"Your nickname for Nancy Pelosi is 'Nancy'?" Still up until he caved, it seemed "pretty obvious Trump's going to do something," since the White House had already prepared two versions of the speech, one to deliver in the House chamber and the other somewhere else in the country. "Yeah, but it has to be a location befitting this president's dignity," Colbert said. "So maybe a ball pit at McDonald's or a sand trap or — oh, I know — Red Square." There was also speculation Trump would deliver his speech at a rally, an idea The Late Show turned into a brief commercial.

Trump's poll numbers are "crumbling," Colbert noted, "they're just tanking right now, and he's got his back up against the lack of wall, so this morning,Trump unveiled his plan to win everybody back: a rhyming couplet." He found the last part of the tweet less than inspiring — "You wouldn't buy condoms if their tag line was 'Trojan: Use it and Pray!'" — but he turned the main "Build a Wall & Crime Will Fall" couplet into an entire poem. It's surprisingly poignant. Watch below. Peter Weber

"Happy Martin Luther King Day, in which we honor Dr. King's dream, 50 percent off at Nordstrom's," Stephen Colbert joked on Monday's Late Show. He caught everyone up on the Rams-Saints game and a blatant foul that cost New Orleans the game, and "speaking of things that make you scream at your TV: Donald Trump," he said, pivoting.

On Day 31 of the government shutdown, President Trump hasn't