<story><title>How Social Isolation Is Killing Us</title><url>http://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/22/upshot/how-social-isolation-is-killing-us.html</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>navait</author><text>From my perspective, I think most people want to be socially isolated, or at the very least, never change their social bubble. After completing school, I didn&amp;#x27;t want to be lonely when living in the working world. So I bought a few books on socializing, picked up swing dance, went to meetups, took adult education classes and volunteered in the US election.&lt;p&gt;After 16 months of continuous practice, I have made 0 friends. Conversations with strangers, yes. I got contact information, was religious about following up, but people who agreed to do something with me in the future suddenly didn&amp;#x27;t respond to my messages. Attempted to have a few gatherings at my apartment and despite the people I invited saying they would come, nobody showed up.&lt;p&gt;Why even bother if people won&amp;#x27;t meet you a tenth of the way?</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>SeanDav</author><text>This is going to sound terribly judgemental, but have you considered that the problem might lie with you? It sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing in terms of meeting new people but the fact that your results are very poor, seems to suggest you are not doing something correctly, or are putting people off in some way.&lt;p&gt;Just show an interest in people, without being creepy. Respect boundaries but show you are a good listener and ask questions that show that you have listened and do care. Rather than shotgun everyone, just be friendly and interested and concentrate on developing relationships with people that appear interested in you.&lt;p&gt;It is also important to not rush things. If you perceive a connection with someone - don&amp;#x27;t ask them around to your house for drinks immediately, but develop the relationship for a few more meetings before taking it to the next level (I mean this from a platonic point of view).&lt;p&gt;Also consider your appearance and personal hygiene. Are you dressed about the same as everyone else? Try to be better dressed than average without being extreme. Have you too much deodorant? Are you freshly showered? Do you have bad breath?&lt;p&gt;Try to ask a family member or honest friend the tough questions about yourself.</text></comment>
<story><title>How Social Isolation Is Killing Us</title><url>http://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/22/upshot/how-social-isolation-is-killing-us.html</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>navait</author><text>From my perspective, I think most people want to be socially isolated, or at the very least, never change their social bubble. After completing school, I didn&amp;#x27;t want to be lonely when living in the working world. So I bought a few books on socializing, picked up swing dance, went to meetups, took adult education classes and volunteered in the US election.&lt;p&gt;After 16 months of continuous practice, I have made 0 friends. Conversations with strangers, yes. I got contact information, was religious about following up, but people who agreed to do something with me in the future suddenly didn&amp;#x27;t respond to my messages. Attempted to have a few gatherings at my apartment and despite the people I invited saying they would come, nobody showed up.&lt;p&gt;Why even bother if people won&amp;#x27;t meet you a tenth of the way?</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>cableshaft</author><text>I did something similar (continuously went to meetups for two years), but had the exact opposite experience. Now I have more friends than I can realistically keep up with.&lt;p&gt;Just repeatedly showing up to these things and making an effort to talk to these people a bit each time and eventually I stopped being a stranger to people and started getting invited to private events they hosted. It might have helped that the meetups I focused on were often board game related (or movies or dinners or theater) and I&amp;#x27;m a board game nut, though. I&amp;#x27;m also getting more and move involved with my local writer&amp;#x27;s group (hosted two writer&amp;#x27;s workshops last year).&lt;p&gt;I&amp;#x27;ve gone to several software development meetups and had really poor experiences befriending people there. People seem to be more shy or standoff-ish, or the focus is too much on the lecture or &amp;#x27;hacking in a corner&amp;#x27; and not on a group activity, so that might be part of it. Oh, also I think too many of those people go to those for &amp;#x27;professional networking&amp;#x27; purposes and not to have some fun talking about technology and making some genuine connections, so it feels a little artificial, too.</text></comment>