m «♦ We've got a baby in our house, A perfect little fright ; I think that is the reason *$# It came so late at night. His eyes keep shutting all the time. His head is awful bare, And he makes so many faces, It gives me quite a scare. Mamma says he is beautiful, Her precious darling boy. Papa calls him his jewel bright His life, his light, his joy. I used to have 60 many names, I can't remember all, But since that red-faced baby came, I'm plain Samantha Hall. The Bjst Thing Out — A bad cigar. "I'm a self-educated man, sor," said O'Looney, proudly. "In the school I wint to they taught me nothin' — and that badly !" He: "Pshaw! I could kiss you right under your mother's nose." She : " I should very much prefer, Harry, that you kissed me under my own." They said that the girl was an excellent match, So I knew from the very start That if e'er our combustible natures met She would kindle a flame in my heart. Judge Gruffey : "What passed between yourself and the complainant?" O'Brien: "I think, sor, a half-dozen bricks and a piece of pavin'- stone." "Shall I help you to alight?" said a young gentleman, addressing a bouncing country girl, who was preparing to jump from a carriage in front of his oflice. " Thank you, sir," sweetly replied the girl, " but I don't smoke." Teaciieii : "What little boy can tell me the name of the worst nation on earth?" Bobby: "Vaccination." Incensed Wife : "It is impossible to live withmylmsband, the way he goes on. Why, the other night he came home and smashed my piano. What do you think of that?" Polite Lawyer : ' ' You will have to excuse me, madam, but it is impossible for me to give an opinion. You must remember I have never heard you play." "My heart is light," He gaily said. " I thought," she murmured, " 'Twas your head." ONCE BITTEN. An Irishman crossing a street one day chanced to find a sovereign. When spend ing it he was only allowed nineteen shillings and threepence in exchange, as it was a very thin one. 