She  had  fled  to  her  room  in  terror  and  distress  so
great,  that  at  first  the  sound  of  Ray  galloping  away


THE  SOWING  OF  EVIL  SEED.  97

from  her  had  seemed  a  relief.  Her  head  throbbed
violently,  light  was  intolerable  to  her  aching  eyes ;
she  put  down  the  lamp  as  low  as  possible,  and  slowly
paced  the  large,  dim  room.  Then  the  conscious  want
of  help  and  comfort  forced  her  to  feel  out  into  the
abyss  for  something  mightier  than  flesh  and  blood
to  lean  upon.  Often  our  first  prayer,  in  such  sorrow,
is  an  excuse — "  I  could  not  help  it.  Lord  !  I  bore  it
as  long  as  I  could  ! "  These  were  Cassia's  first,  low,
moaning  cries.  It  was  not  madam's  hatred  nor
Gloria's  impertinences  that  she  thought  of — it  was
that  Raymund  had  deserted  her  and  made  her  a
laughter  to  those  who  had  dealt  so  treacherously  and
cruelly  with  her.
What  had  she  done  wrong  ?  She  tried  to  settle
that  question  first  of  all  in  her  own  mind.  Had  she
been  too  impatient  with  madam  ?  Was  it  wrong  to
call  Kaymund  to  interfere  ?  Was  it  wrong  to  refuse
obedience  to  an  insolent  message  ?  For  some  time
she  defended  herself  to  herself.  As  the  hours
went  on  the  first  turbulence  of  her  grief  subsided.
she  grew  calm  and  sorrowful,  and,  in  the  tender,
vague  mystery  of  the  time  and  hour,  the  feeling  of
the  Infinite  around  her  grew  sweetly  and  solemnly
distinct.  Then,  when  the  divine  presence  was  felt,
her  soul  turned  to  it.  "  My  God  !  my  God ! "  she
whispered,  and  she  bowed  herself  before  him.  And,


98  THE  LOST  SILVER  OF  BEIFFACLT.
