<story><title>Why I won’t give talks about being a woman in tech</title><url>https://soledadpenades.com/2016/07/20/why-i-wont-talk-about-being-a-woman-in-tech-and-neither-should-you/</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>AngrySkillzz</author><text>If you are a member of a disadvantaged group, you often do not have the ability to identify as a professional first and a group member second. That is the effect of being disadvantaged. Other people will make your life seem primarily about being a group member. Think about dealing with sexist&amp;#x2F;sexually-charged comments, racial tension at the office. Even if you want to just be a professional, other people will get in your way (and not always intentionally). Maybe imagine what life would be like for one of those people.</text></item><item><author>btilly</author><text>I personally know several successful professional women who have a policy of refusing to belong to any women-only groups.  Their reason is that in their experience such groups are populated by people seeking reassurance.  The result is that they offer the &amp;quot;support&amp;quot; of lowered expectations.  Which won&amp;#x27;t help you succeed.&lt;p&gt;One also pointed out to me that if a group of men were to form a men&amp;#x27;s only business club, that would be seen as sexist.  It is no less sexist to form a women&amp;#x27;s only club, but nobody sees fit to criticize it.&lt;p&gt;This is not a bias against women in general.  They just refuse to deal with people whose identify first as women, and only secondarily as professionals.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>btilly</author><text>Argue for your limitations, and surely they&amp;#x27;re yours.&lt;p&gt;To the extent that you can focus on what is under your personal control, you are likely to be happier and more productive.  To the extent that you focus on things that are not under your control and can&amp;#x27;t be changed, you will be unhappy, unproductive, and will have a built-in excuse for your failures.  This is not an either-or choice, it is a spectrum.  And the farther you manage to go towards taking responsibility for your life, generally the better you will do.&lt;p&gt;This does not diminish the real challenges that various historically disadvantaged groups have.  It is what I believe the best advice is for them based on everything that I have learned..including from people I respect who are members of various disadvantaged groups.</text></comment>
<story><title>Why I won’t give talks about being a woman in tech</title><url>https://soledadpenades.com/2016/07/20/why-i-wont-talk-about-being-a-woman-in-tech-and-neither-should-you/</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>AngrySkillzz</author><text>If you are a member of a disadvantaged group, you often do not have the ability to identify as a professional first and a group member second. That is the effect of being disadvantaged. Other people will make your life seem primarily about being a group member. Think about dealing with sexist&amp;#x2F;sexually-charged comments, racial tension at the office. Even if you want to just be a professional, other people will get in your way (and not always intentionally). Maybe imagine what life would be like for one of those people.</text></item><item><author>btilly</author><text>I personally know several successful professional women who have a policy of refusing to belong to any women-only groups.  Their reason is that in their experience such groups are populated by people seeking reassurance.  The result is that they offer the &amp;quot;support&amp;quot; of lowered expectations.  Which won&amp;#x27;t help you succeed.&lt;p&gt;One also pointed out to me that if a group of men were to form a men&amp;#x27;s only business club, that would be seen as sexist.  It is no less sexist to form a women&amp;#x27;s only club, but nobody sees fit to criticize it.&lt;p&gt;This is not a bias against women in general.  They just refuse to deal with people whose identify first as women, and only secondarily as professionals.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>pc86</author><text>And imagine how much harder it must be to advocate that you&amp;#x27;re a professional first and a group member second when you&amp;#x27;re the Vice President of &amp;quot;Women Coders of San Diego&amp;quot; or whatever other group advocacy organization would be relevant.</text></comment>