fw : men & cars because i ' m a man , when i lock my keys in the car i will
fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your
suggestions that we call a road service until long after
hypothermia has set in .
because i ' m a man , when the car isn ' t running very well ,
i will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if i know what
i ' m looking at . if another man shows up , one of us will say
to the other , " i used to be able to fix these things , but now
with all these computers and everything , i wouldn ' t know
where to start . "
because i ' m a man , when i catch a cold i need someone to
bring me soup and take care of me while i lie in bed and moan .
you never get as sick as i do , so for you this isn ' t an issue .
because i ' m a man , i can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store , like milk or bread . i cannot be expected
to find exotic items like " cumin " or " tofu " or " cardamom . "
for all i know these are all the same thing .
because i ' m a man , when one of our appliances stops working
i will insist on taking it apart , despite evidence that this will just
cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and
has to put it back together .
because i ' m a man , i must hold the television remote control
in my hand while i watch tv . if the thing has been misplaced ,
i may miss a whole show looking for it ( though one time i was
able to survive by holding a calculator ) .
because i ' m a man , i don ' t think we ' re all that lost , and no , i
don ' t think we should stop and ask someone . why would
you listen to a complete stranger - - i mean , how could he
know where we ' re going ?
because i ' m a man , i do not want to visit your mother ,
or have your mother come visit us , or talk to her when she
calls , or think about her any more than i have to .
whatever you got her for mother ' s day is okay , i don ' t
need to see it . and don ' t forget to pick up something for
my mom , too !
because i ' m a man , you don ' t have to ask me if i liked the
movie . chances are , if you ' re crying at the end of it , i didn ' t .
because i ' m a man , yes , i have to turn up the radio when
bruce springsteen or the doors comes on , and then ,
yes , i have to tell you every single time about how bruce
had his picture on the cover of time and newsweek the
same day , or how jim morrison is buried in paris and
everyone visits his grave . please do not behave as if you
do not find this fascinating .
because i ' m a man , i think what you ' re wearing is fine .
i thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine ,
too . either pair of shoes is fine . with the belt or without it
looks fine . your hair is fine . you look fine .
can we just go now ?
because i ' m a man , and this is , after all , the 2000 ' s , i will
share equally in the housework . you just do the laundry ,
the cooking , the gardening , the cleaning , and the dishes . i ' ll
do the rest .
fw : men & cars
because i ' m a man , when i lock my keys in the car i will
fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your
suggestions that we call a road service until long after
hypothermia has set in .
because i ' m a man , when the car isn ' t running very well ,
i will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if i know what
i ' m looking at . if another man shows up , one of us will say
to the other , " i used to be able to fix these things , but now
with all these computers and everything , i wouldn ' t know
where to start . "
because i ' m a man , when i catch a cold i need someone to
bring me soup and take care of me while i lie in bed and moan .
you never get as sick as i do , so for you this isn ' t an issue .
because i ' m a man , i can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store , like milk or bread . i cannot be expected
to find exotic items like " cumin " or " tofu " or " cardamom . "
for all i know these are all the same thing .
because i ' m a man , when one of our appliances stops working
i will insist on taking it apart , despite evidence that this will just
cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and
has to put it back together .
because i ' m a man , i must hold the television remote control
in my hand while i watch tv . if the thing has been misplaced ,
i may miss a whole show looking for it ( though one time i was
able to survive by holding a calculator ) .
because i ' m a man , i don ' t think we ' re all that lost , and no , i
don ' t think we should stop and ask someone . why would
you listen to a complete stranger - - i mean , how could he
know where we ' re going ?
because i ' m a man , i do not want to visit your mother ,
or have your mother come visit us , or talk to her when she
calls , or think about her any more than i have to .
whatever you got her for mother ' s day is okay , i don ' t
need to see it . and don ' t forget to pick up something for
my mom , too !
because i ' m a man , you don ' t have to ask me if i liked the
movie . chances are , if you ' re crying at the end of it , i didn ' t .
because i ' m a man , yes , i have to turn up the radio when
bruce springsteen or the doors comes on , and then ,
yes , i have to tell you every single time about how bruce
had his picture on the cover of time and newsweek the
same day , or how jim morrison is buried in paris and
everyone visits his grave . please do not behave as if you
do not find this fascinating .
because i ' m a man , i think what you ' re wearing is fine .
i thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine ,
too . either pair of shoes is fine . with the belt or without it
looks fine . your hair is fine . you look fine .
can we just go now ?
because i ' m a man , and this is , after all , the 2000 ' s , i will
share equally in the housework . you just do the laundry ,
the cooking , the gardening , the cleaning , and the dishes . i ' ll
do the rest .