It  seemed  as  if  having  loved  and  adored  Him  there  in
life,  she  came  to  love  and  adore  Him  still,  for  where  He
was  there  was  Heaven.  I  felt  a  hope  that  she  would
in  some  way  notice  me.  I  could  not  think  she  did  ;  I
tried  to  fancy  so,  I  could  not.  I  thought  it  was  to  teach
me  to  bend  more  humbly  and  fervently  in  prayer.  I
bowed  my  head  and  heart  and  my  tears  began  to  flow,
and  yet  she  seemed  not  to  notice  me  but  to  adore,
beautiful,  pure,  radiant."

The  following  day  he  writes  : —

"  I  looked  forward  to  watching  during  the  night  before
the  Blessed  Sacrament  with  great  pleasure.  I  hoped  to
receive  much  consolation  in  prayer,  and  in  truth  I  tried
hard  during  two  or  three  hours  of  the  night  to  excite
myself  to  devotion  by  every  effort  of  the  mind  and
posture  of  the  body.  I  prayed  and  meditated,  I  bent,
I  bowed,  1  prostrated.  It  was  in  vain.  I  could  not  revive
the  impressions  of  the  previous  day  ;  nor  excite  one
particle  of  sensible  devotion.  This,  however,  did  not
sadden  nor  discourage  me,  but  showed  me  how  little  of
the  deep  impressions  and  the  copious  tears  of  yesterday
was  dependent  upon  any  act  of  the  will,  and  how  entirely
they  must  have  come  from  above,  and  how  truly  they
were  graces  to  guide  me  to  a  virtuous  life.
"...  I   must   retrench  all  superfluities   to  the   body,


44  CARDINAL   VAUGHAN

and  increase  my  exertions  to  the  limits  of  endurance.
