Do Gray-" I only moant to ask if you were at the performance of Haydn's oratorio.". -w

_ An old lady went to the theatro for the first time. The play was Julius Cassar. " Waal, I've heoarn tell that th'e theaytre was bad,' but I think its wuss than bad. It's nothing but crime to kill all tkcm ■ fellars just to, amuse a crowd. It ought to bo stopped at oncc." ■. ;

Inquisitivo mail (to old man'who always hangs around a blacksmith's shop)—" How is it I always find you loafing here 1 Should 1 think you would get tired of the-place." •, Old man—" It is a liltlo tedious, but you see I'm out of health, _ I'm just putting in my timo hero to get iron in my system."

A young bachelor told a sowing machine agent that his machino would not answer the purpose. " Why, it is the best in the mar ket in every respect," said the agent. " That may bo," replied the bachelor," but the sew ing machine I am looking for must have bluo eyes and flaxen hair,"

" Rochefoucauld says," remarked Borely, after the ladies had withdrawn," that there is something in the misfortunes of our friends which is not altogether displeasing to us-", The smile which wont around as hcstucktho wrong end of the cigar in his mouth showed' how much truth thero was in tlie soul-weary ing statement,

A witness was being examined in a court ol law the other day. Tho question was about the size of certain hoofprints left by a boras in sandy soil. " How large were the prints?" asked the learned counsel. "Were they as. 