"Today's lesson: How to beat a DUI and Possession charge. 
Okay, boys and girls: you're gonna get drunk and drive and you're gonna be carrying drugs. I can attest to that. Chances are that you won't get caught the first time, but eventually.... I did so you might. What you'll need is a good lawyer. If you have a union job, maybe the union will pay, and they'll be there to represent you. You'll need to say stuff like (write this down) how sorry you are, how it was a mistake and it won't happen again. Promise to go to diversion classes. Show up and look interested. Make sure that you repeat everything they tell you so you'll pass. 
Tell your employer that they can't fire you, you weren't technically convicted. 
At the end of the ordeal, you'll get a hefty check, keep your job, be a role model for future generations who wish to deny responsibility, and can go back to your life without consequences."