from his neighbor's home to his back porch. Upon further investigation, the man realized his neighbor was stealing electricity from his home, which completely exhausted the man's spirit of giving. The man wasn't sure how long the cord was plugged into his home, but his next electricity bill was more than three times the usual amount.

One officer opted to pen an incident report of the most ostentatious and verbose order. In his protracted bulletin, the loquacious constable wrote that some unknown person or persons had "purloined" a man's clarinet that was resting by the roadway. Unfortunately for lovers of the arts, the woodwind brigand wasn't able to escape scot-free.

After being asked by police to move on, a loiterer informed officers that the world was doomed and they neededto read the Book of Revelation. If the loiterer is lucky, maybe the world will end before his upcoming court date.

An intoxicated man urinated on the floor of a fast food restaurant, giving new meaning to the term "Golden Arches."

A woman called police after receiving a disturbing package in the mail. The shipment was addressed to her infant daughter and inside was an 8-inch silver and gold knife that neither she nor the infant had ordered.

A woman was awoken by her dog only to realize that a disoriented drunk had entered her home in search of a bathroom. The intoxicated stranger entered the woman's bedroom saying, "I got to pee. Where is the bathroom?" In shock, the woman pointed the way to the guest bathroom, but her uninvited