"I went strong to the hoop, and ... (with me standing right there) and say, their faces alight with “sociological interest”: “Pam, when you first started going out with Dave, what did you see in him, exactly? No offence, Dave.”"

I find that hard to believe. If that was me, the questioner would be suffering from a forced ejection from the event or worse, a black eye. Instead, you just stand there and say or do nothing to defend yourself or your wife? Wow.

To be honest, if you associate with cretins like this, perhaps you should be looking for better "friends".