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Non-player characters
You're that wee lass, works with the angry lady who's always screamin' at us while we fight.
— The RED Demoman to Miss Pauling
Non-player characters, commonly abbreviated as NPCs, are characters in the Team Fortress 2 setting that are not one of the nine playable classes. While most are uninvolved in gameplay, they still add extra background to the Team Fortress 2 setting. The primary Storyline characters, Zepheniah Mann, Silas Mann, Blutarch, Redmond Mann, Gray Mann, Administrator, Miss Pauling, Merasmus, and Saxton Hale define the reasons for the battles within the game, and each have at least some appearance within the broader game system. Many other lesser characters appear only in the game media, especially the Comics, supporting the expositional dialogs and the occasionally nonsensical game ambiance.
- 1 TF Industries and divisions
- 1.1 Zepheniah Mann
- 1.2 Silas Mann
- 1.3 Bette Mann
- 1.4 Blutarch and Redmond Mann
- 1.5 Gray Mann
- 1.6 Olivia Mann
- 1.7 Administrator
- 1.8 Administrator's messengers
- 1.9 Miss Pauling
- 1.10 Director
- 1.11 Unknown individual
- 1.12 Hale lineage
- 1.13 Mr. Bidwell
- 1.14 Mr. Reddy
- 1.15 Patience Meriweather
- 1.16 Blutarch Mann's assistant
- 2 Groups
- 3 RED and BLU family members
- 4 Historical figures
- 5 Other individuals
- 5.1 Apple Store manager
- 5.2 Archibald and Julius
- 5.3 Archimedes
- 5.4 Bob Cratchit & Scrooge
- 5.5 Bombinomicon
- 5.6 Captain Dan
- 5.7 Charles Darling
- 5.8 Chicken Girl
- 5.9 Claude Huggins
- 5.10 Davy Jones
- 5.11 Devil
- 5.12 Eyelander
- 5.13 Francis the Talking France
- 5.14 Fedris the Enchanter
- 5.15 Gentle Manne of Leisure, his Companione, and Smelly Unfortunate
- 5.16 God
- 5.17 Jerry
- 5.18 The Judge
- 5.19 Kicasso
- 5.20 Little Jack
- 5.21 Maggie
- 5.22 Merasmus the Magician
- 5.23 The Park Warden
- 5.24 Nicholas Crowder/Old Nick
- 5.25 Poopy Joe
- 5.26 Salty Pete, Iron Eye, and Pepper Pot Pete
- 5.27 Shakespearicles
- 5.28 Trent and Jessica
- 5.29 Vladimir Bananas
- 5.30 Yeti
- 6 Other Valve characters
- 7 See also
- 8 References
- 9 External links
TF Industries and divisions
Zepheniah Mann
Zepheniah Nieodemus Mann was a wealthy Englishman who was convinced by his dimwitted sons, Blutarch and Redmond, to purchase large areas of land in frontier America. He dreamed of turning the land into large pits of gravel for weapons manufacturing. On his journey over to see his newly purchased land, he was struck with almost every illness known to man, and was shocked to find his new land was an empty and useless desert. Eventually, he left a last will and testament on his own skin, which had sloughed off his body due to illness:
- To his maidservant Elizabeth, he left his estate including all deeds, accounts, and debts, his tobacco plantation, and the remains of his fortune. Elizabeth bears a striking resemblance to Helen, the Administrator, and is very likely her ancestor.
- To his aide and tracker Barnabus Hale, ancestor of Saxton Hale, he left complete control of Mann Co.
- To his "brain defective" sons, Blutarch and Redmond, he left a partnership. All of the new land they had convinced him to buy was now to be split evenly between them, so that they would now have a reason to bicker endlessly. Blutarch and Redmond proceeded to do so by the aid of life extending machines until 1972 when they were assassinated by their long lost brother Gray.
- The final entry of his will is obscured, reading only as: "Lastly to... I leave the entirety of my... and swear you to utmost secrecy in its keeping."
- In another secret page, the message in full is revealed as "Lastly, to most trusted Elizabeth I leave the entirety of my "miracle" gravel cache, uncovered with Barnabus during a trip to Terra Australis. My weakling son Gray resurfaced last year and has threatened to blackmail me for it. I give the gravel to you and swear you to utmost secrecy in its keeping."
- In addition to the entries within the will, it is clear that Zepheniah's brother, Silas Mann, was also present. He, however, was only revealed to have been at the event following the uncovering of another damaged photograph.
- In a secret page on the Official Team Fortress 2 Blog, it is revealed that Zepheniah had a third son, Gray, who was stolen by an eagle.
- This page also reveals that Zepheniah's wife was named Bette Mann.
His will also leaves a curse to anyone who should use firearms near his grave, stating that he will deliver a haunting unlike any ever seen. True to his word, the ghost of Zepheniah appears periodically on the event version of Harvest Event, where he is buried wearing his Ghastly Gibus hat. Any players who stray too close will flee in fear for several seconds, unable to jump or attack. He was first mentioned in the Haunted Hallowe'en Special, as well as the above will. The ghost of Zepheniah can also be seen watching over the battle at the tower in Helltower, observing as the corpses of his murdered sons Redmond and Blutarch are escorted into Hell by the mercenaries. The ghost will briefly vanish from the tower during The Witching Hour before reappearing once the ghostly bridge disappears.
- Zepheniah Mann first appeared in the Mann family portrait.
- According to a voice line from Zepheniah in the Scream Fortress 2013 update, Gray is Zepheniah's favorite son.
- Zepheniah Mann, along with his sons, is voiced by Nolan North.[1]
- His middle name "Nieodemus" seems to be a corruption of Nicodemus, a name of a Pharisee and saint from the New Testament.
A young Zepheniah Mann in Mann Manor, circa 1822.
Silas Mann
— Silas Mann's not entirely accurate gravestone
The presumed brother of Zepheniah Mann, Silas' history within the family is shrouded in mystery. What is known is that he was the co-owner of Zepheniah Mann & Sons. Quarterly Concern, the company that would eventually become Mann Co. His contributions to the company appear to include keys and name tags. Silas perished shortly after his brother, but death was not the end for him. He now roams Mann Manor as the Horseless Headless Horsemann, similarly to how Zepheniah haunts Harvest Event as a glowing blue spirit. The portrait of Silas Mann can be found by clicking the "Silas" name on the gravestone from the Scream Fortress Update page.
- Silas Mann first appeared on the original Engineer Update page on a clipping of the Zepheniah Mann & Sons Co. Quarterly Concern.
Bette Mann
Bette Mann (née Darling) was Zepheniah Mann's wife and the mother of Blutarch, Redmond and Gray Mann. She died giving birth to her three sons. Her father was William Darling, esquire.
- Bette Mann was first mentioned in Blutarch's, Redmond's and Gray's birth certificate.
Blutarch and Redmond Mann
I have mounted an epic campaign of leisure against the ravages of time. Waiting for nature to do to my brother what my men could not. And yet here we are at the end. And he... won't... DIE.
— Blutarch Mann discussing his war against his brother
Blutarch Mann and Redmond Mann were two of the triplet sons of Zepheniah Mann. They were the owners of BLU and RED, respectively. The two sons had been engaged in a lifelong feud with each other over the control of the vast lands left to them by their father. After Zepheniah Mann's death, both Blutarch and Redmond hired teams of nine mercenaries each in order to quickly defeat the other sibling and take control of his lands. However, as their forces were evenly matched, the situation quickly devolved into a protracted stalemate, leading Blutarch and later Redmond to look to Radigan Conagher for a life-extending machine, each hoping to outlive his sibling. Radigan made the same machine for both Redmond and Blutarch, so their feud continued, even into the year 1968. By 1972, however, Blutarch and Redmond are tricked into meeting with each other and quickly decide to declare a truce in order to get one of them pregnant to create a heir. But Gray Mann enters, revealing himself to be their long lost brother and assassinates both of them to gain control of their respective companies.
In Grave Matters, Blutarch and Redmond Mann become ghosts shortly after their deaths. The first thing Blutarch does as a ghost is gloat to his brother that he outlived him, while Redmond says he was still bleeding out when Blutarch died. After a few seconds of fighting, they go to the RED Soldier, who is working as a lawyer, for legal help in determining that status of who won their father's land. RED Soldier tells them, that since they're ghosts, they're not actually dead but caught between worlds and neither have won until one of them passes on. Blutarch and Redmond leave and find the nearest pay phone and call their secretaries from their former companies and organize the mercs in order to try and send each other to Hell.
- Blutarch and Redmond Mann first appeared in the Mann family portrait.
- A silhouette of Redmond is seen sitting in a chair faced toward a Life Extender Machinery in an inaccessible part of the Red spawn room in Redmond's mansion in Mann Manor.
- In the room containing point C in Mann Manor, a painting of a muscular, grinning Redmond can be seen. Beside him stands an evil, gremlin-like representation of Blutarch. A similar portrait (in which the roles of Blutarch and Redmond are reversed) can be seen in Blutarch Mann's room in the Loose Canon comic.
- Like Merasmus, Blutarch and Redmond are voiced by Nolan North.
Redmond Mann in his manor, circa 1968.
Gray Mann
Gentlemen. My name is Gray Mann. I am your brother.
— Gray Mann
Gray Mann is the third son of Zepheniah Mann. The smallest of the three Mann brothers, Gray was also the most intelligent of the three. He could speak perfectly by the time he was born, but was the weakest physically. Disgusted by how he could talk, Zepheniah Mann was going to smother Gray, but before his father could do so, Gray was abducted by a wild eagle; the event taking place during the "Great Eagle Scourge of 1822". The eagle took Gray away from his family, and raised as one of its own. After being raised by his eagle abductor, Gray killed and ate her and her children before crawling back to civilization to build his corporate empire, Gray Gravel Company. According to Zepheniah Mann, in 1849, Gray Mann had threatened to blackmail him for his cache of "miracle" gravel.
In early 1972, Gray resurfaced, revealing that, like his brothers, he possessed a life-extending machine, albeit a more efficient and compact version mounted on his back. After luring them to a fake meeting using forged letters from each other offering a truce, he assassinated the Engineers operating Redmond and Blutarch's life extending machines, then killed his twin brothers Blutarch and Redmond Mann to take control of their respective companies and absorb them into Gray Gravel Co. Gray created an army of robots to destroy Mann Co. facilities all over the world as shown in A Fate Worse Than Chess. Saxton Hale rehired the mercenaries, who had been fired from BLU and RED after the takeover, to defend these factories from the robots.
In 1972, Gray surrendered the war to Saxton Hale, acknowledging that his war had turned into a stalemate reminiscent of the Gravel War between his brothers. However, he used the Mann Co. Challenge policy, which stated that the CEO of any company could legally seize control of Mann Co. if they beat Mann Co.'s CEO in unarmed combat, in order to pit Saxton Hale against his daughter, Olivia. Unwilling to fight a child, Saxton Hale conceded, giving up control of the company to Olivia.
Six months later, Gray's Australium-fueled Life Extender Machine began to run low. In desperation, Gray uncovered Mann Co.'s safe of Australium. He discovered it empty, and deduced that the Australium had been stolen by the Administrator after finding only a cigarette and a single brick of Australium left behind in the vault. He proceeded to hire an unknown group of individuals to find the Administrator and recover the Australium. In A Cold Day in Hell, it is revealed that Gray hired the Team Fortress Classic Mercenaries to find the Administrator. During the events of Old Wounds, Gray's Life Extender Machine is ripped apart by the TFC Heavy, leading to Gray's eventual death. Before passing away, Gray appeals to Miss Pauling and the mercs, claiming that the Administrator accumulated the Australium to enact a plot far more evil than his, and asks them to stop her.
- Gray was first mentioned in a birth certificate accessed via a link hidden in a blood stain on the banner of the TF2 Official Website.
- Additionally, an updated version of the last will of Zepheniah Mann was released shortly after the hidden link, revealing the secret piece of the will belongs to Gray Mann.
- The smaller set of numbers along the bottom of the Barely-Melted Capacitor read 07180125. When split into four and translated into letters (A = 1, B = 2, etc), it reads "GRAY".
- At the last page of Loose Canon comic, there is a list of persons for whom Radigan Conagher built machines and dates of construction on the cover of the Life Extender Machine book. It lists the 17th of July 1894 for Blutarch, 3rd of August 1894 for Redmond and 14th of April (unknown year) for an unnamed third person. More than three Life Extender Machine have since been revealed and the third Radigan machine was not necessarily presented to Gray.
- He appears to have aged much better than his brothers, seeing as how he is still able to stand and has retained his hair. His better aging may be attributed to his more advanced life extension machine, which runs on a pure Australium core.
- In "The Shadow Boxers" comic released during the Smissmas 2012 update, it was revealed that Gray Mann owns Gray Gravel Co., a company whose logo can be seen on the Gravel Pit and Frontier maps.
- Dialogue in the Helltower Halloween map reveals that Gray is Zepheniah Mann's favorite son.
Olivia Mann
Hale! I haven't got all day.
— Olivia's growing impatience
Olivia is the daughter of Gray Mann and the current CEO of Gray Gravel Co. She also became the CEO of Mann Co. after winning it from Saxton Hale by technicality using the Mann Co. rule regarding transferal of ownership by victory in Unarmed Combat. Hale, refusing to fight her due to her young age, made his butler Mr. Bidwell CEO, but when he also refused to fight her, Hale was forced to give Mann Co. to Olivia.
- Olivia first appears in part 1 of an ongoing 6-part comic series, Ring of Fired.
- Olivia's biological relationship to Gray is disputable, considering her age in comparison to his, suggesting that she may be adopted.
- Olivia's name appears to carry on the color-themed naming scheme of her father and uncles (Olivia = Olive green).
The original and regular Announcer of the Team Fortress 2 game is also the present day (circa 1960-1972) Administrator of TF Industries, also of Reliable Excavation Demolition and Builders League United, and (real) boss of the mercenaries (both teams). The Administrator has appeared or has been referred to several times in Team Fortress 2 Comics and other media. Women of similar appearance have also appeared, but at greatly different ages or times; and it is claimed by certain characters that she has been active for over a century.
- The Administrator first appeared in the Comics in War! with the Zepheniah Mann family photograph on her control panel.
- Main article: Elizabeth
Elizabeth was the 19th century Zepheniah Mann's maidservant and bears a striking resemblance to the current Administrator. Upon his death in 1850, Zepheniah left her the residue of his estate as well as his "miracle gravel" cache.
- Elizabeth first appeared in the Zepheniah Mann family photograph.
Administrator's messengers
This is the place.
— Administrator's messenger upon locating the BLU Soldier's apartment
The Administrator's messengers are mysterious individuals hired by the Administrator to deliver messages to the classes via miniaturized television sets worn on their torsos. A messenger was first shown locating the BLU Soldier's apartment and delivering a message to him via the television screen, broadcasting the Administrator.
Another messenger is seen in Meet the Director, killed by the RED team in an attempt to get answers out of him. The Administrator frowned upon this, on the grounds that once dead they could not return their miniature televisions, forcing her to buy more. The Administrator's statement about the mercenaries "shooting yet another messenger" suggests that there have been previous messengers and that the mercenaries have a habit of killing them.
- An Administrator's messenger first appeared in the WAR! Update comic, WAR!.
- The skeleton of another messenger can be seen leaning against the back wall on page 12 of the Scream Fortress 2014 update comic (page 12).
- More messengers are killed by the Heavy in The Showdown.
Miss Pauling
Miss Pauling is a loyal assistant to the Administrator. She performs a number of duties including reporting unusual background checks, ordering and delivery of goods, opening communication channels and murders. Miss Pauling generally complies with her employer's views for fear of incurring her wrath, even if she does not necessarily agree with them.
- Ms. Pauling first appeared in the WAR! Update comic.
- Ms. Pauling was animated for the first time in the Love & War short, Expiration Date.
- This makes her the first NPC to be animated by Valve.
- Ms. Pauling was animated for the first time in the Love & War short, Expiration Date.
- It has been shown that the Scout has taken a romantic interest in Miss Pauling, which she tries to completely ignore.
If you could pick one word to describe yourself, Mister Mundy, what would it be? I'm going to answer that for you: "victim."
— The Director
The Director is a somewhat arrogant filmmaker. Hired by the Administrator.The Director is responsible for The Meet The Team Series, the Director was meant to spy on the mercenaries, so the Administrator could use something they said against them later if need be. However, he was led to believe he was filming them to show the people of Badlands that they weren't "just armed psychopaths blowing up all their landmarks on a daily basis".
Once the Administrator believed she had gained proper leverage over her employees, she ordered Miss Pauling to assassinate the Director. Miss Pauling brought the Director out to a mine under the guise that the Administrator was waiting for her interview there, with a bag of quicklime and a shovel secretly tucked away in the bed of her truck. The Director's current status is unknown, though he is presumed to be dead after his "interview" with the Administrator. A "MISSING" poster featuring the Director can be found in Doomsday, Coal Town, Mannworks, Powerhouse, and other maps further hinting this.
- The Director first appeared in the Replay Update comic, Meet the Director.
Unknown individual
In the mostly complete family portrait, another person can be seen in between the gap of the two pieces. The name of this person is unknown and he has yet to be referenced. He can be seen here. In the portrait, he appears to be holding something in his left arm but the object can not be identified.
- The unknown individual first appeared in the Mann family portrait.
Hale lineage
Barnabus Hale
I like this cougar's PEPPER SAUCE!
— Barnabus Hale fighting off an inexplicable animal attack during a wake
Barnabus Hale was a 19th century Australian frontiersman, employed as an aide and tracker by Zepheniah Mann. After Bette dies while giving birth, he cries at her death, apparently the only one to do so. Hale later inherited Mann Co. upon Zepheniah's death. He is a relative of Saxton Hale, as his grandfather, and shares Saxton's extremely masculine personality.
- Barnabus Hale first appeared in the Mann family portrait.
- Barnabus later appears in the comic Blood Brothers and then in Catch-Up, as well as in portraits in Coal Town and Monster Bash.
Bilious Hale
No mercenary warfare on the premises.
— Bilious Hale on his secret to Mann Co. being voted "Safest workplace in the Badlands"
Bilious Hale is the father of Saxton Hale, and was the owner of Mann Co. during the early 1900's after inheriting it from his father, Barnabus Hale. During a fatal mineshaft collapse, which resulted in the death of fourteen workers, Bilious was able to escape by punching it open, gaining him more fame from the press. During the March of 1922, Bilious Hale shut down the coal mine and coal-powered munitions factory 50 years after it was founded. However, one of the rooms was left as a "historic storage closet" under the reasoning that the objects left in it were not presently needed, but kept for a future time for when they may be. During his lifetime, Bilious was one of the five owners of a telephone in the United States along with Redmond & Blutarch, the President, Alexander Graham Bell and presumably a predecessor of the Administrator.
Saxton Hale
Saxton Hale was the most recent of the Hales to head Mann Co.
Dr. Cadaverus Hale
Every doctor needs a cadaver or two for his experiments.
— The Medic (Old Wounds)
Dr. Cadaverus Hale is one (or more) of the notorious members of the Saxton Hale family tree.
Because it is not clear whether Dr. Hale was the original creator of the Reanimation technology or is the result of Medic's study and perfection of the science (or both), it is also uncertain whether he is an ancestral or current (or both) occupant of Castle Hale.
- Dr. Cadaverus Hale is known only from the context of his portrait in the castle in Monster Bash.
Mr. Bidwell
Tears were brought to the eyes, sir. Your breakfast steak.
— Mr. Bidwell
Mr. Bidwell is one of Saxton Hale's assistants, along with Mr. Reddy. His duties include serving Hale's meals and dealing with customer feedback. Bidwell is the creator of the new Mann Co. Weapons Catalogue, acting as a liaison between the manufacturers of various products and Mann Co. During his first appearance Bidwell sported a handlebar mustache; however, this was later shaved off.
Saxton Hale sent Bidwell to Sarif Industries under the pretense of discussing a partnership to jointly develop biotechnology. While Sarif's representatives were looking over the "contract", Bidwell escaped with a crate full of weapons and later reverse-engineered the stolen weaponry to produce Manno-Technology. Bidwell detailed his exploits in a confidential memo to Hale, who wrote back to Bidwell asking him to "stop writing these things down".
Bidwell, along with Reddy, risked being dismissed by suggesting the idea of item tryouts and much of the Manniversary Update & Sale. They showcased various new hats and Miscellaneous items in a section of the Manniversary Update and Sale page before being rudely interrupted by Saxton Hale's dilemma of hiding a dead ostrich.
Three days after the end of "The Gravel Wars" and the death of Blutarch and Redmond Mann, Bidwell is under disguise as a primate violence specialist with Saxton Hale, with the purpose of filming Saxton fight the last-living Yeti. Right before Saxton charges at the Yeti to fight it, Bidwell is informed by Reddy of attacks on Mann Co. stores and relays it back to Saxton, who tells Bidwell that he is very much aware of the attacks. Bidwell then films Saxton's assault on the Yeti, which Saxton uses as a video instructing the mercenaries on their new job of fighting robots and defending Mann Co. Bidwell then sends the tape back to Miss Pauling, who shows it to the remainders of the RED and BLU Teams.
- Mr. Bidwell first appeared in the WAR! Update comic, WAR!.
- Mr. Bidwell makes a bold proposal in Bidwell's Big Plan.
- Mr. Bidwell appears in disguise with Saxton in the Mann vs. Machine comic, A Fate Worse Than Chess.
- Other appearances
- The non-canon comic The Contract.
- The comic Ring of Fired.
- The movie short Jungle Inferno (Saxton Hale receives a satellite phone call from him).
Mr. Reddy
You're now the sixth richest man in America, Mr. Hale.
— Mr. Reddy
Mr. Reddy, along with Mr. Bidwell, is one of Saxton Hale's assistants. Specifically, he is Hale's accountant and takes his calls. Under Hale's orders, Mr. Reddy sent the five richest men in America congratulatory bouquets and "You're a dead man" form letters. During his first appearance, Reddy sported a thick box car mustache, however, this was later shaved off. Upon completing the achievement Mission Accomplished in Spiral Knights, Mr. Reddy sends the player a congratulatory letter and the Spiral Sallet. He also created the Dueler, Gifting Man From Gifting Land and Philateler.[2]
Reddy, along with Bidwell, risked being dismissed by suggesting the idea of item tryouts and much of the Manniversary Update & Sale. They showcased various new hats and Miscellaneous items in a section of the Manniversary Update and Sale page before being rudely interrupted by Saxton Hale's dilemma of hiding a dead ostrich.
Reddy later informed Bidwell of the attacks by robots on all Mann Co. facilities.
- Mr. Reddy first appeared in the WAR! Update comic, WAR!.
- Mr. Reddy is mentioned in the Mann vs. Machine comic, A Fate Worse Than Chess
- Like Mr. Bidwell, Reddy also makes another appearance in the comic Ring of Fired.
Patience Meriweather
Patience Meriweather helped to deliver the three sons of Zepheniah Mann and his wife Bette: Redmond, Blutarch, and Gray. She also gave the news of Bette's death to Zepheniah and Barnabus Hale, who was present at the time.
- The midwife first appeared in the Mann vs. Machine comic, Blood Brothers.
- Although never called by name in Blood Brothers, her name was revealed in the Mann vs. Machine ARG on Gray Mann's birth certificate.
Blutarch Mann's assistant
Give him a moment, dear. He's just dead.
— Blutarch Mann's assistant's everyday routine.
Blutarch Mann's assistant is an unnamed woman who has worked for Blutarch for at least 60 years. She is shown in 1960 presenting Dell Conagher to Blutarch Mann and again in an 1890 flashback presenting Radigan Conagher to Blutarch Mann. After she calls Dell "Mister Conagher" a couple of times, he politely tells her to just call him "Dell" since "Mister Conagher" was his grandfather's name. She replies, "Yes. I remember."
- Blutarch Mann's assistant's first appearance was in the comic Loose Canon.
Every one of mankind's innovations now comes from the lager-pickled brain of an Australian.
— The Administrator's ancestor on the mustache-sporting, beer-swilling, deathray-inventing Australians
Once thought of as a nation of idiots, since 1850 Australians had become world leaders in technology. Every innovation, including Cloaking and teleportation, now came from the brain of a lager-loving Australian. By the 1890s, Sydney had become a city of tomorrow with flying cars, giant airships, and self-grooming mustaches. Much like their national hero, Saxton Hale, every man, woman and child in the nation of Australia (with the exception of at least three, the Sniper and his adoptive parents) sports a glorious, full mustache. An ancestor of the Administrator theorized that the nation's incredible intelligence came from a rare element, Australium. This theory seemed to prove true as the element amplified Radigan Conagher's intelligence to phenomenal levels, and also caused various Australian-related side effects including rapid mustache growth, extreme masculinity, and the primal urge to take off his shirt and grow chest hair in the shape of his homeland. However, as the Australium deposits located in Australia that gave these phenomenal people such capacity declined, mainly due to the intentions of the Administrator, the once proud race are reduced to weaker simpletons. It is mentioned by Spy that the Australium mines had run dry 2 months prior to Zhanna, Soldier and Spy's success in securing a submarine.
Australia chooses its king through a Kangaroo boxing match, possibly making Australia the only Kratocracy.
- Australians first appeared in the Loose Canon comic.
Mann Co. Monkeynautics
Mann Co. Monkeynautics is a group that worked on sending Monkeynaut Poopy Joe into space to fight Vladimir Bananas. The Mann Co. Monkeynautics is featured on the map Doomsday as the company with the rocket that launches Poopy Joe into space. This however fails and crashes on a nearby satellite tower.
- Mann Co. Monkeynautics first appeared on the Pyromania day one page.
- Poopy Joe is the only known Monkeynaut that works for Mann Co.
Badland Brawlers
The Badland Brawlers are a sports team from Badlands.
- A Badland Brawlers badge is shown on the Scout's Whoopee Cap.
- The Badland Brawlers were first mentioned in the WAR! Update comic, WAR!.
- In Ring of Fired, the Demoman is wearing a Badland Brawlers shirt.
BLU team (original)
...I assembled a team of the world's deadliest mercenaries to take it all by force. What I did not expect was that my idiot brother would do the same.
— Blutarch Mann discussing his original BLU team
The original BLU team was assembled by Blutarch Mann in the 1850s in an attempt to claim all of the land bequeathed to him and his brother, Redmond, by their father. Unfortunately for Blutarch, it appears that the original RED team was assembled at the same time, leaving both siblings at a stalemate. The original team consisted of the same nine classes as the current organization. The Scout, inspired by Billy the Kid, took on the appearance of a young cowboy, complete with spurred boots. The Soldier, who resembles Stonewall Jackson, dressed like a member of the Confederate States Army, utilizing a rifle, rather than a Rocket Launcher. In keeping with tradition, the Demoman, inspired by Alfred Nobel, was a one-eyed dynamite-loving prospector. Unlike his modern Russian counterpart, the Heavy resembled John Henry, preferring to put his enemies out of commission with a monstrous sledgehammer, whilst the Sniper, like Davy Crockett, partnered his trusty rifle with a coonskin cap. Prior to his appointment as President of the United States, the Pyro, Abraham Lincoln, used an experimental Flamethrower to aid his comrades in battle. BLU team's Medic, Sigmund Freud, appeared to retain his contemporary's love of the Bonesaw, whilst the team's Engineer, who resembles Nikola Tesla, was forced to make do with a satchel of Blueprints, rather than a PDA. Finally, the Spy eschewed a balaclava in favor of a domino-mask and equally-sinister mustache in the style of Fu Manchu.
The members of Redmond's original counterpart team are unknown.
- The original BLU team first appeared in the Loose Canon comic.
Team Fortress Classic mercenaries
In the A Cold Day in Hell comic, the Team Fortress Classic mercenaries (minus their Medic) appear, willing to help Gray Mann find the Administrator and the current Team Fortress 2 mercenaries.
- One Team Fortress Classic mercenary first appeared in the Team Fortress Comic Ring of Fired as a shadowy silhouette of the Classic Heavy.
- The identity of the silhouette along with his team was revealed in the Cold Day in Hell comic.
- The Classic Mercenaries from the 1930s appeared in the Catch-Up Comic
- The Classic Medic has yet to appear in any other Comic. His current whereabouts are unknown.
- The Classic Mercenaries arrived in Blood in the Water, where the Classic Sniper shot and killed the RED Sniper.
- In Old Wounds, the Classic Soldier, Spy and Pyro are all killed at the hands of the Team Fortress 2 Mercenaries while the Classic Heavy kills Gray Mann for his Life Extending Machine before draining all the blood of the TF2 Mercenaries.
- The Naked and the Dead climaxes with the final battle between the Classic Mercenaries, the Team Fortress 2 Mercenaries, Saxton Hale, Maggie and Gray Mann's remaining robots.
RED and BLU family members
BLU Scout's mother
BLU Scout: "What're you? President of his fan-club?"
BLU Spy: "No... that would be your mother!"
— The "BLU Scout" and the BLU Spy
The BLU Scout's mother is briefly mentioned and shown in Meet the Spy. She also appears in the beginning of the Second Annual Saxxy Awards trailer, where her arm can be seen and she can be heard screaming while she runs away. She raised the Scout and his seven "mad-dog" brothers in south Boston, and somehow still managed to keep her figure. She is in a romantic relationship with the RED Spy, who lovingly calls her "ma petit chou-fleur", which roughly means "my little cauliflower" in French. The BLU Scout was apparently shocked to learn of this relationship, though his actual feelings on the matter are unknown since he was in fact the RED Spy disguised as the BLU Scout at the time. The BLU Scout's mother wears a Classic late 60s style dress and bob hairstyle. Seven compromising photos of her with the RED Spy are kept in a top secret file labeled 'Scout's Mom' in the BLU base. The Spy has a likeness of her engraved on the barrel of the Ambassador.
- The BLU Scout's mother first appearance was in Meet the Spy. She was later seen in the Second Annual Saxxy Awards trailer.
RED Scout's motherCold Day in Hell where she is seen alongside the Spy watching an infant Scout take his first steps.
Engineer's father
The Engineer's father, or Fred Conagher is shown in a photo with his son, Dell Conagher. Dell's father is the Engineer from the Team Fortress Classic series of games, while Dell is the Engineer from Team Fortress 2. Fred appeared in the Team Fortress 2 Comic where he had become overweight and both his legs replace with robot legs.
- The Engineer's father first appeared in the Engineer Update.
Mr. & Mrs. DeGroot
Yer da walked fifteen miles in the rain to blow up the Queen of England for a Nickel!
— Mrs. DeGroot on the family trade
The Demoman's mother, Mrs. Tilly DeGroot, is a blind, elderly woman who reminisces constantly about the Demoman's late father, Mr. DeGroot. Even with her son's multi-million dollar salary and mansion, she still thinks he does not work hard enough, claiming that the Demoman's father would be spinning in his grave at his idleness and had 26 jobs. She insisted on bringing up the Demoman Scottish, and does not like to see him "squandering his gifts." She also comments: "No Demoman worth his sulfur ever had an eye in his head past thirty!"
She, along with the Demoman's father, collected the young Tavish from the Crypt Grammar School for Orphans, revealing themselves as his true parents. They explained that he was abandoned at birth until his skills manifested themselves, a longstanding, cruel, and wholly unnecessary tradition among the Highland Demolition Men.
The Demoman's mother advised her son to go searching for jobs on All Hallow's Eve, saying that all of the ghouls would vanish in one day.
- Mrs. DeGroot first appeared in the WAR! Update comic, WAR!.
Mr. & Mrs. Mundy
I'll be honest with ya: my parents do not care for it.
— The Sniper on his trade
Mr. Jonathan Mundy & Mrs. Mundy are the Sniper's adoptive parents. Being a dutiful son, the Sniper makes sure to keep in touch with his parents via phone or mail to inquire about their well-being and keep them up to date with his latest adventures and exploits. Living in the "Red House on the Left on Adelaide St. in Australia", the Sniper's parents do not approve of his occupation. The Sniper's dad is especially condemning, calling the Sniper a "crazed gunman" against the Sniper's insistence that he is an "assassin". In a bid to bring the arguments to an end, the Sniper wrote to his mom asking her to just tell his dad about how he makes more than a doctor and then finally asks her to just tell him that he is a doctor. After the Sniper was interviewed by the Director, the Sniper received mailed photographs of his parents.
Like their adoptive son, neither one of them have mustaches, a seemingly rare trait amongst Australians. Mr. & Mrs. Mundy also bear a striking resemblance to Eustace and Muriel Bagge from Courage the Cowardly Dog. The comic's illustrator later confirmed that this similarity, along with the similarities of their homes, was "very much on purpose" due to time constraints.
In the Team Fortress 2 Comic #4 Blood in the Water, Sniper reveals that his parents passed away six months prior, shortly after Gray's takeover of Mann Co., and learned that the Mundys were not his birth parents.
Mr. & Mrs. Mundy appeared in Sniper's vision of Heaven in Old Wounds. Having been killed in action in the previous issue, the Sniper expresses his wish to be reunited with his adoptive parents in the afterlife. The Mundys share his sentiments, but gently remind him that he's still a professional assassin, and that there are still enemies that need to be killed. Upon revival, the Sniper tells the Medic what happened, but the Medic claims that the vision was a hallucination as a result of injecting a blue whale's pineal gland into his brain stem, but the Sniper assures him of what awaits him and declares himself the most dangerous man alive thanks to the encouragement from his parents.
- Mr. & Mrs. Mundy were first introduced in Meet the Sniper, but were not visibly seen or named until Meet the Director.
Bill-Bel and Lar-Nah
Get the @#$% out of my rocket!
— Young Bill-Bel yelling to Young Lar-Nah as she gets in the rocket
Bill-Bel and Lar-Nah are the Sniper's birth parents. They originate from the lost underwater country of New Zealand.
Years prior, Bill-Bel theorized that the Earth would be covered in magma, and he proposed that the country be encased in a glass dome and sunk to the bottom of the ocean to escape danger. He later proposed to New Zealand's council of leaders to send the country into space, but the council furiously rejects him, pointing out that they are now out of resources due to his original plan and all detest their underwater existence. Bill-Bel returned home, having built a rocket with which to get into space, only to get into a fight with his wife Lar-Nah over who gets to be the only occupant. In the confusion their toddler son Mun-dee (an infant Sniper) crawls into the rocket, which launches through New Zealand's protective dome, flooding the city and dooming its citizens.
Bill-Bel and Lar-Nah survive drowning by hiding out in a sealed laboratory, cut off from the rest of the world until Miss Pauling, Sniper and the other mercenaries arrive in a submarine; Lar-Nah has become a grouchy alcoholic constantly furious at her husband's idiocy. Much to Miss Pauling's horror, Bill-Bel, not understanding the metal's true potential as nuclear energy source and for life extension, used the last cache of Australium stored in New Zealand to paint his prototype escape rockets, all of which exploded save for one. Lar-Nah then offers Miss Pauling some of her wine as the latter is flabbergasted at Bill-Bel's stupidity.
Upon learning from Sniper that the Earth was not covered in magma (thereby disproving Bill-Bel's theory), Lar-Nah steals the only remaining rocket, successfully escaping into space. Likewise, Bill-Bel steals the navy submarine Miss Pauling and the team had arrived on, stranding the group in the steadily flooding ruins.
- Bill-Bel and Lar-Nah were first introduced in Blood in the Water.
- Sniper bears a striking resemblance to his mother Lar-Nah. Both have the same facial shape, structure as well as skin tone.
- Although being the biological parents of Sniper, they do not care for their son instead looking out for themselves.
Radigan Conagher
— Radigan Conagher on making people monsters
The BLU Engineer's grandfather, Radigan Conagher, was hired by Blutarch Mann to build a machine to artificially allow him to live longer than his brother. He agrees to build the machine for Blutarch. Later, he is approached by a woman who bears a resemblance to that of The Administrator. She offers him Australium to build Blutarch's Machine, under the stipulation that he covertly builds an identical machine for Redmond as well. On a personal level, Radigan Conagher had a fascination for Abraham Lincoln. In the first edition of The Engineer Update, several pages of notes are dedicated to inventing an object that could have saved Lincoln from John Wilkes Booth. Some devices include: a hat that would shoot at the attacker, a chair that would swing over and under a balcony away from the attacker, and a teleporter.
Radigan goes through a drastic transformation as shown in the hidden links of the Engineer Update. He seems to have become taller, grown a mustache, developed large muscles, and has a fond thirst for beer. This matches the qualities of the stereotypical Australians in Team Fortress 2. This is probably due to his exposure to Australium. One could even say he looks like an older Saxton Hale. In the photographs displayed on the Engineer Update webpage, Conagher is also shown holding what seems to be the very first Southern Hospitality. In the final stage of his transformation, it is shown that he had replaced his left hand with a robotic arm and his chest hair had grown into the shape of Texas, similar to Saxton Hale's Australian shaped chest hair. He also appears more "Australian" than before, as a large jovial man (in contrast to his previously reserved personality) with a big, bushy mustache and carrying a barrel of BLU Streak beer, a taste shared by his grandson Dell. One of the Paint Can colors, "Radigan Conagher Brown" bears his name.
- Radigan Conagher first appeared in the Loose Canon comic.
RED Heavy's family
Yana: We have caught dinner!
Bronislava: It is bear. Again.
— The RED Heavy's sisters returning from a hunt
While not much is known, the family history of Misha, the RED Heavy, was first discussed in the Meet the Director comic. RED Heavy's father was executed for being a counter-revolutionist. After the death of his father in autumn of 1941, Misha was deported to a Northern Siberian gulag along with his mother and three underage younger sisters, Zhanna, Yana, and Bronislava. The Heavy and his family worked at the gulag for three months, until it was burned to the ground some time in December 1941. It was later found that all of the prisoners had escaped and the guards of the camp had been tortured to death.
The Heavy was shown to be still in contact with his family and using his mercenary wages to provide for them in the comic Bombinomicon. In A Cold Day in Hell, the Heavy's family was shown to be living in the Siberian mountains, eating almost exclusively bear meat, where the Heavy had been protecting them from "the people who hurt [them] before." However, with the Heavy rejoining the team, his family began to move to the United States.
Yana and Bronislava are apparently attracted to some of the mercenaries, namely the Sniper and Spy. Zhanna, however, plays the biggest role in the comics compared to RED Heavy's other sisters; she begins a relationship with the Soldier due to her not having seen a man in twenty years, and after her rejection of the Scout because he talked too much. Her relationship with Soldier stays strong as she tags along with the mercenaries through the events of Blood in the Water, Old Wounds and The Naked and the Dead. She also begins to learn how to fight along with the Soldier, albeit through his unorthodox (and incorrect) ways - including losing her left hand after attempting to escape from a pair of handcuffs using the "old dislocating thumb trick", and fighting stark naked while covered in honey.
- The RED Heavy's family was first mentioned in the Meet the Director comic.
- The RED Heavy's family has been revealed in the "A Cold Day in Hell" comic.
- It has been implied that Zhanna and Soldier are getting married.
Bronislava in A Cold Day in Hell
Zhanna in A Cold Day in Hell
Yana in A Cold Day in Hell
Historical figures
U.S. Presidents
Abraham Lincoln
Wikipedia article: Abraham Lincoln
In addition to being the 16th President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln might also have been the BLU team's first Pyro when the war began in the 1850s. Abraham Lincoln is noted for his love of Arena Mode as shown in the Sniper vs Spy update. According to the WAR! Update, he was the inventor of stairs. The Engineer Update states Abraham Lincoln was assassinated by John "Tower of Hats" Booth, although the WAR! Update attributes his death to rocket-jumping up stairs. Furthermore, according to the Loose Canon comic, there were blueprints for three "life-extender machines", the last one apparently built on the day of Lincoln's death. Whether or not Abraham Lincoln is still alive is open to debate.
Franklin D. Roosevelt
Wikipedia article: Franklin D. Roosevelt
Franklin Delano Roosevelt, also called FDR or Franklin D. Roosevelt, found Abraham Lincoln's plans for stairs in 1921. Recovering from a rocket jumping accident, Franklin D. Roosevelt perfected Lincoln's plans for stairs, freeing the world from the tyranny of the second floor.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt first appeared in the WAR! Update.
George Washington
Wikipedia article: George Washington
George Washington invented United States of America, but historians agree his greatest failure was his inability to be permanently invisible. With the advent of the Cloak and Dagger, the Spy can succeed where the inventor of the US failed.
- George Washington first appeared in the Sniper vs Spy Update. He later appeared as a ghost or hallucination to Soldier in A Cold Day in Hell.
Benedict Arnold
Wikipedia article: Benedict Arnold
Benedict Arnold was an American general during the American Revolutionary War who infamously defected to the British. His greatest crime was not eating soup, and his last words were "My only regret is I didn't watch enough cartoons."
- Benedict Arnold first appeared as a ghost or hallucination to Soldier in A Cold Day in Hell. He was later mentioned in a news post on the Official Team Fortress 2 Blog.
Fred Astaire
Wikipedia article: Fred Astaire
Fred Astaire, born Frederick Austerlitz, was an American film and Broadway stage dancer, choreographer, singer, and actor. His stage and subsequent film career spanned a total of 76 years, during which he made 31 musical films. He was particularly susceptible to projectile weapons fire.
- Fred Astaire first appeared in the WAR! Update.
John Wilkes Booth
Wikipedia article: John Wilkes Booth
John "Tower of Hats" Booth was the assassin of beloved US president Abraham Lincoln. His last known photograph depicts him wearing his eponymous tower of hats. A wanted poster of him was published after the assassination, including an altered photograph depicting what he may look like after adding Abraham Lincoln's fearsome hat to said tower. Booth was later killed in a fearsome shootout between him and Bilious Hale and a large group of people. Booth was bravely held down by Bilious Hale as people took turns shooting him. After his death, Bilious Hale was awarded his hat tower for his bravery and service.
- John "Tower of Hats" Booth first appeared in the Engineer Update.
Sun Tzu
Wikipedia article: Sun Tzu
Sun Tzu (simplified Chinese: 孙武; traditional Chinese: 孫武) was an ancient Chinese tactician and philosopher who wrote a book called The Art of War, detailing innovative Chinese strategy in warfare. He gained fame for his remarkable strategies and many policies on warfare, particularly in the West. His work continues to influence warfare and politics today.
Sun Tzu is mentioned in the Meet the Soldier short. While talking to his collection of heads, the Soldier claims that Sun Tzu "invented [fighting], and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor."
The Soldier asks the Director if Sun Tzu ever wrote any books on punching through a man's ribcage. When the Director gives a negative answer, the Soldier is clearly disappointed and resolves to stop threatening his local bookstore.
- Sun Tzu was first mentioned in Meet the Soldier.
William Prescott
Wikipedia article: William Prescott
William Prescott was an American Revolutionary War general who notably led the Battle of Bunker Hill and won. He loved hats, and reportedly said at that battle: "Don't fire till you see the tops of their heads". True to his word, he only fired at enemies who were poor and possessed no hats.
- William Prescott was first mentioned in the Classless Update.
Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin
Wikipedia article: Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin
...that stalled the moon landing by three years when Buzz Aldrin suplexed Neil Armstrong into a pile of folding chairs at Astromania '69!
— Pyromania Day One Page on the spirit of competitive enterprise
Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin were two American astronauts who stalled the moon landing by 3 years during Astromania '69.
- Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin were first mentioned on the Pyromania Update's Day One page.
Aleister Crowley
Wikipedia article: Aleister Crowley
Aleister Crowley was an English occultist responsible for cursing scenic Skull Island during a speedboat cursing tour.
- Aleister Crowley was first mentioned in a hidden page on the Official Team Fortress 2 Blog.
Tom Jones
Wikipedia article: Tom Jones
Man, I just dropped a sex bomb on that steam room!
— Tom Jones after some time in the sauna
Sir Thomas John Woodward, better known by his stage name Tom Jones is a Welsh singer. He is known for many hit singles such as "It's Not Unusual", "What's New Pussycat", and "She's a Lady".
Following his eviction from Castle Merasmus, Merasmus moves in to Tom Jones' celebrity home. In late 1972, guiding a tour of celebrity's homes, the Soldier snaps Tom Jones' neck, but leaves Merasmus to take the rap.
Weeks later, Spy disguises as Tom Jones, with a story of being the Scout's father, to let a dying Scout "pass on" happily to Heaven. As Scout and God converse in Heaven, the real deceased Tom Jones approaches. To hide Jones from Scout, Jones receives another neck snap from an angel and is dragged off.
- Tom Jones first appeared in Ring of Fired.
- Five-and-a-half months prior to Tom Jones' death, it is revealed in Unhappy Returns that the Scout had converted all his savings into twelve cubic yards of Tom Jones memorabilia.
- A Postcard shows the Scout selling Tom Jones memorabilia.
- Merasmus put a Tom Jones concert sticker on his luggage.
Other individuals
Apple Store manager
Let me see your manager.
— Saxton Hale on blowing up the moon with Apple's latest product
The Apple Store manager is the manager of the Apple store located on the outskirts of Dustbowl, and presumably the employer of Trent and Jessica.
When Saxton Hale wants to buy out the company, he denied the request with the words "No sale, Hale!" Hale immediately recognizes him and insults him, saying the store 'had his curvy stink all over it'. He is presumably one of Hale's long time rivals.
- The manager appears to be a reference to Apple co-founder Steve Jobs as identifiable by his trademark black mock turtle neck.
- The Apple Store manager first appeared in the non-canon Mac Update comic, A Visual History.
Archibald and Julius
Truly it is a Smissmas Miracle for the poor bombless unfortunates of Teufort!
— Julius overjoyed at the great gift he and Archibald received.
Archibald and Julius are the proprietors of the Bombs for the Poor not-for-profit charity. They find a Payload cart delivered to their rail-stoop and declare it a Smissmas miracle before they embrace in celebration. Both are completely fictitious characters, invented by the Scout and Soldier as an alibi while on trial for blowing up a Mall Santa training facility.
- Their bowler hats, moustaches, and color-coded suits resemble Blutarch and Redmond Mann in the 1890s
- This section is about the non-player character. For other uses, see Archimedes (disambiguation).
Archimedes is one of the RED Medic's many white pet doves, identifiable by his permanently blood-stained feathers. Making his first appearance in Meet the Medic, Archimedes has an eerie habit of getting in the way of most procedures, including wallowing in the innards of the Heavy. Archimedes is last heard cooing from inside the Scout's chest cavity after his surgery leaves the curious bird stuck inside, prompting the RED Medic to turn around and ask "Archimedes?" before the camera cut away from the perplexed Scout. In reference to this, a white dove (without bloodstains) will sometimes fly out of a gibbed Scout during regular gameplay.
Archimedes' backstory is hinted at in his in-game description: Before Archimedes came into the Medic's care, he made his living through wedding dovery. A lucrative trade, but he always felt something was missing. He looks back on the day that the Medic stole that catering van during the prime minister's wedding as the best day of his life. He's been burrowing into the chests of unwitting patients ever since.
Archimedes would later make a cameo in the beginning of the Blood Brothers comic and on the Day Two teaser picture of the Two Cities Update, proving the dove is still alive. Another white dove, owned by the BLU Medic, appears in the Mann vs. Machine trailer, and yet another one in the short movie Expiration Date.
Archimedes is an in-game cosmetic item that can be equipped by the Medic. He could also be ordered as a plush on the Valve website, which would award a code that could be used to get a Genuine quality version of the in-game item. The plush has been discontinued and thus can no longer be ordered.
- Archimedes and Lieutenant Bites (the Soldier's pet raccoon) are the only two mercenaries' pets to appear in the official comics.
- The undead Halloween version of the dove, Archimedes the Undying, triggers new voice lines for the Medic when equipped, which take the form of a deranged dialogue between a hungry-for-brains zombie Archimedes and the Medic (although both are being voiced by the Medic's voice actor, leaving doubts if Archimedes is actually supposed to be talking or if it's meant to imply the Medic has gone utterly insane and is talking to himself).
Bob Cratchit & Scrooge
Bob Cratchit, a "kindly community map maker", and Scrooge, a "billionare hat magnate", are characters in a Christmas play.
- Bob Cratchit & Scrooge were first mentioned in the Australian Christmas update.
Bombinomicon is a book of forbidden knowledge and ancient wickedness who has been in the possession of Merasmus the Magician.
Captain Dan
Captain Dan is a local soup manufacturer. After a massive soup recall, he generously volunteered in disposing the rancid product, and a relieved President awarded him the Key to the City and a License to Kill. The Soldier is a fan of his brand of tomato soup. Captain Dan's name is also on the sticker of the Cheese Wheel.
- Captain Dan was first mentioned in the WAR! Update.
- His soup now appears as one of the miscellaneous items in the Pyromania Update for the Soldier under the name The Captain's Cocktails.
- Other products include sour cream and mayonaise (Teufort Reader).
- In Mannhattan signage, next to the pulp grinder, Captain Dan advertises that the wood pulp in his products is Now Legal to Eat. Adding wood pulp to food, especially bread, and now soup, as a cheap filler or thickener is an old practice.
Charles Darling
A hunter needs his trophies, Saxton. You of all people should understand that. You were my best student, once. Before you gave it all up, for her.
— Charles Darling on hunting
Charles Darling is the former hunting mentor of Mann Co. owner Saxton Hale. Formerly a hunter, Darling decided to give up a life of savagery for a more comfortable one of zoo-keeping. His falling-out with Saxton appeared to occur following Saxton's decision to abandon his training for Her. He is currently the owner and proprietor of Darling Zoos, with a collection of animals that includes such rare species as pygmy rabbits, quaggas, Tasmanian wolves, dodos, giraffes, and sea cows.
He enjoys watching the animals in his zoos suffer, and in the comic A Cold Day in Hell he has animals stand on boxes and stick their head through mounting plates, so he can look at the defeated looks in their eyes, which he finds amusing.
However, not satisfied with humiliating nearly or recently extinct animals, he created Charles Darling's Triassic Preserve to disgrace the great creatures of the past — today!
He is one of the parties pursuing Australium; his intention for the metal being to make his animals, "the last of their breeds", immortal.
- Charles Darling may be presumed to be a descendant of Bette Mann's father, Wm. Darling, Esq., and thus to be a distant relative of the Mann triplets.
- He is thought to be based on the famed evolutionist Charles Darwin; the animals shown in the opening page of Bidwell's Big Plan are all specific examples of animals Charles Darwin discussed in his book On the Origin of Species.
- Charles Darling first appeared in Bidwell's Big Plan.
- Charles Darling also appeared in Unhappy Returns and A Cold Day in Hell.
Chicken Girl
The Chicken Girl, referred to by the Spy as a Fried Chicken Tramp, is an anonymous girl that Scout met at a Conquistador Fried Giblets fast food restaurant. Scout points out to her that they both have buckets of fried chicken and asks her if they want to "do it". She replies "Eh, okay."
- Chicken Girl first appeared in Expiration Date.
Claude Huggins
Claude Huggins was the founder of Teufort, which he originally named Hugginsville. Huggins survived a bear attack by hiding under the mauled corpse of his wife. He founded the settlement on the site of the attack. Other persons besides his wife died in the attack, possibly including the Huggins' children.
Claude Huggins's and Teufort's proud legacy of hiding is commemorated in the half dollar coin (pictured) and the statue in the Teufort Town Square City Dump.
- Notes
- Claude Huggins is a minor character in the Left 4 Dead series, as someone mentioned in wall graffiti. The writing that mentions him says "CLAUDE HUGGINS / YOU ARE A COWARD / AND YOU LET YOUR CHILDREN DIE".
- A hidden page of the Über Update depicts a doctors office. While the text on the box on the desk is just illegible, it is evocative of "Dr. Claude Huggins DECEASED".
Davy Jones
We are in the ship!
— Davy Jones
Davy Jones is the Announcer of the map Cursed Cove. He is the large green pirate ghost who stands atop the sunken ship. After players have stayed too long on the ship or are getting too close to him, Davy Jones slams his foot onto the ground, pushing players backwards or into the portal back to land.
Davy Jones is voiced by EmNudge.
We will... not be... DENIED!.
— The Devil to the Medic
The Devil is the owner of Hell, who appears as a large, horned, and red-skinned businessman in a sharp suit. He makes his appearance in The Naked and the Dead, after the Medic is "killed" by the TFC Heavy. He is seen discussing a deal made by the Medic, who had sold his soul to the Devil prior to the events in the comic, but is rebutted by the Medic, who notes that he had surgically added eight more souls to himself (presumably from the rest of his team). Though sent into a temporary rage due to the Medic's attentiveness to the terms and conditions of his contract, he eventually sends the Medic back for another fifty years.
- The Devil has only made an appearance in The Naked and the Dead.
- For the weapon, see Eyelander.
Eyelander is a sentient, speaking, haunted sword.
- Eyelander became Demoman's companion following Demoman's estrangement from Soldier.
- It is suggested that Eyelander is capable of striking victims on its own.
- Upon its first appearance, it was only able to hiss "Headssss..." As of Ring of Fired, however, it is now able to watch television, speak more words (including swearing, which it does frequently), and apparently eat churros.
Francis the Talking France
They sound complicated enough that Valve decided they had no business judging cinéma.
— Francis the Talking France on French vocabulary
Francis the Talking France is a sentient manifestation of France with an apparent knowledge of cinema. He claims to be the inventor of the French terms "Mise en scene! Auteur! Avante-garde! Montage! Even cinéma!". Valve put him in charge of judging all the Saxxy entries, but realizing that the job would be too big even for himself, he opened the voting to the public.
- Francis the Talking France first appeared on the website Old Man Murray, co-written by Valve writer Erik Wolpaw.[3]
- The character appeared on the Official Team Fortress 2 Blog on the 20th of May.[4]
- Francis is actually a mirror image of France, with its west in the east and vice versa.
- A child dresses as Francis for Halloween in the Bombinomicon comic.
- A cartoonized Francis appears on baby Scout's shirt on page 53 of A Cold Day in Hell.
- Miss Pauling references Francis the Talking France in one of her voice mail recordings to the Spy when giving him a rare contract.
Fedris the Enchanter
Fedris the Enchanter is a wizard of some renown that spoke at Wizardcon MCLVI, along side Merasmus the Magician, about whether big heads are wizardry or witchcraft.
- Fedris the Enchanter was first mentioned in a hidden page on the Official Team Fortress 2 Blog.
Gentle Manne of Leisure, his Companione, and Smelly Unfortunate
A-ha-ha! You are as PRESUMPTUOUS as you are POOR and IRISH. Tarnish notte the majesty of my TOWER of HATS.
— The Gentle Manne of Leisure commenting to Smelly Unfortunate
The Gentle Manne of Leisure is a Victorian Englishman who was rich enough to buy a tower of hats. He traveled the streets of a Victorian English city with his Companione, informing Smelly Unfortunate that the latter was presumptuous, poor, and Irish. The Gentle Manne of Leisure wore a tuxedo, carried a cane, and was never seen without his most prized possession – his tower of hats. It is possible that he is referred to as "Sinclaire" by his Companione as they spectate their 'Hatless Commoners' boxing.[5] Also, the quotation above is used as the description for the Towering Pillar of Hats.
- The Gentle Manne of Leisure was first shown in the Classless Update.
- He, his Companione, and Smelly Unfortunate can be found in the June 1814 edition of Gentle Manne's Monthly.
- Gentle Manne of Leisure and Smelly Unfortunate are also in the list of random bot names.
Too... bright! Too glorious!
— God upon seeing Scout's magnificent flex
God is the all-loving ruler of Heaven. In the events of The Naked and the Dead, the Scout seemingly passes on after taking on a horde of robots and exhausting himself, and God makes an appearance greeting him in the afterlife. However, it is unknown if this version of God is indeed the real man himself or simply a hallucination by the Scout, as he shares the Scout's mannerisms and interests.
During Scout's short visit to Heaven, he introduces him to Heaven's three foosball tables, asks for the Scout to flex (reacting with extreme enthusiasm once he does so), and then gets mad at the fact that every woman on Earth had not gotten laid by Scout. He then prepares to send Scout back to the real world, commenting that it is their last chance for them to have sex with him. Before sending Scout off, God tells him that "he wished he was his son", to which Scout responds with "Tom Jones is my dad" - this leads to a humorous scene where God interrupts his sentence to correct himself, saying that Tom Jones was indeed Scout's father, before the actual deceased Tom Jones walks by and is swiftly given a neck snap by God's angels (in order to hide him from the Scout). As Scout leaves Heaven, God tells him that he will see him again on December 4th, 1987.
- God's has currently only made one appearance in The Naked and the Dead.
Here, hold these engine parts.
— Saxton Hale right before jumping off the plane
Jerry is the pilot of Saxton Hale's airplane. He is usually annoyed when Saxton continuously jumps out of the plane. In Ring of Fired, he tells Hale about the new policy of not being allowed to jump out of the plane. However, Saxton damages a part of the plane forcing them to jump out. As they are falling, Jerry holds on to the stuffed yeti Hale had brought with him as he screams in fear. Jerry continues to scream and hold on to the yeti even as they are on the ground.
- Jerry first appeared in the comic. Since then, he had also reappeared in Ring of Fired and Naked and the Dead.
The Judge
I hereby sentence all three of you imbeciles to community service.
— The Judge
The Judge presided over the trial of the Scout and Spy after they blew up a Mall Santa training facility with a bomb cart, with the Soldier as their attorney. After chewing out the Scout for his ridiculous alibi involving a "Bombs for the Poor" charity, he convinces the Scout to rat out the Soldier as the mastermind and sentences all three to community service at a Mall Santa booth.
Say, uh... That ain't an original Kicasso, is it?
— Dell Conagher
A painter whose work is on display in the lobby of BLU's headquarters, and is recognized by Dell Conagher. At one point, he went through a "Hunted in the Jungle" period of artwork. The character is most likely a play on the name of the famous artist, Picasso. The artwork is a parody adaptation of Picasso's 'Self-portrait with Cloak', painted during his "blue period", which is a humorous reference within itself considering that the Kicasso is a part of Blutarch's Mansion.
- Kicasso first appeared in the Loose Canon comic.
Little Jack
An' I wanna Action Saxton, and a Action Saxton Hippie-Drome Battle Arena, an' a Poopy Joe Rescue Rocket, an' I wanna...
— Little Jack's Smissmas list
Little Jack is a young boy who first encounters the mercenaries while they are doing community service work at the Teufort Mall. After asking Santa (the BLU Soldier) for various Saxton Hale toys, the Soldier decides that what he really needs for Smissmas is a sensible haircut. He is then thrilled to watch his father and the Soldier fight each other, right before Old Nick bursts in, announcing his intent to kidnap the children of Teufort to work in his factory. Frightened, he turns to the BLU Spy, who breaks off an icicle and hands it to the boy and instructs him on what to do. After being beaten by the BLU Scout and Soldier, Old Nick grabs little Jack, who drives the icicle into Old Nick's neck, killing him. Little Jack is last seen sitting next to the Spy, reminiscing about the earlier event. He sits atop the Spy's shoulders for a front-page photograph on the Teufort Times.
You left me, Sax. For your father's stupid hat company.
— Maggie to Saxton Hale.
Margret, also nicknamed Mags and Maggie, is supposedly the ex-girlfriend of Saxton Hale. The two used to fight exotic animals together while both holding Charles Darling as their nemesis. Maggie may have broke up with Hale after he became CEO of Mann Co. After the break up, Mags had married four men, whom had all died while on her extreme adventures. When Gray Mann took over Mann Co., Maggie, now an employee of Darling, helps Hale ask him for help in winning back the company.
- Maggie was introduced in Unhappy Returns.
Merasmus the Magician
Merasmus the Magician has wide ranging participation as a non-player character in the game, Background, and Comics.
The Park Warden
You're scaring ostriches on the premises? That's a hefty fine, ma'am.
— The Park Warden to Merasmus
The Park Warden is a female officer who mistook Merasmus for a woman. She ordered the old wizard to move away from his Castle of Eldritch Horror since it was to be used as a raccoon sanctuary. After the Soldier mistakenly called the castle "Ostrich Horror", the warden assumed that Merasmus was scaring ostriches and told him that it was a hefty fine.
Nicholas Crowder/Old Nick
The nice children are given the greatest gift of all -- they are not abducted along with the naughty ones and carted off to the South Pole.
— Robin Walker on the story of Old Nick
On December 18, 1788, a man named Nicholas Crowder was on a voyage to Australia, but upon witnessing the heat and privations he decided to turn the boat around. He instead set course to conquer the South Pole, where, according to legend, he still lives. Every December 18th, "Old Nick" (as he is now known) returns to Australia to judge whether or not the children have been naughty or nice. The nice children get the gift of not being abducted and taken to the South Pole to work in Old Nick's workshop. The bad children make hats and weapons for Old Nick, which are delivered to his mansion on December 17. Old Nick sells any duplicate weapons and hats he has received online, "practically giving them away".
During the events of A Smissmas Story, Old Nick appears at the shopping mall in Teufort to abduct children. He is then beaten up by the Scout and the Soldier. Old Nick then picks up Little Jack and claims that he will "work very hard" in his workshop. Scout warns him not to abduct the boy, who stabs Old Nick in the neck with an icicle, killing him.
- Old Nick first appeared in the Australian Christmas update.
- Crowder rides a sleigh pulled by at least three reindeer, one of which has an eye-patch, and a Kangaroo with a red nose and wearing Prancer's Pride.
Poopy Joe
I have no idea what you're - ooo, right. That poor monkey.
— Saxton Hale takes a moment to fondly remember the pioneering primate astronaut
Poopy Joe was a Monkeynaut who tragically died in an explosion shortly after his rocket took off, due to a lack of Australium fuel. This was caused by Mann Co. in their unsuccessful attempt to rid themselves of weapons involved in a Senate investigation. Mann Co. took no blame for his death, and actually created commemorative plates that remembered Poopy Joe and America's dream of conquering space and Florida. These plates were actually hints of the then-upcoming WAR! Update, depicting the Eyelander, Equalizer and Buff Banner's bugle.
During the ARG leading up to Meet the Pyro, new information came to light concerning the death of Poopy Joe. According to leaked pages from Saxton Hale's Senate Hearing, Poopy Joe's rocket seems to have used a fuel source of solid australium. Saxton Hale was present at the launch facility when Poopy Joe and his rocket were prepared for launch to follow the successful launch of Vladimir Bananas. Hale stole the entire australium supply and replaced it with defective suitcase explosives. Once the rocket hit ignition phase, the entire bulk of suitcase bombs detonated simultaneously, causing the rocket to crash, killing Poopy Joe. Mann Co. then covered up the entire incident, denying all knowledge of it. The new Special Delivery map Doomsday has the player transport an Australium suitcase into Poopy Joe's rocket, re-enacting the piece of history. Unfortunately, the rocket crashes almost immediately to the tune of a warning bugle.
- Poopy Joe first appeared in the WAR! Update.
- A Poopy Joe Toy can be seen, slightly hidden on the left side of the screen, on page 53 of A Cold Day in Hell.
- A hat commemorating Poopy Joe was released with the Jungle Inferno Update, although currently unobtainable in-game.
Salty Pete, Iron Eye, and Pepper Pot Pete
Salty Pete, Iron Eye, and Pepper Pot Pete are supposedly a group of old war buddies that the Soldier goes camping/has tea parties with. They are almost instantly revealed, however, to be merely wooden cutouts who the Soldier has made up imaginary backstories for. The Soldier mentions that Salty Pete once dug a trench that inadvertently killed a good number of their own men, but this story's validity is put into question once the Soldier forgets his name, calling him 'Salsa Pete'. Soldier often forgets Pepper Pot Pete's name, calling him Peter Pepper-Pants. By the end of the strip, he declares that the four of them will be joining the 'Space Marines'.
- Salty Pete, Iron Eye, and Pepper Pot Pete first appeared in Grordbort's Crash.
Shakespearicles was the strongest writer who ever lived. He was the inventor of the two-story building, the stage play, America, and the Rocket Launcher. Despite his powerful grasp of language and the ability to bench press 700 British pounds, several inventions eluded his iron grip – most tragically among them, stairs.
For the next three hundred years, people who needed to get to the second floor used the only method available to them, which was rocket jumping. This persisted until 1857, when the young bearded inventor named President Abraham Lincoln invented stairs.
Valve has a large poster of Shakespearicles in their office.
- Shakespearicles first appeared in the WAR! Update.
- Shakespearicles' name and part of his backstory are based on William Shakespeare, a famous British playwright, and Heracles (herr-ə-kleez), a hero of Ancient and Classical Greece known for his incredible strength.
Trent and Jessica
...and the bullets biodegrade once they hit flesh, leaving nothing behind but a blog post.
— Trent explaining Apple's advances in the Minigun market
Trent and Jessica are two young employees (and, according to the Soldier, hippies) who work at the Apple store located just outside Dustbowl.
They offered items for sale to the RED Scout and Heavy, specifically a very small looking, yet identical headset for the Scout, and a white, black, and blue Minigun whose bullets add kills to the user's killcount on his blog. (If the user does not have a blog, the gun is programmed to create one.) They also managed to impress the RED Soldier by instantly cooking a pig with a device plugged through a Firewire port. Jessica also explained Apple's newest product, the iBlewupthemoon, to Saxton Hale, impressing him and leading him to attempt to purchase the company and being turned down by a mysterious figure that runs the store.
- Trent and Jessica first appeared in the non-canon Mac Update comic, A Visual History.
Vladimir Bananas
Vladimir Bananas was a Soviet space chimp and the first monkey in space. America tried to follow with their own launch of Monkeynaut Poopy Joe, but that ended in a disaster where Poopy Joe was killed.
- Vladimir Bananas was first mentioned in Saxton Hale's Jungle Brawl #44.
- See also: Yeti (disambiguation)
Yeti was a member of a recently extinct primate species that was native to the Himalayas, but had been seen in other remote alpine locations.Saxton Hale, who wanted to fight them. After falling out with his mentor, Charles Darling, Mr. Hale sought increasingly challenging animals to fight, from snow leopards and sharks to smarter than average grizzly bears. Days after the murder of Redmond and Blutarch, Saxton Hale had finally tracked the last known Yeti to the Kingdom of Bhutan, only to discover that it had been pacified by hippies employing Behavioral Counseling and aromatherapy. By punching the Yeti in the face, Saxton undid these months of reconditioning. In the resulting fight, Saxton Hale defeated and captured the Yeti, then keeping it confined in a simple habitat in the fighting theme park, Yeti Park. In the following months, the captured Yeti was biomedically enhanced for even less speakable savagery within the YTI Institute for Research and Development adjacent to the park. The whole bloody point of this conditioning was to create the most challenging animal for Saxton Hale to fight when it escaped. Almost a year later, seething with steroidal strength and rage, the Yeti broke free of its laboratory confinement, bloodying the walls with the unfortunate staff of the Institute. With an assist from the Scout, Saxton Hale tracked and fought the escaped Yeti, killing it with a Yeti Punch.
Saxton Hale stuffed and mounted the defeated Yeti and displayed the trophy in his office with other mementos of his earlier adventures and animal fights; shortly before losing his collection, his office, and his entire company to Olivia Mann.
- The Last Known Yeti was introduced in A Fate Worse Than Chess.
- The augmentation and violent escape is portrayed in the Mercenary Park map.
- The death of the Yeti is portrayed in the Jungle Inferno video.
- In Ring of Fired, Hale brings the stuffed and mounted Yeti home for display in his office, which he then looses within the hour.
- The mounted Yeti appears in The Contract, but this does not fit the Storyline.
- A bloody Yeti hand print can be found outside of the playable area of Cursed Cove.
Other Valve characters
RED, BLU -- your money's all green here.
— Whitaker — he don't pass judgment, and he don't take sides.
Whitaker, a minor character in Left 4 Dead 2, wrote a blog update on the Official Team Fortress 2 Blog advertising the promotional Ellis' Cap and Frying Pan one can get from purchasing or previously owning Left 4 Dead 2. Based on his opening paragraph, he is southern like the other Left 4 Dead 2 characters. It seems he is neutral towards the RED and BLU corporations' feud, and also seems to know little-to-nothing about TF Industries other than "what he is told". It also appears that his existence is outside of Team Fortress 2's canonical storyline as he refers to the war as an "infernal game called Team Fortress 2". However, this can be countered by the fact that he seems to be addressing the RED and BLU team members in the blog. Within Left 4 Dead 2, he is voiced by Dayton Callie.
- This character has only been seen once in this Official Team Fortress 2 Blog post as of yet, and may be non-canon. For more information unrelated to Team Fortress 2, refer here.
- See Ap-Sap.
See also
- ↑ E-mail from Erik Wolpaw
- ↑ http://teamfortress.com/post.php?id=7655
- ↑ http://www.oldmanmurray.com/features/78.html
- ↑ http://www.teamfortress.com/post.php?id=5514&p=1
- ↑ http://www.teamfortress.com/classless/hidden/barbary/


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subset: commoncrawl


text:
Last night as I lay in bed, looking up at the stars, I thought, Where the hell is my ceiling?"
So you must be a cable subscriber to watch the debate. That's fucked up FOX and Facebook. Who the fuck is your audience?
old people stuck in the past. Thats got GOP and cable written all over it.
"In a field where an overlooked bug could cost millions, you want people who will speak their minds, even if theyre sometimes obnoxious about it."
Rubio "If this election is a resumé competition, Hilary Clinton will be the next President."
This is getting hilarious
"In a field where an overlooked bug could cost millions, you want people who will speak their minds, even if theyre sometimes obnoxious about it."
There were plenty of non-cable streams available, that worked better than the official.
At any rate, it was better than anyone's wildest wet dreams could have hoped for.
We're stuck in a bloody snowglobe.
I liked the part where Cruz managed to call for violating international law (confiscating passports from Americans who don't have a second nationality) and praise a dictator (el-Sisi) in consecutive sentences.
Hope is the denial of reality
I'll give it to Trump, he hit a home run when he talked about buying politicans, even Hillary. The system is corrupt, but its rare to see someone talk about how they were a part of it.
and huckabee could have done a lot with his comment concerning the military being an object to kill people and break things, if the context wasn't him trying to attack gays serving.
"In a field where an overlooked bug could cost millions, you want people who will speak their minds, even if theyre sometimes obnoxious about it."
And yet he couldn't name a single serious example where the donations provided results. Incidentally, what's a better way to prove that you don't hate all women than to go after the only female moderator after the debate.
Hope is the denial of reality
Unless she is Rosie O'Donnell
"In a field where an overlooked bug could cost millions, you want people who will speak their minds, even if theyre sometimes obnoxious about it."
You call that a serious example? Getting a politician to attend your daughter's wedding? What awful corruption.
Last edited by Loki; 08-07-2015 at 07:54 PM.
Hope is the denial of reality
I wish i was paid for some weddings I went to, would have made up for the boredom.
Keep on keepin' the beat alive!
Yeah, I'm not getting how 'ooh, she attended the wedding' is some big political coup. I mean, like, even at lower levels, someone you have a professional/friendly/whatever relationship with invites you to their/the offspring's/ the pet chinchilla's wedding, you go. For some, if you have a really good excuse you can just send a gift and forget about it - but in general, you just suck up your thoughts of 'ugh, wedding' and go.
We're stuck in a bloody snowglobe.
So you're agreeing with me that Trump didn't actually say what his donations bought.
Hope is the denial of reality
Which politicians did Trump "buy" that did things for him they would have fiercely resisted doing if he hadn't given them money? What laws did he buy? Which contracts? I have no doubt giving lots of money to politicians can be beneficial to those who do so, but it is kinda dumb to pretend that that is the same as buying someone
Humanity's greatest advances are not in its discoveries, but in how those discoveries are applied to reduce inequity.
Bill Gates
The bolded part is his tirade,
BAIER: Mr. Trump, it's not just your past support for single- payer health care. You've also supported a host of other liberal policies. Use -- you've also donated to several Democratic candidates, Hillary Clinton included, Nancy Pelosi.
You explained away those donations saying you did that to get business-related favors.
And you said recently, quote, "When you give, they do whatever the hell you want them to do."
TRUMP: You'd better believe it.
BAIER: So what specifically did...
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's true.
BAIER: -- they do?
TRUMP: If I ask them, if I need them, you know, most of the people on this stage I've given to, just so you understand, a lot of money.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Not me.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Not me.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: But you're welcome to give me (INAUDIBLE) Donald if you'd like.
TRUMP: Many of them.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Actually, to be clear...
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: -- he supported Charlie Crist.
TRUMP: Not much.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hey, Charlie...
TRUMP: But I...
TRUMP: -- Donald, if you...
(CROSSTALK) TRUMP: I have good...
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: -- this campaign, I hope you will give to me.
TRUMP: Good.
TRUMP: Sounds good. Sounds good to me, Governor.
I will tell you that our system is broken. I gave to many people, before this, before two months ago, I was a businessman. I give to everybody. When they call, I give.
And do you know what?
When I need something from them two years later, three years later, I call them, they are there for me.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So what did you get?
TRUMP: And that's a broken system.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What did you get from Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi?
TRUMP: Well, I'll tell you what, with Hillary Clinton, I said be at my wedding and she came to my wedding.
You know why?
She didn't have a choice because I gave. I gave to a foundation that, frankly, that foundation is supposed to do good. I didn't know her money would be used on private jets going all over the world. It was.
Hope is the denial of reality
He's a disgusting sexist pig - and the Republican base won't give a shit.
We're stuck in a bloody snowglobe.
He's not supported by the Republican base. Note Trump's attack against Fox News. And his unwillingness to write off an independent run. He's supported by token Republicans who actually hate the party (more so than even the Tea Partyers).
Hope is the denial of reality
Right, and those outliers are enough to make him win national polls (granted, everything I have read says their polling practices are shoddy).
Still, you forget, the base is not woman-friendly at all. Binders of women. Waste half a billion on women's health.
We're stuck in a bloody snowglobe.
"In many cases, I probably identify more as Democrat." Direct quote from Trump. Trump is a pathetic joke and the faster reality comes crashing back down the better. This actually happens quite a bit in the early part of the the Primary season. Remember Howard Dean?


text:
A long-time school board member who has run a local framing shop with her husband for 28 years was honored Monday with the 2014 Clifton J. Shipman Award by the Hendersonville Merchants and Business Association.
Melissa Maurer, who co-owns Blue Ribbon Custom Frame Shop on Kanuga Road, was feted during an awards banquet at the Cedars attended by roughly 50 local business people, friends and associates.
The Shipman Award, named after the inaugural recipient in 2002, is given each year to a local business person who is an asset to the community. Shipman, former owner of the Chariot and the Cedars, died in 2010.
A graduate of Hendersonville High and Appalachian State University, Maurer opened the framing shop with her husband, Bruce, in 1986, before moving it to its current location on Kanuga Road seven years ago.
She has served on the Henderson County School Board since 2004.
"I can't say that I really feel deserving of this, because nothing that I've done has been for anybody else to notice," Maurer said. "It's been for our community, our children and the health of our business community. That's kind of selfish, because I have kids and a business, so those are the things that matter the most to me."
"But I appreciate the recognition and I appreciate this town and what all of you have done to make it the great place that we grew up in and still live today," she added.
Emcee Don Holder said during the banquet that Maurer has served the community in more ways than he could list: she's been PTO president at Hendersonville Elementary, a Girl Scout leader, education committee chair at the Chamber of Commerce and a volunteer at the Red Cross, Smart Start and the Boys and Girls Club, among other organizations.
Maurer has also been a regular participant at the annual Career Day held at Blue Ridge Community College each year for high school juniors, Holder said.
"(Often) she's represented the career area of entrepreneurship," Holder said, "relating the good, the bad and the ugly and certainly the sides of owning your own business. All of us who've owned our own businesses know those things happen. You have sort of ups and down, and waves and that sort of thing."
Like other businesses, the framing shop struggled during the recession, Maurer said after the awards ceremony. They had to lay off a full-time worker – "a third of our work force" – which meant she "had to let some things go" as far as volunteering.
But Maurer has continued to serve as vice chair of the school board, and Holder said she is a key figure in organizing the Business Morning Update held the second Wednesday of every month and sponsored by the Association, the Chamber, Hendersonville's Main Street program and BRCC.
During a short "roast" for the award recipient, Holder said as a child, Maurer was caught riding her bike on the sidewalk by a local meter maid. The woman told Maurer she was going to tell her mother if she caught her doing it again.
"Well what happened is we're a small town, as you know," he said. "So (the meter maid) went to Ingles and bumped into Melissa's mother. Well, of course that news was just too hot to hold. Melissa got home and her mother seemed to be a little perturbed with her... This was the only thing I could find."
Maurer joked that she was glad Holder didn't talk with any of her friends.
Past recipients of the Shipman Award have included Pat Shepherd (2013), Danny Williams (2012), Chat Jones (2011), Holder (2010) and Sandra Walker (2009).
The banquet began with several musical selections from the Flat Rock Playhouse's production of "The Fantasticks," with cast members accompanied by Playhouse Musical Director Michael Sebastian on piano. Violinist Brooke Walker provided entertainment during the dinner.
Sponsors of the banquet included First Citizens Bank, Macon Bank, Chris Keifer Chiropractic, Four Season's Financial, Mail Box Pack & Printing and Miller's Fine Dry Cleaning.
Maurer honored with Clifton Shipman Award
A long-time school board member who has run a local framing shop with her husband for 28 years was honored Monday with the 2014 Clifton J. Shipman Award by the Hendersonville Merchants and Business Association.


text:
Arts & Sciences
Dr. Lou Reinisch
Nathan Hale Hall, Room 220
Dr. Charles Adair
Associate Dean
Nathan Hale Hall, Room 220
School of Arts & Sciences
The School of Arts & Sciences at Farmingdale State College welcomes you! We are excited to showcase our innovative and progressive programs that are designed to prepare our students for successful careers or graduate studies. With thirteen academic departments, the School of Arts & Sciences is the largest School within Farmingdale. In the fall 2014 semester, over 3000 students were enrolled in our programs and courses.
Our outstanding faculty members, which include six Distinguished Teaching Professors, two Distinguished Service Professors and more than 30 recipients of the Chancellor's Award for Excellence in Teaching, are committed to meeting a high standard of excellence in educating all of our students.
In addition to traditional classroom and state-of-the-art laboratory settings, students have the opportunity to enroll in on-line, hybrid and cluster courses. Credit bearing internship placements in Applied Psychology, Bioscience, Professional Communications and Technology Studies offer students invaluable educational opportunities. Independent research under the direction of faculty experts provides top-quality experiential learning for our students. In addition, many of our students have the opportunity present their work at workshops and conferences.
The School of Arts & Sciences now offers six Bachelor Degree Programs, two Associate Degree Programs and the Certificate in Sciences for the Health Professions, to prepare Farmingdale College students for success in today's modern, high-tech society. For further information, click on the degree for a thumb-nail description of our excellent degree programs.
Expanding, evolving, innovative and successful, the School of Arts & Sciences is proud of its well designed degree programs, accomplished faculty, special programs, publications, student support activities, and student organizations. In the School of Arts & Sciences we truly follow the College's pledge: Students First.


text:
The Eurail Norway Pass is the most comprehensive way to explore Norway. Discover this magnificent Nordic country by visiting cities like Oslo, Trondheim and Narvik during authentic journeys. The Eurail Norway Pass will allow you to enjoy relaxing rides on the famous Bergen Railway, the Dovre Railway, the Rauma Railway and the Nordland Railway. The passing fjords, mountains and bridges will amaze you. Norway is a delightful country of contrasts with mountains, valleys, forests and fjords. Don't forget your camera, as this is picture-perfect country!
The Eurail Norway Pass allows you unlimited travel with the freedom to hit the tracks whenever and wherever you want! You can take as many trains as you like and there is no limit on the distance you can travel within a travel day. All of this at a fixed price.
Hop on and off trains at any time according to your desires and encounters. Just show up at the nearest train station and get ready to go and explore a new destination. (See 'Things to know' for more information about seat reservations).
The Eurail Norway Pass is packed with bonuses to make your trip even more enjoyable. Hotel discounts, reduced museum fares and more are included in your pass.
It also comes with a Eurail travel pack (Travel map and user guide).
Whether you are the adventurous traveller or the avid planner the Eurail Norway Pass is your pass to freedom and the key to an unforgettable trip!


text:
Empowered through strength. The Vital Seamless Collection contains a range of high waisted leggings, sports crop tops, short and long sleeve t-shirts, workout vests, padded sports bras and a cropped shrug, all meticulously assembled to deliver optimal workout performance. Move free with a flexible seamless fabric-blend and squat confidently with a stay-put, covering fit. Shape-enhancing contours promise gym confidence while sweat-wicking DRY technology promises training focus. So, whatever your workout, wherever your workout, you get the most from it. Endeavour to perform with the Vital Seamless range.
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text:
Front elevation of the tower.
A side elevation.
A sidewall will be extended from the train shed to the new tower location as well as the Rankin Motor car shed and the new car barn.
The foundation is in work.
Concrete forms.
The completed foundation.
Another view of the completed foundation.
The tower begins to take shape.
A view from the second floor.
Another view from the second floor.
An underfloor view of the additional lumber used to support the lever machine.
The tower is now closed in so interior work can proceed during the winter months.
A good view of the tower along with the motor car shed.
A view looking down the path from the car display shed.
The bottom floor.
The view looking down the display track lead.
Steel supports for the Interlocking machines are built on the ground floor.
On the outside the tower nears it final look.
In the Backshop, work on one of the Interlocking machines is started.
Painting is now complete on the outside.
Painting is nearing completion on the inside.
The stairs are nearing completion in the backshop.
A test fit of the stairs.
The west side of the tower in the setting sun.
The Monticello Railway Museum depends upon many sources of income to acquire, restore, maintain and operate the museum and we welcome donations. Donors help fund and facilitate many projects at the museum and provide income above and beyond train tickets, gift shop sales and membership dues.
While our volunteers perform the majority of the required labor for restorations at the museum, the need for money to purchase materials and equipment is increasing. Now that work on steam locomotive #401 is complete, the amount of consumable shop materials used is increasing. For example: acetylene and oxygen for the cutting torch; drill bits and cutting tools for the machine shop; grinding wheels and wire wheels for metal preparation and LP gas for heat to allow our volunteers to work during the winter are costing several-hundred dollars each month.
A gift donation towards restoration work would be greatly appreciated. In addition, thoughtful family members, in your name, can make a donation to the museum.
Either way, your donation is appreciated and contributes to our overall financial security and will help us collectively facilitate much needed improvements at the museum. As a reminder, the Monticello Railway Museum is a registered 501 (C 3) not for profit organization and all donations to the museum are tax deductible. All donors to the museum will receive a letter acknowledging the donation.
Contact Information:
Make a Donation now:


text:
NGC and PMG Remain Open and Fully Operational >
NGC's Auction Central is your connection to the latest information about Indian Cents auctions. Below you will find the top-5 Indian Cents prices realized at auction and you can navigate to upcoming auctions on the right. You'll also see charts and graphs for the top-selling Indian Cents by volume, a helpful indicator of supply and demand.
= Number of Upcoming Auctions
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The prices shown in NGC Auction Central reflect the hammer price plus the auction house's commission.
NGC Auction Central Disclaimer


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text:
Navy commissions destroyer builty in Bath
Ship named after NY seal killed in combat
The U.S. Navy has commissioned the USS Michael Murphy, a new warship named for a Navy SEAL from New York who died in Afghanistan at age 29.
The massive destroyer was constructed in Maine at Bath Iron Works, where earlier this summer, a large ceremonial sendoff was held to commemorate its completion.
Nearly 300 sailors charged up a ramp in a Saturday ceremony while a band played "Anchors Away" as the destroyer sprang to life in New York Harbor.
Murphy, a Navy lieutenant from Patchogue, NY., was posthumously awarded the Medal of Honor for his actions during a 2005 ambush. With his team surrounded, Murphy risked exposure to enemy fire so he could radio a base for help. The helicopter that rushed to the rescue was shot down, killing 16 sailors and soldiers. Murphy died on the battlefield. Only one man in his squad survived.
The $1.1 billion warship is to be based in Hawaii.


text:
About two dozen people rallied in front of the Sangamon County Complex on Thursday in support of immigration reform.
The rally was organized by a statewide organization, Illinois People�s Action. Participants carried signs reading �Keep Families Together� and �Take Executive Action,� and they also had a 10-foot-tall cutout of President Barack Obama, whom they�re calling on to provide relief from deportation.
�We�re here to put more pressure on the Obama administration to take executive action like he promised,� said Sonny Garcia of Bloomington. �There are rumblings that he is going to wait until after the election. We want him to hold true to his promise and do it this summer.�
Thursday�s event in Springfield was part of the National Day to Fight for Families, which included rallies across the country.
Garcia said they chose the Sangamon County Complex because it�s where the county jail is located.
�The Sangamon County Jail is a holding facility for undocumented immigrants from around the state until they can be shipped to a detention center,� Garcia said, adding that the current policy of deportation breaks up families.
Rubi Sanchez, 19, also of Bloomington, was one of the people who spoke at Thursday�s rally. She said her father was deported, and she is constantly worried that her mother will suffer the same fate.
�Every morning I leave the house to go to school thinking that is probably the last time I will see my mom,� Sanchez said. �It�s a constant fear I live in.�
Sanchez said her family came to the United States in 2005. She has qualified for a program called Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals, which grants temporary relief to children who were brought to the United States by parents who entered the country without legal permission.
A student at Heartland Community College in Normal, Sanchez hopes to get a job in the computer science field.
�I want to have a good job. I want to graduate from college and help out my mom. If it�s possible, I�d like to become a resident,� Sanchez said.
Illinois People�s Action is a faith-based community organization that has members across the state. Its website says it works on a variety on issues such as immigration, high-interest payday and car title lending, and holding big banks and corporations accountable.
Contact John Reynolds: email@example.com, 788-1524, twitter.com/JohnReynoldsSJR.