I was a member of Chi Psi in the '90s and it was like any small society: There were good guys, bad guys, guys who blended in and guys who stood out. Decisions made were rarely the best ones, but everyone in general tried to look out for one another and there were always a handful of cool heads that prevailed. Was there hazing or stuff done to excess? Um, absolutely. Albeit nothing that could compare to the first month of parenthood or having to deal with a ridiculous coworker or living through a loved one fighting a terminal illness. In other words, life is messy. As an adult you have to make decisions about how to get through the messiness as well as who you want to be and how you want to live and be remembered. If you surround yourself with people who show empathy, compassion and concern—regardless of whether there's a label on it—you'll do OK. If you want to be a victim then you'll be a victim. For the record, my behavior only worsened when I lived in off-campus housing. #RIPDONGER