That's a very good point, and in the situations you describe, I'd agree with you. If you're swearing at your kids and mistreating them, they'll probably imitate that behavior in the future. However, even though we're not getting both sides of the story, nothing in the letter seems to indicate that the LW has consistently treated her daughter in a way you describe. She only speaks positively of her except in regard to the problem at hand. She indicates she does "things" (whatever those may be) for her daughter. She states her son is respectful and kind, so unless she's treating her daughter vastly differently, it may be more of an issue with the individual.