カツヤ達が談笑を続けている内に、話題はカツヤ達の、正確にはカツヤのハンター稼業の活躍に移っていった。ユミナとシェリルが話題をその方向へ意図的に偏らせたからだ。
話はカツヤ達がドランカムに加入した当初の苦労話から始まった。カツヤはドランカムに加入した当初から才能の
シェリルはユミナが意図的にカツヤを称賛しやすい話題を持ち出していることに気付いていた。その理由までは分からなかったが、ユミナの意図に乗ってカツヤを称賛し続けた。
シェリルの称賛は意図的なものだが話題との
少々露骨に褒めすぎて逆にカツヤの気分を害したか。シェリルは少しだけそう考えたが、ユミナとアイリの表情を見て判断を変えた。2人はカツヤを見て心配そうにしている。つまり2人はカツヤの態度に心当たりが有り、それはシェリルが原因ではないのだ。
シェリルは表面上は少し不思議そうな、戸惑いながらもカツヤの様子を気遣うような表情を浮かべながら、次の対処を思案する。次の事務手続きの時刻にはまだ少し時間があるが、カツヤ達にそろそろ時間だと告げて去るという手段もある。かなり気まずい空気を残すことになるが、雰囲気の更なる悪化を招く前に退散する選択も有りだろう。
しかしカツヤはドランカムでもかなり高い地位に就き始めているようだ。カツヤとの縁を深めてより貴重な情報を引き出すためにも、もう少し話を続けても良いかもしれない。シェリルはそう判断した。
シェリルが申し訳なさそうな表情を浮かべてカツヤに尋ねる。
らずのうちに口にしてしまいましたでしょうか? もしそうでしたら謝罪いたします」
急にシェリルに謝られたカツヤが慌て出す。
「え!? いや、そんなことはないって!」
「そうでしょうか......。先ほどから私が何か話す度に、その、気分を損ねているように見えました......」
シェリルは声の調子を落としながらそう答え、気落ちした表情で
ユミナはカツヤを心配しながら、表情を少し真剣なものに変えて話す。
「カツヤ。誤解ならシェリルにちゃんと説明した方が良いと思うわ」
カツヤは言葉を濁した。ユミナはじっとカツヤを見ている。
カツヤは前にも似たような態度を取っていた。落ち込んで
「......本当に?」
「そういう基準は人によって様々ですが、私としては、少なくとも先ほど聞いた話が全部
カツヤはゆっくりと話を続けた。
カツヤは昔からハンターに憧れていた。様々なハンターが活躍する話を見聞きして、その光景を想像して心を躍らせていた。
をするように話すカツヤをじっと見ていた。ユミナの予想通りカツヤは仲間の死を悔やみ、仲間を助けられなかったことを悔いていた。だがユミナにはカツヤを励ます言葉が思いつかない。
ハンター稼業には死の危険が付きものだ。死んでしまったのだからいつまでも悔やんでいないで気持ちを切り替えるなり忘れるなりした方が良い。ユミナもそれぐらいの言葉は思いついたが、それをカツヤに言うことはできなかった。なぜならユミナもカツヤの仲間であり、いつ死ぬか分からない誰かだからだ。
アイリもカツヤの悩みをある程度察していたが、慣れの問題だと考えて何も言わなかった。アイリはカツヤやユミナほど同僚の死を悲しんではいない。人間死ぬ時は死ぬ。人が死ぬのは当たり前のことで、特に驚くほどのことでもない。それが昨日笑い合った相手であったとしても。アイリはそれが自然な感覚になる環境で暮らしていた。
アイリはその環境から自分を救い出してくれたカツヤのことを強く慕っている。そして自分が死んだ時は、カツヤに悲しんでもらいたいと思う願望を持っていた。自分が死んだ時に、最近見かけないけど死んだのか、カツヤがそう軽く言って終わらせるのは嫌だった。だからアイリはカツヤに誰かの死に慣れろとは言えなかった。
シェリルは表向きカツヤの苦悩に共感するような表情を浮かべながら、カツヤの話を解釈し、要約し、対応を思案する。
カツヤは自分が頑張れば全てが
カツヤはどの時代のどの地域にどんな状況で生まれて過ごしても、ほぼ同様に活躍し、成功し、幸せになるのだろう。そして彼を愛することは、彼に愛されることは、その成功と幸せを共に分かち合うことなのだ。
シェリルは思う。カツヤの周囲にいる者達のカツヤへの態度はきっと二分される。肯定し、受け入れ愛するか、否定し、
シェリルは表に出さず、内心で苦笑する。
(才能が有り過ぎるが故の苦悩ってやつかしらね。全く共感できないけど。取りあえずそのことは脇に置いて、この話にどう対応するべきかしら。言葉をかけることもできない振りをして、ずっと黙っているって手もあるにはあるけど......)
シェリルが思案の末に対応方法を決めた。そして表情を少し真剣なものに変えると、カツヤへ少し強めの口調で告げる。
「カツヤさん。今から私がカツヤさんの話を聞いて思ったことを言います。見当違いや的外れなことを口にするかもしれません。その時は聞き流したり鼻で笑ったりしてください」
「ハンターとして活動する限り、死の危険は存在します。自己責任と言えばそれまででしょう。ハンターにはその覚悟が必要なのかもしれません。しかし皆が皆、その覚悟をもってハンターとして活動できるほど恵まれているとは思いません。技量が足りずに亡くなられた方もいるでしょう。覚悟が足りずに戦場で平静を失って、満足に戦えずに亡くなられた方もいるでしょう。そして技量と覚悟を持ち合わせた方であっても、運悪く死ぬことはあるでしょう。その不運には、カツヤさんの助けが間に合わなかったことも含まれると思います」
「カツヤさんと亡くなられた仲間の方々との関係は私には分かりません。もしカツヤさんが命を賭して戦った方々のことを誇りに思っているのでしたら、一緒に戦えたことを誇りに思っているのでしたら、その方々のことをいつまでも覚えていてください。ですがもし、そうではなく、彼らの死がカツヤさんの
「死んだやつのことなんか、さっさと忘れろって言うのか?」
シェリルはカツヤの怒気が含まれた声を聞いても全くたじろがずに、カツヤを直視したまま真剣な表情で話を続ける。
「誇りに思っているのでしたら問題ありません。それはきっとカツヤさんの助けになります。困難な状況でも意気揚々と足を踏み出す力になります。絶望的な状況に立ち向かう意思を後押しします。ですが、その嘆きと後悔がカツヤさんの
カツヤは黙ってシェリルの話を聞いていた。仲間を失った悲しみは今もカツヤの心に残っている。ただその悲しみから生み出されるものは、カツヤを非難する類いのものではなくなっていた。
シェリルは少しだけ表情を緩めて話を続ける。
カツヤが再びシェリルを見る。そして前向きな決意を込めた笑顔で答える。
「優しいんですね。正直に言いますと、部外者が知ったような口で適当なことを言うな、と思いっきり怒鳴られると思っていました」
「......じゃあ何であんなことを言ったんだ?」
シェリルが席を立つ。
「名残惜しいですが、そろそろ予定の時刻になりますので、私はこれで失礼いたします」
シェリルはそう言って軽く会釈した。
カツヤは帰ろうとするシェリルを、自分でもよく分からない声を出して引き留めた。
「冗談です。縁があればまたお会いしましょう。ユミナさんとアイリさんもお元気で。では失礼します」
シェリルは再び軽く会釈してエリオを連れて帰っていった。
その場に残ったカツヤ達は食事を続けていた。ユミナとアイリがカツヤをまじまじと見ている。
「......えっと、何だ?」
ユミナの返事を聞いて、カツヤがユミナとアイリに謝る。
「同じチームの仲間なんだし、次からはもっと早く遠慮なくいろいろ相談してね」
カツヤはしっかり
少なくともシェリルはカツヤのことを恋愛対象として見ていない。だからきっと大丈夫だ。ユミナは自分にそう強く言い聞かせた。
残りの事務手続きを済ませたシェリル達が拠点へ戻るために都市の下位区画の道を歩いている。ダリスとは合流済みだ。ダリスに軽く事情を話して、帰り道でカツヤ達と出会わないように少々遠回りの道を選択していた。
シェリルは自分を見るエリオの視線に気付いていた。ハンターオフィスで手続きを済ませてから、エリオはずっとシェリルを複雑な表情でちらちらと見ていた。
そうとするエリオの態度が気に入らないのか、シェリルが少し機嫌を悪くして尋ねる。
「何でもないのなら、そんな態度は取らないでしょう。良いから答えて。何?」
エリオにもシェリルにこのまま何でもないと言い続けることが悪手であることぐらいは分かった。だから代わりに少し気になっていたことを尋ねる。
「......さっきシェリルはあのハンター、カツヤ、だっけ? にいろいろ言っていただろう。あれってどこまで本心なんだ?」
「本心?」
エリオの質問を聞いたシェリルが軽い困惑の表情を浮かべた。言っている意味が分からないという様子だ。
「エリオ。本気でちょっとしっかりして。私達は彼らに同情とかしている場合じゃないでしょう? 親近感? スラム街の子供と賞金首を討伐するハンターの間にそんなものが成立すると思ってるの? ああなりたいっていう願望の間違いでしょ?」
「第一、私達の後ろ盾になってもらう見返りはどうするのよ。アキラが私達の後ろ盾になっていることさえ、奇跡みたいなものなのよ? アキラへの見返りだって、......私が何とかしている状態なのよ?」
アキラへの見返りすら
れる。無意識に抱いていた希望をシェリルにあっさり握りつぶされたからだ。
「分かれば良いのよ。分かったら、もう少しアキラに感謝しておきなさい。アキラに後ろ盾になってもらっているから、私達は誰も死なずに済んでいるのよ? ......あの馬鹿は別よ? アキラに刃向かった挙げ句、私を人質に取る
シェリルはそう言って意味深な視線をエリオに送った。エリオの表情が青ざめていく。悲観的な想像をしているのだろう。それを確認した後で、シェリルが少し真面目な表情で思案する。
(私の後ろで話を聞いていただけなのに、エリオはカツヤにかなりの好感を覚えていたようね。確かに
3人はいろいろと考えながら拠点への帰路へ就いていた。
その日の夜、カツヤは自室のベッドの上に横になってシェリルのことを思い出していた。一度しか会っていないのにもう一度会いたいと願った少女のことを。二度しか会っていないのに自分の苦悩を取り除いてくれた少女のことを。
最近のカツヤは眠るのが怖かった。死んだ仲間が自分を責める悪夢を見るからだ。仲間を助けられなかった悔恨が、罪悪感が、死んだ仲間を無意識に悪霊に変えていた。だがシェリルの話を聞いた後は、苦楽を共にした大切な仲間に戻っていた。きっと悪夢はもう見ない。
カツヤの心には悔恨と罪悪感の痛みと叫びがあった。それはカツヤに更なる強さを求めることを強いながら、四肢に
「連絡先の交換とかしなかったけど、......また会えるよな?」
カツヤは軽く笑って目を閉じて、安心して睡魔に身を委ねた。
その日の夜、シェリルは自室のベッドの上に横になって今日の出来事を思い出していた。
問いは短く単純だ。シェリルが死んだらアキラは悲しむか。答えは更に短く明解だ。いいえ。
シェリルはあらん限りの検証と、思いつく限りの反論と、都合の良い仮定と、それを否定する推測を、どこまでも続けようとする自身の思考を強引に打ち切った。
真っ白な空間に声が響く。
声が消えた。
As they continued talking to each other, the subject slowly shifted to Katsuya's group's work as Hunters . It was because Yumina and Sheryl intentionally pushed the conversation in that direction .
Katsuya's story started from when he was having a hard time just after joining Drankam . He already showed a glimpse of his talent right after he joined . The veteran skilled Hunters of the gang noticed that rare talent, so they sent Katsuya with the other Hunters to explore ruins and fight monsters . Then eventually, he grew strong enough to be recognized as one of the Drankam officers .
Sheryl realized that Yumina kept bringing up subjects that would make it easier to praise Katsuya . Although she did not know the reason, she decided to jump wagon that subject and kept praising him .
Although Sheryl's compliments were all intentional, they neither felt out of place nor weird at all . They did not feel forced either . Sheryl's speech skills was so high that there was no flaw in it . But the response from Katsuya was rather dull .
Sheryl thought that she might have complimented him too much and annoyed him instead, but when she looked at Airi and Yumina's expression, she noticed that it was not the case . Both of them looked worriedly at Katsuya, basically, both of them knew why Katsuya looked so down and Sheryl thought that must be the case .
Sheryl showed a puzzled face, she looked a bit at loss and worried at Katsuya's reaction as she was considering her options . She might have to wait for some time before her business there was finished, but she could say that it was about time for her to leave and withdraw from Katsuya's group . Although that would mean she would leave in the middle of a bad mood, it was still a choice that she could pick to leave before the mood got even worse .
But it seemed that Katsuya was starting to climb the ranks in Drankam, so she decided that it might be a good idea to stay there longer and use that chance to deepen their relationship and gather more information from him .
Sheryl sounded apologetic as she asked Katsuya .
"...Katsuya-san, I'm really sorry but did I say something that offended you? If that's the case, my apologies . "
Katsuya became flustered when Sheryl suddenly apologized to him .
"Eh?! Ah, that's not it!"
"Is that so...? It seemed that your mood got worse every time I said something..."
Sheryl replied while lowering her voice . She hung her head as if she was down .
Since Yumina was worried about Katsuya, she made a serious face and changed the subject .
"Katsuya, if that's not the case, I think it's better if you properly explain it to Sheryl"
Katsuya was stumbling over his words while Yumina just kept staring at him .
Katsuya also reacted in a similar way the last time Yumina asked him what's wrong when she saw him looked so down . But when that happened, he always apologized for making her worry and said he was alright without telling her anything .
"...Are you sure?"
"I'm sure different people would have different indicators to decide whether someone is a great Hunter or not . But from my point of view and from what I heard from your story just now, as long as it was not a lie, I do think that you're a great Hunter . "
He then slowly continued talking .
Katsuya had admired Hunters for a long time . He had heard stories about Hunters and when he imagined that scene, his heart would flutter .
Yumina looked at Katsuya who was speaking as if he was confessing his sin . Her guess was correct, Katsuya was lamenting the friends that he had lost, he was lamenting the fact that he could not save them . But Yumina could not think of any words to cheer him up .
Getting killed was an occupational hazard for Hunters . Thus, it was better for those Hunters to stop mourning for their dead friends, forget about it, and move on . At least that's what Yumina thought, but she could not say that to Katsuya . After all, she was also one of his friends and she might be one of his friends that would get killed too .
Airi also guessed the reason why Katsuya was depressed, but she thought that it was just a common problem, that was why she did not say anything . In the first place, she did not lament the death of her friends as much as Yumina and Katsuya . It was a common thing for people to die, especially in their line of work . So, there was nothing to be surprised about . Even if they were her friends that they just laughed together yesterday, after all, it was a common scene in the world where she was raised .
Airi looked up to Katsuya since he was the one who saved her from such a world . Moreover, she did want him to lament her if she got killed . She did not want Katsuya to just quickly forget about her when she died or think that she might have died just because he did not see her for some time . That was why she could not tell him to get used to losing friends .
From the outside, it looked like Sheryl was sympathizing with Katsuya but she was actually organizing that new information in the back of her head and thinking of how she should react to his story .
Katsuya thought that everything would be fine as long he worked hard enough . After all, he had the rare talent to accomplish that, he had done that in the past, he experienced that first hand, and he was likely to do that again in the future . Although Sheryl had no proof, she was sure that it must be the case .
No matter where and when he was born, it was very likely that Katsuya would work himself hard and reach success and happiness . Then loving him and getting loved by him would mean getting a share of his success and happiness .
Sheryl then thought that there must be 2 kinds of people around him . Either those that accepted him and cared for him, or those that rejected him and hated him to death . Either way, it showed that they were interested in him . There must be something in him that caused people around him to not be able to just ignore him . Leaving aside those sociopathic people who did not care about other people, normal people would not be able to just ignore Katsuya's existence .
Sheryl then smiled bitterly, but she kept it inside her heart and did not let it show on her face .
[I wonder if he's one of those people who are too talented and have to face hardship because of their talents . Honestly speaking, I can't sympathize at all, but let's leave that aside for now and think about how I should react . Well, I can just pretend that I can't find any words to say and just keep quiet, but...]
After a lot of thinking, she finally decided on what to do . Then she made a rather serious face and said to Katsuya in a strong tone .
"Katsuya-san, I'll tell you what I think after listening to your story . If it's wrong or if I say something that I should not, I hope that you can just let it slide or just mock me and laugh it off . "
"As long as you work as a Hunter, there's a risk for you to get killed . It could even be said that it's their own responsibility for taking that occupation . I bet the Hunters need to resolve themselves to take that risk when they decide to be Hunters . But with that being said, not everyone is blessed enough to work as a Hunter . I'm sure there are people who don't have the skills and get killed in no time . Then, even for those Hunters with proper skill and equipment, they might also get killed simply because of bad luck . And I believe for those Hunters who died because you couldn't save them, it was simply because they were not lucky enough to get saved by you . "
"I don't know the detail of your relationship with the friends that you have lost . But if you feel proud that you have risked your life together with them, if you feel proud that you were able to fight alongside them, please never forget about them . But if that's not the case, if their deaths only chain you down, then please forget about them this instant . "
"Are you seriously saying that I should just forget about them?"
But it did not faze Sheryl at all, she kept staring at Katsuya's eyes with a serious face as she continued .
"If you're proud of them, then it should be fine . I'm sure that it would even help you down the road . It would give you the courage to push through difficult situations . It would help you stand up again in a hopeless situation . But, if it only serves as a burden to you, it would eventually kill you one day . It would one day trip you when you have to step forward and get you killed . It would drag you down when you have to retreat and get you killed . So just forget about them . You can go ahead and scream as much as you want then just forget about them . You can go ahead and curse me as much as you want then just forget about them . "
Katsuya did not say anything back while listening to what Sheryl was saying . He was still feeling sad for the friends that he had lost . But the thing that was born from that sadness was no longer something that was blaming him .
Sheryl relaxed her expression and said .
Katsuya then turned to Sheryl again . He then made a smile filled with resolve and optimism as he said .
"You're a nice person . Honestly speaking, I was expecting you to get angry at me and tell me to just shut up since I'm only a stranger to you . "
"...Then why would you say something like that?"
Sheryl then stood up from her seat .
"Unfortunately, it seems that it's about time for me to leave, so please excuse me . "
Sheryl lightly said her goodbye .
Seeing Sheryl was about to leave that place, Katsuya inadvertently tried to stop her, but he himself did not know the reason why he did that .
"I'm just joking . We should be able to meet again if we're fated to . Yumina-san and Airi-san too, please be careful out there and until we meet again"
Sheryl once again said goodbye and left that place together with Erio .
Katsuya, Airi, and Yumina who were left continued eating their lunch . Yumina and Airi glanced a few times at Katsuya .
"...Uhmmm, is there anything wrong?"
After hearing Yumina's answer, Katsuya then apologized to her and Airi .
"We're teammates, after all, there's no need to hold back . You can tell us sooner next time . "
Katsuya gave a firm nod . The shadow that plagued him lately had completely vanished .
Yumina kept telling herself that at least Sheryl was not looking at Katsuya as her love interest, that was why it should be fine .
After finishing the rest of the administrative work, Sheryl walked through the streets of the lower district and headed back to her base . She had met up with Darris beforehand . But after telling Darris what happened, she decided to take a detour to avoid meeting Katsuya again .
Sheryl realized that Erio was looking at her . Ever since she finished her business in the Hunter Office, he had been glancing at her with a conflicted expression .
But then, Sheryl sounded irritated as she replied back to Erio . It might be because she did not like the fact that he was not being honest there .
"You won't behave like that if it was nothing, right? So just tell me already, what is it?"
Erio understood well that it would be a bad idea if he kept trying to say that it was nothing . Thus he decided to ask Sheryl something that had been bothering him .
"...Back then, you said all of those things to that Hunter... Katsuya, was it again? So like, how much of them were your true feelings?"
"My true feelings?"
Sheryl looked flabbergasted after hearing Erio's question, her face was saying that she did not understand the meaning behind that question . But after she had that expression on her face for a few seconds, she suddenly seemed to have realized something and said .
"Erio . Get a better grip of yourself, will you? We're not in a position to feel pity for them, you know? Seriously though, sympathy? Do you really think that such a thing could exist between slum children like us and a successful Hunter who had even hunted a bounty monster? I bet you're just mistaking it for your feeling of wanting to be like him . "
"In the first place, what do you think we can give back to them if we get them to support us? It's already a miracle to have Akira supporting us, you know? Even right now... I'm at loss on what we can give back to him . "
Sheryl was about to say that she still could not repay for everything that Akira had done for the gang and she had no idea how long Akira would keep helping the gang, but she somehow was able to change her wordings .
When he heard that, Erio hung his head low . It was because the hope that he was unconsciously having was crushed with no mercy at all by Sheryl .
"It's all good that you understand now . And if you really understand it now, you should be more thankful to Akira . It's all thanks to his support that we're not dead now, you know...? Well, of course, except for that fool . That fool even dared to be so rude to Akira and tried taking me hostage, that's why he's dead now . You got spared once, so you should be extra careful . "
After saying that, Sheryl sent a deep meaningful gaze to Erio . Erio's face turned pale, he must be imagining what she just said . After she confirmed that, she then made a serious face and thought .
[It seems that Erio was really pulled to Katsuya's side although he was only listening to our conversation from behind me . Well, it's true that it's a rather amazing story of successful Hunter, so it's no surprise that Erio admired him, but... I wonder if that's all there is to it . Or maybe he felt that weird feeling that I also felt back then? In the worst-case scenario, he might even propose a crazy idea like kicking Akira out and hiding behind Katsuya and his friends for protection . I brought Alicia into the conversation to prevent him from getting too close to Katsuya, but... Looking at his reaction, I guess that was unnecessary, huh...]
All of them had their own thoughts as they walked back to their base .
On the night of that day, Katsuya was lying on the bed of his personal room as he remembered what Sheryl said to him . That time when he had only met her once, he yearned to meet her again . And, on their second encounter, she was able to clear his worry .
Lately, Katsuya could not get a good sleep since he always had nightmares where his dead friends blamed him . His regret for not being able to save them, his feeling of guilt, they unconsciously turned his dead friends into ghosts . But after listening to what Sheryl said to him, they had been turned back to his important friends that he was proud of . He was sure that he would not see those nightmares anymore .
Katsuya's heart was gnawed by his regret and guilt . Although it pushed him to get stronger as fast as he could, it only chained and bound him down . Thus preventing him from showing the true value of his talent .
"We didn't exchange contact numbers but... I wonder if we can meet again one day?"
Katsuya lightly smiled and closed his eyes, he was then peacefully lulled to sleep .
That night, Sheryl was lying on the bed in her private room and recollecting what happened that day .
Her question was short and simple-if she got killed, would Akira mourn for her death? And the answer was an obvious resounding 'no' .
She then immediately stopped herself from thinking of any reasoning or assumptions that she could think of to refute that since it felt like she could spend eternity just thinking about those things .
Inside that white world, she heard a voice .
And then, that voice vanished .
Rebuild World (WN)
リビルドワールド
https://www.novelupdates.com/series/rebuild-world/
Action Adventure Drama Harem Mecha Mystery Sci-fi Seinen
Abandoned Children Adapted to Manga Adventurers Alternate World Anti-social Protagonist Apocalypse Artificial Intelligence Beautiful Female Lead Cautious Protagonist Child Protagonist Dense Protagonist Determined Protagonist Distrustful Protagonist Futuristic Setting Gangs Gunfighters Harsh Training Lack of Common Sense Male Protagonist Manipulative Characters Monsters Near-Death Experience Older Love Interests Poor Protagonist Poor to Rich Ruthless Protagonist Shota Sudden Strength Gain Survival Twisted Personality Unlucky Protagonist Weak to Strong
https://ncode.syosetu.com/n9736dt/
非公開