<story><title>Mothers who regret having children are speaking out</title><url>http://www.macleans.ca/regretful-mothers/</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>dominotw</author><text>I live an puerto rican neighboorhood in chicago. People live here in combined family structure with many generations living in the same building. 
I&amp;#x27;ve become acquaintances with many of them and i&amp;#x27;ve noticed that parenthood is much less of a burden for them since they have extended family to support them. Not just a matter of practical convenience but the immense moral and pshyclogical support you get from living next to your parents, cousins is immeasurable. I always see kids playing outside and everyone keeps an eye on them, you are not dealing with your kids 24x7 nonstop.&lt;p&gt;I am convinced that if you are going to reproduce this is the way to do it. Even though I make significantly more money than them I am jealous of their lifestyle :D . These parents take  vacations without their kids, which I know many of valley friends think is impossible.</text></item><item><author>throwaway2016a</author><text>If given the choice I would choose to have my daughter again I would. But even so I can definitely empathize with many of the people in this article.&lt;p&gt;My wife and i have always been very open communicators. After having a kid when people would ask us if we are enjoying parenthood we&amp;#x27;ve always answered honest.&lt;p&gt;&amp;quot;It&amp;#x27;s the most work we have ever done in our life&amp;quot; (and I build startups!)... &amp;quot;We got no sleep last night, she woke up at 2 AM and wouldn&amp;#x27;t go back to bed.&amp;quot;&lt;p&gt;And it is amazing to me the backlash we got. People who plan to have children were telling us &amp;quot;all I ever here is the bad stuff!&amp;quot; and essentially saying we should lie and say everything is perfect.&lt;p&gt;The fact is, having a child is the biggest life commitment you will ever make and if you and your significant other are not  prepared, you&amp;#x27;re in for a bad time.&lt;p&gt;But at the same time I think this whole &amp;quot;you&amp;#x27;re not allowed to say anything bad about parenthood&amp;quot; is unhealthy.&lt;p&gt;This article talks about people who are willing to speak their truth about parenthood and I think overall that is a good thing.&lt;p&gt;Edit:
If more people talked honestly about he burden of parenthood we&amp;#x27;d maybe have less unwanted kids. We as a species are well past the point where we have to have 10 kids just to ensure the bloodline continues. Be honest with people about how difficult being a parent is. Some people like my wife and I will choose to do it anyway knowing exactly what we are getting into and other&amp;#x27;s won&amp;#x27;t. And that&amp;#x27;s OK.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>brightball</author><text>This is honestly one of the biggest factors that we did not fully appreciate.&lt;p&gt;Moving away from home and having kids away from your family is a much bigger task than having kids in your hometown where all of your family lives. I get that it&amp;#x27;s normal mode of operation for a lot of people to move all over the country for jobs, but IMO that is where the biggest struggle comes from.&lt;p&gt;You take for granted being able to call a grandparent to pick the kids up from school if you&amp;#x27;re working late, to come over for a bit when you need to do something during an evening, to drop the kids off if you need to run an errand or even keep them overnight if you have to go out of town for work. That&amp;#x27;s before even figuring in extra-curricular activities and trying to get each child where they need to be.&lt;p&gt;My in-laws moved closer to us last year and it has been life changing for my wife and I who both work.</text></comment>
<story><title>Mothers who regret having children are speaking out</title><url>http://www.macleans.ca/regretful-mothers/</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>dominotw</author><text>I live an puerto rican neighboorhood in chicago. People live here in combined family structure with many generations living in the same building. 
I&amp;#x27;ve become acquaintances with many of them and i&amp;#x27;ve noticed that parenthood is much less of a burden for them since they have extended family to support them. Not just a matter of practical convenience but the immense moral and pshyclogical support you get from living next to your parents, cousins is immeasurable. I always see kids playing outside and everyone keeps an eye on them, you are not dealing with your kids 24x7 nonstop.&lt;p&gt;I am convinced that if you are going to reproduce this is the way to do it. Even though I make significantly more money than them I am jealous of their lifestyle :D . These parents take  vacations without their kids, which I know many of valley friends think is impossible.</text></item><item><author>throwaway2016a</author><text>If given the choice I would choose to have my daughter again I would. But even so I can definitely empathize with many of the people in this article.&lt;p&gt;My wife and i have always been very open communicators. After having a kid when people would ask us if we are enjoying parenthood we&amp;#x27;ve always answered honest.&lt;p&gt;&amp;quot;It&amp;#x27;s the most work we have ever done in our life&amp;quot; (and I build startups!)... &amp;quot;We got no sleep last night, she woke up at 2 AM and wouldn&amp;#x27;t go back to bed.&amp;quot;&lt;p&gt;And it is amazing to me the backlash we got. People who plan to have children were telling us &amp;quot;all I ever here is the bad stuff!&amp;quot; and essentially saying we should lie and say everything is perfect.&lt;p&gt;The fact is, having a child is the biggest life commitment you will ever make and if you and your significant other are not  prepared, you&amp;#x27;re in for a bad time.&lt;p&gt;But at the same time I think this whole &amp;quot;you&amp;#x27;re not allowed to say anything bad about parenthood&amp;quot; is unhealthy.&lt;p&gt;This article talks about people who are willing to speak their truth about parenthood and I think overall that is a good thing.&lt;p&gt;Edit:
If more people talked honestly about he burden of parenthood we&amp;#x27;d maybe have less unwanted kids. We as a species are well past the point where we have to have 10 kids just to ensure the bloodline continues. Be honest with people about how difficult being a parent is. Some people like my wife and I will choose to do it anyway knowing exactly what we are getting into and other&amp;#x27;s won&amp;#x27;t. And that&amp;#x27;s OK.</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>eumenides1</author><text>I have extended family helping me. I&amp;#x27;m beyond grateful for it. I&amp;#x27;d die without them. But there is a something you don&amp;#x27;t see. There is a lot of inter-family politics going on. For some people, it&amp;#x27;s no big deal. For others, it is a real drag. Personally, I&amp;#x27;m a no big deal person, but i empathize with people who don&amp;#x27;t like it. To some Americans, it&amp;#x27;s like a never ending thanksgiving dinner.&lt;p&gt;The prime example would be how you raise your kids. Alone, you the most influence, in a family, you have a little less. For some that is OK, for others it&amp;#x27;s red flags.&lt;p&gt;Just wanted to open your eyes to what you may not be seeing.</text></comment>