I'm not asking for sympathy, just saying that's the way it was and explaining why I didn't know, and I repeat, I had no idea. I was raised to believe that a woman obeyed her husband in every way, and if she didn't would/should be punished. I am not alone, in this whole world, of people who were raised to believe this way. My actions against my wife at the time were a single night, although I admit I probably was overbearing and rigid as a husband.  The military has only been vocal on these issues the last 20 years, I was in the Navy in the 80's and it wasn't that way. Did you know we also didn't allow women at the time to serve aboard ship? So while it may not seem that long ago, the values have changed in this country. My stepfather was an Army officer who beat my Mom and me regularly. Police/MP's were called by neighbors and they did nothing, even when it was several calls. There was nobody to tell the difference. It was what it was. I'm saying there are many victims to the cycle.