26
殿下は私より先に口を開いた。
「レベッカ・スルタルク。お前は誰だ?」
「.........え?」
「お前は誰だと聞いている」
「で、殿下?」
殿下は伏せていた顔を上げ――私を、睨んだ。私の大好きな群青が今だけは深海にも空にも見えない。今はまるで青い炎だ。冷静に見えて、その実私の身体を視線だけで燃やし尽くそうとしているかのように熱い。
それを見て困惑が納得に変わった。この人は私の知るいつもの彼ではない。今はそう、激しい怒りを隠そうともしないただの一人の男だ。
「お前は、婚約者だろう、俺の」
近づかれて、その腕に掴まれるのが怖いと思った。思わず一歩後ずさったのはよくなかった。『気に入らない』と、彼の目が言っている。
伸びてきた腕が今度こそ私を捉えた。
「あ、わっ」
突然景色が数段高くなって、抱き上げられたのだと気づく。次いで仰向けに寝かされるように下ろされたとき、背中を預けた先は何やら柔らかく。自分のベッドの上だと気づいた。そして漸くはっきりと身の危険を感じた。
彼は私の両側に腕をついて私を見下ろす。
「なぜ俺に他の女を宛てがおうとする?俺のことが嫌いになったか?」
脳内で危険信号が明滅している。つい体を起こし肘をついて後ろ向きに這いずった。
「逃げ出したいか?」
やっとのことでとった距離は、彼が私にのしかかったことであっという間に詰められてしまう。
「俺が怖いか?」
両手で顔を挟まれ視線を合わさせられる。鼻と鼻がくっつきそうな距離。逃げ場が無い。目の前に群青が広がってビクリと震えた。
彼はゆっくりと、言い聞かせるように、命令した。
「俺から離れようとするのは許さない。お前が俺を嫌いになろうと、絶対に離してやらない。俺の妃になるのはお前だ。他の誰も決して認めない」
知らず息を呑んだ。
その声が懇願するようでもあったからだ。
強すぎる怒りをたたえ、青い炎のごとくゆらめいているように見えた群青。そこに同時に一抹の悲しみを見た。
首元に顔を埋められた。殿下はそうして私の身体をきつく抱きしめたまま動かなくなってしまった。本当に指くらいしか動かせないが、頭はやっと回り始めた。
私を掴んだ腕も、ベッドに下ろしたときの動作も、頰に触れた両の手も。全て壊れ物を扱うみたいに優しかったのに、私はなぜ殿下を別人のように思って怖がってしまったのか。
「殿下は...」
「お前を大切にしようと思っていたのに」
遮るように不穏なことを言われた。
気を取り直してもう一度。
「殿下は、『一緒にいるなら私がいい』と、思ってくださっていますか?」
「そんな可愛いものじゃない」
殿下は私の首元から顔を上げた。
「この感情は、そんな可愛いものじゃない」
けど、目が合わない。
「お前に押し付けるには歪すぎるとわかっている。だが俺はお前だけいればいい。お前だけをずっと見てきた。他の誰のことも見るな、他の誰にもお前を見せるな。もしお前が他の男の元へ行こうものなら俺は」
感情の吐露はそこで止まった。私の喉の辺りに注がれていた視線は上がって、
「愛している、レベッカ」
溢れ出た全ての想いを収束した言葉を、全ての想いを宿した瞳で、言った。
ずっとその言葉が聞きたかった。
言語化できない万感の思いは僅かな涙になって目尻に浮かんだ。殿下がそれに吸い付くみたいにキスを降らせたので、言葉にできない気持ちまで受け取ってもらえたみたいで嬉しかった。
「わたしも、すきです」
心なしか舌ったらずになってしまったのは、本格的に鼻がつんとしてきたせいだ。
それに対する殿下の返答は口付けだった。
呼吸の仕方がわからなくなったことにまあ何でもいいかと開き直り、上手に呼吸ができるようになって、一周回ってまたわからなくなってしまってもまだ唇が離されない、長い長い1回のキスだった。
漸く唇が離されて、殿下の腕にすっぽり包み込まれたまま彼の顔を見上げた。彼は横になったままで私を離すそぶりが全くない。外が本格的に暗くなったせいで、元々薄暗かった室内は今真っ暗だ。殿下はこのままここで眠るつもりなんだろうか。ここは私のベッドだけど。
「殿下」
「なんだ」
「私がよく読んでいる本があるのをご存知ですか」
閉じられていた目が薄く開かれた。群青が少し見下ろすようにして私を見る。小さい声で囁くように言った私に合わせて、いつもより低い、幾分掠れた声が返ってきた。
「...出会う半年ほど前から熱心に何かを読んでいるのを、『窓』からよく見たな」
「中身はご存知ですか?」
「いいや」
「予想はついていらっしゃいますか?」
間を空けず返ってきた返事に少しだけ体を強ばらせる。
「お前は時折まるで未来を知っているかのような言動をする。幻獣が現れる前からだから龍の力ではない。あの本が関係あるかもしれないと思ってはいた。...誰かの幻獣の予知能力か何かなのか?」
「...いいえ」
「お聞きにならないんですか?」
「話したいのか?」
「...いいえ、話せるとは思いますが、話したいとは思いません」
「ならいい」
殿下はそう言うとまた目を閉じてしまった。私を抱え直し、心地いい体勢を探して身じろぎする。
完全に寝る前の人間の行動に、目をぱちくりさせたのは私だ。
「...私殿下に秘密があるんですよ?悪い女なんです」
「悪い女でも、レベッカなら好きだ」
言葉に詰まる。『悪い』どころか『悪役』という意味だとちゃんとわかっているのだろうか。
「...本当?」
わかっているはずない。だけど聞いた。
「本当だ。この気持ちは何があっても変わらない」
殿下の声は低くて小さい。ここには私たち二人しかいないのに、私たちは二人だけで秘密の話をするみたいに話していた。まるで眠る前のこしょこしょ話だ。子供の頃から、そうやって教えてもらえる話は、内緒の一番本当の話と決まっている。
「もう7年程前、毎日退屈していた時があった。今思えば第一王子としての責任や周りの期待が重荷だった。当時自覚はなかったが...俺は潰れかけていた。
一つ下の婚約者を覗き見ようと思い立ったのはそんなときだ。窓を作って見てみると、それは年の割に大人びた少女だった。可愛い子で、周りの全ての人間をその笑顔と明るさで癒していた。毎日時間をかけて綺麗な花を一輪選んで摘んでは母親に渡す優しい子だった。暇さえあれば眺めるようになった。まるで太陽を見つけたみたいな気分だった。」
花のことは覚えていた。殿下はそれを見ていたのか。口を挟まずじっと耳を傾けた。
「3ヶ月ほど経ったある日だ。真夜中に彼女を覗いた。課題で遅くなってしまって、寝ている姿を確認したら自分もすぐ寝ようと思ったんだ。そのとき初めて知った。彼女は夜になると一人で泣いていた」
「寂しかったんだろうな。母は病気になってしまい、兄や父は忙しかった。彼女は我儘を言わず周りに迷惑をかけないようにしようと思えるほど賢かった。だが寂しくて夜泣いてしまうくらいには幼かった。
毛布にくるまって声も出さずにぽろぽろ泣き続ける少女をいつまでも見ていた。そして決めた。俺が守ると。結婚して、もう二度と寂しい思いなどさせずに、何よりも大切にしようと」
「それが毎日を生きる理由になった。魔法も剣も、政治学も帝王学も馬も弓も、使えそうなものは全て身につけた。彼女を守るためだと思えば何も苦しくなかった。学園でも第1学年で三強になれるように努力した。一年後会えたときに、少しでも良く見られたかったんだ。初めて会える日はどうしても我慢できなくて行事を放って探しに行ったな。そして会えた。レベッカ、お前に」
殿下は私の頰にそっと手をやる。額を合わせ、一際優しく言う。
「わかったか?愛している。きっと、この気持ちの一万分の一も、お前に伝わっていない」
そんな風に言われても、それでも声が出せなかった。きっと一つ残らず嗚咽に変わってしまうとわかったからだ。
本当は「そんなことはない」と言いたい。「痛いくらい伝わっている」、と。胸が、目が、喉が、心が。痛いくらいに。
この気持ちを表す言葉が見つからなくて苦しい。この衝動は、この痛いくらいの愛しさは、あと何回「愛してる」をいえば伝わるのだろう。
『きっと、この気持ちの一万分の一も、お前に伝わっていない』。
ああ、殿下も今こんな気持ちなのだ。似た者同士の私たちは、お互いにお互いの事が愛しくて愛しくて仕方なくて、言葉にしきれず苦しんでいる。それはまさしく、『伝わっている』ということだ。
この先これ以上幸せな日が来るだろうか?幸せな気持ちで目を閉じてから思った。
きっとくる。この先もこの人と一緒なら。
「エミリア!私を謀ったのですってね!」
翌日、珍しく怒りを露わに友人を問い詰めた。
「私本気で応援しようとしたんだから!」
「すみません...。でも、でも、結果うまくいってよかったですぅ」
エミリアはへにゃりと笑った。可愛かったので許そうかと思ったが、しかしやっぱり腹の虫が治らなかったので三日間口を利かないと宣言した。
エミリアは一日もしないうちに音をあげ、メリンダを通し泣きついてきたので、とりあえず溜飲は下がった。
Ch 26
His Highness opened his mouth before me.
"Rebecca Slutarch. Who are you?"
"...What?"
"I'm asking who you are ."
"Y-Your Highness?"
His Highness raised his face that was lowered----he glared at me. My beloved ultramarine blue doesn't look like the deep sea or the sky right now. Now it's like a blue flame. It looks calm, but in reality, it's burning my body with just its gaze.
I was confused and it turned into understanding when I saw that. This person is not the usual him I know. Right now, he's just a man who doesn't hide his intense anger.
"You're my fiancee, aren't you?"
When he came closer, I was afraid of being grasped by his arm. It wasn't good when I unconsciously took a step back. [I don't like it], his eyes say.
The arm that stretched out finally caught me this time.
"A-Ah!"
Suddenly the scenery became higher and I realized that I was being picked up. Next, when I was laid down face up, the place I was resting my back on felt soft. I realized that it was on my bed. And finally, I clearly felt the danger.
He looks down at me with his arms on both sides of me.
"Why are you trying to direct other women at me? Have you grown to dislike me?"
Danger signals were flashing in my head. I unintentionally lifted my body and crawled backwards(on my elbows).
"Do you want to run away?"
The distance I had barely managed to keep was quickly closed when he leaned on me.
"Are you afraid of me?"
He holds my face with both hands and forces our gazes to meet. Our noses are almost touching. There's no escape. The blue color in front of me spreads and I tremble.
He slowly, as if to convince me, gives me an order.
"I won't allow you to leave me. No matter how much you hate me, I will never let go. You will be my queen. I will never acknowledge anyone else."
I held my breath unknowingly.
It was because his voice sounded like it was pleading.
The blue color that appeared to be shaking like a blue flame with too much anger. And at the same time, I saw a hint of sadness.
He buried his face in my neck. His Highness held me tightly and didn't move. I could only move my fingers, but my head finally started to move.
The way his arm held me, the way he lowered me onto the bed, the way his hands touched my cheek, he was all so gentle, like he was handling something fragile. But why did I think of him as a stranger and feel afraid?
"Your Highness..."
"Even though I was trying to take care of you."
He said something ominous, blocking me.
I tried to gather my thoughts and asked again.
"Does Your Highness think, 'If we're together, I'll be okay'?"
"It's not that pretty."
His Highness looked up at me from the neck.
"These feelings aren't pretty."
But, our eyes don't meet.
"I know that it's too much to force this on you. But I only need you. I've only been looking at you. Don't look at anyone else, don't show yourself to anyone else. If you're going to go to another man's side, I will----."
The outpouring of emotions stopped there. The gaze that had been poured around my throat went up,
"I love you, Rebecca."
He said the words that condensed all the feelings and had all the feelings in his eyes.
I always wanted to hear those words.
The feelings that couldn't be verbalized became a little tear and floated in the corner of my eyes. I was happy because I felt like he had received all my feelings, even those that couldn't be expressed in words, when His Highness kissed me like he was sucking up the tears.
"I also love you."
It seems that I have become tongue-tied without realizing it, probably because my nose has become stuffy.
His Highness' response to that was a kiss.
I didn't understand how to breathe, so I just shrugged it off and figured it doesn't matter, and as I got better at breathing, even if I didn't understand it again, I still didn't let go of my lips, it was a long, long kiss.
Finally, my lips were released and I looked up at his face while still wrapped tightly in his arms. He showed no signs of letting go of me while lying down. The room was already dim, but now it was pitch black because the outside had become fully dark. I wonder if he plans to sleep here like this. This is my bed after all.
"Your Highness."
"What is it."
"Do you know about the book that I read often?"
The closed eyes were lightly opened. A pale blue looked down slightly and looked at me. He spoke to me in a small whisper, and in a lower and somewhat hoarse voice than usual, a reply came back.
"...I've seen from the window that you've been reading something passionately for about half a year."
"Do you know the contents?"
"No."
"Do you have any guesses?"
Without a pause, I slightly stiffened my body in response to his quick reply.
"Sometimes you act like you know the future. It's not a dragon's power because it was before Phantom Beasts appeared. I thought that book might be related...Is it someone's Phantom Beast's prediction ability or something?"
"...No."
"Would you like me to tell you?"
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"...No, I think I can talk about it, but I don't want to."
"Then that's fine."
His Highness closed his eyes again as he said that. He held me tighter and shifted to find a comfortable position.
I was the only one who noticed the completely human behavior before he fell asleep.
"...I have a secret from Your Highness. I'm a bad woman."
"I like Rebecca even if she's a bad woman."
I couldn't find the words. [Bad] would be an understatement, I wonder if he understands the meaning of [villainess]?
"...Really?"
He shouldn't understand. But I asked.
"It's true. This feeling will never change no matter what happens."
His Highness' voice was low and small. Even though it was just the two of us here, it felt like we were having a secret conversation. It was like the kind of conversation you have before falling asleep. Ever since I was a child, I knew that the stories told to me that way were the truest secrets.
"About 7 years ago, there were times when I was bored every day. Now that I think about it, the responsibilities and expectations of being the crown prince weighed heavily on me. I didn't realize it at the time, but... I was crumbling.
It was then that I decided to sneak a peek at my younger fiancee. When I made a hole in the window and looked through, she was a girl who was more mature than her age. She was cute and healed everyone around her with her smile and brightness. She was a kind child who spent time every day carefully choosing and picking beautiful flowers to give to her mother. I became the type to look at her when I had free time. It felt like I had found the sun."
I remembered the flowers. Was His Highness watching that? Without saying a word, I just listened intently.
"It has been about three months. One day, in the middle of the night, I peeped at her. I was late with my homework and when I saw her sleeping, I thought I should sleep too. That's when I found out for the first time. She cried alone at night."
"She must have been lonely. Her mother had gotten sick and her brother and father were busy. She was smart enough to try not to be a burden to others. But she was still young enough to cry alone at night.
I watched the girl, wrapped in a blanket, crying silently without making a sound. And then I made a decision. I would protect her. I would marry her and make sure she never felt lonely again, and most importantly, I would treasure her."
"That became my reason for living. Magic, swords, political science, imperial studies, horses, bows, I learned everything that could be useful. If I thought it was to protect her, nothing was difficult. I worked hard to become one of the top three students in my first year at the Academy. When I saw her a year later, I wanted to look as good as possible. The day we would meet for the first time, I couldn't wait any longer and I left the event to search for her. And then I found her. Rebecca, you."
His Highness gently touched my cheek. He pressed his forehead against mine and spoke kindly.
"Do you understand? I love you. Surely, not even one-tenth of this feeling is getting through to you."
Even if I was told that, I still couldn't voice it out. I knew that it would all turn into sobs.
Actually, I want to say "That's not true." and "It's getting through to me, it hurts." My chest, eyes, throat, heart, all hurts so much.
I can't find words to express this feeling and it's painful. This impulse, this pain of how much I love, I wonder how many more times I have to say "I love you" for it to be conveyed.
[Surely, not even one-tenth of this feeling is getting through to you.]
Yes, His Highness must be feeling the same way right now. We, who are alike, love and cherish each other so much that we can't find the words and suffer. That's exactly what it means [it's getting through].
Will there be more happy days to come? I thought about it as I closed my eyes with a happy feeling.
Surely, it will come. If I'm with this person from now on.
"Emilia! You're the one who planned it, right?!"
The next day, she rarely showed her anger and interrogated her friends.
"I was trying to support you seriously!"
"I'm sorry... but, but, I'm glad it turned out well."
Emilia smiled bashfully. She thought she might forgive her because she was cute, but she still couldn't get over her anger, so she declared that she wouldn't speak to her for three days.
Emilia cried and made a scene through Melinda, without waiting for one day, so for the time being, her anger subsided.
The Villainess Carries a Strategy Guide
その悪役令嬢は攻略本を携えている
https://www.novelupdates.com/series/the-villainess-carries-a-strategy-guide/
Fantasy Josei Romance Shoujo
Academy Adapted to Manga Aristocracy Doting Older Siblings European Ambience Female Protagonist Love Interest Falls in Love First Magic Nobles Otome Game Reincarnated in a Game World Villainess Noble Girls
https://ncode.syosetu.com/n6554fr/
岩田加奈