<story><title>How to Be Polite</title><url>https://medium.com/message/9bf1e69e888c</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>mbech</author><text>I&amp;#x27;m all aboard with being pleasant and respectful of others, but find some aspects of this distasteful.  Specifically, the portions of the author&amp;#x27;s &amp;quot;politeness&amp;quot; that involve performance, or adhering to a script I find off-putting.  For example:&lt;p&gt;&amp;quot;Just ask the other person what they do, and right after they tell you, say: &amp;#x27;Wow. That sounds hard.&amp;#x27; &amp;quot;&lt;p&gt;While it seems that many aspects of &amp;quot;politeness&amp;quot; are intended to trigger pleasant feelings in the other person (which seems harmless enough), I find it hard to be in favor of something so disingenuous.  Even when it comes to small talk, I think one can be both respectful and charming without having to fall back on a script and cheapen the interaction.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>maqr</author><text>I think the author is treading a fine line between &amp;quot;nice person&amp;quot; and &amp;quot;confidence man&amp;quot;, maybe without realizing it.  He&amp;#x27;s describing social engineering, and I have no doubt that it&amp;#x27;s a very effective strategy.&lt;p&gt;&amp;gt; “I thought you were a terrible ass-kisser when we started working together.”&lt;p&gt;&amp;gt; She paused and frowned. “But it actually helped get things done. It was a strategy.” (That is how an impolite person gives a compliment. Which I gladly accepted.)&lt;p&gt;There is something disappointing about realizing that someone&amp;#x27;s confidence tricks do work.  It sounds like this coworker was grappling whether this is a strategy that they should adopt, because they can see the efficacy, but it feels morally painful.&lt;p&gt;I&amp;#x27;ll give the author the benefit of the doubt when using tricks like these for work, especially if you&amp;#x27;re a politician or marketing person, or something else where appearance and illusion dominates the field...&lt;p&gt;&amp;gt; One of those people is my wife&lt;p&gt;But this makes me cringe.  I know that if I was this person&amp;#x27;s partner and I read this article, I would start to feel very uneasy.</text></comment>
<story><title>How to Be Polite</title><url>https://medium.com/message/9bf1e69e888c</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>mbech</author><text>I&amp;#x27;m all aboard with being pleasant and respectful of others, but find some aspects of this distasteful.  Specifically, the portions of the author&amp;#x27;s &amp;quot;politeness&amp;quot; that involve performance, or adhering to a script I find off-putting.  For example:&lt;p&gt;&amp;quot;Just ask the other person what they do, and right after they tell you, say: &amp;#x27;Wow. That sounds hard.&amp;#x27; &amp;quot;&lt;p&gt;While it seems that many aspects of &amp;quot;politeness&amp;quot; are intended to trigger pleasant feelings in the other person (which seems harmless enough), I find it hard to be in favor of something so disingenuous.  Even when it comes to small talk, I think one can be both respectful and charming without having to fall back on a script and cheapen the interaction.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>true_religion</author><text>I once felt this way as well (and a little part of me still does), but I think its normal.&lt;p&gt;For the past few months, I&amp;#x27;ve talk to possible 12-20 people per day, salesmen, marketers, business owners, the works. On occasion, I&amp;#x27;ll talk to someone and they&amp;#x27;ve completely forgotten who I am, and I find the conversation goes the exact same way as before. Even if I&amp;#x27;m &amp;#x27;off script&amp;#x27;, they&amp;#x27;re still going through the motions they rely on, and probably don&amp;#x27;t realize they ask the same questions in the same way and give the same responses.&lt;p&gt;For my part, there&amp;#x27;s only so many ways I can respond to a given situation. So what if I happen to fall back to well worn neural paths, and spit out &amp;quot;wow, that&amp;#x27;s sounds so hard&amp;quot;.</text></comment>