<story><title>Why Am I So Lazy?</title><url>https://www.thecut.com/2018/01/ask-polly-why-am-i-so-lazy.html</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>oceanghost</author><text>My wife is very similar to the person who wrote this article. She will not do anything she can procrastinate. Nothing. I personally think its some sort of insidious depression. It&amp;#x27;s destroyed our lives together, and I&amp;#x27;m on the verge of asking for a divorce for the... 3rd time, except this time, I&amp;#x27;m going to just file.&lt;p&gt;It is absolutely impossible to have the energy for both people in a relationship. My health is suffering from the stress. Things are so bad that I have to make sure she eats.&lt;p&gt;Nobody but me knows this side of her, she projects an image of a healthy, successful person.&lt;p&gt;edit:
A marriage is a zero-sum game. Any chore she doesn&amp;#x27;t do, I am forced to. I&amp;#x27;ve gradually had to give up everything that makes me happy to fund this depression of hers. I used to be  a serious lifter, I was well into writing two novels, I did electronics projects, had an active night life, went to concerts. Now, I&amp;#x27;m just a robot that does chores.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>fallous</author><text>I&amp;#x27;d say that a bad marriage is a zero-sum game, but a good marriage results in both sides ending up better than they started.&lt;p&gt;I don&amp;#x27;t know you or your wife and can&amp;#x27;t presume to tell you how or whether to fix the situation (assuming it could be), but the lesson I learned long ago regarding relationships is to honestly evaluate yourself and define your capabilities and needs (not wants, but the things you absolutely require) and to either have your partner do the same (or less optimally evaluate them yourself as best you can).  If you have a need that cannot be realistically satisfied by the _current_ capabilities of your partner, or vice versa, then end the relationship as quickly as you can.  Attempting to have a relationship with someone who does not satisfy your needs, or you cannot satisfy theirs, is a doomed effort and the longer you remain in the relationship the worse and more hostile it will become.  Walk away as friends before you build up resentments and end up leaving as enemies.</text></comment>
<story><title>Why Am I So Lazy?</title><url>https://www.thecut.com/2018/01/ask-polly-why-am-i-so-lazy.html</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>oceanghost</author><text>My wife is very similar to the person who wrote this article. She will not do anything she can procrastinate. Nothing. I personally think its some sort of insidious depression. It&amp;#x27;s destroyed our lives together, and I&amp;#x27;m on the verge of asking for a divorce for the... 3rd time, except this time, I&amp;#x27;m going to just file.&lt;p&gt;It is absolutely impossible to have the energy for both people in a relationship. My health is suffering from the stress. Things are so bad that I have to make sure she eats.&lt;p&gt;Nobody but me knows this side of her, she projects an image of a healthy, successful person.&lt;p&gt;edit:
A marriage is a zero-sum game. Any chore she doesn&amp;#x27;t do, I am forced to. I&amp;#x27;ve gradually had to give up everything that makes me happy to fund this depression of hers. I used to be  a serious lifter, I was well into writing two novels, I did electronics projects, had an active night life, went to concerts. Now, I&amp;#x27;m just a robot that does chores.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>viburnum</author><text>You&amp;#x27;re enabling your wife&amp;#x27;s depression. Stay married. Just stop enabling her. Be loving and respectful, but stop helping her. In the short run she&amp;#x27;ll likely flip out on you. It will take a few months to get results. Don&amp;#x27;t tell her what you&amp;#x27;re doing, just do it. Don&amp;#x27;t be tough with her, don&amp;#x27;t tell her what to do, just go back to being happy and taking care of yourself.</text></comment>