<story><title>Need help with students who&apos;ve turned my class into a dating service</title><url>https://academia.stackexchange.com/questions/192977/need-help-with-students-whove-turned-my-class-into-a-dating-service</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>elil17</author><text>It’s disrespectful because it ignores the fact that the women are not there to date, but to learn. The men are getting in their way by showing off and offering disingenuous tutoring.</text></item><item><author>xupybd</author><text>I don&amp;#x27;t think that taking a class to get to know single women of your own age is disrespectful.&lt;p&gt;Do we know they are objectifying? The post said this was about finding a future wife.</text></item><item><author>I-love-india</author><text>No, you just to treat women with respect. The issue here is intention.  The intention here is not about teaching or learning in the class. But its using that pretence in fact distrupting the intention of the class and people there. How do you like your intention distrupted? How about by unattractive slobs who are objectifying you and trying to be &amp;quot;helpful&amp;quot; and trying tricks they found on internet If someone is trying to come to terms with complex mathematics it just not appropriate to distract or give them the feeling of having to deal with a situation of someone coming onto them.&lt;p&gt;How do people not get this? It&amp;#x27;s about basic respect. Isn&amp;#x27;t it totally distracting to you if someone you&amp;#x27;re not attracted in is looking at you and commenting on you and trying to &amp;quot;help&amp;quot; you?&lt;p&gt;Maybe you&amp;#x27;d like unattractive specimens distrupting your coding process by hanging around and offering to be &amp;quot;helpful&amp;quot;?</text></item><item><author>nhchris</author><text>&amp;gt; This might be hard, as no unwanted advances are taking place. We simply have students excelling at the course, and drawing-in a crowd. I should&amp;#x27;ve been more clear with my &amp;quot;leching&amp;quot; comment. Still, it seems harassing in nature.&lt;p&gt;It seems increasingly that society demands a world where dating only happens during designated and approved dating times and venues, and outside those strictly delimited places, men are to behave as eunuchs, and all prospects of romance are to be extinguished.&lt;p&gt;Then wonder why marriage and fertility rates are tanking.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>bruce511</author><text>I feel like (as an old person) trying to tell youngsters how to behave at college, seems, well likely to fall in deaf ears.&lt;p&gt;But I&amp;#x27;m not sure your point holds water. If women want to date, they can. If they don&amp;#x27;t want to then they don&amp;#x27;t have to. These other students hold no power, assign no grades, and so on.&lt;p&gt;Perhaps the root issue is the demoralization of some not being offered dates or extra tutoring? But it&amp;#x27;s hard to see how that might be corrected.&lt;p&gt;I confess I don&amp;#x27;t see the actual harm here - those that want to learn can learn, those that want to date can date. I suppose those that want to date, but aren&amp;#x27;t getting any offers....?&lt;p&gt;Still, as an old man, I&amp;#x27;m not sure I&amp;#x27;m qualified to weigh in - but to me it sounds like kids being kids.</text></comment>
<story><title>Need help with students who&apos;ve turned my class into a dating service</title><url>https://academia.stackexchange.com/questions/192977/need-help-with-students-whove-turned-my-class-into-a-dating-service</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>elil17</author><text>It’s disrespectful because it ignores the fact that the women are not there to date, but to learn. The men are getting in their way by showing off and offering disingenuous tutoring.</text></item><item><author>xupybd</author><text>I don&amp;#x27;t think that taking a class to get to know single women of your own age is disrespectful.&lt;p&gt;Do we know they are objectifying? The post said this was about finding a future wife.</text></item><item><author>I-love-india</author><text>No, you just to treat women with respect. The issue here is intention.  The intention here is not about teaching or learning in the class. But its using that pretence in fact distrupting the intention of the class and people there. How do you like your intention distrupted? How about by unattractive slobs who are objectifying you and trying to be &amp;quot;helpful&amp;quot; and trying tricks they found on internet If someone is trying to come to terms with complex mathematics it just not appropriate to distract or give them the feeling of having to deal with a situation of someone coming onto them.&lt;p&gt;How do people not get this? It&amp;#x27;s about basic respect. Isn&amp;#x27;t it totally distracting to you if someone you&amp;#x27;re not attracted in is looking at you and commenting on you and trying to &amp;quot;help&amp;quot; you?&lt;p&gt;Maybe you&amp;#x27;d like unattractive specimens distrupting your coding process by hanging around and offering to be &amp;quot;helpful&amp;quot;?</text></item><item><author>nhchris</author><text>&amp;gt; This might be hard, as no unwanted advances are taking place. We simply have students excelling at the course, and drawing-in a crowd. I should&amp;#x27;ve been more clear with my &amp;quot;leching&amp;quot; comment. Still, it seems harassing in nature.&lt;p&gt;It seems increasingly that society demands a world where dating only happens during designated and approved dating times and venues, and outside those strictly delimited places, men are to behave as eunuchs, and all prospects of romance are to be extinguished.&lt;p&gt;Then wonder why marriage and fertility rates are tanking.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>hackinthebochs</author><text>The subtext here is that women should be able to exist in the world without &amp;quot;unwanted&amp;quot; sexual attention being given towards them. The question is whether this is reasonable.&lt;p&gt;Should men not seek dates? Should men not go where single women are to seek dates? Should men limit their efforts at getting dates only to &amp;quot;appropriate venues&amp;quot;, where women&amp;#x27;s interest is explicit? How does the man&amp;#x27;s attractiveness factor into these constraints?&lt;p&gt;None of this seems reasonable at first blush. Obviously women don&amp;#x27;t want men they&amp;#x27;re not attracted to to engage them with romantic interests. Conversely, women generally do want men they are attracted to demonstrate romantic interests, regardless of venue (to a certain extent). But how can this constraint possibly be enforced in a reasonable way?</text></comment>