I grant that dense urban housing is much more energy efficient than the number of small houses required for the same number of people. I don't really think anyone's arguing otherwise.

The issue is in balancing the goal of increasing density with the fact that a lot of people find actually living in places of such density to be unacceptable. In effect, the goal requires people to be harmed in order to implement it. You can argue that it's inevitable, or that "eggs must be broken", or whatever, but it's still real people really being hurt. It might help to be sensitive to that.

Personally, I think that increasing density is regrettable but inevitable, so it's worth trying to minimize the harm. EE is one attempt at doing that, but arguments and fights from those being hurt are also part of the process -- and might help to make EE into something better overall.