<story><title>When I was labeled a ‘troubled’ teen, I obliged</title><url>https://www.nytimes.com/2021/01/12/well/family/teen-tough-love-programs.html</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>arthurofbabylon</author><text>Stories about these institutions get conflated into a mess that scarcely resembles the reality. In a way, this is inevitable with a wide variety of schools and treatment centers, and a yet wider variety of perspectives.&lt;p&gt;This particular story tells us little about these schools – it describes the perspective of a student, a client. This is valuable and I&amp;#x27;m grateful to read it. However, I caution other readers against making assumptions about these institutions based on any given story.&lt;p&gt;I would know – I attended four of these schools. Some incredibly strict (even dehumanizing) and others a joy (one had season passes to the local ski resort). Most of them blended these two polarities. Students exhibited huge variation in responses, to the point that a listener hearing them describe their shared experiences would be certain they were discussing different places.&lt;p&gt;For example, some students thought it was abusive to require skiing and mountain biking two days per week (I disagree). Other students thought it was totally fine to be required to wear hospital scrubs as a means of stigmatization (I also disagree). Almost no one questioned social isolation as punishment – perhaps the most incredible abuse I routinely witnessed and was subjected to, considering the developmental phase of adolescents. My point: it will take a mosaic of perspectives to really understand what&amp;#x27;s going on.&lt;p&gt;I also caution readers against abhorrence towards parents. Consider those not-rare parents who have tried everything to help a kid who is on the cusp of life in prison, undergoing their 8th overdose, or being repeatedly raped and subjected to prostitution&amp;#x2F;exploitation. Consider that many of these schools offer a greater education than what&amp;#x27;s locally available. Consider that some of these schools are effective and relatively safe.&lt;p&gt;A final note that I believe clouds this topic -&amp;gt; We live in a puritanical, punitive society. Even for non-religious people, we have been inculcated with ideals of purity and expectations of punishment. These delusions and biases cloud this topic.&lt;p&gt;My final guidance is to read these stories with an open mind. This author was truthful, and we should listen. The next story you hear will probably contradict it but also be truthful, and we should listen.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>taurath</author><text>This all pretends like there’s somehow no causality to many of these kids being “difficult”. I’ll even give that in some cases there is just some condition that makes a kid incredibly out of control despite actual loving supporting parents, but I would wager you can find environmental causes in most cases.&lt;p&gt;My experience with friends who have gone to places like this is that the kids by and large were under extreme emotional neglect from a very early age, and visiting a “troubled teen” facility is that it catalyses and forever imprints a childhood completely filled with trauma. It destroys forever the possibility of a relationship with the parents. Kids are often not told where they were going or being rushed away in the middle of the night, with drill sergeants and harsh punishments and rural facilities designed to present escape. It’s psychological torture to “break” a child as one would a farm animal.&lt;p&gt;Parents are sacrosanct in this country and there is no actual community to give much in terms of help. Peoples suburban homes are their castle and nobody knows how much neglect or abuse is going on behind closed doors until the kid shows up at school with a “behavior disorder”. Simply put: people who are completely incompetent to care for another human being much less an immature one’s emotional or physical or developmental needs get full legal protection. I think this is underappreciated in society since everyone who is a parent experienced many difficulties and they imagine all the ways things could go wrong. They are usually being charitable to the other parents though - the bar at which a child develops a secure emotional attachment is not that high.</text></comment>
<story><title>When I was labeled a ‘troubled’ teen, I obliged</title><url>https://www.nytimes.com/2021/01/12/well/family/teen-tough-love-programs.html</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>arthurofbabylon</author><text>Stories about these institutions get conflated into a mess that scarcely resembles the reality. In a way, this is inevitable with a wide variety of schools and treatment centers, and a yet wider variety of perspectives.&lt;p&gt;This particular story tells us little about these schools – it describes the perspective of a student, a client. This is valuable and I&amp;#x27;m grateful to read it. However, I caution other readers against making assumptions about these institutions based on any given story.&lt;p&gt;I would know – I attended four of these schools. Some incredibly strict (even dehumanizing) and others a joy (one had season passes to the local ski resort). Most of them blended these two polarities. Students exhibited huge variation in responses, to the point that a listener hearing them describe their shared experiences would be certain they were discussing different places.&lt;p&gt;For example, some students thought it was abusive to require skiing and mountain biking two days per week (I disagree). Other students thought it was totally fine to be required to wear hospital scrubs as a means of stigmatization (I also disagree). Almost no one questioned social isolation as punishment – perhaps the most incredible abuse I routinely witnessed and was subjected to, considering the developmental phase of adolescents. My point: it will take a mosaic of perspectives to really understand what&amp;#x27;s going on.&lt;p&gt;I also caution readers against abhorrence towards parents. Consider those not-rare parents who have tried everything to help a kid who is on the cusp of life in prison, undergoing their 8th overdose, or being repeatedly raped and subjected to prostitution&amp;#x2F;exploitation. Consider that many of these schools offer a greater education than what&amp;#x27;s locally available. Consider that some of these schools are effective and relatively safe.&lt;p&gt;A final note that I believe clouds this topic -&amp;gt; We live in a puritanical, punitive society. Even for non-religious people, we have been inculcated with ideals of purity and expectations of punishment. These delusions and biases cloud this topic.&lt;p&gt;My final guidance is to read these stories with an open mind. This author was truthful, and we should listen. The next story you hear will probably contradict it but also be truthful, and we should listen.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>newaccount74</author><text>&amp;gt; some students thought it was abusive to require skiing and mountain biking two days per week (I disagree)&lt;p&gt;The question of whether this is abusive or not depends on the consequences for refusing to go.&lt;p&gt;Do kids lose TV privileges for a day if they refuse to go? Then I&amp;#x27;d say it&amp;#x27;s not abusive.&lt;p&gt;Are kids locked in a room if they refuse to go? Definitely abusive.</text></comment>