Saw an old guy the other day,  going into the smut shop that used to be Adams' Taxidermy.  An old guy!  Leaving an old guy Buick in the parking lot!
Thought to myself "you poor old bastard, still obsessed with that stuff". 
Once, up on Kelly Butte, my border collie was sniffing in the bushes. When I went to see what he was up to, I found a boxed penis enlarger, with just a bit of the cellophane wrapping pealed back. The picture on the box looked like a cross between part of a milking device and a bicycle pump. 
The self-loathing that must have been attached to that miserable box, with an $80 price also attached. 
I was going to take it home and show my bride the proof of my strange story, but feared I might have been killed in traffic and found with the miserable thing. 
I chucked it back into briar, and put Harry in the truck and bought him a hot dog from Jerry's, his very favorite kind of Saturday brunch. 
He was the finest of stock dogs, who found other prizes, too.