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Thursday, August 19, 2010
Tranquil Thurdays - Goodbye, Sweet Diver
39 comments:
- Caroline said...
So sorry to hear about your loss. What a beautiful dog!
- August 19, 2010
Dear Denise and John,
There really are no words...I am so sorry for your loss. I loved Diver and was so saddened to hear this news. Take your time and thoroughly grieve, but know Diver would want you to be happy again soon. Godspeed with your hearts. I shed tears with you.
Love always,
- August 19, 2010
I cannot believe this news. That brought tears to my eyes sitting here at my desk. We are very, very sorry
- August 19, 2010
Dear Denise,
I was so shocked to receive JoAnn's phone call about Diver. It must be so difficult not to know what happened - such a tragedy. Know that you gave him a wonderful life with Dooley as a big brother.
Diver was an amazing Newf and I will always remember him as a puppy with his paw in the water bowl sound asleep. We knew his passion right then and there! Our hearts go out to you and John...
In sympathy,
Mary & Jon
- August 19, 2010
I am shocked and deeply saddened by the news of your unexpected loss. My heart goes out to you, John and Dooley.
- August 19, 2010
I am so very sorry. I know of no words that can ease the hurt. And having this happen so suddenly can only magnify the sense of loss. I know the gaping hole you feel in your heart. We love you. Our hearts, prayers, and deepest meditations are with you.
- August 19, 2010
We are so sorry, we know Diver was your baby and our love goes out to you and John. We love you and hope to see you in Coronado soon. With all our love and sympathy, Kai, Hill, Olivia and Max.
- August 19, 2010
Very sorry for your loss.
- August 19, 2010
This is heartbreaking news and tears are flowing as I write this. I cannot fathom the shock and sadness that you are living with right now, and wish I could be there to cry and scream and support you.
He was an amazing, gentle lover-boy and my life is eternally brighter...thanks to his endless supply of belly-up-slobber-hugs.
Sending all my love and hugs.
- August 19, 2010
So so sorry to hear. We know what it's like! Just think of Diver playing happily with Dickens, Jake and Ashley in a wonderful place.
Mary & Geoff
- August 19, 2010
- Mac said...
Denise and John,
We here, in our dog loving household, are so very sorry to hear of your great loss.
The Ledesma Family
- August 19, 2010
- Sandra Younger said...
Denise, John and Dooley, Once I asked Linda B. why we keep doing this to ourselves, knowing that every puppy we give our hearts to will someday break them. She said, "Because they're worth it." I've never come across a more comforting sentiment to share with anyone or to hold onto myself at times like these. Much love, Sandra
- August 19, 2010
Denise, John and Dooley,
For some moments in life there are no words. I am just so sorry for your loss. Diver is beautiful and will remain in our hearts forever.
May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.
With loving thoughts,
- August 19, 2010
Dear Denise and John...We were so saddened and shocked to learn of the sudden passing of Panda's brother, Diver. What a handsome boy he was!! He and Panda certainly have a strong resemblance, and we know from the pictures of him that you forwarded that he was an amazing Newfie. We have lost wonderful K-9 family members over the years, and we know what a void is left after their passing. Thank you for sharing pictures and stories about Diver with us over the past three years. He was a special boy!! Bob, Linda, Panda and Clemmie Rigg
- August 19, 2010
"He is my other eyes that can see above the clouds; my other ears that hear above the winds. He is the part of me that can reach out into the sea. He has told me a thousand times over that I am his reason for being; by the way he rests against my leg; by the way he thumps his tail at my smallest smile; by the way he shows his hurt when I leave without taking him. (I think it makes him sick with worry when he is not along to care for me.) When I am wrong, he is delighted to forgive. When I am angry, he clowns to make me smile. When I am happy, he is joy unbounded. When I am a fool, he ignores it. When I succeed, he brags. Without him, I am only another man. With him, I am all-powerful. He is loyalty itself. He has taught me the meaning of devotion. With him, I know a secret comfort and a private peace. He has brought me understanding where before I was ignorant. His head on my knee can heal my human hurts. His presence by my side is protection against my fears of dark and unknown things. He has promised to wait for me... whenever... wherever - in case I need him. And I expect I will - as I always have. He is just my dog." — Gene Hill
- August 19, 2010
- bunkycooks said...
You know how terrible we feel about your loss. I am so sorry this happened and know that no words can express our sympathy. This post is a lovely tribute and Diver was just a beautiful dog. We are thinking about you and share in your sorrow.
Gwen & Roger
- August 19, 2010
I am SO SORRY!!! He was way too young.. Another candle needing to be lit, but lots of friends at Rainbow Bridge..
Hugs from Maine..
mudji and crew..
- August 19, 2010
- Carrie Keyes said...
Ouch. We've never met, but I feel a sharp twist in my heart for your loss. Take care.
- August 19, 2010
- rpratesi said...
The pain we feel in loss is directly proportional to the love we received in life. I know that you both received much love from Diver. Hugs to you and John. To Dooley, who lost his buddy, hugs as well.
- August 19, 2010
- eCoronado said...
Denise, thank you for sharing this post with our readers. Your dogs are members of our community as well and Diver will be missed. Our heart goes out to you and John.
- August 21, 2010
- Barbara said...
I'm very sorry for your loss, Denise & John. During our walks, my husband and I enjoyed seeing your Newfs. Diver was a special dog and we'll miss seeing him around town with you and Dooley.
- August 21, 2010
Oh, man :-( I'm sure this is one of the "Starbucks dogs" as my kids refer to them. I am so sorry for your loss. Beautiful dog.
Not the least hard thing to bear when
they go from us, these quiet friends,
is that they carry away with them so
many years of our lives. Yet, if they
find warmth therein, who would
begrudge them those years that they
have so guarded?
And whatever they take,
be sure they have deserved."-John Galsworthy
- August 21, 2010
Denise & John, So sorry to hear about Diver and i'm sure he'll be in your hearts forever. We'll miss seeing him around town, but our memories of him will last a lifetime.
- August 21, 2010
- Julie said...
Oh my goodness. I noticed when I was replying to your comment on my post that my friend, Deanna, had commented on your post. Since I enjoy reading your posts anyway, I went to check it out and was shocked to learn of your great loss! I am not sure I've seen Diver in person but have definitely enjoyed him via your website. I know your heartache must be great. From one dog lover to another, please know my heart grieves for you and I will take a moment to send a prayer of comfort up for you right now!
- August 21, 2010
I'm so sorry for your loss. I've seen your beautiful dogs around Coronado and he will be missed.
- August 21, 2010
With sympathy...
- August 21, 2010
Sorry to hear about Diver, he was a beautiful newf.
- August 22, 2010
May it comfort you to know that death cannot diminish the important ways your loved one touched your life, that grief cannot take away the happiness you shared, that sorrow will fade in time...but love remains forever.
"His life was too short but, thanks to you both, it was filled with love and adventure. Thank you for making his life so wonderful. He is very missed."
- August 22, 2010
Friends enter and leave our lives, but the impressions they make on our hearts stay with us forever. Our sympathy is with you in your loss.
- August 22, 2010
Dear Denise and John,
I am so sorry for the loss of Diver. Brandon wanted me to express his heartfelt sorrow too. Please let me know if I can do anything at all to help or comfort you during this difficult time. All our love,
Mary, Brandon and Riley
- August 22, 2010
Denise and John,
So sorry to hear about the loss of your sweet little boy. It must be a big blow to have him taken so suddenly. Though you did not get to hold him at the end, it is heartening to know that you are holding him now, as are the many others who hold Diver and your family as you mourn his parting. Thank you for sharing your post and allowing all of us to get a glimpse of his immense love.
See you next Sunday with big hugs,
Nina, Alec and Sonoma
- August 23, 2010
Doug and I share your grief, as we have just lost our wonderful dog of 11 years, Princess. It is so painful, but take comfort in knowing you gave him a caring, loving home. They will meet us all on Rainbow Bridge.
With our deepest sympathy,
- August 23, 2010
Sorry to hear about Diver. Even if we can't see it or understand it now, his timing was perfect. One day after our passing, we'll understand it if it hasn't become clear to us yet.
Holding you both in a place of light and love,
- August 23, 2010
In deepest sympathy...Sending you gentle love in this time of great loss.
Denise & John,
I am at a loss for words to comfort you, but I truly know how difficult it is. We are so sad!
- August 23, 2010
Sorry to hear about Diver, Godspeed Diver.
- August 24, 2010
Oh my goodness. So very sorry for the loss of your best friend. May the memories of prodigious and goofy drools bring you comfort in your loss. So sorry...
- August 24, 2010
So sorry... Hugs to all from here!
- August 24, 2010
I was so sorry to hear about Diver. It has taken me a couple of weeks to email you, but you have often been in my thoughts and honestly I just didn't know what to say. Such a beautiful and gentle dog, such a terrible loss. You must miss Diver terribly and I wonder too how Dooley and John are doing.
Please take care. I am heartened to know that John and Carolyn are there for you. And on a very small rock in the Pacific, your Aunt Gwen is also there for you.
Love, Gwen
- September 05, 2010
One star in the night sky
Shining for the one
who will always be in your heart
In memory of Diver, with deepest sympathy, and thinking of you.
Linda and Steve
- September 05, 2010


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Honor the Heroes of the Game, Preserve Its History, Promote Its Values & Celebrate Excellence Everywhere
(Northwestern)...5'11'', 160...John Leo Driscoll ... Triple-threat on attack, flawless on defense ... Dropkicked record four field goals one game, 1925 ... Dropkicked 50-yard field goal, 1924. . .Scored 27 points one game, 1923 ... 23 precision punts stymied Grange's NFL debut, 1925 ... Sold by Cards to Bears, 1926, to thwart signing with rival AFL ... Sparked Bears four years ... All-NFL six times ... Born January 11, 1895, in Evanston, Illinois ... Died June 29, 1968, at age of 73.
The term "franchise player" is used to describe a star who, by the excellence of his play on the field, plays a major role in his team's success or, in some cases, its very existence. John "Paddy" Driscoll, who excelled as a quarterback and halfback, proved himself to be a franchise player of the rarest kind.
The Chicago Cardinals, a charter member of the National Football League were challenged in the Windy City by another league team, the Tigers. The Cardinals hired Driscoll, for the then-princely sum of $300 a game in an effort to bolster the team's performance on the field and in the box office. In a mid-season game against the Tigers, Driscoll scored the game's only touchdown to lead the Cardinals to a 6-0 victory, giving them bragging rights as Chicago's best.
The Tigers folded following the 1920 season. Driscoll at just 5-11 and 160 pounds was not very big. But size didn't prevent him from excelling on both offense and defense, and he was particularly skilled in punting and dropkicking. After the Bears moved to Chicago in 1921, they quickly became the Cardinals archrivals. Driscoll seemed always to be at his peak when the two teams played. In 1922, he scored all the points on dropkicked field goals as the Cardinals beat the Bears, 6-0 and 9-0.
When the famed Red Grange made his pro debut against the Cardinals in 1925, Driscoll angered the large crowd by continually punting away from the "Galloping Ghost." "I decided if one of us was going to look bad, it wasn't going to be me. Punting to Grange is like grooving a pitch to Babe Ruth," he explained. The possibility that Driscoll might defect to a new league being formed in 1926 prompted his trade to the Bears, where he continued to subdue the opposition single-handed through the remainder of his career that ended following the 1929 season.
Full Name: John Leo Driscoll
Birthdate: January 11, 1896
Birthplace: Evanston, Illinois
Died: June 29, 1968
High School: Evanston Twp. (Evanston, IL)
Enshrined into Pro Football Hall of Fame: September 12, 1965
Presenter: Jimmy Conzelman
Other Members of Class of 1965: Guy Chamberlin, Dan fortmann, Otto Graham, Sid Luckman, Steve Van Buren, Bob Waterfield
Pro Career: 11 seasons, 118 games
Drafted: Driscoll played prior to the NFL Draft being implemented.
Uniform Number: 1, (2, 20, 26)

subset: commoncrawl


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The overcast day seemed to invite a few moody photos, like the one I took of this lonely sugar bowl. It was the middle of the afternoon, but the cloud-covered sky offered little light through the window, creating deep, dramatic shadows.
I actually wore boots and a coat out to dinner on Saturday night (this was several weeks ago, since I've had this post in the queue, patiently waiting its turn) - Jamie was so sweet to take me out for sushi and a movie to celebrate my 1-year "blogiversary". It rained throughout the evening, which made me happy, even though I'm excited for sunny summer days outside. We desperately need the moisture.
On Sunday while Jamie worked on a project for his car, I started mixing up dough for doughnuts. Doughnuts with a chocolate cream filling and caramel glaze. I knew those would make him happy.
Doughnuts just might make him more happy than flowers make me!
The chocolate cream filling was fluffy and rich, more chocolatey than sweet, and would also be amazing piped on top of cupcakes. The sweet caramel glaze was the color of warm cappuccino. In hindsight, they would have looked pretty with a few sprinkles or a drizzle of chocolate. But they were pretty anyway.
The pleasure for me is in the process of mixing and kneading the dough, watching it slowly rise, seeing the rounds of dough puff up and turn a deep golden brown in the hot oil, and then dipping them in sugary frosting.
It's a wonderful way to spend a day indoors when the sky is gray. And when the scent of fresh doughnuts wafts from the kitchen, I think that everything is right with the world.
This afternoon the sky clouded over, and a cool wind started blowing in rain drops, which grew more and more steady as I drove home. By the time I pulled onto our street, it was pouring rain, and I was so glad to be home. It was Jamie's turn to plan the menu this week, and coincidentally, he planned lamb stew for dinner tonight. How did he know it was going to rain and become so chilly when the forecast called for temps in the 90s today? A drizzly evening, thunder and comforting lamb stew for dinner... what a happy coincidence.
Basic Yeast Doughnut Recipe
Click here for recipe in previous post.
Chocolate Cream Filling
printable recipe
- 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
- 1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
- 3/4 cup powdered sugar
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 1 tablespoon milk
With an electric mixer, combine all ingredients on low, then beat on medium speed for 4-5 minutes until thick and fluffy. To fill the doughnuts, poke the narrow end of a chopstick into one end of the doughnut, about 2/3 of the way through. Swirl it around a little to create a space inside for the cream. Pipe cream into the doughnut.
If glazing doughnuts also, first fill with the cream, then dip in glaze.
Yields enough to fill about 2 dozen doughnuts, depending on how much you use in each (I only made a dozen doughnuts and had leftover filling).
Recipe from Curly Girl Kitchen
Caramel Glaze
printable recipe
- 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter
- 3/4 cup brown sugar
- 1/4 cup dark corn syrup
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1/4 cup milk
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 2 cups powdered sugar
Melt the butter in a medium saucepan over medium-low heat. Add the brown sugar and corn syrup. Cook, stirring constantly, until the sugar is dissolved, about 5 minutes. Remove from the heat, whisk in the salt, milk and vanilla, then the powdered sugar, whisking until smooth. Dip the filled doughnuts into the glaze, then set on a wire rack to set the glaze for 15-20 minutes.
After the glaze cools, it will thicken more, so you can gently rewarm it on the stove to thin it out again.
Yields enough glaze for about 2 dozen doughnuts.
Recipe from Curly Girl Kitchen


text:
|Biosequences .. Software .. Molbio soft .. Network News .. FTP
Subject: Time:3:03 PM OFFICE MEMO Yeast expression library wanted Date:9/22/96 Hi This is a rather specific request - does anybody out there have a Drosophila cDNA library (any stage, although embryonic may be preferable) in a yeast expression vector which they feel free to share? The library needs to have the following specifications (i) It must not be fused to an activation domain (like standard 2 hybrid libraries) (ii) Expression must not be under the control of a Gal4 requiring promoter (eg:- Gal10) (iii) Selectable marker should not be Ura3. I would also be interested to know if anyone has a randomed primed fly cDNA library suitable for a yeast-2-hybrid/interaction trap screen. Thanks in advance David Sutherland


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Weather Watch 12 Winter Forecast 2012-2013
Thank you for reading the Weather Watch 12 winter forecast! Winter - the season that many love or hate is upon us. In this blog entry we will discuss the winter forecast based on a weather pattern theory called Lezak's Recurring Cycle, or the LRC. Using the theory we will tell you how much snow and cold to expect this winter season.
A typical Milwaukee winter produces 46.9" of snow. Last winter was a dud, 5th warmest all-time and season snowfall totals finishing just under 30". Golfers were happy as courses stayed open during parts of January and February. Winter enthusiasts were left hoping for snowier days.
Already this fall season local ski hills, like Little Switzerland in Slinger, have been making snow during recent cold snaps. The photo below shows a snow covered hill. Will Mother Nature provide some assistance this winter?
To answer the question of how much snow and cold, and when active weather will occur we use a weather pattern theory called Lezak's Recurring Cycle, or the LRC. Here are the basics of the theory.
- A unique weather pattern sets up every year between the start of fall and mid-November.
- Long term long-wave troughs(low pressure) and ridges(high pressure) become established. These dominant repeating features are clues to where storm systems will reach peak strength, and where they will be their weakest.
- Once the weather pattern is set it cycles, repeats, and continues through winter, spring and into summer. Identifying the cycle length helps tremendously when making long range weather predictions.
- The LRC is a 10-11 month pattern! There is a pattern! It isn't just one long-wave trough, storm system, or ridge. It is a sequence of troughs and ridges that are cycling around the Northern Hemisphere.
To put this in very simple terms, once the new weather pattern is established, it cycles or repeats thru winter, spring, and into summer. The cycle length is UNIQUE each LRC season. Last winter had a cycle duration of roughly 46 days. An early estimate of the next LRC cycle duration puts it somewhere in the 50s day range. We will narrow this number down by the end of November.
After careful analysis of the overall weather pattern two key features standout. An active period of weather was present from October 9 to 25. During this timeframe
Feature #1
A long term long wave, or broad low pressure area over parts of the Plains, Rockies, and West. This feature will likely produce active stretches of weather this winter season across southern Wisconsin. When this feature repeats it will open a roughly 2 week window where several chances for precipitation will be likely. The potential for a major winter storm(s) would be highest during this part of the pattern.
The 500mb map(middle of the atmosphere) below shows the feature when it most recently occurred in the weather pattern, October 22.
A quick analysis of precipitation trends from the start of fall(9/22) and this coming Sunday(11/18) shows a total of 3.39" of precipitation in Milwaukee. The assumption is we stay mainly dry through this coming weekend(11/17-18). Of the 3.39" total, 2.89" occurred between October 9-25, or roughly 85% of the total precipitation during this 58 day stretch.
If you are hoping for snow, this will be a key feature to watch for during each cycle. The potential for a major winter storm(s) would be highest during this part of the pattern.
Feature #2
A long term long wave ridge or high pressure area over parts of the Plains, Rockies, and West. When this feature occurs, storm systems will favor each coast of the U.S. This fall the feature has favored major storm systems -- think Nor'Easters -- slamming the Northeast and New England.
Depending on the exact placement of the ridge, this will mean the possibility of extended periods of little to no precipitation for southern Wisconsin.
Outside of the active period of weather Milwaukee has recorded a stretch of 10 consecutive days with only a trace of precipitation.
Winter Forecast
- Temperatures = Near Average
Discussion: This winter is expected to be extreme at times, but the quick ups and downs, followed by quiet periods should lead to temperatures near average. Strong cold/arctic fronts will lead to huge temperature swings, something we have already seen many times this fall. Plunges of cold air will send temperatures below zero multiple times.
- Snowfall = 36 to 48 Inches
Discussion: The active part of the pattern looks like it should provide southeastern Wisconsin numerous chances for precipitation, and potentially wetter storm systems. This should provide a majority of the forecast snow amount. Not all precipitation will be snow, again we may battle precipitation type with systems, especially into mid-December.
The pattern this season favors increased chances for lake effect snow, with more easterly components to the wind possible at times and expected cooler temperatures. Remember, last winter we had virtually no lake effect snow in Milwaukee.
While active periods are expected, little to no precipitation will result when feature #2 is present. If this feature proves to be the dominant feature this winter season it would lead to a more persistent west or northwest flow for our area and longer dry stretches.
The worst of this winter's snow and cold may take aim at the Northeast, eastern Great Lakes, and New England. However, we should see enough snow and cold in southeastern Wisconsin to resemble a more typical Wisconsin winter.
In the coming weeks we will pinpoint the cycle duration allowing us to provide more detailed forecasts regarding specific weather events weeks in advance. Stay with Weather Watch 12 this winter season for your most accurate day-to-day and long range forecasts.
Have a great day and please feel free to post any questions you may have to the comments section or post them to the Wisconsin Weather Updates Facebook page.
Jeremy Nelson


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Posts Tagged update theme
Outwit an obscuring theme background in Live Writer
Posted by Ludwig in General, Live Writer on February 28, 2013
Windows Live Writer is the unsurpassed blogging editor for its effective WYSIWYG (what-you-see-is-what-you-get) editing environment. Great strides have been made by the blogging service providers in creating themes, designs or templates with headers and backgrounds. Some of these features confuse Live Writer and do not appear in the editor as they look in the finished blog. This may be just a bother, but with some designs these features can obscure the typing in Live Writer.
The WordPress theme and custom header used with this blog is a good example. Here is how the Live Writer editor window looks with the freshly downloaded theme (Blog Account tab > Update theme).
The post title entry box is partially obscured by the header image as is part of the main text area. This is particularly troublesome when the image is the same color as the text – you can't read your own writing!
Here is another example, this time the background image in the actual blog is overlaid with a semitransparent text area. Live Write is confused by this and it shows the background in its full glory. Seeing the entered text is difficult.
If you are bothered by such a situation, here is my work-around solution.
When the blog theme is downloaded from the blog site the header and background images are placed along with other material into a folder named "blogtemplates". The trick is to modify these images so they will not be bothersome when used by Live Writer. My solution is to just draw a white or light gray box in the appropriate location. With that done the Live Writer window looks like this:
Now the Live Writer edit window is completely useful and preparing a post is fast, easy, and convenient. The modified local image files will not affect the blog, you see these images only in Live Writer.
Now for the details.
The first step is to locate the folder "blogtemplates". The easiest way is to open Windows Explorer (File Explorer in Windows 8). Then click Local Disk under Computer in the navigation pane (If you renamed your main dirve look for that name. It is usually your C: drive). In the search box enter blogtemplates. The folder will be found in C:\User\yourname\AppData\Roaming\Windows Live Writer. Of course, you can step through the folders and get there that way.
Now it gets a bit interesting. Computers are completely tasteless when it comes to naming folders. If you have more than one blog, as I do, you will see a weirdly named folder for each blog. Of course, there is no indication as to which belongs to what. You can look through the folders to find the header or background image, you will recognize it more easily if you set the file listing display to large icons. An easier way is to download the theme for the blog of interest, the folder will then have the current date and time as the Date modified. (See below.)
There will be two subfolders in the the blog template folder. It is the second subfolder that contains the offending images (at least on the computers I tried it on it was always the second folder.)
You can load the header or background image into Paint and there draw a light-colored rectangle over the area where text entry will take place. My approach was to get the correct width by doing a screen capture of the open blog in a browser and then clipping out a bit of the text area and pasting it to the appropriate location in Paint.
Note of caution: Both subfolders in the theme folder in blogtemplates will have the header and background images. If you make the changes in the wrong one, you will not see the correction in Live Writer. I have not explored the reason for two subfolders and how the contents is used. If you mess up royally just update the theme to get new files downloaded and start over.
Good luck!
© 2012 Ludwig Keck


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Disney's Christopher Robin PG
play trailer
Play Trailer
DetailsAnimation , Comedy
Play Trailer
In the heat-warming live action adventure "Disney's Christopher Robin," the young boy who loved embarking on adventures in the Hundred Acre Wood with a band of spirited and loveable stuffed animals, has grown up and lost his way. Now it is up to his childhood friends to venture into our world and help Christopher Robin remember the loving and playful boy who is still inside.
DetailsAnimation , Comedy
1 hr. 44 min.
Opened August 3rd, 2018
Rated PG for some actionCastEwan McGregor, Hayley Atwell, Bronte Carmichael, Mark Gatiss, Jim CummingsDirectorMarc ForsterWriterAlex Ross Perry
Allison Schroeder
Today's Showtimes
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on this date.
on this date.


text: MUK LUKS® is bringing back Men's slippers! We are still giving men the comfort and style on their feet this season. Our Double Gore Slip On is extremely comfortable, and easy to slide into and wear! 100% cow suede with 100% polyester Berber lining. With a TPR sole that can be worn inside or outside! Available in whole sizes 9-13 in Chocolate and Tan. Made in China. Clean suede leather with a damp cloth and diluted, mild detergent. Rinse cloth and rub again. Blot dry with dry cloth.


text:
The pledge of Unity Fitness will continue to evolve, but before I get to what it actually is, I need to first talk about history…
Four years ago I had an epiphany while talking to a Biochemistry professor at the University of Wisconsin – La Crosse (two epiphanies, actually). The first being that school will always be there so it can wait for me. I was on a path for physical therapy school, a path with a few setbacks and some high hopes. The other epiphany of mine went hand-in-hand with this path and the first epiphany, and it was the idea to be on the forefront of health and exercise.
I wanted to be on the other side of the spectrum to help prevent certain injuries by helping people move better; to help people truly like and appreciate exercising by helping them feel better; to help people believe and feel success by helping them look better.
Move Better ● Feel Better ● Look Better
Everyone either wants to move better, feel better, look better, or perform better. I thought, "Heck, why not do all of those things on their journey to a better you." I wanted to educate, inspire, and achieve the goals with each person. Shortly after, my personal training career began…which lead to Unity Fitness.
I've always had a vision of working in a facility that is progressive and innovative, using science and research as well as new ideas that would help people achieve their goals. I dreamt of a place that had minimal machines, which would require people to start moving better with a guidance of a trainer/coach. I envisioned a place where a person could show up and learn how to move better, eat better, get assistance from the medical and health side of things all in one place. That vision, that dream, is Unity Fitness.
The idea was to establish a facility where health and fitness were unified. Exercise by means of strength training, cardiovascular training, corrective exercise, physical therapy/manual therapy, nutrition, movement screening, health coaching, and performance were all in one place. A business where we have the best of the best working as one unit, all to serve one purpose: to help you move better, feel better, and look better. Or, more simply, RESULTS. This is what Unity Fitness will be.
I wanted to make a facility that wasn't my training facility, but our training facility. A place that changed the way people view fitness like so many of my mentors and fellow fitness professionals are doing. I wanted a facility that teams up with other businesses and other gyms, not for the sake of because it's the right thing, but for the sake of making our community healthier. The whole idea of having all of this unified also correlates with the fact that I and all of the other health/fitness/medical professionals out there also have to be unified. We can't all have our own ideas and think we can do everything on our own. That's how I used to think-that I could do it all.
To quote a slogan from Sherwin-Williams: T.E.A.M. (Together Each Achieves More).
Our facility isn't just another gym. It has values. It seeks value. We have 10 core values that represent what Unity Fitness is:
- Be your best and nothing less
- Smile, SMILE and make someone else smile
- Be honest to yourself and others
- Have fun
- Learn every day
- Surprise
- Become a leader
- Strive to be better every day
- Be a team player
- Own everything you do
That is Unity Fitness. Our wave of health, fitness, and unity. This is our pledge. Our pledge to you and a better you and a better us.
This was my vision, my idea, and now it's our reality.
Still think we're just another gym?
The grand opening will be on June 12 and 13th from 4 PM to 7 PM and 9 AM to 2 PM, respectively. Pre-sale memberships have already started. Please email me at email@example.com for questions. Like us on Facebook or sign up for our Newsletter, we are currently building a bigger and better website – I apologize for the inconvenience.
See you soon,
Here's Part 4 of the "Where Did We Go Wrong" series. I've discussed where we went wrong with proteins, carbs, and water. So the only thing left to discuss for this series is fats.
First and foremost, YOU SHOULD NOT BE AFRAID TO EAT FAT OR SEARCH FOR FAT-FREE FOODS!!!!
We need fat in our diets. Fats balance the physiological/biological systems in our body and help create homeostasis. There's numerous healthy fats out there, yet we tend to shy away from the because of the actual word "fat."
Why is that?
Well, to quote Thomas Cox, founder of Mealfit, "The worst thing we've done as a society is label somebody as fat. We literally labeled somebody as a macronutrient and now we're afraid to eat that macronutrient."
Pretty powerful stuff, right? It's easy to see where we went wrong.
I remember when I heard that on a Podcast and I replayed it probably 5 times in a row. It was a serious "ah-ha" moment for me.
Did you just have one those ah-ha moments too?
Eating fat won't make you necessarily gain weight as long as you're eating the right types of fat. You want to stay away from an any amount of trans fats (which are in processed foods like, deep-fried foods because of the oil, and other foods like frozen pizzas).
Your standard fat intake should be balanced between the three healthy fats: saturated fats, monounsaturated fats, and polyunsaturated fats. Yes, even saturated fats are on here.
If you've fallen victim to that scam that saturated fats are bad for you then have no fear, as it was a biased experiment that the media blew out of proportion. This is another spot where we went wrong as a society.
Saturated fats don't clog your arteries or raise your cholesterol, processed carbs and sugar does.
Therefore eating a high fat meal with a ton of sugar/processed carbs becomes quite dangerous when done on a consistent basis and over time. Pizza, anyone? Donuts and cookies, anyone?
That's not to say we can't indulge in those foods, but they should be used wisely (like in moderation).
Here's a chart of the three types of healthy fats:
If your daily intake of fat is 60 g, you should consume about a 1/3 of fat coming from each fat type every day. Some days this can fluctuate, but as long as you're getting a healthy balance of those fats you should be fine.
Are you one that avoids fat because you think it will make you fat?
What if I told you that your lack of fat in your diet is why you're not losing weight or feeling better?
In order to burn fat we need to mobilize fat. Fat is mobilized through proper exercise (strength training and cardio that is more than just walking on a treadmill or riding an elliptical for an hour) and the consumption of healthy fat.
That's right, we need to eat fat in order to burn fat.
I think it's time we change our gears on how we view fat. We need it in our diet.
Remember that when you have a high carb meal that your fats should be lower, and vice versa.
Also remember that 1 g of fat contains 9 calories which is double what proteins and carbs contain. That means it's easier to raise your total calories by consuming more fat. This little fact tends to scare the hell out of people when they see a pack of peanuts or almonds has roughly 220 calories in it.
Let me assure you, those calories from fat are quite healthy and most likely needed in your body.
To sum up the series, it's easy to pick apart each macronutrient and talk about where we went wrong as a society on each. You've been informed, so now you know, but that doesn't mean that society has changed. There will still be clever marketing ads and there will still be temptations all around us to try and deter us from a healthy lifestyle and it's all to make a dollar.
Proper guidance and coaching might be needed to help keep you accountable and make a new lifestyle out of the way you now view food. That's what I am here for.
Please don't hesitate to ask for help and PLEASE share this with anyone you know to help create awareness!!
In Part 1 of this series I discussed where we went wrong with carbohydrates and in Part 2 I discussed where we went wrong with proteins. It only makes sense that Part 3 would consist of fats, but it's not.
Do you have any idea of what it will discuss then? I could go on and on about where we went wrong, but I'm trying to stay on track with macronutrients.
The macronutrients are carbs, proteins, and fats; however I like to put one more vital nutrient into this category. I like to think there are actually 4 macronutrients rather than 3.
Any idea on what that 4 macronutrient is?
Did you think it was water? If you did, then you are correct.
Our body is made up of 2/3 water.
That means we should treat water like the macronutrient that our body sees it as. Nearly every biological system in our body functions with water. Our cells are almost entirely made up of water. It's way more valuable than we give it credit for.
A lot of our daily problems like back aches, headaches, joint aches, and even nausea, fatigue, and muscle fatigue/tightness is due to lack of water.
Water should be easy to drink because it's EVERYWHERE, yet that's hardly the case. So where did we go wrong with water?
Well, first of, we started substituting water for fruity, sugary drinks and then when we started to find out that was bad we started substituting those for 0 calorie drinks full of artificial sweeteners and synthetic vitamins and minerals.
We started looking for alternatives because our society was introduced to a bunch of other processed and artificial crap that made water just seem too boring?
Water is not meant to entertain you, it's meant to help you live and live well.
Is it really that hard to slam an 8 oz glass of water every couple hours? If we're up at least 16 hours a day, that would come out to be at least 64 oz a day. 64 oz isn't necessarily the amount we should be drinking though – most of us should be drinking more water.
How much water should you consume? I always say go with at least half of your body weight in ounces. That means if you weigh 200 lbs you should be drinking at least 100 oz/day and if you weigh 150 lbs you should be drinking at least 75 oz of water/day.
I usually tell people to just go for 100 oz. Participants of my latest 6 Week Challenge were told to drink a gallon of water a day. It was tough, but most of them did it.
That much water acted as a natural detox/cleanse for their body. No supplements, no special detox remedy, just a lot of water.
The other problem is that we think we are substituting our water intake with coffee (caffeine) and sugary drinks. Coffee (caffeine) is a diuretic, which dehydrates your body. Sugary drinks sort of do the same because for every g of carbohydrate we store our body holds on to 3 g of water to that 1 g of carbohydrate (this little knowledge drop is why some people can gain 5-10 lbs of weight overnight after they consume a carb-dense meal).
For every 8 oz coffee or soda we consume, you should be consuming at least another 8 oz of water, but you should most likely drink more.
Water is that boring. There are ways to make water a little tastier though! You can add fruit like lemons and berries to water and soak them overnight in a pitcher. You can also add cucumbers to water.
To get your water consumption to where it needs to be you can follow these 4 easy tips:
- Consume a glass of water with EVERY meal
- Keep a water bottle with you at work and in your car
- Keep a water bottle by your night stand so you can drink it right before bed, right when you wake up, and if you get up in the middle of the night (most likely to pee!)
- Eat a lot of veggies and fruits (veggies and fruits contain water, some a lot more than others, but they all contain at least a water)
We need to start valuing water as something more than just a plain-Jane boring drink. It's vital. It's needed.
Last week I discussed in brief detail on where we are going wrong, but that still doesn't answer where we went wrong.
As you know, there is a TON of information out there. If you're looking for answers, you can simply type something into Google and watch the auto-fill and links all start to pop up. A lot of those links will have different similar, but different information.
The entire fitness industry has been tainted because of this. Fitness professionals not only get a bad rep because one can attain a certification over a weekend course (or an online course) and then be considered a "fitness professional" to most, but the clever marketing schemes, incorrect information through false claims/theories, and poor overall awareness.
Last week I covered how we are going wrong with a majority of the focus on carbohydrates. This post will cover how we are going wrong and how protein can help assist with the problem.
During that same lecture I gave to the class of students that didn't answer fruit and vegetables as a source of carbohydrates, they also stated that peanut is a type of protein. While peanuts have protein, peanuts are actually considered fats.
Here's a list of protein:
- Red meat
- Poultry
- Fish
- Plain Greek yogurt
- Cottage cheese
- Eggs
- Beans, peas, tofu, legumes, etc. (some of these are also carbohydrate-dense)
- Protein supplements such as whey, casein, pea, hemp, rice, soy, etc.
Those are your proteins.
Now let's see where we went wrong.
You don't see these other foods in there that the market is trying to push our way. I see now they have Fiber One "Protein" Bars. Those "Protein" bars have 6 g of protein in them. That's hardly enough to be considered a protein bar when they're also packing 17 g of carbs (7 g of sugar) and 7 g of fat. So these "protein" bars actually contain higher counts of the other macronutrients than it actually does in protein alone.
Well done, General Mills, well done.
Special K bars fall in this same category.
If you want a GREAT protein bar, go for Quest Bar. Hands down the best protein bar on the market, plus it's actually loaded with fiber (about 17 g depending on the bar) rather than the 5 g that are available in the Fiber One bars.
We went wrong because we think these bars that say they are "protein" bars are actually a great source of protein. We went wrong because a lot of feel peanuts are considered protein when they're actually a fat.
We went wrong because we think eating a lot of protein will cause us to have problems such as cardiovascular disease(s), obesity, high cholesterol, etc.
What if I told you to eat between .75 and 1 g of protein for your body weight every day?
That means if you weigh 150 lbs, you should be eating between 113 and 150 g of protein each day.
Protein not only helps build lean muscle, but it also helps burn more calories because your body has to work a little harder to digest it AND it keeps you full longer.
Every heard my analogy between the donut and a chicken breast?
Here it is:
Obviously we notice the calorie counts right away, but did you notice the composition of each food? To make things easier, let's just look at the carbs and protein totals.
The donut has 29 g of carbs and 2 g of protein while the chicken breast has 0 g of carbs and 29 g of protein. Just through those nutrients alone, the donut would have 124 calories coming from carbs and proteins and the chicken breast would have 116 calories coming from carbs and protein. So in that sense they are both almost equal in calories.
Moving on to the next paradox, think about how you eat a donut and a chicken breast. Do you ever get full from eating a donut? Do you get full from eating a chicken breast?
I don't know about you, but I could crush a ½ dozen donuts lickitty split and still have room for more, but a ½ dozen chicken breasts is a whole new level. Like Joey Chestnut level.
So why is it that we get so full from eating just a couple chicken breasts when we can go ahead and eat donuts like we are a bottomless pit?
Here's a hint: food composition.
Here's the answer: protein.
It's a clear as day example of how protein can help keep you full. Recall we already called the benefits of how protein helps build lean muscle and burns more calories because your body has to work harder during the digestion process.
Unfortunately, it's pretty hard to find quality protein during our on-the-go lifestyles, yet it's incredibly easy to find carbohydrate sources (even good, whole food sources).
The trick is to prepare your proteins ahead of time.
I call it The Sunday Ritual and it consists of going grocery shopping and then cleaning, chopping, and prepping all your food for the week INCLUDING PROTEIN.
While you're dicing up your veggies and fruit, have some chicken breasts in the oven or on the grill and you can brown a couple pounds of ground beef/ground turkey in less than 10 minutes. Store these proteins into containers and now you're set for the week. They can be refrigerated or frozen if you want them for later on.
You can also do a mid-week ritual and cook some more proteins on Wednesday if it fits in your schedule.
You should also have a food scale at your house to, because if you're not measuring you're guessing. If you have to guess, females should consume a palm-sized portion of protein in every meal and males should consume two palm-sized portions.
Protein is hard to come by when we're going through our daily routines. It's no surprise that makes it more expensive and difficult to find quality protein sources so it's best you prepare as much as you can ahead of time.
We went wrong because we settled for convenience and processed foods while also thinking these cheap Fiber One bars, other bars, and peanuts are all we need for our source of protein. We need quality proteins like the ones I showed above.
We went wrong because we think protein will cause diseases because some contain saturated fat and are high in cholesterol when it's actually all of the fake food that's out there that causes this stuff. All of these problems didn't start happening to our society until all these synthetic foods starting making their way into our lives.
Fats are a whole other story, and I'll cover that next week.
Stay tuned!
As some of you may already know, this month is Nutrition Awareness Month. The name itself says that we should create more awareness towards nutrition. That could go along the lines of just saying mindful eating.
In short, you need to be aware of food. You need to start with the basics and that means you need to know food is just energy. Seriously. Food is nothing more than fuel.
How are body processes this fuel is the next step in the awareness phase. First we can establish that some food can be processed (metabolized) in the body and some food cannot.
Of the foods that can be processed, we start with whole foods and label them into macronutrients: fats, carbohydrates, and proteins. Carbohydrates (carbs) is most easily converted into energy. The best sources of carbs are fruits and vegetables followed by whole grains.
Earlier this week I was asked to give a presentation at a local high school. The first thing I did was ask the class what are macronutrients as I proceeded to write "Fats, Carbs, and Proteins" across the whiteboard in three separate tables. I then asked the class to name of examples of each macronutrient, starting with carbs.
I had answers like "Bread." "Pasta." "Rice." "Sugar."
Not one student said fruits or veggies. Not one. I drilled them on how our view of foods has been tainted and it starts well before we're 35 when we suddenly realize we're overweight and unhealthy.
Where did we go wrong? As a society, as a nation, as humans…what the hell happened?
I feel like there are so many answers to that question that it remains rhetorical.
The kids did a lot better with the protein table, although peanuts were mentioned as a protein, they are actually a fat. I went on a tangent and explained this to the kids saying that peanuts and other nuts are actually considered fats, but peanuts contain the most protein out of the nuts per weight.
Here we are in a nation that needs a Nutrition Awareness Month to literally create awareness on nutrition. We need this month because we have gone wrong as a society and we continue down that path.
Clever marketing techniques and synthetic food stuffs have made it almost impossible to not consume some sort of processed foods. A lot of these processed foods fall into the un-metabolized category. Our body doesn't know what to do with them besides store them or convert them to sugar which in turn stores them anyway.
Not good, right?
This is just the first step. We'll go through the next phase in creating awareness in next week's Newsletter. During the last couple weeks of March I'll also be sending out more information on creating awareness on nutrition.
Stay tuned!
We didn't have it too bad when we were kids. We had cartoons, toys, and milk break. The hardest question we had to decide was, "Chocolate or White?" Well, for me it was anyways, and I almost always went with white milk (because I genuinely liked the taste of white milk, not because I was a weird kid or anything...), which then presented the question, "Skim or 2%."
Yeah, back in the day…
Nowadays you head to the store and you're no longer presented with that question. Instead, you're not only offered different the option of different types chocolate and white dairy milk, you're offered different types of chocolate and white milk altogether.
You can now choose from dairy, almond, goat, coconut, soy, rice, lactose-free, etc.
A few days ago I got an interesting question from my cousin when she asked me, "What's your take on almond milk or soy milk? I just saw a commercial for cashew milk - do they serve any nutritional purposes?"
I responded with a, "THEY HAVE CASHEW MILK NOW???"
I had no idea. She had seen it on a commercial and sure enough, two days later, my girlfriend saw the same commercial.
So what's the difference between almond milk and dairy milk? Why did they make cashew milk? Is coconut milk real? How are almonds and cashews milked? Wait, do you milk them…
There's a different process for all milk production. We know where we get dairy and goat milk. Almond and cashew milk is produced by soaking the nuts in water overnight and then blending the nuts into a solution which is then separated. You can add some other ingredients like dates, honey, or vanilla to add some sort of taste as desired.
Coconut milk is made by combining coconut and boiling water and then blending it. Other ingredients can be added to this too.
You can make your own almond, cashew, or coconut milk pretty easily. Wellnessmama.com seems to put out a lot of good, easy-to-follow recipes for making your own milk.
With all of the milks out there, there's got to be a difference between them.
Here's a quick reference chart:
Total Fat (g)
Carbs (g)
Sugar (g)
Protein (g)
Calcium (mg)
Almond, Unsweetened (Silk)
Almond, Vanilla (Silk)
Coconut, Unsweetened (Silk)
Coconut, Vanilla (Silk)
Soy, Unsweetened (Silk)
Cashew, Unsweetened (Silk)
Cashew, Original (Silk)
Rice, Original (Rice Dream)
Rice, Vanilla (Rice Dream)
Oat, Vanilla (Pacific)
Hemp, Unsweetened (Pacific)
Hemp, Vanilla (Pacific)
As you can see, there's quite a difference in each type of milk. While dairy (cow) and goat milk share similar characteristics, the other milks hold different characteristics.
One thing to keep in mind is the nutritious value that some of the other non-animal milks contain.
The difference in calcium is just a mere example. The other milks contain different nutrients like Vitamin D, Phosphorous, and other healthy fats like Omega-3 and Omega-9. The same value you get out of almonds, cashews, coconuts, hemp, etc. are all present in their milks.
The calorie counts are quite lower as well, which makes for a prime selection for someone who is watching their weight. The unsweetened milks all contain less sugar than dairy milk too. The trouble is when you start looking into the sweetened flavors like vanilla and chocolate (not shown) and they start pouring in the sugar which not only brings up the sugar content, but calories as well.
Dairy milk is an excellent on-the-go choice for post-workout because of its protein. Protein is dairy milk's best trait and something that it can hold over the other milks. Your muscles need to be replenished following a workout, which makes chocolate milk a great option because of the sugar content. It was not surprise to see a huge push in marketing towards consuming chocolate milk after workouts.
The biggest knocks in dairy milk doesn't come with its high glycemic index rating, rather it is usually associated with a high allergy population (lactose intolerant) as well as being a product of another mammal (blood milk). A lot of the content in regards to blood milk is skeptical. How you view dairy milk depends on which side of the fence you fall on.
As Wisconsin being the dairy state, a majority of the population consumes and supports dairy milk. There is, however, a growing population towards the other milks and it is most noticeable in our grocery stores as the selection for the non-dairy milks grow larger and larger.
To go back and answer my cousin's question on cashew milk, I can say cashew milk contains less calories and more calcium than dairy milk while also being free of lactose and Non-GMO (some dairy products are Non-GMO too). Cashews contain monounsaturated-fats which are essential for heart health.
The other nut milks follow suit as well. Hemp seeds are actually a polyunsaturated-fat (good for heart-health).
Unless you are lactose intolerant, hold a strong stance towards blood milk, or supporting the nation's dairy farmers, the type of milk you consume is subjective. Each type has its own pros and cons, but it all depends on your views and what you're looking for.
Someone who is trying to lose weight can cut back on some unneeded calories by consuming non-dairy milk, while a person trying to put on muscle can add on some calories pretty easily by consuming dairy milk.
Whatever it is, you've been informed. So have at 'er!
I learned a lot in the first half of 2014, and then I bought a puppy. ..So how about that puppy?
Meet Maximus Decimus Meridius (I'll save the rest).
Because you can't have too many puppy pictures.
Maximus is definitely a handful. From what I understand, I think I learned that "Having a dog is a lot like having a kid." Woooof-ta (pun intended).
As I continued to progress into Dean's program Beta-High Tensile Strength, I began learning more about my body. I noticed that something felt off on my right side, particularly my right lat, but I also noticed that when I ran, I would curl my toes only on my right foot when I ran. Since I was all kinds of deep into the corrective exercise realm, I knew something was causing all of this. I also noticed some anatomical differences from my right side when compared to my left side that really came to life when my Before pictures were taken.
My mind started to wonder, and I referred back to a specific assessment (the butterfly/Z Sit/shin box) Dean had his participants do in the initial phase of the program. It was to check for hip external and internal rotation. I could easily fill into one side, but there was no way I could do it on the other. No effing way.
Here's the exercise: shin box (I literally couldn't do that exercise 8 months ago), give it a try!
After X-rays I found I had a hip hike and rotation on top of that. I remained optimistic throughout my visits with a chiropractor and started to see some improvements. My only restriction was to dial a back a notch on the intensity of the weights, which wasn't too big of an issue at the time.
I came out just fine after a few months of adjustments and during the process I learned how to recognize when your body is telling you something and why the value of assessments are so damn important, not just for me, but for clients. It should be plain and simple, yet sometimes I find myself worrying about someone else so much that I would forget to pay attention to my own.
The last half of my year was filled with an unforgettable trip to California where I learned about business, people, business, people, business, and people.
Besides being a volunteer at IDEA World where I got the chance to meet a whole bunch of respectable, influential people and fitness lovers alike, I also got to spend an entire day with two of the other heads on my fitness Mt. Rushmore: Alwyn and Rachel Cosgrove (please note, my Mt. Rushmore has 5 heads).
Alwyn and me.
As soon as I left the conference I texted this photo to my former training manager and mentor, telling him, "This man changed my life today."
These two people changed my life because they changed and continue to change the way fitness is done. They are the best at what they do – plain and simple; and now they are helping other fitness professionals continue on achieving their dreams by showing them the way. I signed up for an online mentorship program (WHICH I HIGHLY RECOMMEND FOR ANY FITNESS PROFESSIONAL TRYING TO MAKE THE LEAP) which included a day to meet with the team of Results Fitness. Luckily, this fell during the same time we were out in California for the IDEA World Event.
The Cosgroves and their team at Results Fitness taught me about business, fitness business, fitness programs, systems in fitness and in business, about my goals and dreams, and how to follow my passion. I could literally write a 100-page blog on how much they taught me and helped open my eyes and realize what is in front of me. They gave me the courage and confidence to take the leap forward into following my dreams. I knew when I had a private talk with Alwyn during our lunch break that I wasn't going back to school and starting my own facility was what I wanted to do. It was quite an experience. I literally learned more from them in a few short months that I felt like I had in years of schooling.
The last quarter of 2014 left me with one objective: implementation. I had to start implementing all I had learned through the first 9 months of the 2014 into my training and into my life. Aside from the things I already pointed out, I learned a great deal more from the other books that I read and listened to. Books like The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, Kinesiology of the Musculoskeletal System by Donald A. Neumann, The Trigger Point Therapy Workbook by Clair and Amber Davies, Movement by Gray Cook, The High Performance Handbook by Eric Cressey, The Modern Women's Guide to Strength Training and Good Nutrition by Molly Galbraith and the rest of the Girls Gone Strong team, The Pursuit of Perfect The Pursuit of Perfect by Tal Ben-Shahar, Strength Training for Fat Loss by Nick Tumminello, Metabolic Flexibility by Mike T. Nelson, and countless of others.
My favorite book out of all of those is probably Stephen R. Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It taught me a lot about people and even more about myself. You can literally start applying the techniques you learn from the book right away. It's fascinating how a book (along with Dale Carnegie's) can be written so long ago yet still used to efficiently in today's society.
I also learned that English bulldogs really do like skateboards.
Chillin' like a villain.
I wanted to end this year by making sure I was implementing all that I had learned into everything I was doing as I felt like everything I had learned was directly related to everything that I wanted to do. My mindset shifted from just thinking like a trainer to start thinking more like a business owner who is following his life's passion as a personal trainer and fitness coach. My programs shifted towards a new direction and they became better by becoming more results-oriented, and my thought process towards how I can train with more people shifted to semi-private training and online coaching. Everything was changing for me.
I also finished up Dean's Beta High Tensile Strength Program and I saw some pretty incredible results. Although my bench press and deadlift PR's went down (fat loss was my main goal), I became relatively stronger compared to my body weight. In that sense, my bench press and deadlifts actually increased. I was also able to squat again PAIN FREE and WITHOUT WRAPPING MY KNEES. The main goal of fat loss was also achieved as I hit below a 10% body fat by the time the program was done. I didn't think I noticed that much of a difference in how I looked until I put the Before/After pics side-by-side:
Nothing too crazy, but noticeable results!
I thank Dean for allowing me to take part in his Beta program and learn from him. I also applied my knowledge gained from my Precision Nutrition Certification and people I have met and the books I had read to make all of this possible.
It was quite a year and quite a transition. I did a lot and learned even more. I can't thank my mentors, fellow fit pros, family, clients, and my girlfriend Mandy for putting up with me over the year and as I transitioned into the man and trainer I want to be. That support keeps me going. At times I don't need any more motivation, I find it through them and I can't thank them enough.
2015 will bring new challenges and new possibilities. I'm not even close to being able to do what I want to do, but the wheel has definitely been turning and the ball is just about at the top of the hill ready to coast down. I still have a stack of books to read, people to talk to, things to learn, and problems to solve.
2015 is already starting out with a bang and I will be sure to let you know more when I can. If you're interested in a Challenge, be sure to check out that new website of mine www.unityfitnesspro.com, especially around the end of February. Until then, keep taking care of business and make sure no one in the gym is working harder than you are!!
2014 was a really weird year for me. I would put most of the blame on transition. Yeah, I believe "transition" is the word that can sum up just about everything that happened to me in 2014.
Where do I start…
Well, if I start chronologically, I would have to go with the big ol' knee surgery I had on January 17th. Talk about starting our '14 with a bang! A bang full of doctor bills and recovery more like it. The surgery was a microscopic surgery on my right knee. The focus of the surgery was to remove a plica and to clean up the rest of my knee.
Here's exactly what the doc did (the "cleaning up" is not included): plica removal.
It's a very rare injury. If I remember correctly, the culprit (the plica) to my knee pain for over 2 years only showed up in a couple slices (slides) out of the thousands of slices taken from my knee during an MRI. I suspect that it came from too much jumping during my high school years as well as piss-poor squatting and lunging techniques for who knows how long.
The surgery was no problem. Easy in, easy out, and some unneeded painkillers to boot. The recovery, on the other hand, was a real joy. It was supposed to be an easy 4-6 week recovery time that consisted of some crutches and non-weight bearing activity, plus a list of daily rehab exercises. I knew I was going to be limited for a while and I stumbled across Dean "The Man" Somerset (I have nicknamed him that, by the way).
Side note: Dean has become the most influential trainer I have had the privilege to learn from and communicate with to date. He is indeed, The Man. There is nobody I trust more for insight on post-rehab exercises and corrective exercise.
His Post-Rehab Essentials 2.0 was my main focus during recovery, especially the first week or so when I was off work and lounging around a couch all day. It is still one of the best products I've ever seen and it put a lot of things in perspective for me.
Remember that 4-6 week recovery time? Yeah, that quickly turned into 4 months as I was the "exception" to the recovery process as my knee did not heal according to plan.
2 more months?!?! Now what the hell do I do??
Be patient was the answer.
I already thought I was a fairly patient person. Now I knew I had to be. I had already tried squatting during a strength training day and it was awful. Poor form, lots of pain, and it was next to no weight.
Patience is a virtue, and patience is what I had to be…
I was also told by the PA that, "I couldn't squat, lunge, or run because they are bad for your knees."
I said, "No, squatting, lunging, or running incorrectly and with bad form is bad for knees."
Regardless of how I felt, I listened.
Great. So what do I do now?
I was down 15 pounds and felt like a slob. I looked thing and felt flabby, like that dreaded skinny fat feeling.
I was mis-er-a-ble.
Wait, he said I couldn't squat, lunge, or run…that means I could deadlift, pull-ups, deadlift, bench press, deadlift, and deadlift.
My new, yet limited, program was set!
Once I started this program, though limited, I felt great coming into the gym. I built up and got the go ahead from the doc that I could do all of the above exercises. I decided to go with a 5-3-1 program after about a month of training form and working through the kinks.
During that time I discovered Jordan Syatt and Kelly Starrett. My mind had become blown by Jordan's expertise in the field of powerlifting and technique not just for the power lifts, but for any exercise in ever. I read his blogs, watched his videos, and purchased some seminars. I soaked it all in, (im)patiently waiting for my chance to add all of this to my program.
Kelly is a physical therapist and CrossFit box owner and coach. I bought his book Becoming a Supple Leopard on how to make your body the best it can be. It helps you move better. He is also the owner/found of ww.mobilitywod.com which is still one of the coolest sites I have ever seen. I soaked all of it in; I had lots of time on my hands, after all.
So what did I learn from Dean, Jordan, and Kelly?
Programming, technique, mobility exercises, corrective exercises, how the body works to how the body is supposed to work, accessory exercises, core stability training, and more and more technique.
My training catapulted. My programming changed dramatically and I felt like my knowledge soared leaps and bounds. I had made a huge transition and all of my clients were aware of it as well. The best part is that all of this learning went into my continuing education folder, so it had multiple benefits and not just for me, but to my clients as well.
It is now mid-April. The first quarter of the year had flew by as I had (im)patiently waited for my recovery time to complete and the weather was getting warmer (kind of). I was pumped to start squatting again!
I had a doctor appointment to have a final look. I noted that I was still in knee pain and that I didn't feel like the surgery did anything, possibly even made my knee feel worse. I was scared as hell. Luckily, the PA stated that I really couldn't do anymore damage to my knee now that we gave it so much time to heal. He said that the pain I felt was scar tissue and I was open for full activity, but to work my way back into it.
So I did, and I went with the man I trusted the most: Dean Somerset. I had committed to a 6 month program with him to help him release a huge product which should be coming out sometime soon! I was back on the grind and I found that out during the first month of his program.
I learned that you can never work on enough stability. Ever.
It was one of the hardest months of training I had ever done. I had to work on complete and overall stability doing some planks, more planks, some other stability exercises, and them some side planks to polish it off.
"Here we go," I thought. "Bring on the next 5 months."
And the next 5 months came with more than just a program.
I had to make a decision on whether or not I was going to go back to school. A decision I tossed around several times an hour every day for the last year. I was at my deadline and it was time to make a choice. The next 5 months also came with some other surprises like having a hip hike/rotated pelvis and possibly buying a puppy that may or may not have been spur-of-the-moment.
Wait? Spur-of-the-moment? I thought I had just learned how to be more patient…
What did I learn from the second half of '14?
A lot.
Stay tuned!
A couple years ago I wrote a status on Facebook that went a little something like this:
New Year's Resolutions are a joke. You shouldn't need a new year to bring upon a better life for yourself or a better you in general. You should be living to the best of your ability each and every day. Whether it's being kinder, healthier, or more spontaneous, you should be doing these things at every moment. Be the best person you can be. Love what you do. A new year is not a new beginning. Be thankful for who you are and what you do and strive to be better at all times.
Cheers, friends.
To no surprise, my status erupted with feedback, both positive and negative.
Well, here we go again.
We are moving into the New Year with those "resolutions" in the back of our mind and some of us are patiently waiting for that calendar to turn to January 1.
Well, here we go again…again.
I am here to tell you that resolutions are still a joke. While resolutions are GREAT for business, specifically the fitness business, they are not a solution to the problems at hand. This is because people think their resolutions are quick fixes. They believe a New Year starts with a New You. They don't understand that their resolutions are too hard to commit to and/or they don't seek any help for them.
It should come to no surprise, then, that 92% of people do not achieve their New Year's Resolutions.
As for my business, it starts to boom at this time of year. People wanting the quick-fix-weight-loss-solution start piling through the door, hoarding the cardio machines, and acting like they've been going to the gym for years. They want to lose an insane amount of weight in a short amount of time. Very rarely does this ever work out for them.
Even some of these people that pick up training expect you to give them the answers to all of their weight loss problems once they come in for the first session. You can't learn calculus in a day. It takes a full course to get through the book and cover all the material. You can't simply hop in the middle of a calc course and expect to ace the next exam.
It's the same damn thing with your health. You can't just jump right in, expect to lose 10 pounds immediately and then believe you can keep the 10 pounds off when you revert back to where you started.
Speaking of weight loss, it appears that weight loss tops the list as the #1 Resolution of 2014 (business looks good).
Here's a look at the rest of the list:
This chart and a ton of other rather fascinating statistics can also be found on this site.
To go back to my status from a couple years ago, people shouldn't be waiting for a certain date to make a commitment towards weight loss or any resolution for that matter. These resolutions should be a part of your everyday life. You should always be improving yourself, whether it's professionally, through health and fitness, financially, or self-improvement.
A lot of times we get so caught up in the rat race of life that we forget that the real journey is about being the best person we can be, about standing up to challenges day-in, and day-out.
We get caught up trying to make more money because we don't have enough, only to nail that promotion and spend the extra income on other things to inevitably become stuck in the same path of making more and spending more.
We get caught up thinking we can lose 10 pounds in 3 weeks and become so discouraged by not seeing the scale move after all the effort you put in that you stop exercising when it may have been that very next week where you started to lose weight. Oh, you don't know about the magic 4-6 week mark? Stick to your weight loss goals for a minimum 4-6 weeks to see any measureable results. That's a fact, Jack.
Rather than trying to save money as a resolution, it might be time to have money start working for you. You need to become financially literate and maybe even look into investing.
Instead of trying to lose all that weight in a short amount of time, maybe it's time you seriously look into a lifestyle change and make workout out part of your lifestyle.
I work with people every single day who are in the trenches, grinding it out, striving towards their health and fitness goals (with weight loss at the forefront). They know it's not a short-term fix, it's a long-term commitment.
It is a choice, it is a lifestyle.
When you gain 15 pounds between Thanksgiving and New Year's, these same people who are grinding it out might only gain 2. They might even lose 2! It's because they know what's at stake.
A new year is not a new beginning. It's just a change of the calendar.
If there's something you want to change in your life, you do NOT need a date change to make it happen.
You can push for a change at any time!
The New Year will not make things any easier for you!
As I said before, Resolutions are good for business. There's no surprise that most Challenges and Contests for weight loss occur in January when the membership at the gyms are highest. I'm even running a Transformation Challenge for Pete's sakes (more details on that to come very, very soon)!
If you are committing to a resolution this year, there are a few things that I can try to help you with.
- Keep your resolutions as simple as possible
- Get some help form a professional (related to your Resolution)
- Get some help from a friend
- Be realistic
- Have a plan
In my line of work, there are those trainers who sucker you in to thinking you can achieve great success in for just 6 weeks out of the year. You can see some pretty outstanding results in 6 weeks, there's no denying that, but imagine the results you could see in 90 days. How about 6 months? How about a year? How about in a lifetime?
My main goal for everyone coming into the gym for the New Year's Resolutions is to convert them into "lifers". I try to get people to start having fun going to the gym and realizing that this is a part of their everyday life.
There are very few quick fixes in life. Your health is definitely not one of them. While you may be excited to make a big push in the next coming weeks (as you should now that all of the holidays are out of the way) there shouldn't be any new resolutions that pop up.
Stay focused and stay hungry. Keep grinding it out and pushing forward. And stay away from those resolutions - always keep becoming a better YOU!
Not too long ago, a fellow trainer and coach extraordinaire, Eric Cressey posted about "How Being an Optimist Will Help You in Strength and Conditioning". I read the blog post and definitely agreed how Cressey relating strength and conditioning and being an optimalist will create a better overall environment. A better environment means more results.
So how did this whole topic come up in a post? Because of the book that Cressey referenced, The Pursuit of Perfection by Tal Ben-Shahar.
I immediately chose the book as my next audiobook I would be listening to and studying, I just had to finish up listening to How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. And who recommended this book, you ask? Well (drumroll please), the great Eric Cressey.
We all pick up certain parts of a book when we read (or listen) to them. A lot of times we pick up new concepts when we re-read the book. The same goes with the third time we read the book, and so on and so on. I picked up on the topic Cressey wrote about, but I also had my own "ah ha" moments. So rather than write about a similar topic to Mr. Cressey's, I decided to write about how a perfectionist and an optimalist view the path towards reaching their goal(s).
Before I show you my fancy shmancy picture, I wanted to explain the two different types of people compared in the book.
An optimalist is viewed as the positive, happy person. They view things more realistically and learn from mistakes and failure). They often take risks knowing that there will be ups and downs and setbacks along the way. They are successful, but they have often failed several times beforehand. They know that the best result is the optimal result.
A perfectionist, the opposite of an optimist, is more of a negative, very uptight, all-or-none person. They have a hard time grasping reality and they don't take failure well. At all. A lot of times these people are very successful people, however, succeeding at something often leads to trying to succeed at the next goal so they don't appreciate success. They often perceive the end result as something that is actually unreachable, yet they do not know that.
So let's begin the little drill that I took from the book. While I'm not quite done with listening to Perfection, I picked up on numerous key concepts that I am now implementing into my coaching techniques. One is the path to a goal, whatever it may be.
On my Facebook earlier this week, I asked the question:
What does the path to losing 15 pounds look like?
Is it a straight line, or something else?
I then posted this picture:
The path looks different to a perfectionist and an optimalist. A perfectionist views the path as a straight line.
Notice that the path is free of ups and downs, setbacks, and any deviation besides a direct path to the finish. This is how they view obstacles and they expect a path of least resistance. Additionally, when an obstacle occurs, this type of person usually goes through a bit of a panic which could lead to several more undesirable behaviors. This is especially true if the person is keen to results, like a perfectionist is.
Here's how the path MAY actually look:
Rest assured this is not the only path - there is an infinite amount of variations. One of those infinite variations could look like the above path, yet very rarely does the path go in a straight line. The above picture is more likely how the optimalist views the path toward a goal. He/she knows that there will be obstacles, setbacks, ups, and downs that take place along the way. Sometimes these obstacles cause a bit of a deadline change, which is a setback in itself, obviously. There are also positive (ups) that occur during your journey towards a goal. For this example, maybe you lose a few extra pounds during one your weeks in between the deadline rather than the one pound you typically lose.
Certain checkpoints on the course to your goal could lead to you not reaching your goal by the deadline, or you may even reach it sooner! You being prepared for the journey towards your goal helps tremendously. As does being optimistic about your training/program, regardless of what happens.
The optimalist looks at each setback is an opportunity to learn while the perfectionist looks as each setback as an unacceptable failure.
This is a critical difference in the behaviors between the two types of people. The perfectionist will push harder and farther, often testing the limits of their mind and body. They will look for someone or something to blame. This continues far beyond a simple fitness goal, it goes into their everyday life as well. Instead of pushing through the setback without taking the time to study the situation, the optimalist will recollect and figure out what caused the setback in the first place and then learn what they have to do correct it.
For the fitness world, we can look at so much more than a weight loss goal. We can choose our goals to be
- a performance-based goal like for a sport
- adding 10 lbs to our 1 Rep Max squat
- add 10 pounds of muscle in 10 weeks
- recover from an injury by a certain time
Here's how my path went while recovering from knee surgery this year:
(Look at that work of art. Thank goodness for the Paint program, huh?)
Notice the path filled with lots of ups and downs and go arounds. All notice that I never reached the finish. That's because my knee did not fully recover as expected and 4-6 weeks recovery turned into 4 months. What a blasty blast. So my "finish" turned out to be 16 weeks rather than 4-6 weeks, but I made it. Want to know what I expected my path to look like for my initial recover time?
Yep. You bet. A straight damn line. As straight as a line could get as a matter of fact.
(I should quickly note that the path doesn't always have to be measured relative to time. You can also measure it as an outcome of a presentation or project based on performance. We need it for the goal-setting examples though.)
So what am I getting at here?
There is no cookie cutter approach to each goal you set.
Each of these goals can see tremendous benefits and devastating setbacks. You may have to commit to 3 extra hours of cardio each week compared to the person who only has to work out for 5 hours in a week to see weight loss. That's what the value of a program and/or coach can help you with. That's what determination can help you with. That's what being realistic can help you with.
Setting your goals are crucial. You should set these goals using the SMART Goal System. I previously wrote about setting goals, so if you missed that article you can check it out here.
Ideally, the program you start or receive from a coach/trainer should lead you towards a path with minimal resistance. There are always roadblocks that come up along the way. Do not become overwhelmed by the fact that it could/is/did happen to you. It happens!
I'm not trying to convert a perfectionist to an optimist or an optimist to a perfectionist by sharing this post. I am simply staking the thought process and behaviors we have associated with our goals and lifestyle; however, some of my tips may go a long way for someone who is more of a perfectionist-type.
You can also be blend of an optimalist and perfectionist. The example in the book is that a parent might not care that they don't live in the best house with the best furniture, yet they want their child to have the best upbringing as possible (best clothes, toys, house, etc.). There can be certain conflicts that we go through because we do cross certain behaviors of being both an optimalist and a perfectionist.
In the gym (strength and conditioning) world though, it is better to be an optimalist and it is better to be on a solid program. Simply going to the gym every day will only work for so long. You weight training should be programmed just like your cardio training (conditioning) should be programmed. Programs allow you and the trainers to manage the path and build from potential setbacks. We can actually see what works and what doesn't.


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We've got a few acquisition stories regarding films screening at the Toronton Film Festival to share this afternoon. Briefly:
- Lionsgate has acquired U.S. distribution rights to the comedy Imogene, which stars Kristen Wiig, Annette Bening, Matt Dillon and Darren Criss.
- Lionsgate also picked up the sex addict dramedy Thanks for Sharing starring Mark Ruffalo, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Tim Robbins, directed by The Kids Are All Right scribe Stuart Blumberg.
- Roadside Attractions has acquired the U.S. rights to Sarah Polley's (Take This Waltz) much buzzed-about documentary Stories We Tell.
- IFC Films picked up director Neil Jordan's (Interview with the Vampire) vampire drama Byzantium, starring Gemma Arterton and Saoirse Ronan.
Hit the jump for more details.
Directed by Robert Pulcini and Shari Springer Berman (American Splendor), the film centers on a washed-up playwright (Wiig) who fakes her own suicide as a plot to get the attention of her ex-boyfriend and winds up remanded to the custody of her dysfunctional family. Also, Darren Criss sings Backstreet Boys in the movie. Per Variety, Lionsgate will release the film jointly with Roadside Attractions.
Thanks for Sharing
The dramedy marks the directorial debut of The Kids Are All Right scribe Stuart Blumberg and features an all-star cast that includes Mark Ruffalo, Gwyneth Paltrow, Tim Robbins, Josh Gad, Patrick Fugit, Joely Richardson and Alecia Moore (aka Pink). The story centers on three sex addicts struggling to function in a normal society, as Ruffalo plays an addict who's trying to strike up a relationship with a woman who has sworn off dating other addicts (Paltrow), Robbins plays a man married to his high school sweetheart who actually becomes addicted to his 12-step recovery program, and Book of Mormon star Gad plays a young man whose addiction is so bad that he hides a camera in his shoe in order to film up women's skirts.
Per Deadline, Lionsgate and Roadside Attractions will release the film theatrically in lieu of a VOD day-and-date plan.
Stories We Tell
One of the most talked about films of the festival is surely Sarah Polley's engrossing documentary Stories We Tell. The film "weaves together a beautifully assembled tapestry of home movies, interviews, and narration to examine the repercussions of long-held family secrets finally coming to light. You can read Matt's positive review right here. The film is being prepped for a 2013 theatrical release.
Director Neil Jordan's solemn tale of the depressing immortality of vampires centers on a mother/daughter duo who arrive in a small British town where their secret isn't kept for long. Per Deadline, IFC Films is planning a theatrical release that would broaden out to several hundred screens. Read Matt's review right here.


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I discovered the two thick blankets neatly folded on our sofa after Carlos's sister had visited.
"Your sister forgot her blankets," I told Carlos.
"No," he said, "She gave those to us."
"But we don't need blankets," I said, unfolding them to look at the design. I couldn't hide my horror as the image of two large tigers appeared before me.
Carlos couldn't understand why I found the blankets distasteful.
"They're… tacky," I whispered, unfolding the other blanket to discover some other kind of cat – jaguars or cougars, I'm not sure.
"Just put them in the closet, okay?" Carlos said, and I did, vowing never to use them or let anyone see them.
And then one day I decided to wash our bed linens but forgot about our comforter in the washing machine until it was bedtime. I threw it in the dryer, determined to wait for it, but I was so tired.
"Just use the tiger colcha," Carlos said. I reluctantly pulled it from the closet and spread it out on our bed, happy to turn off the lights so at least I didn't have to look at it. That night we slept so well under the warm, comfortable weight of that tiger blanket that when I folded it up and put it back in the closet I secretly didn't loathe it so much anymore.
Fast forward to a few days ago and I come upon this article in the LA Times called San Marcos blankets are objects of affection among Latinos. I had no idea this was a "thing" – or at least I had failed to observe it. Once I read the article though I started thinking back on all the friends and family we've visited over the years and all the tacky colchas I've seen on people's beds and sofas.
So, confession time, gente. Are you hiding a similar colcha in your closet?
Hilarious related link: Hispanic teen suffocates under four layers of San Marcos blankets (satire)


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|Eons ago, there existed an elite group of chaos warriors who ravaged the galaxy with a boundless hatred of all things alive. They were called the Scumdogs of the Universe, and they grew in might and fury, the greatest weapon in the arsenal of their cosmic Master.
But they became too powerful, and too defiant, and for their cosmic crimes were banished to the most insignificant planet in the universe…the seething mudball known as Earth.
Millions of years passed, and they slumbered, until the pollution of your world de-thawed these creatures from their ageless coma…and now they stride the Earth, living gods, dedicated to one goal, the destruction of the human race, and the eradication of existence itself! Wait- that's two goals!
Hark to the hideous majesty of your MASTERS, rulers of Earth, the MIGHTY GWAR!!!
It is I, ODERUS URUNGUS, lead singer of the sickest band in metal history, Earth's only openly extra-terrestrial rock band, and the destined destroyers of not only the human race but also reality itself. GWAR! Hulking, heaving, dribbling WAR-GOD's who like nothing better than putting hordes of our sniveling fans to the sword while playing the marauding mutant metal that we are famous for! Star's of stage and screen, carvers of stem and spleen! GWAR LIVES!
Vocals: ODERUS URUNGUS – GWAR's supposed "leader", the size of my ego is matched only by the heft of my broadsword, and the girth of my Cuttlefish!!
Guitar: BALSAC THE JAWS OF DEATH — The most cultured of the group, this bear-trap jawed monstrosity is rumored to have a scrotum for a face.
Guitar : FLATTUS MAXIMUS — This gassy disaster slaughters thousands with his shredding solo's and reeking flatulence. Eats only vegatarians.
Drums : JIZMAK DA GUSHA—Dog-headed Jizmak is the most obnoxious GWAR-rior and delights in the pounding of all things, including himself! Hails from The Wide World of Sports.
Bass: BEEFCAKE THE MIGHTY— Immensely angry and immeasurably violent, Beefcake is, quite simply, a sexual god.
And of course who can forget THE SLAVES OF GWAR, humans kidnapped and mutated by GWAR to serve their endless and often confusing desires!
At the beginning of all things, there was the Master, a hideous planet-sized creature floating in an endless void. And it was a boring void, so he created everything ever just to amuse himself. And as life spread through this void, The Master found the best way to amuse himself with his new toys was to make them fight each other, so he created WAR. And he saw that it was good, so he created The Scumdogs of the Universe as the ultimate executors of his favorite activity.
For thousands of eons my Scumdog brothers and myself heaped endless atrocities upon a deserving galaxy. Planet after planet, race after race blazed to ruin on our flaming altar of sacrifice. Our enemies were many, from the peaceful folk of Flab-Quarve 7, to the sinister legions of robotic holy-warrior Cardinal Sin, and the wars we waged were never-ending. Led by The Master's most loyal servant, the cyborg Techno-Destructo, the Scumdogs had become the most powerful force in the universe. So great that we dared to rise up in rebellion against our creator and fulfill our dream of destroying everything. The ensuing battle was beyond epic, as The Master deployed his newest and most powerful weapon, The Death Pod, and turned it against us. Ultimately we were defeated, and Techno loaded GWAR into the dreaded Butt-Cannon and shot us to the most insignificant, isolated mud ball of a planet in the entire ga laxy—the planet Earth!
There we busily set about fucking everything up on our new home. The first thing we did was have sex with the local animal population, thereby creating the human race. These loathsome creatures spread across the surface of the planet faster than the herpes on Lohan's twat! We used to delight in the destruction of their civilizations—like the time Beefcake sank Atlantis by using it as his personal vomitorium, or Flattus de-foliated the Fertile Crescent with his chronic flatulence! But soon all of this barbarous activity had attracted the attention of The Master, who sent Techno-Destructo to check on his wayward creation. Enraged that we had created humans (the most annoying of races), The Master froze us in a great tomb in the barren waste of Antarctica, to sleep in its icy vastness until such times as he called us back into his horrific service!
Millions of years passed, but GWAR still imposed their will on humanity…reaching into their dreams and inspiring them to heap atrocities upon each other and pollute and ravage their own world with disease and war. And it was the pollution of heavy metal that ultimately led to GWAR's release! Because of the brief dominance of hair-metal bands in the late 80's, and their overuse of hair spray, a huge hole was burned into the ozone above the GWAR temple, and the member's of GWAR began to de-thaw. At that precise moment, music mogul and notorious underworld boss Sleazy P. Martini was on the run from the I.R.S., shot down over Antarctica and crashing into the frozen tundra in front of the GWAR Temple! Stumbling inside, he discovered the ageless warriors stirring within their tombs. Seizing the moment and in short order Sleazy quickly got us addicted to crack (the only thing that saved his life), brought us back to the U.S.A., gave us electric guitars, and exposed the world to the sickest band in metal history—GWAR !
Since GWAR's re-birth on planet Earth, events have come at a tumultuous pace. GWAR has witnessed, inspired, and is indeed directly responsible for many of the most destructive events in Earth's recent past. It is no coincidence that since the second coming of GWAR, this world's has slipped ever closer to the apocalypse it so woefully deserves. Indeed, if GWAR had'nt had to expend so much energy battling their cosmic foes, we would have surely eaten the entire human race by now! We have withstood the onslaughts of Techno-Destructo, and his twin brother, Bozo-Destructo, after they were done fighting each other! We braved the wrath of Granbo and the Morality Squad, who attempted to confiscate my penis. We fought the hideous SkulHedFace in an attempt to summon the World-Maggot and ride it back to outer space. Unfortunately it left without us, though to this day we hope there are two World Maggots! We even repelled an assault by the Master himself who attempted to return us to his cosmic servitude. Most recently we saw GWAR storming the gates of hell itself and claiming that realm as our own! And all the while we continued to ravage the planet, conducting our great "death-rallies", luring the humans in with the music of metal, and then slaughtering them en masse. CD's, DVD's, and burnt-out cities continue to be produced in infinite procession, tracking the continuing progression of one of the most legendary bands in rock and roll history—the mighty GWAR!