** The happy change in my surroundings, and the freedom
of mind resulting from it, more than all, the intoxication of
finding myself in contact with a new and sympathetic society,
fixed in my heart a desire for immediate appreciation, which
turned from its proper channel my inner nature, formed as it
had been by the unpleasant impressions of the past, and the
struggle into which they had thrown me. The natural inclina-
tion which leads a man after the pursuit of happiness, tempted
me into an artistic path which was very soon to end in pro-
found dissatisfaction. The fact was, I could find happiness
only in acquiring the name of artist, and that was possible
only on condition that I should sacrifice my true nature to the
taste of the public. I must give myself up to the pursuit of
the caprices of fashion, I must lend myself to all the meannesses
of speculation, which, at the point where I had arrived, I felt
sure would kill me with very disgust. Thus the positive pleas-
ures of life presented themselves to me under the single form
which our modern world has given them ; and in order to
obtain them, it was necessary for me to apply my artistic fac-
ulties to exigencies, the worthless character of which I knew
only too well."'

He came out conqueror in this internal struggle, and once
for all, he sacrificed Manfred to Tannhausery the work which

» Richard Wagner d'après lui-même, p. 176.
