、あの娘、あんな調子でずぅっと悪態をついているって、要するにアタシの悪口を言い続けていたんだろう?
徐の言葉に、見張りの彼が「しまった」という顔をして困ったように俯く。
本人としては慰めたつもりが、追い打ちをかける形になってしまったようだ。
こうした話術も経験がものを言うので、彼の未熟さをただ責めるわけにはいかないだろうと、
アタシがあの娘にさせていたことは、単なる重荷だったのかい?」
だが、これに雨妹はキッパリとそう断じた。
「ああした悪口が本音だろうというのは、安易な決めつけに過ぎません。
なので雨妹も詳しく説明することにした。
「誰だって、褒め言葉で会話相手の気分を良くさせたいこともあれば、悪口を吐いてしまいたくなることがあるでしょう?
ふと悪口が心に浮かぶことがあっても、「これは言うべきではないことだ」と理性が忠告して、悪口を心の部屋に押し込めて扉を閉ざす。
逆に悪口が溜まり過ぎたら、どんなに理性が押しとどめても悪口が扉を押し開けて飛び出してしまう。
なにかの気持ちを我慢しすぎると、いつか爆発してしまうのは同じだ。
どのような気持ちであっても極度に溜め込まないようにすることが大事なのだ。
しかし薬物中毒になると、その心の部屋の扉を壊してしまう。
例えば、心の中の悪口部屋の扉だけが開けっ放しになると、どうなるか?
「悪口ばかりを言いたくなって、本当ならば言わなくてもいいような些細なことを誇大させて喚きたくなる。
そして悪口というのは、気持ちが伴っていなくてもいくらでも言えるものなんです」
そんなことをやっていると、当然人が周りから離れて行く。
言いたくないことを延々と口から垂れ流すように話し、薬が抜けて正常な精神が戻った時にはもう周りに誰もいない。
「後悔しても中毒前の自分にはもう戻れない、実に憐れです」
雨妹はそう話を締めくくった。
だからある程度時間が経ってケシ汁の影響が薄くなっても、扉が修復できないままになってしまったのではないだろうか?
そう考えれば筋が通る気がする。
雨妹の話を聞いて、見張りの彼は目を丸くして理解が追い付かない様子だが、立彬は「なるほど」と呟く。
「......確かに、どんな不平不満も呑み込んで、客の前で笑ってみせるのが私らさ。
"That girl Jiang Qing, she'd been so used to using abusive words, did she badmouthed me all this while? I can't believe I've been hated to this extent."
The warden was troubled as if he made a mistake when he heard what Xu said, and he hung his head.
He probably wanted to comfort Xu, but he might end up pouring salt on her wounds.
The art of conversation also requires experience, so Yui Mei knew the guy couldn't be blamed. She watched over them without a word.
"Maybe I should've just put up with everything she put me through, but seems like that wasn't enough, didn't it? Was everything I made her do just a burden?"
Yui Mei promptly determined so.
"We cannot simply chalk her badmouthing as her true thoughts. Moreover, such behavior is precisely the damage done by addiction to the poppy juice."
And so, Yui Mei decided to explain it more fully.
"No matter who it is, we all have times when we want to make the person we're talking too feel good, so we compliment them. There are also other times when we want to spout insults, right? We navigate the path called conversation by skillfully managing those emotions within us."
Even if something bad suddenly pops into her mind, she would think first that it might not be something she should say, so she would push that nasty thought deep into her heart and shut it down.
However, if the negative thoughts and insults accumulate, no matter how much she tries to hold them back, they would still burst out.
Restraining and holding back for far too long would also cause one to explode in anger one day.
Thus, it's also important to know that no matter what sort of emotions it is, holding back won't be good for our mental health in the long run.
However, if a person suffers from addiction, the 'door' that holds back such emotions within her heart collapses.
And what will happen if someone's heart that is filled with grudges breaks down?
"It will be extremely tempting for a person to just let those insults and abusive words out, to make a mountain out of a molehill, when in reality, such words don't have to be uttered at all.
Moreover, it's very easy to curse even if you don't really feel like doing it."
If someone keeps on slandering others, then it's only natural that the people around her will keep their distance.
She will keep on spouting insults and abuse, but once she regains her sanity after the medicine wears off, she will find that there's no one around her anymore.
"Even if she regrets it, she will not be able to return to how she was prior to her addiction. She's actually pitiful."
Yui Mei finished with those words.
Thus, even after the effect of poppy juice wore off after some time passed, that door might have already become unrepairable.
It would all make sense if this was taken into consideration.
The warden's eyes were like round saucers, apparently unable to follow Yui Mei's train of thoughts, but Libin nodded, apparently in understanding.
"... Yeah, it's true that no matter what kind of complaints we have, we have to swallow it down and smile at our customers. Else, if we can't even do that, then we're already finished. What a foolish girl. Jiang Qing could've been a first rate biwa player even without resorting to such tricks."
Housekeeper of the Hundred Blossom Palace
百花宮のお掃除係～転生した新米宮女、後宮のお悩み解決します。
https://www.novelupdates.com/series/housekeeper-of-the-hundred-blossom-palace/
Fantasy Romance Shoujo Slice of Life
Adapted to Manga Ancient China Complex Family Relationships Different Social Status Female Protagonist Imperial Harem Love Interest Falls in Love First Reincarnated in Another World Royalty
https://ncode.syosetu.com/n4104ev/
黒辺あゆみ