He  observes,  "From  scholastic  divinity  I  learnt  no-
thing of  the  real  nature  of  sin,  of  righteousness,  or  of  the
whole  christian  life,  or  any  thing  of  the  excellency  of
God  or  of  his  works,  his  grace  or  his  justice.  Faith,  hope
and  charity  were  to  me  words  without  meaning.  In  short
I  not  only  learnt  nothing  right,  but  I  had  to  unlearn  every
thing  which  I  had  acquired  in  that  way.  In  the  school  I
lost  Christ,  I  have  found  him  in  Saint  Paul.
'•However  blameless  a  life  I  might  lead  as  a  monk,  I
experienced  a  most  unquiet  conscience.  I  perceived  my-
self a  sinner  before  God;  I  saw  that  I  could  do  nothing
to  appease  him,  and  I  hated  the  idea  of  a  just  God,
that  punishes  sinners.  I  was  well  versed  in  all  Saint
Paul's  writings,  and  in  particular  I  had  a  most  wonderful
desire  to  understand  the  Epistle  to  the  Romans.  But  I
was  puzzled  with  the  expression  in  reference  to  the  Gos-
pel Hherein  is  the  righteousness  of  God  revealed^  My
heart  rose  almost  against  God  with  a  silent  sort  of  blas-
phemy. At  last  in  secret,  I  said  with  great  murmur  and
indignation,  was  it  not  enough  that  wretched  man,  already
entirely  ruined  by  the  curse  of  original  depravity,  should
be  oppressed  with  every  species  of  misery  through  the
condemning  power  of  the  commandment,  but  even  through


160  JUSTIFICATION.
the  gospel,  God  threatens  us  with  his  anger  and  justice,
and  thereby  adds  affliction  to  affliction !  Thus  I  raged  with
a  troubled  conscience.  Over  and  over  I  turned  the  above
mentioned  passage  to  the  Romans,  most  importunately.
My  thii^t  to  know  the  Apostles  meaning  was  insatiable.
