<story><title>Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding</title><url>http://stan.bar/loneliness/</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>standardUser</author><text>I really like the thrust of this argument (loneliness is about not being understood) but I think the solution is off the mark...&lt;p&gt;&amp;gt; So it’s your task to make others understand you&lt;p&gt;There is another task that is just as important. You need to &lt;i&gt;find people who are capable of understanding you&lt;/i&gt;. It may sound like a cart&amp;#x2F;horse issue where you need to understand enough about yourself to find people who are receptive. That my be true to a degree. But no amount of self-understanding is going to change how people respond to you if who you are is not comprehensible to those people.&lt;p&gt;As an example, imagine you are a straight man with many close friends who have known you for a long time. And at some point, you begin to grapple with the idea that you&amp;#x27;re not straight, but maybe bisexual. It is possible that some of your old straight friends will have the capacity to listen and understand and respond in ways that make you feel known. But it&amp;#x27;s not necessarily likely. And if those are the only people you are close to, no amount of self-knowledge is going to change &lt;i&gt;their&lt;/i&gt; capacity to make you feel seen and heard.&lt;p&gt;You&amp;#x27;re gonna need some new friends.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>jongjong</author><text>&amp;gt;&amp;gt; You need to find people who are capable of understanding you&lt;p&gt;This is spot on. I made a comment independently which made a similar point.
Also, people who are too memetic (who tend to want what other people want) tend to lack self-understanding.&lt;p&gt;Such people tend to feel uncomfortable when they hang around other people who understand themselves because it makes them question their own motives and realize that their desires were never their own to begin with.&lt;p&gt;They are not capable of figuring out the meaning of their own life so they keep trying to borrow it from others around them and the futility of this makes them feel lonely. They can never find someone who can fill that void but they can&amp;#x27;t stop looking for them.</text></comment>
<story><title>Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding</title><url>http://stan.bar/loneliness/</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>standardUser</author><text>I really like the thrust of this argument (loneliness is about not being understood) but I think the solution is off the mark...&lt;p&gt;&amp;gt; So it’s your task to make others understand you&lt;p&gt;There is another task that is just as important. You need to &lt;i&gt;find people who are capable of understanding you&lt;/i&gt;. It may sound like a cart&amp;#x2F;horse issue where you need to understand enough about yourself to find people who are receptive. That my be true to a degree. But no amount of self-understanding is going to change how people respond to you if who you are is not comprehensible to those people.&lt;p&gt;As an example, imagine you are a straight man with many close friends who have known you for a long time. And at some point, you begin to grapple with the idea that you&amp;#x27;re not straight, but maybe bisexual. It is possible that some of your old straight friends will have the capacity to listen and understand and respond in ways that make you feel known. But it&amp;#x27;s not necessarily likely. And if those are the only people you are close to, no amount of self-knowledge is going to change &lt;i&gt;their&lt;/i&gt; capacity to make you feel seen and heard.&lt;p&gt;You&amp;#x27;re gonna need some new friends.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>rjzzleep</author><text>Is sexuality the only conflicting thing we can think of nowadays? I can think of at least 10 things people might freak out about me, without even getting to thinking about what sexuality I may have.&lt;p&gt;In general I agree with the premise of &amp;quot;You need to find people who are capable of understanding you&amp;quot;.&lt;p&gt;It&amp;#x27;s actually a combination of that and your feeling about yourself. I&amp;#x27;m not sure how to describe it, but I&amp;#x27;ll just call it once you&amp;#x27;re in balance with yourself, i.e. in an okay(maybe not perfect or ideal) mental state, and you have some sort of pillar you can lean on(your beliefs, your understanding of the world, etc.), then its no longer about your desire to get others to accept you, but rather putting yourself in an environment where you feel okay.</text></comment>