I was afraid to stand still; I kept look
ing over my shoulder and turning
around, not knowing where I should be
attacked or from what point. My mind
was getting unbalanced under the awful
pressure. To save myself I walked the
topgallant rail to the forecastle. From
there I went to the flying jib boom pole
facing inboard. My mind was made up
to jump overboard if anybody tried to
come out after me. 1 sat there the rest
of that night, knowing 1 should be ac
cused of murdering these men, but 1
came to the conclusion that it was bet
ter to stand a trial for double murder
than to become a maniac by watching
at that watchhouse door.
While awaiting daylight 1 could see
myself accused of murder and every
body laughing at my defense. 1 could
see myself hung in a foreign country.
After a long time 1 gathered what lit
tle courage I had left and came back to
the poup and carefully searched all
nooks and corners, but 1 did not dare to
go down below until the moon had set.
Then 1 noiselessly sneaked below. To
my surprise I found the mate peaceful
ly snoring in his bunk. This added con
siderably to my courage. Then I list
ened at the door of the captain's room.
