<story><title>Brilliant Jerks in Engineering</title><url>http://www.brendangregg.com/blog/2017-11-13/brilliant-jerks.html</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>fhood</author><text>You are wrong because the vast majority of people take criticism personally. It turns out that when you tell people they are wrong and present them with reasons they are wrong, a surprising number of people double down. I&amp;#x27;m sure you have heard this before, but you have to make them think it was their idea.&lt;p&gt;Edit Source: I make this mistake all the god damn time, and never realize it until the person breaks and finally snaps at me. The whole time I thought we were just having a reasoned argument. I think that I am constructively invalidating the other persons arguments, meanwhile they are feeling belittled and defensive.&lt;p&gt;Edit edit: This is even worse if, like me, you think arguments are pretty much the greatest most entertaining game it is possible to play.</text></item><item><author>mars4rp</author><text>I am an Alice and I need some feedback as why is it a bad thing! I work in an environment when very small percentage of people know what are they doing. and people that know what is going on do not speak up because they are frustrated and know probably nothing will change.
in this environment I do speak up whenever I get a chance and I&amp;#x27;ve been in arguments with managers 3 4 level above me. 
everybody else wants to be politicians and please everybody! but I believe because no one wants to hurt other people&amp;#x27;s feelings we are in a shit situation we are in.&lt;p&gt;why am I wrong ? should I care less like everybody else?&lt;p&gt;PS: where I currently work is wasting public money and I feel obligated to do something as a Libertarian!</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>wallace_f</author><text>I have made this mistake all the time in life as well. Even with some things that seem to have no political, religious, etc. angle to them, and are just very easy to Google and verify in a heartbeat.&lt;p&gt;This is going to sound ridiculous, but I thought I&amp;#x27;d open up for example. In university I adamently refuted the moon landing conspiracy of a group partner. I didn&amp;#x27;t realize this would offend, but it did. She did a lot of extremely vindictive things after that, and even tried to (with some success, I might add) incite anger towards me from other group members.&lt;p&gt;Some people become extremely defensive and then aggressive, perhaps it is especially so if you are the nerdy-humble-well-intentioned-Alice-low-gravitas type...&lt;p&gt;Knowing when to correct someone and when to keep quiet is something I have become a lot better at with age. It took a lot of learning the hard way though.&lt;p&gt;I would hope others are understanding that not everyone who is perceived as a jerk, actually intends it.</text></comment>
<story><title>Brilliant Jerks in Engineering</title><url>http://www.brendangregg.com/blog/2017-11-13/brilliant-jerks.html</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>fhood</author><text>You are wrong because the vast majority of people take criticism personally. It turns out that when you tell people they are wrong and present them with reasons they are wrong, a surprising number of people double down. I&amp;#x27;m sure you have heard this before, but you have to make them think it was their idea.&lt;p&gt;Edit Source: I make this mistake all the god damn time, and never realize it until the person breaks and finally snaps at me. The whole time I thought we were just having a reasoned argument. I think that I am constructively invalidating the other persons arguments, meanwhile they are feeling belittled and defensive.&lt;p&gt;Edit edit: This is even worse if, like me, you think arguments are pretty much the greatest most entertaining game it is possible to play.</text></item><item><author>mars4rp</author><text>I am an Alice and I need some feedback as why is it a bad thing! I work in an environment when very small percentage of people know what are they doing. and people that know what is going on do not speak up because they are frustrated and know probably nothing will change.
in this environment I do speak up whenever I get a chance and I&amp;#x27;ve been in arguments with managers 3 4 level above me. 
everybody else wants to be politicians and please everybody! but I believe because no one wants to hurt other people&amp;#x27;s feelings we are in a shit situation we are in.&lt;p&gt;why am I wrong ? should I care less like everybody else?&lt;p&gt;PS: where I currently work is wasting public money and I feel obligated to do something as a Libertarian!</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>an_d_rew</author><text>Agree totally.&lt;p&gt;In an idealized &amp;quot;intellectual-only&amp;quot; world, humans would be Spock-like and be pure rational actors.&lt;p&gt;But we aren&amp;#x27;t, not even close. (And I would argue that that&amp;#x27;s a good thing, but that discussion is waaaaay out of scope).&lt;p&gt;As soon as you accept that humans, including yourself, primarily make _emotional_ decisions and not rational ones, it becomes easier to steer decisions in a healthy manner.</text></comment>