I was raised in a Church with a scoreboard for merit-based salvation. Included were ubiquitous referees ready to blow whistles, throw flags, and assess penalties. God operated the scoreboard and priests and nuns were referees. The rule book was full of sins, real or imagined.

We'd add up earned indulgences/graces to see if we were "competitive." Alas, earned merits never seemed to be good enough. And one's resume became a source of sick preoccupation. We didn't play to win or to enjoy the game--we played not to lose. No risk, all reward. The fight song always began with those motivational words: "I am not worthy..." to win this game.   

 Salvation--and love--were conditional. Very conditional. Heaven and temporal acceptance were meritocracies.  

Many friends had parents who reinforced this "You're not good enough" credo--in school and in Little League. Sad results ensued over years and over miles. In relationships and in Church.

Tom and I lucked out. Deo Gratias for Mom and Dad.