text:
neither is there any meaning in us, the ones who live in it.
It is then meaningless
for us, who are equally meaningless, to conceive the world in our thoughts
despite knowing there is no meaning to be found"
|Ulquiorra Cifer
|Episodes 111 - 115
|Release Data
|Print (J)
|May 2, 2006
|Print (US)
|February 5, 2008
|Chapter List
|Viz Media
|188. Crush the World Down
189. Resolve
CONQUISTADORES is the twenty-second volume of the Bleach manga series.
Publisher's summary
The noose is tightening around Ichigo Kurosaki. His inner Hollow can't wait to consume him, the sinister transfer student has him tapped for a mysterious job, and now powerful new enemies have landed in his home town to destroy him.
Bleach All Stars
Ulquiorra Cifer
|平子 真子
Shinji Hirako
Yammy Llargo
| 井上 織姫
Orihime Inoue
| 茶渡 泰虎
Yasutora Sado
| 黒崎 一護
Ichigo Kurosaki
Isshin Kurosaki and Kisuke Urahara talk about the Arrancar and Visored.
Summary :
The Grand Fisher is defeated and Kon looks on in shock that Isshin was able to defeat him in one hit, and questions if it really could be Ichigo Kurosaki's goofy father. Urahara arrives and asks Isshin if he's had his revenge and Isshin asks him why he's so serious. Urahara states that if he became weaker, he wouldn't want Isshin blaming him, but Isshin tells him he would never blame him and that he would just accept it if he became weaker. Urahara then asks how it feels to be a Shinigami again after 20 years and he tells him it's okay. He then asks Isshin if his heart is free of guilt now and he says somewhat, but that he never even hated Hollows like the Grand Fisher. Isshin then tells him that the only thing he hasn't been able to get over these past 20 years was being unable to save Masaki Kurosaki that night. Urahara states that with that attitude he really resembles his son, which Isshin denies.
He then tells Isshin that he was correct in thinking that the Visored would contact Ichigo. Isshin talks about the Visored being a criminal group of ex-Shinigami that use forbidden spells to acquire Hollow powers. He then states he was never able to find their base nor figure out their goals, and Urahara says that since they contacted Ichigo, they must be preparing for the battles ahead, just like they're doing. Isshin then states they must have sensed the sudden growth of the Arrancar and Urahara realizes the Arrancar that attacked just now was a Hollow. Isshin tells him that compared to other Arrancar, this one was at a completely different level and states the person behind this must be Sōsuke Aizen. He says that he must be creating stronger Arrancar with the Hōgyoku, and that the Grand Fisher was a prototype to see how strong they can be. He then predicts that Aizen will make an army of Arrancar and eliminate the Menos Grande immediately, and then emerge from the darkness and destroy the world. He then asks Urahara what they'll do, and he tells him he'll think of something and that the Visored, Isshin, himself, and the Gotei 13 will do battle against Aizen.
The captains of the Gotei 13 are shown going somewhere and Captain Kenpachi Zaraki begins complaining.
Captain Tōshirō Hitsugaya tells a messenger that he'll be "right there" and leaves.
Captain-Commander Genryūsai Shigekuni Yamamoto greets all of the captains and they begin their meeting.
Characters in order of appearance :
Episodes adapted from this chapter:
- Episode 111: Shock! The True Characters of the Fathers
- Episode 112: The Commencement of War, Visored and Arrancar
Shinji and Ichigo continue their talk.
Summary :
Ichigo sits in the class thinking about what Shinji said about being a Visored and how Shinji is just like Ichigo. At the same time, Uryū is remembering his father's words about having nothing to do with the Shinigami from now on. Ichigo's thoughts are interrupted when Orihime greets him cheerfully. Shinji does the same as he arrives just after Orihime. As Ichigo thinks on how Shinji has returned to school as if nothing as happened, Orihime cheerfully greets Shinji. Happy that Orihime remembered his name, Shinji hugs her causing Keigo's eyes to pop-out. Keigo then berates Shinji for becoming over familiar with Orihime, a person he barely knows. Shinji protests that if Orihime was uncomfortable, she would just say something. As he says this he proceeds to place his hand on her shoulder.
Keigo continues to insist that he is the person in the right here. It is then that Chizuru intervenes and tells Keigo that he is indeed right and that Orihime is too gentle a person to express her discomfort in a situation like that. Chizuru then threatens to massacre Shinji, as Keigo reminds her that she isn't generally any better then Shinji. Ichigo suddenly stands-up. Collaring Shinji, Ichigo walks out with him, saying they needed to talk. As Chizuru and Keigo wonder about Ichigo's behavior, Chad and Orihime share a look as Uryū calmly watches on.
Ichigo slams Shinji into the railing of the second-story veranda, prompting Shinji to wonder why he is so mad about his pass at Orihime. Pointing out that Orihime is not his girlfriend, Ichigo tells him to apologize to her later and then demands to know why he is still here given that Ichigo has already said no. Shinji tells him that he does not give up so easily. Shinji tells him that sooner or later Ichigo will beg to join them because, according to Shinji, his friendship with Orihime, Chad, Uryū, and even the other Shinigami are only transitory. If he continues to be a Shinigami, he will eventually be swallowed by his inner Hollow and when that happens, he will no longer be himself. Shinji asks Ichigo to come with him and that he will teach Ichigo how to control his inner hollow. As they have their conversation, Tatsuki watches from ground floor.
At the end of the school day, Keigo asks Ichigo if he wants to hangout. Ichigo says he wants to be alone. As the hurt Keigo goes to Mizuiro for comfort, Uryū is seen walking away alone.
As Shinji walks down the road complaining about school work, he is kicked from behind by Hiyori. As the two of them argue over Shinji's lack of progress concerning Ichigo, they are interrupted by Chad and Orihime. Orihime asks Shinji and Hiyori what is going on, saying that she would ask Ichigo, but knows that Ichigo wouldn't tell them. Hiyori tells her that it was presumptuous of her to think that they would just give her the answers.
Elsewhere, Uryū arrives at the Karakura General Hospital and visits the director: his father. Ryūken asks if Uryū has made up his mind. Uryū replies that he has and swears to have no further dealings with the Shinigami or their allies.
Characters in order of appearance :
- Ichigo Kurosaki
- Shinji Hirako
- Hollow Ichigo (flashback)
- Uryū Ishida
- Ryūken Ishida (flashback)
- Orihime Inoue
- Keigo Asano
- Mizuiro Kojima
- Chizuru Honshō
- Yasutora Sado
- Renji Abarai (flashback)
- Ikkaku Madarame (flashback)
- Yumichika Ayasegawa (flashback)
- Tatsuki Arisawa
- Hiyori Sarugaki
- Ryūken Ishida
Episodes adapted from this chapter:
- Episode 112: The Commencement of War, Visored and Arrancar
190. Conquistadores
The Kurosakis try to figure out what's wrong with Ichigo.
Summary :
Hiyori introduces herself and tells Chad and Orihime to do the same. When they do, she tells them their names mean a princess and tiger and is jealous, since her and Shinji's names mean monkey and hira. Shinji gets mad that he's the only one that isn't a living thing and tells her not to include him if it doesn't make sense, and Hiyori responds by hitting him. She then decides to kill Chad and Orihime, prompting Shinji to grab her and take her away. Orihime tries to go after them, but Chad stops her and says that they would never be able to catch up to them with their speed and even if they could, they would just get killed.
Hiyori yells at Shinji to let her go and Shinji reminds her that their target is Ichigo, not them. She doesn't care though and they start arguing again. He is able to calm her down and Hiyori states that she really hates humans and Shinigami. Shinji says that's why he told her to wait.
Isshin welcomes Ichigo back by elbowing him in the face and manages to knock Ichigo into a wall. Isshin is shocked that it actually worked and tells Ichigo that he looks depressed. Yuzu asks Ichigo if it's because he got bad grades on the start of the semester exam and Isshin states that Isshin "the man" Kurosaki would never get depressed over bad grades and tells Ichigo that it doesn't matter if he didn't do good on a test. He tells him that he should focus on "difficult to speak of things," like love. Yuzu asks if love is really a difficult to speak of thing. Isshin tells her that 90% of relationships during "estrus" are like that and Karin corrects him that it's puberty. Ichigo decides to go up to his room until dinner and Yuzu thinks it's because Isshin didn't apologize correctly.
Kon comes out of the drawer he's hiding in and is glad to see Ichigo, but doesn't admit it. He attempts to tell Ichigo about Isshin being a Shinigami, but remembers that Urahara told him not to say anything and retracts his statement. Ichigo simply ignores him, however, and goes to bed. Kon asks him if something is wrong and Ichigo tells him everything's fine. Kon doesn't believe him though, and gets mad at him for being worried about something. He then decides to take a walk outside and thinks to himself that living with others isn't easy. After Kon leaves, Ichigo thinks to himself that ever since he kicked his Hollow out during his fight with Byakuya, the mask that kept appearing disappeared, but he can now hear the Hollow's voice in his head. The Hollow's voice keeps getting louder by the minute and he realizes that eventually his Hollow will devour him. He is caught by surprise when someone knocks on the door asking if they can come in. Karin enters the room and asks him what he's thinking about. Ichigo tells her there's nothing to worry about. However, Karin tells him to stop lying since she figured out he is a Shinigami.
The Shinigami Research and Development Institute is shown to be working on something and they yell at Rin to stop eating and get them some tea. All of a sudden, Rin gets a reading on something. Akon enters the room at the same time and asks what's happening. Hiyosu tells Akon to come check what's happening and states,"they're here."
In the Human World, something falls from the sky and the people around that area look to see what happened. The dust from the crash clears up and two mysterious people are shown wearing just white. The shorter of the two pulls down a zipper around his neck and reveals a Hollow hole.
Characters in order of appearance :
Episodes adapted from this chapter:
- Episode 112: The Commencement of War, Visored and Arrancar
- Episode 113: Prelude to the Apocalypse, The Arrancar's Attack
191. Conquistadores 2 "Screaming Symphony"
Chad and Orihime try to fight off two Arrancar that have arrived in the Human World.
Summary :
Ichigo tries to convince Karin that he isn't a Shinigami, but it doesn't work as she has already seen him as a Shinigami before. She admits that she didn't know what it was at first and then attempts to tell him that she figured it out because of Kanonji, but is interrupted by an enormous Reiatsu.
Chad, Orihime, Urahara, Yoruichi, and Isshin all sense the spiritual pressure as well.
Ichigo attempts to leave, but Karin grabs the back of his shirt and asks where he's going. Ichigo apologizes to her and leaves in his Shinigami form.
A messenger tells Yamamoto that the Twelfth Division detected Arrancar in Karakura town and that because of their stability and spiritual pressure, they must be completed Arrancar.
The taller Arrancar complains about how thin the Reiatsu around them is and the shorter Arrancar tells him to stop whining, since he came along, even though he told him he would be fine alone. He addresses the taller Arrancar's name as Yammy. Yammy apologizes and notices a bunch of Humans gathered up questioning what fell down there. Yammy is confused as to why they're staring at him and states that he's going to eat now. He sucks up their spirits, killing them, and then spits them out disgusted at what he just ate. The shorter Arrancar tells Yammy that it was obvious that such weak spirits wouldn't taste good and Yammy tells him that he did it because they kept staring at him. He tells Yammy that there's no way they were staring at him, since the Humans can't see them and Yammy states that he knows, but he still didn't like it. He then asks how many people they're going to kill and he tells Yammy that it's just one, to leave the others alone. Yammy complains that it will be impossible to find a single person out of everyone here and the other Arrancar states that only three humans have noticeable spiritual energy and it shouldn't be too difficult to find him. All of a sudden, one of the humans gets up and it's revealed to be Tatsuki, who notices that everyone's dead. Yammy goes up to her and congratulates her on being able to survive his Gonzui. Tatsuki is barely able to stay conscious and feels as if she's going to faint. Yammy yells to the shorter Arrancar, addressing him as Ulquiorra, and asks if she's the one they're looking for. Ulquiorra tells him that she's about to die just by being around them and states that she's trash. Yammy believes that it was just a coincidence she survived then, and attempts to kill her by kicking her, but Chad appears and blocks the blow as Orihime goes to help Tatsuki. Chad realizes how powerful they are and tells Orihime to run away with Tatsuki like they planned and she does so. Yammy asks Ulquiorra if Chad is the one they're looking for and Ulquiorra tells him had he trained on his observational and reasoning skills, he would realize that he is just trash as well. Yammy attacks him and breaks his armored arm in half, which causes Chad to fall down unconscious and as Orihime goes to help him, Yammy asks if she's trash as well.
Ichigo is shown rushing as fast as he can to help.
Characters in order of appearance :
Episodes adapted from this chapter:
- Episode 113: Prelude to the Apocalypse, The Arrancar's Attack
192. Conquistadores 3 [Hounded Priestess]
Ichigo arrives to fight the Arrancar.
Summary :
Orihime has a flashback of what she and Chad were doing just before they got here. Orihime notices someone on the ground and attempts to help, but Chad tells her it's no use as he's already dead. Chad then tells her that the people's souls in the area have been completely sucked out and Orihime wonders why this had to happen. As they're running towards the scene, Chad asks Orihime to take any survivors they find there and run. At first she objects since Chad would be alone, but Chad states that she is the one who will be able to heal the survivors.
As Yammy asks Ulquiorra if she's trash as well, Orihime thinks to herself that Chad must have known how strong these two were and that the reason why he decided to fight alone was to protect her and Tatsuki. Ulquiorra tells Yammy that she's trash as well and Yammy happily attempts to kill her. Orihime uses Santen Kesshun to protect herself, but Yammy easily breaks through the barrier. She then uses Sōten Kisshun on Chad's arm. Yammy realizes she can heal and that Chad's still alive as well. Ulquiorra thinks to himself that it isn't a healing ability and speculates that it's an ability to reverse time or spatial renewal, and states that Orihime is a strange woman. Orihime thinks to herself on how to bide time until Ichigo arrives, but regrets it since she doesn't want to trouble Ichigo any further. She then thinks to herself that as long as she'll be able to take care of these two it would give Ichigo some peace of mind She then uses Koten Zanshun to attack Yammy. However, the attack is easily blocked and Yammy destroys Tsubaki, the one who was doing the attack. Yammy asks Ulquiorra if he should tear off her limbs and bring her back to Aizen, since she has strange abilities. Ulquiorra, however, tells him to simply kill her. Yammy punches at her, but the attack is blocked by Ichigo, who apologizes to Orihime for being late. Orihime apologizes for her weakness and Ichigo tells her not to do that, since everything will be fine once he kills these two. Ichigo then activates his Bankai.
Characters in order of appearance :
Episodes adapted from this chapter:
- Episode 113: Prelude to the Apocalypse, The Arrancar's Attack
193. Conquistadores 4 [Ebony&Ivory]
Ichigo releases his Bankai.
Summary :
Ichigo releases his Bankai. Orihime notes that while this is her first time seeing it up-close, Ichigo's Reiatsu is not the same as it was before and does not feel as if it belongs to Ichigo at all. Ichigo tells her to step back, as Yammy asks Ulquiorra if Ichigo is it. Ulquiorra confirms that Ichigo is it and Yammy attacks. Ichigo stops Yammy's punch with his Zanpakutō and asks if Yammy was the one who broke Chad's arm. When Yammy confirms this, Ichigo slices off Yammy's right arm. As Ulquiorra observes the fight, he comments on Ichigo's ability and states that while they are impressive, he does not believe Ichigo to be any threat to Aizen.
Ulquiorra asks if Yammy wants him to take over. Yammy tells him to shut-up and starts to unsheathe his Zanpakutō. Ichigo starts to wonder why Yammy has a broken Hollow mask and a Zanpakutō. Ichigo wonders if Yammy is the same as Shinji and himself when, suddenly, he feels the presence of his inner Hollow. Ichigo starts to panic and stop the Hollow from resurfacing. Taking advantage of the opening, Yammy kicks him. The surprised Orihime starts to come forward, causing Ichigo to yell at her to stay back. It is too late, however, and Orihime is backhanded by Yammy. As Ichigo tries to fight back, he suddenly finds he cannot. He realizes that his inner Hollow is sabotaging him, as Ulquiorra wonders about the oddities of Ichigo's Reiatsu. Noting that at its peak, Ichigo's power is greater then his own, but at its lowest point it is just garbage.
Yammy moves to crush Ichigo, but his blow is blocked by Urahara's blood mist shield. He cheerfully greets Ichigo as he and Yoruichi stand protectively over him. Yammy dismisses them as mere bugs.
Characters in order of appearance :
Episodes adapted from this chapter:
- Episode 114: Reunion, Ichigo and Rukia and Shinigami
194. Conquistadores 5 [La Basura]
Ulquiorra and Yammy return to Hueco Mundo
Summary :
Yammy moves to fight Urahara, but Yoruichi steps-in and flips him down with one hand. Yammy tries to crush Yoruichi and Urahara, but they dodge. Yoruichi then asks for Orihime's medicine and goes to treat her. Yammy goes after her, but she kicks him then takes him down as Ulquiorra watches on. As Yoruichi tends to Orihime, she asks him how Ichigo is doing. Yoruichi tells her that he is fine. Suddenly, Yammy reappears and fires a Cero at Yoruichi and Orihime, stating that no one can dodge his Cero at such close range, but the smoke clears to reveal Urahara standing between Yammy and Yoruichi with his Benihime pointed at Yammy.
When a confused Yammy demands to know what Urahara had done, Urahara explains that because it would have been too risky to deflect it, he neutralized it with a similar attack. He then uses the same attack on Yammy, but his attack is deflected by Ulquiorra, who chastises Yammy for getting ahead of himself. Ulquiorra tells him that Urahara and Yoruichi are not people he can go up against at his current level. Ulquiorra tells Yammy that they are leaving and opens a Garganta. When Yoruichi taunts him by saying that they are running away, Ulquiorra replies that they both know what would happen if Yoruichi and Urahara tried to fight him while protecting the trash, Orihime and Ichigo. Ulquiorra says that he has achieved his objective: the so called Shinigami he had his eyes on, is just trash and not worth killing. With that, Ulquiorra and Yammy leave.
Characters in order of appearance :
Episodes adapted from this chapter:
- Episode 114: Reunion, Ichigo and Rukia and Shinigami
195. Death & Strawberry(Reprise)
Shinigami arrive in the Human World to help defend against the threat of the Arrancar.
Summary :
Urahara gets back to the shop after buying juice, and asks Jinta and Ururu how Yoruichi is. Yoruichi is shown recuperating from an injured left arm and leg. When Urahara expresses concern about her state, Yoruichi admits that she was foolish to fight him without using Shunkō, though she didn't think the Arrancar's skin would have such dense Reiatsu. She confirms that the Arrancar are tougher than either her or Urahara had anticipated.
Chizuru asks Orihime how she got her injuries, to which Orihime lies and tells her she fell down the stairs. Ichigo calls her, but when Orihime asks him what is it, he doesn't say anything. Orihime then leaves for the bathroom, recalling when she was at home and Ichigo apologized, which she told him that it's not his fault. It doesn't hurt one bit, so he shouldn't be sorry nor give her that look. Ichigo thinks that Chad got hurt bad and Tatsuki almost died because he's weak. Aside from apologizing, there's nothing he can do. Suddenly, Ichigo feels something. There's a group of strange people outside the hallway, arguing about finding a room and controlling their Reiatsu. They get to Ichigo's class and open the door. It's Renji, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Rangiku, and Hitsugaya. Ichigo calls them by their first names, which annoys Hitsugaya because he wants Ichigo to call him "Captain Hitsugaya". Ichigo asks what they are doing here. Renji says that it's an order; to prepare for a direct confrontation with the Arrancar, they were to go to the Human World and meet up with the acting-Shinigami group. Ichigo asks what the "Arran-something" is, which Renji tells him that they were the ones that kicked his ass a few days ago. Suddenly, someone appears at the window: Rukia. She smiles and greets Ichigo.
Characters in order of appearance :
Episodes adapted from this chapter:
- Episode 114: Reunion, Ichigo and Rukia and Shinigami
Rukia takes Ichigo out of his depression.
Summary :
The students in the class are surprised because Rukia climbed through the window. Rukia rushes inside and kicks Ichigo. Then Renji grabs him and Rukia slaps him. She asks him what's with that wimpy look on his face. She uses her glove to pull his soul away and take him some place. After she leaves, the Shinigami team start arguing again, and the students in the class wonder if Ichigo is okay because now his body is limp. Someone calls Ikkaku "bald" and he intends to chop them up with his wooden sword. Hitsugaya is tired of them, and asks someone to please switch with him.
Rukia takes Ichigo to a Hollow and tells him to beat it, but Ichigo is so scared of his inner Hollow that he can't fight. Rukia asks him what he is afraid of: losing, not being able to protect his friends, or facing the Hollow inside him. Then she tells him that he must gets stronger in order to to win, to protect his friends, and to crush the Hollow inside him. If he doesn't want to listen to her, then he should hold his chin up and yell out those words himself. That's the kind of man Rukia says he is. Ichigo takes out his sword, faces the Hollow, smiling, and tells Rukia that she's noisy.
Rukia takes Ichigo back to school and drags him to Orihime. Then when he's about to say something to Orihime, Rukia interrupts and tells her that he's sorry he's so weak. Ichigo says that he'll get stronger, and then next time he'll definitely protect Orihime. Orihime thinks to herself that she is so glad that Ichigo is back to normal. She then thanks Ichigo and Rukia, and welcomes her back.
Characters in order of appearance :
Episodes adapted from this chapter:
- Episode 115: Mission! The Shinigami Have Come
197. The Approaching Danger
The Shinigami explain about the Arrancar.
Summary :
On their way to class, Keigo is talking to Mizuiro when they notice that the classroom sounds rather lively. When Keigo rushes in to the class, he meets with Ikkaku, who threatens to turn him into a tempura and eat him. Rangiku then tells him to stop or she will tell Yachiru, frightening Ikkaku. Then she tells the others to leave. Keigo, upon seeing Rangiku's huge breasts, rushes at her, but gets smashed right in the face. The Shinigami group leave.
At Ichigo's house, Kon is excitedly greeting Rukia, but is stepped on as usual. When Ichigo and Rukia are talking inside Ichigo's room, Yuzu and Isshin eavesdrop outside. Karin sees them and comments that she won't be impressed until Ichigo brings home someone of Orihime's level. Ichigo hears that and chases them away. He comes back and asks Rukia what the Arrancar are and why they attacked him. Suddenly, his light fixture falls to the ground. All the other Shinigami, minus Hitsugaya, come out of the ceiling hole and Renji tells Ichigo that they will explain. Ichigo asks them what they did to his ceiling light, and Rangiku replies that they are trying to change the light bulb, referring to Ikkaku's bald head. Kon rushes at Rangiku the moment he sees her because of her breasts, but is beaten up just like Keigo. Then Renji and Rukia explain to Ichigo that Arrancar are Hollows who acquired both Hollow and Shinigami powers by removing their masks. There has always been a small number of incomplete ones, but when Aizen brought the Hōgyoku to them, they were able to completely transform into true Arrancar. Soul Society's original plan was to stay put and keep watch until Aizen attacks, but the fully transformed Arrancar appeared earlier than expected, so they can't just sit back as originally planned. Therefore, they were chosen to come to the Human world. Captain-Commander Yamamoto chose Rukia because she knew Ichigo best, though Rukia claims it was her skills that landed her on the team, and Renji was closest to Rukia, so he was chosen as well. Renji also asked Ikkaku to come with them. Yumichika and Rangiku, upon hearing the task, wanted to come to, but both refused to go if the other went. This led to Hitsugaya accompanying them to supervise. Ichigo comments that it sounds like going on a picnic. Hitsugaya appears at the window, saying that the important thing is Aizen is interested in Ichigo. He also says that an average Hollow removing their mask would not be any problem; if they really want to start a war against Soul Society, the ones removing their mask would need to be Menos or stronger. Then he explains to Ichigo about the 3 classes of Menos: the first, weakest are "Gillian," the second are "Adjuchas," and the third,the strongest are "Vasto Lorde". Hitsugaya then states that the Vasto Lordes are supposedly stronger than the Captains and that if Aizen has more than 10, Soul Society is doomed.
Ulquiorra and Yammy have returned. Aizen tells them to share their findings with their 20 brothers in the room.
Characters in order of appearance :
Episodes adapted from this chapter:
- Episode 115: Mission! The Shinigami Have Come
Author's Notes
-Tite Kubo
- ↑ Bleach 22 (Japanese). Shueisha.
- ↑ Bleach, Vol. 22. Viz Media.
- ↑ This chapter originally appeared as "Approaching Danger" in Weekly Shonen Jump.


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Suborder: Haplorrhini
Infraorder: Simiiformes
Superfamily: Cercopithecoidea
Family: Cercopithecidae
Subfamily: Cercopithecinae
Genus: Erythrocebus
Species: E. patas
Other names: Patas, red guenon, red monkey, military monkey,
nisnas, Aïr patas, Aïr red, black-nosed patas, west African patas,
west African red monkey, blue nile hussar monkey, dancing red monkey,
nile patas, Ikoma patas or red hussar monkey; engabwor (Ateso); cercopitheque
patas, le singe rouge, patas (French); husarenaffe (German); elwala
(Karamajong); naggawo (Luganda); ayom (Lwo); akahinda (Runyoro); husarapa or
patasapa (Swedish).
Traditionally, only one species of patas monkey has been recognized but up to
four subspecies have been proposed, E.p.baumstarki, E.p.patas,
E.p.pyrrhonotus, E.p.villiersi. These subspecies are disputed
and may only represent geographical divisions of the species (see Groves 2001;
Grubb et al. 2003).
Patas monkeys are a slender species colored red-brown
and grey-white
(Rowe 1996). The face can be recognized by a black brow ridge and nose as well
as by the white area around the mouth (Loy 1974). Adult E. p.
pyrrhonotus have a white nose, changing from black as they
approach sexual maturity (K. Enstam, pers. comm.). During pregnancy, the facial
hair of female patas monkeys noticeably lightens, potentially as a result of
changing hormone levels (Palmer et al. 1981). Males possess a bright blue
scrotum (Groves 2001; Rowe 1996). Patas exhibit a large degree of
sexual dimorphism
with adult males weighing 12.4 kg (27.3 lb) and adult females weighing 6.5 kg
(14.3 lb) on average (Galat-Luong et al. 1996). The patas male measures,
excluding the tail, 600 to 875 mm (23.6 to 34.4 in) and the female measures 490
mm (19.3 in) on average (Rowe 1996). The maximum recorded longevity for a patas
monkey in the wild is 21.6 years (Ross 1991).
Patas monkeys are physically
adapted for life on the ground. Their slender bodies and long limbs are
morphologically suited for terrestrial movement and speed rather than for
arboreal movement (Gartlan 1974). Patas monkeys are
and their terrestrial locomotion is extremely quick for a primate, with a maximum speed of
55 km per hour (34.2 mph) reported (Hall 1965). Their especially
long forelimbs facilitate this high running speed which provides an avenue of
escape from predators (Etter 1973). In addition, they will occasionally assume a
stance when alarmed, and can move bipedally if carrying an item in both hands
(Hall 1965). The tail curves down while on the ground, but is raised when on a
narrow surface such as a tree branch, most likely for balance (Hall 1965; Hall
et al. 1965). When descending, the tail performs as a brace and controls the
monkey's descent (Hall et al. 1965; Struhsaker & Gartlan 1970).
Patas monkeys occur in a broad band across central Africa, between the Sahara in
the north and the equatorial rain forests in the south (Chism & Rowell 1988).
They occur from Senegal on the west coast of Africa all the way east to the
Sudan and south to Lake Tanganyika, one of
Africa's Great Lakes
(Tappen 1960). Kenya, the Congo, the Central African Republic, Cameroon and
northern Tanzania form the southern border of the patas' range. To the north,
their range extends into Mauritania, Mali, Niger, and Chad (Rowe 1996). There
is some debate as to the easternmost extent of their territory with some
extending their range into Somalia (Kingdon 1971). Other countries in the
patas range include Benin, Burkina Faso, Côte d'Ivoire, Ethiopia, the
Gambia, Ghana, Guinea, Guinea-Bissau, Nigeria, Sierra Leone, Togo, and Uganda.
Within their range, populations are sometimes spotty with gaps where no patas
are to be found, however the greatest population densities are in west central
Africa (Gartlan pers. comm. cited in Wolfheim 1974).
An artificially introduced population of patas in Puerto Rico was brought to
the locality for research by the Caribbean Primate Research Center in the 1960s
(Gonzalez-Martinez 1998). This population is allowed to be free-ranging and a
number of individuals migrated to mainland Puerto Rico where a breeding
population of unknown size lives (Gonzalez-Martinez 1998).
The first study of wild patas monkeys was undertaken by K.R.L. Hall in Uganda
during the 1960s. Since, there have been several other studies of wild and
semi-wild patas in Cameroon, Kenya and Puerto Rico, in addition to a number of
captive studies. Other notable patas researchers include Janice Chism, Karin Enstam,
Lynne Isbell, and Naofumi Nakagawa.
Open country is the domain of the patas monkey, but they adapt well and tolerate
several types of habitat (Tappen 1960). The patas monkey habitat can range from
and steppe
to woodland and thorn scrub, and from true desert to relatively moist
areas (Hall 1965, Chism et al. 1984). The patas monkey prefers wide open areas
and ventures only into those woodlands near open areas (Gartlan, pers. comm.
1974 cited in Wolfheim 1983). In one study, patas were demonstrated to prefer
grassland in the wet season and they preferred to sleep in woodlands to avoid
predators (Nakagawa 1999). Their habitat can also be classified as having
moderate to low rainfall and marked dry seasons (Hall 1965, Gartlan 1974).
When offered a choice between short and tall trees, patas monkeys prefer taller
trees and spend more of their time in them (Enstam and Isbell 2004).
Patas have been studied in three discrete areas of their broad range, Uganda,
Kenya and Cameroon. Ugandan patas are found in a range of vegetation zones including
woodland, thicket, and grass and wooded savanna (Hall 1965). Within this area
of patas occupation is a great variety of climate and vegetation ranging from a
dichotomy of hot, dry winters and rainy summers to areas where it can rain
year-round. As a result, the rainfall totals for the Uganda patas habitat vary
quite a bit also, from 500 to 1250 mm (19.7 to 49.2 in) per year on average
(Hall 1965). The Kenyan habitat, near the southeastern end of their range,
contains patas populations that were observed to reside in areas anywhere from
treeless grassland to dense woodland to savanna woodland. Rainfall in these
areas averaged 630 mm (24.8 in) per year with the most rain falling between
April and November and the least in January (Chism & Rowell 1988). In Cameroon,
the patas monkey has been studied in the African Sahel, a semi-desert ecosystem
with annual rainfall of less than 508 mm (20 in) and a prolonged dry season
(Tappen 1960). The most important trait of the Sahel is its precipitation which
is low and seasonal (Gartlan 1974). The water sources in the Sahel areas are
vitally important for all of the mammals living there, including the patas
monkey. A patas must drink two or three times a day during the dry season
(Gartlan 1974).
The patas monkey's diet varies with changes in food availability due to the
seasonality of its environment. It is most aptly described as
relying on plant material, insects, and animal material for sustenance. During
the rainy season, it will eat plant materials including fruits, flowers, leaves,
stems and gums as well as insects, other animal material, and fungi (Nakagawa
1989; Hall 1965). It is suggested that their rainy season diet choice reflects
the life cycle of the plants on which they rely which produce fruit and berries
during this time (Nakagawa 1989). Patas do the majority of their feeding on the
ground, with up to 85% of feeding activity occurring
(Gartlan 1974). Also of importance to the patas is the inclusion of insects in
their diet, as evidenced by the relatively high expenditure of
time to obtain them. Grasses play a surprisingly unimportant dietary role as
one would expect a resource as available as grass to comprise at least some part of patas
subsistence (Chism & Rowell 1988). In one study in Kenya, the patas diet
was observed to be almost two-thirds gum and
which would make them by far the physically largest primarily
exudativorous or
primate (Isbell 1998). Patas have been observed catching and eating lizards and
even robbing eggs from the nests of birds in trees (Hall 1965). Further, patas will take
immature weaver bird chicks from their nests and eat them (K. Enstam, pers. comm.).
There are also
instances in which patas were observed catching and eating fish out of
evaporating natural pools in Senegal (Galat-Luong 1991). In habitats near
cultivated areas, there is a high instance of
by patas (Chism & Rowell 1988).
Daily patas activity can be divided into two main activity periods, one in the
morning and one in the afternoon, divided by a roughly one-to-two hour resting
period around midday (Hall 1965; Nakagawa 1989). During the morning and
afternoon activity periods, time is spent feeding, grooming, and on social
activities, with grooming and social activities mostly taking place in the
morning and the resting period (Hall 1965). Overnight, the patas stay in
sleeping trees, preferring to sleep one individual per tree, except in the case
of mothers with infants who will remain together (Chism et al. 1983). This
behavior reduces the risk of predation and assists with concealment as it is
difficult to see one individual in the crown of a tree (Chism et al. 1983).
Typically, patas will not sleep in the same tree for two consecutive nights but
this may only be in areas where the predation risk is high, as sleeping-tree
sharing among several individuals in the same night has been observed in wild
populations in Cameroon (Nakagawa 1999). The daytime patas anti-predation
strategy has three aspects, consisting of
watchfulness, and speed (Chism 1999). Potential predators of the patas monkey
include dogs, humans,
felids, hyenas,
and possibly baboons (Chism et al. 1983; Chism & Rowell 1988; Enstam
& Isbell 2002).
Because patas habitat is marked by seasonality between dry and wet seasons,
patas behavior changes accordingly between these seasons in relation to their
proximity and usage of available water. Overall, wet season observations of
Ugandan patas recorded markedly rare drinking behaviors (Hall 1965). During
the dry season however, patas were observed congregating around remaining water
sources, and the staying nearby and incidence of drinking and
behavior between groups increased considerably (Struhsaker & Gartlan 1970).
The home range and daily path length of the patas monkey can vary considerably
among different groups at different locations. In Uganda, the patas home range
was estimated to be 52 km² (20.1 mi²) and the daily path
to be .7 km to 11.8 km (.43 to 7.33 mi) (Hall 1965). In Kenya, the patas home
range was observed to be 23.4 km² to 32 km² (9.03 to 12.36
mi²) and their daily path was 3.83 km to 4.22 km (2.38 to 2.62 mi)
(Chism and Rowell 1988). Cameroonian observations put the home range at 2.66
to 4.4 km² (1.03 to 1.7 mi²) (Nakagawa 1999). This
significant variation may be due to patas behavior changing with the seasons and
the available water supply. It has been suggested that the reason that patas
move more than many
Old World Monkeys
and the reason why their
is so well suited to movement, is their diet, which is widely dispersed but high
in quality (Isbell 1998).
Content last modified: December 18, 2006
Written by Kurt Gron. Reviewed by Karin Enstam.
Cite this page as:Gron KJ. 2006 December 18. Primate Factsheets: Patas monkey (Erythrocebus patas) Taxonomy, Morphology, & Ecology . <http://pin.primate.wisc.edu/factsheets/entry/patas_monkey>. Accessed 2020 July 6.
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You are browsing all items of this content category sorted by date (most recent first). Note that forum posts/threads are not included here.
If you would like to search through the content then please refer to the Site Search page.
HiDOX, Integrated document design and document distribution. Learn more about the best integrated document solution available for Infor/BAAN:http://www.hidox.com
Today sees the launch of our new Infor website, dedicated to showcasing our ERP LN & Baan solutions. Take a look at some of the key features of our fully integrated output and document management software or find out how our complete Infor solutions can help to bring together and streamline some of your most time consuming business processes. As an Infor Global Solution Provider you can be sure of getting the best software, service and support for your business. So why not take a look at our new site and find out how we can add powerful new functionality and value to your ERP LN or Baan system today?
EFS Technology is pleased to invite all baanboard users to a webinar showcasing our Baan, ERP LN and Infor 10 integration for AutoFORM LaserNet on Thursday the 1st November, 2012 @ 10.30am GMT
You can register for our Webinar here
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Output Management


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I've added a new link to the blogroll that merits your attention. It's called A Miniature History of the American Revolution, and it's fascinating. The author (who uses the nom de plume "AD") is documenting his efforts to reconstruct the war's battles with small figures, using in-depth research in both primary and secondary sources. His current project is the 1781 Battle of Cowpens, a personal favorite of mine.
You might be thinking that it's primarily a wargaming site. Not so—although I'd imagine that wargamers would love it, too. This blog is more of a research project, an effort to understand what happened on the field and to depict the results in three dimensions. If you're a Rev War enthusiast like me (particularly when it comes to the war in the South), then check it out. I think it's one of the best ideas for a military history blog that I've ever seen.


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6. Stephen Fry Likes It
Here at the Reg we venerate Stephen Fry - as a comedian. His performances in Blackadder, Fry and Laurie, Jeeves and Wooster etc have brought many rays of sunshine into our lives. For these and many other thespian and comedic efforts, Mr Fry has earned his status as an official national treasure.
As a commentator on the sci/tech/biz scene, unfortunately, he doesn't do so well. In particular his love for Apple and all its works usually appears to go well beyond mere enthusiasm or even passionate romantic love into a place which is, frankly, embarrassing.
Even if the iPhone really was a lovely shiny thing from a lovely shiny company rather than - as it actually is - a sinister and cynically exploitative thing from a rapacious and manipulative company, Mr Fry's overly emotional adulation for it would surely put most right-thinking people off.
7. Very, Very Expensive For What It Is
If you compare an iPhone to another machine which contains similar hardware, it is hugely more expensive. As discussed, above and below, the differences between the iPhone and the competitor are all such as to make it worse, not better, and such as to mean you will pay more on top to network operators and to replace it down the road.
That's a damned bad bargain - paying a hefty premium for the same stuff, but selectively crippled.
8. Antenna is Badly Designed
Actual proper boffins have confirmed that the antenna of the iPhone 4 is just badly designed: the 'Death Grip' effect is real and cannot be avoided by use of cases. This is bad engineering - another case of form beating function (and not very nice form, unless you like hard corners for some reason).
A company which would do that is unlikely to have raised its game much today, and it can't have done much about it in the case of the 4S.
9. You Don't Get Much Screen Considering How Big It Is
On a proper modern touchscreen smartphone, almost all the front of the case is screen, giving you the most possible viewing and control area for the size of the gadget.
On the iPhone, two quite large areas above and below the screen are empty and useless, without even buttons on them thanks to Apple's poncey one-button fetish.
Other designers don't need this luxury - they give you the whole face of their devices. Once again we see that the idea of the iPhone being a good piece of engineering, somehow actually superior in design to other smartphones, is a mistaken one. In this respect as in others, it delivers less for the same resources. If your ideas of beauty in technology have anything to do with form following function you would never buy any of the iPhones so far: and we're unlikely to see any improvement later today.
10. If You Must Buy One, For Pity's Sake Not Now
Wait: Wait. Wait some more, until the hypegasm dies down. If you buy an iPhone 5 in the near future you will pay an even more outrageously inflated price than normal for an iPhone and you'll probably be locked into some horrifying multi-year devil's bargain under which the operator has locked out half the thing's capabilities to spare its network and gets to keep your children to boot. ®


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The controller customization experts at The Controller Shop asked if we wanted to review one of their magical creations. I said sure. They asked what sort of controller they should send. I left it up to them. Wise decision.
Arriving today complete with custom plastic case, this Kotaku-flavored Xbox 360 controller is so pretty I'm afraid to touch it. But those 9mm steel bullet buttons and the nubbly analog stick covers are begging for my fingers so badly I'm almost embarrassed for them.
I still have to put the controller through its paces in a full review, but from a purely aesthetic standpoint it's definitely a winner.
I promise not to stick it down my pants. Much.


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Women's Two Piece Outfits(4 items)
- Recommend
Women / Two-Piece Outfits RELATED SEARCHES
Be unapologetically bold ZAFUL two piece outfits. Two piece sets, also known as coordinates clothing, harken back to a time of simpler design with bigger impact. Whether you're into loud prints, subtle textures, or solid hues, two piece sets can emphasize the look of your choice. They also make a fun opportunity for accessorizing, as our style guide below will delineate. Read on for more!
Delving into 2 piece outfits can bring a new dimension of looks to your closet. The look isn't limited to the two piece pants set, which are well-known in the corporate world. There's also two piece dresses, the two piece short set, and the skirt and top set. You could wear these sets for every occasion and every season, if your heart so desired. Let's explore how these options can be played up!
The crop top and skirt set is a good option for warmer seasons and casual outings. The look can be done up for a semi-formal feel if worn with clean flats and lightly-blinged accessories, like a jeweled statement necklace. For just shooting the breeze, the skirt and crop top set can be worn with a loose cardigan and gladiator sandals, as well as a messy hairdo such as a messy bun or loose braids. Conceivably, the same crop top and skirt, accessorized in different ways, could produce dozens of looks, getting your money's worth out of these garments. A top and skirt set can be handled similarly.
The two piece dress set is another hot alternative to the traditional singular dress. Two piece long dresses can accomplish a graceful look reminiscent of a goddess' saree or toga. Two piece bodycon dresses are another remix of the traditional bodycon. The dichotomy between the top and bottom can give off a sense of confidence.Two piece formal dresses should not be overlooked when choosing an outfit for upcoming special occasions. The two piece gown, for example, is becoming a more popular option for prom, weddings, and other events. A black two piece dress could be a staple of your wardrobe and paired with shoes and accessories of varying colors; the same could be said for a two piece white dress. Don't overlook two piece sets without giving them a try at ZAFUL!


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A couple of lagers in, and there's been one disappointment and one mediocre one. Neither of which are as good as the high-strength ale or cider I tried last week. Let's see what Kestrel Super Strength lager can deliver.
First impressions of the front of the can are how similar it is to Skol Super. On a shelf from a distance, they do look equally dull and cheap. Looking a little closer however, and Kestrel Super does have its own identity. There's the illustration of a kestrel in the logo roundel. The two pictures of barley either side of it. And… not much else.
Turning the can around, Kestrel have gone for putting the story and the details 'sides' next to each other. And this is the first tall can of super-strength lager to have a full story behind. Let's see what it says…
The headline of "Super Strength, Superb Quality…" is what they've gone with. The story below it is mostly marketing speak, but here's my summary of the main bits: This is a gold medal award winning lager, but they fall into the trap of not saying what that award was. Nor when they won it. They go on to promise "strong character", "distinctive taste" and bags of quality from fine ingredients. All fairly ordinary stuff. But it does make me want to get to the taste part of the review, so job done by the marketing people. The last thing it has very clearly printed on this side is a box with "Alc 9.0% Vol".
Rotating the can a few degrees to the barcode side, and again, nothing is out of the ordinary. This one was canned and brewed in the glamorous location of Bedford, Endland. It contains malted barley. It is half a litre of drink with 4.5 UK units of alcohol. Just like every other 9%, 500 millilitre can of lager. There's also a tiny piece of text saying "drink sensibly", together with the Drink Aware web address. Irresponsible? Or unimportant and ignored by anyone who buys strong lagers? Leave your thoughts, if you have any, in the comments section at the end of this post.
In a glass, Kestrel Super looks and behaves in the right way. It has a head. It's the right size. And the colour is the right kind of gold. The smell is also about right. It has that odour of barley. But what does it tastes like? And is it any good?
A couple of gulps in, and things are looking average. There's not much distinctive about the taste. Certainly not as much as the outside of the can had promised. Where the description on the outside does ring true, is with the character which is as strong as promised. And that aftertaste is bitter, sour and rough. This is not easy to drink. Nor pleasant.
About half-way through, and Kestrel Super is becoming a chore. It doesn't taste nice. And it's not easy to drink. It's not a million miles from Skol Super. You'd have to be set on getting drunk quickly and cheaply to work your way through much of this.
If you have a taste for very strong lagers, you might like this. I however, didn't. It may be cheap, but there are tastier drinks that are the same price and equally as strong. You have been warned.
Rating: 2.1 plus 2 ASBO points
Have you tried Kestrel Super? What did you think?
Opinions, ideas, suggestions and insults in the comments please…
A huge thanks to all the readers and commenter's who've made this 'review' one of the most popular on my blog. You have added some of the funniest and wisest comments on the entire blog. A genuine thanks to all of you. That's why I've come back nearly two years later to update it, and the other incredibly popular super strength lager reviews, with some new photos.
While I had all of the 9%er cans handy, it made sense to try them all again. Only this time with the benefit of having read all of your comments beforehand. Incidentally, I've done the same for the other 9%-ers. Check my updates for them after you've finished reading this.
This time, I made sure that the can was very cold. And to drink it straight from the can to avoid accidentally smelling it. That's why I haven't updated the photo of it in a glass. I was also watching out for it tasting worse as it warms up.
How did it taste this time around and can I figure out why Kestrel Super is slightly more addictive than crack? Well, an arcticly cold can does help. Straight off, it's the least offensive tasting of the lot. The cut down ingredients list doesn't mention syrup, but I reckon it has it. More of it than the other super strength 9% competition. That's because it's seems a bit thicker and more syrupy. It's not as strong and bitter, but more balanced and bittersweet. It's not as refreshing as Carlsberg Special Brewor Tennent's Super, but that doesn't stop it being that bit more drinkable than they are. And it's in a weapons grade can that's much less flimsy than the rest.
Against the other four 9%-ers, Kestrel Super nabs first place. Unless you look at ale or cider, it's the easiest way to imbibe 9% alcohol. As for why it has such a following, I blame syrup. It must be what makes it sweeter than the competition. Pity no one thought to research its addictive qualities first.
What do you think? How else can you make it taste better? Or less horrible? Add your contribution to the mountain of hilarity and advice below!
P.S. My 'reviews' of Kestrel Super's equally popular competitors are at Carlsberg Skol Super, Tennent's Super and Carlsberg Special Brew.
Tags: alcohol, beer, can, kestrel, kestrel super, lager, review


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What's Up in Pizza: NYTimes Declares Pizza 'Meh,' Which Pizza Would Be Your Lover, and More!
It's a question I'm sure at least some of us have idly pondered while deep in moments of pizza bliss. I, for one, found myself meditating on it after being taunted if-you-love-it-so-much-why-don't-you-marry-it style. Like, let's just say for a minute you could get together with a hot slice...which one would it be? Which one would treat you right??
The folks over at Thought Catalog obviously read my mind, because they've come up with a list of seven types of pizza that would make great lovers (if they were people). Who makes the list? DiGiorno ("As a human, DiGiorno would be like the ultimate stay at home boyfriend/girlfriend"), Little Caesar's ("You'd call Little Caesars HOT-N-READY pizzas at 2am on weekends when you're feeling lonely, but that doesn't necessarily mean you'd like, put 'In A Relationship With Little Caesars' on Facebook or something"), and cheap NY-style slices ("You would hold on tight to this person and consider yourself lucky to have found an affordable, scrumptious significant other").
In other news, what could you possibly not know about Pizza Hut at this point? According to Daily Finance, exactly four things.
- A Maryland based Pizza Hut received a 1989 order from Barbara Bush to deliver the first ever White House pie, for a pizza party being thrown for her "Reading is Fundamental" program.
- What's in a name? Pizza Hut is the first chain pizza restaurant named after a building, and that building is the humble, somewhat hut-esque, Wichita-based brick abode where the Hut got it's start—the founding brothers were given 8 or 9 letters of free signage from a local Coca-Cola distributor.
- We've been talking a lot about pizza in space these days, but Pizza Hut actually lays claim to the first ever extraterrestrial pie (no simple delivery, obviously—the stunt required a year of preparation).
- Avid Slice readers might already know this one, but Pizza Hut was also the first chain to receive an online order—in 1994, their digital ordering system "PizzaNet" accepted an order for a large pie with pepperoni, mushrooms, and extra cheese.
Finally...if you missed it, this past weekend the New York Times' One-Page Magazine's "Meh List" featured pizza. That's right—they supposedly declared pizza "meh", along with the likes of "spin class" and banal pleasantries about the weather. Obviously backlash was immediate and intense, but in a follow-up post from yesterday, the writers actually defended their choice. Theoretically, we're supposed to believe that the fact that children like pizza (a la Chuck. E. Cheese), it means WE shouldn't like pizza—"You liked pizza when you were 5, because pizza—like anything a 5-year-old likes (baseball cards, shoe-tying, garbage trucks)—is inherently meh."
Some more inflammatory quotes "Good, but rarely great; fine, but seldom bad...The categorical error New Yorkers make is mistaking ubiquity for superiority, much as certain Californians do with pot." I don't even know where to begin...I think it's safe to say that this is something you need to read for yourselves, and then—please—debate here in full.
All products linked here have been independently selected by our editors. We may earn a commission on purchases, as described in our affiliate policy.


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Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi (2008)
Never mind the tagline -- there is an extraordinary love story in every ordinary jodi -- can be justifiably criticized for being abysmally out of place. (The film almost suggests that women in ordinary jodis are extraordinarily dumb, and men extraordinarily incompetent at flirting respectably. Oh wait, that second part might be true of 'ordinary' men :P)
The point is, it's really not the lack of sensibility in the film that bothers me as much. If I restricted myself to sensible cinema (the key theme is exclusivity), I would not consider myself a fan of Bollywood (heck, even Hollywood), and the vast, vast majority of Shah Rukh Khan films would be at the bottom of my viewing pile. If realism is absolutely required for a film to be good, someone please wake me up and tell me I'm Rip Van Winkle and have missed some major world event over the last couple of decades (like aliens in an Indiana Jones film invading our planet and toying with our faculties of thought and imagination, rendering us incapable of consuming commercial cinema)!
What is bothersome in Rab Ne is the packaging, which leaves a lot to be desired, even by the not so high expectations I have of Shah Rukh films.** Sets? Uncheck. Screenplay? Uncheck. Character development? Uncheck. Dialogue? Uncheck. Choreography? Uncheck. (This song, which made me somewhat look forward to the film, was decent, but only because of Kajol :P) Cinematography? Uncheck. Entertaining? Uncheck. Boring? CHECK. Would 'Rab' be proud of the lackadaisical effort? I think not!
On the positive side (tried to like it, really did), Anushka Sharma does quite well for what she has to work with. Shah Rukh is about okay, and I do appreciate his attempt at playing unique characters, albeit to a disappointingly ordinary and sloppy script that is not at all engaging beyond the first few minutes of its translation to the screen. Rab Ne has reportedly been very successful from a business standpoint, and might already be more successful financially than Swades (2004), which is why the intellectual argument noted above doing the rounds in some Shah Rukh fan circles seems rather amusing. =)
Have a great New Year's Eve, everyone!
* Going to see it was more of a good will gesture to friends and family who are fans of Shah Rukh, so I guess it served some intangible purpose to not wait for the DVD ;)
** In case you think I dislike Shah Rukh films, because my experience leads me to believe this is a very common misconception of fans of Ace Khan (and a sentiment I've very comfortably spent more than half my life around, LOL) -- many of whom would perhaps justifiably rather not mention both in the same sentence like I just did -- there's this post on Swades (2004) to refute that argument.
26 comments:
Happy New Year, Bollywood Fan!:)
Thanks for the link. I, of course, agree with you wholeheartedly...this movie was sloppy and forgettable. I've read some reviews that made me a little more forgiving, and I can appreciate some of the elements now (though I think I find something to love in all Hindi films:) ), but I can see from your review that I wasn't the only one who felt this way. I even thought maybe it was a subtitle/translation issue, but you do speak Hindi don't you? (forgive me for assuming so if you don't, but I thought I remembered that you did).
I'm off to write my double review on Ghajini and Slumdog Millionaire now. Now those were both unforgettable films. "Rab Ne" is but a distant memory after seeing these two...Hmm maybe I'll use that line in my post!
Have a safe and happy New Year! Cheers to another year of blogging and friendship!Glad we met this year.
- Wednesday, December 31, 2008
- Nicki said...
Happy New Years.
Thanks for the review. I'm going to wait for the dvd. I'm not hype up to see it. I guess all my energy went to Ghajini instead, hehehe. For some reason, I wasn't feeling Anushka but I think I won't judge her until I see her in action. To me, she reminds me of Soha Ali Khan in the looks department. However, I can see why some people compare her looks to Kajol.
Honestly, I knew nothing about the film or songs. Thanks for the playlist link. It's very interesting. If find SRK films do so much references and having so many "guest" appearances from others. To me, it's getting a little overplayed. I don't mind it, not at all but we just saw it last year with Om Shanti Om. I still enjoy his films though.
I wanted to say that I totally agree with you about SRK. For some reason if I say anything negative about him, SRK fans jump all over me!!!! Do they not remember that I enjoy his films and performances in some? Gosh! Hehehe
- Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Happy new year, BollywoodFan! And this film did not do well maybe because it wasn't promoted like Ghajini. Aamir did a hard work in promoting his film, but Shah Rukh didn't. So there is the result, Rab Ne isn't THAT good, and Ghajini isn't THAT bad :)
- Wednesday, December 31, 2008
- theBollywoodFan said...
Happy new year everyone!
Nida: You were certainly not the only one. A very close friend who planned the event, and who is a huge Shah Rukh fan, was very apologetic to everyone at the end, which tells me what she thought of the film too. :) I do speak Hindi, and although I don't follow subtitles, I didn't think it would have made too much of a difference in the overall quality of the film. And yes, there is *always* something to appreciate in every film. Shall look forward to your review of Ghajini and Slumdog, and the privilege is mine to have met!
Nicki: Maybe Anushka stood out because little else did? Time will tell. I certainly think she's closer to Soha than to Kajol, absolutely!
The media and many fans are always at it, but the truth is Aamir and Shah Rukh are good friends in real life. Not very good friends like Aamir and Salman, but good friends, and I take their word for it. I wish we could all get beyond the gossip and debate the films. I don't think there's any doubt whatsoever, for any rational thinker, about which actor has consistently risen to the challenge of delivering quality cinema in either decade -- the 1990s or the 2000s.
- Wednesday, December 31, 2008
- theBollywoodFan said...
Saurabh: Thanks! And the same to you buddy. On the contrary, Rab Ne has indeed done quite well financially and is a hit.
I didn't mean for this to be a Ghajini v Rab Ne thread. As products of film, it doesn't take much to realize the difference in the quality of the films and filmmaking (never mind the marketing and response) -- the difference in quality is as big as night and day, and the hard work that went into one is obvious.
I am somewhat confused about the last comment. Few seem to have said Rab Ne was 'that good', and the almost unanimous consent on Ghajini where it matters most for a commercial film -- to the masses and the box office -- has been extremely positive, so there's no question about Ghajini being 'bad' when compared to Rab Ne, let alone 'that bad'.
When any film is raking in 70-80% collections its second week following an all-time best first week, it's on the merits of the film. Marketing can only do so much. Remember Love Story 2050?
- Wednesday, December 31, 2008
- dunkdaft said...
Why you don't like SRK's movies much? Being a BollywoodFan, SRK's movies are complete of the package. OK, he has some really bad bad movies. Even I don't like them. But still, I can be a fan of Aamir and enjoy SRK's movies a lot. To be true, Kuch Kuch...is on top list of my fav films.
But Yes, This was not good [bad i can't say cause there are moments]. And yes, Kajol was the one, in that song who stood apart. I shouted when she was on screen. I never knew she is gonna come.
The most annoying thing to me was, typical twist. Please spare me horror, but how can a same guy who offers Taani to elope with him, can doubt her honesty in marriage??
Happy New Year !!!!!
- Wednesday, December 31, 2008
I agree that there is a huge difference between the qualities of both the films. But the quality is mostly dependent on the story of a film.
Both Rab Ne… and Ghajini had a good story. Aamir did much promotion for his films – on news channels, his blog and other events. But nobody saw Shah Rukh for promotion of Rab Ne.
This can be the cause that Ghajini has done better than Rab Ne. Still, both the films have earned much money in just a few weeks after their release. So Rab Ne is not a very bad film, it's an average hit. On the other hand, Ghajini is not a very good film, but because of the good screenplay and comedy, it is considered as a big hit.
And about that comparison, I think, Shah Rukh and Aamir are not good friends (c'mon, we all know the Shah Rukh-Aamir panga) so that is why their films are always compared to each other. If Om Shanti Om had released in December in 2007, then it would have been compared to TZP.
- Thursday, January 01, 2009
- theBollywoodFan said...
Happy new year Darshit! I don't think I would have gone to see Rab Ne in the theater after reading your review (or Nida's) if I hadn't enjoyed Shah Rukh's films in the past! I certainly hope one can be an Aamir fan and enjoy Shah Rukh films, and vice versa. It would be unfair to both actors and to the spirit of fairness if one didn't give the other a chance. That's exactly the point I was trying to make in those last lines, because there's this tendency to assume that just because one is an Aamir fan, one cannot like SRK films. This is, of course, not true.
I have indeed enjoyed several Shah Rukh films (at least one of which is in my top 10 favorite films of all time) -- it's just that the redundancy of themes in his movies mean I don't expect much from him. That's just my opinion -- no one has to agree or disagree with it. And I don't think I'm any more or less a fan of Bollywood because of it.
Back to Rab Ne...the typical twist did not bother me as much as the rest of the stuff, most significantly that it seemed forced and I was waiting for the film to end. What's 'not good' is not 'bad'? ;) I'm kidding, of course. Sure, there are gray areas, but seriously, I think it's just a bad film, and in this case, I think I'm right. If Aamir was in it (chances of that happening were nil), *I* would be the first to call it a bad film too.
All I strive for is a consistent benchmark. Let's separate the people from the problem. Let's treat Rab Ne independently!
- Thursday, January 01, 2009
- theBollywoodFan said...
Saurabh: We'll have to agree to disagree on which film is obviously better made. I believe you had used the word 'awesome' for Ghajini here. I see that's since changed to 'not a very good film', and that's fine, miscommunications happen.
Production values are not entirely dependent on the plot. There are fundamentals of filmmaking that are common, regardless of the plot.
I also appreciate our different points of view on Aamir v SRK. I would much rather let THEM do the talking and trust what they say, and *not* pay much attention to what the media and gossip mongers need to stir :)
Let's not forget an Akshay Kumar and Anil Kapoor starrer -- Welcome -- was released the same day as TZP. It's the apples v oranges comparison. As long as there is a consistent standard the films are judged by, that's all that matters.
The only ones that are measurable are box office collections and DVD sales. And we know which actors rule those circuits. Aamir and Shah Rukh are both in that bucket. So again, let's not make this an Aamir v SRK debate. As I've said before, there's much to appreciate about both.
This post is about Rab Ne, not SRK, not Aamir!
- Thursday, January 01, 2009
- dunkdaft said...
Oops..this getting much more a subject of discusssion.
But u said 'Let's treat Rab Ne independently!'
Yes, true. Even back here in India, I am tired of convicing people, that both are DIFFERENT . And can't be compared at all. Cause many people around me, knows me as a movie buff, and many have seen RNBDJ, so they just are curious whether to go for Ghajini or not. And there, poor me, can't convince them.:-(
- Thursday, January 01, 2009
- theBollywoodFan said...
Totally with you on that, Darshit! It's interesting, isn't it? I think Chandi Chowk to China will benefit from Ghajini's success, as it should.
It's actually pretty scary that some people haven't figured out how different Aamir and Shah Rukh are from each other in their approaches to cinema. If they let the success or failure of one guide their viewing of the other, they're missing out on some good films, that's for sure!
- Thursday, January 01, 2009
- Ellie said...
I have to weigh in as the lone person here who absolutely loved RNBDJ. Not because it was a good film per se-- although I did think that SRK did a good job and I liked his character-- but because, I confess, I am a big fan of the genre and I found the whole thing hugely enjoyable. It's kind of like reading romance novels (which I don't do, in fact)-- people who love them know they're not "good", but they love them anyway! It all depends on what you're looking for in an entertainment experience. When I want to actually think during a movie, I certainly don't pop in the typical SRK starrer, but I can't help it, I love them anyway.
Maybe my husband and I (he also, possibly atypically, is a huge fan of the genre) liked this so much because it's the first Hindi film we saw in the cinema and it was so much fun!
Happy New Year!
- Thursday, January 01, 2009
- Ellie said...
Sorry to pop up suddenly again but-- just thinking about the biggest complaint about the movie in general: the Raj character: Yes, he was dreadfully obnoxious, and SRK played him considerably more ham-handedly than even he usually does-- but that was the point, wasn't it? "Raj" is not a real person-- he's Suri trying to be "awesome" and signally failing. So you have SRK playing somebody who isn't cool trying to play somebody who IS cool... OK, seriously, done defending this movie now. :) But I really did think SRK was great as Suri, specifically.
The motorcycle/sumo things I could have done without, though.
- Thursday, January 01, 2009
- theBollywoodFan said...
Happy 2009 Ellie, and congrats to you and yours for your first Hindi film at the cinema! I distinctly recall my first, it was for an Amitabh Bachchan film, and a lot of fun!
SRK as Suri did well, given the script of Rab Ne. And I appreciate him trying to pull this one off. Haven't read any romance novels (the vast majority of what I read is non-fiction, what isn't that is usually historic fiction, both of several friends and family seem to have an issue with when it comes to discussing books over the dining table, LOL), but certainly appreciate your viewpoint, and can see how one would like the film.
That's a fine observation on Raj and his character. It certainly appeared to be an effort to distinguish further between Suri and Raj, because apparently the height, built and voice didn't get Taani skeptical (which is something I can live with, as noted before), so the attitudes had to be complete opposites. Taani's character development I did find contradictory, though, e.g. why she would want to stick around the obnoxious Raj beyond the first couple of meetings could have been better explained. If it was, I wasn't paying attention, in which case the film must be held accountable for not being engaging! ;)
My biggest complaint was with the production values and dialogue, given I didn't find the emotional depth involving. That made it seem like a half-hearted attempt at making a film, with little attention to detail (e.g. sets).
Your Google account seems to be working fine now. And please, please always feel welcome to comment and present your points of view! We say all the time the beauty of art is that it can mean so many things to so many people, which is completely true.
- Thursday, January 01, 2009
- Pitu said...
Waaaaaah. It wan't that terrrrrrrrible. Weally, SRK was the cootchie cooest! Ok, I know that line of reasoning ain't gonna work on you but you need to be possessed by Pitu Sultan's ghost to know what I mean. Then again, less lurve for SRK = less competition for me ;-D so it's all good! Hehehe.
- Thursday, January 01, 2009
- theBollywoodFan said...
LOL Pitu, you're right on! I am ever willing to succumb to the manipulative tendencies of Bollywood, so I don't see why I wouldn't give the Sultan a chance, especially if we're talking about Anushka instead -- I hear she's single ;)
Even low expectations of a Shah Rukh film are pretty high. Just when he seemed to be up to some interesting stuff...I really liked his other film this year (Bhootnath) more. The cootchie coo-ness is something that's not debatable, so before I get myself in trouble... =)
Competition ka toh sawaal hi nahin paida hota, so my more or less lurve se 'Ki farq painda hai?', LOL...it's all good. Billu Barber should be fun, especially with Irrfan Khan added in the mix!
- Friday, January 02, 2009
Oh, I just read Ellie's comments and I agree abt the Raj observation. I read a Mumbai Mirror interview of SRK (interesting trivia ahead) where he said that he modeled both characters- Suri and Raj on two actual contestants who had come on Kya Aap Panchvi Pass Se Tez Hain?
Apparently, Surinder Sahni the contestant upon being asked what he'd do with the money he wins, said that he'd give most of it to the poor *because* he is very middle class and he knows how hard life can be for the poor.
And Bobby the contestant (his name Bobby was even given to the Vinay Pathak charcter and Raj was given to the SRK alter ego) was this total wannabe type who came to the sets in garish clothes and with a guitar in tow. SRK asked him if he knew how to play it, and he answered No, but I carry it because it *looks* cool.
So both these real people were the inspiration points for the movie characters. Suri the middle class, small towner's notion of 'cool' is so wannabe that the clothes and styling 'have' to be hideous. It's like the puke worthy costumes of any David Dhawan/ Govinda/ Karisma movie. They work because all characters in those films are so over-the-top.
Anyway, yet another reason I give full credit to SRK and none to Adi Chopra because while I loved the characters, it's obvious SRK put in all the hard work. What exactly was Adi doing? Catching up on his sleep? :-p
- Friday, January 02, 2009
- theBollywoodFan said...
That's really very interesting, thank you much for sharing! That Bobby dude would be very interesting case study material for a psychologist like my sister (a big SRK fan).
So I do appreciate the characters more now, except that if someone like Govinda played it, at least Raj would have been more charismatic (still in a negative way)!
Adi totally deserves to be held accountable, that we agree on 100%. Without SRK, this would have been
a) a total flop instead of a hit, and
b) even less engaging than Drona! (Okay, I realize I crossed the line in that last sentence, lol...sau kodey manjoor hai Maharaj!). I wonder if things would have been different had SRK played a farmer/poor villager and had the same issue instead. At least Filmistan's grass would look more authentic :o)
How about this for a twist? SRK in a double role! Suri's long-lost twin brother (let's call him...Raj2) is also at those dance classes, and after hanging out with Raj1 (who's still really Suri), Taani comes across Raj2 and realizes he's changed completely (of course, she's still thinking he's Raj1). Then Raj1 stops attending the classes, and Raj2 teaches Suri the ropes behind the scenes a la Love Guru in Partner, after which Suri replaces Raj2 in the dance classes and Suri and Taani still end up together! Okay, I know that's silly, and something Raj1 would say, LOL...I'd better stop before getting myself in trouble.
- Friday, January 02, 2009
O my head, my head. Yaar itna dimaag mat ladaaya karo! Tere filmi permutations and combinations mere liye too much ho gaye lol! Jao jaake koi ghatiya pikture (read: Child's Play in Hindi) dekhake aao, I command you!
- Saturday, January 03, 2009
- theBollywoodFan said...
Your wish is my command, O wise Sultan! :) Really, I think we've all seen our share of not so good pictures, although I really think one needs to sit through Drona or Love Story 2050 to appreciate how colossally disappointing they were (I know I'm asking for it now, but I actually liked Yuvvraaj, and know I'm one of a very select few who did, LOL)... :o)
Somehow seen Drona, but maybe I need to try to see Love Story a fourth time then...Piggy Chops ab tak screen par nahin tashreef laayeen, so at least there's some incentive. Then I can sing to Rab Ne..."Tab jaake aya mere, bechain
dil ko qaraar", ROTFL. Too funny yaar...Sultan ki JAYE HO!
- Saturday, January 03, 2009
- Kanan said...
Dude, you'd be surprised to know I just watched Rab Ne again in theater yesterday. For the very first time in life I watched same movie in theater AGAIN! ;) LOL!
As for the movie, no comments, but I do love "haule haule".
A Happy New Year 2009 to you :)
- Sunday, January 04, 2009
- theBollywoodFan said...
Hi Kanan, and thank you for your comment. Please always feel free to disagree and share your appreciation of Rab Ne. As I said above, different viewpoints are what make any form of art so incredibly interesting*. Haule Haule is fun. But the first time in theaters twice must be great! Did you like it any more or less the second time around?
*I know we are among the minority who didn't dislike Ek Vivaah Aisa Bhi, so it's not that we have entirely different tastes =)
- Monday, January 05, 2009
Ek Vivah Aisi Bhi is a remake of the old Rajshri movie " Tapasya" - Rakhee did a fab job in the original and it was a very big hit those days. All other supporting actors also did a good job. The new version was such a yawn! Couldn't see it for more than 10 mins!
- Monday, January 12, 2009
- theBollywoodFan said...
Thanks for the note on Tapasya, Anonymous. I'm not sure 'Ek Vivah Aisa Bhi' was convincing enough to get one to check out the original. Having said that, this new version would certainly have been a yawn like Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi if it weren't for the music and lyrics, which made it bearable. The film itself could have been condensed to 45 minutes and still been as effective!
- Monday, January 12, 2009
OK nawab, so what did you want from the cinematogrpphy? More of those camera panning in a spinning style around the characters? ;)
Thanks to Pitu for letting me know about this interesting tidbit:
"read a Mumbai Mirror interview of SRK (interesting trivia ahead) where he said that he modeled both characters- Suri and Raj on two actual contestants who had come on Kya Aap Panchvi Pass Se Tez Hain?" Cool!
All the best!
- Friday, July 17, 2009
- theBollywoodFan said...
Adab Sita-ji: Pitu always has great info on SRK!
I guess I kept waiting for *something* in RNBDJ to make a neutral film fan take note, and I never got it. I found the cinematography, like the film, to be boring and too monotonous.
Sure, those spinning cameras would have helped! It's not that the lead cast suffers from fear of overkill when it comes to over-the-top stuff. Might as well go all out :D
- Friday, July 17, 2009


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By Gil Troy, Canadian Jewish News, 9-27-12
The holiday of Sukkot needs a makeover, at least in the Diaspora. Known traditionally as Hechag, The Holiday, for its primacy and passion, Sukkot is neglected in North America. Partially this is due to holiday burnout – Jews are exhausted after feasting on Rosh Hashanah and fasting on Yom Kippur. But partially this is due to no longer appreciating this holiday's delightful and meaningful messages.
Sukkot is one of the Shalosh Regalim, the three walking or pilgrimage festivals, delineated in the Torah. These three important holidays brought Jews from all over the country to Jerusalem, bearing their first fruits and sacrifices. All three holidays emphasized the centrality of Zion in Jewish life. They linked Jewish religious obligations with a sense of Jewish national belonging. And they taught us to be humble before the Lord while delighting in earth's bounty.
Sukkot, with its temporary booths, was about the Jewish people's journey from Egypt to the Promised Land. It emphasized the transience of material attachments amid the permanence of lasting anchors. It emphasized the perpetual search for home, for rootedness, for anchors, learning how to grow and stretch by feeling rooted yet searching for more.
All these are important themes for us today. We should renew Sukkot by using it as a holiday to showcase the importance of Israel in our lives and to rethink what it means to live in a world with a Jewish state.
We can start by learning from Israel on this one. In Israel, Sukkot is widely observed and universally beloved. It's the magical culmination of the holiday season. School vacation injects a festive air and guarantees festivals galore – even though some harried parents are stuck managing the kids while having to work. The weather is often glorious, with the heat of summer lifting, just as in Canada signs of winter begin accumulating. And sukkot – temporary huts – sprout out of Israeli buildings and sidewalks, appearing as quickly and dramatically as shovels after the first Canadian snowstorm of the season.
Many non-religious Israelis enjoy building sukkot because of the agricultural associations – it's a harvest holiday. Others enjoy the Zionist associations, with its hands-on expression of homecoming. And others simply enjoy the sheer fun of it, the creativity in the building and decorating. I've seen extraordinary sukkot on many kibbutzim made of palm fronds suspended by string. While they need 2-1/2 more solid walls to adhere to Jewish law – some have them – they capture the richness, the green-ness and the dance between transience and permanence that are so central to the holiday.
In making Sukkot a forum for celebrating and reconsecrating our relationship with Israel, we should start with the sukkot, the huts, themselves. By decorating them with Israeli posters, Israeli pictures, representations of the seven Israeli agricultural spices, and the lulav and etrog – as so many do – we bring the relationship to Israel alive, sensually, artistically and graphically. In our synagogues, our rabbis should deliver sermons about Israel, focusing on identity Zionism, meaning how we use Israel, the idea of Jewish nationhood, the reality of the Jewish state to revitalize our own Jewish identities. And in our beautifully decorated Sukkot – or in warm houses nearby – we should study texts about Israel. Wouldn't it be great if every year we had community-wide, or worldwide, text-study sessions, knowing that simultaneously dozens, hundreds, thousands, were studying the same texts – say one traditional text and one modern teaching.
Sukkot is about a journey, from slavery to freedom, from homelessness to home, from being passive victims to active shapers of history, from wanderers to builders. Sukkot should invite us to contemplate our own journeys as Jews, as human beings. Where are we going? Are we Jewishly ambitious? In thinking about these issues, in viewing our Jewish identities through the prism of Israel, we can get more clarity about who we are and where we are heading.
Holidays are symbolic moments that evoke our pasts. They are often suffused with childhood memories and nostalgia. Many have strong feelings about what to do and what not to do in trying to recreate the past. But we can't have a Judaism that's only about yesterday. We also need holidays that celebrate today – and inspire us to build, journey, and decorate, the key Sukkot verbs – a more meaningful tomorrow.


text:
You'll need to grab your umbrella if you're heading out to do some last-minute Christmas shopping Monday.
A flood watch was issued for much of the D.C. area, but it has since been cancelled. There may be a ponding of water in some low-lying areas. Storm Team4 meteorologist Tom Kierien said the rain will begin to taper this afternoon and end by sunset.
While the weekend's balmy weather set new records, that's all on its way out now. A cold front will sweep east of the D.C. metro area Monday night, bringing much colder temperatures. What does not dry out Monday night may freeze by Christmas Eve morning, so watch out for patchy ice Tuesday.
And while this Christmas won't be a white one, it will certainly be cold. Highs on Christmas Day will only be in the 30s.
Freezing rain, snow, ice and thunderstorms created chaos for millions of holiday travelers from the Louisiana Gulf Coast to eastern Canada over the weekend.
By late Sunday, nearly 700 flights nationwide had been canceled and about 7,200 were delayed, according to aviation tracking website FlightAware.com. But flights were mostly running on schedule Monday morning.
Get the latest weather from NBCWashington.com:
- Severe Weather Alerts: click here
- Interactive Radar: click here
- Complete Weather Coverage: click here
Download our NEW free weather apps for iPad and iPhone. You can also follow us on Twitter and Facebook, and sign up for our e-mail newsletters.


text:
"Girls" creator Lena Dunham will host "Saturday Night Live" for the first time this weekend, but the HBO star has already received the "SNL" treatment.
"SNL" spoofed "Girls" during the September season opener with Tina Fey playing a fifth cast member, an Albanian refugee Blerta who was grateful "for the roof over her head."
Dunham, also a writer, producer and actress on "Girls," said she was honored to have her show parodied.
"It was one of the best things that's ever happened to me," Dunham told "Today's" Savannah Guthrie.
In a mock "Girls" scene, Blerta, who has a rubber hand and wears a headscarf, tells Dunham's character Hannah that she's "weak and soft and dressed like baby" and doesn't deserve her boyfriend Adam.
U.S. & World
Marnie, Jessa and Shoshanna's problems also pale in comparison to Blerta's horrific life experiences.
"My ex-boyfriend is an Internet millionaire," Marnie complains to Hannah.
"My ex-boyfriend is buried in shallow grave," Blerta responds.
"I was sitting there watching that, and I couldn't believe these people that I admired were even aware enough of my work to sort of construct this parody, which felt loving," Dunham said of the spoof. "I've always been all too aware that there are things to be made fun of in the show, and I thought they took such a smart approach."
Dunham was grateful that "SNL" chose to mock her characters' superficial problems rather than focus on nudity that's prevalent on the hit show.
"It wasn't nudity obsessed; it wasn't, you know, all about my weight," the 27-year-old said. "It was a really intelligent, thoughtful approach to 'Girls.' So not only did I feel grateful that I was spared, I felt excited it existed."
Dunham's "SNL" promos, however, couldn't help but spoof "Girls'" nude scenes, but that didn't make Dunham any less excited about the hosting gig.
"I love ('SNL') with a passion," she said. "'Obsessed' is not too strong of a word, and being here in this space is surreal and wonderful, and I just am so excited to soak up every inch of it. I was literally, like, staring at the hair stylists as they constructed wigs today, saying, 'I want to learn your secrets.'"


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AYER — Youth fitness has been a concern of the executive branch of our government for more than 50 years.
In 1956, President Dwight D. Eisenhower hosted the President's Conference on the Fitness of American Youth at the United States Naval Academy, and a month later he founded the President's Council on Youth Fitness. The purpose of this council was to encourage local communities and individual Americans to promote and adopt active lifestyles.
Each administration after Eisenhower has carried on his fitness work, and as a result of that, we currently have the Presidential Physical Fitness Challenge that schools across the nation engage in each year.
Mary Palmer, the physical education teacher at the Page Hilltop School, takes this challenge very seriously with her students and they work on the challenges throughout the school year.
The five events that students across the nation work on are: curl-ups, a shuttle run, a 1-mile run, flex arm hang, and a sit and reach. There are three levels of participation in this challenge. Students who complete all five events get a participant award, students who complete all five and perform better than 50 percent of children in America get a national award and students who score better than 85 percent of kids who take the challenge receive the Presidential Physical Fitness Award.
During October, each class at Page Hilltop went out to the Ayer Middle High School track and ran the mile. Some walked or jogged, but others sprinted. The fastest runners from those classroom runs qualified to run in the race of the 6, 7, 8, and 9s. Boys qualified for the race if they ran the mile in less than nine minutes and girls qualified if they ran it in less than 10 minutes.
"This race has become a proud tradition at our school," Palmer said. "It is such an honor to just qualify for this race, and I let each runner know they should do their best, but not to worry if they don't finish first because these are the fastest runners in the entire school."
The 106 qualifying student runners from grades 1 through 5 lined up on the track along with Principal Fred Deppe. The rest of the student body sat on the bleachers along with more than 100 parents to cheer on the runners. Palmer announced that when she started this race in the 1990s, less than 30 students qualified and they were all boys. This year's race involves an equal amount of boys and girls running.
Many runners improved on their times. The top boy and girl finishers were both from the fourth grade — Sam Folger and Alison Houde.
Palmer was very happy with the adults that came out to run with the kids. "I love the support for fitness in this community. Kids just need to see that fitness is a way of life, and if they see the grown-ups around them taking fitness seriously, then they will too," Palmer said.