<story><title>Love seems like a high priority</title><url>https://forum.effectivealtruism.org/posts/qar8rGhomyNsQC85z/love-seems-like-a-high-priority</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>Epenthesis</author><text>I&amp;#x27;m not sure that&amp;#x27;s true.&lt;p&gt;I have little to no sex drive (am &amp;quot;asexual&amp;quot; as the kids say), but I&amp;#x27;ve had intense crushes&amp;#x2F;obsessive feelings about individuals with no associated desire to have sex with the targets thereof.&lt;p&gt;I imagine that for people with normal sex drives, both components play a role in initial relationship formation; ie,  there&amp;#x27;s an emotional component in addition to &amp;quot;lust&amp;quot; as conventionally defined.&lt;p&gt;You could quibble that these (relatively short lived) intense emotions are &amp;quot;lust&amp;quot;, as opposed to the &amp;quot;love&amp;quot; of a longer relationship, but that seems to be playing a semantic game that doesn&amp;#x27;t really concord with how we generally use those words.</text></item><item><author>every</author><text>Initially, people do not fall in love. Rather, they fall in lust. This is typically short term. Love emerges when there is deep, long term compatibility and commitment. Humor helps as well. This is an anecdotal observation from someone who has been &amp;quot;in love&amp;quot; for over four decades...</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>speby</author><text>Lust may be the wrong word here. Infatuation is more like the term I tend to associate with people&amp;#x27;s &lt;i&gt;initial&lt;/i&gt; attraction and substance of their relationship with someone else. The simple reason has more to do with the fact people simply CANNOT truly know each other, their values, and the result of their behaviors and choices, until enough time passes.&lt;p&gt;It is also worth mentioning that people&amp;#x27;s lives arc on their own, in that they change. Preferences change. Values might even shift for some people over time (e.g. a religious person becoming totally secular or even atheistic later in life). And those changes also do not typically emerge in a couple of months of dating and flirting with one another.&lt;p&gt;It&amp;#x27;s.... just human nature.</text></comment>
<story><title>Love seems like a high priority</title><url>https://forum.effectivealtruism.org/posts/qar8rGhomyNsQC85z/love-seems-like-a-high-priority</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>Epenthesis</author><text>I&amp;#x27;m not sure that&amp;#x27;s true.&lt;p&gt;I have little to no sex drive (am &amp;quot;asexual&amp;quot; as the kids say), but I&amp;#x27;ve had intense crushes&amp;#x2F;obsessive feelings about individuals with no associated desire to have sex with the targets thereof.&lt;p&gt;I imagine that for people with normal sex drives, both components play a role in initial relationship formation; ie,  there&amp;#x27;s an emotional component in addition to &amp;quot;lust&amp;quot; as conventionally defined.&lt;p&gt;You could quibble that these (relatively short lived) intense emotions are &amp;quot;lust&amp;quot;, as opposed to the &amp;quot;love&amp;quot; of a longer relationship, but that seems to be playing a semantic game that doesn&amp;#x27;t really concord with how we generally use those words.</text></item><item><author>every</author><text>Initially, people do not fall in love. Rather, they fall in lust. This is typically short term. Love emerges when there is deep, long term compatibility and commitment. Humor helps as well. This is an anecdotal observation from someone who has been &amp;quot;in love&amp;quot; for over four decades...</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>seibelj</author><text>There are edge cases to anything in biology. I would say you are an edge case. Love and sex are fundamental to humanity and our continued existence. You being a 0.001% outlier, who will likely not produce any offspring who would have a chance to inherit your asexual-ness, does not refute the parent comment whatsoever.</text></comment>