"My dear/' said a frightened husband in the middle of the night, " where did you put that bottle of strychnine ?" "On the shelf next the peppermint." "Oh 1" he groaned, " I've swallowed it!" " Well, for goodness" sake" whispered his wie, "keep quiet or you'll wake the baby." It is difficult to see persons one hss never loved as'eep and yet retain anger towards them They look so helpless, so innocent, so free from all that could ever have moved our spleen, that not the most eloquent defence that language ever framed could plead their cause as well as that mute slumber. But wait until they snore—well—just wait, that's ill Biddy—"There's a couple of ladiet called, Miesus De Vere." Mrs De Yere—" Oh, dear, I can't see anyone now. Excuse me, Biddy, tell them I'm asleep." Biddy—" Missus De Tere presents her compliments, an ses she's very sorry, but she's aslape " The rubber bag connected with his costume 00l apsed the other night while an aotor was;, playing tbe pirt of Falstaff'm Chicago, and he dwindled in sise alarmingly before the eyes of the assemble! spectators. As no belibws oould be found, all hands had to help to blow bim up again. Sunday-school teacher—" Can you tell ma Jessie, what is meant by the mantle of .the prophet ?" Jessie—" His dolman, miss." Agnes, sitting next to her—" Her mither's a dressmaker, miss, an' kens a' aboot mantles." Teacher, facetiously—" I dare say she knows more about the profit of. a mantle than the mantle of a prophet, though!" Villager—" D'ye see that buddy the Mar* quia ? If that buddy was a tailor, ye wadna* trust him to mak' a pair o' spats I" By*and« 1 bve the Marquis showed some civility to this villager. Then the tune was changed. The Marquis drove him some miles in his carriage, which indeed wa< drawn by four horses. Then the villager said— 11 Ah, he's a wonderful man 1" Stranger (addressing native)—" What is the matter with that old, greV-headed man P Is he drunkP" Native—"Oh, no} he was never drunk in his life." Stranger—" Well, why does he kick up his heels that way P" Native—" He'shipny." stranger— 1 " Lottery prise P" Native—" Oh, no. 