<story><title>I Almost Left Tech Today</title><url>https://code.likeagirl.io/i-almost-left-tech-today-heres-why-6d146a2f7cf2</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>tickthokk</author><text>I think a good example is the &amp;quot;Our app is huge, like my dick.&amp;quot; line.&lt;p&gt;As a guy, this line was pretty funny, and I could see myself saying it (on an all male team).  I might not say it in front of female coworkers though, but if I worked closely with one I may say it within earshot without thinking about it.  It certainly wasn&amp;#x27;t an attack on the poster.&lt;p&gt;Are we just not allowed to talk about genitalia?  I guess as a baseline rule it&amp;#x27;s inappropriate, sure, but he&amp;#x27;s not being suggestive or soliciting.  As described, it&amp;#x27;s obviously a joke.  Not sure where the offense is here other than he said &amp;quot;dick&amp;quot; in the workplace within earshot of someone who doesn&amp;#x27;t want to hear that.&lt;p&gt;I&amp;#x27;ll finish by saying that the rest of it was certainly uncalled for, but this one instance doesn&amp;#x27;t really stand on it&amp;#x27;s own as offensive.</text></item><item><author>spyhi</author><text>This reminds me of an extremely eloquent comment I saw over on Reddit a while ago about how men being assholes to each other is actually a form of male bonding, and there is a delicate nuance to our rough-edged camaraderie. [1] I was raised in a gentle household by a nerd and a feminist, so when I joined the Army as an infantryman, I absolutely had to learn how this worked and can absolutely attest that it&amp;#x27;s a real thing. Given the later apologies, it sounds like it&amp;#x27;s possible the office was bro-ing it up with her and may have even thought they were welcoming her into the tribe, so to speak. (Of course, they could have all just been misogynist assholes, too...sad how there can be little difference)&lt;p&gt;Thing is, most women absolutely DO NOT respond well to that kind of male bonding. And, honestly, they probably shouldn&amp;#x27;t--I think this &amp;quot;emotional sonar&amp;quot; is a maladjusted response to men being told they can&amp;#x27;t express their feelings. Given this, we probably shouldn&amp;#x27;t be exposing women to that kind of environment either.&lt;p&gt;I guess this kind of underscores why you need women in the workplace. It&amp;#x27;s too easy for an all-male space to fall into this kind of emotional language and interaction framework, which is &amp;quot;hostile but comprehensible&amp;quot; to those in the culture, but completely alien to those who aren&amp;#x27;t--women and foreigners alike. At the very least, we (meaning everyone, not just men) should try to be aware that not everyone bonds the same, and bonding activities for some people and genders may be anti-bonding and hostile to others.&lt;p&gt;I want to make clear, I&amp;#x27;m not trying to justify what happened, but I feel like often these articles are kind of one-sided, which can make it difficult to diagnose what&amp;#x27;s going on. The problem with saying &amp;quot;don&amp;#x27;t be misogynist&amp;quot; is I suspect few people identify as one but, on the other hand, we can identify our baggage and try to examine critically how it affects others.&lt;p&gt;Either way, sorry OP had to experience that, whether mismatched bonding attempts or actual hostility and misogyny.&lt;p&gt;[1] &lt;a href=&quot;https:&amp;#x2F;&amp;#x2F;www.reddit.com&amp;#x2F;r&amp;#x2F;AskWomen&amp;#x2F;comments&amp;#x2F;5dpezd&amp;#x2F;girls_what_things_guys_like_to_do_to_each_other&amp;#x2F;da6fi9l&amp;#x2F;?context=3&amp;amp;st=ivp2r7tf&amp;amp;sh=16e79aa2&quot; rel=&quot;nofollow&quot;&gt;https:&amp;#x2F;&amp;#x2F;www.reddit.com&amp;#x2F;r&amp;#x2F;AskWomen&amp;#x2F;comments&amp;#x2F;5dpezd&amp;#x2F;girls_what...&lt;/a&gt;</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>root_axis</author><text>Nah man, we don&amp;#x27;t talk about our genitals at work, that&amp;#x27;s just basic level professionalism.&lt;p&gt;Also, do you really think that&amp;#x27;s a funny line? To me, it sounds like the type of joke where the room rolls their eyes and cringes. It&amp;#x27;s not at all clever or original, it&amp;#x27;s the type of joke made by people who think they&amp;#x27;re funny but everyone actually thinks they&amp;#x27;re annoying. I mean shit, at least make some kind of allusion to your genital size through inference, just coming out and saying &amp;quot;LOOK AT THIS BIG THING, MY DICK IS THE SAME SIZE AS THE BIG THING LOL&amp;quot; is about is unfunny as it gets.</text></comment>
<story><title>I Almost Left Tech Today</title><url>https://code.likeagirl.io/i-almost-left-tech-today-heres-why-6d146a2f7cf2</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>tickthokk</author><text>I think a good example is the &amp;quot;Our app is huge, like my dick.&amp;quot; line.&lt;p&gt;As a guy, this line was pretty funny, and I could see myself saying it (on an all male team).  I might not say it in front of female coworkers though, but if I worked closely with one I may say it within earshot without thinking about it.  It certainly wasn&amp;#x27;t an attack on the poster.&lt;p&gt;Are we just not allowed to talk about genitalia?  I guess as a baseline rule it&amp;#x27;s inappropriate, sure, but he&amp;#x27;s not being suggestive or soliciting.  As described, it&amp;#x27;s obviously a joke.  Not sure where the offense is here other than he said &amp;quot;dick&amp;quot; in the workplace within earshot of someone who doesn&amp;#x27;t want to hear that.&lt;p&gt;I&amp;#x27;ll finish by saying that the rest of it was certainly uncalled for, but this one instance doesn&amp;#x27;t really stand on it&amp;#x27;s own as offensive.</text></item><item><author>spyhi</author><text>This reminds me of an extremely eloquent comment I saw over on Reddit a while ago about how men being assholes to each other is actually a form of male bonding, and there is a delicate nuance to our rough-edged camaraderie. [1] I was raised in a gentle household by a nerd and a feminist, so when I joined the Army as an infantryman, I absolutely had to learn how this worked and can absolutely attest that it&amp;#x27;s a real thing. Given the later apologies, it sounds like it&amp;#x27;s possible the office was bro-ing it up with her and may have even thought they were welcoming her into the tribe, so to speak. (Of course, they could have all just been misogynist assholes, too...sad how there can be little difference)&lt;p&gt;Thing is, most women absolutely DO NOT respond well to that kind of male bonding. And, honestly, they probably shouldn&amp;#x27;t--I think this &amp;quot;emotional sonar&amp;quot; is a maladjusted response to men being told they can&amp;#x27;t express their feelings. Given this, we probably shouldn&amp;#x27;t be exposing women to that kind of environment either.&lt;p&gt;I guess this kind of underscores why you need women in the workplace. It&amp;#x27;s too easy for an all-male space to fall into this kind of emotional language and interaction framework, which is &amp;quot;hostile but comprehensible&amp;quot; to those in the culture, but completely alien to those who aren&amp;#x27;t--women and foreigners alike. At the very least, we (meaning everyone, not just men) should try to be aware that not everyone bonds the same, and bonding activities for some people and genders may be anti-bonding and hostile to others.&lt;p&gt;I want to make clear, I&amp;#x27;m not trying to justify what happened, but I feel like often these articles are kind of one-sided, which can make it difficult to diagnose what&amp;#x27;s going on. The problem with saying &amp;quot;don&amp;#x27;t be misogynist&amp;quot; is I suspect few people identify as one but, on the other hand, we can identify our baggage and try to examine critically how it affects others.&lt;p&gt;Either way, sorry OP had to experience that, whether mismatched bonding attempts or actual hostility and misogyny.&lt;p&gt;[1] &lt;a href=&quot;https:&amp;#x2F;&amp;#x2F;www.reddit.com&amp;#x2F;r&amp;#x2F;AskWomen&amp;#x2F;comments&amp;#x2F;5dpezd&amp;#x2F;girls_what_things_guys_like_to_do_to_each_other&amp;#x2F;da6fi9l&amp;#x2F;?context=3&amp;amp;st=ivp2r7tf&amp;amp;sh=16e79aa2&quot; rel=&quot;nofollow&quot;&gt;https:&amp;#x2F;&amp;#x2F;www.reddit.com&amp;#x2F;r&amp;#x2F;AskWomen&amp;#x2F;comments&amp;#x2F;5dpezd&amp;#x2F;girls_what...&lt;/a&gt;</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>dragonwriter</author><text>&amp;gt; Are we just not allowed to talk about genitalia?&lt;p&gt;In a work environment, if there isn&amp;#x27;t a solid work-related need to make a literal (not metaphorical) reference to genitalia, it&amp;#x27;s a good idea not to refer to genitalia. I wouldn&amp;#x27;t say “not allowed”, but it wouldn&amp;#x27;t be the worst idea to treat it that way.&lt;p&gt;&amp;gt; As a guy, this line was pretty funny, and I could see myself saying it (on an all male team). I&lt;p&gt;As a guy, this line is the kind of thing I would have found funny the year I started high school, but found obnoxious by the time I finished.&lt;p&gt;&amp;gt;  I guess as a baseline rule it&amp;#x27;s inappropriate, sure, but he&amp;#x27;s not being suggestive or soliciting.&lt;p&gt;Perhaps, but while those things would make it &lt;i&gt;more&lt;/i&gt; inappropriate, there absence doesn&amp;#x27;t make it appropriate.&lt;p&gt;&amp;gt; As described, it&amp;#x27;s obviously a joke.&lt;p&gt;Sure, but being intended as a joke doesn&amp;#x27;t make it appropriate either. Particular jokes, despite being jokes, can be inappropriate for work.</text></comment>