<story><title>You and Your Research (1986)</title><url>https://www.cs.virginia.edu/~robins/YouAndYourResearch.html</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>mathisfun123</author><text>There&amp;#x27;s a part of this that&amp;#x27;s never ever commented on&lt;p&gt;&amp;gt;I don&amp;#x27;t like to say it in front of my wife, but I did sort of neglect her sometimes; I needed to study. You have to neglect things if you intend to get what you want done. There&amp;#x27;s no question about this.&lt;p&gt;As someone that got married during their PhD and is now finishing up and reflecting: it isn&amp;#x27;t worth it. Neglecting the people in your life that love you in the pursuit of &amp;quot;science&amp;quot; is no different than neglecting them because you have a drug habit or because you&amp;#x27;re an inveterate gambler &lt;i&gt;or because you&amp;#x27;re chasing fame and fortune&lt;/i&gt;. The science will get done regardless and the only thing you accomplish is ensuring your own interests. Suffice it to say I&amp;#x27;m taking steps make sure my next gig has more room.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>JHonaker</author><text>It really isn&amp;#x27;t talked about enough. I am contemplating leaving my PhD despite being ABD with the majority of the interesting work done simply because the neglect it inflicts on my family is the cause of the overwhelming majority of conflicts in my life.&lt;p&gt;I truly love working on the problem, investing time in research papers, and experimenting, but I have no desire to stay in academia. Plus, I have a well-paying full-time job (that I took during the pandemic to save my wife from having to shoulder our living expenses basically single-handedly while growing our child inside of her).&lt;p&gt;&amp;gt; Suffice it to say I&amp;#x27;m taking steps make sure my next gig has more room.&lt;p&gt;I hear you. It&amp;#x27;s crazy how mentally abusive a lot of people&amp;#x27;s relationship with their PhD is. I&amp;#x27;m convinced it&amp;#x27;s one of the reasons so many people with PhDs marry other PhDs. They&amp;#x27;re the only ones that &amp;quot;understand&amp;quot; the level of single-minded devotion you have to have to be an early career researcher.</text></comment>
<story><title>You and Your Research (1986)</title><url>https://www.cs.virginia.edu/~robins/YouAndYourResearch.html</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>mathisfun123</author><text>There&amp;#x27;s a part of this that&amp;#x27;s never ever commented on&lt;p&gt;&amp;gt;I don&amp;#x27;t like to say it in front of my wife, but I did sort of neglect her sometimes; I needed to study. You have to neglect things if you intend to get what you want done. There&amp;#x27;s no question about this.&lt;p&gt;As someone that got married during their PhD and is now finishing up and reflecting: it isn&amp;#x27;t worth it. Neglecting the people in your life that love you in the pursuit of &amp;quot;science&amp;quot; is no different than neglecting them because you have a drug habit or because you&amp;#x27;re an inveterate gambler &lt;i&gt;or because you&amp;#x27;re chasing fame and fortune&lt;/i&gt;. The science will get done regardless and the only thing you accomplish is ensuring your own interests. Suffice it to say I&amp;#x27;m taking steps make sure my next gig has more room.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>BlandDuck</author><text>I am a reasonably successful researcher, and I admit to neglecting my wife sometimes, especially in my early career.&lt;p&gt;However, I would venture that being successful in any career --- be it research, business, politics, arts --- requires a certain amount of focus and neglect of your family and friends.&lt;p&gt;But later, if you succeed, you can make it up to them and make it worth it for them as well.</text></comment>