patient punched a hole through the wall of his room. Luckily, he was in the right place to have his bones set after turning his fist into a maraca.

A woman was found drinking alcohol inside the bathroom stall of a department store. When asked what day it was, the woman replied, "the 25th Feptember." The officer asked if she meant "September," but the woman insisted that she was correct, replying, "I didn't say September. I said Feptember." Remember, remember, the 25th of Feptember, the time that some woman got drunk. I know of no rhyme to couple with time, so this little poem is sunk.

Police responded to reports of someone dressed as a pirate scaring carriage horses downtown. The man identified himself as Captain Jack Sparrow and toldpolice that he was simply "saying hi to the horse." The man also stated that "appearing intoxicated" is part of his impersonation of the beloved Disney character. Employees at a nearby bar told police that the man, who was arrested for public intoxication, had been asked to leave after attempting to order rum and falling on patrons.

After changing the locks to her apartment, a woman returned home to find her kitchen window unlocked and several items missing from her home. The woman later told police that she believed several beverages in her kitchen had been poisoned. After examining the bottles, an officer discovered that the drinks had been mixed with dish detergent, which was sitting out on the kitchen counter.

During Christmas, a man noticed an extension cord stretching