Tey anothet "hes a really great, fun guy except  (insert alcoholism, cheating, porn, drugs, abuse....) 

He isnt a great, fun guy, LW. Hes a lying, cheating, porn using alcoholic. Saying "i love you" is easy. Acting loving is not. See a Dr, counselor, and lawyer. You are being gaslighted. (40 years together, your kids must be grown. You dont owe it to them to put up with this)