Raw recruit (on guard) : " Who goea there?" Old veteran: "Friend." Raw recruit : " Advance, friend, wibh ths countersign." Old veteran : " Aughrim." Raw recruit : " Thanks, old man, I'd for* gotten it'myself."

" Young man," said an aposble, solemnly, "do you realise when you retire at nighb, bhab you may be called before the morning dawns ?" "Yes, sir," responded the young man. " I realise ib fully. lam the fabher of a three-weeks old baby." P The calculation fiend of & n eoritemporary has discovered bhab the public loses 190 years and 94 days every year waiting for trams. Now, ho oughb to calculabe much bime it loses waiting for &oup to cool in bhe railway refreshment-rooms.
Tho local branch of the Irish National Federation meet to-morrow evening a$ usual in St. Patrick's Hall, Chapel Squared After the ordinary business is transacted readings from some of the best Irish authors will be given by several of tha members.
The claim of Cresswell, of Sydney, to the Tichborne estate, is exciting much iuterestt in England. Unless the emblem of " Faith, Hope and Charity," above the initials R.D.T., are bn the left forearm, it is cpn« sidered thab it will be impossible to estab lish his identity.
There were on view to-day at R. and W. Hellaby's, ShortJand-streeb, bwo fab bullocks that wet-eshown at the la to Agricultural Show by Mr E. Allen, of Cambridge. They are magnificent specimens of oxen, one turning tho scale ab the extraordinary weight of 1,5441b, and the other 1,1501b.
