Oahu will vanish under the sea if you don't act now, that includes you too Boots! 
We can stop the iceberg from floating and crashing into Oahu and leveling Oahu in the process. We plan to use your donations to build a gigantic hair dryer in the middle of the Pacific and melt the iceberg before it hits Oahu and destroys our precious $15-billion dollar rail. 

To all bleeding liberal hearts, no donation is too small so please send at least $19.95 in cash or gold, diamonds, platinum, silver or any other precious metals, or the signed deed to your house, or the signed title to your car, or signed stock certificates, bonds or whatever possessions of value you have in a brown Aloha envelope to:

Attn: Bernie Madoff or Krook Caldwell
c/o The Peoples Socialist Banana Republic of Hawaii
PO Box Suckers
Honolulu, HI 96813