—That i'\ei\ da\ thirteen million kiml-heaitod guU sit dovwi to the piano without .1 thought ot the nnsfM thov ain about to inflict -That a \ouug man who until ip oonth resided m Mastcnton is laMiig chum to an eaiklom «l»vh cauk's with it substantial moans —That the counts papeis aie I-"" 1 * great st.ess upon the taott.it the champ.on p.n«-p°"«!<V °u Wellington are named Honev and bill\ -That a Northern papei sa\<- Theie 1S ono thine Methuen. can pride himselt on— in his time he has captured mom sheep than anv man in Ahica —That a galloper who nevei won a race and cost hisownei man> hundreds, recently drew that gentleman in a hearse to Ins last home. Grim' —That S\dnev'* garbage carts which are to do the work in future by night are to be fitted with rubber tyres so that thev won't disturb the sleeping citizens —That if the old axiom 'ginger for pluck" is to be lehed on. then the Ninth Contingent should about end the Boer War, as fullv fifty pei cent of the troopers are of a fiery hue. —That a disgusted Dunedin girl writes to the papers to warn King Dick that if he sends anv more Contingents to South Africa "New Zealand will soon be a nest of old maids —That among the useful articles pre sented to the South Island chaplain of the Ninth— a Dunedin minister— was a whisky flask. Some Presbyterian cor dial will be useful out on the veldt. That Masteiton possesses the cham pion shot and the champion Methodist of the colony, and that that is the double-barrelled reason why Masteiton is suffering from swelled head just now. That at present British troops in Africa are easily ' knocking out" all pre vious records for mobility Eiehtv-foui miles in twentv-four hours two yeais ago would have beem utterly impossible — That a good sprinkling of feather bed officers, who were l o son\ that time and billets would not let them iom the war Contingents are woiknio strongly to get into the coronation con tingent. — That a curled Johnnie, who took a quiet departure bv the last mail steam er, stowed himself awav so well that he could not be found even b\ his own friends who wished to be=tow then faie well offerings. 