"jonn, said a schoolmaster, "you
will soon be a man, and will have to
attend to business. What do you sup
pose you win do when you have to write
letters unless you learn to spell better?"
"Oh, sir," answered John. "I shall put
easy worus in uiem."
Vettel and Suirit. "Reineuiber. Mrs.
B.," said Bogus, in a fluster, one day.
mat you are the weaker vessel,
Maybe so." retorted the lady: "but
I'll not forget that the weaker vessel
may have the stronger spirit in it."
When a common Japanese goes into
the presence of an office-holder he must
say: 'Great and distinguished child of
tne sun, deign to put your root upon my
neck." mere s some pleasure iu hold
ing an office in that country.
Recently a man whose appearance in
dicated that he was staggering from the
excessive weight of a brick in his hat.
being asked ll he was a son of Temper
ance, replied : "Hie no no relation
not even an acquaintance."
"Jfjr dear," said a husband, in startled
tones, after waking his wife in the
middle of the night, "I have swallowed
a dose of strychnine?" "Well, then, do
ror goodness sake lie still, or It may
come up."
A tnan having absconded, one of his
friends was asked the cause of his dis
appearance. He replied : "Why I an
prehend that he was apprehensive of
oeuig apprehended."
Poor fellow he left three disconsolate
wives and a gold headed cane," is the
feeling epitaph which the Indianapolis
Sentinel pronounces over a deceased
doctor of that State.
A Mimtana justice of the peace does n't
splurge any when he marries a couple.
He says: "Arise, grab hands hitched
six dollars!" Aud that's all there is
to it.
