I think it arguable whether it is a failure of obedience; a document as pastorally unclear as AL is cannot but make for problems of obedience.  Again, this is the cause of the dubia and Francis' failure to respond, or put one set of bishops or other on notice, is a cause of confusion and scandal.  
You might argue a disagreement with the moral reasoning that calls an act "disordered" but I don't think its quite so easy to say, "...and Jesus agrees with me on this."  It sounds a bit like a "license to be real" is "license to do what I want".
I'm not insensitive to your personal story or to the sibling you've mentioned before.  I'm not about to declare either of you unworthy of anything.  I believe that you are pursuing your faith as best you can, and I hope you think the same of me.  Even if we cannot agree on this, may we agree to pray for one another?