21-year-old Demir Cabrera's family plans to be with him as much in death as in life. Demir died in July from a heart arrhythmia while swimming in a lake with the woman he loved. Like most young people, he had been full of plans. He had tickets to a Bon Jovi concert with his aunt Maria Vella. He also wanted to honour the grandparents who brought him up as another son. His uncle Jose Cabrera said Demir had planned to change his name officially to Cabrera from his birth name of Alispahic, get his grandparents' names tattooed on one arm and an eagle on the other, and get baptised as a Catholic.

His extended family has all but cancelled Christmas. His grandmother Renata Cabrera will hold a small celebrationfor the children this weekend. On Christmas Day she will give her other grandchildren $50 each, then visit Demir's grave with his cousins, mother and uncles and aunt. ''He was my baby,'' said Mrs Cabrera of Banksia last Thursday as the family unveiled a glass plaque with photos of Demir and his favourite fishing spot, Moes Rock at Jervis Bay. ''He was my best mate,'' said his grandfather Jose Cabrera. Christmas Day is one of the busiest days at cemeteries, along with Mother's Day and Father's Day, said Graham Boyd,chief executive of Woronora Cemetery where Demir is buried. In the lead up to Christmas, more than 40,000 people have visited the graves of some of the 200,000 interred at the cemetery where Christmas bushes are in full flower.

Demir