"Hey folks, I'm not Donald J. Trump. Do you suffer from incompetency and megalomania like me? Does ineptitude and loud empty bombast tend to keep YOU up at night? Does a total lack of coherent policy platform on issues both foreign and domestic keep you awake? Do you find yourself inexcusably back-tracking  24/7?

If so, try new 'Pence Insurance'. It works for me, and my skin's still thin and orange so no long-lasting harmful side effects are likely to occur, with a possible exception of a global thermonuclear war.

Buy 'Pence Insurance today, and sleep like a little baby. I know I do.

I'm not Donald J. Trump, and I approved this message ... until I didn't. Believe me."