<story><title>How Studying Body Language Changed the Way I Socialize</title><url>http://dearcharlottebook.com/2012/09/body-language.html</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>borplk</author><text>Is that what you &lt;i&gt;really&lt;/i&gt; want? To me it&apos;s just promoting the manipulation of other people. Because hey, it&apos;s a skill so it&apos;s ok.&lt;p&gt;Doesn&apos;t it bother you? To know that the person you are talking to, is mirroring your emotions, or offering sympathy, to manipulate you into liking them?&lt;p&gt;I very much prefer the Aspergers-like honesty. I would rather hear 9 harsh, blunt, honest criticisms a day and 1 genuine complement than to receive 10 fake, sugar-coated, vague, manipulative signals.&lt;p&gt;Don&apos;t think you&apos;ll be the only mastermind learning these and no one else will know about it. Keep in mind, if you do it, if you apply these techniques in your day to day interactions so will other people. And think about it for a second, from the perspective of a subject. Do you really want to be the subject to these social tricks and manipulations?&lt;p&gt;This thought truly bothers me. To hear a complement and not knowing if it was true and genuine or I was complemented simply because that person had read &quot;How to influence people and win friends&quot; last week and wanted to try his manipulation techniques on me.&lt;p&gt;Maybe instead of promoting these &lt;i&gt;social skills&lt;/i&gt; we need to promote the appreciation of honesty and having some self control over our emotions.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>danneu</author><text>I don&apos;t think &quot;fake niceness&quot;, empty compliments, and subterfuge are tenets of empathy or what the author was trying to express.&lt;p&gt;The author provides this example interaction:&lt;p&gt;&lt;pre&gt;&lt;code&gt;    Person A: I like this band.
    Person B: They&apos;re okay.
&lt;/code&gt;&lt;/pre&gt;
Where you might have implied that the author is saying it should&apos;ve happened like this:&lt;p&gt;&lt;pre&gt;&lt;code&gt;    Person A: I like this band.
    Person B: Yeah, they rule!
&lt;/code&gt;&lt;/pre&gt;
I think the author and the case for empathy were thinking along the lines of something more like this:&lt;p&gt;&lt;pre&gt;&lt;code&gt;    Person A: I like this band.
    Person B: Have you ever seen them live? (Begin convo fork into live shows
                you&apos;ve both seen. Share experiences.)
              &lt;/code&gt;&lt;/pre&gt;
That&apos;s how you build value and connect with people.&lt;p&gt;&quot;They&apos;re okay&quot; is not honesty. There&apos;s no virtue in arbitrary judgement that does nothing but punish people for revealing their joys to you. It just squanders the opportunity where a connection could&apos;ve been made.&lt;p&gt;I think empathetic social skills very much encompass the appreciation of honesty, and connecting with the emotional state of others does require self-control over your own state.</text></comment>
<story><title>How Studying Body Language Changed the Way I Socialize</title><url>http://dearcharlottebook.com/2012/09/body-language.html</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>borplk</author><text>Is that what you &lt;i&gt;really&lt;/i&gt; want? To me it&apos;s just promoting the manipulation of other people. Because hey, it&apos;s a skill so it&apos;s ok.&lt;p&gt;Doesn&apos;t it bother you? To know that the person you are talking to, is mirroring your emotions, or offering sympathy, to manipulate you into liking them?&lt;p&gt;I very much prefer the Aspergers-like honesty. I would rather hear 9 harsh, blunt, honest criticisms a day and 1 genuine complement than to receive 10 fake, sugar-coated, vague, manipulative signals.&lt;p&gt;Don&apos;t think you&apos;ll be the only mastermind learning these and no one else will know about it. Keep in mind, if you do it, if you apply these techniques in your day to day interactions so will other people. And think about it for a second, from the perspective of a subject. Do you really want to be the subject to these social tricks and manipulations?&lt;p&gt;This thought truly bothers me. To hear a complement and not knowing if it was true and genuine or I was complemented simply because that person had read &quot;How to influence people and win friends&quot; last week and wanted to try his manipulation techniques on me.&lt;p&gt;Maybe instead of promoting these &lt;i&gt;social skills&lt;/i&gt; we need to promote the appreciation of honesty and having some self control over our emotions.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>king_jester</author><text>I think the author was getting at actually focusing on having empathy for others when speaking to them to help understand their emotional state. Having empathy for others is not an attempt to manipulate them.</text></comment>