<story><title>How to Be Polite</title><url>https://medium.com/message/9bf1e69e888c</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>mbech</author><text>I&amp;#x27;m all aboard with being pleasant and respectful of others, but find some aspects of this distasteful.  Specifically, the portions of the author&amp;#x27;s &amp;quot;politeness&amp;quot; that involve performance, or adhering to a script I find off-putting.  For example:&lt;p&gt;&amp;quot;Just ask the other person what they do, and right after they tell you, say: &amp;#x27;Wow. That sounds hard.&amp;#x27; &amp;quot;&lt;p&gt;While it seems that many aspects of &amp;quot;politeness&amp;quot; are intended to trigger pleasant feelings in the other person (which seems harmless enough), I find it hard to be in favor of something so disingenuous.  Even when it comes to small talk, I think one can be both respectful and charming without having to fall back on a script and cheapen the interaction.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>maqr</author><text>I think the author is treading a fine line between &amp;quot;nice person&amp;quot; and &amp;quot;confidence man&amp;quot;, maybe without realizing it.  He&amp;#x27;s describing social engineering, and I have no doubt that it&amp;#x27;s a very effective strategy.&lt;p&gt;&amp;gt; “I thought you were a terrible ass-kisser when we started working together.”&lt;p&gt;&amp;gt; She paused and frowned. “But it actually helped get things done. It was a strategy.” (That is how an impolite person gives a compliment. Which I gladly accepted.)&lt;p&gt;There is something disappointing about realizing that someone&amp;#x27;s confidence tricks do work.  It sounds like this coworker was grappling whether this is a strategy that they should adopt, because they can see the efficacy, but it feels morally painful.&lt;p&gt;I&amp;#x27;ll give the author the benefit of the doubt when using tricks like these for work, especially if you&amp;#x27;re a politician or marketing person, or something else where appearance and illusion dominates the field...&lt;p&gt;&amp;gt; One of those people is my wife&lt;p&gt;But this makes me cringe.  I know that if I was this person&amp;#x27;s partner and I read this article, I would start to feel very uneasy.</text></comment>
<story><title>How to Be Polite</title><url>https://medium.com/message/9bf1e69e888c</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>mbech</author><text>I&amp;#x27;m all aboard with being pleasant and respectful of others, but find some aspects of this distasteful.  Specifically, the portions of the author&amp;#x27;s &amp;quot;politeness&amp;quot; that involve performance, or adhering to a script I find off-putting.  For example:&lt;p&gt;&amp;quot;Just ask the other person what they do, and right after they tell you, say: &amp;#x27;Wow. That sounds hard.&amp;#x27; &amp;quot;&lt;p&gt;While it seems that many aspects of &amp;quot;politeness&amp;quot; are intended to trigger pleasant feelings in the other person (which seems harmless enough), I find it hard to be in favor of something so disingenuous.  Even when it comes to small talk, I think one can be both respectful and charming without having to fall back on a script and cheapen the interaction.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>tgeery</author><text>In my opinion, this is simply making a concerted effort to like this person, and start comfortable dialogue.  Even knowing this is a script, I&amp;#x27;m excited to talk to this guy, rather than the usual challenging, testosterone-filled reactions I deal with on a regular basis. However distasteful and&amp;#x2F;or transparent, at least its a positive environment for conversation. Nothing is worse than talking to someone and thinking, their guard is already up</text></comment>