<story><title>Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?</title><text>I am in my mid-thirties, working four days a week, and making over 100k. I have a house, a good relationship with my wife, and young and healthy kids.&lt;p&gt;I work from home. My job is technically interesting, and I still learn&amp;#x2F;improve. I do not have meetings. One or sometimes two 30 min calls a week with my boss. Most days, I do not have to interact with anyone from work, not even customer contact.&lt;p&gt;If I knew I could have a job like this ten years ago, I would have thought that&amp;#x27;s it, the dream.&lt;p&gt;But somehow, it isn&amp;#x27;t. It&amp;#x27;s never enough.&lt;p&gt;I dream about doing my own thing or retiring early to do other projects. It is probably human to always want more.&lt;p&gt;So HN, how did you settle and slow down and become happy with the way it is without always wanting more?</text></story><parent_chain><item><author>willhslade</author><text>You are describing the hedonic treadmill. Essentially, you become used to your surroundings, and while they are objectively great, from the perspective of inside your own head, this is now normal and you &amp;#x2F; your monkey mind wants more.&lt;p&gt;There have been a lot of post floating around the internet with various solutions, the most popular being Stoicism &amp;gt; Positive Psychology &amp;#x2F; Happiness research &amp;gt; Buddhism &amp;#x2F; Meditation. I&amp;#x27;ve dabbled a little in all of them and they all have something to offer.&lt;p&gt;Essentially, you are experiencing a disconnect between how it feels to be you and how you expected to feel. As someone only a little older than yourself, I would say this: your job will never love you back, and especially in the software realm, it may not be as fulfilling as something like woodworking or therapy. It does pay the bills, though.&lt;p&gt;The above mentioned happiness research &amp;#x2F; positive psychology suggests that having multiple, meaningful social roles that you can fulfill outside of work will allow you to shoulder more responsibility and find meaning in your life.&lt;p&gt;What I&amp;#x27;m trying say is that in the second half of life, it is our job to give back. So start there.&lt;p&gt;Also, this is in my morning bookmarks to revisit:
&lt;a href=&quot;https:&amp;#x2F;&amp;#x2F;old.reddit.com&amp;#x2F;r&amp;#x2F;AskEngineers&amp;#x2F;comments&amp;#x2F;so6e8h&amp;#x2F;engineers_who_got_their_mba_whats_your_jobcareer&amp;#x2F;hw8ui28&amp;#x2F;&quot; rel=&quot;nofollow&quot;&gt;https:&amp;#x2F;&amp;#x2F;old.reddit.com&amp;#x2F;r&amp;#x2F;AskEngineers&amp;#x2F;comments&amp;#x2F;so6e8h&amp;#x2F;engine...&lt;/a&gt;</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>2OEH8eoCRo0</author><text>Correct. It works in reverse too.&lt;p&gt;Anecdote: As I deployed to Afghanistan from my duty station on Okinawa things got progressively shitty. Okinawa -&amp;gt; Manas: Living conditions suck but they have a decent chow hall. Manas -&amp;gt; Camp Leatherneck: Crappy living, crappy chow. Camp Leatherneck -&amp;gt; FOB: wow this sucks. FOB -&amp;gt; combat outpost: holy shit this sucks! How am I gonna do 7 months of this?!&lt;p&gt;I did. Got used to it. Was actually kind of fun after awhile. Then after deployment you do it in reverse and feels like being upgraded to better and better luxury.&lt;p&gt;Soon enough you&amp;#x27;re used to it and living in the barracks on Okinawa sucks again.&lt;p&gt;Point being that you adjust to living conditions- good or bad. Don&amp;#x27;t derive purpose from chasing more because you&amp;#x27;ll always adjust to whatever you attain.</text></comment>
<story><title>Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?</title><text>I am in my mid-thirties, working four days a week, and making over 100k. I have a house, a good relationship with my wife, and young and healthy kids.&lt;p&gt;I work from home. My job is technically interesting, and I still learn&amp;#x2F;improve. I do not have meetings. One or sometimes two 30 min calls a week with my boss. Most days, I do not have to interact with anyone from work, not even customer contact.&lt;p&gt;If I knew I could have a job like this ten years ago, I would have thought that&amp;#x27;s it, the dream.&lt;p&gt;But somehow, it isn&amp;#x27;t. It&amp;#x27;s never enough.&lt;p&gt;I dream about doing my own thing or retiring early to do other projects. It is probably human to always want more.&lt;p&gt;So HN, how did you settle and slow down and become happy with the way it is without always wanting more?</text></story><parent_chain><item><author>willhslade</author><text>You are describing the hedonic treadmill. Essentially, you become used to your surroundings, and while they are objectively great, from the perspective of inside your own head, this is now normal and you &amp;#x2F; your monkey mind wants more.&lt;p&gt;There have been a lot of post floating around the internet with various solutions, the most popular being Stoicism &amp;gt; Positive Psychology &amp;#x2F; Happiness research &amp;gt; Buddhism &amp;#x2F; Meditation. I&amp;#x27;ve dabbled a little in all of them and they all have something to offer.&lt;p&gt;Essentially, you are experiencing a disconnect between how it feels to be you and how you expected to feel. As someone only a little older than yourself, I would say this: your job will never love you back, and especially in the software realm, it may not be as fulfilling as something like woodworking or therapy. It does pay the bills, though.&lt;p&gt;The above mentioned happiness research &amp;#x2F; positive psychology suggests that having multiple, meaningful social roles that you can fulfill outside of work will allow you to shoulder more responsibility and find meaning in your life.&lt;p&gt;What I&amp;#x27;m trying say is that in the second half of life, it is our job to give back. So start there.&lt;p&gt;Also, this is in my morning bookmarks to revisit:
&lt;a href=&quot;https:&amp;#x2F;&amp;#x2F;old.reddit.com&amp;#x2F;r&amp;#x2F;AskEngineers&amp;#x2F;comments&amp;#x2F;so6e8h&amp;#x2F;engineers_who_got_their_mba_whats_your_jobcareer&amp;#x2F;hw8ui28&amp;#x2F;&quot; rel=&quot;nofollow&quot;&gt;https:&amp;#x2F;&amp;#x2F;old.reddit.com&amp;#x2F;r&amp;#x2F;AskEngineers&amp;#x2F;comments&amp;#x2F;so6e8h&amp;#x2F;engine...&lt;/a&gt;</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>hesdeadjim</author><text>I think you drastically over-estimate how &amp;quot;fulfilling&amp;quot; something like therapy is. Day in and day out you will see people you desperately wish to help, who if they 
listened to 20% of what you offered would see their lives change immensely, only to watch them repeat the same behavior without change day in and day out. Worse, if you deal with depressed or addicted people it&amp;#x27;s just a matter of time before a client kills themselves.&lt;p&gt;Grass is always greener, but we have it &lt;i&gt;easy&lt;/i&gt; in software and it&amp;#x27;s good to remember that.&lt;p&gt;All that said, I&amp;#x27;ve been through the types of discontent that OP mentions. I&amp;#x27;ve worked many interesting software jobs, started multiple businesses, failed many times, succeeded, made lots of money, shipped an indie game that was an expression of myself -- a dream come true, and at the end of it all... emptiness and a feeling of not-enough-ness (not depression!).&lt;p&gt;If one does not find a philosophy that accepts this as reality at its core, you&amp;#x27;ll be chasing your tail until the day you die. I personally prefer Buddhism without the ceremonial pomp, and in that vein I&amp;#x27;d recommend Noah Levine: &lt;a href=&quot;https:&amp;#x2F;&amp;#x2F;www.againstthestream.com&amp;#x2F;dharma-talk-and-meditation-podcast&quot; rel=&quot;nofollow&quot;&gt;https:&amp;#x2F;&amp;#x2F;www.againstthestream.com&amp;#x2F;dharma-talk-and-meditation-...&lt;/a&gt;&lt;p&gt;Edit: 100% agree though that giving back to people is wonderful. Some of my best experiences have been the happiness in helping someone else succeed.</text></comment>