why i love unverifiable voting machines , by the prez . how i stole your election
by george w . bush
the first thing i did to steal your election was to make friends with all the manufacturers and code - verifyers of the electronic voting machines . they were really nice , especially diebold who gave me $ 600 , 000 for my campaign . wow , thanks dude !
next , i had my attack dog , karl rove , convince these companies to either alter the vote totals on the central tabulator machines ( simple pcs running windows using remote access server - - ras ) , or reprogram ( via a downloadable software patch ) the voting machines themselves so that they would give the advantage to me ! isn ' t america great ? ! ? a little money and some religious zealotry goes a looooong , loooong way . oh , the religious zealotry thing ? that ' s just a cover . i ' m not really a christian - - or at least i don ' t act like one . anyway , i digress .
did you ever hear the media complaining about how inaccurate the exit polls were in prior elections ? no . that ' s because they basically are accurate . but this election , the exit polls showed kerry way ahead . no problem . my buddies rigged the machines ( and all they needed to do was rig it in one state , ohio , but they took care of at least florida for me too ) not only to make me squeak by in the important battleground states , like florida and ohio , but they also made sure that when i did get a state that i was expected to win , the margin was huge so that my popular vote would make it look like i had a mandate .
so let ' s recap how the popular vote thing worked again . let ' s say we didn ' t want it to look suspicious by taking states that kerry really would have won ( except for ohio and florida , gotta take those ! heh heh ) . so we let him win there , but in order once again to boost the popular vote ( i put that in quotes because as you know , i ' m not really popular ) , we bring my vote tallies right up next to kerry ' s , to jack up the popular vote as much as possible , even if i didn ' t win the state .
then , with states like north carolina , we know we ' re going to steal the state anyway ( at least according to what the exit polls were telling everyone . . . . and according to the long , long lines of new voters were telling everyone . . . because we all know most of those people were voting for kerry , not the status quo ) , so we just jack the crap out of the vote total to really stuff a crapload of popular votes in my pocket . you see , this way i can get on the tv and declare that i have a mandate and that i ' m going to cash in on my political capital ( which i don ' t really have of course , but we made it look that way ) .
here ' s a nice chart to show you what i mean . take special note of how the electronic voting machine totals compare to the paper ballot totals . and see what i mean about north carolina ?
look folks , if you really want me out of office , first you ' re going to have to impeach me . but you know what , if you don ' t have verifiable paper trails at the polls like these folks recommend ( http : / / . org / ) , and if you don ' t take these voting machines out of the hands of private companies that are aligned with one end of the political spectrum , then i ' m gonna just continue to hose you ( and then my brother jeb will be president too cause we ' re into this dynasty thing , kind of like my buddies the saudis . . . ain ' t it cool ? ! ? ) . also , in 2006 , we ' re going to steal about five more senate seats , and then we ' ll have the super - majority . that means the democrats can ' t do that confounded fillerbs . . . fillas . . . . fillbusters . . . . crap , well , they can ' t get in the darn way any more and we can pass any laws we want about anything and put whoever we want on the supreme court . ha ha , then you ' re really screwed . so if you don ' t fix this mess ( i mean great system ) in two years and have a verifiable voting system nationwide , america is mine ! ! ! ! ! ( and jeb ' s and my daddy ' s and cheney ' s and rove ' s . . . hey , we could even pass a law saying i could be president for four more years after 2008 ! that would be sooo cool ! ) anyway , i digress once again .
and that pesky bev harris . man i wish she would go away . if too many of you contribute to her cause , i might just get in trouble so knock it off ! !
http : / / www . blackboxvoting . org /
i ' ve said it before and i ' ll say it again , fool me once . . . . . , oh crap , i forgot again . well how about this ? this would be a heck of lot easier if this was [ grammar incorrect ] a dictatorship . . . . just so long as i ' m the dictator . heh , heh . well , sorry to say folks , but i got my way . what are you gonna do about it , huh ? bring it on ! ! !
sincerely yours ,
president george w . bush
p . s . pass it on ! i dare ya .
why i love unverifiable voting machines , by the prez .
how i stole your election
by george w . bush
the first thing i did to steal your election was to make friends with all the manufacturers and code - verifyers of the electronic voting machines . they were really nice , especially diebold who gave me $ 600 , 000 for my campaign . wow , thanks dude !
next , i had my attack dog , karl rove , convince these companies to either alter the vote totals on the central tabulator machines ( simple pcs running windows using remote access server - - ras ) , or reprogram ( via a downloadable software patch ) the voting machines themselves so that they would give the advantage to me ! isn ' t america great ? ! ? a little money and some religious zealotry goes a looooong , loooong way . oh , the religious zealotry thing ? that ' s just a cover . i ' m not really a christian - - or at least i don ' t act like one . anyway , i digress .
did you ever hear the media complaining about how inaccurate the exit polls were in prior elections ? no . that ' s because they basically are accurate . but this election , the exit polls showed kerry way ahead . no problem . my buddies rigged the machines ( and all they needed to do was rig it in one state , ohio , but they took care of at least florida for me too ) not only to make me squeak by in the important battleground states , like florida and ohio , but they also made sure that when i did get a state that i was expected to win , the margin was huge so that my popular vote would make it look like i had a mandate .
so let ' s recap how the popular vote thing worked again . let ' s say we didn ' t want it to look suspicious by taking states that kerry really would have won ( except for ohio and florida , gotta take those ! heh heh ) . so we let him win there , but in order once again to boost the popular vote ( i put that in quotes because as you know , i ' m not really popular ) , we bring my vote tallies right up next to kerry ' s , to jack up the popular vote as much as possible , even if i didn ' t win the state .
then , with states like north carolina , we know we ' re going to steal the state anyway ( at least according to what the exit polls were telling everyone . . . . and according to the long , long lines of new voters were telling everyone . . . because we all know most of those people were voting for kerry , not the status quo ) , so we just jack the crap out of the vote total to really stuff a crapload of popular votes in my pocket . you see , this way i can get on the tv and declare that i have a mandate and that i ' m going to cash in on my political capital ( which i don ' t really have of course , but we made it look that way ) .
here ' s a nice chart to show you what i mean . take special note of how the electronic voting machine totals compare to the paper ballot totals . and see what i mean about north carolina ?
look folks , if you really want me out of office , first you ' re going to have to impeach me . but you know what , if you don ' t have verifiable paper trails at the polls like these folks recommend ( http : / / . org / ) , and if you don ' t take these voting machines out of the hands of private companies that are aligned with one end of the political spectrum , then i ' m gonna just continue to hose you ( and then my brother jeb will be president too cause we ' re into this dynasty thing , kind of like my buddies the saudis . . . ain ' t it cool ? ! ? ) . also , in 2006 , we ' re going to steal about five more senate seats , and then we ' ll have the super - majority . that means the democrats can ' t do that confounded fillerbs . . . fillas . . . . fillbusters . . . . crap , well , they can ' t get in the darn way any more and we can pass any laws we want about anything and put whoever we want on the supreme court . ha ha , then you ' re really screwed . so if you don ' t fix this mess ( i mean great system ) in two years and have a verifiable voting system nationwide , america is mine ! ! ! ! ! ( and jeb ' s and my daddy ' s and cheney ' s and rove ' s . . . hey , we could even pass a law saying i could be president for four more years after 2008 ! that would be sooo cool ! ) anyway , i digress once again .
and that pesky bev harris . man i wish she would go away . if too many of you contribute to her cause , i might just get in trouble so knock it off ! !
http : / / www . blackboxvoting . org /
i ' ve said it before and i ' ll say it again , fool me once . . . . . , oh crap , i forgot again . well how about this ? this would be a heck of lot easier if this was [ grammar incorrect ] a dictatorship . . . . just so long as i ' m the dictator . heh , heh . well , sorry to say folks , but i got my way . what are you gonna do about it , huh ? bring it on ! ! !
sincerely yours ,
president george w . bush
p . s . pass it on ! i dare ya .
