<story><title>The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions</title><url>https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=3437468</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>zrkrlc</author><text>Hmm, in my head, I model conversation as a game of who can get the mine the most &amp;quot;intimacy&amp;quot;, if you will, while revealing the least about oneself. So risque topics are, as the adjective suggests, high risk, but also high reward. Correspondingly, small talk is a lot of low risk, low reward back-and-forth. You don&amp;#x27;t have to be intimate with a stranger, but you need to stick your neck out if you want to progress beyond pleasantries.&lt;p&gt;Here&amp;#x27;s a longer piece about the whole topic of conversations that I wrote a while back: &lt;a href=&quot;https:&amp;#x2F;&amp;#x2F;zrkrlc.wordpress.com&amp;#x2F;2018&amp;#x2F;11&amp;#x2F;27&amp;#x2F;a-long-guide-to-conversations&amp;#x2F;&quot; rel=&quot;nofollow&quot;&gt;https:&amp;#x2F;&amp;#x2F;zrkrlc.wordpress.com&amp;#x2F;2018&amp;#x2F;11&amp;#x2F;27&amp;#x2F;a-long-guide-to-conv...&lt;/a&gt;</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>screye</author><text>I find it to be the other way around.&lt;p&gt;Revealing &amp;quot;intimate&amp;quot; things about yourself seems to be the easiest way for others to believe that you consider them trustworthy for almost zero cost.&lt;p&gt;&amp;quot;u&amp;#x2F;screye trusts me enough to  tell something they are vulnerable about.&amp;quot; Or on a more selfish note, &amp;quot;I now hold leverage on r&amp;#x2F;screye, so I shall continue engaging with them from a position of assumed power&amp;quot; or lastly, &amp;quot;I can share something intimate about myself with u&amp;#x2F;screye because I know something just as important seeming, so they would not use it against me&amp;quot;&lt;p&gt;It works surprisingly well to fast track the building of a relationship with any acquaintance.&lt;p&gt;Ofc, I put intimate in &amp;quot;quotes&amp;quot; because while the details sound intimate to the listener, they are often carefully chosen to be ones that do not cause value judgements for my current self nor are they the real insecurities (or at least not present ones) which I hold far closer to my heart. But, the person I&amp;#x27;m talking to doesn&amp;#x27;t need to know that.</text></comment>
<story><title>The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions</title><url>https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=3437468</url></story><parent_chain><item><author>zrkrlc</author><text>Hmm, in my head, I model conversation as a game of who can get the mine the most &amp;quot;intimacy&amp;quot;, if you will, while revealing the least about oneself. So risque topics are, as the adjective suggests, high risk, but also high reward. Correspondingly, small talk is a lot of low risk, low reward back-and-forth. You don&amp;#x27;t have to be intimate with a stranger, but you need to stick your neck out if you want to progress beyond pleasantries.&lt;p&gt;Here&amp;#x27;s a longer piece about the whole topic of conversations that I wrote a while back: &lt;a href=&quot;https:&amp;#x2F;&amp;#x2F;zrkrlc.wordpress.com&amp;#x2F;2018&amp;#x2F;11&amp;#x2F;27&amp;#x2F;a-long-guide-to-conversations&amp;#x2F;&quot; rel=&quot;nofollow&quot;&gt;https:&amp;#x2F;&amp;#x2F;zrkrlc.wordpress.com&amp;#x2F;2018&amp;#x2F;11&amp;#x2F;27&amp;#x2F;a-long-guide-to-conv...&lt;/a&gt;</text></item></parent_chain><comment><author>asveikau</author><text>Some personal advice: stop viewing your interactions in this transactional way and just be yourself. Stop giving a shit who reveals what and the perceived balance or imbalance of the same. Be kind and be generous.</text></comment>