" I no longer have any interest in liturgical leadership because I don't believe in the words we "pray" since they are meaningless paranoid babble..."  

My sense of loss of more valuable and thoughtful work in the field of liturgy has been sadly compounded by reading this, my brother.  I do hope that one day - soon - a new path will open and you will grace us with your contributions once more.  If you are so inclined, may I ask that you provide us with frequent comments about the Liturgy so that at least part of the Church can still benefit from your knowledge and work?  Many blessings to you.