However clunky the occasional Latinism is we are not in a situation where it is so bad that nobody hears the prayer because of it.

What was done in the older ICEL missal is paraphrasing.  

All-powerful Father, Christ your Son became man for us and was presented in the temple.
May he free our hearts from sin and bring us into your presence.

vs

Almighty ever-living God, we humbly implore your majesty that, just as your Only Begotten Son was presented on this day in the Temple in the substance of our flesh, so, by your grace, we may be presented to you with minds made pure.

for 

Omnipotens sempiterne Deus, maiestatem tuam supplices exoramus, ut, sicut unigenitus Filius tuus
hodierna die cum nostrae carnis substantia in templo est praesentatus, ita nos facias purificatis tibi mentibus praesentari.

Top is old ICEL, middle is 2011 post-intervention ICEL, bottom is Roman Missal.

Are you going to tell me that the top was merely "modernizing language?"