I congratulate you on your upcoming graduation and wish you much success.   

I'm someone who loves the well written word, solid paragraph construction, the flowing essay, an art form that is fast disappearing in our modern world of acronyms and text messaging.  Criticism, constructive or otherwise, is something you will have to deal with as you go forth into the adult world.  Learn from your mistakes and take pride in your accomplishments, such as graduating from High School.  And please, please, learn the difference between "there" and "their".