fw : classic thoughts on texas a & m . . .
fox sports show host jim rome
1 ) they won ' t shut up . they have to go on about spirit , and old army , and
red ass , and how bonfire represents the burning sensation they have in
their urine to beat ut , and blah blah blah . shut up . you start to get the
feeling the entire school was built to spite ut .
2 ) forget the fact that when the texas legislature back in the 1870 ' s
passed legislation to start a state university they also decided to have a
subsidiary branch of the main school ( university of texas ) that would teach
agriculture and mechanics . aggies love to say their school is older , from
where they get that i don ' t now . . . . . . the fact is , the state intended a & m
to be a branch of ut . they are like the afterbirth fromthe original
creation . like danny devito in " twins " .
3 ) so they apparently have this complex , so much so , that they must
devote
their entire school to trying to prove to ut that they are just as good .
all the while , nobody at ut denies that a & m is a good school , yet they
won ' t shut up . so they write a fight song . . . . . . about ? . . . . texas , and how
they want to beat them . they have a fish camp for freshman where they tell
them how bad texas is and how good a & m and all its traditions are . it is
the world ' s largest known case of penis envy , and it is manifested in
everything a & m does .
4 ) the people at a & m . now we all have friends who went to a & m or are at
a & m .
there are some nice people there . however . . . there is the corp . east texas '
answer to dreams of rotc kids everywhere . for every boy scout who never
learned to stop playing with his gi joe toys , there is the corp . now ,
forget the fact that a however ,
nobody respects the corp . i imagine they are kind of the laughing stock of
the military world . just because you dress like the army , and try and act
like the army , does not make you the army . people at a & m don ' t even respect
these clowns . it is not cool to shave your head and dress up . halloween is
only supposed to be one day of the year . if you want to carry guns and beat
up civilians , move to israel .
5 ) it is even less cool to slobber on somebody ' s daughter on national
television and call it a tradition . dry humping 18 year old girls in the
stands at football games is not cool . not only is it not cool , it should be
against the law . i know that in college station , students are just prone to
mount each other on the campus lawn , or in the middle of class , or anytime
anything good happens you can just grab the girl sitting next to you and
start sucking on her face . but everywhere else in the world , it is looked
down upon . especially if you are doing it on my tv . that is why we have
moved the game from thanksgiving . because people across the nation were
gagging on their turkey when in the middle of watching a football game ,
some boy scout is tongue thrashing some overweight co - ed during somebody ' s
thanksgiving dinner . we do not need to see burly women engaged in a
suckfest every time your woeful offense manages to put points on the board .
some of these girls are in desperate need of a trip to the clinique
counter . screw that , forget make - up , it is too late for that , just give
them a veil .
6 ) " t . u . " is not funny . it is not insulting . it is dumb . just imagine if
folks from texas kept talking about m & a and giggling . that would not be
funny . in fact , it would be retarded . that ' s why ut fans don ' t do it .
please learn .
7 ) you want to lose the image of country bumpkins , of a people fond of
sheep , of people that aren ' t stupid ? then quit building things that fall
down . quit chasing cheerleaders around with swords on national tv . quit
whooping in church . quit whooping period . quit putting up scoreboards for
the enjoyment of dead mammals . quit spending your friday nights practicing
how to yell . quit telling rape jokes to reporters when you ' re running for
governor . when you are filling out season ticket renewals , and the form
asks for your phone # , h & w , quit putting 258 - 3999 , height 6 ' 3 " , weight
185 . just , collectively , stop making asses of yourselves . go to east
texas , tour every small town , and ask every red neck with a 5 th grade
education why they cheer for a & m and wear maroon . that is your fan base .
this is why you are perceived by the educated masses as stupid .
8 ) nobody cares if you think your band is better . they might be louder ,
they might march in neat little zig zags , but they have no musical ability .
the point is , nobody cares who wins halftime . quit getting geeked up about
marching bands . i find it hard to believe you stood through your high
school band ' s entire halftime performance . and why ? cause nobody cared then
and nobody cares now . plus , you can hear them fine sitting down even if you
do care . why is it cool all of a sudden now that you ' re in college ?
9 ) men should never let out high pitched whooping sounds . perhaps the
only
justifiable situation in which this can be tolerated is perhaps during an
anal probe . oh wait . . . i understand now .
10 ) dogs are not ladies . they don ' t look or smell like ladies . dogs eat
their own feces and should be treated accordingly .
11 ) finally , college station is an arm - pit of a town . quit pretending that
it is a great college town . it is a town and there is a college there . that
should be the end of this comparison . if you feel that life doesn ' t get any
better than the dixie chicken , and enjoy being stuck in a never ending
" dukes of hazard " episode , then move there . more importantly , don ' t move to
austin . . . . . they are trying to create an educated , technological , and open
minded population base . austin is , and will continue to be , the birthplace
and final resting place of all that is cool .
as my friend stephen johnson once said : " if the world were ever to get an
enema , college station is where you would connect the hose . " if you go to
school at a & m , please don ' t be an aggie .
god bless the great state of texas .
brian puls
software engineer
lockheed martin - enterprise solutions
281 218 - 2740
fw : classic
thoughts on texas a & m . . .
fox sports show host jim rome
1 ) they won ' t shut up . they have to go on about spirit , and old army , and
red ass , and how bonfire represents the burning sensation they have in
their urine to beat ut , and blah blah blah . shut up . you start to get the
feeling the entire school was built to spite ut .
2 ) forget the fact that when the texas legislature back in the 1870 ' s
passed legislation to start a state university they also decided to have a
subsidiary branch of the main school ( university of texas ) that would teach
agriculture and mechanics . aggies love to say their school is older , from
where they get that i don ' t now . . . . . . the fact is , the state intended a & m
to be a branch of ut . they are like the afterbirth fromthe original
creation . like danny devito in " twins " .
3 ) so they apparently have this complex , so much so , that they must
devote
their entire school to trying to prove to ut that they are just as good .
all the while , nobody at ut denies that a & m is a good school , yet they
won ' t shut up . so they write a fight song . . . . . . about ? . . . . texas , and how
they want to beat them . they have a fish camp for freshman where they tell
them how bad texas is and how good a & m and all its traditions are . it is
the world ' s largest known case of penis envy , and it is manifested in
everything a & m does .
4 ) the people at a & m . now we all have friends who went to a & m or are at
a & m .
there are some nice people there . however . . . there is the corp . east texas '
answer to dreams of rotc kids everywhere . for every boy scout who never
learned to stop playing with his gi joe toys , there is the corp . now ,
forget the fact that a however ,
nobody respects the corp . i imagine they are kind of the laughing stock of
the military world . just because you dress like the army , and try and act
like the army , does not make you the army . people at a & m don ' t even respect
these clowns . it is not cool to shave your head and dress up . halloween is
only supposed to be one day of the year . if you want to carry guns and beat
up civilians , move to israel .
5 ) it is even less cool to slobber on somebody ' s daughter on national
television and call it a tradition . dry humping 18 year old girls in the
stands at football games is not cool . not only is it not cool , it should be
against the law . i know that in college station , students are just prone to
mount each other on the campus lawn , or in the middle of class , or anytime
anything good happens you can just grab the girl sitting next to you and
start sucking on her face . but everywhere else in the world , it is looked
down upon . especially if you are doing it on my tv . that is why we have
moved the game from thanksgiving . because people across the nation were
gagging on their turkey when in the middle of watching a football game ,
some boy scout is tongue thrashing some overweight co - ed during somebody ' s
thanksgiving dinner . we do not need to see burly women engaged in a
suckfest every time your woeful offense manages to put points on the board .
some of these girls are in desperate need of a trip to the clinique
counter . screw that , forget make - up , it is too late for that , just give
them a veil .
6 ) " t . u . " is not funny . it is not insulting . it is dumb . just imagine if
folks from texas kept talking about m & a and giggling . that would not be
funny . in fact , it would be retarded . that ' s why ut fans don ' t do it .
please learn .
7 ) you want to lose the image of country bumpkins , of a people fond of
sheep , of people that aren ' t stupid ? then quit building things that fall
down . quit chasing cheerleaders around with swords on national tv . quit
whooping in church . quit whooping period . quit putting up scoreboards for
the enjoyment of dead mammals . quit spending your friday nights practicing
how to yell . quit telling rape jokes to reporters when you ' re running for
governor . when you are filling out season ticket renewals , and the form
asks for your phone # , h & w , quit putting 258 - 3999 , height 6 ' 3 " , weight
185 . just , collectively , stop making asses of yourselves . go to east
texas , tour every small town , and ask every red neck with a 5 th grade
education why they cheer for a & m and wear maroon . that is your fan base .
this is why you are perceived by the educated masses as stupid .
8 ) nobody cares if you think your band is better . they might be louder ,
they might march in neat little zig zags , but they have no musical ability .
the point is , nobody cares who wins halftime . quit getting geeked up about
marching bands . i find it hard to believe you stood through your high
school band ' s entire halftime performance . and why ? cause nobody cared then
and nobody cares now . plus , you can hear them fine sitting down even if you
do care . why is it cool all of a sudden now that you ' re in college ?
9 ) men should never let out high pitched whooping sounds . perhaps the
only
justifiable situation in which this can be tolerated is perhaps during an
anal probe . oh wait . . . i understand now .
10 ) dogs are not ladies . they don ' t look or smell like ladies . dogs eat
their own feces and should be treated accordingly .
11 ) finally , college station is an arm - pit of a town . quit pretending that
it is a great college town . it is a town and there is a college there . that
should be the end of this comparison . if you feel that life doesn ' t get any
better than the dixie chicken , and enjoy being stuck in a never ending
" dukes of hazard " episode , then move there . more importantly , don ' t move to
austin . . . . . they are trying to create an educated , technological , and open
minded population base . austin is , and will continue to be , the birthplace
and final resting place of all that is cool .
as my friend stephen johnson once said : " if the world were ever to get an
enema , college station is where you would connect the hose . " if you go to
school at a & m , please don ' t be an aggie .
god bless the great state of texas .
brian puls
software engineer
lockheed martin - enterprise solutions
281 218 - 2740