<story><title>I am lonely will anyone speak to me</title><url>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_am_lonely_will_anyone_speak_to_me</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>DoreenMichele</author><text>I&amp;#x27;ve studied social&amp;#x2F;psychological stuff, spent a lot of years suicidal and spent a number of years homeless which was incredibly socially isolating and even negatively impacted how people interacted with me online.&lt;p&gt;Some thoughts (intended as a buffet to choose from if it strikes your fancy, not a prescription for &amp;quot;the right way&amp;quot; to do anything at all):&lt;p&gt;1. It&amp;#x27;s usually not actually helpful to signal that you are desperate and lonely and your life is in the toilet. Once in a great while, someone will be truly wonderful to you because you did that but it&amp;#x27;s usually counterproductive.&lt;p&gt;2. It&amp;#x27;s usually better to look for one of two things: A chat-friendly space where it&amp;#x27;s okay to just talk to people or a discussion space on a topic that genuinely interests you.&lt;p&gt;3. Signaling desperation attracts predators far more often than it attracts real friends.&lt;p&gt;4. Support groups have a tendency to be all kinds of drama and not terribly helpful because it tends to be the case that you can&amp;#x27;t suggest to people &amp;quot;You could try doing things differently&amp;quot; because that will be taken as blaming the victim and it&amp;#x27;s just really hard to find good ways to help people solve their personal problems.&lt;p&gt;5. The best way to make friends is to connect with people you have something in common with. So joining discussions about things that interest you is more likely to help you connect socially.&lt;p&gt;6. Yes, you can have real friends via internet. I&amp;#x27;ve had lots of real friends online over the years.&lt;p&gt;((germ-free internet hugs)) if you need&amp;#x2F;want them and happy holidays and all that.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>RobertRoberts</author><text>I&amp;#x27;ve been homeless, lonely and desperate in many ways over many years. I appreciate your comments here.&lt;p&gt;I would add that people who are desperate will drag you down like a drowning person. I have been on both sides of this, and I have had to overcome this &amp;quot;total reliance&amp;quot; on others that makes them go away.&lt;p&gt;But, the best advice I have ever gotten (paraphrasing) was &amp;quot;face YOUR problems&amp;quot;. It didn&amp;#x27;t matter what or how they said it. If you don&amp;#x27;t want things to be better, they never will get better.&lt;p&gt;The problem is that hopelessness _feels_ permanent. I have just gotten where I can be helpful to others after decades, and I am seeing that _extreme_ patience, caring and understanding allow that difficult discussion about change to happen.&lt;p&gt;Keep saying what you are saying. It was people like you that helped me start facing things on my own. Bravo and peace and love to you.</text></comment>
<story><title>I am lonely will anyone speak to me</title><url>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_am_lonely_will_anyone_speak_to_me</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>DoreenMichele</author><text>I&amp;#x27;ve studied social&amp;#x2F;psychological stuff, spent a lot of years suicidal and spent a number of years homeless which was incredibly socially isolating and even negatively impacted how people interacted with me online.&lt;p&gt;Some thoughts (intended as a buffet to choose from if it strikes your fancy, not a prescription for &amp;quot;the right way&amp;quot; to do anything at all):&lt;p&gt;1. It&amp;#x27;s usually not actually helpful to signal that you are desperate and lonely and your life is in the toilet. Once in a great while, someone will be truly wonderful to you because you did that but it&amp;#x27;s usually counterproductive.&lt;p&gt;2. It&amp;#x27;s usually better to look for one of two things: A chat-friendly space where it&amp;#x27;s okay to just talk to people or a discussion space on a topic that genuinely interests you.&lt;p&gt;3. Signaling desperation attracts predators far more often than it attracts real friends.&lt;p&gt;4. Support groups have a tendency to be all kinds of drama and not terribly helpful because it tends to be the case that you can&amp;#x27;t suggest to people &amp;quot;You could try doing things differently&amp;quot; because that will be taken as blaming the victim and it&amp;#x27;s just really hard to find good ways to help people solve their personal problems.&lt;p&gt;5. The best way to make friends is to connect with people you have something in common with. So joining discussions about things that interest you is more likely to help you connect socially.&lt;p&gt;6. Yes, you can have real friends via internet. I&amp;#x27;ve had lots of real friends online over the years.&lt;p&gt;((germ-free internet hugs)) if you need&amp;#x2F;want them and happy holidays and all that.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>nowherebeen</author><text>&amp;gt; Signaling desperation attracts predators far more often than it attracts real friends.&lt;p&gt;This is something so obvious but has eluded me until you said it.  I have seen this happen in work settings and have never been able to pinpoint it.  Thanks!</text></comment>