<story><title>Rands in Repose: How to Run a 1:1</title><url>http://www.randsinrepose.com/archives/2010/09/22/the_update_the_vent_and_the_disaster.html</url></story><parent_chain></parent_chain><comment><author>trunnell</author><text>&lt;i&gt;When the Vent begins, you might confuse this for a conversation. It&apos;s not. It&apos;s a Vent. It&apos;s a mental release valve and your job is to listen for as long as it takes. Don’t problem solve. &lt;/i&gt;&lt;p&gt;This is one of the most important things about conversations I&apos;ve ever learned.  When someone comes to you with a problem, you need to detect if that person wants
  1) your help with problem-solving, or
  2) commiseration.&lt;p&gt;#1 tends to be a calm, analytical conversation, while #2 can be emotionally motivated.&lt;p&gt;When someone is looking for commiseration but you offer problem solving, you might actually add to their frustration by your lack of compassion for their situation.&lt;p&gt;If they&apos;re looking for problem solving but you commiserate, you might actually add to their frustration as they wonder why you&apos;re doing so little to help them.&lt;p&gt;Identification is the first step to being an effective conversation partner.</text></comment>
<story><title>Rands in Repose: How to Run a 1:1</title><url>http://www.randsinrepose.com/archives/2010/09/22/the_update_the_vent_and_the_disaster.html</url></story><parent_chain></parent_chain><comment><author>mathogre</author><text>If you want to actually make this happen, read the book, &quot;Parent Effectiveness Training&quot; by Thomas Gordon.  Get over the title and understand this is about active participation in a conversation with two people.  You listen.  You let the other person talk.  You don&apos;t try to solve their problem, at least until or unless they want it.  Let them express, and sometimes that alone is enough.  It works whether in business, personal relationships, or even parental relationships.&lt;p&gt;Brilliant Rands blog entry.</text></comment>