Thus  his  sense  of  sin  and  need  became  more  intense  as  he
wrestled  for  the  deliverance  without  which  he  could  not,
dared  not  go  on.
What  was  it  that  kept  him  from  the  life  for  which  he
longed  ?  What  was  the  secret  of  his  frequent  failure  and
backsliding  in  heart  ?  Was  there  something  not  fully
surrendered,  some  disobedience  or  unfaithfulness  to  light  ?
Fervently  he  prayed  that  God  would  show  him  the  hindrance
whatever  it  might  be,  and  enable  him  to  put  it  away.  He
had  come  to  an  end  of  self,  to  a  place  where  only  God  could
deliver,  where  he  must  have  His  succour,  His  enlightenment.
His  aid.  It  was  a  life  and  death  matter.  Everything
seemed  at  stake.  Like  one  of  old  he  was  constrained  to  cry,
"  I  will  not  let  Thee  go  except  Thou  bless  me."

And  then,  alone  upon  his  knees,  a  great  purpose  arose
within  him.  If  only  God  would  work  on  his  behalf,  would
break  the  power  of  sin  and  save  him,  spirit,  soul  and  body,
for  time  and  for  eternity,  he  would  renounce  aU  earthly
prospects  and  be  utterly  at  His  disposal.  He  would  go
anywhere,  do  anything,  suffer  whatever  His  cause  might
demand,  and  be  wholly  given  to  His  will  and  service.  This
was  the  cry  of  his  heart ;  nothing  held  back — if  only  God
would  deliver  him  and  keep  him  from  falling.
Instinctively  we  pause  and  turn  aside  from  a  scene  so
sacred.  The  place  is  holy  ground.  Of  what  transpired
further  we  know  no  more,  save  for  a  few  lines  written  when
occasion  required  it  in  the  following  year.  For  he  rarely
referred  to  this  experience,  though  all  life  hved  it  out.
