He  sits  motionless  and  disgusted.  He  goes  home,  saying:  ''Did  yon
see  that  fat  musician  that  got  so  red  blowing  that  French  horn?  He
looked  like  a  stuffed  toad.  Did  you  ever  hear  such  a  voice  as  that  ladj
has?    Why,  it  was  a  perfect  squawk!    The  evening  was  wasted.''

And  his  companion  says,  ''Why,  my  dear!''

"  There  you  needn't  tell  me — ^you  are  pleased  with  every  thing.  But
never  ask  me  to  go  again!"

He  goes  to  church.  Perhaps  the  sermon  is  didactic  and  arga-
mentative.  He  yawns.  He  gapes.  He  twists  himself  in  his  pew,  and
pretends  he  is  asleep  and  says,  "  I  could  not  keep  awake.  Did  you  ever
hear  any  thing  so  dead?    Can  these  dry  bones  live?"

Next  Sabbath  he  enters  a  church  where  the  minister  is  much  given  to
illustration.  He  is  still  more  displeased.  He  says,  '^  How  dare  that
man  bring  such  every-day  things  into  his  pulpit?  He  ought  to  have
brought  his  illustrations  from  the  cedar  of  Lebanon  and  the  flr-tree,
instead  of  the  hickory  and  sassafras.  He  ought  to  have  spoken  of  the
Euphrates  and  the  Jordan,  and  not  of  the  Kennebec  and  SchuylkilL
He  ought  to  have  mentioned  Mount  Gerizim  instead  of  the  Catskills.
