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4pcrle

aita for wanting to celebrate my birthday

i turned 30 on monday. i don't have a problem with being 30 and i have never been big on having a party for me because i don't want to be the center of attention. things are incredibly stressful because we are cleaning out our condo, which we officially close on the 30th. we can't close on our new house until the 14th of july and are staying with my parentson. anyway, my husband insisted on throwing me a party, here at my parents' house. but he has to do condo stuff while i watch the kids so guess who has to do all the prep for my supposed to be a surprise party. that's right. i get that honor. on my actual birthday i just wanted to have dinner with my fsmily, but my mom was sick, so we didn't go. fine, it happens. we reschedule for today. she is still sick, so she canceled with my grandparents and sister without asking and then said, well, you don't mind, right. i do mind, actually. i would like to go to dinner and she could just sit it out. but no, that is unreasonable. she days she wants to be part of a dinner she is paying for, but i never asked her or expected her to pay for it. i just want to go out and actually have a nice evening out. on my actual birthday i got to sleep in, and that was about it. my husband took it off, but after going onowhere a business trip last week and being going non stop with all we have on, he was tired and checked out and i basically did what i always do, which is to take care of the kids. i didn't go for a walk, which i asked to do, or take the kids five minutes down the road to a merry go round because that would have been fun. no one has listened to me at all and when i try to assert myself everyone else is the vicrime and how dare i because they all have the best intentions on what they want and that is all that matters. i am so upset i just want to have space, but there is none. i suffer from depression and anxiety, conditions i can't treat until i am back in state and can make an appointment. is it up reasonable to want to do dinner without my mom just once?

nta

i think you know your nta, it seems like you just wanted to write out all your complaints because this whole thing is just a complaints list and a story of how no one considered you, your feelings or wishes for your birthday. you're always the team player, you're always the one adjusting to please everyone else. you're doing your best to keep it together but it's taking a toll on your health. bringing up who's paying for dinner is really a classless move and obviously shows where your mom's priorities are. i have news you're not going to like. you put yourself in this situation. that doesn't make you an asshole, but where are you in your life that at 30 years old you have to ask permission to go on a walk?? go on a fucking walk! and **not** just because it's your birthday! you're an adult, act like one or the next 10 years are going put you in a hospital.

definitely nta. i suffer from depression and anxiety as well. i avoid people on my birthday. i won't even tell them when it is because then i don't have to pretend to appreciate their good intentions.

89o0sd

aita for being

feed up with my gf. for 6 years ive supported her. literally every day all she talks about her fibromyalgia and her pain. 90% of what she says is about it. her pain. our entire lives revolve around it and all she does is complain. every single day. read my previous post for details. aita for being feed up with it?

nta

nta dude, call a hotline and report her, then gtfo. people go to school for years to manage these sorts of issues for other people. you need to live your life.

nta. i would quite literally lose my mind in your situation. i know you say you can’t leave but you need to find any possible way to. when she threatens to kill herself call 911 immediately, she needs to be taken care of by those qualified and you are not it. if she’s faking it she deserves the embarrassment. i wish you all the luck in the world and hope you can find happiness, which i definitely believe you can.

8d5qpg

aita for getting mad at an autistic kid?

so at the start of the school year. like any other year we got freshmans. but this is the first year we had someone with a disability. lets call this kid ryan. ryan has had trouble fitting in seeing as he has autism (not the high functioning kind) so he does tend to walk around alot. now recently he has started asking people for food. and seeing that he has a disability people feel bad for him. and it was all fine until he started taking advantage of the children at my school. he knows people will give him food without complaints. so yesterday he went up to my friend mich. so mich just gets out of the dining hall with her food (at my school you can buy different types of food. pies, fries, burgers etc.) and ryan walks up to her and says he wants her food. he doesn't say please or anything. just that he wants her food. so mich gives him her food and goes on her way. i was kind of annoyed that she didn't atleast try to keep some for herself but the worst was yet to come. later, during recess me and bill are sitting by our table eating. and ryan just walks up and takes bill's sandwich and his kit kat. ryan walks and i tell bill that he just had mich's fries. bill just responds with "i feel sorry for him, okay?". i decide to leave it and finish my lunch. i shit you not. ryan was standing behind a tree. eating the sandwich and kit kat, finishes it and walks up to angie. and takes her pizza. at this point i'm sick of his shit and tell him to go steal someone else's food. and now all my friends think i'm the asshole. please tell me what you think i should have done

nta

it's tough but no you're nta. you are not trained to handle this kind of behaviour and you should not have to put up with him stealing from you. what you do owe the kid is standard respect and kindness as you would extend to anyone else. stick up for him if he was being bullied, say hi to him and talk to him sometimes etc but you don't have to pander to problem behaviour like this. he needs help from a teacher or a carer who is trained to help him.

nta. my brother is autistic and i love him to death but he can be a major dick sometimes.

8f40sm

aita for playing a prank on my housemates?

sorry for format, using mobile. so a little bit of background before i get to the actual prank. i (19,male) am in my second year of university and am living in an apartment with 5 other uni students (2 girls and 3 other lads). knew the lads before we started living together so we were already friends. only met the girls this year. after an awkward start (due to me being incredibly shy meeting new people) we became really close friends, to the point were they said that i was their best male friend and vice versa. would spend hours talking about literally anything. every weekend the girls go back home (leave friday evening and return sunday afternoon). so on this particular weekend when i was doing my laundry i came across several sheets of paper with “out of order” printed on them. i thought it would be pretty funny if i stuck one of them to the door of the elevator in our apartment. (apartment is 3 stories tall, i live on the 2nd floor). my first housemate to return was one of the girls, we’ll call her tall girl. so she arrives at about 6 in the evening and hear her come in the door and put her bags in her room before leaving again to go park her car in the car park. (the car park is about 5 minutes away from the apartment and the area outside the apartment is set down only). i time it pretty well and just as she’s returning to the apartment i’m removing the sign from the elevator. she sees me taking it down and realises that the elevator was not actually broken. her reaction is pretty much what i expected, anger at first but then she sees the funny side and laughs. i ask her should i leave the sign up for our other housemate, short girl. tall girl says “well you put it up for me so it’s only fair if you do the same for her”. i agree and put the sign up again. we return to the kitchen and chat about our weekends etc until short girl returns. again we hear her come in the door and wait a few minutes until she walks into the kitchen. as she walks in i ask if she had many bags to carry. she replies “not really. just my backpack and 1 suitcase.” “you know there’s nothing wrong with the elevator? that was him” tall girl admits while we both try to suppress laughter. as she says this i’m expecting pretty much the same reaction as before. but boy was i wrong. short girl immediately starts shouting and snapping at me. saying that “it’s not a funny prank. it’s a shit prank actually. and it’s a pretty shitty thing for you to do and i don’t see why you’d think that would be funny” this is also like the only time she’s ever been actually mad it me i’m the last 6ish months. i’ve never been on the receiving end of one of her outbursts and i instantly knew that she was actually mad. she storms out of the kitchen and doesn’t talk to me until the next evening. when she does talk to me she says that it was a stupid prank and that i was being an asshole. am i the asshole? in college. decided to prank my housemates when the came back on the weekend. put out of order sign on elevator. first housemate reacted as expected mad but seen the funny side. second reacted badly. started shouting and then ignored me for the next 24 hours.

nta

nta getting mad over walking up some stairs is ridiculous

not the most genius prank ever concocted, but i thought it was pretty amusing. your roommate sounds really high strung. nta.

8hh8q7

aita for asking my boyfriend to not be in the room when i take an online final next week?

so next week is finals week at my university and one of my finals is online. i have to take it on my computer at home. i live with my boyfriend who is also in school, and we have a two bedroom apartment with one bedroom being our computer room. he came in to ask me today when my finals were next week to see if i could drive him to his since i'm the only one with a parking permit. so we discussed our final schedules and i told him that one of my finals was online and said that i was going to have to ask him not to be in the computer room for the two hours that i took my final because i needed to be completely focused, and we both know that i'm very easily distracted. he said that he could put headphones on but that is it. i asked again saying that i needed to be able to focus completely and him being in there at all would be distracting as he makes lots of little noises and will move around and what not, and stressed that i would absolutely do it for him. he again refused and brought up how i get pissy anytime i have to take him to class on one of my few days off or when i have another online test first thing in the morning, or even while i'm sick. i told him i didn't feel i was asking that much and didn't understand why it was so hard that he couldn't let me have two hours alone to take my final and he just walked off talking under his breath about wearing headphones. my online final is also immediately following an on campus, in person final for the hardest class i've ever taken, so i will already be rushed to get home and very much brain dead. this makes it even harder to focus and easier to get distracted. and immediately following my online final i will be going to work so he will go back to having the computer room to himself. and even once i get home, i'll likely be collapsed in bed or in the living room because a) i'll be exhausted and brain dead, b) i won't want to interrupt his studying for his final/s the next day, and c) he makes me feel like i'm intruding every time i go in there anyway despite it being a shared room (which is a whole other problem altogether). i have a laptop that i could have used in the living room, but its been having issues with locking up and crashing lately, making it unreliable. i can't take my final in the library because its crammed full of people and i would not be able to focus. he has a laptop he can use to amuse himself or study with in another room for the two hours i take my final. i already can't study at my desk because he's in there watching tv and what not the entirety of his waking time at home. i just want two hours. so reddit, am i the asshole for wanting two hours alone to take my final?

nta

nta. i ask my boyfriend to leave the room when i take exams too. you have reason to not use your laptop and theres no reason for your bf to need to be in there while youre taking your exam.

nta. that’s ridiculous. there’s no reason he shouldn’t offer that without you even asking let alone say no when you plead. he should appreciate the fact that he means enough to you that just being in the same room as him distracts you. my girl needs the room to herself all the time for work or studying and i let her be. he definitely shouldn’t be telling you that he won’t leave because you get pissy at him. that is so spiteful and ridiculous to be honest. if you would’ve asked if he was the asshole i would’ve said yes halfway through your second paragraph. remember how much your worth and let him know your not asking anymore. you’re telling him he can’t be in there when you take your test!

8m7rr9

aita: i don’t want friends to invite their friends to my house.

having a small bbq with a few friends this weekend, and bc of circumstances we had to invite someone’s brother and he is now asking if he can invite more people. we know the people he wants to invite but we don’t want them to come... 1. the husband is super obnoxious and complains about everything 2. they never leave/party way harder than we do. i’m not really sure what to tell him bc we really don’t want these people to come but i feel like an asshole saying no.

nta

nta. “i’m sorry, but we have limited space and can’t add any more people” should suffice.

nta. he *asked.* this gives you the option of saying yes or no. choose no. never ask questions you don't want to know the answer to.

8rfy4j

aita for cancelling a date because she brought her cousin?

this is a girl i met online. we’ve been talking for about a week and a few days ago we planned a date for tonight. the date was originally going to happen on wednesday but she was feeling sick so we rescheduled for friday night (tonight). we were going to meet at the restaurant at 7:30, at 7:00 she texts me and says that her cousin is coming because she hasn’t seen her in forever, and if that’s okay with me. i said no it’s not, we had this date planned out and i don’t really feel like it’s going to be enjoyable for me to sit there and try to get to know her while they catch up. i told her “if you’re still interested in just you and me going out then let me know, but tonight isn’t gonna work.” i feel kind of bad now because i know she was looking forward to tonight too and she was just trying to make everyone happy, but at the same time i don’t feel like that makes me obligated to accommodate her cousin. what do you guys think?

nta

nta, in saying no you set a boundary, that can work in your favor big time in a lot of life. i find people respect someone who knows what they want over someone that just goes along for the ride, id dare say it makes you more attractive.

nfw you are nta, dude. she is. fuck that shit. i wouldn't give her the time of day if she did that shit to me.

8synt2

aita for feeling uncomfortable?

this is my first post on here so sorry for the formatting etc okay so i’m a barista and there’s a regular who only orders through the drive through and it’s always the same drink. well, every time he orders we ask “anything else?” and he replies “a beautiful smile from a beautiful girl.” this makes me very uncomfortable because i’ve had older men before say things to me while working here. as i was cashing him out he told me he wasn’t leaving without a smile. i told him i’m not comfortable with that and he replied, “it’s just a smile.” i didn’t say anything after that but i told him to have a great day. am i the asshole for telling him that? all the other female baristas feel the same but don’t say anything to him about it. btw i’m very friendly with all the customers but if you try to force me to smile i’m not going to be very friendly.

nta

nta. if he wants a smile he goddamn earn one with some pleasant conversation, not a demand.

nta. you handled it pretty well by telling him you aren't comfortable with it.

8syuvr

aita for ditching on an out of town wedding, but still using the hotel room that was provided for me?

so...bit of a complicated one here. when i was thirteen, while at a family gathering thing, my fifteen year old cousin (technically my step-mom's niece) possibly drugged me (a medication i was taking had drowsiness as a side effect, and the bottle seemed to have been moved from where i left it, so i think she slipped me an extra dose) and definitely touched me inappropriately. she was caught, and the situation was sort of handled (she was punished in some way but the police weren't involved because she "didn't actually violate me," and i was told off for encouraging it by telling her that i was pretty sure i was into girls). i convinced my dad to take me home early and never went to a family event that she was also at again. fast forward about fifteen years to now. my half-sister is getting married this weekend, and i was supposed to be her maid of honor. this is kind of a big deal for a lot of reasons -- she and i had a sort of rocky relationship growing up and this is an attempt to mend that, but more to the point, i couldn't really afford to do the wedding so it's all already paid for (dress, hair and make up, my hotel room, and ticket home). the rehearsal was a few hours ago, and much to my surprise, this cousin is not just present, but one of the other bridesmaids. it was extremely upsetting to be around her -- i'm sitting in my hotel room shaking as i write this -- and i told my sister straight up that if that cousin was present, i couldn't be. i should point out here that my sister didn't know about what happened. she was nine at the time, and seeing as this was considered sort of embarrassing to the family, it wasn't really talked about. my step-mom, on the other hand, definitely did know, and knew that i wouldn't want to be here if she was, and kept it from me to "avoid a scene." things got sort of heated (i restated that it was her or me, and my step-mom called me selfish and told me to get over it, plus i had to very awkwardly explain to my sister what the issue actually was), and things ended with me coming back to the hotel to mope. i haven't heard from either of them since, and right now i'm kinda planning on just skipping the wedding, because i don't think i can deal with that. which leads us to the question: am i the asshole if i skip the wedding but stay in town for the weekend (which is as long as the hotel room is booked for)? the ticket that was bought for me can't be changed, and i don't have the money to buy another one. i could probably ask my dad to do it, but then i'd feel bad that i was having to ask for more stuff paid for, and i'm afraid that might cause friction with my step-mom.

nta

nta but would it be possible to go to the ceremony and avoid your cousin as much as possible while still being there for your half sister? and i'm going to go out there really radically and say maybe this is a chance to, if you want, confront your abuser and maybe get some closure. if that's what you want.

i marked this one "not the asshole" because it appears you changed your judgement when you found out the wedding trip had already started, and half the people agreed...and mostly everyone else is saying nta.

8t3kzg

wibta if i brought my own food on a week-long family vacation?

next week, my family is going on a week-long camping “vacation.” the outing includes my mom, dad, sister, and her two kids. i (26f) have reservations in general about being pushed into going camping with my family for a week, as i find that overkill, but i digress: a post for another time. the biggest issue i have at this point is the difference in eating habits between my family and i. in the past year, i have lost about 35 pounds ([see here](https://www.reddit.com/r/progresspics/comments/8re25e/f2655_165lbs_130lbs_35lbs_12_months_married_and/?st=jiq94nim&sh=f82d97de)) by working out and eating healthfully. i eat mostly fruits, vegetables, and healthy proteins, and i have cut out almost all sweets and processed foods. my family, on the other hand, regularly eats rice krispy bars for breakfast (it’s cereal, right?!) and counts jello with cool whip as a “fruit.” hey, it’s the midwest! overall, they eat a very carb and fat-rich diet. (they actually have two “candy drawers” in their house!) my parents are in charge of bringing the food for the trip and will likely bring these types of items. i’m torn because i don’t want to offend them/start a fight, but i can’t imagine eating like that for a whole week, especially after how i’ve busted my ass to get where i am physically. because it is a camping trip, most of our meals will be made by us, meaning i can easily bring my own (healthy) food—fruits and vegetables—and make my own meals as i am used to doing. i have battled severe mental illness in the past (hospitalized for anxiety and depression), and my new lifestyle has contributed significantly to my recovery. i feel so much better when i treat my body kindly. however, my family had not been as supportive about my health and fitness journey as i would like, and i have experienced push-back from them about it in the past. they have told me the food i eat is “gross” and repeatedly tried to convince me to eat sugary foods i have already refused. in fact, my mom has asked if i need to “see my psychiatrist again” because i am getting “obsessive,” due to the fact that i work out almost every day and don’t cheat on my healthy diet. (i can assure you i am the most mentally and physically healthy i ever have been). in short, i’m afraid bringing my own food would invite criticism and cause a fight because it has been a source of tension and ridicule in the past. so.. if i didn’t rub in the fact that i needed to make my own food or comment on the unhealthy nature of their eating habits, wibta if i brought my own food on our family vacation? tl;dr: i eat healthy food and my family doesn’t, so i want to bring my own on a week-long trip even though i can reasonably expect blow-back from them. wibta?

nta

nta! please don't let anyone shame you for trying to be better. they will probably give you a hard time, because they know they should eat better and seeing you do it, they feel like you're almost shaming them by not partaking. like an addict would. don't let their addiction make you relapse. stay strong!

nta. reading your post, i could identify with some of the family dynamics you described. except for the camping trip- my family would have never, ever suggested such a thing. my parents were quite content to criticize and ridicule right from the comfort of home. i’m in my 40s now and both my parents have passed, and i sometimes wonder if things could have been better for us as a family if we had some good memories together to build on. go camping with your family. bring what you like to eat. make food the very least of topics, but, when it inevitably comes up, take the high road. keep in mind you’ll not change any minds or score points.

8tdess

aita for being nice? (or so i thought)

good old me is just walking through the supermarket while looking for some last-minute groceries when i enter the grocery section, which aisle in specific i know fail to remember. anyways, i’m slowly walking the aisle scanning briefly for things i may need but could have forgotten on the list, and i see a woman with two babies in her cart. as i walk, one of the babies looks up and me, gives a whole-hearted three-toothed smile at me and attempts to speak to me, in baby babble. so i, being a nice person, smiled back and waved at the baby and gave a polite “hi there!” and the mother looked at me as if i’d just committed a million crimes, and said “you do not speak to my children, or like that!” and honestly, her sentence was unintelligible but i was appalled so i just quickly walked off. am i the asshole?

nta

nta, she was probably angry about something else and took the opportunity to lash out.

nta. hell, if mine were distracted enough to giggle at another shopper, it was music to my ears.

8u4x9i

aita for basically kicking some guy out of our hotel room

so for pride weekend me and 3 other friends decided to get a hotel room to spend the night in, the room had two queen beds that two and two would share. so we go to the festival and after that go bar hopping. we get a ride back to the hotel thankfully but one of my friends decides to invite some random guy over to our hotel room. no one really seemed to mind because we didn’t think he would stay the night, but as we kept drinking and conversing it was 4am and everyone was on their set bed. i was basically assigned to share the bed with my friend who invited the random guy and then he said what i was fearing he would ask; “you want to just spend the night?” and his friend agreed and was insisting on sleeping on an office chair, but my friend kept insisting for him to sleep at the end of our bed like a dog and he did. it was uncomfortable because i could not move and it was awkward as hell so i just got up and said that i was pissed because i’m also paying for this hotel and i’m putting aside my comfort in order for this guy who no one knows and isn’t even paying can sleep somewhat comfortably, the random guy was gagged and he just looked at me like i had just insulted him, so he said he’ll sleep on the floor and i began to feel bad and he told me to save it and he’ll just call his boyfriend to come pick him up and then he just left. no one really commented about the situation the next day so it just kinda felt awkward... but i slept good though

nta

nta. how let's some random stranger sleep in your room? not me. enjoying drinks is one thing.

nta, but you handled it like an asshole.

8u5i48

aita for asking the uber driver to turn his music off?

so i called an uber, the guy picked me up, and he's blasting music. it's not my kind of music (no hate, but i'm not into songs about pimping hoes and selling crack), and i was pretty tired. i asked him to turn the music off. he looked really annoyed.

nta

nta. you paid for the ride. he can go 10-20 forgoing his jams. also, did he do it?

nta. you paid for the ride. last week i went to the airport and my lyft driver was singing along to his music. i didn’t care though because he was killing it.

8ubg5o

aita for snitching and exposing my bff's cheating gf?

huh. 2nd post in a week? i have too much drama in my life. well, sooo basically, i have my best friend and then he has a gf who he loves till death. well, the other day i was talking to her and i guess that she accidentally hinted towards her other "bf". so i had to squeeze who it was out of her. she told me no to really tell her actual bf (my best friend). i told her that this wasn't right. my best friend started talking about how he loved her a lot the next day. he said shit like "man, we have plans to marry and start a family, i love her so much". i couldn't handle it. i didn't want him to find out and get heartbroken. i told him to take a seat because what he was about to hear would break him to pieces. he asked me if everything was alright. so i decided to tell him the truth about his "gf". well, he was heart broken but thanked me. he told his "gf" that he knew. she then called me and told me i was a "snake" and a "snitch" and that she'd start self-harm. i'm pretty sure she won't but i'm really fucking worried for her. i can't call her, or msg her, or pm her on any social media. i know she trusted me but i couldn't stand my best friend being fucked over like that. he loved her so much but she didn't properly love him back, he couldn't see that, but it was clear to me. aita for exposing my bestfriend's gf for cheating on him????

nta

nta. ever heard of suicide by cop? this is basically the relationship equivalent-break up by best friend. what she did to you and continues to do to you makes her ta

nta. things like this make me look back and wonder how any of us survived highschool/being teenagers.

8v93v7

aita for beinf crappy for demanding a key from my roommates

so i moved in to this house with 3 others after leaving an abusive relationship. the 3 roommates have not worked in sometime. one of them have been trying to get disability. so whatever she is excused i suppose. but the other two are just pretty lazy and don't do anything. anyways, the day after i moved in i handed over a thousand dollars. 500 for june and 500 for july. i still have not gotten a key and i have been locked out of the house... this will be the 5th time. i gave them the grand to "catch up on bills". when i asked for a key the first time i got locked out it was... "i'll go get one made today" the 3rd time i was locked out for 3 hours while they were off eating dinner... (but they can't pay their bills) roommate #2 says "well i didn't want to make a key if you were gonna move right out" i laughed it off and was like whatever, if i wasn't sure i wouldn't have dropped a grand to live here. now i am currently locked out while they are asleep even after banging on the door and and windows/ calling, texting, fb messages. a few nights ago they came back from the store and they were like "oh we forgot to get a key made" like for real??? i was also locked out at this time as well..m dude started asking me why i stay out late and asking me why i don't always hang out here. i kinda was "shady" as he says and didnt feel like i needed to answer any questions... for one i am the only one who pays any bills and second i am a 31 year old woman and if i want to stay out until 3 or 4 in the morning, it is my business not theirs. i stay to my self and clean up after myself. i don't ask them any thing when they leave, because they are adults and it isn't my business. i am considering demanding one of their keys. the chick and rm #2 share a room and maybe they would actually go get a key made. would that be an asshole move? i don't want to be rude or an asshole... but this is getting ridiculous... i have been here for 3 weeks and i am getting sick of this. i have been sitting out here for almost 4 hours now. edit/ roommate #1 finally just let me in. i immediately asked that a key got made today. the two are going to pittsburg today and she says they won't have time to get it made they would do it tuesday when they get back. i said why don't one of you leave a key with me since you both are leaving and both have a key.. she said something about not having house funds atm. i said idc, i will use my own money. she had nothing to say. i am going to assume they will try to not give me a key for some bullshit reason. also, they asked if i would be able to give them more money for july to "help out"... now they making me want to move out.

nta

nta. lots of warning signs here. none of them work, no one to pay bills. you paid in advance, you won't see any cash back. my advice , move. you want to be an asshole? find a place, change the locks and offer them the keys only if they return your second month's payment. they may , or they may redo the locks again. either way, it will cost them some cash that they do not have.

move out. shitty roomates and shitty people. nta

8vdbkv

aita that i don't want to go to my mother-in-law's house every single sunday?

so i'd consider myself a loving husband and we have a mostly good relationship. there are quirks to it, but it's fine with me. but one big quirk is that she goes to her mom's house religiously on sunday's like a born again christian going to church, except she is there all day. like she wakes up, heads out, and stays all day until it's time to sleep. i go with her most times just to spend time together but it's honestly exhausting for me. i don't care for her mom. she's alright to me, she is just not a good person to other people. very self serving and i can't respect her for it. let alone do i want to spend a whole day out of every one of my weeks with her. i've vocalized that i would rather us stay home or just do something together. but she's very defensive over spending the day with her mom. fine...but i work nights and she works days, and we have different days off... so i like to spend sunday days with her so that we can help make the marriage work. so i just go 90% of the time. now, the 10% of the time that i don't go, i always get something in return from the mom. like a "oh he must not love me or something!" kind of act. and she kind of does it a little tongue-in-cheek...but the way she has a grip over her daughter, my wife, i think in her head she's being serious about it. i'm sick of it. i'm sitting in my car waiting for them to get back to her mom's house now because i guess they went out together, and i spent lunch with my mom for her birthday. my wife didn't want to go to lunch for my mom's birthday...would rather hang out with her mom...fine.

nta

nta. i think you need to have a serious conversation with your wife about this, because it sounds like there's some growing resentment here, which is perfectly justifiable. she needs to meet you halfway. and the fact that she won't take a little time to celebrate your mother's birthday with you after she insists that you spend every sunday with her mom? not cool. you need to sit down with her and set down some boundaries and expectations.

nta. in fact, your wife and your mil are both in asshole territory for missing your mom’s birthday. (even if your mil wasn’t invited, she should make sure her daughter goes. when i make the mistake of complaining about my mil to my mom, she scolds me for it, and she’s right-whatever i’m bitching about isn’t a big deal, that’s my husband’s mother, he wouldn’t be here without her...) your mil is interfering in your marriage by stealing your sundays with your wife. talk to your wife, or your mil, or both. arrange a monthly dinner with your mil. that’s it. you don’t owe her anymore than that.

8vj8dw

aita for unfriending someone on xbox for using his “depression” as an excuse to be a dick?

there’s this friend i had for about 2 months, he was nice for a while but eventually he started to act different, more assholey. we played mostly rainbow six siege, and had fun. we started playing less & less often, because when we played he would insult me about every move i make in the game. & not in a joking way either. you’re probably thinking “why haven’t you told him to fuck off already?” well, it’s because i knew since the first week i met him he had depression. he had the signs in his voice & what he said & eventually he told me. i didn’t give up on him. even as his attitude got worse, i stayed with him. but when i let my brother play with him, & got the headphones back, he said my brother sounded like a “fucking retard”. that was too far. i called him out on it & he called me a piece of shit. i left the party & blocked him. he messaged me that it’s terrible that i unfriended him because he had “horrible depression” & that i was a horrible person. i pointed out that he was using his depression as an an excuse & he said “i guess i’ll kill myself now” & i just didn’t say anything. i reported him & haven’t talked to him since. i don’t know if i did the right thing or not, i kind of feel bad. tl;dr:my friend was an asshole & went to far & i blocked him so he said he was gonna kill himself & now i feel bad about it.

nta

i've been diagnosed with depression, ptsd and anxiety, i somehow manage to not be a raging asshole for no reason. nta

nta. he was being manipulative, props to you for not enabling that behaviour and blocking him.

8vzkq6

aita for reporting my wife and her manager romantic relationship to their work?

caught my wife cheating on me with her manager three weeks ago. after they broke off contact, they remained texting "as friends." she told him that she wouldn't tell on him because she didnt want to be responsible for him losing his career, and told me not to report it. fast forward a week later, i went out of state and when i came back, they had met up "one last time." which destroyed my whole world all over again and i emailed their legal and hr departments about them both. now my wife thinks i went way out of line by putting both their jobs at risk.

nta

nta, what did she expect when she cheated on you? you did the right thing op, you deserve better we hope you get through this well <3

you had me at the first sentence. nta.

8w7aab

aita for preferring to be with my family instead of with my girlfriend’s during the holiday because of a language barrier?

my girlfriend was upset because i chose to spend time with at my family’s party today instead of going to a party at her aunt’s. i wanted to spend time with her and everything but i don’t have a lot of fun when i go to her family events because everyone speaks spanish and i don’t speak spanish very well so i don’t understand what they’re saying. it makes the experience both boring and uncomfortable because i can’t participate in table conversation so i just wind up sitting there feeling awkward and like i’m on the outside looking in. at parties i like to be able to engage with people and take part in conversation. the thing is they can speak english fluently so i can have one-on-one conversations but when they’re all in a group they speak only spanish. it isn’t any fun to essentially be by myself with my thoughts, feeling like an alien in another world. i’ve communicated this to her and she seems to get it, but she always responds with; “i’m sorry my family sucks.” i never said her family sucks. i said i love them and i’ll still come to gatherings and deal with the awkwardness because i love her, but it’s not my first choice because i’ll have more fun in a group of people that i can interact with. if it’s a major event like christmas, (which my family doesn’t celebrate), or a birthday, then i’ll go to support her of course, but for a holiday like 4th of july when my family is having something too, and there are no obligations, i’d rather go to the event where i can interact, socialize, and have a good time. so am i the asshole for boycotting her family events when it’s not for a significant holiday or celebration?

nta

nta. you're already making effort to attend the smaller events. and it's not like you ditched her for funsies; you chose to spend time with your own family. not sure how you can be faulted for that. tbh, your girlfriend seems more of the asshole. the whole "i'm sorry my family sucks" thing seems like a manipulative attempt to guilt trip you. has she tried to get her family to include you in the conversation? it might be a cultural difference thing, but where i'm from, it is very rude to speak a language not everyone understands when there's a common language (english, in your case), and ruder still that your girlfriend insists you attend such parties but doesn't seem to do much to make you feel more included.

nta. my family is czech, and we always speak english when around other people...unless we don't want them to know what we are talking about. i was taught that it was rude.

8w7n7x

wibta for asking them to sleep elsewhere?

we have distant family coming in from florida, and they are going to be staying at my home. the teen son, who’s about my age [13] is going to be sleeping in my room, and i’ll be taking the couch. i really don’t want him in there because: • he’s really heavy. 5,7 and in his most recent facebook photos, 200+ pounds. my bed is a cheap ikea single. do the math. • i like my privacy. i don’t want him touching my things. • he’s messy. like, i am a bit slobbish, but this kid takes it to the next level. wrappers everywhere. so, am i overreacting? my parents are fine with him sleeping on an air mattress, i just don’t know if it’s unreasonable to bring it up.

nta

nta. i'd feel a bit violated and wouldn't let it happen as an adult, but because you are a teenager you probably don't have much choice as i am assuming it is your parents house. maybe tell them how you feel and see if he can take the couch. get them to say you have back problems or something and need to sleep in the bed if they don't want to look rude.

nta, but only from the perspective of the privacy and messiness issues. honestly, the ikea bed should hold him better than the air mattress. i mean they both should (i'm 6'7", 260 lbs myself) as long as the air mattress isn't too old or cheap. in any case though, i wouldn't bring up the integrity of the bed as a factor. just stick with messiness and privacy as your reasons.

8w9ww4

aita for buying an expensive gift?

for my brother in law's 30th i bought him a rare bottle of whiskey for £2200. he collects himself and i thought it would be nice for him to have a flagship piece. when i gave the gift everyone loved it but they became pretty pissed off when they looked up its price, and basically told me i should have bought a holiday for the family or something else. we had an argument and i said fuck it and left, taking the bottle with me. was i an insensitive asshole? edit cause i accidentally deleted my clarification: my sister is married to him. everyone was happy with the gift until the value became known, after which my sister made a joke about how she would rather i had bought a cruise for the whole family. later on my sister and my sister in law (his sister) approached me with the bottle and said she had spoken to my brother in law and they didn't want a gift that expensive and wanted to know if i could resell/refund it and buy them a holiday. i basically said i would rather you keep it because i spent a lot of time researching the bottles to buy one and that's when the argument started. because i felt pressured by my sister i left with the bottle because i knew they would try to sell it. i'm worried i'm the asshole for perhaps overspending and reacting that way.

nta

how is he your bil? is he married to your sibling? or are you married to his? that's a very nice gesture. it is petty for them to be upset with you for buying bil a very expensive gift and then suggest you should've purchased a gift for the family. it is not the family's birthday. was bil upset with the price you paid? who was actually expressing they were upset(his spouse, mother, your spouse)? i wouldn't have taken the bottle unless he expressed that he disapproved of you paying that price and should've done something else with that amount. if he did you're nta. but if he was just going along with his spouse then yeah. you shouldn't take a gift back just because other people are uncomfortable with your extravagance. (also we have a $7k bottle of whiskey at my job that a client gave us)

nta. reading this actually frustrated me! i’d be interested to know how the talk with your bil goes.

8wgr0i

aita for not wanting to take a break from being vegan for a family reunion?

i have been trying to be vegan for a bit over a year now. when i say "trying" i'm mean i'm in college and vegan when i'm at school, but every time i visit home for more than a day or two i end up "taking a break" from it because my family gets so upset that i won't eat meat with them. not that i won't go to places that serve meat, or that i complain about the lack of vegan food at the house, whatever. i mean we'll go out for burgers and i'll just get fries and they'll get mad at me. or, because there are very rarely things i can eat in our house because my family lives on fish and pizza, sometimes i'll just skip meals. i don't complain about it, i don't mind, i'd rather be hungry than eat dairy or meat, but if my mom notices she hasn't seen me eat in a while she'll get angry at me and i give in. or they'll "forget" i'm trying to do this and they'll buy me good deli meat and then accuse me of being ungrateful when i turn them down. or they'll get mare me something with fish and then be absolutely baffled when i say i won't eat fish, or something with just a little bit of dairy or an ingredient that is obscurely non-vegan and think i'm being nitpicky for refusing. i told them this summer i didn't want to take a break again and i really wanted to be vegan all the time, and they seemed supportive at first, mom even mailed me only vegan candy for easter instead of chocolate like usual, but once i got home it was out the window. it's better because my dad is doing keto so there vegetables in the house now so i can eat, but it's still an issue when we go out for dinner and i have been guilty into eating dairy. anyway, we have a family reunion coming up, and my mom is *furious* that i'm planning on being at least vegetarian. the whole extended family is hunters and trappers, so there's gonna be a lot of game meat at every meal, and all of the major meals are going to be entirely meat-centric. my mom says that if i refuse to eat the meat dishes at the knytkalas (when everyone brings a dish and we all eat them together?) it's rude and i'll offend everyone. there's also one restaurant in the town that is a family tradition to go to, but pretty much the entire menu is just fried chicken and french fries, and my mom says it would be "ridiculous" for me to only eat the fries at such a great restaurant and that i'm ruining the family tradition and being stubborn if i'm unwilling to participate. i understand that my preferred diet is very different from theirs, and i don't want to be a hassle, and i don't want to be rude, and i don't want my family to feel like they're failing me by not feeding me (something i know my aunt will think), but at the same time, separating myself from animal agriculture is important to me and i hate that i keep letting myself get roped back in. but i know that food is love, and i know that my family feels guilty when there's nothing for me to eat, and i know that a lot of the foods at the reunion will be important and traditional and it might be disrespectful or insulting for me to refuse them. i'm trying to be accommodating but ultimately this is something i care about and i would like to be able to live by it. i know it's difficult but i don't believe it's unreasonable, and they do.

nta

totally nta. unfortunately food is closely associated to love and people can have very strong feelings if you refuse what they offer, especially if you repeatedly refuse and even if you do have a reason. however this is *their* problem, not yours. are you able to get just one family member "on your side"? someone who you can explain how you feel to, who will then back you up when facing the rest of the family? if your family is used to being able to push you around they might think twice if you have a supporter. and you won't feel like you're up against the whole family. even if they don't agree with your choice they should be respecting your freedom to make it... don't you guys have that written down somewhere? 😁

definitely nta. i’m vegetarian, going vegan and my family hates it. i’ve just started bringing my own food to gatherings. look into some vegan meats to take with you? also if you’re eating at a restaurant, as long as you pay, they literally can’t say anything.

8yc5pf

aita for not tipping my waitress?

so, today i go out for lunch with my girlfriend. when we get there the hostess seats us and asks what we'd like to drink. we were unsure so she said she'd send our waitress back through. after waiting ten minutes, she finally comes around to take our drink orders and our food orders. our food takes a while to cook, which i can't blame the waitress for, but as soon as we got our food she immediately hands us our check. that kind of rubbed me the wrong way. then half way through the meal i'd finished my drink. out waitress walked passed put table no less than four times in a fifteen minute span. not once did she ask if i wanted a refill or to ask how everything was. i felt the service was subpar. so, i paid the bill and left without leaving a tip. **update** in hindsight i should've left at least a dollar tip or something. i usually tip well. i just feel that if i were to tip her the usual 20 percent as everyone else, then it isn't fair to the servers who do work hard.

nta

at first i figured she handed you the check because her shift was ending, but if there was time for her to walk past the table 4 times, nope. **nta** in this situation. waitresses/waiters will be the first to complain about being stiffed for tips, but c'mon, then do your job correctly, it's not rocket science and stop with the attitude. get the orders, bring out the drinks fast, get the food out to the table as soon as you can. if it's late, go and apologize to the table. then after the food has been given, go back in 8 minutes (or less) to see if they need anything (salt, pepper, sauces, whatever). if they do, bring it, if not, check back again in 30 minutes to see if they need new drinks. after that and/or dessert, then bring the check. anything sooner feels like the "bums rush". and for the love of all that is holy, stop avoiding eye contact if your patrons are looking at you, it's obvious they need something!

nta. the only thing i'd do differently is talk to her or a manager before (or i guess write on the back of the check if you're a reddit stereotype and hate talking to people ;) ). otherwise they just write you off as cheap/a shitty tipper. not that she's necessarily going to accept it but at least you tried.

8yl9a8

aita for getting leaving my job because they changed my pay.

so a little backstory. i work at a small local cafe in my small town and i am the head barista. when we first started out i was making minimum wage and tips while working 40 hours. after a few months they changed the pay of mine and two others, because we were "managers", to waiter pay with tips and they made us salary so we were guaranteed our 40 hours. now at that time i also started roasting coffee for the cafe. i'd spend atleast and 5-6 hours extra a week roasting the coffee. sometimes id be compensated for it as a bonus and other times i wouldn't. it went on like that for like 9 months and i never said anything until i realized they completely stopped compensating me for the roasting. at that time i said "hey if you aren't paying me for this i'm not doing it." and they were like ok we will get someone else to do it. well i get my paycheck today to find out i'm shorted like 6 hours and i went to talk to my boss and he says i'm no longer salary. noone said anything to me about that. i was told hey if you wanna start keeping track of your hours you can. noone had mentioned anything to me about it. so i told them "i'll roast the coffee i was originally roasting and get the overtime i deserved now that i'm hourly." and they said no they have it covered so now i'm just pissed. it feels like they were taking complete advantage of me and when i decided i wasn't gonna have it anymore they essentially demoted me. i have never been late and ive never missed a day and i never start drama of any sort. i feel hella unappreciated and i'm unsure if i'm gonna go back.

nta

why the fuck is this getting heavily upvoted? they’re clearly nta. only upvote things that either unclear or actually assholes people! makes it way more fun

nta: clearly they have decided to take advantage of you being a good worker. you confront them once and then they demote you? fuck them man. i’d look up your worker rights, and if they’ve treated you illegally ask for compensation and quit or threaten a law suit.

902g05

aita ? i don't look black and said i was a proud black woman

to start off with my genealogy. both of my parents are biracial, my mom is half danish/ half mexican and my dad is half syrian/ half kenyan. i personally look very mexican (probably a mix of the syrian and mexican) and looking at me you would not know i was danish or kenyan. i was studying for a test with some math friends (all guys) and one of them said a dirty joke. we all laughed and one of the guys said " hey don't say that, there a girl here" and i said "i'm not a girl, i'm a strong independent black woman". we all continued talking then got back to studying. about 15 minutes later a guy and girl came into the room. we were at the library in a reserveable room that we had not reserved so we apologized (thinking that's why they came in). " oh, sorry did you reserve the room, we can head out." the guy said "no, we were wondering where the black girl was" kind of worried i said "why?" immediately he had recognized my voice (its real high-pitched and basic as fuck, very distinctive) and he goes off on me, calling me a racist, how i'm perpetuating microaggression, how i made her feel bad, etc. i tried to explain to him that i'm a quarter black and i didn't mean to hurt anyone's feeling and just kept on apologizing (honestly i really just wanted to get back to studying) he didn't care; he stated that because i didn't look black or understand what they go through i have no right to say that and continued berating me. he was even talking about going into my place of work (which i came straight from so i still had my clothes and badge on) and getting me fired for being a racist. my guy friends then started yelling back at him and eventually they go back to their room (which was on the other side of the wall). personally i feel like i wasn't in the wrong and was more offended by how offended he was (cause i'm literally as much mexican as i am black) and the fact i said it as a way to stand up to the guys. either way though i still feel horrible, like the girl he was with was hurt and you could tell. what do yall think? despite his reaction, do i have any right to say i'm a black woman despite not looking like it and only being a quarter. am i an asshole(/racist)? edit 1: also i wanted to add, the black girl he was with was crying; right now i can't even concentrate on this test tommorow because i feel like a fucking asshole because i made a stranger(who did nothing to me) cry. just wanted to add this because it was an important detail i had left out.

nta

why did they even come in there in the first place? because you don't "sound black" through a wall? i say nta.

don't ever apologize for that. they get themselves riled up and then take that out on you throwing around the word microaggression. next time get in their face and ask if they have a problem with mixed race people and demand that you have a right to that culture as much as anyone. totally nta.

90697x

aita for disliking my gf’s male friend?

background, been dating my gf for almost 7 months now. basically there’s this guy we know from school who she started chilling with last semester. they started off as merely study buddies but now they’ll hang out and text every now and again. i don’t normally have a problem hanging out with other guys platonically, but this guy quite obviously wants more than friendship from her. i can tell because he likes and comments every single facebook/instagram post she makes, will buy her the odd gift here and there (usually boxes of ferrero chocolates), and he’ll post stuff like “i wish you were crazy about me as i am about you” on his facebook wall. my girlfriend reassured me that they’re just friends and that she’s not interested in him in that way. she tells me to go easy on him too (he’s an awkward/shy guy in person). i don’t believe that she will cheat on me with him either. the reason why i dislike him is because when i do see him in person (she invites him to parties sometimes) he’ll say hi and be nice to my face, but i catch him staring at me and giving me bad looks. he knows were dating, and as a guy i know exactly what he’s thinking. i went out one night to a bar to meet up with some friends without my girlfriend and he happened to be there with a couple of his friends. he spent half the night just watching me, probably to see if i would start cheating with another girl. i do trust my girlfriend completely, but its him i don’t trust. deep down i know he sees me as an obstacle. i have what he wants and i have the gut feeling that if he sees an opportunity to try and take me down a peg he’d do so without hesitation. in his eyes i’m the enemy, and i’m not his friend so if that’s true then he must be my enemy. so aita here? am i being too controlling over my girlfriend or do i have a right to be upset?

nta

nta. i've been the woman in this situation and goddamn are some of these comments vile and misogynistic as fuck. it's really hard to have someone that you really like as a friend and really enjoy spending time with that is into you and just won't accept you don't feel the same way. boyfriend or not. it feels cold to just cut them off, and it's also just a bummer to lose a good friend. but then suddenly it's like months if not years later, they're still hung up on you and they're shooting themselves in the foot on potentially good relationships because of it, and it becomes apparent that it's not cold to cut them off but in fact the kindest move you can make. dude moved on pretty quick once i finally did. got married like a week after i did to a great lady and he's got a super cute kid now. it doesn't have to be this whole drama where the woman *must* be some player whore. so i'd talk to her about it. it's absolutely fair game to talk about how it makes you feel, but i'd also really encourage you to tap into what i described above. that she's got him on the hook and while it's no one's "fault" she's got to be the one to force him to move on because he's not going to do it on his own. sometimes what feels cruel is for the best.

>...and he’ll post stuff like “i wish you were crazy about me as i am about you” on his facebook wall. dude. that's a weird, kind of creepy thing for him to say. without that, i'd say you are the asshole, but he's clearly and openly pining for your girlfriend. it's reasonable not to like him. it might be worth talking with her about comments like that - asking how she feels about that sort of posts. so, nta.

90paiw

aita for giving a homeless woman food instead of money?

i'm from the uk, and over here if you're a student you can get a free cheeseburger with the purchase of a meal at mcdonalds. i redeemed mine but was full after eating, so i put the wrapped burger in my bag in case i wanted to reheat it later (this is relevant). a few hours later i was walking down the street and a dishevelled-looking woman in a wheelchair came over to me. she started complimenting my hair and outfit. then out of nowhere she went on a ten minute sob story about how her boyfriend beat her, she was now homeless and her kids had been taken off her (i just nodded politely and asked if she had called the police, but she kept going and i was too awkward to leave). then she asked did i have any money, because she "hadn't eaten in five days". i remembered my student cheeseburger, and said "sorry, i don't have any cash on me, but i can give you this?" and got it out of my bag and passed it over. she took it, then immediately went from being full of compliments and crying to looking really agitated, and said, "this is freezing. i don't want this, this burger is cold, what the fuck. are you sure you don't have any money on you? i need money, not a burger" i said no and that i had to go now, and after that practically sprinted away feeling super awkward. i relayed this story to my friend later on, who said i should have just given her some money for a fresh burger because they're only £1, but i didn't have any cash on me and it would have required going to an atm and taking out at least £5, and she probably would have just asked for that. aita?

nta

nta. interesting story at the bottom of this post. this is an experience that anybody who frequently interacts with beggars will get, thankfully. the only people that should be given handouts is those specifically asking for food or water. if they're asking for cash or "anything helps god bless", it's 99.9% certainly for drugs. pro tip: if you feel compelled to help them, offer instead to go with them to buy whatever they claim to need. 2 relevant stories from personal experience: 1) at a gas station, a guy walks up to me asking for a fiver so that he can buy himself a drink. for one, a soda will *at most* run you $2.5 here. but secondly, if you're so desperately thirsty as to resort to begging a stranger, why can't you go into the free restroom and drink from the faucet? any decent clerk will give you a cup for iced water, but a pepsi isn't going to save a transient from dehydration. 2) this one took me off guard because i was with my girlfriend who had a soft spot for beggars at the time. also, she was dressed nicely in white and approached us in the parking lot of a reputable department store, target. she came up to us, crying, asking for precisely $19 (a manipulative way to come off as genuine) so that she can go inside to buy insulin for her kid. if you stop to think about how rediculous the sob story is, it makes no god-damned sense. but because of the sudden drama of the situation, i bite. "oh, well let's go inside and get the insulin, come on!" >"no, i need to buy it at my pharmacy at the corner of bullshit and chump street." "i live right next to that pharmacy! how about i meet you there?" (i really did and was willing to cancel my shopping plans) >"no, i walked here. i just need the money for my son's insulin, please!" at this point i've caught on, but just to prove the point to my gf... " well, we can take you there in my car. if you're not comfortable with that, i could even just let my girlfriend here drive you and i'll wait." >"no, my sister is on the way to get me. i just need $19." i proceeded to tell her that she's a garbage, piece of shit human being trying to scam people by using a child's disease to steal money for drugs, and that she should be ashamed of herself. her face went flat and she left us to find the next potential victim. i went inside to tell the security guard what was going on. bitch was bound to get some poor sap eventually.

seems like today is post rude homeless people stories. keep em coming. i posted mine a few hours ago. your definitely nta.

90scd4

aita for getting mad at my mother saying it's my fault i don't have clear skin?

i'm 15 she, *completely unprovoked* (like literally, i was just making a cup of tea) said " you should wash your face more! i bet you never do. you always forget." i told her i did, once a day with facewash everyday + in the shower obviously. and she said it should be three times a day if not more, and that it's my fault i have acne. now, this is usually how she talks so it didn't bother me, but what followed it was what really set me off. "your face is ruined!" that was too far in my opinion. i snapped back something about how she shouldn't say things like that, and she got really mad and told me that i 1) shouldn't teach her how to parent and 2) that being civil doesn't work with me. i already have disordered eating and am incredibly self conscious about my appearance, and this is just..fuel to the fire. it hurt more too, somehow, coming from my own mother. was i an asshole? should i have just nodded? is it *actually* my fault?

nta

nta. if she’s your mother and genuinely concerned about your skin she would take you to a dermatologist instead of being rude and saying to just wash your face more. if that was the solution to acne no teenager ever would have acne. tbh if i could go back and be a 15 year old again i would stop spending so much time worrying about my skin. i had bad skin but guess what! it went away with age and learning more about skin care. check out /r/skincareaddiction if you want some tips, otherwise don’t let your mom get to you.

yes a million times yes. my understanding is if you rip too much of the oil from the skin it goes into overdrive and produces more oil. (not an expert, just someone lucky enough to be able to visit professional beauty clinics somewhat regularly) develop a good routine of cleanse, tone and moisturise with a twice weekly scrub. also op nta

90u55b

aita for moving out because my roommates are having a baby?

so i (single person) moved in with my best friend and her partner to save money on housing. we are all approx. 30 and live in an open house (no separate living spaces, only space that is truly mine is my bedroom). prior to moving in, there was no discussion that the couple may intend to have a baby while we're living together - however, my best friend knows that i don't like babies and don't want children of my own. fast forward to 6 months after we've moved in together, the couple tell me they want to start trying to have a baby. i'm quite taken aback and don't tell them at that time how angry i am that they didn't bring this up before we combined houses. they insist that they will do whatever they can to make me comfortable in the house with the baby, and i say i could try it, but that we'd have to do a lot of pre-planning. it would be incredibly difficult for me to move out and find suitable housing financially. now about another 6 months later, my best friend is pregnant, and i honestly don't know if i can stand living with a child. i've started trying to broach this with my friends/roommates, and they are quite angry, as they say they have now budgeted for their child based on me living with them. aita for possibly moving out because of this baby surprise?

nta

nta, they are changing the living conditions without consulting you, especially since she knew your feelings about children. it would be similar (slightly) to them getting a pitbull when they know you were afraid of dogs. on the bright side, the baby will now have a nursery...your old room!

uhh no nta. if ya don't wanna live with a child, then ya don't hafta.

9135oa

aita for for getting mad at my gf when she brings people who openly talk shit about me into my house?

as title suggests, for the past few days now my girlfriend has been bringing her coworkers/friends over into my house and normally i wouldn't have a problem with that, except with this specific group of people. she's a little younger than i am and all her friends constantly want to go to bars and clubbing but im not big into that scene and would rather stay home those nights. i guess at some point one of her friends decide to tell everyone i'm ashamed of her, or maybe even cheating on her and i'd rather bring some side chick over than go out drinking with them until sunrise. next thing you know, whenever she's with them, she feels the need to "confirm" all these ideas they're putting in her head about me and its all stereotypical insecure bs that just ends up stressing both of us out. i've gotten to the point where i told her, if she wants to hang out with them, by all means go for it, i'm not the kind of guy thats gonna dictate who she can and can't spend time with. she's an adult and able to make those decisions for herself, but im not interested in being around any of them in the slightest. she doesn't invite me out with them anymore and i'm more than okay with that, they're not my crowd to begin with. but for whatever reason she decided that i'd be perfectly fine with bringing all them over, so i get home from work last night to her coworkers passed out on my couch/floor, and my kitchen/living room looks like a fucking frat house with all the empty cans and solo cups all over it. i wake all of them up and tell them all to get the fuck out, and she starts going off like i'm some kinda of douche for not wanting any of these people who only ever want to speak negatively of me in my house. i can't see anything wrong with my decision here, but you tell me reddit, am i the asshole?

nta

nta. but i do suggest you sit down with your girlfriend and have a serious talk about your relationship. she shouldn’t be happily listening to someone who accuses you of cheating just because you are a a homebody and you shouldn’t be forced to accommodate people who are shitty to you talk to her, tell her how it makes you feel when she brings over people like that you don’t have the right to demand that she abandon her friends but you do very much have the right to be respected as a person by her friends nobody should be pressuring you to drink or club to that extent as well

nta. firstly, what's the age gap between the two of you? she sounds really immature to be putting up with "friends" that openly insult her so to the point of accusing you of cheating. i would never allow that shit to fly with my friends if they had said anything like that about my wife. secondly, is the house solely yours or do you share it with your girlfriend? if it's the former, then you have every right to do what you did, especially to people who have absolutely no respect for you. if it's the latter, then i'm afraid you're treading in asshole territory, even if it's just slightly. it's time for the two of you to have a serious talk about your relationship and your goals for it. you should also bring up the fact that the accusations her friends are throwing your way are going to drive a wedge between the two of you, and that she needs to seriously consider her priorities. if she chooses her friends over you in this situation, what with those friends being shitty people anyway, then bullet dodged.

91kozj

aita for not forgoing my 'upgraded' seat on the plane so a single mother with two young children could have a spare seat next to them.

this happened a few months ago on an 11 hour long haul flight. i fly on staff discount, so i do not get a choice of seats, which usually means i get the shit seats no one else wants. the plane was a large airbus a380, i was seated in economy and in seat '45b' (so i'm seated between the window seat and aisle seat on the left side of the aircraft). the staff had mentioned the flight was very full... only very few spare seats left. i board the plane, and see the window and aisle seat either side of me are not occupied yet. i sit down in my allocated seat. a woman with a little girl around 3 years old, and a 10 month old baby boy, make their way up the aisle to my row. it's clear the mother booked the aisle and window seat hoping that no one would chose the middle seat and she would have the row to herself. now there is a problem because i am here. she looked unhappy. i get up to let them in and she tells me her 3 year old will sit in the window seat, she and baby will sit in the middle, and i can have the aisle. sweet i think to myself. i get the aisle now instead of the middle seat. yay. before we even took off, the mother had asked the flight attendant if there was a spare seat i could move to so she could have the row to herself. she didn't ask me if i wanted to move, just asked the fa to find a seat for me to move to. fa said i couldn't move until after take off, but would see what she could do. after takeoff, the mother asked again and after some searching, fa was able to find a spare seat a few rows down in the middle of the aircraft. in the very middle. like 1 person left of me and 2 people to the right of me. my least favorite seat. the flight attendant was sympathetic to me, and asked me if i wanted to move, but i said no. i just told the mother that her and her children really weren't bothering me (which is true), and since i'm a bit taller i prefer the extra room. she was pretty unhappy the rest of the flight. was this wrong? on one hand i can understand how annoying it would be to sit 11 hours with a big baby on your lap, and entertaining another kid all whilst crammed into two seats. as well, it's not like i paid extra for an aisle... i was actually booked in the middle but preferred to stick with the aisle next to her kids than move to a middle seat again. but on the other... she should have just booked the whole row. she booked two seats, she got two seats. there was obviously a possibility this could happen and i really really didn't want to give up my aisle seat.... am i the asshole?

nta

nta, my parents routinely book the window and aisle hoping no one will book the middle. if someone books it, they suck it up...however they don't move. mother took a risk booking those seats, it's her problem her gamble didn't pay out.

nta. i'm a flight attendant, so initially reading the post i was beginning to think you were a jerk nonrev. but really, as many have already said, the mother should have bought an extra ticket for the baby. i just flew with my 14 month old daughter on my lap on a 2 hour flight. i can't imagine doing it on an 11 hour flight. the only long haul flights i've done with her was an 8 hour roundtrip to germany. i was thankful to have an empty seat next to me. we're planning on going yup germany again this year and i'm making sure to get her a seat. i'd like to add a kudos to the flight attendant who didn't force you to move.

91qgip

wibta if i moved my roommate's stuff out of his room?

tldr; roommate went back home, is vague about when they're returning, and the person subletting their room is eager to make the space their own. so, my friend who i've lived with for years went back to his hometown some months back. his mother recently passed away and he wanted to be with his father. totally understandable and good of him. but, he said he was going to be gone for a month, and that he'd pay rent and utilities while he was away. a month comes and goes, and i get in touch with him. now he says it's going to be several months at least and that he doesn't think he will be able to pay rent because he can't find work out there. so i line up someone to sublet his room, and rent it to them for a cheaper price on the condition that they are renting a "furnished" room, and essentially can't move any of their stuff in, aside from small personal belongings. now it's been six months since the original roommate has been gone, and three months since the subletter moved in. the original dude is still being shifty and vague about when they are coming back - they say the end of september or october, but that they *eventually* plan on moving back to their hometown for good. meanwhile the subletter is getting antsy and wants to find a permanent place, or at least be able to move their stuff in if it's going to be months before the original dude is back. i want to move the original dude's stuff to the basement, so that the subletter will stay (they're working out great), but the original dude isn't having it. they don't want their stuff moved from the room. but at the same time they won't give me a solid timeframe on their return, or if they're actually moving back here for good at all. if original dude doesn't end up moving back, it puts me in a bind to find a new roommate. the subletter would be ideal as a replacement but if i don't clear that room out so that they can be comfortable they might move out. i figure moving their stuff to the basement will get the subletter to stay, and if the original dude moves back in we can just move it back. but it seems like there is a decent chance that the original dude will, if he comes back at all, not be here for all that long - like i said, he did text me that he planned on moving back there for good, though he didn't give a timeline. i don't wanna burn bridges, but i also don't wanna be scrambling to find a roommate and pay rent. i feel like i've already done him a favor by finding a subletter to take him off the hook for rent. sorry it's so long. thanks for any advice.

nta

nta. tell the original dude that you're sorry about his situation but that you can't be in a financial bind of paying both rents or continuing to spend your time and efforts finding his sublesee, and that you have found a suitable new tenant that wants to stay permanently. if he wants the room, he can start paying for it, otherwise, the new tenant will be taking it permanently - you need the security of rental payments. if he cannot pay for it, his stuff will be stored (neatly, nicely, to the basement) where he can collect it at a time when he is either going to move in, or move back home. he should be thankful you haven't thrown his stuff out already. you've essentially made your home, and the new tenants room a storage facility for which you are not getting a monthly storage fee. space is money in real estate. you are taking up space, you should be paying for it. don't give people the option. tell them how it will be. be reasonable and fair. but be firm. otherwise, you will be shit on in the long run. happens every time. put your foot down. people will respond, and typically fall in line, especially when they are in the wrong. make it an emotionless thing - you're not doing this to hurt him personally, this is a practical problem with a practical solution; one in which the original tenant has no rights as (1) he is a subletter (did he sign him own lease with you?) and (2) he has been absent for 6 months, 5 of which he did not pay rent. it has been six months on something that was meant to be one month - maybe 2 given the difficult nature of his circumstance, but that is not your problem at the end of the day. you have shown more than enough kindness, compassion, generosity, practical help (finding a subletter or tenant is not easy, especially a good one!). put your foot down and get you and the new tenant sorted, and let original tenant know his stuff is here ready to be collected asap, or if he is going to move back in, you will hold his stuff but he needs to confirm a date and put one month of rent down to confirm his tenancy, and so you can let new tenant know when he needs to be out by. original tenant can't keep holding up other people's lives bc they need more than 6 months to figure their shit out. it's gone on long enough. tell him how it is, and stand firm! you are in the right here, and you are not an asshole. you've been far to accommodating already, and that's why you're in this situation.

nta, from an outside, objective opinion. but dude, his mom died and it sounds like he's dealing with a lot. no one is ever ready for that. the timeline for getting your shit together after losing a parent isn't a straight trajectory, it's messy and hard and there's tons of setbacks. if you want to preserve the friendship long-term, be as patient as possible. there's very little possibility of him seeing this situation from an objective perspective.

92n7xx

aita for not giving up my aisle seat for a middle seat when two old ladies asked me to?

i was on a flight back to my hometown and i had seats next to two old ladies in their early 60’s. they asked me to give up my aisle seat to switch with a middle seat in another row because they wanted to sit with their friend at the back. am i the asshole for saying no? i selected my seats online earlier just to get an aisle seat.

nta

if this was a bus you would be, but on an airplane the seat is your temporary property. nta

maybe a little stingy, but you're right. nta.

92pqcx

aita for not giving my childhood friend our wifi password?

so my neighbor and i were childhood friends. he moved away when we were like 12 and has now moved back in with his grandma (my neighbor). he has been gone for awhile, with short weekend visits every now and then. anyways my friend’s fiancé comes to our door while i’m at work and asks my mother for the wifi password cause my friend might’ve broken his arm falling down the stairs. she said she needed directions to the hospital, but my mom offered to go on our computer and look up directions for her. her excuse was that she isn’t good with directions and needed to follow them on her phone..which makes no sense...but my mom isn’t very tech savvy so she had no clue. anyways my mother called me while i was working, but i don’t know the password (i know the general thing, but i change the numbers around so i’d have to try a few times). so the fiancé goes home empty handed. fast forward a week (not home again) and the fiancé comes by a second time asking for the wifi password so her and my friend can keep up with job applications and whatnot since apparently there is no internet at his grandmas house and they don’t have the money for gas to keep going to the public library to use their internet. the kicker is that my mother asked how my friend was doing after his fall. the fiancé says his *ankle* was not broken...even though she originally said it was his arm. so am i the asshole for not giving them the password? i understand they may be down on their luck (he actually lost his license for a little while), but i don’t think that’s my job to remedy his situation.

nta

would they do the same thing for you? probably not - nta

it kinda depends tbh. do you have unlimited wifi? if you have unlimited, then i don't see why you can't just give your friend the password. if it's limited, i get it. either way, nta.

92udsh

aita for being honest to my mother about how annoying and overbearing she is, causing her to not only cry but ignore me for two days now?

when i first got social media at the age of 16 my mother wanted to be involved in every single aspect. who my friends were, what i wrote, what groups i joined. everything. since i was a minor and still living under their roof, i had to comply. seven years later and i’ve been using a new facebook, one that i had blocked her on. since then i’ve basically quit instagram and snapchat, and go on twitter once a month. i use facebook because i can still follow groups of interest and news pages to keep tabs with what happens in my hometown when i’m on the road. however, my mother is oh-so desperate to get on this facebook as well. she wants to know everything i write, all the groups i follow, and everyone i’m friends with. she’s been desperately getting my facebook, despite her being blocked, since i was 18 and got the new facebook profile. she believes that no matter how old i am, she still has every single right to know what i’m doing online. this weekend while i was home we got into a huge fight because she was threatening to not let me come home anymore (i’m a truck driver, so i’m only home 4 days for every 30 days) if i don’t add her on facebook. well, i caved after 5 long years and let her on. in less than 24 hours she had commented on over 100 posts ranging from last year (i don’t post much on there anymore; mostly just shared posts from other people. yes i’m one of those people.) she has also messaged half of my friends asking who they are and why they’re friends with me. even goes so far as to accusing me and one girl of having a secret relationship without my mother knowing, which isn’t even true because the girl has a boyfriend who isn’t me! my mother has gone way too far, and i finally told her that she is annoying, overbearing, and contrary to her belief not entitled to every aspect of my life just because she gave birth to me 23 years ago. this made her cry. also, it’s been two days since the fight and she refuses to talk to me. since then i deactivated my facebook and lost a lot of friends in the process. she may have her heart in the right place, but this woman’s mind is not. she’s always been overbearing. the type of mother who constantly needs to have physical contact with her child. even though i’m 23 she still needs me to hold her hand everywhere we go. she babies me constantly, always belittling me as if i’m still a 5 year old. granted, i never ever wanted to make her cry. believe me, i want to rip my heart out for every moment in my life i ever made my mother cry. i just wanted to be honest in that she needs to grow up and stop treating me like a child. even my father is standing with her in this and saying i’m disrespectful and that i’m still their child, so i have no rights or say when it comes to their involvement in my life. i’ve been begging them to go to therapy with me over this shit, hoping they could see everything they do is wrong. hoping they could see that i’m a 23 year old who has a full-time job, makes his own money, has no social life, stays out of trouble, etc. but they’ve refused at every opportunity i gave them. so now i’ll have to start finding places to go for my 4 days off from now on unless i reopen my facebook and let my mother back in as a friend with full ability to see everything i do on there, just as she wants.

nta

nta. your parents are assholes though. if i were you, i would cut them out of my life. you’re an adult and they have no right to treat you like a 10-year old child. as others have commented, other subreddits can guide you and help you out of this situation. i am sorry you are going through this, i hope it all works out for you

nta. if they won't go to therapy, go without them. since you travel, try phone counseling.

93mda6

aita: ordering food 5 minutes before closing time?

i got hungry at night yesterday and decided to go to subway at 10:55 even though they close at 11. i dont know if thats a dick thing to do.

nta

having been the closing person at a fast food place, i’m gonna go ahead and call this as nta. like, yeah, it sucks to have to maybe re-clean things or unwrap product, but you’re still open for a reason.

nta. kinda sucks for the workers, but they are open till 11, that's on them. how are they supposed to pay expenses if they don't sell their product?

93vvch

aita for yelling at kids who walked in front of my car?

simple post: basically my mom was driving and i was in the passenger seat, and as we were driving through a relatively quiet suburban neighborhood some kids, probably about 13-15, walked in the road in front of our car and just dabbed. i almost got out of the car but instead i just yelled “what the fuck are you doing? get the fuck out of the road.” the kids looked pretty freaked by how aggressive i was, and i immediately felt guilty afterwards, mainly because i yelled at them without saying why i was pissed(they could’ve caused an accident or got hurt themselves). aita?

nta

they're teenagers, not idiots. they know they can cause an accident in the road, the risk is the majority of the thrill of such behavior. totally nta, its self-evident to move off the road for cars if your playing sports so you get back to your sport as fast as possible. they were pushing boundaries and testing the limits of the driver/pedestrian relationship and learned a valuable lesson.

nah, nta tbh being aggressive and angry towards a situation can be helpful sometimes rather than being quiet about it. doing so emphasizes the lesson being thrown unto them. you stood up for their safety, so that's alright.

940skn

aita for telling management after someone told me to kill myself and provided me with the noose to do so?

so on friday i was having a pretty awful day, i got to work late, i was struggling to carry out basic tasks at work and was just generally in a bad mood. now i work as a welder, and in the uk, not sure about the rest of the world, but in any trade there is a lot of manly men whos banter tends to be mainly taking the piss out of each other, which i am fine with, and so a couple of guys were making fun of me and my bad mood, which i wasn't happy about at the time but it didn't particularly upset me. so come lunch, i go for my break and everyone else down in the area carry on working and just before lunch is over they went home because they came in early and so were allowed home early. so when i went back down to the bay i was working in i find the fuel tank i am working on covered in snarky messages, stuff like "cheer up pal, only 2 and a half hours to go" and "smile! jesus loves you!". along with those messages was a noose that they had created out of a length of rope they found in the workshop draped over the side of the tank, with an arrow pointing to it and the words "do it" next to it. that really really annoyed me so as soon as one of the management came over i explained the situation to them and he agreed with me that it was completely out of order. so come monday i come in and neither of the guys will talk to me or even look at me, so management clearly had a talk to both of them. however ever since i have been completely ignored by both of them, and they appear to have brought people onto their side as well as there are now a number of people who have been really obnoxious and rude towards me. because of this i am now doubting myself and wondering if i over reacted to it, so i thought i'd bring it to you guys and see what you thought. tl:dr i was in a bad mood at work and was told to hang myself by 2 co-workers and went to managent about it. since then them and multiple other co workers have been extremely rude towards me because of it.

nta

you'd have to be mighty friendly with someone before joking about suicide in such a tangible way would be acceptable like that. if they were really good friends and it was just banter, maybe, but these guys just sound like some co-workers that went too far with taking the piss. i'd say nta, but it depends on your relationship with these guys. there is also a cultural factor here. they clearly have (or are trying to establish) a workplace culture of relatively extreme banter. maybe you just don't fit into that, which is fine. no one is the asshole in that case, it's essentially a misunderstanding. think of it like a game and you're all setting the rules. from the way you're describing it, they wanted the game to be played a certain way (remorseless, relatively cruel banter, but no snitches) and you didn't want to play it that way. that doesn't make either party assholes, it just means you guys don't want to play the same game. that said, they may feel you have ruined *their* game by snitching. maybe you did, but they were forcing you to play a game you didn't want to, so i'm inclined to call it a mutual misunderstanding before i'd call anyone an asshole.

not the asshole for your choice... but things are not simple. you have the full right to maintain a professional relationship between you and your coworkers.... but it is a two way street. if they are your friends and it is acceptable for you to be teased by them... then you should have talked to them first and explained why they have took it so far and this is not acceptable even among friends(if they are). but since you have directly took it to the management, it is a declaration from you that they are not your friends and your relationship is strictly professional. so, after the incident, if they are cooperating with you professionally, then nothing wrong from them, your relationship is strictly professional. if they refuse to do things mandated by the process of your work, then talk again to your manager. tl;dr: nta, but by talking directly to the manager, you declared that your relationship is only professional. if they acted accordingly, that's natural.

9421vx

aita for wanting my friend to take down a picture of me?

had my birthday last night and someone took a picture of me and my (ex) best friend and sent it to her. i have repeatedly asked her to take it down because i feel like i look horrible in it and the picture is making me feel self concious. she does not want to take the picture down so i blocked her on all social media and her number. on top of this she has done many things to make me want to end it with her. was this too much?

nta

nta. whether ending the friendship was over-the-top can't be gleaned from this tiny bit of information, so i won't comment on that. but when you asked her to take it down, she should have done so. full stop.

nta for asking to have it taken down, but slightly asshole for the insane overreaction.

949xth

aita for getting upset over a rabdom guy in my apartment

so i have 3 roommates, very cool responsible guys. so basically one of them has this friend that they bring over who literally looks like a bum. he just comes in our apartment and starts cooking shit in our kitchen without asking, using our bathroom without asking, touching our food in the kitchen without asking and eats and sleeps on our couch etc. it just bothers me so much because that last roommate that did that, some stuff got stolen, there was a fight and it was hell to deal with. now we have a new roommate and he brings this guy over. i understand he's trying to look out for him but come on, we pay bills here and he doesn't and he always leave the kitchen and the living room a mess and doesn't clean it up etc. would i be the asshole of i told my roommate how i feel?

nta

nta. this is an issue around boundaries and respect. if this person is coming in with permission of x, then x needs to be responsible for their behaviour.

hell no, nta... your apartment should be the only place in the world where you don’t have to deal with strangers getting in your space. get rid of the guy or get rid of the roommate

94c3ez

aita for reporting a pa who said she wouldn't help me for accidentally cussing?

i've been having some pain in lower back, hips, and thighs lately. it ended up getting really severe about 4 days ago. it had me crying and unable to move much. i waited thinking it was just a bad day for my back. but it never got better and got worse. not being able to take it anymore, i finally went to the er yesterday. i'm waiting in a room for the doctor, when a pa walks in, and she says your blood work and urine say you have a bad infection in your kidneys. so she asks me to turn around as she is pressing on my back, and she touches an extremely tender spot that made me jump and say "fuck!" because it hurt so bad. fuck slipped out of my mouth. she stops, and then tells me that she will not help me anymore if i cuss again. i said, "i'm sorry, but i'm in pain and it slipped out when you pressed on a sensitive spot." she said "i don't care, don't do it again." so i just shut up. i didnt say another word to her. she never even looked at me or asked me anything. just said shes sending a nurse with shots and walks out the door. didnt specify what shots and barely acknowledged me. after everything, i reported her for her rude behavior and explained the situation. but now i feel bad that i may have overreacted by reporting it. i thought what she said to me was rude and made me feel like she was dismissing my pain. but i feel like an asshole too, by maybe being too sensitive and irrational because i was in a lot of pain. what do you guys think?

nta

"if you continue to bleed or cry in my er, i cannot help you anymore." - prob pa later that day. nta

nta she should be more understanding and have thicker skin, she works with people under stress and pain.

94rrin

wibta if i left this play?

so in around april this year i got the main role in my school's play. it's about 40 pages of script and i'm in every scene. at first, i though these were all going to be serious kids who actually wanted to put some effort in it. my school is known for having terrible students so i am a bit of a loner... but i thought it would be different here. for my first day, i learn five pages. no ine else learned a word... i was okay with it, even though they were all there a few weeks before i came as i replaced someone before me. months pass, i learn more and more of the text. half of them didn't even show up most of the time. a deadline passes. then another one. we agree to move it to the next school year. at first i was okay with it, but now i regret accepting it. tbh i feel like leaving. it's not giving me any satisfaction and i feel like i'm wasting my time i could use to get better grades or get another hobby. i just worry that the teacher will be mad at me, but can i do? i tried, i came to every practise, every time. i learned about 35 pages before they moved the first deadline, after which i was kinda ready to give up. what do you think reddit?

nta

nta. tell the teacher just what you said here, emphasizing the "to focus on getting better grades" part. *then* find a local community theater group. if you like acting enough to take it seriously, you should explore it with folks of like mind.

nta. first of all, your teacher should be a little more responsible and either find a whole new set of kids to perform in place of the ones who aren't committed, or he/she should cancel it. you are 1 person. you cant hold the whole thing together. secondly, all the time and effort you've put into this could've been spent on an activity that would not only be satisfying but college resume worthy. i've been out of high school now for almost 20 years and there's not a single day that goes by where i dont miss it! right now is for you. be a kid. do things other kids do. have fun!!! you'll never get these years back. dont waste your precious time on something that is more of a hassle than anything! good luck and let us know how everything works out!

94urvq

aita for not accepting help?

for background: my father-in-law, despite being old and very out of shape, has a weird “macho” thing going on, where he feels he has to do things that show how manly he is — for example, moving heavy items. the problem is that he’s not really capable of it, but does it anyway. when my wife and i were moving into our first apartment, for example, he felt the need to try to compete with what my stepfather and i could move (both of us are in better shape than him), and very nearly ended up in the hospital because he couldn’t do it (he overworked himself and his blood pressure got dangerously high). anyway, back at the beginning of may, my in-laws we’re dropping off some beds that we’d inherited from my wife’s aunt. my wife helped my father-in-law carry in some of the pieces, but i carried several in by myself. my father-in-law asked if i needed assistance, but i said that i didn’t, because i didn’t. basically, in the time it took me to carry both box springs, one of the mattresses, and one of the headboards inside, they’d only gotten the other mattress and headboard. at the time, nothing else was said about it. we just said thanks for the help and they left. fast forward to last week. my son just turned two, and we were over there to celebrate. while we were there, it got back to me that my father-in-law is apparently quite upset that i “disrespected him” like that. just to clarify: it’s three months later and nothing has been said to me at any point before this, but my in-laws apparently think i owe him an apology. so, am i the asshole here? i wasn’t trying to show off or anything like that, i was just doing what i was capable of while trying to account for the fact that my father-in-law has come close to being seriously hurt in previous similar situations.

nta

nta. sounds like your father-in-law is in denial about himself not being in shape, but that's just what i can see.

definitely nta. your father in law needs to get over it.

95hye8

aita for narcing on the girl scouts who asked for tips?

the scouts and their parents had their usual cookie table out, except this table had a tip jar. now while i think the culture of tipping in the us is dumb, i want people stuck in that situation to be fairly compensated so i'm a pretty generous tipper in restaurants, etc. but i'm not happy with the proliferation of tipping in situations where people just hand you stuff, and i was particularly unhappy that children were presumably allowed/encouraged by their parents to have a tip jar for girl scout cookies. so i found the local scout council online and mentioned this, without naming names, and asked them if it was ok. they responded and said it was definitely not ok and that they would send a reminder out at the next cookie season. yet every time this has come up in conversation people look at me like i personally threw the scouts under a truck. reddit, aita here?

nta

nta. former girl scout here, that is a definite no-no. you did the right thing this way - you didn't name names so the specific girls won't get in trouble and hopefully it will stop before the troop gets disbanded.

nta. if they wanted a donation jar, maybe, but a tip jar is a definite no.

95mpxs

wibta if i didn't go out with this autistic guy?

i'm 19 and met this guy in a support group. we're both autistic but i believe i'm higher functioning. i'm terrible at social cues so i didn't know he was interested in me. he added me on facebook 15 days ago and inboxed me today asking if i would go out with him to the cinema. i replied but then got freaked out and blocked him. i have no idea how to reject someone and i don't think i'd have the balls to say no. i might unblock him because that's mean. but wibta if i didn't meet up with him at all? edit: i just unblocked him but my anxiety is still high. i don't like him as more than a friend but my social skills are very horrible.

nta

nta* deep breaths. you have got this! just tell him via messenger that you think you would make better friends, and that you don't see him like that.

nta, you don’t have to go out with anyone you don’t want. it would be more wrong to give him special nice treatment just because he has a disability.

95msc7

aita? my girlfriend and her family seem to think so.

i’ve been dating this girl for a year now and things have just gone to total shit lately. she has a bad family situation where, long story short, her parents are incapacitated and unable to help her do anything. over the past year, i’ve spent many, many hours working in their house which is fallen apart because of natural disasters. i’ve done everything i physically can for this girl and she’s abused it to the point that i’m expected to single handedly work and not question it. i spend hours and hours a day working on things for her and her parents, but in spite of that her family hates me because i’m an ‘asshole’ for questioning what she wants me to do. if i dump her straight out then it’ll cause lots of issues for me socially, making friends choose between her and i and whatever else, although that should be fine and i’m relocating for school in less than a year anyway. we recently had an argument because she went through my phone and found me venting about her to our mutual friends and i was given ‘one last chance’ to prove i’m not an asshole. her family seems to believe i’m the problem, but anyone else i ask tells me to get the fuck out of this situation and that i’m not an asshole. what do i do, guys? am i warped or is this truly a bad situation for me? sorry for this long winded ass post, i just don’t know where to turn. this post only scratches the surface of the number of literal sleepless nights i spent helping her with something like packing or doing yard work. i’ll go in depth with this story because it just happened: at about 9:30 pm last night, she calls me and says she needs my help doing yard work. fine, whatever. her parents are both in their sixties and drugged out, so who the fuck else is gonna do it? they have (had) one of those intex inflatable pools you buy at target that they let rot, and now it’s just an uninflated mess of water, mud, and sludge. i am expected to single handedly use a five gallon bucket with a vacuum on top to drain out all the water and mud, dumping it a specific place in their backyard, and then drag the pool out to their curb at 9:30 pm. my girlfriend has the balls to tell me that i have to do it myself because the pool is gross and she refuses to touch it, even with work gloves. she refuses to be of any help whatsoever to me, whether that be finding me any kind of tools or holding the pool filter, or anything in between. there are so many examples like this and it’s hard to believe this isn’t fucking warped when everyone involved tells me i’m an asshole but everyone from my parents to my friends to literally anyone i ask. aita here?

nta

nta, you're being used.

nta. leave. you're the family workhorse. and not even appreciated for it at that. the longer you stay,t he worse it will get. leave.leave.leave. you're not an asshole. you're allowed to have boundaries for yourself and how you're treated by people. they all are overstepping their mark.

95sydz

aita for making a little kid cry by asking her dad for the live fish he was about to throw back so i could cook it?

i was fishing with my roommates, and there was a dad with his 5-6 year old daughter next to us. we weren’t having any luck, but the dad and daughter caught a fish worth keeping and cooking. they threw it back unharmed. a little later, they caught a decent-sized bass. it looked like they were going to throw that back too. i’m broke as fuck while in law school with an unpaid internship, and i have two semi-deadbeat roommates to feed. i figured, hey, maybe he’ll let me have it and that’s one less meal i have to pay for. so i approach him and ask if he’s going to throw back the fish. he says yes. i explain that i could use the fish to feed my household and it would really help. he happily agreed to give me the fish. as i’m walking away, i hear the daughter start sobbing because i was going to “kill the fishy.” she was really, really upset that the fish was going to get eaten. her dad ended up taking her home pretty quickly. i felt like shit for making a little girl cry like that and possibly cutting their bonding time short. i could hear her dad reassuring her, “hey, we did a good thing and fed some people,” so he wasn’t pissed at me, but the little girl was staring daggers at us. should i have realized the girl was probably used to the fish having a happy ending and left them alone? is it generally rude to ask someone if you can have the fish they were going to throw back?

nta

definitely nta, some kids aren’t emotionally developed like others. the dad did a nice job of not trying to shelter her.

by the way the father is talking, it sounds like they eat meat. nta. you still wouldn't be the asshole if they didn't eat meat, it's just now your really not the ass.

95xao1

aita for not going on my sister's birthday trip

my sister is planning a trip to spain. the plan tickets is looking to be $1000+. it will us up most or all of my pto. it for a week and the cost looks to be more than i am comfortable to spend. my sister thinks i should just dip into my savings but i afraid to do that as my savings is really for emergencies or education. her trip is next month so she only gave me two months notice to save. the reason i feel bad saying i can't go is because when she came to visit (i live in fl) last month i told i would (before thinking of the cost), she is so excited, and she is coming to disney world with me next month for my birthday. but then i think i shouldn't feel bad because she didn't give me a lot of notice to save for this trip, and although she is coming to disney i didn't force her to come and i paid for the theme park tickets. tldr: aita for not going on a trip to spain for my sister when my sister is coming to florida for me ? .

nta

nta. if you can't afford it, you can't afford it.

nta! don't feel guilty either just because you're siblings. she gave you short notice & you said you were down when it was just casually talked about. don't dip into the savings. don't make exceptions. just be open & communicate how you feel.

961cel

aita for being a prude, inflexible stickler about the rules of my apartment complex?

ok, on mobile so forgive me for formatting and spelling issues. also this is my side piece account, not my main. i live at a gated apartment complex. or well, it is /supposed/ to be gated. of the six months i've lived here, the gate has worked a total of two weeks, and stands lamely open and useless most of the time. the first time they fixed it, someone tried to tailgate another person into the gate instead of waiting their turn, hit the gate and broke it again. like legit, it's a sore spot in the community. it's even mentioned in the google reviews of the complex. it's that bad. additionally, there have been five car break-ins in the past two weeks at the complex. the leasing office has sent us numerous emails about locking our cars, not leaving anything in them, etc. so having a gate would be really fucking nice. so, they just finished installing the new gate. today is literally the first day it was operational. we got an email stating clearly "one car at a time, you need to wait and open the gate with your own remote or code, we don't want the gate broken again." great. awesome. well i get home from work, hit the remote and start to go through the gate when i see someone is riding my ass to get through. i stop and yell to them "it's one at a time! use your own remote!" they do nothing. i say "yo. back up and use your own remote, i don't want the gate to be broken again!" she honks at me. i flip her off. after two minutes, i give up (she'd been honking at me this entire time) and drive to my spot. this bitch follows me to my freaking spot and proceeds to berate me that she lives there and has a right blah blah blah. i tried to tell her i just wanted people to follow the rules because i don't want the gate to get broken. she's barely letting me get a word in edgewise. eventually i just tell her i'm sorry, but i don't want my car broken into. and she literally says "why, because i'm black?" no bitch, it's because we've gotten five fucking emails about it from the leasing office because the gate was fucking broken and fucking douchebags kept getting in and stealing people's stuff out of their cars. i'm not trying to keep that shit going by allowing you to break the rules and tailgate me into the complex. i just told her to drive away, but now she knows where i park and what my car looks like. great. i'm all bent out of shape. i probably shouldn't have flipped her off, but i'm over entitled assholes. but am i the asshole?

nta

nta, but it also didn't help that you lost it. i'd be super frustrated if i was you, but lashing out at this woman helps nothing. if you see her again, i'd apologize, but this will most likely blow over.

nta, but you need to move. i lived in a gated complex and it was great the first year. then management changed. the gate started to be kept open during the day. then they would forget to set the automatic close for overnight. it never got better. we moved. i drove by the place on my way to work for a few months and it looked terrible. that was 4 years ago. i know that since then they have completely removed the gate and crime rates are through the roof in that area.

962pde

wibta if i refused to step in and help?

i’m really torn here. it’s long, but bear with me. i’ll put a tl;dr at the bottom. i’ve got a long term friend (nearly 20 years of friendship) who i’ve just ceased to understand. i don’t agree with a major life choice of her, but more than that i don’t agree with how it’s effecting everyone around her. about ten years ago she got married and immediately got pregnant, like on the honeymoon pregnant. we were all thrilled for her since she has always wanted a family and she and hubby seriously had their first kiss at the alter. unfortunately, like many women she had a miscarriage. we all gather around her and she grieved hard. she soon got pregnant again! yay! and then again. she had two healthy babies in a year. birth was hard on her so the doc told her to hold off on the next kid for a couple of years to let her body heal. they waited just a year and then had another. fine. kinda dumb to ignore the doc, but everyone was healthy. that’s when she announced they were a part of the “quiver-full movement.” basically they believe god will give them as many as he wants and they won’t stop it. at this point i think she’s a bit crazy, but she’s my best friend so i helped organize a “baby shower” where we helped convert their garage into a master bedroom so they had more living space for their (obviously) growing family. not long after she tells me privately she is struggling with ppd. i help her get in support groups and such but she stops going and refuses help. i stay in contact but we drift apart. i feel bad about it. about 18 months later i find out she gave birth to another baby. she told no one outside of family she was even pregnant. he’s perfect, but she doesn’t let anyone see him. she starts talking about angels protecting him. alarm bells go off in my head but she doesn’t want help or advise. she starts talking about demons in her home. she starts leaving baby alone because the angels are watching him. obviously her husband is alarmed and has her evaluated at a mental health place. idk what she told them but they commit her on an emergency hold. cps gets involved. her husband almost loses custody of his own kids. community is in a panic. we all volunteer for “shifts” to watch the kids, cook meals, etc. we do this for 6 months because cps won’t let her be alone with the kids. it was horrible for everyone. finally it all levels out and she seems fine again. but now she just announced she is pregnant again. this is six pregnancies in 9 years. and for the life of me i can’t be excited for her. i’m just sad. i get she has her beliefs, but nfp exists and it seems like she can’t handle anymore kids right now. if she snaps again, wibta for not involving myself? tl;dr best friend is pregnant again against doctors orders after an episode of post partum psychosis and i don’t have the energy to commit to helping her if it happens again.

nta

nta, but i do wonder - how much autonomy does she have here? my understanding of the "quiver full" movement is that it's pretty male-dominated - the woman has to be subservient to the wishes of the man, and it's not like they can use birth control or have abortions. in that situation, it seems more like the woman is in an abusive, controlling relationship and she doesn't necessarily get to choose when she has sex. and if the man doesn't know - or understand - her cycle, she gets pregnant again. could that be the situation with your friend, or something close to it?

nta - it’s tough. i don’t know there are any easy answers for you. is there family that can help raise the kids? my sister had 6 kids in 8 years. i told her husband i would castrate him with a rusty knife if she had more. i could see he realised i wasn’t kidding. perhaps someone needs to have a similar chat with the friends husband.

963g80

aita for constantly pointing out to my white friends how its mainly white people featured in high end ads?

buddies keep calling me mexican (i'm south american not mexican) as a joke for years. for a solid week i kept pointing out how white people are catered to in advertising in our area (high end vehicles, watches, perfume, vacation brochures etc) with the token non white person in the background. they got annoyed about how its something they now constantly see now and called me an a-hole for making them feel "white guilt". aita?

nta

nta. at all.

nta. i think you hit a nerve.

963tad

aita for telling my sister her husband tried to unlock my phone?

anon for obvious reasons i was at my their apartment and asked if i could use a charger. i went to the other room for a bit. i have a password photo taker app on my phone when the password is incorrectly pressed more than 2 times, it snaps a photo. his photo showed up 2 times, which meant that he tried a total of 4 times to unlock it. he seems like a super trustworthy guy, and we have never had any issues whatsoever and it made me really uncomfortable to see that. i didn't know what to do and asked my mom and we both agreed to call my sister shortly after i left and let her know. i did, and made sure she knew how i felt (uncomfortable and i apologized). even though that's what i would like to happen if the roles were switched, i can't shake the feeling that this wasn't the appropriate response. am i the asshole for telling her? i definitely don't want to ruin anything my sister and i have, but idk if i just did by telling her.

nta

there are some details missing here. do you and your sister's husband have the same model of phone or similar looking phones? what's your gender? - if you're female, this looks really bad on his end. what is his behavior like around you in general, besides the fact that he's "trustworthy"? how did your sister react? you're feeling uncomfortable because this situation is uncomfortable, but you're definitely nta.

nta, and although obviously you shouldn’t feel obligated to update i am extremely curious about why he would do that.

967vsg

aita for wanting to rearrange our apartment a little for when my family (including 18-month-old niece) comes to visit?

my biggest concern was a 55 inch tv that’s balancing on 2 bar stools in the guest bedroom where my brother, sil and niece will sleep. my bf (who mounted the other 2 tvs in our apartment) was too lazy to mount this one and it’s been sitting like this for 9 months. we are about to move again, so he doesn’t want to mount it....understandable. i asked if he could at least help be find the base of the tv so we could put it on a table so that it’s be more sturdy. i’m afraid my niece—who began to walk a few months ago—will mess with the tv and it will fall on her. i voiced my concern to him. his response was “well she needs to watch her fucking kid”. i was pissed about his response (last night) and i’m still pissed now. of course my brother and sil (apparently my bf thinks it’s only *her* job to watch the baby) are going to watch her, but i know how toddlers are! it takes 2 seconds for them to get into something. the base of the tv is located in a storage area under the bed, which is a bit of a pain in the ass to get into, but doable within 15 minutes. am i overreacting? should i just tell my family to keep the door shut so she won’t run in there?

nta

nta. bf reaction seems a tad passive/aggressive. maybe he feels intruded upon by your family's visit. ask brother to help you retrieve the stand and move the whole thing to the floor. if you can find some ties to prevent it tipping over, that might help.

def nta. rearrange for the little girl.

969i9n

aita for giving an ultimatum, as it is either me or the confederate flag?

long story short, i am half black. i know the history behind the flag and it offends me. however i understand it is your right to wave whatever flag you want, but it is my right to be able to call you an asshole and disassociate myself with them. my fiance just received a confederate flag from his brother. he wants to hang it up, but i told him hell no. it is either me or the flag. he says it is part of his history and i shouldn't be offended. is it an asshole move to put an ultimatum like that, saying it is me or the flag? second: is there any way i can show him how damaging that flag is to people?

nta

nta. if you've already had a talk about it with him and explained why it's offensive and he still doesn't get it, he's not worth staying with.

nta. if he wants to accurately represent his history, then he should be hanging up a white flag.

96fid7

aita for leaving my family?

so my family are conservative muslims and i'm a closet atheist. i'm also secretly engaged to a white, non muslim guy. i would get disowned if i came clean about this and it would be ever worse if i came clean whilst living under their roof. my life isn't sustainable anymore and i want to move in with my fiance and actually have freedom (currently i have an evening curfew, i'm not allowed to stay round anyone's house and i have to wear modest clothing, pray and read the quran) as well as not having to pretend i'm a muslim. if i don't leave now then i'll never be able to leave and i'll have to break up with my fiance and i'll end up in an arranged marriage to a muslim guy. this sort of thing - leaving your family for a white non muslim/being an atheist is pretty much the worst thing i could do. someone last year in the community did the same thing and my family went on about how awful, disgusting and trashy it was and how miserable she'd made her family. i don't feel like i'm doing anything wrong but the muslim community and years of religion and culture tells me otherwise.

nta

nta if your family doesn't love you despite your beliefs and choice of partner, they never loved you to begin with they loved the idea of you get out before that situation festers and turns even more toxic for your well being also, semirelated: r/raisedbynarcissists may offer some advice

nta. i am the male version that was in a similar situation. the difference is that i am a bit older and financially able to support myself without any assistance from my family (i'll expand on this a little bit later). my only suggestion would be is to look at your predicament like this. think of a time in your life when you were pretending to do something that you didnt agree with. this is what you will have to do for the rest if your life if you decide to go your families route. being able to support yourself is a major factor you need to think about. when i was your age, i couldn't live on my own. the strict muslim upbringing didnt allow me to develop a network with people. i couldn't just leave the "nest" and move in with roommates because that would mean exposure to the outside world. the outside world that was mostly non muslim (i live in california). most all races and religion that are not the same are seen as evil by stricter muslims. i know some people might think that is harsh term when describing their perspective, but that's what it was. i wouldnt be saying it if my parents didnt refer to every one of my non muslim or non pakistani friends in that manner. just like you, i had a evening curfew. i was not allowed to go to sleepovers. i was told that there was no need to continue communication with classmates after we left school. stricter muslim families see all other religions and races as outsiders. to them, they are people we must deal with because we live in a world that requires contact with them, but besides that, they want nothing to do with them. i chose to move out when i was able to. this unfortunately occurred in my late 20s. the stricter muslim family upbringing made it a bit difficult to pick up as fully functioning adult. i didnt have social skills to develop friendship because my parents had neutered my ability to develop full friendships all throughout my preteen, teenage years, and up into my late 20s. i was so behind on dating scene because obviously, you cant even communicate with the opposite sex unless you are married to them because of the strict upbringing. which of course leads to a crazy pressure by stricter muslim parents to marry young. at your age, at 22, i was a mess. basically, i was adult with no abilities to make adult decision becuase my thought process was so skewed by what my strict muslim parents would think about my decision. 99.9% percent of the things i would have chosen to would have been seen as immoral and wrong. want to go hangout past 11pm? nope. want to go on a casual date? don't even think about it. want to pursue a career that they didnt approve of? out of the question. it was suffocating. i finally decided that enough was enough. i couldn't keep up with the lies that i am devout muslim or planned on living the life of a devout muslim. i was making enough money to move out on my own (without a need for roommates) and i did. i could never go back. interestingly, i have a better relationship with my parents now than i did when i was living with them. i had to mature rapidly when i moved out. i'm still behind the game on somethings, but overall, the decision to move out and move on from that toxic relationship of my strict muslim upbringing was the best decision i ever made. i am dating a person that is not of their liking (white and non muslim), but i am not surprised. no matter who i chose to date, they wouldnt have been happy for me anyways. in fact, even to this day, they are not happy with the idea of dating. all that should matter in your decision is how you feel about a person you are dating. you're on this earth to live your life, not one that your parents mould for you. theyll give you all the crap in the world about what shame you are bringing to the family but never in a million years will they ever think about what makes their children truly happy. so with that, i'll cap it off with, live your life! not a version crafted for you. tldr: strict muslim be crazy controlling. to a point where it can be detrimental to a normal upbringing. live your life, not a version you settle for because of your parents.

97apx9

aita for gifting an empty jewelry box?

i just got back from a business trip in italy, where i bought a beautiful leather jewelry box for my wife, complete with her initials stamped in gold lettering. currently, she uses a cheap jewelry stand from wal-mart, so i thought she would love it. the gift actually made her angry. she said that it's an insult to gift someone an empty box, no matter how nice that box is, and that i should have at least filled it with candy or something. i've never heard of a gift-giving rule like this, but she says it's common knowledge. is she right? did i sabotage my own gift? tl;dr: gifted a leather jewelry box to my wife. she's upset because it was empty.

nta

you are definitely nta. your wife on the other hand...

nta, and tbh if i was given a pretty jewellery box as a gift, i wouldn't even open it to see if there was something inside. i would just assume the box was the gift. it sounds like she felt embarrassed that she expected something else (like when you open a birthday card thinking there's money in it and there isn't and feel like a greedy asshole for opening it so slowly expecting money to fall out) and she was trying to deflect her embarrassment onto you. having said that, i made someone a wallet once out of leather as a gift and when they opened it in front of everyone, the general consensus was that i should have put money in it or it was bad luck. i'd never heard of this before but apparently it's a thing. i made them a wallet because i didn't have any money for an actual gift so i couldn't have given them any money anyway :p but maybe giving an empty jewellery box is one of those faux pas that everyone else seems to know about...

97kirc

wibta for telling my mom not to get the tattoo she wants?

so my mom has had this tattoo planned for ages. basically it's a tattoo of my name and it has a butterfly because of the butterfly project and the logo of a band i liked when i was 13. her story is that those were the things that made me stop self harming and she thinks this band like kept me alive or something. the issue is that it's from her perspective and is not at all the truth. she still sees it as butterflies and a band i once liked when in reality it was a lot of therapy, hard work, and learning to use art as a coping mechanism. over easter she was talking to my grandmother and i about it and she was getting a lot of things wrong and diving in way too deep to a sensitive subject in front of someone i wasn't comfortable discussing it with. i tried asking her to stop and she acted offended and continued. i then tried to tell her that her recounting of events wasn't the right one and she tried convincing me otherwise. she's going to get questions about this tattoo and she's going to tell everyone a skewed representation of my truth. she already has a habit of oversharing despite promising me time and time again that she doesn't. it has affected the way people see me and i've spent so much time trying to set it straight. would i be the asshole if i tell her i don't want her to get it? it means a lot to her i just can't bear the thought of her continuing to walk around and telling all these incorrect personal details of my life. what if i suggested she make corrections to it? i've been trying to bring this up for months and i just can't seem to do it.

nta

nta. do something now before she gets inked. she has the story wrong from your pov, the one that matters here.

nta. i also recovered from self harm, and personally i'm very shy and embarrassed about my past. my mom can't keep _anything_ to herself, she tells random people about my (treated and controlled) mental illnesses and chronic illness, and uses them to get sympathy from others. as a result i stopped sharing anything personal with her, she didn't know about my sh or recovery or the situations around them, she doesn't even know i'm bisexual, not because she is homophobic but because i don't want the whole world to know i'm bi. if she tried anything like this about me i would be livid, especially since she won't even have a grown up conversation about the events of it with you.

97tj39

aita for slapping a girl who grabbed my junk repeatedly after i made it clear i wasn't interested and didn't want to be touched that way?

i was at a bar when this tipsy girl comes up and starts hitting on me then she starts rubbing all over me i told her i wasn't interested and to stop touching me like that.this goes on for a while she starts touching my junk i tell her to stop and she just keeps it up finally after the 5th or 6th time i slap her face am i the asshole?

nta

she sexually assualted you, you did what you had to in order to defend yourself. your repeated requests for her to stop were ignored. nta

that was 100% sexual assault. nta.

983bzu

aita for using pics of fat people i know from school on instagram, as motivation to lose weight

everytime i feel tempted to eat too much all it takes is a quick look at their pics on instagram to "scare" myself. hey, i also look at my past fat pictures if it's any consolation.

nta

nta as long as you're not reposting photos, publicly shaming them or making fun of them to their face

i hate to be that guy but everyone judges everyone over social media. chances are they have judged you based on your posts too. so i guess nta because at least you get something constructive out of it.

989737

aita for getting pissed/annoyed at my girlfriend because she procrastinated and ruined our vacation?

we had a 3 day weekend vacation planned in a couple of weeks. we didn't book any hotel room but i did book it off work. since early july my girlfriend committed to a project at work that would keep her at work extra during the last 2 weeks of august. she changed her mind and all she had to do was tell her boss so that they wouldn't schedule her. i told her (even before we book this trip) to let her boss know well in advance so that we could plan out our trip and she could have a regular work schedule. this was in july. fast forward to this week. she still hasn't done it. i booked off the weekend (24th of august) as she insisted that she'd still be able to get it off. i found out today that she just talked to her boss today. literally the day before the project. she waited over a month to tell her boss. now she can't get the days off. i'm pissed because i warned her and she procrastinated. i'm also losing 3 days of work and i was looking forward to our trip. she says she's very sorry and will beg her boss to get some time off. i said there's no point as i'm not going to drive several hours for a half asses trip that'll be for only 1 night.

nta

nta. is your girlfriend afraid of her boss or work? maybe it just slipped her mind? there's two sides to everything. as a fellow busy person who's always dealing with huge projects, i want to give her the benefit of the doubt and say it just had to be pushed to the back burner. even things we're excited for. it just...poofs. maybe she's the kind of person who can't get excited for things so far off? however, you did ask her to plan accordingly and that should've been a priority. the sooner done the better. i wouldn't call it procrastination, rather more of an avoidance. i hope you can cool down and have an honest discussion with your girlfriend. tell her that you were so looking forward to a small vacation with her, and just want to know where the miscommunication was. is everything ok at work? why did she wait so long to ask for time off? it was disappointing and frustrating that she didn't go forward with plans and you're completely valid for feeling that; do be gentle about telling her this though. use "i feel" statements and avoid pointing fingers or making what could be false accusations. something like this could become a sore spot in the relationship and it's just not worth it.

i think people on this sub don't understand how relationships and vacation as a couple works. first: nta for being pissed. you would become the asshole if you keep being mad. people do shitty things, but that's no reason to stay pissed. try to cancel and get a refund, and try to get back to your job. as you said: your gf was too late at her job to get off time, and it's an important project, so she won't get time off. if you won't get your jobtime, the new god of war is awesome, try that :d it's wasted time and money anyways, try to make the best of it.

98cnhi

aita for getting annoyed by my bf pouting when i go out of town?

i (26f) currently live with my boyfriend (31m) of 6 years. my entire life revolves around him, my job, and my family. i live ~6 hours from my family, and i try to make trips back home to visit when i get a chance, because i never know how long it will be before i get to come back again. also, my grandparents are not in good health, and one of them probably has less than three months left. i also have a significantly younger sibling who i love to spend time with. every time i go home to visit, my boyfriend turns in to this pouty, whiney, passive aggressive, insufferably moody teenager. it's to the point that it feels like he is actively attempting to sabotage my visit and make sure i can't enjoy it. he calls me and will be pouting so hard that he talks like he's just woken up and sounds groggy, and he mumbles so bad i can't understand him. it's like he wants me to feel guilty for visiting my family instead of spending time with him, even though i live with him and spend far more time with him than my parents and grandparents. to clarify, i literally do nothing when i am home besides spend time with my family. i don't go out, i don't meet up with friends, i don't even go to the grocery store. i stay at my parents, and i go to my grandparents a couple times. it's not like i'm having some wild, week long party. i get it, you miss me, i miss you. but, you are a 30 year old man, and you can survive on your own. and, if you can't, can you at least have the decency to pretend like you're fine so you don't put a damper on my family time? i've tried to address this with him, and i just get sarcastic responses. "wowwww." "cool." "lol, alright." am i being unreasonable for wanting him to stop acting like a child who's acting out because mom isn't giving them her undivided attention?

nta

lol nta it sounds like your dating a child.

nta. he needs to grow up. you need to talk to him and tell him pretty much what you posted here. do you really want to be with a baby?

98d232

aita for breaking up with my girlfriend when she got fat? (long)

i broke up with my girlfriend of four years around 5 months ago for being too fat. (have only recently discovered r/aita) she was always slightly above average weight-wise, never bothered me, been with bigger girls before. she had a the most beautiful smile i’ve ever seen. incredible charisma, thoughtful, generous, hilarious, wicked smart and all the things i wanted in a life partner. we were great together, she was my first love and i honestly thought we'd always be together, we had planned out our lives together. laughing at the drama of other couples. it was paradise, i was so fucking happy. happier than i ever thought deserved to be. but in the latter 2 years her weight really ballooned, going up to a size 20/22. christ knows i wasn’t brave enough to ask her exactly how heavy she was. she developed health problems because of it and her positivity and the smile i fell in love with disappeared. those health problems and constant negativity/attitude stemming from her weight began to affect our relationship. it affected all the other things that attracted me to her in the first place. her confidence, her positivity, her motivation. it wasn’t just the weight, it was everything that came from it. her best friend was personal trainer who gave her free pt sessions, free meals plans, everything so she had all the tools at her disposal and was better placed than anyone i knew to lose weight and keep it off. it came down to this; she wouldn’t look after herself. she wasn't willing to do anything about it and that was the biggest burden. i felt like i was walking on eggshells. i tried talking to her, but it was always construed that i was being unreasonable or deliberately trying to hurt or upset her and make her feel bad. every time i broached the subject i was met with denial and anger. i would always apologise because i felt awful for making her feel bad. tried motivating her, i got a gym membership, went with her and followed her many diet plans. it very quickly became that i was going by myself and coming home to her on the sofa eating something unhealthy. i was going to gym so much because i didn’t want to be at home sitting next to this miserable person who i was expected never to criticise and be ok with it. i was physical repulsed to touch her. we had sex maybe twice in that final year. her parents tried too, cooking very healthy meals when we would visit them, cutting all sugary treats out of the house, even when she wasn't there. but everyday she'd want a take-away or something unhealthy and guilt trip me into getting it. when i said, “you get what you want, i’m having a salad”, i was the bad guy because i wasn't being "fat" with her. tomorrow never came, ever. she would always be saying “as of monday i’m really going to try, but for the weekend let me enjoy myself.” that became every weekend and when monday came it was “i’ve had an awful day at work, i want to curl up with pizza and tv.” got to the stage where she would say “i know i say this all the time, but this time, it’ll be different. this time i’m going to try”, but she wouldn’t. skipping the gym because she felt “sick” or “wasn’t in the mood” or “i’ll double up tomorrow.” i stopped believing her, but still if i saw her making any effort, i praised and supported her. it was always short-lived. here’s the caveat, in an attempt to make her take the issue seriously after months and months of trying to talk to her and getting rebuked and maybe get her to appreciate how i felt i told her it had crossed my mind to break up with her, that i really wasn’t happy, but that i was willing to work on our relationship and do what i could to make it better. in hindsight, not my best move but honest to god i didn’t know how to get through to her. it all unravelled after we came home from visiting my parents a couple of weeks later, she was moaning about wanting something to eat for the plane and asked me to get her something from the vending machine, i refused. she’s got her own money and the machine was about 10 steps away, considering we’d had a large breakfast about an hour ago. (we’re about to starting boarding and its a 20 min plane trip) she goes off, really overreacted and when her parents picked us up at the other end started chewing me out in front of them. it was at this point i realised i just didn’t care anymore. i didn’t care what her parents thought of me or how upset i’d made her. after everything i did to help i wasn’t even allowed to say no to her when she wanted me to get her food. they say the opposite of love isn’t hate its indifference and that was what i felt at that moment. we get home and long story short, words were exchange and she smacked me upside the head. didn’t hurt but hard enough to knock my glasses off. that was the final straw. we broke up that night and i moved out that week, got my own place and a new job so i’m doing great. looking back all i can say is she wasn’t fulfilling a need for me and i obviously wasn’t fulfilling a need for her either. any qs fire away. main reason i posted is because none of our mutual friends reached out to me afterwards so that was a big red flag that i was in the wrong but you guys have helped me get some closure so thank you x

nta

nta. if i didn't read the text i'd say otherwise, but it seems like you really gave it the college try.

nta. if you read your same story with alcohol or drugs replacing food you wouldn't even question it would you? food addiction is real and she is clearly suffering from it. you can't help an addict who won't help themselves. you tried. the only thing you can do is save yourself. good for you for not taking any more abuse.

98iofp

aita for running to find the parent who was leaving their baby in their car while they went to get coffee?

i went to starbucks for coffee today and as i was getting back into my car, i noticed the minivan next to me had a baby—maybe 18 months old—moving around in the van. the van was on and presumably air conditioned, but i couldn’t see anyone else in there. i ran around and looked in all the windows. saw no one. the baby was moving to the front near the gear shift so an additional concern since the car was on was that she could bump the shifter and it could go into gear. it was about 90 degrees and sunny in the middle of the day. i was worried. i didn’t feel right just leaving, the situation seemed unsafe for the baby (as well as illegal in my state, even if the car is running and the air is on). i wanted to make sure everything was ok. so i ran into the starbucks to see if i could find the parent. i yelled if anyone had that model of minivan. no one said anything. i continued and asked a few people. nothing. i ran into the candy store next door and asked there. no one there either. i went back to the car, once again walked around it, looked at the baby again, checked again in the starbucks and said if it’s someone’s car they better make themselves known or else i was going to call the police because you can’t leave a bay alone in a car. then i went outside and got my phone. i paused a moment to think and make sure i was doing the right thing. at that point a dad ran out of the starbucks and said it was his baby but it’s ok, he watched the car through the starbucks window (he could definitely not see into the car from that vantage point), plus there was another kid in the car. so i yelled at him that that’s illegal and unsafe and he shouldn’t do it again. then i went back to my car to leave. then the mom came out and started pounding on my window and yelled at me that it’s not illegal because the other kid in the car (who i could not see from any of the windows) was 12. (i checked and in my state it’s legal to leave a kid younger than 6 in the car if there’s also someone 12 or older in the car, too). she demanded to know if i had any kids and said i didn’t understand and yelled a bunch of things and i said “don’t fucking leave your kids in the car in the middle of a heat wave.” then i drove away. was this an overreaction? am i the asshole?

nta

nta. the mother completely overreacted for someone that showed more concern for their children's well-being than she did.

nta. i had someone do this at my work, the kids put the car in gear and ran it into a light pole. luckily at a low speed and the damage was only to the car and pole.

98l11i

aita: remarried and don’t want to change my name

i got married when i was very young and had a child. we divorced amicably 7 years later. during this time i built my career and in fact my brand is based off my name. i became quite successful. i’m now 35 and got remarried. during our dating and engagement i made it clear i would never change my name from my first husbands. first i want my son and me to have the same name. second, my career was built off my name. third, changing names is a pain in the ass. finally i identify with my name now. not my new husbands, not my maiden name, and i don’t think twice it was my ex husbands name. i simply like the name. hyphenating it isn’t even an option for me. my husband, though knowing my stance for years has suddenly taken issue with this. i offered for him to change his name to mine. i have reiterated my reasons above. i simply have no interest in ever changing my name to his. when the topic comes up casually he becomes angry about it. i’ve explained that it’s archaic and something i’m not interested in. aitah edit to add: my current husband wants no children ever (except his bonus son- my son) we agreed to this before marriage as well. having a future child is not an option for us.

nta

nta i'm curious as to why this is such an issue for him suddenly. i'd bet that someone gave him shit about it or otherwise brought it to his attention.

nta, he is for getting angry after presumably being cool with it. i took my husband's name because i was young and immature and thought i would face disapproval if i kept my name. a couple of months later i told him i wish i hadn't changed it, and felt like i had lost my identity. he reacted much like your husband, so i dropped it. that was many years ago, but i still miss my old name.

98z0va

aita for not hiring a girl because her dad initiated the process?

i manage a store and one of my customers started emailing me about wanting his 16 year old daughter to get a job here. i sent him an application and told him to have her send it back to me. he sent it back to me a day later. and he has emailed me two or three times in the past 10 days to check on it. i've yet to even speak to or see his daughter. i honestly have absolutely 0 interest in meeting with this girl because i have a stack of applications filled out by fully functioning adults who applied on their own accord rather than with daddy's direction. i'm going to interview her solely because i don't want to upset an annoyingly persistent yet well-paying customer, but i've already made up my mind that i'm not hiring her. am i the asshole?

nta

nta. either way, the interview will teach her something. she may blow your socks off, or she may totally blow it. it won't be her only job interview, there's plenty more ahead for her. i interviewed for plenty of jobs knowing full well i wouldn't get them, but did them anyway so that i'd get the hang of it and not be so nervous. kids have to grow up at some point and learn this crap. i think you are doing the right thing, giving her some experience and placating the good customer. win-win.

nta. it’s not your job to give constructive criticism to applicants. it’s your job to find and hire the best applicants. anything more than that would be you going out if your way to engage a helicopter parent. you can if ya want but it’s not required.

994qem

wibta if i told a friend that i don't want to be friends anymore/started ignoring her/told her to change her ways

**tldr**; confront my friend with how i feel and make her depressed/bitter/choose a side, or just suck it up and let her enjoy herself? i feel i would be starting unnecessary drama ------------------ my friend set me and my ex girlfriend up. the friend had been friends with both me and my ex for a while. i would say in the breakup my ex girlfriend was in the wrong, and our friend would agree. i had asked her things like if everything is ok, if she needs space or something, but she would say its all fine and then make deliberate attempts to ignore me. i kind of knew she didn't have the guts to say she was bored of the relationship, and i told the same friend that set us up that. nonetheless she dumped me and i was really down for about a week, but after that i got over it pretty easily. i had inquired to some friends on what to do while i was sad, and the same friend that set us up had influenced my decision to just cut contact and not be friends with that girl. anyways the friend that set us up is more or less best friends with my ex now because of some other things that happened, which is fine and all, but now she is making deliberate attempts to ignore me just like my ex. i used to see her maybe once a week or two but i haven't seen her in months, used to text her daily but hardly do at all, and we were a great pair. i can only imagine she does this out of influence from my ex girlfriend. i want to go to my friend and say something like "i don't care that you're friends with my ex, you always were, but you really shouldn't cut me out of your life just cause your best friend and i dated." for the time being she doesn't see anything wrong with our friendship, so i would also be ruining this sense of peace that we have and would just be starting even more drama by saying that, probably making her really upset. i'm also down for being on good terms with my ex so everything is fixed. i didn't think it would be as easy as it was to get over her, but it was pretty easy am i bad person for wanting to start this drama?

nta

nta. just let it die. no drama needed

buddy, i hate to tell you this, but you're not the one breaking off this friendship here. this question is the "you can't fire me, i quit!" of friendship dynamics. nta for getting onboard with what she already started.

994wos

wibta if i messaged my friends mum about her drug addiction and crippling debt

myself, my friend (l) and another friend (f) have all been friends for years and last year we all went to separate unis all across different countries. myself and f have kept in regular contact and despite me being ill and resitting a couple of exams we've both been very successful in our first year and have become better people because of it. however, l is struggling. they stopped attending uni in february, spend all day getting drunk and high off stolen prescription meds as well as class a drugs. they have hives debts and are constantly begging for money. myself and f have seen l once this summer and 4 days later they asked for a loan. l has been in a psych ward once this summer and has started self-harming really badly. myself and f are really worried about f as they are going back to uni in september and will be reunited with friends who encourage this type of behaviour. we were thinking of getting our mums to speak to their mum about l's wellbeing even if it risks our friendship as l is on a bad path and despite multiple attempts to reach out, we don't know if there's anymore we can do. tldr: long term friend is abusing drugs and is in debt by thousands and don't know what to do *will also be crossposting to r/mentalhealth

nta

nta in my opinion. this is, however, a divided concept and there will be people on both sides of the argument. some people value privacy over responsibility, while others value responsibilities over privacy. neither is right or wrong, they're just different types of moral viewpoints. you are doing what you think is right and just, which makes you nta. but you will be doing the opposite of what other people think is moral and just, so you will be the asshole in their eyes. in the end, you just have to stand by your decisions. be willing to take the hit and risk of being called an asshole to help your friend, because that's what you think is the right thing to do.

nta due to your good intentions. if she doesn't want to get clean or isn't ready, she won't, his what you're doing is risking her relationship with her parents. if it's that bad her parents will find out soon enough. if you know her parents to be the type who'll be entirely sympathetic and in no way judging or condemning, then that's a different story, but that's not a common stance, except amongst those who do, or have taken drugs or are close. the best you can do is be there and supportive for her personally. this is based on he fact i've been been in a similar, though less severe, situation and know that someone doing that would've destroyed my life completely.

99d35e

wibta for not hiring someone based on the fact that they were awful to me in high school

i recently got promoted and am in charge of hiring a whole new team. i’ve been doing interviews all week and i have a woman coming in tomorrow who i just realized was my high school ‘bully’ for lack of a better term. she has a different last name now so when i called her for an interview i didn’t realize who she was, and i only used my first name when i called her to set it up. i have been looking potential candidates up on linkedin and facebook and when i found her profile i instantly recognized her. i was a year older than all the people in my grade because i started kindergarten late, not because i got held back or anything, but this girl told everyone it was because i was stupid and couldn’t pass my classes. she would also make fun of my hair and clothes and say i was going to die a virgin and stuff like that, and that my only friends were the anime characters i would draw (ok i did have a little bit of an anime phase but i didn’t like go over the top and do the naruto run or anything and i got over it pretty quick, i just appreciated the artwork and still do). she also interrupted me while i was asking a girl to the prom and told her she could do better. just dumb shit like that. it didn’t scar me for life or anything but she definitely made me feel like shit about myself a lot of the time and luckily i pretty much forgot about her once we all graduated and went off to college. i know she might have changed but i just don’t see myself working with and managing someone who was so rude to me all the time. and as tempting as it would be to have her come in and lord it over her during the interview that i’m not gonna hire her, i won’t do that because that’s petty and unprofessional. really i just want to call her and tell her the position is filled so not to come in for an interview. but now i’m wondering if that would be shitty of me, maybe she has in fact changed and needs this job to support her family or something. what do you guys think?

nta

nta for sure. follow through, allow her the interview, be professional, never mention your recall of the past, and then do not hire her. i get that it seems kinda petty to people who maybe weren’t subjected to that kind of abuse during their formative years and maybe she’d be a great fit for your company and blah blah blah, but your opportunity to knowingly reject her thru a polite veneer of professionalism and being able to counterbalance her adolescent wrongdoing and douchebaggery as an adult should be important to you and will likely feel great on the inside. what you outline here on her part is not childlike innocence and immaturity. i was immature and ill-behaved in my teens and yet never actively sought to denigrate and destroy anyone for amusement or to make myself feel better. all actions have consequences, let this be hers.

imho, nta. even if you decided to let bygones by bygones and call her in to interview, it’s pretty obvious that you’d still have some underlying biases. i don’t think i’d want to hire and manage someone who was awful to me for 10+ years (assuming grade school through hs). not good for my sanity or the flow of my team. in regards to her, no you’re not being an asshole. however, as others have pointed out, you could be the asshole towards your team if this person is a dream-come-true fit and would be irreplaceable. i don’t see that happening though.

99dl5q

aita for not wanting my husband to go on a stag do (bachelor party) the week before my due date?

my husband's friend is getting married a couple of weeks after our baby is due, and his stag do is the week before my due date. i've had a complicated pregnancy and there's a chance i will need to be induced early anyway, but my husband has agreed to go to the party if i'm not being induced/looking like i'm going to be in labour that weekend. i don't drive (not that i could drive to the hospital in labour anyway) so i would need him to take me to the hospital in case of any complications or me going into labour, and if he goes he will be over an hour away (and presumably very drunk). i'm also likely to just be really uncomfortable by that point and needing a bit of help just doing day to day things (i can no longer pick things up off the floor and i have another 10 weeks to go). i was a bit upset that he agreed to go, but assumed i was being unreasonable and starting devising a plan for someone else to take me to the hospital if i needed it, but the more i think about it, the more i think it's okay for me to be annoyed about this. aita for assuming that he wouldn't go?

nta

nta, it's a perfectly reasonable concern. and while i wouldn't necessarily blame the husband for wanting to go to the party, the least he could have done was make arrangements himself for someone to take you to the hospital if needed. i mean, fuck's sake, it's *his child*!

nta. due dates aren't an exact science. if i were you, i'd be really worried about my spouse not being there if i had a complicated pregnancy and there was any risk of things not going as planned especially since you don't drive and (i assume) he'll be getting too drunk to drive you there anyway. you've given up alcohol and fun for the past 9 months. he can give up a weekend.

99yo3c

aita for not wanting to cook my mother-in-law a turkey on thanksgiving

my wife and i are vegetarians, much to my in-laws vocal annoyance. last year, we visited her family for thanksgiving, and to their credit they made sure there were enough yummy vegetarian side dishes that we could fill out plates with more than just mashed potatoes. on that same trip, my wife's mom invited themselves to our place for thanksgiving this year. "i think it's your turn to host us." i said that sounded like fun. (it did and does.) "but," she said, "you'll be cooking us a turkey." i sort of laughed and said, well, no. it became an **issue**. we argued. i said that we would make such a wonderful dinner and they would have such a nice time that they wouldn't even miss the turkey. she said that we were being selfish. now that thanksgiving is approaching, i feel pressure to just make the damn turkey so it doesn't come up. but i feel as though if we're hosting them and preparing the food (and only have one oven!), we shouldn't be obligated to spend half a day cooking something to which we have a moral objection and will not eat ourselves. but maybe i should just let it go, be a good host, and give them what they expect on the holiday. am i the asshole? edit2: a few more details: we've been vegetarian for a little over 2 years. i've cooked a turkey one time several years ago, but i'm sure my wife has done it a handful of times.

nta

nta. it's your home; you can and should set boundaries. send an invitation clearly stating your intention to serve a vegetarian meal. each family member should feel free to accept or decline with no judgment. because they have boundaries and deal breakers too. the last time i hosted a big holiday, i was really stressing out about the probability that a few guests were likely to be armed. i worded the invitations carefully, stating that they were all welcome, but their guns were not. i made it clear that it was about what i was comfortable with, not about passing judgment. it felt weird and slightly scary sending it out, and not everyone showed up. it was just fine though- better to endure a few comments and eye rolls than allow something that violates my deeply held convictions.

if they want turkey... they can bring their own. nta

9a26sz

aita for deleting my boyfriends grandmother off of facebook?

my bf and i have been together for nearly 4 years. the relationship is as perfect as one could get, except a little hang-up about his grandmother. his grandmother has lupus, and she lives 3 hours away from us. his grandmother and i have tried to get along, but i’m not really crazy about her because she’s very opinionated and very loud/belligerent. her opinions on things have angered me to the point of wanting to throw her through a window, but for the sake of my boyfriend, i kept being friendly to her because she’s one of his only family members left. i even added her on facebook so she could stay updated on stuff with my bf (since he doesn’t have a facebook). a few months ago she decided to move to the other side of the city. she hired movers to get a lot of the furniture but a lot of stuff was still left behind. so my bf and i agreed to drive down to help her out. we got to her house and there was still heavy furnature left, so my bf and i helped move the rest of her stuff. we even helped clean up a bit — which all lasted several hours. we got back to her house, unloaded all of the heavy furnature and helped sort some stuff out. i went to the living room and sat on the couch to go on reddit so i could cool down (it was 105 that day). after taking a break, his grandmom wanted us to keep helping her sort things out. i ended up falling asleep instead. when i woke up, the boyfriend was still helping her sort things out while his grandmom was complaining that i wasn’t helping. she proceeded to call me lazy and continued to run me down to the bf, including calling me ungrateful. so i got up and went to bed, because in the moment, i was angry and was about to let her have it. the next day we woke up and got ready to leave. we both took off work two days to help her move, and we couldn’t afford to miss more work. on our way out, she gave my bf $50.00 and said that he deserved it for all of his hard work, while ignoring me. when we left, she didn’t even say bye when i did. so on our way home, i deleted her off facebook. when we got home, the bf got a call from grandmom and complained that i was disrespectful to her by deleting her off facebook. my boyfriend then got on to me for not wanting to get along with his grandmom, and said that i needed to try harder. and when i refused to go back to his grandmom’s house to help her finish organizing her belongings, he said that i’m creating a divide in his family. so i must ask, am i the asshole? tl;dr — i deleted my boyfriends grandmom off facecook after she insulted me whenever i helped her move across the city. after taking off work and moving her in 100°+ heat.

nta

do you think she became petty as an old lady or was she petty her whole life? nta. however you could have just blocked her.

good lord. that is some immature nonsense. nta, but very childish to even bother to do that. it did nothing but cause drama, and create a situation for there to be contention. his grandmother sounds terrible, but it doesn't make deleting her off of fb less petty.

9a42vd

aita for not wanting to comfort my girlfriend when she fucked up and it affected me?

basically she got drunk, passed out while trying to take a bath, and flooded our second story apartment. it leaked to the apartment below us and they had to shut off the water to the building at midnight. we got an angry voicemail from the landlord about how this was clearly our negligence, we will have to cover all costs of damages, if we mess up anything else we're kicked out, and we're getting served with a 3-day notice to comply, which means they'll take legal eviction action against us if we fuck up again or don't comply. it's not as bad as something like a 3-day order to evict, but it could lead to a court order if something happens. shes extremely upset and embarrassed. we've given flowers and cookies to our downstairs neighbors. i'm not outwardly angry because i'm not that type of person but i'm definitely annoyed. this is serious. i have no idea how much they'll want us to pay. we could have a case against us. so ultimately i'm not in the mood to just console and try to soothe. she keeps saying she's an idiot, and a piece of shit, and usually i say she's not, but right now i'm being silent because i'm annoyed. am i the asshole?

nta

nta. also if you have renters insurance the cost of this maybe something the could help with. i would check with the r/insurance sub to see.

nta, but you could probably be dealing with things better than you are, it's all a bit blocked at the moment. how you feel about the incident is about you. some people could laugh it off as "it's only money, nobody died", but it's bugging you more deeply than that. are you feeling helpless, blamed for something you didn't do, financially worried, anxious around paperwork and authority, reminded of a drunk relative who used to beat you, what is it that's eating you up? work that out, and tell your partner "i'm not feeling able to be more sympathetic right now because i feel x because i'm dealing with y". open some kind of dialogue back up. she obviously feels stupid, and it was stupid, but people do stupid things sometimes. bearing a grudge will eat at you, so work to get past that resentment, work out why it's bugging you so much, and reopen a dialogue. being adult about stuff is hard and messy, but worthwhile.

9a7de3

aita for continuing to ask for the birthday present my boyfriend claims he bought but has yet to give to me (birthday was 3 months ago)

so my boyfriend and i just had a full blown argument over a birthday present he said he bought but never gave to me. birthday was in may this is august. he says he has it but he is tired of me ‘throwing it up in his face’ that i haven’t received it yet. mind you the days leading up to my birthday he kept talking about it as if he was going to do something spectacular then my birthday comes and he does nothing. not even a phone call. i ended up calling him to find out what the deal was he said he forgot due to having been at work all day. said he would make it up to me but never did. edit/ he gets very upset any time i bring up anything he does, always flips the script trying to somehow make things my fault and then if that doesn't work he will apologize. but then he will turn around and do the exact same thing days or weeks later as if we never had a conversation about it and the same cycle repeats itself. he's ten years older than me (i'm 30ish) and from the outside looking in he appeared to be a very stable and responsible guy. but i am tired of the mind games i have endured with him this year. so yes i will be strong and move on for good this time.

nta

nta. he's not your boyfriend, he's a guy who finds you convenient. find someone who values you they're out there.

nta. also, he doesnt care about you. i wouldn't be surprised if there is someone else already.

9a7j6v

aita for not liking my girlfriend's friendship with this guy who dated my sister?

using a throwaway account. so, i have been seeing this girl for over a year and a half, let's call her dawn. she and i got together and our relationship was damn near perfect. we had the most perfect honeymoon phase you could imagine. walks in the park, late night movies, going out to the fair, movies, etc. well, a good year into our relationship, everything is fine until this guy shows up. we will call him rob. he begins dating my sister despite the fact she had a boyfriend and a kid. bad situation, i know, but that's a completely different can of worms. well, after a couple months of this guy banging my sister while my niece sits at home with her dad, my sister decides to try to work stuff out with her boyfriend and she breaks up with rob. (forgot to mention rob had a girl at work that would flirt a lot and even showed him her tits once. he never did anything about her. just tried to avoid "work conflict.") well, rob still stuck around my friends, my girlfriend, me, and my sister because he was a truly likeable guy despite his bad decisions. well, after a while, i started noticing some things between him and my girlfriend that i didn't like. for example, she decided to sit up front in his car while i got stuck alone in the back. i noticed when sitting at the table, he would almost always sit next to her. and one day, my suspicions got the best of me and i looked in her phone at their messages. i found out then that he would call her "sweetheart," and "honey." he messaged her randomly one day before she went to work, "i hope you have a nice day at work, sweetheart. <3" needless to say, i was ridiculously pissed off. i told her that this shit needed to stop and when she tried to defend herself, i just told her i needed some time to myself to sort this out before i got mad and made some irrational decisions. in that time i spent alone, she deleted every message that she and he had sent between each other. which is really convenient for her because now she can't prove that she was innocent and i couldn't prove that she was guilty. after this, i got pissed off and broke up with her. this lasted like a week and was full of her promising me to kick him out of her life and to never talk to him again. i finally gave in because i love the fuck out of this girl despite the pain this situation alone had caused and got back with her. well, a few months later, rob still comes around because he's friends with my girlfriend's parents and our friends. dawn has talked to him without me being around, but in the company of our friends and her family. finally, the reason i have decided to bring this here is because just today, he did something stupid and my girlfriend blamed my sister because my sister quit talking to rob altogether because he was too much drama and now he's "depressed" because of it. i said "i don't know why he is acting that way anyways because he wasn't in love with my sister. he made that clear via messages with you." then she started crying and she wouldn't talk to me for a good while.

nta

nta. get out of the toxic situation. it all sounds shady as fuck. can't complain about getting wet as you stand outside watching the clouds roll in. you clearly know what's up.

nah you’re nta, you should dump your girlfriend for deleting those messages, if nothing else. as for rob, “when someone shows you who are, believe them the first time”. damn, your sister cheated on her bf with this guy, then dumped the guy to patch things up, but you all still hang out with him anyway? honestly, rob, your sister, and your gf all sound awful.

9acwum

wibta if i quit my job?

i work as a delivery driver for a place that only recently started delivering. over the summer they had built up a handful of drivers and were able to rotate through fairly consistently, but now most of those kids are going back to school. there is now only two drivers, me and a guy. it's a minimum wage job. in the cafe i get 8.60 an hour, and when i'm driving its 5, while hoping for tips. and now since they're understaffed i'm working most days 11-8 by myself. it's becoming too much for me. there's too much pressure in my opinion for the amount i get paid. there are 2 jobs i've been encouraged to apply for that pay more and are less grueling, as well as better fit in my skillset. but let's just say i give my two weeks notice, will i be the jerk? i know they need me. but there are opportunities that would be better long term for me. i just feel guilty because i know i'd be crippling them.

nta

if they really needed you they would treat you better. they don't want you to leave, but they don't need you. if you died tomorrow, they wouldn't go out of business. you're nta for leaving a job you don't like. it's not slavery. just work your two weeks, don't burn any bridges and you're fine.

nta. they need you, what do you need. more money, you aren't going to get it there. you aren't crippling them, they are crippling themselves by not having foresight to hire more people, and pay the people they have more $$$. they are screwing you, not the other way around.

9ah24g

aita for not wanting to keep eating italian food to accommodate my vegetarian friend?

i’m on holiday in spain with two girlfriends. one is vegetarian. we have eaten at italian restaurants 4 times in the past week. my favourite thing on holiday is eating out and trying new stuff. today i said i don’t want to eat italian because i don’t mind it but it’s boring eating the same thing every day. she won’t eat asian, and doesn’t want fries. yet they have both said i’m the difficult and fussy one, even though i will eat anything apart from italian. and then, they said i have to find a restaurant but i tried to explain that i will eat anything so it’s better if they look and see if they find something they will like. the vegetarian said she will eat anything veggie but probably won’t enjoy it. i think she’s the asshole.

nta

nta. i'm just impressed that you could eat italian 4 days in a row when you're in spain. there's lots of awesome cuisine there to try with plenty of vegetarian options so they definitely need to broaden their horizons.

nta, just eat separate meals. my boyfriend eats meat and loves fast food, i'm vegetarian and like health food. we just eat separately and then do everything else together 😁

9aihlg

aita for calling my friend out on his behavior

we both were on a vacation at the time and we both are 27 years old. we went to a mall and we were having a good time joking and horsing around. i saw an action figure store which seemed from a distence that it was a nice place and it would be expensive; which it was! so we entered and saw the first figure price tag and it was somthing around 900$. my friend was in disbelieve that this item would cost so much. at the same time an employee approached us to see if we needed help with anything. i asked to see if they had anything for an anime i like. he politely pointed out which section the action figures was at. now my friend start asking the employee who would be stupid enough to buy somthing like this for this much. he also pointed out loudly that only an idiot would think this is worth it (the store was busy) . he started saying that he could do this using a 3d printer and it would be much cheaper (which he does not own or know how to use btw) also started shouting that i am 27 years old and i should grow up. i had no intention of buying anything from the start. i also think most of this stuff is overpriced. we left the store at this point, finished from walking around and went to the car. when we got in, i told him that" the way you acted in the store was wrong. dude you acted like a dipshit and you were very rude what the hell is wrong with you. " he explained that he was just stating his opinion which pissed me off more. i told him even if that was true it still doesn't justify you calling anyone stupid based on what they liked. you like cars and you spend so much money just to make your piece of shit car sounds louder how is that different from some one trying to buy an action figure you like what you like and others like what they like. also i told him my issue wasn't about if he thinks this dumb or not. my issue was his behavior back at the store, that he acted like a maniac for no fucking reason. he started saying that he respects my opinion "sarcastic" but he also does not give a fuck what people thought of him. i simply told him you are a dumb ass and we should stop arguing because there was no point.

nta

nta i mean everyone can have their own opinion but he could have said it in a nicer way

nta, opinions are like assholes. everyone has one, they all stink, and no one cares about yours.

9ao5ss

aita for feeling resentful that my gf is sometimes feel to 'anxious' to do household chores?

sorry, bit of a wall of text. my gf and i are meant to take turns cooking and cleaning. if one cooks, the other does the dishes. the sharing of this work is important to me as we both work and have little free time at the end of the day. sometimes on the days i cook my gf says she feels sick or anxious and goes to bed after eating, leaving me with the dishes. i (think) i've cottoned on to the fact that the illness or anxiety seems to happen right after dinner, when she's supposed to clean up. tonight the same thing happened and i felt resentful. she went to bed with that i honestly feel was self induced panic attack-like symptoms, and i cleaned up. during washing up i opened up some tupperwear that had apparently been in her bag for ages and was hit by a putrid smell (rotting cheese). i had to run to the kitchen window and vomitted out into the garden. hearing me gagging she poked her head out of the bedroom and asked what was wrong. i said "what the hell was in that! it smells fucking awful". she didn't say anything and went back into the bedroom. i sprayed airfreshner over the dishes and continued cleaning. after i had finished she came out of the bedroom and could tell i was a little miffed. she asked what was wrong and i said it didn't matter and went back to what i was doing. she pressed the issue so i said "well, i knew you were going to get sick when i started cooking tonight. it upset me a little, but i'm ok now, can we just drop it?". she got really upset: "what? you're a clairvoyant now? if i treated you the same way you treated me around this sort of health stuff you wouldn't be happy!" i kept insisting "look, lets just drop it. i don't know why you asked me if you get upset when i answer honestly". she replied "no. we can't drop this. you can't say these sorts of things." she then proceeded to move towards the front door and i asked where she was going. she replied "i'm going out. i don't feel safe here". i was pretty taken aback, so i said "what? around me? that's really a really hurtful thing to say" (at this point i hasten to add that i never have been aggressive or violent against anyone, ever), she said: "yeah, it's always about you isn't it!". i this point i was getting pretty upset so i said "ok, if you feel that way you stay here and i'll go. i'll go out for a drive for a while". her reply was "no. you just don't get it do you?" me: "i don't know what to do - you don't want to be around me, so i'm leaving. i thought this was what you wanted." her reply again "yeah, that's it - you just don't get it." i went to leave, but as i was getting my things she sort of signed and said "look. let's just drop it. i'm sorry." we hugged and i too, said that i was sorry. but i don't feel i should be. i feel i was in my right to feel resentful, to voice my feeling clearly and calmly when asked, to say i wanted to drop the topic several times and to offer to leave when things got too much. now, i just want to add a note about this anxiety thing. she has anxiety issues. and i know how they feel because i have them too (in fact, i also have ptsd). however, my anxiety has never stopped me from working, coming home, eating dinner, watching netflix, only to then kick in just as it's my turn to do some cleaning with such consistency. i'm sorry, maybe i am the asshole, but i just don't buy it.

nta

nta, leave the dishes for when she feels better.

nta, but honestly. i do feel like she's using it as an excuse not to do dishes. if she did it when she needed to cook, than i could understand. but on the other hand, every time it's her needing to do the dishes... just tell her because of the fact she's too 'anxious' every night for dishes, you want her comfortable. so she gets to cook every night and you do the dishes. she can't get anxious. you don't get aggravated. everyone wins!

9atcjy

aita for reporting a photo of a guy holding a gun captioned "dont go into college on the 5th" to the college?

in a closed facebook group our college course uses for discussion and sharing files a student posted a photo of him in a shooting range holding a gun and it was captioned "dont go to college on the 5th" i reported the post to facebook but nothing happened so then i posted it in a group i'm in where i was told to report the post to the college and the police. i reported the post to the college by sending screenshots and a link to the post (not sure if they'll be able to view the post as it's in a closed group) to the college. other group members also sent similar emails to the college. i should also say i live in a country where there are little to no shootings, in fact it's hard to get a gun here but it's possible, but this guy scares me and the post scared me a lot. so am i the asshole?

nta

nta. even if he wasn't planning anything, this is insanely stupid and irresponsible of him to do.

nta. see something say something. probably a good idea to follow up and make sure the police are investigating and will catch the poster.

9b4f3b

aita for letting my family help me?

i dislocated my knee on sunday, and have been bound to crutches since. as a result i can't carry anything that can't stay in my pockets, so i need my family's help a lot, getting a glass of water, a plate of food, etc. i can't help but feel like an asshole for letting them do all this. without my help.

nta

nta. just make sure they know how much you appreciate their help. on a side note, when i was on crutches, i got really tired of not being able to carry liquids or anything larger than my pockets, so i got a crutch pouch and carried around a water bottle. it made life significantly better. crutcheze black crutch bag, pouch, pocket, tote washable designer fashion orthopedic products accessories made in usa https://www.amazon.com/dp/b004cz5p6s/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_h7ihbbev1adt0

nta. you got hurt. that's what family does.

9b6imh

aita for looking at people's tattoos?

i wouldn't describe myself as a "tattoo person" (and i don't have any myself), but i appreciate a good tattoo. and when i see people with tattoos, i can't help but look at them, especially large and/or intricate designs. now, i *always* want to be polite, and of course i don't make a big show of staring at people. but if you're standing near me on the bus and have visible tattoos, i'm going to check out your tattoos as discreetly as possible. if you have a really awesome or unusual tattoo, i may even compliment it or ask about its significance. here's my question: lately, i've been reading posts--and even hearing a real-life conversation--about how it's inherently rude to stare at people's tattoos. the gist of the argument, i gather, goes something like this: "i got this tattoo for me, not you. these tattoos are meaningful to *me*. so stop staring at me. my tattoos are not objects for public comment." now, i understand where these people are coming from, as i'm sure they're used to getting a lot of crap for having *any* tattoos. but i also think it's a little unfair. i'm looking at your tattoos to appreciate the art, not to judge or shame you. (i may privately judge you if your tattoo is awful, but i'd never just tell a random person their tattoo is horrible.) so what do we think? if you have visible tattoos, do you mind people looking at or asking about them? is it always rude to look at and/or comment on other people's tattoos?

nta

nta but... this is not a black and white issue. simply because we’re talking about the body. and whether or not someone made a choice to decorate it or wear it a different way does not necessarily welcome comments or questions. i am a heavily tattooed woman. i am immersed in the tattoo culture and i am proud of collecting quality tattoos over the years, as well as cultivating an amass of great stories and friendships as a result. this is very personal to me, and is also a large part of who i am. however, i think why some tattooed people get defensive on this issue is because of the social change that has happened in the tattoo culture. tattoos are way more popular, mainstream, accepted these days. dealing with ogling, comments, questions, and compliments is new for a lot of tattooed people. yet, this is still a personal preference. i’d prefer to walk around unnoticed, but i recognize that’s not always possible when it’s 90+ degrees with 80% humidity and for fucks sake i want to be comfortable and not have to cover up my tattoos for the sake of avoiding comments. but i digress... back to social change- my point is simply that having tattoos means something to society at large, which is different for different people. for example, i’ve been sexually harassed because people have made assumptions about my character because i have tattoos. needless to say, having experiences like that makes one slightly adverse to having “nice ink! cool tats!” yelled at me in public. i’m not going to apologize for playing the victim card, i’m just asking non-tattooed folks to think about how the individual may experience being tattooed in the world either now or in the past before you open your mouth. nowadays, most comments i get are positive and i do welcome them. but there’s so much variety and history in our culture, it’s important to be mindful of that and not chalk it up to “well you chose to get tattoos... so you can’t complain”. actually i can, because it’s my body and i have the right to choose what goes on it without inviting any feedback from anyone.

everyone is different, but i got my tattoos as an outward expression of things that i like or are meaningful to me. if i didn't want people to see them, i would have got them in hidden places or not got tattoos at all. i like it when people ask me about my tattoos, especially because they're quite obscure book/film references and i'm impressed when people recognise them. definitely nta.

9bgwha

aita for shunning a close friends girlfriend for cheating on him?

so a very close personal friend of mine's girlfriend just got busted cheating. she had been texting a guy a couple states over for months, telling him she loved him, wanted to be with him, etc. all while hiding it from my friend, who we will call jim. when forced to confess to jim because she had been caught, girlfriend instead lied to try and lighten the severity of her actions, to the point where we just said fuck it, and sent jim the proof/whole story ourselves. despite a long, difficult relationship of contempt that led up to this, jim and girlfriend both don't know how to be alone, and use eachother to avoid that. as a result, jim has more or less taken her back for this (not official yet, but they are keeping in touch heavily and spending time together every day). however, my friends and i feel as though he forgave her much too easily, and we do not forgive her ourselves for what she did to our friend. as a result, despite jim staying with her, the rest of us don't want to spend time with her anymore. aita? should we forgive girlfriend just as easily as jim, because it's his decision? or is jim being too naive? jim has sent girlfriend the message that she can do this and get away with it, and with how much she lied even after being caught, i have no doubt this isn't the last of it.

nta

nta. cheating shows a lack of fidelity- to everyone. if you cheat on your partner, what's stopping you from being dishonest to others close to you? her response to being caught is even more telling. at best, you could say she showed a huge lapse in moral judgement, but the more likely guess is that she has shit morals in general. jim is what some people might call "in the fog." if you can't encourage him to do what's healthy for himself and leave, be supportive and ready to back him up if he should change his mind in the end, or if she cheats again.

nta at all and matter of fact, jim is the asshole for thinking everyone should forgive a cheater like his girlfriend, who will do it again to him because you said it best; he doesn't know how to be alone. that is a toxic situation he set him, you & other friends up in - so don't be surprised if you see him less because you did your best to save from the cheating girlfriend, but he doesn't care due to wanting a girlfriend more than genuine friends watching his back. my condolences to you & your friends - he truly put you all in a bad spot.

9bj6br

aita for asking my partner to leave the pub?

this has happened more than once: my (now ex) boyfriend is an extrovert + loves being out and socialising, i am an introvert and would much rather stay at home. we would go out to the pub pretty often, and more than once, the following has happened: i get socially exhausted and want to go home, my partner wants to stay out. i give him a choice: i go home on my own, and he can stay out for as long as he likes, or, we both stay out for one more drink and then go home together. literally every time, he said we should stay out for one more drink, and then an hour later, i see him with a brand new drink in his hand. i caught on, but i didn't have keys to his house + so every time i wanted to go home, he'd say "one more drink then we can go home together" and the same thing would happen. this caused a lot of arguments (and was one of the main reasons we broke up). in his opinion, i was massively overreacting to something that wasn't a big deal, cos it would only be another hour max. in my opinion, it was extremely unfair, since i had already given him an extra hour more than i was comfortable with, and he lied to get another one. it's been on my mind since we broke up. am i the asshole?

nta

nta, imo you were reasonable and didn’t try to ruin his enjoyment. hopefully your next relationship you’ll be more socially alike.

imo nta, but i'm an introvert so this could be biased.

9blw98

aita for thinking parents need to teach their kids to have a little backbone?

this post is an influence from a recent tragic story of a nine year old boy who committed suicide. now he story is is that the boy came out as gay, was bullied for it and then killed himself. now i’ve never been bullied myself, but i know that it must suck a lot and be very mentally damaging especially to a nine year old. the story is very sad and i can’t imagine what the parents are going through. so my thoughts are that i believe that parents should teach their kids to “have a little backbone” or ignore what others say and be happy within themselves. there’s going to be assholes all over and bullying is never really gonna come to an end. i feel horrible for that little boy and his family but to kill yourself over what others think of you? am i an asshole here?

yta

yta. you're kidding, right? you can "have a strong backbone" and still be seriously affected by bullying. i've always been very secure in who i am and know that other people's opinions aren't the be all end all, but it still *hurts*. children are excellent at cruelty, and they generally don't have the same knowledge adults do of when they've crossed a line that they shouldn't have. you say yourself you've never been bullied. you are in no place to make judgments about people who have been.

yta. definitely. you say yourself you've never been bullied. you have no idea the damage it can do, especially when it's bullying based on sexuality. &#x200b; source: was bullied relentlessly based on sexuality, have been suicidal before. thankfully never went through with it.

9bmbmq

aita for asking my husband not to masturbate in the same room as me?

i work a cubicle job that lets me work from home a few times a week. our apartment is pretty small, my desk is set up in the living room against a wall, so my back faces the room. the couch is about 2 ft from my back. i had a meeting this morning. remote, no video, just audio and someone sharing their screen. i had headphones in. i got distracted by my husband fapping behind me. i could hear him- well, i didn’t know what the sound was, but i checked over my shoulder and it was him fapping under a blanket. the sound was distracting the rest of my meeting (even though he was quiet) and i was hurt because i’ve asked him to seek privacy for masturbating a few times. after the meeting, i had a half hour break before my next meeting. i was short with him, he asked what was wrong, i expressed that i’d asked him several times not to fap in the same room as me. he said it wasn’t fapping because never came (i think this point is pedantry). he said he wants to have the freedom to touch his dick sometimes (i don’t mind that, but for normal stuff like warming your hand and scratching your balls, etc). he wants to know what’s the line for masturbation (i said, the line is when you are sexually stimulating yourself). he said he intended us to have sex after my meeting (i had another meeting afterwards, which he didn’t know, but he could have just asked me and it’s presumptuous to just assume i’ll be available for sex whenever he wants). he said he wasn’t really fapping, just intermittently touching his dick when porn came up in his feed (i saw him jerking it and heard it off-and-on for at least 30 mins). i feel that it’s disrespectful for him to masturbate in the same room as me, when i have asked him not to. he feels i’m putting unfair restrictions on him in his own home. i’m not asking him not to fap, just to do it in the bedroom. i’m not asking him not to look at porn, just to not do it where i can see his screen. normally, if he’s doing something i don’t want to be around, i just remove myself to another room. i don’t want to be the ruler of the living room. but i was in a meeting. it upsets me when he looks at porn. i know that it’s okay for him to look at porn, and masturbate. i think masturbating is healthy and i do it too. in private. i know being upset is an unreasonable reaction, and i wish i didn’t care. it’s hypocritical of me. but it hurts my feelings. i just don’t want to see what he’s looking at. rather than try to curb his porn consumption, i try to limit my awareness of it. thus, the request that he fap in private and not orient his screen so i can see his porn when he’s casually viewing it most evenings. i get that he wants freedom to masturbate and be a sexual person around me. for me, sexuality is something that is more compartmentalized for private time. i think asking him to fap a different room from me is a reasonable request. am i the asshole? tl;dr my husband masturbates in the same room as me. i ask that he masturbate in private, and it upsets me when he doesn’t. he thinks i’m being unduly restrictive, i think i’m not asking too much.

nta

you're nta. at all. asking him not to ever masturbate or look at porn ever would make you an asshole (having a discussion about it wouldn't), but asking him not to do it in front of you is completely reasonable. even worse, him doing it whilst you were in a work meeting, that could have seriously cost you your job if they caught on to what was happening. that is seriously fucked up.

nta, that's disrespectful if you've asked before and doubly so while you're in a fucking work meeting! also, why wasn't he at work? does he have weird hours? how would he feel if he heard the buzz of a vibrator while he was on a conference call? what the hell is wrong with him that he just randomly pleasures himself in common areas without checking if you're down with it? he sounds like he has major boundary issues.

9bxoro

aita for hitting my girlfriend out of reflex for her scaring me?

hi, so my girlfriend and i watched a horror movie recently, called the last exorcism. now keep in mind, i hate horror, i get very scared easily. but she likes horror, and practically begged me to watch it with her. so, i did watch it, and have been very jumpy lately. it was pretty scary, because horror movies have always given me nightmares. my girlfriend, however, thinks it's funny how i am. she has picked up me bad habit. she likes to sneak up behind me and make a loud noise to startle me. it's horrible. i hate it. i feel like i'm walking on eggshells in my own house. so, last night, she went out with some friends. i was home alone, and after a few hours, she came back, but didn't tell me or knock or anything. i had no idea she was home. i went into my kitchen, keep in mind, this was after midnight. and she ran up behind me, wearing a scary mask with a scream. without thinking, out of reflex. i hit her. i punched her in the nose. she was crying and her nose was bleeding. i repeatedly apoligized to her, but she pushed me away and called me a piece of shit. she packed up her clothes and left my house. she refuses to return my calls and has been telling our friends that i hit her. i didn't mean to do it, but it just happened. so, am i the asshole for punching my girlfriend as a reflex for her startling me?

nta

nta. at all. she knew better. she repeatedly makes the deliberate choice to put you in distressing situations when you’ve explained how you are when it comes to being frightened and jumpy. she’s lucky it wasn’t worse. make sure to explain your side of things to your mutual friends. no one will (should) fault you for this.

nta. she's the asshole, actually.

9c1mfr

aita for getting mad at my bf for not caring about my day?

every time i experience something bad he's the first person i want to tell, we're close, but he doesn't really seem to care and i'm tired of opening up to him. like last week i wanted to tell him about this annoying coworker at work and he just said "that's how people are". one time there was alot of stuff coming in at the stock, sorry if i use the wrong words, not native english speaker, so since their designated space was full i put them on an available space somewhere else, which is totally wrong, but i had to do it before i went home and it's my responcibility. so when the boss man saw it he scoulder me and it really hurt me emotionally that he didnt let me speak, so i told my bf and he said "that's normal" so now i've been feeling rude for just telling him my day was fine, but it creates tension, but only for me. so am i an asshole?

nta

sounds like he's treating you like his child instead of his partner. is he much older than you? you're nta, you're just dating someone who treats you like a child.

what's an nta? i'm 25, he's 34, but we're likeminded

9cgne5

aita for not giving our office admin assistant my free coffee?

so this happened last week, and i’m still mulling it over, so i figured i would go ahead and post here. essentially, my office (very small, around 20 employees) has an admin assistant. many people order lunch during the week, and she goes to pick it up. she’s paid hourly and also reimbursed for her mileage. i generally only jump on the lunch train with other people and order from the same place so that she doesn’t have to drive somewhere specifically for my food. the only exception to this is starbucks. when there’s the bogo after 3 deal, i will order something and then offer her the free drink for making the drive. i’ve done this 3 or so times now and have always given her the free drink. last week, i was talking with another coworker who apparently had no idea this offer sometimes exists. she asked if i wanted to go halfsies for the next two deals so only one of us had to buy each time and both of us got a coffee. i agreed, but then immediately started to feel bad when said coworker excitedly went to go tell the admin about this great deal and ask her to go pick it up for us. admin looked kinda disappointed. aita?

nta

nta, i’m an admin assistant and while i’m very rarely asked to run such tasks, if i were in the girls shoes, i would be disappointed but not upset. it’s part of the job. she’s paid for it and reimbursed (just as i am) the coffee is just extra. i would never expect someone in the office to give me coffee just for getting theirs. it has happened but i would never expect it. she had a good thing going but now it’s over and she can buy her own coffee from now on. if you feel bad, get her a starbucks gift card.

nta. it's just a coffee, and they're mildly disappointed at most. besides, it's part of their job.

9ck3de

aita for not having my driver's license at 20 years old?

growing up, i was discouraged from getting my driver's license because neither of my parents wanted me to have independence. i wasn't allowed to go to the dmv until i was 19. even if i wanted to go on my own, i didn't have anyone to give me a ride other than . my parents. the nearest dmv to my house is very far away, so it would take multiple buses to get there. i never questioned not having my license because i grew up in a sheltered household and always obeyed my parents. however, as you could imagine, my parents eventually got tired of driving me everywhere. and by everywhere, i mean only school because i don't go out. as soon as i was able to get my permit, they encouraged me to *immediately* take my behind-the-wheel test. i knew this was a bad idea because i did not get nearly as much practice as i needed to pass. my parents were teaching me, but they worked full time so it was difficult to practice daily. as i said though, i'm very obedient so i made an appointment on the nearest date. unsurprisingly, i failed. my parents were relentless about it though and pushed me to schedule another one. this cycle continued until i failed 3 times within the span of a few months. this angered my parents greatly. they yelled at me and called me stupid for not being able to get my license as a 20-year-old. my entire family jumped on the bandwagon so now at every family gathering, i get berated for it. however, the reason why i refuse to believe that i am the asshole in the situation is because i was literally incapable of getting it until i was 19. now, i've gotten a new permit and have been practicing. however, this time around, i *refuse* to take the test until i am 100% sure that i will pass. not only because it's the safe thing to do, but also because i do not want to give people in my life another chance to say mean and degrading things to me. i've expressed my struggle with this to my boyfriend, but he agrees with my family and constantly berates me. i told him how much it upsets me and how much obnoxiously reminding me to get my license doesn't speed up the process. i understand that he doesn't want to be the one to drive us everywhere, but i've told him multiple times "if you do not want to drive me, don't." i also take a bus to his house and walk the remaining distance in order to see him when he cannot drive. i say the same thing to everyone else in my life. i don't mind walking or taking the bus, and i have done so on many occasions. i do not feel entitled to being given rides. that being said, i don't know why people can't just shut the fuck up. i know this sounds overdramatic, but i'm a little traumatized after failing 3 times in a row and being called stupid/worthless by my parents for not being able to pass. i have been practicing every chance that i get -- i just do not want to risk failing anymore. nowadays whenever someone mentions my license i tell them very angrily to stop pestering me about it. i tell them that it's not encouraging, so they should stop passive-aggressively reminding me as if it does anything to help me because it doesn't. am i being an asshole?

nta

sounds very much like you're nta. you're trying, and people putting you down is incredibly unfair. that said, you could be being an asshole to other people about it. your family and partner have shown they aren't supportive, but your friends (and some other family members) still might be, and if you're jumping down their throats for checking in on how it's going, that isn't very fair on them, though i completely understand why that would be your automatic response, after what you've experienced before. just try not to be too hard on yourself. take things at your own pace. i'm sure your instructor is very supportive, so focus on their opinion rather than other people who've proven that they're a hindrance.

nta, and you should dump that guy

9d1hkn

aita for attacking my girlfriends base in a game?

me and my gf play a war game on an app. we live close together in the game. i’ve sent some scouts the other day to see what’s in her army cuz she’s been hogging resources which are close by (specifically the steel which i really need). my scouts discovered that she basically has an army full of tanks and no anti air units. wibta if i sent my army full of anti tank planes and attacked her for the steel? i’ve asked nicely for some steel in the past

nta

nta, but you risk pissing off your gf over a stupid game.

nta,idk what kind of person she is, but expect some backlash. if she wants to play co-operatively she gotta share.

9d2oz6

aita for not wanting dog owners to put their dog poop in my trash can?

here’s the situation: our trash cans were on the street for trash day. later in the day, after the trash had been taken and the cans were empty, we went to pull them back into our garage where we always keep them (based on neighborhood rules that they must be out of sight). we noticed that someone had flung into the newly emptied trash can a big baggie of dog poop. it didn’t even look like a proper poop bag but one of those flimsy produce bags from the grocery store. i assume it was someone in the neighborhood walking their dog past our house. so now we have a week until the trash comes again and we have someone else’s dog’s crap in our trash can. aita for thinking this is rude and you should carry your dog crap back to your own trash can?!

nta

nta, but i think you're making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be. just let it go and invest your time and energy in something else.

yeah, you should always take your dogs shit back to your own trashcan. putting it in a strangers can after pickup is a huge asshole move. nta.

9d6rru

aita for never donating to charity?

i work hard for my money. i have no problem loaning to family or friends as long as i can get paid pack at some point. i normally never ask family to pay me back because they always look out for me. when i go to supermarkets and i decline to donate anything i get such a nasty look from people. sorry i work my ass off for the little money i earn and want to save it for my car.

nta

nta. i rarely donate money to charity, because i also work hard for my money, but i also have no way to know if that specific charity is getting that money or if it’s going into someone’s pockets. i’d much rather donate my time and do volunteer work.

nta. from my expierence working in retail, the cashier who asks for your donation has little-to-no connection with the charity in question. it's just a question they're required to ask. if they give you a dirty look, maybe ask them if they consitantly donate to the charity in question.

9dabab

aita for getting annoyed and being dismissive when men try to talk to me while i’m minding my own business?

so for context, i’m spending some time abroad and my days usually consist of walking to the train station to ride to various cities, spending the day exploring, then taking the train back to the house of the family friends i’m staying with. i’m female and i turned 18 fairly recently and i’m traveling alone. usually on the train to and from wherever i’m going, i just sit quietly by myself and listen to music. sometimes i’ll fix my hair in the reflection of the window but that’s it. i don’t do anything to attract attention, so i get annoyed when random men start conversations with me. don’t get me wrong, if someone is just trying to ask the time or what stop the train is at, i’ll gladly answer, but i don’t like having full blown conversations. in addition, i purposely try to make myself less approachable by wearing headphones and not looking anyone in the eye. if someone does start a conversation with me, i don’t have the guts to tell them to leave me alone but i act very vague and dismissive with my responses as well as cut the conversation off as soon as i can. i know that this is typical asshole behavior but i feel justified in doing it because i don’t feel obligated to have conversations with strangers on the train. i’m not antisocial or anything, i love the idea of meeting new people, but it makes me mad when random men on public transit try to start lengthy conversations with me when my actions/body language make it clear i want to be left alone. also just to clarify, i’m not trying to sound sexist, i would be just as annoyed if a woman did this, but so far i’ve only had this experience with men.

nta

nta and don’t worry about possibly being perceived as one. that’s their problem, not yours. unfortunately, i’ve experienced this in many different cities and countries. i take public transit everywhere i go and if i am approached by someone, it’s difficult to tell from the get go if it’s going to be just pleasant small talk or if it’s going to get invasive/gross. do what you need to do, just be safe. if a man follows you again, look for someone to help you as a deterrent (someone who works at the station, a police officer, another traveler).

nta. as someone from sweden (where you never talk to someone in public transport) i can say that i have experienced this while abroad. it can be pretty exhausting. took me a while to work up to it, but getting to the point where you can just say "sorry, i'm not feeling like talking right now" is so rewarding!

9dbyit

aita for suggesting that someone fakes gender fluidness for attention?

i just got kicked out of a sub for suggesting a person that looks like a woman wants people to use he/him pronouns when reffering to them for attention. the sub is people discussing people who fake illnesses. people discuss how she has a fake illnesses and fake service dog for attention. is it so far fetched she fakes gender fluidness for attention as well? i wasn't rude about it or mean. i just figured it's another way to get attention because a person that presents herself as a female and asked to be called him/he is attention getting. i'm not homophobic, transphobic, or trolling or anything like that. aita?

nta

nta. while i believe that gender dysphoria and fluidity are real things , fake people will fake all kinds of things for attention. in addition, young teens are just blossoming into the world of self awareness, and this can cause them to make all kinds of metacognitive mistakes, including misdiagnosing themselves as transgender.

nta, just choose your battles ;] that happens to be a touchy subject for a lot of people

9dg7t5

aita for showing up “late”, being “unhygienic” and “ill-prepared” according to one person’s standards?

tl;dr - guy i have never met in my entire life called me a piece of shit because i didn’t meet his expectations. truck driver (need to establish this). i arrived at my deliver location 10 hours early for my appointment. the best place i could find to park was a dirt lot next to a burger king 1 mile away. that night, i go in for my appointment 30 minutes early and got turned away for being late. so i have to wait an additional 24 hours. i tried to find a hotel, or even a motel nearby but there wasn’t anything. and the place i’m at doesn’t have uber. so i couldn’t get to a shower. it happens. showers are more of a privilege than a commodity. plus i’m overdue for a haircut and it’s getting disheveled as it does when i let it grow out too much like i have done (i plan on getting it cut in a week when i go home). i pull up tonight once again 30 minutes early since i parked a mile away. almost got turned away for being late again. dispatch said either they take the load this time or they won’t get it at all, so they agree to take it. i spray some deodorant and check in, then dock, and go take a nap while they unload. an hour later i get the call saying paperwork is ready. i go in, and the guy in there said “you do realize this was still technically late?” uhhh no, i was 30 minutes early. “30 minutes early to me is still considered late.” well, if i had known that, i would’ve been an hour early. “it’s not my job to tell you something you should already know.” dude, it’s 3 am, i want to get some rest tonight. just let me sign the paperwork and get on with our lives. i grab the pen on the table when he said “drivers aren’t allowed to use my pen. go get your own.” are you serious? i walk out, but not before he shouts “and if you don’t mind go take a damn shower for once.” now i’m fuming. i get my pen and sign the paperwork while listening to him say “late. unhygienic. ill prepared. i don’t even know when you’re employed. i would never hire you.” dude, you don’t fucking know me. just because my first impression isn’t my current best doesn’t give you the right to talk down to me like i’m shit. “what a piece of shit driver you are,” he said. i grab my paper and walk out. so yeah, maybe i was “late” according to his standards. maybe i was “unhygienic” because i couldn’t get a shower since the day before yesterday and deodorant was the best i could do. and yes, maybe i was “ill-prepared” because my first thought waking from a nap isn’t “better grab my pen because i’m prepared!” so the question is this: am i the asshole because i didn’t meet an individual’s certain expectations despite circumstances beyond my control, or conditions i thought were justified (such as using a pen within immediate reach).

nta

nta, and clearly he wants you to feel as miserable as he is since he has a boulder on his shoulders - you did your job, was 30 minutes earlier and obviously your appearance & hygiene still didn't stop him from unloading whatever from your truck while signing off on paperwork. that jerkwad asshole you were dealing with, he can go fuck his pompous condescending nitwit self.

nta and you 100% need to report this guy to whoever his boss is.

9dlpzu

aita for insulting a rude old lady?

so, i was shopping for clothes in a discount store that’s heavily populated by older people. i’m quite young myself, and i usually make a point of being polite as i can to any regulars i see at this tiny store - i want them to feel comfortable. however, today, i was flipping through jackets without looking up, and an old lady i’ve never seen before from the next aisle over looks at me and says: “i bet you’re really pretty under all that makeup! you should try a more natural look.” i was wearing a fairly intense amount of makeup, but well within current fashion trends of a heavy eye and full-coverage face. i was caught off-guard, and not really prepared to grin and bear a random insult. without even *thinking,* i said: “if i tried a more natural look, then i’d look like you!” the old lady stammered and turned really red, before ambling out of the store. i felt awful, as soon as the adrenaline of the situation wore away - she insulted my appearance, and i stooped to her level by insulting hers right back at her. she could have had dementia, or simply meant it in good faith - that she liked natural looks, and didn’t like my bright orange and gold cut crease. however, she also should have minded her own goddamn business, and coming out of the blue to insult someone has to be met with some consequences. so, wita?

nta

it's kind of irritating to see so many people claiming she was "complimenting" you. no, she wasn't..she was patronizing you. she didn't say what she said to let you know you're beautiful without any additions to your appearance. she didn't care so much that she just had to let you know about your beauty. she wanted to tell you she found your look distasteful and that she disapproves. that was her motivation. she gave her unwarranted opinion and added a "no offense but" to the end. because she obviously knows best and her judgements must be handed out. she wasn't being nice, she was being a condescending old bag. nta.

ah the old backhanded compliment. nta.

9dous0

aita for criticizing my boyfriend’s sensitive hearing?

my boyfriend and i have a group of friends we regularly hang out with. tim recently joined our group and has a very loud voice, and my boyfriend has sensitive ears. whenever tim speaks near my boyfriend, my boyfriend wants to cover his ears with his hands however he has not done so yet. i told my boyfriend if he covers his ears i’ll be upset cause i find it extremely rude and it is just tim’s speaking voice (which he doesn’t have much control over in my opinion). he’s a little mad that i don’t defend his sensitive ears. aita? or is it completely rude to cover your ears when someone is speaking? edit 2: i do appreciate everyone correcting me i am surprised how much i was downvoted in the process though, thought the subreddit is not suppose to downvote assholes

yta

yta. he needs to tell tim, but he shouldn't be literally putting himself in pain.

yta. you can at least tell him to quiet down/speak softer. just because you think it’s rude, doesn’t mean you should prioritize that over him being sensitive to it, if it causes him pain. you chose to be with him after all.

9dygw0

aita for not wanting to listen to my wife's stories about her political arguments on social media?

so, my wife and i share the same political views, but, over the past year and change, i've decided to no longer engage in political debates on facebook and twitter, since it felt like a futile exercise that ultimately only lead to frustration, anger, and higher blood pressure. doing it was making me crazy - not doing it has helped me feel somewhat less crazy. my wife, on the other hand, still does it. a lot. she'll get into these huge back-and-forth arguments with people that last for days. i guess she gets some sort of catharsis out of it, but it definitely still stresses her out - i know this because she will rant to me about it, about how ridiculous the person she's arguing with is being, etc., at length. like, we had a 20-minute phone conversation the other day of which i'd say about 17 minutes was just an extended diatribe from her about a social media debate. i'm reaching a point of frustration at which i'm going to say that i don't really want to hear these stories, any more. i quit engaging in these types of debates specifically to keep from going down the rabbit hole of social media vitriol, and hearing about it second-hand dredges up some of that anxiety. on top of that, since my wife and i are more or less philosophically on the same page when it comes to all these issues, it's mostly just me nodding and agreeing about how wrong the other person is. that said, this is obviously something that means something to her, and i wonder if i'm being a jerk/unsupportive partner if i tell her i don't want to hear it. like, there are days we get home from work, she asks how my day was, and i'll unload about some situation or other that frustrated me. and she does listen to that. it doesn't happen with the frequency of these social media debate rants, but still. i worry that i'm being insensitive and unsupportive if i don't serve as an outlet for venting over something that's definitely causing her a degree of distress. so, reddit...am i the asshole?

nta

nta. hearing about a second hand argument with someone you have never met sounds seriously boring. the odd time is totally fine but since she is doing it a lot then you have a right to want her to stop.

nta. i’m with you on this whole situation. i think if you explain to your wife how it causes you anxiety, etc, and that that’s the reason you quit doing it on social media yourself, she should understand.

9dzyd5

aita for breaking my sisters nose to prevent her from harming my pets

i'm 17f. she's 13f. she (self admittedly) wants to kill people, animals, and feels no remorse for killing wild birds and squirrels in the past. she's written in graphic detail what she wants to do to me and my pets. my mom, who is a borderline, has custody of her. my dad, who is a relatively stable human being excluding being a functioning alcoholic, has custody of me. they are separated. i was babysitting my sister, 13f, and i caught her trying to break into my animal room. i pull her back, and i try to stop her. she continues to force her way past me, and then bit me. i do the jaw-bite-release tactic, and punch her in the nose. i then restrain her against the wall and call mom to come pick her up. i go to urgent care and end up with stitches from where she bit me. mom is threatening me for hitting her and calling me an asshole. am i the asshole? pet list: 1 ball python 4 frogs 1 bearded dragon 3 degus 2 chinchillas 1 dwarf hamster 1 feeder roach colony

nta

your whole family sounds messed up, but no, you're nta for defending your pets.

your sister is a fucking psychopath holy shit nta. she needs to see a specialist before she hurts someone. also wtf is a degus

9e4wiz

aita for going to my families tailgate?

background: my parents have been divorced for over twenty years. my dad remarried a woman (we can call her nancy) from a different country about a year or two after my parents divorced. i love everyone involved and respect all of my parents. i’ve never had any issues between them....until yesterday. my mom bought us tickets to the a&m game today. a couple of people saw i was going and invited me to tailgates - one of these was my cousin who i haven’t seen in forever! i was really excited because my uncle’s tailgates are really nice, and i always went when i was at school there. i know my mom will be welcomed there because they all went to the same high school and keep in touch and she has been invited to many of my uncles tailgates before. i text my dad to see if he will be at the game too. he responded that he will be there with my half-sister! i am super excited to see them since i haven’t seen them for about a month. i mention my mom will be with me. he then asked me to call him! i called him and he told me my step-mom nancy doesn’t want my mom to come to the tent. she feels uncomfortable with my mom and dad being around each other when she isn’t there. i told him i probably wouldn’t leave my mom alone to go see them then hung up. i have a feeling this comes from nancy’s very traditional upbringing, as she was raised in a very strict family from a different country/religion that has negatives views of past relationships. after i thought about it, i texted him this morning saying- “i am very disappointed and feel you and nancy have put me in an extremely unfair position. i just want y’all to consider the place y’all have put me into and it directly makes me choose between my parents. yes my mom has to do with your past but this decision is punishing no one but me. the botwins are my family too, even without you. i am halfway considering ignoring your request because i wasn’t invited by you and it’s not your tailgate and i want to see my family. this warrants a very serious conversation next time i see you, and i honestly don’t know how it will turn out. it won’t be today, and if i do come to the tent today i would prefer not talking to you because it’ll make me upset, so please respect that.” i have decided i’m going to disregard his and nancy’s wishes. my mom and i will be going to the tent, but i will not be speaking with him to avoid the commingling of my parents as requested. i am not asking for advice. i have already made my decision to go. tl;dr- i’m going to the tailgate my dad and stepmom have asked me not to attend my mom is with me. am i the asshole here for going to the tailgate anyways? it went really well. at first my mom was really nervous when i told her the situation. we had a tailgate that we went to nearby first. she asked me to go there by myself, which i did at first. i mentioned to the other people at the tent that she was there and almost all my aunts and uncles agreed they wanted to see her. i grabbed her and convinced her to come. we had a great time. i was able to see my family, my mom was able to catch up with my family and her old friends, but my dad pretty much moved himself to the other side of the tent when he saw her coming. he did come over and hug me once but that was the extent of our interaction. i’m glad i went, i’m glad my mom went, but i still need to talk with my dad about it. i’m just sad my mom had to feel uncomfortable with people that clearly welcomed her and said she could come back whenever she wanted. dad still hasn’t responded to my text, so i have no clue how he feels about any of it. i had a great time today, and it was a great game. we even went back to the tailgate afterwards.

nta

nta, and good for you for refusing to get dragged in the middle of their issues and choosing sides.

nta and i don't think i could have been such an adult about it, well done. i come from a non-western culture but when the divorced dad was at a family funeral with the mum (the ex wife he left 40 years prior) the new wife didn't come, it would have been considered bad form. so similar thinking, different outcome. i can understand in a way, the new wife's issue, but your dad really should be gently putting his for down and saying that he wouldn't be spending time with your mum, just standing under the same roof. the issue is between him and his wife, your mum shouldn't have to change her perfectly reasonable behaviour.