mother, Katin's world is turned upside down by the news that her adult son is moving to Berlin, a city she's villainized for the past forty years. As she struggles to accept her son's decision, she visits the city twice, first to see her son and then to attend a museum gala featuring her own artwork. What she witnesses firsthand is a city coming to terms with its traumatic past, much as Katin is herself. Letting It Go is a deft and careful balance: wry, self-deprecating anecdotes counterpoint a serious account of the myriad ways trauma inflects daily existence, both for survivors and for their families.
Katin's first book, We Are On Our Own, was a memoir of her childhood, detailing how she and her mother hid in the Hungarian countryside, disguising themselves as a peasant woman and her illegitimate child in order to escape the Nazis. The stunning story, along with Katin's gorgeous pencil work, immediately garnered acclaim in the comics world and beyond. With Letting It Go, Katin's storytelling and artistic skills allow her to explore a voice and perspective like no other found in the medium.
Praise for Letting It Go
This is heavy material, but Katin's approach is humorous and ambivalent. Katin is a charming narrator: candid, complex, unvain.Shtetl Montreal
Katin is still (relatively) new at this particular format, and she's produced another must read that I suspect many comics readers might not have known they must read, but, believe me, they must.Robot 6 / Comic Book Resources
The sketchy memoir that follows is Katin's heartfelt but still playful account of coming to terms with the Holocaust's legacy. It is a rich vein to mine, illustrated with great looping eddies of colored pencil.Publishers Weekly
[Letting It Go] is expressive, musical, and thoroughly original. Katin manages to find something new in the well-ploughed fields of Holocaust and post-Holocaust literature by sticking to a story invested in revelation, not cliché.Paste
Thoughtful and unflinching but also frequently funny, and drawn with considerable grace.National Post
Although this might sound like a serious book, there are many light moments that make it an easy read. Katin's borderless panels have a beautiful flow to them, and many of her finely detailed establishing shots are stunning [...] It is inspiring to read a memoir by a woman in her seventies who is not only willing to share her past, but who also shows us that it is never too late to face our demons. Katin has the courage to tell her story, warts and all, and do it unconventionally with a graphic novel.MTL Review of Books
Miriam Katin's Letting It Go is my kind of graphic memoir: loose, impressionistic, a portrait of the artist's inner life.Los Angeles Times
It is the story of her coming to terms with his choice and her own feelings about the city. It is also funny and light-hearted, as playful as her first book was stark.Comic Book Resources
Katin eschews the use of panel borders for her gorgeously expressive color-pencil drawings, giving the narrative an irresistible flow. This… nuanced and inward-looking tale is an even greater testament to Katin's remarkable storytelling abilities.Booklist, starred review
Katin's colored pencils have a grounded quality, enhanced by her focus on the everyday details of her life at its best and worst.AV Club


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Beware: Caveat emptor makes buyers vulnerable
You just bought your first house, and you've barely moved in when a wall of water rushes in, causing thousands of dollars in damage.
Your insurance company says you're not covered because you're not in a flood zone, and the city says you have to chip in thousands to repair the failing storm drain infrastructure that caused the flood in the first place.
And apparently your dream house has a history of such flooding.
That's what happened to the subjects of this week's cover story, Ken and Heidi Vanderford.
Virginia is a caveat emptor state, which means, of course, "let the buyer beware."
"That's the unfortunate part of this," says City Councilor Blake Caravati, who's also president of a contracting company, Vector Construction.
He suggests that homebuyers hire someone to do an inspection "and talk to neighbors." Vanderford ruefully admits that he didn't order a pre-purchase home inspection.
While Virginia puts the onus for discovering property problems on the buyer, "sellers have an obligation to choose 'disclosure' or 'disclaimer' when selling a house," says broker Robert Ramsey at Prudential Charlotte Ramsey.
Disclosure means going down a checklist of all systems in a house and verifying their condition. But the more typical approach for Virginia sellers, says Ramsey, is disclaimer, in which no representations are made about the house.
However, "Just because a seller chooses disclaimer doesn't mean he can go around committing fraud," warns Ramsey. "It doesn't protect a seller who knows he has a terribly wet basement, waits until a drought year to sell, and paints the basement and puts in new carpet to hide the damage."
And while fraud is hard to prove, a disclaimer doesn't mean the seller is immune from prosecution, nor does it prevent the buyer from suing. "A disclaimer is not a free ticket," Ramsey says.
And if realtors have actual knowledge of adverse material defects of a property, they must reveal them. "Realtors shouldn't stick their heads in the sand regarding the condition of the property," he says.
Ramsey also urges buyers to have a home inspection. He suggests checking with city or county engineering departments to see whether a property is in a flood zone. To see if a house might be in the path of a projected bypass or a Meadowcreek Parkway, prospective buyers should go to the Virginia Department of Transportation to see exactly where the road will go.
"It's up to the buyer to do discovery," says Ramsey. "Put a contingency in the contract to allow for a discovery period." And if buyers don't like what they discover, they should void the contract.


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Poised For Success® Video
Poised For Success serves women in Chicago and the suburbs including, but not limited to: Addison, Batavia, Bartlett, Downers Grove, Elmhurst, Geneva, Glen Ellyn, Lisle, Lombard, Naperville, Villa Park, West Chicago, Wheaton, Winfield, West Chicago, St. Charles and the suburban areas surrounding Chicago. Poised For Success exists to make things possible, but it's your support that makes them happen.
Click here to see the new Poised For Success video.
Disclaimer: We are an independent organization that is not affiliated with any other organization of the same or similar name.


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DETROIT — 2005 Kettering University graduate Brian Olatunji and his Leadfoot Foundation partnered with the Jalen Rose Leadership Academy, a Detroit charter school founded by former NBA and University of Michigan star Jalen Rose, to provide backpacks filled with school supplies to the school's 240 students at an event Sept. 4.
"Being able to take the burden of worrying about simply having the proper tools to succeed in school off of kids and their families is tremendously rewarding," said drag racer Olatunji, whose foundation has donated school supplies to Detroit-area kids for the past six years. "It is one of the highlights of my year to be able to do this every school year."
The Leadfoot Foundation is a non-profit organization founded by Olatunji six years ago to help empower youth through the promotion of leadership, education and mentoring opportunities. Olatunji became interested in partnering with Rose's charter school, which is entering its second year, because of its innovative approaches to education, particularly the school's promotion of STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math) Education. Students at the school receive exposure to college-level coursework and the school's goal is to exceed 85 percent of students graduating, 85 percent enrolling in college and 85 percent eventually graduating from college.
"Their approach is unique and dynamic," Olatunji said.
Beyond Olatunji's support for the school's mission, he also shares a common bond with Rose — both are Detroit Public Schools graduates who went on to earn college degrees. As a Detroit native, Rose understands the issues faced by kids who grow up in the cities most struggling areas. Olatunji said that Rose isn't just lending his name to the school either — he's a fixture in the halls, talking with students and letting them know that he cares about their futures.
"Jalen was willing to put his name and reputation on this and own this," Olatunji said. "So he has a responsibility to see it succeed. That's really a testament to his commitment. This is not just a photo op for him. You regularly see him in the building, he knows the students and they know him."
Rose expressed his gratitude to Olatunji and his foundation on Twitter.
"Many thanks to @BrianORacing (Brian Olatunji) & the Leadfoot Foundation for donating & distributing supplies for @JRLADetroit (Jalen Rose Leadership Academy) students! #respect," Rose tweeted.
Olatunji noted that the personal connections Rose and his staff make with students are vital to reaching students in struggling communities.
"The first thing you have to do is you have to show kids that you care about them," Olatunji said. "That's fundamental. Then, you have to commit to their general well-being and you have to open their eyes to the importance of education and what an education can do for them."
Olatunji had his first opportunity to speak with students at JRLA this week at the event when the school supplies were delivered. He speaks with students all over the country — he estimates he speaks in approximately 30 schools per year — about his racing career, his engineering education and background and he's also a strong advocate for STEM-based education and the career opportunities STEM offers.
"So many people have helped me in my life and career, I've always felt it was necessary for me to give back and do that for others," Olatunji said. "I have a passion for seeing kids further their education."
Olatunji's racing career and his work promoting education is currently being documented by a crew filming a reality series starring Olatunji called 'Dreams 2 Champions,' which will debut later this year on the Speed Network.
More about Olatunji at www.brianolatunji.com, https://twitter.com/BrianORacing or www.facebook.com/brianoracing.
More about the Jalen Rose Leadership Academy at www.jrladetroit.com.
Reblogged this on ovaha's hut and commented:
Hope all is well with you, when you are helping others please dont pass by ovaha's hut in Malawi.


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Visiting Methusalem
Few places exist on earth where people live to such a grand old age as they do on the Nicoya Peninsula of northwestern Costa Rica. What's their secret?
Hooves clip-clop on the dusty track, as José Bonifacio Villegas Fonseca rides his horse beside mine, loosely holding the reins and wearing a pale sombrero to protect him from the sun that at 8 a.m. is already blazing down on us. José Fonseca, or "Pachito" as everyone here calls him, rides out with his four sons. Suddenly he drives his horse forward into a trot and the duo prances away, man and animal a single entity; it looks proud and very laid back. Is this the same frail man who a short while ago needed the table's support to get to his feet?
Pachito is an incredible 100 years old. When he first sat in the saddle at age four, Winston Churchill had just been appointed Britain's Secretary of State for the Colonies, and Charlie Chaplin's movie The Kid was premiering in New York. As a sabanero, as cowboys are called in Costa Rica, Pachito spent his entire life driving cattle across the Nicoya Peninsula in the northwest of the country. Today, he still rides several kilometers a day to visit far-flung neighbors who live in the tiny village of Pochote. We halt briefly at a cheesemaker and chiropractitioner's just as he emerges from his cowshed in rubber boots. Pachito, he assures me, is not one of his patients. "He's like a teak tree, made of hard wood and straight as a die."
I am here to discover Pachito's secret. This peninsula on the Pacific coast is one of the world's five so-called "Blue Zones," that is, the regions where people live to be extremely old and at the same time in particularly good shape. The Japanese Prefecture of Okinawa is one such Blue Zone, as are the Italian island of Sardinia, the Greek island of Ikaria and the Californian city of Loma Linda. The inhabitants of the Blue Zones are a mystery to science. Or rather, they offer the hope of some day being able to solve a mystery that has puzzled the human race since it attained self-awareness: How can we live for ever? Or to take it down a notch: How can we live longer and stay healthy at the same time? "My hearing's bad and when I sit still, my bones ache," Pachito tells me, "but I feel fine in the saddle!" He gives me a mischievous, gappy grin. "Doing what you love and sufficient exercise," I jot down on my mental list of ingredients for a long and healthy life.
The day before, I left San José behind, the noisy capital city with its congested streets and honking of horns. Flying over cattle country, a small propeller airplane carried me north to the city of Liberia. From there, I continued my journey by car to Santa Cruz on the Nicoya Peninsula, one of the oldest cities in Costa Rica, and the further I went, the greater grew the distance between the simple houses that announced their presence with hedges of brilliantly colored blossoms. In between them, nature asserted itself with vines, trees and meadows in countless shades of green.
Modern life is only slowly penetrating the Nicoyan jungle; the electrical grid only came to some villages 16 years ago
Modern life is only slowly penetrating this jungle. It's just 16 years since a power supply line was laid to Pachito's lot. He has meanwhile acquired a television set and also a cell phone that was a gift from his sons; he only uses it to take calls.
The man who brought me to Pachito is Jorge Vindas. He knows all of the roughly 50 people in the region who are currently 100 years old or more. Vindas himself is 55, a slight man with a mustache who used to be a research associate at the university in San José and today jokingly describes himself as a "centenarian researcher." He founded the Asociación Península de Nicoya Zona Azul, a society dedicated to investigating and preserving from gradual oblivion the life stories and habits of the extremely aged but nevertheless hale and hearty.
We drive along tarmac roads that give onto muddy tracks outside the villages. Vindas talks about a 90-year-old man who's still riding a motorcycle and a 95-year-old woman who still loves performing with her folk-dance group. At an intersection, he points out a box of a building: a fast-food restaurant. "That was just new when I traveled here with Dan Buettner in 2006." Back then, the U.S. journalist was the first to describe the Blue Zone phenomenon for National Geographic. Outraged, Buettner exclaimed: "This will be the end of the centenarians!" It's a well-known fact, after all, that what we eat determines whether we lead a long or a short life, whether we are often sick or stay healthy. On Nicoya, fast food is still the exception, while homegrown vegetables are served up far more often.
Next we pay a visit to Doña Chila. A sprightly 91-year-old – full name Cecilia Gutiérrez Pizarro – she rises with the sun and goes to her bed at six p.m. when night falls. A regular daily rhythm and plenty of sleep are also factors in ensuring a long life, says Vindas. Doña Chila has spent most of hers with her now 63-year-old son in a lonely house on a remote wooded hill. A small woman with large spectacles, she's stirring the contents of an iron pan over an open fire. It's gallo pinto for lunch today, an omnipresent dish here in Costa Rica consisting of black beans and rice. With practiced hands, Doña Chila shapes cornmeal into small tortillas. "There's nothing wrong with me," she says, "except that this finger is a bit stiff." As a girl, she dreamed of becoming a teacher, but her mother needed her help in the home. So self-realization is apparently not crucial to health and longevity.
"Telomeres are the key," explains Vindas, once we are back in the car. We drive along past expanses of pastureland stretching away to the dark-green hills beyond. My companion embarks on a scientific excursus. Telomeres, I learn, are tiny stretches of DNA inside the cells of the human body. They are found at the ends of chromosome strands, and their job is to protect the chromosomes from all manner of damage. Each time a cell divides, the telomeres become shorter until one day they disappear altogether. Then the genes can no longer be copied and we age.
Scientists from San José repeatedly made the trip to Nicoya to conduct a specially commissioned survey, took blood samples from the spry seniors and examined them in their labs. They discovered that the telomeres of their test subjects were significantly longer than those of old people in other parts of the country. "The way we live really does affect the length of our telomeres," Vindas continues. Omega 3 fatty acids, which are also present in black beans, are good for their growth. A particularly harmful factor is what the World Health Organization defined as the "Health epidemic of the 21st century": stress. A green iguana flits across the street, reminding me of my ride with Pachito. "Stress," he told me, "I've never experienced that."
What we experience as stress, or not, is of course a question of culture, open to definition. A life model no longer familiar to many Germans today helps to strengthen the life-preserving telomeres in Costa Ricans: the large family. In Nicoya, many adults still live with their parents or regularly spend the night with them. A survey revealed that just one visit a week results in telomere growth – at least in the person receiving the visit. Community, then – my list is getting longer and longer. Pachito lives with his daughter; without her, he would no longer be able to stay in his old house. And Alexis, his son, drops by almost every day.
Dominga Alvarez Rosales, 103 years old, also lives with her family. Her great-great-grandson has just learned to walk. Seated in a wrought-iron rocking chair outside her house, the lady with the dainty earrings has a very friendly smile but doesn't say much. Her grandson, Albin Cerdas Barrantes, a lean, curly-haired man in his mid-fifties who looks at least 15 years younger, does the talking. He lived in San José for a long time, he tells us, where he worked very hard and ended up with a chronic stomach complaint. Then a couple of years ago he asked himself why his abuelita, his grandmother, was so much healthier than he was. Now he's back on Nicoya, growing organic vegetables and supplying hotels on the coast where western tourists spend their vacation in search of a healthy life, relaxation and deceleration on Costa Rica's gorgeous beaches and eating good wholesome Costa Rican fare.
What you cannot buy, cannot even stock up on during a visit of just two or three weeks is satisfaction and the confidence that everything will turn out fine – somehow. Many of Costa Rica's senior citizens owe that confidence to their faith, to their belief in God.
This is also true of José de la Cruz Espinoza Quintanilla, who is the last person we meet on our trip. He lives in a small, brightly painted red-and-yellow house beside a river. Up in the treetops, black bonobo apes are making a din, and the air is fragrant with wild coriander. The man who opens the door to us is 102 years old and has a face as mottled as old leather, but his handshake is energetic. "I' still have plenty of strength!" he says, beaming and punching the air with his fists like a boxer. He takes us inside his sparsely furnished home. There's a bed in the only room, and the closet next to the kitchen holds a broom, cleaning things … and a casket. I gape at Don José in surprise. "I want to be prepared," he says, laughing, adding that he's already chosen and paid for his space in the cemetery, "from my own money!"
"How many years would you like to live?" I ask. "As many as He gives me," he replies, raising his eyes heavenward, "but I'd like to make it to 125." Perhaps people live to a very old age when they love life but are also prepared to let go, sometime, later on.
Blue Zones
These five regions are home to a particularly large number of people who live 100 years and beyond
This story first appeared in Lufthansa Exclusive, the frequent traveller magazine. For more information about Lufthansa Miles & More offers, please click here.


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- Home
- Feeling Stuck, Page 22 (PAGE FULL)
- Sex and intimacy after betrayal
- Share Your Story: Finding Out, Part 5 (4 is full!!...
- Finding Out, Part 5 (Please post here. Part 4 is f...
- Stupid S#*t Cheaters Say
- Separating/Divorcing Page 9
- Finding Out, Part 6
- Books for the Betrayed
- Separating and Divorcing, Page 10
- Feeling Stuck, Part 23
- MORE Stupid S#*t Cheaters Say
- Share Your Story Part 6 (Part 5 is full)
- Sex & Intimacy After Betrayal Part 2 (Part 1 is full)
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Tend To the Wound: Your First Step to Healing
So I was thrilled when I read this post from Bindu Wiles. Wiles is one of those magical writers that takes our messy world and distills it with words into a thing of beauty. In this post, she shares a story that works as a perfect parable, with the moral being we must truly tend to our wounds.
At no point in my life did I need this lesson more than when I first learned of my husband's affair(s). Instead, like so many of us, I focused on the marriage. I needed to save the marriage, I believed. I needed to protect my children. I needed to protect my husband, who was having to face the consequences of his actions at work. I did exactly the opposite of what Wiles recommends. Rather than tend to the arrow in my heart, I made sure that anyone who might even witness the arrow was told that they were imagining it. I was fine. I smiled at acquaintances at the grocery store, though later I couldn't recall a word I'd said. I chatted with my kids' teachers. I assured friends who cautiously asked if I was "alright" that yes, of course I was. Just a bit tired. And each night, I begged and pleaded with my husband to explain to me why he shot the arrow.
In hindsight, I should have closed out the world as best I could and tended to the arrow.
And though it's a lesson I didn't learn then, as fate would have it, I can learn it now. As our new marriage counsellor recently informed my husband and I, we haven't even begun our "recovery work."
For weeks now, we've sat in her office, me with an arrow in my heart, my husband holding the bow...and talked about anything but. We've talked about division of labor. We've talked about respect. We've talked about our renovations until my head was going to explode. And then last week, I brought up the arrow. And at that point she looked at both of us and said, "we haven't even begun..."
No surprise to me. The wound around the arrow has grown tough. But recently it has started to hurt again. I've felt hopeless and helpless. Wounded and weak.
I should have tended my wounds better back then.
But I can tend them now. And I will.
I hope you will, too.
19 comments:
- AnonymousSeptember 27, 2011 at 1:30 PM
I am one of the wounded your posts have healed and validated. I am so sorry that you are going through this prolonged agony. I wish you well in your healing journey. One of the so-called "gifts" of this agonizing journey has been the wisdom I am gleaning from others' pain.ReplyDelete
Thank-you. So glad to know that you feel healed and validated. Hallelujah for that!ReplyDelete
I hope you all know how much joy I gain from the conversations that take place on this site.
And my post is not to say that I'm not healING. I'm just not healed. The good news is that my healing is taking me further along toward wholeness than I would have been, I suspect, without this...episode...in my life. I'm recognizing things in my life (disrespect, lack of courtesy, minimizing...) that was taking place without me really noticing. I knew I felt increasingly invisible in my world...but wasn't sure why.
Now, I'm hyper-aware of certain behaviours and bringing them into the light. In the short term, this is creating stress in my marriage (it's called "rocking the boat" in psycho-parlance). But if we can successfully deal with them, I...and my marriage...will be the better for it.
Elle, I love this analogy so much that I think I may print out your and Bindu's posts and take them to MY next therapist appointment. Yelling at my husband for shooting the arrow isn't really getting me anywhere anymore.ReplyDelete
Question - In reading this post and rereading the "Make the World Gasp" (8.3.10) post, you refer to your husband's job and the consequences he suffered. My circumstances seem a bit similar to what I imagine yours may have been. I'm wondering if you've ever done a post on how you handled other people (co-workers, bosses, etc) knowing about the affair before you did, if in fact that was the case in your situation.
Or if that was not the case in your situation, perhaps you know of another woman who had lots of people know about the affair before she did. I'm wondering how you (she) handled that when faced with seeing some of those people after Dday.
Not a lot of people knew at his work...except his affair partner (his assistant), perhaps a few of her friends who also worked there, and some people who had left years before I found out. I was able to pretty much write off the other people who knew and who said/did nothing. They had wound up together when they were having an affair years earlier. And I suspect that's what my husband's assistant was hoping for, too. Because I never particularly liked the other people (gee...wonder why!), I simply wrote them off as jerks. And I'll never really know who actually knew, who suspected and who was oblivious...and now, almost five years out, it no longer really matters. There are times when it's uncomfortable and I get angry about it all over again. But mostly I'm proud of how I've handled myself and accept that all I can ever really control is how I conduct myself.
How have you handled it thus far? Were any of the people close to you? Friends? That would be hard, I think. And I remain convinced that "minding our own business" is not the way to go...though I'd be loathe to get myself in the midst of another person's heartbreak.
Curious what your situation is...
Elle -- This post has been nagging at me and I need some clarification on what you meant/mean.ReplyDelete
"In hindsight, I should have closed out the world as best I could and tended to the arrow."
What exactly would you have done differently? I think you are five years out and having not tended to the wound confuses me a bit because I think you went to counseling with and without your husband. You've read all the books. You created this blog for community and getting the thoughts out of your head and onto paper, I assume. What specifically would you have done to tend? I'm doing all the same things you are with the exception of the blog and I'm at a loss for what else I can be doing.
I have closed myself off from the world and am licking my wounds but my therapist (we are on #2 because the first one didn't really get it) is telling me I need more support and I need to reach out and find it.
But, I'm open. So very open to understanding exactly what tending to the wound means/looks like for women like us.
Hi Pippi,ReplyDelete
Yes, I did all those things. But I think where I went wrong is made clear in these words:
"Instead, like so many of us, I focused on the marriage. I needed to save the marriage, I believed. I needed to protect my children. I needed to protect my husband, who was having to face the consequences of his actions at work. I did exactly the opposite of what Wiles recommends. Rather than tend to the arrow in my heart, I made sure that anyone who might even witness the arrow was told that they were imagining it."
I was TERRIFIED of losing the marriage. TERRIFIED of losing my kids. I was so afraid of what I might lose...that I hung on for dear life. And I think I focussed on saving the marriage instead of saving myself.
It's in hindsight that I wish I'd actually left, though likely temporarily. I wish I'd given myself the space to truly determine whether this was something I could get past...and gain the courage and confidence to know that I would be okay on my own. I know that now...but I think it took me longer to get there...and here we are still putting our marriage back together.
It's a common theme in my life: take care of everyone else's pain and deny my own. So yes, I was in counselling (which was great, though I think I wasted some time -- again focused on my husband); we were in marital counselling, though I spent more time wanting assurance that he could do this and still love me than actually working on where to go from here.
And with my mom passing away so soon after my second D-Day, I was just such a wreck. She passed away the same day a book I'd written was released so I was doing radio interviews, etc. hours after leaving the hospital. Again...I wish I had tended to the wound.
Not sure that anything would necessarily be different – I just think I would have got there faster and felt more sure of myself when I arrived. I still struggle with that awful feeling that I "let" him do this to me.
Does that clarify it at all?
Yes, thanks. My new therapist recommended "Intimacy After Infidelity" by Solomon & Teagno. I'm half way through and it has a chapter on self-intimacy. The book says "self-intimacy is the moment-to-moment awareness of one's feelings, thoughts and needs as well as the willingness to acknowledge and own these to oneself and with one's partner." Basically - that it's difficult if not impossible to be in a healthy relationship if you are not in a healthy relationship with yourself.ReplyDelete
My therapist also said that my husband and I are still having trouble working on the relationship because we are not 'whole' people. I am too broken at the moment by the trauma of it all and he is dealing with a substance abuse issue (vodka is my other, other woman). Now, I'm wondering if your post and the therapist comments aren't the universe trying to tell me the same thing: 'stop focusing so much on the marriage and heal yourself.'
So, I have a second therapist that I will start seeing alone to help me with the support issue and the trauma. And, I plan to start trying to practice the self-intimacy recommended by the book. All good arrow tending, I hope. I'll keep you posted.
Also, if you haven't read that book and you decide to pick it up, wait to read the introduction when you are alone and have some time. The first three pages took my breath away. I had to stop reading and breathe. I've never had THAT reaction when reading a book. It's that dead-on.
Tonight I have to go to a thing at school where I will see people who knew before I did and may have actually been in on sending me the anonymous note. I will be channeling Lisbeth Salander for her aspergers-like quality of not caring what other people think. Not being successful at that is what TERRIFIES me.
I will pick that book up. Sounds interesting. And I agree wholeheartedly, though I'm just learning what self-care/self-intimacy looks like.ReplyDelete
Given your husband's alcohol issues, it's no wonder you're feeling like you've got a ways to go. It's impossible to have a healthy relationship with an addict. Their loyalty, until they get sober (and stay that way long enough), is to their substance of choice. My mother was an alcoholic (no surprise, I married a sex addict. I was so grateful he wasn't much of a drinker. Joke's on me, I guess!) and I spent most of my childhood trying to get her to choose me over vodka. Self-care/intimacy was foreign.
So I'm in the same boat as you. Trying to recognize my needs and respect them. Trying to convince myself that my job is to care for myself before everybody else. As my therapist says, I'm responsible TO my husband and kids, not FOR them.
Re. tonight: We're there right with you. Be strong and hold your head high. You have NO idea what's going on in their own lives (and I suspect it would make your hair curl!). You can't make yourself not care...but you can ACT as if you don't care. Fake it til you make it. And you will make it. You're an incredibly strong person dealing with enormous pain – just like anyone with tragedy/trauma in their life. Those who can't approach you with compassion are likely damaged or in denial or both. But that's not your problem. Don't think about where you were, be proud of where you are today.
End of pep talk. Keep me posted!
Thanks, Elle! I've decided my mantra for the evening is: "Curly Hair." I have very straight hair and it would take a lot of crazy sh!t going on in their lives to make my hair curl -- maybe even crazier than the sh!t going on in mine. I love the idea of repeating the mantra to myself as I "act" like I don't care -- thanks. I'm going with it . . .ReplyDelete
Curly Hair, Curly Hair, Curly Hair . . .
My other, other woman (vodka) reared her ugly head this afternoon. My husband was pulled over and sent to detox with a DUI. This should make healing from the affair even more of an adventure. I have the towel in my hand and my arm is poised to throw it in. Any advice welcomeReplyDelete
Hi Pippi,ReplyDelete
Oh no...
No-one could blame you for throwing in the towel...least of all you.
As a child of two alcoholic parents (and wife of a sex addict), I don't think you can ever battle another's addiction for them. He has got to commit to sobriety and you have got to have firm consequences/boundaries in place (in order to feel some measure of control in your life) for any time he slips. Is he in any sort of 12-step program? Has he made any commitment to you regarding staying sober? Is he able to trace back the steps that lead him to taking a drink? In the end (my mother's words), it doesn't much matter what leads him to drinking as long as he still believes he can take that drink...but understanding it allows both of you to, perhaps, have some sort of accountability in place -- though that's generally something his sponsor would do if he's in a 12-step program.
The long and the short of it is – with a nod to Ann Landers – is your life better with him in it or out of it. Not at this exact moment but generally speaking. If the answer is no, it's time to get out and create a life that feels safe and healthy and sane. If the answer is yes, well...time to figure out how he's going to battle his addiction.
Do you go to Al-Anon or any other support group for spouses of addicts? Sounds like you could use support.
Of course...I'm at the other end of your mouse. :)
Thanks, Elle.ReplyDelete
I've been struggling with his drinking for a while now. Since I was sent the anonymous note telling me of the affair and consequences, his drinking got much worse. His way to escape the guilt and shame was to drink more. The DUI has given me some clarity on why my life has been turned upside down. This IS what happens to people who have a problem with alcohol -- their lives, relationships, jobs, etc, etc etc suffer from it.
It's also unburdened me quite a bit. I've, strangely, felt a huge sense of "wow, this and the affair really is his issue." It wasn't my failings as a wife, partner, mother . . . it was his problem with alcohol that contributed greatly to the affair and ALL of the resulting problems. Re-framing it as the result of his addiction has been really helpful for my self-esteem.
I don't know where I go from here. I'm working on that with my therapist and right now I'm just trying to take one minute at a time. But, I have started implementing more of my escape plan so that when I decide what I'm going to do, I'm ready to do it if leaving if the choice I make.
I am planning to go to Al-Anon meetings. I found one right up the road. Whether he will go to AA or get help with anything other than what is court ordered remains to be seen.
If he doesn't want to become sober...after everything alcohol is doing to take away what he cares about (including his freedom!), then you're in for a lonely marriage. My mother wound up in a psychiatric hospital where I had to introduce myself to her each time I visited because she had messed her brain up so badly. She ultimately did get sober...but she'd have been the first to say that addicts have to hit their own "bottom" before they smarten up. I think what Al-Anon helps with is ensuring you're not "protecting" him from hitting bottom by sparing him some of the more unpleasant consequences. I still struggle with that, having learned from my parents. I have to remind myself to let my kids (and my husband) deal with the consequences they create -- whether that's not delivering forgotten homework to school, not picking them up on rainy days though I know they refused to wear rainboots, not defending my husband to my kids when they're mad at him for being late for a soccer game or piano recital.ReplyDelete
The thing I didn't like about Al-Anon was the, occasional, person who took living with an alcoholic like it made them a martyr. As long as it's promoting your healing (rather than keeping you in a lousy marriage), then I think it's a good thing.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. As if the affair wasn't enough...
One more thing: I'm so glad you've managed to get to the place where you realize his affair really wasn't about you. It's a great feeling, isn't it? You're off the hook! :)
"It's a common theme in my life: take care of everyone else's pain and deny my own."
HELLO!! Thank you for helping me open my eyes. I knew I was on to something, but to actually read it and smack me in my face.
I have been focusing on "fixing" the marriage, "fixing" my husband. Little did I know that I too need to be "fixed". That is now my focus. If my husband would like to join me by my side, he is more than welcome to. He just needs to fix himself, and not sit back and wait for others to fix him like he always has.
I have read your entire list of blog postings in 3 sittings in 2 days. You speak to me like nobody else has. Books, internet, other women going through the aftermath of affairs, friends, family... Nobody could relate to me and my story. How I was feeling. You do. I'm so thankful to have found you :)Replies
You have no idea what your words mean to me. It's so important to me to do this blog (despite my husband often insisting it keeps me "stuck in the past") for exactly the reasons you outlined in your letter. None of us should go through this alone. We can learn from each other and coax each other further along the path toward healing...so that we grow better not bitter (sorry, I know that sounds like a greeting card or something...but nonetheless true).
Once again I just wanted to let you know how you've helped me heal. You woke up many things in my head. I have gotten past a lot of pain and hurt and I wanted to thank you. Thank you for writing and sharing and helping me see I'm not alone. None of us going through this is alone. We just need to find each other.
I think what you wrote in your reply was positive and uplifting, not a cheezy card :-P
I want to grow better, not bitter and I am on that path now.
- AnonymousMay 8, 2015 at 9:46 AM
This speaks to me. I'm working on my own codependent symptoms (which I'd denied I had up until now). I realize that I need to be able to be happy on my own, even though my husband and I are planning to stay together and make this work. I can't rely on him for my happiness anymore. I had no self-esteem after 19 years of extreme emotional, mental, and physical abuse from my mother. I only had what Pia Melody calls in her book Facing Codependence as "other-esteem". Any esteem I had in myself came from things outside of myself. My accomplishments, my relationship with my husband and son, the life I'd built. I had no esteem for just me, for who I am as a person. So when my husband cheated on me, I didn't just feel like he threw our marriage away, I felt like he threw ME away. That I had given him everything I had and he threw who I am as a person away. I felt utterly worthless.ReplyDelete
This is the wound I'm tending to now. I know I need to recognize that I have value just for who I am, not for what I do or what I give to others. Just me. This has been a radical shift in my thinking, and it hasn't been easy, but I think I'm slowly starting to actually believe I have worth, and that my husband's cheating can't take away from that.