Two countrymen were looking at a
watch "marked down" in a show win
dow, which, among other virtues
showed the day of the month, day of
the week and the phases or the moon
"Pooh ! you call that much of a thing V
said one. "Where I live you can buy
a watch and the hour hand will mark
the daily stock quotations, the theatre
programme aud your wash list."
Lady to French governess: "I am
shocked to find that my daughter has
been receiving letters in rrench from
a young man." Ooverness: "l ardon,
madame. It ts only my little ruse to
cheat mam'selle into study. When she
would reply to an unknown lover a
r renchman mon Uieu, how quickly
she will learn my language!"
A Westekx bov thought his mother
was praying overlong the other morn
ing, and he said : "Oh, mother, there's
a hawk over the hens." The old lady
brought her devotions to a poultry
standard of measurement in double-
quick time, and sprang to her feet with
Amln! Out wid yees, 1 homas, and
save thim bins."
There had been a great work among
the brethren, and the good deacon was
much impressed. .Said he: "I don't
want to take no credit to myself. I leel
very humble; if there's a man here that
feels more humble than I do, I'd I'd
just like to see him."
Flower vender: "Buy a bunch of
violets for a penny ?" Crusty old gent :
"Xo, no, get away ; I want no violets."
Flower vender: 'Then p'raps yer'd
'low me to prezent yer wi' one for yer
'andsome civility,"
Ax Oil City boy who had run away
from home and at last returned, was
asked if his father killed the fatted calf
for the prodigal. "Xot much," here
plied, "he didn't kill the fatted calf,
but he wanted to kill the prodigal."
The ladies Hill find Iobbiiis' Electric
5-ar, (made by Cragin & Co.. Phila
delphia,) the best of all soaps for gen
eral washing, from blankets to laces.
