hacked your lungs out in your room. Suddenly, the phone began ringing. The shower shut off and your mom opened up the door and ran down the hall, wet, soapy and naked. You watched her juicy, wet cheeks from your doorway, trying to hold back your coughing so you could admire her without being noticed.

When she picked up the phone, she said desperately, and with a flu-like husk in her voice, “Hello?”





After a few seconds of blank silence, she said, ominously, “yes… this is her. I’m his daughter”





And her next response, as if falling out of nowhere, was to wail uncontrollably.

As you watched her fall to her knees, slowly lowering her forehead til it touched the carpet, her big naked ass in the air, you slunk back intoPiritorin Ässät – Kallio’s C-team

Piritorin Ässät (Aces of Piritori), founded in January 2015 in Helsinki, is Kallio Rolling Rainbow’s C-team.

Piritorin Ässät is the first roller derby team for many of Kallio’s skaters and a launch pad into the greater derbyverse and Kallio’s travel teams. In Ässät Kallio offers a stable foundation into the sport and an ambitious, communal and motivated team for new roller derby players to develop as skaters and have fun on the track.

The C-team takes part in several individual bouts and smaller roller derby tournaments each year in Finland. Piritorin Ässät has gathered up a fair few victories under its belt, both in away games as well as on its home turf in Helsinki.

Piritorin Ässät is where Kallio’s up-and-coming roller derby stars begin to shine