from the 2012 playoffs in early December.Player to watch: After recently hiring a Russian translator for Ilya Kovalchuk, the team discovered he'd been trying for months to tell them that the sticks they kept giving him were for the wrong hand.

Calgary FlamesThe good news: The players are strongly motivated to make the playoffs, if only to distract Jarome Iginla from making more terrible bank commercials.The bad news: Every time coach Brent Sutter tries to give an inspirational "Let's get out there and make the playoffs" speech, he's interrupted by Jay Bouwmeester asking "get out there and make the who what now?"Player to watch: Matt Stajan, preferably while wearing a Dion Phaneuf jersey and laughing hysterically (Leaf fans only).

Carolina HurricanesThe good news: Have wisely arranged to play most oftheir remaining games against teams from the Eastern Conference, who are all terrible.The bad news: None of the players can remember if the franchise tradition is to contend for the Stanley Cup in odd-numbered years and finish dead last in even-numbered years, or vice versa.Player to watch: Eric Staal, assuming you're looking for somebody to draft a terrible team in next year's office fantasy league.

Buffalo SabresThe good news: New billionaire owner Terry Pegula has energized fans by announcing many new promotions for the remainder of the season, such as "leave a duffel bag stuffed with hundreds in the referees' locker room night".The bad news: The city has had so much good sports luck over the years, they're probably due for some sort of bad break.Player to watch: Ryan