Scientists who know how to give good advice, take note: The federal government is looking for someone like you.
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You must be able to speak, slowly, clearly and use small words.

You must be patient and not get frustrated when your boss....again... confuses Putin with Poutine. 

You must be female.

You must be of ethnic origins, so check your birth certificate and get your stories straight ahead of time ladies.

And it would be very helpful if you used a wheelchair or had some other Stephen Hawking quality to you, other then being a white middle aged male.  No thanks on that one.
 
Your credentials, education and field of dsicipline are all negotiable.  Whatever.